which_o be_v but_o a_o kind_n of_o shadow_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v suffer_v in_o that_o place_n she_o begin_v also_o to_o declare_v the_o way_n and_o manner_n how_o that_o monastery_n be_v found_v in_o auila_n under_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n after_o a_o long_a time_n when_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v already_o do_v i_o many_o of_o those_o favour_n which_o i_o have_v here_o relate_v as_o other_o also_o which_o be_v very_o great_a i_o find_v one_o day_n whilst_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n though_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o that_o i_o be_v place_v in_o hell_n and_o i_o understand_v that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v see_v the_o place_n which_o the_o party_n devil_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o and_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v for_o my_o she_o sin_n this_o last_v but_o a_o very_a little_a space_n of_o time_n but_o yet_o if_o i_o shall_v live_v many_o year_n i_o hold_v it_o for_o a_o impossible_a thing_n that_o ever_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o forget_v it_o the_o entry_n thereof_o seem_v body_n to_o i_o to_o be_v after_o the_o manner_n of_o a_o long_a and_o straight_o lane_n or_o rather_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o low_a narrow_a long_a and_o dark_a oven_n the_o ground_n seem_v to_o be_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v like_o water_n all_o thicken_a with_o dirt_n and_o it_o be_v both_o very_a filthy_a and_o of_o a_o most_o pestilential_a smell_n and_o have_v a_o multitude_n of_o loathsome_a vermin_n as_o fly_n and_o worm_n and_o such_o other_o ugly_a creature_n in_o it_o at_o the_o end_n of_o it_o there_o be_v a_o certain_a hollow_a place_n as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o kind_n of_o a_o little_a press_n in_o a_o wall_n into_o which_o i_o see_v myself_o crowd_v with_o great_a constraint_n now_o all_o that_o be_v even_o delightful_a to_o the_o sight_n in_o comparison_n of_o what_o i_o feel_v there_o and_o this_o which_o i_o have_v say_v of_o it_o already_o i_o also_o find_v to_o be_v very_o imperfect_o describe_v but_o as_o for_o the_o feel_v part_n the_o very_a beginning_n to_o say_v what_o it_o be_v be_v a_o thing_n which_o can_v neither_o be_v well_o no_o nor_o even_o almost_o at_o all_o relate_v as_o it_o be_v indeed_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o feel_v a_o certain_a fire_n in_o my_o very_a soul_n though_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o declare_v it_o as_o indeed_o it_o be_v for_o all_o those_o almost_o insupportable_a torment_n which_o i_o have_v feel_v with_o all_o extremi_fw-la tie_n in_o this_o life_n and_o whereof_o the_o physician_n be_v wont_a to_o affirm_v that_o even_o in_o the_o corporeal_a way_n they_o be_v the_o great_a which_o can_v be_v suffer_v in_o this_o world_n as_o namely_o that_o shrinking-up_a of_o all_o my_o sinew_n when_o i_o instant_o grow_v lame_a by_o it_o beside_o many_o other_o torment_n in_o several_a kind_n as_o also_o that_o i_o have_v be_v vex_v much_o by_o the_o devil_n be_v all_o no_o more_o then_o absolute_o just_a nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o what_o i_o feel_v in_o that_o place_n beside_o my_o know_v with_o all_o this_o that_o no_o part_n of_o it_o be_v ever_o to_o cease_v but_o to_o continue_v without_o ever_o have_v a_o end_n and_o yet_o even_o all_o this_o which_o i_o have_v say_v be_v also_o nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o that_o continual_a agonize_a of_o the_o soul_n that_o press_v that_o stifle_v which_o be_v so_o very_o sensible_a a_o affliction_n together_o with_o that_o desperate_a kind_n of_o discontent_n and_o disgust_v and_o repine_v which_o i_o be_o no_o way_n able_a to_o express_v for_o to_o say_v that_o it_o be_v a_o continual_a tear_v of_o the_o soul_n into_o fitter_n be_v to_o say_v little_a since_o in_o that_o case_n it_o seem_v that_o it_o must_v be_v some_o other_o body_n who_o tear_n it_o but_o in_o this_o the_o soul_n itself_o be_v the_o very_a executioner_n which_o even_o tear_v itself_o there_o be_v beside_o all_o that_o another_o strange_a ingredient_n which_o be_v that_o interior_a kind_n of_o fire_n and_o that_o unspeakable_a despair_n upon_o those_o intolerable_a torment_n and_o sorrow_n i_o see_v not_o who_o it_o be_v that_o inflict_v these_o thing_n but_o i_o think_v i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v slice_v and_o mince_a and_o press_v and_o burn_v all_o at_o once_o and_o i_o say_v and_o say_v again_o that_o that_o interior_a fire_n and_o despair_n be_v the_o very_o worst_a of_o it_o all_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o most_o pestilential_a place_n and_o that_o without_o any_o possibility_n of_o ever_o so_o much_o as_o once_o hope_v for_o any_o comfort_n at_o all_o there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n to_o be_v think_v of_o as_o sit_v or_o extend_v myself_o nor_o be_v there_o any_o place_n void_a to_o receive_v one_o though_o yet_o they_o have_v put_v i_o into_o that_o thing_n which_o be_v like_o a_o hole_n in_o a_o wall_n because_o even_o those_o very_a wall_n which_o be_v also_o most_o hideous_a to_o the_o sight_n do_v even_o press_v their_o very_a self_n close_o towards_o and_o upon_o one_o another_o and_o every_o thing_n there_o help_v to_o choke_v there_o be_v also_o no_o light_n in_o that_o place_n but_o all_o be_v gross_a and_o even_o palpable_a darkness_n for_o my_o part_n i_o understand_v not_o how_o this_o can_v be_v for_o with_o have_v no_o light_n at_o all_o yet_o all_o that_o which_o may_v be_v able_a to_o give_v any_o vexation_n to_o the_o sight_n be_v discern_v and_o see_v our_o lord_n be_v not_o please_v at_o that_o time_n that_o i_o shall_v see_v any_o more_o of_o hell_n but_o afterward_o i_o have_v another_o vision_n of_o most_o fearful_a thing_n and_o of_o the_o punishment_n of_o certain_a particular_a vice_n and_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o discern_v and_o judge_v of_o by_o the_o sight_n these_o seem_v to_o be_v even_o more_o hideous_a than_o the_o former_a but_o yet_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o feel_v not_o the_o pain_n of_o it_o they_o make_v i_o not_o so_o much_o afraid_a for_o in_o this_o other_o present_a vision_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v real_o feel_v those_o torment_n and_o affliction_n in_o spirit_n even_o as_o if_o my_o very_a body_n have_v be_v suffer_v they_o there_o favour_n i_o know_v not_o how_o all_o this_o can_v be_v but_o yet_o i_o understand_v well_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v a_o very_a great_a favour_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v discern_v as_o even_o by_o the_o very_a sight_n of_o my_o own_o eye_n from_o whence_o his_o great_a mercy_n have_v deliver_v i_o for_o it_o be_v nothing_o to_o have_v hear_v talk_n of_o it_o nor_o that_o at_o other_o time_n i_o have_v consider_v several_a sort_n of_o torment_n though_o yet_o i_o do_v it_o not_o often_o for_o i_o like_v not_o that_o very_o well_o in_o regard_n of_o the_o fear_v it_o give_v i_o nor_o yet_o that_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o tear_v man_n in_o piece_n with_o hot_a pincer_n nor_o any_o other_o thing_n whereof_o i_o have_v read_v for_o all_z in_o fine_a be_v nothing_o if_o once_o it_o be_v compare_v to_o this_o since_o this_o be_v whole_o another_o kind_n of_o thing_n and_o the_o torment_n of_o this_o world_n compare_v with_o this_o be_v no_o more_o than_o a_o mere_a picture_n in_o comparison_n of_o the_o life_n the_o very_a burn_a which_o be_v feel_v in_o this_o world_n be_v but_o a_o very_a trifle_n in_o respect_n of_o that_o other_o for_o my_o part_n i_o remain_v astonish_v and_o amaze_v at_o it_o and_o so_o i_o be_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_o write_v these_o thing_n though_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o six_o year_n ago_o and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o real_a truth_n that_o even_o now_o in_o the_o very_a place_n where_o i_o be_o but_o think_v of_o they_o the_o natural_a heat_n of_o my_o body_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o even_o for_o very_a fear_n not_o do_v i_o ever_o remember_v what_o pass_v then_o but_o that_o all_o my_o affliction_n and_o trouble_n and_o whatsoever_o can_v be_v suffer_v in_o this_o life_n seem_v nothing_o to_o i_o and_o so_o also_o i_o think_v it_o seem_v that_o in_o part_n we_o complain_v here_o without_o reason_n and_o therefore_o i_o say_v again_o that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n that_o i_o ever_o receive_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o it_o favour_n have_v benefit_v i_o very_o much_o both_o towards_o the_o make_v i_o loose_v all_o fear_n and_o care_n concern_v the_o tribulation_n and_o contradiction_n of_o this_o life_n as_o also_o to_o give_v i_o strength_n towards_o the_o endure_a they_o and_o final_o to_o render_v thanks_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n for_o deliver_v i_o as_o now_o i_o
other_o of_o like_a condition_n that_o the_o conversation_n which_o she_o use_v and_o the_o contentment_n which_o she_o take_v be_v lawful_a that_o she_o 7._o conceive_v not_o herself_o to_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n for_o if_o she_o have_v know_v any_o such_o thing_n of_o herself_o she_o will_v never_o have_v endure_v it_o that_o she_o be_v ever_o a_o great_a 6._o enemy_n to_o detraction_n yea_o and_o that_o the_o world_n be_v ever_o safe_a in_o that_o kind_n when_o she_o be_v present_a for_o every_o body_n who_o know_v she_o know_v also_o that_o she_o will_v not_o so_o much_o as_o endure_v that_o this_o sin_n shall_v ever_o be_v commit_v in_o her_o hear_n that_o she_o be_v never_o any_o way_n subject_a to_o 22._o envy_n and_o that_o she_o have_v also_o never_o observe_v herself_o to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n either_o by_o hypocrisy_n or_o even_o so_o much_o as_o vainglory_n that_o she_o always_o stick_v so_o very_o fast_o to_o the_o truth_n of_o holy_a scripture_n and_o even_o to_o the_o least_o ceremony_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_n church_n that_o rather_o than_o believe_v otherwise_o she_o will_v endure_v a_o thousand_o death_n that_o she_o be_v not_o cordial_o addict_v to_o any_o thing_n but_o to_o serve_v and_o please_v our_o bless_a lord_n and_o that_o in_o fine_a the_o whole_a world_n seem_v to_o she_o to_o be_v no_o better_o than_o a_o very_a hill_n of_o ants._n now_o this_o be_v the_o very_a truth_n of_o the_o case_n and_o this_o be_v the_o state_n of_o our_o saint_n soul_n from_o the_o first_o to_o the_o last_o and_o yet_o upon_o the_o consideration_n which_o i_o touch_v before_o this_o bless_a and_o heavenly_a creature_n i_o say_v heavenly_a even_o while_o she_o be_v yet_o upon_o earth_n will_v needs_o conceive_v herself_o once_o in_o prayer_n not_o only_o to_o see_v but_o even_o to_o feel_v herself_o to_o be_v in_o those_o very_a torment_n of_o hell_n which_o she_o hold_v herself_o as_o have_v be_v say_v to_o have_v deserve_v for_o her_o sin_n and_o which_o indeed_o will_v have_v be_v literal_o and_o final_o true_a if_o our_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v she_o and_o accompany_v she_o and_o conduct_v she_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o heavenly_a grace_n without_o which_o what_o live_v creature_n can_v be_v safe_a but_o that_o otherwise_o she_o have_v actual_o commit_v such_o sin_n as_o for_o which_o hose_n eternal_a torment_n may_v be_v indeed_o deserve_v seem_v to_o be_v but_o a_o ungrounded_a and_o unsound_a opinion_n in_o reality_n of_o truth_n for_o the_o constant_a excellency_n of_o her_o life_n be_v such_o as_o that_o she_o begin_v at_o the_o first_o where_o other_o may_v be_v glad_a to_o end_v it_o namely_o with_o fervent_a and_o inflame_v desire_n of_o martyrdom_n even_o when_o she_o be_v scarce_o eight_o year_n old_a and_o both_o continue_a &_o finish_v the_o same_o afterward_o in_o such_o virtue_n and_o express_v sanctity_n of_o the_o high_a kind_n as_o that_o the_o world_n may_v be_v rather_o willing_a then_o able_a to_o admire_v it_o to_o such_o a_o proportion_n as_o it_o deserve_v and_o therefore_o that_o conceit_n of_o her_o great_a sin_n and_o of_o her_o deserve_a place_n also_o in_o hell_n seem_v partly_o to_o have_v have_v the_o true_a foundation_n upon_o the_o jealous_a and_o solicitous_a and_o curious_a enamour_a and_o inflame_v affection_n of_o the_o faithful_a watchful_a loyal_a laborious_a thought_n of_o our_o glorious_a saint_n which_o tend_v almost_o ever_o towards_o a_o comply_a in_o most_o perfect_a manner_n with_o the_o duty_n to_o which_o she_o hold_v that_o she_o be_v liable_a in_o herself_o and_o with_o the_o inspiration_n by_o which_o she_o be_v so_o constant_o solicit_v and_o call_v upon_o and_o as_o it_o be_v even_o court_v by_o the_o powerful_a and_o precious_a hart_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o partly_o yea_o and_o peradventure_o chief_o by_o the_o ill_a quarter_n which_o she_o conceive_v and_o acknowledge_v herself_o to_o have_v keep_v sometime_o with_o our_o bless_a lord_n by_o not_o correspond_v with_o his_o heavenly_a grace_n and_o not_o comply_v with_o his_o holy_a inspiration_n and_o commit_v some_o neglect_n in_o that_o kind_n whilst_o yet_o she_o be_v so_o enarnest_o move_v by_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o give-ove_a certain_a natural_a affection_n and_o recreation_n of_o she_o in_o regard_n of_o which_o unkindness_n towards_o almighty_a god_n she_o may_v have_v congruous_o deserve_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o god_n grace_n afterward_o and_o then_o she_o may_v also_o have_v fall_v by_o degree_n not_o only_o into_o great_a fault_n but_o even_o into_o grievous_a sin_n which_o may_v true_o have_v be_v then_o ascribe_v to_o her_o former_a lesser_a offence_n and_o so_o it_o be_v mere_o the_o unspeakable_a goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o no_o merit_n of_o she_o that_o she_o be_v not_o permit_v to_o fall_v by_o degree_n even_o as_o low_o as_o hell_n itself_o like_o a_o man_n who_o in_o a_o small_a distemper_n of_o body_n neglect_v the_o help_n of_o physician_n and_o grow_v thereby_o afterward_o into_o mortal_a disease_n &_o death_n now_o therefore_o in_o all_o such_o thing_n as_o may_v concern_v the_o estimation_n which_o she_o make_v of_o herself_o in_o order_n either_o to_o the_o excellency_n or_o deformity_n of_o her_o life_n there_o be_v and_o let_v the_o glorious_a saint_n forgive_v i_o this_o error_n once_o of_o speak_v truth_n no_o credit_n at_o all_o to_o be_v give_v she_o because_o that_o subject_a lie_v but_o in_o the_o way_n of_o discourse_n &_o all_o thing_n in_o effect_n of_o that_o nature_n use_v to_o be_v just_a of_o that_o very_a colour_n whereof_o those_o glass_n be_v through_o which_o they_o be_v see_v and_o i_o have_v already_o show_v that_o she_o be_v of_o the_o partial_a cutt._n but_o as_o for_o those_o other_o thing_n which_o occur_v to_o be_v set_v down_o by_o she_o in_o the_o historical_a way_n or_o else_o which_o be_v relate_v as_o happen_v to_o the_o person_n of_o the_o writer_n in_o the_o way_n of_o fact_n whether_o it_o be_v more_o or_o less_o as_o namely_o that_o she_o do_v and_o suffer_v and_o say_v and_o hear_v and_o feel_v &_o see_v whatsoever_o she_o affirm_v in_o those_o kind_n whether_o it_o be_v in_o the_o natural_a or_o supernatural_a way_n there_o can_v be_v no_o question_n make_v as_o i_o have_v show_v else_o where_o but_o that_o all_o be_v most_o certain_o &_o even_o most_o punctual_o true_a for_o else_o she_o either_o must_v deceive_v or_o be_v deceive_v whereof_o the_o former_a be_v a_o great_a impiety_n but_o far_o enough_o from_o she_o &_o the_o latter_a all_o circumstance_n consider_v and_o especial_o in_o parricular_o of_o that_o nature_n no_o less_o than_o a_o most_o impertinent_a absurdity_n to_o be_v either_o affirm_v or_o believe_v as_o be_v partly_o touch_v before_o it_o be_v true_a that_o both_o in_o her_o supernatural_a prayer_n and_o yet_o more_o in_o her_o vision_n and_o revelation_n there_o be_v many_o thing_n which_o surpass_v any_o understanding_n which_o be_v but_o mere_o humane_a but_o so_o also_o be_v there_o in_o finit_a other_o particular_n in_o the_o ecclesiastical_a history_n concern_v other_o saint_n which_o howsoever_o they_o seem_v and_o be_v strange_a yea_o and_o much_o more_o strange_a than_o these_o yet_o be_v they_o general_o and_o most_o just_o admit_v to_o the_o degree_n of_o moral_a beleif_n for_o as_o we_o catholic_n be_v instruct_v &_o teach_v that_o on_o the_o one_o side_n we_o must_v not_o be_v so_o light_a or_o rather_o in_o fine_a to_o the_o end_n that_o thing_n may_v have_v their_o right_a name_n not_o so_o very_o weak_a and_o foolish_a as_o to_o believe_v strange_a and_o supernatural_a thing_n without_o a_o mighty_a deal_n of_o authority_n and_o proof_n truth_n yea_o and_o the_o church_n herself_o do_v most_o bitter_o excommunicate_v whatsoever_o creature_n in_o the_o world_n who_o shall_v know_o propound_v any_o false_a thing_n of_o this_o kind_n to_o be_v believe_v so_o on_o the_o other_o side_n that_o they_o be_v most_o just_o to_o be_v hold_v both_o rash_a and_o childish_a and_o foolish_a who_o believe_v not_o that_o which_o multitude_n of_o the_o most_o and_o wise_a and_o worthy_a and_o learn_a and_o holy_a man_n believe_v though_o yet_o still_o in_o all_o these_o case_n wherein_o the_o church_n have_v not_o express_o declare_v herself_o we_o be_v not_o to_o believe_v thing_n with_o divine_a faith_n but_o only_o with_o a_o moral_a &_o humane_a beleif_n no_o nor_o even_o so_o much_o as_o that_o but_o only_o when_o they_o be_v so_o abundant_o prove_v to_o be_v true_a as_o that_o they_o can_v not_o rational_o be_v deny_v or_o even_o doubt_v by_o any_o prudent_a pious_a man_n for_o to_o resolve_v to_o believe_v nothing_o at_o all_o which_o be_v elevate_v above_o the_o ordinary_a
credo_fw-la though_o yet_o still_o not_o by_o way_n of_o discourse_n than_o we_o can_v tell_v how_o to_o understand_v with_o all_o our_o humane_a diligence_n of_o this_o world_n in_o the_o compass_n of_o many_o year_n but_o now_o to_o exercise_v and_o employ_v the_o power_n of_o the_o mind_n and_o yet_o the_o while_n to_o think_v of_o make_v they_o stand_v at_o a_o stay_n be_v a_o senseless_a kind_n of_o fancy_n and_o foolery_n and_o i_o say_v and_o say_v again_o though_o perhaps_o it_o be_v not_o well_o understand_v that_o this_o be_v no_o act_n of_o any_o great_a humility_n and_o though_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v guilty_a of_o be_v a_o fault_n yet_o it_o will_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v subject_a to_o the_o punishment_n for_o at_o least_o it_o will_v be_v all_o labour_n lose_v and_o the_o soul_n find_v itself_o to_o remain_v with_o a_o odd_a little_a kind_n of_o disgust_n as_o when_o a_o man_n go_v to_o leap_v when_o yet_o man_n hold_v he_o fast_o by_o the_o back_n for_o such_o a_o one_o seem_v already_o to_o have_v employ_v all_o his_o strength_n to_o do_v somewhat_o which_o he_o desire_v and_o yet_o find_v himself_o without_o effect_v what_o he_o pretend_v and_o so_o whosoever_o will_v consider_v the_o matter_n well_o shall_v come_v to_o discern_v by_o the_o slender_a gain_n which_o he_o make_v this_o little_a half_a invisible_a dust_n of_o the_o want_n of_o humility_n whereof_o i_o speak_v for_o in_o fine_a this_o virtue_n have_v that_o excellency_n among_o other_o in_o it_o that_o there_o be_v no_o work_n or_o action_n in_o the_o world_n if_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o that_o virtue_n which_o will_v ever_o leave_v the_o soul_n in_o disgust_n there_o be_v diverse_a truth_n year_n when_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o read_v many_o thing_n and_o yet_o understand_v none_o of_o they_o all_o and_o there_o be_v afterward_o also_o a_o long_a time_n when_o though_o god_n give_v i_o ability_n to_o understand_v yet_o can_v i_o not_o speak_v a_o word_n wherewith_o to_o make_v it_o be_v understand_v by_o other_o and_o this_o point_n cost_v i_o no_o small_a labour_n but_o when_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o teach_v it_o he_o do_v it_o so_o &_o all_o at_o a_o instant_n that_o i_o be_o amaze_v and_o one_o thing_n i_o can_v say_v with_o much_o truth_n that_o though_o i_o speak_v with_o many_o spiritual_a person_n who_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v i_o understand_v what_o our_o lord_n impart_v to_o i_o that_o so_o i_o may_v the_o better_o declare_v thing_n in_o particular_a and_o clear_a manner_n to_o they_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o my_o dulness_n be_v so_o great_a as_o that_o their_o discourse_n be_v not_o of_o any_o use_n to_o i_o at_o all_o and_o perhaps_o our_o bless_a lord_n as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v still_o to_o be_v my_o master_n &_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o since_o it_o be_v confusion_n enough_o for_o i_o to_o be_v able_a to_o say_v thus_o much_o with_o truth_n be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o body_n to_o thank_v for_o it_o but_o himself_o and_o that_o without_o my_o desire_v or_o even_o wish_v it_o for_o in_o this_o i_o be_v not_o a_o whitt_n curious_a wherein_o it_o may_v have_v be_v a_o virtue_n to_o be_v so_o but_o i_o be_v so_o about_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n he_o will_v give_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o comprehend_v it_o with_o all_o claritie_n yea_o and_o so_o as_o that_o i_o can_v unfold_v it_o also_o to_o other_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o man_n be_v amaze_v at_o it_o and_o myself_o more_o than_o any_o of_o my_o ghostly_a father_n because_o i_o understand_v i_o own_o dulness_n better_a than_o they_o nor_o be_v it_o any_o long_a time_n since_o this_o happen_v to_o i_o and_o so_o i_o procure_v not_o to_o know_v those_o thing_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v not_o teach_v i_o but_o i_o only_o consider_v and_o take_v care_n of_o they_o so_o far_o as_o whereby_o my_o conscience_n may_v be_v concern_v i_o return_v yet_o once_o again_o to_o advise_v and_o declare_v that_o it_o will_v import_v we_o very_o much_o not_o to_o error_n elevate_v and_o raise_v our_o spirit_n unless_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o elevate_v and_o raise_v it_o which_o if_o he_o do_v it_o will_v instant_o be_v understand_v and_o especial_o this_o be_v more_o dangerous_a for_o woman_n for_o the_o devil_n may_v bring_v some_o illusion_n upon_o they_o though_o yet_o withal_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o very_o certain_a that_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o permit_v that_o the_o devil_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o hurt_v any_o such_o person_n as_o shall_v procure_v to_o approach_v his_o divine_a majesty_n with_o humility_n but_o rather_o that_o he_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o give_v himself_o more_o advantage_n and_o profit_n by_o that_o whereby_o the_o devil_n mean_v to_o destroy_v he_o but_o now_o in_o regard_n that_o this_o way_n of_o beginner_n in_o the_o exercise_n of_o mental_a prayer_n be_v more_o beat_v and_o because_o the_o admonition_n which_o i_o have_v give_v import_n much_o i_o have_v enlarge_v myself_o thus_o far_o though_o yet_o other_o will_v certain_o have_v write_v much_o better_a of_o it_o but_o thus_o much_o do_v i_o confess_v and_o i_o have_v express_v myself_o herein_o with_o abundance_n of_o confusion_n and_o shame_n though_o yet_o still_o not_o with_o so_o much_o as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v have_v let_v our_o lord_n be_v ever_o bless_v for_o all_o since_o he_o permit_v and_o be_v please_v that_o so_o miserable_a a_o creature_n as_o i_o shall_v speak_v of_o thing_n belong_v to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o those_o thing_n such_o and_o so_o high_a the_o thirteen_o chapter_n she_o proceed_v in_o this_o first_o degree_n and_o state_n of_o prayer_n and_o give_v advice_n against_o some_o temptation_n which_o the_o devil_n be_v sometime_o wont_a to_o bring_v this_o discourse_n be_v very_o profitable_a i_o have_v think_v fit_a to_o speak_v here_o of_o certain_a temptation_n which_o i_o have_v find_v to_o be_v bring_v against_o some_o in_o their_o beginning_n to_o use_v mental_a prayer_n and_o some_o i_o have_v feel_v myself_o and_o i_o will_v also_o give_v some_o advice_n which_o i_o hold_v to_o be_v necessary_a herein_o let_v therefore_o a_o saint_n beginner_n procure_v to_o goeon_a with_o great_a alacrity_n and_o liberty_n of_o spirit_n for_o there_o be_v some_o who_o be_v apt_a to_o think_v that_o all_o their_o devotion_n be_v instant_o to_o vanish_v if_o they_o do_v never_o so_o little_a amiss_o therein_o it_o be_v true_a that_o it_o will_v be_v very_o fit_a to_o continue_v in_o a_o holy_a doubt_n and_o fear_v of_o themselves_o that_o so_o they_o may_v not_o be_v confident_a at_o all_o to_o put_v themselves_o into_o any_o occasion_n wherein_o our_o lord_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v offend_v for_o it_o will_v ever_o be_v very_o necessary_a to_o use_v this_o actual_a diligence_n till_o one_o be_v very_o entire_a in_o the_o possession_n of_o virtue_n and_o there_o be_v not_o many_o who_o may_v be_v so_o very_o confident_a of_o themselves_o as_o that_o in_o such_o occasion_n which_o have_v well_o conformity_n with_o their_o natural_a disposition_n and_o inclination_n they_o may_v be_v out_o of_o care_n and_o fear_n and_o in_o fine_a it_o will_v ever_o be_v fit_a that_o so_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v live_v in_o this_o world_n we_o consider_v our_o miserable_a nature_n though_o it_o be_v but_o even_o for_o the_o continual_a exercise_n of_o humility_n but_o there_o be_v many_o time_n when_o it_o be_v permit_v as_o i_o have_v say_v to_o be_v take_v recreation_n though_o it_o be_v but_o to_o enable_v we_o the_o better_a to_o return_v the_o more_o encourage_v and_o fortify_v towards_o the_o make_n of_o prayer_n in_o all_o thing_n it_o will_v ever_o be_v needful_a to_o use_v discretion_n and_o withal_o to_o have_v great_a confidence_n in_o god_n for_o it_o be_v by_o no_o mean_n fit_a to_o go_v lessen_v &_o diminish_v our_o desire_n but_o to_o believe_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o if_o we_o will_v endeavour_v earnest_o by_o little_a and_o little_a we_o may_v by_o the_o favour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n arrive_v though_o it_o be_v not_o present_o where_o many_o saint_n have_v arrive_v who_o if_o they_o have_v never_o resolve_v to_o aspire_v to_o perfection_n and_o have_v not_o also_o endeavour_v by_o little_a and_o little_a to_o acquire_v it_o will_v never_o have_v be_v able_a to_o obtain_v so_o high_a a_o state_n his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v a_o very_a great_a friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o hart_n courageous_a soul_n so_o that_o withal_o they_o proceed_v with_o humility_n &_o not_o with_o any_o confidence_n in_o themselves_o and_o i_o have_v yet_o never_o see_v any_o one_o of_o this_o kind_n who_o have_v
how_o many_o year_n she_o have_v continue_v in_o that_o dangerous_a state_n and_o in_o fine_a how_o she_o conceive_v that_o her_o proper_a place_n and_o particular_a torment_n be_v prepare_v for_o she_o in_o hell_n itself_o for_o the_o everlasting_a punishment_n of_o her_o sin_n which_o she_o faith_n she_o feel_v in_o spirit_n whereas_o yet_o in_o reality_n and_o sincerity_n of_o truth_n it_o may_v be_v clear_a enough_o to_o such_o as_o will_v unpartiallie_o consider_v what_o they_o be_v to_o judge_v and_o not_o look_v through_o the_o mist_n or_o cloud_v of_o that_o too_o great_a insatisfaction_n and_o severity_n which_o she_o will_v be_v sure_a to_o carry_v towards_o herself_o that_o she_o be_v always_o far_o from_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n in_o all_o the_o course_n of_o her_o life_n now_o the_o difference_n in_o point_n of_o judgement_n between_v our_o saint_n and_o other_o may_v well_o seem_v to_o have_v proceed_v from_o this_o occasion_n which_o follow_v they_o look_v upon_o her_o whole_a life_n with_o the_o eye_n of_o a_o religious_a kind_n of_o reason_n and_o she_o with_o those_o even_o of_o a_o kind_n of_o inordinate_a passion_n as_o a_o man_n may_v say_v of_o devotion_n they_o look_v upon_o she_o as_o man_n who_o be_v inform_v even_o by_o herself_o of_o the_o case_n be_v most_o fit_a through_o their_o indifferency_n to_o be_v the_o judge_n whereas_o she_o look_v upon_o herself_o as_o a_o mere_a party_n who_o must_v not_o in_o her_o own_o case_n be_v trust_v by_o any_o mean_n so_o well_o as_o her_o judge_n especial_o when_o that_o judge_n know_v all_o thing_n as_o well_o as_o herself_o since_o she_o declare_v they_o to_o he_o beside_o that_o she_o express_v clear_o how_o diverse_a who_o be_v her_o ghostly_a father_n at_o the_o time_n of_o her_o great_a imperfection_n declare_v to_o she_o in_o very_o positive_a term_n that_o she_o be_v far_o from_o commit_v mortal_a sinne._n and_o note_v that_o they_o pass_v such_o a_o judgement_n upon_o she_o at_o time_n when_o herself_o profess_v that_o she_o confess_v all_o her_o sin_n so_o entire_o as_o not_o to_o omit_v so_o much_o as_o even_o all_o those_o venial_a sin_n upon_o which_o she_o can_v reflect_v so_o that_o clear_o by_o the_o very_o worst_a of_o her_o case_n if_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o she_o have_v ever_o do_v be_v doubtful_a &_o if_o her_o ghostly_a father_n assure_v she_o then_o that_o it_o be_v not_o mortal_a as_o indeed_o they_o do_v what_o reason_n can_v she_o have_v to_o be_v so_o very_o high_o and_o irreconciliable_o unsatisfy_v with_o herself_o but_o the_o truth_n be_v she_o pierce_v so_o deep_o by_o mean_n of_o celestial_a grace_n into_o that_o endless_a spotless_a mine_n of_o the_o purity_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o the_o unlimited_a excellentie_n of_o his_o high_a majesty_n and_o the_o unspeakable_a deformity_n of_o the_o least_o imperfection_n or_o frailty_n when_o once_o it_o shall_v be_v bring_v to_o appear_v before_o that_o incomparable_a claritie_n of_o the_o king_n of_o glory_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n she_o be_v endue_v with_o such_o a_o strange_a internal_a kind_n of_o knowledge_n of_o herself_o that_o it_o make_v as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o those_o moat_n of_o her_o imperfection_n seem_v mountain_n when_o once_o they_o be_v to_o appear_v as_o in_o god_n presence_n she_o be_v also_o of_o so_o very_o sensible_a a_o nature_n which_o i_o must_v needs_o touch_v again_o afterward_o and_o so_o easy_o oblige_v and_o so_o inseparable_o engage_v upon_o the_o receive_n even_o of_o poor_a weak_a little_a service_n from_o mortal_a creature_n &_o much_o more_o when_o celestial_a favour_n distil_v down_o so_o very_o fast_o towards_o she_o from_o that_o never-failing_a fountain_n of_o divine_a mercy_n that_o for_o she_o to_o find_v herself_o any_o way_n ungrateful_a yea_o or_o so_o much_o as_o even_o unmindful_a thereof_o and_o yet_o much_o more_o if_o she_o shall_v prove_v so_o inhuman_o unkind_a as_o in_o stead_n of_o pay_v service_n to_o commit_v fault_n how_o light_n soever_o they_o may_v be_v such_o error_n will_v seem_v in_o those_o eye_n of_o she_o which_o still_o be_v feed_v from_o that_o inflame_a hart_n to_o be_v real_o not_o very_o much_o less_o than_o almost_o as_o so_o many_o half_a sin_n against_o the_o holie-ghost_n and_o from_o this_o composition_n of_o her_o mind_n both_o in_o the_o natural_a and_o supernatural_a way_n do_v grow_v those_o profound_a detestation_n of_o herself_o those_o high_a exaggeration_n of_o her_o imperfection_n and_o frailty_n those_o loud_v exclamation_n against_o her_o suppose_a ingratitude_n and_o unkindness_n towards_o almighty_a god_n which_o break_v as_o it_o be_v even_o her_o own_o very_a hart_n while_o she_o be_v think_v and_o deliver_v over_o such_o feel_a argument_n of_o her_o sad_a remorse_n while_o she_o be_v writing_n as_o be_v able_a to_o strike_v the_o water_n of_o tear_n out_o of_o the_o stony_a heart_n of_o her_o reader_n like_o the_o rod_n of_o moses_n which_o drive_v water_n out_o of_o the_o rock_n when_o once_o they_o lend_v their_o sight_n though_o never_o so_o little_a to_o behold_v that_o sweet_a object_n of_o her_o enamour_a thought_n and_o expostulation_n against_o herself_o from_o hence_o it_o be_v i_o say_v that_o she_o accuse_v herself_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o obstinate_a manner_n whensoever_o she_o reflect_v upon_o god_n &_o herself_o in_o order_n to_o his_o bounty_n on_o the_o one_o side_n &_o her_o discorrespondence_n on_o the_o other_o whilst_o yet_o when_o her_o thought_n be_v bend_v but_o to_o express_v the_o plain_a order_n of_o thing_n after_o a_o manner_n mere_o abstract_v from_o those_o superior_a consideration_n she_o deliver_v such_o truth_n concern_v herself_o as_o make_v all_o these_o imputation_n which_o fall_v so_o fierce_o upon_o her_o soul_n out_o of_o her_o own_o mouth_n appear_v to_o be_v far_o different_a from_o that_o which_o she_o will_v desire_v that_o they_o may_v be_v think_v and_o so_o in_o conformity_n with_o this_o you_o my_o reader_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o consider_v in_o serious_a manner_n how_o she_o who_o speak_v after_o a_o sort_n erroneous_o when_o she_o will_v partial_o judge_v of_o her_o action_n in_o order_n to_o the_o spotless_a purity_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o his_o strict_a judgement_n do_v yet_o unfold_v herself_o most_o literal_o true_o when_o she_o express_v her self_o viâ_fw-la facti_fw-la and_o relate_v her_o affection_n and_o action_n as_o it_o be_v in_o the_o historical_a way_n observe_v therefore_o how_o in_o this_o way_n she_o say_v of_o herself_o that_o she_o be_v ever_o 4._o very_o careful_a not_o to_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n that_o she_o have_v great_a care_n of_o her_o conscience_n still_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v any_o thing_n of_o that_o kind_n and_o that_o if_o ever_o she_o will_v be_v so_o unhappy_a as_o to_o commit_v any_o such_o sin_n that_o she_o shall_v never_o be_v in_o quiet_a till_o she_o be_v disburden_v of_o it_o that_o she_o seldom_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n 5._o but_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n that_o after_o she_o have_v once_o taste_v of_o the_o regalo_n of_o that_o celestial_a banquet_n which_o she_o begin_v to_o do_v when_o she_o be_v young_a she_o never_o omit_v to_o confess_v any_o thing_n which_o she_o may_v conceive_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n though_o it_o be_v but_o venial_a that_o she_o have_v ever_o great_a remorse_n 2._o whensoever_o she_o commit_v any_o offence_n against_o almighty_a god_n that_o she_o do_v natural_o detest_v all_o dishonesty_n and_o that_o she_o conceive_v not_o that_o there_o be_v either_o any_o occasion_n or_o any_o person_n in_o the_o whole_a world_n who_o can_v possible_o overcome_v that_o resolution_n in_o she_o that_o difficulty_n grow_v afterwards_a upon_o she_o by_o occasion_n of_o some_o conversation_n which_o she_o have_v whereof_o yet_o she_o confess_v herself_o by_o way_n of_o doubt_n as_o i_o have_v insinuate_v before_o her_o ghostly_a father_n make_v she_o know_v that_o she_o do_v not_o offend_v god_n therein_o for_o the_o truth_n of_o the_o case_n be_v this_o she_o be_v then_o a_o secular_a woman_n and_o the_o inclination_n which_o she_o have_v to_o the_o person_n be_v capable_a of_o be_v conclude_v in_o a_o marriage_n beside_o that_o real_o on_o her_o part_n there_o be_v never_o so_o much_o as_o one_o impure_a thought_n that_o another_o spiritual_a 8._o man_n with_o who_o she_o also_o consult_v short_o after_o about_o matter_n of_o her_o soul_n by_o occasion_n of_o some_o fear_n into_o which_o she_o grow_v then_o to_o fall_v declare_v to_o she_o that_o though_o she_o be_v in_o the_o state_n of_o never_o so_o high_a contemplation_n yet_o such_o conference_n and_o conversation_n as_o those_o be_v not_o to_o be_v inconvenient_a for_o she_o that_o she_o also_o understand_v by_o
no_o mean_n lose_v myself_o outright_o my_o father_n and_o my_o sister_n be_v much_o trouble_v about_o this_o friendship_n of_o i_o and_o reprove_v i_o for_o it_o very_o often_o but_o yet_o they_o be_v unable_a to_o remove_v the_o occasion_n of_o her_o come_n to_o we_o at_o time_n their_o diligence_n be_v ever_o wont_a to_o fall_v short_a for_o my_o sagacity_n &_o sharp_a conceit_n in_o contrive_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v ill_a be_v very_o great_a i_o be_o sometime_o upon_o this_o occasion_n in_o a_o wonder_n at_o how_o much_o hurt_n ill_a company_n may_v do_v and_o if_o it_o have_v not_o be_v my_o own_o case_n i_o can_v hardly_o believe_v it_o especial_o when_o it_o occurr_n in_o the_o time_n of_o innocent_a and_o fresh_a youth_n for_o then_o do_v it_o great_a hurt_n and_o i_o can_v wish_v that_o parent_n will_v take_v some_o warning_n by_o i_o that_o so_o they_o may_v consider_v it_o well_o for_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o this_o conversation_n do_v work_v such_o a_o entire_a change_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o who_o former_o have_v not_o only_o a_o soul_n but_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o natural_a constitution_n incline_v to_o virtue_n be_v grow_v to_o have_v in_o effect_n no_o semblance_n or_o sign_n at_o all_o thereof_o and_o it_o seem_v that_o both_o she_o and_o yet_o another_o who_o be_v upon_o the_o matter_n of_o the_o same_o humour_n have_v imprint_v their_o own_o condition_n upon_o i_o from_o hence_o also_o i_o be_o grow_v to_o understand_v how_o precious_a a_o thing_n good_a company_n be_v and_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o as_o good_a as_o a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o if_o in_o that_o age_n of_o i_o i_o have_v converse_v with_o only_o virtuous_a person_n myself_o shall_v have_v prove_v accomplish_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o that_o if_o in_o those_o tender_a year_n i_o have_v meet_v with_o such_o as_o will_v have_v make_v it_o their_o business_n to_o make_v i_o fear_v almighty_a god_n my_o soul_n will_v have_v gather_v such_o strength_n as_o may_v have_v keep_v it_o from_o fall_v but_o afterward_o this_o fear_n of_o god_n grow_v to_o be_v lose_v the_o care_n only_o of_o my_o honour_n remain_v which_o give_v i_o a_o kind_n of_o torment_n in_o whatsoever_o i_o do_v but_o now_o with_o think_v that_o such_o and_o such_o thing_n will_v never_o be_v know_v i_o presume_v to_o do_v many_o which_o be_v both_o against_o my_o honour_n and_o against_o god_n in_o the_o beginning_n those_o thing_n do_v i_o harm_n as_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o think_v though_o yet_o perhaps_o that_o happen_v not_o by_o the_o fault_n of_o other_o but_o by_o my_o own_o but_o afterward_o my_o own_o malice_n fall_v out_o to_o be_v sufficient_a for_o my_o own_o mischief_n together_o with_o the_o help_n of_o my_o maid_n who_o be_v ready_a enough_o for_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v naught_o if_o any_o one_o of_o they_o have_v but_o advise_v i_o well_o it_o will_v have_v serve_v my_o turn_n but_o interest_n blind_v they_o as_o my_o inclination_n do_v i_o and_o though_o i_o never_o be_v addict_v to_o much_o ill_n for_o even_o natural_o i_o abhor_v such_o thing_n as_o concern_v dishonesty_n yet_o i_o like_v to_o pass_v my_o time_n in_o fair_a conversation_n but_o be_v afterward_o grow_v into_o the_o occasion_n the_o danger_n be_v near_a at_o hand_n and_o that_o bring_v also_o my_o father_n and_o my_o brother_n into_o some_o but_o god_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o they_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o it_o well_o appear_v how_o he_o be_v please_v to_o procure_v even_o against_o my_o will_n to_o preserve_v i_o from_o my_o total_a perdition_n though_o yet_o still_o thing_n can_v not_o be_v carry_v so_o private_o as_o that_o my_o honour_n do_v not_o suffer_v prejudice_n by_o it_o even_o abroad_o beside_o a_o little_a suspicion_n of_o my_o father_n at_o home_n for_o i_o remember_v not_o that_o they_o arrive_v to_o be_v three_o month_n of_o my_o walk_n up_o and_o down_o in_o these_o vanity_n when_o they_o carry_v i_o to_o a_o certain_a monastery_n in_o this_o town_n where_o they_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v education_n to_o such_o as_o i_o be_v though_o yet_o not_o so_o untoward_a as_o myself_o but_o it_o be_v do_v with_o great_a discretion_n and_o reserve_v for_o only_o i_o and_o a_o kinsman_n of_o i_o know_v of_o it_o and_o they_o stay_v a_o while_n for_o a_o certain_a coniuncture_n of_o thing_n to_o keep_v it_o from_o seem_v new_a or_o strange_a for_o my_o sister_n be_v then_o late_o marry_v and_o so_o it_o will_v not_o seem_v so_o very_o handsome_a that_o i_o shall_v stay_v at_o home_n alone_o without_o a_o mother_n the_o love_n which_o my_o father_n bear_v i_o be_v so_o extreme_a and_o so_o also_o be_v my_o dissimulation_n that_o he_o can_v not_o believe_v so_o much_o ill_o of_o i_o as_o i_o deserve_v and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o fall_v into_o his_o disfavour_v for_o the_o time_n have_v be_v but_o short_a though_o perhaps_o he_o may_v happen_v to_o hear_v of_o some_o little_a whisper_v yet_o it_o can_v never_o be_v deliver_v to_o he_o with_o any_o certainty_n in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v so_o tender_a a_o care_n of_o myself_o in_o point_n of_o honour_n all_o my_o diligence_n be_v employ_v upon_o keep_v thing_n secret_a and_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n how_o impossible_a a_o thing_n it_o be_v to_o hide_v any_o thing_n from_o he_o by_o who_o all_o thing_n be_v see_v o_o my_o god_n what_o a_o mischief_n do_v it_o bring_v upon_o the_o world_n to_o make_v light_n of_o this_o and_o to_o think_v that_o such_o thing_n can_v be_v secret_a as_o be_v repugnant_a to_o thy_o will_n for_o my_o part_n i_o hold_v it_o for_o certain_a that_o many_o great_a sin_n will_v be_v forbear_v if_o once_o we_o will_v grow_v to_o understand_v that_o the_o business_n do_v not_o consist_v in_o save_v ourselves_o harmless_a from_o man_n but_o in_o keep_v ourselves_o very_o far_o from_o digust_v almighty_a god_n during_o the_o first_o eight_o day_n of_o my_o be_v in_o the_o monastery_n i_o feit_z it_o much_o even_o for_o itself_o but_o yet_o more_o for_o the_o suspicion_n i_o have_v that_o my_o vanity_n be_v discover_v then_o for_o that_o i_o be_v place_v there_o for_o now_o already_o i_o become_v weary_a of_o do_v ill_a and_o i_o fail_v not_o to_o have_v great_a fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n whensoever_o i_o offend_v he_o and_o i_o procure_v to_o confess_v myself_o often_o but_o after_o those_o eight_o day_n yea_o &_o peradventure_o soon_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v better_o please_v there_o then_o even_o in_o my_o own_o father_n house_n all_o the_o religious_a be_v glad_a to_o be_v in_o my_o company_n for_o in_o this_o our_o lord_n endue_v i_o with_o a_o particular_a grace_n that_o i_o always_o give_v contentment_n wheresoever_o i_o be_v and_o so_o i_o use_v ever_o to_o be_v much_o belove_v and_o though_o i_o be_v at_o that_o time_n in_o extremity_n of_o be_v averse_a from_o become_v a_o religious_a woman_n yet_o i_o joy_v to_o see_v so_o good_a religious_a woman_n as_o they_o be_v after_o a_o eminent_a proportion_n in_o that_o house_n and_o of_o great_a purity_n and_o observance_n and_o recollection_n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o the_o devil_n give_v not_o over_o to_o tempt_v i_o and_o he_o find_v out_o such_o person_n from_o abroad_o as_o may_v disquiet_v i_o with_o certain_a message_n of_o they_o but_o in_o regard_n there_o be_v no_o great_a opportunity_n for_o those_o thing_n they_o quick_o cease_v and_o my_o soul_n begin_v again_o to_o accustom_v itself_o to_o the_o good_a impression_n of_o my_o first_o youth_n and_o i_o see_v how_o great_a favour_n almighty_a god_n do_v they_o who_o he_o cast_v into_o their_o company_n who_o be_v good_a and_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o the_o divine_a majesty_n have_v go_v look_v and_o yet_o look_v again_o by_o what_o mean_v he_o may_v bring_v i_o back_o to_o himself_o bless_a be_v thou_o o_o lord_n who_o do_v endure_v i_o so_o long_o amen_n one_o particular_a there_o be_v which_o it_o seem_v may_v turn_v a_o little_a to_o my_o excuse_n if_o i_o have_v not_o be_v guilty_a of_o so_o many_o fault_n and_o it_o be_v that_o the_o conversation_n which_o i_o hold_v be_v with_o one_o who_o by_o way_n of_o marriage_n seem_v to_o make_v it_o probable_a to_o end_v well_o and_o i_o inform_v myself_o about_o it_o of_o my_o confessarius_fw-la and_o of_o other_o also_o with_o who_o i_o consult_v in_o many_o thing_n they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o offend_v not_o almighty_a god_n but_o now_o one_o of_o the_o religious_a be_v lodge_v where_o we_o who_o be_v secular_a person_n be_v also_o accommodate_v and_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o
that_o i_o shall_v shed_v those_o tear_n do_v show_v i_o favour_n enough_o for_o his_o part_n since_o i_o forget_v the_o sense_n and_o tenderness_n thereof_o so_o soon_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n that_o she_o may_v help_v i_o to_o obtain_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o profit_v the_o more_o in_o that_o last_o time_n when_o i_o pray_v before_o the_o picture_n because_o then_o note_n i_o be_v grow_v into_o very_o great_a distrust_n of_o myself_o and_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o almighty_a god_n to_o my_o think_n i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o will_v blessing_n never_o rise_v from_o thence_o till_o he_o grant_v i_o the_o humble_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o be_o full_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o do_v i_o good_a for_o i_o have_v go_v improve_v much_o ever_o since_o that_o time_n now_o i_o continue_v to_o hold_v this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n because_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n i_o procure_v to_o represent_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o my_o mind_n as_o be_v then_o within_o my_o very_a self_n and_o jever_n also_o find_v it_o to_o prove_v better_o with_o i_o in_o my_o opinion_n when_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v he_o all_o alone_a for_o he_o be_v alone_o and_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afflict_v i_o think_v he_o be_v to_o admit_v i_o yea_o and_o to_o assist_v i_o too_o as_o a_o person_n who_o be_v in_o necessity_n and_o misery_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o simplicity_n i_o have_v many_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o use_v to_o find_v myself_o very_o well_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o i_o be_v in_o my_o kingdom_n when_o i_o may_v accompany_v he_o there_o i_o think_v also_o much_o upon_o that_o sweat_n together_o with_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o he_o sustain_v then_o and_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v permit_v to_o wipe_v that_o most_o painful_a sweat_n from_o his_o face_n but_o i_o remember_v how_o in_o fine_a i_o never_o dare_v resolve_v to_o presume_v to_o do_v it_o so_o grievous_o do_v my_o sin_n represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o howsoever_o i_o remain_v there_o by_o he_o as_o long_o as_o my_o thought_n will_v give_v i_o leave_v but_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o have_v store_n of_o such_o as_o torment_v i_o most_o night_n during_o many_o year_n before_o i_o go_v to_o rest_v and_o when_o i_o be_v recommend_v myself_o to_o god_n ere_o i_o sleep_v i_o ever_o think_v a_o little_a upon_o this_o passage_n of_o his_o prayer_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o that_o even_o before_o i_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n for_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v gain_v many_o indulgence_n by_o it_o and_o at_o least_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o my_o soul_n get_v much_o by_o this_o mean_n because_o thus_o i_o begin_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n even_o without_o express_o know_v what_o it_o be_v and_o then_o it_o be_v as_o usual_a for_o i_o not_o to_o omit_v this_o custom_n as_o not_o to_o fail_v of_o blessing_n myself_o with_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o cross_n before_o sleep_v but_o to_o return_v to_o what_o i_o be_v say_v of_o the_o torment_n which_o my_o thought_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o this_o manner_n of_o proceed_v without_o discourse_n of_o the_o understanding_n have_v this_o in_o it_o that_o the_o soul_n must_v both_o gain_v much_o and_o loose_a much_o i_o mean_v all_o consideration_n and_o discourse_n be_v lose_v for_o as_o for_o profit_v they_o profit_v much_o who_o use_v it_o since_o all_o such_o prayer_n be_v love._n but_o to_o arrive_v to_o this_o point_n &_o pitch_n it_o will_v cost_v every_o body_n a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n except_o such_o as_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o conduct_v in_o a_o short_a time_n to_o quiet_a prayer_n of_o which_o kind_n i_o know_v some_o and_o for_o they_o who_o go_v by_o this_o way_n it_o will_v be_v good_a to_o have_v some_o book_n or_o other_o at_o hand_n that_o so_o they_o may_v recollect_v themselves_o quick_o as_o for_o i_o it_o do_v i_o also_o good_a to_o look_v upon_o field_n or_o flower_n or_o water_n for_o in_o these_o thing_n do_v i_o find_v the_o memory_n of_o our_o creator_n as_o i_o also_o do_v in_o my_o own_o ingratitude_n and_o sin_n all_o which_o particular_n be_v wont_a to_o awake_v i_o and_o recollect_v i_o and_o to_o serve_v i_o in_o stead_n of_o a_o book_n for_o as_o for_o heaven_n and_o such_o high_a thing_n as_o that_o my_o understanding_n be_v so_o dull_a that_o i_o can_v never_o i_o say_v never_o be_v able_a to_o have_v or_o frame_v any_o imagination_n or_o fancy_n concern_v they_o till_o our_o lord_n represent_v they_o to_o i_o by_o other_o mean_n and_o i_o have_v so_o very_o little_a ability_n to_o represent_v thing_n to_o my_o mind_n by_o way_n of_o the_o understanding-part_n that_o my_o imagination_n serve_v i_o not_o to_o work_v upon_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o what_o i_o see_v with_o my_o eye_n which_o yet_o other_o be_v able_a enough_o to_o do_v who_o know_v how_o to_o form_v certain_a representation_n of_o thing_n to_o themselves_o upon_o which_o they_o can_v recollect_v their_o thought_n for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v only_o think_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o man_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o how_o much_o soever_o i_o read_v of_o his_o beauty_n or_o see_v his_o picture_n yet_o can_v i_o never_o represent_v he_o to_o myself_o but_o just_a so_o as_o one_o who_o be_v either_o in_o the_o dark_a or_o else_o stark_o blind_a may_v be_v able_a at_o that_o very_a time_n to_o represent_v any_o other_o person_n to_o himself_o for_o though_o such_o a_o one_o may_v speak_v with_o such_o another_o &_o know_v that_o he_o be_v with_o that_o person_n because_o he_o be_v sure_a that_o the_o say_a person_n be_v there_o yet_o in_o fine_a he_o do_v but_o understand_v and_o believe_v he_o to_o be_v there_o for_o he_o see_v he_o not_o and_o in_o this_o sort_n do_v it_o happen_v to_o i_o when_o i_o think_v of_o our_o lord_n upon_o this_o reason_n be_v i_o so_o great_a a_o friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o the_o use_n of_o image_n or_o holy_a picture_n miserable_a creature_n be_v they_o who_o lose_v this_o benefit_n through_o their_o own_o fault_n and_o it_o appear_v also_o well_o enough_o that_o they_o do_v not_o love_v our_o lord_n for_o if_o they_o love_v he_o they_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o see_v his_o picture_n as_o here_o it_o give_v we_o contentment_n so_o see_v the_o picture_n of_o those_o person_n who_o we_o love_v about_o this_o time_n they_o give_v i_o the_o confession_n of_o s._n augustin_n and_o it_o seem_v our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v it_o for_o neither_o do_v i_o procure_v they_o nor_o have_v i_o ever_o see_v they_o i_o bear_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n to_o this_o saint_n because_o the_o monastery_n where_o i_o live_v before_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v religious_a be_v of_o his_o order_n and_o beside_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o sinner_n for_o i_o always_o find_v particular_a comfort_n in_o those_o saint_n who_o after_o have_v be_v sinner_n be_v convert_v to_o our_o lord_n as_o conceave_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v help_n by_o their_o mean_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v also_o be_v induce_v to_o forgive_v i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v they_o save_o only_o that_o i_o be_v discomfort_a by_o this_o consideration_n as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o that_o our_o lord_n call_v they_o but_o once_o and_o they_o return_v not_o to_o fall_v from_o he_o any_o more_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v fall_v so_o often_o that_o it_o afflict_v i_o to_o the_o very_a hart_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v encourage_v again_o for_o i_o never_o disinherit_v his_o mercy_n though_o i_o doubt_v of_o myself_o very_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o mighty_o do_v that_o obstinate_a stiffness_n amaze_v i_o to_o which_o my_o soul_n must_v needs_o have_v be_v subject_a whilst_o it_o receive_v so_o many_o help_n at_o thy_o hand_n and_o all_o in_o vain_a and_o it_o strike_v i_o with_o much_o fear_n to_o consider_v how_o little_a i_o be_v able_a to_o win_v upon_o myself_o all_o that_o while_n and_o how_o i_o remain_v still_o bind_v up_o from_o resolve_v to_o give_v myself_o whole_o to_o thou_o but_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v the_o say_a confession_n i_o think_v that_o case_n which_o have_v be_v he_o be_v also_o now_o direct_o i_o own_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n but_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o his_o conversion_n and_o read_v how_o he_o hear_v that_o voice_n
thing_n for_o by_o mean_n of_o such_o blessing_n as_o these_o do_v our_o lord_n impart_v that_o fortitude_n to_o we_o which_o we_o lose_v by_o our_o sin_n and_o he_o shall_v but_o unlucky_o desire_v and_o exhort_v a_o man_n to_o despise_v and_o abhor_v the_o world_n and_o encourage_v he_o to_o acquire_v all_o those_o great_a virtue_n which_o christian_n of_o high_a perfection_n use_v to_o possess_v if_o he_o be_v not_o uphold_v therein_o by_o a_o livelie_a faith_n and_o by_o his_o have_v also_o feel_v some_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o bear_v he_o for_o natural_o we_o be_v so_o very_o dead_a that_o we_o look_v not_o after_o any_o thing_n but_o that_o which_o we_o see_v at_o the_o present_a and_o so_o these_o very_a favour_n be_v the_o thing_n which_o awake_v &_o strengthen_v our_o faith_n i_o say_v not_o but_o that_o it_o may_v very_o well_o be_v that_o i_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a be_o apt_a to_o judge_v of_o other_o by_o myself_o &_o that_o those_o other_o may_v need_v no_o more_o than_o the_o very_a light_n and_o truth_n of_o faith_n for_o the_o make_v their_o work_n very_o perfect_a but_o i_o as_o very_o miserable_a have_v beme_fw-mi in_o need_n of_o all_o possible_a help_n other_o may_v well_o say_v what_o they_o please_v but_o i_o relate_v what_o have_v occur_v to_o i_o as_o they_o who_o have_v power_n over_o i_o command_n and_o if_o he_o to_o who_o i_o send_v it_o do_v not_o like_v it_o he_o may_v tear_v it_o as_o know_v better_o than_o i_o what_o be_v unfit_a who_o i_o humble_o beseech_v even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n that_o whatsoever_o i_o have_v say_v hitherto_o concern_v my_o wicked_a life_n and_o my_o sin_n he_o will_v publish_v it_o and_o from_o this_o instant_n i_o give_v leave_n both_o to_o he_o and_o all_o they_o who_o have_v be_v my_o ghostly_a father_n of_o which_o number_n he_o be_v to_o who_o this_o go_v address_v that_o they_o do_v it_o even_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_o live_v to_o the_o end_n that_o even_o now_o i_o may_v deceive_v the_o world_n no_o long_o which_o else_o perhaps_o may_v think_v that_o there_o be_v some_o good_a thing_n in_o i_o and_o real_o and_o very_o real_o i_o speak_v truth_n to_o the_o best_a that_o i_o can_v now_o understand_v of_o myself_o that_o he_o shall_v give_v i_o great_a comfort_n if_o he_o will_v do_v it_o but_o as_o for_o that_o which_o shall_v follow_v hereafter_o in_o this_o discourse_n i_o allow_v he_o no_o such_o liberty_n at_o all_o nor_o will_v i_o by_o any_o mean_n give_v way_n that_o if_o they_o chance_v to_o show_v the_o thing_n to_o any_o creature_n they_o declare_v who_o that_o person_n be_v with_o who_o it_o pass_v nor_o who_o write_v it_o and_o for_o this_o reason_n have_v i_o forbear_v to_o name_n either_o myself_o or_o any_o other_o who_o have_v interuen_v to_o the_o story_n but_o i_o have_v do_v the_o best_a i_o can_v to_o write_v it_o so_o as_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v know_v and_o i_o desire_v for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v ever_o remain_v as_o a_o secret_n for_o it_o will_v suffice_v that_o there_o be_v so_o learned_a and_o grave_a person_n as_o may_v authorise_v any_o thing_n which_o be_v good_a if_o our_o lord_n will_v give_v i_o grace_n to_o relate_v it_o and_o if_o there_o be_v it_o must_v be_v he_o and_o not_o i_o for_o they_o only_o who_o command_v i_o to_o write_v it_o know_v that_o i_o write_v it_o and_o at_o the_o present_a they_o be_v not_o here_o and_o i_o write_v it_o also_o as_o it_o be_v by_o stealth_n and_o with_o want_n of_o time_n and_o with_o some_o trouble_n because_o i_o be_o keep_v from_o spin_v and_o i_o live_v in_o a_o poor_a house_n and_o have_v business_n enough_o and_o if_o our_o lord_n give_v i_o more_o ability_n and_o memory_n of_o both_o which_o i_o have_v very_o little_a i_o may_v yet_o by_o mean_n thereof_o serve_v myself_o of_o what_o i_o have_v hear_v or_o read_v so_o that_o if_o i_o say_v any_o thing_n which_o be_v good_a our_o lord_n will_v serve_v himself_o of_o it_o for_o some_o good_a end_n but_o whatsoever_o be_v ill_o say_v will_v be_v my_o own_o and_o that_o your_o reverence_n may_v blot_v out_o and_o both_o for_o the_o one_o and_o for_o the_o other_o there_o will_v be_v no_o reason_n at_o all_o to_o declare_v my_o name_n during_o any_o body_n life_n it_o be_v clear_a that_o the_o good_a he_o do_v be_v not_o to_o be_v relate_v and_o after_o death_n it_o will_v also_o serve_v for_o nothing_o in_o this_o case_n but_o only_o to_o make_v it_o loose_v all_o authority_n and_o credit_n for_o have_v be_v recount_v by_o a_o person_n so_o base_a and_o so_o wicked_a as_o myself_o and_o because_o i_o hope_v you_o will_v do_v that_o which_o i_o say_v and_o i_o humble_o beg_v it_o of_o you_o even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o of_o those_o other_o also_o who_o be_v to_o see_v it_o i_o write_v as_o you_o see_v with_o all_o liberty_n and_o clearness_n for_o otherwise_o i_o shall_v have_v great_a scruple_n to_o do_v it_o but_o only_o for_o the_o mere_a declaration_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o in_o that_o i_o have_v none_o at_o all_o as_o for_o other_o thing_n it_o be_v enough_o that_o i_o be_o a_o woman_n to_o make_v my_o wing_n fall_v down_o flat_a by_o my_o side_n and_o how_o much_o more_o then_o since_o i_o be_o not_o only_o a_o weoman_n but_o a_o wicked_a woman_n and_o therefore_o whatsoever_o your_o reverence_n shall_v find_v here_o beyond_o the_o bare_a relation_n of_o the_o course_n of_o my_o life_n you_o must_v take_v to_o be_v only_o for_o yourself_o since_o you_o will_v needs_o importune_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o make_v you_o some_o declaration_n of_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o in_o prayer_n suppose_v ever_o that_o you_o hold_v they_o to_o be_v in_o conformity_n with_o the_o truth_n of_o our_o holy_a catholic_n faith_n for_o if_o not_o you_o be_v instant_o to_o burn_v it_o and_o to_o this_o direction_n i_o will_v stand_v so_o that_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o pass_v with_o i_o in_o this_o kind_n to_o the_o end_n that_o if_o it_o shall_v prove_v conform_a to_o catholic_n truth_n it_o may_v be_v of_o some_o service_n to_o you_o and_o if_o not_o that_o you_o may_v be_v the_o better_a able_a to_o undeceave_v my_o soul_n and_o so_o the_o devil_n may_v get_v nothing_o by_o that_o whereby_o i_o take_v myself_o to_o gain_v for_o our_o lord_n know_v that_o i_o ever_o have_v procure_v to_o meet_v with_o person_n who_o may_v give_v i_o light_n as_o i_o shall_v show_v afterward_o but_o how_o clear_o soever_o i_o shall_v strive_v to_o declare_v these_o thing_n concern_v prayer_n it_o will_v fall_v out_o to_o be_v obscure_a enough_o for_o such_o as_o have_v no_o experience_n therein_o i_o will_v touch_v also_o upon_o some_o impediment_n which_o according_a to_o my_o way_n of_o understanding_n use_v to_o oppose_v themselves_o against_o such_o person_n as_o be_v walk_v on_o in_o this_o way_n and_o i_o will_v also_o point_v at_o some_o other_o in_o which_o there_o may_v be_v some_o danger_n according_a to_o what_o our_o lord_n have_v teach_v i_o by_o experience_n and_o i_o have_v since_o treat_v with_o great_a learned_a man_n and_o person_n who_o have_v give_v themselves_o to_o spirit_n many_o year_n and_o they_o see_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v vouchsafe_v i_o in_o seven_o and_o twenty_o year_n wherein_o i_o have_v use_v mental_a prayer_n though_o i_o have_v walk_v on_o so_o ill_o &_o with_o so_o many_o stumble_a block_n in_o the_o way_n that_o experience_n which_o he_o have_v not_o allow_v to_o other_o in_o seven_o and_o thirty_o yea_o and_o in_o seven_o and_o forty_o year_n whilst_o yet_o they_o have_v spend_v their_o life_n in_o penance_n and_o ever_o in_o a_o course_n of_o virtue_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o all_o and_o i_o be_v seech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n even_o by_o what_o he_o be_v himself_o that_o he_o will_v vouchsafe_v to_o be_v serve_v by_o i_o for_o my_o dear_a lord_n know_v very_o well_o that_o i_o pretend_v no_o other_o thing_n by_o this_o but_o only_o that_o he_o may_v be_v a_o little_a the_o more_o exalt_v and_o praise_v when_o you_o see_v that_o he_o will_v needs_o plant_v a_o garden_n of_o so_o sweet_a flower_n upon_o and_o in_o a_o dunghill_n so_o foul_a and_o filthy_a and_o of_o so_o very_o ill_a favour_n as_o i_o be_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o i_o return_v not_o through_o my_o fault_n to_o pluck_v they_o all_o up_o by_o the_o root_n and_o so_o become_v again_o
but_o as_o for_o beginner_n learned_a man_n if_o they_o possess_v not_o the_o use_n of_o prayer_n can_v be_v of_o little_a profit_n to_o they_o yet_o i_o say_v not_o that_o they_o shall_v not_o treat_v and_o confer_v with_o such_o man_n as_o be_v learned_a for_o as_o for_o have_v a_o spirit_n which_o shall_v not_o be_v first_o settle_v in_o a_o way_n of_o truth_n for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v rather_o have_v it_o without_o prayer_n for_o learning_n be_v a_o great_a matter_n since_o it_o instruct_v we_o who_o know_v little_a and_o bring_v we_o light_a and_o when_o we_o approach_v near_o to_o the_o truth_n of_o holy_a scripture_n we_o begin_v to_o do_v that_o which_o we_o ought_v but_o as_o for_o silly_a and_o foolish_a devotion_n our_o lord_n deliver_v we_o from_o they_o i_o will_v declare_v myself_o yet_o better_a for_o i_o fear_v i_o put_v myself_o upon_o too_o many_o thing_n at_o once_o though_o i_o ever_o want_v mean_n to_o know_v how_o to_o give_v myself_o to_o be_v well_o understand_v as_o i_o have_v say_v but_o upon_o the_o expense_n of_o many_o word_n a_o religious_a woman_n for_o example_n sake_n will_v begin_v to_o use_v prayer_n and_o in_o case_n some_o silly_a kind_n of_o man_n direct_v and_o govern_v she_o he_o will_v if_o the_o toy_n take_v he_o in_o the_o head_n give_v she_o to_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v better_a for_o she_o to_o obey_v he_o than_o her_o superior_a yea_o and_o he_o will_v do_v it_o without_o any_o malice_n at_o all_o as_o conceave_a that_o he_o be_v in_o the_o right_n and_o now_o she_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n will_v be_v likely_a enough_o to_o think_v that_o he_o say_v true_a and_o if_o she_o be_v a_o marry_a woman_n he_o will_v tell_v she_o that_o it_o be_v best_o for_o she_o even_o when_o she_o ought_v to_o be_v about_o her_o household_n business_n to_o exercise_v herself_o in_o prayer_n though_o it_o be_v to_o be_v to_o the_o disgust_n of_o her_o husband_n so_o that_o she_o know_v not_o how_o to_o dispose_v of_o her_o time_n nor_o of_o her_o business_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o all_o may_v go_v according_a to_o reason_n and_o truth_n because_o in_o fine_a that_o directour_n want_v light_a and_o not_o have_v any_o himself_o he_o can_v give_v it_o to_o other_o though_o he_o will_v never_o so_o fain_o and_o though_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n it_o seem_v that_o there_o be_v no_o great_a need_n of_o learning_n yet_o as_o for_o i_o my_o opinion_n both_o be_v and_o ever_o will_v be_v that_o all_o christian_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o treat_v with_o such_o man_n about_o their_o soul_n as_o be_v well_o learned_a and_o so_o much_o the_o more_o so_o much_o the_o better_o and_o they_o who_o go_v by_o the_o way_n of_o prayer_n have_v yet_o more_o need_n than_o other_o to_o meet_v with_o such_o man_n and_o so_o the_o more_o they_o shall_v be_v also_o spiritual_a the_o better_a will_v it_o be_v for_o they_o still_o and_o let_v not_o folk_n deceive_v themselves_o with_o say_v that_o learned_a man_n without_o the_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n be_v not_o to_o the_o purpose_n for_o they_o who_o use_v prayer_n for_o i_o have_v deal_v with_o many_o and_o for_o some_o of_o these_o latter_a year_n i_o have_v endeavour_v it_o the_o more_o because_o then_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o more_o necessity_n but_o i_o be_v ever_o much_o a_o friend_n of_o learned_a man_n for_o though_o some_o of_o they_o have_v not_o experience_n yet_o they_o hate_v not_o spiritual_a people_n nor_o be_v not_o ignorant_a what_o these_o thing_n mean_v because_o they_o ever_o find_v this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v such_o a_o thing_n as_o a_o good_a spirit_n by_o holy_a scripture_n wherein_o they_o be_v continual_o verse_v and_o as_o for_o i_o i_o hold_v that_o a_o person_n who_o exercise_n prayer_n and_o will_v treat_v with_o learned_a man_n shall_v never_o be_v deceive_v by_o illusion_n of_o the_o devil_n if_o he_o have_v not_o a_o mind_n to_o deceive_v himself_o for_o i_o believe_v that_o the_o devil_n be_v mighty_o afraid_a of_o learning_n whensoever_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o humility_n and_o virtue_n for_o he_o know_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v discover_v in_o the_o end_n and_o that_o so_o he_o shall_v come_v to_o loose_v by_o the_o bargain_n and_o now_o i_o have_v say_v thus_o much_o because_o i_o know_v there_o be_v opinion_n that_o learned_a man_n be_v not_o fit_a for_o person_n of_o prayer_n unless_o they_o be_v also_o of_o spirit_n already_o i_o have_v signify_v that_o it_o will_v be_v necessary_a to_o have_v a_o spiritual_a director_n but_o if_o he_o prove_v not_o to_o be_v learn_v the_o inconvenience_n will_v be_v great_a &_o yet_o it_o will_v be_v of_o much_o help_n to_o treat_v with_o learned_a man_n so_o that_o they_o be_v virtuous_a for_o though_o they_o be_v not_o spiritual_a as_o in_o this_o case_n we_o understand_v spiritual_a they_o will_v yet_o be_v able_a to_o benefit_v we_o and_o god_n will_v vouchsafe_v to_o enable_v they_o to_o teach_v we_o yea_o and_o so_o may_v perhaps_o by_o degree_n grow_v even_o to_o make_v they_o also_o become_v spiritual_a to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v be_v able_a to_o instruct_v we_o the_o better_a and_o i_o speak_v not_o this_o without_o some_o trial_n for_o the_o occasion_n have_v happen_v to_o i_o with_o more_o then_z two_o i_o say_v therefore_o that_o if_o a_o soul_n resolve_v to_o render_v itself_o to_o be_v entire_o subject_a to_o the_o order_n of_o any_o one_o director_n she_o shall_v err_v very_o much_o unless_o she_o procure_v in_o particular_a manner_n that_o he_o be_v learned_a especial_o if_o he_o be_v a_o religious_a man_n of_o any_o order_n because_o such_o a_o one_o be_v to_o be_v subject_a to_o his_o prelate_n or_o superior_a and_o in_o that_o case_n peradventure_o all_o those_o three_o aforesaid_a part_n which_o be_v say_v to_o be_v so_o necessary_a for_o a_o director_n will_v be_v want_v to_o he_o which_o will_v be_v no_o little_a cross_n to_o the_o party_n beside_o that_o he_o may_v perhaps_o find_v himself_o to_o have_v voluntary_o submit_v his_o understanding_n to_o that_o of_o another_o man_n who_o have_v no_o very_a good_a one_o himself_o at_o least_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v i_o i_o be_v never_o able_a to_o bring_v myself_o to_o it_o nor_o indeed_o do_v i_o hold_v it_o convenient_a but_o now_o if_o the_o party_n of_o who_o we_o speak_v be_v a_o secular_a person_n let_v he_o bless_v almighty_a god_n that_o himself_o may_v make_v choice_n of_o that_o man_n to_o who_o he_o will_v resolve_v to_o subject_v himself_o and_o let_v he_o take_v care_n not_o to_o loose_v this_o virtuous_a liberty_n nay_o let_v he_o even_o stay_v without_o any_o director_n at_o all_o till_o he_o find_v a_o fit_a one_o for_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o provide_v he_o such_o a_o one_o if_o he_o go_v whole_o ground_v in_o humility_n and_o with_o desire_n to_o make_v a_o fit_a choice_n for_o my_o part_n i_o praise_v a_o fit_a director_n very_o much_o and_o woman_n and_o such_o man_n also_o as_o be_v not_o learned_a be_v always_o to_o give_v god_n infinite_a thanks_n for_o that_o there_o be_v some_o in_o the_o world_n who_o take_v so_o great_a pain_n and_o trouble_v to_o obtain_v the_o knowledge_n of_o truth_n whereof_o such_o as_o be_v not_o learned_a be_v ignorant_a and_o it_o amaze_v i_o many_o time_n to_o see_v religious_a man_n who_o be_v learn_v and_o particular_o to_o consider_v with_o how_o much_o trouble_n they_o grow_v to_o gain_v all_o that_o knowledge_n which_o be_v to_o bring_v i_o so_o much_o profit_n without_o any_o more_o trouble_n of_o i_o then_o only_o to_o ask_v they_o the_o question_n and_o yet_o that_o we_o shall_v not_o benefit_v ourselves_o by_o it_o but_o let_v not_o god_n permit_v that_o still_o it_o shall_v continue_v to_o be_v so_o for_o i_o see_v they_o subject_n to_o the_o trouble_n and_o mortification_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n which_o be_v very_o great_a with_o pennance_n with_o ill_a diet_n with_o hard_a lodging_n with_o be_v subject_n in_o all_o thing_n to_o obedience_n and_o in_o fine_a i_o so_o perceive_v that_o all_o be_v affliction_n and_o all_o cross_n that_o real_o the_o thought_n thereof_o do_v cast_v i_o sometime_o into_o confusion_n and_o i_o think_v it_o must_v be_v a_o great_a misery_n that_o any_o body_n shall_v loose_v so_o important_a a_o benefit_n by_o his_o own_o fault_n it_o be_v possible_a that_o some_o of_o we_o who_o be_v free_a from_o these_o austerity_n whereof_o i_o speak_v or_o at_o least_o if_o we_o feed_v upon_o they_o we_o will_v needs_o have_v they_o fine_o dress_v after_o our_o own_o fancy_n and_o so_o will_v live_v as_o we_o list_v ourselves_o conceive_v that_o
here_o of_o what_o it_o may_v import_v if_o such_o person_n be_v to_o preach_v or_o teach_v other_o for_o than_o it_o will_v be_v fit_a to_o serve_v themselves_o of_o that_o advantage_n towards_o the_o assist_a of_o their_o neighbour_n to_o that_o good_a and_o to_o help_v also_o poor_a people_n who_o know_v very_o little_a like_v i_o for_o charity_n be_v a_o very_a great_a matter_n and_o so_o be_v this_o help_a soul_n forward_o so_o that_o always_o it_o be_v do_v pure_o for_o god_n but_o now_o in_o these_o time_n of_o possess_v this_o great_a quiet_a let_v the_o soul_n be_v suffer_v to_o remain_v in_o rest_n with_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o let_v learning_n be_v lay_v aside_o for_o time_n will_v come_v afterward_o when_o it_o will_v fallout_a to_o be_v hold_v in_o so_o high_a account_n that_o they_o will_v by_o no_o mean_n have_v miss_v that_o treasure_n of_o knowledge_n if_o it_o be_v but_o only_o for_o the_o power_n it_o give_v they_o to_o do_v more_o and_o better_a service_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o it_o assist_v very_o much_o in_o order_n to_o that_o excellent_a end_n but_o yet_o believe_v i_o still_o that_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o that_o infinite_a wisdom_n a_o very_a little_a attention_n to_o exercise_v humility_n &_o one_o single_a act_n of_o that_o virtue_n be_v more_o worth_a than_o all_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n for_o here_o there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o dispute_v of_o question_n or_o argue_v case_n but_o only_o to_o know_v with_o truth_n and_o plainness_n what_o we_o be_v &_o to_o represent_v ourselves_o with_o great_a simplicity_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o almighty_a god_n who_o desire_n that_o the_o soul_n shall_v make_v herself_o as_o very_o ignorant_a and_o silly_a as_o in_o very_a deed_n she_o be_v when_o once_o she_o come_v to_o appear_v in_o his_o presence_n since_o his_o divine_a majesty_n descend_v so_o much_o below_o himself_o as_o to_o endure_v she_o near_o his_o own_o person_n all_o we_o be_v that_o which_o we_o be_v the_o understanding_n will_v also_o move_v itself_o here_o to_o give_v certain_a thanks_n to_o almighty_a god_n which_o may_v be_v handsome_o order_v and_o compose_v but_o the_o will_n with_o a_o certain_a kind_n of_o quiet_a and_o peace_n and_o with_o a_o not_o dare_v like_o the_o publican_n of_o the_o gospel_n so_o much_o as_o lift-up_a her_o eye_n pay_v yet_o more_o retribution_n of_o thanks_n than_o the_o understanding_n perhaps_o know_v how_o to_o do_v with_o revolve_v all_o the_o rhetoric_n in_o the_o world_n but_o in_o fine_a we_o be_v not_o total_o in_o this_o case_n to_o forbear_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n no_o nor_o yet_o sometime_o to_o use_v some_o vocal_a word_n if_o we_o will_v and_o can_v and_o i_o say_v can_v because_o if_o the_o quiet_v be_v great_a and_o deep_a they_o will_v hardly_o enough_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v without_o make_v it_o cost_v they_o much_o pain_n in_o bad_a my_o opinion_n we_o may_v well_o understand_v when_o this_o be_v of_o the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o when_o it_o happen_v to_o be_v procure_v by_o ourselves_o though_o it_o be_v upon_o a_o beginning_n of_o that_o devotion_n which_o god_n give_v us._n for_o when_o as_o i_o have_v say_v we_o will_v needs_o resolve_v ourselves_o of_o ourselves_o to_o procure_v to_o pass_v on_o to_o this_o possess_n the_o quiet_a of_o the_o will_n it_o use_v to_o work_v no_o good_a effect_n at_o all_o but_o quick_o end_v and_o leave_v nothing_o but_o dryness_n behind_o it_o and_o if_o it_o chance_v to_o proceed_v from_o the_o devil_n a_o soul_n which_o be_v exercise_v in_o this_o kind_n will_n i_o believe_v grow_v easy_o to_o understand_v it_o for_o in_o that_o case_n it_o will_v leave_v a_o certain_a kind_n of_o disquiet_n and_o little_a affection_n to_o humility_n and_o a_o untoward_a disposition_n in_o order_n to_o the_o produce_v of_o those_o effect_n which_o the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v wont_a to_o breed_v nor_o do_v it_o also_o leave_v either_o light_n in_o the_o understanding_n or_o a_o constant_a love_n of_o truth_n in_o the_o will._n and_o this_o will_v do_v a_o soul_n either_o very_a little_a hurt_n or_o none_o at_o all_o if_o she_o direct_v and_o address_v the_o suavitie_n and_o delight_n which_o then_o she_o feel_v to_o the_o glory_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o if_o she_o lodge_v her_o thought_n and_o desire_n upon_o he_o as_o i_o have_v former_o advise_v the_o devil_n will_v gain_v little_a by_o the_o bargain_n nay_o rather_o almighty_a god_n will_v so_o dispose_v of_o thing_n that_o he_o shall_v loose_v much_o even_o by_o that_o very_a delight_n which_o he_o cause_v in_o her_o soul_n for_o this_o very_a delight_n shall_v be_v a_o mean_n to_o make_v that_o soul_n which_o conceive_v that_o it_o proceed_v from_o god_n to_o come_v again_o often_o to_o prayer_n with_o desire_n to_o receive_v more_o delight_n or_o else_o if_o the_o soul_n be_v very_o humble_a and_o not_o withal_o very_o curious_a nor_o very_o much_o interest_v in_o take_v delight_n though_o even_o they_o be_v spiritual_a but_o be_v indeed_o a_o true_a friend_n to_o the_o cross_n she_o will_v make_v very_o little_a account_n of_o any_o gust_n which_o the_o devil_n can_v give_v she_o which_o yet_o she_o shall_v never_o be_v able_a to_o do_v if_o indeed_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n for_o in_o that_o case_n she_o will_v ever_o be_v sure_a to_o hold_v it_o in_o very_o high_a account_n now_o when_o the_o devil_n propound_v such_o a_o business_n since_o he_o be_v all_o make_v of_o lie_n whensoever_o he_o see_v a_o soul_n abase_v and_o humble_v herself_o by_o mean_n of_o that_o delight_n and_o gust_n which_o she_o receave_v for_o indeed_o we_o be_v to_o have_v very_o great_a care_n to_o procure_v to_o prove_v very_o humble_a upon_o all_o the_o occasion_n of_o prayer_n and_o gust_n the_o devil_n will_v not_o return_v to_o tempt_v we_o very_o often_o when_o he_o consider_v how_o much_o he_o lose_v by_o the_o endeavour_n for_o this_o reason_n and_o upon_o many_o other_o consideration_n do_v i_o advertise_v in_o the_o first_o degree_n and_o state_n of_o prayer_n which_o answer_v to_o the_o first_o way_n of_o draw_v water_n in_o the_o garden_n that_o it_o be_v a_o all_o principal_a business_n when_o the_o soul_n be_v enter_v first_o upon_o prayer_n to_o begin_v to_o untie_v herself_o from_o the_o desire_n of_o all_o kind_n of_o sensible_a contentment_n and_o to_o enter_v upon_o this_o only_o resolution_n to_o help_v our_o lord_n jesus_n to_o carry_v his_o cross_n like_o good_a cavalier_n who_o be_v resolve_v to_o serve_v their_o king_n without_o wage_n since_o they_o be_v so_o sure_a of_o he_o as_o they_o be_v and_o we_o be_v also_o still_o to_o carry_v our_o eye_n upon_o that_o true_a and_o everlasting_a kingdom_n which_o we_o procure_v to_o acquire_v it_o be_v a_o very_a great_a point_n to_o have_v this_o ever_o in_o view_n and_o especial_o in_o the_o beginning_n for_o afterward_o it_o be_v see_v so_o very_o clear_o that_o it_o may_v rather_o be_v fit_a to_o forget_v it_o to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v be_v able_a even_o to_o live_v then_o procure_v to_o be_v remember_v that_o the_o world_n be_v to_o last_v very_o little_a and_o that_o all_o in_o fine_a be_v nothing_o and_o that_o here_o the_o ease_n and_o rest_n which_o we_o can_v have_v be_v to_o be_v esteem_v for_o nothing_o this_o may_v seem_v to_o be_v a_o very_a poor_a and_o base_a consideration_n and_o so_o indeed_o it_o be_v for_o they_o who_o have_v proceed_v to_o more_o perfection_n will_v take_v it_o for_o a_o affront_n and_o will_v even_o blush_v and_o be_v ashamed_a among_o themselves_o if_o they_o think_v they_o forsake_v the_o good_n of_o this_o world_n because_o they_o must_v come_v once_o to_o have_v a_o end_n for_o although_o those_o good_n be_v to_o last_v always_o they_o will_v yet_o rejoice_v to_o leave_v they_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o still_o the_o more_o perfect_a they_o be_v they_o will_v rejoice_v so_o much_o the_o more_o yea_o &_o the_o more_o also_o will_v they_o rejoice_v the_o long_o they_o believe_v they_o be_v to_o last_o in_o these_o man_n this_o love_n be_v already_o growne-up_a to_o strength_n and_o it_o be_v this_o which_o work_v most_o but_o for_o such_o as_o be_v but_o beginner_n it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o high_a importance_n and_o they_o must_v by_o no_o mean_n hold_v it_o for_o low_a to_o be_v content_a to_o leave_v all_o gust_n for_o god_n for_o the_o benefit_n which_o be_v gain_v by_o this_o consideration_n be_v great_a and_o therefore_o do_v i_o advise_v it_o so_o much_o nay_o even_o those_o other_o who_o be_v most_o elevate_v and_o accomplish_v in_o prayer_n will_v have_v
need_n also_o of_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o and_o there_o be_v time_n when_o almighty_a god_n will_v try_v they_o nay_o it_o will_v seem_v as_o if_o this_o divine_a majesty_n will_v forsake_v they_o for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v already_o and_o i_o will_v fain_o not_o have_v it_o be_v forget_v the_o soul_n in_o this_o life_n which_o we_o live_v increase_v not_o as_o the_o body_n do_v though_o yet_o we_o say_v it_o do_v and_o real_o it_o do_v increase_v but_o yet_o a_o child_n after_o he_o be_v grow_v and_o become_v tall_a and_o prove_v to_o be_v already_o a_o man_n return_v not_o to_o decrease_v again_o and_o to_o have_v a_o little_a body_n yet_o now_o in_o the_o point_n of_o a_o soul_n our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o be_v otherwise_o by_o what_o i_o have_v see_v of_o myself_o for_o i_o know_v it_o not_o in_o respect_n of_o other_o and_o it_o ought_v to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o own_o great_a good_a and_o to_o the_o end_n also_o that_o we_o may_v not_o be_v negligent_a as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v be_v in_o this_o bannishment_n since_o he_o who_o be_v high_a in_o virtue_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o fear_v himself_o most_o and_o to_o trust_v himself_o lest_o the_o time_n perhaps_o may_v come_v when_o even_o they_o who_o have_v their_o will_n so_o conform_v to_o the_o holy_a will_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o they_o will_v rather_o be_v torment_v and_o endure_v a_o thousand_o death_n then_o swerve_v from_o it_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o be_v in_o doubt_n that_o even_o they_o may_v grow_v to_o fall_v into_o some_o great_a offence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o so_o there_o be_v certain_a time_n when_o they_o shall_v see_v themselves_o so_o assault_v by_o temptation_n and_o persecution_n that_o to_o the_o end_n they_o may_v not_o commit_v gross_a sin_n they_o will_v have_v need_n to_o serve_v themselves_o of_o the_o first_o defensive_a weapon_n of_o prayer_n and_o return_v to_o remember_v and_o consider_v that_o all_o the_o world_n be_v final_o to_o end_v and_o that_o there_o be_v a_o heaven_n and_o a_o hell_n and_o to_o use_v such_o consideration_n as_o these_o but_o now_o return_v to_o what_o i_o be_v say_v a_o great_a foundation_n it_o be_v for_o be_v free_v from_o the_o subtle_a enterprise_n and_o gust_n which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v to_o begin_v with_o a_o firm_a document_n purpose_n at_o the_o very_a first_o to_o walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o the_o cross_n and_o to_o desire_v no_o such_o thing_n as_o gust_n since_o our_o lord_n himself_o show_v this_o way_n of_o perfection_n by_o say_v take_v thou_o up_o thy_o cross_n and_o follow_v i_o for_o he_o be_v to_o be_v our_o pattern_n and_o whosoever_o shall_v follow_v his_o counsel_n and_o that_o for_o no_o other_o reason_n then_o to_o content_v he_o may_v be_v sure_a that_o he_o shall_v have_v nothing_o to_o fear_v and_o by_o the_o spiritual_a profit_n which_o they_o shall_v find_v in_o themselves_o they_o will_v easy_o come_v to_o know_v that_o the_o devil_n have_v no_o hand_n therein_o and_o though_o they_o shall_v even_o return_v to_o fall_v again_o there_o will_v yet_o remain_v one_o sign_n that_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v there_o which_o be_v that_o they_o will_v quick_o rise_v again_o beside_o these_o other_o which_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v when_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n there_o will_v be_v no_o need_n at_o all_o to_o go_v in_o quest_n and_o send_v after_o certain_a reason_n to_o draw_v humility_n and_o confusion_n from_o thence_o for_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o be_v wont_a to_o impart_v it_o in_o those_o case_n after_o a_o very_a different_a manner_n from_o that_o which_o ourselves_o can_v procure_v by_o any_o pretty_a little_a consideration_n of_o our_o own_o all_o which_o be_v nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o a_o certain_a true_a prayer_n humility_n that_o come_v along_o with_o a_o light_n which_o our_o lord_n instruct_v we_o in_o here_o and_o which_o breed_v such_o a_o real_a confusion_n in_o we_o as_o even_o do_v entire_o defeat_v us._n and_o the_o knowledge_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v we_o to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v perfect_o understand_v that_o we_o have_v no_o good_a at_o all_o of_o ourselves_o be_v a_o thing_n very_o sufficient_o perceive_v and_o still_o so_o much_o the_o more_o as_o we_o receive_v the_o high_a favour_n from_o his_o hand_n it_o also_o impart_v to_o a_o man_n a_o very_a great_a desire_n to_o proceed_v in_o prayer_n and_o he_o will_v not_o give_v it_o over_o for_o any_o trouble_n which_o may_v possible_o succeed_v to_o he_o he_o offer_v himself_o and_o be_v ready_a to_o endure_v all_o thing_n he_o have_v also_o a_o kind_n of_o assure_a hope_n that_o he_o shall_v be_v save_v though_o yet_o still_o not_o without_o humility_n and_o fear_n by_o this_o time_n he_o also_o instant_o forsake_v all_o kind_n of_o servile_a fear_n of_o his_o soul_n and_o it_o give_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o growth_n to_o a_o filial_a fear_n in_o stead_n thereof_o he_o see_v that_o now_o he_o begin_v to_o bear_v a_o certain_a love_n towards_o almighty_a god_n which_o be_v far_o from_o any_o interest_n of_o his_o own_o &_o he_o covet_v to_o get_v time_n for_o solitude_n that_o so_o he_o may_v have_v the_o better_a opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v that_o good_a in_o fine_a that_o i_o may_v not_o weary_v myself_o too_o much_o this_o be_v a_o direct_a beginning_n of_o all_o good_a thing_n a_o state_n wherein_o the_o flower_n be_v now_o upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o blossom_n and_o all_o this_o the_o soul_n see_v very_o clear_o and_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n at_o that_o time_n conceive_v but_o that_o god_n be_v and_o will_v be_v with_o she_o till_o such_o time_n as_o she_o shall_v return_v to_o find_v herself_o guilty_a of_o fayling_n and_o imperfection_n towards_o he_o for_o in_o that_o case_n she_o fear_v all_o thing_n and_o it_o be_v fit_a that_o she_o do_v so_o though_o yet_o there_o be_v mind_n soul_n in_o the_o world_n to_o which_o it_o prove_v more_o useful_a to_o believe_v for_o a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o they_o be_v well_o with_o almighty_a god_n then_o all_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o world_n be_v able_a to_o give_v they_o for_o if_o the_o soul_n in_o herself_o be_v apt_a to_o be_v enamour_v and_o grateful_a the_o memory_n of_o that_o great_a favour_n which_o god_n do_v she_o will_v be_v of_o more_o power_n to_o make_v her_o return_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n than_o all_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o they_o can_v possible_o be_v ever_o able_a to_o represent_v at_o least_o as_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_o it_o happen_v after_o this_o manner_n to_o i_o now_o as_o for_o the_o sign_n of_o a_o good_a spirit_n i_o will_v speak_v of_o they_o hereafter_o more_o at_o large_a for_o now_o i_o can_v do_v it_o since_o it_o cost_v i_o so_o much_o trouble_v of_o many_o kind_n to_o get_v they_o write_v our_o fair_a and_o i_o believe_v that_o with_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o hit_v right_a in_o this_o kind_n for_o beside_o the_o experience_n which_o i_o have_v whereby_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v many_o thing_n i_o know_v somewhat_o by_o mean_n of_o some_o learned_a man_n who_o indeed_o be_v very_o learned_a and_o of_o some_o person_n be_v also_o who_o be_v very_o holy_a to_o who_o it_o be_v great_a reason_n to_o give_v beleif_n and_o therefore_o let_v not_o other_o soul_n be_v so_o very_a much_o afflict_v and_o vex_v as_o i_o have_v be_v when_o once_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n they_o shall_v be_v come_v on_o so_o far_o as_o to_o find_v themselves_o in_o this_o state_n the_o sixteen_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o the_o three_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o go_v declare_v some_o very_a high_a point_n and_o what_o a_o soul_n which_o arrive_v thus_o far_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o what_o effect_n these_o so_o great_a favour_n of_o our_o lord_n be_v accustom_v to_o work_n the_o sense_n hereof_o be_v very_o fit_a to_o raise_v the_o spirit_n high_a in_o the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o it_o be_v also_o of_o great_a consolation_n for_o the_o soul_n which_o arrive_v to_o this_o state_n let_v we_o now_o come_v to_o speak_v of_o the_o three_o water_n wherewith_o this_o garden_n be_v water_v for_o this_o be_v a_o run_a water_n of_o a_o river_n or_o spring_n and_o it_o water_v it_o with_o much_o less_o labour_n though_o yet_o the_o distribution_n thereof_o cause_v some_o our_o lord_n will_v here_o so_o help_v the_o gardener_n that_o in_o some_o sort_n he_o will_v be_v as_o it_o be_v the_o gardener_n himself_o and_o in_o effect_n the_o doer_n of_o all_o this_o be_v
and_o now_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o our_o lord_n have_v declare_v these_o state_n of_o prayer_n wherein_o the_o soul_n may_v discern_v herself_o as_o far_o as_o she_o can_v be_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v here_o and_o your_o reverence_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o confer_v about_o it_o with_o some_o such_o spiritual_a person_n who_o may_v be_v learn_v as_o shall_v have_v arrive_v thus_o far_o and_o if_o he_o tell_v you_o that_o all_o be_v well_o you_o may_v conceive_v that_o god_n have_v say_v it_o to_o you_o and_o esteem_v it_o as_o a_o great_a benefit_n from_o his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o you_o will_v in_o tract_n of_o time_n rejoice_v as_o i_o have_v say_v very_o much_o to_o understand_v in_o clear_a manner_n what_o it_o be_v though_o now_o whilst_o you_o have_v the_o grace_n to_o enjoy_v it_o he_o allow_v you_o not_o the_o favour_n to_o understand_v it_o so_o but_o as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v you_o the_o first_o part_n which_o be_v the_o enjoy_n so_o you_o will_v afterward_o perhaps_o by_o your_o knowledge_n and_o learning_n come_v also_o to_o understand_v it_o by_o this_o mean_n let_v he_o be_v adore_v and_o praise_v for_o the_o eternity_n of_o all_o eternity_n amen_n the_o eighteen_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o the_o four_o degree_n of_o prayer_n she_o begin_v here_o to_o declare_v in_o excellent_a manner_n the_o great_a dignity_n to_o which_o our_o lord_n advance_v that_o soul_n which_o be_v exalt_v to_o this_o state_n it_o serve_v to_o animate_v man_n much_o to_o endeavour_v that_o they_o may_v arrive_v to_o so_o high_a a_o condition_n since_o it_o may_v be_v obtain_v in_o this_o world_n through_o the_o goodness_n of_o our_o lord_n though_o it_o can_v be_v deserve_v let_v this_o be_v read_v with_o consideration_n and_o care_n i_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v teach_v i_o how_o to_o use_v some_o word_n and_o way_n of_o speech_n which_o may_v enable_v i_o to_o say_v somewhat_o of_o this_o four_o water_n for_o i_o well_o discern_v that_o i_o have_v need_n enough_o of_o his_o favour_n herein_o even_o yet_o more_o than_o i_o have_v in_o that_o of_o the_o last_o because_o in_o that_o the_o soul_n do_v find_v herself_o not_o to_o be_v whole_o dead_a and_o so_o we_o may_v very_o well_o say_v that_o she_o be_v not_o dead_a because_o she_o remain_v still_o in_o the_o world_n but_o still_o as_o i_o affirm_v she_o have_v sufficient_a understanding_n to_o know_v that_o she_o be_v still_o here_o and_o that_o she_o find_v the_o solitude_n wherein_o she_o be_v &_o serve_v herself_o to_o some_o proportion_n of_o the_o exterior_a at_o least_o so_o far_o as_o by_o outward_a sign_n to_o give_v that_o which_o she_o feel_v to_o be_v understand_v in_o all_o that_o kind_n of_o prayer_n and_o in_o the_o manner_n also_o of_o it_o which_o have_v be_v describe_v the_o gardener_n labour_v to_o some_o proportion_n though_o yet_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o these_o latter_a kind_n his_o labour_n go_v accompany_v with_o so_o much_o joy_n and_o such_o a_o happy_a kind_n of_o ease_n as_o that_o for_o his_o part_n he_o find_v no_o trouble_n at_o all_o in_o it_o for_o he_o consider_v it_o not_o as_o trouble_n but_o as_o glory_n and_o he_o will_v be_v glad_a that_o it_o may_v never_o end_v but_o in_o this_o four_o degree_n or_o kind_n of_o prayer_n there_o be_v no_o suffer_v leave_v at_o all_o but_o only_o enjoy_n though_o yet_o without_o any_o distinct_a particular_a understanding_n of_o what_o be_v enjoy_v he_o know_v well_o enough_o that_o a_o certain_a good_a be_v enjoy_v wherein_o all_o good_a thing_n be_v contain_v and_o shutup_a but_o yet_o this_o good_a be_v not_o total_o comprehend_v by_o he_o all_o the_o sense_n be_v take_v up_o upon_o the_o find_n and_o feel_v of_o this_o joy_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o no_o one_o of_o they_o be_v so_o dis-employed_n as_o that_o it_o can_v possible_o attend_v to_o any_o thing_n else_o either_o in_o the_o exterior_a or_o interior_a way_n before_o a_o certain_a leave_n or_o liberty_n be_v give_v to_o these_o power_n that_o they_o may_v be_v able_a to_o make_v some_o kind_n of_o demonstration_n of_o the_o great_a joy_n they_o feel_v but_o here_o the_o soul_n enjoy_v much_o more_o beyond_o comparison_n and_o can_v give_v herself_o also_o to_o be_v understand_v much_o less_o because_o there_o be_v no_o mean_n leave_v in_o the_o body_n nor_o yet_o have_v the_o soul_n any_o at_o all_o wherewith_o to_o communicate_v that_o joy_n but_o all_o thing_n will_v then_o be_v disturbance_n and_o even_o torment_v to_o she_o yea_o and_o distraction_n from_o the_o entirenes_n of_o her_o sweet_a repose_n i_o say_v the_o soul_n be_v no_o way_n able_a to_o communicate_v the_o joy_n she_o have_v if_o indeed_o there_o be_v a_o absolute_a and_o entire_a union_n of_o all_o the_o three_o power_n together_o for_o as_o long_o as_o that_o union_n last_v and_o that_o also_o if_o she_o be_v able_a to_o communicate_v it_o i_o say_v there_o be_v no_o absolute_a union_n in_o what_o manner_n this_o thing_n happen_v which_o they_o call_v union_n and_o what_o the_o thing_n also_o be_v i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o give_v to_o be_v understand_v it_o be_v declare_v in_o that_o which_o they_o call_v mystical_a theology_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o be_o not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o name_v even_o the_o term_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v what_o that_o be_v which_o be_v call_v mind_n nor_o the_o difference_n between_o mind_n and_o soul_n nor_o what_o also_o be_v spirit_n for_o to_o i_o all_o these_o several_a thing_n seem_v to_o be_v but_o one_o though_o yet_o the_o soul_n now_o and_o then_o spring-up_a even_o out_o of_o herself_o as_o if_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o fire_n which_o be_v burn_v up_o in_o a_o flame_n and_o sometime_o this_o fire_n increase_v with_o a_o kind_n of_o impetuositie_n now_o this_o flame_n rise_v very_o much_o high_a then_o do_v the_o fire_n but_o yet_o still_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o it_o be_v no_o distinct_a thing_n from_o the_o very_a fire_n but_o it_o be_v the_o flame_n itself_o which_o still_o be_v in_o the_o fire_n your_o reverence_n will_v understand_v this_o matter_n by_o your_o learning_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o declare_v it_o better_o for_o my_o part_n the_o thing_n which_o i_o pretend_v to_o declare_v be_v what_o the_o soul_n find_v and_o feel_v when_o it_o be_v in_o this_o divine_a union_n for_o as_o for_o the_o know_v what_o a_o union_n in_o general_a be_v it_o be_v every_o where_o understand_v well_o enough_o to_o be_v when_o two_o several_a thing_n become_v one_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o how_o good_a be_v thou_o bless_a be_v thou_o for_o ever_o and_o let_v all_o thing_n praise_v thou_o o_o my_o god_n who_o have_v be_v please_v to_o love_v we_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o speak_v with_o truth_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o communication_n which_o thou_o vouchsafe_v to_o hold_v with_o soul_n even_o in_o this_o bannishment_n of_o we_o which_o although_o they_o be_v never_o so_o holy_a and_o good_a yet_o this_o latitude_n of_o liberality_n and_o magnificence_n of_o thou_o be_v great_a in_o proceed_v with_o they_o after_o this_o manner_n but_o in_o fine_a it_o be_v all_o thy_o own_o majesty_n and_o greatness_n who_o give_v after_o the_o rate_n of_o what_o thou_o be_v o_o infinite_a latitude_n of_o bounty_n and_o how_o magnificent_a be_v thy_o work_n they_o be_v able_a even_o to_o amaze_v any_o such_o person_n as_o have_v not_o his_o understanding_n whole_o employ_v upon_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o who_o have_v leave_v himself_o no_o room_n both_o for_o the_o know_v and_o consider_v such_o thing_n as_o be_v real_a truth_n but_o now_o that_o thou_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o fasten_v such_o sovereign_n favour_n upon_o soul_n which_o have_v offend_v thou_o so_o much_o do_v real_o even_o make_v a_o end_n of_o my_o very_a understanding_n and_o when_o once_o i_o come_v to_o consider_v of_o this_o proceed_n of_o thou_o i_o be_o even_o unable_a to_o pass_v on_o any_o further_a but_o indeed_o how_o can_v any_o creature_n go_v any_o whither_o in_o this_o case_n which_o shall_v not_o be_v a_o mere_a come_n back_o again_o since_o no_o soul_n can_v ever_o know_v how_o to_o give_v thou_o any_o tolerable_a thanks_n for_o so_o incomparable_a favour_n as_o for_o i_o i_o help_v myself_o sometime_o with_o speak_v certain_a impertinency_n which_o have_v neither_o head_n nor_o foot_n and_o it_o often_o happen_v to_o i_o both_o when_o i_o come_v from_o receive_v these_o favour_n and_o when_o also_o our_o lord_n be_v beginning_n to_o impart_v they_o for_o as_o for_o the_o very_a time_n when_o i_o be_o enjoy_v they_o i_o
by_o those_o beam_n you_o will_v find_v it_o to_o be_v all_o full_a of_o moat_n this_o comparison_n be_v very_o literal_o true_a for_o before_o the_o soul_n be_v in_o this_o extasis_fw-la she_o conceive_v herself_o to_o have_v be_v very_o careful_a not_o to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n &_o that_o she_o perform_v it_o according_a to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o her_o power_n but_o yet_o be_v come_v once_o so_o far_o as_o that_o this_o sun_n of_o justice_n shine_v upon_o she_o which_o make_v her_o open_a her_o eye_n she_o than_o see_v so_o many_o moat_n therein_o that_o she_o will_v be_v glad_a if_o she_o can_v tell_v how_o to_o shut_v they_o again_o for_o she_o be_v not_o yet_o become_v so_o true_a a_o eaglet_n of_o this_o swift_a and_o strong_a eagle_n which_o breed_v she_o as_o that_o she_o can_v be_v able_a to_o look_v earnest_o upon_o this_o sun_n but_o how_o little_a soever_o she_o chance_v to_o hold_v they_o open_a she_o see_v herself_o all_o impure_a and_o call_v that_o verse_n to_o mind_n which_o say_v who_o shall_v ever_o be_v just_a in_o thy_o presence_n when_o once_o she_o behold_v this_o divine_a sun_n her_o sight_n be_v dazzle_v by_o the_o brightness_n of_o it_o but_o when_o she_o look_v in_o upon_o herself_o her_o eye_n be_v stop_v up_o with_o clay_n and_o so_o this_o poor_a dove_n be_v blind_a yea_o and_o it_o happen_v many_o time_n that_o she_o also_o remain_v blind_a for_o good_a and_o all_o as_o be_v absorb_v amaze_a and_o as_o it_o be_v out_o of_o her_o wit_n with_o so_o many_o mighty_a greatness_n as_o she_o be_v then_o grow_v to_o see_v heer_n final_o be_v true_a humility_n acquire_v not_o care_v any_o way_n at_o all_o either_o to_o speak_v well_o of_o herself_o or_o yet_o that_o other_o shall_v do_v it_o and_o our_o lord_n divide_v and_o dispose_v of_o the_o fruit_n of_o this_o garden_n not_o she_o and_o so_o there_o stick_v nothing_o of_o it_o to_o her_o finger_n all_o the_o good_a which_o she_o have_v go_v on_o as_o still_o address_v to_o almighty_a god_n and_o if_o she_o be_v draw_v to_o say_v any_o thing_n of_o herself_o it_o be_v also_o direct_v to_o his_o glory_n for_o she_o know_v that_o she_o have_v no_o interest_n therein_o and_o can_v be_v ignorant_a thereof_o even_o though_o she_o will_v as_o discern_v it_o by_o the_o very_a sight_n of_o her_o eye_n which_o be_v shut_v towards_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n but_o which_o be_v still_o keep_v open_a for_o the_o understanding_n of_o truth_n almost_o whether_o she_o will_v or_o no._n the_o one_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v and_o finish_v this_o last_o degree_n of_o prayer_n she_o declare_v what_o the_o soul_n find_v therein_o when_o she_o return_v to_o live_v again_o in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o light_n also_o which_o our_o lord_n give_v concern_v the_o deceit_n and_o error_n of_o the_o same_o world_n this_o chapter_n deliver_v excellent_a doctrine_n i_o will_v therefore_o now_o finish_v that_o which_o i_o be_v say_v that_o namely_o there_o be_v here_o no_o more_o now_o any_o need_n that_o the_o soul_n shall_v give_v any_o new_a consent_n since_o already_o she_o have_v give_v it_o all_o and_o know_v that_o she_o have_v voluntary_o deliver_v herself_o whole_o up_o into_o his_o hand_n and_o that_o she_o can_v deceive_v he_o who_o be_v the_o knower_n of_o all_o thing_n for_o it_o be_v not_o as_o thing_n pass_v here_o in_o this_o world_n where_o all_o this_o life_n of_o we_o be_v full_a of_o nothing_o but_o duplicity_n and_o deceit_n and_o when_o you_o think_v you_o have_v full_o get_v the_o good_a will_n of_o any_o creature_n by_o the_o show_n he_o make_v you_o quick_o come_v to_o understand_v that_o all_o be_v trick_n and_o lie_v and_o that_o no_o body_n can_v tell_v how_o to_o live_v in_o a_o world_n of_o so_o much_o odd_a business_n especial_o if_o there_o be_v any_o little_a interest_n of_o the_o party_n but_o bless_a be_v that_o soul_n which_o our_o lord_n come_v once_o to_o draw_v to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v real_a truth_n o_o what_o a_o condition_n and_o fortune_n be_v this_o for_o king_n and_o how_o much_o will_v it_o import_v they_o more_o to_o gain_v this_o great_a advantage_n then_o to_o get_v large_a dominion_n and_o state_n what_o rectitude_n will_v there_o be_v find_v in_o the_o kingdom_n how_o many_o mischief_n will_v have_v be_v forbear_v already_o &_o will_v also_o be_v forbear_v hereafter_o for_o here_o there_o be_v no_o fear_n of_o lose_v life_n or_o honour_n for_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o rather_o such_o loss_n as_o these_o will_v go_v for_o a_o great_a blessing_n among_o such_o as_o find_v thenfelue_n carry_v another_o manner_n of_o respect_n to_o the_o honour_n of_o our_o lord_n then_o to_o all_o they_o to_o who_o they_o be_v less_o oblige_v for_o king_n be_v the_o man_n who_o those_o other_o follow_v and_o in_o this_o case_n these_o king_n will_v loose_v a_o thousand_o kingdom_n and_o they_o will_v have_v great_a reason_n to_o be_v glad_a to_o do_v so_o rather_o they_o to_o loose_v the_o mean_n of_o make_v one_o step_n further_o towards_o the_o augmentation_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_n faith_n or_o the_o procute_n some_o light_n for_o heretic_n for_o it_o be_v another_o manner_n of_o business_n to_o purchase_v and_o get_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o kingdom_n as_o will_v never_o end_v and_o what_o soul_n soever_o shall_v come_v to_o taste_v but_o one_o single_a drop_n of_o this_o water_n all_o the_o rest_n of_o this_o whole_a world_n will_v be_v but_o fit_a even_o to_o turn_v the_o stomach_n but_o now_o if_o the_o soul_n of_o such_o a_o person_n shall_v fall_v out_o to_o be_v once_o ingulf_v into_o this_o water_n what_o strange_a effect_n will_v it_o produce_v dear_a lord_n if_o thou_o shall_v draw_v i_o to_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o publish_v this_o truth_n with_o a_o loud_a voice_n they_o will_v yet_o believe_v i_o no_o more_o than_o they_o do_v other_o who_o know_v how_o to_o publish_v the_o same_o after_o a_o much_o better_a manner_n but_o yet_o at_o least_o i_o shall_v give_v satisfaction_n to_o myself_o and_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v esteem_v even_o my_o very_a life_n but_o at_o a_o little_a rate_n upon_o condition_n that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o give_v but_o some_o one_o of_o these_o single_a truth_n to_o be_v well_o understand_v and_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o what_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o do_v with_o myself_o afterward_o for_o there_o be_v no_o trust_n at_o all_o to_o be_v have_v in_o i_o i_o be_v that_o miserable_a creature_n which_o i_o be_o yet_o still_o i_o have_v so_o great_a impulse_n to_o utter_v and_o declare_v these_o thing_n to_o such_o as_o be_v in_o authority_n and_o command_v that_o i_o think_v they_o do_v even_o annihilate_v and_o consume_v i_o and_o yet_o now_o since_o i_o can_v do_v no_o more_o i_o return_v o_o my_o lord_n towards_o thou_o to_o seek_v remedy_n for_o all_o inconvenience_n for_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n know_v well_o how_o high_o glad_a i_o will_v be_v to_o dispossess_v myself_o even_o of_o all_o these_o very_a favour_n which_o of_o thy_o goodness_n thou_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o do_v i_o provide_v always_o that_o i_o may_v still_o remain_v in_o condition_n never_o to_o offend_v thou_o more_o and_o to_o resign_v they_o up_o to_o king_n king_n and_o prince_n for_o then_o it_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o it_o will_v be_v whole_o impossible_a for_o they_o either_o to_o permit_v that_o those_o thing_n shall_v be_v do_v which_o be_v permit_v or_o yet_o that_o they_o shall_v fail_v to_o receive_v extraordinary_a blessing_n at_o thy_o hand_n o_o make_v they_o my_o god_n understand_v to_o how_o much_o they_o be_v oblige_v since_o thou_o be_v please_v by_o what_o i_o have_v hear_v to_o honour_v they_o in_o such_o sort_n upon_o earth_n as_o that_o when_o thou_o take_v any_o of_o they_o away_o there_o be_v some_o kind_n of_o star_n signification_n thereof_o even_o in_o the_o heaven_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o this_o it_o breed_v a_o kind_n of_o devotion_n in_o i_o that_o thou_o o_o my_o king_n may_v be_v please_v to_o make_v they_o even_o hereby_o understand_v that_o they_o ought_v to_o imitate_v thou_o in_o their_o life_n since_o there_o grow_v in_o some_o sort_n to_o be_v certain_a appearance_n and_o sign_n in_o heaven_n at_o their_o death_n as_o there_o be_v when_o even_o thyself_o come_v to_o die_v i_o see_v well_o that_o i_o be_o presume_v very_o far_o but_o i_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n tear_v it_o if_o you_o mislike_v it_o and_o believe_v that_o i_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o speak_v it_o better_o if_o i_o be_v present_a
benediction_n and_o he_o will_v address_v your_o life_n by_o your_o meditation_n upon_o he_o for_o he_o be_v the_o best_a original_a and_o pattern_n which_o we_o can_v possible_o have_v and_o indeed_o what_o can_v we_o desire_v more_o then_o to_o have_v so_o perfect_a a_o friend_n at_o hand_n who_o will_v never_o give_v we_o over_o in_o our_o affliction_n and_o tribalation_n as_o they_o of_o this_o world_n be_v wont_a to_o do_v most_o bless_a be_v that_o man_n who_o love_v he_o with_o all_o sincerity_n of_o truth_n and_o who_o be_v always_o carry_v he_o close_o to_o himself_o let_v we_o look_v upon_o the_o glorious_a s._n paul_n who_o seem_v as_o if_o he_o can_v not_o suffer_v that_o ever_o the_o name_n of_o jesus_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o fall_v often_o enough_o from_o his_o mouth_n as_o one_o who_o do_v not_o fail_v to_o carry_v it_o well_o imprint_v upon_o his_o hart_n and_o since_o i_o understand_v of_o that_o other_o abstract_a course_n whereof_o i_o speak_v i_o have_v reflect_v upon_o diverse_a great_a contemplative_a saint_n with_o much_o care_n and_o i_o find_v that_o they_o go_v no_o other_o way_n than_o this_o s._n francis_n she_o wes_z it_o plain_o by_o the_o wound_n s._n anthony_n of_o milan_n by_o the_o infant_n s._n bernard_n delight_v himself_o much_o in_o the_o humanity_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n and_o so_o also_o do_v s._n katherine_n of_o sienna_n together_o with_o many_o other_o saint_n as_o your_o reverence_n know_v better_o than_o i._n this_o depart_a and_o abstract_v one_o self_n from_o all_o corporeal_a object_n shall_v as_o it_o seem_v be_v good_a since_o person_n who_o be_v so_o spiritual_a affirm_v it_o but_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n this_o must_v be_v understand_v of_o soul_n who_o be_v very_o proficient_a in_o spirit_n for_o till_o then_o it_o be_v evident_a enough_o that_o the_o creator_n be_v to_o be_v seek_v by_o mean_n of_o the_o creature_n but_o yet_o i_o will_v undertake_v nothing_o in_o this_o case_n since_o all_o depend_v upon_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v to_o any_o soul_n that_o which_o i_o will_v fain_o give_v to_o be_v understand_v be_v that_o the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n must_v not_o be_v make_v to_o come_v into_o that_o account_n and_o let_v this_o point_n be_v well_o understand_v wherein_o i_o will_v fain_o know_v how_o to_o declare_v myself_o when_o god_n be_v please_v to_o suspend_v all_o the_o power_n of_o the_o soul_n in_o those_o kind_n of_o prayer_n which_o be_v relate_v we_o have_v see_v plain_o that_o this_o presence_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v take_v from_o we_o whether_o we_o will_v or_o no_o and_o let_v it_o then_o be_v go_v in_o a_o good_a hour_n for_o that_o kind_n of_o loss_n be_v a_o happy_a one_o whereby_o we_o come_v to_o enjoy_v more_o of_o that_o which_o we_o conceive_v ourselves_o to_o have_v lose_v for_o then_o the_o soul_n employ_v herself_o whole_o upon_o love_v he_o who_o the_o understanding_n have_v already_o endeavour_v to_o know_v and_o she_o love_v that_o which_o she_o do_v not_o full_o comprehend_v and_o now_o joy_n in_o that_o wherein_o she_o can_v not_o also_o have_v joy_v but_o only_o by_o lose_v herself_o for_o her_o great_a gain_n but_o now_o that_o we_o shall_v by_o trick_n and_o of_o sett-purpose_n accustom_v ourselves_o not_o to_o procure_v with_o our_o whole_a power_n to_o carry_v always_o in_o our_o eye_n and_o i_o will_v to_o god_n it_o be_v always_o this_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n this_o i_o say_v be_v that_o which_o i_o like_v not_o since_o it_o be_v a_o way_n of_o make_v the_o soul_n walk_v in_o the_o air_n as_o we_o use_v to_o say_v for_o it_o seem_v that_o she_o have_v no_o firm_a and_o stable_a restingplace_n howsoever_o she_o may_v make_v herself_o believe_v that_o she_o be_v full_a of_o god_n it_o be_v a_o great_a matter_n whilst_o we_o live_v and_o be_v humane_a to_o procure_v to_o bring_v god_n to_o ourselves_o humane_a for_o this_o be_v that_o other_o inconvenience_n which_o i_o say_v there_o be_v for_o the_o first_o i_o begin_v to_o say_v be_v a_o little_a want_n of_o humility_n in_o presume_v to_o raise_v the_o soul_n before_o our_o lord_n raise_v she_o and_o not_o to_o content_v herself_o with_o meditate_v upon_o a_o thing_n so_o precious_a but_o that_o she_o will_v needs_o be_v a_o marie_n before_o she_o have_v take_v the_o pain_n of_o martha_n if_o our_o lord_n himself_o be_v please_v that_o we_o be_v marry_o there_o will_v be_v nothing_o to_o be_v fear_v though_o it_o shall_v be_v upon_o the_o very_a first_o day_n of_o our_o do_v he_o service_n but_o yet_o let_v we_o consider_v well_o of_o the_o matter_n as_o i_o think_v i_o be_v say_v before_o for_o this_o small_a moat_n of_o little_a humility_n will_v make_v a_o shift_n to_o do_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n against_o profit_v in_o the_o way_n of_o contemplation_n but_o to_o return_v now_o to_o the_o second_o point_n we_o be_v no_o angel_n but_o we_o have_v body_n and_o to_o desire_v to_o make_v ourselves_o angel_n whilst_o yet_o we_o be_v upon_o earth_n and_o especial_o if_o they_o be_v so_o earthly_a as_o i_o be_v be_v a_o kind_n of_o folly_n or_o madness_n but_o our_o thought_n in_o the_o ordinary_a way_n have_v need_n of_o a_o kind_n of_o lean_v or_o restingplace_n though_o yet_o sometime_o the_o soul_n may_v go_v so_o out_o of_o herself_o yea_o and_o many_o time_n may_v be_v so_o full_a of_o almighty_a god_n that_o perhaps_o she_o have_v no_o neęd_n to_o recollect_v herself_o by_o mean_n of_o any_o thing_n create_v but_o this_o be_v not_o a_o thing_n so_o ordinary_a and_o in_o business_n and_o persecution_n and_o trouble_n when_o she_o can_v enjoy_v so_o much_o quiet_a and_o in_o the_o time_n also_o of_o dryness_n and_o dulness_n christ_n our_o lord_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v a_o very_a good_a friend_n for_o we_o consider_v he_o as_o man_n and_o we_o behold_v he_o full_a of_o weakness_n and_o affliction_n and_o he_o be_v company_n fit_a for_o all_o good_a occasion_n and_o when_o once_o we_o be_v a_o little_a accustom_a we_o shall_v find_v he_o very_o easy_o keep_v close_a to_o we_o though_o yet_o some_o such_o time_n will_v occur_v as_o that_o we_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o do_v neither_o the_o one_o nor_o the_o other_o upon_o this_o reason_n it_o will_v be_v well_o to_o do_v that_o whereof_o i_o have_v speak_v already_o namely_o not_o to_o pretend_v and_o procure_v any_o sensible_a consolation_n of_o spirit_n but_o let_v any_o thing_n arrive_v that_o will_v for_o it_o be_v no_o toy_n or_o trifle_n to_o embrace_v the_o cross_n of_o our_o lord_n this_o lord_n of_o we_o be_v forsake_v by_o all_o manner_n of_o comfort_n and_o they_o leave_v he_o all_o alone_a in_o his_o affliction_n but_o yet_o let_v not_o we_o do_v so_o for_o he_o will_v reach_v we_o his_o hand_n which_o can_v raise_v we_o better_o up_o than_o all_o our_o own_o diligence_n will_v have_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o yet_o he_o will_v absent_v himself_o also_o when_o he_o shall_v think_v fit_a and_o when_o he_o shall_v think_v it_o fit_a he_o will_v also_o draw_v the_o soul_n out_o of_o itself_o as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o our_o lord_n be_v very_o well_o please_v to_o see_v a_o soul_n with_o humility_n introduce_v his_o son_n for_o her_o intercessor_n and_o he_o love_v she_o so_o very_a much_o that_o even_o when_o his_o divine_a majesty_n shall_v have_v a_o inclination_n to_o raise_v herup_a to_o great_a contemplation_n the_o same_o soul_n may_v yet_o hold_v herself_o unworthy_a and_o cry_v out_o with_o s._n peter_n depart_v from_o i_o o_o my_o lord_n for_o i_o be_o a_o sinful_a man_n i_o have_v try_v this_o very_a thing_n by_o experience_n and_o thus_o have_v god_n conduct_v my_o soul_n let_v other_o therefore_o go_v by_o some_o other_o short_a cut_n as_o they_o please_v but_o that_o which_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o understand_v be_v that_o all_o this_o cement_n of_o prayer_n be_v ground_v upon_o humility_n and_o truth_n that_o the_o more_o the_o soul_n be_v abase_v in_o that_o holy_a exercise_n the_o more_o be_v it_o exalt_v by_o almighty_a god_n nor_o do_v i_o remember_v that_o ever_o he_o show_v i_o any_o of_o those_o singular_a mercy_n of_o which_o i_o shall_v speak_v afterward_o but_o when_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v with_o observe_v myself_o to_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a yea_o and_o sometime_o his_o divine_a majesty_n take_v care_n to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v certain_a thing_n towards_o the_o make_v i_o know_v myself_o so_o much_o the_o better_a which_o i_o can_v never_o have_v tell_v how_o to_o
do_v it_o himself_o as_o indeed_o he_o do_v nor_o yet_o can_v i_o ever_o imagine_v that_o it_o will_v prove_v to_o take_v effect_n with_o i_o as_o yet_o it_o fall_v out_o to_o do_v because_o already_o i_o have_v use_v some_o endeavour_n that_o way_n and_o the_o affliction_n which_o i_o receive_v by_o it_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o resolve_v to_o give_v over_o the_o attempt_n as_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o hold_v not_o to_o be_v inconvenient_a to_o continue_v but_o now_o here_o our_o bless_a lord_n impart_v both_o liberty_n and_o strength_n to_o i_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n i_o tell_v this_o very_a thing_n to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o i_o give_v over_o that_o friendship_n according_a to_o what_o i_o have_v be_v command_v and_o it_o do_v they_o no_o little_a good_a with_o who_o i_o have_v be_v wont_a to_o converse_v to_o see_v this_o resolution_n grow_v in_o i_o almighty_a god_n be_v ever_o bless_v and_o praise_v who_o give_v i_o that_o liberty_n and_o power_n in_o one_o god_n moment_n which_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a to_o purchase_v and_o obtain_v of_o myself_o by_o the_o multitude_n of_o those_o great_a diligence_n which_o i_o have_v use_v many_o year_n in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n though_o yet_o i_o have_v employ_v myself_o so_o earnest_o upon_o this_o attempt_n that_o it_o have_v cost_v i_o a_o good_a part_n of_o my_o health_n but_o now_o this_o have_v be_v wrought_v and_o grant_v by_o he_o who_o be_v the_o omnipotent_a and_o true_a lord_n of_o all_o creature_n it_o put_v i_o not_o even_o to_o the_o least_o pain_n or_o trouble_v at_o all_o the_o five_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o treat_v here_o of_o the_o way_n and_o manner_n of_o understand_v those_o word_n or_o speech_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o utter_v to_o the_o soul_n though_o yet_o without_o hear_v any_o voice_n or_o sound_n and_o of_o some_o error_n or_o abuse_n which_o may_v happen_v herein_o and_o how_o the_o right_a may_v be_v know_v from_o the_o wrong_n it_o be_v of_o much_o use_n and_o profit_n for_o such_o as_o see_v themselves_o in_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n for_o it_o be_v declare_v very_o well_o and_o the_o doctrine_n contain_v great_a instruction_n menander_n think_v it_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o declare_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n this_o speech_n be_v which_o our_o lord_n express_v to_o the_o soul_n and_o what_o she_o also_o feel_v to_o the_o end_n that_o your_o reverence_n may_v understand_v it_o for_o from_o this_o very_a time_n when_o our_o lord_n do_v i_o this_o favour_n as_o i_o have_v say_v the_o same_o thing_n be_v very_o usual_a with_o i_o even_o till_o this_o very_a present_a as_o i_o shall_v let_v you_o see_v by_o that_o which_o follow_v i_o say_v therefore_o that_o they_o be_v certain_a word_n very_o distinct_o form_v and_o that_o howsoever_o they_o be_v not_o hear_v with_o our_o ear_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yet_o be_v they_o understand_v much_o more_o express_o and_o clear_o then_o if_o they_o be_v so_o hear_v and_o to_o seek_v to_o forbear_v to_o understand_v they_o yea_o and_o to_o resist_v the_o understanding_n they_o how_o much_o soever_o it_o may_v be_v be_v a_o vanity_n and_o a_o most_o impossible_a thing_n when_o in_o this_o world_n we_o have_v a_o mind_n not_o to_o hear_v we_o may_v stop_n our_o ear_n or_o else_o attend_v to_o other_o thing_n if_o we_o will_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o although_o peradventure_o we_o may_v hear_v the_o word_n yet_o we_o shall_v not_o in_o that_o case_n understand_v they_o but_o word_n now_o in_o this_o discourse_n which_o almighty_a god_n make_v to_o the_o soul_n there_o be_v no_o remedy_n at_o all_o but_o they_o make_v i_o harken_v to_o they_o whether_o i_o will_v or_o no_o &_o they_o oblige_v the_o understanding_n to_o be_v very_o entire_a &_o attentive_a for_o the_o comprehend_v thereof_o for_o he_o who_o be_v able_a to_o do_v all_o thing_n be_v resolve_v that_o we_o shall_v understand_v he_o and_o that_o which_o he_o resolve_v must_v be_v do_v and_o so_o he_o come_v to_o be_v know_v to_o be_v the_o true_a lord_n of_o we_o all_o i_o have_v very_o well_o experiment_v this_o truth_n for_o the_o resistance_n which_o i_o make_v he_o do_v last_o upon_o the_o point_n of_o two_o year_n through_o the_o great_a fear_n wherein_o i_o be_v yea_o and_o even_o now_o i_o make_v those_o trial_n sometime_o but_o it_o serve_v i_o to_o little_a purpose_n i_o will_v fain_o declare_v the_o error_n and_o abuse_n which_o may_v here_o occur_v though_o for_o a_o man_n who_o have_v much_o experience_n i_o think_v there_o shall_v be_v few_o or_o none_o but_o indeed_o the_o say_a experience_n will_v be_v great_a as_o namely_o to_o know_v the_o difference_n when_o the_o spirit_n be_v good_a and_o when_o it_o be_v ill_a and_o when_o perhaps_o the_o thing_n may_v also_o be_v but_o a_o apprehension_n of_o the_o very_a understanding_n itself_o which_o may_v occur_v or_o when_o the_o very_a spirit_n itself_o may_v speak_v to_o the_o very_a selfsame_a spirit_n and_o i_o know_v not_o very_o well_o whether_o this_o may_v happen_v or_o no_o though_o even_o this_o very_a day_n i_o have_v a_o kind_n of_o opinion_n that_o it_o may_v when_o these_o word_n be_v indeed_o of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v find_v the_o truth_n thereof_o in_o many_o thing_n which_o be_v tell_v i_o two_o or_o three_o year_n before_o and_o they_o all_o fall_v out_o to_o prove_v true_a and_o till_o now_o not_o any_o one_o of_o they_o fail_v there_o be_v also_o other_o thing_n whereby_o it_o grow_v to_o prove_v very_o plain_a that_o the_o spirit_n be_v of_o god_n as_o i_o will_v declare_v afterward_o to_o other_o i_o it_o seem_v that_o a_o person_n recommend_v a_o thing_n to_o almighty_a god_n with_o great_a earnestness_n and_o apprehension_n may_v grow_v to_o make_v himself_o conceive_v that_o he_o come_v to_o understand_v in_o some_o sort_n whether_o the_o thing_n shall_v be_v do_v or_o no_o and_o this_o i_o say_v be_v very_o possible_a but_o he_o who_o understand_v thing_n after_o this_o other_o manner_n will_v clear_o discover_v what_o it_o may_v be_v so_o great_a a_o difference_n there_o be_v between_o the_o two_o and_o if_o indeed_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o the_o understanding_n device_n and_o make_v how_o subtle_o and_o how_o delicate_o soever_o the_o matter_n go_v he_o understand_v that_o there_o be_v some_o part_n of_o himself_o in_o that_o which_o be_v ordain_v and_o say_v for_o it_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n then_o for_o a_o man_n to_o set_v a_o discourse_n on_o foot_n or_o to_o harken_v to_o what_o another_o man_n say_v for_o then_o the_o understanding_n find_v that_o it_o do_v not_o harken_v then_o because_o it_o work_v and_o the_o word_n which_o it_o go_v frame_v in_o that_o case_n be_v as_o it_o be_v fantastical_a and_o mute_a and_o confuse_a and_o be_v not_o deliver_v with_o that_o clearness_n which_o those_o other_o have_v and_o now_o here_o it_o be_v in_o our_o own_o power_n to_o divert_v ourselves_o or_o else_o to_o hold_v our_o peace_n when_o we_o speak_v but_o in_o this_o other_o case_n we_o have_v no_o such_o power_n at_o all_o another_o sign_n there_o be_v which_o be_v of_o more_o importance_n than_o all_o the_o rest_n for_o these_o thing_n which_o be_v say_v by_o ourselves_o have_v no_o manner_n of_o operation_n and_o work_v no_o effect_n at_o all_o but_o the_o other_o when_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o speak_v be_v not_o only_o of_o word_n but_o work_n and_o though_o they_o be_v not_o word_n of_o devotion_n but_o of_o reprehension_n they_o instant_o dispose_v the_o soul_n and_o they_o enable_v she_o and_o make_v she_o relent_v and_o they_o give_v light_n and_o regale_n she_o and_o appease_v she_o and_o if_o she_o be_v in_o state_n of_o dryness_n and_o commotion_n and_o disorder_n these_o word_n take_v all_o away_o as_o if_o it_o be_v with_o the_o hand_n yea_o and_o yet_o much_o better_o than_o so_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n business_n be_v then_o to_o show_v his_o mighty_a power_n and_o that_o his_o word_n be_v deed_n i_o think_v there_o be_v such_o a_o difference_n as_o there_o be_v between_o our_o speak_n or_o hear_v neither_o more_o â—orlesse_a for_o that_o which_o i_o speak_v i_o go_v order_v as_o i_o be_v say_v with_o my_o understanding_n but_o if_o another_o speak_v to_o i_o i_o do_v no_o more_o than_o hear_v without_o any_o trouble_n at_o all_o to_o myself_o one_o of_o these_o kind_n of_o word_n be_v like_o some_o thing_n whereof_o we_o can_v well_o determine_v whether_o it_o be_v not_o as_o of_o a_o man_n who_o be_v half_a asleep_a but_o this_o other_o be_v find_v to_o come_v from_o a_o voice_n so_o
and_o so_o make_v those_o wretch_n tremble_v for_o already_o we_o know_v well_o enough_o that_o the_o devil_n be_v not_o able_a to_o stir_v unless_o our_o lord_n permit_v he_o what_o then_o may_v be_v the_o ground_n of_o all_o these_o disorder_n it_o be_v certain_o that_o i_o be_o more_o afraid_a of_o they_o who_o be_v so_o fright_v by_o the_o devil_n then_o of_o the_o devil_n himself_o for_o he_o be_v utter_o unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v whereas_o these_o other_o especial_o if_o they_o be_v ghostly_a father_n may_v put_v soul_n to_o much_o disquiet_n and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v pass_v some_o year_n through_o so_o great_a trouble_n that_o now_o i_o be_o even_o amaze_v to_o consider_v how_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v it_o but_o bless_v be_v our_o lord_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o in_o so_o good_a earnest_n amen_n the_o six_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o go_v relate_v and_o declare_v such_o thing_n as_o happen_v to_o she_o which_o make_v her_o loose_a fear_n and_o to_o be_v strengthen_v in_o a_o beleif_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a spirit_n which_o speak_v to_o she_o i_o esteem_v the_o courage_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v vouchsafe_v to_o give_v i_o against_o all_o the_o devil_n of_o hell_n to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o since_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o go_v cowardly_o on_o and_o to_o be_v fearful_a indeed_o of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o offend_v the_o majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v a_o extreme_a inconvenience_n for_o since_o we_o have_v a_o king_n who_o be_v omnipotent_a and_o so_o great_a a_o lord_n that_o he_o can_v do_v what_o he_o list_n and_o who_o bring_v all_o thing_n into_o subjection_n under_o himself_o there_o be_v no_o fear_n at_o all_o to_o be_v have_v and_o therefore_o as_o i_o be_v say_v we_o have_v no_o cause_n to_o doubt_v so_o that_o we_o walk_v sincere_o and_o with_o purity_n of_o conscience_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n i_o shall_v be_v glad_a to_o have_v all_o the_o fear_n in_o the_o world_n to_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o one_o instant_n of_o my_o whole_a life_n who_o be_v able_a in_o the_o very_a selfsame_a instant_n to_o destroy_v and_o annihilate_v we_o all_o as_o long_o as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v with_o we_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n who_o can_v stand_v against_o we_o without_o have_v his_o head_n break_v for_o his_o pain_n you_o will_v peradventure_o say_v that_o this_o be_v very_o true_a but_o yet_o now_o on_o the_o other_o side_n where_o shall_v we_o find_v that_o soul_n which_o stand_v so_o straight_o as_o that_o she_o may_v be_v whole_o please_v to_o he_o and_o because_o she_o be_v not_o so_o she_o be_v in_o fear_n i_o answer_v that_o i_o be_o sure_a that_o that_o pure_a and_o innocent_a soul_n be_v none_o of_o i_o which_o indeed_o be_v very_o wretched_a and_o unprofitable_a and_o surcharge_v even_o with_o a_o thousand_o misery_n but_o yet_o still_o we_o have_v this_o comfort_n that_o almighty_a god_n do_v not_o proceed_v with_o such_o rigour_n as_o man_n do_v for_o he_o know_v and_o consider_v our_o frailty_n and_o the_o soul_n have_v way_n of_o understanding_n and_o find_v in_o itself_o by_o great_a conjecture_n whether_o real_o she_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o no_o for_o in_o such_o as_o arrive_v once_o to_o this_o state_n our_o love_n to_o he_o be_v not_o now_o a_o kind_n of_o dissemble_a or_o disguise_v love_n as_o it_o use_v sometime_o to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n but_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o so_o great_a impulse_n and_o even_o impetuosity_n of_o desire_n to_o see_v almighty_a god_n as_o i_o shall_v afterward_o declare_v or_o rather_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o and_o all_o thing_n be_v wont_a to_o afflict_v all_o thing_n to_o weary_a &_o tire_v and_o all_o thing_n do_v even_o torment_v she_o unless_o it_o be_v only_a god_n or_o for_o god_n there_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o any_o repose_n which_o do_v not_o displease_v she_o because_o she_o find_v herself_o absent_a from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o so_o it_o falls-out_a to_o be_v very_o evident_a that_o thing_n pass_v not_o here_o in_o a_o dissemble_a way_n it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o in_o former_a time_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o great_a tribulation_n and_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o many_o detraction_n by_o occasion_n of_o a_o certain_a business_n whereof_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o speak_v afterward_o from_o all_o that_o house_n where_o i_o live_v yea_o and_o from_o my_o order_n and_o i_o be_v afflict_v upon_o many_o accident_n which_o occur_v then_o at_o which_o time_n it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o utter_v these_o express_a word_n to_o i_o of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o omnipotent_a i_o will_v accomplish_v all_o that_o which_o i_o have_v promise_v thou_o and_o indeed_o he_o accomplish_v it_o afterward_o very_o well_o but_o even_o instant_o there_o remain_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o strength_n in_o i_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v present_o have_v put_v myself_o to_o adventure_v upon_o other_o thing_n though_o they_o shall_v cost_v i_o much_o more_o trouble_n for_o the_o do_v he_o service_n and_o can_v have_v suffer_v also_o much_o more_o for_o he_o and_o this_o very_a self_n same_o thing_n have_v happen_v to_o i_o so_o often_o that_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o count_v the_o time_n and_o he_o have_v make_v i_o and_o make_v i_o still_o such_o reprehension_n by_o occasion_n of_o those_o imperfection_n which_o i_o commit_v sometime_o that_o they_o be_v able_a even_o as_o it_o be_v to_o annihilate_v the_o soul_n at_o least_o they_o bring_v so_o much_o in_o their_o company_n as_o that_o she_o be_v mend_v by_o they_o for_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o i_o have_v say_v do_v not_o only_o give_v we_o the_o counsel_n but_o the_o remedy_n at_o other_o time_n he_o bring_v back_o to_o i_o the_o memory_n of_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o former_a life_n and_o this_o he_o most_o ordinary_o use_v to_o do_v whensoever_o he_o intend_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o any_o extraordinary_a favour_n and_o he_o do_v it_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o the_o soul_n discern_v herself_o as_o if_o she_o be_v real_o plant_v at_o the_o very_a day_n of_o the_o last_o universal_a judgement_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o perspicuity_n and_o claritie_n that_o she_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o herself_o at_o other_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o inform_v i_o of_o certain_a danger_n concern_v both_o myself_o and_o other_o about_o thing_n which_o do_v not_o happen_v till_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o but_o they_o all_o be_v ever_o fulfil_v and_o some_o of_o they_o may_v also_o be_v name_v if_o there_o be_v cause_n so_o that_o there_o be_v so_o many_o particular_n whereby_o it_o may_v be_v understand_v that_o these_o thing_n be_v of_o almighty_a god_n as_o that_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o can_v but_o be_v know_v and_o acknowledge_v the_o most_o secure_a proceed_n consist_v in_o that_o such_o a_o person_n do_v not_o fail_v to_o impart_v her_o whole_a soul_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o learned_a man_n and_o that_o she_o do_v entire_o obey_v he_o at_o least_o this_o be_v the_o course_n which_o i_o take_v and_o without_o this_o i_o can_v have_v no_o rest_n nor_o be_v it_o indeed_o fit_a that_o we_o woman_n shall_v have_v any_o since_o we_o have_v no_o learning_n and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o hurt_n at_o all_o in_o this_o but_o many_o advantage_n and_o benefit_n as_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v tell_v i_o many_o time_n i_o say_v many_o time_n i_o have_v once_o a_o ghostly_a father_n who_o mortify_v i_o very_o much_o and_o sometime_o he_o do_v even_o afflict_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n and_o disquiet_v i_o in_o extraordinary_a manner_n and_o yet_o it_o be_v he_o who_o in_o my_o opinion_n do_v i_o the_o most_o good_a of_o they_o all_o and_o though_o i_o love_v he_o very_o much_o yet_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o leave_v he_o for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v much_o prejudice_v by_o those_o inconvenience_n which_o he_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o concern_v my_o prayer_n but_o yet_o ever_o when_o i_o be_v determine_v to_o do_v this_o i_o instant_o understand_v that_o i_o be_v to_o forbear_v it_o and_o i_o receive_v such_o a_o reprehension_n from_o our_o lord_n as_o defeat_v and_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v i_o more_o than_o all_o that_o which_o my_o ghostly_a father_n can_v
this_o end_n some_o little_a poor_a good_a work_n which_o i_o do_v if_o i_o do_v any_o i_o become_v devote_a to_o some_o saint_n to_o the_o end_n that_o by_o their_o mean_n i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o devil_n i_o perform_v the_o devotion_n of_o nine_o day_n i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o saint_n hilarion_n and_o to_o s._n michael_n also_o the_o archangel_n for_o i_o have_v late_o apply_v myself_o to_o he_o for_o this_o purpose_n and_o i_o importune_v also_o mame_v other_o saint_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v by_o their_o intercession_n to_o conduct_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o truth_n i_o say_v that_o they_o will_v find_v some_o mean_n to_o perfect_v this_o business_n of_o i_o with_o his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o fine_a after_o the_o end_n of_o two_o year_n which_o both_o i_o and_o other_o person_n have_v whole_o employ_v with_o all_o their_o prayer_n and_o i_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v either_o to_o conduct_v my_o soul_n by_o some_o other_o way_n or_o else_o vouchsafe_v to_o declare_v that_o this_o way_n wherein_o i_o go_v be_v right_a for_o now_o those_o word_n and_o speech_n which_o i_o have_v relate_v that_o our_o lord_n will_v be_v utter_v to_o i_o sometime_o be_v grow_v very_o ordinary_a &_o even_o continual_a that_o chance_v and_o occur_v to_o i_o which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v as_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n and_o it_o be_v upon_o the_o festivitie_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n peter_n i_o see_v stand_v very_o near_o i_o or_o rather_o to_o say_v better_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v for_o indeed_o i_o see_v nothing_o at_o all_o with_o the_o eye_n either_o of_o my_o body_n or_o of_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v close_o by_o i_o and_o i_o find_v in_o fine_a that_o it_o be_v he_o in_o my_o opinion_n who_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o but_o now_o i_o who_o be_v extreme_o ignorant_a till_o then_o that_o there_o may_v be_v any_o such_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o such_o a_o vision_n fall_v at_o the_o first_o into_o a_o mighty_a fear_n and_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v though_o yet_o through_o his_o give_v i_o assurance_n by_o his_o speak_v but_o one_o only_o word_n i_o find_v myself_o as_o i_o have_v former_o be_v not_o only_o without_o fear_n and_o very_o quiet_a but_o even_o with_o regalo_n and_o delight_n i_o thought_n that_o christ_n jesus_n our_o lord_n go_v ever_o close_o to_o i_o on_o one_o side_n but_o the_o vision_n not_o be_v imaginary_a or_o represent_v in_o any_o form_n i_o perceive_v not_o in_o what_o shape_n he_o be_v but_o as_o for_o his_o be_v ever_o on_o my_o right_a side_n i_o find_v and_o feel_v that_o very_o clear_o and_o that_o he_o be_v the_o witness_n of_o whatsoever_o i_o do_v and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v recollect_v though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o little_a or_o rather_o indeed_o unless_o i_o be_v much_o divert_v or_o distract_v but_o i_o must_v needs_o in_o fine_a understand_v that_o he_o be_v very_o near_o i_o i_o than_o go_v immediate_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n be_v sufficient_o vex_v and_o grieved_a that_o i_o must_v let_v he_o know_v it_o he_o ask_v i_o what_o form_n or_o figure_n he_o have_v when_o i_o see_v he_o and_o i_o tell_v he_o that_o i_o have_v not_o see_v he_o upon_o this_o he_o inquire_v then_o how_o i_o know_v that_o it_o be_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o this_o i_o answer_v that_o i_o know_v no_o more_o but_o that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o fail_v or_o forbear_v to_o understand_v and_o know_v that_o he_o be_v close_o to_o i_o and_o that_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v it_o plain_o and_o that_o now_o the_o recollection_n of_o my_o soul_n in_o prayer_n of_o quiet_a be_v far_o great_a and_o more_o continual_a &_o that_o the_o effect_n be_v very_o different_a from_o those_o other_o which_o i_o have_v former_o find_v and_o that_o the_o thing_n be_v very_o certain_a and_o clear_a for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v do_v no_o more_o but_o bring_v diverse_a comparison_n whereby_o to_o give_v myself_o to_o be_v understand_v but_o yet_o certain_o in_o my_o opinion_n there_o be_v none_o which_o can_v suit_n very_o well_o to_o express_v this_o kind_n of_o vision_n for_o as_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o high_a kind_n as_o i_o be_v tell_v afterward_o by_o a_o certain_a holy_a man_n and_o of_o great_a spirit_n call_v fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n who_o i_o shall_v mention_v afterward_o more_o at_o large_a and_o the_o same_o have_v be_v also_o tell_v i_o by_o other_o great_a learned_a man_n and_o that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o those_o favour_n where_o the_o devil_n can_v least_o intermeddle_v or_o intrude_v himself_o of_o all_o other_o so_o have_v we_o hear_v no_o word_n or_o term_n at_o all_o wherewith_o to_o declare_v it_o at_o least_o we_o who_o know_v so_o little_a though_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a will_n peradventure_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o better_o for_o when_o i_o say_v that_o i_o neither_o see_v this_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n nor_o of_o the_o mind_n because_o it_o be_v no_o imaginary_a vision_n how_o come_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o how_o can_v i_o undertake_v and_o affirm_v more_o clear_o &_o certain_o that_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v stand_v near_o i_o then_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o with_o my_o very_a eye_n for_o it_o seem_v indeed_o to_o be_v as_o if_o a_o person_n be_v in_o the_o dark_a who_o see_v not_o another_o that_o stand_v by_o he_o or_o as_o if_o the_o same_o person_n be_v blind_a some_o resemblance_n i_o say_v this_o carry_v though_o yet_o not_o very_o much_o for_o in_o this_o last_o case_n a_o man_n may_v come_v to_o know_v it_o by_o the_o way_n of_o several_a sense_n because_o he_o may_v hear_v the_o other_o speak_v or_o stir_v or_o he_o may_v touch_v he_o but_o here_o there_o be_v nothing_o of_o all_o this_o nor_o be_v there_o here_o any_o darkness_n at_o all_o but_o only_o the_o thing_n be_v represent_v to_o the_o soul_n by_o a_o certain_a notice_n which_o be_v more_o clear_a than_o the_o sun_n i_o say_v not_o that_o any_o sun_n be_v see_v nor_o any_o clearness_n or_o brightness_n at_o all_o but_o only_o a_o certain_a light_n which_o illuminate_v and_o inform_v the_o understanding_n though_o yet_o without_o see_v any_o light_n to_o the_o end_n that_o the_o soul_n may_v enjoy_v so_o high_a a_o good_a now_o this_o bring_v great_a benefit_n with_o it_o yet_o be_v it_o not_o like_o such_o a_o presence_n of_o god_n as_o many_o time_n be_v feel_v in_o the_o mind_n and_o especial_o by_o such_o person_n as_o be_v arrive_v to_o union_n and_o quiet_a prayer_n who_o in_o resolve_v to_o begin_v to_o make_v that_o prayer_n seem_v to_o find_v the_o person_n ready_a at_o hand_n to_o who_o to_o speak_v and_o we_o seem_v to_o understand_v that_o he_o hear_v we_o by_o the_o effect_n and_o spiritual_a feeling_n which_o we_o find_v of_o great_a love_n and_o faith_n and_o other_o firm_a purpose_n and_o resolution_n accompany_v with_o much_o tenderness_n of_o denotion_n this_o be_v a_o great_a favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o let_v he_o esteem_v it_o much_o who_o have_v it_o for_o it_o be_v a_o very_a elevate_v and_o high_a prayer_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v no_o vision_n but_o here_o it_o be_v understand_v that_o almighty_a god_n be_v there_o by_o the_o effect_n which_o as_o i_o have_v say_v he_o work_v in_o the_o soul_n for_o in_o this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o give_v hemself_n then_o and_o there_o to_o be_v feel_v but_o now_o here_o it_o be_v clear_o find_v that_o christ_n jesus_n the_o son_n of_o the_o virgin_n be_v present_a in_o that_o other_o manner_n of_o prayer_n there_o be_v certain_a influence_n of_o the_o divinity_n represent_v but_o here_o together_o with_o they_o we_o find_v that_o the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n also_o of_o christ_n our_o lord_n do_v accompany_v we_o to_o do_v we_o favour_n my_o ghostly_a father_n than_o ask_v i_o this_o question_n who_o tell_v you_o that_o it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n himself_o tell_v i_o so_o answer_v i_o and_o that_o many_o time_n but_o yet_o even_o before_o he_o tell_v i_o so_o it_o be_v he_o print_v upon_o my_o understanding_n that_o it_o be_v he_o yea_o and_o even_o before_o this_o he_o tell_v i_o so_o and_o yet_o still_o i_o see_v he_o not_o if_o any_o man_n who_o i_o have_v never_o see_v but_o only_o have_v hear_v news_n of_o he_o shall_v come_v to_o speak_v with_o i_o i_o be_v either_o blind_a or_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o shall_v tell_v i_o who_o he_o be_v i_o shall_v believe_v he_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o so_o
resolut_o affirm_v he_o to_o be_v that_o person_n as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o but_o yet_o now_o in_o this_o other_o case_n i_o can_v for_o here_o there_o be_v imprint_v so_o clear_a a_o notice_n of_o he_o in_o the_o mind_n without_o see_v he_o that_o it_o seem_v a_o kind_n of_o impossibility_n to_o doubt_v it_o for_o our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o so_o engrave_v upon_o the_o understanding_n that_o it_o can_v no_o more_o be_v question_v then_o even_o that_o which_o we_o see_v no_o nor_o yet_o so_o much_o for_o in_o thing_n which_o we_o see_v there_o remain_v sometime_o a_o suspicion_n whether_o we_o may_v not_o have_v fancy_v such_o a_o thing_n and_o so_o mistake_v it_o but_o here_o though_o upon_o the_o sudden_a and_o as_o it_o be_v by_o way_n of_o surprise_n one_o may_v begin_v to_o fall_v upon_o a_o kind_n of_o suspicion_n or_o doubt_v yet_o still_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n we_o remain_v in_o so_o great_a a_o certainty_n as_o that_o the_o doubt_n continue_v not_o to_o have_v place_n and_o so_o also_o do_v it_o fall_v out_o though_o yet_o in_o a_o different_a manner_n that_o god_n instruct_v the_o soul_n &_o speak_v to_o it_o but_o yet_o without_o speak_v at_o all_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o i_o have_v already_o declare_v this_o be_v a_o certain_a kind_n of_o language_n which_o have_v so_o much_o of_o the_o celestial_a in_o it_o that_o it_o can_v well_o be_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v by_o we_o here_o how_o much_o soever_o we_o may_v desire_v it_o unless_o our_o lord_n himself_o be_v please_v to_o teach_v it_o by_o experience_n for_o our_o bless_a lord_n convey_v and_o place_n that_o in_o the_o most_o interior_a part_n of_o the_o soul_n which_o he_o be_v please_v that_o the_o same_o soul_n shall_v understand_v and_o know_v and_o there_o do_v he_o represent_v it_o without_o either_o any_o image_n of_o his_o person_n or_o any_o form_n of_o word_n but_o only_o after_o the_o way_n of_o that_o kind_n of_o vision_n which_o i_o have_v already_o touch_v and_o now_o let_v this_o manner_n of_o almighty_a god_n make_v the_o soul_n understand_v what_o he_o will_v in_o the_o way_n of_o great_a truth_n and_o mystery_n be_v much_o observe_v for_o many_o time_n that_o which_o i_o understand_v when_o our_o lord_n declare_v any_o vision_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o represent_v to_o i_o be_v after_o this_o manner_n and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v in_o such_o occasion_n as_o where_o the_o devil_n be_v least_o able_a to_o intermeddle_v or_o intrude_v himself_o for_o these_o reason_n and_o if_o they_o be_v not_o find_v i_o be_o likely_a enough_o to_o be_v deceive_v now_o this_o kind_n of_o vision_n and_o language_n be_v so_o inward_o a_o thing_n of_o spirit_n that_o here_o there_o be_v no_o kind_n of_o spring_v or_o even_o stir_v in_o any_o of_o the_o power_n of_o the_o mind_n nor_o yet_o in_o any_o of_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n in_o my_o opinion_n by_o which_o mean_n the_o devil_n may_v be_v able_a to_o make_v himself_o the_o gainer_n thus_o i_o say_v it_o happen_v sometime_o as_o namely_o when_o it_o last_v but_o a_o very_a little_a while_n for_o at_o some_o other_o time_n i_o think_v that_o neither_o the_o power_n of_o the_o mind_n be_v suspend_v nor_o yet_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n disable_v but_o that_o they_o be_v all_o at_o home_n and_o in_o use_n the_o other_o happen_v not_o always_o in_o this_o degree_n of_o contemplation_n but_o rather_o very_o seldom_o i_o say_v that_o when_o they_o be_v so_o lose_v we_o neither_o operate_v any_o thing_n nor_o do_v any_o thing_n but_o all_o seem_v to_o be_v the_o work_n of_o our_o lord_n it_o be_v as_o when_o a_o food_n be_v already_o convey_v into_o the_o stomach_n without_o either_o our_o have_v eat_v it_o or_o so_o much_o as_o know_v who_o lay_v it_o there_o but_o only_o we_o understand_v well_o that_o there_o it_o be_v though_o in_o that_o case_n it_o be_v neither_o know_v what_o the_o food_n be_v nor_o who_o carry_v it_o thither_o but_o here_o it_o be_v very_o differet_fw-la for_o here_o the_o food_n be_v know_v though_o yet_o how_o it_o get_v thither_o i_o can_v tell_v for_o neither_o do_v i_o see_v it_o nor_o understand_v it_o nor_o be_v i_o ever_o move_v to_o desire_v it_o nor_o have_v it_o ever_o come_v to_o my_o knowledge_n before_o that_o such_o a_o thing_n can_v possible_o be_v in_o the_o speech_n upon_o which_o i_o touch_v before_o almighty_a god_n make_v the_o understanding_n observe_v and_o reflect_v upon_o that_o which_o be_v say_v whether_o it_o desire_v to_o understand_v or_o no._n for_o there_o it_o seem_v that_o the_o soul_n have_v some_o other_o kind_n of_o eat_v wherewith_o to_o hear_v &_o that_o he_o make_v she_o harken_v and_o not_o the_o while_n to_o think_v of_o somewhat_o else_o as_o if_o one_o who_o can_v hear_v well_o be_v not_o suffer_v to_o stop_n his_o ear_n and_o that_o they_o cry_v out_o aloud_o to_o he_o who_o will_v therefore_o be_v fain_o to_o hear_v they_o whether_o he_o will_v or_o no_o but_o somewhat_o in_o fine_a he_o do_v since_o he_o be_v attentive_a to_o understand_v what_o they_o say_v but_o here_o the_o soul_n do_v inst_n nothing_o for_o even_o that_o little_a which_o be_v do_v in_o the_o former_a way_n and_o which_o be_v only_o to_o harken_v be_v take_v from_o she_o now_o for_o now_o she_o find_v all_o dress_v to_o her_o hand_n yea_o and_o all_o eat_v by_o she_o too_o so_o that_o now_o there_o be_v nothing_o to_o be_v do_v by_o she_o but_o to_o enjoy_v just_o so_o as_o any_o one_o who_o without_o ever_o have_v learn_v or_o so_o much_o as_o endeavour_v to_o read_v and_o much_o more_o without_o any_o study_v at_o all_o shall_v find_v that_o whole_a science_n already_o possess_v by_o himself_o and_o that_o without_o know_v at_o all_o either_o how_o or_o whence_o it_o come_v since_o he_o have_v never_o procure_v to_o acquire_v it_o with_o so_o much_o as_o learn_v his_o a._n b._n c._n and_o this_o last_o comparison_n i_o think_v declare_v some_o part_n of_o this_o celestial_a gift_n for_o the_o soul_n find_v herself_o here_o to_o be_v grow_v wise_a upon_o a_o sudden_a and_o that_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o most_o holy_a trinity_n and_o other_o most_o sublime_a article_n be_v so_o exact_o declare_v to_o she_o that_o there_o be_v not_o any_o theologue_n or_o divine_a in_o the_o world_n with_o who_o she_o may_v not_o adventure_v to_o dispute_v concern_v the_o truth_n of_o those_o high_a point_n the_o soul_n remain_v here_o in_o such_o a_o amazement_n that_o some_o one_o such_o favour_n as_o this_o suffice_v to_o work_v a_o total_a change_n in_o she_o and_o to_o make_v her_o love_n nothing_o but_o only_o he_o who_o without_o any_o labour_n at_o all_o of_o she_o have_v make_v her_o capable_a of_o so_o unspeakable_a blessing_n and_o to_o who_o he_o communicate_v his_o secret_n and_o who_o he_o treat_v with_o argument_n of_o so_o great_a and_o dear_a friendship_n and_o love_n that_o they_o soul_n endure_v not_o so_o much_o as_o to_o be_v write_v for_o he_o do_v some_o such_o kind_n of_o favour_n as_o may_v even_o bespeak_v a_o kind_n of_o suspicion_n and_o doubt_v in_o the_o hearer_n in_o regard_n that_o they_o be_v of_o so_o great_a admiration_n and_o have_v be_v impart_v to_o a_o person_n who_o have_v deserve_v they_o so_o very_o ill_o and_o in_o fine_a if_o we_o bring_v not_o a_o very_a livelie_a and_o even_o lusty_a faith_n with_o we_o they_o can_v be_v believe_v and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v to_o speak_v of_o few_o of_o those_o which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o unless_o i_o be_v express_o command_v and_o unless_o it_o be_v of_o some_o few_o vision_n which_o perhaps_o may_v ferue_v to_o do_v good_a in_o some_o kind_n to_o the_o end_n that_o any_o such_o person_n as_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v to_o impart_v the_o like_a may_v not_o wonder_v and_o think_v it_o impossible_a as_o i_o do_v or_o else_o that_o so_o i_o may_v declare_v the_o manner_n and_o way_n by_o which_o it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o conduct_v my_o soul_n that_o be_v the_o very_a thing_n which_o they_o have_v command_v i_o to_o write_v return_v therefore_o now_o to_o this_o manner_n of_o understand_v these_o kind_n of_o thing_n i_o think_v our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o by_o all_o mean_n this_o soul_n of_o we_o shall_v have_v some_o notice_n here_o even_o of_o that_o which_o pass_v in_o heaven_n and_o that_o as_o soul_n do_v there_o understand_v one_o another_o real_o without_o speak_v which_o for_o my_o part_n i_o never_o know_v before_o and_o this_o be_v most_o certain_o true_a till_o our_o
entire_o be_v admit_v to_o enjoy_v so_o high_a a_o good_n this_o vision_n though_o it_o be_v imaginary_a or_o represent_v itself_o by_o way_n of_o mental_a image_n to_o the_o imagination_n be_v never_o see_v by_o i_o by_o these_o eye_n of_o my_o body_n nor_o indeed_o be_v any_o other_o vision_n that_o i_o ever_o have_v but_o only_o by_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o they_o who_o know_v these_o thing_n better_a than_o i_o affirm_v that_o the_o former_a vision_n be_v of_o a_o high_a &_o more_o perfect_a kind_n than_o this_o and_o this_o also_o much_o more_o than_o those_o other_o which_o be_v see_v by_o these_o eye_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n for_o these_o latter_a they_o say_v be_v of_o the_o low_a danger_n kind_n of_o all_o and_o wherein_o the_o devil_n be_v able_a to_o induce_v &_o impose_v most_o illusion_n though_o yet_o then_o i_o can_v not_o understand_v any_o such_o matter_n but_o rather_o desire_a that_o when_o i_o be_v to_o receive_v any_o favour_n of_o that_o kind_n it_o may_v be_v so_o as_o that_o i_o may_v see_v it_o with_o my_o corporeal_a eye_n to_o the_o end_n that_o my_o ghostly_a father_n may_v no_o long_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o do_v but_o fancy_v such_o thing_n and_o so_o it_o happen_v also_o to_o myself_o as_o soon_o as_o it_o be_v pass_v but_o it_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v but_o at_o the_o very_a instant_n that_o even_o myself_o also_o conceive_v that_o i_o do_v but_o fancy_v it_o indeed_o and_o so_o i_o be_v a_o little_a trouble_v sometime_o for_o have_v tell_v my_o ghostly_a father_n as_o i_o do_v as_o doubt_v whether_o i_o have_v not_o deceive_v he_o and_o now_o this_o be_v the_o occasion_n of_o another_o lamentation_n of_o i_o and_o so_o i_o go_v to_o he_o again_o and_o tell_v he_o of_o it_o upon_o this_o he_o ask_v i_o whether_o indeed_o i_o have_v think_v so_o before_z and_o whether_o i_o have_v any_o purpose_n to_o deceive_v he_o as_o for_o i_o i_o tell_v he_o what_o i_o hold_v to_o be_v the_o truth_n i_o who_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o be_o able_a to_o understand_v of_o myself_o have_v no_o mind_n at_o all_o to_o lie_v nor_o intend_v any_o such_o matter_n as_o that_o nor_o will_v i_o for_o the_o whole_a world_n have_v tell_v he_o any_o one_o thing_n for_o another_o now_o this_o do_v he_o know_v very_o well_o and_o so_o he_o do_v his_o best_a to_o quiet_v i_o but_o i_o have_v so_o great_a aversion_n from_o go_v to_o give_v he_o trouble_v with_o these_o thing_n that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o the_o devil_n can_v make_v i_o for_o my_o great_a torment_n conceive_v that_o i_o have_v feign_v in_o what_o i_o have_v say_v but_o our_o lord_n make_v such_o haste_n to_o do_v i_o a_o favour_n and_o to_o unfold_v this_o truth_n to_o i_o that_o i_o grow_v quick_o to_o be_v out_o of_o all_o doubt_n whether_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n of_o fancy_n or_o no_o and_o since_o that_o time_n i_o see_v my_o folly_n very_o clear_o for_o though_o i_o shall_v employ_v many_o year_n in_o conceive_v how_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o figure_v a_o thing_n of_o so_o extreme_a beauty_n i_o shall_v never_o have_v either_o the_o power_n or_o the_o wit_n to_o do_v it_o for_o it_o do_v far_o exceed_v all_o that_o which_o can_v possible_o be_v imagine_v in_o this_o world_n by_o the_o very_a clearness_n and_o brightness_n thereof_o nor_o yet_o be_v it_o any_o such_o brightness_n as_o dazzle_v but_o a_o brightness_n which_o be_v accompany_v with_o a_o most_o sweet_a kind_n of_o beauty_n a_o brightness_n i_o say_v there_o be_v infuse_v which_o give_v extreme_a delight_n to_o the_o sight_n and_o which_o be_v far_o from_o weary_v it_o nor_o do_v the_o light_n thereof_o also_o offend_v whereby_o we_o see_v this_o object_n of_o so_o divine_a beauty_n this_o i_o say_v be_v a_o light_n so_o very_o different_a from_o all_o that_o of_o this_o inferior_a world_n that_o even_o the_o brightness_n of_o the_o sun_n itself_o which_o we_o see_v be_v so_o dim_a and_o dull_a a_o thing_n in_o comparison_n of_o that_o claritie_n and_o light_n which_o be_v represent_v to_o our_o sight_n by_o this_o mean_n that_o even_o the_o eye_n will_v searce_v open_a themselves_o to_o behold_v it_o for_o it_o be_v as_o if_o it_o be_v a_o most_o pure_a water_n run_v all_o upon_o crystal_n with_o the_o sun_n reflect_v upon_o it_o and_o strike_v through_o it_o in_o comparison_n of_o some_o other_o which_o be_v of_o a_o muddy_a kind_n and_o in_o a_o cloudy_a day_n and_o which_o be_v run_v also_o upon_o earth_n not_o yet_o that_o there_o be_v any_o sun_n represent_v in_o it_o nor_o be_v that_o light_n like_o the_o light_n of_o the_o sun_n for_o in_o fine_a this_o light_n of_o the_o vision_n seem_v a_o very_a natural_a light_n whereas_o the_o other_o be_v but_o a_o kind_n of_o artificial_a thing_n in_o comparison_n thereof_o this_o be_v a_o light_n which_o never_o set_v but_o as_o it_o be_v ever_o light_a so_o be_v there_o nothing_o which_o can_v disturb_v it_o but_o in_o fine_a it_o be_v a_o thing_n of_o such_o a_o kind_n as_o that_o how_o sublime_a soever_o the_o understanding_n of_o any_o creature_n may_v be_v he_o will_v never_o in_o all_o the_o day_n of_o his_o life_n be_v able_a to_o conceive_v right_o what_o kind_n of_o thing_n it_o be_v and_o it_o please_v almighty_a god_n to_o set_v it_o before_o we_o so_o very_o speedy_o that_o we_o can_v open_v our_o eye_n so_o soon_o if_o that_o be_v needful_a for_o the_o see_v it_o but_o it_o help_v we_o indeed_o no_o more_o in_o this_o case_n to_o have_v they_o open_a then_o shut_v for_o whensoever_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v we_o see_v it_o even_o whether_o we_o will_v or_o no._n not_o be_v there_o any_o distraction_n in_o the_o world_n which_o may_v be_v able_a to_o divert_v we_o from_o it_o nor_o be_v there_o any_o power_n which_o can_v resist_v it_o nor_o be_v there_o also_o on_o the_o other_o side_n any_o manner_n of_o care_n and_o diligence_n which_o may_v suffice_v to_o procure_v it_o and_o i_o have_v have_v good_a experience_n of_o this_o as_o i_o shall_v find_v a_o fit_a time_n to_o declare_v but_o that_o which_o i_o will_v fain_o relate_v now_o be_v the_o manner_n how_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v himself_o by_o these_o vision_n i_o say_v not_o that_o i_o will_v declare_v in_o what_o sort_n this_o so_o strong_a a_o light_n may_v be_v able_a to_o convey_v itself_o into_o the_o inward_a sense_n and_o to_o imprint_v so_o exact_a and_o clear_v a_o image_n upon_o the_o understanding_n as_o to_o make_v it_o direct_o seem_v to_o be_v very_o there_o for_o this_o point_n belong_v to_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a and_o our_o lord_n have_v not_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o comprehend_v the_o manner_n of_o it_o and_o in_o myself_o i_o be_o so_o very_o ignorant_a and_o of_o so_o gross_a a_o understanding_n that_o howsoever_o man_n have_v endeavour_v much_o to_o declare_v it_o to_o i_o i_o have_v not_o yet_o be_v able_a to_o conceive_v the_o way_n and_o manner_n of_o it_o and_o this_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o howsoever_o it_o may_v seem_v to_o your_o reverence_n that_o my_o understanding_n be_v livelie_a and_o quick_a yet_o there_o be_v real_o no_o such_o thing_n and_o i_o have_v find_v what_o i_o be_o about_o to_o say_v to_o be_v true_a by_o the_o experience_n of_o many_o particular_n that_o namely_o it_o embrace_n and_o comprehend_v no_o more_o then_o just_a that_o very_a thing_n upon_o which_o they_o will_v have_v it_o feed_v yea_o and_o sometime_o he_o who_o be_v my_o confessarius_fw-la will_v be_v even_o amaze_v at_o my_o ignorances_n in_o many_o kind_n and_o he_o never_o make_v i_o understand_v nor_o do_v i_o indeed_o desire_v to_o know_v how_o almighty_a god_n do_v this_o or_o how_o this_o can_v be_v nor_o do_v i_o ask_v he_o about_o it_o though_o yet_o as_o i_o have_v say_v i_o treat_v many_o year_n with_o man_n of_o great_a learning_n to_o know_v whether_o this_o or_o that_o be_v a_o sin_n or_o no_o for_o in_o this_o i_o be_v not_o want_v but_o as_o for_o the_o rest_n i_o then_o have_v no_o need_n to_o stand_v think_v of_o more_o than_o that_o almighty_a god_n be_v the_o author_n of_o all_o and_o i_o see_v that_o i_o be_v now_o not_o to_o wonder_v at_o aniething_n but_o only_o to_o consider_v how_o many_o reason_n i_o have_v to_o praise_v he_o nay_o the_o thing_n which_o carry_v difficulty_n with_o they_o do_v breed_v devotion_n in_o i_o and_o the_o more_o difficulty_n the_o more_o devotion_n but_o i_o will_v therefore_o now_o declare_v that_o which_o i_o be_o come_v to_o understand_v by_o experience_n namely_o how_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v
and_o i_o will_v also_o be_v very_o glad_a to_o see_v he_o and_o to_o think_v of_o he_o and_o to_o consider_v the_o good_a part_n which_o i_o find_v in_o he_o and_o this_o be_v so_o prejudicial_a a_o thing_n that_o it_o do_v my_o soul_n a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n but_o when_o once_o i_o be_v come_v to_o behold_v the_o great_a beauty_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n i_o see_v no_o creature_n after_o that_o which_o may_v seem_v passable_a in_o comparison_n of_o he_o nor_o who_o be_v able_a to_o takeup_a my_o thought_n for_o one_o minute_n for_o by_o cast_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o consideration_n upon_o that_o image_n or_o picture_n of_o he_o which_o be_v engrave_v in_o my_o soul_n i_o have_v remain_v with_o so_o much_o liberty_n of_o mind_n in_o this_o respect_n that_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v see_v since_o that_o time_n make_v i_o ready_a almost_o to_o cast_v the_o gorge_n in_o comparison_n of_o the_o excellency_n and_o air_n and_o grace_n which_o i_o discern_v to_o abound_v in_o this_o lord_n of_o i_o nor_o be_v there_o any_o knowledge_n or_o comfort_n which_o i_o can_v at_o all_o esteem_v in_o comparison_n of_o that_o which_o grow_v by_o the_o hear_n of_o one_o single_a word_n which_o proceed_v out_o of_o that_o divine_a mouth_n of_o he_o and_o much_o more_o when_o i_o have_v hear_v so_o many_o and_o so_o often_o from_o he_o nay_o i_o hold_v it_o to_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o impossible_a thing_n unless_o our_o lord_n shall_v permit_v it_o in_o respect_n of_o my_o sin_n that_o ever_o i_o can_v loose_v the_o memory_n of_o this_o blessing_n or_o that_o any_o creature_n can_v ever_o so_o possess_v i_o as_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o instant_o be_v free_a by_o recover_v the_o remembrance_n of_o this_o lord_n it_o happen_v to_o i_o sometime_o with_o some_o ghostly_a father_n of_o i_o for_o i_o always_o love_v they_o much_o who_o govern_v my_o soul_n in_o regard_n that_o i_o take_v they_o true_o as_o in_o the_o place_n of_o almighty_a god_n himself_o and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v ever_o there_o where_o i_o employ_v my_o affection_n most_o that_o esteem_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o security_n with_o they_o i_o will_v be_v apt_a to_o show_v they_o extraordinary_a civilitye_n whereas_o they_o on_o the_o other_o side_n as_o be_v great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n will_v be_v not_o only_o careful_a but_o fearful_a lest_o i_o shall_v fasten_v or_o tie_v myself_o too_o much_o to_o they_o though_o it_o shall_v be_v in_o a_o most_o innocent_a manner_n and_o they_o will_v show_v themselves_o even_o to_o be_v displease_v at_o it_o now_o this_o grow_v in_o i_o after_o i_o have_v make_v myself_o subject_a to_o be_v be_v direct_v and_o even_o command_v by_o they_o for_o before_o i_o do_v not_o bear_v they_o so_o much_o love_n but_o the_o while_n i_o confess_v i_o will_v be_v laugh_v sometime_o within_o myself_o to_o consider_v how_o extreme_o they_o be_v deceive_v though_o yet_o i_o will_v not_o always_o be_v tell_v they_o so_o clear_o how_o little_a i_o use_v to_o tie_v myself_o to_o any_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v sure_a of_o it_o in_o myself_o but_o yet_o i_o give_v they_o certainty_n enough_o of_o it_o and_o when_o once_o they_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v more_o inward_a and_o more_o confident_a with_o i_o they_o come_v to_o know_v how_o particular_o i_o be_v oblige_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n in_o that_o kind_n but_o these_o suspicion_n which_o they_o have_v of_o i_o be_v never_o wont_n to_o occur_v but_o in_o the_o beginning_n beside_o there_o grow_v to_o be_v both_o more_o love_n and_o more_o confidence_n between_o this_o lord_n of_o i_o and_o i_o after_o i_o have_v see_v he_o as_o one_o with_o who_o i_o be_v come_v to_o have_v a_o kind_n of_o continual_a conversation_n i_o see_v that_o though_o he_o be_v god_n he_o be_v also_o man_n and_o that_o he_o do_v not_o wonder_n at_o our_o weakness_n for_o he_o well_o know_v our_o miserable_a condition_n and_o composition_n which_o be_v subject_a to_o take_v fall_v of_o so_o many_o kind_n by_o that_o first_o sin_n of_o adam_n which_o he_o be_v come_v to_o repair_v nay_o i_o see_v that_o although_o he_o be_v my_o lord_n i_o may_v yet_o treat_v with_o he_o as_o with_o a_o friend_n because_o he_o be_v not_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o lord_n as_o we_o be_v wont_n to_o meet_v with_o in_o this_o world_n who_o pin_n all_o the_o lordlyness_n which_o they_o have_v upon_o a_o certain_a kind_n of_o changeable_a and_o removable_a demonstration_n and_o who_o must_v give_v but_o particular_a and_o set_v day_n for_o audience_n and_o so_o the_o person_n who_o they_o will_v hear_v must_v be_v appoint_v and_o name_v and_o if_o perhaps_o any_o poor_a creature_n have_v a_o business_n there_o must_v be_v use_n of_o labour_n and_o favour_n and_o a_o walk_n in_o byway_n before_o it_o can_v be_v ever_o negotiate_v or_o conclude_v and_o if_o perhaps_o they_o have_v any_o thing_n to_o do_v with_o the_o king_n himself_o alas_o poor_a folk_n for_o they_o who_o touch_v not_o upon_o the_o cavalier_n or_o great_a man_n must_v not_o so_o much_o as_o presume_v to_o approach_v but_o be_v content_a to_o ask_v who_o the_o favourite_n be_v and_o now_o they_o will_v certain_o not_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v such_o as_o use_v to_o tread_v the_o world_n under_o their_o foot_n because_o such_o person_n as_o these_o be_v wont_a to_o speak_v real_a truth_n for_o they_o neither_o fear_v any_o thing_n nor_o owe_v any_o thing_n nor_o in_o fine_a be_v any_o part_n of_o the_o palace_n for_o there_o these_o thing_n be_v not_o use_v but_o to_o dissemble_v whatsoever_o they_o dislike_v nay_o they_o scarce_o dare_v so_o much_o as_o think_v for_o fear_n lest_o they_o shall_v grow_v by_o it_o into_o less_o favour_n o_o king_n of_o glory_n and_o lord_n of_o all_o the_o king_n of_o this_o world_n how_o true_a be_v it_o that_o thy_o kingdom_n be_v not_o guard_v by_o stick_n and_o straw_n since_o in_o itself_o it_o have_v no_o end_n how_o true_a be_v it_o that_o there_o be_v no_o need_n of_o three_o person_n to_o introduce_v we_o to_o audience_n with_o thou_o for_o by_o our_o very_a see_v thyself_o we_o instant_o see_v withal_o that_o thou_o only_o do_v indeed_o deserve_v to_o be_v call_v lord_n so_o great_a be_v the_o majesty_n which_o thou_o show_v nor_o be_v there_o here_o any_o need_n at_o all_o of_o assemble_v and_o guard_n in_o court_n whereby_o thou_o may_v be_v know_v to_o be_v king_n whereas_o if_o any_o earthly_a king_n be_v leave_v alone_o he_o will_v hardly_o be_v know_v to_o be_v king_n and_o how_o much_o soever_o himself_o may_v desire_v it_o yet_o the_o people_n will_v have_v difficulty_n to_o believe_v it_o for_o in_o himself_o he_o be_v no_o more_o than_o other_o be_v and_o therefore_o we_o must_v either_o see_v he_o so_o adorn_v and_o attend_v first_o or_o else_o we_o shall_v hardly_o belieive_v afterward_o that_o he_o be_v the_o king_n and_o he_o have_v therefore_o so_o much_o more_o reason_n to_o serve_v himself_o of_o these_o external_a advantage_n and_o help_n for_o else_o they_o will_v not_o hold_v he_o in_o account_n because_o his_o seem_a to_o be_v so_o powerful_a depend_v not_o upon_o the_o inward_a and_o innate_a dignity_n of_o his_o person_n but_o his_o state_n be_v derive_v to_o he_o from_o other_o but_o o_o thou_o my_o lord_n and_o my_o king_n that_o i_o be_v able_a now_o to_o represent_v that_o majesty_n which_o thou_o have_v for_o it_o be_v impossible_a to_o forbear_v to_o see_v that_o thou_o be_v the_o great_a emperor_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n in_o thyself_o and_o that_o thy_o majesty_n do_v even_o astonish_v the_o beholder_n but_o yet_o it_o put_v i_o to_o more_o amazement_n o_o my_o lord_n to_o see_v in_o company_n thereof_o the_o great_a humility_n and_o love_n which_o thou_o bear_v to_o such_o a_o wretched_a creature_n as_o myself_o for_o we_o may_v ever_o speak_v and_o treat_v with_o thou_o about_o all_o thing_n even_o as_o we_o will_v ourselves_o when_o once_o we_o shall_v have_v lose_v that_o first_o amazement_n and_o fear_v to_o see_v the_o majesty_n of_o thy_o presence_n though_o yet_o then_o we_o shall_v have_v more_o fear_n to_o offend_v thou_o then_o to_o see_v thou_o yea_o and_o yet_o even_o that_o not_o so_o much_o for_o be_v o_o lord_n afraid_a of_o thy_o punishment_n for_o we_o do_v not_o esteem_v that_o at_o all_o as_o in_o respect_n of_o the_o misery_n which_o it_o be_v to_o loose_v thy_o very_a self_n behold_v here_o the_o benefit_n of_o this_o vision_n beside_o many_o other_o great_a one_o which_o it_o leave_v in_o the_o soul_n and_o if_o it_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n it_o make_v itself_o be_v understand_v by_o
the_o effect_n whensoever_o the_o soul_n have_v light_a for_o many_o time_n as_o i_o have_v say_v our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o it_o shall_v remain_v in_o darkness_n and_o not_o see_v this_o light_n and_o therefore_o it_o be_v not_o so_o strange_a a_o business_n which_o so_o wicked_a a_o creature_n as_o myself_o may_v come_v to_o see_v on_o the_o other_o side_n it_o be_v but_o even_o now_o that_o it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o to_o be_v eight_o day_n in_o such_o a_o case_n as_o that_o i_o seem_v neither_o to_o have_v knowledge_n of_o what_o i_o owe_v to_o almighty_a god_n not_o yet_o any_o memory_n of_o his_o favour_n but_o only_o that_o my_o soul_n be_v even_o half_o besot_v and_o estrange_v and_o employ_v upon_o i_o know_v not_o what_o nor_o how_o not_o yet_o upon_o any_o ill_a thought_n but_o i_o be_v so_o very_o untoward_a in_o respect_n of_o good_a one_o that_o i_o do_v even_o as_o it_o be_v laugh_v at_o myself_o and_o take_v a_o kind_n of_o gust_n to_o see_v the_o great_a baseness_n of_o a_o soul_n whensoever_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v not_o to_o be_v work_v in_o it_o but_o she_o yet_o understand_v very_o well_o that_o she_o be_v not_o without_o possess_v he_o even_o in_o this_o state_n for_o it_o be_v not_o as_o i_o have_v former_o say_v as_o it_o use_v to_o be_v in_o our_o great_a affliction_n but_o though_o we_o bring_v wood_n thither_o and_o do_v also_o all_o that_o very_o little_a which_o we_o be_v able_a to_o do_v on_o our_o part_n there_o be_v yet_o no_o such_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o the_o kindle_v at_o that_o time_n of_o any_o fire_n of_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n in_o our_o heart_n and_o it_o be_v no_o small_a mercy_n of_o he_o that_o we_o can_v so_o much_o as_o find_v that_o there_o be_v any_o smoke_n for_o at_o least_o we_o know_v thereby_o that_o she_o be_v not_o dead_a and_o our_o lord_n return_v to_o kindle_v it_o again_o afterward_o but_o then_o this_o soul_n of_o we_o though_o we_o break_v our_o very_a head_n in_o blow_v and_o weary_a ourselves_o also_o otherwise_o in_o order_v and_o compose_v the_o wood_n seem_v to_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o that_o every_o thing_n serve_v to_o choke_v we_o the_o more_o and_o so_o i_o think_v the_o best_a of_o our_o case_n to_o be_v then_o to_o render_v ourselves_o whole_o up_o and_o to_o know_v that_o we_o be_v able_a to_o do_v nothing_o of_o ourselves_o and_o then_o to_o apply_v our_o endeavour_n to_o the_o do_v of_o some_o external_a meritorious_a thing_n yea_o and_o perhaps_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o take_v prayer_n from_o we_o at_o that_o time_n to_o the_o end_n that_o the_o soul_n may_v exercise_v herself_o in_o those_o other_o action_n and_o so_o understand_v at_o length_n by_o good_a experience_n how_o little_a she_o be_v able_a to_o do_v of_o herself_o but_o now_o i_o have_v this_o very_a day_n regale_v my_o soul_n with_o our_o lord_n and_o presume_v to_o complain_v to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n even_o against_o himself_o to_o this_o effect_n how_o come_v it_o to_o pass_v o_o my_o god_n that_o it_o seem_v not_o enough_o for_o thou_o to_o keep_v i_o in_o this_o miserable_a life_n and_o that_o i_o resolve_v to_o endure_v it_o all_o for_o thy_o sake_n and_o that_o i_o content_v myself_o to_o be_v where_o all_o be_v vexation_n and_o trouble_v and_o that_o i_o may_v not_o so_o much_o as_o enjoy_v even_o thou_o but_o that_o i_o must_v also_o eat_v and_o sleep_v and_o dispatch_v business_n and_o treat_v with_o every_o creature_n according_a to_o the_o occasion_n and_o that_o i_o suffer_v all_o this_o for_o the_o love_n of_o thou_o and_o now_o o_o my_o lord_n thou_o know_v that_o this_o be_v a_o extreme_a torment_n to_o my_o hart_n and_o that_o yet_o in_o those_o few_o little_a moment_n of_o time_n which_o remain_v to_o i_o for_o the_o enjoy_v thou_o thou_o yet_o be_v please_v to_o hide_v thyself_o after_o this_o manner_n from_o i_o and_o how_o can_v this_o be_v compatible_a with_o thy_o mercy_n and_o how_o can_v the_o love_n thou_o bear_v i_o permit_v it_o i_o believe_v o_o my_o dear_a lord_n that_o if_o it_o be_v a_o possible_a thing_n for_o i_o to_o hide_v myself_o from_o thou_o as_o thou_o do_v thyself_o from_o i_o i_o think_v i_o say_v and_o i_o believe_v so_o much_o of_o the_o love_n thou_o bear_v i_o as_o that_o thou_o will_v not_o endure_v it_o at_o my_o hand_n but_o thou_o be_v still_o with_o i_o and_o ever_o see_v in_o what_o case_n i_o be_o yet_o permit_v not_o long_o o_o my_o lord_n that_o this_o kind_n of_o course_n be_v hold_v but_o i_o humble_o beseech_v thou_o to_o consider_v that_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o wrong_n to_o proceed_v after_o this_o manner_n with_o one_o who_o love_v thou_o so_o much_o this_o and_o the_o like_a have_v occur_v to_o i_o to_o say_v though_o yet_o i_o consider_v first_o how_o that_o place_n which_o have_v be_v provide_v for_o i_o in_o hell_n be_v appoint_v i_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o favourable_a way_n in_o comparison_n of_o what_o i_o have_v deserve_v but_o yet_o sometime_o the_o love_n i_o bear_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v so_o very_o extravagant_a that_o i_o scarce_o can_v tell_v what_o i_o do_v and_o then_o with_o all_o the_o little_a understanding_n i_o have_v i_o make_v such_o complaint_n as_o these_o and_o our_o lord_n endure_v they_o all_o at_o my_o hand_n and_o therefore_o let_v so_o good_a a_o king_n as_o this_o be_v ever_o praise_v but_o now_o may_v we_o perhaps_o be_v able_a to_o approach_v any_o king_n of_o this_o world_n with_o such_o audacity_n as_o these_o and_o yet_o i_o wonder_v not_o much_o that_o we_o may_v not_o presume_v to_o talk_v after_o this_o manner_n to_o our_o earthly_a king_n who_o we_o have_v so_o much_o reason_n to_o fear_v yea_o or_o even_o to_o such_o great_a lord_n as_o be_v the_o superior_a part_n of_o the_o state_n for_o people_n now_o we_o find_v the_o world_n so_o change_v that_o our_o very_a life_n shall_v be_v long_o than_o now_o they_o be_v to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v have_v time_n enough_o to_o learn_v the_o punto_n and_o new_a custom_n and_o fashion_n of_o good_a manner_n of_o the_o world_n if_o there_o be_v any_o meaning_n withal_o that_o we_o shall_v also_o have_v any_o time_n to_o spend_v in_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n for_o my_o part_n i_o even_o bless_v myself_o to_o see_v what_o happen_v for_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o even_o already_o i_o scarce_o know_v how_o to_o live_v in_o the_o world_n when_o i_o come_v to_o this_o place_n for_o now_o it_o pass_v i_o can_v assure_v you_o for_o no_o jest_n whensoever_o there_o be_v any_o little_a omission_n to_o treat_v man_n even_o with_o much_o more_o style_n and_o ceremony_n than_o they_o deserve_v but_o they_o do_v real_o so_o take_v it_o for_o a_o affront_n that_o you_o must_v forsooth_o interpret_v your_o intention_n and_o profess_v your_o desire_n to_o make_v satisfaction_n if_o there_o be_v as_o i_o be_v say_v any_o omission_n yea_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n that_o they_o will_v vouchsafe_v to_o believe_v you_o but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o return_v to_o affirm_v that_o real_o i_o do_v not_o know_v how_o to_o live_v so_o miserable_o do_v these_o thing_n afflict_v a_o poor_a overlabour_v soul_n for_o she_o see_v that_o on_o the_o one_o side_n they_o command_v she_o to_o employ_v her_o whole_a thought_n upon_o god_n and_o that_o it_o be_v necessary_a for_o she_o to_o do_v so_o to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o many_o danger_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n she_o also_o find_v that_o it_o concern_v she_o not_o to_o loose_v a_o punto_n even_o in_o the_o puntilio_n of_o this_o world_n upon_o the_o price_n of_o not_o chance_v to_o minister_v occasion_n of_o give_v temptation_n and_o trouble_v to_o they_o who_o place_n their_o honour_n in_o these_o punto_n for_o as_o for_o i_o they_o tire_v i_o even_o outright_o and_o i_o can_v never_o be_v at_o a_o end_n of_o make_v satisfaction_n for_o it_o be_v never_o in_o my_o power_n how_o much_o soever_o i_o endeavour_v it_o to_o forbear_v the_o make_v many_o fault_n in_o this_o kind_n which_o as_o i_o say_v be_v not_o hold_v to_o be_v little_a in_o the_o account_n of_o the_o world_n and_o it_o be_v true_a that_o in_o religious_a order_n which_o in_o all_o reason_n shall_v be_v excuse_v and_o discharge_v in_o such_o kind_n as_o these_o there_o be_v real_o a_o very_a true_a discharge_n not_o yet_o that_o they_o affirm_v that_o our_o monastery_n ought_v to_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o court_n for_o good_a breed_n and_o to_o know_v what_o belong_v to_o good_a manner_n
the_o rectour_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n who_o i_o mention_v before_o i_o have_v see_v some_o thing_n concern_v great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v he_o but_o i_o will_v not_o insert_v they_o here_o for_o fear_v of_o be_v too_o long_o there_o happen_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o he_o once_o for_o he_o be_v persecute_v and_o find_v himself_o great_o afflict_v and_o i_o hear_v mass_n one_o day_n see_v christ_n our_o lord_n upon_o the_o cross_n just_a then_o when_o the_o priest_n elevate_v the_o sacred_a host_n and_o he_o speak_v certain_a word_n to_o i_o wherewith_o i_o be_v to_o acquaint_v he_o for_o his_o comfort_n and_o other_o also_o he_o speak_v by_o way_n of_o prevention_n of_o some_o future_a inconvenience_n which_o may_v arrive_v and_o he_o represent_v also_o to_o he_o how_o much_o himself_o have_v suffer_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o that_o therefore_o he_o shall_v prepare_v himself_o to_o suffer_v and_o this_o give_v he_o both_o much_o comfort_n and_o much_o courage_n and_o all_o happen_v to_o he_o just_a so_o as_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v foretell_v of_o the_o religious_a of_o a_o certain_a order_n yea_o and_o of_o that_o whole_a order_n together_o i_o have_v see_v great_a thing_n for_o i_o have_v see_v they_o sometime_o in_o heaven_n with_o white_a banner_n in_o their_o hand_n &_o i_o have_v see_v as_o i_o be_v say_v other_o thing_n of_o great_a admiration_n and_o according_o i_o have_v this_o order_n in_o much_o veneration_n for_o i_o have_v treat_v and_o communicate_v with_o they_o much_o and_o i_o see_v that_o their_o life_n be_v agreeable_a to_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v give_v i_o to_o understand_v concern_v they_o i_o be_v one_o night_n in_o prayer_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o utter_v some_o word_n to_o i_o which_o bring_v i_o to_o remember_v how_o wicked_a my_o life_n have_v be_v and_o they_o give_v i_o confusion_n and_o pain_n enough_o for_o although_o they_o import_v not_o any_o rigour_n yet_o they_o endue_v i_o with_o such_o a_o tender_a kind_n of_o feeling_n and_o grief_n that_o the_o soul_n be_v even_o dissolve_v by_o it_o and_o we_o use_v in_o such_o case_n to_o find_v more_o benefit_n in_o the_o way_n of_o know_v out_o self_n by_o some_o one_o such_o word_n as_o these_o than_o we_o be_v able_a to_o acquire_v in_o many_o day_n by_o our_o own_o consideration_n of_o our_o misery_n for_o it_o bring_v such_o a_o truth_n to_o be_v even_o engrave_v in_o our_o soul_n as_o we_o can_v possible_o deny_v he_o represent_v to_o i_o also_o those_o inclination_n of_o i_o which_o i_o have_v former_o entertain_v towards_o creature_n with_o so_o much_o vanity_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o put_v a_o great_a value_n upon_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o have_v that_o i_o will_v lodge_v all_o my_o affection_n upon_o he_o which_o former_o i_o have_v employ_v so_o ill_o since_o he_o will_v accept_v thereof_o at_o other_o time_n he_o bid_v i_o remember_v that_o former_o i_o have_v sometime_o esteem_v it_o for_o a_o point_n of_o honour_n in_o i_o to_o go_v against_o his_o honour_n and_o yet_o at_o other_o time_n that_o i_o shall_v remember_v how_o much_o i_o owe_v he_o for_o that_o i_o use_v to_o commit_v the_o great_a offence_n against_o he_o whilst_o he_o use_v to_o be_v do_v i_o favour_n if_o i_o have_v any_o fault_n which_o be_v not_o few_o our_o lord_n give_v they_o so_o to_o be_v understand_v by_o i_o at_o those_o time_n that_o it_o make_v i_o even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v myself_o and_o because_o i_o have_v many_o fault_n he_o use_v i_o so_o many_o time_n it_o happen_v to_o i_o once_o that_o a_o ghostile_a father_n reprehend_v i_o and_o when_o i_o think_v to_o comfort_v myself_o in_o prayer_n it_o be_v there_o that_o i_o find_v indeed_o my_o true_a reprehension_n but_o now_o to_o return_v to_o that_o which_o i_o be_v say_v when_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o bring_v my_o wicked_a life_n to_o my_o remembrance_n which_o cost_v i_o a_o world_n of_o tear_n and_o when_o i_o also_o consider_v that_o i_o have_v do_v no_o good_a thing_n late_o which_o may_v even_o in_o my_o opinion_n deserve_v his_o favour_n i_o begin_v to_o consider_v a_o while_n whether_o he_o may_v not_o perhaps_o intend_v some_o new_a expression_n of_o goodness_n to_o i_o because_o whensoever_o i_o find_v myself_o receive_v any_o particular_a favour_n from_o our_o lord_n it_o be_v ordinary_o after_o i_o have_v even_o defeat_v and_o annihilate_v myself_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o our_o lord_n proceed_v thus_o with_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v see_v the_o more_o clear_o how_o far_o i_o be_o out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o deserue_v his_o favour_n short_o after_o this_o my_o spirit_n be_v so_o absorb_v and_o snatch_v away_o that_o in_o effect_n it_o seem_v to_o be_v absolute_o out_o of_o my_o body_n at_o least_o it_o be_v not_o understand_v that_o it_o live_v in_o it_o and_o then_o i_o see_v the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n in_o much_o more_o excessive_a glory_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v discern_v before_o now_o this_o be_v represent_v to_o i_o by_o a_o certain_a admirable_a and_o clear_a notice_n of_o his_o be_v place_v in_o the_o very_a bosom_n of_o his_o father_n nor_o yet_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o say_v of_o how_o this_o be_v for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o see_v myself_o present_a before_o that_o very_a divinity_n and_o yet_o without_o see_v myself_o and_o i_o remain_v so_o amaze_v and_o every_o way_n indeed_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o think_v there_o pass_v some_o day_n before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o return_v to_o myself_o for_o still_o i_o be_v conceave_a that_o i_o have_v the_o majesty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n present_a with_o i_o though_o it_o be_v not_o yet_o like_o the_o former_a for_o this_o i_o understand_v well_o enough_o but_o how_o soever_o it_o remain_v so_o engrave_v in_o my_o imagination_n that_o i_o can_v be_v ride_v of_o it_o how_o short_a soever_o the_o time_n be_v wherein_o it_o be_v represent_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v matter_n both_o of_o great_a comfort_n and_o of_o great_a benefit_n to_o my_o soul_n now_o i_o have_v see_v this_o very_a vision_n at_o three_o other_o time_n and_o this_o in_o my_o opinion_n be_v absolute_o the_o most_o sublime_a vision_n which_o ever_o our_o bless_a lord_n give_v i_o and_o it_o bring_v the_o great_a improvement_n and_o profit_n with_o it_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o the_o soul_n be_v great_o purify_v by_o it_o and_o that_o it_o do_v utter_o take_v away_o all_o strength_n from_o the_o sensuality_n of_o our_o self-love_n it_o be_v a_o vehement_a flame_n which_o seem_v to_o burn_v up_o and_o even_o annihilate_v all_o the_o desire_n of_o this_o life_n and_o since_o god_n be_v bless_v for_o it_o i_o have_v already_o no_o inclination_n to_o idle_a and_o impertinent_a thing_n it_o be_v here_o declare_v to_o i_o in_o distinct_a manner_n that_o all_o be_v vanity_n and_o in_o particular_a how_o vain_a all_o the_o superiority_n and_o signory_n of_o this_o world_n be_v and_o it_o fall_v out_o also_o to_o be_v of_o mighty_a instruction_n for_o the_o raising-up_a of_o our_o desire_n to_o be_v lodge_v upon_o the_o purity_n of_o truth_n and_o there_o remain_v a_o high_a kind_n of_o adoration_n and_o reverence_n of_o god_n imprint_v after_o a_o certain_a manner_n which_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o describe_v but_o it_o be_v of_o a_o very_a different_a kind_n from_o whatsoever_o we_o can_v acquire_v in_o this_o world_n it_o create_v also_o a_o huge_a amazement_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o consider_v how_o she_o ever_o dare_v or_o how_o any_o creature_n can_v presume_v so_o far_o as_o to_o think_v of_o offend_v such_o a_o supreme_a majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v declare_v sometime_o heretofore_o the_o effect_n of_o vision_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n but_o i_o have_v also_o say_v already_o that_o a_o soul_n receave_v more_o or_o less_o profit_n according_a to_o the_o proportion_n and_o manner_n of_o the_o vision_n as_o the_o same_o may_v be_v either_o more_o or_o less_o but_o in_o this_o it_o be_v extraordinary_o great_a when_o i_o come_v to_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o i_o do_v then_o record_v to_o myself_o that_o incomparable_a majesty_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o understand_v to_o be_v the_o very_a same_o which_o be_v in_o this_o most_o holy_a sacrament_n and_o many_o time_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v he_o in_o the_o sacred_a host_n where_o upon_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n will_v stand_v on_o end_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o be_v even_o annihilate_v outtight_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o if_o thou_o do_v
there_o and_o now_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o consideration_n my_o soul_n begin_v to_o be_v so_o much_o more_o inflame_v that_o my_o spirit_n grow_v to_o be_v in_o rapt_v and_o so_o as_o that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o express_v it_o for_o i_o think_v i_o be_v put_v and_o plunge_v into_o that_o majesty_n which_o i_o have_v former_o understand_v but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o declare_v it_o in_o this_o majesty_n a_o certain_a truth_n be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v which_o indeed_o be_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o all_o truth_n but_o yet_o still_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o relate_v it_o for_o i_o see_v nothing_o at_o all_o distinct_o but_o they_o tell_v i_o these_o word_n though_o yet_o i_o see_v not_o who_o speak_v they_o only_o i_o know_v that_o it_o be_v the_o very_a truth_n this_o which_o i_o do_v for_o thou_o be_v no_o small_a matter_n but_o rather_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n for_o which_o thou_o ow_a i_o much_o because_o one_o of_o the_o mischief_n which_o grow_n to_o the_o world_n proceed_v from_o not_o know_v the_o truth_n of_o scripture_n with_o clear_a truth_n but_o one_o tittle_n thereof_o shall_v not_o fail_v now_o as_o for_o i_o i_o conceive_v that_o myself_o have_v always_o believe_v this_o yea_o and_o that_o all_o catholic_n have_v also_o believe_v it_o but_o then_o he_o say_v to_o i_o again_o alas_o my_o daughter_n there_o be_v few_o who_o love_v i_o according_a to_o truth_n for_o if_o they_o do_v i_o will_v not_o conceal_v my_o secret_n from_o they_o but_o do_v thou_o know_v what_o it_o be_v to_o love_v i_o according_a to_o truth_n it_o be_v to_o know_v that_o all_o be_v a_o lie_n which_o be_v not_o acceptable_a to_o i_o thou_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o see_v this_o clear_o which_o now_o thou_o do_v not_o understand_v by_o the_o profit_n which_o thy_o soul_n shall_v get_v and_o so_o according_o i_o have_v see_v it_o perform_v our_o lord_n be_v ever_o praise_v for_o it_o for_o all_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o address_v to_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n do_v of_o late_a seem_v to_o i_o so_o huge_o to_o be_v vanity_n and_o a_o lie_n that_o i_o be_o no_o way_n able_a to_o express_v how_o much_o i_o understand_v thereof_o and_o it_o move_v i_o to_o deep_a compassion_n to_o see_v man_n live_v in_o so_o great_a obscurity_n and_o ignorance_n as_o they_o be_v in_o of_o thy_o truth_n but_o by_o this_o mean_n i_o have_v benefit_v myself_o in_o many_o kind_n whereof_o i_o will_v here_o relate_v some_o and_o some_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o relate_v but_o our_o lord_n say_v one_o word_n to_o i_o here_o in_o particular_a with_o very_o great_a favour_n though_o i_o know_v not_o also_o how_o this_o be_v for_o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o i_o remain_v in_o such_o sort_n after_o it_o as_o i_o know_v not_o also_o how_o to_o declare_v even_o that_o only_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o remain_v by_o this_o mean_n with_o a_o very_a great_a kind_n of_o fortitude_n and_o firm_a purpose_n of_o accomplish_v even_o the_o least_o part_n of_o holy_a scripture_n with_o the_o uttermost_a of_o all_o my_o power_n and_o nothing_o i_o think_v can_v offer_v itself_o to_o i_o through_o which_o i_o will_v not_o pass_v for_o the_o make_v this_o good_a there_o remain_v also_o a_o truth_n of_o this_o divine_a truth_n which_o be_v now_o represent_v to_o i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o know_v not_o how_o so_o deep_o engrave_v in_o my_o hart_n that_o it_o make_v i_o carry_v a_o new_a kind_n of_o profound_a reverence_n to_o almighty_a god_n for_o it_o impart_v a_o notice_n of_o his_o high_a majesty_n and_o great_a power_n after_o such_o a_o manner_n as_o can_v be_v describe_v but_o i_o can_v only_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v a_o mighty_a kind_n of_o thing_n i_o now_o remain_v also_o with_o a_o very_a great_a desire_n never_o to_o speak_v at_o all_o but_o of_o thing_n which_o be_v substantial_o true_a and_o which_o may_v just_o take_v precedence_n of_o all_o that_o which_o use_v to_o be_v treat_v of_o in_o this_o world_n and_o so_o i_o then_o begin_v to_o find_v it_o pain_n enough_o even_o to_o live_v in_o it_o this_o vision_n leave_v i_o with_o a_o regalo_n of_o great_a tenderness_n and_o with_o humility_n also_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v give_v i_o to_o understand_v much_o in_o this_o vision_n though_o yet_o without_o my_o understanding_n the_o manner_n of_o it_o but_o at_o least_o i_o be_v satisfy_v well_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v no_o illusion_n i_o see_v nothing_o but_o yet_o i_o understand_v the_o great_a benefit_n which_o there_o be_v in_o not_o make_v account_n of_o any_o thing_n which_o bring_v we_o not_o near_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o so_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n it_o be_v for_o a_o soul_n to_o walk_v in_o truth_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o same_o truth_n that_o which_o i_o understand_v be_v that_o our_o lord_n give_v i_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v very_a truth_n itself_o and_o all_o these_o thing_n at_o which_o i_o have_v now_o point_v here_o i_o understand_v sometime_o by_o their_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o and_o at_o other_o time_n without_o speech_n but_o yet_o some_o of_o this_o latter_a sort_n with_o more_o clearness_n than_o those_o other_o which_o be_v impart_v to_o i_o by_o word_n i_o understand_v very_o great_a truth_n of_o this_o truth_n and_o better_o then_o if_o many_o learned_a man_n have_v teach_v i_o and_o at_o least_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o they_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n have_v so_o imprint_v they_o in_o my_o mind_n nor_o so_o clear_o have_v give_v i_o to_o understand_v the_o vanity_n of_o this_o world_n this_o truth_n which_o i_o say_v be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v be_v very_a truth_n in_o itself_o and_o it_o be_v both_o without_o beginning_n and_o without_o end_n and_o all_o other_o truth_n depend_v upon_o this_o truth_n and_o all_o other_o love_n upon_o this_o love_n and_o all_o other_o greatness_n upon_o this_o greatness_n though_o yet_o all_o this_o be_v deliver_v by_o i_o with_o much_o obscurity_n in_o comparison_n of_o that_o clearness_n wherewith_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o impart_v it_o and_o how_o very_o well_o do_v this_o become_v the_o great_a power_n of_o that_o majesty_n to_o leave_v such_o thing_n as_o these_o imprint_v upon_o the_o soul_n whereby_o such_o advantage_n be_v obtain_v and_o that_o in_o so_o short_a a_o time_n o_o greatness_n and_o majesty_n of_o my_o omnipotent_a lord_n what_o be_v it_o which_o thou_o be_v do_v consider_v who_o it_o be_v to_o who_o thou_o be_v vouchsafe_v such_o sovereign_a favour_n do_v thou_o not_o remember_v how_o this_o soul_n have_v be_v a_o very_a abyss_n of_o lie_n and_o even_o a_o deep_a sea_n of_o vanity_n and_o all_o this_o through_o fault_n of_o my_o own_o for_o notwithstanding_o that_o thou_o give_v i_o a_o inclination_n which_o natural_o do_v abhor_v lie_v yet_o i_o make_v myself_o apt_a to_o treat_v in_o many_o thing_n after_o a_o deceitful_a kind_n of_o manner_n how_o be_v thou_o able_a o_o my_o god_n even_o to_o endure_v i_o and_o how_o can_v so_o great_a goodness_n of_o thou_o be_v show_v to_o one_o who_o have_v so_o ill_o deserve_v it_o and_o how_o can_v so_o much_o sin_n against_o thou_o be_v compatible_a with_o such_o favour_n as_o these_o be_v once_o recite_v the_o hour_n of_o the_o divine_a office_n with_o all_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o religious_a my_o soul_n begin_v to_o be_v sudden_o recollect_v and_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v like_o some_o clear_a and_o pure_a lookingglass_n without_o have_v any_o thing_n either_o on_o the_o back_n or_o on_o the_o side_n or_o yet_o either_o above_o or_o below_o which_o be_v not_o all_o extreme_o clear_a and_o in_o the_o very_a centre_n thereof_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v represent_v to_o i_o just_a so_o as_o i_o be_o accustom_v to_o see_v he_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o see_v he_o clear_o in_o all_o the_o part_n and_o portion_n of_o my_o soul_n as_o in_o a_o lookingglass_n and_o so_o also_o though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o be_v engrave_v therein_o with_o such_o a_o certain_a kind_n of_o enamour_a communion_n or_o communication_n of_o himself_o as_o i_o can_v possible_o express_v only_o i_o know_v that_o this_o vision_n have_v be_v of_o very_o great_a benefit_n to_o i_o and_o be_v so_o whensoever_o i_o remember_v it_o and_o especial_o after_o i_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n but_o it_o be_v give_v i_o hereby_o to_o understand_v that_o the_o be_v of_o a_o soul_n in_o mortal_a sin_n be_v to_o make_v this_o glass_n be_v cover_v
i_o have_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o our_o lord_n do_v ever_o counsel_v i_o in_o all_o thing_n yea_o so_o far_o as_o even_o to_o tell_v i_o how_o i_o shall_v carry_v myself_o towards_o weak_a person_n and_o some_o other_o also_o and_o he_o never_o lay_v the_o care_n of_o i_o aside_o but_o i_o be_o much_o trouble_v to_o find_v that_o i_o be_o good_a for_o so_o little_a in_o his_o service_n as_o also_o that_o i_o can_v do_v the_o less_o through_o my_o spend_v more_o time_n than_o i_o wiâ—h_v upon_o so_o weak_a and_o waste_v a_o body_n as_o i_o be_v as_o i_o be_v once_o in_o prayer_n and_o the_o hour_n of_o our_o go_v to_o rest_n come_v on_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o know_v that_o my_o ordinary_a vomit_n will_v arrive_v and_o obserue_v myself_o to_o be_v so_o tyed-up_a to_o these_o care_n and_o the_o spirit_n on_o the_o other_o side_n desit_v to_o have_v some_o time_n for_o itself_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v even_o so_o tire_v that_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v great_o afflict_v and_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o that_o happen_v very_o often_o to_o i_o and_o this_o condition_n put_v i_o to_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o anger_n that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v in_o those_o time_n even_o abhor_v myself_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v true_a withal_o that_o i_o do_v not_o abhor_v myself_o indeed_o nor_o yet_o be_o want_v in_o what_o be_v necessary_a for_o i_o and_o i_o rather_o pray_v god_n that_o i_o take_v not_o more_o care_n of_o myself_o than_o i_o shall_v and_o so_o i_o fear_v i_o do_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o grief_n our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o and_o regale_v i_o very_o much_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v endure_v these_o trouble_n and_o goe-through_a with_o they_o for_o love_n of_o he_o and_o that_o my_o life_n be_v necessary_a yet_o and_o so_o i_o think_v i_o never_o see_v myself_o in_o any_o very_a great_a pain_n which_o i_o value_v since_o i_o resolve_v to_o serve_v this_o lord_n and_o comforter_n of_o i_o with_o all_o my_o power_n for_o though_o he_o permit_v i_o to_o suffer_v a_o little_a yet_o will_v he_o still_o be_v assist_v i_o so_o withal_o that_o i_o esteem_v not_o myself_o to_o do_v much_o in_o desire_v to_o suffer_v affliction_n for_o his_o sake_n so_o that_o now_o i_o think_v there_o be_v no_o reason_n why_o we_o shall_v even_o desire_v so_o much_o as_o to_o live_v but_o only_o to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v suffer_v and_o according_o this_o be_v the_o thing_n which_o i_o beg_v with_o most_o affection_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o sometime_o i_o be_o say_v to_o he_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n o_o lord_n let_v i_o either_o suffer_v or_o die_v for_o i_o beg_v no_o other_o thing_n of_o thou_o for_o myself_o and_o now_o it_o use_v to_o comfort_v i_o to_o hear_v the_o clock_n strike_v for_o so_o i_o think_v i_o be_o grow_v a_o little_a near_o to_o the_o see_v of_o god_n though_o it_o be_v but_o a_o little_a because_o one_o hour_n more_o of_o my_o life_n be_v past_a at_o other_o time_n i_o find_v myself_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o neither_o take_v much_o pleasure_n in_o live_v nor_o yet_o i_o think_v have_v any_o great_a mind_n to_o die_v and_o so_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o remain_v with_o a_o kind_n of_o stupidity_n and_o darkness_n of_o mind_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o many_o time_n i_o also_o have_v some_o trouble_n and_o since_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o those_o favour_n shall_v be_v public_o know_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o show_v i_o as_o he_o himself_o have_v tell_v i_o some_o year_n ago_o that_o they_o shall_v be_v which_o give_v i_o vexation_n enough_o and_o it_o be_v not_o a_o little_a that_o i_o have_v endure_v therein_o as_o your_o reverence_n know_v for_o every_o body_n will_v understand_v thing_n as_o he_o list_n i_o comfort_v myself_o yet_o with_o this_o that_o it_o have_v not_o arrive_v by_o my_o fault_n because_o i_o never_o speak_v of_o any_o such_o thing_n but_o either_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n or_o other_o who_o i_o know_v even_o by_o they_o have_v understand_v thereof_o for_o of_o this_o i_o be_v very_o wary_a even_o to_o extremity_n though_o yet_o perhaps_o i_o abstain_v not_o so_o much_o for_o respect_n of_o humility_n as_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v pain_n enough_o to_o tell_v even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n thereof_o and_o therefore_o how_o much_o less_o will_v i_o impart_v thing_n of_o this_o nature_n to_o other_o but_o now_o i_o earnest_o desire_v that_o almighty_a god_n may_v receive_v glory_n by_o it_o howsoever_o there_o be_v some_o who_o murmur_n at_o i_o very_o much_o upon_o this_o occasion_n though_o even_o yet_o i_o think_v they_o may_v peradventure_o do_v it_o with_o good_a zeal_n and_o there_o be_v other_o who_o be_v afraid_a even_o to_o treat_v with_o i_o in_o any_o kind_n yea_o and_o even_o to_o receive_v the_o confession_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o other_o say_v also_o other_o thing_n but_o how_o soever_o since_o i_o understand_v that_o it_o have_v please_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o reduce_v many_o soul_n by_o this_o mean_n and_o because_o i_o see_v clear_o and_o remember_v continual_o how_o much_o himself_o will_v be_v please_v to_o endure_v for_o the_o gain_n of_o one_o soul_n i_o allow_v myself_o to_o take_v little_a trouble_n for_o any_o thing_n which_o man_n can_v say_v of_o i_o and_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o or_o no_o this_o may_v not_o have_v be_v a_o part_n of_o the_o cause_n why_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v place_v i_o in_o this_o little_a corner_n of_o the_o world_n where_o i_o be_o so_o shut_v up_o and_o where_o i_o think_v there_o will_v be_v no_o more_o memory_n of_o i_o then_o of_o a_o thing_n which_o be_v dead_a but_o their_o forgerfulnes_n be_v not_o so_o great_a as_o i_o wish_v and_o so_o i_o have_v be_v constrain_v to_o speak_v sometime_o with_o some_o person_n yet_o howsoever_o i_o be_o not_o now_o where_o the_o world_n may_v easy_o see_v i_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o drive_v i_o from_o sea_n to_o this_o port_n and_o i_o trust_v in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o it_o will_v prove_v a_o very_a safe_a one_o for_o i_o and_o since_o now_o i_o be_o out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o find_v myself_o in_o the_o company_n of_o few_o but_o they_o holy_a creature_n i_o look_v down_o upon_o the_o world_n as_o from_o a_o place_n which_o be_v very_o high_a and_o so_o it_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v of_o little_a moment_n with_o i_o what_o they_o below_o do_v either_o say_v or_o think_v and_o i_o will_v make_v much_o more_o account_n to_o understand_v that_o any_o one_o soul_n shall_v have_v profit_v to_o the_o weight_n of_o one_o little_a grain_n in_o god_n service_n by_o my_o mean_n then_o of_o all_o which_o can_v be_v say_v of_o i_o in_o any_o kind_n for_o since_o i_o have_v find_v myself_o in_o this_o place_n our_o lord_n have_v be_v gracious_o please_v that_o all_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o hart_n may_v have_v no_o other_o aim_n but_o this_o and_o he_o have_v also_o give_v i_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o sleep_n in_o this_o life_n which_o make_v i_o find_v that_o whatsoever_o i_o see_v be_v but_o dream_v nor_o be_o i_o able_a to_o say_v that_o i_o reap_v either_o much_o contentment_n or_o trouble_v by_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o if_o yet_o some_o thing_n give_v i_o any_o it_o pass_v away_o with_o so_o very_o great_a speed_n that_o i_o even_o wonder_v at_o it_o and_o it_o make_v but_o just_a such_o a_o kind_n of_o impression_n upon_o i_o as_o a_o thing_n will_v do_v whereof_o i_o have_v dream_v and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o perfect_a truth_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v afterward_o have_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o mind_n either_o to_o be_v glad_a of_o any_o contentment_n or_o to_o be_v sorry_a for_o any_o mis-accident_n and_o trouble_v it_o be_v real_o no_o more_o now_o in_o my_o power_n but_o just_a so_o as_o any_o man_n who_o be_v discreet_a will_v take_v either_o trouble_n or_o joy_n from_o a_o dream_n of_o his_o own_o for_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v already_o be_v please_v to_o awake_v and_o open_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n from_o out_o of_o that_o folly_n wherein_o it_o be_v and_o whereas_o by_o my_o not_o be_v mortify_v nor_o dead_a to_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n i_o be_v wont_a to_o have_v much_o feel_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o happen_v his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v now_o that_o i_o shall_v loose_v my_o true_a sight_n no_o more_o in_o this_o sort_n sir_n do_v i_o live_v now_o and_o i_o