with_o such_o conceit_n as_o these_o i_o shall_v think_v that_o god_n do_v mock_v at_o these_o my_o prayer_n say_v and_o that_o in_o the_o audience_n of_o the_o holy_a angel_n this_o poor_a simple_a wretch_n do_v hanker_v after_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o my_o mercy_n but_o to_o bestow_v it_o on_o such_o as_o he_o alas_o poor_a fool_n how_o be_v thou_o deceive_v it_o be_v not_o for_o such_o as_o thou_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o the_o high_a 90._o then_o have_v the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o also_o with_o such_o discouragement_n as_o these_o you_o be_v very_o hot_a for_o mercy_n but_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o this_o frame_n shall_v not_o last_v always_o many_o have_v be_v as_o hot_a as_o you_o for_o a_o spirit_n but_o i_o have_v quench_v their_o zeal_n and_o with_o this_o such_o and_o such_o who_o be_v fall_v off_o will_v be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n than_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v do_v so_o too_o but_o think_v i_o i_o be_o glad_a this_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n well_o i_o will_v watch_v and_o take_v what_o heed_n i_o can_v though_o you_o do_v say_v satan_n i_o shall_v be_v too_o hard_a for_o you_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o insensible_o by_o degree_n by_o little_a and_o little_a what_o care_v i_o say_v he_o though_o i_o be_v seven_o year_n in_o chill_v your_o heart_n if_o i_o can_v do_v it_o at_o last_o continual_a rock_n will_v lull_v a_o cry_a child_n asleep_o i_o will_v ply_v it_o close_o but_o i_o will_v have_v my_o end_n accomplish_v though_o you_o be_v burn_v hot_a at_o present_a yet_o if_o i_o can_v pull_v you_o from_o this_o fire_n i_o shall_v have_v you_o cold_a before_o it_o be_v long_o these_o thing_n bring_v i_o into_o great_a straits_n for_o as_o i_o at_o present_a can_v not_o find_v myself_o fit_a for_o present_a death_n so_o i_o think_v to_o live_v long_o will_v make_v i_o yet_o more_o unfit_a for_o time_n will_v make_v i_o forget_v all_o and_o wear_v even_o the_o remembrance_n of_o the_o evil_a of_o sin_n the_o worth_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o need_v i_o have_v of_o the_o blood_n of_o châ—ist_n to_o wash_v i_o both_o out_o of_o mind_n and_o thought_n but_o i_o thank_v christ_n jesus_n these_o thing_n do_v not_o at_o present_a make_v i_o slack_v my_o cry_n but_o rather_o do_v put_v i_o more_o upon_o it_o like_o she_o who_o meet_v with_o the_o adulterer_n deut._n 22.25_o in_o which_o day_n that_o be_v a_o good_a word_n to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v suffer_v these_o thing_n a_o while_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o neither_o death_n nor_o life_n etc._n etc._n shall_v separate_v we_o from_o the_o love_n of_o god_n which_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 8.38_o and_o now_o i_o hope_v long_a life_n shall_v not_o destroy_v i_o nor_o make_v i_o miss_v of_o heaven_n 91._o yet_o i_o have_v some_o support_n in_o this_o temptation_n though_o they_o be_v then_o all_o question_v by_o i_o that_o in_o the_o three_o of_o jeremiah_n at_o the_o fiâ—st_n be_v something_o to_o i_o and_o so_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o the_o five_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n that_o though_o we_o have_v speak_v and_o do_v evil_a thing_n as_o we_o can_v yet_o we_o shall_v cry_v unto_o god_n my_o father_n thou_o be_v the_o guide_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o shall_v return_v unto_o he_o 92._o i_o have_v also_o once_o a_o sweet_a glance_n from_o that_o in_o â—_o cor._n 5.21_o for_o he_o have_v make_v he_o to_o be_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o i_o remember_v also_o that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v in_o a_o neighbour_n house_n and_o there_o very_o sad_a at_o the_o consideration_n of_o my_o many_o blasphemy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o my_o mind_n what_o ground_n have_v i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o who_o have_v be_v so_o vile_a and_o abominable_a shall_v ever_o inherit_v eternal_a life_n that_o word_n come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v to_o these_o thing_n if_o god_n be_v for_o we_o who_o can_v be_v against_o we_o rom._n 8.31_o that_o also_o be_v a_o help_n unto_o i_o because_o i_o live_v you_o shall_v live_v also_o joh._n 14.19_o but_o these_o be_v but_o hint_n touch_n and_o short_a visit_n though_o very_o sweet_a when_o present_a only_o they_o last_v not_o but_o like_a to_o peter_n sheet_n of_o a_o sudden_a be_v catch_v up_o from_o i_o to_o heaven_n again_o act._n 10.16_o 93._o but_o afterward_o the_o lord_n do_v more_o full_o and_o gracious_o discover_v himself_o unto_o i_o and_o indeed_o do_v quite_o not_o only_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o guilt_n that_o by_o these_o thing_n be_v lay_v upon_o my_o conscience_n but_o also_o from_o the_o very_a filth_n thereof_o for_o the_o temptation_n be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v put_v into_o my_o right_a mind_n again_o as_o other_o christian_n be_v 94._o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v travel_v into_o the_o country_n and_o muse_v on_o the_o wickedness_n and_o blasphemy_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o consider_v of_o the_o enmity_n that_o be_v in_o i_o to_o god_n that_o scripture_n come_v in_o my_o mind_n he_o have_v make_v peace_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o cross_n col._n 1.20_o by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v both_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o that_o day_n that_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v friend_n by_o this_o blood_n yea_o i_o see_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n and_o my_o sinful_a soul_n can_v embrace_v and_o kiss_v each_o other_o through_o this_o blood_n thiâ—_n be_v a_o good_a day_n to_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v not_o forget_v it_o 95._o at_o another_o time_n as_o i_o be_v set_v by_o the_o fiâ—e_n in_o my_o house_n and_o muse_v on_o my_o wretchedness_n the_o lord_n make_v that_o also_o a_o precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o as_o much_o then_o as_o the_o child_n be_v partaker_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n he_o also_o himself_o likewise_o take_v part_n of_o thâ—_n same_o that_o through_o death_n he_o may_v destroy_v he_o that_o have_v the_o power_n of_o death_n that_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o deliver_v those_o who_o through_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v all_o their_o life_n time_n subject_a to_o bondage_n heb._n 2.14_o 15._o i_o think_v that_o the_o glory_n of_o these_o word_n be_v then_o so_o weighty_a on_o i_o that_o i_o be_v both_o once_o and_o twice_o ready_a to_o swoon_v as_o i_o sit_v yet_o not_o with_o grief_n and_o trouble_n but_o with_o solid_a joy_n and_o peace_n 96._o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o sit_v under_o the_o ministry_n of_o holy_a mr._n gifford_n who_o doctrine_n by_o god_n grace_n be_v much_o for_o my_o stability_n this_o man_n make_v it_o much_o his_o business_n to_o deliver_v the_o people_n of_o god_n from_o all_o those_o false_a and_o unsound_a rest_n that_o by_o nature_n we_o be_v prone_a to_o take_v and_o make_v to_o our_o soul_n he_o press_v we_o to_o take_v special_a heed_n that_o we_o take_v not_o up_o any_o truth_n upon_o trust_n as_o from_o this_o or_o that_o or_o another_o man_n or_o man_n but_o to_o cry_v mighty_o to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v convince_v we_o of_o the_o reality_n thereof_o and_o set_v we_o down_o therein_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n in_o the_o holy_a word_n for_o say_v he_o if_o you_o do_v otherwise_o when_o temptation_n come_v if_o strong_o you_o not_o have_v receive_v they_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n will_v find_v you_o want_v that_o help_n and_o strength_n now_o to_o resist_v as_o once_o you_o think_v you_o have_v 97._o this_o be_v as_o seasonable_a to_o my_o soul_n as_o the_o former_a and_o latter_a rain_n in_o their_o season_n for_o i_o have_v find_v and_o that_o by_o sad_a experience_n the_o truth_n of_o these_o his_o word_n for_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o man_n can_v say_v especial_o when_o tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v lord_n but_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n wherefore_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n through_o grace_n very_o apt_a to_o drink_v in_o this_o doctrine_n and_o to_o incline_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o in_o nothing_o that_o pertain_v to_o god_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o eternal_a happiness_n he_o will_v suffer_v i_o to_o be_v without_o the_o confirmation_n thereof_o from_o heaven_n for_o now_o i_o see_v clear_o there_o be_v a_o exceed_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o notion_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o the_o revelation_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n also_o a_o great_a difference_n between_o that_o faith_n that_o be_v feign_v and_o according_a to_o man_n wisdom_n and_o of_o that_o which_o come_v by_o a_o man_n be_v bear_v thereto_o of_o god_n mat._n 16.15_o 16._o 1_o john_n 5.1_o 98._o
by_o christ_n i_o be_v as_o if_o my_o joyns_n be_v break_v or_o as_o if_o my_o hand_n and_o foot_n have_v be_v tie_v or_o bind_v with_o chain_n at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o feel_v some_o weakness_n to_o seize_v my_o outward_a man_n which_o make_v still_o the_o other_o affliction_n the_o more_o heavy_a and_o uncomfortable_a 215._o afr_o i_o have_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n some_o three_o or_o four_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v by_o the_o fire_n i_o sudden_o feel_v this_o word_n to_o sound_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n at_o this_o my_o former_a darkness_n and_o atheism_n flee_v away_o and_o the_o bless_a thing_n of_o heaven_n be_v set_v within_o my_o view_n while_o i_o be_v on_o this_o sudden_a thus_o overtake_v with_o surprise_n wife_n say_v i_o be_v there_o ever_o a_o such_o scripture_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n she_o say_v she_o can_v not_o tell_v therefore_o i_o sit_v muse_v still_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v remember_v such_o a_o place_n i_o have_v not_o sit_v above_o two_o or_o three_o minute_n but_o that_o come_v bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o withal_o hebrew_n the_o twelve_o about_o the_o mount_n zion_n be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n 216._o then_o with_o joy_n i_o tell_v my_o wife_n o_o now_o i_o know_v i_o know_v but_o that_o night_n be_v a_o good_a night_n to_o i_o i_o never_o have_v but_o few_o better_a i_o long_v for_o the_o company_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n that_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v unto_o they_o what_o god_n have_v show_v i_o christ_n be_v a_o precious_a christ_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o night_n i_o can_v scarce_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n for_o joy_n and_o peace_n and_o triumph_n through_o christ_n this_o great_a glory_n do_v not_o continue_v upon_o i_o until_o morning_n yet_o that_o twelve_o of_o the_o author_n to_o the_o hebrews_n heb._n 12.21_o 22_o 23._o be_v a_o bless_a scripture_n to_o i_o for_o many_o day_n together_o after_o this_o 217._o the_o word_n be_v these_o you_o be_v come_v to_o mount_v zion_n to_o the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n to_o the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n to_o the_o general_a assembly_n and_o church_n of_o the_o first-born_a which_o be_v write_v in_o heaven_n to_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o to_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o to_o jesus_n the_o mediator_n of_o the_o new_a testament_n and_o to_o the_o blood_n of_o sprinkle_v that_o speak_v better_a thing_n than_o that_o of_o abel_n through_o this_o bless_a sentence_n the_o lord_n lead_v i_o over_o and_o over_o first_o to_o this_o word_n and_o then_o to_o that_o and_o show_v i_o wonderful_a glory_n in_o every_o one_o of_o they_o these_o word_n also_o have_v oft_o â—â—nce_v this_o time_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o my_o spirit_n bless_a be_v god_n for_o have_v mercy_n on_o i_o a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n call_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n 218._o and_o now_o i_o be_o speak_v my_o experience_n i_o will_v in_o this_o place_n thrust_v in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o concern_v my_o preach_v the_o word_n and_o of_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o in_o that_o particular_a also_o for_o after_o i_o have_v be_v about_o five_o oâ—_n six_o year_n awaken_v and_o help_v to_o see_v both_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n and_o enable_v to_o venture_v my_o soul_n upon_o he_o some_o of_o the_o most_o able_a among_o the_o saint_n with_o we_o i_o say_v the_o most_o able_a for_o judgement_n and_o holiness_n of_o life_n as_o they_o conceive_v do_v perceive_v that_o god_n have_v count_v i_o worthy_a to_o understand_v something_o of_o his_o will_n in_o his_o holy_a and_o bless_a word_n and_o have_v give_v i_o utterance_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o express_v what_o i_o see_v to_o other_o for_o edification_n they_o desire_v i_o and_o tâ—at_a with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o i_o will_v be_v willing_a at_o sometime_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n in_o one_o of_o the_o meeting_n to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o exhortation_n unto_o they_o 219._o the_o which_o though_o at_o the_o first_o it_o do_v much_o dash_n and_o abash_v my_o spirit_n yet_o be_v still_o by_o they_o desire_v and_o entreat_v i_o consent_v to_o their_o request_n and_o do_v twice_o at_o two_o several_a assembly_n but_o in_o private_a though_o with_o much_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n discover_v my_o gift_n among_o they_o at_o which_o they_o not_o only_o seem_v to_o be_v but_o do_v solemn_o protest_v as_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o great_a god_n they_o be_v both_o affect_v and_o comfort_v and_o give_v thanks_o to_o the_o father_n of_o mercy_n for_o the_o grace_n bestow_v on_o i_o 220._o after_o this_o sometime_o when_o some_o of_o they_o do_v go_v into_o the_o country_n to_o teach_v tâ—ey_n will_v also_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v with_o they_o where_o though_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o make_v use_n of_o my_o gift_n in_o a_o open_a way_n yet_o moâ—e_n private_o still_o as_o i_o come_v among_o the_o good_a people_n in_o those_o place_n i_o do_v sometime_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o admonition_n unto_o they_o also_o the_o which_o they_o as_o the_o other_o receive_v with_o rejoice_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o me-ward_n profess_v their_o soul_n be_v edify_v thereby_o 221._o wherefore_o to_o be_v brief_a at_o last_o be_v still_o desire_v by_o the_o church_n after_o some_o solemn_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n with_o fast_v i_o be_v more_o particular_o call_v forth_o and_o appoint_v to_o a_o more_o ordinary_a and_o public_a preach_v the_o word_n not_o only_o to_o and_o among_o they_o that_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o offer_v the_o gospel_n â—o_o those_o that_o have_v not_o yet_o â—eceived_v the_o faith_n thereof_o about_o which_o time_n i_o do_v evident_o find_v in_o my_o mind_n a_o secret_a prick_n forward_o thereto_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n not_o for_o desire_v of_o vain_a glory_n for_o at_o that_o time_n i_o be_v most_o sore_o afflict_v with_o â—he_n fiery_a dart_n of_o the_o devil_n concern_v my_o eternal_a state_n 222._o but_o yet_o can_v not_o be_v content_a unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o my_o gift_n unto_o which_o also_o i_o be_v great_o animate_v not_o only_o by_o the_o continual_a desire_n of_o the_o godly_a but_o also_o by_o that_o say_n of_o paul_n to_o the_o corinthian_n i_o beseech_v you_o brethren_n you_o know_v the_o household_n of_o stephanas_n that_o it_o be_v the_o firsâ—_o fruit_n of_o achaia_n and_o that_o they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o you_o submit_v yourselves_o unto_o such_o and_o to_o every_o one_o that_o help_v with_o we_o and_o labour_v 1_o cor._n 16.15_o 16._o 223._o by_o this_o text_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o the_o holy_a ghost_n never_o intend_v that_o man_n who_o have_v gift_n and_o ability_n shall_v bury_v they_o in_o the_o earth_n but_o rather_o do_v command_n and_o stir_v up_o such_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o their_o gift_n and_o also_o do_v commend_v those_o that_o be_v apt_a and_o ready_a so_o to_o do_v they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o scripture_n in_o these_o day_n do_v continual_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o encourage_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o in_o this_o my_o work_n foâ—_n god_n i_o have_v be_v also_o encourage_v from_o several_a other_o scripture_n and_o example_n of_o the_o godly_a both_o specify_v in_o the_o word_n and_o other_o ancient_a history_n act._n 8.4_o &_o 18·24_n 25_o etc._n etc._n 1_o pet._n 4.10_o rom._n 12.6_o fox_n act_n and_o mon._n 224._o wherefore_o though_o of_o myself_o of_o all_o the_o saint_n the_o most_o unworthy_a yet_o i_o but_o with_o great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a at_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o own_o weakness_n do_v set_v upon_o the_o work_n and_o do_v according_a to_o my_o gift_n and_o the_o proportion_n of_o my_o faith_n preach_v that_o bless_a gospel_n that_o god_n have_v show_v i_o in_o the_o holy_a word_n of_o truth_n which_o when_o the_o country_n understand_v they_o come_v in_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n by_o hundred_o and_o that_o from_o all_o part_n though_o upon_o sundry_a and_o divers_a account_n 225._o and_o i_o thank_v god_n he_o give_v unto_o i_o some_o measure_n of_o bowel_n and_o pity_n for_o their_o soul_n which_o also_o do_v put_v i_o forward_o to_o labour_v with_o great_a diligence_n and_o earnestness_n to_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o might_n if_o god_n will_v bless_v lay_v hold_v of_o and_o awaken_v the_o conscience_n in_o which_o also_o the_o good_a lord_n have_v respect_n to_o the_o desire_n of_o his_o
than_o now_o i_o dare_v not_o take_v a_o pin_n or_o a_o stick_n though_o but_o so_o big_a as_o a_o straw_n for_o my_o conscience_n now_o be_v sore_a and_o will_v smart_v at_o every_o touch_n i_o can_v not_o now_o tell_v how_o to_o speak_v my_o word_n for_o fear_n i_o shall_v mis-place_n they_o o_o how_o gingerly_o do_v i_o then_o go_v in_o all_o i_o do_v or_o say_v i_o find_v myself_o as_o on_o a_o miry_a bog_n that_o shake_v if_o i_o do_v but_o stir_v and_o as_o there_o left_a both_o of_o god_n and_o christ_n and_o the_o spirit_n and_o all_o good_a thing_n 70._o and_o though_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v and_o toss_v and_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o sense_n and_o terror_n of_o my_o own_o wickedness_n yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o let_v this_o sense_n and_o sight_n go_v quite_o off_o my_o mind_n for_o i_o find_v that_o unless_o guilt_n of_o conscience_n be_v take_v off_o the_o right_a way_n that_o be_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n a_o man_n grow_v rather_o worse_o for_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o trouble_n of_o mind_n than_o better_a wherefore_o if_o my_o guilt_n lie_v hard_o upon_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v cry_v that_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n may_v take_v it_o off_o and_o if_o it_o be_v go_v off_o without_o it_o for_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n will_v be_v sometime_o as_o if_o it_o will_v die_v and_o go_v quite_o away_o than_o i_o will_v also_o strive_v to_o fetch_v it_o upon_o my_o heart_n again_o by_o bring_v the_o punishment_n for_o sin_n in_o hell-fire_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o shall_v cry_v lord_n let_v it_o not_o go_v off_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o right_a way_n but_o by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o by_o the_o application_n of_o thy_o mercy_n through_o he_o to_o my_o soul_n for_o that_o scripture_n lie_v much_o upon_o i_o without_o shed_v of_o blood_n there_o be_v no_o remission_n heb._n 9.22_o and_o that_o which_o make_v i_o the_o more_o afraid_a of_o this_o be_v because_o i_o have_v see_v some_o who_o tho_o when_o they_o be_v under_o wound_n of_o conscience_n than_o they_o will_v cry_v and_o pray_v but_o they_o seek_v rather_o present_a ease_n from_o their_o trouble_n then_o pardon_v foâ—_n their_o sin_n care_v not_o how_o they_o lose_v their_o guilt_n 〈◊〉_d they_o get_v it_o out_o of_o their_o mind_n and_o therefore_o have_v get_v it_o off_o the_o wrong_a way_n it_o be_v not_o sanctifieâ—_n unto_o they_o but_o they_o grow_v hard_a and_o blind_a anâ—_n more_o wicked_a after_o their_o trouble_n this_o make_v 〈◊〉_d afraid_a and_o make_v i_o cry_v to_o god_n that_o it_o may_v noâ—_n be_v so_o with_o i_o 71._o and_o now_o be_v i_o sorry_a that_o god_n have_v make_v mâ—_n a_o man_n for_o i_o fear_v i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n i_o counteâ—_n man_n as_o unconvert_v the_o most_o doleful_a of_o all_o thâ—_n creature_n thus_o be_v afflict_v and_o toss_v abouâ—_n my_o sad_a condition_n i_o count_v myself_o alone_o anâ—_n above_o the_o most_o of_o man_n unblessed_a in_o this_o condition_n i_o go_v a_o great_a while_n but_o when_o comfort_v timâ—_n be_v come_v i_o hear_v one_o preach_v a_o sermon_n upoâ—_n those_o word_n in_o the_o song_n song_n 4.1_o behold_v thou_o anâ—_n fair_a my_o love_n behold_v thou_o be_v fair_a but_o at_o that_o timâ—_n he_o make_v these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n his_o chief_a anâ—_n subject_a matter_n from_o which_o after_o he_o have_v a_o littlâ—_n open_v the_o text_n he_o observe_v these_o several_a conclusion_n 1._o that_o the_o church_n and_o so_o every_o save_v soul_n 〈◊〉_d christ_n love_n when_o loveless_a 2._o christ_n love_n without_o 〈◊〉_d cause_n 3._o christ_n love_n when_o hate_v of_o the_o world_n 4._o christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o under_o diâ—sertion_n 5._o christ_n love_n from_o first_o to_o last_o 72._o but_o i_o get_v nothing_o by_o what_o he_o say_v at_o present_a only_o when_o he_o come_v to_o the_o application_n of_o the_o four_o particular_a this_o be_v the_o word_n he_o say_v if_o it_o be_v so_o thâ—â—_n the_o save_v soul_n be_v christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o dissertion_n then_o poor_a tempt_v soul_n when_o thou_o be_v assault_v and_o afflict_v with_o temptation_n and_o the_o hiding_n 〈◊〉_d god_n face_n yet_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n still_o 73._o so_o as_o i_o be_v a_o go_v home_o these_o word_n camâ—_n again_o into_o my_o thought_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v aâ—_n they_o come_v in_o i_o say_v thus_o in_o my_o heart_n what_o shall_v i_o get_v by_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n this_o thought_n have_v no_o soon_o pass_v through_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o word_n begin_v thus_o to_o kindle_v in_o my_o spirit_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n twenty_o time_n together_o and_o still_o as_o they_o run_v thus_o in_o my_o mind_n they_o wax_v strong_a and_o warm_a and_o begin_v to_o make_v i_o look_v up_o but_o be_v as_o yet_o between_o hope_n and_o fear_n i_o still_o reply_v in_o my_o heart_n but_o be_v it_o true_a too_o but_o be_v it_o true_a at_o which_o that_o sentence_n fall_v in_o upon_o i_o he_o wist_v not_o that_o it_o be_v true_a which_o be_v do_v unto_o he_o of_o the_o angel_n act._n 12.9_o 74._o then_o i_o begin_v to_o give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n which_o with_o power_n do_v over_o and_o over_o make_v this_o joyful_a sound_n within_o my_o soul_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n and_o nothing_o shall_v separate_v thou_o from_o my_o love_n and_o with_o that_o rom._n 8.39_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n now_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v full_a of_o comfort_n and_o hope_n and_o now_o i_o can_v believe_v that_o my_o sin_n shall_v be_v forgive_v i_o wherefore_o i_o say_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o much_o gladness_n well_o i_o will_v i_o have_v a_o pen_n and_o ink_n here_o i_o will_v write_v this_o down_o before_o i_o go_v any_o further_a for_o sure_o i_o will_v not_o forget_v this_o forty_o year_n hence_o but_o alas_o within_o less_o than_o forty_o day_n i_o begin_v to_o question_v all_o again_o 75._o yet_o still_o at_o time_n i_o be_v help_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a manifestation_n of_o grace_n unto_o my_o soul_n though_o i_o have_v lose_v much_o of_o the_o life_n and_o savour_n of_o it_o now_o about_o a_o week_n or_o fortnight_n after_o this_o i_o be_v much_o follow_v by_o this_o scripture_n simon_n simon_n behold_v satan_n have_v desire_v to_o have_v you_o luk._n 22.31_o and_o sometime_o it_o will_v sound_v so_o loud_o within_o i_o yea_o and_o as_o it_o be_v call_v so_o strong_o after_o i_o that_o once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o turn_v my_o head_n over_o my_o shoulder_n think_v very_o that_o some_o man_n have_v behind_o i_o call_v to_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a distance_n 76._o but_o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a that_o i_o know_v not_o the_o reason_n of_o this_o sound_n which_o as_o i_o do_v both_o see_v and_o feel_v soon_o after_o be_v send_v from_o heaven_n as_o a_o alarm_n to_o awaken_v i_o to_o provide_v for_o what_o be_v come_v only_o it_o will_v make_v i_o muse_v and_o wonder_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o think_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o this_o scripture_n and_o that_o at_o this_o rate_n so_o often_o and_o so_o loud_a shall_v still_o be_v sound_v and_o rattle_v in_o my_o ear_n but_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o soon_o after_o perceive_v the_o end_n of_o god_n therein_o 77._o for_o about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o month_n after_o a_o very_a great_a storm_n come_v down_o upon_o i_o which_o handle_v i_o twenty_o time_n worse_o than_o all_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o before_o it_o come_v steal_v upon_o i_o now_o by_o one_o piece_n then_o by_o another_o first_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v take_v from_o i_o than_o darkness_n seize_v upon_o i_o after_o which_o whole_a flood_n of_o blasphemy_n both_o against_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o scripture_n be_v pour_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o my_o great_a confusion_n and_o astonishment_n these_o blasphemous_a thought_n be_v such_o as_o also_o stir_v up_o question_n in_o i_o against_o the_o very_a be_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o only_a belove_a son_n as_o whether_o there_o be_v in_o truth_n a_o god_n or_o christ_n or_o no_o and_o whether_o the_o holy_a scripture_n be_v not_o rather_o a_o fable_n and_o cunning_a story_n than_o the_o holy_a and_o pure_a word_n of_o god_n 78._o the_o tempter_n also_o will_v much_o assault_v i_o with_o this_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v but_o that_o the_o turkâ—_n have_v as_o good_a scripture_n to_o prove_v their_o mahomet_n the_o saviour_n as_o we_o have_v to_o prove_v our_o jesus_n be_v and_o can_v i_o think_v that_o so_o many_o ten_o
yea_o it_o be_v so_o fix_v on_o eternity_n and_o on_o the_o thing_n about_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n that_o be_v so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v though_o as_o yet_o god_n know_v i_o know_v but_o little_a that_o neither_o pleasure_n nor_o profit_n nor_o persuasion_n nor_o threat_n can_v loosen_v it_o or_o make_v it_o let_v go_v its_o hold_n and_o though_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o with_o shame_n yet_o it_o be_v in_o very_a deed_n a_o certain_a truth_n it_o will_v then_o have_v be_v as_o difficult_a for_o i_o to_o have_v take_v my_o mind_n from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n as_o i_o have_v find_v it_o often_o since_o to_o get_v it_o again_o from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n 34._o and_o now_o i_o think_v i_o begin_v to_o look_v into_o the_o bible_n with_o new_a eye_n and_o read_v as_o i_o never_o do_v before_o and_o especial_o the_o epistle_n of_o the_o apostle_n paul_n be_v sweet_a and_o pleasant_a to_o i_o and_o indeed_o i_o be_v then_o never_o out_o of_o the_o bible_n either_o by_o read_v or_o meditation_n still_o cry_v out_o to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v know_v the_o truth_n and_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n 35._o and_o as_o i_o go_v on_o and_o read_v i_o light_v on_o that_o passage_n to_o one_o be_v give_v by_o the_o spirit_n the_o word_n of_o wisdom_n to_o another_o the_o word_n of_o knowledge_n by_o the_o same_o spirit_n and_o to_o another_o faith_n etc._n etc._n 1_o cor._n 12._o and_o though_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v that_o by_o this_o scripture_n the_o holy_a ghost_n intend_v in_o special_a thing_n extraordinary_a yet_o on_o i_o it_o then_o do_v fasten_v with_o conviction_n that_o i_o do_v want_v thing_n ordinary_a even_o that_o understanding_n and_o wisdom_n that_o other_o christian_n have_v on_o this_o word_n i_o muse_v and_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o fear_v it_o shut_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o blessing_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v give_v they_o of_o god_n but_o i_o be_v loath_a to_o conclude_v i_o have_v no_o faith_n in_o my_o soul_n for_o if_o i_o do_v so_o think_v i_o than_o i_o shall_v count_v myself_o a_o very_a castaway_n indeed_o 36._o no_o say_v i_o with_o myself_o though_o i_o be_o convince_v that_o i_o be_o a_o ignorant_a sot_n and_o that_o i_o want_v those_o bless_a gift_n of_o knowledge_n and_o understanding_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v yet_o at_o a_o venture_n i_o will_v conclude_v i_o be_o not_o altogether_o faithless_a though_o i_o know_v not_o what_o faith_n be_v for_o it_o be_v show_v i_o and_o that_o too_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v by_o satan_n that_o those_o who_o conclude_v themselves_o in_o a_o faithless_a state_n have_v neither_o rest_n nor_o quiet_a in_o their_o soul_n and_o â—_o be_v loath_a to_o fall_v quite_o into_o despair_n 37._o wherefore_o by_o this_o suggestion_n i_o be_v for_o a_o while_o make_v afraid_a to_o see_v my_o want_n of_o faith_n but_o god_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o thus_o to_o undo_v and_o destroy_v my_o soul_n but_o do_v continual_o against_o this_o my_o blind_a and_o sad_a conclusion_n create_v still_o within_o i_o such_o supposition_n that_o i_o may_v in_o this_o deceive_v myself_o that_o i_o can_v not_o rest_v conâ—ent_a until_o i_o do_v now_o come_v to_o some_o certain_a knowledge_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no_o this_o always_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n but_o how_o if_o you_o want_v faith_n indeed_o but_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o have_v faith_n 38._o so_o that_o though_o i_o endeavour_v at_o the_o first_o to_o look_v over_o the_o business_n of_o faith_n yet_o in_o a_o little_a time_n i_o better_o consider_v the_o matter_n be_v willing_a to_o put_v myself_o upon_o the_o trial_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no._n but_o alas_o poor_a wretch_n so_o ignorant_a and_o brutish_a be_v i_o that_o i_o know_v to_o this_o day_n no_o more_o how_o to_o do_v it_o than_o i_o know_v how_o to_o begin_v and_o accomplish_v that_o rare_a and_o curious_a piece_n of_o art_n which_o i_o never_o yet_o see_v nor_o consider_v 39_o wherefore_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v and_o be_v put_v to_o my_o plunge_n about_o it_o for_o you_o must_v know_v that_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v in_o this_o matter_n break_v my_o mind_n to_o no_o man_n only_o do_v hear_v and_o consider_v the_o tempter_n come_v in_o with_o this_o delusion_n that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n for_o i_o to_o know_v i_o have_v faith_n but_o by_o try_v to_o work_v some_o miracle_n urge_v those_o scripture_n that_o seem_v to_o look_v that_o way_n for_o the_o enforce_a and_o strengthen_v his_o temptation_n nay_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v betwixt_o elstow_n and_o bedford_n the_o temptation_n be_v hot_a upon_o i_o to_o try_v if_o i_o have_v faith_n by_o do_v of_o some_o miracle_n which_o miracle_n at_o that_o time_n be_v this_o i_o must_v say_v to_o the_o puddle_n that_o be_v in_o the_o horse_n pad_n be_v dry_a and_o to_o the_o dry_a place_n be_v you_o the_o puddle_n and_o true_o one_o time_n i_o be_v a_o go_v to_o say_v so_o indeed_o but_o just_a as_o i_o be_v about_o to_o speak_v this_o thought_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n but_o go_v under_o yonder_o hedge_n and_o pray_v first_o that_o god_n will_v make_v you_o able_a but_o when_o i_o have_v conclude_v to_o pray_v this_o come_v hot_a upon_o i_o that_o if_o i_o pray_v and_o come_v again_o and_o try_v to_o do_v it_o and_o yet_o do_v nothing_o notwithstanding_o than_o besure_n i_o have_v no_o faith_n but_o be_v a_o castaway_n and_o lose_v nay_o think_v i_o if_o it_o be_v so_o i_o will_v never_o try_v yet_o but_o will_v stay_v a_o little_a long_o 40._o so_o i_o continue_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n for_o i_o think_v if_o they_o only_o have_v faith_n which_o can_v do_v such_o wonderful_a thing_n than_o i_o conclude_v that_o for_o the_o present_a i_o neither_o have_v it_o nor_o yet_o for_o time_n to_o come_v be_v ever_o like_a to_o have_v it_o thus_o i_o be_v toss_v betwixt_o the_o devil_n and_o my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o so_o perplex_v especial_o at_o some_o time_n that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v 41._o about_o this_o time_n the_o state_n and_o happiness_n of_o these_o poor_a people_n at_o bedford_n be_v thus_o in_o a_o dream_n or_o vision_n represent_v to_o i_o i_o see_v as_o if_o they_o be_v set_v on_o the_o sunny_a side_n of_o some_o high_a mountain_n there_o refresh_v themselves_o with_o the_o pleasant_a beam_n of_o the_o sun_n while_o i_o be_v shiver_v and_o shrink_v in_o the_o cold_a afflict_v with_o frost_n snow_n and_o dark_a cloud_n methinks_v also_o betwixt_o i_o and_o they_o i_o see_v a_o wall_n that_o do_v compass_v about_o this_o mountain_n now_o through_o this_o wall_n my_o soul_n do_v great_o desire_v to_o pass_v conclude_v that_o if_o i_o can_v i_o will_v go_v even_o into_o the_o very_a midst_n of_o they_o and_o there_o also_o comfort_v myself_o with_o the_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 42._o about_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v myself_o to_o go_v again_o and_o again_o still_o pry_v as_o i_o go_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v some_o way_n or_o passage_n by_o which_o i_o may_v enter_v therein_o but_o none_o can_v i_o find_v for_o some_o time_n at_o the_o last_o i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v a_o narrow_a gap_n like_o a_o little_a door-way_n in_o the_o wall_n through_o which_o i_o attempt_v to_o pass_v but_o the_o passage_n be_v very_o straight_o and_o narrow_a i_o make_v many_o offer_n to_o get_v in_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a even_o until_o i_o be_v well_o nigh_o quite_o beat_v out_o by_o strive_v to_o get_v in_o at_o last_o with_o great_a strive_v i_o think_v i_o at_o first_o do_v get_v in_o my_o head_n &_o after_o that_o by_o a_o side-ling_n strive_v my_o shoulder_n and_o my_o whole_a body_n then_o be_v i_o exceed_o glad_a and_o go_v and_o sit_v down_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o and_o so_o be_v comfort_v with_o the_o light_n and_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 43._o now_o this_o mountain_n and_o wall_n etc._n etc._n be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o the_o mountain_n signify_v the_o church_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o sun_n that_o shine_v thereon_o the_o comfortable_a shine_a of_o his_o merciful_a face_n on_o they_o â—hat_n be_v therein_o the_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v the_o word_n â—hat_n do_v make_v separation_n between_o the_o christian_n â—nd_v the_o world_n and_o the_o gap_n which_o be_v in_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v jesus_n christ_n who_o be_v the_o way_n â—o_o god_n the_o father_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o the_o passage_n be_v wonderful_a narrow_a even_o so_o narrow_a that_o iâ—ould_v â—ould_z not_o but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n enter_v in_o thereâ—t_fw-la it_o
thousand_o in_o so_o many_o country_n and_o kingdom_n shall_v be_v without_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o right_a way_n to_o heaven_n if_o there_o be_v indeed_o a_o heaven_n and_o that_o we_o only_o who_o live_v but_o in_o a_o corner_n of_o the_o earth_n shall_v alone_o be_v blessed_v therewith_o every_o one_o do_v think_v his_o owâ—_n religion_n right_a both_o jew_n and_o moorâ—_n and_o pagan_n and_o how_o if_o all_o our_o faith_n and_o christ_n and_o scripture_n shall_v be_v but_o a_o think-so_a too_o 79._o sometime_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o argue_v against_o these_o suggestion_n and_o to_o set_v some_o of_o the_o sentence_n of_o bless_a paul_n against_o they_o but_o alas_o i_o quick_o feel_v when_o i_o thus_o do_v such_o arguing_n as_o these_o will_v return_v again_o upon_o i_o though_o we_o make_v so_o great_a a_o matter_n of_o paul_n and_o of_o his_o word_n yet_o how_o can_v i_o tell_v but_o that_o in_o very_a deed_n he_o be_v a_o subtle_a and_o cunning_a man_n may_v give_v himself_o up_o to_o deceive_v with_o strong_a delusion_n and_o also_o take_v both_o that_o pain_n and_o travel_n to_o undo_v and_o destroy_v his_o fellow_n 80._o these_o suggestion_n with_o many_o other_o which_o at_o this_o time_n i_o may_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o utter_v neither_o by_o word_n nor_o pen_n do_v make_v such_o a_o seizure_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o do_v so_o over-weigh_a my_o heart_n both_o with_o their_o number_n continuance_n and_o fiery_a force_n that_o i_o feel_v as_o if_o there_o be_v nothing_o else_o but_o these_o from_o morning_n to_o night_n within_o i_o and_o as_o though_o indeed_o there_o can_v be_v room_n for_o nothing_o else_o and_o also_o conclude_v that_o god_n have_v in_o very_a wrath_n to_o my_o soul_n give_v i_o up_o unto_o they_o to_o be_v carry_v away_o with_o they_o as_o with_o a_o mighty_a whirlwind_n 81._o only_o by_o the_o distaste_n that_o they_o give_v unto_o my_o spirit_n i_o feel_v there_o be_v something_o in_o i_o that_o refuse_v to_o embrace_v they_o but_o this_o consideration_n i_o then_o only_o have_v when_o god_n give_v i_o leave_v to_o swallow_v my_o spittle_n otherwise_o the_o noise_n and_o strength_n and_o force_v of_o these_o temptation_n will_v drown_v and_o overflow_v and_o as_o it_o be_v bury_v all_o such_o thought_n or_o the_o remembrance_n of_o any_o such_o thing_n while_o i_o be_v in_o this_o temptation_n i_o shall_v find_v often_o my_o mind_n sudden_o put_v upon_o it_o to_o curse_v and_o swear_v or_o to_o speak_v some_o grievous_a thing_n of_o god_n or_o christ_n his_o son_n and_o of_o the_o scripture_n 82._o now_o i_o think_v sure_o i_o be_o possess_v of_o the_o devil_n it_o other_o time_n again_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v be_v be_v rest_n of_o my_o wit_n for_o instead_o of_o laud_v and_o magnify_v of_o god_n the_o loâ—d_n with_o other_o if_o i_o have_v but_o hear_v he_o speak_v of_o present_o some_o most_o horrible_a blasphemous_a thought_n or_o other_o will_v bolt_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n against_o he_o so_o that_o whether_o i_o do_v think_v that_o god_n be_v or_o again_o do_v think_v there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n no_o love_n nor_o peace_n nor_o gracious_a disposition_n can_v i_o feel_v within_o i_o 83_o these_o thing_n do_v sink_v i_o into_o very_o deep_a despair_n for_o i_o conclude_v that_o such_o thing_n can_v not_o possible_o be_v sound_n among_o they_o that_o love_v god_n i_o often_o when_o these_o temptation_n have_v be_v with_o force_n upon_o i_o do_v compare_v myself_o in_o the_o case_n of_o such_o a_o child_n who_o some_o gipsy_n have_v by_o force_n take_v up_o under_o her_o apron_n and_o be_v carry_v from_o friend_n and_o country_n kick_v sometime_o i_o do_v and_o also_o scream_v and_o cry_v but_o yet_o i_o be_v as_o bind_v in_o the_o wing_n of_o the_o temptation_n and_o the_o wind_n will_v carry_v i_o away_o i_o think_v also_o of_o saul_n and_o of_o the_o evil_a spirit_n that_o do_v possess_v he_o and_o do_v great_o fear_v that_o my_o condition_n be_v the_o same_o with_o that_o of_o he_o 84._o in_o these_o day_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v other_o talk_v of_o what_o be_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n then_o will_v the_o tempter_n so_o provoke_v i_o to_o desire_v to_o sin_v that_o sin_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o can_v not_o must_v not_o neither_o shall_v be_v quiet_a until_o i_o have_v commit_v that_o now_o no_o sin_n will_v serve_v but_o that_o if_o it_o be_v to_o be_v commit_v by_o speak_v of_o such_o a_o word_n than_o i_o have_v be_v as_o if_o my_o mouth_n will_v have_v speak_v that_o word_n whether_o i_o will_v or_o no_o and_o in_o so_o strong_a a_o measure_n be_v this_o temptation_n upon_o i_o that_o often_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o clap_v my_o hand_n under_o my_o chin_n to_o hold_v my_o mouth_n from_o open_v and_o to_o that_o enâ—_n also_o i_o have_v have_v thought_n at_o other_o time_n to_o leap_v with_o my_o head_n downward_o into_o some_o muckhil-hole_n or_o other_o to_o keep_v my_o mouth_n from_o speak_v 85._o now_o i_o bless_v the_o condition_n of_o the_o doggâ—_n and_o toad_n and_o count_v the_o estate_n of_o every_o thinâ—_n that_o god_n have_v make_v far_o better_o than_o this_o dreadful_a state_n of_o i_o and_o such_o as_o my_o companion_n be_v yea_o glad_o will_v i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o condition_n of_o dog_n or_o horse_n for_o i_o know_v they_o have_v no_o soul_n to_o perish_v under_o the_o everlasting_a weight_n of_o hell_n for_o sin_n as_o i_o be_v like_a to_o do_v nay_o and_o though_o i_o see_v this_o feel_v this_o and_o be_v break_v to_o piece_n with_o it_o yet_o that_o which_o add_v to_o my_o sorrow_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o find_v that_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n i_o do_v desire_v deliverance_n that_o scripture_n also_o do_v tear_n and_o rend_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o these_o distraction_n the_o wicked_a be_v like_o the_o trouble_a sea_n which_o can_v rest_v who_o water_n cast_v up_o mire_n and_o dirt_n there_o be_v no_o peace_n the_o wicked_a say_v my_o god_n isa._n 57.20_o 21._o 86._o while_o this_o temptation_n last_v which_o be_v about_o a_o year_n i_o can_v attend_v upon_o none_o of_o the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n but_o with_o sore_a and_o great_a affliction_n yea_o then_o be_v i_o most_o distress_a with_o blasphemy_n if_o i_o have_v be_v hear_v the_o word_n than_o uncleanness_n blasphemy_n and_o despair_n will_v hold_v i_o as_o captive_n there_o if_o i_o have_v be_v read_v then_o sometime_o i_o have_v sudden_a thought_n to_o question_v all_o i_o read_v sometime_o again_o my_o mind_n will_v be_v so_o strange_o snatch_v away_o and_o possess_v with_o other_o thing_n that_o i_o have_v neither_o know_v nor_o regard_v nor_o remember_v so_o much_o as_o the_o sentence_n that_o but_o now_o i_o have_v read_v 87._o in_o prayer_n also_o i_o have_v be_v great_o trouble_v at_o this_o time_n sometime_o i_o have_v think_v i_o shall_v see_v the_o devil_n nay_o think_v i_o have_v feel_v he_o behind_o i_o pull_v my_o clothes_n he_o will_v be_v also_o continual_o at_o i_o in_o the_o time_n of_o prayer_n to_o have_v do_v break_v off_o make_v haste_n you_o have_v pray_v enough_o and_o stay_v no_o long_o still_o draw_v my_o mind_n away_o sometime_o also_o he_o will_v cast_v in_o such_o wicked_a thought_n as_o these_o that_o i_o must_v pray_v to_o he_o or_o for_o he_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o of_o that_o fall_v down_o or_o if_o thou_o will_v fall_v down_o and_o worship_v i_o 88_o also_o when_o because_o i_o have_v have_v wander_v thought_n in_o the_o time_n of_o this_o duty_n i_o have_v labour_v to_o compose_v my_o mind_n and_o fix_v it_o upon_o god_n then_o with_o great_a force_n have_v the_o tempter_n labour_v to_o distract_v i_o and_o confound_v i_o and_o to_o turn_v away_o my_o mind_n by_o present_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o fancy_n the_o form_n of_o a_o bush_n a_o bull_n a_o besom_n or_o the_o like_a as_o if_o i_o shall_v pray_v to_o those_o to_o these_o also_o he_o will_v at_o sometime_o especial_o so_o hold_v my_o mind_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o can_v think_v of_o nothing_o else_o or_o pray_v to_o nothing_o else_o but_o to_o these_o or_o such_o as_o they_o 89._o yet_o at_o time_n i_o shall_v have_v some_o strong_a and_o heart-affecting_a apprehension_n of_o god_n and_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o truth_n of_o his_o gospel_n but_o oh_o how_o will_v my_o heart_n at_o such_o time_n put_v forth_o itself_o with_o unexpressable_a groan_n my_o whole_a soul_n be_v then_o in_o every_o word_n i_o shall_v cry_v with_o pang_n after_o god_n that_o he_o will_v be_v merciful_a to_o i_o but_o then_o i_o shall_v be_v daunt_v again_o
but_o oh_o now_o how_o be_v my_o soul_n lead_v from_o truth_n to_o truth_n by_o god_n even_o from_o the_o birth_n and_o cradle_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n to_o his_o ascension_n and_o second_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n 99_o true_o i_o then_o find_v upon_o this_o account_n the_o great_a god_n be_v very_o good_a unto_o i_o for_o to_o my_o remembrance_n there_o be_v not_o any_o thing_n that_o then_o i_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o make_v know_v and_o reveal_v unto_o i_o but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o for_o i_o i_o mean_v not_o one_o part_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n but_o i_o be_v orderly_o lead_v into_o it_o i_o think_v i_o see_v with_o great_a evidence_n from_o the_o relation_n of_o the_o four_o evangelist_n the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n in_o give_v jesus_n christ_n to_o save_v we_o from_o his_o conception_n and_o birth_n even_o to_o his_o second_o come_v to_o judgement_n i_o think_v i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o bear_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o grow_v up_o as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o walk_v through_o this_o world_n from_o the_o cradle_n to_o his_o cross_n to_o which_o also_o when_o he_o come_v i_o see_v how_o gentle_o he_o give_v himself_o to_o be_v hang_v and_o nail_v on_o it_o for_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a do_n also_o as_o i_o be_v muse_v on_o this_o his_o progress_n that_o drope_v on_o my_o spirit_n he_o be_v ordain_v for_o the_o slaughter_n 1_o pet._n 1.19_o 20._o 100_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v also_o the_o truth_n of_o his_o resurrection_n and_o have_v remember_v that_o word_n touch_v i_o not_o mary_n etc._n etc._n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o he_o leap_v at_o the_o grave_n mouth_n for_o joy_n that_o he_o be_v rise_v again_o and_o have_v get_v the_o conquest_n over_o our_o dreadful_a foe_n john_n 20.17_o i_o have_v also_o in_o the_o spirit_n see_v he_o a_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n the_o father_n for_o i_o and_o have_v see_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o come_n from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n with_o glory_n and_o have_v be_v confirm_v in_o these_o thing_n by_o these_o scripture_n follow_v act_v 1.9_o 10._o acts._n 7._o 56._o actâ—_n 10.42_o heb._n 7.24_o heb._n 8.38_o rev._n 1.18_o 1_o thes._n 4.17_o 18._o once_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v to_o know_v whether_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v both_o man_n as_o well_o as_o god_n and_o god_n as_o well_o as_o man_n and_o true_o in_o those_o day_n let_v man_n say_v what_o they_o will_v unless_o i_o have_v it_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n all_o be_v as_o nothing_o to_o i_o i_o count_v not_o myself_o set_v down_o in_o any_o truth_n of_o god_n well_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o this_o point_n and_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o be_v resolve_v at_o last_o that_o in_o the_o five_o of_o the_o revelation_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o behold_v and_o lo_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n and_o of_o the_o four_o beast_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n stand_v a_o lamb_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n there_o be_v his_o godhead_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n there_o be_v his_o man_n hood_n but_o o_o i_o think_v this_o do_v glister_n it_o be_v a_o goodly_a touch_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a satisfaction_n that_o other_o scripture_n also_o do_v help_v i_o much_o in_o this_o to_o we_o a_o child_n be_v bear_v to_o we_o a_o son_n be_v give_v and_o the_o government_n shall_v be_v upon_o his_o shoulder_n and_o his_o name_n shall_v be_v call_v wonderful_a counsellor_n the_o mighty_a god_n the_o everlasting_a father_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n etc._n etc._n isa._n 9.6_o 101._o also_o beside_o these_o teach_n of_o god_n in_o his_o word_n the_o lord_n make_v use_v of_o two_o thing_n to_o confirm_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n the_o one_o be_v the_o error_n of_o the_o quaker_n and_o the_o other_o be_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n for_o as_o the_o quaker_n do_v oppose_v his_o truth_n so_o god_n do_v the_o more_o confirm_v i_o in_o it_o by_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o scripture_n that_o do_v wonderful_o maintain_v it_o and_o as_o i_o say_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n do_v help_v i_o much_o for_o still_o as_o that_o will_v come_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v take_v it_o off_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o and_o that_o too_o sweet_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n o_o friend_n cry_v to_o god_n to_o reveal_v jesus_n christ_n unto_o you_o there_o be_v none_o teach_v like_o he_o 102._o it_o will_v be_v too_o long_o for_o i_o here_o to_o stay_v to_o tell_v you_o in_o particular_a how_o god_n do_v set_v i_o down_o in_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o christ_n and_o how_o he_o do_v that_o he_o may_v so_o do_v lead_v i_o into_o his_o word_n yea_o and_o also_o how_o he_o do_v open_v they_o unto_o i_o make_v they_o shine_v before_o i_o and_o cause_v they_o to_o dwell_v with_o i_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o comfort_v i_o over_o and_o over_o both_o of_o his_o own_o be_v and_o the_o be_v of_o his_o son_n and_o spirit_n and_o word_n and_o gospel_n 103._o only_o this_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o will_v say_v unto_o you_o again_o that_o in_o general_n he_o be_v please_v to_o take_v this_o course_n with_o i_o first_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v afflict_v with_o temptation_n concern_v they_o and_o then_o reveal_v they_o to_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v lie_v under_o great_a guilt_n for_o sin_n even_o crush_v to_o the_o ground_n therewith_o and_o then_o the_o lord_n will_v show_v i_o the_o death_n of_o christ_n yea_o and_o so_o sprinkle_v my_o conscience_n with_o his_o blood_n that_o i_o shall_v find_v and_o that_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a that_o in_o that_o conscience_n where_o but_o just_a now_o do_v reign_n and_o â—age_n the_o law_n even_o there_o will_v rest_v and_o abide_v the_o peace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n through_o christ._n 104._o now_o have_v i_o a_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n with_o many_o golden_a seal_n thereon_o all_o hang_n in_o my_o sight_n now_o can_v i_o remember_v this_o manifestation_n and_o the_o other_o discovery_n of_o grace_n with_o comfort_n and_o shall_v often_o long_o and_o desire_v that_o the_o last_o day_n be_v come_v that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o be_v inflame_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o joy_n and_o communion_n of_o he_o who_o head_n be_v crown_v with_o thorn_n who_o face_n be_v spit_v on_o and_o body_n break_v and_o soul_n make_v a_o offering_n for_o my_o sin_n for_o whereas_o before_o â—_o lie_v continual_o tremble_v at_o the_o mouth_n of_o hell_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v get_v so_o far_o therefrom_o thaâ—_n i_o can_v not_o when_o i_o look_v back_o scarce_o discern_v it_o 〈◊〉_d and_o o_o think_v i_o that_o i_o be_v fourscore_o year_n old_a now_o that_o i_o may_v die_v quick_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v go_v to_o rest_v 105._o but_o after_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o this_o manner_n 〈◊〉_d gracious_o deliver_v i_o from_o this_o great_a and_o sorâ—_n temptation_n and_o have_v set_v i_o down_o so_o sweet_o in_o the_o faith_n of_o his_o holy_a gospel_n and_o have_v give_v i_o such_o strong_a consolation_n and_o bless_a evidence_n from_o heaven_n touch_v my_o interest_n in_o his_o love_n through_o christ_n the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o again_o and_o that_o with_o a_o more_o grievous_a and_o dreadful_a temptation_n then_o before_o 106._o and_o that_o be_v to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o this_o most_o bless_a christ_n to_o exchange_v he_o for_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n for_o any_o thing_n the_o temptation_n lie_v upon_o i_o for_o the_o space_n of_o a_o year_n and_o do_v follow_v i_o so_o continual_o that_o i_o be_v not_o rid_v of_o it_o one_o day_n iâ—_n a_o month_n no_o not_o sometime_o one_o hour_n in_o many_o day_n together_o unless_o i_o be_v asleep_a 107._o and_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n i_o be_v persuade_v that_o those_o who_o be_v once_o effectual_o in_o christ_n as_o i_o hope_v through_o his_o grace_n i_o have_v see_v myself_o can_v never_o lose_v he_o for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n shall_v not_o be_v sell_v for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n be_v i_o say_v god_n levit._n 25.23_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o continual_a vexation_n to_o i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v so_o much_o as_o one_o such_o thought_n within_o i_o against_o a_o christ_n a_o jesus_n that_o have_v do_v for_o i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v 108._o but_o it_o be_v neither_o my_o dislike_n of_o the_o thought_n nor_o yet_o any_o desire_n and_o endeavour_v to_o resist_v it_o that_o in_o the_o least_o do_v shake_v or_o abate_v the_o continuation_n or_o force_n and_o strength_n
time_n my_o wife_n be_v great_a with_o child_n and_o before_o her_o full_a time_n be_v come_v her_o pang_n as_o of_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n be_v fierce_a and_o sâ—rong_a upon_o she_o even_o as_o if_o sâ—e_n will_v immediate_o have_v fall_v in_o labour_n and_o be_v deliver_v of_o a_o untimely_a birth_n now_o at_o this_o very_a time_n it_o be_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o strong_o tempt_v to_o question_v the_o â—eing_v of_o god_n wherefore_o as_o my_o wife_n lie_v cry_v by_o i_o i_o say_v but_o with_o all_o secrecy_n immaginable_a even_o think_v in_o my_o heart_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v now_o remove_v this_o sad_a affliction_n from_o my_o wife_n and_o cause_n that_o she_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o therewith_o this_o night_n and_o now_o weâ—e_v her_o pang_n just_a upon_o she_o then_o shall_v know_v that_o thou_o can_v discern_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 195._o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o in_o my_o â—eaâ—t_n but_o her_o pang_n be_v take_v fâ—om_v she_o and_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o so_o she_o continue_v till_o morning_n at_o this_o i_o great_o marvel_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v but_o after_o i_o have_v be_v awake_a a_o good_a while_n and_o hear_v she_o câ—y_v no_o more_o i_o fall_v to_o sleep_v alâ—o_o so_o when_o i_o wake_v in_o the_o morning_n it_o come_v upon_o i_o again_o even_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n the_o last_o night_n and_o how_o the_o loâ—d_n have_v sâ—ewed_v i_o that_o he_o know_v my_o secret_a thought_n which_o be_v a_o great_a astonishment_n unto_o i_o for_o several_a week_n after_o 196._o well_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o that_o wicked_a sinful_a thought_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v before_o go_v through_o my_o wicked_a heart_n even_o this_o thought_n let_v christ_n go_v if_o he_o will_v so_o when_o i_o be_v fall_v under_o guilt_n for_o this_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o other_o thought_n and_o of_o the_o effect_n thereof_o will_v also_o come_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o retort_n which_o carry_v also_o rebuke_v along_o with_o it_o now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 197._o and_o with_o this_o that_o of_o the_o passage_n that_o be_v betwixt_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o servant_n gideon_n fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o because_o that_o gideon_n tempt_v god_n with_o his_o fleece_n both_o wet_n and_o dry_a when_o he_o shall_v have_v believe_v and_o venture_v upon_o his_o word_n therefore_o the_o lord_n do_v afterwards_o so_o try_v he_o as_o to_o send_v he_o against_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o enemy_n and_o that_o too_o as_o to_o outward_a appearance_n without_o any_o strength_n or_o help_n judg._n chap._n 6_o 7._o thus_o he_o seâ—ved_v i_o and_o that_o just_o for_o i_o shall_v have_v believe_v his_o word_n and_o not_o have_v put_v a_o if_o upon_o the_o all-seeingness_a of_o god_n 198._o and_o now_o to_o show_v you_o something_o of_o the_o advantage_n that_o i_o also_o gain_v by_o this_o temptation_n and_o first_o by_o this_o i_o be_v make_v continual_o to_o possess_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o very_a wondered_a sense_n both_o of_o the_o be_v and_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o belove_a son_n in_o the_o temptation_n before_o my_o soul_n be_v perplex_v with_o atheism_n but_o now_o the_o case_n be_v otherwise_o now_o be_v god_n and_o christ_n continual_o before_o my_o face_n though_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o comfort_n but_o in_o a_o way_n of_o exceed_a dread_n and_o terror_n the_o glory_n of_o the_o holiness_n of_o god_n do_v at_o this_o time_n break_v i_o to_o piece_n and_o the_o bowel_n and_o compassion_n of_o christ_n do_v break_v i_o as_o on_o the_o wheel_n for_o i_o coulâ—_n not_o consider_v he_o but_o as_o a_o lose_a and_o reject_v christ_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o be_v as_o the_o continual_a break_n of_o my_o bone_n 199._o the_o scripture_n now_o also_o be_v wonderful_a thing_n unto_o i_o i_o see_v that_o the_o truth_n and_o verity_n of_o they_o weâ—e_v the_o key_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n those_o the_o scripture_n favour_n they_o must_v inherit_v bliss_n but_o those_o they_o oppose_v and_o condemn_v must_v perish_v for_o evermore_o o_o this_o word_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v will_v â—end_n the_o cawl_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o will_v that_o other_o who_o sin_n you_o remit_v they_o be_v remit_v but_o who_o sin_n you_o retain_v they_o be_v retain_v now_o i_o see_v the_o apostle_n to_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n josh._n 20.4_o those_o they_o be_v to_o receive_v in_o be_v receive_v to_o life_n but_o those_o that_o they_o shut_v out_o be_v to_o be_v slay_v by_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n 200._o o_o one_o sentence_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v more_o afflict_v and_o terrify_v my_o mind_n i_o mean_v those_o sentence_n that_o stand_v against_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o every_o one_o do_v more_o i_o say_v than_o a_o army_n of_o forty_o thousand_o man_n that_o may_v have_v come_v against_o i_o woe_n be_v to_o he_o against_o who_o the_o scripture_n bend_v themselves_o 201._o by_o this_o temptation_n i_o be_v make_v see_v more_o into_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o promise_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o for_o i_o lie_v now_o tremble_v under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n continual_o tear_v and_o rend_v by_o the_o thundering_n of_o his_o justice_n this_o make_v i_o with_o careful_a heart_n and_o watchful_a eye_n with_o great_a seriousness_n to_o turn_v over_o every_o leaf_n and_o with_o much_o diligence_n mix_v with_o tremble_v to_o consider_v every_o sentence_n together_o with_o its_o natural_a force_n and_o latitude_n 202._o by_o this_o temptation_n also_o i_o be_v great_o beaâ—en_v oft_o my_o former_a foolish_a practice_n of_o put_v by_o the_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n for_o now_o though_o i_o can_v not_o suck_v that_o comfort_n and_o sweetness_n from_o the_o promise_n as_o i_o have_v do_v at_o other_o time_n yet_o like_v to_o a_o man_n a_o sink_v i_o shall_v catch_v at_o all_o i_o see_v former_o i_o think_v i_o may_v not_o meddle_v with_o the_o promise_n unless_o i_o feel_v its_o comfort_n but_o now_o it_o be_v no_o time_n thus_o to_o do_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n too_o hardly_o do_v pursue_v i_o 203._o now_o therefore_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o catch_v at_o that_o word_n which_o yet_o i_o fear_v i_o have_v no_o ground_n nor_o right_a to_o own_o and_o even_o to_o leap_v into_o the_o bosom_n of_o that_o promise_n that_o yet_o i_o fear_v do_v shut_v its_o heart_n against_o i_o now_o also_o i_o shall_v labour_v to_o take_v the_o woâ—d_n as_o god_n have_v lay_v it_o down_o without_o restrain_v the_o natural_a force_n of_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o o_o what_o do_v i_o now_o see_v in_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v a_o big_a mouth_n to_o speak_v with_o than_o i_o have_v heart_n to_o conceive_v with_o i_o think_v also_o with_o myself_o that_o he_o speak_v not_o his_o word_n in_o haste_n or_o in_o a_o unadvised_a hear_v but_o with_o infinite_a wisdom_n and_o judgement_n and_o in_o very_a truth_n and_o faithfulness_n 2_o sam._n 3.28_o 204._o i_o shall_v in_o these_o day_n often_o in_o my_o great_a agony_n even_o flounce_v towards_o the_o promise_n as_o the_o horse_n do_v towards_o sound_a ground_n that_o yet_o stick_v in_o the_o mire_n conclude_v though_o as_o one_o almost_o bereave_v of_o his_o wit_n through_o fear_n on_o this_o i_o will_v rest_v and_o stay_v and_o leave_v the_o fulfil_n of_o it_o to_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n that_o make_v it_o o_o many_o a_o pull_n have_v my_o heart_n have_v with_o saâ—an_n for_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n i_o do_v not_o now_o as_o at_o other_o time_n look_v principal_o for_o comfort_n though_o o_o how_o welcome_a will_v it_o have_v be_v unto_o i_o but_o now_o a_o word_n a_o word_n to_o lean_v a_o weary_a soul_n upon_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sink_v for_o ever_o 205._o yea_o often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v make_v to_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v â—efuse_v my_o soul_n for_o ever_o i_o be_v often_o as_o if_o i_o have_v run_v upon_o the_o pike_n and_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v thrust_v at_o i_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o he_o as_o with_o a_o flame_a sword_n then_o i_o shall_v think_v of_o esther_n who_o go_v to_o petition_v
269._o but_o yet_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n be_v keep_v out_o of_o my_o sight_n and_o still_o the_o tempter_n follow_v i_o with_o but_o whither_o must_v you_o go_v when_o you_o die_v what_o will_v become_v of_o you_o whâ—re_o will_v you_o be_v find_v in_o â—nother_n world_n what_o evidence_n have_v you_o for_o heaven_n and_o gloâ—y_n and_o a_o inheritance_n aâ—ong_v they_o that_o be_v sanctify_v thus_o be_v i_o toss_v for_o many_o week_n and_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v at_o last_o this_o consideration_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o the_o word_n and_o way_n of_o gâ—d_n that_o i_o be_v in_o this_o condition_n wherefore_o i_o be_v engage_v nor_o to_o flinch_v a_o hair_n breadth_n from_o it_o 270_o i_o think_v also_o that_o god_n may_v choose_v whether_o he_o will_v give_v i_o comfort_v now_o or_o at_o the_o hour_n of_o death_n but_o i_o may_v not_o therefore_o choose_v whetheâ—_n i_o will_v hold_v my_o profession_n or_o no_o i_o be_v bind_v but_o he_o be_v free_a yea_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o stand_v to_o his_o word_n whether_o he_o will_v ever_o look_v upon_o i_o or_o no_o or_o save_v i_o aâ—_n the_o last_o wherefore_o think_v i_o the_o point_n be_v thus_o i_o be_o for_o go_v on_o and_o venture_v my_o eternal_a state_n with_o christ_n whether_o i_o have_v comfort_n here_o or_o no_o if_o god_n do_v not_o come_v in_o think_v i_o i_o will_v leap_v off_o the_o ladder_n even_o blindfold_a into_o eternity_n sinâ—_n or_o swim_v come_v heaven_n come_v hell_n lord_n jesus_n if_o thou_o will_v catch_v i_o do_v i_o will_v venture_v for_o thy_o name_n 271._o i_o be_v no_o sooâ—er_o fix_v upon_o this_o resolution_n but_o that_o word_n drop_v upon_o i_o do_v job_n serve_v god_n for_o no_o â—ight_n as_o if_o the_o accuser_n have_v say_v lord_n job_n be_v no_o upright_a man_n he_o serve_v thou_o for_o by_o respect_n have_v thou_o not_o make_v a_o hedge_n about_o he_o etc._n etc._n but_o put_v forth_o now_o thy_o hand_n and_o touch_v all_o that_o he_o have_v â—nd_v he_o will_v curse_v thou_o to_o thy_o face_n how_o now_o thoughtâ—_n be_v this_o the_o sign_n of_o a_o upright_a souâ—_n to_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n when_o all_o be_v take_v from_o he_o be_v he_o a_o godly_a man_n that_o will_v serve_v god_n for_o nothing_o raâ—her_o then_o give_v out_o bless_a be_v god_n than_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v aâ—_n upright_a heart_n for_o i_o be_o resolve_v god_n give_v i_o strength_n neveâ—_n to_o deny_v my_o profession_n though_o i_o have_v nothing_o at_o all_o for_o my_o pain_n anâ—_n as_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v that_o scripture_n be_v set_v before_o i_o psa._n 44.12_o etc._n etc._n 272._o now_o be_v my_o heart_n full_a of_o comfort_n for_o i_o hope_v it_o wâ—s_v sincere_a i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v without_o this_o trial_n for_o much_o i_o be_o comfort_v every_o time_n i_o think_v of_o it_o and_o i_o hope_v shall_v bless_v god_n for_o ever_o for_o the_o teach_n i_o have_v have_v by_o it_o many_o more_o of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o may_v relate_v but_o these_o out_o of_o the_o spoil_n woâ—_n in_o battle_n have_v i_o dedicate_v to_o maintain_v the_o house_n of_o god_n 1_o chron._n 26.27_o the_o conclusion_n 1._o of_o all_o the_o temptation_n that_o ever_o i_o meet_v with_o in_o my_o life_n to_o question_v the_o be_v and_o truth_n of_o the_o godspel_n iâ—_n the_o worst_a and_o worst_a to_o be_v bear_v when_o this_o temptation_n come_v it_o take_v away_o my_o girdle_n from_o i_o and_o remove_v thâ—â—oundation_n from_o under_o i_o o_o i_o have_v often_o think_v of_o that_o word_n have_v your_o loynd_v gird_v about_o with_o truth_n and_o of_o that_o when_o the_o foundation_n be_v destroy_v what_o can_v the_o righteous_a do_v 2._o i_o have_v wonder_v much_o at_o this_o one_o thing_n that_o though_o god_n do_v â—isit_v my_o soul_n with_o never_o so_o bless_v a_o discovery_n of_o himself_o yet_o i_o 〈◊〉_d find_v again_o that_o such_o hour_n have_v attend_v i_o afterward_o that_o i_o have_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n so_o fill_v with_o darkness_n that_o i_o can_v not_o so_o much_o as_o once_o conceive_v what_o that_o god_n and_o that_o comfort_n be_v with_o which_o i_o have_v be_v refresh_v 3._o i_o have_v sometime_o seeâ—_n more_o in_o a_o line_n of_o the_o bible_n than_o i_o can_v well_o tell_v how_o to_o stand_v under_o &_o yet_o at_o another_o time_n the_o whole_a bible_n have_v be_v to_o i_o as_o dry_a as_o a_o stick_n or_o ratâ—er_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o dead_a and_o dry_a unto_o it_o that_o i_o can_v not_o conceive_v the_o least_o dram_n of_o refreshment_n though_o i_o have_v look_v it_o over_o 4._o of_o all_o tear_n theâ—_n be_v the_o best_a that_o be_v make_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o of_o all_o joy_n that_o be_v the_o sweet_a that_o be_v mix_v with_o mourning_n over_o chriâ—â—_n o_o it_o be_v a_o goodly_a thing_n to_o be_v on_o our_o knee_n with_o châ—ist_n in_o our_o arm_n before_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o know_v something_o of_o these_o thing_n 5._o i_o find_v to_o thâ—s_n day_n seven_o abomination_n in_o my_o heart_n 1._o in_o clining_n to_o unbelief_n 2._o sudden_o to_o forget_v the_o loâ—e_n and_o mercy_n that_o christ_n manifest_v 3._o a_o lean_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n 4._o wander_n and_o coldness_n n_o prayer_n 5._o to_o forget_v to_o watch_v for_o that_o i_o pray_v for_o 6._o apt_a to_o murmur_v bâ—cause_fw-mi i_o have_v no_o more_o and_o yet_o ready_a to_o abuse_v what_o i_o have_v 7_o i_o can_v do_v none_o of_o thâ—se_a thing_n which_o god_n command_v i_o but_o my_o corruption_n will_v thrust_v in_o themselves_o when_o i_o will_v do_v good_a evil_a be_v present_a with_o i_o 6._o these_o thing_n i_o continual_o see_v and_o feel_v and_o be_o afflict_v and_o oppress_v with_o yet_o the_o wisdom_n of_o god_n doâ—h_v order_n theâ—_n for_o my_o good_a 1._o they_o make_v i_o abhor_v myself_o 2._o they_o keep_v i_o from_o trust_v my_o heart_n 3._o they_o convince_v i_o of_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o all_o inherent_a righteousness_n 4._o they_o show_v i_o the_o necessity_n of_o flee_v to_o jesus_n 5._o they_o presâ—_n i_o to_o pray_v unto_o god_n 6._o they_o show_v i_o the_o need_v â—_o have_v to_o watch_v and_o be_v sober_a 7._o and_o provoke_v i_o to_o look_v to_o god_n through_o christ_n to_o help_v i_o and_o carry_v i_o through_o this_o world_n amen_n finis_fw-la