be_v communicate_v to_o i_o in_o such_o a_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o unspeakable_o pass_v my_o frail_a capacity_n to_o tell_v forth_o or_o express_v which_o occasion_v i_o to_o call_v to_o mind_n my_o former_a wonder_v and_o muse_v while_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o my_o ignorant_a and_o blind_a zeal_n in_o serve_a god_n before_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n visit_v i_o to_o think_v what_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v mean_v whenever_o i_o do_v read_v of_o the_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n or_o do_v hear_v any_o mention_n thereof_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a think_v i_o lord_n what_o be_v that_o what_o be_v the_o meaning_n of_o it_o i_o can_v tell_v or_o apprehend_v what_o this_o joy_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v be_v six_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n be_v give_v i_o whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o come_v to_o god_n throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o a_o holy_a and_o humble_a boldness_n to_o call_v he_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n the_o instinct_n in_o the_o new_a creation_n wrought_v by_o the_o god_n of_o all_o grace_n in_o i_o lead_v i_o to_o god_n as_o the_o fountain_n of_o all_o good_n the_o spirit_n give_v i_o put_v into_o my_o mouth_n word_n of_o solemn_a thanks_o and_o praise_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o salvation_n to_o my_o knee_n i_o betake_v i_o adore_v and_o worship_v with_o my_o spirit_n that_o holy_a jehovah_n trinity_n in_o unity_n and_o unity_n in_o trinity_n father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n the_o true_a and_o eternal_a god_n who_o all_o the_o time_n of_o my_o blind_a zeal_n and_o during_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n state_n i_o have_v so_o ignorant_o worship_v i_o be_v now_o and_o never_o before_o enable_v jacob_n like_v to_o catch_v hold_n of_o and_o to_o wrestle_v with_o a_o reconcile_v god_n the_o greatness_n holiness_n and_o infiniteness_n of_o his_o majesty_n which_o before_o i_o know_v he_o in_o christ_n terrify_v and_o affrightn_v i_o with_o a_o witness_n animate_v and_o encourage_v i_o in_o pray_v to_o he_o it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v express_v in_o word_n with_o what_o alacrity_n and_o cheerfulness_n of_o spirit_n i_o approach_v the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o with_o what_o enlargedness_n and_o inward_a melt_n of_o heart_n and_o soul_n i_o call_v on_o god_n when_o i_o do_v but_o mention_v this_o my_o god_n and_o my_o father_n oh_o what_o ravishment_n of_o soul_n do_v i_o experimental_o feel_v overflow_a and_o drown_v my_o very_a spirit_n to_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v with_o a_o glad_a &_o ravish_v heart_n christ_n know_v the_o burn_a inflammation_n which_o the_o horror_n and_o bondage_n of_o my_o wound_a despair_v conscience_n cause_v in_o my_o body_n be_v go_v and_o my_o body_n disposition_n to_o crookedness_n think_v the_o sink_a weight_n which_o lie_v on_o my_o spirit_n within_o be_v instant_o rebuke_v and_o cause_v to_o retreat_n by_o the_o glad_a and_o joyful_a tideing_n of_o gospel_n peace_n which_o that_o night_n take_v up_o its_o lodging_n within_o i_o succeed_v and_o powerful_o supplant_n that_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n which_o make_v i_o so_o hopeless_a and_o as_o i_o think_v past_o all_o possibility_n of_o escape_v hell_n no_o soon_o be_v i_o stretch_v in_o my_o bed_n but_o swoon_a and_o faint_v fit_n of_o love_n sickness_n seize_v i_o i_o be_v inward_o and_o spiritual_o so_o apprehensive_a of_o the_o mysteriousness_n of_o christ_n incarnation_n his_o humble_v himself_o even_o to_o death_n his_o lie_v confine_v as_o a_o prisoner_n in_o the_o grave_a and_o his_o be_v raise_v therefrom_o again_o his_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o his_o sit_v down_o at_o the_o father_n right_a hand_n to_o enter_v on_o the_o work_n of_o intercession_n with_o god_n and_o that_o as_o my_o surety_n and_o mediator_n and_o all_o for_o i_o that_o i_o very_o think_v my_o body_n be_v near_o its_o dissolution_n a_o thing_n which_o the_o clear_a and_o certain_a assurance_n give_v i_o of_o my_o be_v a_o adopt_a son_n of_o god_n make_v i_o even_o long_a and_o pant_v after_o my_o thought_n and_o meditation_n be_v now_o whole_o employ_v about_o christ_n and_o that_o bless_a change_n which_o i_o sensible_o feel_v be_v past_a on_o i_o the_o sweet_a and_o soul_n ravish_v communion_n i_o have_v with_o father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o i_o instead_o of_o meat_n drink_v and_o sleep_n and_o that_o the_o most_o please_a and_o satisfactory_a that_o i_o ever_o enjoy_v the_o act_n and_o suffering_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o assume_v nature_n for_o i_o be_v so_o realize_v and_o the_o virtue_n and_o reconcile_a efficacy_n of_o the_o same_o so_o sensible_o set_v home_n on_o my_o wound_a and_o bleed_a soul_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v the_o person_n of_o christ_n clasp_v in_o my_o arm_n in_o the_o bed_n oh_o the_o sweet_a intercourse_n which_o by_o the_o operation_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n pass_v between_o precious_a jesus_n and_o my_o languid_a soul_n then_o be_v i_o make_v to_o know_v experimental_o the_o meaning_n of_o rev._n 3._o 20._o while_o i_o be_v wake_v i_o be_v entertain_v with_o strange_a variety_n of_o interlocution_n or_o discourse_n which_o pass_v between_o christ_n and_o i_o which_o do_v explain_v and_o unfold_v to_o i_o that_o in_o prov._n 6._o 22._o during_o this_o i_o continue_v in_o such_o a_o melt_a frame_n that_o the_o very_a pillow-beer_n under_o my_o head_n be_v as_o if_o dip_v in_o a_o river_n through_o the_o great_a abundance_n of_o tear_n of_o unconceivable_a joy_n which_o the_o sense_n and_o feel_v of_o christ_n love_n constrain_v i_o to_o shed_v when_o i_o find_v a_o necessity_n of_o turn_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o can_v not_o turn_v without_o my_o dear_o belove_a and_o incomparable_o loving_n jesus_n in_o my_o arm_n with_o i_o when_o i_o slumber_v and_o sleep_v i_o be_v soon_o visit_v with_o most_o joyful_a and_o ravish_a dream_n of_o god_n christ_n holy_a ghost_n the_o glory_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o unutterable_a bliss_n and_o felicity_n of_o those_o soul_n who_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n by_o christ_n this_o be_v very_o frequent_a and_o common_a when_o sleep_n come_v on_o i_o after_o i_o have_v be_v seal_v in_o believe_v and_o albeit_o i_o never_o dare_v to_o heed_n or_o mind_n nocturnal_a dream_n yet_o they_o have_v sometime_o have_v such_o a_o strange_a influence_n on_o i_o that_o i_o have_v feel_v such_o delightful_a joy_n and_o comfort_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v at_o a_o stand_n to_o think_v whether_o i_o have_v be_v asleep_o or_o awake_v it_o be_v a_o frequent_a practice_n with_o i_o for_o some_o considerable_a time_n how_o long_o i_o can_v now_o remember_v to_o arise_v in_o my_o bed_n when_o i_o awake_v out_o of_o my_o sleep_n to_o bend_v my_o knee_n and_o lift_v up_o my_o eye_n hand_n and_o heart_n to_o heaven_n to_o land_n praise_n and_o magnify_v father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n for_o the_o greatness_n and_o strangeness_n of_o my_o so_o unexpected_a and_o unlooked_a for_o salvation_n be_v but_o the_o night_n before_o yea_o and_o every_o morning_n ready_a to_o drop_n into_o final_a desperation_n of_o ever_o be_v save_v oh_o what_o a_o loss_n be_v i_o at_o in_o myself_o not_o know_v how_o sufficient_o to_o extol_v and_o bless_v god_n for_o what_o have_v now_o befall_v i_o i_o be_v even_o ready_a to_o quarrel_v with_o myself_o because_o of_o the_o narrowness_n and_o straightness_n of_o my_o soul_n which_o hinder_v that_o i_o can_v not_o take_v in_o more_o of_o god_n and_o go_v out_o in_o more_o enlarge_v expression_n of_o love_n and_o praise_n to_o he_o for_o above_o six_o month_n together_o i_o can_v neither_o lie_v down_o nor_o arise_v go_v down_o or_o come_v up_o stair_n pass_v in_o or_o out_o from_o one_o place_n to_o another_o but_o i_o strong_o conceit_a that_o i_o perceive_v a_o guard_n of_o angel_n attend_v my_o person_n it_o can_v be_v express_v with_o what_o scorn_n and_o abhorrence_n i_o look_v on_o the_o pride_n and_o gallantry_n of_o the_o family_n where_o i_o live_v their_o changeable_a suit_n of_o rich_a and_o glitter_v apparel_n with_o their_o choice_a meat_n and_o sweet_a music_n with_o other_o delightful_a pastime_n i_o look_v on_o and_o account_v they_o but_o as_o smoak_n and_o dust_n the_o title_n of_o worldly_a honour_n wherein_o the_o rest_n of_o my_o relation_n do_v not_o a_o little_a glory_n i_o account_v the_o same_o but_o a_o mere_a empty_a vanity_n oh_o think_v i_o that_o my_o poor_a relation_n can_v see_v taste_n and_o feel_v what_o i_o do_v how_o will_v they_o disrelish_v and_o be_v ashamed_a and_o weary_a of_o these_o poor_a perish_v sensual_a delight_n wherein_o they_o place_v their_o delight_n and_o
shall_v be_v a_o honour_n to_o the_o family_n and_o a_o man_n of_o no_o ordinary_a figure_n in_o the_o orb_n of_o the_o church_n chap._n iii_o set_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n seize_v i_o in_o the_o very_a height_n of_o my_o confidence_n of_o be_v in_o a_o good_a and_o sure_a state_n of_o salvation_n what_o sad_a work_n it_o make_v with_o i_o and_o what_o mean_v i_o use_v for_o help_n and_o relief_n under_o its_o kill_n and_o sink_a weight_n when_o i_o be_v about_o twenty_o one_o year_n of_o age_n in_o the_o very_a heat_n and_o height_n of_o my_o zeal_n in_o prosecute_a that_o righteousness_n consist_v of_o that_o negative_a and_o positive_a obedience_n which_o the_o law_n moral_n enjoin_v and_o require_v as_o the_o condition_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n it_o please_v god_n to_o send_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v be_v instruct_v and_o full_o convince_v how_o vain_a my_o confidence_n of_o be_v save_v and_o go_v to_o heaven_n in_o that_o self_n please_a way_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n be_v the_o manner_n of_o it_o be_v thus_o be_v on_o the_o day_n call_v easter_n monday_n at_o my_o cathedral_n devotion_n in_o the_o place_n call_v christ_n church_n in_o dublin_n a_o place_n i_o constant_o frequent_v to_o morning_n and_o evening_n service_n and_o a_o place_n which_o i_o more_o zaelous_o love_v and_o venerate_v than_o any_o place_n in_o the_o world_n beside_o for_o that_o i_o very_o conceit_v in_o myself_o it_o be_v as_o the_o very_a entrance_n into_o heaven_n itself_o after_o the_o service_n be_v end_v one_o dr._n golborn_n preach_v his_o text_n be_v in_o ephes_n 5._o 14._o wherefore_o he_o say_v awake_v thou_o that_o sleep_v and_o arise_v from_o the_o dead_a and_o christ_n shall_v give_v thou_o light_n a_o good_a and_o choice_a text_n but_o how_o well_o or_o ill_o handle_v i_o must_v acknowledge_v myself_o to_o have_v be_v at_o that_o time_n a_o very_a incompetent_a judge_n to_o say_v or_o determine_v about_o the_o middle_n of_o the_o sermon_n as_o near_o as_o i_o can_v guess_v there_o be_v dart_v into_o my_o mind_n this_o sad_a and_o kill_a thought_n viz._n that_o i_o have_v the_o day_n before_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n unworthy_o which_o sad_a thought_n be_v back_v with_o that_o of_o 1_o cor._n 11._o 29_o for_o he_o that_o eat_v and_o drink_v unworthy_o eat_v and_o drink_v damnation_n to_o himself_o not_o descern_v the_o lord_n body_n this_o sad_a and_o dismal_a thought_n back_v as_o i_o say_v with_o that_o scripture_n just_a now_o quote_v not_o any_o word_n speak_v by_o the_o preacher_n be_v that_o which_o seize_v my_o mind_n and_o let_v in_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n upon_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v i_o look_v this_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d oâ—_n forerunner_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n in_o the_o face_n compare_v it_o with_o the_o place_n already_o mention_v but_o i_o conclude_v myself_o a_o lose_a and_o a_o undo_v man_n my_o spirit_n be_v in_o such_o a_o amaze_a fright_v and_o over_o whelming_a consternation_n to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v most_o certain_o damn_a to_o all_o intent_n and_o purpose_n that_o indeed_o i_o very_o think_v all_o the_o people_n in_o the_o place_n be_v a_o swarm_n or_o a_o legion_n of_o devil_n which_o god_n in_o revengeful_a wrath_n have_v send_v from_o the_o bottomless_a pit_n to_o guard_v and_o attend_v my_o guilty_a soul_n thither_o the_o apprehension_n i_o have_v of_o be_v damn_a and_o send_v to_o hell_n so_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o unable_a to_o stay_v till_o sermon_n be_v end_v away_o i_o run_v out_o of_o that_o place_n to_o shun_v as_o i_o then_o think_v those_o swarm_n of_o devil_n which_o i_o strong_o conceive_v be_v to_o guard_v i_o to_o hell_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o come_v to_o my_o lord_n of_o santry_n where_o i_o than_o live_v i_o enter_v my_o chamber_n with_o a_o sad_a and_o heavy_a heart_n god_n know_v to_o my_o knee_n i_o go_v with_o a_o intent_n to_o pray_v if_o so_o be_v there_o may_v be_v any_o scrap_n of_o hope_n of_o my_o escape_v being_n eternal_o damn_a but_o alas_o what_o tongue_n or_o pen_n can_v relate_v the_o pass_n and_o condition_n i_o be_v then_o at_o my_o reason_n my_o conscience_n and_o my_o very_a speech_n be_v as_o it_o be_v plunge_v and_o drown_v in_o the_o gulf_n of_o despair_n so_o that_o i_o can_v neither_o utter_v a_o word_n in_o prayer_n nor_o yet_o consider_v what_o i_o shall_v do_v to_o relieve_v my_o bleed_a soul_n in_o that_o sore_a distress_n i_o dare_v not_o abide_v in_o my_o chamber_n fear_v to_o see_v and_o feel_v the_o devil_n actual_o to_o seize_v i_o to_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n i_o go_v from_o who_o hand_n i_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n but_o the_o day_n before_o not_o know_v but_o that_o he_o may_v administer_v some_o kind_n of_o relief_n to_o one_o in_o my_o condition_n he_o observe_v the_o gastliness_n of_o my_o look_n and_o take_v notice_n that_o somewhat_o ail_v i_o he_o ask_v i_o how_o i_o do_v to_o which_o i_o can_v not_o reply_v he_o press_v to_o know_v what_o the_o matter_n be_v i_o at_o length_n in_o a_o very_a abrupt_a and_o break_a manner_n tell_v he_o that_o i_o be_v full_a of_o the_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v a_o damn_a man_n and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_v the_o minister_n somewhat_o surprise_v at_o so_o sudden_a and_o so_o great_a a_o change_n since_o but_o the_o day_n before_o he_o begin_v to_o examine_v what_o great_a and_o heinous_a sin_n one_o of_o my_o age_n and_o one_o in_o so_o encourage_v circumstance_n as_o i_o be_v in_o can_v be_v guilty_a of_o which_o shall_v occasion_v such_o sad_a despair_n he_o mention_v some_o text_n of_o scripture_n thereby_o hope_v to_o have_v give_v some_o relief_n to_o my_o weary_a gasp_a soul_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a god_n time_n of_o heal_v i_o be_v not_o yet_o come_v and_o find_v by_o my_o frequent_a come_n to_o he_o for_o ease_n and_o comfort_n to_o how_o little_a purpose_n he_o have_v labour_v with_o i_o he_o at_o length_n advise_v i_o to_o ride_v into_o the_o country_n to_o visit_v my_o father_n and_o other_o relation_n and_o by_o that_o mean_n as_o also_o by_o exercise_v myself_o with_o such_o exercise_n as_o i_o former_o delight_v in_o as_o shoot_v with_o the_o gun_n and_o angle_a to_o divert_v my_o melancholy_a thought_n this_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o hear_v of_o my_o own_o inclination_n lead_v so_o strong_o to_o it_o in_o order_n to_o the_o effect_n of_o which_o i_o address_v myself_o to_o my_o lord_n housekeeper_n entreat_v she_o to_o acquaint_v my_o lord_n that_o in_o regard_n of_o some_o present_a indisposition_n under_o which_o i_o labour_v and_o in_o order_n to_o my_o health_n i_o have_v not_o only_o a_o inclination_n but_o be_v advise_v to_o visit_v my_o father_n in_o the_o country_n in_o order_n whereto_o i_o think_v it_o convenient_a to_o acquaint_v his_o lordship_n therewith_o to_o the_o end_n i_o may_v obtain_v not_o only_o his_o lordship_n free_a consent_n but_o also_o the_o liberty_n of_o a_o horse_n to_o perform_v my_o intend_a journey_n the_o housekeeper_n no_o soon_o deliver_v my_o request_n to_o my_o lord_n but_o my_o lord_n command_v she_o to_o call_v i_o up_o into_o his_o chamber_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o receive_v the_o command_n i_o fall_v immediate_o into_o a_o great_a sweat_n and_o sore_o tremble_v up_o i_o go_v and_o be_v enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n my_o lord_n lock_v the_o chamber_n door_n and_o lay_v his_o hat_n on_o a_o cabinet_n sit_v down_o in_o his_o chair_n and_o with_o a_o earnest_n and_o pierce_a eye_n look_v on_o a_o pretty_a while_n before_o he_o speak_v i_o all_o the_o while_n sweat_v and_o quake_v at_o length_n my_o lord_n begin_v with_o james_n what_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o hear_v you_o go_v private_o to_o minister_n there_o be_v somewhat_o ail_v you_o what_o be_v it_o i_o perceive_v by_o my_o lord_n discourse_n that_o the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n have_v acquaint_v my_o lord_n with_o my_o case_n i_o find_v myself_o far_o more_o uneasy_a than_o before_o my_o sweat_n and_o trembleing_n of_o soul_n increase_a upon_o i_o my_o lord_n continue_v query_v what_o ail_v you_o james_n tell_v i_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o speech_n be_v swallow_v up_o as_o job_n say_v job_n 6._o 3._o but_o my_o lord_n not_o let_v i_o alone_o but_o with_o earnest_a importunity_n press_v to_o know_v what_o i_o ail_v i_o at_o length_n as_o a_o poor_a condemn_a caitiff_n hang_v by_o a_o
twine_n thread_n over_o hell_n mouth_n roar_v out_o as_o if_o my_o bowel_n have_v burst_v out_o of_o my_o body_n cry_v with_o great_a and_o unutterable_a groan_n and_o tear_n my_o good_a lord_n dear_a my_o lord_n i_o be_o afraid_a i_o be_o a_o undo_v creature_n i_o be_o a_o damn_a man_n there_o be_v no_o mercy_n for_o i_o my_o lord_n perceive_v by_o my_o look_n and_o speech_n that_o i_o be_v in_o good_a earnest_n wound_v with_o tear_n in_o his_o eye_n and_o with_o the_o great_a concernedness_n for_o i_o begin_v to_o play_v the_o spiritual_a physician_n ask_v i_o with_o great_a earnestness_n what_o gross_a and_o cry_v sin_n as_o adultery_n murder_n and_o the_o like_a can_v one_o of_o my_o year_n be_v guilty_a of_o as_o to_o occasion_v my_o fall_n into_o despair_n of_o mercy_n and_o say_v my_o lord_n admit_v you_o be_v guilty_a of_o such_o and_o great_a abomination_n what_o reason_n have_v you_o for_o despair_n you_o must_v know_v that_o jesus_n christ_n the_o son_n of_o god_n come_v into_o the_o world_n not_o to_o lay_v a_o load_n on_o you_o but_o to_o take_v your_o load_n off_o you_o quote_v mat._n 11._o 29._o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_v with_o many_o other_o text_n of_o scripture_n and_o comfortable_a expression_n he_o labour_v to_o relieve_v and_o ease_v my_o burden_a and_o sink_a soul_n but_o all_o in_o vain_a god_n time_n of_o cure_v my_o deep_a and_o desperate_a wound_n be_v not_o come_v as_o touch_v my_o purpose_n of_o go_v into_o the_o country_n my_o lord_n tell_v i_o i_o may_v use_v my_o freedom_n but_o that_o his_o judgement_n and_o advice_n be_v that_o it_o be_v better_o for_o i_o to_o stay_v than_o to_o go_v into_o the_o country_n and_o that_o because_o of_o the_o great_a disadvantage_n which_o by_o go_v will_v accrue_v to_o i_o in_o my_o study_n my_o lord_n have_v declare_v his_o judgement_n what_o have_v be_v best_a for_o i_o to_o do_v i_o tell_v his_o lordship_n i_o be_v resolve_v to_o take_v his_o advice_n what_o ever_o come_v of_o i_o and_o according_o i_o do_v my_o sore_a continual_o raw_a day_n and_o night_n and_o cease_v not_o yea_o my_o soul_n refuse_v to_o be_v comfort_v according_a to_o that_o of_o the_o psalmist_n in_o the_o like_a case_n psal_n 77._o 2._o in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o trouble_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n my_o sore_a run_v in_o the_o night_n and_o cease_v not_o my_o sell_v refuse_v to_o be_v comfort_v i_o seem_v to_o follow_v and_o to_o ply_v my_o study_n rather_o for_o fashion_n sake_n and_o for_o fear_v my_o lord_n and_o my_o father_n shall_v suspect_v that_o i_o love_v idleness_n rather_o than_o any_o love_n i_o have_v thereto_o or_o hope_n that_o ever_o it_o will_v turn_v to_o any_o account_n for_o good_a to_o myself_o or_o other_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o look_v into_o a_o book_n instead_o of_o hee_v or_o mind_v what_o be_v in_o the_o book_n the_o eye_n of_o my_o gnaw_a guilty_a conscience_n be_v fix_v on_o the_o many_o sin_n i_o have_v commit_v against_o god_n insomuch_o that_o all_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n be_v in_o all_o their_o black_a and_o aggravate_v circumstance_n lay_v and_o hold_v before_o i_o as_o a_o looking-glass_n to_o show_v i_o what_o a_o monstrous_a sinner_n i_o be_v according_a to_o that_o of_o david_n psal_n 51._o 3._o for_o i_o acknowledge_v my_o transgression_n and_o my_o sin_n be_v ever_o before_o i_o endless_a be_v the_o toss_n and_o rowlings_n of_o my_o weary_a soul_n from_o one_o sad_a confusion_n and_o despair_a thought_n to_o another_o innumerable_a almost_o be_v the_o sorry_a prayer_n such_o as_o they_o be_v and_o other_o duty_n which_o i_o daily_o perform_v to_o keep_v and_o relieve_v my_o despair_v soul_n with_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a which_o cause_v i_o to_o conclude_v that_o i_o have_v be_v much_o want_v in_o the_o trade_n of_o work_n and_o that_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o i_o may_v have_v be_v acquaint_v with_o peace_n and_o comfort_n before_o now_o to_o the_o trade_n of_o do_v i_o again_o address_v myself_o resolve_v not_o to_o omit_v or_o leave_v undo_v any_o thing_n which_o i_o understand_v by_o read_v or_o hear_v to_o be_v matter_n of_o duty_n pray_v understand_v by_o the_o book_n for_o i_o know_v no_o better_a read_v fast_v and_o attend_v the_o most_o lively_a preacher_n frequent_v sacrament_n give_v alm_n to_o the_o poor_a of_o what_o money_n my_o lord_n and_o other_o relation_n hand_v out_o to_o i_o that_o place_n in_o dan._n 4._o 7._o be_v oft_o in_o my_o thought_n according_a to_o which_o i_o give_v away_o whatever_o i_o get_v yea_o so_o addict_v to_o relieve_v the_o poor_a and_o needy_a be_v i_o that_o i_o will_v give_v away_o my_o very_a apparel_n when_o i_o have_v no_o money_n and_o all_o this_o from_o a_o pharisaical_a and_o superstitious_a conceit_n that_o by_o those_o act_n of_o duty_n and_o service_n i_o shall_v recompense_n god_n for_o those_o sin_n which_o like_o a_o millstone_n on_o the_o back_n of_o a_o man_n be_v sink_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o gulf_n of_o desperation_n i_o do_v abound_v more_o and_o more_o in_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a walk_v according_a to_o do_v and_o live_v the_o condition_n and_o tenure_n of_o the_o first_o covenant_n of_o work_n under_o which_o i_o be_v labour_v for_o life_n the_o more_o i_o wrought_v at_o the_o trade_n of_o duty_n the_o further_o i_o find_v myself_o from_o peace_n which_o do_v cause_v i_o to_o conclude_v that_o my_o case_n be_v certain_o desperate_a and_o that_o it_o be_v peculiar_o my_o own_o and_o that_o none_o that_o belong_v to_o god_n be_v ever_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o i_o then_o renew_v my_o old_a practice_n of_o go_v to_o minister_n acquaint_v they_o with_o the_o deplorable_a and_o wretched_a state_n and_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o earnest_o beg_v their_o advice_n and_o council_n what_o one_o in_o my_o sad_a circumstance_n have_v best_a to_o do_v in_o order_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a to_o escape_v eternal_a damnation_n oh_o that_o kill_a word_n damnation_n when_o ever_o i_o hear_v read_v or_o think_v of_o it_o how_o do_v it_o rack_n and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n as_o fear_v it_o will_v be_v my_o portion_n for_o ever_o as_o the_o principle_n from_o which_o i_o act_v in_o order_n to_o heal_v and_o cure_v be_v do_v and_o live_v so_o those_o spiritual_a physician_n to_o who_o i_o address_v myself_o for_o council_n and_o comfort_n in_o this_o despair_n of_o soul_n be_v as_o ignorant_a in_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o new_a birth_n as_o ever_o be_v nicodemus_n joh._n 3._o 4._o they_o put_v i_o on_o do_v those_o duty_n in_o and_o about_o which_o i_o have_v labour_v before_o even_o to_o weariness_n the_o name_n of_o those_o dignitaries_n of_o the_o church_n to_o who_o i_o apply_v myself_o together_o with_o what_o their_o say_n be_v be_v too_o tedious_a to_o relate_v and_o therefore_o i_o here_o pass_v they_o by_o only_o i_o think_v fit_a to_o acquaint_v the_o reader_n with_o the_o great_a and_o superlative_a ingenuity_n and_o dexterous_a skilfulness_n in_o heal_v a_o sinsick_a soul_n which_o one_o of_o they_o above_o the_o rest_n have_v attain_v to_o to_o his_o everlasting_a fame_n be_v it_o speak_v the_o thing_n be_v thus_o after_o i_o have_v acquaint_v the_o bishop_n for_o of_o no_o low_a a_o degree_n be_v he_o with_o the_o sad_a and_o lamentable_a condition_n my_o soul_n be_v in_o but_o he_o forthwith_o exhort_v i_o to_o get_v a_o book_n style_v the_o whole_a duty_n of_o man_n and_o when_o i_o have_v get_v it_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o he_o for_o further_a instruction_n the_o book_n i_o forthwith_o procure_v and_o to_o his_o lord_n bishop_n i_o repair_v who_o find_v that_o i_o have_v get_v the_o book_n take_v it_o out_o of_o my_o hand_n and_o turn_v to_o a_o prayer_n appoint_v for_o one_o of_o the_o night_n in_o the_o week_n with_o great_a earnestness_n charge_v i_o that_o when_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o go_v to_o bed_n that_o i_o be_v sure_a to_o kneel_v down_o by_o my_o bedside_n and_o say_v that_o prayer_n the_o which_o be_v do_v according_a to_o his_o lordship_n direction_n but_o to_o how_o great_a purpose_n i_o leave_v the_o judicious_a and_o experience_a christian_a to_o judge_n have_v thus_o apply_v myself_o to_o seven_o or_o eight_o of_o the_o able_a and_o most_o fame_a of_o the_o father_n and_o dignitaries_n of_o the_o church_n of_o england_n then_o in_o dublin_n and_o find_v by_o woeful_a and_o sad_a experience_n how_o little_a they_o understand_v my_o case_n and_o how_o vast_o short_a they_o prove_v in_o help_v i_o in_o my_o extremity_n i_o conclude_v my_o
honour_n if_o thou_o tread_v in_o those_o step_v of_o christ_n which_o lead_v to_o the_o heavenly_a glory_n he_o go_v to_o heaven_n antipode_n to_o this_o vain_a world_n wherein_o thou_o be_v so_o must_v thou_o if_o thou_o desire_v to_o meet_v he_o in_o heaven_n thou_o must_v expect_v and_o look_v to_o have_v all_o the_o world_n set_v against_o thou_o for_o thy_o witness_v to_o the_o truth_n and_o condemn_v the_o error_n and_o wickedness_n of_o the_o world_n thou_o must_v expect_v and_o look_v to_o be_v cast_v off_o by_o father_n and_o all_o fleshly_a relation_n for_o his_o and_o the_o gospel_n sake_n thou_o will_v for_o follow_v christ_n in_o the_o way_n of_o holiness_n be_v account_v a_o hypocrite_n a_o self_n conceit_v and_o a_o self_n justify_v precisian_n and_o proud_a pharisee_n and_o that_o by_o the_o great_a pharisee_n of_o the_o time_n the_o power_n of_o darkness_n will_v all_o combine_v against_o thou_o to_o besiege_v and_o fight_v against_o thou_o and_o yea_o the_o very_a face_n of_o providence_n shall_v seem_v to_o frown_n and_o look_v black_a on_o thou_o to_o try_v whether_o thou_o will_v stick_v faithful_o to_o christ_n and_o the_o gospel_n and_o final_o if_o god_n call_v thou_o to_o leave_v all_o and_o rather_o to_o lay_v down_o thy_o life_n than_o to_o leave_v and_o lose_v christ_n thou_o must_v trample_v they_o all_o under_o thy_o foot_n prefer_v christ_n before_o father_n mother_n brethren_n wife_n and_o child_n though_o never_o so_o dear_o belove_v yea_o and_o thy_o very_a life_n too_o what_o say_v thou_o to_o this_o sinner_n will_v thou_o venture_v on_o have_v or_o take_v christ_n on_o these_o term_n sin_n ans_fw-fr for_o ever_o bless_v and_o holy_a lord_n god_n thou_o know_v how_o hard_o this_o task_n be_v for_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o not_o only_o hard_a but_o even_o impossible_a yet_o consider_v the_o absolute_a necessity_n of_o the_o choice_n now_o lay_v before_o i_o and_o in_o regard_n of_o that_o divine_a power_n whereby_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n make_v willing_a to_o make_v choice_n of_o christ_n on_o the_o term_n now_o mention_v i_o desire_v to_o choose_v and_o have_v he_o let_v god_n do_v with_o i_o and_o all_o that_o be_v dear_a to_o i_o what_o he_o please_v so_o he_o give_v i_o his_o christ_n i_o be_o so_o apprehensive_a of_o the_o sweet_a and_o soul_n enrich_v advantage_n which_o accompany_v the_o cross_n that_o i_o be_o very_o unwilling_a to_o be_v exempt_v from_o it_o if_o i_o may_v have_v my_o own_o choice_n i_o therefore_o through_o the_o divine_a spirit_n gracious_a power_n enable_v i_o hereto_o do_v yield_v my_o free_a and_o full_a consent_n to_o this_o matchless_a match_n cast_v myself_o on_o he_o when_o actual_o marry_v to_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o humble_a dependence_n for_o strength_n and_o power_n to_o act_n and_o suffer_v a_o in_o way_n of_o duty_n whatever_o become_v his_o disciple_n and_o follower_n and_o oh_o that_o god_n above_o with_o christ_n and_o the_o holy_a ghost_n may_v say_v amen_n to_o it_o matter_n be_v thus_o propose_v by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o the_o worst_a and_o most_o unworthy_a of_o sinner_n to_o be_v save_v be_v endue_v with_o power_n from_o he_o to_o close_v with_o the_o proposal_n make_v i_o immediate_o feel_v my_o whole_a heart_n and_o soul_n quicken_v within_o i_o and_o draw_v out_o to_o a_o effectual_a close_n with_o christ_n in_o the_o offer_v of_o the_o gospel_n like_o a_o ship_n stick_v in_o the_o sand_n which_o no_o strength_n or_o art_n of_o man_n can_v set_v a_o float_v till_o the_o full_a spring_n tide_n come_v and_o set_v she_o a_o float_v carry_v she_o forth_o into_o the_o broad_a ocean_n the_o quicken_a virtue_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o the_o attract_v power_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n draw_v i_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o my_o soul_n cry_v out_o with_o a_o silent_a and_o a_o still_a voice_n my_o lord_n and_o my_o god_n thou_o be_v i_o to_o save_o i_o and_o i_o be_o thou_o to_o serve_v thou_o hereupon_o i_o feel_v as_o it_o be_v another_o spirit_n put_v into_o i_o whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o understand_v and_o know_v the_o design_n of_o the_o great_a god_n in_o cause_v so_o great_a a_o change_n to_o pass_v upon_o i_o the_o holy_a ghost_n within_o i_o witness_v to_o his_o own_o work_n now_o wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n and_o seal_v i_o to_o the_o day_n of_o redemption_n in_o believe_v i_o feel_v a_o torrent_n of_o unspeakable_a joy_n come_v from_o above_o flow_v in_o upon_o i_o in_o such_o manner_n and_o measure_n as_o i_o believe_v no_o saint_n or_o angel_n in_o heaven_n can_v set_v forth_o or_o express_v as_o i_o feel_v it_o hereupon_o i_o fall_v into_o a_o holy_a ecstasy_n and_o divine_a rapture_n of_o unexpressible_a joy_n with_o these_o thought_n and_o expression_n within_o myself_o oh_o what_o a_o change_n be_v this_o which_o i_o now_o sensible_o feel_v a_o dead_a sinner_n bring_v to_o life_n again_o a_o rebel_n and_o a_o fugitive_n from_o god_n bring_v home_o and_o reconcile_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o the_o lamb._n a_o prisoner_n and_o a_o captive_n hold_v so_o long_o under_o the_o kill_a terror_n of_o the_o law_n and_o unmerciful_a usurpation_n and_o infernal_a assault_n of_o the_o power_n of_o darkness_n set_v free_a and_o manumit_v by_o the_o deliverer_n of_o god_n elect._n a_o undo_v forlorn_a sinner_n shut_v up_o under_o the_o power_n of_o unbelief_n who_o a_o while_n since_o will_v shun_v and_o fly_v from_o god_n if_o he_o know_v how_o for_o fear_n of_o his_o frown_n and_o the_o curse_v due_a for_o the_o breach_n of_o his_o law_n now_o ready_a to_o shoot_v himself_o into_o heaven_n and_o whimper_v and_o cry_v like_o a_o child_n till_o he_o be_v lodge_v in_o the_o bosom_n of_o god_n love_n oh_o my_o soul_n who_o can_v have_v think_v of_o this_o when_o the_o iron_n of_o the_o law_n severity_n have_v pierce_v thou_o so_o deep_o and_o when_o the_o apprehension_n lodge_v in_o thou_o of_o thy_o be_v a_o reprobate_n and_o forsake_v of_o god_n deliver_v thou_o up_o to_o desperation_n the_o very_a portal_n or_o entrance_n into_o hell_n itself_o where_o be_o i_o what_o be_v the_o matter_n what_o be_o i_o do_v what_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o save_v be_v it_o possible_a can_v it_o be_v be_o i_o not_o under_o a_o satanical_a dream_n or_o delusion_n lord_n help_v i_o to_o know_v if_o it_o be_v a_o delusion_n and_o undeceive_v i_o here_o i_o be_v at_o a_o stand_n for_o but_o a_o little_a space_n it_o be_v occasion_v by_o my_o call_n to_o mind_n what_o a_o deceitful_a enemy_n the_o devil_n be_v and_o how_o near_o he_o can_v go_v in_o imitate_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n in_o cause_v flash_n of_o joy_n in_o the_o soul_n of_o a_o awaken_v sinner_n and_o think_v at_o the_o same_o time_n whether_o i_o be_v not_o so_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n who_o begin_v his_o good_a and_o bless_a work_n in_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o leave_v i_o in_o this_o cloud_n but_o by_o his_o own_o elucidating_a and_o heart_n search_v virtue_n and_o power_n bring_v to_o my_o thought_n and_o consideration_n all_o the_o objection_n which_o either_o devil_n or_o carnal_a reason_n can_v possible_o make_v against_o my_o be_v save_v by_o christ_n and_o by_o manifest_v the_o father_n decree_n and_o purpose_n concern_v i_o in_o eternity_n and_o lay_v open_o the_o nature_n and_o design_n of_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n and_o the_o every_o way_n alsufficiency_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n to_o go_v through_o with_o the_o work_n he_o have_v undertake_v for_o i_o he_o full_o answer_v all_o objection_n and_o confute_v the_o false_a and_o sophistial_a reason_n bring_v in_o by_o satan_n and_o corrupt_a reason_n against_o my_o be_v save_v as_o he_o most_o powerful_o convince_v i_o of_o sin_n and_o the_o misery_n which_o thereby_o i_o bring_v upon_o myself_o and_o that_o when_o he_o become_v a_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n to_o fit_v i_o for_o the_o great_a physician_n so_o likewise_o now_o he_o be_v become_v a_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n he_o as_o powerful_o convince_v i_o of_o that_o spotless_a and_o everlasting_a righteousness_n of_o the_o mediator_n god-man_n by_z and_o for_o which_o i_o be_v justify_v in_o the_o person_n of_o my_o surety_n when_o at_o his_o resurrection_n god_n the_o father_n justify_v and_o acquit_v he_o from_o all_o charge_n of_o sin_n whereto_o he_o become_v liable_a and_o obnoxious_a when_o he_o strike_v hand_n with_o the_o father_n as_o a_o surety_n for_o i_o and_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o elect._n the_o twelve_o thing_n here_o follow_v he_o particular_o assure_v i_o of_o and_o that_o as_o full_o and_o sensible_o as_o ever_o i_o be_v sensible_a that_o i_o see_v natural_a light_n or_o darkness_n 1._o he_o assure_v i_o that_o