take_v where_o the_o mother_n and_o the_o child_n be_v and_o see_v part_n of_o their_o building_n burn_v and_o some_o lie_v dead_a before_o their_o eye_n and_o so_o robert_n get_v possession_n of_o the_o child_n but_o at_o last_o she_o by_o great_a wisdom_n and_o diligence_n surprise_v they_o and_o secret_o convey_v they_o to_o one_o mr._n bernard_n in_o essex_n and_o secure_v they_o against_o all_o his_o endeavour_n §_o 3._o the_o war_n be_v end_v and_o she_o as_o guardian_n possess_v her_o son_n estate_n take_v he_o as_o only_a son_n as_o herself_o and_o use_v his_o estate_n as_o careful_o as_o for_o herself_o but_o out_o of_o it_o conscionable_o pay_v debt_n of_o her_o husband_n repair_v some_o of_o the_o ruin_a house_n and_o manage_v thing_n faithful_o according_a to_o her_o best_a discretion_n until_o her_o son_n marry_v take_v his_o estate_n into_o his_o own_o hand_n §_o 4._o she_o be_v before_o unknown_a to_o i_o come_v to_o kederminster_n twenty_o mile_n desire_v i_o to_o take_v a_o house_n for_o she_o alone_o i_o tell_v she_o that_o i_o will_v not_o be_v guilty_a of_o do_v any_o thing_n which_o shall_v separate_v such_o a_o mother_n from_o a_o only_a son_n who_o in_o his_o youth_n have_v so_o much_o need_n of_o her_o counsel_n conduct_v and_o comfort_n and_o that_o if_o passion_n in_o she_o or_o any_o fault_n in_o he_o have_v cause_v difference_n the_o love_n which_o bring_v she_o through_o so_o much_o trouble_n for_o he_o shall_v teach_v her_o patience_n rather_o than_o forsake_v he_o she_o go_v home_o but_o short_o come_v again_o and_o take_v a_o house_n without_o my_o knowledge_n §_o 5._o when_o she_o have_v be_v there_o alone_o a_o while_n her_o unmarried_a daughter_n margaret_n about_o seventeen_o or_o eighteen_o year_n of_o age_n come_v after_o she_o from_o her_o brother_n resolve_v not_o to_o forsake_v the_o mother_n who_o deserve_v her_o dear_a love_n and_o sometime_o go_v to_o oxford_n to_o her_o elder_a sister_n wife_n to_o mr._n ambrose_n vpton_n than_o canon_n of_o christ_n church_n both_o yet_o live_a in_o this_o time_n the_o good_a old_a mother_n live_v as_o a_o blessing_n among_o the_o honest_a poor_a weaver_n of_o kederminster_n stranger_n to_o she_o who_o company_n for_o their_o piety_n she_o choose_v before_o all_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n in_o which_o time_n my_o acquaintance_n with_o she_o make_v i_o know_v that_o notwithstanding_o she_o have_v former_o be_v somewhat_o passionate_a she_o be_v a_o woman_n of_o all_o that_o manly_a patience_n in_o her_o great_a trial_n that_o prudence_n and_o piety_n and_o justice_n and_o impartiality_n and_o other_o virtue_n which_o i_o mention_v in_o her_o funeral_n sermon_n of_o her_o death_n anon_o it_o be_v her_o daughter_n case_n that_o this_o be_v the_o prologue_n to_o chap._n ii_o of_o her_o conversion_n sickness_n and_o recovery_n §_o in_o her_o vain_a youth_n pride_n and_o romance_n and_o company_n suitable_a thereto_o do_v take_v she_o up_o and_o a_o imprudent_a rigid_a governess_n that_o her_o mother_n have_v set_v over_o she_o in_o her_o absence_n have_v do_v her_o hurt_n by_o possess_v she_o with_o ill_a thought_n of_o strictness_n in_o religion_n yet_o she_o have_v a_o great_a reverence_n for_o some_o good_a minister_n especial_o mr._n tho._n wright_n and_o she_o think_v that_o she_o be_v not_o what_o she_o shall_v be_v but_o something_o better_a she_o know_v not_o what_o must_v be_v attain_v in_o this_o case_n come_v to_o kederminster_n for_o mere_a love_n to_o her_o mother_n she_o have_v great_a aversion_n to_o the_o poverty_n and_o strictness_n of_o the_o people_n there_o glitter_a herself_o in_o costly_a apparel_n and_o delight_v in_o her_o romance_n but_o in_o a_o little_a time_n she_o hear_v and_o understand_v what_o those_o better_a thing_n be_v which_o she_o have_v think_v must_v be_v attain_v and_o a_o sermon_n of_o mr._n h._n hickman_n at_o oxford_n much_o move_v she_o on_o isa._n 27._o 11._o it_o be_v a_o people_n of_o no_o understanding_n therefore_o he_o that_o make_v they_o will_v not_o save_v they_o etc._n etc._n the_o doctrine_n of_o conversion_n as_o i_o preach_v it_o as_o now_o in_o my_o treatise_n of_o conversion_n be_v receive_v on_o her_o heart_n as_o the_o seal_n on_o the_o wax_n whereupon_o she_o present_o fall_v to_o self-judging_a and_o to_o frequent_a prayer_n and_o read_v and_o serious_a thought_n of_o her_o present_a state_n and_o her_o salvation_n §_o 2._o a_o religious_a maid_n that_o wait_v on_o she_o take_v king_n notice_n of_o this_o for_o she_o keep_v all_o her_o matter_n so_o secret_a to_o herself_o as_o be_v her_o great_a hurt_n all_o her_o life_n acquaint_v her_o mother_n with_o it_o and_o when_o it_o will_v be_v hide_v no_o long_o but_o her_o frequent_a closet-prayer_n be_v sometime_o overhear_v and_o her_o change_a course_n of_o life_n discern_v her_o mother_n who_o as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v discern_v before_o love_v her_o least_o of_o her_o three_o child_n begin_v to_o esteem_v she_o as_o her_o darling_n and_o all_o her_o religious_a friend_n and_o neighbour_n be_v glad_a of_o so_o sudden_a and_o great_a a_o change_n §_o 3._o i_o will_v here_o give_v you_o one_o of_o her_o self-judging_a paper_n which_o i_o find_v since_o her_o death_n upon_o she_o then_o sad_a conviction_n when_o i_o have_v on_o rom._n 8._o 9_o tell_v they_o how_o it_o may_v be_v know_v whether_o we_o have_v christ_n spirit_n or_o not_o she_o thus_o repeat_v the_o sign_n with_o her_o self-condemnation_n mark_v 1_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v the_o author_n of_o the_o scripture_n and_o therefore_o suit_v your_o disposition_n to_o it_o and_o guide_v you_o by_o it_o judgm_n 1._o i_o fear_v than_o i_o have_v not_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n for_o i_o yet_o feel_v no_o love_n to_o god_n word_n nor_o closure_n with_o it_o as_o suitable_a to_o i_o but_o i_o be_o question_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o or_o at_o best_o quarrel_v with_o it_o mark_v 2._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v from_o heaven_n from_o god_n our_o father_n and_o lead_v we_o upward_o unto_o he_o it_o be_v work_n be_v spiritual_a of_o heavenly_a tendency_n make_v we_o cry_v abba_n father_n and_o work_v the_o heart_n by_o unite_n love_n to_o god_n judgm_n 2._o it_o be_v not_o so_o with_o i_o for_o i_o have_v a_o spirit_n tend_v only_o to_o selfishness_n and_o sin_n mark_v 3_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n unit_v we_o to_o christ_n and_o one_o another_o by_o love_n and_o be_v against_o hatred_n division_n and_o abuse_v other_o judgm_n 3._o i_o then_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o cain_n for_o i_o can_v endure_v any_o that_o be_v not_o of_o my_o opinion_n and_o way_n and_o it_o incline_v i_o to_o malice_n and_o unpeaceableness_n and_o division_n mark_v 4._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v a_o spirit_n of_o holiness_n and_o do_v not_o favour_n licentiousness_n in_o doctrine_n or_o in_o life_n judgm_n 4._o though_o i_o be_o for_o strict_a principle_n i_o be_o loose_a in_o practice_n mark_v 5._o christ_n spirit_n incline_v to_o love_v humility_z and_z meekne_v and_o make_v man_n stoop_v to_o each_o other_o for_o their_o good_a judgm_n 5._o none_o more_o uncharitable_a proud_a and_o censorious_a than_o i_o mark_v 6._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n make_v man_n little_a low_a and_o vile_a in_o their_o own_o eye_n it_o be_v pride_n that_o puff_v up_o judgm_n 6._o my_o self-conceitedness_n show_v that_o i_o be_o unhumble_v mark_v 7._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n do_v work_v to_o the_o mortify_n of_o the_o flesh_n even_o all_o its_o inordinate_a desire_n and_o to_o self-denial_n judgm_n 7._o i_o be_o a_o stranger_n to_o the_o work_n of_o mortification_n and_o self-denial_n i_o can_v deny_v myself_o nothing_o but_o the_o comfort_n of_o well-doing_n i_o can_v deny_v my_o sloth_n so_o far_o as_o to_o go_v to_o prayer_n when_o i_o be_o convince_v of_o my_o necessity_n mark_v 8._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v a_o prevail_a spirit_n and_o do_v not_o only_o wish_v and_o strive_v but_o overcome_v the_o flesh_n as_o to_o its_o rule_n judgm_n 8._o the_o flesh_n prevail_v with_o i_o against_o the_o spirit_n mark_v 9_o christ_n spirit_n be_v the_o author_n of_o his_o worship_n ordinance_n and_o suit_v the_o soul_n of_o believer_n to_o they_o the_o word_n sacrament_n etc._n etc._n judgm_n 9_o they_o seem_v not_o suitable_a to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o against_o they_o and_o have_v rather_o not_o use_v they_o if_o i_o dare_v mark_v 10._o christ_n spirit_n be_v in_o all_o the_o saint_n and_o incline_v they_o to_o holy_a communion_n with_o each_o other_o in_o love_n especial_o to_o those_o in_o who_o this_o spirit_n most_o eminent_o work_v judgm_n 10._o it_o be_v not_o thus_o with_o i_o i_o desire_v not_o the_o communion_n of_o saint_n my_o affection_n be_v
and_o trouble_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o well_o it_o may_v be_v so_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o day_n have_v be_v very_o great_a my_o heart_n have_v not_o answer_v the_o expression_n of_o thanks_o which_o have_v be_v utter_v by_o the_o mouth_n of_o those_o that_o speak_v they_o to_o god_n no_o no_o my_o heart_n have_v not_o stir_v and_o be_v draw_v out_o towards_o my_o god_n the_o thought_n of_o his_o love_n have_v not_o ravish_v my_o soul_n alas_o i_o scarce_o feel_v any_o holy_a spark_n to_o warm_v my_o soul_n this_o day_n this_o day_n which_o be_v a_o day_n of_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o any_o in_o all_o my_o life_n the_o day_n in_o which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o opportunity_n to_o give_v thanks_o for_o all_o the_o mercy_n of_o my_o life_n and_o thanks_o itself_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n than_o the_o rest_n all_o other_o mercy_n be_v to_o prepare_v for_o this_o this_o be_v the_o work_n of_o a_o glorify_a saint_n even_o a_o saint_n in_o heaven_n before_o the_o bless_a face_n of_o god_n it_o be_v his_o everlasting_a business_n to_o sing_v the_o song_n of_o thanksgiving_n and_o praise_n to_o the_o most_o high_a but_o my_o thought_n have_v not_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o sweet_a foreta_v of_o this_o bless_a work_n which_o i_o may_v have_v have_v this_o day_n o_o god_n i_o beseech_v thou_o forgive_v my_o sin_n and_o lay_v not_o my_o deadness_n to_o my_o charge_n but_o overlook_v all_o my_o transgression_n and_o look_v on_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n i_o be_o thou_o lord_n and_o not_o my_o own_o this_o day_n i_o have_v under_o my_o hand_n and_o seal_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o witness_n nay_o in_o thy_o own_o presence_n who_o art_n witness_v sufficient_a be_v there_o no_o eye_n to_o see_v i_o or_o ear_n to_o hear_v i_o thou_o lord_n that_o know_v all_o thing_n know_v that_o i_o have_v devote_v my_o all_o to_o thou_o take_v it_o and_o accept_v my_o sacrifice_n help_v i_o to_o pay_v my_o vow_n will_v thou_o not_o accept_v i_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o more_o sincere_o and_o believe_o o_o lord_n i_o unfeigned_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o aright_o o_o will_v thou_o strengthen_v my_o weak_a desire_n i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n thou_o that_o can_v make_v i_o what_o i_o be_o not_o o_o make_v i_o what_o thou_o will_v have_v i_o be_v in_o thou_o there_o be_v all_o fullness_n and_o to_o thou_o i_o desire_v to_o come_v by_o christ._n will_v thou_o now_o cast_v i_o off_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o unreserved_o lord_n i_o confess_v the_o devil_n tempt_v and_o the_o flesh_n say_v spare_v something_o what_o let_v all_o go_v and_o i_o find_v in_o i_o a_o carnal_a selfish_a principle_n ready_a to_o close_v with_o the_o temptation_n but_o thou_o can_v prevent_v and_o conquer_v all_o and_o speak_v death_n to_o these_o corruption_n and_o bid_v the_o tempter_n be_v go_v it_o be_v thy_o pleasure_n here_o to_o suffer_v thy_o dear_a child_n to_o be_v tempt_v but_o fuffer_v not_o temptation_n to_o prevail_v against_o thy_o spirit_n and_o grace_n if_o temptation_n be_v like_o a_o torrent_n of_o water_n to_o smother_v quench_v or_o hide_v the_o flame_n yet_o will_v thou_o never_o let_v all_o the_o spark_n of_o thy_o grace_n be_v put_v out_o in_o the_o soul_n where_o once_o thou_o have_v true_o kindle_v it_o but_o lord_n suffer_v not_o such_o flood_n to_o fall_v on_o my_o soul_n where_o the_o spark_n be_v so_o small_a already_o that_o it_o be_v even_o scarce_o discernible_a o_o quicken_v it_o and_o blow_v it_o up_o to_o a_o holy_a flame_n most_o gracious_a god_n o_o do_v it_o here_o who_o have_v do_v it_o for_o many_o a_o soul_n o_o what_o have_v i_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o spark_n of_o grace_n why_o the_o least_o spark_n be_v worth_a ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o thanks_o than_o i_o can_v ever_o express_v and_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a and_o unthankful_a as_o be_v before_o confess_v and_o be_v that_o a_o sign_n of_o grace_n unthankful_a dead_a and_o dull_a i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o but_o yet_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v from_o god_n gift_n in_o i_o that_o i_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o and_o that_o this_o day_n i_o have_v desire_v to_o devote_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o will_v be_v more_o holy_a and_o more_o heavenly_a even_o as_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v i_o be_v nay_o i_o do_v know_v the_o time_n when_o i_o have_v none_o of_o these_o desire_n and_o have_v no_o mind_n to_o god_n and_o the_o way_n of_o godliness_n and_o do_v i_o not_o know_v that_o there_o be_v many_o in_o this_o condition_n who_o have_v no_o desire_n after_o christ_n and_o holiness_n here_o then_o be_v matter_n of_o comfort_n give_v i_o from_o he_o that_o do_v accept_v the_o desire_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n even_o the_o lord_n christ_n who_o will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n i_o see_v then_o that_o i_o have_v yet_o matter_n of_o rejoice_v and_o must_v labour_v to_o be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o remain_a sin_n as_o may_v tend_v to_o my_o future_a joy_n in_o believe_v but_o not_o so_o as_o to_o be_v discourage_v and_o frighten_v from_o god_n who_o be_v long-suffering_n and_o abundant_a in_o mercy_n rouse_v up_o thyself_o then_o to_o god_n my_o soul_n humble_o but_o believe_o repent_v that_o thou_o have_v be_v so_o unthankful_a and_o insensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n this_o day_n receive_v up_o up_o and_o lie_v not_o down_o so_o heavy_o god_n have_v hear_v prayer_n for_o thou_o and_o give_v thou_o life_n and_o opportunity_n to_o serve_v he_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o all_o the_o outward_a mercy_n thy_o heart_n can_v desire_v he_o have_v give_v thou_o dear_a godly_a able_a friend_n such_o as_o can_v help_v thou_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n yea_o he_o have_v set_v they_o to_o beg_v spiritual_a mercy_n for_o thou_o who_o prevail_v for_o temporal_a for_o thou_o and_o oft_o for_o many_o other_o why_o then_o shall_v thou_o not_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o wait_v in_o hope_n that_o he_o have_v hear_v their_o prayer_n this_o day_n for_o thy_o soul_n as_o former_o for_o thy_o body_n they_o be_v thing_n command_v of_o god_n to_o be_v ask_v and_o we_o have_v his_o promise_n that_o seek_v we_o shall_v find_v it_o may_v be_v this_o night_n many_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n will_v yet_o pray_v for_o my_o soul_n i_o doubt_v not_o some_o will_n and_o shall_v i_o not_o be_v glad_a of_o such_o advantage_n i_o hear_v this_o day_n that_o i_o must_v not_o forbear_v thanks_o because_o the_o mercy_n be_v yet_o imperfect_a else_o we_o shall_v never_o give_v thanks_o on_o earth_n though_o therefore_o my_o grace_n be_v yet_o but_o a_o spark_n and_o weak_a my_o body_n weak_a my_o heart_n sad_a all_o these_o administer_v matter_n of_o thanks_o and_o praise_n as_o well_o as_o of_o supplication_n let_v i_o therefore_o keep_v close_o to_o both_o they_o be_v the_o life_n of_o my_o life_n while_o i_o live_v here_o and_o have_v daily_a need_n of_o supply_n from_o god_n let_v i_o daily_o be_v with_o he_o and_o live_v as_o in_o his_o presence_n let_v he_o be_v the_o chief_a in_o all_o my_o thought_n my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o let_v i_o remember_v to_o be_v earnest_a for_o my_o poor_a relation_n and_o dear_a friend_n and_o the_o church_n and_o people_n of_o god_n in_o general_n and_o let_v i_o strive_v to_o keep_v such_o a_o moderate_a sense_n of_o sorrow_n on_o my_o soul_n as_o occasion_n require_v i_o have_v now_o cause_n of_o sorrow_n for_o part_v with_o my_o dear_a friend_n my_o father_n my_o pastor_n he_o be_v by_o providence_n call_v away_o and_o go_v a_o long_a journey_n what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v with_o he_o i_o can_v foresee_v it_o may_v be_v he_o be_v prepare_v some_o great_a mercy_n for_o we_o and_o for_o his_o praise_n i_o know_v not_o but_o such_o a_o day_n as_o this_o may_v be_v keep_v here_o on_o his_o account_n the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v for_o he_o be_v wise_a and_o good_a we_o be_v his_o own_o let_v he_o do_v with_o we_o what_o he_o please_v all_o shall_v be_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unprofitable_a under_o mercy_n and_o mean_n it_o may_v grieve_v i_o now_o he_o be_v go_v that_o there_o be_v so_o little_a that_o come_v from_o he_o leave_v upon_o my_o soul._n o_o let_v this_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o be_v more_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o remain_a help_n and_o mean_n and_o if_o ever_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v this_o mercy_n again_o o_o let_v i_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o this_o night_n
duty_n for_o they_o beside_o the_o time_n and_o perhaps_o care_v thought_n that_o all_o his_o family_n expense_n and_o affair_n will_v require_v and_o then_o it_o will_v disquiet_v a_o man_n mind_n to_o think_v that_o he_o must_v neglect_v his_o family_n or_o his_o flock_n and_o have_v undertake_v more_o than_o he_o can_v do_v my_o conscience_n have_v force_v i_o many_o time_n to_o omit_v secret_a prayer_n with_o my_o wife_n when_o she_o desire_v it_o for_o want_v of_o time_n not_o dare_v to_o omit_v far_o great_a work_n 2._o and_o a_o minister_n can_v scarce_o look_v to_o win_v much_o on_o his_o flock_n if_o he_o be_v not_o able_a to_o oblige_v they_o by_o gift_n of_o charity_n and_o liberality_n and_o a_o marry_a man_n have_v seldom_o any_o thing_n to_o spare_v especial_o if_o he_o have_v child_n that_o must_v be_v provide_v for_o all_o will_v seem_v too_o little_a for_o they_o or_o if_o he_o have_v none_o housekeep_v be_v chargeable_a when_o a_o single_a man_n may_v have_v 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history_n be_v to_o show_v man_n that_o it_o be_v not_o god_n or_o our_o enemy_n afflict_v we_o in_o worldly_a loss_n or_o suffering_n especial_o when_o we_o suffer_v for_o righteousness_n sake_n which_o be_v half_a so_o painful_a as_o our_o own_o inward_a infirmity_n a_o man_n spirit_n can_v bear_v his_o infirmity_n of_o outward_a cross_n but_o a_o wound_a spirit_n who_o can_v bear_v my_o poor_a wife_n make_v nothing_o of_o prison_n distraining_n reproach_n and_o such_o cross_n but_o her_o burden_n be_v most_o inward_a from_o her_o own_o tenderness_n and_o next_o from_o those_o who_o she_o overloved_n and_o for_o my_o own_o part_n all_o that_o ever_o either_o enemy_n or_o friend_n have_v do_v against_o i_o be_v but_o as_o a_o flea-biting_n to_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o the_o daily_a burden_n of_o a_o pain_a body_n and_o the_o weakness_n of_o my_o soul_n in_o faith_n hope_n love_n and_o heavenly_a desire_n and_o delight_n §_o 19_o and_o here_o you_o may_v see_v how_o necessary_a 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another_o and_o do_v not_o sufficient_o know_v it_o farewell_o vain_a world_n and_o welcome_a true_a everlasting_a life_n finis_fw-la
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to_o supply_v the_o notorious_a necessity_n of_o the_o people_n and_o as_o helper_n of_o the_o allow_a ministry_n the_o good_a woman_n think_v this_o have_v be_v read_v the_o common-prayer_n and_o in_o a_o letter_n which_o i_o now_o find_v accuse_v my_o wife_n with_o five_o or_o six_o vehement_a charge_n for_o tell_v she_o i_o will_v not_o read_v 〈◊〉_d common-prayer_n my_o wife_n be_v of_o my_o mind_n for_o the_o matter_n but_o great_o offend_v with_o i_o for_o seem_v to_o do_v it_o for_o the_o avoid_n of_o danger_n and_o be_v so_o far_o from_o not_o pardon_v these_o false_a smart_a accusation_n that_o she_o never_o once_o blame_v the_o good_a woman_n but_o love_v she_o tender_v she_o and_o relieve_v she_o in_o sickness_n to_o the_o death_n but_o hardly_o forgive_v i_o and_o yet_o draw_v i_o from_o all_o other_o place_n if_o the_o minister_n be_v not_o of_o my_o mind_n by_o prudent_a diversity_n much_o less_o do_v her_o suffering_n from_o the_o time_n distemper_v she_o she_o have_v 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upon_o good_a but_o her_o weakness_n can_v not_o bear_v the_o cross_n or_o frustration_n of_o it_o §_o 12._o but_o the_o great_a infirmity_n which_o tyrannize_v over_o she_o be_v a_o disease_a fearfulness_n against_o which_o she_o have_v little_o more_o free_a will_n or_o power_n than_o a_o man_n in_o a_o ague_n or_o frost_n against_o shake_v cold_a her_o nature_n be_v prone_a to_o it_o and_o i_o say_v before_o abundance_n of_o sad_a accident_n make_v that_o and_o trouble_v of_o mind_n her_o malady_n beside_o as_o she_o say_v four_o time_n in_o danger_n of_o death_n 2._o and_o the_o storm_a of_o her_o mother_n house_n by_o soldier_n fire_v part_n kill_v plunder_v and_o threaten_v the_o rest_n 3._o the_o awakening_n of_o her_o conversion_n 4._o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n by_o sickness_n present_o before_o her_o peace_n be_v settle_v 5._o the_o fire_n next_o her_o lodging_n in_o sweetings-alley_n 6._o the_o burn_a of_o a_o merchant_n his_o wife_n and_o family_n in_o lothbury_n overagainst_a her_o brother_n vpton_n door_n 7._o the_o common_a terror_n and_o confusion_n at_o dunstan_n church_n in_o fleetstreet_n when_o they_o think_v the_o church_n be_v fall_v on_o their_o head_n while_o i_o be_v preach_v and_o the_o people_n cast_v themselves_o down_o from_o the_o gallery_n 8._o her_o mother_n death_n 9_o the_o friendless_a state_n she_o think_v she_o be_v then_o leave_v in_o 10._o the_o great_a plague_n 11._o the_o burn_v of_o london_n 12._o the_o crack_n and_o danger_n of_o her_o chamber_n in_o aldersgate_n street_n 13._o the_o crack_n and_o confusion_n at_o st._n jame_n market-house_n 14._o the_o many_o fire_n and_o talk_n of_o fire_v since_o 15._o the_o common_a rumour_n of_o murdering_n and_o massacre_n 16._o the_o death_n and_o danger_n of_o many_o of_o her_o friend_n and_o my_o own_o illness_n more_o than_o all_o these_o concur_v to_o make_v fear_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v trouble_v to_o be_v her_o disease_n so_o that_o she_o much_o dream_v of_o fire_n and_o murderer_n and_o her_o own_o dream_n work_v half_a as_o dangerous_o on_o she_o as_o reality_n so_o that_o she_o can_v not_o bear_v the_o clap_v of_o a_o door_n or_o any_o thing_n that_o have_v suddenness_n noise_n or_o fierceness_n in_o it_o but_o all_o this_o be_v more_o the_o malady_n of_o her_o body_n than_o of_o her_o soul_n and_o i_o account_v have_v little_a moral_a guilt_n and_o i_o take_v it_o for_o a_o evidence_n of_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n that_o so_o timorous_a a_o person_n 1._o have_v overcome_v most_o of_o her_o fear_n of_o hell_n and_o god_n desertion_n 2._o and_o be_v more_o fearless_a of_o persecution_n imprisonment_n or_o loss_n and_o poverty_n thereby_o than_o i_o or_o any_o that_o i_o remember_v to_o have_v know_v §_o 13._o and_o though_o her_o spirit_n be_v so_o quick_a and_o she_o so_o apt_a to_o be_v trouble_v at_o man_n sin_n who_o she_o much_o love_v she_o great_o differ_v from_o i_o in_o her_o bear_n with_o they_o and_o carriage_n towards_o they_o 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i_o can_v understand_v the_o matter_n in_o question_n as_o well_o at_o a_o few_o thought_n as_o in_o many_o day_n and_o yet_o she_o that_o have_v less_o work_n and_o more_o leisure_n but_o a_o far_o quick_a apprehension_n than_o i_o be_v all_o for_o stay_v to_o consider_v and_o against_o haste_n and_o eagerness_n in_o almost_o every_o thing_n and_o notwithstanding_o she_o over_o quick_a and_o feel_a temper_n be_v all_o for_o mildness_n calmness_n gentleness_n pleasingness_n and_o serenity_n §_o 15._o she_o have_v a_o earnest_a desire_n of_o the_o conversion_n and_o salvation_n of_o her_o servant_n and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o so_o many_o of_o they_o though_o tolerable_a in_o their_o work_n go_v away_o ignorant_a or_o strange_a to_o true_a
expectation_n and_o preparation_n for_o death_n as_o make_v the_o case_n of_o her_o soul_n less_o grievous_a to_o i_o as_o no_o way_n doubt_v of_o her_o salvation_n and_o know_v that_o a_o distract_n fever_n or_o a_o frenzy_n or_o a_o inflammation_n or_o disturbance_n of_o the_o animal_n spirit_n or_o brain_n or_o a_o impostume_n may_v befall_v the_o best_a as_o soon_o as_o the_o worst_a i_o thank_v god_n that_o she_o be_v never_o under_o any_o melancholy_n which_o tempt_v she_o to_o any_o of_o those_o doleful_a evil_n which_o many_o score_n i_o think_v that_o have_v be_v with_o i_o of_o several_a way_n of_o education_n have_v be_v sad_o tempt_v to_o she_o near_o 19_o year_n live_v with_o i_o cheerful_a wise_a and_o a_o very_a useful_a life_n in_o constant_a love_n and_o peace_n and_o concord_n except_o our_o differ_a opinion_n about_o triâ—â—al_a occurrence_n or_o our_o dispute_v or_o differ_v mode_n of_o talk_n §_o 10._o she_o be_v bury_v on_o june_n 17._o in_o christs-church_n in_o 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do_v much_o towards_o it_o §_o 2._o i_o confess_v with_o thanks_o to_o god_n that_o have_v these_o forty_o year_n find_v that_o all_o our_o holiness_n and_o comfort_n depend_v upon_o our_o certain_a persuasion_n of_o the_o life_n of_o retribution_n follow_v and_o that_o our_o certainty_n of_o this_o depend_v upon_o our_o certain_a belief_n of_o the_o holy_a scripture_n and_o we_o be_v here_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o too_o apt_a to_o doubt_v of_o all_o that_o we_o see_v not_o there_o be_v several_a sensible_a or_o experience_a present_a certainty_n which_o have_v be_v a_o great_a succour_n to_o my_o faith_n to_o save_v i_o from_o temptation_n to_o unbelief_n and_o doubt_v and_o confirm_v my_o assurance_n that_o the_o scripture_n be_v god_n word_n i._o in_o that_o i_o undoubted_o by_o see_v and_o hear_v that_o through_o all_o the_o world_n there_o be_v just_a such_o a_o pravity_n in_o humane_a nature_n as_o the_o scripture_n describe_v for_o original_a sin_n which_o can_v be_v the_o state_n of_o man_n integrity_n when_o his_o reason_n be_v much_o convince_v of_o much_o of_o the_o duty_n to_o god_n man_n and_o himself_o which_o he_o will_v not_o do_v and_o of_o most_o of_o the_o great_a sin_n which_o he_o will_v not_o forsake_v ii_o i_o see_v the_o scripture_n clear_o verify_v in_o mention_v the_o common_a enmity_n and_o war_n between_o the_o serpent_n and_o the_o holy_a seed_n it_o be_v notorious_a through_o the_o world_n in_o all_o age_n and_o country_n a_o enmity_n which_o no_o relation_n or_o interest_n reconcile_v iii_o i_o feel_v and_o see_v the_o scripture_n verify_v which_o describe_v all_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n and_o the_o secret_a war_n within_o we_o between_o the_o spirit_n and_o the_o flesh_n iu._n and_o i_o feel_v and_o see_v the_o scripture_n fulfil_v which_o promise_v a_o blessing_n on_o god_n word_n and_o his_o ordinance_n v._o and_o i_o feel_v and_o see_v the_o scripture_n fulfil_v which_o describe_v the_o renew_n work_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o the_o spiritual_a difference_n of_o the_o sanctify_a from_o all_o other_o this_o be_v not_o only_o in_o myself_o but_o in_o other_o o_o how_o many_o hundred_o holy_a person_n have_v i_o know_v the_o witness_n of_o christ_n truth_n and_o power_n and_o as_o ioshua_n and_o caleb_n bunch_n of_o grape_n to_o assure_v i_o of_o the_o land_n of_o promise_n and_o god_n truth_n which_o i_o see_v fulfil_v in_o they_o can_v i_o doubt_v of_o holiness_n when_o i_o feel_v it_o and_o see_v it_o in_o the_o effect_n vi_o even_o as_o it_o persuade_v i_o the_o easy_o to_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v devil_n when_o i_o see_v their_o very_a nature_n and_o work_n in_o devil_n incarnate_a and_o see_v what_o a_o kingdom_n he_o plain_o rule_v in_o the_o world_n and_o to_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v a_o hell_n when_o i_o see_v so_o much_o of_o hell_n on_o earth_n §_o 3._o it_o may_v teach_v we_o that_o the_o state_n of_o godliness_n be_v not_o to_o be_v judge_v of_o by_o the_o fear_n and_o sorrow_n in_o which_o it_o usual_o begin_v a_o man_n life_n be_v not_o like_o his_o infancy_n at_o his_o birth_n the_o fear_n and_o penitent_a sorrow_n which_o foolish_a fleshly_a sinner_n fly_v from_o do_v tend_v to_o everlasting_a peace_n and_o joy_n and_o perfect_a love_n will_v cast_v out_o all_o torment_a fear_n unless_o it_o be_v those_o of_o a_o timorous_a disease_a temper_n which_o have_v more_o of_o sickness_n than_o of_o sin_n and_o will_v be_v lay_v aside_o with_o the_o body_n which_o be_v their_o cause_n a_o life_n of_o peace_n and_o joy_n on_o earth_n may_v succeed_v the_o tremble_n of_o the_o newborn_a convert_n but_o a_o life_n of_o full_a everlasting_a joy_n will_v certain_o succeed_v the_o perseverance_n and_o victory_n of_o every_o believe_a holy_a soul._n §_o 4._o it_o may_v warn_v all_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o expect_v too_o much_o from_o so_o frail_a and_o bad_a a_o thing_n as_o man_n my_o dear_a wife_n do_v look_v for_o more_o good_a in_o i_o and_o more_o help_n from_o i_o than_o she_o find_v especial_o late_o in_o my_o weakness_n and_o decay_n we_o be_v all_o like_a picture_n that_o must_v not_o be_v look_v on_o too_o near_o they_o that_o come_v near_o we_o find_v more_o fault_n and_o badness_n in_o we_o than_o other_o at_o a_o distance_n know_v §_o 5._o it_o shall_v great_o warn_v we_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o small_a beginning_n even_o a_o spark_n of_o affection_n honest_a in_o the_o kind_n may_v kindle_v a_o flame_n not_o easy_o quench_v how_o great_a a_o matter_n may_v a_o little_a fire_n kindle_v almost_o all_o sin_n begin_v in_o a_o seed_n or_o spark_n which_o be_v very_o hardly_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n or_o danger_n §_o 6._o yea_o it_o shall_v warn_v all_o to_o keep_v all_o the_o thought_n affection_n