deafness to his voice 2. To put us upon more earnest seeking of him 3. To exercise and try our graces God proportions mercies according to his delays they are the greater when given in Sarah tarried long for a Son and then had an Isaac So did Hanna but then had a Samuel So Elizabeth but then had a John my heart rejoyced at this hoping that God would give an high degree of brokenness of heart in his own due time though at present my heart were hard And I remembred how hard Mr. Bradfords heart was once as to his own sense and how eminent he was afterward for tenderness as M. Fox Relates God was very good this day But Oh! how vile and sinful was I I felt a very proud vain-glorious heart both in hearing and after Sermon was done But the Lord chastised me for it For at night when I Preached in the Chappel the Lord forsook me I found no assistance of his Spirit either in Prayer or Preaching but was much confounded in both having little or no sense of the things I spake of or prayed for We read of Naaman 2 King 5. 11. that he expected a Miraculous way of cure I thought said he he will surely come out and stand and call on the Name of the Lord his God and strike his hand over the place and recover the Leper So have I found my self apt to expect that the Spirit of God should mortifie and subdue sin in me without my striving against it But I have learned it is the will of God that I should strive against sin as well as pray and wait for his Spirit Gods working in us to will and to do excludes not our endeavouring Phil. 2. 12 13. Having promises let us cleanse our selves 2 Cor. 7. 1. Octob. 17. I was immoderate in the use of the Creatures and though checked and reproved from within yet I persisted At night when I walked in my Chamber considering what I had done I was sad and said to God Lord I have Rebelled against thee I had no sooner said it in my heart but immediately that word was brought to me Dan. 9. 9. To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses he will forgive again and again though we have Rebelled against him O the wonderful goodness of God! be amazed O my Soul at this Love Now I saw the promise Isa 65. 24. before they call I will answer and whilst they are yet speaking I will hear made good to me In the evening on my Bed considering on this Love of God whence it should come to pass that the Lord should deal thus graciously with me it was answered me from Mic. 7. 18. He passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage because he delighteth in mercy Next morning at my first awaking the Spirit of God brought that Scripture into my thoughts Ps 65. 3. Iniquities prevail against me as for our trangressions thou shalt purge them away It came to me with some life and power and was very sutable to my Condition Oh the Goodness of God! the Riches of his Grace that he should so soon come into my relief and raise my Soul by his promise this is mercy never to be forgotten Sept. 28. In meditation I found the Lord drawing forth my heart to close with Christ I was convinced that God was willing to bestow his Son upon me because he did not only invite me Isa 55. 1. and Command me 1 Joh. 3. 23. but even beseech and entreat me to receive Christ 2 Cor. 5. 20. I was further convinced of Gods real intention and willingness to give me his Son from his patient waiting and long-suffering in expecting my return even after much deafness to the voice of his Spirit and dallying with his Grace he still offers his Son to me yea he presseth in upon me with the renewing of good motions and affections which I have quenched Now whence is all this but from the Love and mercy of God that he should be thus willing to have me take his Son Now who am I that I should withstand God Why should I forsake my own Mercies Lord thou hast shewn me that my former revoltings shall not hinder this thy mercy if I will acknowledge my sin renounce my self return unto thee and embrace thy Son Jer. 3. 12 13. O Lord I thankfully accept thy offer of Grace I come unto thee Oh give me thy Son behold I give thee my self Let me be Espoused to the Lord Jesus I am willing through grace to take up my Cross to deny my self and to follow thee Nov. 1. Having set apart that day to seek the Lord and to humble my Soul before him I could not get my heart to be afflicted and mourn under sin but found much lightness in Prayer the Lord hid his face and did not come in to my poor Soul with his quickning presence So that I lay in a poor desolate forsaken condition under much confusion yet in the evening a little before going to bed seeking the Lord again I was revived in reading Psal 40. especially v. 17. I am poor and needy yet the Lord thinketh upon me c. and next morning in reading Psal 9. 10. 18. Thou Lord hast not forsaken them that seek thee The needy shall not alway be forgotten the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever I was thereby encouraged still to wait and hope O Lord I have sought thee withhold not thou thy tender Mercies from me How long wilt thou hide thy face from me O when wilt thou come unto me Make hast to help me O my God I am poor and needy O let me not be forgotten for ever let not my expectation perish for ever and now O Lord what is my expectation It is even this the giving in of mercy and grace through the Lord Jesus pardoning mercy and renewing grace It is the pouring out of thy Spirit the taking away the heart of Stone and giving an heart of flesh it is an heart to know thee to fear thee to love thee and obey thee c. Dec. 6. Being in trouble and distress of Spirit because the Lord hid his face and withdrew himself from me I went in the poverty of my Spirit to Trinity Lecture and with some expectation to meet with God in his own Ordinance The Lord was gracious to me and spake Comfort to me from his Word I see it is good to wait upon God though he send the Rich empty away yet he filleth the hungry with good things My Soul was glad and rejoyced for a season But going into the Country the same day among friends and variety of worldly Affairs I lost something of the savour and relish which the good Word of God left upon me And I found palpably my Soul resting in those Comforts which I had received and growing secure and careless from whence the Lord gave me this Instruction That I am a poor silly wretch knowing neither how
or to write them upon their Houses and Lands which yet Death and Time have wholly obliterated But it is the Honour of many saints to be recorded in sacred Scripture beyond all danger of Oblivion as great examples of Piety and Holiness towards God and of service to the Church of God in their generation And God hath since by his providence in all ages secured to his more eminent saints and servants the like Honour stirring up some survivors to embalm their precious Name and memory by recording and reporting the dead to posterity in more lasting monuments as great Instances of the Grace of God special matter of his praise and approved patterns as well for the encouragement as the imitation of the Living How dispised soever this excellent servant of Jesus Christ the subject we have to write of hath been in the eyes of some of his Generation yet I am persuaded none of the worthies in the Church of God that are gone before him will count it any disparagement to their Honour that he be added to their number whose precious Names survive their death The Records which have been made and published of the Lives of many Excellent and holy persons consist for the most part only of Such passages as have fallen under the observation of those who have more intimately and frequently conversed with them many hands have Contributed to the collecting of some more remarkable words and actions which an Ingenious pen in just honour to the Subject improveth as Indices of those singular accomplishments of mind and heart which are beyond the reach of the most observant Eye And were there nothing else to be recovered Concerning the subject before us but what might be so collected from the hands of those who had the happy advantage to know fully his Doctrine manner of Life Purpose Faith long Suffering Charity patience c. I doubt not but if managed by a skillful pen it would justly amount to such a character of him as might worthily render him a more than Ordinary example of Faith and Holiness of Scripturall knowledge and practice as well to the preachers as professors of the Gospel of Christ to the praise of the Glory of the Grace of God But their is less need of this in reference to our subject Himself having not only in great measure prevented and saved his friends that labour and service but moreover discovered the inmost secrets of his heart towards God beyond all that could be known of him by the Strictest observation of others What hath been the advantagious practice sometimes though very rare of some eminent Servants of God who have made Religion their business viz. to write Curriculum vita the manner and course of their own life appears to have been his He not only kept a strict Eye upon himself and took special notice of his own heart and wayes and the manner of his spiritual living unto God but lest he should forget and render it useless committed the same to paper recording the dealings of God towards him the workings of corruption and grace his Conflicts and Temptations the secret Intercourse and Communion between God and his Soul the approaches and withdrawings of the Holy Spirit his liftings up and castings down the actings of Faith and Love Divine assistance in Duty return of prayers the clearness of his evidences and rejoycings of his hopes c. Wherein the life and power of true Religion doth more consist than in all open and visibel acts Out of this Treasury which is enough to Supply a far larger volume hath been fetched the greatest part of that furniture which filleth these pages and that mostly in his own words You that read may therefore imagine you hear this holy Prophet bespeaking you in the words of another Prophet Come and read all ye that fear God and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul My own experience assureth me that to those who are engaged in the Spiritual War and running the Christian race and have set their faces towards God It will be useful encouraging delightful and satisfactory to read so much of the sense and feeling of their own hearts in the experiences of this Blessed Saint The greatest part of whom yet I believe will find cause to be ashamed before God seeing themselves so far cast behind and may be provoked to mend their pace in pressing forward towards the mark to which he hath attained As for such as rest in their negative goodness and commendable moralls their form of Godliness and bodily exercise in religion without the life and power thereof who knows but they may be convinced of the vanity of their hopes and the sandy foundation whereon they have built them and that yet they lack something while they read the thoughts affections and workings of his holy heart his understanding improvement of the Holy Scriptures and his Spiritual communion with the Holy God to which themselves are altogether strangers But such is the enmity and contradiction of the carnal mind to the spirit and grace of God that I cannot be without jealousie that much of what is true written will be matter of scorn and derision to the profane Generation However as the word of God delivered in the Scriptures and dispensed in the Ministry thereof hath its divers and contrary effects upon diverse contrary subjects whereon yet God knows how to raise his own Glory so shall the same word Exemplified in the life of this now glorified saint have the like effects on them that read it To the humble and teachable it shall be in adjutorium but to the scorners and despisers in Testimonium THE RELATION MR. Owen Stockton was born in the City of Chichester in the County of Sussex the last week of May 1630. was the fourth Son of his Father Mr. Owen Stockton a worthy Prebendary of that Cathedral who was a younger brother of that ancient family of the Stocktons of Kiddington Green in Cheshire About the seventh year of his age his Father dyed and left the care of him and his other Children to their Mother a pious Gentlewoman of the family of the Tilees in Cambridgeshire She being a Widdow and stranger in Chichester soon after the death of her Husband returned to her native Country and setled her self at Ely where was a very good Grammar School under the Government of Mr. William Hitches to whose care she committed this her Son for his education From a Child he was of great hopes while yet a little Grammar Schollar his inclination was such as presaged more than ordinary improvement Looking once accidentally into Mr. Fox his Acts and Monuments Ecclesiastical in one of the parish Churches of that Town and reading some little part thereof he was so affected with the knowledge of that History that he never ceased to supplicate his friends till he had obtained one part of them for his use Wherein declining the puerile recreations to which his
Preach in the Afternoon at St. Andrews I had some thoughts of it and motions thereto some time since But now my time for Chapel exercise being expired I took it into serious thoughts and having humbled my Soul for my sins and begged of God that he would settle my mind in this thing and teach me what was his mind therein after pains and searching the Scripture I came to this resolution I was fully persuaded that it was the mind of the Lord that I should also Preach in the Afternoons and that from these Scriptures 2 Tim. 4. 1. 2. I charge the before God be instant in Season and out of Season As we will answer it to Jesus Christ at the day of Judgment we are to take all opportunities to preach his Word I consider here is a fair opportunity put into my hands and therefore I am bound in Conscience not to neglect it 1 Pet. 5. 2. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as much as in you lieth feed thy flock So Calvin renders the word 1 Cor. 9. 16. 17. Necessity is laid upon me yea woe is unto me if I preach not the gospel Though I preach the gospel I have nothing to glory of If I do this willingly I have a reward Eccl. 11 6. in the morning sow thy seed and in the evening withhold not thy hand For thou knowest not what shall prosper this or that this seems a clear resolution of the question 1 Cor. 15. 58. always abounding in the work of the Lord. Gal. 6. 10. As we have opportunity let us do good here is a fair opportunity and how it may be taken from me or I from it I know not and therefore hold it my duty to lay hold on it Hereupon I resolved to preach once a fortnight in the Afternoons also and considering my weakness for such a work I was encouraged from Isa 41. 10. and Math. 28. ult Go teach and lo I am with you with you to help and assist you with you to bless your labours and make your work prosperous under your hands Jul. 13. 1656. I began my Afternoons Exercise and entred upon the Doctrine of Repentance I have found God very much with me assisting and enlarging me and blessing my labours to some of my hearers I bless his Name for putting it into my heart Nov 16 I had not so much of the enlivening presence of God in the afternoon as I was wont to have Yet God blessed his word One of the Parish told Mr. J. He thought their Minister knew their hearts and added he was resolved to amend Apr. 21. 1657. I set apart this day to seek God by fasting and prayer to shew me my way and to direct me in a business that had been upon my Spirit nigh half a year which was to preach once a fortnight on the week day at the church where I am placed I engaged the prayers of others also for me in this particular And when I went to the Sacrament I laid the promise before God that he would guide me continually and teach me in the way that I should choose as that which I desire might among others be Sealed up to me Whilst I was thus deliberating with my self what to do I met with this providence Being at Soham to preach the Lecture there I slept that night very disturbedly towards the morning me thought I saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his glory who spake comfortably to me and encouraged me in my work but spake very sad words to another Mr. of Arts that was with me whom I dreamed to be a godly man yet one who was noted for his unwillingness to preach in Town When I awoke I considered with my self what this should mean I considered it was but a dream and so not much to be heeded and again I considered that sometimes God speaks to us in dreams and slumbering upon our beds Job 33. 13. 14. 15. whence I gathered it might be something of encouragement to me In the morning when I was up It fell out in my ordinary course of reading the Scripture to read Act. 18. and when I had read ver 9. 10. and pondered what had befell me in the night I could not but wonder at the Providence of God to cause this Scripture to fall in with my former dream which made me ponder the more upon it I saw God did sometimes speak to his people in a vision I saw the same reason why Paul should Preach viz. because there was much people belonging to the Lord there might be forcible to prevail with me for he enclines a great multitude of people to attend upon me When I had considered of it I resolved to lay this up in my heart and not to slight it though I could not build on it any ground of my undertaking my work Consulting the Scriptures these came into my mind Act. 6. 4. we will give our selves continually to Prayer and to the Ministry of the word where I saw that such as were called of God to preach the word ought to make it their business and give up themselves to it Rom. 1. 1. 14. 15. here I saw that one separated to the Gospel of Christ was a debter bound and should be ready as much as in him lieth Isa 40. 9. O thou that bringest good tidings to Zion get the up into the high mountains lift up thy voice with strength lift it up be not afraid Reading this Scripture in my ordinary course I found it set home with life and power in reference to my present doubt Get the up lift up thy voice It removed the great obstacle of fear What would men say and think of my forwardness Be not afraid I was the more confirmed by considering this Scripture is mainly directed to such as God hath sent to preach the gospel by comparing this Scripture with Isa 52. 7. and Rom. 10. 15. And the Scripture did the more affect me because it was in this manner set home after prayer when I had been seeking God in reference to this doubt Act. 18. 5. Paul was pressed in Spirit and testified hence I saw the Ministers of God may take encouragement to preach the word from inward pressures of Spirit Having these inducements to preach on the week day I set apart as before the 21th of April to seek God by fasting and prayer to direct me what to do Having put up my request to him in the name of Jesus Christ I shall consider what motives I have to it and what dissuasives from it and judge of both according to the Scriptures and do therein as the Lord shall direct me by his word and Spirit ' The Arguments moving to it are these 1. I Find God much enlarging my Meditations so as I am a long while ere I can dispatch the Subject I enter upon whereby I foresee I shall go over but few heads in Divinity while I stay unless I preach oftener And I know not what the meaning of God
to want nor how to abound apt to murmur and repine in Straits and to be lifted up and grow secure in Enlargements O Lord in every Condition I need thy grace to teach me how to behave my self O shew me thy way and lead me therein for thy Name-sake Also the Lord taught me hence that I ought to be patient under his hand when he hideth his Face and to resign up my will to his Will inasmuch as I do not know what is good for my self The Lord seeth I should be worse it may be if I enjoyed more than I do and therefore in wisdom and mercy he keeps me in a low Condition My confusion sometimes hath been so great that I have been so unsetled and at such a loss in my Soul that I knew not what to do all former workings have been questioned and judged as nothing In the hour of such temptation the Lord taught me besides Prayer and searching into my Soul to have recourse to former experiences Psal 77. 10 11. and Psal 85. Octob. 11. In the morning I bewailed it before God that I was still at a loss to know whether I loved him and after Prayer I read 1 Joh. 2 ch and I was made in a more special manner to take notice of v. 5. Whoso keepeth his word in him verily is the love of God perfected Me-thought I saw God Answering my Prayer and telling me out of this word that I loved him In him verily 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 it is a sure sign of Love to God we need not doubt of it if we keep his Word Now if I know my own heart I desire to do so if the Love of God be perfected in him that keeps his Word then surely it is begun in him that desires and endeavours to keep his Word Jan. 25. The Lord helped me with Tears to bewall mine abominations even my Original and actual sins my formality Earthliness alienation from him c. therein he did remember and fulfil that gracious promise Ezek. 36. 31. I found Godly sorrow sweet not only in the root and fountain thereof it being a Covenant blessing but in the very Actings of it Feb. 2. In the Evening upon my Bed the Lord did graciously melt my heart in the sight of sin under this Consideration that it was against infinite Love I was ashamed confounded and abashed because I had so long slighted neglected Rebelled against a God of Love My Soul even trembled at it Jan. 15. 1655. Having been the day before with one under great Temptations and hearing of another under a wounded Spirit my heart was melted in Prayer whilst I was praising God for his long patience in the days of my sinning and his tenderness and gentleness towards me in my Conversion Jan. 16. I found my heart drawn out to a recumbence on Jesus Christ The Spirit saith Come Rev. 22. 17. Christ saith Come Joh. 7. 37. And the Father saith Come Mat. 22. 4. And who am I O Lord that I should gainsay such Invitations Behold O Lord I come and put my trust in thee Jan. 26. I Preached twice and had very gracious assistance much beyond expectation in the week before I was much indisposed and could not get my heart to a setled meditation of what I was to speak I was under a great sense of my impotency and laboured in the fire till Saturday Afternoon when I cried to the Lord he was gracious to me and Answered me After my work was over I was much assaulted with Spiritual Pride I saw plainly the reason of Gods delaying his Assistance and giving me such sense of my weakness was to keep me humble Every way O Lord I see my own vileness when thou withdrawest from me then my heart dieth and my strength fails and I am ready to be froward When thou enlargest me then I am ready to be puffed up Oh pardon and purge away all my sin for thy Names sake Mar. 23. In Singing the 15 th Psalm I found Comfort my Conscience bearing me witness that I laboured after those things which are set down as Characters of a Citizen of the New Jerusalem Sept. 28. I had sweet Meditations upon my Bed I found God in my morning Prayer also in private and assistance in Preaching but not such an influence of the Spirit in publick Prayer as I have sometimes found Yet I had begged of God that he would give me his presence in publick as a token that he accepted of me and my work but he withdrew I feared hereupon that I had tempted God and sinned in begging new signs of his favour when I had had such great experience of his goodness many times before Lord forgive the sin of thy Servant Nov. 23. Examining my self about a work of Grace I had some Comfort from Ps 40. 8. Delight in doing the will of God is an Argument of the Law written in the heart Now I found that I had a delight especially in some duties as visiting the Sick comforting of distressed Consciences c. I was somewhat terrified from that word in Job ch 42. 7. I was afraid least in my Preaching I should sometimes speak those things of God that were not right and soon after going to Prayer I was in time of Prayer comforted from Joh. 16. 13. The Spirit shall guide you into all truth Dec. 7. I found the Lord very much Answering my Prayer in giving very gracious and powerful Assistance both in Prayer and Preaching at Trinity Lecture on Sabbath day I may say as Jaber 1 Chron. 4. 10. who said Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed and be with me And God granted my request The next morning there came a woman to me and said she was troubled at the Sermon that she could scarce sleep all night for she bad not gone so far as the Scribes and Pharisees and that which added to the mercy was God kept me humble after this enlargement Mar. 31. 1657. I had a very evident Answer of Prayer I was at a pinch for some money I begged of God that I might be supplied and that Afternoon one to whom I had lent a little money brought it me which was enough for my present necessities the Circumstances were very remarkable I sought the Lord also to be with the Parish in the choice of their Church-Wardens and there were those two chosen whom if I had had the Nomination I should have chosen my self Apr. 21. I kept a day of Fast to the Lord. I found God graciously with me in Prayer the chief thing that I propounded was to seek direction as to my Preaching on Week-days Among other things I begged of God a supply of my wants being in some straits for want of money That very night one brought me 10 s. for Preaching a Funeral Sermon which I expected not and the next morning the Church-Wardens of St. Andrews Parish brought me 7 l. and upwards whereby I was sufficiently supplied I could not but take notice of
an evident Answer of Prayer and a fulfilling of that promise Prov. 28. 27. He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack April 24. Being desired to go to a poor Christian I promised to go there being only two Maids in the house I considered whether it might not prove some scandal to go but considering also she was a Member of Christ and therefore I ought to Administer to her Soul I resolved to commit the taking care of my Name to the Lord and to do my duty I begged of him that he would secure me from reproach and as I went an honest poor man met me to whom I told whither I was going and asked him to go along with me he was willing and did so I looked upon him as sent by the Providence of God in Answer to my Prayer These were some of those observations and experiences which he recorded during his continuance at Cambridge Upon his removal from thence he intermitted this practice for some years but resumed it again Octob. 1662. God put it into my heart as at other times so especially on Wednesdays the day on which I was wont to Preach my Lecture when I was not diverted by some unexpected Providence to lament after the Lord who had cast me out of my employment in his Vineyard and to seek to him for a discovery of the cause for which he contends with me and that he would shew me for what sin or sins he hath sent this sad affliction and that he would give me a sanctified use thereof by purging out my sins and making me more holy and that he would restore me again to some employment in his Vineyard when and where it shall seem good in his sight Being sad and dejected because I had sinned now I was under the afflicting hand of God I was very much revived by Isa 57. 17 18. I smote him he went on in the way of his own heart I have seen his ways and will heal him Having afterward sinned again and been over-powred by a corruption which had oft prevailed over me I was caused to observe from that Scripture further that it was not only a single Act of sin which was committed but he went on in the way of his heart and God saith I have seen his ways and will heal him It was a stay to my Faith Here I observe what I have often found viz. 1. Dejection is a fore-runner of Consolation Seldom have I had trouble upon my Spirit but if I have eyed and followed after God he hath took it off by some word of promise 2. The observing and pondering of every word and Circumstance in a promise is of great use as it hath been to me 3. God openeth his promises gradually sometimes hinting and discovering one thing and then another in the promise Being foiled by sin I was raised to my former hope and affiance in God by Phil Children of God till the coming of Christ Being another time foiled with the same corruption and my heart sinking in a despondent frame I was much revived from Jam. 4. 5. 6. He giveth more grace Where I saw that even our strongest sins such as our corrupt natures are most prone to and are deeply rooted in our hearts and Spirits are conquerable by Gods grace Being troubled that I had sinned against God under his Correcting hand and having thereby lost my former Comfort which God had spoken to my Soul after my former backslidings I sighed over the great Treachery and unstedfastness of my heart and casting about in my thoughts where I should find a sutable word to fix on God brought to my remembrance Isa 48. 8 9. I knew that thou wouldest deal very Treacherously for my Names sake will I defer my Anger While I was musing and pondering hereon and had new hope put into me the Lord let in further Comfort and encouragement from vers 10 11. which is rendred by Piscat Behold I will refine thee and I will make thee a choice one in the furnace of affliction for mine own sake even for mine own sake will I do it Which gave me abundant refreshment and did marvellously strengthen my hope in God This was given me in when I had set apart some time to humble my Soul Apr. 5. 1665. I set apart that day for Fasting and Prayer on behalf of my Daughter Elianor that had been so long sick and in the Evening had my Faith revived from Isa 44. 3 I will pour my Spirit upon thy seed Apr. 7. I began the day with discourse with some Friends before I had been at my private Communion with God I met with a gentle Rebuke from the Providence of God in my Family Affairs and my heart was flat in Family duty and straitned in private I took this as an Item to begin with God before I converse with men In the Evening God came in graciously to me in my Family Exercise Apr. 9. Lords day I was much discomposed in my Spirit in the Morning by reason of a foil sin had given me the Evening before Satan would have boat me off from Preaching in my Family but I performed my Morning exercise and continued dejected till the Evening and then in Family Prayer God graciously revived me with that promise Hos 11. 10. They shall walk after the Lord in Connexion with vers 7. my people are bent to backsliding though they called them to the most high none at all would exalt him Where two things were a great relief to my Faith 1. God promiseth they should walk after him notwithstanding their habitual proness to backslide from God 2. Notwithstanding their refusing to exalt the Lord though called to it Yet within a little time I was again foiled by my corruption which made me see what a poor creature I was it left of God to my self May. 8. At eleven of the Clock at night my daughter Elianor died after a long Sickness God gave me several opportunities of recommending her Soul to him in prayer at some whereof my heart was much affected and my faith and hope acted on God for the eternal welfare of her Soul which made her departure easie to me My grounds were Gen. 17. I will establish my Covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee for an everlasting Covenant to be a God to thee and thy seed after thee I considered that this Covenant is to give life Mal. 2. 5. And whereas the thoughts of the Child 's Original and actual Sins as frowardness c. might make me fearful of its estate It was brought to my mind that the Covenant is to give pardon of sin Heb. 8. 10 12. And whereas faith and regeneration are necessary to Salvation I considered further that the Covenant is to give all things necessary to Salvation 2 Sam. 23. 5. this is all my Salvation Besides the Consideration of the Covenant God gave me other encouragements to hope in reference to my Child as from Math. 19. 14.
of the Lords Supper I found God gracious to me in preparation In the morning when I awaked God brought to my remembrance Jer. 2. 32. Can a maid forget her Ornaments or a Bride her attire I considered I was to meet and Sup with my Bridegroom the Lord Jesus and then considered what Ornaments and attire would best please him that I might put them on and these were presented to my thoughts some as I lay in bed and some afterwards as lovely and desirable in the sight of Christ which I determined to put on 1 st A meek and quiet Spirit 1 Pet. 3. 4. 2 ly Faith Cant. 4. 9. Thou hash ravished my heart my Sister my spouse with one of thine Eyes Faith hath the office of an Eye in the Soul Joh. 6. 40. Every one that seeth and believeth Looking unto Jesus Heb 12. 2. 3 ly Love Cant. 4. 10. How fair is thy Love my Sister c. 4 ly Humility Math. 11. 29. Learn of me for I am lowly in heart 5 ly Self-denial and forsaking of every thing that cometh in Competition with Christ Ps 45 10 11. Hearken O Daughter and consider forget thine own people and thy Fathers House So shall the King greatly desire thy beauty 6 ly An obediential frame of heart Math. 10. 20 21. All these have I observed from my youth Jesus beholding him Loved him 7 ly An heart resolved to hold and maintain frequent converse and communion with him Cant. 2. 14 Let me see thy countenance let me hear thy voice for sweet is thy voice and thy Countenance is Comely 8 ly Uprightness Prov. 11. 20. 9 ly An holy fear of God and hope in his mercy Ps 147. 11. 10 ly fruitfulness Cant. 4. 16 5. 1. But though God graciously assisted me in preparation yet in the time of receiving my heart was flat and dead As soon as the Sacrament was ended I retired to my Chamber to to pray and as I was praying that Scripture was brought to my remembrance Rom. 3. 3 4. shall their unbelief make the Faith of God of none effect God forbid I argued thence that the sins of my holy things my deadness and want of holy and due affections in time of receiving should not make void what God had promised in and by this ordinance but that the Cup was to me the Communion of the blood of Christ and the New Testament in his blood and the Bred the Communion of the body of Christ This did strengthen my faith to depend upon God for the benefits signified and sealed by that Ordinance notwithstanding the indisposition of my heart in the time of receiving Sept. 29. As I was musing on that rich promise made to Abraham Gen. 15. 1. Fear not Abraham I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward Which is sufficient to bear up the Soul under the fear and danger of any Evil and against the loss and want of any good things I considered what warrant I had to apply that promise and presently that Scripture was hinted to me Gal. 3. 9. They which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham I was strengthened and Comforted by it Twice in this weak I observed that Setting upon worldly business which called hastily upon me before I had been at closet prayer and performed my usual meditations on the Covenant and promises of God my heart grew out of frame and unsavory and I was Successless on both days Oct. 1. Sabbath day At my Entrance on my morning meditation on Gods Covenant I had a great combate in my Spirit about my laying claim to God as my God having been lately foiled by my sins but God helped me and shewed me out of his word that I might and ought to keep my hold of God as my God Notwithstanding my often backslidings from him Jer. 3. 1 5 7 8. yet v. 19. saith God Thou shalt call me my Father Hos 2. 5. with 16. The same evening considering how often and greatly I had sinned and yet had been forgiven I pondered on that Scripture Luke 7 47. and saw that I had cause to love the Lord much because I had much forgiven and Considering how I should shew my Love to God and that much these Scriptures were hinted to me Ps 40. 16. Let such as love thy name say Continually let the Lord be Magnified Ps 97. 10. Ye that Love the Lord hate evil Joh. 14. 10. If ye Love me keep my Commandments Joh. 21. 15. Simon lovest thou me feed my sheep feed my Lambs Lord help me thus to shew much love to thee Oct. 8. Having been overtaken with the sin which easily besets me and hath often foiled me My Spirit fell and my faith flagg'd and I could not look upon God with any boldness was indisposed to prayer Yet in time of prayer God magnified his free grace to me and revived my Souls with that word 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. If any man sin we have an Advocate c. After I had ended my Supplications I pondered on that Scripture and was comforted against the sense of my sin by the Advocateship of Jesus Christ who pleadeth his propitiatory Sacrifice as a Satisfaction to his Fathers justice for the sins of believers as oft as they fall into them and querying with my self whether he would be an Advocate to me to plead for me I was satisfied from that word Joh. 6. 37. him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out I was also further encouraged from Heb. 7. 25. I considered that the Intercession of Christ answered all charges and accusations that could be brought against those for whom he interceded Rom. 8. 33. 34. and that the Intercession of Christ kept us â—o firmly in the love of God that nothing could be able to separate us from it Rom. 8. 34. 35 38 39. I considered further that the persons for whom he interceded were such as came to God by him and that he interceded for them at all times when they are fallen as well as when they stand when they are dead as well as when in a lively frame for He ever liveth to make intercession After these meditations my Spirit revived and notwithstanding I was before bowed down under the sense of guilt I went with boldness to God leaning upon the merits and Intercession of Jesus Christ Oct. 13. My Spirit being bowed down with the sense of guilt because I was foiled by a Sin against which I had prayed many years I was revived in reading in my course 2 Cor. 12. 7 8 9. Whence I observed 1 st God seeth it needful for some of his Servants to meet with buffeting 2 ly When God le ts loose any corruption a thorn in the flesh or a temptation a messenger of Satan to buffet us It is to keep us humble and from being exalted 3 ly God suffers his faithful Servants sometimes to pray long against corruption or temptation and yet cannot get it removed 4 ly Though my strength was not
School-fellows addicted themselves for some years he spent most of that time which he had vacant and could redeem from his obliged attendance upon the School His judicious Master discerning in him a ready natural capacity for learning and desire after it with industrious diligence in study for though he spent so great a part of his time out of School in reading History yet withal he so performed his part and offices in the School as he never gave occasion of correction or rebuke and observing moreover his Constant daily attendance on the worship of God according to the rules of the Schools He earnestly Commended him to his Mother and persuaded her to think of no other course or trade of life for him but that he be prepared and sent to the University in order to the Office and Work of the Ministry Accordingly not without his own inclination and choice being sufficiently instructed with Grammar Learning for Academical studies he was in the sixteenth year of his age viz. Jan. 2. 1645. admitted into Christs Colledge in Cambridge under the Tuition of the Learned Dr. Henry Moore His years were not many but his stature less Insomuch that for some time he could not pass the streets without special notice taken of him and expressed on that account Nor was this only a vulgar observation but such also as fell under the Remark of the late King Charles the first who being brought to a Gentlemans house by the Army night to Cambridge and many Schollars coming thither in their habits to see his Majesty was pleased to order that they should be admitted to his Royall presence and kiss his hand Among whom this Coming in his order His Majesty made special observation of of him and gave him his gracious benediction saying Here 's a little Schollar indeed God bless him His residence in the Colledge was so constant that during the whole time of his Undergraduacy he was not absent Communibus annis Conjunctim divisim one month in a year And his sobriety such that he abstained not only from publick Houses but in other Company and places from Wines and and strong Drink as judging Nature in his age to stand in no need of such kind of helps After he had taken his degree of Batchelor of Arts he resided still in the Colledge applying himself seriously to the Study of Divinity which he alwayes designed In pursuance whereof whether by his own or others advice I cannot say he went to London and spent some months there acquainting himself with the principal Booksellers from whom he took an account of the best writers in Divinity of that time frequenting the Library of Sion Colledge and the Lectures at Gresham Colledge applying himself to several Worthy Ministers of the City and attending on their exercises which were daily that he might observe the variety of mens Gifts and their several methods of Preaching By which he made so great an Improvement of himself that he hath often said since that if it should please God to give him a Son of his own disposed to the Ministery He should give it him as his particular advice before he entred upon the work of preaching to spend some months in London in attending on those learned Divines which excelled in the Gift of preaching wherewith that City is alwayes furnished Being much affected and pleased with this study Resolving to pursue it earnestly and prepare himself for the Work of the Ministry He did privately yet in a very solemn manner by fasting and prayer make as it were a dedication of himself to God for that service When he was middle Batchelor he was removed from Christs Colledge and made Iunior Fellow of Gonvile and Caius Colledge about the beginning of the year 1651. where after a years continuance and probation of of his worth he was translated from that to a Senior Fellowship which he enjoyed during the space of six years and upward In which time he discharged the office of Steward to the Temporal of Catechist and Conduct to the Spiritual advantage of that Society Here it was that the Lord Trained up this his Disciple to be a Scribe instructed for the Kingdom of God furnishing him so plentifully with Divine and Spiritual knowledg which he gained as well by experience and observation of Gods dealing with him and the operation of his Spirit upon his heart as by industrious Study and Meditation that he could readily bring forth out of his Treasure things new and old Was able to speak pertinently sutably and seasonably to the various Capacities Conditions and Cases of Saints and Sinners and became an happy powerful Instrument in the hand of God for the Conversion Edification Consolation and Salvation of many Souls His design and desire being to serve the Lord Jesus Christ in the Office and work of the Ministry he directed the course of his Studies with special respect to that Service And though his place and exercises in the University obliged him to the Study of Philosophy wherein he was equal to most yet the Study of Divinity was his 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Not satisfying himself with the reading of the elaborate Writings of the most learned Divines wherewith he furnished his Library at the Expence of some hundreds of pounds he especially addicted himself to the reading and study of the Holy Scriptures as containing the whole Counsel of God which as his Minister he was to declare to men Which course of his study God so succeeded with his Blessing that it may be truly said of him what St. Luke saith of Apollos Act. 18. 24. He was mighty in the Scriptures his Head Memory Heart and Tongue were full of the Scriptures whereof he hath given abundant Evidence by his Scriptural Catechism In the opening and applying whereof his Gift was excellent and peculiar All that knew him and were acquainted with his Discourse Ministry or Pen must bear him that Testimony with the holy Apostle St. Paul he preferred the Learning gotten at the feet of Christ above all he had got at the feet of Gamaliel and though he had the valuable accomplishments of other learning yet he determined not to know any thing save Jesus Christ and him crucified In which knowledge he was like Saul higher than most of his Brethren from the shoulders and upwards I know none I can better compare him with than that Eminent and Powerful servant and Instrument of Jesus Christ Mr. Arthur Hildershaw whom I am prone to believe he propounded to himself as a Pattern for imitation But knowledge alone is not sufficient instruction for a Minister of the Gospel It is no rare thing to find some great Schollars in the Theory of Scripture who yet are but very ordinary Christians whose light like that of the Moon hath very cold influences He is best accomplished whose knowing head effects his heart and governs his life who knows revealed truth as well by Spiritual sense and Experience as by Speculation The Spirit of
more precious and I was encouraged to go on with confidence And I determined to eye this promise for the future when I should go forth where I might probably meet with disturbance Dec. 25. 65. As I was reading in my course Luke 6. I observed from v. 11 12. from Christs practice who in those days when his Enemies were filled with madness against him and Communed one with another what they might do unto him went out into a Mountain to pray and continued all night in prayer to God I observed I say hence that it was my duty to give my self much unto prayer at such times as I had any Enemies that laid wait for me to do me hurt Within a day or two after one of the Constables came to me and told me that his fellow Constable when he had drunk somewhat liberally opened his heart to him and told him that there had been some Communication between him and one of the Deputy Lieutenants about presenting me at the Sessions and about my Meetings I thought upon that place in Luke 6. 11 12. after he was gone and went up into my Chamber to pray And as I was meditating on this matter that Scripture Deut. 33. 12. was brought to my remembrance The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by him c. I was strengthened in my adherence to this promise because God had lately made out his love to my Soul as I was pleading this promise in prayer that passage was set home He shall cover thee all the day long Whence I did hope that the Lord who had helped me hitherto would still cover me under the shadow of his wings After I had been at prayer I considered Jacobs carriage when he was in danger of suffering by his brother Esau After he had been wrestling with God in prayer and pleading the promise he betook himselfto the use of the most probable means for appeasing Esau I also used the most probable means to prevent trouble at the ensuing Sessions and it pleased God so to order things at the Sessions that I met with no trouble Blessed be God who alone maketh me to dwell in safety Jun. 22. As I was exercising in my Family in the Afternoon several of my friends being with me I had word sent me that the Mayor and Justices would come down to my house whereupon being near the end of my Exercise I quickly concluded After I had done and dismissed the people one of the Constables came to me and told me he was sent to dissolve my Meeting but had a trembling upon him when he spake to me He added that he blessed God that had given him an heart to come some times himself and his Wife to my Meetings so that instead of doing me any hurt he gave glory to God that inclined him to come to hear me In Octob. 1670. I was presented in the Ecclesiastical Court for Preaching But God stood by me and encouraged me with that word Ps 103. 31. And though my Adversaries proceeded so far as to get out an Excommunication against me yet the Lord raised up deliverance for me that the Court took off my Excommunication without appearing before them or paying any Fees Yea so far was he from declining the exercise of his Ministry for fear of suffering that when he had been persuaded thereto by the importunity of friends he was much dissatisfied concerning which thus he records I promised Mr. B. to Preach at White Colne on Octob. 23. accordingly on Saturday I was prepared to go H. P. came in and told us that the Soldiers had seized Mr. B. and imprisoned him and that it would not be safe for me to go at that season all my friends and Relations dissuaded me but notwithstanding my mind stood to go But being importuned to stay and having been very lately sought after by name by the Soldiers in those parts and weighing the Providence in sending H. P. to my house with this Intelligence as I was about to take Horse I determined to cast my self on my Brother Cole's determination who was then at my house and he determining that I should not go I stayed at home But that night and the next day I was under much despondency of Spirit for missing such an opportunity of Service yet God was gracious to me and revived me It was some stay to my mind what I read Mat. 16. 20. Where I observed that the divulging of the most necessary truths was at some seasons and in some places prohibited by Jesus Christ I was further satisfied from Act. 16. 6 7. whence I observed that the frustrating of our Attempts and designs to Preach the Gospel to particular places that we purposed to go to did sometimes arise from the Holy Ghost And from Psal 52. 9. I had a damp upon my Spirit and was hindred from praising God for my deliverance from my Enemies hands because I had missed an opportunity of Service But this Scripture convinced me that I ought to praise God for this Providence though attended with some afflicting Circumstances By these Scriptures and Prayer I obtained satisfaction and the Lord Answered my desire and fully quieted my mind Once a very zealous and active Prosecutor of the Non-conformists obtained a Warrant against him upon the Oxford Act directed to all the Chief Constables and petty-Constables in the County to apprehend him Accordingly an Officer a stranger came to Execute it and when he was nigh the house he espied two persons whom by their habit he judged to be Ministers walking in a field the one was Mr. Stockton the other Mr. Senior of Hackney whom God hath also lately taken away He hasteneth to them and told them he had a Warrant against one of them but he knew neither Mr. Senior asked which of them He Answered Mr. Stockton Let me see your Warrant said Mr. Senior he shewed it him verily concluding from thence that he was the man Some Little Girls were there walking with them who did industriously cling to Mr. Senior as if he had been their Father which further confirmed him in his Error While Mr. Senior read the Warrant and the Officer was intent upon him Mr. Stockton walked aside and when Mr. Senior saw him beyond his reach he convinced the Officer of his Error who thereby was disappointed of his prey Being thus secured by the Providence of God through Faith and Prayer from the danger of Adversaries he thankfully acknowledged the whole glory thereof to God thus In reading 2 Chron. 20. 30. The Realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet for his God gave him rest round about God caused me to take notice that my living in rest and quietness being free from the molestation of my Enemies was the gift of God and came to pass by his Providence not from the privacy of the place where I lived or from the peaceable disposition of my Neighbours I was also instructed what I should return unto the Lord for keeping me from the
hands of mine Enemies and giving me rest and peace from Psal 30. 1. I will extol ' thee O Lord for thou hast lifted me up and hast not made my foes to rejoyce over me and from Psal 31. 7 8. I saw further that Gods giving me rest from mine Enemies should put me upon doing some special eminent Service for God from 2 Sam. 7. 1 2. 1 King 5. 4 5. 1 Chron. 22. 17 18 19. Thus with unwearied pains and zeal in great peace and security with holy rejoycing and thanksgiving did he fulfil the course of his Ministry Yet he satisfied not himself with his work of Preaching but moreover applied himself to writing for the greater Service of the present and future Generation In the time of the raging Pestilence he wrote a Treatise relating to that sore judgment but the Pestilence ceasing before he had finished it he did not Publish it Upon occasion of the destroying Fire of London he composed and published his Counsel to the Afflicted Soon after he Published his Scriptural Catechism with a Treatise of Family Instruction And hath left behind him several other Manuscripts which he designed for the Press As The Cure of the fear of Death A Treatise of Glorïfying God The Best Interest A Warning to Drunkards Some of which at least 't is hoped may see the light The Holy Ghost by St. Paul to Timothy 1 Eph. 3. 4. among other qualifications of a good Minister requireth that he be one that ruleth well his own house having his Children in subjection with all gravity The due Character of our Subject His Treatise of Family Instruction did not reproach him He was indeed quantus Minister tantus Pater Familias It pleased God in much mercy and faithfulness to him to provide for him a Meet-help a most sutable Yoke-fellow a very Prudent Virtuous and Gracious Gentlewoman of a worthy and Religious Family in Cambridgeshire Mrs. Elianor Rant Daughter of Roger Rant of Swaffham Esq whom he took to Wife within less than a year after his Call to Colchester who was a singular Blessing Comfort and Honour to him all his life Few there be to whom Solomons commendation do more properly belong Prov. 31. 26. c. From thenceforth he had incumbent upon him the charge of a Family God gave him six Children whereof he left one only Daughter surviving Upon the account of his own and his Wifes approved Wisdom Grace Gravity and Government many were desirous to get their Children into his Family even those who were of different persuasions from him both in Conformity and Non-Conformity for their better Education in compliance wherewith he received some Youth of the Female Sex that might more properly belong to the care and inspection of his Wife So as for the most part he had a full Family Wherein according to his place he kept up his Authority over all under his Charge but with so much Meekness Prudence and Gravity that though all stood in awe of him yet he was more loved than feared As to his Wife whom he worthily honoured and entirely loved there never arising any Passion or Dispute between them He frequently conversed with her about the Matters of her Soul Enquiring how the case stood between God and her Soul what burdens lay upon her Spirit what grounded hope she had for eternal life c. helping and encouraging her in the ways of Godliness The 9th day of June being the day of their Marriage He never past it over if at home without spending some time with her in solemn prayer to God and conference about the several passages of his providence towards them since they came into that Relation In the conclusion whereof he was always more affected with and thankful for mercies than dejected or cast down at afflictions though he met with some considerable tryals not only in his Family as the loss of so many hopeful Children c. but also abroad and that from those that knew better It was his manner not only in his more private and secret retirements but also in the performance of his family duty to commend her particularly to God at the throne of grace As to his Children very early before they were past the lap he would himself be instructing of them in Gods word ordering them to get some Scriptures by heart which best suited their childhood and capacity four of them died in infancy and Childhood none having reached the full age of 5 years Concerning whom he had much Satisfaction as to their Eternal salvation His first born a daughter attained to the age of 19 years and died who had been so instructed by her Father that before she was 8 years old she under stood the method of a Sermon and if Preached by her Father would give him an account of the most considerable heads and passages therein and before she was full 9 years of age she would pen down a Sermon after him and miss but few or none of the heads with some considerable enlargement also About this time of her age God Suffered her corruption to exert it self in some open Acts to the observation of others which exposed her to the severe rebuke of her Parents which God sanctified to her conviction And as she grew up she quickly gave evidence of the truth of Grace and power of Godliness making progress therein beyond her years having a great and Zealous love to the Ordinances Ministers and Servants of Christ Dissembling the weakness and infirmities of her body that she might have liberty to attend the Ordinances of God for her Soul walking closely with God in daily secret duty strictly keeping the Sabbaths taking speciall notice of the workings of Grace and Sin and Gods providential dealings with her recording them in her diary and under a long and mortal sickness expressing a most christian Patience and Submission to the Will of God As to his Servants so soon as they came into his family he instructed them first in their duty towards God next in the duty of their places giving them the evidence and authority of Scripture for that which he instructed them in and expected from them enjoyning them to get those Scriptures by heart which they were to keep in memory and repeat to him as he called for them As to his family together after his own personal secret retirement and devotion in reading the Holy Scriptures in course and Prayer which was his first and last exercise after his uprising and before his downlying His manner was in the morning seeking God first by a short Prayer for a blessing to read some portion of Scripture which he often also Expounded and then to proceed to Prayer and at night after the like reading of the Scripture he required every Child that was capable and Servant to repeat one verse of that Chapter or some other Scripture which they had a desire might be explained to them and of every such verse so repeated he gave the sense and speak
witness to him The Widow the Fatherless the Stranger the Sick the Sufferers have all been refreshed from his compassions Though he offered to Preach freely at St James's Church in Colchester on Lords day Mornings as hath been before mentioned not desiring or expecting any reward yet the civility of the people did gratifie him for his pains The greatest part of which I am assured from an hand privy to it he distributed to charitable uses And this I read under his own hand Nov. 1. 1665. I made a Vow to God to give him the tenth of all that he should give unto me the ensuing year That which occasioned me to vow this Vow was the reading Gen. 28. which fell out that morning in my ordinary course where I observed that most of those blessings which Jacob mentions as his inducement to his Vow God had given me He had vouchsafed me his presence he had graciously preserved and kept me from my Enemies and the noysome pestilence he had given me bread and Raiment I added Pro. 3. 9. Honour the Lord with thy Substance and with the first fruits of all thine encrease I Considered also that what I gave to God should be fruit abounding to my account Phil. 4. 17. Math. 25. 34 35 36. I considered which way I should give it to God and I saw from Prov. 19. 17. that what was given to the poor was given to God Especially what was given to the poor Saints and members of Christ Math. 25. 35 40. And as to the Suffering Ministers of Christ I determined to bestow part of what I had dedicated to God on them and that though they were not brought to such extremities as not to know how to Subsist I was moved thereunto by Phil. 4. 10 11 14 18. The Apostle Paul was not in such want but that he knew how to live comfortably and contentedly yet he saith the Philippians did well in Communicating with his afflictions and tells them that their Charity towards him was an odour of a sweet smell a Sacrifice acceptable and well pleasing to God Towards the Church of God in General his indefatigable Labours in Preaching and Writing his frequent Fastings and Humiliations his fervent and wrestling Prayers for the peace of Jerusalem his affectionate sympathizing with her in her Sufferings are the undeniable Testimonies of his Love His own Liberality and stirring up of others thereunto for the Education of such poor Schollars as were hopeful for the work of the Ministry is the effect of the same Principle To which must be added his Last-will and Testament wherein out of pure zeal and Love to the Service and Enlargement of the Church he hath bequeathed the greatest part of his well furnished Library even the choicest and most valuable of his Books to Gonvile and Caius Colledge in Cambridge with five Hundred pounds to be laid out by his Executrix in purchasing a Free-hold Estate or Impropriation to be setled upon the said Colledge for the maintenance of a Schollar and Fellow there successively for ever Providing that such only be Elected thereto as are poor or Orphans or the Sons of poor Ministers of the best and most hopeful parts obliging them to the Study of Divinity and the Ministerial work taking special care that such be well grounded and established in the Orthodox Faith the true Reformed Protestant Religion and in case any such Elected shall become corrupt in Doctrine or Scandalous in life then after due admonition and Non-Reformation his place to be declared void and another to be chosen in his stead and none to enjoy it longer than twelve years Besides which he hath also bequeathed in Case his only Daughter shall die before she shall accomplish the Age of one and twenty years Twenty pounds per Annum to be setled upon the Colledge in New England for the Education of a Converted Indian or any other that will learn the Indian Language to be a Minister and go to Preach the Gospel to the poor Indians Nor was this the first expression of his pious regard to that remote part of the world for when he heard of that wasting Fire that laid so great a part of Boston in N. E. in Ashes he sent thither freely to be distributed among the Sufferers a considerable quantity of his Books Entituled Counsel to the Afflicted which he had wrote upon the occasion of the Burning of London Beyond which he hath also given Twenty five pound to Charitable uses Which bequests he hath made yet with all due respect to his Family not in the least declining from the kindness of an Husband or the tenderness of a Father so ordering his Charity to others as withal securing to his Widow and Fatherless Child not only a necessary and Competent but even a liberal and plentiful Subsistence reserving to them the Rent of what he hath bequeathed to the Colledge during their Natural lives Hitherto the Reader hath had an account of this Eminent Saint given him for the most part from those Acts and Exercises of his life by which he was visible to the discerning and judicious eyes of those that knew him We shall now proceed to give a further account of those his own observations and experiences of himself through which we may look into the very frame and temper the thoughts and affections of his heart some of which he hath thus recorded His Observations and Experiences Jan. 10. 1653. In reading of Calvins Institutions I met with that place in Isa 44. 3. Upon the reading whereof having been the the night before under Conviction of the emptiness and barrenness of my Soul and some despondency of Spirit thereupon I conceived some hope and found my Soul lifted up towards God to wait for and expect the shedding abroad of his Spirit in my Soul seeing he had said he would pour it out upon the dry ground but alas the lively sense of this was but momentany it was soon gone and my old deadness of heart returned upon me Hence I observe that it is of singular use both for the Establishment of true and discerning of false Comforts to see upon what grounds our Souls take in and upon what grounds they let go their Comforts The letting go of our Comforts oftimes proceed from our letting go of the promises When Satan can prevail to beat us off from the promise he will quickly rob us of our Comfort I find that at several times I have been kept under doubts and fears and jealousies and yet have had no Scripture grounds for them so that I perceive they proceedeâ— from Satan darkning my heart and keeping me in unbelief and trouble of Spirit Feb. 16. My Soul being dejected because after long wâ—iting upon God for the fulfilling of his Covenant in giving his Spirit and carrying on the work of Faith and Sanctification with power it had found no sensible in-comes when I was reading the Scripture according to my usual Custom the Lord did rebuke the despondency of
my Spirit from those words of the Prophet Isa 40. 27. Why sayest thou O Jacob and speakest O Israel my way is hid from the Lord and my judgment is passed over from my God And did encourage my Soul still to hope in God and wait for his strength from the following words v. 28 29. 31. Hast thou not known hast thou not heard if thou hast not known it by experience having found his everlasting Arms under thee for thy support yet hast thou not at least heard it that the everlasting God the Lord the Creator of the ends of the Earth fainteth not neither is weary He giveth power to the faint c. Continue thou therefore O my Soul to wait upon the Lord. Lord what an accursed hard heart have I that sin which grieves thee Gen. 6. 6. thy Son Mar. 3. 5. thy Spirit Eph. 4. 30. should not grieve me that sin which wearieth thee Isa 43. 24. should not be a burden to me that I should not be troubled for want of thy Presence when as the hiding of thy face made our Saviour cry out My God my God why hast thou forsaken me That Eternity and Judgment to come should make no impression upon me that I can hear yea speak of thy Word thy wrath c. and yet not fear thee not tremble at thy Word nor at this my Condition Feb. 19. Being Sabbath day Having formerly perceived a desperate hardness in my heart that that Word which works upon others should do me no good that no means no mercies did melt my Soul and almost despairing of ever having it softened After Prayer I was encouraged from the Lord in reading Mr. Hooker upon Act. 2. 37. who from those words When they heard these things they who had Crucified our Lord Christ were pricked at the heart raiseth this observation It is possible even for the most stubborn sinner to get a broken heart And now O my Soul Why art thou cast down Is not the Lord greater than thy heart Can Satan be more malicious to destroy thee than the Lord is merciful to save thee Yet the actings of my Faith hereupon are but faint Upon Examination of my self I have sometimes found that to mine own sense and feeling I have been altogether void of any love or fear of God and that I have been at such a time as unable to work up my heart into the Love and fear of God as to say to this Mountain Be thou removed and cast into the Sea Such wonderful deadness hath seised upon my Soul so greatly have I been enslaved and held captive by Satan that I have not been able truly to desire the Spirit of God O that my heart could bleed at the remembrance of this great evil that I should not only be cut off from Communion with God but be contented with this condition that I should have no groanings in Spirit to be delivered from this miserable bondage Be instructed hence O my Soul to ascribe every good motion to God if thou feelest any hungrings after Jesus Christ or any sorrow for want of Gods presence or the like own it as his work and bless him for it I have sometimes found my condition much like the man mentioned Joh. 5. who lay a long time by the pool of Bethesda but was not able to put himself in that he might be healed even so it is with my Soul Though God hath opened a Fountain for sin and for uncleanness to wash in and I find my Soul exceedingly polluted yet I am not able to step into this Fountain that I may be healed O my Soul the Lord seeth thy weakness and that thou hast been now a long time in this case wait thou on God Who can tell but that as the Bowels of Jesus Christ did yearn towards the poor man so may his Compassions be great towards thee and he may heal thee also Cease not to importune him saying Jesus thou Son of God have mercy on me O Lord heal my Soul Having at several times found diverse workings upon my heart as Convictions and thereupon some pantings and breathings after God but as yet nothing come to perfection I thought of and found that I had cause to take up the complaint of Hezekiah in another case It is a day of trouble and rebuke the Children are come to the Birth and there is no strength to bring forth Isa 37. 3. Some time after reading Isa 66. it seemed to me that that word v. 9. was suited to my Case Shall I bring to the Birth and not cause to bring forth saith the Lord Shall I cause to bring forth and shut the Womb saith thy God O my Soul wait thou on God who will perfect his own work in thee He hath said He will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoking Flax till he sent forth judgment unto Victory I have oftimes seen a Law in my Members warring against the Law of my mind and leading me into Captivity to the Law of sin and death So powerful and mighty have been the Actings of some inward corruptions that I have not been able to overcome them but have been hurried Captive by them Hereby I come to see that truth the heart of man is desperately wicked who can know it I cannot fathom the depth of iniquity which is in my heart Hereupon I am made to cry out with St. Paul O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of Death O Lord be not thou far from me but make hast to help me Let the sighing of the Prisoner come before thee proclaim liberty to thy Captive and the opening of the Prison door to him that is bound with the Chain of sin Isa 61. 1. Mar. 26. 1654. I find that though in my judgment and Profession I acknowledge Christ to be my Righteousness and Peace yet upon Examination I observe that my heart hath done quite another thing and that secretly I have gone about to Establish my own Righteousness and have derived my Comfort and Peace from my own Actings For when I have been disquieted by the Actings of my sin that which hath recovered me to my former Peace hath not been that I could find God speaking Peace through the blood of Christ but rather from the intermission of temptation and the cessation of those sins when I have been troubled at an evil frame of heart I do not find that the Righteousness of Christ hath been my Consolation but that which hath relieved me as far as I can find was that afterward I found my self in a better temper Having been in trouble and perplexity I have read the Scripture gone to Prayer and in doing these I have been relieved yet I do not find that at such times I had real true living Communion with God in such duties or that the Spirit of God did in those duties reveal to me my interest in Christ and so quiet my Conscience Hence I come to see
what great need I have and that it is of singular use to watch over my Soul in all its ways both in reference to sin that I fall not into it and when fallen what the Carriage and Actings of my Soul are at such a time Whether I flee for relief to God in Christ or to my own works And in reference to my duties to take heed lest those means which God hath appointed to be the conveyances of himself his Son and Spirit and all Spiritual blessings should prove to me a mean of Death and Separation from God by my formal use of them and resting in them For as Satan keeps some alienated from God by the gross pollutions of the world So others from Christ by their Establishing a Righteousness of their own O Lord break thou this snare for me and let my Soul escape as a bird from the Net that I may flee to thee and be at rest I have observed in my self that when God at any time is pleased to work any thing in my Soul I soon lose it if he quicken me I soon grow dead hearted again if he enliven my affections they soon grow cold and flat and my old hardness returns upon me Hence I come to see that it is infinite Wisdom and Goodness in God that he hath not put the stock of grace into our own hands but hath treasured it up in Christ that our life is now hid with Christ in God for so it becomes sure Rom. 4. 16. hereby also I come to see that I have need of continual recourse to Jesus Christ for new supplies of grace and strength The Lord God in his wisdom was pleased when he delivered his people out of Egypt before he brought them to Canaan to lead them 40 years in the wilderness when as he could have led them a nearer way to Canaan Exod. 13. 17. He chose rather to lead them through the great and terrible Wilderness Jer. 2. 6. where were fiery Serpents and Scorpions and drought where there was no water where he brought them forth water out of the Rock of Flint and fed them with Manna for this end that he might humble them prove them and do them good in the latter end Deut. 8. 15 16. Doest thou find it so O my Soul in thy travail towards the Heavenly Canaan Doest thou walk through much Spiritual drought a land of deserts and of the shadow of death Dost meet with a flinty heart and fiery temptations Know that the Lord doth this to humble thee which through his grace thou hast sometimes found and to prove thee i. e to discover thee to thy self for he himself knows thy thoughts afar off and this way of God through grace hath been a means of discovering much of thy corrupt heart to thee and that he may doe thee good in the latter end Therefore take heed O my Soul of Israel's sins of murmuring against God under thy wants of unbeleif and tempting God c. Read oft and weight well the 78th Psalm May 6. being Sabbath day The Lord was pleased in the hearing of his word to convince me of my sin and lost condition But Lord How unfaithful was I then and have I been since to the Convictions of thy Spirit How soon have I healed up the wound that was given by the word How soon hath an hard heart a secure careless Spirit taken possession of me Lord If ever thy word be effectual in me thou must not only speak it to my heart but write and engraff it there also Henceforth I desire to wait on thee as for the teachings of thy Spirit so for the writing of thy Law in my heart by thy Spirit I found a lothness in my Spirit to go to here this Sermon whereby I perceive Satan would have hindred me Be encouraged hence O my Soul to break through all difficulties thou meetest with in doing thy duty When thou findest any secret unwillingness to ordinances or duties then stir up thy self to wait upon God expecting that he hath some special mercy for thee which Satan would hinder thee off Jun. 1. This day the Lord did in the hearing of his word revive some convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit though in a very languid manner I stood convinced before the Lord of unbelief and that I was a lost creature because thereof from the words of our Saviour Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already Conscience tells me that I am yet in unbelief that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12 13. that faith which should purge me from Atheism formality and resting in duties from hypocrisie and deadness from unclean affections and inordinate Love of the world from a vain mind and a light Spirit that faith which should purifie my heart from these and the like evils Act. 15. 9. that faith which should make Christ a greater Reality and more precious to me than any thing in the world 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God and joy in the Holy Ghost unspeakable and full of Glory Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith Jam. 2. 17 20. and presumed upon Gods Mercy in Christ although I have been estranged from God in my heart and Nature my Resting in duties and trusting in my own Righteousness as far as I can see hath been the deceit of my heart Lord lay this conviction upon my Conscience for I find my heart would put it off yea it hath already desperately hardned it self against thee I fear I shall out-grow this Conviction of thy word as at other times I feel a careless Spirit that would make light of Eternity and of Jesus Christ Lord break my heart under thy word for my unbelief and neglect of Christ Let me not heal my self but wait till thou shalt heal me Thou didst help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas Oh that thou wouldest help mine also The Lord hath shewn me that I am dead in sin not only from the testimony of his word Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience For I feel my self alienated from the life of God cut off from communion with the Lord Jesus separate from God and his blessed Spirit My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction and hath caused me sometimes to mistake a life of morality for Spiritual life and at other times a life of formality But now I find the Scripture speaks of dead works and calls for repentance from them Heb. 6. 1. and purging our consciences from them Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I understand not only the gross pollutions of the World but all works whatever that are done by a man void of the quickning Spirit of God Without Union to Christ there is no Spiritual life for as the natural life results from the Union of the Soul with the body and the State of death is nothing but the
disunion and Separation of the Soul from the body so our spiritual life results from the Souls Union with Christ and spiritual death is our separation from him Now I feel my self as a poor withered branch cut off from this Vine unacquainted with the actings of this Spiritual life as living by faith Serving God in Spirit Mortifying Sin by the Spirit walking in the Spirit loving God above all things and seeking his Glory in all things I have sometimes Prayed against sin resolving against it striven with it avoided occasions thereto all which a natural man may do but sin hath returned upon me and overcome me How to fetch power from Christs death to mortifie sin how to believe in God for subduing it how to do it by the Spirit these have been mysteries to me Lord When shall the day dawn and the Day-Star arise in my heart When shall the Day-spring from on high visit my Soul to give light to him that sits in darkness and in the shadow of death Come Lord Jesus thou light of life Come quickly That which kept me a long time from resolving to give up my whole heart to God in Covenant was a fear that I should break my Covenant and so double my sin But I perceive since that this was but Satans policy to keep my heart from God and the true ground of my not doing this was not conscienciousness of sin as Satan once made me believe but a loathness to part with all sin and to serve God with all my heart A Strong encouragement thou hast O my Soul to enter Covenant with God to serve him with thy whole heart from that portion of his Word which thou didst read this morning May. 11. 1654. in Jer. 30. 21 22. Who is this that engaged his heart to approach unto me saith the Lord Ye shall be my people and I will be your God Since my Covenanting with God I come to see more fully the truth of that place Rom. 8. 7. The carnal mind is enmity against God is not subject to the Law of God neither indeed can be For I find a Loathness to walk closely with God yea under a profession of Religion my carnal heart hath been at enmity to the power and life of it and this enmity hath lyen hid under and been covered with a performance of some duties which have not been destructive to that evil principle that hath lived in me Yea I find my carnal heart is hungring after the flesh-pots of Egypt after its old delights and sinful pleasures is ready to murmur against God in the wilderness and speaks of returning into Egypt and being impatient of the cross it revolts from God many a time and seeks relief and contentment from the creature Since my Covenanting with God I see more of thee treachery and hypocrisie of my heart I found my Soul for a while more tender of Sin and my heart seemingly engaged to serve the Lord. but I soon forgot the covenant that I had made and in a short space I did not find that my Covenanting had any influence on my heart or life So that I see I did but flatter the Lord with my mouth and lyed unto him with my tongue for my heart was not right with him neither was I stedfast in his Covenant Ps 78. 36 37. My unstedfastness in my Covenant with the Lord did arise as far as I perceive from these two grounds 1. My heart was not right with God when I made it there was not that inward cordial full resolution to part with all Sin and that for ever from an antipathy to it and dislike of it neither that inward resolution of cleaving to God to have him my All in All to take all my contentment and joy in him and to seek it in nothing else which should have been 2. I neglected my watch and did not as I should renew my Covenant often and engage my heart to walk with God and while I was slothful and negligent my heart was stolen away by the Devil and the World and is now in league again with Sin Lord make me upright and clear up to me my Sincerity Search me and try me and let me know the bottom of my heart Keep me upon my watch and guard that I may keep my Covenant Jul. 23. The Lord did awaken my Consience to such a sense of my sin and lost estate in the reading and hearing of his Word that when I went to Prayer I was before him as a lost creature being under wrath and the sentence of death lying in my blood and pollution Now whereas before I found my heart carried out in begging Sanctification I did now cry to God for the blood of Christ to wash away the guilt of my sin I did not before prize Justifying Grace so as now in some weak measure I was made to doe But I soon found an accursed hard heart in a little time I did not tremble at the wrath of God I have laboured to work these convictions upon my heart but I found such a roving heart such a slighty heart so possest with vanity that nothing would abide with it Lord unless thou savest me for thy mercies sake I perish Aug. 6. being Sabbath day In meditation on 1 Joh. 3. 23. This is his commandment that we should believe on the Name of his Son Jesus Christ Considering with my self what this did imply viz. not only a relying upon God in Christ for the remission of Sin but for the pouring out of the Spirit Joh. 7. 38 39. which Spirit when it is given will shed abroad the love of God in our hearts Rom. 5. 5. and seal up the assurance of the remission of our sins and witness our addoption Rom. 8 16. will mortifie sin in us v. 13. and work all the works of God in us and for us all which I want and to which I haven been a long time convinced that I am unable And Considering further that this Spirit is the free gift of God Ps 51. 12. given not according to our works but of free mercy for the sake of Christ Tit. 3. 4. 5 6. And considering further that Jesus Christ had received Gifts of which the Gift of the Spirit is intended even for the rebellious that God might dwell among them Ps 68. 18. I found my heart encouraged to wait upon the Lord for the pouring forth of his Spirit upon me that I might have my heart renewed and sanctified and the remission of my sins sealed up to my Soul Afterwards considering further that the way whereby a poor soul that hath lost Gods image comes to be renewed in heart and mind and made partaker of the divine nature is by faith in the promises 2 Pet. 1. 4. and observing how Isaac who inherits the blessing was not born by the strength of Nature but by promise and as Isaac was born through the promise so are all believers Gal. 4. 28. not of the will of man
but of God Joh. 1. 13. and that God giveth power to the faint and strength to them that have no might in a way of waiting Isa 40. 29 31. I saw from these considerations further ground of hope and waiting upon God notwithstanding I find my strength perished from me Neither shall the guilt of my Sin discourage me from waiting on God from expecting of his Holy Spirit from going to Christ The whole need not a Physitian Christ deales with Sinners Mar. 2. 17. He hath said he will in no wise cast out them that come to him Joh. 6. 37. why did he shed his blood to wash away our sins How is he the Lamb of God that taketh away the sins of the world if he should cast off guilty Souls when they come unto him Is there not a fountain opened for sin and for uncleanness to wash in Zach. 13. 1. What though I be in my blood yet if I go to Christ he will not loath me Ezek. 16. 6 8. but will sprinkle clean water upon me and wash me from my filthyness Ezek. 36. 25. When therefore I find guilt upon me I will look to Jesus Christ in such promises as these Isa 1. 18. 43. 25 26. 44. 21 22. I will cry unto him that I may have the pardon of my sin Sealed up to my Soul in these promises by his Holy Spirit Neither shall my rebellious heart the perverseness and corruption of my Nature discourage me but I will with David beg a new heart and a right Spirit Ps 51. 10. I will say as Ephraim Jer. 31. 18. Turn thou me and I shall be turned God hath sent Christ to bless us in turning us from our iniquities Act. 3. 26. and to destroy what Satan hath wrought in us 1. Joh. 3. 8. therefore when I feel sin prevail and lead me captive I will with Paul cry out of this body of death Rom. 7. 24. and go to God in Jesus Christ through such promises as these Mic. 7. 18 19. Rom. 6. 14. Math. 11. 28. Isa 45. 22. Jer. 31. 33. Ezek. 36. 26. When I feel my self graceless I will look to him who is full of grace Joh. 1. 14. 16. and hath promised to give grace Ps 84. 11 even an heart to love him Deut. 30. 6. and to put his fear into us Jer. 32. 40. and to withhold no good thing if we endeavour to walk uprightly before him Ps 84. 11. When I find the plague of an hard dead heart upon me I will look unto the Lord who quickens the dead Rom. 4. 17. and can raise Children to Abraham out of Stones Math. 3. 9. I will look unto him in his Covenant promising to take away the heart of Stone and to give an heart of flesh Ezek. 36. 26. In time of desertion when God withdraws the comfortable influences of his presence I will not be discouraged but I will search my heart and try my ways and see what cause I have given the Lord to depart from me Lam. 3. 40. Josh 7. 11. 12 13. Isa 59. 2. I will earnestly seek the Lord that he would return and shine upon me and lift up the light of his countenance upon my Soul Ps 80. 3. 89. 46. Hos 5. 15. I will not only pray but wait for his return Ps 130. 5 6. Isa 8. 17. Lam. 3. 2 3. c. with 26. and in waiting I will look unto the Lord in these or like promises Ps 103. 8 9. Isa 54. 6 7 8. 57. 16 17 18. Lam. 3. 31 32. Hos 6. 1 2 3. Joh. 14. 18. When I have neglected my watch and fallen and been unstedfast in Covenant with God I will not despair but look to God in Christ that he would pardon my sin grant me repentance and restore me The Covenant of grace admits of repentance after sin Levit. 26. 21. 40. 41 42. Yea God hath exalted Christ to give repentance Act. 5. 31. hath promised to heal back-slidings Hos 14. 4. invites backsliders to return Jer. 3. 1 12 13 14. How did David behave himself when Iniquities prevailed over him He goeth to God to purge away his transgression Ps 65. 3. he maketh Supplication to God that he would not cast him out of his presence Ps 51. 11. he confesseth his sin and God pardons him Ps 32. 5. which should encourage all the Godly when they have fallen to return to the Lord ver 6. St. John layeth strict charge upon Believers that they sin not but in case of Sin he would not have them despair 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. Solomon prayed to this purpose 1 Kings 8. and God accepted ch 9 3. When therefore thou hast fallen O my Soul by thine iniquity and God hid his face and withdraws his gracious presence let thy uncircumcised heart be humbled accept of the punishment of thy sin Turn unto the Lord and and say Take away all iniquity and receive me graciously So will I praise thee Lev. 26. 41. Hos 14. 2. Let not thy falls cause thee to depart from the Living God Though thou hast played the harlot with many Lovers yet the Lord calleth thee to return Jer. 3. 1. God commands us to forgive our Brother seven times a day if he return and repent Luk. 17. 4. yea not only seven times but seventy times seven Math. 18. 21 22. And will not God much more forgive us though we fall oft if we return and seek his face Seeing his ways are far above our ways Isa 55. 7 9. Dec. 9. 1655. Having found much formality in my duties on the Sabbath and seeing my self lost in them I put the question to my Soul what if thou die this night What is thy hope How wilt thou appear before God Righteousness of thine own thou hast none to trust to thou seest how thou sinnest every day and how full of sin thy best duties are Upon this enquiry the good Spirit of God brought to my remembrance 1 Cor. 1. 30. God hath made Christ Righteousness to us and Jer. 23. 6. This is the Name by which he shall be called The Lord our Righteousness which was comfort to me and enquiring what warrant I had to believe my self to be a sharer in this Righteousness and that I stand accepted of God by vertue of this Righteousness I saw from Rom. 3. 21 22. that this Righteousness is upon all that believe Now through the Lords goodness and to his Praise be it spoken I have oftimes found my heart not only to long after pardon and renovation but to trust in Christ and in God through him for pardoning mercy and renewing grace and all other good things Dec. 16. I found the Lord graciously present with me in my morning meditation on my Bed And my Soul was much refreshed with Mr. Simond's Sermon God spake a sutable word by him to my Soul from Mat. 15. 23. But he answered her not a word God may sometimes defer to give an Answer to a gracious and well qualified Prayer 1. To correct our
met with in my course of private reading Ps 19. 13. Keep back thy servant from presumptuous sins let them not have dominion over me Where I considered 1. That David found in his heart a proness to presumptuous sins which made him cry out Keep back thy servant c. 2. He was not without fear or danger lest presumptuous sins should get the dominion over him for he Prays Let them not have dominion 3. When he found it thus with himself he calls himself Gods Servant Keep back thy servant This word coming when my heart had been upon the borders of a presumptuous sin did much affect me Febr. 6. Being a day of Humiliation I was much indisposed to the duties of the day I found my heart unfit to Pray in private and to perform Family exercise The sense of guilt had clouded and bowed down my Soul In the Evening God revived my Soul with Isa 64. 6 7 8. They complained they were all as an unclean thing their righteousness as filthy rags there was a flagging of the Spirit of prayer and this in a time of great Judgments as v. 10 11. Yet they say But now thou O Lord art our Father This suited my condition and encouraged me to believe my relation to God and his to me as my Father though I found my self under the foresaid Distempers I was also supported against my sins with 1 Joh. 2. 24. Let that abide in you which you have heard from the beginning if that which you have heard from the beginning shall remain in you ye shall continue in the Father and the Son By which I was encouraged to hold fast what Instructions Comforts and Supports I had formerly received from God That which ye have heard viz. from the teachings of the Spirit Joh. 6. 45. from the beginning viz. from the time they began to believe in Christ Heb. 3. 14. Nov. 28. 1669. Being Saturday I was visited with a Feaver When I was under the Visitation I looked over my Evidences for Heaven had comfortable hopes of my Salvation from several promises whereby the fear of Death was removed My Life was in hazard many Prayers were put up for me God directed to the timely use of proper means and gave his blessing and restored me to my work on the fourth Lords day as a return to Prayers In my sickness before the danger was probably past in the night season I had very clear and awful apprehensions of the Majesty of God as though I had heard God speaking to me out of Isa 57. 15. I who am the high and lofty one that inhabit Eternity c. and then methought it was said to me Surgite Ministri servi praedicate Evangelium ad Conversionem peccatorum Arise ye Ministers and Servants of God and Preach the Gospel for the Conversion of sinners And afterwards it was said to me You shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord. Fear thou not thou hast born witness to my Name in this place thou shalt bear witness also to my Name where I shall call thee To which my Soul bowed down and I replied Lord I am willing to follow thee if thou shalt satisfie me that thou callest me I could not certainly tell whether I was awake or sleeping or slumbring but the matter being so affecting coherent and coming with some power I laid it up in my heart not knowing but it might be useful to me Jan. 30. 1671. My Treatise of Family Instruction being finished and Published I resolved after several times seeking God and Consulting with my own Soul to set upon composing a Treatise of glorifying God The grounds or reasons inducing me hereunto were 1. The Command given to all persons in all Nations to declare the glory of God 1 Chron. 16. 23 24. I saw here I might lawfully yea it was my duty to do what I could to set forth the glory of God And seeing I was taken off from my publick Preaching I might do it more beneficially by Writing and Printing 2. My Spirit hath been for several years put upon and stirred up to write on this Subject I made a little beginning in the year 1664. but laid it aside and in times of sickness I have found a lothness to die till that work were done and have met with many cross Providences as if sent with a tacit reproof for neglecting this work Now the stirring up the Spirit to a good work is of God and part of Gods call to the work Exod. 36. 2. Ezr. 1. 5. Hagg. 1. 14. 3. I was under many Engagements to glorifie God as 1 st The many and great mercies I have received for my Soul by the Teachings and Consolations of his Spirit and many outward mercies above my other Relations which are engagements to glorifie God Ps 86. 12 13. 2 ly The eminent deliverances I have had from sickness the Pestilence and other troubles Psal 50. 15. 3 ly The wonderful preservation I have had from mine Enemies notwithstanding all the hazards I have run of falling into their hands by Preaching the Gospel at home and abroad which should engage me to extol and glorifie God Psal 30. 1. 4. I did hope for benefit to my own Soul both by being further enlightened into the knowledge and excited to the practice of glorifying God while I was studying to instruct and excite others thereto July 17. 1672. God having opened a door for the free exercise of my Ministry by his Majesties most Gracious Declaration I was desired both at Ipswich and Colchester to Minister to them I had discouragements as from the uncertainty of the times not knowing whether this liberty would continue or a time of trouble and persecution arise the differences and animosities that are among Professors and the enmity that is on the part of the Adversaries I considered of it and had encouragement from the Word thereto as 1 Pet. 5. 2. 4. with vers 7. as also from Josh 1. 9. Joshua had difficult work before him potent Enemies that dwelt in fenced Cities the people with whom he had to do had so exasperated Moses his Spirit by their frequent murmurings that once he cried out to God to be killed out of hand that he might not see his own wretchedness Numb 11. 15. another time he spake so unadvisedly with his lips that he angred God and was shut out of Canaan Joshua might well fear when he was to enter on this work Therefore God speaks four times to him to encourage him Be strong be of good courage c. and gives him two Arguments to encourage him 1 st His Call Have not I Commanded thee 2 ly A promise of his Presence as his God Whence I Obs 1. God will be with his people in all places whithersoever they go 2. The promise of Gods presence may take off all fears arising either from the temper of the people with whom we shall have to do or the difficulty of our work or
word Ps 119. 165. Great peace have they that love thy Law He received the spirit which is of God and knew the things that were freely given to him of God and rejoyced therein 1 Cor. 2. 12. As to his Conversion which to some that have lived long in ignorance security sensuality prophaness and forgetfulness of God is very Sensible He being from tender years restrained and well inclined It was not so remarkable to him The most discernible part thereof was when he was a young Scollar in Cambridge Nor did he then experience very notable workings of the Spirit of bondage Which occasioned some trouble to his mind and he feared his humiliation was not deep enough but he received full satisfaction from a passage in a sermon which he heard preached by that Worthy and Excellent Servant of Jesus Christ Mr. Richard Vines then Master of Pembrooke Hall He hath sometimes said to his Friend that he was not much acquainted with those ravishing joys which some have felt but yet had that comfort and joy in the Holy Ghost which gave him satisfaction His method and manner was to derive his assurance and comfort from the written word Of the truth whereof he would say he had such a full persuasion as being the sure word of God that he did more firmly believe it than if an Angel should speak to him from Heaven according to 2 Pet. 1. 17 18 19 20 21. He could not satisfie himself with the expectation or apprehension of the immediate sole testimony of the Spirit without the word But would compare himself with the word frequently practising the duty of self examination Searching for those graces dispositions and operations in his heart which are promised in the word and to which the promises are made Which the Spirit of God enlightned him to discern and enabled him in a way of argumentation to infer thence his interest in Christ and the Covenant of God for his satisfaction and Spiritual Consolation And the Assurance which he attained in this method and by these means he thus Recordeth His Evidences 1. Evidences of true and Saving Faith After my recovery from a Sickness I set my self to examin and prove my faith to see if it were true and saving Because pardon of sin freedom from Condemnation eternal life with other great blessings are promised to Beleevers And much of our comfort in Sickness and health in life and death dependeth on the knowledge and proof of our faith and that I did believe in Christ with a true and Saving faith I was satisfied thus 1. From those expressions of Scripture wherein the nature and essential acts of faith are set forth as 1. Coming to Christ Joh. 6. 35. He that cometh he that believeth on me Coming is believing My Conscience bears me Witness that I am coming to Christ for Christ himself and all his benefits I sind my Soul drawn to Christ and upon all occasions looking and going to him 2. Receiving Joh. 1. 12. As many as received him even as many as believed on his Name Receiving is believing Now through grace I find my heart willingly receiving and thankfully accepting Jesus Christ as God offers him in the Gospel even an whole Christ Christ in all his offices to be to me Prophet Priest and King 3 Trusting Eph. 1. 13. In whom ye trusted ye beleived Trusting is believing This also I find that God hath given me an heart to rely on Christ for Righteousness grace and life 2 From the ground of my faith which is the word of God It is through my knowledge and acquaintance with the word that I have been brought to believe in Christ and through Christ in the Father that sent him And I read such as believe through the word are true believers for whom Christ maketh intercession Joh. 17. 20. and who have everlasting life and shall not come into condemnation Joh. 5. 24. 3 From this property and effect of faith viz. Prizing Christ 1 Pet. 2. 7. Unto you that believe Christ 't is precious The Apostle speaks of the faith of Gods elect ch 1. 2. and of saving faith ch 1. 9. Now I find Christ is precious to me so precious to my Soul that I value and prefer him above the whole world I account his blood precious which cleanseth me from all sin The promises exceeding great and precious which in him are yea and Amen Christ is so precious to me that I am willing to suffer for him Phil. 1. 29. yea I choose a suffering condition for Christ before the honours Riches and pleasures of the world when they cannot be enjoyed without sinning against Him Heb. 11. 24 25 26. I am willing to take up the Cross and forsake all things for him Evidences that I was one of Gods Servants Sept. 30. 1666. I considered with my self what evidence I had that I was one of Gods Servants and was satisfied from these Scriptures Rom. 6. 16. Know ye not that to whom ye yield your selves Servants to obey his Servants ye are to whom ye obey whether of sin unto death or of obedience unto Righteousness I find God hath given me an heart to yield my self to Him Nehem. 1. 11. O Lord I beseech thee Let now thine ears be attentive to the prayer of thy Servant and to the prayer of thy Servants that desire to fear thy Name Here I saw that such as desire to fear God are accounted Gods servants Which through grace I do Some doubtings arose in my heart whether I was one of Gods Servants because it is said Joh. 8. 34. Verily Verily I say unto you that whosoever Committeth sin is the Servant of sin For removing this doubt I considered 1. That the meaning of this Scripture is not that no man that hath sin in his heart or doth sin in his life can be Gods Servant but is a Servant of sin for then God should have no Servants upon the face of the Earth Eccl. 7. 20. There is not a just man upon Earth that doth good and sinneth not Joh. 1. 8. If we say that we have no sin we deceive our selves and the truth is not in us 2. It is said that the Servants of Sin are free from righteousness Rom. 6. 20. Now through mercy I follow after righteousness and find something of it whence I concluded I was not the servant of Sin 3. I saw that David held this conclusion that he was one of Gods Servants though he was compassed about with infirmities yea even at such time as he was under a sense of his sinful infirmities Ps 116. 11 16. O Lord truly I am thy Servant I am thy Servant yet he had said in his haste unbelievingly All men are liars David after he had committed the great sin of Numbering the people against the Counsel and Advice of his friends Confessed that he had sinned greatly and done very foolishly yet calleth himself a Servant of the Lord 2 Sam. 24. 10. 4. As I was Considering
and miserable to die in sin in a state of sin in the guilt of sin under the reign and power of sin in the arms and embraces of sin Sin being the transgression of a righteous Law the violation of infinite Holiness and Justice and rebellion against Divine Majesty and Authority it always hath demerit and guilt consequent upon it which obligeth and bindeth the sinner to undergoe that punishment which is naturally due to it Which punishment is Death Rom 1. 32. they which Commit such things are worthy of death Thus sin becomes the weapon or sting of Death by which it hath power to destroy Death cometh upon the Sinner as a bailiff or Sergeant from the Judge with warrant to apprehend and bring the Sinner to give account or as an executioner to take vengeance to pay the Sinner the just wages of his sin for the reparation of a broken Law for the satisfaction of offended Justice for the Declaration of Divine hatred and displeasure against sin and for the manifestation of Gods Glorious power and wrath against the guilty And what a terror must Death needs be when it appears in this shape and armed with this sting Know O presumptuous and secure Sinner Though wickedness be now sweet in thy mouth and thou hidest it under thy tongue Though thou swallowest down deliciously thy forbidden morsells of sensual pleasure and worldly gain yet this meat will soon be turned in thy bowels and become the gall of asps within thee At last at death it will bite as a serpent and sting like an adder What horrour will fill thy soul when approaching Death shall awaken thy sleepy Conscience as oft times it doth and thy awakened Conscience shall charge thee with thy inexcusable transgression of a Righteous Law thy gross neglect of Commanded duty thy industerious provision to satisfie the flesh thy ready compliance with the call of temptations thy irreparable loss of precious time Thy hypocritical dealing with God in Covenant the Stopping of thine eares at the voice of Conscience the shutting of thine eyes against the light of Scripture the hardening of thy heart against the motions of the Spirit thy unbelieving refusals of an offered Saviour thy unprofitable misimprovement of means of Grace thy unthankful abuse of the mercies of God and obstinate incorrigibleness under his Judgments with many other instances of multiplyed and aggravated sins through a long life Whence will arise dismal apprehensions of the wrath of an offended God a certain fearful expectation of Judgment to come and a pre-occupation of eternal torments and everlasting burnings This is that sting of Death the weapon wherewith it is armed against thee wherein Consists its power and by which it is so terrible 2. Add to this the strength which this sting hath from the Law For saith the Apostle The strength of sin is the Law and that two ways 1 st As the Law discovers and convinceth of sin Rom. 5. 13. Sin is not imputed where there is no Law Men are not prone to charge themselves with sin where there is no Law therefore Gal. 3. 19. the Law was added because of transgressions that is to make transgressions appear Hence we read Rom. 3. 20. By the Law is the knowledge of sin and Rom. 7. 9 13. I was alive without the Law once in my own opinion but when the Commandment came Sin revived and I died I was convinced I was in a state of Sin and death and v. 13. Sin by the Commandement becomes exceeding sinful Thus sin as the sting of Death is strengthned by the Law while men thereby are more cleerly and fully convinced of it and the greater the conviction is the sharper is the sting 2 ly As the Law Curseth and condemneth the sinner Gal. 3. 10. Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the Law to do them hence as before Rom. 7. 9. When the Commandment Came. I died and 2 Cor. 3. 7. The Law is called the Ministration of death The Law binds the sinner over to the Judgment of the great day It holds him fast under his guilt without hope of pardon passeth sentence of Condemnation upon him and begins the execution by wounding the Spirit terrifying the Soul with pre-apprehensions and foretasts of the wrath to come The sum of the terror of Death is this Approaching death awakeneth the secure Conscience Awakened Conscience charged with the guilt of sin This sin is strengthened with a Convincing cursing Law The dying wretch seeth his day of sensual delights and pleasures his day of worldly gains and purchases his day of Carnal fellowship with men and especially his day of Grace and mercy with God passing away finds his Spirit fainting his heart and flesh failing anguish and pangs taking hold of him and his soul forthwith to be Required Apprehended Arrested Summoned and haled out of his body from all freinds means helps and hopes to appear naked before God the Judge of all men to give an account of a sinful life and to receive a righteous doom viz. Depart from me ye Cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the Devil and his Angels and then to go away into everlasting punishment At this what heart of man can contain and possess himself without fear Who but must be appalled confounded amazed terrified Knowing the terror saith St. Paul 2 Cor. 5. 1. Speaking of this appearance and account Felix trembled saith St. Luke Act. 24. 25. When he heard of Judgment to come It is a fearful looking for of Judgment and fierie indignation saith the Author to the Hebrews chap. 10. 27. and a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God ver 31. Thus have we represented the Enemy Death in its power and pomp as it reigneth over the fallen Sons and Daughters of Adam which appears so terrible that woe be to those that fall under the power of it 2. We will now shew you this Enemy fallen and overcome before Believers Believers are Victorious over Death Object But saith Natural Carnal reason Is not this a great Paradox who will believe it One Enoch indeed was translated that he should not see Death and Elijah went up to Heaven in a fiery Chariot But else the Patriarchs and Prophets and Apostles and all the Saints in their Successive generations have yielded up to Death And doth not every day bear witness Are we not all here this day lamenting a very holy and Eminent Saint and Servant of Jesus Christ fallen by the stroke of Death Where then is the Victory And How is Death overcome Answ Notwithstanding all this yet Verily Death is overcome Not ut ne sit but ut ne obsit Not that it should not be but that it should not be hurtful to believers and this Victory consists in four things 1. Death is disarmed to believers that it cannot sting them When death cometh it finds no sin in them unpardoned no guilt remaining as an obligation
or resistance But how much greater will their horror and amazement be at the near approach and present appearance of this deadly Foe when their eyes shall be awakened and enlightned more clearly and convincingly to see its power and Terror and their heart more tender and sensible to feel the pain and poyson of its Mortal Sting Can thine heart endure or can thy hands be strong in the day when thy Flesh shall wast thy Spirits faint thy Strength fail the Sorrows of Death compass thee about the pains of Hell take hold on thee and Almighty wrath be renting thee in pieces like a Lion and there is none to deliver thee Surely a guilty Conscience a cursing Law an avenging Justice and present Death are a weight more insupportable than Talents of Lead than Rocks and Mountains enough to break the stoutest heart and will certainly damp the Courage of the most daring Sinner Where ever dwelt the man and what was his Name who was so hardy and confident as not to be moved yea not to be struck to the very heart at the sight of the Pale Horse coming amain upon him the Name of whose Rider is Death with Hell at his heels What thinkest thou O guilty Sinner Is thy state of sin so little dangerous that thou mayest securely rest in it Is Death so weakly Armed and art thou so strongly fortified that thou mayest bid defiance to its Assaults Wilt thou sin and laugh and sleep and drive away the Melancholy thoughts of thy approaching Terror by diverting to the Mirth and Follies and Vanities and Pleasures of a present Transitory and helpless World Reflect upon thy heart and ways review the number and Nature of thy multiplied and aggravated Transgressions throughout a long life have patience to hear the Charge of thy veracious and faithful Conscience and seriously consider with what a sharp and poisonous sting thou hast Armed Death against thine own Soul Run not the desperate hazard of being killed with Death Who ever hardened himself against this Terror of the Lord and fell not under it The stoutest hearted are spoiled they have slept their sleep and none of the men of Might have found their hands Wert thou Behemoth or Leviathan for strength and Courage were thy bones as strong pieces of Brass or like Bars of Iron were thy heart as firm as a stone yea as heart as a piece of the nether Milstone and thou a King among all the Children of pride yet shall this sword of the Lord approach thee and break thy bones and this arrow of the Almighty pierce thy heart and the poyson thereof shall Drink up thy spirit Flatter not thy self with vain hopes founded upon presumption or infidelity Think not the Lion to be painted fiercer then he is When thou hearest the menaces of Death the words of the Curse bless not thy self saying I shall have peace Make no Covenant with Death nor be at agreement with Hell Lest thou make lies thy refuge and under falshood hide thy self for thy Covenant with Death shall be disannulled and thy agreement with Hell shall not stand Thou hast but one method of safety one course to take Venture not alone in thy own strength to meet and encounter with thy mortal foe But Turn thee Turn thee to the tents of the Conquerour make hast to list thy self under the standard of the Prince of life Thou hast been told what is the sting of Death and where its strength lieth Do to it as the Philistines did to Sampson Cut off its locks Pluck out its sting Break off thy sins by repentance and work away thy guilt by faith in the blood of the Lamb that God may give thee Victory through Jesus Christ 2. How blessed and comfortable is the case of all true believers There are but two evils can make a man miserable Sin and Death The believer is freed from the Law of both It is indeed the irreversible Law and ordination of God that Believers die as well as others but withal It is their unspeakable distinguishing priviledge that their Death hath no sting no Curse no Victory over them Their Lord Jesus the Captain of their Salvation who died for them hath overcome Death disarmed Death Sanctified Death Sweetened Death Subjected Death to them and turned it to their advantage Death indeed cometh after the same visible manner upon the body of the Saint and of the sinner by Sword or Famine or Pestilence Consumption and burning Feaver with aches and pains whereby the earthly house of their tabernacle is dissolved Saul and Jonathan were not divided in their Death Ahab and Josiah fall alike in the battle by the hand of the Archers Stephen and Achan are both stoned The good and bad thief give up the Ghost together upon their Cross But as to their Souls how vastly different are their Deaths in the dispensation of God! The one is Cursed the other blessed in his Death On dieth in his Sin the other in the Lord One departs under wrath the other in peace The Spirit of one is delivered to Satan the Spirit of the other committed into the hands of God The Soul of one carried by Devils into the place of torment The Soul of the other carried by Angels into Abrahams bosome The one passeth from death to death The other passeth though death to Life This is the blessedness of the dead which die in the Lord. This is the happy Victory of the Saint over Death even in dying Of which difference of the death of Saint and sinner the sinner is sometimes so convinced that he cannot but wish with Balaam Let me die the Death of the Righteous and let my last end be like his It is the Saints happiness here both living and dying to have the Victory over death by faith which is to them the evidence and presenting of the future Resurrection not yet seen But it will be much more their happiness to have this Victory by sense as they shall in their glorious Resurrection Two things commend it 1. It is the Victory over the last enemy ver 26. and so implieth Victory over all enemies For if any remained this were not the last Sin and world and Devil are all conquered when Death is conquered Hold out then O believing Soul in thy Spiritual conflict Be thou faithful unto Death maintain thy Christian Courage against Death take hold of the strength of Christ and overcome it Thou shalt fight no mor but there remains thee Everlasting rest 2. It is the Victory of Christ which the Saints have in communion with him and so it is a Sure Victory He that got it by his Almighty power will by the same power keep it that it shall never be lost Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more and till Death can prevail over Christ it shall not prevail over the Christian Joh. 14. 19. Because I live saith Christ ye shall live also 3. Let Believers live and die as becomes those that