yea_o it_o be_v so_o fix_v on_o eternity_n and_o on_o the_o thing_n about_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n that_o be_v so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v though_o as_o yet_o god_n know_v i_o know_v but_o little_a that_o neither_o pleasure_n nor_o profit_n nor_o persuasion_n nor_o threat_n can_v loosen_v it_o or_o make_v it_o let_v go_v its_o hold_n and_o though_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o with_o shame_n yet_o it_o be_v in_o very_a deed_n a_o certain_a truth_n it_o will_v then_o have_v be_v as_o difficult_a for_o i_o to_o have_v take_v my_o mind_n from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n as_o i_o have_v find_v it_o often_o since_o to_o get_v it_o again_o from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n 34._o and_o now_o i_o think_v i_o begin_v to_o look_v into_o the_o bible_n with_o new_a eye_n and_o read_v as_o i_o never_o do_v before_o and_o especial_o the_o epistle_n of_o the_o apostle_n paul_n be_v sweet_a and_o pleasant_a to_o i_o and_o indeed_o i_o be_v then_o never_o out_o of_o the_o bible_n either_o by_o read_v or_o meditation_n still_o cry_v out_o to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v know_v the_o truth_n and_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n 35._o and_o as_o i_o go_v on_o and_o read_v i_o light_v on_o that_o passage_n to_o one_o be_v give_v by_o the_o spirit_n the_o word_n of_o wisdom_n to_o another_o the_o word_n of_o knowledge_n by_o the_o same_o spirit_n and_o to_o another_o faith_n etc._n etc._n 1_o cor._n 12._o and_o though_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v that_o by_o this_o scripture_n the_o holy_a ghost_n intend_v in_o special_a thing_n extraordinary_a yet_o on_o i_o it_o then_o do_v fasten_v with_o conviction_n that_o i_o do_v want_v thing_n ordinary_a even_o that_o understanding_n and_o wisdom_n that_o other_o christian_n have_v on_o this_o word_n i_o muse_v and_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o fear_v it_o shut_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o blessing_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v give_v they_o of_o god_n but_o i_o be_v loath_a to_o conclude_v i_o have_v no_o faith_n in_o my_o soul_n for_o if_o i_o do_v so_o think_v i_o than_o i_o shall_v count_v myself_o a_o very_a castaway_n indeed_o 36._o no_o say_v i_o with_o myself_o though_o i_o be_o convince_v that_o i_o be_o a_o ignorant_a sot_n and_o that_o i_o want_v those_o bless_a gift_n of_o knowledge_n and_o understanding_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v yet_o at_o a_o venture_n i_o will_v conclude_v i_o be_o not_o altogether_o faithless_a though_o i_o know_v not_o what_o faith_n be_v for_o it_o be_v show_v i_o and_o that_o too_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v by_o satan_n that_o those_o who_o conclude_v themselves_o in_o a_o faithless_a state_n have_v neither_o rest_n nor_o quiet_a in_o their_o soul_n and_o â—_o be_v loath_a to_o fall_v quite_o into_o despair_n 37._o wherefore_o by_o this_o suggestion_n i_o be_v for_o a_o while_o make_v afraid_a to_o see_v my_o want_n of_o faith_n but_o god_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o thus_o to_o undo_v and_o destroy_v my_o soul_n but_o do_v continual_o against_o this_o my_o blind_a and_o sad_a conclusion_n create_v still_o within_o i_o such_o supposition_n that_o i_o may_v in_o this_o deceive_v myself_o that_o i_o can_v not_o rest_v conâ—ent_a until_o i_o do_v now_o come_v to_o some_o certain_a knowledge_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no_o this_o always_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n but_o how_o if_o you_o want_v faith_n indeed_o but_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o have_v faith_n 38._o so_o that_o though_o i_o endeavour_v at_o the_o first_o to_o look_v over_o the_o business_n of_o faith_n yet_o in_o a_o little_a time_n i_o better_o consider_v the_o matter_n be_v willing_a to_o put_v myself_o upon_o the_o trial_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no._n but_o alas_o poor_a wretch_n so_o ignorant_a and_o brutish_a be_v i_o that_o i_o know_v to_o this_o day_n no_o more_o how_o to_o do_v it_o than_o i_o know_v how_o to_o begin_v and_o accomplish_v that_o rare_a and_o curious_a piece_n of_o art_n which_o i_o never_o yet_o see_v nor_o consider_v 39_o wherefore_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v and_o be_v put_v to_o my_o plunge_n about_o it_o for_o you_o must_v know_v that_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v in_o this_o matter_n break_v my_o mind_n to_o no_o man_n only_o do_v hear_v and_o consider_v the_o tempter_n come_v in_o with_o this_o delusion_n that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n for_o i_o to_o know_v i_o have_v faith_n but_o by_o try_v to_o work_v some_o miracle_n urge_v those_o scripture_n that_o seem_v to_o look_v that_o way_n for_o the_o enforce_a and_o strengthen_v his_o temptation_n nay_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v betwixt_o elstow_n and_o bedford_n the_o temptation_n be_v hot_a upon_o i_o to_o try_v if_o i_o have_v faith_n by_o do_v of_o some_o miracle_n which_o miracle_n at_o that_o time_n be_v this_o i_o must_v say_v to_o the_o puddle_n that_o be_v in_o the_o horse_n pad_n be_v dry_a and_o to_o the_o dry_a place_n be_v you_o the_o puddle_n and_o true_o one_o time_n i_o be_v a_o go_v to_o say_v so_o indeed_o but_o just_a as_o i_o be_v about_o to_o speak_v this_o thought_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n but_o go_v under_o yonder_o hedge_n and_o pray_v first_o that_o god_n will_v make_v you_o able_a but_o when_o i_o have_v conclude_v to_o pray_v this_o come_v hot_a upon_o i_o that_o if_o i_o pray_v and_o come_v again_o and_o try_v to_o do_v it_o and_o yet_o do_v nothing_o notwithstanding_o than_o besure_n i_o have_v no_o faith_n but_o be_v a_o castaway_n and_o lose_v nay_o think_v i_o if_o it_o be_v so_o i_o will_v never_o try_v yet_o but_o will_v stay_v a_o little_a long_o 40._o so_o i_o continue_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n for_o i_o think_v if_o they_o only_o have_v faith_n which_o can_v do_v such_o wonderful_a thing_n than_o i_o conclude_v that_o for_o the_o present_a i_o neither_o have_v it_o nor_o yet_o for_o time_n to_o come_v be_v ever_o like_a to_o have_v it_o thus_o i_o be_v toss_v betwixt_o the_o devil_n and_o my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o so_o perplex_v especial_o at_o some_o time_n that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v 41._o about_o this_o time_n the_o state_n and_o happiness_n of_o these_o poor_a people_n at_o bedford_n be_v thus_o in_o a_o dream_n or_o vision_n represent_v to_o i_o i_o see_v as_o if_o they_o be_v set_v on_o the_o sunny_a side_n of_o some_o high_a mountain_n there_o refresh_v themselves_o with_o the_o pleasant_a beam_n of_o the_o sun_n while_o i_o be_v shiver_v and_o shrink_v in_o the_o cold_a afflict_v with_o frost_n snow_n and_o dark_a cloud_n methinks_v also_o betwixt_o i_o and_o they_o i_o see_v a_o wall_n that_o do_v compass_v about_o this_o mountain_n now_o through_o this_o wall_n my_o soul_n do_v great_o desire_v to_o pass_v conclude_v that_o if_o i_o can_v i_o will_v go_v even_o into_o the_o very_a midst_n of_o they_o and_o there_o also_o comfort_v myself_o with_o the_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 42._o about_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v myself_o to_o go_v again_o and_o again_o still_o pry_v as_o i_o go_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v some_o way_n or_o passage_n by_o which_o i_o may_v enter_v therein_o but_o none_o can_v i_o find_v for_o some_o time_n at_o the_o last_o i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v a_o narrow_a gap_n like_o a_o little_a door-way_n in_o the_o wall_n through_o which_o i_o attempt_v to_o pass_v but_o the_o passage_n be_v very_o straight_o and_o narrow_a i_o make_v many_o offer_n to_o get_v in_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a even_o until_o i_o be_v well_o nigh_o quite_o beat_v out_o by_o strive_v to_o get_v in_o at_o last_o with_o great_a strive_v i_o think_v i_o at_o first_o do_v get_v in_o my_o head_n &_o after_o that_o by_o a_o side-ling_n strive_v my_o shoulder_n and_o my_o whole_a body_n then_o be_v i_o exceed_o glad_a and_o go_v and_o sit_v down_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o and_o so_o be_v comfort_v with_o the_o light_n and_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 43._o now_o this_o mountain_n and_o wall_n etc._n etc._n be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o the_o mountain_n signify_v the_o church_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o sun_n that_o shine_v thereon_o the_o comfortable_a shine_a of_o his_o merciful_a face_n on_o they_o â—hat_n be_v therein_o the_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v the_o word_n â—hat_n do_v make_v separation_n between_o the_o christian_n â—nd_v the_o world_n and_o the_o gap_n which_o be_v in_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v jesus_n christ_n who_o be_v the_o way_n â—o_o god_n the_o father_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o the_o passage_n be_v wonderful_a narrow_a even_o so_o narrow_a that_o iâ—ould_v â—ould_z not_o but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n enter_v in_o thereâ—t_fw-la it_o
than_o now_o i_o dare_v not_o take_v a_o pin_n or_o a_o stick_n though_o but_o so_o big_a as_o a_o straw_n for_o my_o conscience_n now_o be_v sore_a and_o will_v smart_v at_o every_o touch_n i_o can_v not_o now_o tell_v how_o to_o speak_v my_o word_n for_o fear_n i_o shall_v mis-place_n they_o o_o how_o gingerly_o do_v i_o then_o go_v in_o all_o i_o do_v or_o say_v i_o find_v myself_o as_o on_o a_o miry_a bog_n that_o shake_v if_o i_o do_v but_o stir_v and_o as_o there_o left_a both_o of_o god_n and_o christ_n and_o the_o spirit_n and_o all_o good_a thing_n 70._o and_o though_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v and_o toss_v and_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o sense_n and_o terror_n of_o my_o own_o wickedness_n yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o let_v this_o sense_n and_o sight_n go_v quite_o off_o my_o mind_n for_o i_o find_v that_o unless_o guilt_n of_o conscience_n be_v take_v off_o the_o right_a way_n that_o be_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n a_o man_n grow_v rather_o worse_o for_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o trouble_n of_o mind_n than_o better_a wherefore_o if_o my_o guilt_n lie_v hard_o upon_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v cry_v that_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n may_v take_v it_o off_o and_o if_o it_o be_v go_v off_o without_o it_o for_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n will_v be_v sometime_o as_o if_o it_o will_v die_v and_o go_v quite_o away_o than_o i_o will_v also_o strive_v to_o fetch_v it_o upon_o my_o heart_n again_o by_o bring_v the_o punishment_n for_o sin_n in_o hell-fire_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o shall_v cry_v lord_n let_v it_o not_o go_v off_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o right_a way_n but_o by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o by_o the_o application_n of_o thy_o mercy_n through_o he_o to_o my_o soul_n for_o that_o scripture_n lie_v much_o upon_o i_o without_o shed_v of_o blood_n there_o be_v no_o remission_n heb._n 9.22_o and_o that_o which_o make_v i_o the_o more_o afraid_a of_o this_o be_v because_o i_o have_v see_v some_o who_o tho_o when_o they_o be_v under_o wound_n of_o conscience_n than_o they_o will_v cry_v and_o pray_v but_o they_o seek_v rather_o present_a ease_n from_o their_o trouble_n then_o pardon_v foâ—_n their_o sin_n care_v not_o how_o they_o lose_v their_o guilt_n 〈◊〉_d they_o get_v it_o out_o of_o their_o mind_n and_o therefore_o have_v get_v it_o off_o the_o wrong_a way_n it_o be_v not_o sanctifieâ—_n unto_o they_o but_o they_o grow_v hard_a and_o blind_a anâ—_n more_o wicked_a after_o their_o trouble_n this_o make_v 〈◊〉_d afraid_a and_o make_v i_o cry_v to_o god_n that_o it_o may_v noâ—_n be_v so_o with_o i_o 71._o and_o now_o be_v i_o sorry_a that_o god_n have_v make_v mâ—_n a_o man_n for_o i_o fear_v i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n i_o counteâ—_n man_n as_o unconvert_v the_o most_o doleful_a of_o all_o thâ—_n creature_n thus_o be_v afflict_v and_o toss_v abouâ—_n my_o sad_a condition_n i_o count_v myself_o alone_o anâ—_n above_o the_o most_o of_o man_n unblessed_a in_o this_o condition_n i_o go_v a_o great_a while_n but_o when_o comfort_v timâ—_n be_v come_v i_o hear_v one_o preach_v a_o sermon_n upoâ—_n those_o word_n in_o the_o song_n song_n 4.1_o behold_v thou_o anâ—_n fair_a my_o love_n behold_v thou_o be_v fair_a but_o at_o that_o timâ—_n he_o make_v these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n his_o chief_a anâ—_n subject_a matter_n from_o which_o after_o he_o have_v a_o littlâ—_n open_v the_o text_n he_o observe_v these_o several_a conclusion_n 1._o that_o the_o church_n and_o so_o every_o save_v soul_n 〈◊〉_d christ_n love_n when_o loveless_a 2._o christ_n love_n without_o 〈◊〉_d cause_n 3._o christ_n love_n when_o hate_v of_o the_o world_n 4._o christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o under_o diâ—sertion_n 5._o christ_n love_n from_o first_o to_o last_o 72._o but_o i_o get_v nothing_o by_o what_o he_o say_v at_o present_a only_o when_o he_o come_v to_o the_o application_n of_o the_o four_o particular_a this_o be_v the_o word_n he_o say_v if_o it_o be_v so_o thâ—â—_n the_o save_v soul_n be_v christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o dissertion_n then_o poor_a tempt_v soul_n when_o thou_o be_v assault_v and_o afflict_v with_o temptation_n and_o the_o hiding_n 〈◊〉_d god_n face_n yet_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n still_o 73._o so_o as_o i_o be_v a_o go_v home_o these_o word_n camâ—_n again_o into_o my_o thought_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v aâ—_n they_o come_v in_o i_o say_v thus_o in_o my_o heart_n what_o shall_v i_o get_v by_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n this_o thought_n have_v no_o soon_o pass_v through_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o word_n begin_v thus_o to_o kindle_v in_o my_o spirit_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n twenty_o time_n together_o and_o still_o as_o they_o run_v thus_o in_o my_o mind_n they_o wax_v strong_a and_o warm_a and_o begin_v to_o make_v i_o look_v up_o but_o be_v as_o yet_o between_o hope_n and_o fear_n i_o still_o reply_v in_o my_o heart_n but_o be_v it_o true_a too_o but_o be_v it_o true_a at_o which_o that_o sentence_n fall_v in_o upon_o i_o he_o wist_v not_o that_o it_o be_v true_a which_o be_v do_v unto_o he_o of_o the_o angel_n act._n 12.9_o 74._o then_o i_o begin_v to_o give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n which_o with_o power_n do_v over_o and_o over_o make_v this_o joyful_a sound_n within_o my_o soul_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n and_o nothing_o shall_v separate_v thou_o from_o my_o love_n and_o with_o that_o rom._n 8.39_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n now_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v full_a of_o comfort_n and_o hope_n and_o now_o i_o can_v believe_v that_o my_o sin_n shall_v be_v forgive_v i_o wherefore_o i_o say_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o much_o gladness_n well_o i_o will_v i_o have_v a_o pen_n and_o ink_n here_o i_o will_v write_v this_o down_o before_o i_o go_v any_o further_a for_o sure_o i_o will_v not_o forget_v this_o forty_o year_n hence_o but_o alas_o within_o less_o than_o forty_o day_n i_o begin_v to_o question_v all_o again_o 75._o yet_o still_o at_o time_n i_o be_v help_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a manifestation_n of_o grace_n unto_o my_o soul_n though_o i_o have_v lose_v much_o of_o the_o life_n and_o savour_n of_o it_o now_o about_o a_o week_n or_o fortnight_n after_o this_o i_o be_v much_o follow_v by_o this_o scripture_n simon_n simon_n behold_v satan_n have_v desire_v to_o have_v you_o luk._n 22.31_o and_o sometime_o it_o will_v sound_v so_o loud_o within_o i_o yea_o and_o as_o it_o be_v call_v so_o strong_o after_o i_o that_o once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o turn_v my_o head_n over_o my_o shoulder_n think_v very_o that_o some_o man_n have_v behind_o i_o call_v to_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a distance_n 76._o but_o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a that_o i_o know_v not_o the_o reason_n of_o this_o sound_n which_o as_o i_o do_v both_o see_v and_o feel_v soon_o after_o be_v send_v from_o heaven_n as_o a_o alarm_n to_o awaken_v i_o to_o provide_v for_o what_o be_v come_v only_o it_o will_v make_v i_o muse_v and_o wonder_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o think_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o this_o scripture_n and_o that_o at_o this_o rate_n so_o often_o and_o so_o loud_a shall_v still_o be_v sound_v and_o rattle_v in_o my_o ear_n but_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o soon_o after_o perceive_v the_o end_n of_o god_n therein_o 77._o for_o about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o month_n after_o a_o very_a great_a storm_n come_v down_o upon_o i_o which_o handle_v i_o twenty_o time_n worse_o than_o all_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o before_o it_o come_v steal_v upon_o i_o now_o by_o one_o piece_n then_o by_o another_o first_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v take_v from_o i_o than_o darkness_n seize_v upon_o i_o after_o which_o whole_a flood_n of_o blasphemy_n both_o against_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o scripture_n be_v pour_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o my_o great_a confusion_n and_o astonishment_n these_o blasphemous_a thought_n be_v such_o as_o also_o stir_v up_o question_n in_o i_o against_o the_o very_a be_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o only_a belove_a son_n as_o whether_o there_o be_v in_o truth_n a_o god_n or_o christ_n or_o no_o and_o whether_o the_o holy_a scripture_n be_v not_o rather_o a_o fable_n and_o cunning_a story_n than_o the_o holy_a and_o pure_a word_n of_o god_n 78._o the_o tempter_n also_o will_v much_o assault_v i_o with_o this_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v but_o that_o the_o turkâ—_n have_v as_o good_a scripture_n to_o prove_v their_o mahomet_n the_o saviour_n as_o we_o have_v to_o prove_v our_o jesus_n be_v and_o can_v i_o think_v that_o so_o many_o ten_o
show_v i_o that_o none_o can_v enter_v into_o life_n â—ut_v thoâ—e_o that_o be_v in_o downright_a earnest_n and_o â—nless_a also_o they_o leave_v this_o wicked_a world_n behind_o â—â—em_n for_o here_o be_v only_o room_n for_o body_n and_o soul_n â—ut_v not_o for_o body_n and_o soul_n and_o sin_n 44._o this_o resemblance_n abode_n upon_o my_o spirit_n many_o day_n all_o which_o time_n i_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o sorlorn_a and_o sad_a condition_n but_o yet_o be_v provoke_v to_o a_o vehement_a hunger_n and_o desire_v to_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n that_o do_v sit_v in_o this_o sunshine_n now_o also_o i_o shall_v pray_v where_o ever_o i_o be_v whether_o at_o home_n or_o a_o broad_a in_o house_n or_o field_n and_o shall_v also_o often_o with_o lift_v up_o of_o heart_n sing_v that_o of_o the_o fifty_o first_o psalm_n o_o lord_n consider_v my_o distress_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o where_o i_o be_v 45._o neither_o as_o yet_o can_v i_o attain_v to_o any_o comfortable_a persuasion_n that_o i_o have_v faith_n in_o chirst_n but_o instead_o of_o have_v satisfaction_n here_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v my_o soul_n to_o be_v assault_v with_o fresth_n doubt_v about_o my_o future_a happiness_n especial_o with_o such_o as_o these_o whether_o i_o be_v elect_v but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v now_o be_v past_a and_o go_v 46._o by_o these_o two_o temptation_n i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v and_o disquiet_v sometime_o by_o one_o and_o sometime_o by_o the_o other_o of_o they_o and_o first_o to_o speak_v of_o that_o about_o my_o question_v my_o election_n i_o find_v â—t_a this_o time_n that_o though_o i_o be_v in_o a_o flame_n to_o find_v the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n and_o though_o nothing_o can_v beat_v i_o off_o from_o this_o yet_o this_o question_n do_v so_o offend_v and_o discourage_v i_o that_o i_o be_v especial_o at_o sometime_o as_o if_o the_o very_a strength_n of_o my_o body_n also_o have_v be_v take_v away_o by_o the_o force_n and_o power_n thereof_o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v seem_v to_o i_o tâ—_n trample_v upon_o all_o my_o desire_n it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n thâ—â—_n show_v mercy_n rome_n 9_o 47._o with_o this_o scripture_n i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o evident_o see_v that_o unless_o the_o great_a god_n of_o hiâ—_n infinite_a grace_n and_o bounty_n have_v voluntary_o chosâ—_n i_o to_o be_v a_o vessel_n of_o mercy_n though_o i_o shall_v desire_v and_o long_o and_o labour_n until_o my_o heart_n do_v break_v 〈◊〉_d good_a can_v come_v of_o it_o therefore_o this_o wouâ—â—_n still_o stick_v with_o i_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o be_v â—lected_v and_o what_o if_o you_o shall_v not_o how_o then_o 48._o o_o lord_n think_v i_o what_o if_o i_o shall_v not_o indeed_o it_o may_v be_v you_o be_v not_o lay_v the_o tempter_n it_o may_v be_v so_o indeed_o think_v i._o why_o then_o â—aid_n satan_n you_o have_v as_o good_a leave_n off_o and_o strive_v no_o further_o for_o if_o indeed_o you_o shall_v not_o be_v elect_v and_o choose_v of_o god_n there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o your_o be_v save_v for_o it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n that_o show_v mercy_n 49._o by_o these_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v to_o my_o wit_n end_n not_o know_v what_o to_o say_v or_o how_o to_o answer_v these_o temptation_n indeed_o i_o little_o think_v that_o satan_n have_v thus_o assault_v i_o but_o that_o rather_o it_o be_v my_o own_o prudence_n thus_o to_o start_v the_o question_n for_o that_o the_o elect_a only_o attain_v eternal_a life_n that_o i_o without_o scruple_n do_v hearty_o close_a withal_o but_o that_o myself_o be_v one_o of_o they_o there_o lay_v all_o the_o question_n 50._o thus_o therefore_o for_o several_a day_n i_o be_v great_o assault_v and_o perplex_v and_o be_v often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v walk_v ready_a to_o sink_v where_o i_o go_v with_o faintness_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o one_o day_n after_o i_o have_v be_v so_o many_o week_n oppress_v and_o cast_v down_o therewith_o as_o i_o be_v now_o quite_o give_v up_o the_o ghost_n of_o all_o my_o hope_n of_o ever_o attain_v life_n that_o sentence_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n look_v at_o the_o generation_n of_o old_a and_o see_v do_v ever_o any_o trust_n in_o god_n and_o be_v confound_v 51._o at_o which_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v and_o encourage_v in_o my_o soul_n for_o thus_o at_o that_o very_a instant_n it_o be_v expound_v to_o i_o begin_v at_o the_o begin_n of_o genesis_n and_o read_v to_o the_o end_n of_o the_o revelation_n see_v if_o you_o can_v find_v that_o there_o be_v any_o that_o ever_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o be_v confound_v so_o come_v home_o i_o present_o go_v to_o my_o bible_n to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o say_n not_o doubt_v but_o to_o find_v it_o present_o for_o it_o be_v so_o fresh_a and_o with_o such_o strength_n and_o comfort_n on_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o it_o talk_v with_o i_o 52._o well_o i_o look_v but_o i_o find_v it_o not_o only_o it_o abide_v upon_o i_o then_o i_o do_v ask_v first_o this_o good_a man_n and_o then_o another_o if_o they_o know_v where_o it_o be_v but_o they_o know_v no_o such_o place_n at_o this_o i_o wonder_v that_o such_o a_o sentence_n shall_v so_o sudden_o and_o with_o such_o comfort_n and_o strength_n seize_v and_o abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o yet_o that_o none_o can_v find_v it_o for_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o it_o be_v in_o holy_a scripture_n 53._o thus_o i_o continue_v above_o a_o year_n and_o can_v not_o find_v the_o place_n but_o at_o last_o cast_v my_o eye_n into_o the_o apocrypha-book_n i_o sound_v it_o in_o ecclesiasticus_fw-la this_o at_o the_o first_o do_v somewhat_o daunt_v i_o but_o because_o by_o this_o time_n i_o have_v get_v more_o experience_n of_o the_o love_n and_o kindness_n of_o god_n it_o trouble_v i_o the_o less_o especial_o when_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o in_o those_o text_n that_o we_o call_v holy_a and_o canonical_a yet_o for_o as_o much_o as_o this_o sentence_n be_v the_o sum_n and_o substance_n of_o many_o of_o the_o promise_n it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o to_o take_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o and_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o that_o word_n for_o it_o be_v of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o word_n do_v still_o at_o time_n shine_v before_o my_o face_n 54._o after_o this_o that_o other_o doubt_n do_v come_v with_o strength_n upon_o i_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v be_v pass_v and_o go_v how_o if_o you_o have_v overstood_a the_o time_n of_o mercy_n now_o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v into_o the_o country_n i_o be_v much_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n be_v pass_v and_o to_o aggravate_v my_o trouble_n the_o tempter_n present_v to_o my_o mind_n those_o good_a people_n of_o bedford_n and_o suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o that_o these_o be_v convert_v already_o they_o be_v all_o that_o god_n will_v save_v in_o those_o part_n &_o that_o i_o come_v too_o late_o for_o these_o have_v get_v the_o blessing_n before_o i_o come_v 55._o now_o be_v i_o in_o great_a distress_n think_v in_o very_a deed_n that_o this_o may_v well_o be_v so_o wherefore_o i_o wenâ—_n up_o and_o down_o bemoan_v my_o sad_a condition_n count_v myself_o far_o worse_o than_o a_o thousand_o fool_n for_o stand_v off_o thus_o long_o and_o spend_v so_o many_o year_n in_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v do_v still_o cry_v out_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v soon_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v seven_o year_n ago_o it_o make_v i_o also_o angry_a with_o myself_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o more_o wit_n but_o to_o trifle_v away_o my_o time_n till_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n be_v lose_v 56._o but_o when_o i_o have_v be_v long_o vex_v with_o this_o fear_n and_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o take_v one_o step_n more_o just_a about_o the_o same_o place_n where_o i_o receive_v my_o other_o encouragement_n these_o word_n break_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n compel_v they_o to_o come_v in_o that_o my_o house_n may_v be_v fill_v and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n luke_n 14.22_o 23._o these_o word_n but_o especial_o they_o and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n be_v sweet_a word_n to_o i_o for_o true_o i_o think_v that_o by_o they_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v place_n enough_o in_o heaven_n for_o i_o and_o moreover_o that_o when_o the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v speak_v these_o word_n he_o then_o do_v think_v of_o i_o and_o that_o he_o
but_o oh_o now_o how_o be_v my_o soul_n lead_v from_o truth_n to_o truth_n by_o god_n even_o from_o the_o birth_n and_o cradle_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n to_o his_o ascension_n and_o second_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n 99_o true_o i_o then_o find_v upon_o this_o account_n the_o great_a god_n be_v very_o good_a unto_o i_o for_o to_o my_o remembrance_n there_o be_v not_o any_o thing_n that_o then_o i_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o make_v know_v and_o reveal_v unto_o i_o but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o for_o i_o i_o mean_v not_o one_o part_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n but_o i_o be_v orderly_o lead_v into_o it_o i_o think_v i_o see_v with_o great_a evidence_n from_o the_o relation_n of_o the_o four_o evangelist_n the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n in_o give_v jesus_n christ_n to_o save_v we_o from_o his_o conception_n and_o birth_n even_o to_o his_o second_o come_v to_o judgement_n i_o think_v i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o bear_v as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o grow_v up_o as_o if_o i_o have_v see_v he_o walk_v through_o this_o world_n from_o the_o cradle_n to_o his_o cross_n to_o which_o also_o when_o he_o come_v i_o see_v how_o gentle_o he_o give_v himself_o to_o be_v hang_v and_o nail_v on_o it_o for_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a do_n also_o as_o i_o be_v muse_v on_o this_o his_o progress_n that_o drope_v on_o my_o spirit_n he_o be_v ordain_v for_o the_o slaughter_n 1_o pet._n 1.19_o 20._o 100_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v also_o the_o truth_n of_o his_o resurrection_n and_o have_v remember_v that_o word_n touch_v i_o not_o mary_n etc._n etc._n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o he_o leap_v at_o the_o grave_n mouth_n for_o joy_n that_o he_o be_v rise_v again_o and_o have_v get_v the_o conquest_n over_o our_o dreadful_a foe_n john_n 20.17_o i_o have_v also_o in_o the_o spirit_n see_v he_o a_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n the_o father_n for_o i_o and_o have_v see_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o come_n from_o heaven_n to_o judge_v the_o world_n with_o glory_n and_o have_v be_v confirm_v in_o these_o thing_n by_o these_o scripture_n follow_v act_v 1.9_o 10._o acts._n 7._o 56._o actâ—_n 10.42_o heb._n 7.24_o heb._n 8.38_o rev._n 1.18_o 1_o thes._n 4.17_o 18._o once_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v to_o know_v whether_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v both_o man_n as_o well_o as_o god_n and_o god_n as_o well_o as_o man_n and_o true_o in_o those_o day_n let_v man_n say_v what_o they_o will_v unless_o i_o have_v it_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n all_o be_v as_o nothing_o to_o i_o i_o count_v not_o myself_o set_v down_o in_o any_o truth_n of_o god_n well_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o this_o point_n and_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o be_v resolve_v at_o last_o that_o in_o the_o five_o of_o the_o revelation_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o behold_v and_o lo_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n and_o of_o the_o four_o beast_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n stand_v a_o lamb_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o throne_n there_o be_v his_o godhead_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o elder_n there_o be_v his_o man_n hood_n but_o o_o i_o think_v this_o do_v glister_n it_o be_v a_o goodly_a touch_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a satisfaction_n that_o other_o scripture_n also_o do_v help_v i_o much_o in_o this_o to_o we_o a_o child_n be_v bear_v to_o we_o a_o son_n be_v give_v and_o the_o government_n shall_v be_v upon_o his_o shoulder_n and_o his_o name_n shall_v be_v call_v wonderful_a counsellor_n the_o mighty_a god_n the_o everlasting_a father_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n etc._n etc._n isa._n 9.6_o 101._o also_o beside_o these_o teach_n of_o god_n in_o his_o word_n the_o lord_n make_v use_v of_o two_o thing_n to_o confirm_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n the_o one_o be_v the_o error_n of_o the_o quaker_n and_o the_o other_o be_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n for_o as_o the_o quaker_n do_v oppose_v his_o truth_n so_o god_n do_v the_o more_o confirm_v i_o in_o it_o by_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o scripture_n that_o do_v wonderful_o maintain_v it_o and_o as_o i_o say_v the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n do_v help_v i_o much_o for_o still_o as_o that_o will_v come_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v take_v it_o off_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o and_o that_o too_o sweet_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n o_o friend_n cry_v to_o god_n to_o reveal_v jesus_n christ_n unto_o you_o there_o be_v none_o teach_v like_o he_o 102._o it_o will_v be_v too_o long_o for_o i_o here_o to_o stay_v to_o tell_v you_o in_o particular_a how_o god_n do_v set_v i_o down_o in_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o christ_n and_o how_o he_o do_v that_o he_o may_v so_o do_v lead_v i_o into_o his_o word_n yea_o and_o also_o how_o he_o do_v open_v they_o unto_o i_o make_v they_o shine_v before_o i_o and_o cause_v they_o to_o dwell_v with_o i_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o comfort_v i_o over_o and_o over_o both_o of_o his_o own_o be_v and_o the_o be_v of_o his_o son_n and_o spirit_n and_o word_n and_o gospel_n 103._o only_o this_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o will_v say_v unto_o you_o again_o that_o in_o general_n he_o be_v please_v to_o take_v this_o course_n with_o i_o first_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v afflict_v with_o temptation_n concern_v they_o and_o then_o reveal_v they_o to_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v lie_v under_o great_a guilt_n for_o sin_n even_o crush_v to_o the_o ground_n therewith_o and_o then_o the_o lord_n will_v show_v i_o the_o death_n of_o christ_n yea_o and_o so_o sprinkle_v my_o conscience_n with_o his_o blood_n that_o i_o shall_v find_v and_o that_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a that_o in_o that_o conscience_n where_o but_o just_a now_o do_v reign_n and_o â—age_n the_o law_n even_o there_o will_v rest_v and_o abide_v the_o peace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n through_o christ._n 104._o now_o have_v i_o a_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n with_o many_o golden_a seal_n thereon_o all_o hang_n in_o my_o sight_n now_o can_v i_o remember_v this_o manifestation_n and_o the_o other_o discovery_n of_o grace_n with_o comfort_n and_o shall_v often_o long_o and_o desire_v that_o the_o last_o day_n be_v come_v that_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o be_v inflame_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o joy_n and_o communion_n of_o he_o who_o head_n be_v crown_v with_o thorn_n who_o face_n be_v spit_v on_o and_o body_n break_v and_o soul_n make_v a_o offering_n for_o my_o sin_n for_o whereas_o before_o â—_o lie_v continual_o tremble_v at_o the_o mouth_n of_o hell_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v get_v so_o far_o therefrom_o thaâ—_n i_o can_v not_o when_o i_o look_v back_o scarce_o discern_v it_o 〈◊〉_d and_o o_o think_v i_o that_o i_o be_v fourscore_o year_n old_a now_o that_o i_o may_v die_v quick_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v be_v go_v to_o rest_v 105._o but_o after_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o this_o manner_n 〈◊〉_d gracious_o deliver_v i_o from_o this_o great_a and_o sorâ—_n temptation_n and_o have_v set_v i_o down_o so_o sweet_o in_o the_o faith_n of_o his_o holy_a gospel_n and_o have_v give_v i_o such_o strong_a consolation_n and_o bless_a evidence_n from_o heaven_n touch_v my_o interest_n in_o his_o love_n through_o christ_n the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o again_o and_o that_o with_o a_o more_o grievous_a and_o dreadful_a temptation_n then_o before_o 106._o and_o that_o be_v to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o this_o most_o bless_a christ_n to_o exchange_v he_o for_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n for_o any_o thing_n the_o temptation_n lie_v upon_o i_o for_o the_o space_n of_o a_o year_n and_o do_v follow_v i_o so_o continual_o that_o i_o be_v not_o rid_v of_o it_o one_o day_n iâ—_n a_o month_n no_o not_o sometime_o one_o hour_n in_o many_o day_n together_o unless_o i_o be_v asleep_a 107._o and_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n i_o be_v persuade_v that_o those_o who_o be_v once_o effectual_o in_o christ_n as_o i_o hope_v through_o his_o grace_n i_o have_v see_v myself_o can_v never_o lose_v he_o for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n shall_v not_o be_v sell_v for_o ever_o for_o the_o land_n be_v i_o say_v god_n levit._n 25.23_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o continual_a vexation_n to_o i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v so_o much_o as_o one_o such_o thought_n within_o i_o against_o a_o christ_n a_o jesus_n that_o have_v do_v for_o i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v 108._o but_o it_o be_v neither_o my_o dislike_n of_o the_o thought_n nor_o yet_o any_o desire_n and_o endeavour_v to_o resist_v it_o that_o in_o the_o least_o do_v shake_v or_o abate_v the_o continuation_n or_o force_n and_o strength_n
scripture_n forenamed_a in_o thâ—_n hebrew_n will_v be_v set_v before_o i_o as_o the_o only_a sentence_n that_o will_v keep_v i_o out_o of_o heaven_n theâ—_n again_o i_o shall_v begin_v to_o repent_v that_o ever_o that_o thought_n go_v through_o i_o i_o shall_v also_o think_v thus_o with_o myself_o why_o how_o many_o scripture_n be_v there_o against_o i_o there_o be_v but_o three_o or_o four_o and_o can_v god_n miss_v they_o and_o save_v i_o for_o all_o they_o sometime_o again_o i_o shall_v think_v o_o if_o it_o weâ—e_v not_o for_o these_o three_o or_o four_o word_n now_o how_o may_v i_o be_v comfort_v and_o i_o can_v hardly_o forbear_v at_o sometime_o but_o to_o wish_v they_o out_o of_o the_o book_n 164._o then_o methinks_v i_o shall_v see_v as_o if_o both_o peter_n and_o paul_n and_o john_n and_o all_o the_o writer_n do_v look_v with_o scorn_n upon_o i_o and_o hold_v i_o in_o derision_n and_o as_o if_o they_o say_v unto_o i_o all_z our_o word_n be_v truth_n one_o of_o as_o much_o force_n â—s_v another_o it_o be_v not_o we_o that_o have_v cut_v you_o off_o but_o you_o have_v cast_v away_o yourself_o there_o be_v none_o of_o our_o sentence_n that_o you_o must_v take_v hold_v upon_o but_o these_o and_o such_o as_o these_o it_o be_v impossible_a there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n heb._n 6._o and_o it_o have_v be_v better_a for_o they_o not_o to_o have_v know_v the_o will_n of_o god_n than_o after_o they_o have_v know_v it_o to_o turn_v from_o the_o holy_a commandment_n deliver_v unto_o they_o heb._n 10._o for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v 2_o pet._n 2.21_o 165._o thus_o be_v i_o confound_v not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v nor_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o this_o question_n whether_o the_o scripture_n can_v agree_v in_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o quake_v at_o the_o apostle_n i_o know_v their_o word_n be_v true_a and_o that_o they_o must_v stand_v for_o ever_o 166._o and_o i_o remember_v one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o divers_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o consider_v that_o these_o frame_n be_v still_o accord_v to_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o several_a scripture_n that_o come_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n 〈◊〉_d this_o of_o grace_n than_o i_o be_v quiet_a but_o if_o that_o of_o esaâ—_n then_o torment_v lord_n think_v i_o if_o both_o these_o scripture_n will_v meet_v in_o my_o heart_n at_o once_o i_o wonder_v which_o of_o they_o will_v get_v the_o better_a of_o i_o so_o methinks_v i_o have_v a_o long_a mind_n that_o they_o may_v come_v both_o together_o upon_o i_o yea_o i_o desire_v of_o god_n they_o may_v 167._o well_o about_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o so_o they_o do_v indeed_o they_o boulteâ—_n both_o upon_o i_o at_o a_o time_n and_o do_v work_v and_o struggle_v strange_o in_o i_o for_o a_o while_n at_o last_o that_o about_o esau_n birthright_n begin_v to_o wax_v weak_a and_o withdraw_v and_o vanish_v and_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n prevail_v with_o peace_n and_o joy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o muse_n about_o this_o thing_n that_o scripture_n come_v home_o upon_o i_o mercy_n rejoice_v against_o judgement_n 168._o this_o be_v a_o wonderment_n to_o i_o yet_o true_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o think_v it_o be_v of_o god_n for_o the_o word_n of_o the_o law_n and_o wrath_n must_v give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o grace_n because_o though_o the_o word_n of_o condemnation_n be_v glorious_a yet_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n do_v far_o exceed_v in_o glory_n 2_o cor._n 3.8_o 9_o 10_o 11._o mar._n 9.5_o 6_o 7._o john_n 6.37_o also_o that_o moses_n and_o elias_n must_v both_o vanish_v and_o leave_v christ_n and_o his_o saint_n alone_o 169._o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v now_o most_o sweet_o visit_v my_o soul_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o o_o the_o comfort_n that_o i_o have_v have_v from_o this_o word_n in_o no_o wise_a as_o who_o shall_v say_v by_o no_o mean_n for_o no_o thing_n whatever_o he_o have_v do_v but_o satan_n will_v great_o labour_v â—o_o pull_v this_o promise_n from_o i_o tell_v of_o i_o that_o christ_n do_v not_o mean_v i_o and_o such_o as_o i_o but_o sinner_n of_o a_o low_a rank_n that_o have_v not_o do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o i_o shall_v answer_v he_o again_o satan_n here_o be_v in_o this_o word_n no_o such_o exception_n but_o he_o that_o come_v he_o â—â—ny_v he_o him_z that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o and_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v still_o that_o of_o all_o the_o slight_n that_o satan_n use_v to_o take_v this_o scripture_n from_o i_o yet_o he_o never_o do_v so_o much_o as_o put_v this_o question_n but_o do_v you_o come_v aright_o and_o i_o have_v think_v the_o reason_n be_v because_o he_o think_v i_o know_v full_a well_o what_o come_v be_v for_o i_o see_v that_o to_o come_v aright_o be_v to_o come_v as_o i_o be_v a_o vile_a and_o ungodly_a sinner_n and_o to_o cast_v myself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o mercy_n condemn_v myself_o for_o sin_n if_o ever_o sataâ—_n and_o i_o do_v strive_v for_o any_o word_n it_o be_v for_o this_o in_o john_n he_o pull_v and_o i_o pull_v but_o god_n be_v praise_v i_o get_v some_o sweetness_n from_o it_o 170._o but_o notwithstanding_o all_o these_o help_n and_o bless_a word_n of_o grace_n yet_o that_o of_o esau_n sell_v of_o his_o birthright_n will_v still_o at_o time_n distress_v my_o conscience_n for_o though_o i_o have_v be_v most_o sweet_o comfort_v and_o that_o but_o just_a before_o yet_o when_o that_o come_v into_o mind_n it_o will_v make_v i_o fear_v again_o i_o can_v not_o be_v quite_o rid_v thereof_o it_o will_v every_v day_n be_v with_o i_o wherefore_o now_o i_o go_v another_o way_n to_o woâ—k_v even_o to_o consider_v the_o nature_n of_o this_o blashemous_a thought_n i_o mean_v if_o i_o shall_v take_v the_o word_n at_o the_o large_a and_o give_v they_o their_o own_o natural_a force_n and_o scope_n even_o every_o word_n therein_o so_o when_o i_o have_v thus_o consider_v i_o find_v that_o if_o they_o be_v fair_o take_v they_o will_v amount_v to_o this_o that_o i_o have_v free_o leave_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o his_o choice_n whether_o he_o will_v be_v my_o saviour_n or_o no_o for_o the_o wicked_a word_n be_v these_o let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_n then_o that_o scripture_n give_v i_o hope_n i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o heb._n 13.5_o o_o lord_n say_v i_o but_o i_o have_v leave_v thou_o than_o it_o answer_v again_o but_o i_o will_v not_o leave_v thou_o for_o this_o i_o thank_v god_n alâ—o_o 171._o yet_o i_o be_v grievous_a afraid_a he_o shall_v and_o find_v it_o exceed_v hard_o to_o trust_v he_o see_v i_o hâ—d_v so_o offend_v he_o i_o can_v have_v be_v excee_v glad_a that_o this_o thought_n have_v never_o be_v fall_v foâ—_n than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v with_o more_o ease_n and_o freedom_n abundance_n have_v lean_v upon_o his_o grace_n i_o see_v it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o it_o be_v with_o joseph_n brother_n the_o guilt_n of_o their_o own_o wickedness_n do_v often_o fill_v they_o with_o fear_n that_o their_o brother_n will_v at_o last_o despise_v they_o gen._n 50.15_o 16_o 17_o 18._o 172._o but_o above_o all_o the_o scripture_n that_o yet_o i_o do_v meet_v with_o that_o in_o the_o twenty_o of_o joshua_n be_v the_o great_a comfort_n to_o i_o which_o speak_v of_o the_o slayer_n that_o be_v to_o fly_v for_o refuge_n and_o if_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v the_o slayer_n then_o say_v moses_n they_o that_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n shall_v not_o deliver_v he_o into_o his_o hand_n because_o he_o smite_v his_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o o_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o this_o word_n i_o be_v convince_v that_o i_o be_v the_o slayer_n and_o tâ—at_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v i_o that_o i_o feel_v with_o great_a terror_n only_o now_o it_o remain_v that_o i_o inquire_v whether_o i_o have_v â—ight_a to_o enter_v the_o city_n of_o refuge_n so_o i_o find_v that_o he_o must_v not_o who_o lie_v in_o wait_n to_o shed_v blood_n but_o he_o who_o unwitting_o or_o that_o do_v unawar_n shed_v blood_n even_o he_o who_o do_v not_o hate_v his_o neighbour_n before_o wherefore_o 173._o i_o think_v very_o i_o be_v the_o man_n that_o must_v enter_v for_o because_o i_o have_v smite_v my_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o i_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o no_o i_o pray_v unto_o he_o be_v tender_a of_o sin_v against_o he_o yea_o and_o against_o this_o wicked_a temptation_n i_o
i_o shall_v let_v they_o alone_o because_o i_o see_v they_o engender_v strife_n and_o because_o i_o see_v that_o they_o neither_o in_o do_v nor_o in_o leave_v undo_v do_v commend_v we_o to_o god_n to_o be_v his_o beside_o i_o see_v my_o work_n before_o i_o do_v run_v in_o another_o channel_n even_o to_o carry_v a_o awakening-word_n to_o that_o therefore_o do_v i_o stick_v and_o adhere_v 238._o i_o never_o endeavour_v to_o nor_o dare_v make_v use_n of_o other_o man_n line_n rom._n 15.18_o though_o i_o condemn_v not_o all_o that_o do_v for_o i_o very_o think_v and_o find_v by_o expeâ—ience_n that_o what_o be_v teach_v i_o by_o the_o word_n and_o spirit_n of_o christ_n can_v be_v speak_v maintain_v and_o stand_v â—o_o by_o sound_a and_o best_a establish_a conscience_n and_o though_o i_o will_v not_o now_o speak_v all_o that_o i_o know_v in_o this_o matter_n yet_o my_o experience_n have_v more_o interest_n in_o that_o text_n of_o scripture_n gal._n 1.11_o 12._o than_o many_o among_o man_n be_v aware_a 239._o if_o any_o of_o those_o who_o be_v awaken_v by_o my_o ministry_n do_v after_o that_o fall_n back_o as_o sometime_o too_o many_o do_v i_o can_v true_o say_v their_o loss_n have_v be_v more_o to_o i_o then_o if_o one_o of_o my_o own_o child_n beget_v of_o my_o body_n have_v be_v go_v to_o its_o grave_n i_o think_v very_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o without_o a_o offence_n to_o the_o lord_n nothing_o have_v go_v so_o near_o i_o as_o that_o unless_o it_o be_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o loss_n of_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o have_v count_v as_o if_o i_o have_v goodly_a building_n and_o lordship_n in_o those_o place_n my_o child_n be_v bear_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o wrap_v up_o in_o the_o gloâ—y_n of_o this_o excellent_a work_n that_o i_o count_v myself_o more_o bless_v and_o honour_v of_o god_n by_o this_o than_o if_o he_o have_v make_v i_o the_o emperor_n of_o the_o christian_a world_n or_o the_o lord_n of_o all_o the_o glory_n of_o earth_n without_o it_o o_o tâ—at_a woâ—d_n he_o that_o convert_v a_o sinner_n from_o the_o error_n of_o his_o way_n do_v save_o a_o soul_n from_o death_n 240._o i_o have_v observe_v that_o where_o i_o have_v have_v a_o work_n to_o do_v for_o god_n i_o have_v have_v first_o as_o it_o be_v the_o go_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o desire_v i_o may_v preach_v there_o i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o such_o and_o such_o soul_n in_o particular_a have_v be_v strong_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o stir_v up_o to_o wish_v for_o their_o salvation_n and_o that_o these_o very_a soul_n have_v after_o this_o be_v give_v in_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o ministry_n i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o a_o word_n cast_v in_o by_o the_o by_o have_v do_v more_o execution_n in_o a_o seâ—mon_a then_o all_o that_o be_v speak_v beside_o sometimes_o also_o when_o i_o have_v think_v i_o do_v no_o good_a than_o i_o do_v most_o of_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v catch_v they_o i_o have_v fish_v for_o nothing_o 241._o my_o great_a desire_n in_o my_o fulfil_n my_o ministry_n be_v to_o get_v into_o the_o dark_a place_n in_o the_o country_n even_o among_o those_o people_n that_o be_v farthest_o off_o of_o profession_n yet_o not_o because_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v the_o light_n for_o i_o fear_v not_o to_o show_v my_o gospel_n to_o any_o but_o because_o i_o find_v my_o spirit_n do_v lean_a most_o after_o awaken_n and_o conveâ—ting_v work_n and_o the_o word_n that_o i_o carry_v do_v lead_v itself_o most_o that_o way_n yea_o so_o have_v i_o strive_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n not_o where_o christ_n be_v name_v lest_o i_o shall_v build_v upon_o another_o man_n foundation_n rom._n 15.20_o 242._o in_o my_o preach_n i_o have_v real_o be_v in_o pain_n and_o have_v as_o it_o be_v travel_v to_o bâ—ing_v forth_o child_n to_o god_n neither_o can_v i_o be_v satisfy_v unless_o some_o fruit_n do_v appear_v in_o my_o work_n if_o i_o be_v fruitless_a it_o matter_v nor_o who_o commend_v i_o but_o if_o i_o be_v fruitful_a i_o care_v not_o who_o do_v condemn_v i_o have_v think_v of_o that_o he_o that_o win_v soul_n be_v wise_a pro._n 11.30_o and_o again_o lo_o child_n be_v a_o heritage_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o womb_n be_v his_o reward_n as_o arrow_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o a_o mighty_a man_n so_o be_v child_n of_o the_o youth_n happy_a be_v the_o man_n that_o have_v fill_v his_o quiver_n with_o they_o they_o shall_v not_o be_v ashamed_a but_o they_o shall_v speak_v with_o the_o enemy_n in_o the_o gate_n psal._n 127.3_o 4_o 5._o 243._o but_o in_o this_o work_n as_o in_o all_o other_o i_o have_v my_o temptation_n attend_v i_o and_o that_o of_o diveâ—s_a kinâ—s_n as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v be_v assault_v with_o great_a discouragement_n therein_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v the_o woâ—d_n at_o all_o to_o edification_n nay_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v sense_n unto_o the_o people_n at_o which_o time_n i_o shall_v have_v such_o a_o strange_a taintness_n and_o strengthlesness_n seize_v upon_o my_o body_n that_o my_o leg_n have_v scarce_o be_v able_a to_o carry_v i_o to_o the_o place_n of_o exercise_n 244._o sometime_o again_o when_o i_o have_v be_v preach_v i_o have_v be_v violent_o assault_v with_o thought_n of_o blasphemy_n and_o strong_o tempt_v to_o speak_v they_o with_o my_o mouth_n before_o the_o congregation_n i_o have_v also_o at_o some_o time_n even_o when_o i_o have_v begin_v to_o speak_v the_o word_n with_o much_o clearness_n evidence_n and_o liberty_n of_o speech_n yet_o be_v before_o the_o end_n of_o that_o opportunity_n so_o blind_v and_o so_o estrange_v from_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v be_v speak_v and_o have_v also_o be_v so_o straighten_a in_o my_o speech_n as_o to_o utterance_n before_o the_o people_n that_o i_o have_v be_v as_o if_o have_v not_o know_v or_o remember_v what_o i_o have_v be_v about_o or_o as_o if_o my_o head_n have_v be_v in_o a_o bag_n all_o the_o time_n of_o the_o exercise_n 245._o again_o when_o at_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v about_o to_o preah_a upon_o some_o smart_n and_o scorch_a portion_n of_o the_o word_n i_o have_v find_v the_o tempter_n suggest_v what!_o will_v you_o preach_v this_o this_o condemn_v yourself_o of_o this_o your_o own_o soul_n be_v guilty_a wherefore_o preach_v not_o of_o it_o at_o all_o or_o if_o you_o do_v yet_o so_o mince_v it_o as_o to_o make_v way_n for_o your_o own_o escape_n â—est_v instead_o of_o awaken_n other_o you_o lay_v that_o guilt_n upon_o your_o own_o soul_n as_o you_o will_v never_o get_v from_o under_z 246._o i_o have_v also_o while_o find_v in_o this_o bless_a work_n of_o christ_n be_v often_o tempt_v to_o pride_n and_o lifting_n up_o of_o heart_n and_o though_o i_o dare_v not_o say_v i_o have_v not_o be_v infect_v with_o this_o yet_o true_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o precious_a mercy_n have_v so_o carry_v it_o towards_o i_o that_o for_o the_o most_o part_n i_o have_v have_v but_o small_a joy_n to_o give_v way_n to_o such_o a_o thing_n for_o it_o have_v be_v my_o every-day_n portion_n to_o be_v let_v into_o the_o evil_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o still_o make_v to_o see_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o corruption_n and_o infirmity_n therein_o that_o it_o have_v cause_v hang_v down_o of_o the_o head_n under_o all_o my_o gift_n and_o attainment_n i_o have_v feel_v this_o thorn_n in_o the_o flesh_n two_o cor._n 12.8_o 9_o the_o veâ—y_a mercy_n of_o god_n to_o i_o 247._o i_o have_v have_v also_o together_o with_o this_o some_o notable_a place_n or_o other_o of_o the_o word_n present_v before_o i_o which_o word_n haâ—h_v contain_v in_o it_o some_o sharp_a and_o pierce_a sentence_n concern_v the_o perish_v of_o the_o soul_n notwithstanding_o gift_n and_o part_n as_o for_o instance_n that_o have_v be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o though_o i_o speak_v with_o the_o tongue_n of_o man_n and_o angel_n and_o have_v not_o charity_n i_o be_o become_v as_o sounding-brass_n and_o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n 1_o cor._n 13.1_o 2._o 248._o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n be_v a_o instrument_n of_o music_n with_o which_o a_o skilful_a plaâ—er_n can_v make_v such_o melodious_a and_o heart-inflaming_a music_n that_o all_o who_o hear_v he_o play_v can_v scarce_o hold_v from_o dance_v and_o yet_o behold_v the_o cymbal_n have_v not_o life_n neither_o come_v the_o music_n fâ—om_fw-mi it_o but_o because_o of_o the_o art_n of_o he_o that_o playeâ—_n therewith_o so_o than_o the_o instrument_n at_o last_o may_v come_v to_o naught_o and_o perish_v though_o in_o time_n past_o such_o music_n
have_v be_v make_v upon_o it_o 249._o just_o thus_o i_o see_v it_o be_v and_o will_v be_v with_o they_o who_o have_v gift_n but_o want_v saving-grace_n they_o be_v in_o the_o hand_n of_o christ_n as_o the_o cymbal_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o david_n and_o as_o david_n can_v with_o the_o cymbal_n make_v that_o mirth_n in_o the_o service_n of_o god_n as_o to_o elevate_v the_o heart_n of_o the_o worshipper_n so_o christ_n can_v use_v these_o gift_a man_n as_o with_o they_o to_o affect_v the_o soul_n of_o his_o people_n in_o his_o church_n yet_o when_o he_o have_v do_v all_o hang_v they_o by_o as_o lifeless_a though_o sound_v cymbal_n 250._o this_o consideration_n therefore_o together_o with_o some_o other_o be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n as_o a_o maul_v on_o the_o head_n of_o pride_n and_o desire_n of_o vainglory_n what_o think_v i_o shall_v i_o be_v proud_a because_o i_o be_o a_o sound_a brass_n be_v it_o so_o much_o to_o be_v a_o fiddle_n have_v not_o the_o least_o creature_n that_o have_v life_n more_o of_o god_n in_o it_o than_o these_o beside_o i_o know_v it_o be_v love_n shall_v never_o die_v but_o these_o must_v cease_v and_o vanish_v so_o i_o conclude_v a_o little_a grace_n a_o little_a love_n a_o little_a of_o the_o true_a fear_n of_o god_n be_v better_a than_o all_o these_o gift_n yea_o and_o i_o be_o full_o convince_v of_o it_o that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o soul_n that_o can_v scarce_o give_v a_o man_n a_o answer_n but_o with_o great_a confusion_n as_o to_o method_n i_o say_v it_o be_v possible_a for_o they_o to_o have_v a_o thousand_o time_n more_o grace_n and_o so_o to_o be_v more_o in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o the_o lord_n than_o some_o who_o by_o virtue_n of_o the_o gift_n of_o knowledge_n can_v deliver_v themselves_o like_o angel_n a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n imprisonment_n 251._o have_v make_v profession_n of_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o christ_n along_o time_n and_o have_v preach_v the_o same_o about_o five_o year_n i_o be_v apprehend_v at_o a_o meeting_n of_o good_a people_n in_o the_o country_n among_o who_o have_v they_o let_v i_o alone_o i_o shall_v â—â—ve_v preach_v that_o day_n but_o they_o take_v i_o away_o from_o among_o they_o and_o have_v i_o before_o a_o justice_n who_o after_o i_o have_v offer_v security_n for_o my_o appear_v at_o the_o next_o session_n yet_o commit_v i_o because_o my_o surety_n will_v not_o consent_v to_o be_v bind_v that_o i_o shall_v preach_v no_o more_o to_o the_o people_n 252._o at_o the_o session_n after_o i_o be_v indict_v for_o a_o upholder_n and_o maintainer_n of_o unlawful_a assembly_n and_o conventicle_n and_o for_o not_o conform_v to_o the_o national_a worship_n of_o the_o church_n of_o england_n and_o after_o some_o conference_n there_o with_o the_o justice_n be_v sentence_v to_o perpetual_a banishment_n because_o i_o refuse_v to_o conform_v so_o be_v again_o deliver_v â—p_n to_o the_o gaoler_n hand_n i_o be_v have_v home_o to_o prison_n again_o and_o there_o have_v lie_v now_o above_o five_o year_n and_o a_o quarter_n wait_v to_o see_v what_o god_n will_v suffer_v these_o mâ—n_z to_o do_v with_o i_o 253._o in_o which_o condition_n i_o have_v continue_v wiâ—h_v much_o content_n through_o grace_n but_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o tuâ—nings_n and_o going_n upon_o my_o heart_n both_o fâ—om_n the_o lord_n satan_n and_o my_o own_o corruption_n by_o all_o which_o glory_n be_v to_o jesus_n christ_n i_o have_v also_o receive_v among_o many_o thing_n much_o conviction_n instruction_n and_o understanding_n of_o which_o at_o laâ—ge_n i_o shall_v not_o here_o discourse_n only_o give_v you_o in_o a_o hint_n or_o two_o a_o word_n that_o may_v stir_v up_o the_o godly_a to_o bless_v god_n and_o to_o pray_v for_o i_o and_o also_o to_o take_v encouragement_n shall_v the_o case_n be_v their_o own_o not_o to_o fear_v what_o man_n can_v do_v unto_o they_o 254._o i_o never_o have_v in_o all_o my_o life_n so_o great_a a_o inlet_n into_o the_o word_n of_o god_n as_o now_o they_o scripture_n that_o i_o see_v nothing_o in_o before_o be_v make_v in_o this_o place_n and_o state_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o jesus_n christ_n alâ—o_o be_v never_o more_o reâ—l_a and_o apparent_a then_o now_o here_o i_o have_v see_v he_o and_o feel_v he_o indeed_o o_o that_o word_n we_o have_v not_o preach_v unto_o you_o cunning_o devise_v fable_n 2_o pet._n 1_o 16._o and_o that_o god_n raise_v christ_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o give_v he_o glory_n that_o your_o faith_n and_o hope_n may_v be_v in_o god_n 1_o pet._n 1.20_o be_v bless_a word_n unto_o i_o in_o this_o my_o imprison_a condition_n 255._o these_o three_o or_o four_o scripture_n also_o have_v be_v great_a refreshment_n in_o this_o condition_n to_o i_o joh._n 14.1_o 2_o 3_o 4._o joh._n 16.33_o col._n 3.3_o 4._o heb._n 12.22_o 23_o 24._o so_o that_o sometime_o when_o i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o favour_n of_o they_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o laugh_v at_o destruction_n and_o â—o_o fear_v neiâ—her_o the_o horse_n nor_o his_o rider_n i_o have_v have_v sweet_a sight_n of_o the_o forgiveness_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o this_o place_n and_o of_o my_o be_v with_o jesus_n in_o another_o world_n o_o the_o mount_n zion_n the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n the_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o jesus_n have_v be_v sweet_a unto_o i_o in_o this_o place_n i_o have_v see_v that_o here_o that_o i_o be_o persuade_v i_o shall_v never_o while_o in_o this_o world_n be_v able_a to_o express_v i_o have_v see_v a_o truth_n in_o that_o scripture_n who_o have_v not_o see_v you_o love_v in_o who_o though_o now_o you_o see_v he_o not_o yet_o believe_v you_o rejoice_v with_o joy_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n 1_o pet._n 1.8_o 256._o i_o never_o know_v what_o it_o be_v for_o god_n to_o stand_v by_o i_o at_o all_o turn_n and_o at_o every_o offer_n of_o satan_n etc._n etc._n as_o i_o have_v find_v he_o since_o i_o come_v in_o hither_o for_o look_v how_o fear_n have_v present_v themselves_o so_o have_v support_n and_o encouragement_n yea_o when_o i_o have_v start_v even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o nothing_o else_o but_o my_o shadow_n yet_o god_n as_o be_v very_o tender_a of_o i_o have_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v molest_v but_o will_v with_o one_o scripture_n and_o another_o strengthen_v i_o against_o all_o insomuch_o that_o i_o have_v often_o say_v be_v it_o lawful_a i_o can_v pray_v for_o great_a trouble_n for_o the_o great_a comfort_n sake_n eccles._n 7.14_o 2_o cor._n 1.5_o 257._o before_o i_o come_v to_o prison_n i_o see_v what_o be_v a_o come_n and_o have_v especial_o two_o consideration_n wâ—rm_v upon_o my_o heart_n the_o first_o be_v how_o to_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v shall_v my_o imprisonment_n be_v lonâ—_n and_o tedious_a the_o second_o be_v how_o to_o be_v able_a to_o encounter_v death_n shall_v that_o be_v here_o my_o portion_n for_o the_o first_o of_o these_o that_o scripture_n col._n 1.11_o be_v great_a information_n to_o i_o namely_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o be_v strengthen_v with_o all_o might_n according_a to_o his_o glorious_a power_n unto_o all_o patience_n and_o long-suffering_a with_o joyfulness_n i_o can_v seldom_o go_v to_o prayer_n before_o i_o be_v imprison_v but_o for_o not_o so_o little_a as_o a_o year_n together_o this_o sentence_n of_o sweet_a petition_n will_v as_o it_o be_v thrust_v itself_o into_o my_o mind_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o if_o ever_o i_o will_v go_v through_o long-suffering_a i_o must_v have_v all_o patience_n especial_o if_o i_o will_v endure_v it_o joyful_o 258._o as_o to_o the_o second_o consideration_n that_o say_v 2_o cor._n 1.9_o be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o but_o we_o have_v the_o sentence_n of_o death_n in_o ourselves_o that_o we_o may_v not_o trust_v in_o ourselves_o but_o in_o god_n that_o raise_v the_o dead_a by_o this_o scripture_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o if_o ever_o i_o will_v suffer_v right_o i_o must_v first_o pass_v a_o sentence_n of_o death_n upon_o every_o thing_n that_o can_v proper_o be_v call_v a_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n even_o to_o reckon_v myself_o my_o wife_n my_o child_n my_o health_n my_o enjoyment_n and_o all_o as_o dead_a to_o i_o &_o myself_o as_o dead_a to_o they_o 259._o the_o second_o be_v to_o live_v upon_o god_n that_o be_v invisible_a as_o paul_n say_v in_o another_o place_n the_o way_n not_o to_o faint_v be_v to_o look_v not_o at_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v but_o at_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v for_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v be_v temporal_a but_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v they_o