can_v live_v more_o by_o faith_n in_o this_o try_v affliction_n i_o endeavour_v to_o impress_v upon_o my_o soul_n those_o argument_n which_o the_o scripture_n afford_v for_o patience_n and_o long-suffering_a with_o joyfulness_n but_o this_o will_v not_o do_v the_o work_n unless_o the_o spirit_n of_o faith_n and_o patience_n be_v give_v from_o he_o from_o who_o come_v down_o every_o good_a and_o perfect_a gift_n i_o pray_v i_o cry_v to_o my_o father_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o the_o holy_a spirit_n according_a to_o his_o gracious_a promise_n that_o i_o may_v show_v forth_o the_o power_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o that_o i_o may_v not_o dishonour_v he_o nor_o discourage_v his_o child_n nor_o reproach_n religion_n by_o my_o weakness_n and_o in_o my_o bear_n of_o it_o well_o my_o reputation_n be_v nothing_o regard_v by_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o the_o honour_n of_o christ._n he_o i_o desire_v to_o glorify_v both_o in_o my_o obedience_n and_o patience_n i_o do_v not_o love_n god_n the_o less_o because_o of_o his_o correct_a hand_n upon_o i_o as_o my_o necessity_n drive_v i_o so_o his_o love_n draw_v i_o and_o my_o love_n bring_v i_o to_o he_o i_o look_v to_o he_o as_o my_o father_n and_o shall_v i_o not_o honour_v my_o father_n and_o give_v he_o reverence_n when_o i_o be_o chasten_v of_o he_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n therefore_o will_v i_o hope_v in_o he_o i_o will_v wait_v for_o the_o lord_n who_o hide_v his_o face_n i_o will_v look_v after_o he_o he_o retain_v not_o his_o anger_n for_o ever_o because_o he_o delight_v in_o mercy_n therefore_o he_o will_v turn_v again_o and_o have_v compassion_n upon_o i_o if_o he_o kill_v i_o i_o will_v put_v my_o trust_n in_o he_o for_o he_o will_v not_o cast_v i_o off_o for_o ever_o if_o i_o cleave_v to_o he_o with_o faith_n unseign_v but_o even_o through_o death_n itself_o will_v he_o save_v i_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o forth_o to_o the_o light_n and_o i_o shall_v behold_v his_o righteousness_n when_o i_o say_v what_o shall_v i_o do_v in_o case_n of_o such_o or_o such_o troublesome_a or_o dangerous_a consequent_n my_o heart_n answer_v be_v not_o careful_a god_n will_v provide_v i_o will_v leave_v it_o to_o he_o beside_o a_o natural_a desire_n of_o ease_n and_o rest_n the_o sense_n of_o the_o temptation_n which_o i_o be_o liable_a in_o this_o condition_n make_v i_o importunate_a to_o be_v deliver_v from_o it_o i_o feell_o know_v the_o weakness_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o i_o be_o not_o ignorant_a of_o the_o devil_n malice_n and_o subtlety_n and_o how_o he_o will_v make_v the_o fierce_a assault_n where_o i_o be_o weak_a whereupon_o i_o tremble_v in_o myself_o for_o fear_n of_o be_v tempt_v and_o shake_v and_o great_o amaze_v and_o upon_o this_o ground_n respect_v my_o soul_n safety_n i_o judge_v a_o humble_a and_o patient_a importunity_n with_o god_n for_o the_o remove_n or_o moderate_v of_o my_o distemper_n to_o be_v my_o duty_n yet_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o be_v over_o solicitous_a and_o anxious_a in_o this_o thing_n i_o consider_v that_o god_n do_v govern_v and_o limit_v all_o our_o temptation_n and_o will_v not_o suffer_v we_o to_o be_v tempt_v above_o what_o we_o be_v able_a but_o will_v with_o the_o temptation_n open_v a_o way_n for_o we_o to_o escape_v nevertheless_o i_o find_v that_o i_o do_v much_o offend_v by_o too_o great_a a_o vehemence_n of_o desire_n to_o be_v deliver_v from_o this_o grievous_a burden_n without_o due_a submission_n also_o by_o too_o much_o disquietness_n and_o dejection_n when_o after_o some_o expectation_n of_o a_o benefit_n by_o that_o mean_n i_o perceive_v that_o my_o hope_n thereof_o be_v like_a to_o be_v frustrate_v the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o carry_v it_o better_o and_o as_o i_o ought_v to_o do_v and_o keep_v my_o mind_n in_o its_o right_a frame_n my_o business_n under_o this_o affliction_n be_v to_o be_v careful_a about_o my_o own_o part_n and_o to_o leave_v god_n part_n to_o his_o care_n my_o part_n be_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n and_o to_o get_v the_o benefit_n of_o the_o affliction_n but_o to_o remove_v it_o be_v god_n part_n let_v i_o perform_v what_o belong_v to_o i_o and_o what_o belong_v to_o god_n he_o will_v certain_o perform_v in_o his_o own_o time_n and_o way_n the_o sum_n of_o my_o duty_n be_v gracious_o to_o comply_v with_o the_o dispensation_n and_o to_o behave_v myself_o suitable_o to_o it_o and_o to_o please_v and_o honour_n god_n under_o it_o according_o in_o this_o i_o labour_v and_o in_o this_o way_n i_o seek_v for_o comfort_n and_o first_o i_o justify_v god_n and_o judge_n myself_o god_n exercise_v his_o own_o holiness_n and_o justice_n in_o this_o castigation_n his_o justice_n and_o holiness_n i_o approve_v and_o accept_v the_o punishment_n of_o my_o iniquity_n and_o exercise_v a_o hatred_n of_o the_o sin_n for_o which_o i_o now_o smart_a i_o will_v bear_v the_o indignation_n of_o the_o lord_n because_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o he_o and_o i_o repent_v with_o a_o self-abhorrence_a and_o i_o lie_v in_o the_o dust_n at_o his_o foot_n and_o wait_v on_o he_o until_o that_o he_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_o glad_a to_o receive_v mercy_n upon_o his_o term_n i_o have_v flee_v for_o refuge_n to_o lay_v hold_n on_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v set_v before_o i_o i_o do_v most_o hearty_o take_v god_n for_o my_o portion_n and_o i_o have_v rather_o live_v the_o divine_a life_n in_o conformity_n to_o he_o and_o fellowship_n with_o he_o here_o in_o the_o first-fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o hereafter_o in_o the_o fullness_n of_o glory_n than_o live_v in_o the_o fullness_n of_o the_o delight_n and_o contentment_n that_o belong_v to_o the_o natural_a life_n upon_o earth_n in_o a_o way_n of_o sin_n and_o allienation_n from_o the_o life_n of_o god_n i_o do_v most_o hearty_o take_v christ_n according_a to_o the_o offer_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o only_o to_o be_v justify_v from_o my_o sin_n and_o deliver_v from_o the_o wrath_n to_o come_v by_o his_o merit_n but_o also_o to_o be_v sanctify_v by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n and_o to_o be_v govern_v by_o his_o law_n and_o to_o be_v bring_v by_o he_o unto_o the_o aforesaid_a fellowship_n with_o god_n and_o my_o life_n and_o practice_n in_o the_o main_a bent_n and_o ordinary_a course_n thereof_o be_v according_a to_o this_o choice_n in_o a_o daily_a walking_z not_o by_o sight_n and_o sense_n but_o by_o faith_n not_o after_o the_o flesh_n but_o after_o the_o spirit_n in_o set_v my_o heart_n not_o on_o earthly_a but_o on_o heavenly_a thing_n i_o cast_v off_o vain_a desire_n and_o hope_n and_o my_o expectation_n of_o good_a be_v from_o god_n according_a to_o the_o tenor_n of_o his_o promise_n when_o i_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n of_o outward_a comfort_n humane_a help_n and_o visible_a mean_n i_o will_v trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n i_o strive_v with_o my_o own_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v it_o to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o in_o whatsoever_o i_o be_o tempt_v to_o be_v most_o impatient_a therein_o i_o labour_v most_o for_o patience_n my_o great_a care_n be_v that_o i_o may_v not_o sin_v against_o my_o god_n in_o any_o kind_n and_o more_o especial_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sin_v by_o a_o rebellious_a impatience_n under_o his_o correct_a hand_n in_o this_o present_a distress_n i_o look_v upon_o myself_o as_o be_v upon_o my_o trial_n and_o therefore_o i_o look_v more_o diligent_o to_o my_o behaviour_n in_o it_o now_o a_o price_n be_v put_v into_o my_o hand_n for_o the_o proof_n of_o my_o sincerity_n and_o i_o labour_v according_o to_o make_v good_a proof_n of_o it_o i_o be_o willing_a to_o serve_v god_n in_o pain_n and_o patience_n else_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o so_o good_a a_o master_n i_o be_o willing_a to_o be_v conformable_a to_o christ_n in_o suffer_v else_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o he_o but_o here_o i_o must_v say_v again_o the_o spirit_n indeed_o be_v willing_a but_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a lord_n help_v my_o unwillingness_n i_o be_o call_v to_o deny_v all_o the_o pleasure_n of_o sense_n and_o to_o mind_v they_o no_o more_o and_o i_o be_o hearty_o willing_a of_o it_o i_o be_o call_v to_o declare_v to_o other_o by_o the_o exercise_n of_o faith_n and_o patience_n the_o righteonsness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o tender_a mercy_n and_o great_a faithfulness_n and_o that_o he_o alone_o be_v alsufficent_a o_o that_o the_o power_n of_o his_o grace_n may_v be_v thus_o magnify_v in_o i_o this_o be_v the_o fruit_n of_o the_o affliction_n that_o i_o look_v after_o and_o in_o this_o will_v i_o labour_v more_o and_o more_o and_o through_o the_o help_n of_o divine_a
salvation_n john_n howe_n mr._n corbet_n enquiry_n into_o the_o state_n of_o his_o soul_n his_o introduction_n in_o order_n to_o peace_n of_o conscience_n and_o assurance_n of_o my_o good_a estate_n towards_o god_n it_o must_v in_o reason_n be_v suppose_v that_o i_o may_v right_o understand_v the_o mark_n of_o sincerity_n set_v down_o in_o god_n word_n as_o also_o the_o predominant_a inclination_n and_o motion_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o that_o i_o may_v be_v so_o far_o assure_v of_o my_o right_a understanding_n of_o the_o thing_n aforesaid_a as_o to_o have_v no_o reasonable_a ground_n of_o doubt_v thereof_o for_o i_o have_v no_o other_o ordinary_a way_n to_o know_v my_o sincerity_n in_o order_n to_o the_o say_a peace_n and_o assurance_n but_o to_o examine_v it_o according_a to_o my_o best_a understanding_n by_o the_o mark_n thereof_o set_v down_o in_o god_n word_n in_o this_o self-examination_n it_o be_v requisite_a that_o i_o use_v all_o diligence_n and_o impartiality_n with_o constancy_n and_o that_o i_o earnest_o pray_v for_o god_n assistance_n in_o it_o and_o hearty_o offer_v myself_o to_o his_o search_n as_o david_n do_v psal._n 139._o 23._o wherefore_o if_o upon_o the_o most_o impartial_a and_o diligent_a search_n that_o i_o can_v make_v according_a to_o the_o best_a of_o my_o understanding_n together_o with_o earnest_n and_o constant_a prayer_n to_o god_n to_o assist_v i_o therein_o as_o in_o my_o great_a concern_n it_o do_v most_o rational_o appear_v to_o i_o that_o the_o predominant_a inclination_n and_o motion_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v agreeable_a to_o the_o mark_n of_o sincerity_n set_v down_o in_o god_n word_n than_o my_o conscience_n do_v its_o office_n aright_o be_v to_o judge_v for_o i_o according_o viz._n that_o i_o be_o sincere_a and_o in_o this_o judgement_n i_o be_o to_o acquiesce_v because_o it_o be_v the_o judgement_n of_o god_n agent_n and_o minister_n which_o he_o have_v set_v up_o within_o i_o to_o judge_v under_o he_o of_o my_o internal_a state_n according_a to_o his_o law_n by_o which_o he_o himself_o do_v and_o will_v judge_v i_o god_n have_v the_o same_o aspect_n upon_o the_o soul_n which_o conscience_n his_o vicegerent_n have_v as_o it_o from_o time_n to_o time_n or_o ordinary_o judge_v not_o against_o he_o or_o without_o he_o but_o under_o he_o and_o according_a to_o his_o judgement_n either_o acquit_v or_o condemn_v to_o this_o purpose_n the_o apostle_n speak_v 1_o john_n 3._o 20_o 21._o if_o our_o heart_n condemn_v we_o god_n be_v great_a than_o our_o heart_n and_o know_v all_o thing_n if_o our_o heart_n condemn_v we_o not_o then_o have_v we_o confidence_n towards_o god_n the_o state_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n according_a to_o the_o strict_a search_n that_o i_o can_v make_v psal._n 139._o 23_o 24._o search_v i_o o_o lord_n and_o know_v my_o heart_n try_v i_o and_o know_v my_o thought_n and_o see_v if_o there_o be_v any_o wicked_a way_n in_o i_o and_o lead_v i_o in_o the_o way_n everlasting_a amen_n the_o follow_a particular_n be_v set_v down_o in_o decemb._n jan._n feb._n an._n 1663._o as_o far_o as_o i_o be_o able_a to_o discern_v my_o heart_n and_o way_n i_o have_v choose_v the_o lord_n for_o my_o portion_n i_o take_v up_o my_o rest_n in_o he_o and_o not_o in_o the_o creature_n to_o love_v and_o fear_n and_o admire_v and_o bless_v he_o and_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o he_o be_v my_o chief_a joy_n and_o the_o eternal_a vision_n and_o fruition_n of_o god_n be_v my_o great_a hope_n i_o will_v not_o only_o have_v god_n hereafter_o but_o here_o in_o this_o world_n for_o my_o chief_a good_a he_o be_v even_o now_o better_o than_o all_o the_o world_n i_o come_v to_o god_n by_o jesus_n christ._n and_o as_o i_o believe_v in_o god_n i_o believe_v also_o in_o christ_n and_o rejoice_v and_o glory_n in_o he_o and_o acknowledge_v my_o own_o sinfulness_n and_o unworthiness_n i_o rest_v entire_o on_o he_o as_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o justification_n to_o life_n and_o of_o all_o favour_n and_o acceptance_n with_o god_n i_o receive_v christ_n as_o my_o lord_n and_o give_v up_o myself_o to_o he_o i_o let_v he_o into_o my_o heart_n by_o faith_n i_o esteem_v he_o precious_a and_o be_o willing_a to_o suffer_v the_o loss_n of_o all_o that_o i_o may_v win_v he_o i_o desire_v to_o know_v he_o in_o the_o power_n of_o his_o death_n and_o resurrection_n and_o be_o much_o grieve_v that_o i_o do_v so_o weak_o experience_n that_o power_n and_o feel_v it_o no_o more_o operative_a in_o i_o in_o my_o die_n to_o sin_n and_o 〈◊〉_d world_n and_o in_o live_v and_o walk_v in_o the_o spirit_n i_o do_v not_o cease_v to_o lament_v the_o more_o heinous_a sin_n of_o my_o life_n and_o can_v forbear_v the_o continual_a implore_v of_o the_o pardon_n of_o they_o i_o do_v not_o return_v again_o to_o they_o and_o i_o resolve_v never_o so_o to_o do_v i_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o strive_v against_o all_o sin_n but_o especial_o against_o those_o sin_n to_o which_o i_o be_o more_o especial_o incline_v my_o conflict_n be_v daily_o and_o be_o put_v hard_o to_o it_o but_o i_o do_v not_o yield_v up_o myself_o to_o any_o sin_n nor_o lie_v down_o in_o it_o yea_o i_o do_v not_o suffer_v sinful_a cogitation_n to_o lodge_v in_o i_o howbeit_o i_o be_o many_o time_n much_o discompose_v damp_a in_o spirit_n deadn_v in_o duty_n distract_v in_o my_o study_n and_o molest_v and_o hinder_v every_o way_n by_o the_o sin_n that_o dwell_v in_o i_o but_o i_o resolve_v that_o sin_n shall_v have_v no_o rest_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o i_o will_v never_o enjoy_v it_o though_o i_o can_v keep_v sin_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n yet_o it_o do_v not_o reign_v in_o my_o mortal_a body_n nor_o do_v i_o yield_v my_o member_n to_o the_o service_n of_o it_o i_o will_v fulfil_v all_o righteousness_n and_o owe_v nothing_o to_o any_o man_n but_o love_n i_o have_v a_o hundred_o sold_n rather_o suffer_v wrong_a than_o do_v wrong_n it_o be_v say_v of_o christ_n that_o no_o guile_n be_v find_v in_o his_o mouth_n and_o of_o the_o faithful_a company_n that_o follow_v the_o lamb_n that_o no_o guile_n be_v find_v in_o their_o mouth_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o i_o endeavour_v with_o my_o whole_a heart_n i_o trust_v god_n with_o my_o chief_a outward_a concernment_n even_o with_o that_o about_o which_o i_o be_o most_o solicitous_a and_o wherein_o to_o be_v satisfy_v be_v of_o great_a moment_n to_o i_o for_o that_o it_o have_v as_o great_a a_o influence_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o any_o outward_a thing_n have_v and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o god_n will_v provide_v for_o i_o herein_o or_o otherwise_o supply_v the_o want_n of_o it_o my_o earnest_a desire_n of_o god_n be_v that_o my_o outward_a condition_n may_v be_v so_o state_v by_o his_o wife_n and_o gracious_a providence_n as_o i_o may_v be_v least_o expose_v to_o temptation_n and_o best_a dispose_v and_o further_v unto_o duty_n i_o have_v a_o inclination_n to_o seek_v self_n particular_o in_o vain_a applause_n and_o that_o in_o religious_a service_n and_o herein_o i_o have_v be_v high_o guilty_a but_o i_o shame_v myself_o for_o it_o before_o god_n and_o i_o be_o willing_a to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o the_o praise_n that_o come_v from_o he_o alone_o and_o i_o trust_v through_o his_o grace_n that_o i_o can_v deny_v myself_o in_o matter_n of_o reputation_n to_o do_v his_o will._n i_o love_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o all_o his_o saint_n the_o break_a estate_n of_o the_o church_n especial_o by_o intestine_a evil_n be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n the_o scandal_n of_o professor_n i_o be_o true_o grieve_v at_o and_o i_o will_v not_o by_o their_o weakness_n seek_v to_o excuse_v my_o own_o fault_n or_o a_o advance_n of_o my_o own_o virtue_n i_o have_v no_o settle_a bitterness_n and_o revenge_n against_o my_o enemy_n but_o i_o love_v pity_n and_o pray_v for_o they_o as_o concern_v god_n enemy_n i_o be_o more_o provoke_v but_o i_o will_v not_o be_v inhuman_a or_o cruel_a against_o they_o for_o the_o wrath_n of_o man_n work_v not_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n i_o contemn_v none_o i_o will_v not_o embitter_v the_o spirit_n of_o any_o i_o will_v answer_v all_o obligation_n of_o courtesy_n as_o account_v it_o a_o righteousness_n i_o will_v not_o insult_v over_o the_o weakness_n of_o any_o and_o this_o be_v partly_o out_o of_o natural_a tenderness_n and_o moral_a consideration_n and_o i_o find_v that_o the_o goodness_n and_o kindness_n of_o god_n the_o meekness_n gentleness_n of_o christ_n have_v here_o unto_o make_v impression_n upon_o i_o i_o find_v upon_o the_o review_n of_o my_o life_n past_o according_a to_o the_o clear_a judgement_n that_o i_o can_v make_v that_o i_o have_v not_o go_v
servant_n o_o lord_n but_o remember_v i_o and_o spare_v i_o according_a to_o thy_o great_a mercy_n in_o christ_n jesus_n the_o great_a propitiation_n for_o sin_n in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v find_v and_o under_o the_o covert_a of_o who_o wing_n i_o stand_v that_o i_o may_v be_v save_v from_o thy_o wrath_n and_o enjoy_v thy_o peace_n and_o live_v in_o thy_o presence_n where_o be_v fullness_n of_o joy_n and_o pleasure_n for_o evermore_o feb._n 22._o 1678_o 9_o god_n will_v never_o damn_v in_o hell_n any_o soul_n that_o have_v the_o habitual_a predominant_a love_n of_o god_n though_o culpable_o remiss_a and_o otherwise_o sinful_a while_o he_o remain_v such_o yea_o hell_n and_o such_o love_n of_o god_n be_v inconsistent_a i_o love_v the_o holy_a will_n of_o god_n with_o all_o my_o heart_n and_o hate_v all_o disconformity_n to_o it_o nothing_o be_v more_o grievous_a to_o i_o than_o to_o displease_v god_n and_o nothing_o be_v more_o pleasant_a to_o i_o than_o to_o please_v he_o i_o strive_v after_o christian_a perfection_n i_o labour_v to_o be_v unbottomed_a of_o self_n to_o die_v to_o self-advancement_n to_o self-gloriation_a and_o to_o all_o selfish_a joy_n and_o to_o live_v whole_o in_o and_o to_o god_n and_o to_o have_v self_n swallow_v up_o in_o the_o love_n of_o he_o i_o labour_v in_o the_o work_n of_o self-resignation_n that_o my_o will_n may_v be_v confine_v to_o and_o include_v in_o the_o will_n of_o god_n i_o strive_v after_o patience_n in_o its_o perfect_a work_n and_o do_v find_v a_o willingness_n to_o yield_v to_o god_n will_v in_o my_o chastisement_n i_o still_o justify_v god_n and_o do_v not_o entertain_v a_o hard_a thought_n of_o his_o deal_v with_o i_o but_o conclude_v that_o it_o be_v altogether_o holy_a just_a and_o good_a and_o for_o the_o best_a i_o feel_v my_o sin_n a_o great_a burden_n to_o i_o than_o my_o affliction_n i_o have_v rather_o have_v health_n of_o soul_n in_o a_o body_n full_a of_o pain_n than_o health_n and_o ease_n of_o body_n with_o a_o distemper_a soul_n and_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o great_a sinfulness_n dispose_v i_o to_o patience_n under_o my_o afflict_a infirmity_n of_o body_n i_o narrow_o watch_v my_o heart_n that_o it_o may_v not_o lodge_v or_o admit_v a_o vain_a thought_n when_o i_o be_o surprise_v with_o vanity_n i_o suppress_v it_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o observe_v it_o i_o be_o very_o fearful_a of_o offend_v in_o a_o word_n when_o on_o the_o sudden_a and_o by_o incogitancy_n i_o have_v speak_v a_o word_n which_o upon_o second_o thought_n be_v doubtful_a to_o i_o though_o i_o have_v not_o such_o doubt_n in_o the_o speak_n of_o it_o i_o have_v be_v much_o perplex_v about_o it_o and_o have_v engage_v myself_o to_o a_o great_a watchfulness_n aug._n 1680._o sure_o christ_n have_v my_o heart_n whensoever_o i_o swerve_v from_o christ_n in_o a_o thought_n word_n or_o deed_n it_o be_v by_o inadvertency_n and_o surprisal_n against_o my_o fix_a principle_n and_o i_o have_v great_a regret_n at_o it_o and_o loath_a myself_o for_o it_o if_o i_o be_v out_o of_o all_o fear_n o_o damnation_n i_o have_v rather_o be_v holy_a then_o unholy_a and_o i_o take_v pain_n and_o use_n god_n mean_n to_o be_v holy_a in_o opposition_n to_o the_o flesh_n and_o i_o make_v it_o my_o chief_a care_n and_o i_o do_v this_o because_o i_o make_v the_o enjoy_n of_o god_n my_o chief_a good_a and_o rather_o than_o lose_v the_o hope_n thereof_o i_o will_v willing_o undergo_v the_o suffering_n of_o this_o life_n which_o lead_v to_o that_o bless_a fruition_n not_o except_v the_o fiery-trial_n itself_o aug._n 1680._o i_o hope_v when_o the_o end_n come_v my_o god_n will_v say_v to_o i_o dear_a child_n thy_o warfare_n be_v accompilsh_v thy_o iniquity_n be_v pardon_v enter_v thou_o into_o my_o rest._n therefore_o i_o will_v both_o hope_n and_o quiet_o wait_v for_o the_o salvation_n of_o god_n i_o will_v hope_v to_o the_o end_n strengthen_v i_o o_o my_o god_n that_o i_o faint_v not_o october_n the_o 4._o 1680._o i_o have_v no_o design_n i_o pursue_v nothing_o contrary_a to_o god_n interest_n but_o all_o my_o design_n and_o pursuit_n be_v for_o god_n and_o holiness_n i_o think_v i_o be_o sure_a of_o this_o if_o i_o be_v sure_a of_o any_o thing_n my_o great_a aim_n and_o care_n and_o labour_n be_v to_o cleanse_v myself_o from_o all_o filthiness_n of_o flesh_n and_o spirit_n and_o to_o perfect_a holiness_n in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n to_o who_o i_o yield_v myself_o a_o servant_n to_o obey_v his_o servant_n i_o be_o but_o i_o do_v not_o yield_v myself_o a_o servant_n to_o sin_n to_o obey_v it_o but_o i_o do_v yield_v myself_o a_o servant_n to_o god_n to_o obey_v he_o the_o design_n and_o business_n of_o my_o life_n be_v to_o do_v his_o will._n the_o work_n of_o my_o heart_n in_o my_o affliction_n aug._n the_o 5_o 1680._o the_o will_n of_o god_n in_o lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o i_o unfeigned_o approve_v as_o holy_a just_a and_o good_a and_o i_o be_o unfeigned_o willing_a to_o bear_v the_o affliction_n as_o it_o be_v a_o evil_n lay_v upon_o i_o by_o his_o will_n till_o the_o time_n come_v in_o which_o he_o think_v fit_a to_o remove_v it_o i_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o strive_v that_o i_o may_v not_o give_v way_n to_o a_o repine_a thought_n against_o his_o holy_a hand_n in_o this_o point_n they_o spirit_n be_v willing_a but_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a my_o mind_n do_v real_o consent_v to_o god_n dispensation_n and_o to_o my_o submission_n and_o be_v most_o agreeable_a to_o his_o wise_a and_o gracious_a government_n and_o most_o conduce_v to_o my_o salvation_n but_o my_o sensitive_a part_n and_o my_o mind_n also_o as_o it_o be_v in_o part_n unrenewed_a weak_a and_o sinful_a do_v great_o reluctate_v so_o that_o i_o be_o put_v hard_a to_o it_o and_o i_o must_v say_v i_o be_o willing_a lord_n help_v my_o unwillingness_n i_o have_v not_o observe_v in_o the_o several_a day_n that_o a_o thought_n of_o direct_a or_o positive_a discontentment_n or_o vexatious_a commotion_n of_o mind_n have_v be_v admit_v by_o i_o nevertheless_o i_o see_v to_o my_o grief_n that_o i_o fall_v exceed_o short_a of_o that_o quietness_n contentation_n and_o cheerfulness_n in_o my_o condition_n and_o of_o that_o sreeness_n of_o self_n resignation_n to_o god_n will_v that_o i_o desire_v and_o his_o goodness_n call_v for_o i_o wrestle_v with_o god_n by_o importunate_a prayer_n that_o this_o thorn_n in_o the_o flesh_n may_v depart_v from_o i_o that_o this_o distemper_n may_v be_v remove_v or_o so_o mitigate_v that_o i_o may_v be_v in_o some_o comfortable_a ease_n and_o get_v a_o more_o cheerful_a freedom_n in_o do_v my_o duty_n yet_o i_o will_v not_o wrest_v this_o relief_n out_o of_o his_o hand_n unreasonable_o and_o without_o his_o good_a will_n and_o his_o blessing_n i_o will_v wait_v his_o time_n and_o desire_v to_o have_v it_o with_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o with_o a_o save_a benefit_n and_o so_o my_o earnest_a desire_n thereof_o be_v limit_v with_o submission_n to_o his_o holy_a will._n yet_o i_o find_v that_o this_o submission_n be_v no_o easy_a matter_n but_o that_o i_o must_v take_v pain_n with_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o that_o it_o be_v god_n who_o must_v work_v my_o heart_n to_o it_o and_o keep_v under_o the_o flesh_n which_o be_v always_o ready_a to_o rebel_v it_o be_v hard_o to_o be_v willing_a to_o bear_v my_o wearisome_a condition_n and_o o_o how_o weak_a be_v my_o heart_n and_o ready_a to_o sink_v if_o it_o be_v not_o uphold_v by_o a_o strength_n above_o my_o own_o o_o let_v his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o and_o let_v his_o power_n be_v make_v perfect_a in_o my_o weakness_n i_o feel_v myself_o better_v in_o the_o inner_a man_n by_o this_o chasten_n it_o have_v further_v mortification_n and_o self-denial_n and_o do_v much_o to_o the_o break_n of_o the_o heart_n of_o pride_n and_o to_o bring_v i_o on_o towards_o that_o more_o perfect_a self-examination_n for_o which_o i_o labour_v it_o have_v much_o deadn_v the_o world_n to_o i_o and_o my_o desire_n to_o the_o world_n it_o make_v i_o know_v in_o earnest_a the_o emptiness_n of_o all_o creature_n and_o how_o great_a my_o concern_n be_v in_o god_n it_o drive_v i_o close_o to_o he_o and_o make_v i_o to_o fetch_v all_o my_o comfort_n from_o he_o i_o see_v of_o how_o little_a value_n all_o outward_a contentment_n be_v and_o not_o only_o in_o my_o present_a afflict_a state_n but_o if_o i_o be_v at_o ease_n and_o in_o full_a prosperity_n the_o sense_n of_o this_o benefit_n to_o my_o soul_n be_v the_o great_a mean_n of_o bring_v my_o will_n to_o that_o weak_a degree_n of_o submission_n to_o god_n will_n to_o which_o i_o have_v atatine_v o_o that_o i_o