be_o guilty_a before_o god_n justice_n in_o myself_o both_o by_o original_a sin_n which_o come_v by_o the_o fall_n of_o adam_n and_o much_o more_o by_o those_o many_o actual_a sin_n which_o i_o have_v personal_o commit_v but_o i_o be_o justify_v by_o christ_n 14._o i_o desire_v to_o show_v my_o dutiful_a love_n in_o obedience_n to_o my_o father_n command_n and_o my_o affection_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n to_o christ_n my_o husband_n with_o who_o i_o be_o spiritual_o marry_v 15._o the_o lord_n say_v come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o all_o you_o my_o people_n and_o be_v you_o separate_v and_o touch_v no_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o if_o i_o regard_v iniquity_n in_o my_o heart_n the_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v my_o prayer_n i_o take_v god_n to_o witness_v who_o know_v the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n that_o i_o desire_v to_o join_v in_o duty_n not_o to_o the_o end_n that_o other_o shall_v have_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o i_o know_v i_o must_v leave_v all_o worldly_a relation_n how_o soon_o i_o know_v not_o but_o herein_o i_o shall_v have_v peace_n that_o i_o do_v as_o my_o father_n have_v command_v i_o and_o i_o rejoice_v in_o christ_n jesus_n put_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o flesh_n but_o only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n m._n m._n xxvi_o experience_n of_o h._n w._n when_o my_o god_n appear_v through_o his_o grace_n to_o shine_v by_o his_o sacred_a spirit_n into_o my_o dark_a soul_n my_o thought_n be_v much_o take_v up_o in_o consideration_n of_o my_o sad_a and_o deplorable_a condition_n under_o â—â—e_z curse_n by_o nature_n yet_o so_o that_o i_o do_v withal_o see_v enough_o in_o christ_n to_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o if_o i_o do_v attain_v to_o a_o true_a belief_n but_o my_o perplex_a soul_n drink_v deep_a of_o the_o bitter_a dregs_n of_o a_o sorrowful_a cup_n before_o i_o can_v taste_v of_o the_o sweet_a cordial_n my_o bless_a saviour_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o wherewith_o i_o have_v since_o be_v often_o refresh_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o ever_o expect_v deliverance_n from_o sin_n death_n and_o hell_n and_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o god_n i_o must_v devote_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o alone_o but_o yet_o i_o find_v the_o love_n of_o some_o worldly_a vanity_n root_v so_o fast_o in_o my_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v often_o put_v god_n off_o and_o have_v a_o eye_n to_o some_o worldly_a content_n which_o deprive_v i_o for_o that_o time_n of_o enjoy_v peace_n in_o his_o presence_n i_o often_o say_v lord_n such_o a_o day_n i_o will_v leave_v all_o and_o never_o seek_v myself_o but_o thy_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o then_o again_o lord_n after_o such_o a_o merry_a meeting_n than_o i_o will_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o temporal_a delight_n and_o again_o now_o lord_n once_o more_o i_o will_v have_v but_o one_o day_n of_o pleasure_n and_o then_o i_o will_v part_v with_o all_o that_o offend_v thou_o and_o not_o seek_v after_o any_o thing_n out_o of_o thou_o more_o but_o for_o a_o time_n all_o this_o prove_v but_o unfaithfulness_n to_o my_o saviour_n and_o wound_n to_o my_o own_o spirit_n the_o sense_n whereof_o do_v sad_o terrify_v my_o conscience_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o cast_v down_o and_o i_o sit_v up_o a_o great_a part_n of_o many_o night_n when_o all_o the_o family_n where_o i_o than_o live_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o with_o a_o heavy_a heart_n and_o flood_n of_o tear_n gush_v from_o my_o sorrowful_a eye_n i_o be_v exceed_o disquiet_v pour_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o god_n and_o beg_a mercy_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o which_o be_v the_o great_a horror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o manifest_v my_o believe_v by_o a_o pious_a spiritual_a conversation_n in_o a_o faithful_a obedience_n according_a to_o the_o sacred_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n when_o i_o have_v have_v resolution_n for_o worldly_a pleasure_n to_o satisfy_v the_o desire_n of_o nature_n it_o have_v take_v away_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o heart_n from_o spiritual_a duty_n in_o the_o interim_n but_o i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o great_a conffict_n in_o wrestle_v against_o those_o sad_a temptation_n my_o conscience_n convince_a i_o how_o great_a a_o enemy_n i_o be_v to_o my_o soul_n therein_o and_o testify_v that_o it_o will_v be_v infinite_o better_a to_o leave_v all_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n than_o to_o live_v without_o the_o love_n of_o my_o saviour_n but_o when_o my_o god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o frame_n to_o resolve_v serious_o never_o to_o delay_v with_o god_n a_o moment_n more_o my_o heart_n be_v so_o fix_v on_o my_o saviour_n that_o i_o see_v a_o sufficiency_n in_o he_o under_o any_o dispensation_n i_o taste_v a_o great_a sweetness_n in_o the_o grace_n of_o his_o spirit_n than_o in_o any_o temporal_a pleasure_n and_o i_o find_v much_o of_o the_o love_n grace_n spirit_n and_o power_n of_o my_o dear_a saviour_n appear_v to_o refresh_v my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n from_o divers_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o particular_o isa_n 49.8_o 8._o i_o will_v preserve_v thou_o and_o give_v thou_o for_o a_o covenant_n of_o the_o people_n to_o establish_v the_o earth_n and_o to_o cause_n to_o inherit_v the_o desolate_a heritage_n that_o thou_o may_v say_v to_o the_o prisoner_n go_v forth_o to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o darkness_n show_v yourselves_o though_o i_o be_v before_o a_o prisoner_n to_o worldly_a vanity_n and_o shut_v up_o in_o darkness_n yet_o christ_n be_v send_v to_o declare_v the_o covenant_n to_o such_o i_o find_v good_a warrant_n to_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 34.22_o therefore_o will_v i_o save_v my_o flock_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v no_o more_o a_o prey_n this_o salvation_n i_o apply_v as_o promise_v to_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinful_a man_n yet_o it_o be_v my_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n vers_fw-la 31._o and_o you_o my_o flock_n the_o flock_n of_o my_o pasture_n be_v man_n and_o i_o be_o your_o god_n mat._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o my_o saviour_n and_o my_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n i_o believe_v this_o promise_n be_v make_v to_o i_o with_o many_o more_o which_o give_v much_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o consolation_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o testimony_n of_o which_o faith_n be_v seal_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o these_o demonstration_n 1._o i_o find_v many_o evident_a testimony_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o which_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o high_a esteem_n of_o he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o above_o all_o thing_n 2._o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o sin_n in_o myself_o and_o my_o trust_n be_v in_o my_o saviour_n merit_n for_o justification_n 3._o i_o feel_v glorious_a refreshment_n from_o the_o heavenly_a gale_n of_o god_n bless_a spirit_n breathe_v his_o grace_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o high_a bliss_n i_o can_v desire_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o word_n and_o ordinance_n 5._o my_o chief_a desire_n in_o all_o thsng_n be_v to_o glorify_v god_n 6._o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n or_o any_o that_o i_o judge_v so_o to_o be_v 7._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v at_o peace_n with_o and_o do_v all_o the_o good_a i_o can_v to_o all_o especial_o those_o of_o the_o household_n of_o faith_n 8._o i_o can_v hearty_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o give_v i_o deliverance_n from_o and_o strength_n against_o every_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o please_v to_o my_o nature_n or_o which_o i_o be_o most_o prone_a to_o 9_o i_o find_v no_o such_o full_a joy_n in_o any_o thing_n as_o i_o do_v in_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n 10._o i_o see_v a_o purity_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o gospel-duty_n above_o all_o thing_n 11._o i_o desire_v no_o long_o to_o live_v than_o to_o glorify_v god_n 12._o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o appoint_a time_n i_o wait_v till_o my_o change_n shall_v come_v h._n w._n xxvii_o experience_n of_o d._n r._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n ever_o since_o i_o know_v a_o difference_n between_o good_a and_o evil_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o seek_v after_o those_o thing_n which_o savour_v most_o of_o god_n and_o it_o be_v
my_o faith_n be_v true_a but_o doubt_v that_o sure_o i_o have_v presume_v upon_o false_a ground_n and_o be_v much_o perplex_v yet_o now_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o distress_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n these_o word_n the_o spirit_n say_v come_v and_o the_o bride_n say_v come_v and_o every_o one_o that_o will_v come_v drink_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o i_o say_v of_o myself_o i_o can_v come_v but_o i_o pray_v lord_n draw_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v run_v after_o thou_o and_o this_o word_n be_v cast_v into_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o only_o do_v thou_o believe_v and_o god_n have_v now_o wrought_v faith_n in_o i_o and_o by_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n have_v seal_v his_o love_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o to_o love_v he_o that_o i_o have_v cast_v myself_o whole_o upon_o he_o h._n c._n xxxi_o experience_n of_o t._n r._n mariner_n at_o the_o age_n of_o two_o and_o twenty_o be_v in_o the_o strait_n i_o be_v take_v by_o the_o merciless_a turk_n but_o the_o power_n of_o the_o lord_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o captivity_n by_o a_o miraculous_a way_n unexpected_a the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o call_v on_o he_o give_v i_o a_o gracious_a answer_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o nor_o forsake_v i_o in_o the_o war_n with_o france_n on_o the_o coast_n of_o guinea_n i_o be_v take_v by_o a_o french_a man_n of_o war_n and_o be_v great_o afflict_v for_o want_v of_o food_n and_o raiment_n and_o other_o hardship_n which_o they_o lay_v on_o i_o to_o have_v turn_v to_o their_o catholic_n religion_n yet_o the_o lord_n still_o promise_v i_o that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o deliverance_n out_o of_o their_o merciless_a hand_n who_o make_v good_a his_o promise_n to_o i_o in_o a_o short_a time_n bless_a be_v his_o holy_a name_n after_o this_o i_o go_v a_o voyage_n to_o brasile_n and_o our_o ship_n be_v lade_v we_o do_v intend_v for_o portugal_n but_o they_o detain_v we_o a_o whole_a year_n so_o that_o our_o ship_n be_v all_o eat_v with_o worm_n and_o we_o be_v fain_o to_o keep_v pump_v for_o nine_o month_n but_o the_o long_o the_o worse_o for_o in_o our_o passage_n homeward_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v which_o death_n to_o choose_v either_o to_o starve_v or_o to_o be_v drown_v for_o our_o victual_n be_v so_o small_a that_o for_o one_o year_n and_o more_o we_o have_v no_o bread_n in_o our_o ship_n but_o eat_v the_o root_n of_o tree_n make_v into_o a_o substance_n like_o oatmeal_n and_o for_o beef_n one_o ounce_n for_o a_o man_n a_o day_n which_o stink_v so_o that_o none_o can_v have_v eat_v it_o but_o man_n in_o our_o case_n for_o drink_v we_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o pint_n of_o water_n a_o day_n during_o the_o time_n of_o our_o passage_n which_o be_v seventeen_o week_n but_o in_o this_o passage_n we_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n for_o he_o send_v we_o for_o three_o eek_n in_o seasonable_a time_n fish_n call_v dolphin_n sometime_o two_o or_o three_o in_o a_o day_n and_o as_o we_o grow_v within_o three_o hundred_o league_n of_o the_o coast_n of_o portugal_n and_o our_o provision_n near_o spend_v only_o three_o or_o four_o day_n leave_v and_o all_o our_o man_n sick_a and_o weak_a and_o almost_o starve_v it_o please_v god_n of_o his_o great_a mercy_n to_o send_v we_o a_o ship_n of_o flushing_n a_o man_n of_o war_n who_o prove_v to_o we_o as_o joseph_n to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n for_o they_o bring_v we_o victual_n which_o save_v our_o life_n and_o after_o they_o have_v take_v our_o ship_n they_o be_v fain_o to_o put_v on_o board_n forty_o man_n to_o keep_v she_o from_o sink_v for_o it_o please_v god_n that_o the_o next_o day_n after_o we_o have_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v upon_o she_o so_o that_o we_o think_v she_o will_v never_o have_v recover_v herself_o again_o for_o our_o good_n do_v shut_v all_o to_o one_o side_n and_o so_o she_o be_v fain_o to_o go_v until_o she_o come_v to_o flushing_n but_o we_o poor_a creature_n be_v in_o great_a peril_n and_o danger_n of_o our_o life_n and_o yet_o the_o lord_n comfort_v i_o by_o his_o promise_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o to_o shore_n and_o will_v deliver_v my_o life_n from_o death_n and_o my_o eye_n from_o tear_n and_o he_o have_v do_v gracious_o with_o i_o above_o my_o desert_n and_o enable_v i_o above_o my_o strength_n and_o deliver_v i_o aâ—_n my_o hope_n therefore_o will_v i_o praise_v he_o without_o measure_n and_o magnify_v his_o name_n without_o end_n three_o year_n after_o this_o be_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o ireland_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o raise_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o in_o the_o morning_n by_o the_o dawn_n of_o the_o day_n we_o be_v so_o near_o the_o shore_n that_o to_o man_n judgement_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o death_n approach_v for_o we_o know_v no_o place_n of_o that_o land_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o fog_n and_o rain_n that_o we_o have_v all_o the_o day_n and_o know_v not_o where_o to_o go_v but_o as_o the_o lord_n who_o be_v the_o pilot_n of_o pilot_n do_v carry_v we_o until_o four_o a_o clock_n at_o night_n which_o in_o december_n be_v dark_a and_o then_o we_o come_v to_o a_o great_a high_a head-land_n and_o a_o little_a without_o that_o lay_v a_o great_a sand_n so_o that_o we_o can_v not_o go_v any_o other_o way_n but_o betwixt_o they_o be_v then_o past_o all_o hope_n of_o life_n we_o force_v she_o through_o the_o sea_n so_o that_o it_o break_v over_o our_o head_n insomuch_o that_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v whether_o we_o be_v in_o the_o sea_n or_o the_o bark_n but_o by_o our_o foot_n and_o hand_n for_o we_o can_v not_o see_v for_o the_o violence_n of_o the_o water_n only_o he_o that_o be_v at_o the_o helm_n and_o yet_o in_o the_o space_n of_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o hour_n we_o be_v in_o a_o safe_a place_n new_o take_v out_o of_o the_o jaw_n of_o death_n so_o that_o i_o of_o all_o man_n have_v great_a cause_n to_o be_v always_o render_v thanks_o to_o my_o god_n for_o his_o continual_a and_o most_o sweet_a favour_n unto_o i_o sinful_a wretched_a and_o empty_a man_n void_a of_o all_o spiritual_a goodness_n furthermore_o i_o be_v after_o this_o in_o a_o ship_n of_o 300_o tun_n lie_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o virginia_n wind-bound_a the_o space_n of_o seven_o week_n it_o please_v god_n to_o visit_v our_o people_n with_o the_o pestilential_a fever_n and_o the_o calenture_n which_o be_v a_o violent_a fever_n or_o madness_n at_o first_o and_o we_o have_v in_o our_o ship_n two_o hundred_o thirty_o five_o soul_n at_o that_o time_n and_o it_o be_v the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n that_o we_o have_v a_o hundred_o of_o they_o sick_a at_o one_o time_n so_o that_o we_o have_v but_o few_o to_o look_v 〈◊〉_d â—he_v sick_a and_o be_v in_o great_a want_n of_o provision_n yet_o we_o know_v not_o whither_o to_o go_v but_o it_o please_v god_n to_o raise_v a_o great_a storm_n so_o that_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v into_o our_o main_a sail_n and_o we_o have_v two_o foot_n water_n between_o deck_n and_o our_o poor_a sick_a people_n cry_v out_o they_o be_v drown_v but_o within_o a_o hour_n after_o by_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n we_o have_v fair_a weather_n and_o fair_a wind_n and_o within_o three_o or_o four_o day_n god_n set_v we_o safe_a on_o land_n to_o our_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o before_o be_v almost_o past_a hope_n so_o that_o he_o cause_v we_o to_o say_v with_o the_o prophet_n david_n it_o be_v good_a for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v and_o yet_o have_v another_o choice_a mercy_n to_o make_v know_v of_o what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o i_o for_o he_o have_v now_o call_v i_o out_o of_o the_o world_n but_o not_o out_o of_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n he_o have_v also_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o make_v clear_a my_o understanding_n with_o mary_n to_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n and_o whatsoever_o the_o world_n or_o satan_n can_v cast_v upon_o i_o it_o shall_v all_o turn_v to_o my_o good_a for_o i_o know_v that_o my_o redeemer_n live_v and_o he_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v which_o i_o trust_v i_o shall_v do_v till_o my_o change_n come_v as_o god_n shall_v enable_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n strengthen_v my_o faith_n xxxii_o experience_n of_o t._n g._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n god_n of_o his_o own_o free_a mercy_n and_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o prevent_v and_o keep_v i_o ever_o since_o i_o be_v bear_v from_o many_o thousand_o danger_n and_o yet_o i_o like_v a_o unruly_a creature_n
when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o place_n i_o look_v upon_o the_o child_n and_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o shall_v i_o destroy_v myself_o and_o my_o poor_a child_n and_o cry_v out_o unto_o god_n lord_n what_o will_v thou_o have_v i_o to_o do_v and_o have_v a_o sore_a conflict_n at_o that_o time_n with_o the_o devil_n but_o i_o think_v at_o last_o i_o hear_v the_o lord_n say_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o do_v to_o paul_n trust_v in_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o and_o then_o i_o find_v some_o comfort_n which_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o call_v upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o further_a assistance_n and_o comfort_n and_o so_o i_o go_v back_o again_o with_o much_o joy_n believe_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o go_v to_o one_o e._n b._n that_o dwell_v by_o a_o moor_n side_n near_o leeds_n who_o i_o know_v be_v a_o godly_a woman_n and_o she_o open_v to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o david_n and_o job_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a comfort_n say_v god_n be_v by_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o see_v he_o and_o as_o job_n wish_v so_o she_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o wish_v o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v he_o o_o that_o i_o can_v behold_v he_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v full_a of_o joy_n and_o i_o cry_v and_o be_v much_o grieve_v with_o very_o great_a repentance_n that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o seduce_v and_o do_v so_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o have_v be_v so_o blind_v and_o the_o lord_n set_v it_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o have_v lay_v all_o aside_o yet_o now_o i_o shall_v come_v out_o of_o the_o wilderness_n lean_v on_o my_o belove_a and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n than_o ever_o and_o delight_v in_o they_o more_o than_o ever_o before_o they_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o now_o they_o be_v easy_a and_o sweet_a be_v at_o york_n i_o hear_v a_o minister_n there_o out_o of_o hosea_n 2._o preach_v that_o which_o wrought_v much_o comfort_n in_o i_o and_o that_o christ_n have_v promise_v to_o betrothe_v himself_o to_o every_o believer_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v much_o joy_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o can_v through_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v in_o my_o heart_n lay_v hold_v by_o faith_n on_o they_o as_o my_o particular_a interest_n as_o rom._n 10.4_o christ_n be_v the_o end_n of_o the_o law_n for_o righteousness_n to_o every_o one_o that_o believe_v christ_n by_o hss_a spirit_n have_v wrought_v belief_n in_o i_o both_o in_o his_o promise_n and_o threaten_n and_o to_o live_v according_a to_o his_o word_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v by_o the_o righteousness_n of_o my_o saviour_n rom._n 9.4_o who_o be_v israelites_n to_o who_o pertain_v the_o adoption_n and_o the_o glory_n and_o the_o covenant_n and_o the_o give_v of_o the_o law_n and_o the_o service_n of_o god_n and_o the_o promise_n i_o know_v that_o every_o believer_n be_v a_o true_a israelite_n and_o bring_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o promise_n of_o grace_n and_o salvation_n belong_v to_o i_o rom._n 3.21_o 22._o but_o now_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n without_o the_o law_n be_v manifest_v be_v witness_v by_o the_o law_n and_o the_o prophet_n even_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n which_o be_v by_o faith_n of_o jesus_n unto_o all_o and_o upon_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v for_o there_o be_v no_o difference_n i_o be_v one_o who_o god_n have_v draw_v to_o believe_v it_o be_v manifest_v unto_o i_o that_o i_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o justify_v i_o before_o god_n by_o his_o merit_n which_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n hosea_n 2.19_o 20._o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o sore_o ever_o yea_o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o righteousness_n and_o in_o judgement_n and_o in_o love_a kindness_n and_o in_o mercy_n i_o will_v even_o betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o saithsulness_n and_o thou_o shall_v know_v the_o lord_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n from_o this_o promise_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n double_v and_o treble_v his_o promise_n and_o enlarge_v himself_o so_o free_o to_o the_o soul_n and_o as_o testimony_n of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n and_o union_n with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o reconciliaon_n be_v make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n i_o find_v these_o real_a evidence_n wrought_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n great_a love_n to_o god_n that_o when_o god_n say_v seek_v my_o face_n my_o heart_n rejoin_v again_o say_v thy_o face_n lord_n will_v i_o seek_v and_o i_o find_v nothing_o so_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o i_o can_v bear_v and_o suffer_v any_o thing_n to_o bring_v glory_n to_o god_n account_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n and_o dross_n below_o christ_n 2._o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o flesh_n arise_v against_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o good_a or_o to_o do_v evil_a i_o find_v frequent_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o flesh_n but_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n and_o yet_o i_o be_o so_o sensible_a of_o my_o infirmity_n that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v or_o can_v do_v be_v nothing_o but_o as_o filthy_a rag_n but_o i_o know_v jesus_n christ_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o stand_v engage_v for_o i_o and_o when_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o find_v the_o spirit_n thirst_v after_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a thirst_v after_o the_o ordinance_n and_o a_o great_a enlargement_n of_o heart_n and_o comfort_n in_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v delight_v to_o be_v among_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o full_a of_o joy_n in_o they_o 4._o when_o thought_n of_o want_n at_o any_o time_n arise_v i_o find_v full_a satisfaction_n in_o the_o better_a part_n which_o never_o can_v be_v take_v from_o i_o which_o be_v my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v in_o my_o conscience_n a_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o spiritual_a union_n with_o god_n and_o that_o i_o be_o so_o separate_v from_o the_o world_n in_o my_o affection_n that_o god_n have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o 5._o god_n who_o search_v the_o heart_n know_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o spirit_n because_o he_o make_v intercession_n for_o the_o saint_n according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n which_o will_v of_o god_n i_o find_v a_o free_a submission_n to_o in_o my_o heart_n with_o joy_n know_v that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n 6._o it_o be_v the_o chief_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o close_o to_o my_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n in_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n which_o be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o my_o joy_n in_o any_o thing_n else_o 7._o i_o delight_v much_o to_o speak_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o way_n and_o to_o use_v what_o mean_v i_o can_v to_o comfort_v the_o saint_n who_o i_o love_v dear_o and_o if_o possible_a to_o convert_v sinner_n d._n m._n xix_o expertence_n of_o ae._n l._n i_o have_v late_o great_a grief_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o a_o daughter_n which_o be_v bring_v to_o great_a suffering_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o she_o go_v away_o in_o her_o affliction_n i_o think_v she_o have_v make_v away_o herself_o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o thought_n to_o remember_v my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o have_v lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o for_o neglect_v my_o duty_n to_o he_o and_o not_o serve_v he_o as_o i_o ought_v this_o cause_v great_a sorrow_n in_o i_o and_o make_v i_o abundant_o shed_v tear_n my_o sin_n i_o think_v be_v the_o occasion_n that_o the_o lord_n make_v she_o so_o great_a a_o cross_n to_o i_o for_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v it_o so_o that_o both_o become_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o thus_o i_o lie_v languish_v in_o very_o great_a sorrow_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o there_o be_v no_o refuge_n but_o only_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o consult_v my_o thought_n how_o to_o go_v to_o good_a company_n and_o meeting_n where_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n from_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o one_o morning_n i_o come_v to_o mr._n s._n to_o join_v with_o godly_a people_n that_o come_v thither_o to_o prayer_n though_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o
refreshment_n and_o from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o dr._n â—sher_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v the_o shield_n and_o defence_n of_o those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o i_o have_v some_o comfortable_a hope_n in_o the_o lord_n mercy_n but_o i_o find_v many_o doubt_n still_o yet_o about_o seven_o year_n since_o master_n tompson_n make_v a_o sermon_n at_o liverpoole_n then_o besiege_v show_v that_o we_o must_v lay_v hold_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o hold_v fast_o and_o he_o will_v lead_v we_o through_o all_o trouble_n and_o soon_o after_o it_o be_v lose_v and_o many_o be_v kill_v but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v no_o hurt_n at_o all_o which_o do_v much_o comfort_v i_o that_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o mercy_n have_v deliver_v i_o i_o do_v and_o still_o do_v hope_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o save_v i_o and_o to_o draw_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o which_o together_o with_o some_o other_o deliverance_n of_o the_o lord_n great_a mercy_n i_o take_v great_a comfort_n in_o so_o that_o when_o i_o have_v scarce_o bread_n and_o water_n and_o i_o have_v be_v straighten_v since_o yet_o i_o find_v still_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n for_o myself_o and_o to_o be_v a_o instrument_n to_o help_v other_o who_o be_v prisoner_n and_o the_o lord_n then_o and_o since_o have_v by_o his_o spirit_n comfort_v i_o with_o several_a promise_n which_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o by_o which_o i_o have_v a_o testimony_n of_o my_o true_a belief_n some_o of_o which_o be_v these_o which_o follow_v gen._n 15.1_o the_o word_n of_o the_o lord_n come_v unto_o abraham_n in_o a_o vision_n say_v fear_v not_o abraham_n i_o be_o thy_o shield_n and_o thy_o exceed_a great_a reward_n i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n in_o those_o many_o deliverance_n he_o have_v wrought_v for_o i_o and_o have_v take_v away_o that_o distrustful_a fear_n which_o before_o be_v upon_o i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v and_o still_o be_o confident_a he_o will_v be_v my_o exceed_a great_a reward_n psal_n 119.57_o thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n i_o have_v say_v that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n the_o same_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o say_v with_o david_n that_o i_o will_v keep_v thy_o word_n o_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o can_v as_o i_o shall_v yet_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o my_o mind_n be_v to_o keep_v it_o therefore_o i_o presume_v with_o david_n to_o say_v thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n john_n 15.5_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o the_o vine_n you_o be_v the_o branch_n he_o that_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o the_o same_o bring_v forth_o much_o fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o i_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v nothing_o without_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v infirmity_n yet_o my_o heart_n abide_v in_o christ_n and_o therefore_o i_o hope_v to_o find_v righteousness_n and_o salvation_n not_o in_o myself_o but_o in_o christ_n desire_v also_o that_o i_o may_v bring_v forth_o fruit_n as_o a_o branch_n in_o he_o rom._n 8.1_o there_o be_v therefore_o now_o no_o condemnation_n to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o walk_v not_o after_o the_o flesh_n but_o after_o the_o spirit_n i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v one_o of_o those_o who_o walk_v in_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o which_o i_o be_o lead_v by_o his_o spirit_n and_o not_o after_o the_o flesh_n and_o though_o i_o can_v serve_v god_n so_o well_o as_o i_o will_v i_o do_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o be_o trouble_v in_o my_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n and_o therefore_o i_o believe_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v condemn_v and_o i_o have_v these_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o sincere_a love_n to_o god_n as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v by_o his_o spirit_n manifest_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o wisdom_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v life_n and_o peace_n and_o have_v wrought_v that_o peace_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o desire_v any_o way_n to_o break_v from_o it_o for_o any_o other_o enjoyment_n whatsoever_o 2._o this_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v build_v upon_o that_o i_o may_v find_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o life_n and_o peace_n 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v great_o wrought_v upon_o i_o and_o my_o mind_n be_v full_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o who_o i_o do_v not_o care_n for_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v in_o the_o world_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v whole_o to_o serve_v god_n and_o leave_v all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o vain_a trifle_n for_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o he_o 5._o my_o love_n be_v so_o much_o to_o god_n in_o christ_n that_o have_v he_o i_o know_v i_o have_v all_o thing_n and_o without_o he_o i_o have_v nothing_o 6._o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v great_a comfort_n and_o be_o much_o refresh_v by_o ordinance_n a_o sense_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v frequent_o bring_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v receive_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n therein_o when_o i_o have_v be_v weak_a and_o it_o have_v be_v a_o refresh_n to_o i_o when_o food_n have_v be_v scant_o and_o particular_o from_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n whitaker_n mr._n marshal_n mr._n carter_n and_o other_o as_o also_o mr._n p._n dr._n homes_n mr._n w._n and_o at_o other_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o find_v that_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o ordinance_n be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o all_o the_o pleasure_n riches_n or_o friend_n in_o the_o world_n for_o they_o be_v content_v comfort_n and_o so_o be_v not_o worldly_a thing_n 8._o i_o can_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n willing_o to_o die_v and_o leave_v child_n brother_n sister_n and_o all_o the_o world_n beside_o to_o go_v to_o my_o christ_n j.b._n xxi_o experience_n of_o a._n j._n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o call_v my_o husband_n from_o i_o i_o be_v for_o a_o time_n as_o exceed_o cast_v down_o and_o trouble_v as_o i_o think_v any_o poor_a creature_n can_v be_v in_o which_o i_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v that_o i_o do_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o nor_o what_o to_o do_v yet_o be_v seek_v the_o lord_n to_o find_v out_o what_o be_v his_o mind_n in_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v lose_v a_o good_a estate_n have_v no_o body_n to_o look_v after_o my_o business_n have_v many_o injure_v i_o and_o have_v lose_v above_o the_o rest_n a_o pious_a husband_n who_o i_o entire_o love_v yet_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n that_o all_o this_o be_v to_o wean_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n and_o too_o much_o dote_v upon_o a_o husband_n and_o other_o worldly_a enjoyment_n which_o my_o heart_n be_v too_o much_o take_v up_o with_o therefore_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strip_v i_o of_o they_o in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o bring_v i_o near_o to_o himself_o i_o go_v to_o divers_a place_n to_o hear_v several_a minister_n and_o by_o wait_v upon_o the_o ordinance_n to_o seek_v after_o the_o lord_n if_o possible_a i_o may_v find_v comfort_n and_o satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n herein_o but_o continue_v in_o much_o affliction_n upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o near_o a_o year_n time_n at_o last_o i_o hear_v master_n jenkins_n preach_v out_o of_o the_o 21._o chapter_n of_o john_n the_o 18._o and_o 19_o verse_n very_o very_o i_o say_v unto_o thou_o when_o thou_o be_v young_a thou_o gird_v thyself_o and_o walkedst_a whether_o thou_o will_v but_o when_o thou_o shall_v be_v old_a thou_o shall_v stretch_v forth_o thy_o hand_n and_o another_o shall_v gird_v thou_o and_o carry_v thou_o whither_o thou_o will_v not_o this_o speak_v he_o signify_v by_o what_o death_n he_o shall_v glorify_v god_n the_o consideration_n of_o which_o dispensation_n from_o god_n to_o he_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v content_v with_o whatsoever_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o lay_v upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v satisfy_v to_o suffer_v or_o bear_v any_o thing_n in_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_v to_o glorify_v himself_o by_o such_o dispensation_n towards_o the_o saint_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v since_o make_v i_o as_o he_o do_v david_n to_o be_v content_v as_o well_o with_o his_o rod_n as_o with_o his_o staff_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n it_o be_v well_o for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v i_o be_v comfort_v with_o that_o example_n of_o ahe_fw-la woman_n in_o the_o gospel_n to_o who_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n that_o it_o be_v not_o lawful_a to_o take_v the_o child_n bread_n and_o cast_v it_o to_o dog_n in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o she_o truth_n lord_n but_o the_o dog_n may_v lick_v the_o crumb_n that_o
my_o god_n will_v hear_v i_o mich._n 7.7_o and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o apply_v several_a promise_n to_o my_o soul_n as_o matth._n 5.4_o christ_n say_v bless_a be_v they_o that_o mourn_v for_o they_o shall_v be_v comfort_v as_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o mourn_a spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n so_o i_o believe_v that_o in_o his_o time_n i_o shall_v be_v comfort_v and_o i_o have_v taste_v i_o bless_v god_n of_o the_o comfort_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o my_o soul_n isaiah_n 55.1_o the_o lord_n say_v ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n as_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v my_o soul_n to_o thirst_v for_o he_o so_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o find_v he_o and_o the_o lord_n say_v ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v i_o thank_v god_n my_o heart_n and_o soul_n be_v turn_v from_o all_o thing_n and_o be_v only_o after_o the_o lord_n and_o in_o a_o special_a manner_n i_o have_v find_v sweet_a evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o interest_n in_o god_n through_o christ_n i_o have_v late_o much_o comfort_n from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o mr._n strong_a who_o show_v that_o affliction_n do_v not_o make_v we_o low_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n though_o before_o man_n as_o also_o from_o the_o word_n at_o a_o conference_n by_o mr._n v._o that_o in_o the_o world_n we_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o god_n rest_n and_o 1._o i_o do_v clear_o find_v that_o my_o love_n be_v more_o set_v upon_o god_n than_o upon_o any_o thing_n 2._o i_o can_v more_o willing_o leave_v the_o world_n now_o than_o ever_o before_o and_o i_o can_v willing_o die_v if_o god_n see_v it_o good_a in_o the_o mind_n i_o be_o 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v so_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n that_o i_o have_v peace_n with_o he_o 4._o in_o time_n of_o doubt_n i_o find_v comfort_n that_o i_o have_v a_o god_n to_o call_v upon_o and_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o mind_n in_o return_n from_o god_n 5._o i_o do_v always_o find_v when_o any_o evil_a thought_n arise_v a_o power_n from_o god_n which_o subdue_v they_o so_o that_o i_o never_o willing_o give_v way_n to_o they_o 6._o i_o find_v my_o affection_n ready_a to_o go_v forth_o both_o to_o duty_n and_o in_o duty_n to_o god_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o they_o with_o little_a affection_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o find_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n usual_o before_o i_o go_v away_o 7._o i_o find_v the_o most_o comfort_n to_o my_o spirit_n be_v when_o i_o be_o weep_v for_o my_o infirmity_n or_o at_o prayer_n or_o duty_n in_o public_a or_o private_a and_o methinks_v i_o find_v such_o joy_n in_o they_o that_o i_o can_v dwell_v there_o have_v no_o comfort_n in_o the_o world_n like_o that_o 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a love_n to_o all_o if_o any_o have_v wrong_v i_o i_o desire_v no_o revenge_n but_o that_o i_o may_v be_v at_o peace_n with_o all_o 9_o whatsoever_o i_o find_v to_o be_v a_o truth_n from_o god_n and_o a_o motion_n of_o his_o spirit_n i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o willingn_fw-mi submit_v to_o it_o a._n a._n xxiii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o 16._o year_n of_o age_n though_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v the_o word_n yet_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o go_v to_o hear_v because_o they_o serve_v god_n therein_o that_o do_v sâ—_n know_v that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o ought_v to_o be_v serve_v and_o i_o sit_v in_o corner_n study_v what_o way_n i_o may_v come_v to_o god_n if_o i_o shall_v die_v have_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n wrought_v by_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o spirit_n pray_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v that_o myself_o and_o my_o father_n and_o mother_n and_o friend_n may_v go_v to_o god_n when_o we_o die_v and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o set_v upon_o duty_n think_v to_o find_v god_n there_o but_o afterward_o live_v in_o a_o family_n where_o i_o be_v much_o hinder_v from_o the_o ordinance_n or_o partake_v of_o any_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v thought_n towards_o worldly_a thing_n ponder_v how_o to_o be_v rich_a or_o fine_a as_o other_o but_o god_n wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o remorse_n to_o check_v those_o temptation_n and_o frequent_o the_o lord_n lay_v some_o affliction_n or_o other_o upon_o i_o to_o wean_v i_o the_o more_o from_o such_o vain_a thought_n which_o bring_v my_o heart_n into_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n many_o time_n and_o sometime_o i_o have_v weep_v day_n and_o night_n and_o at_o other_o time_n through_o grief_n that_o i_o can_v not_o sorrow_n enough_o i_o have_v fall_v into_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o weep_v after_o i_o have_v live_v in_o several_a other_o family_n where_o i_o have_v little_a comfort_n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o hear_v mr._n f._n and_o mr._n p._n on_o lords-day_n i_o be_v much_o comfort_v and_o also_o by_o mr._n martial_n and_o other_o and_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n for_o we_o as_o also_o of_o the_o woman_n that_o do_v but_o by_o faith_n touch_v the_o hem_n of_o christ_n garment_n how_o she_o be_v comfort_v and_o heal_v and_o i_o have_v much_o comfort_n in_o private_a meeting_n but_o about_o five_o year_n since_o see_v my_o other_o neighbour_n many_o of_o they_o flourish_v and_o prosper_v in_o the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o i_o begin_v to_o doubt_v that_o i_o do_v but_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o perhaps_o they_o do_v pray_v more_o at_o home_n than_o i_o though_o i_o know_v some_o of_o they_o go_v less_o to_o the_o public_a ordinance_n i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o and_o think_v with_o myself_o lord_n shall_v i_o still_o lie_v at_o the_o pool_n and_o find_v no_o body_n to_o put_v i_o in_o that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v because_o many_o of_o my_o neighbour_n hate_v i_o for_o frequent_v private_a meeting_n and_o for_o above_o a_o month_n i_o spend_v much_o time_n in_o private_a prayer_n and_o often_o in_o the_o night_n upon_o my_o bed_n and_o go_v to_o hear_v only_o on_o the_o lords-day_n but_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o please_v to_o god_n to_o pray_v unto_o he_o upon_o a_o soft_a bed_n then_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o in_o my_o heart_n that_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o where_o two_o or_o three_o be_v meet_v together_o in_o my_o name_n that_o i_o will_v be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o this_o cause_v i_o to_o go_v again_o as_o i_o have_v do_v before_o to_o hear_v of_o sermon_n on_o weekday_n but_o still_o i_o find_v many_o reason_n and_o doubting_n upon_o my_o spirit_n whether_o i_o be_v elect_v or_o not_o and_o be_v much_o cast_v down_o many_o time_n about_o it_o and_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o despair_n fear_v that_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o can_v not_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinner_n god_n by_o his_o spirit_n have_v mortify_v i_o and_o though_o i_o be_o not_o so_o good_a as_o i_o shall_v be_v yet_o through_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n i_o be_o not_o so_o bad_a as_o the_o flesh_n will_v be_v and_o find_v much_o of_o the_o testimony_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o heart_n i_o have_v great_a hope_n that_o i_o have_v mark_n and_o token_n of_o my_o believe_v one_o night_n have_v for_o about_o half_a a_o year_n time_n before_o use_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n before_o i_o pray_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o think_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n i_o have_v strange_a temptation_n upon_o i_o to_o put_v god_n out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o can_v not_o speak_v a_o word_n nor_o scarce_o think_v of_o god_n and_o if_o i_o do_v in_o some_o interval_n i_o can_v not_o name_n god_n or_o christ_n nor_o speak_v a_o word_n to_o god_n for_o the_o present_a and_o satan_n then_o seem_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o ugly_a shape_n laugh_v and_o jeer_v at_o i_o which_o do_v much_o affright_v i_o and_o i_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o god_n and_o now_o shall_v run_v mad_a to_o make_v good_a what_o some_o haâ—_n reproachful_o cast_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o i_o be_v rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o
put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n jesus_n have_v not_o give_v so_o much_o for_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v to_o let_v the_o devil_n have_v they_o for_o nothing_o and_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o repulse_v the_o devil_n say_v satan_n when_o thou_o in_o tempt_a christ_n show_v he_o the_o whole_a world_n thou_o promise_v he_o that_o which_o be_v none_o of_o thou_o own_o nor_o be_o i_o thou_o and_o therefore_o avoid_v satan_n for_o thou_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o i_o and_o then_o the_o devil_n depart_v from_o i_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o fill_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o with_o a_o mixture_n of_o tear_n and_o joy_n i_o have_v sweet_a comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o have_v have_v many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n sometime_o yet_o i_o have_v since_o find_v very_o great_a consolation_n through_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n as_o in_o these_o and_z divers_z other_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v find_v much_o rest_n and_o refreshment_n by_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v i_o have_v often_o lay_v hold_v on_o this_o promise_n with_o a_o thirst_a desire_n after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o he_o have_v fill_v i_o with_o comfort_n and_o the_o comfort_n wherewith_o christ_n do_v comfort_n peter_n bid_v he_o not_o to_o fear_v for_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o he_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o give_v i_o great_a consolation_n in_o that_o i_o know_v christ_n be_v hear_v in_o all_o that_o he_o pray_v to_o the_o father_n and_o i_o find_v the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n to_o god_n which_o give_v satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o a_o true_a believer_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n as_o he_o have_v command_v i_o yet_o i_o find_v great_a imperfection_n and_o utter_a unworthiness_n in_o myself_o to_o deserve_v any_o thing_n of_o god_n but_o my_o whole_a dependence_n and_o hope_n of_o salvation_n be_v in_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o the_o blood_n and_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n chrsst_n 2._o i_o do_v find_v that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n constrain_v i_o to_o love_n god_n again_o above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o whatever_o i_o be_o about_o my_o soul_n be_v delight_v with_o god_n above_o all_o 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v my_o heart_n to_o hate_v all_o evil_a communication_n and_o evil_a thing_n and_o not_o so_o much_o to_o fear_v the_o punishment_n of_o the_o world_n for_o any_o thing_n as_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n 4._o i_o be_o much_o delight_v in_o the_o working_n of_o god_n spirit_n and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v unto_o ordinance_n and_o if_o satan_n suggest_v worldly_a thought_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o duty_n i_o have_v call_v upon_o god_n and_o find_v comfort_n and_o when_o i_o have_v come_v to_o duty_n with_o cold_a affection_n i_o have_v be_v much_o refresh_v in_o the_o duty_n &_o though_o sometime_o i_o have_v feel_v pain_n and_o distemper_n in_o my_o body_n which_o i_o have_v thought_n satan_n have_v do_v to_o make_v i_o weary_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v call_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o find_v comfort_n 6._o i_o find_v great_a peace_n and_o much_o comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a to_o die_v and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n to_o i_o in_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o die_v that_o i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n to_o enter_v into_o eternal_a joy_n with_o christ_n for_o ever_o e._n o._n xxiv_o expeience_n of_o a._n g._n i_o have_v be_v many_o year_n since_o very_o sensible_a of_o my_o natural_a estate_n and_o do_v lie_v long_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o they_o make_v i_o almost_o despair_v insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o either_o eat_v or_o drink_v but_o have_v my_o spirit_n dry_v up_o with_o the_o anguish_n thereof_o for_o i_o be_v bring_v up_o under_o the_o mean_n and_o from_o a_o child_n frequent_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o the_o first_o cause_n of_o my_o great_a torment_n be_v for_o that_o i_o once_o tell_v a_o lie_n against_o my_o conscience_n which_o so_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n afterward_o that_o i_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n i_o go_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o read_v the_o scripture_n yet_o all_o do_v but_o increase_v my_o horror_n several_a minister_n and_o godly_a people_n use_v great_a mean_n to_o comfort_v i_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a for_o a_o time_n and_o when_o i_o read_v the_o scripture_n i_o find_v every_o threaten_n and_o judgement_n therein_o that_o i_o fix_v my_o thought_n upon_o to_o speak_v terror_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o my_o distraction_n be_v so_o great_a that_o my_o friend_n say_v i_o be_v mad_a and_o keep_v the_o bible_n from_o i_o for_o so_o often_o as_o i_o read_v in_o it_o i_o pore_v most_o upon_o that_o dreadful_a place_n matth._n 12.31_o all_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n but_o the_o blasphemy_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v but_o i_o have_v a_o persuasion_n i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n and_o fear_v that_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o go_v to_o heaven_n but_o be_v cast_v off_o to_o the_o damn_a yet_o this_o the_o lord_n wrought_v for_o i_o and_o in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v often_o pray_v in_o that_o poor_a doubt_a way_n my_o spirit_n can_v by_o the_o lord_n assistance_n vouchsafe_v to_o i_o attain_v unto_o for_o though_o i_o think_v it_o in_o vain_a and_o that_o god_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o yet_o i_o continue_v pray_v and_o often_o cry_v to_o god_n not_o only_o in_o the_o day_n time_n but_o frequent_o in_o the_o night_n and_o rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v sometime_o a_o little_a comfort_v in_o that_o i_o be_v persuade_v to_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v dash_v again_o through_o fear_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o think_v that_o all_o victual_n and_o every_o thing_n be_v too_o good_a for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o all_o en_fw-fr oyment_n thus_o i_o lay_v for_o some_o month_n in_o a_o sad_a agony_n wrestle_v with_o temptation_n perplex_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_n but_o at_o last_o in_o hear_v mr._n w._n minister_n of_o b._n and_o read_v a_o book_n call_v the_o new_a birth_n i_o find_v comfort_n be_v better_o satisfy_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v than_o before_o since_o which_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n past_a find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v my_o chief_a desire_n be_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o follow_v he_o by_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o doubt_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v bless_v in_o that_o grace_n which_o he_o communicate_v to_o i_o from_o his_o fullness_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n this_o promise_n be_v to_o soul_n lade_v with_o dejection_n and_o universal_a to_o all_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n have_v much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n in_o that_o by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o come_v to_o he_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n yet_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o find_v infirmity_n in_o i_o so_o that_o all_o my_o trust_n be_v only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o though_o i_o can_v be_v so_o holy_a as_o
i_o shall_v yet_o i_o desire_v and_o labour_n to_o be_v as_o holy_a as_o i_o can_v 3._o when_o my_o heart_n be_v dull_a cold_a and_o out_o of_o order_n to_o serve_v god_n it_o do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n 4._o when_o i_o be_o hinder_v from_o duty_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o the_o manifestation_n of_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n be_v the_o great_a joy_n i_o find_v and_o that_o which_o most_o fill_v and_o satisfy_v my_o soul_n 5._o i_o find_v the_o want_n of_o any_o of_o god_n ordinance_n to_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_o at_o a_o loss_n therein_o 6._o i_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o have_v a_o real_a and_o hearty_a respect_n to_o his_o commandment_n and_o to_o do_v just_o to_o all_o and_o do_v find_v my_o heart_n chief_o draw_v forth_o to_o holiness_n and_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n and_o live_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n a._n o._n xxv_o experience_n of_o m._n m._n i_o have_v many_o time_n have_v a_o desire_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n when_o employ_v about_o my_o call_v but_o i_o than_o think_v to_o myself_o that_o i_o have_v no_o body_n to_o provide_v for_o i_o but_o if_o god_n will_v bestow_v on_o i_o so_o much_o of_o these_o outward_a thing_n as_o upon_o other_o in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o will_v spend_v more_o time_n in_o hear_v pray_v and_o read_v the_o word_n and_o according_o as_o rhese_fw-mi outward_a thing_n have_v ebb_v or_o flow_v so_o have_v my_o joy_n be_v less_o or_o more_o but_o now_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o why_o i_o have_v former_o no_o comfort_n it_o be_v because_o i_o have_v not_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n before_o god_n wrought_v that_o in_o i_o instead_o of_o make_v use_n of_o those_o comfort_n which_o the_o word_n hold_v forth_o i_o spend_v my_o time_n in_o mistrust_v god_n providence_n who_o therefore_o just_o during_o that_o time_n hold_v the_o sense_n of_o his_o spiritual_a consolation_n from_o i_o sometime_o i_o be_v in_o despair_n so_o low_a that_o i_o can_v not_o apprehend_v any_o thing_n to_o be_v my_o portion_n but_o hell_n every_o thing_n that_o fall_v not_o out_o according_a to_o my_o mind_n i_o think_v be_v a_o judgement_n from_o god_n upon_o i_o yet_o i_o afterward_o get_v comfort_n by_o these_o invite_a promise_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o bis_fw-la way_n â—nd_n live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o you_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o house_n of_o israel_n i_o have_v some_o comfort_n from_o these_o promise_n but_o no_o assurance_n my_o thought_n be_v various_a and_o though_o between_o hope_n and_o despair_n yet_o i_o resolve_v to_o go_v to_o god_n know_v that_o he_o be_v unchangeable_a and_o that_o who_o he_o love_v he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o that_o if_o a_o sinner_n do_v repent_v and_o turn_v to_o he_o he_o will_v blot_v all_o his_o sin_n and_o iniquity_n out_o of_o his_o remembrance_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v this_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o to_o help_v i_o by_o faith_n to_o lay_v hold_n on_o it_o and_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 18.21_o 22._o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o all_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o his_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v and_o christ_n say_v job_n 3.16_o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o this_o be_v life_n eternal_a to_o know_v god_n and_o jesus_n christ_n who_o he_o have_v send_v i_o bless_v god_n he_o have_v make_v i_o now_o to_o believe_v not_o only_o in_o word_n but_o to_o labour_v to_o bring_v forth_o the_o fruit_n thereof_o in_o a_o godly_a life_n and_o conversation_n 2._o i_o can_v but_o admire_v the_o free_a love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o though_o i_o have_v give_v ear_n former_o to_o the_o devil_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o to_o my_o own_o wicked_a heart_n yet_o god_n have_v be_v thus_o please_v now_o to_o call_v i_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o his_o most_o marvellous_a light_n 3._o god_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o believe_v that_o though_o sin_n have_v abound_v in_o i_o yet_o grace_n shall_v now_o much_o more_o abound_v this_o make_v i_o to_o see_v the_o free_a love_n of_o god_n without_o any_o desert_n in_o the_o creature_n 4._o i_o have_v former_o go_v about_o to_o limit_n god_n and_o to_o be_v upon_o term_n with_o he_o that_o if_o he_o will_v give_v i_o so_o much_o of_o these_o worldly_a thing_n as_o i_o think_v needful_a than_o i_o will_v spend_v more_o time_n in_o those_o duty_n which_o he_o have_v command_v i_o but_o this_o be_v contrary_n to_o the_o word_n of_o god_n which_o teach_v i_o now_o first_o to_o seek_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o the_o righteousness_n thereof_o know_v that_o all_o other_o thing_n shall_v be_v add_v to_o i_o that_o i_o want_v 5._o and_o now_o bless_a be_v god_n he_o have_v make_v i_o to_o believe_v this_o and_o all_o other_o promise_n so_o that_o i_o can_v by_o faith_n call_v god_n my_o father_n who_o have_v promise_v i_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o i_o because_o i_o love_v he_o 6._o i_o have_v find_v something_o from_o god_n of_o hope_n of_o mercy_n since_o i_o be_v a_o faithful_a hearer_n of_o the_o word_n though_o the_o devil_n do_v before_o tempt_v i_o with_o objection_n to_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v for_o sin_n 7._o i_o be_o now_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n comfort_v in_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v not_o mention_v my_o sin_n against_o i_o christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n and_o the_o ungodly_a and_o i_o know_v that_o although_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o this_o hinder_v i_o not_o from_o lay_v hold_n on_o the_o promise_n 8._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o life_n i_o now_o live_v i_o live_v by_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n i_o see_v by_o faith_n that_o christ_n have_v satisfy_v god_n justice_n for_o my_o sin_n in_o particular_a and_o have_v bid_v i_o to_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 9_o now_o be_v spiritual_o marry_v to_o christ_n all_o the_o privilege_n of_o saint_n and_o believer_n belong_v to_o i_o and_o i_o can_v say_v all_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o christ_n and_o christ_n be_v god_n who_o shall_v lay_v any_o thing_n to_o the_o charge_n of_o god_n elect_n it_o be_v god_n that_o have_v justify_v i_o who_o be_v he_o that_o shall_v condemn_v i_o be_v now_o justify_v by_o faith_n in_o christ_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n 10._o i_o know_v when_o this_o earthly_a tabernacle_n be_v dissolve_v i_o shall_v have_v a_o abide_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n but_o eternal_a in_o the_o heaven_n for_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o go_v to_o prepare_v a_o place_n for_o you_o that_o be_v for_o i_o and_o all_o believer_n 10._o all_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n be_v speak_v to_o believer_n and_o by_o faith_n i_o believe_v they_o be_v make_v to_o i_o and_o because_o he_o live_v i_o shall_v live_v also_o now_o christ_n have_v make_v i_o free_a i_o be_o free_a indeed_o 11._o christ_n have_v do_v all_o for_o i_o only_o bid_v i_o to_o believe_v which_o faith_n by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o i_o 12._o i_o have_v former_o be_v stir_v up_o to_o hear_v pray_v and_o read_v upon_o selfish_a consideration_n of_o fear_n that_o otherwise_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o hell_n and_o i_o be_o ashamed_a to_o think_v how_o i_o have_v choose_v rather_o to_o believe_v what_o the_o devil_n have_v say_v than_o what_o god_n have_v say_v but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o now_o see_v it_o be_v free_a love_n that_o he_o forgive_v iniquity_n transgression_n and_o sin_n only_o because_o mercy_n please_v he_o all_o that_o i_o can_v do_v can_v 13._o i_o
my_o delight_n always_o to_o frequent_v the_o society_n of_o those_o who_o i_o think_v be_v true_o godly_a and_o upon_o this_o account_n i_o think_v myself_o to_o be_v something_o when_o be_v serious_o weigh_v i_o become_v nothing_o for_o i_o know_v god_n but_o as_o a_o natural_a man_n do_v even_o by_o way_n of_o discourse_n i_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v since_o much_o in_o the_o posture_n of_o the_o proud_a pharisee_fw-mi i_o can_v say_v i_o thank_v god_n i_o be_v not_o such_o a_o person_n as_o be_v give_v to_o lewdness_n or_o vice_n as_o other_o be_v and_o be_v thus_o in_o my_o natural_a condition_n i_o think_v i_o have_v need_n of_o nothing_o when_o i_o be_v as_o the_o church_n of_o the_o laodicean_n wretched_a and_o miserable_a and_o poor_a and_o blind_a and_o naked_a and_o that_o which_o be_v worst_a i_o know_v not_o that_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o ignorance_n walk_v in_o darkness_n till_o the_o lord_n bring_v i_o forth_o into_o the_o light_n first_o by_o convince_a i_o of_o sin_n second_o convince_v i_o of_o righteousness_n the_o first_o be_v according_a to_o my_o remembrance_n about_o seven_o or_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o be_v in_o discourse_n with_o a_o friend_n concern_v something_o which_o do_v much_o displease_v i_o wherein_o my_o answer_n be_v very_o cross_a and_o my_o word_n very_o full_a of_o anger_n i_o begin_v to_o espy_v myself_o full_a of_o malice_n and_o envy_n which_o do_v much_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o cause_v a_o wonderful_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o have_v never_o take_v notice_n of_o any_o such_o thing_n before_o it_o be_v so_o much_o the_o more_o strange_a to_o i_o but_o call_v myself_o to_o a_o strict_a examination_n what_o foundation_n i_o have_v lay_v when_o the_o building_n begin_v to_o prove_v so_o rot_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n that_o thereby_o i_o grow_v more_o and_o more_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o miserable_a condition_n as_o be_v in_o the_o state_n of_o nature_n a_o child_n of_o wrath_n find_v myself_o a_o lump_n of_o sin_n and_o uncleanness_n and_o at_o a_o far_a distance_n from_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o to_o be_v in_o probability_n of_o nothing_o so_o much_o as_o of_o damnation_n and_o ready_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o hell_n for_o my_o sin_n find_v myself_o out_o of_o christ_n and_o not_o any_o hope_n that_o i_o shall_v ever_o gain_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o for_o i_o see_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o and_o that_o without_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o think_v of_o any_o way_n to_o please_v he_o be_v lose_v in_o false_a way_n of_o my_o own_o invention_n and_o consider_v also_o that_o paul_n counsel_v the_o corinthian_n to_o examine_v themselves_o whether_o they_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n and_o say_v he_o know_v you_o not_o your_o own_o self_n whether_o jesus_n christ_n be_v in_o you_o except_o you_o be_v reprobate_n and_o follow_v this_o course_n i_o can_v not_o otherwise_o judge_v but_o that_o i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n and_o this_o condition_n be_v very_o burdensome_a unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o neither_o in_o hear_v or_o read_v can_v i_o for_o the_o time_n find_v any_o ease_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n but_o still_o i_o do_v apprehend_v the_o lord_n as_o a_o angry_a judge_n require_v satisfaction_n of_o i_o for_o my_o sin_n thus_o i_o languish_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o steer_v my_o thought_n but_o oftentimes_o cry_v out_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n what_o shall_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v sometime_o i_o shall_v persuade_v myself_o it_o be_v altogether_o impossible_a for_o i_o to_o think_v of_o be_v save_v or_o ever_o to_o gain_v so_o much_o faith_n as_o to_o believe_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n for_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v a_o very_a great_a presumption_n in_o i_o to_o attempt_v any_o such_o thing_n have_v often_o have_v thought_n of_o destroy_v myself_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n that_o i_o may_v never_o forget_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n in_o keep_v i_o from_o all_o danger_n in_o this_o my_o extreme_a doubtful_a condition_n wherein_o i_o make_v not_o any_o one_o acquaint_v with_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n who_o work_n it_o be_v to_o deliver_v i_o in_o this_o my_o spiritual_a bondage_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v godly_a man_n encourage_v poor_a soul_n to_o believe_v in_o christ_n i_o have_v think_v that_o other_o might_n but_o i_o dare_v not_o presume_v because_o i_o be_v no_o better_o qualify_v for_o if_o i_o can_v find_v myself_o more_o holy_a or_o more_o godly_a or_o full_a of_o goodness_n than_o there_o will_v be_v some_o hope_n that_o i_o may_v believe_v and_o hope_v for_o the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o but_o afterward_o god_n put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o consider_v that_o see_v by_o the_o deed_n of_o the_o law_n no_o flesh_n can_v be_v justify_v for_o i_o think_v before_o i_o must_v have_v do_v something_o that_o shall_v have_v prove_v meritorious_a and_o begin_v to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o a_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o a_o inability_n of_o my_o own_o to_o do_v any_o good_a and_o find_v that_o it_o must_v be_v give_v i_o from_o the_o lord_n christ_n be_v all_o in_o all_o to_o the_o saint_n upon_o this_o consideration_n i_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n say_v lord_n i_o be_o thy_o workmanship_n do_v with_o i_o what_o seem_v good_a unto_o thou_o if_o thou_o do_v damn_v i_o i_o have_v deserve_v the_o severe_a of_o thy_o judgement_n thou_o be_v just_a although_o i_o be_o for_o ever_o just_o miserable_a and_o one_o day_n read_v of_o mr._n perkins_n his_o book_n treat_v of_o the_o small_a degree_n of_o saving-faith_n which_o do_v express_v that_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v be_v faith_n itself_o i_o be_v something_o comfort_v to_o hear_v of_o this_o know_v that_o none_o can_v more_o desire_v it_o than_o i_o do_v and_o upon_o this_o a_o while_n i_o rest_v satisfy_v but_o not_o long_o after_o i_o find_v it_o a_o reed_n whereon_o i_o have_v lean_v and_o grow_v again_o very_o restless_a and_o be_v beat_v off_o from_o this_o stay_n by_o have_v the_o opportunity_n of_o another_o book_n which_o make_v i_o to_o understand_v that_o the_o poor_a man_n know_v full_a well_o that_o a_o desire_n to_o be_v rich_a and_o to_o be_v rich_a indeed_o be_v two_o several_a thing_n and_o so_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v and_o faith_n itself_o be_v not_o the_o same_o for_o as_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o be_v rich_a be_v not_o rich_a so_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o believe_v do_v not_o believe_v be_v thus_o drive_v from_o my_o other_o principle_n i_o begin_v to_o see_v a_o more_o emptiness_n in_o the_o creature_n and_o a_o great_a fullness_n in_o the_o creator_n and_o this_o last_o book_n by_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n through_o his_o grace_n do_v inform_v my_o judgement_n in_o many_o thing_n which_o be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o as_o that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n be_v the_o cause_n christ_n be_v give_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o he_o become_v a_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o god_n for_o sin_n and_o if_o we_o stay_v from_o christ_n till_o we_o be_v full_a of_o good_a work_n it_o may_v be_v a_o symptom_n we_o shall_v never_o believe_v for_o it_o show_v that_o we_o must_v be_v ingraft_v into_o christ_n by_o faith_n before_o we_o can_v bring_v forth_o good_a fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o say_v christ_n and_o whatsoever_o be_v not_o of_o faith_n be_v sin_n these_o and_o many_o such_o like_a expression_n in_o the_o scripture_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o the_o refresh_n of_o my_o dull_a and_o weary_a spirit_n many_o time_n but_o yet_o fear_n in_o interval_n possess_v i_o as_o not_o find_v christ_n to_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n for_o i_o can_v not_o say_v in_o particular_a that_o god_n be_v my_o god_n nor_o see_v that_o there_o be_v a_o reconcilement_n make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n sometime_o i_o will_v persuade_v my_o heart_n to_o venture_v to_o believe_v in_o christ_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o present_o objection_n will_v thwart_v my_o resolution_n by_o conclude_v that_o i_o be_v too_o great_a a_o sinner_n and_o it_o be_v not_o absolute_o say_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v for_o about_o four_o year_n before_o i_o do_v thorough_o apprehend_v the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n unto_o i_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o work_v effectual_o upon_o i_o by_o many_o sweet_a promise_n out_o of_o his_o word_n which_o do_v wonderful_o rejoice_v my_o soul_n as_o john_n 13.15_o 16._o whosoever_o believe_v in_o the_o son_n shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v
therefore_o see_v i_o be_o not_o my_o own_o i_o be_o buy_v with_o a_o price_n therefore_o i_o desire_v to_o glorify_v god_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o body_n which_o be_v the_o lord_n say_v with_o mary_n in_o luke_n 1._o my_o soul_n do_v magnify_v the_o lord_n and_o my_o spirit_n do_v rejoice_v in_o god_n my_o saviour_n who_o have_v regard_v the_o low_a estate_n of_o his_o handmaid_n 8._o though_o former_o my_o soundation_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o sand_n and_o therefore_o easy_o overthrow_v yet_o now_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o establish_v by_o faith_n build_v upon_o that_o rock_n which_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n christ_n be_v the_o corner_n stone_n isa_n 28.16_o behold_v i_o lie_v in_o zion_n a_o stone_n a_o try_a stone_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v not_o make_v haste_n 9_o i_o wait_v upon_o the_o will_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o jesus_n christ_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o and_o i_o have_v the_o promise_n of_o my_o god_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v fill_v and_o have_v taste_v i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o more_o to_o be_v desire_v than_o thousand_o of_o world_n 10._o i_o believe_v not_o upon_o other_o word_n but_o as_o in_o john_n 4.42_o as_o some_o say_v to_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n now_o we_o believe_v not_o because_o of_o thy_o say_n for_o we_o have_v hear_v he_o ourselves_o and_o know_v that_o this_o be_v indeed_o the_o christ_n the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n 11._o as_o david_n say_v i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o believe_v therefore_o have_v i_o speak_v for_o i_o be_v great_o afflict_v as_o the_o apostle_n say_v you_o be_v complete_a in_o christ_n therefore_o i_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 12._o the_o lord_n have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o a_o believer_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o christ_n jesus_n do_v pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o in_o the_o 17._o of_o john_n say_v i_o pray_v not_o for_o these_o only_a hut_a for_o they_o that_o shall_v believe_v through_o their_o word_n that_o they_o may_v be_v one_o even_o as_o we_o be_v one_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o and_o be_v become_v my_o salvation_n thus_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v weak_o hint_v out_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o trust_v in_o my_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n out_o of_o my_o conscience_n so_o in_o his_o due_a time_n he_o will_v take_v away_o all_o sin_n from_o my_o conversation_n as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o pardon_n for_o sin_n so_o he_o will_v overpower_v all_o my_o corruption_n that_o i_o may_v live_v more_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o grace_n wherein_o he_o have_v make_v i_o accept_v in_o the_o belove_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v become_v over_o sin_n satan_n self_n and_o all_o thing_n opposite_a to_o grace_n more_o than_o a_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o his_o blood_n for_o to_o he_o be_v all_o thing_n possible_a and_o he_o be_v the_o wise_a masterbuilder_n who_o will_v not_o only_o begin_v but_o will_v go_v on_o to_o accomplish_v his_o own_o work_n d._n r._n xxviii_o experience_n of_o a._n o._n i_o have_v undergo_v sad_a trouble_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a fight_n and_o sense_n of_o and_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o and_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o they_o and_o hate_v they_o and_o to_o have_v no_o more_o communion_n with_o they_o about_o two_o year_n i_o lay_v under_o very_o great_a temptation_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o for_o several_a night_n can_v not_o take_v any_o rest_n in_o my_o bed_n but_o be_v very_o weak_a with_o weep_v and_o much_o grieve_v for_o my_o evil_a thought_n yet_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o hope_v in_o he_o for_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v not_o lie_v in_o the_o chamber_n alone_o i_o make_v what_o use_n i_o can_v of_o opportunity_n to_o desire_v comfort_n from_o such_o godly_a christian_n as_o i_o can_v meet_v withal_o to_o counsel_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o i_o labour_v to_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dull_a and_o heavy_a for_o a_o time_n until_o about_o three_o year_n since_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o some_o sermon_n that_o i_o hear_v and_o book_n that_o i_o read_v and_o some_o thought_n that_o the_o lord_n settle_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n hope_v that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o i_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v all_o the_o prayer_n of_o all_o the_o saint_n in_o the_o world_n put_v up_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n for_o i_o and_o that_o my_o saviour_n have_v satisfy_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o through_o he_o god_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o find_v comfort_n from_o these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_n john_n 16.35_o jesus_n say_v unto_o they_o i_o be_o the_o bread_n of_o life_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o shall_v never_o hunger_n and_o he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o shall_v never_o thirst_v verse_n 37._o all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n 14.1_o let_v not_o your_o heart_n be_v trouble_v you_o believe_v in_o god_n believe_v also_o in_o i_o jerem._n 31.23_o but_o this_o shall_v be_v the_o covenant_n that_o i_o will_v make_v with_o the_o house_n of_o israel_n after_o those_o day_n say_v the_o lord_n i_o will_v put_v my_o law_n in_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o write_v it_o in_o their_o heart_n and_o i_o will_v be_v their_o god_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o do_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o testimony_n of_o my_o believe_v &_o that_o i_o do_v love_n god_n wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n by_o these_o particular_n 1._o i_o love_v god_n not_o through_o slavish_a fear_n but_o for_o his_o name_n and_o glory_n so_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v all_o for_o he_o and_o nothing_o be_v so_o dear_a and_o precious_a unto_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o nothing_o so_o great_a a_o joy_n to_o i_o as_o that_o christ_n who_o die_v for_o i_o have_v not_o leave_v i_o 2._o i_o find_v such_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o by_o his_o spirit_n revive_v my_o droop_a heart_n and_o fill_v my_o empty_a soul_n and_o when_o my_o poor_a spirit_n be_v even_o faint_v away_o i_o find_v comfort_n from_o his_o glorious_a power_n and_o presence_n 3._o when_o i_o can_v come_v to_o ordinance_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_o in_o duty_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o so_o dull_a and_o find_v no_o more_o enlargement_n yet_o my_o affection_n be_v groan_v after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a longing_n to_o receive_v more_o of_o christ_n and_o i_o find_v more_o comfort_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v in_o duty_n than_o in_o any_o other_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o know_v that_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v from_o jesus_n christ_n 4._o what_o i_o desire_v to_o enjoy_v i_o seek_v to_o enjoy_v it_o in_o god_n through_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o faith_n for_o god_n be_v pure_a and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o câ—n_v serve_v my_o god_n no_o better_o 5._o i_o do_v not_o fear_v death_n for_o my_o faith_n be_v so_o settle_a in_o god_n that_o i_o long_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n when_o he_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o he_o christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o to_o take_v away_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o second_o death_n a._n o._n xxix_o experience_n of_o m._n w._n i_o have_v from_o my_o childhood_n desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o make_v his_o commandment_n my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o i_o think_v once_o that_o i_o can_v have_v say_v with_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n all_o these_o have_v i_o keep_v from_o my_o youth_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o a_o grievous_a sickness_n even_o unto_o death_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o my_o conscience_n accuse_v i_o that_o i_o have_v
the_o sense_n of_o sin_n and_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o rely_v upon_o he_o i_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v in_o the_o end_n give_v i_o victory_n through_o christ_n and_o isa_n 40.29_o he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n he_o increase_v strength_n this_o promise_n i_o lay_v hold_v on_o because_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n mat._n 11.28_o when_o i_o have_v refresh_v my_o spirit_n by_o apply_v these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_v to_o my_o own_o soul_n by_o faith_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n i_o find_v a_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n by_o that_o love_n to_o god_n which_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n which_o appear_v by_o these_o particular_a evidence_n 1._o i_o be_o grieve_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unbelieving_a towards_o god_n and_o so_o impatient_a in_o my_o affliction_n 2._o i_o be_o trouble_v to_o think_v that_o whilst_o i_o live_v here_o in_o this_o mortal_a flesh_n i_o can_v be_v quite_o free_v from_o sin_n but_o must_v live_v to_o offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n who_o have_v wrought_v so_o great_a a_o deliverance_n for_o i_o 3._o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n i_o can_v through_o divine_a goodness_n from_o the_o testimony_n of_o the_o bless_a spirit_n say_v with_o comfort_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n whereby_o i_o can_v cry_v abba_n father_n 4._o i_o can_v i_o hope_v willing_o deny_v myself_o in_o all_o thing_n and_o shall_v the_o lord_n call_v i_o to_o it_o take_v up_o the_o cross_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n to_o follow_v he_o and_o bless_v god_n in_o all_o dispensation_n whatsoever_o 5._o i_o find_v a_o total_a desire_n and_o willingness_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o surrender_v myself_o to_o be_v lead_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o all_o holiness_n and_o piety_n with_o perseverance_n that_o i_o may_v live_v all_o my_o day_n to_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o god_n 6._o my_o affection_n be_v more_o firm_o and_o real_o knit_v to_o god_n than_o to_o any_o thing_n so_o that_o i_o can_v part_v with_o any_o thing_n for_o god_n and_o i_o value_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n and_o i_o find_v more_o joy_n in_o he_o than_o in_o all_o thing_n 7._o i_o be_o not_o now_o afraid_a to_o die_v shall_v god_n call_v i_o that_o i_o may_v go_v to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n for_o ever_o 8._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v in_o love_n and_o charity_n with_o all_o man_n but_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n i_o do_v love_n the_o godly_a because_o in_o appearance_n they_o be_v the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o feed_v upon_o christ_n by_o faith_n in_o his_o ordinance_n m._n w._n xxx_o experience_n of_o h._n c._n at_o the_o beginning_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n i_o as_o well_o as_o other_o be_v much_o fright_v and_o when_o it_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o day_n the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o be_v amaze_v i_o have_v be_v a_o hearer_n a_o great_a while_n of_o very_o eminent_a minister_n in_o the_o city_n of_o london_n yet_o profit_v very_o little_a by_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o if_o they_o preach_v the_o mercy_n of_o god_n i_o fear_v they_o do_v not_o belong_v to_o i_o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v those_o qualification_n in_o i_o which_o i_o think_v i_o ought_v to_o have_v if_o i_o expect_v to_o receive_v mercy_n i_o can_v rejoice_v in_o hear_v of_o the_o promise_n but_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o they_o as_o belong_v to_o i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v to_o hear_v though_o with_o much_o trouble_n of_o mind_n that_o day_n wherein_o it_o be_v say_v the_o city_n shall_v be_v destroy_v i_o begin_v to_o call_v myself_o to_o account_n what_o will_v become_v of_o my_o soul_n if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o i_o be_v almost_o amaze_v but_o do_v much_o desire_n of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o with_o the_o publican_n i_o say_v lord_n i_o believe_v help_v my_o unbelief_n i_o then_o resolve_v with_o myself_o well_o i_o will_v cast_v my_o soul_n into_o the_o arm_n of_o god_n if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o through_o belief_n in_o he_o i_o be_v quiet_v in_o my_o spirit_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o sense_n of_o peace_n be_v soon_o veil_v and_o i_o be_v afterward_o sore_o afflict_v with_o the_o fight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v full_o persuade_v that_o i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v be_v but_o for_o fear_n of_o hell_n than_o dare_v i_o not_o be_v any_o where_o alone_a for_o fear_v of_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o if_o i_o have_v be_v at_o prayer_n by_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o open_v my_o eye_n thus_o be_v i_o perplex_v with_o fear_n and_o persuade_v myself_o i_o shall_v perish_v my_o condition_n be_v very_o bitter_a to_o i_o and_o i_o do_v much_o labour_n for_o a_o rest_a place_n for_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v one_o day_n at_o a_o funeral_n the_o minister_n that_o preach_v the_o sermon_n show_v the_o sufficiency_n of_o god_n and_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o man_n and_o that_o all_o good_a come_v from_o god_n he_o say_v that_o it_o be_v as_o possible_a for_o that_o dead_a man_n to_o put_v life_n into_o himself_o as_o for_o any_o man_n to_o gain_v the_o least_o drop_n of_o grace_n of_o himself_o for_o faith_n be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o and_o to_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o i_o will_v write_v they_o to_o keep_v they_o about_o i_o i_o then_o be_v a_o hearer_n at_o st._n m._n the_o minister_n be_v much_o upon_o the_o affair_n of_o the_o time_n and_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v about_o what_o i_o hear_v for_o i_o find_v not_o my_o soul_n satisfy_v with_o that_o matter_n when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o find_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v with_o that_o food_n and_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o hear_v mr._n sympson_n at_o all-hollows_a thames_n street_n and_o he_o be_v set_v forth_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a sinner_n and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o reason_n with_o myself_o that_o sure_o in_o put_v all_o mercy_n from_o i_o i_o do_v dishonour_n god_n for_o he_o invit_v all_o to_o believe_v his_o promise_n and_o i_o read_v that_o he_o say_v as_o i_o live_v i_o desire_v not_o the_o death_n of_o a_o sinner_n and_o christ_n say_v he_o come_v to_o save_v sinner_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a need_v not_o a_o physician_n but_o those_o that_o be_v sick_a and_o god_n have_v promise_v not_o to_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n and_o christ_n die_v for_o the_o ungodly_a and_o god_n be_v no_o respecter_n of_o person_n and_o christ_n promise_v that_o whosoever_o come_v unto_o he_o he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v off_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v these_o and_o other_o promise_n and_o that_o place_n where_o it_o be_v say_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v god_n than_o i_o be_v earnest_a with_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o faith_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n and_o that_o place_n do_v much_o refresh_v i_o i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o yet_o again_o after_o all_o this_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o own_o unworthiness_n do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o be_v great_o grieve_v that_o i_o be_v so_o cumber_v in_o the_o world_n and_o begin_v to_o doubt_v say_v sure_o i_o have_v not_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n for_o sometime_o i_o shall_v rejoice_v and_o praise_n god_n be_v much_o satisfy_v from_o those_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o say_v he_o have_v lay_v our_o iniquity_n on_o he_o and_o he_o have_v lay_v help_n on_o he_o that_o be_v mighty_a and_o in_o another_o place_n you_o be_v save_v by_o grace_n not_o of_o yourselves_o it_o be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n and_o we_o have_v a_o advocate_n with_o the_o father_n even_o jesus_n christ_n the_o righteous_a and_o he_o be_v make_v sin_n for_o we_o that_o keew_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o and_o behold_v the_o lamb_n of_o god_n that_o take_v away_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o world_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n i_o shall_v lose_v all_o my_o sense_n of_o comfort_n and_o than_o i_o have_v sad_a thought_n muse_v what_o god_n will_v do_v with_o i_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o these_o conflict_n at_o last_o that_o place_n refresh_v i_o where_o god_n say_v i_o the_o lord_n change_v not_o therefore_o you_o son_n of_o jacob_n be_v not_o consume_v though_o before_o i_o be_v not_o satisfy_v that_o
have_v kick_v at_o his_o fatherly_a protection_n and_o run_v into_o many_o gross_a and_o vile_a sin_n the_o first_o gross_a one_o be_v many_o kind_n of_o unlawful_a game_n which_o hold_v i_o as_o a_o bondslave_n near_o thirty_o year_n to_o the_o great_a endanger_v both_o of_o my_o body_n and_o soul_n but_o yet_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o look_v gracious_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o give_v i_o afterward_o a_o hatred_n against_o this_o vice_n and_o withal_o he_o put_v into_o my_o mind_n a_o resolution_n which_o i_o confirm_v with_o a_o vow_n as_o follow_v that_o as_o i_o love_v god_n and_o his_o word_n or_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o will_v never_o play_v at_o any_o game_n for_o money_n so_o long_o as_o i_o live_v the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o accept_v of_o my_o good_a will_n and_o bless_v i_o and_o i_o in_o my_o lawful_a call_v many_o year_n until_o at_o the_o last_o that_o old_a serpent_n the_o devil_n envy_v my_o happy_a proceed_n in_o this_o reformation_n he_o draw_v i_o into_o many_o other_o sin_n which_o have_v almost_o bring_v i_o to_o as_o bad_a a_o end_n as_o the_o first_o but_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o the_o low_a extremity_n give_v in_o remedy_n to_o his_o child_n and_o he_o give_v i_o a_o hatred_n against_o they_o also_o and_o a_o resolution_n never_o to_o commit_v they_o any_o more_o yet_o about_o two_o or_o three_o year_n after_o that_o old_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n satan_n that_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v come_v again_o with_o turn_n to_o destroy_v i_o persuade_v i_o that_o to_o drink_v with_o my_o neighbour_n be_v acceptable_a to_o god_n which_o may_v be_v use_v without_o excess_n but_o i_o give_v will_n the_o full_a reins_o which_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o my_o former_a course_n withal_o annex_v wrath_n and_o anger_n to_o my_o house_n and_o family_n persuade_v i_o that_o i_o must_v rule_v in_o my_o house_n which_o have_v bring_v i_o beside_o myself_o have_v not_o god_n help_v i_o who_o never_o fail_v those_o who_o he_o love_v and_o that_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o he_o for_o present_o upon_o this_o extremity_n he_o send_v this_o remedy_n 1._o a_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n 2._o a_o grief_n and_o sorrow_n for_o they_o 3._o a_o resolution_n to_o leave_v they_o and_o 4._o the_o lord_n carry_v i_o through_o a_o way_n to_o leave_v they_o which_o be_v thus_o i_o begin_v to_o call_v to_o mind_n what_o be_v the_o great_a thing_n i_o love_v in_o this_o world_n and_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v beside_o those_o that_o i_o name_v before_o which_o i_o set_v opposite_a to_o these_o two_o monster_n then_o i_o vow_v before_o the_o lord_n desire_v his_o assistance_n that_o as_o i_o love_v the_o holy_a ghost_n the_o comforter_n or_o ever_o look_v to_o have_v comfort_n from_o the_o bless_a communion_n of_o the_o body_n and_o blood_n of_o christ_n jesus_n to_o cleanse_v my_o sin_n so_o if_o i_o do_v remember_v or_o be_v in_o perfect_a sense_n i_o will_v never_o drink_v above_o two_o reasonable_a glass_n or_o cup_n of_o wine_n or_o four_o cup_n of_o beer_n in_o any_o one_o place_n or_o at_o any_o one_o time_n without_o any_o equivocation_n and_o that_o at_o any_o time_n when_o i_o come_v into_o the_o door_n of_o my_o house_n if_o there_o be_v any_o controversy_n in_o my_o family_n that_o then_o i_o will_v with_o gentle_a persuasion_n do_v my_o best_a endeavour_n to_o end_v it_o and_o this_o with_o god_n help_v i_o will_v perform_v and_o i_o pray_v o_o lord_n my_o god_n bless_v my_o hand_n and_o my_o heart_n to_o perform_v thy_o will_n that_o when_o any_o temptation_n to_o game_n or_o drunkenness_n or_o lust_n shall_v assault_v i_o either_o by_o thought_n or_o any_o other_o mean_n that_o then_o present_o i_o may_v fly_v unto_o thou_o in_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n jesus_n my_o saviour_n and_o i_o do_v still_o fly_v unto_o god_n confess_v and_o sorrow_v for_o my_o sin_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o help_v and_o assist_v i_o to_o perform_v and_o keep_v all_o these_o and_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v god_n as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v i_o can_v be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o sin_n as_o i_o desire_v yet_o have_v i_o have_v much_o trouble_n for_o sin_n and_o have_v shed_v tear_n many_o a_o time_n and_o i_o have_v be_v much_o trouble_v that_o my_o heart_n can_v be_v break_v enough_o yet_o i_o have_v have_v many_o cross_n but_o i_o know_v it_o be_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o lie_v low_a before_o he_o when_o god_n first_o discover_v my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v be_v much_o terrify_v but_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o that_o glorious_a promise_n which_o god_n make_v when_o adam_n have_v sin_v that_o the_o seed_n of_o the_o woman_n shall_v break_v the_o serpent_n head_n gen._n 3._o and_o also_o that_o sweet_a promise_v declare_v by_o the_o lord_n jesus_n come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n matth._n 11.28_o and_o peter_n declare_v say_v repent_v and_o be_v convert_v that_o your_o sin_n may_v be_v blot_v out_o when_o the_o time_n of_o refresh_a shall_v come_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o have_v plead_v these_o and_o several_a other_o promise_n with_o god_n and_o have_v by_o faith_n trust_v in_o god_n who_o bid_v we_o cast_v our_o care_n on_o he_o and_o he_o will_v care_v for_o we_o 1_o pet._n 5.7_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o god_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o he_o know_v all_o the_o promise_v to_o be_v yea_o and_o amen_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o god_n gracious_a spirit_n work_v regeneration_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n bless_v be_v his_o holy_a name_n have_v so_o settle_v my_o heart_n on_o himself_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v friend_n relation_n and_o all_o thing_n for_o god_n 2._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a affection_n and_o love_v strong_o carry_v out_o to_o all_o the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o love_v to_o do_v good_a to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n 3._o i_o take_v much_o delight_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n preach_v and_o to_o partake_v of_o duty_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n &_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n in_o private_a duty_n 4._o i_o be_o trouble_v when_o my_o heart_n be_v cold_a in_o duty_n but_o much_o comfort_v when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o i_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o through_o christ_n for_o ever_o t._n g._n xxxiii_o experience_n of_o m._n h._n in_o my_o youthful_a age_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v at_o many_o place_n but_o especial_o at_o st._n antholins_n at_o the_o morning_n lecture_n and_o this_o i_o do_v often_o for_o some_o time_n until_o satan_n stir_v up_o many_o instrument_n to_o call_v i_o puritan_n with_o many_o other_o reproachful_a term_n that_o make_v i_o ashamed_a to_o go_v in_o public_a but_o like_o nicodemus_n by_o stealth_n as_o it_o be_v in_o the_o dark_a but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o convince_v i_o of_o satan_n wile_n that_o he_o be_v a_o deceiver_n from_o the_o first_o and_o that_o in_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v those_o that_o will_v be_v soldier_n in_o christ_n school_n must_v not_o be_v daunt_v for_o every_o foil_n and_o if_o i_o do_v look_v for_o salvation_n by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o must_v manful_o fight_v under_o the_o banner_n of_o christ_n and_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n if_o i_o will_v be_v save_v from_o the_o consideration_n hereof_o god_n be_v please_v to_o put_v courage_n into_o my_o heart_n to_o hold_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o in_o profess_v the_o gospel_n which_o i_o do_v though_o with_o abundance_n of_o weakness_n and_o difficulty_n and_o thus_o i_o do_v continual_o go_v on_o though_o dark_o until_o it_o please_v god_n to_o break_v forth_o in_o his_o most_o glorious_a light_n for_o by_o special_a providence_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v a_o utter_a ruin_n to_o my_o soul_n without_o a_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v hear_v much_o of_o christ_n by_o the_o outward_a ear_n yet_o have_v i_o no_o experimental_a knowledge_n of_o he_o till_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n show_v i_o that_o my_o condition_n be_v such_o as_o paul_n speak_v of_o to_o the_o ephesian_n that_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n and_o except_o i_o be_v quicken_v by_o the_o spirit_n and_o by_o faith_n do_v bathe_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n i_o be_v a_o undo_v creature_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o long_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v have_v then_o weigh_v many_o circumstance_n and_o
be_v at_o a_o little_a stand_n at_o the_o first_o yet_o will_v not_o stoop_v under_o this_o beam_n but_o step_v aside_o and_o so_o pass_v away_o lay_v my_o hand_n thereon_o as_o i_o step_v by_o the_o side_n of_o it_o when_o sudden_o i_o think_v the_o house_n be_v all_o in_o a_o flame_n at_o which_o i_o be_v something_o trouble_v pass_v on_o the_o way_n and_o wonder_v in_o myself_o what_o this_o shall_v be_v till_o i_o be_v overtake_v by_o some_o rude_a malicious_a man_n who_o accuse_v i_o for_o set_v this_o house_n on_o fire_n and_o will_v not_o hear_v i_o speak_v but_o be_v violent_o haul_v i_o away_o to_o prison_n with_o which_o be_v sufficient_o affright_v and_o my_o stesh_n set_v a_o tremble_v i_o awake_v and_o be_v offend_v with_o myself_o for_o be_v so_o much_o concern_v at_o a_o foolish_a dream_n and_o fancy_n so_o it_o be_v yet_o dark_a i_o lay_v i_o down_o and_o fall_v asleep_o again_o and_o waste_v cast_v into_o the_o same_o dream_n again_o exact_o and_o at_o my_o right_a hand_n i_o think_v there_o be_v a_o grave_a ancient_a man_n full_a of_o white_a hair_n like_o wool_n and_o a_o long_a white_a beard_n who_o stand_v by_o i_o and_o say_v cheer_v up_o fear_v not_o for_o the_o lord_n have_v send_v i_o to_o comfort_v thou_o and_o to_o tell_v thou_o that_o he_o have_v choose_v thou_o to_o preach_v his_o word_n and_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n which_o be_v the_o staff_n thou_o have_v in_o thy_o hand_n and_o with_o this_o staff_n which_o be_v the_o word_n of_o god_n thou_o shall_v walk_v home_o to_o thy_o father_n house_n in_o heaven_n where_o be_v fullness_n of_o joy_n but_o after_o a_o time_n thou_o will_v be_v trouble_v with_o the_o different_a opinion_n and_o way_n of_o man_n and_o seem_v at_o first_o to_o be_v at_o a_o loss_n yet_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v thy_o guide_n go_v on_o and_o as_o thou_o go_v forward_a the_o way_n of_o the_o lord_n will_v still_o appear_v plain_a before_o thy_o eye_n the_o footstep_n thou_o see_v be_v the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o have_v go_v before_o you_o which_o will_v be_v a_o great_a help_n to_o you_o and_o you_o shall_v walk_v cheerful_o on_o in_o the_o way_n which_o be_v clear_a to_o you_o and_o shall_v see_v no_o other_o but_o yet_o you_o must_v meet_v with_o the_o fair_a house_n on_o the_o left_a hand_n that_o be_v the_o glory_n and_o great_a one_o of_o the_o world_n who_o make_v a_o great_a and_o fair_a show_n to_o man_n as_o if_o build_v high_a but_o they_o must_v fall_v and_o be_v only_o on_o the_o left_a hand_n of_o you_o whilst_o you_o will_v despise_v and_o preach_v against_o they_o and_o turn_v your_o eye_n forward_o to_o go_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n without_o turn_v about_o by_o the_o beam_n that_o come_v out_o of_o this_o house_n be_v mean_v the_o power_n and_o opinion_n of_o these_o who_o when_o you_o shall_v cross_v or_o step_v aside_o or_o will_v not_o stoop_v under_o they_o they_o be_v set_v on_o fire_n and_o inflame_v on_o a_o sudden_a but_o be_v not_o trouble_v go_v forward_o although_o they_o send_v after_o you_o say_v you_o have_v bring_v this_o fire_n upon_o they_o and_o though_o they_o false_o accuse_v you_o and_o seek_v to_o hawl_v you_o to_o prison_n for_o this_o fact_n whereof_o you_o be_v altogether_o innocent_a at_o which_o i_o awake_v again_o it_o be_v about_o daybreak_n wonder_v with_o myself_o what_o it_o shall_v mean_v and_o very_o believe_v it_o to_o be_v more_o than_o ordinary_a and_o be_v fill_v with_o confidence_n and_o comfort_n i_o rise_v up_o and_o write_v it_o down_o present_o next_o day_n i_o go_v away_o towards_o huntingtonshire_n where_o i_o be_v accept_v and_o entertain_v and_o have_v a_o comfortable_a maintenance_n for_o several_a year_n but_o after_o all_o these_o deliverance_n i_o multiply_v abundant_o in_o gift_n and_o grace_n either_o to_o pray_v expound_v read_v sing_v hymn_n and_o spiritual_a song_n with_o the_o spirit_n and_o understanding_n and_o as_o israel_n exod._n 1._o the_o more_o he_o be_v afflict_a he_o multiply_v the_o more_o so_o bless_a be_v the_o lord_n i_o be_v the_o more_o fill_v with_o the_o spirit_n endue_v with_o strength_n and_o grace_n and_o refresh_v with_o peace_n and_o joy_n the_o more_o i_o have_v suffer_v so_o that_o all_o my_o trouble_n be_v through_o grace_n but_o as_o joseph_n step_n to_o high_a enjoyment_n and_o find_v the_o lord_n so_o abundant_o to_o endue_v i_o from_o above_o and_o to_o qualify_v i_o for_o the_o call_v that_o i_o have_v before_o in_o the_o night_n for_o the_o ministry_n which_o i_o little_o think_v or_o imagine_v can_v have_v come_v to_o pass_v my_o friend_n have_v often_o resolve_v on_o the_o contrary_a and_o all_o thing_n so_o fair_o concur_v i_o be_v much_o confirm_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v design_v i_o thereunto_o and_o not_o long_o after_o i_o be_v by_o a_o godly_a people_n earnest_o importune_v and_o at_o length_n grevail_v with_o to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n and_o be_v soon_o know_v about_o the_o country_n so_o although_o i_o have_v ever_o since_o meet_v with_o several_a affliction_n opposition_n and_o trouble_n yet_o many_o have_v give_v testimony_n to_o the_o word_n i_o have_v preach_v in_o divers_a place_n the_o lord_n be_v praise_v to_o the_o great_a refresh_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o towards_o the_o fill_n up_o of_o my_o joy_n when_o i_o shall_v give_v a_o account_n to_o their_o comfort_n at_o the_o great_a day_n of_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o i_o be_v send_v forth_o as_o a_o pastor_n and_o public_a teacher_n by_o the_o church_n and_o i_o know_v my_o ministerial_a commission_n and_o authority_n to_o be_v from_o god_n and_o notwithstanding_o the_o divers_a temptation_n i_o still_o meet_v with_o find_v my_o heart_n full_a of_o corruption_n and_o my_o life_n a_o continual_a warfare_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n who_o have_v deliver_v i_o in_o divers_a way_n which_o i_o have_v not_o here_o declare_v from_o the_o fraudulent_a gin_n and_o snare_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o who_o have_v call_v i_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o light_n that_o his_o power_n be_v strong_a in_o i_o than_o any_o that_o have_v be_v against_o i_o and_o i_o be_o the_o better_o provide_v against_o satan_n because_o i_o now_o live_v by_o faith_n in_o the_o son_n of_o goâ—_n above_o the_o letter_n in_o the_o life_n above_o the_o form_n in_o the_o power_n above_o self_n in_o a_o high_a self_n where_o i_o have_v my_o abode_n so_o that_o i_o be_o not_o i_o but_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n it_o be_v that_o i_o be_o what_o i_o be_o i_o have_v provision_n within_o see_v christ_n in_o i_o be_v the_o hope_n of_o glory_n and_o i_o do_v certain_o expect_v salvation_n in_o christ_n jesus_n my_o head_n my_o lord_n my_o elder_a brother_n and_o the_o first_o fruit_n of_o they_o that_o rise_v again_o and_o although_o i_o meet_v with_o daily_a trial_n at_o home_n and_o abroad_o within_o and_o without_o yet_o i_o be_o all_o the_o time_n ascend_v to_o heaven_n the_o same_o way_n that_o christ_n my_o redeemer_n go_v who_o have_v through_o the_o veil_n consecrate_a a_o new_a and_o live_a way_n for_o i_o into_o the_o holy_a of_o holies_n i_o can_v comfortable_o drink_v aftet_fw-la my_o saviour_n out_o of_o his_o own_o cup_n and_o in_o eat_v his_o meat_n and_o drink_v his_o drink_n i_o can_v take_v gall_n and_o vinegar_n as_o well_o as_o milk_n and_o honey_n and_o i_o account_v the_o enjoyment_n of_o christ_n to_o be_v the_o enjoyment_n of_o all_o the_o excellency_n and_o happiness_n in_o heaven_n and_o earth_n nesther_o do_v i_o doubt_v but_o i_o shall_v appear_v perfect_a in_o his_o righteousness_n be_v pardon_v by_o his_o death_n purge_v by_o his_o blood_n sanctify_v by_o his_o spirit_n and_o save_v by_o his_o power_n and_o to_o be_v glorify_v as_o he_o be_v glorify_v and_o see_v he_o as_o he_o be_v and_o whilst_o i_o live_v and_o breath_n i_o hope_v and_o resolve_v to_o live_v to_o he_o and_o for_o he_o as_o well_o as_o by_o he_o and_o i_o shall_v not_o desire_v to_o live_v one_o minute_n long_o than_o it_o may_v be_v for_o his_o honour_n glory_n and_o service_n which_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n of_o heaven_n to_o make_v i_o fit_a for_o and_o faithful_a in_o and_o to_o prepare_v my_o soul_n for_o that_o glory_n which_o be_v to_o be_v reveal_v j._n r._n ii_o experience_n of_o r._n w._n i_o will_v declare_v what_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o i_o first_o in_o my_o youth_n my_o father_n be_v a_o godly_a man_n in_o dublin_n in_o ireland_n bring_v up_o his_o child_n very_o religious_o but_o for_o my_o part_n though_o i_o be_v well_o educate_v and_o instruct_v yet_o i_o be_v very_o disobedient_a be_v young_a and_o
headstrong_a and_o refuse_v to_o hearken_v to_o my_o father_n advice_n which_o he_o often_o give_v i_o but_o i_o regard_v it_o not_o which_o be_v afterward_o a_o veay_n great_a grief_n to_o i_o for_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o be_v curb_v nor_o keep_v in_o but_o at_o length_n to_o avoid_v the_o continual_a reproof_n which_o 〈◊〉_d just_o give_v i_o for_o my_o ill_a course_n and_o company_n i_o resolve_v not_o to_o stay_v at_o home_o any_o long_o but_o to_o go_v into_o flanders_n according_o i_o put_v out_o to_o sea_n but_o by_o storm_n and_o contrary_a wind_n be_v drive_v back_o again_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o see_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o this_o but_o still_o hold_v on_o my_o purpose_n and_o take_v the_o first_o opportunity_n to_o get_v away_o out_o of_o ireland_n into_o england_n where_o my_o friend_n use_v many_o argument_n to_o persuade_v i_o to_o return_v home_o again_o whilst_o i_o continue_v in_o england_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v convince_v by_o hear_v several_a good_a man_n of_o the_o heinousness_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o wicked_a disobedience_n and_o be_v thereupon_o sad_o afflict_v and_o disconsolate_a so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a nor_o rest_n in_o this_o time_n my_o father_n hear_v where_o i_o be_v not_o know_v before_o what_o be_v become_v of_o i_o doubt_v i_o may_v be_v dead_a or_o drown_v write_v a_o letter_n to_o i_o wherein_o i_o be_v admonish_v to_o beware_v of_o such_o as_o run_v headlong_o to_o perdition_n with_o many_o other_o good_a advice_n he_o seem_v like_o old_a jacob_n to_o rejoice_v that_o his_o son_n be_v yet_o alive_a etc._n etc._n all_o these_o thing_n strike_v i_o heavy_o to_o the_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o fearful_a sentence_n of_o my_o iniquity_n and_o disobedience_n and_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n nor_o satisfaction_n i_o conceal_v this_o my_o inward_a grief_n and_o torment_n till_o my_o heart_n be_v ready_a to_o burst_v but_o at_o length_n acquaint_v my_o friend_n therewith_o who_o endeavour_v to_o comfort_v i_o and_o i_o have_v some_o quiet_n for_o a_o short_a space_n but_o this_o last_v not_o so_o that_o i_o soon_o fall_v again_o into_o my_o old_a malady_n and_o trouble_n as_o before_o be_v so_o exceed_o disturb_v that_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n obtain_v any_o peace_n till_o that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n isa_n 50.10_o he_o that_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n shall_v trust_v in_o the_o name_n bf_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v himself_o upon_o his_o god_n this_o do_v much_o support_v and_o encourage_v i_o to_o depend_v upon_o god_n whereby_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o consolation_n yet_o i_o be_v seldom_o free_a from_o many_o temptation_n fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o such_o sometime_o as_o do_v much_o disquiet_v i_o until_o once_o that_o i_o have_v a_o divine_a dream_n which_o have_v be_v very_o sweet_a to_o my_o soul_n ever_o since_o for_o in_o my_o dream_n i_o think_v i_o be_v tell_v that_o god_n love_n be_v free_a in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o bestow_v upon_o poor_a sinner_n through_o his_o merit_n and_o that_o he_o put_v none_o by_o neither_o turn_v any_o away_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o and_o through_o his_o dear_a son_n and_o that_o i_o need_v not_o fear_v but_o i_o be_v one_o of_o they_o that_o shall_v be_v accept_v and_o receive_v to_o mercy_n this_o bring_v much_o joy_n to_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o remain_v to_o this_o very_a day_n afterward_o i_o go_v to_o new-england_n and_o have_v much_o comfort_n from_o they_o and_o from_o their_o minister_n and_o since_o my_o return_n i_o have_v have_v great_a peace_n of_o mind_n and_o desire_v to_o live_v in_o union_n with_o christ_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o servant_n as_o long_o as_o i_o be_o upon_o earth_n and_o i_o have_v ground_v hope_n of_o live_v with_o he_o when_o i_o die_v and_o with_o all_o his_o saint_n to_o enjoy_v his_o blissful_a presence_n to_o eternal_a age_n r._n w._n iii_o experience_n of_o maj._n a.m._n i_o be_v well_o educate_v by_o my_o parent_n who_o be_v account_v puritan_n till_o about_o sixteen_o year_n of_o age_n after_o which_o i_o be_v put_v a_o apprentice_n to_o london_n but_o ill_a company_n draw_v i_o away_o and_o i_o take_v ill_a course_n till_o i_o be_v about_o 24_o year_n old_a then_o i_o come_v into_o ireland_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o rebellion_n 1641._o and_o travel_v towards_o the_o north_n pass_v through_o great_a danger_n and_o many_o death_n as_o i_o may_v say_v for_o there_o my_o father_n be_v kill_v my_o wife_n wound_v and_o i_o myself_o with_o much_o difficulty_n escape_v from_o the_o bloody_a rebel_n after_o this_o i_o be_v in_o the_o fight_n at_o drogheda_n oa_o tredah_n when_o it_o be_v take_v and_o be_v lay_v in_o the_o field_n of_o battle_n among_o the_o slay_a i_o be_v give_v over_o for_o one_o of_o the_o dead_a but_o it_o please_v god_n that_o i_o recover_v and_o then_o go_v into_o england_n i_o have_v not_o be_v there_o long_o but_o i_o begin_v to_o look_v about_o i_o and_o to_o have_v some_o conviction_n of_o mind_n and_o thereupon_o i_o be_v diligent_a to_o follow_v the_o mean_n and_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n preach_v by_o good_a man_n be_v sensible_a of_o my_o sin_n and_o former_a forgetfulness_n of_o god_n or_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v good_a i_o hear_v one_o mr._n owen_n with_o who_o i_o be_v much_o affect_v and_o convince_v of_o my_o misery_n in_o the_o want_n of_o christ_n and_o afterward_o receive_v great_a comfort_n and_o assure_v hope_n of_o salvation_n from_o mr._n r._n and_o now_o i_o do_v very_o believe_v i_o have_v fellowship_n with_o the_o father_n and_o with_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n and_o find_v a_o wonderful_a change_n in_o my_o soul_n abhor_v all_o ill_a company_n and_o course_n and_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o all_o well_o please_v towards_o god_n and_o though_o i_o meet_v with_o many_o temptation_n yet_o i_o bless_v the_o lord_n he_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o his_o good_a way_n so_o that_o i_o can_v now_o pray_v to_o he_o by_o the_o assistance_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o have_v a_o earnest_a love_n to_o his_o word_n and_o ordinance_n bless_v be_v god_n for_o his_o free_a grace_n in_o christ_n jesus_n who_o before_o i_o have_v any_o knowledge_n of_o hlm_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n by_o the_o mean_n of_o a_o honest_a man_n about_o thirteen_o year_n ago_o after_o which_o i_o follow_v all_o the_o mean_n i_o can_v meet_v with_o and_o be_v wont_a to_o hear_v mr._n cradock_n and_o mr._n symson_n in_o london_n the_o first_o of_o who_o in_o a_o sermon_n upon_o isaiah_n we_o be_v i_o i_o be_o a_o unclean_a creature_n etc._n etc._n speak_v so_o home_o to_o my_o condition_n that_o i_o imagine_v his_o discourse_n be_v direct_v to_o i_o particular_o this_o so_o wrought_v upon_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v extreme_o afflict_v for_o a_o time_n and_o give_v myself_o much_o to_o prayer_n and_o at_o length_n i_o become_v in_o love_n with_o truth_n and_o true_a christian_n and_o have_v find_v and_o do_v yet_o find_v those_o thing_n true_a in_o i_o which_o be_v speak_v by_o mr._n n._n of_o that_o oneness_n of_o love_n and_o unity_n of_o the_o spirit_n which_o ought_v to_o be_v among_o all_o god_n people_n i_o have_v see_v my_o sad_a condition_n by_o nature_n and_o be_o sensible_a of_o the_o happy_a change_n that_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n have_v make_v in_o i_o and_o now_o oh_o how_o do_v i_o love_v the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o holiness_n and_o duty_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n which_o before_o i_o slight_v disregard_v and_o loathe_v and_o last_o i_o now_o desire_n and_o long_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o care_v not_o how_o soon_o i_o be_v take_v out_o of_o this_o sinful_a world_n that_o i_o may_v live_v with_o he_o in_o eternal_a glory_n a._n m._n iu_o experience_n of_o f._n b._n my_o experience_n of_o the_o mercy_n and_o love_n of_o god_n be_v more_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o first_o main_a work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v on_o a_o sudden_a upon_o a_o alarm_n give_v to_o our_o troop_n while_o i_o be_v a_o soldier_n which_o have_v such_o a_o convince_a effect_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o apprehension_n of_o god_n wrath_n and_o be_v much_o disquiet_v so_o that_o though_o i_o pray_v and_o pray_v yet_o i_o can_v take_v no_o comfort_n and_o have_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n but_o confusion_n be_v before_o my_o face_n afterward_o i_o come_v to_o dublin_n where_o i_o be_v impeach_v for_o break_v a_o article_n of_o war_n and_o be_v condemn_v to_o lose_v my_o life_n for_o the_o same_o whilst_o i_o be_v
indeed_o there_o have_v be_v no_o real_a conversion_n though_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n towards_o god_n and_o especial_o i_o be_v give_v much_o to_o impatiency_n for_o which_o my_o husband_n have_v often_o reprove_v i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o sad_a condition_n therein_o until_o i_o come_v into_o england_n after_o which_o this_o sermon_n of_o mr._n t._n do_v much_o humble_v i_o and_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n of_o blasphemy_n against_o god_n as_o job_n say_v his_o child_n perhaps_o have_v do_v some_o way_n or_o other_o because_o i_o have_v sometime_o curse_v some_o body_n or_o something_o that_o have_v anger_v i_o and_o in_o passion_n rapt_v out_o sometime_o at_o oath_n many_o night_n i_o water_v my_o bed_n with_o my_o tear_n about_o it_o and_o go_v to_o mr._n west_n a_o minister_n near_o liverpoole_n and_o other_o godly_a people_n who_o use_v such_o mean_n as_o god_n lead_v they_o forth_o to_o for_o my_o comfort_n but_o i_o be_v still_o afflict_v in_o my_o soul_n about_o the_o space_n of_o three_o week_n and_o then_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n be_v persuade_v by_o good_a counsel_n to_o trust_v in_o god_n which_o i_o do_v and_o be_v hearty_o sorry_a for_o my_o sin_n and_o then_o my_o husband_n be_v trouble_v in_o mind_n himself_o and_o the_o lord_n make_v i_o a_o instrument_n to_o comfort_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o about_o five_o month_n after_o he_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n and_o comfort_n and_o expect_a death_n say_v that_o he_o be_v persuade_v he_o shall_v be_v kill_v and_o so_o present_o after_o he_o be_v settle_v in_o his_o mind_n it_o fall_v sad_o out_o for_o the_o enemy_n take_v liverpool_n and_o kill_v my_o husband_n and_o a_o child_n both_o before_o my_o face_n and_o strip_v and_o wound_v i_o and_o a_o child_n of_o five_o year_n old_a and_o it_o be_v think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v and_o this_o be_v a_o strong_a trial_n and_o i_o be_v much_o tempt_v my_o sense_n i_o think_v be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o my_o heart_n i_o think_v will_v have_v rend_v in_o piece_n yet_o i_o pray_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v i_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o to_o bear_v but_o i_o remember_v my_o saviour_n word_n he_o that_o will_v not_o forsake_v father_n or_o mother_n or_o sister_n or_o brother_n or_o husband_n or_o child_n for_o christ_n be_v not_o worthy_a of_o he_o and_o i_o desire_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o his_o name_n i_o consider_v that_o i_o must_v part_v with_o all_o for_o christ_n i_o strive_v hard_o against_o my_o own_o weakness_n and_o my_o heart_n say_v that_o god_n be_v just_a in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o i_o think_v when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o that_o i_o do_v but_o suffer_v as_o a_o evil_a doer_n myself_o but_o our_o cause_n be_v god_n and_o our_o enemy_n popish_a rebel_n paul_n be_v ready_a not_o only_o to_o suffer_v but_o to_o die_v at_o jerusalem_n for_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n so_o i_o take_v it_o patient_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n and_o believe_v that_o god_n who_o wus_fw-mi come_v so_o near_o i_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o i_o be_v assure_v with_o much_o joy_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v bring_v i_o to_o himself_o and_o in_o this_o confidence_n do_v rejoice_v with_o my_o wound_a child_n and_o a_o little_a daughter_n a_o barn_n where_o we_o be_v put_v have_v get_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o old_a bible_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v find_v much_o settledness_n in_o my_o faith_n from_o several_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v john_n 15.7_o if_o you_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o my_o word_n abide_v in_o you_o you_o shall_v ask_v what_o you_o will_v and_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v unto_o you_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n never_o to_o depart_v from_o his_o word_n and_o therefore_o hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n in_o the_o end_n and_o do_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o way_n in_o that_o christ_n abide_v with_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v though_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o empty_v i_o of_o some_o worldly_a comfort_n yet_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o hunger_a and_o thirst_a soul_n after_o himself_o and_o therefore_o i_o lay_v hold_v of_o this_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n as_o make_v to_o i_o matth._n 11.28_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n it_o this_o i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o much_o comfort_v in_o the_o great_a affliction_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v upon_o i_o in_o who_o alone_o be_v true_a rest_n and_o as_o further_a testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a inference_n which_o speak_v much_o peace_n to_o my_o soul_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n be_v more_o than_o to_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 2._o i_o find_v a_o great_a difference_n in_o my_o affection_n to_o god_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o the_o thing_n thereof_o so_o that_o my_o child_n which_o of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n be_v most_o near_o and_o dear_a to_o i_o yet_o if_o god_n shall_v take_v they_o from_o i_o i_o can_v free_o give_v they_o 3._o i_o find_v the_o spirit_n strive_v against_o the_o flesh_n so_o that_o when_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n speak_v of_o that_o still_a voice_n which_o a_o believer_n hear_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o spirit_n it_o do_v so_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n that_o for_o joy_n and_o great_a comfort_n it_o make_v i_o weep_v through_o the_o influence_n of_o the_o spirit_n sensible_o then_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o at_o other_o time_n also_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o be_v my_o great_a joy_n 4._o i_o do_v rejoice_v mighty_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o apply_v what_o i_o hear_v to_o myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n against_o any_o evil_n that_o i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n frequent_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v do_v nothing_o that_o may_v displease_v he_o and_o i_o thank_v my_o god_n i_o find_v a_o full_a willingness_n in_o desire_n and_o affection_n to_o submit_v to_o every_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n 5._o when_o i_o hear_v comfort_n speak_v of_o that_o concern_v i_o i_o be_o so_o joyful_a that_o it_o fill_v my_o heart_n and_o sometime_o fetch_v tear_n from_o my_o eye_n as_o particular_o when_o master_n m._n say_v that_o affliction_n be_v a_o testimony_n of_o god_n love_n to_o his_o people_n as_o lazarus_n be_v sore_o afflict_v and_o dear_o belove_v 6._o since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n and_o other_o as_o also_o suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n seucral_a thing_n lay_v open_a by_o mr._n w._n in_o some_o case_n of_o conscience_n i_o have_v be_v much_o affect_v to_o settle_v myself_o so_o by_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n that_o i_o may_v find_v peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n in_o all_o thing_n before_o i_o die_v and_o have_v make_v it_o my_o chief_a business_n and_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n my_o affection_n be_v love_v to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o i_o know_v i_o love_v they_o dear_o and_o my_o heart_n rise_v to_o hear_v they_o speak_v against_o i_o have_v rather_o bear_v reproach_n myself_o than_o than_o see_v any_o one_o of_o they_o wrong_v or_o suffer_v 8._o i_o desire_v as_o to_o live_v with_o god_n in_o glory_n in_o heaven_n so_o to_o lead_v my_o life_n to_o his_o glory_n here_o on_o earth_n in_o grace_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n therein_o express_v and_o i_o can_v hearty_o wish_v be_v it_o possible_a that_o i_o may_v never_o sin_v more_o and_o i_o have_v i_o bless_v god_n a_o clear_a discern_a through_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o word_n of_o truth_n to_o salvation_n 9_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o lord_n i_o see_v nothing_o but_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o therefore_o trust_v in_o the_o fullness_n of_o christ_n in_o who_o power_n and_o spirit_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o desire_v always_o that_o i_o may_v come_v prepare_v with_o that_o wedding_n garment_n that_o may_v never_o be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o for_o of_o myself_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o through_o
upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v read_v the_o promise_n but_o i_o find_v none_o of_o they_o to_o belong_v to_o i_o i_o can_v not_o say_v god_n be_v i_o or_o have_v discover_v himself_o to_o i_o in_o pardon_v my_o sin_n yet_o this_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o will_v throw_v myself_o upon_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o since_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v some_o satisfaction_n in_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n as_o first_o in_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o feel_v such_o a_o burden_n then_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o rely_v upon_o that_o true_a rest_n another_o be_v in_o 1_o john_n 2.2_o and_o he_o be_v the_o reconciliation_n for_o our_o sin_n and_o not_o for_o we_o only_o but_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n i_o be_v one_o in_o the_o world_n i_o apply_v this_o to_o myself_o and_o in_o 1_o john_n 1_o 14._o the_o father_n send_v the_o son_n to_o be_v the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n another_o place_n of_o scripture_n be_v john_n 3.17_o for_o god_n send_v not_o his_o son_n into_o the_o world_n to_o condemn_v the_o world_n but_o that_o the_o world_n through_o he_o may_v be_v save_v and_o in_o verse_n 35._o he_o that_o believe_v on_o the_o son_n have_v everlasting_a life_n upon_o this_o account_n i_o say_v i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n and_o in_o the_o six_o chapter_n of_o john_n and_o 67_o and_o 68_o verse_n jesus_n say_v unto_o his_o discipe_n will_v you_o go_v from_o i_o also_o peter_n say_v unto_o he_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v for_o thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o that_o i_o will_v now_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o himself_o unto_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o use_n of_o his_o ordinance_n although_o i_o have_v not_o in_o time_n past_o be_v feed_v with_o the_o child_n bread_n yet_o now_o i_o do_v believe_v i_o shall_v not_o be_v deny_v those_o crumb_n of_o spiritual_a comfort_n to_o nourish_v and_o refresh_v my_o weary_a spirit_n for_o god_n say_v isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v find_v of_o late_a a_o very_a great_a manifestation_n of_o god_n work_v a_o change_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o draw_v i_o by_o true_a faith_n to_o himself_o 1._o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n on_o the_o lukewarmness_n of_o the_o church_n of_o laodicea_n show_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v refuse_v none_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o humbleness_n of_o spirit_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n then_o i_o think_v sure_o i_o may_v make_v use_n of_o these_o full_a promise_n make_v to_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o and_o it_o put_v i_o to_o search_v the_o scripture_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v a_o great_a influence_n upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o the_o understanding_n of_o the_o word_n than_o before_o 2._o i_o be_o in_o all_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v fearful_a of_o offend_v god_n and_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o do_v all_o thing_n to_o his_o glory_n 3._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o hearty_a that_o i_o delight_v to_o be_v meditate_v of_o god_n and_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o he_o and_o can_v wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v whole_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a with_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v never_o so_o at_o rest_n as_o when_o i_o be_o read_v of_o his_o truth_n and_o hear_v other_o speak_v of_o they_o 4._o i_o be_o so_o little_o affect_v to_o the_o world_n that_o i_o account_v it_o nothing_o i_o can_v willing_o leave_v all_o for_o god_n and_o i_o hope_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o god_n if_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o it_o so_o far_o as_o i_o can_v judge_v of_o my_o own_o heart_n but_o herein_o trust_v in_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n 5._o sin_n be_v loathsome_a to_o i_o so_o that_o the_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v bear_v to_o some_o evil_n be_v go_v and_o i_o now_o loathe_v they_o more_o than_o before_o i_o love_v they_o 6._o i_o have_v many_o constict_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n but_o i_o find_v in_o those_o strive_n my_o heart_n most_o cleave_v to_o follow_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n know_v that_o if_o i_o give_v way_n to_o sin_n satan_n enter_v and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n i_o desire_v and_o delight_n to_o follow_v the_o leading_n of_o god_n spirit_n 7._o in_o all_o thing_n the_o resolution_n of_o my_o heart_n be_v for_o do_v those_o thing_n that_o may_v please_v god_n and_o that_o without_o delay_n be_v fearful_a to_o offend_v god_n which_o through_o infirmity_n i_o do_v i_o have_v great_a trouble_n in_o spirit_n for_o it_o and_o my_o resolution_n aae_v always_o against_o every_o thing_n that_o may_v hinder_v my_o peace_n with_o god_n 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n between_o god_n and_o my_o conscience_n that_o shall_v god_n now_o call_v i_o i_o shall_v be_v very_o well_o content_v to_o go_v to_o my_o saviour_n 9_o i_o do_v not_o doubt_v of_o god_n love_n to_o i_o because_o he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n sincere_o to_o love_v he_o 10._o my_o love_n have_v be_v always_o from_o a_o child_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n have_v be_v ever_o trouble_v when_o i_o have_v hear_v they_o evil_n speak_v of_o 11._o my_o affection_n be_v great_a to_o the_o ordinance_n and_o my_o heart_n long_v after_o they_o and_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o come_v with_o a_o cold_a heart_n to_o duty_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v frequent_o warm_v and_o enlarge_v in_o those_o duty_n e._n c._n xviii_o experience_n of_o d._n m._n some_o year_n since_o through_o many_o cross_n increase_v upon_o i_o like_o a_o arm_a man_n i_o fly_v unto_o god_n to_o seek_v his_o mind_n by_o prayer_n and_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v then_o set_v before_o i_o which_o cause_v m_o to_o feel_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n by_o affliction_n upon_o i_o that_o fin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o suffering_n which_o lie_v very_o heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o terrify_v i_o so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o damnation_n and_o that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o salvation_n every_o affliction_n will_v not_o come_v so_o upon_o i_o great_a than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v in_o particular_a the_o lord_n discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v too_o much_o love_v my_o husband_n in_o make_v a_o idol_n of_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o just_o become_v a_o great_a terror_n to_o my_o spirit_n for_o he_o grow_v a_o enemy_n to_o goodness_n and_o so_o a_o hindrance_n to_o i_o in_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o while_o i_o thus_o dote_v on_o he_o he_o go_v away_o from_o i_o i_o fear_v through_o the_o sense_n of_o that_o and_o other_o sin_n together_o with_o the_o aggravation_n of_o my_o affliction_n that_o god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o yet_o it_o strike_v into_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n do_v not_o strike_v willing_o and_o therefore_o i_o endeavour_v to_o see_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o who_o have_v take_v away_o my_o husband_n good_n and_o all_o from_o i_o namely_o that_o he_o have_v do_v it_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o hang_v upon_o husk_n but_o shall_v love_v he_o and_o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v love_v the_o world_n too_o much_o and_o set_v my_o heart_n too_o much_o upon_o these_o creature-comfort_n and_o therefore_o the_o lord_n take_v they_o away_o from_o i_o this_o wrought_v upon_o i_o great_a trouble_n and_o deipair_n so_o that_o i_o cry_v till_o i_o be_v almost_o blind_a and_o i_o have_v great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o pray_v not_o hear_v with_o profit_n but_o think_v it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o pray_v who_o god_n love_v not_o and_o who_o i_o have_v so_o offend_v about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o have_v a_o temptation_n by_o satan_n to_o drown_v myself_o in_o a_o pond_n near_o leeds_n in_o yorkshire_n whither_o the_o devil_n lead_v i_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v do_v it_o there_o it_o be_v a_o private_a place_n where_o no_o body_n can_v see_v i_o and_o i_o come_v to_o the_o pond_n side_n but_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v a_o great_a love_n to_o a_o young_a infant_n i_o have_v i_o take_v that_o child_n in_o my_o arm_n and_o
distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a instruction_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n whicn_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v tnto_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o perfect_a upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o sensible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_n but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgression_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o
love_v the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o have_v love_v jesus_n christ_n then_o i_o be_v afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n with_o fear_n because_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o for_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o unfit_a for_o death_n i_o make_v promise_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o if_o he_o do_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v lead_v a_o new_a life_n and_o do_v resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o to_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o grant_v this_o request_n and_o spare_v i_o a_o while_n long_o to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n but_o notwithstanding_o my_o promise_n and_o the_o great_a deliverance_n the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v for_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o back_o from_o hell_n and_o the_o grave_a i_o have_v soon_o forget_v all_o i_o begin_v to_o love_v the_o world_n again_o and_o live_v as_o vain_o as_o before_o but_o the_o lord_n smite_v my_o conscience_n and_o sore_o trouble_v my_o spirit_n for_o this_o backslide_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n of_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v make_v to_o he_o in_o my_o sickness_n with_o great_a bitterness_n of_o heart_n and_o grief_n of_o soul_n i_o mourn_v for_o my_o fail_n and_o do_v again_o resolve_v for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v to_o keep_v more_o close_o to_o god_n and_o set_v a_o watch_n over_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o more_o vile_a i_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o my_o god_n i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v for_o jesus_n christ_n his_o sake_n to_o forgive_v all_o my_o sin_n and_o backslide_n which_o i_o then_o be_v grieve_v for_o with_o loathe_v more_o than_o ever_o before_o my_o conscience_n be_v so_o wound_v and_o my_o soul_n cast_v down_o in_o so_o great_a a_o conflict_n that_o my_o spirit_n be_v almost_o dry_v up_o and_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o grow_v weary_a and_o faint_a with_o cry_v and_o groan_v after_o my_o saviour_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o humble_v i_o still_o more_o and_o more_o and_o to_o try_v i_o further_o as_o gold_n be_v try_v in_o the_o fire_n and_o my_o affliction_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o by_o satan_n malice_n who_o tempt_v i_o with_o evil_a thought_n which_o be_v grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v pray_v with_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v the_o devil_n put_v thought_n into_o my_o mind_n quite_o contrary_a to_o the_o frame_n of_o a_o pray_a spirit_n when_o i_o have_v read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n he_o tempt_v i_o with_o doubt_n and_o question_n touch_v some_o thing_n therein_o whether_o it_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o and_o satan_n follow_v his_o temptation_n so_o close_o upon_o i_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o repulse_v one_o temptation_n the_o devil_n assault_v i_o with_o another_o so_o that_o i_o have_v scarce_o time_n to_o fetch_v my_o breath_n one_o temptation_n follow_v so_o close_o upon_o another_o be_v trouble_v much_o in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v tempt_v to_o discontent_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o take_v away_o these_o temptation_n from_o i_o and_o in_o anger_n fall_v into_o some_o great_a passion_n even_o near_o unto_o desperation_n and_o i_o be_v sore_o buffet_v by_o the_o devil_n in_o this_o my_o low_a extremity_n who_o assault_v i_o with_o fresh_a temptation_n of_o blasphemous_a thought_n touch_v god_n so_o that_o when_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v seek_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o have_v name_v god_n he_o will_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o object_n of_o the_o brute_n creature_n and_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o creator_n and_o be_v plead_v a_o promise_n he_o bring_v a_o curse_n to_o my_o thought_n thus_o be_v i_o repulse_v in_o all_o duty_n by_o satan_n terrify_n my_o soul_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o seek_v for_o salvation_n because_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o god_n by_o his_o word_n have_v declare_v shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v because_o i_o be_v discontent_v that_o the_o lord_n after_o all_o my_o address_n to_o he_o have_v not_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n to_o resist_v satan_n and_o say_v in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n to_o my_o god_n far_o be_v it_o from_o i_o o_o lord_n to_o be_v offend_v with_o thou_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v this_o resolution_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o do_v protest_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v see_v nothing_o but_o hell_n before_o i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n until_o he_o please_v to_o send_v i_o deliverance_n i_o make_v my_o case_n know_v to_o a_o dear_a friend_n who_o give_v i_o some_o comfort_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o sin_v wilful_o by_o perpetual_a despite_n against_o god_n i_o find_v a_o clear_a testimony_n in_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o despit_v the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o i_o have_v not_o sin_v willing_o against_o god_n for_o i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o affliction_n to_o i_o to_o be_v tempt_v with_o evil_a thought_n touch_v the_o lord_n though_o i_o consent_v not_o to_o they_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n grieve_v that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o then_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n by_o often_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n i_o pour_v forth_o my_o sinful_a soul_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o god_n mercy_n exalt_v free_a grace_n and_o plead_v the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o will_v appear_v in_o the_o conversion_n of_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o have_v be_v methinks_v it_o seem_v to_o exalt_v god_n mercy_n and_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a manifestation_n of_o free_a grace_n in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v to_o the_o great_a glory_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o unspeakable_a comfort_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o himself_o now_o when_o by_o the_o divine_a power_n of_o god_n my_o heart_n be_v thus_o resolve_v to_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o to_o wait_v upon_o he_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o to_o my_o comfort_n the_o example_n of_o jesus_n christ_n who_o have_v no_o sin_n in_o himself_o yet_o he_o be_v tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o likewise_o of_o paul_n how_o satan_n send_v send_v a_o messenger_n to_o buffet_v he_o who_o then_o pray_v unto_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o power_n be_v make_v know_v in_o thy_o weakness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o to_o think_v if_o christ_n himself_o be_v tempt_v if_o the_o child_n of_o god_n who_o have_v be_v eminent_a example_n have_v lie_v under_o temptation_n and_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o his_o promise_n have_v strengthen_v and_o deliver_v they_o there_o be_v hope_n for_o i_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o have_v since_o find_v great_a consolation_n in_o many_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v reveal_v in_o his_o word_n which_o i_o have_v plead_v before_o he_o some_o of_o which_o follow_v isaiah_n 50.10_o who_o be_v among_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o have_v no_o light_n let_v he_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v upon_o his_o god_n i_o apply_v this_o promise_n thus_o i_o have_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n but_o god_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o fear_v he_o and_o a_o willingness_n to_o obey_v my_o saviour_n and_o a_o resolution_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o know_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n and_o matth._n 12.20_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n the_o lord_n have_v break_v and_o bruise_v i_o in_o
feel_v what_o until_o then_o i_o be_v ignorant_a of_o and_o the_o blackness_n of_o my_o spirit_n be_v such_o with_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o trouble_a and_o afflict_a soul_n that_o i_o can_v not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n 〈◊〉_d you_o for_o you_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_o rest_n on_o he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o otherwise_o to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o doubt_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o after_o many_o comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5_o 6._o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16_o 17._o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o blesstd_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o
when_o god_n have_v take_v away_o my_o child_n 3._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o fear_n that_o god_n will_v take_v away_o my_o deaf_a husband_n by_o some_o dangerous_a sickness_n which_o he_o lie_v under_o 4._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o great_a fear_n in_o the_o time_n of_o our_o civil_a war_n 5._o when_o i_o have_v be_v under_o spiritual_a desertion_n by_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n and_o favour_n from_o i_o or_o by_o reason_n of_o weakness_n and_o want_v in_o grace_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o strong_a and_o prevail_a corruption_n or_o by_o reason_n of_o satan_n temptation_n in_o all_o these_o case_n i_o have_v experience_v god_n gracious_a dispensation_n towards_o i_o of_o which_o i_o shall_v set_v down_o a_o few_o it_o please_v god_n for_o many_o year_n to_o keep_v i_o for_o the_o most_o part_n in_o a_o sad_a and_o desolate_a estate_n and_o condition_n not_o clear_o evidence_v the_o certain_a assurance_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o question_v whether_o i_o be_v a_o child_n of_o god_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o have_v part_n in_o jesus_n christ_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o shall_v ever_o attain_v to_o life_n and_o salvation_n or_o no_o and_o this_o make_v i_o walk_v with_o a_o droop_a and_o disconsolate_a spirit_n so_o that_o i_o can_v have_v no_o sure_a comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n but_o though_o heaviness_n endure_v for_o a_o night_n yet_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n when_o the_o lord_n cause_v the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o which_o be_v better_a than_o life_n it_o please_v god_n upon_o the_o death_n of_o my_o young_a child_n that_o it_o lay_v very_o heavy_a upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v bring_v oft_o upon_o my_o knee_n to_o beg_v support_n from_o god_n and_o to_o crave_v his_o grace_n and_o assistance_n that_o i_o may_v not_o break_v out_o to_o speak_v or_o act_v any_o thing_n whereby_o god_n name_v may_v be_v dishonour_v or_o the_o gospel_n discredit_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o make_v up_o this_o outward_a loss_n with_o some_o more_o durable_a and_o spiritual_a good_a and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o return_v a_o gracious_a and_o speedy_a answer_n to_o these_o my_o request_n for_o though_o i_o lie_v long_o under_o the_o burden_n of_o that_o loss_n yet_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o due_a time_n do_v sweet_o manifest_v his_o special_a love_n to_o my_o soul_n assure_v i_o that_o he_o be_v my_o gracious_a and_o reconcile_a father_n in_o christ_n whereby_o my_o love_n to_o he_o be_v much_o increase_v and_o even_o inflame_v so_o that_o by_o his_o grace_n it_o wrought_v in_o i_o more_o diligence_n and_o carefulness_n to_o maintain_v and_o preserve_v these_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o to_o yield_v a_o lively_a submission_n unto_o his_o will_n as_o well_o in_o suffer_v as_o in_o do_v as_o also_o by_o avoid_v whatsoever_o may_v provoke_v he_o to_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n from_o i_o without_o the_o sense_n whereof_o i_o can_v take_v little_a or_o no_o comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o furthermore_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o it_o and_o speak_v it_o to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n my_o prayer_n and_o earnest_a desire_n have_v be_v answer_v by_o god_n give_v i_o comfortable_a assurance_n both_o from_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o witness_n of_o his_o bless_a spirit_n of_o my_o eternal_a and_o everlasting_a salvation_n in_o and_o by_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o have_v i_o not_o be_v without_o fear_n and_o doubt_v many_o time_n through_o want_n of_o look_v over_o my_o evidence_n or_o by_o neglect_v to_o keep_v a_o narrow_a watch_n over_o my_o heart_n or_o from_o some_o weakness_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o all_o through_o my_o own_o default_n and_o negligence_n the_o lord_n pardon_v it_o and_o make_v i_o more_o circumspect_a for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v by_o all_o these_o i_o have_v gain_v this_o experience_n 1._o that_o god_n be_v true_a and_o faithful_a in_o make_v good_a all_o his_o promise_n seasonable_o unto_o we_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o our_o good_a and_o that_o god_n will_v never_o leave_v we_o nor_o forsake_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2._o that_o it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o wait_v upon_o god_n and_o to_o seek_v unto_o he_o in_o our_o strait_n who_o be_v more_o ready_a to_o hear_v than_o we_o be_v to_o ask_v 3._o that_o i_o desire_v to_o see_v yea_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o the_o vanity_n and_o uncertainty_n of_o the_o most_o satisfy_a comfort_n that_o this_o world_n can_v afford_v and_o what_o a_o emptiness_n there_o be_v in_o they_o that_o so_o i_o may_v and_o i_o desire_v so_o to_o do_v keep_v wean_v affection_n towards_o they_o and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o they_o that_o i_o may_v be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o they_o when_o god_n call_v they_o from_o i_o or_o i_o from_o they_o again_o in_o regard_n of_o bodily_a weakness_n and_o sickness_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o 1._o that_o as_o a_o break_a shoulder_n can_v bear_v no_o burden_n so_o the_o least_o distemper_n when_o the_o heart_n be_v not_o in_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o temper_n be_v a_o burden_n insupportable_a if_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o and_o withdraw_v the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n and_o deny_v to_o assist_v we_o by_o his_o strength_n we_o can_v neither_o do_v nor_o suffer_v any_o thing_n and_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v by_o experience_n that_o i_o can_v with_o much_o cheerfulness_n holy_a submission_n and_o willingness_n bear_v great_a distemper_n when_o i_o enjoy_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n in_o they_o so_o that_o then_o i_o can_v ready_o say_v good_a be_v the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n as_o well_o as_o his_o word_n and_o i_o will_v bear_v the_o indignation_n of_o the_o lord_n because_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o he_o micah_n 7.9_o and_o job_n 13.15_o though_o he_o slay_v i_o yet_o will_v i_o trust_v in_o he_o 2._o i_o find_v by_o experience_n also_o that_o by_o my_o pain_n and_o sickness_n i_o be_v the_o better_a able_a to_o sympathize_v with_o and_o to_o pity_n and_o pray_v for_o other_o in_o the_o like_a case_n 3._o hereby_o i_o learn_v the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n and_o that_o upon_o several_a account_n namely_o because_o in_o health_n we_o have_v liberty_n and_o opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v the_o public_a ordinance_n with_o other_o of_o god_n people_n whereby_o the_o grace_n of_o true_a christian_n be_v quicken_v strengthen_v and_o increase_v in_o we_o which_o otherwise_o by_o reason_n of_o our_o corrupt_a nature_n be_v apt_a to_o grow_v cold_a and_o languish_v as_o will_v our_o body_n if_o they_o want_v food_n again_o because_o in_o health_n we_o enjoy_v the_o benefit_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o sweet_a and_o quiet_a sleep_n which_o much_o refresh_v and_o cheer_v and_o which_o common_o we_o want_v in_o sickness_n last_o because_o in_o health_n we_o find_v sweet_a satisfy_v comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o god_n good_a creature_n whereas_o in_o sickness_n the_o dainty_a food_n be_v loathsome_a and_o troublesome_a the_o consideration_n of_o these_o thing_n make_v i_o the_o more_o to_o prize_v health_n to_o be_v very_o thankful_a for_o it_o and_o the_o more_o careful_a to_o employ_v and_o improve_v health_n and_o strength_n to_o god_n glory_n and_o the_o furtherance_n of_o my_o own_o salvation_n in_o regard_n of_o public_a danger_n i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n towards_o i_o and_o my_o several_a time_n for_o when_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o civil_a war_n and_o distraction_n 1642._o i_o be_v sometime_o overwhelm_v with_o weak_a and_o distrustful_a fear_n occasion_v by_o my_o not_o act_v faith_n upon_o the_o promise_n and_o not_o remember_v my_o former_a experience_n nor_o consider_v god_n love_n power_n and_o fidelity_n to_o his_o child_n in_o perform_v his_o so_o many_o gracious_a promise_n make_v unto_o they_o in_o all_o estate_n and_o condition_n and_o to_o i_o among_o the_o rest_n hereupon_o i_o resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n and_o assistance_n not_o to_o give_v way_n to_o this_o distrust_n and_o diffidence_n pray_v god_n to_o assist_v i_o therein_o and_o find_v more_o courage_n than_o former_o so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n though_o true_o the_o heart_n be_v very_o deceitful_a as_o i_o have_v find_v by_o sad_a experience_n the_o lord_n teach_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o rely_v upon_o he_o with_o more_o courage_n and_o constancy_n and_o more_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n upon_o his_o promise_n than_o former_o i_o have_v do_v indeed_o i_o have_v be_v apt_a to_o fall_v into_o new_a fear_n upon_o approach_a danger_n yet_o upon_o
success_n and_o glorious_a deliverance_n i_o have_v oft_o resolve_v never_o to_o distrust_v god_n again_o and_o yet_o my_o naughty_a heart_n have_v deceive_v i_o and_o make_v i_o ready_a to_o faint_v but_o this_o i_o find_v by_o experience_n to_o the_o praise_n of_o my_o god_n free_a grace_n that_o as_o trouble_n have_v abound_v my_o consolation_n have_v abound_v much_o more_o for_o god_n bring_v seasonable_o into_o my_o mind_n many_o precious_a promise_n which_o be_v as_o so_o many_o sweet_a cordial_n which_o much_o support_v and_o comfort_v my_o heart_n and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n when_o new_a storm_n have_v arisen_a and_o unexpected_a deliverance_n have_v follow_v and_o i_o have_v and_o do_v resolve_v by_o god_n grace_n not_o to_o distrust_v he_o any_o more_o yer_z though_o more_o and_o great_a daâ—gers_n shall_v arise_v yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o he_o though_o as_o job_n say_v he_o shall_v slay_v i_o the_o good_a lord_n establish_v my_o heart_n in_o this_o good_a and_o holy_a resolution_n who_o be_v able_a to_o keep_v we_o to_o the_o end_n and_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v preserve_v we_o by_o his_o power_n through_o faith_n to_o the_o salvation_n of_o our_o soul_n in_o regard_n of_o satan_n temptation_n especial_o concern_v my_o come_n to_o the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n my_o experience_n have_v be_v these_o find_v often_o that_o i_o be_v very_o unable_a to_o fit_v and_o prepare_v myself_o for_o a_o comfortable_a approach_n to_o that_o sacred_a ordinance_n i_o use_v to_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o congregation_n unto_o god_n in_o my_o behalf_n and_o use_v the_o best_a endeavour_n i_o can_v in_o private_a as_o god_n enable_v i_o though_o i_o come_v far_o short_a of_o what_o be_v require_v and_o of_o what_o i_o desire_v so_o that_o i_o do_v trust_v and_o hope_n through_o god_n mercy_n to_o find_v a_o comfortable_a day_n of_o it_o and_o to_o have_v it_o a_o seal_a ordinance_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o on_o the_o contrary_a i_o find_v much_o deadness_n and_o little_a spiritual_a taste_n relish_n and_o comfort_n in_o the_o use_n of_o it_o so_o that_o my_o spirit_n be_v oft_o much_o trouble_v and_o cast_v down_o in_o i_o fear_v lest_o i_o have_v some_o secret_a sin_n undiscovered_a and_o unrepented_a of_o which_o cause_v the_o lord_n thus_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o but_o then_o my_o gracious_a god_n bring_v this_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o the_o lord_n do_v sometime_o afflict_v we_o for_o the_o exercise_n and_o improvement_n of_o our_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o sin_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o as_o the_o lord_n do_v tender_a great_a mercy_n to_o we_o in_o this_o sacrament_n renew_v his_o covenant_n of_o grace_n and_o seal_v to_o we_o the_o pardon_n of_o our_o sin_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n so_o he_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o engage_v ourselves_o by_o renew_v our_o covenant_n with_o he_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o and_o to_o trust_v upon_o christ_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o apply_v this_o to_o my_o own_o particular_a soul_n and_o a_o while_n after_o to_o show_v i_o and_o to_o make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n that_o precious_a and_o comfortable_a promise_n that_o though_o he_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o we_o for_o a_o little_a moment_n yet_o with_o mercy_n and_o love_a kindness_n he_o will_v return_v to_o we_o again_o this_o be_v a_o wonderful_a comfort_n and_o support_v to_o my_o deject_a heart_n bless_a be_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o i_o desire_v to_o treasure_n up_o these_o experience_n that_o for_o the_o future_a i_o may_v in_o the_o like_a case_n resolve_v to_o put_v my_o whole_a trust_n and_o confidence_n in_o he_o that_o so_o satan_n may_v not_o entrap_v i_o in_o his_o snare_n through_o unbelief_n but_o that_o i_o may_v resist_v he_o steadfast_a in_o the_o faith_n for_o i_o be_o not_o altogether_o ignorant_a of_o his_o device_n god_n promise_n be_v that_o in_o all_o these_o thing_n we_o shall_v be_v more_o than_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v we_o and_o have_v say_v that_o this_o be_v the_o victory_n whereby_o we_o overcome_v the_o world_n even_o our_o faith_n 1_o john_n 5.4_o in_o the_o year_n 1664._o there_o come_v to_o we_o the_o sad_a news_n of_o the_o death_n of_o my_o second_o son_n mr._n john_n clark_n a_o godly_a faithful_a and_o powerful_a minister_n thus_o as_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n follow_v one_o another_o so_o god_n be_v please_v to_o exercise_v his_o child_n with_o one_o affliction_n after_o another_o he_o see_v whilst_o we_o carry_v about_o we_o this_o body_n of_o sin_n we_o have_v need_n of_o manifold_a trial_n and_o temptation_n as_o say_v the_o apostle_n 1_o pet_n 1.6_o now_o for_o a_o season_n you_o be_v in_o heaviness_n if_o need_v be_v through_o manifold_a temptation_n to_o keep_v we_o under_o and_o to_o make_v we_o the_o better_a to_o remember_v ourselves_o indeed_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n course_n and_o deal_n with_o i_o ever_o since_o he_o stop_v i_o in_o the_o way_n as_o i_o be_v post_v to_o hell_n to_o raise_v up_o one_o affliction_n or_o other_o either_o inward_a or_o outward_a either_o from_o satan_n the_o world_n or_o my_o own_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o nature_n not_o have_v wisdom_n and_o grace_n to_o behave_v and_o carry_v myself_o as_o i_o ought_v under_o his_o various_a dispensation_n and_o providence_n as_o appear_v at_o this_o time_n by_o his_o lay_v so_o great_a and_o grievous_a a_o affliction_n upon_o i_o in_o take_v away_o so_o dear_a a_o son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v much_o soul-comfort_n and_o ardent_a affection_n which_o he_o manifest_v by_o his_o fervent_a prayer_n for_o i_o and_o by_o his_o spiritual_a letter_n and_o write_n to_o i_o wherein_o he_o apply_v himself_o suitable_o to_o my_o comfort_n in_o those_o inward_a trouble_n of_o heart_n and_o spirit_n that_o lay_v upon_o i_o this_o cause_v my_o grief_n and_o sorrow_n to_o take_v the_o great_a hold_n on_o i_o upon_o the_o loss_n of_o one_o who_o be_v so_o useful_a to_o i_o yet_o hereby_o i_o do_v not_o derogate_v from_o my_o elder_a son_n from_o who_o i_o have_v the_o like_a help_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o sad_a occasion_n my_o grief_n grow_v so_o great_a that_o i_o take_v no_o pleasure_n of_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o be_v so_o overwhelm_v with_o melancholy_a and_o my_o natural_a strength_n be_v so_o abate_v that_o little_a food_n serve_v my_o turn_n and_o i_o judge_v that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v long_o in_o such_o a_o condition_n hereupon_o i_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o heart_n why_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o whether_o carnal_a and_o inordinate_a affection_n be_v not_o the_o great_a cause_n of_o my_o trouble_n which_o i_o much_o fear_v and_o have_v use_v many_o argument_n and_o lay_v down_o many_o reason_n to_o myself_o to_o quiet_a and_o moderate_v my_o passion_n yet_o nothing_o prevail_v to_o quiet_a and_o calm_a my_o heart_n and_o to_o bow_v i_o to_o the_o obedience_n of_o god_n reveal_v will_n and_o withal_o consider_v that_o it_o be_v god_n only_o that_o can_v quiet_v the_o heart_n and_o set_v our_o unruly_a and_o carnal_a affection_n into_o a_o holy_a frame_n and_o order_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o present_a help_n in_o time_n of_o trouble_n i_o often_o and_o earnest_o seek_v the_o lord_n with_o many_o prayer_n and_o tear_n beseech_v he_o to_o quiet_v my_o heart_n and_o to_o overpower_v and_o tame_v my_o unruly_a affection_n so_o as_o to_o be_v willing_a to_o submit_v unto_o he_o and_o to_o bear_v his_o afflict_a hand_n patient_o and_o fruitful_o and_o to_o be_v ready_a and_o willing_a to_o submit_v either_o in_o do_v or_o suffer_v whatsoever_o he_o please_v to_o impose_v upon_o i_o and_o to_o be_v ready_a to_o part_v with_o the_o best_a cutward_a comfort_n i_o enjoy_v whensoever_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v for_o the_o same_o and_o it_o please_v god_n seasonable_o to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n to_o regard_v my_o tear_n and_o to_o grant_v my_o request_n by_o calm_v and_o quiet_v my_o heart_n and_o spirit_n and_o to_o give_v i_o much_o more_o contentedness_n to_o submit_v to_o his_o holy_a will_n and_o good_a pleasure_n who_o be_v a_o god_n of_o judgement_n and_o know_v the_o fit_a time_n and_o season_n to_o come_v in_o with_o refresh_a comfort_n and_o who_o wait_v to_o be_v gracious_a unto_o those_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o yet_o sure_o i_o be_v not_o without_o many_o temptation_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o darkness_n from_o that_o subtle_a adversary_n who_o always_o stand_v at_o watch_n to_o insinuate_v and_o frame_v his_o temptation_n answerable_a to_o our_o condition_n and_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n
receive_v the_o applause_n of_o the_o whole_a company_n upon_o which_o my_o mind_n be_v terrible_o strike_v and_o i_o immediate_o reply_v thus_o to_o myself_o good_a god_n that_o a_o man_n that_o walk_v upright_o that_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n and_o have_v the_o use_n of_o his_o sense_n and_o reason_n shall_v use_v they_o to_o the_o defy_v of_o his_o creator_n but_o though_o this_o be_v a_o good_a beginning_n towards_o my_o conversion_n to_o find_v my_o conscience_n touch_v for_o my_o sin_n yet_o it_o go_v off_o again_o yet_o all_o my_o life_n long_o i_o have_v a_o secret_a value_n and_o reverence_n for_o a_o honest_a man_n and_o love_a morality_n in_o other_o but_o i_o have_v form_v a_o odd_a scheme_n of_o religion_n to_o myself_o which_o will_v solve_v all_o that_o god_n or_o conscience_n may_v force_v upon_o i_o yet_o i_o be_v not_o ever_o well_o reconcile_v to_o the_o business_n of_o religion_n nor_o have_v that_o reverence_n for_o the_o gospel_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v this_o estate_n of_o mind_n continue_v till_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n be_v read_v to_o he_o wherein_o there_o be_v a_o lively_a description_n of_o the_o suffering_n of_o our_o saviour_n and_o the_o benefit_n thereof_o and_o some_o other_o portion_n of_o scripture_n by_o the_o power_n and_o efficacy_n of_o which_o word_n assist_v by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n god_n so_o wrought_v upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o declare_v that_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o passion_n appear_v so_o clear_a and_o plain_a to_o he_o as_o ever_o any_o thing_n do_v that_o be_v represent_v in_o a_o glass_n so_o that_o the_o joy_n and_o admiration_n which_o possess_v his_o soul_n upon_o the_o read_n of_o god_n word_n to_o he_o be_v remarkable_a to_o all_o about_o he_o and_o he_o have_v so_o much_o delight_n in_o his_o testimony_n that_o he_o beg_v his_o mother_n and_o lady_n to_o read_v the_o same_o to_o he_o frequent_o and_o be_v unsatisfied_a notwithstanding_o his_o great_a pain_n and_o 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open_a enemy_n to_o jesus_n christ_n do_v the_o utmost_a despite_n to_o the_o holy_a spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o the_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o charity_n to_o such_o be_v to_o warn_v they_o in_o the_o name_n of_o god_n and_o as_o they_o regard_v the_o welfare_n of_o their_o immortal_a soul_n no_o more_o to_o deny_v his_o be_v or_o his_o providence_n or_o despise_v his_o goodness_n no_o more_o to_o make_v a_o mock_n of_o sin_n or_o contemn_v the_o pure_a and_o excellent_a religion_n of_o my_o ever_o bless_a redeemer_n through_o who_o merit_n alone_o i_o one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o sinner_n do_v yet_o hope_v for_o mercy_n and_o forgiveness_n amen_n declare_v and_o sign_v june_n 19_o 1680._o in_o the_o presence_n of_o j._n rochester_n