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berresford_n who_o have_v desire_v some_o help_n from_o he_o and_o be_v commit_v to_o prison_n where_o he_o lie_v some_o week_n but_o be_v as_o soon_o as_o may_v be_v with_o mr._n barrett_n who_o be_v afterward_o take_v at_o my_o house_n release_v out_o of_o prison_n by_o the_o say_a lady_n berresford_n kindness_n who_o pay_v down_o 40_o l._n for_o that_o purpose_n they_o have_v both_o suffer_v in_o her_o service_n and_o now_o methinks_v i_o have_v cause_n to_o fear_v my_o sin_n have_v a_o hand_n in_o strip_v i_o of_o such_o a_o mercy_n and_o o_o that_o my_o heavenly_a father_n will_v show_v i_o wherefore_o he_o thus_o contend_v with_o i_o it_o look_v in_o my_o apprehension_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n judge_v i_o and_o my_o family_n unworthy_a of_o such_o a_o blessing_n as_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o lord_n pardon_v those_o sin_n that_o thus_o provoke_v he_o and_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v so_o dark_a a_o dispensation_n but_o in_o all_o my_o suffering_n i_o still_o experience_v much_o of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n in_o moderate_v often_o the_o spirit_n of_o man_n towards_o i_o in_o raise_v i_o up_o friend_n and_o in_o restrain_v some_o that_o have_v very_o ill_o will_v though_o without_o cause_n against_o i_o well_o now_o i_o soon_o find_v nottingham_n too_o hot_a long_a to_o hold_v i_o and_o my_o thought_n go_v much_o upon_o remove_v but_o wither_v i_o can_v not_o tell_v though_o a_o speedy_a removal_n be_v necessary_a i_o be_v under_o the_o sentence_n of_o excommunication_n and_o fear_v a_o writ_n will_v be_v soon_o take_v out_o and_o beside_o i_o find_v that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n to_o take_v off_o that_o sentence_n which_o i_o fear_v most_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o orphan_n and_o other_o business_n lodge_v in_o my_o hand_n
there_o be_v a_o conventicle_n that_o night_n there_o be_v so_o many_o dissenter_n about_o the_o fire_n how_o reproachful_o so_o ever_o these_o may_v speak_v i_o believe_v mr._n mayor_n than_o parker_n at_o hencross_n be_v more_o serious_a when_o he_o tell_v i_o the_o town_n of_o nottingham_n be_v much_o behold_v to_o our_o conventicle_n for_o the_o timely_a stop_n of_o those_o flame_n 12._o the_o 3d_o of_o december_n 1685._o this_o night_n through_o extraordinary_a drowsiness_n at_o family-prayer_n i_o sleep_v 2_o or_o 3_o time_n and_o awake_v again_o do_v not_o use_v the_o best_a mean_n i_o can_v and_o shall_v of_o stand_v up_o to_o prevent_v the_o drowsiness_n i_o hope_v may_v go_v off_o without_o it_o upon_o which_o be_v drop_v again_o asleep_a to_o my_o apprehension_n something_o give_v i_o a_o great_a blow_n upon_o the_o middle_a of_o my_o back_n which_o present_o awake_v i_o in_o a_o fright_a which_o i_o do_v real_o feel_v pain_n i_o some_o minute_n after_o i_o be_v awaken_v i_o have_v purpose_v upon_o it_o and_o hope_v through_o grace_n to_o perform_v it_o to_o be_v always_o more_o watchful_a for_o the_o future_a against_o such_o a_o sin_n this_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n another_o providence_n of_o like_a nature_n my_o elder_a brother_n be_v to_o repeat_v a_o lecture-sermon_n one_o night_n in_o my_o father_n family_n i_o be_v then_o very_o young_a and_o not_o like_v that_o work_n cry_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o to_o have_v my_o brother_n with_o i_o in_o which_o after_o some_o repulse_n i_o be_v gratify_v in_o my_o desire_n to_o our_o chamber_n we_o go_v and_o into_o bed_n i_o get_v but_o before_o i_o can_v drop_v asleep_a i_o feel_v the_o bottom_n of_o the_o bedclothe_n lift_v up_o where_o present_o something_o pull_v i_o by_o the_o toe_n but_o nothing_o there_o be_v to_o be_v see_v this_o affright_a i_o exceed_o and_o though_o young_a i_o can_v conclude_v it_o a_o rebuke_n to_o i_o for_o hinder_v that_o pious_a exercise_n of_o repetition_n and_o dare_v never_o do_v it_o after_o some_o good_a say_n of_o good_a man_n i_o find_v collect_v in_o my_o diary_n out_o of_o sermon_n i_o have_v hear_v viz._n 1._o there_o be_v few_o if_o any_o who_o joy_n in_o a_o comfortable_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v not_o sometime_o cloud_v with_o sorrow_n 2._o where_o the_o minister_n work_n end_v there_o the_o hearer_n begin_v 3._o it_o show_v but_o little_a love_n to_o god_n in_o duty_n when_o we_o come_v with_o unwillingness_n stay_v with_o weariness_n and_o go_v away_o with_o gladness_n 4._o a_o man_n may_v be_v fat_a in_o gift_n yet_o lean_a in_o grace_n 5._o in_o the_o want_n of_o all_o thing_n we_o may_v taste_v and_o see_v how_o sweet_a the_o lord_n be_v 6._o it_o be_v comfortable_a music_n to_o hear_v the_o bird_n in_o the_o breast_n sing_v whatever_o we_o suffer_v for_o it_o 7._o that_o repentance_n be_v seldom_o true-hearted_a that_o be_v gray-headed_a 8._o let_v our_o thirst_n to_o worldly_a thing_n be_v cold_a to_o heavenly_a thing_n inflame_v 9_o it_o be_v easy_a for_o man_n to_o fly_v from_o duty_n but_o impossible_a to_o avoid_v their_o account_n 10._o accustom_v thyself_o to_o duty_n but_o do_v not_o duty_n customary_o 11._o entertain_v none_o in_o your_o house_n that_o shut_v god_n out_o of_o their_o heart_n 12._o associate_v not_o yourselves_o with_o those_o as_o friend_n that_o be_v god_n enemy_n 13._o they_o can_v be_v true_a to_o man_n that_o be_v false_a to_o god_n 14._o dare_v not_o to_o decline_v duty_n to_o preserve_v liberty_n 15._o let_v the_o present_a day_n be_v practice_n be_v still_o the_o mend_v of_o the_o past_a day_n be_v error_n 16._o i_o fear_v my_o duty_n more_o than_o my_o sin_n duty_n lift_v i_o up_o but_o my_o sin_n humble_v i_o 17._o it_o be_v well_o if_o rome_n relic_n among_o we_o do_v not_o keep_v possession_n for_o popery_n 18._o give_v not_o way_n to_o sleep_v any_o night_n till_o thou_o have_v particular_o inquire_v into_o thy_o carriage_n the_o day_n past_a 19_o family-passion_n cloud_n faith_n disturb_v duty_n and_o darken_v comfort_n 20._o he_o never_o want_v comfort_n that_o live_v content_a 21._o that_o man_n never_o want_v his_o own_o will_n that_o make_v god_n will_n his_o 22._o they_o need_v not_o drink_v of_o another_o bucket_n that_o have_v the_o fountain_n nor_o use_v stilt_n and_o crutch_n that_o have_v spiritual_a strength_n 23._o let_v parent_n and_o governor_n by_o their_o example_n endeavour_v to_o influence_n child_n and_o servant_n into_o a_o good_a practice_n 24._o sanctify_a trouble_n be_v token_n of_o special_a love_n 25._o if_o your_o house_n be_v not_o nursery_n for_o heaven_n they_o will_v be_v breed_v place_n for_o hell_n 26._o whatever_o evil_a we_o will_v reprove_v in_o another_o we_o must_v be_v double_o watchful_a against_o it_o ourselves_o 27._o early_o beginning_n in_o goodness_n make_v a_o easy_a deathbed_n 28._o put_v not_o that_o of_o to_o last_v that_o can_v be_v do_v too_o soon_o 29._o we_o have_v no_o more_o to_o live_v upon_o to_o eternity_n than_o what_o we_o lie_v up_o in_o time_n 30._o it_o be_v better_a to_o be_v reproach_v for_o be_v too_o soon_o than_o damn_v for_o be_v too_o late_o in_o heaven_n way_n 31._o good_a family_n make_v good_a church_n and_o good_a education_n good_a family_n 32._o the_o content_a man_n be_v never_o poor_a let_v he_o have_v never_o so_o little_a and_o the_o discontent_a man_n never_o rich_a let_v he_o have_v never_o so_o much_o 33._o there_o be_v two_o jubilee_n keep_v in_o heaven_n one_o at_o the_o conversion_n of_o a_o sinner_n on_o earth_n the_o other_o at_o his_o glorification_n in_o heaven_n 34._o bad_a time_n to_o live_v in_o be_v good_a time_n to_o die_v in_o 35._o affliction_n be_v hard_a meat_n but_o patience_n a_o good_a digester_n 36._o the_o best_a trial_n of_o our_o spiritual_a estate_n be_v by_o the_o tenure_n of_o our_o action_n not_o by_o this_o or_o that_o particular_a action_n 37._o though_o a_o sincere_a christian_a will_v not_o overtake_v a_o sin_n yet_o the_o most_o sincere_a may_v be_v overtake_v with_o a_o sin_n 38._o sad_n conclusion_n may_v be_v draw_v against_o eminent_a saint_n if_o some_o particular_a action_n be_v a_o rule_n to_o judge_v by_o 39_o it_o be_v good_a to_o be_v as_o charitable_a to_o other_o as_o ordinary_o we_o be_v partial_a to_o ourselves_o 40._o the_o best_a of_o saint_n will_v never_o arrive_v at_o assurance_n if_o it_o do_v not_o consist_v with_o many_o imperfection_n 41._o a_o sanctify_a cross_n have_v more_o of_o mercy_n in_o it_o than_o a_o unsanctified_a comfort_n 42._o the_o company_n a_o man_n keep_v be_v a_o commentary_n upon_o his_o life_n 43._o persecute_a godliness_n be_v far_o more_o eligible_a than_o prosperous_a profaneness_n 44._o it_o be_v the_o very_a nature_n of_o true_a faith_n to_o make_v future_a thing_n present_v 45._o it_o be_v very_o difficult_a for_o one_o to_o be_v angry_a and_o not_o sin_n and_o very_o dangerous_a to_o sin_n in_o be_v angry_a 46._o it_o be_v good_a scripture-logick_n to_o draw_v conclusion_n of_o confidence_n from_o premise_n of_o experience_n 47._o the_o poor_a in_o the_o world_n have_v more_o than_o he_o have_v when_o he_o come_v into_o the_o world_n and_o more_o than_o he_o can_v carry_v out_o when_o he_o leave_v the_o world_n 48._o duty_n rest_v in_o as_o well_o as_o sin_n unrepented_a of_o be_v dangerous_a 49._o if_o mercy_n be_v not_o a_o loadstone_n to_o draw_v we_o near_o to_o god_n it_o will_v be_v a_o millstone_n to_o sink_v we_o deep_o into_o hell_n 50._o it_o be_v sad_a to_o lose_v good_a man_n in_o the_o best_a time_n but_o look_v like_o a_o judgement_n to_o lose_v they_o in_o the_o worst_a the_o surviving_n advice_n of_o a_o decease_a husband_n to_o a_o survive_v wife_n or_o a_o call_v from_o the_o dead_a to_o the_o live_n write_a january_n the_o 30_o 168_o and_o intend_v for_o my_o dear_a wife_n perusal_n if_o it_o shall_v please_v the_o lord_n she_o survive_v me._n note_v this_o be_v write_v some_o time_n before_o the_o death_n of_o his_o former_a wife_n dear_a on_o earth_n i_o have_v of_o some_o late_a month_n be_v employ_v in_o set_v not_o only_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o account_v my_o great_a work_n but_o my_o house_n in_o order_n which_o i_o judge_v likewise_o absolute_o necessary_a in_o order_n to_o my_o great_a change_n i_o can_v not_o but_o leave_v a_o few_o line_n of_o advice_n to_o thou_o my_o best_a friend_n on_o earth_n which_o whilst_o i_o live_v i_o hope_v to_o follow_v with_o my_o prayer_n to_o the_o great_a god_n and_o our_o heavenly_a father_n for_o his_o blessing_n upon_o this_o i_o be_v the_o rather_o induce_v to_o do_v now_o when_o through_o mercy_n in_o perfect_a health_n that_o i_o may_v
have_v no_o worldly_a affair_n unsettle_a to_o disturb_v and_o distract_v my_o mind_n withal_o when_o upon_o the_o very_a confine_n of_o another_o world_n and_o lie_v upon_o a_o sickbed_n or_o deathbed_n when_o i_o desire_v god_n may_v have_v all_o my_o thought_n and_o all_o my_o time_n and_o will_v fain_o be_v most_o serious_a and_o intent_n upon_o soul-concerns_a this_o little_a treatise_n in_o three_o part_n contain_v the_o most_o remarkable_a passage_n of_o my_o life_n that_o occur_v to_o memory_n and_o collect_v out_o of_o my_o diary_n write_v in_o shorthand_n as_o a_o last_o legacy_n i_o hearty_o commend_v to_o thy_o perusal_n and_o other_o friend_n that_o survive_v i_o in_o it_o i_o have_v endeavour_v impartial_o to_o god_n glory_n to_o give_v the_o dark_a side_n of_o a_o vile_a wretch_n on_o earth_n as_o well_o as_o the_o bright_a i_o be_v long_o thou_o see_v a_o wanderer_n from_o god_n and_o in_o a_o most_o bewilder_v condition_n on_o that_o account_n i_o know_v not_o where_o to_o rest_v till_o i_o anchor_v on_o the_o rock_n of_o age_n have_v no_o true_a peace_n till_o through_o mercy_n i_o close_v with_o christ_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n conscience_n then_o often_o speak_v when_o it_o be_v not_o hear_v and_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n when_o my_o study_n too_o much_o be_v to_o check_v stifle_v and_o hush_v it_o i_o be_v then_o a_o terror_n to_o myself_o and_o perhaps_o to_o other_o about_o i_o especial_o observe_v christian_n friend_n who_o fain_o will_v but_o then_o can_v not_o prevail_v with_o i_o to_o be_v serious_a strict_a and_o good_a i_o be_v too_o long_o god_n know_v in_o the_o gall_n of_o bitterness_n and_o in_o the_o bond_n of_o iniquity_n and_o o_o what_o rich_a mercy_n be_v it_o i_o be_v not_o then_o take_v from_o earth_n and_o throw_v into_o hell_n that_o through_o grace_n i_o do_v outlive_v the_o year_n of_o a_o loose_a carnal_a fresh_o and_o unregenerate_a state_n o_o my_o dear_a i_o can_v express_v the_o sorrow_n the_o terror_n the_o heartbreak_a and_o trouble_v that_o my_o youthful_a folly_n cost_v i_o in_o riperyear_n my_o closet_n be_v witness_v to_o something_o and_o my_o god_n to_o more_o but_o alas_o all_o too_o little_a if_o freegrace_n save_v i_o not_o i_o must_v yet_o perish_v but_o of_o this_o i_o nothing_o doubt_v through_o the_o merit_n and_o mediation_n of_o my_o bless_a redeemer_n to_o who_o i_o hope_v in_o heaven_n to_o eternity_n to_o give_v the_o glory_n of_o what_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o lord_n have_v full_o convince_v i_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n my_o search_n and_o watch_n can_v nothing_o avail_v i_o without_o christ_n god_n show_v i_o my_o lose_a and_o undo_v condition_n before_o i_o have_v think_v of_o inquire_v what_o i_o must_v do_v to_o be_v save_v or_o of_o look_v out_o after_o a_o saviour_n and_o this_o through_o mercy_n i_o can_v say_v that_o i_o can_v never_o have_v true_o a_o quiet_a minute_n till_o i_o be_v most_o sweet_o persuade_v and_o powerful_o enable_v to_o close_v with_o christ_n as_o offer_v in_o the_o gospel_n o_o richgrace_n freegrace_n and_o now_o dear-heart_n let_v i_o invite_v thou_o into_o the_o embrace_n of_o bless_a jesus_n come_v taste_n and_o try_v how_o good_a god_n be_v to_o return_v sinner_n i_o believe_v thou_o have_v well_o be_v more_o and_o more_o in_o love_n with_o christ_n enter_v into_o covenant_n with_o god_n and_o frequent_o renew_v thy_o covenant-engagement_n and_o labour_n to_o perform_v covenant-promises_a never_o think_v thou_o can_v do_v enough_o for_o that_o god_n thou_o expect_v so_o much_o from_o nay_o indeed_o thy_o all_o that_o can_v either_o make_v thou_o happy_a here_o or_o to_o eternity_n some_o few_o head_n of_o advice_n out_o of_o tender_a love_n both_o to_o thy_o soul_n and_o body_n i_o leave_v with_o thou_o 1._o settle_v thy_o temporal_a affair_n and_o wordly_o concern_v betimes_o that_o upon_o a_o deathbed_n thou_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v and_o divert_v with_o they_o from_o high_a and_o more_o besit_v employment_n i_o delay_v make_v my_o will_n too_o long_o which_o be_v no_o small_a perplexity_n to_o my_o mind_n till_o the_o year_n 1685_o when_o i_o do_v it_o 2._o if_o thou_o can_v think_v i_o worthy_a thy_o remembrance_n forget_v not_o show_v some_o kindness_n to_o such_o relation_n and_o friend_n of_o i_o who_o i_o need_v not_o name_n be_v know_v to_o thou_o who_o be_v object_n of_o pity_n and_o need_v thy_o charity_n 3._o if_o thou_o do_v not_o incline_v to_o a_o settlement_n in_o nottingham_n in_o the_o house_n i_o leave_v thou_o for_o thy_o life_n then_o be_v with_o or_o as_o near_o as_o may_v be_v some_o of_o thy_o religious_a friend_n such_o as_o may_v be_v helper_n and_o promoter_n not_o hinderer_n of_o thy_o eternal_a welfare_n 4._o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v again_o incline_v thou_o to_o marry_v dare_v not_o to_o join_v thyself_o in_o that_o relation_n to_o any_o that_o be_v not_o join_v to_o the_o lord_n marry_v one_o i_o say_v who_o in_o the_o judgement_n of_o the_o best_a of_o friend_n as_o well_o as_o thou_o own_o which_o may_v in_o such_o a_o case_n deceive_v thou_o do_v true_o fear_n god_n nay_o i_o will_v advise_v thou_o to_o marry_v one_o of_o a_o healthful_a strong_a and_o sound_a constitution_n by_o who_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v thou_o may_v have_v the_o blessing_n of_o child_n for_o i_o have_v reason_n to_o suppose_v that_o some_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n whilst_o a_o child_n and_o young_a may_v render_v i_o less_o capable_a in_o that_o respect_n 5._o if_o thou_o shall_v have_v child_n train_v they_o up_o in_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n help_v to_o fill_v heaven_n with_o thy_o offspring_n 6._o have_v marry_v own_o thy_o husband_n as_o thy_o head_n submit_v to_o the_o duty_n of_o a_o wife_n for_o the_o lord_n sake_n labour_n and_o pray_v for_o a_o meek_a and_o quiet_a frame_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o lord_n of_o great_a price_n 7._o have_v some_o eye_n over_o and_o inspection_n into_o the_o behaviour_n and_o conversation_n of_o those_o i_o be_v sometime_n entrust_v as_o guardian_n for_o jog_v and_o quicken_v loiterer_n heavenward_n mind_v they_o of_o their_o education_n counsel_n and_o instruction_n and_o how_o hopeful_a their_o beginning_n be_v and_o especial_o regard_v our_o child_n and_o dear_a niece_n brain_n 8._o be_v much_o in_o read_v and_o study_v good_a book_n these_o i_o commend_v to_o thou_o especial_o viz._n the_o holy_a bible_n with_o pool_n annotation_n swinnock'_v one_o cast_v for_o eternity_n barrett_n christian_n temper_n heywood_n heart-treasure_n reyner_n precept_n dunton_n heavenly_a pastime_n case_n god_n wait_v to_o be_v gracious_a flavel_n fountain_n of_o life_n bolton_n toss_v ship_n r._n allen_n rebuke_v to_o backsliders_a janeway_n heaven_n upon_o earth_n swinnock'_v regeneration_n love_n on_o heaven_n glory_n etc._n etc._n flavel_n saint_n indeed_o steel_n of_o uprightness_n calamy_n godly_a man_n ark_n hooker_n doubt_v soul_n etc._n etc._n hardcastle_n christian_n geography_n watson_n on_o contentment_n mede'_v almost_o christian_n doolittle_n on_o the_o sacrament_n his_o call_n to_o delay_v sinner_n most_o of_o bunyan_n work_n very_o useful_a if_o read_v without_o prejudice_n these_o book_n among_o other_o i_o have_v have_v much_o refreshment_n from_o and_o hearty_o commend_v they_o to_o thou_o 9_o do_v all_o thou_o do_v either_o in_o religious_a or_o civil_a action_n with_o a_o eye_n at_o eternity_n thus_o pray_v and_o hear_v and_o read_v and_o meditate_v and_o converse_v and_o engage_v in_o all_o secular_a affair_n and_o discharge_v all_o relative_a duty_n with_o a_o eye_n at_o eternity_n and_o this_o will_v help_v to_o make_v thou_o very_o serious_a and_o strict_a 10._o spend_v thy_o weekday_n well_o in_o the_o discharge_n of_o duty_n public_a and_o private_a keep_v a_o exact_a diary_n of_o any_o sinful_a miscarriage_n and_o be_v humble_v every_o evening_n for_o they_o take_v notice_n of_o god_n mercy_n every_o day_n and_o labour_n to_o have_v thy_o heart_n suitable_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n goodness_n observe_v and_o pen_v down_o god_n deal_n with_o thou_o and_o thy_o carriage_n and_o behaviour_n towards_o god_n this_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o practice_v with_o good_a success_n 11._o esteem_v of_o sabhath-day_n as_o the_o best_a of_o day_n these_o be_v the_o market-day_n of_o thy_o soul_n make_v good_a provision_n on_o they_o for_o it_o hear_v the_o word_n meditate_v on_o it_o digest_v and_o practice_v it_o neglect_v no_o duty_n of_o the_o day_n in_o private_a but_o most_o high_o value_v public-assembly_n god_n be_v by_o they_o most_o honour_v 12._o redeem_v time_n i_o can_v from_o my_o own_o experience_n tell_v thou_o a_o review_n in_o