encline to an Imitation of what 's bad and sinful But now to be born of Christian Parents yea such who are of the stricter sort surely this can be no less than distinguishing Mercy If it be a Mercy to Children to be train'd up in the Nurture and Fear of the Lord to be taught to be Religious by the Example of such Parents If a Mercy to Children to be in Covenant with God to have a Stock of Prayers laid up in Heaven for them to have wholesom Counsel serious Instructions pious Reproofs refreshing Comforts and necessary Corrections If these things be Mercies as surely none will deny certainly then the Children of religious Parents have cause all their Days to bless God for such a Mercy Here 's now the advantage of Religious Education when a Parent or Governor's Conduct of Children committed to their Care is moderated betwixt the Extreams of an unwarrantable Indulgence and cruel Rigor when Parents so deport themselves in their good Conduct and Government that Children may both love and honour their Presence when they are not too fond lest Children should not fear them nor too stern lest they should fear them too much Well! good Parents I bless God for As to my Brother Daniel in his younger Years he and I being both Abroad and at great Distance each from the other I had not the advantage of making particular Remarks He had his Learning and Education in part at the Lady Hussy's with Mr. Birkitts and after that with Mr. Ferguson both of them Non-conforming Ministers He marry'd pretty young Katherine one of the Daughters of Henry Fynes of Kirkstead Esq a Coheir by whom he had several Children four of them yet living and hopeful She proved a most tender loving Wife a dear Parent and a gracious Christian for many Years before she was summoned from Earth to Heaven which was on May the 16th 1690. A farther account of her some Letters in this Book contain I the said Gervase Disney being but a weak Child while young by reason of the Rickets I had in a high degree was as tenderly regarded and brought up much Care was taken of me especially by my Mother than whom I believe there can't be any more loving kind and tender-hearted breathing I could not by reason of my Weakness go till about eight years Old but long before that I fear could run swiftly enough in the Ways of Sin and Vanity In these Years I cannot say that I had the least sense of the Corruption of my Nature and the Evil of Sin upon my Heart Several Years I was carried in the Arms of one Anne Carlton a Servant in our Family who constantly attended me Bent enough I was to play and therefore for some Years had a constant way of Hitching about upon a Cushion the better to follow and join with my Brothers and Sisters in their Sports when by reason of the Rickets my Legs would not carry me The first Tidings of my Walking alone was welcome Tidings to my Father and Mother and brought by my Uncle Lee then a Tabler at our House at Lincoln for the Benefit of Free-School-Learning It seems he and the other Children were engaged in some kind of Sports that I had an Eagerness to pursue when finding I could not follow fast enough by Hitching did strangely and suddenly adventure a trial of Skill after them upon my Legs holding by Tables and Stools as I went along But O what a Miracle of Mercy am I to the Glory of God be it spoken who am now arriving the 48th Year of my Age having for most of these Years been healthful and strong and little acquainted with Sickness when as for several Years when a Child I was so weak that few thought I could live many Months O that I should out-live Seven of my Brothers and Sisters so many Years who were all of them so much stronger and most of them so much younger than my self But God's Ways and Thoughts are not as ours Surely as some times yea often I have thought God has something extraordinary for me to do tho the meanest and unworthiest of all his Servants only this I have learn'd through Grace to say heartily and chearfully Speak Lord for thy Servant desires to hear send me Lord upon any Errand and set me about any Work whether doing or suffering and I thy Servant desires faithfully to attend it If I may have but thy Presence with me and thy Supports and Comforts to refresh me in my way I shall be content I being in Childhood so long weak was not sent to School till about 12 or 13 years Old and then to the Free-School at Lincoln but did not altogether lose my time before for my honoured and good Aunt Thorneton who was with my Mother mostly from her Marrying with my Father did instruct me in my English Learning Indeed to most if not all of us she was both Nurse and Instructer my Mother having Children thickly and nursing us all herself was rendred less capable and therefore my dear Aunt 's Service was much more grateful and acceptable I went not to School of several Years and when I did made but little Proficiency having an aversness to-Learning or rather to Study the burdensom part of it my Inclination and Fancy working rather to other Things as Writing Herauldry Musick c. and these Exercises I used not only as Diversion but spent all the Time I could ever be Master of in them My Father therefore perceiving me to decline Learning gave me my choice of any Trade I inclined most to a Herauld-Painter having by frequent Practice arrived at tolerable Perfection in that Art But that Employ being judged to be too burdensom to an Apprentice I inclin'd to be bound to a Bookseller the advantage of many Authors and a good Library being to me the main Inducement But that Mr. Robinson told my Father was a declining Trade At last it was concluded with the Approbation of all concerned for me that I must be bound for 7 Years to my Cousin Mr. Martin Oglethorp a Silk-man and Merchant in Lombard-street London And there I was placed about the Year 1661 and about the 18th or 19th Year of my Age. There alas my Carriage and Deportment was such that I have cause to bewail my Folly being not so diligent and careful in my Service as I ought to have been in answer to a good Education the Lord had blessed me with These particular Sins I remember I was too frequently guilty of viz. wasting my Master's Time by employing too much in my own Service and that generally to my Disadvantage neglect of Duties Equivocation studiously contrived for the covering concealing and hiding other Faults which then I remember the Devil and my own naughty Heart perswaded me was not Lying yet since through Grace I have learnt to know was no better being intended and contrived for the deceiving of others And thus I have most wickedly
being so But here let me stop a while to admire the transcendent Goodness of my Heavenly Father to me a most vile Wretch That he should do more for me than others who I think had done less for him and more against him than most others What such a Brand as I snatch'd out of the Fire Such a wandring Prodigal brought home to God! O my Soul stand and wonder What so hard a Heart as mine softned So proud a Heart as mine humbled So obstinate a Will as mine subdued O amazing Goodness This is the Lord 's doing and must always 〈◊〉 marvellous in mine Eyes Though alas alas whilst I am here in the Body I must say with the Apostle Paul I find a Law in my Members warring and rebelling against the Law of my Mind that when I would do Good Evil is too often present with me So that the Things I would not do I do Corruption I find too much stirring and even â—…ainting the best I do for God Yet through Grace I have these present Grounds to hope for Salvation God in infinite Mercy has made me sensible not only of my great Sins but of the â—ileness of my Heart and Nature he has made me to abhor my self for my Sins and I hope truly to repent of them For I do find that what was before the delight of my Soul is now become as bad as Hell to me That God has brought me so far off from mine own bottom as to convince me that all my Prayers and Tears and Duties are not able to save me A Christ alone I must have have thrown my self at his Foot for Mercy resolving if I must perish I 'le perish there I love him above all and can I hope through Divine Assistance part with all for his Sake About the Year 1670 I was by many Friends recommended to several good Matches but particularly by that Reverend and Worthy Minister of Jesus Christ my Cousin Sylvester who providentially I met with at my Brother Hatfield's who there acquainted me that he had it long and much upon his Thoughts to recommend a Person to me he believed would make me a good Wife That he knew her to be a Person of great Worth and the only unmarried Daughter of Mr. Spateman He encouraged me very much that though I should not proceed in that Affair yet the Acquaintance of so good a Family would sufficiently recompense my Pains and Journey After some mature Consideration I returned him Thanks and embraced the Motion and soon after went to that House where though I was then a perfect Stranger yet through the very great Freedom and Kindness of the good old Gentleman I soon became acquainted was received with much Candour and entertained with a hearty Welcome So soon as his Daughter came down which was about 6 a Clock to Family-Prayers he put us I remember both to the Blush by telling her here was one Mr. Disney come as recommended to her for a Sweet-heart After some short time I had encouragement to proceed in the Affair was much pleased with the Family and with the Report I had of the Person to whom I was to make my Addresses Providence seemed to smile upon the Transaction our Parents after some Debate came to an Agreement as to Terms So that when we had sought God solemnly upon a Day that I desired we might keep for that purpose by Mr. Porter and Mr. Otefield we came to a Conclusion And that happy Union betwixt my Dear Wife Mrs. Rebecca Spateman and my self was made the 29th of June 1671 being Thursday We were married by Mr. Nixon of Morton at Trinity-Chappel And here methinks I cannot but take notice to the Honour of God what a Wife he was pleased to lend me God has made her to me the greatest outward Blessing and Comfort that ever I had to the time of her Death The usual Properties of a good Wife are such as these Piety Prudence Love Faithfulness Chastity Housewifery Frugality Self-Denial Meekness Patience Subjection Simpathy and Helpfulness I do not know any in the World that can â—oust of a Wife exactly thus qualified but do believe most of them to be in mine a valuable Portion indeed to this time when we have been married 14 years I have found her first and last She is a truly good Woman yet but a Woman and therefore subject to humane Frailties her Spirit was somewhat too high and my Humour a great deal too proud and this occasion'd too often Jarrings betwixt us but through Grace we have both seen the ill Consequences of such strife and the Lord has made us more useful and less provoking one to another It was then considered where we should make our setled abode Roadenooke Friends were desirous we would either be there or near them when at the same time my Father and Mother Disney desired we would be with them at Lincoln and several Reasons of weight were urged on both sides which put us into a great Strait and Labyriâ—th being desirous as near as we could to please them all and not disoblige any So that this Medium was by me propos'd and as readily approv'd of to fix some-where between our Friends and the Place concluded on was Nottingham where though I was a perfect Stranger to the Town and knew not one Person in it yet after seeking of God in the Matter we were wonderfully induced to take a Settlement in that Place And now being resolv'd and that with the Approbation of our Friends upon a Removal thither we concluded Tabling would best comport with our Circumstances at that time We soon then enquired and found out by the help of Mr. Reyner a Religious Family to table in viz. Mrs. Gamble's in Bridlesmith-Gate whither we came the 24th of September 1672. And I must say it was a good Providence that brought me thither not only upon on the account of a good Land-lady we tabled with and the good Society we had with worthy Mr. Secker and his Wife who were Tablers there at the same time but especially upon account of the good Acquaintance I there presently got and the comfortable Opportunities for our Souls we there enjoy'd The Reasons inclining us to Nottingham were such as follow 1. The very good Society there to be had and the comfortable Ordinances there to be enjoy'd not only on Sabbath-Days but Week-Days too Mr. Whitlock Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Barrett being the Ministers of that Society there that I and my dear Wife entred our selves unworthy Members of blessed be God for that they carried on the Work for the most part on Lord's-Days and every Wednesday there was a Lecture carried on by all or most of the Non-conforming Ministers there-abouts in the Counties round they taking their turns in that Work And O what cause have I to bless God to eternity for the comfortable Enjoyments of that Place there I think my Heart was more carried out after God in an Ordinance
and I did enjoy more of God in a few years than I had done perhaps all my Life before There indeed it was we sat under our own Vine with delight there could we go to our solemn Assemblies where Multitudes with us did keep Holy-Day there did we long enjoy our Sanctuary-Blessings none making us afraid There had I opportunity of conversing with those serious Christians in whom was my delight viz. Mr. Lupton my first Acquaintance a holy Christian and one useful loving and assisting to me in all Offices of Love whilst he lived James Coates a near Neighbour a plain Man but a hearty Christian a Person most unwearied in Labours of Love and always active in serving the Church of Christ Mr. Musson a most lively and refreshing Companion a Man of as meek humble and heavenly a Frame as any I think I ever observ'd And the Reverend my worthy good Friend Mr. Reyner who was extreamly useful whilst he liv'd and most heartily lamented when he died his Memory is precious to me and I believe will be to all good Men that knew him but these are all gone to Heaven and surely then it was time for me to leave Nottingham having before parted with so many Friends I dearly lov'd Others in Nottingham I soon got acquaintance with and People of great Worth but these named were my intimate Friends and familiar Acquaintance whom I especially valued because they fear'd God I bless God for this Experience as to my first inducing Motive to Nottingham 2. Another Reason inclining me to Nottingham being also very perswasive was this That I should come into that Town a perfect Stranger and was perswaded I should find it a much easier matter to make choice of new good Companions there than it could be to shake off my old bad Companions at Lincoln if I should settle there when the Lord toucht my Heart and set my Face Heavenwards I durst not again trust my self amongst the Snares and Temptations of those near Lincoln that had sometimes been Brethren in Iniquity with me I was now much upon my Watch my Heart having too often deceiv'd me to be much trusted I had found it too treacherous at London Swinderby Barkston and Lincoln and therefore durst not but guard it well at Nottingham Though I can say and heartily bless the Lord for the Experience God has wrought up my Heart to an universal Abhorrence of Sin and a Love to the Ways of Holiness sometimes indeed and too often Hurries of Temptation runs me into too great though blessed be God not gross Miscarriages and Pride I see at the bottom of all But O! after such Stumbles God has help'd me up again and humbled me and made me more watchful and circumspect I now experience blesbe Free-Grace God has given me a tender Conscience I am now afraid of Sin yea of any thing that looks like Sin I can indeed remember the time when I could have committed apparent Evils with less Trouble and Terror of Conscience than now through Grace the very appearance of Evil in me is accompanied with And this I do experience that all the Service that Sin has ever done me is this I have been after the more enlarg'd in Prayer I have put through assisting Grace greater Fervency into them and I have been much humbled in bewailing them and very importunate with Tears for the Lord's Pardon 3. The third Thing that perswaded me to Nottingham was that my Self Wife and all our Relations did approve of our Design when they understood the Reasons of it here we continued with great Content and Satisfaction at Mrs. Gamble's for almost a Year and half And then we finding through the Lord's Blessing our Circumstances somewhat altered and advanc'd and we in a Capacity to furnish part of a House we then concluded to take Lodgings partly furnish'd which we did and entred upon Rooms at Mr. Roger Ryley's as Tennants the 18th of February 1673. Here we had a little Family but observ'd partly the same Methods for Family-worship we do now not only for our own advantage but I hope to the advantage of several of Mr. Ryley's Family too His eldest Daughter liv'd with us and Nelly a younger Child came very often to join with us both on Week-Days and Sabbath-Days and I do trust God made us some ways useful to that Girl who I observ'd to have a good appetite to spiritual Things she came to Repetition and Catechism and indeed was pretty forward for Religion and I do hope retains her Appetite now being a Servant in the City of London We continued there not quite three Years where though we could not expect to get much good from our Neighbours in the other part of the House they being generally too carnal yet the Lord made it a comfortable Settlement in regard I trust the Lord so far blessed our weak Endeavours as that we did some good there as some of them yea Mr. Ryley himself did acknowledg But now yet finding our Condition as to worldly Matters encreasing through the Lord's Blessing and our Family also enlarging I took a House of Mrs. Smith's over against the Castle and entred upon it the 29th of September 1676 and that House we furnished compleatly the Lord pardon our Pride in that After we had continued some time here I was invited to go to Lincoln and my Father's Design then being shortly to leave that City and to live in Yorkshire at Brother Stanyforth's at Firbeck he did earnestly and importunately sollicite me by several Letters to live in Yorkshire with him His main Reasons for cohabiting were 1. That I might the better be acquainted with his Business which after him he told me would be mine 2. That he might in his old Age be eas'd in Business usually very great by my bearing a part with him 3. That we might especially be helpful one to another in the best Things for though I had reason enough from the meanness of my Abilities to believe I could be but little serviceable to him in any thing yet he was pleas'd to think otherwise and would some times take notice of my Improvements in Spirituals Once I remember before the Year 1680 he told me I having pray'd pretty much with him at that time of my being as a Visitor at Lincoln That God had given me the Gift of Prayer I reply'd to this purpose being indeed troubled in my Mind lest Gifts were all they being too in my own Apprehensions mean Sir the Gift of Prayer I look upon as nothing where there is not the Grace of Prayer it 's that I mostly desire and wait for and without which Prayers would little avail My Father to encourage as he thought my living with him told me he would turn over his Estate to me and help me whilst he liv'd in the Management of it but this was no Argument to me his Son comparable to the Commands of a Father I being through Mercy not at all of late Years
inclin'd to expect or depend upon much of the World nor ever lay under the temptation of desiring any Friend's Death for my worldly Advance My Father 's most perswasive Letter for my living with him I answered largely the 22d of February 16â—5 After I had considered and debated the Thing deliberately advis'd with Friends sought God by Prayer and weigh'd Reasons for it and against it which was of late Years my constant Method for the deciding any difficult Case and answered him in the Negative for the Reasons under-written if he would please to approve of them which he did Reasons against leaving Nottingham such as these 1. We came to Nottingham with the concurring Consent of all our Friends now by removing further from them we must I see necessarily disoblige some 2. After my seeking God for Direction in the Matter and keeping a Day to that purpose at Roadenooke we found our Inclinations more to this place than any though Lincoln was before most in our Thoughts in compliance with Friends there 3. Here our main ends in coming have been answered viz. the enjoying the Gospel and the Society of good quickning Christians in this respect I thought few Towns priviledged like Nottingham 4. Here God has used me as an Instrument though the weakest of good to some and I know not what further Service he may have for me here in this Place 5. Here we have the Love of all sober Christians and Favour beyond Expectation from different-minded Magistrates 6. Here God has providentially disposed and committed to me the Education of Children yea the Children of Religious Parents And I think I cannot so faithfully discharge that Trust nor answer the end of him I honoured now with God if whilst I may I have them not under my Eye especially whilst so young 7. Both my Wife and my Self are very much averse to Tabling for many Reasons 8. Another Reason that I thought material at that time was this I can by no means away with a Country-Life I having here the advantage of improving my self and doing good to others I cannot expect in a Country-Retirement 9. I have some Years unexpired in my Lease of this House I am in 10. I have taken several Tablers These Reasons fully satisfied my Father Disney and Mother and I had their Leave to continue at Nottingham and here the Lord blessed me wonderfully though now and then I was under the rebukes of Providence yet was stisfied all was in love to my Soul and to the advantage of my Inner-Man Several Troubles I met with upon account of my Nonconformity though I did believe and did accordingly practise that it was my Duty to go as far as I could with a safe Conscience in obeying the Authority I liv'd under And was perswaded in my own Breast That I could never take Comfort in those Sufferings I brought upon my self by not doing what Authority enjoin'd and I might lawfully comply with without Sin About April 1682 when the Spirit of Persecution grew hot in Nottingham and much of the Malice of the Magistrates seem'd to be levelled against me I thought I had a Call and was thereupon resolved with the Concurrence of God to remove and that as sometimes we thought to London grounding my Opinion of the Lawfulness of it upon some Reasons but especially upon that Text of Scripture If they persecute yon in one City flee to another For about half a year I sought Counsel of God in the thing having always a desire to be where God would have me But having all this while by my self and Friends us'd all the means I could to provide a convenient Habitation I met with constant Disappointments as to those Houses which lay most convenient for the Management of my Affairs which were Shipley Codgrave and Brameote and as for London I was perswaded it was too remote from my Business and too far distant from Friends On October the 19th 1682 Winter being far come on and Ways bad I took up a Resolution with the advice of Friends to settle at my own House in Nottingham that I had bought upon the High-Pavement These were the Reasons that prevailed with me 1. Most of those whom I consulted with were of opinion where-ever I went I should be liable to Sufferings if I kept from sinful Compliances and might be as safe in Nottingham as elsewhere 2. God did at that time wonderfully incline my Self and Wife to make a trial of that House 3. It was at that time providentially at liberty the Tenant I had being gone and the House upon my hands And here though blessed be God from my Marriage I did not neglect Family-Duties I set upon a more strict conscionable and methodical Discharge of all the Duties of Religion both Publick Family and Private than before and did strive against the Sins of my Constitution which I found were Pride of Heart and Passion c. Many Troubles I met with and was often disturbed yet it was not throÌ„ Mercy for sinning against God but serving him Much Money it cost me to take off Fines and Excommunications Some Ministers were taken being Lodgers at those times at my House as Mr. Barrett and Mr. Shelverdine Upon Mr. Shelverdine's Taking I find this Memorandum in my Diary viz. The first Day I begun the course of having Ministers to help me in my Sabbath-day-work Mr. Shelverdine being that Day the Person my Sister Wigley who liv'd then by us desired might take the first turn and begin the Work He was taken by an Officer at the Lady Berresford's who had desired some help from him and was committed to Prison where he lay some Weeks but was as soon as might be with Mr. Barrett who was afterwards taken at my House released out of Prison by the said Lady Berresford's Kindness who paid down 40 l. for that purpose they having both suffered in her Service And now methinks I have cause to fear my Sins had a hand in stripping me of such a Mercy and O that my heavenly Father would shew me wherefore he thus contends with me It looks in my Apprehension as if the Lord judg'd me and my Family unworthy of such a Blessing as the Gospel is The Lord pardon those Sins that thus provok'd him and give me to understand so dark a Dispensation but in all my Sufferings I still experienced much of the Goodness of God in moderating often the Spirits of Men towards me in raising me up Friends and in restraining some that had very ill Will though without cause against me Well now I soon found Nottingham too hot longer to hold me and my Thoughts went much upon removing but wither I could not tell though a speedy Removal was necessary I being under the Sentence of Excommunication and feared a Writ would be soon taken out And besides I found that there was no way to take off that Sentence which I feared most upon the account of Orphans and others business lodged in my Hands
there was a Conventicle that Night there were so many Dissenters about the Fire How reproachfully so ever these might speak I believe Mr. Mayor then Parker at Hencross was more serious when he told me the Town of Nottingham was much beholden to our Conventicle for the timely stopping of those Flames 12. The 3d of December 1685. this Night through extraordinary Drowsiness at Family-Prayer I slep'd 2 or 3 times and awaking again did not use the best means I could and should of standing up to prevent the Drowsiness I hop'd might go off without it Upon which being dropt again asleep to my Apprehensions something gave me a great Blow upon the Middle of my Back which presently awaked me in a Fright which I did really feel paining me some Minutes after I was awaken I have purpos'd upon it and hope through Grace to perform it to be always more watchful for the future against such a Sin This brings to my Mind another Providence of like nature My eldest Brother being to repeat a Lecture-Sermon one Night in my Father's Family I being then very young and not liking that Work cry'd to go to Bed and to have my Brother with me in which after some repulse I was gratifi'd in my Desire to our Chamber we went and into Bed I got but before I could drop asleep I felt the bottom of the Bed-clothes lift up where presently something pull'd me by the Toe but nothing there was to be seen this affrighted me exceedingly and though young I could conclude it a Rebuke to me for hindring that pious Exercise of Repetition and durst never do it after Some good Sayings of good Men I find collected in my Diary out of Sermons I have heard viz. 1. THere 's few if any whose Joys in a comfortable Communion with God are not sometimes clouded with Sorrow 2. Where the Minister's Work ends there the Hearer's begins 3. It shows but little Love to God in Duty when we come with Unwillingness stay with Weariness and go away with Gladness 4. A Man may be fat in Gifts yet lean in Grace 5. In the want of all things we may taste and see how sweet the Lord is 6. It 's comfortable Musick to hear the Bird in the Breast singing whatever we suffer for it 7. That Repentance is seldom true-hearted that is gray-headed 8. Let our Thirst to worldly things be cold to heavenly things inflamed 9. It 's easy for Men to fly from Duty but impossible to avoid their Account 10. Accustom thy self to Duty but do not Duties customarily 11. Entertain none in your Houses that shut God out of their Hearts 12. Associate not your selves with those as Friends that are God's Enemies 13. They cannot be true to Men that are false to God 14. Dare not to decline Duty to preserve Liberty 15. Let the present Day 's Practice be still the Mending of the past Day 's Errors 16. I fear my Duties more than my Sins Duties lift me up but my Sins humble me 17. It 's well if Rome's Reliques amongst us do not keep Possession for Popery 18. Give not way to sleep any Night till thou hast particularly inquired into thy Carriage the Day past 19. Family-Passions cloud Faith disturb Duty and darken Comforts 20. He never wants Comfort that lives content 21. That Man never wants his own Will that makes God's Will his 22. They need not drink of another's Bucket that have the Fountain nor use Stilts and Crutches that have Spiritual Strength 23. Let Parents and Governours by their Examples endeavour to influence Children and Servants into a good Practice 24. Sanctified Troubles are Tokens of special Love 25. If your Houses be not Nurseries for Heaven they 'l be breeding Places for Hell 26. Whatever Evil we would reprove in another we must be doubly watchful against it our selves 27. Early beginnings in Goodness makes an easy Death-Bed 28. Put not that of to last that cannot be done too soon 29. We have no more to live upon to Eternity than what we lay up in Time 30. It 's better to be reproached for being too soon than damned for being too late in Heaven's ways 31. Good Families make good Churches and good Education good Families 32. The contented Man is never poor let him have never so little and the discontented Man never rich let him have never so much 33. There are two Jubilees kept in Heaven one at the Conversion of a Sinner on Earth the other at his Glorification in Heaven 34. Bad Times to live in are good Times to die in 35. Afflictions are hard Meat but Patience a good Digester 36. The best Trial of our Spiritual Estate is by the tenure of our Actions not by this or that particular Action 37. Though a sincere Christian will not overtake a Sin yet the most sincere may be overtaken with a Sin 38. Sad Conclusions might be drawn against eminent Saints if some particular Actions were a Rule to judge by 39. It 's good to be as charitable to others as ordinarily we are partial to our selves 40. The best of Saints would never arrive at Assurance if it did not consist with many Imperfections 41. A sanctified Cross hath more of Mercy in it than an unsanctified Comfort 42. The Company a Man keeps is a Commentary upon his Life 43. Persecuted Godliness is far more eligible than prosperous Prophaneness 44. It 's the very Nature of true Faith to make future Things present 45. It 's very difficult for one to be angry and not sin and very dangerous to sin in being angry 46. It 's good Scripture-Logick to draw Conclusions of Confidence from Premises of Experience 47. The poorest in the World has more than he had when he came into the World and more than he can carry out when he leaves the World 48. Duties rested in as well as Sins unrepented of are dangerous 49. If Mercy be not a Load-stone to draw us nearer to God it will be a Mill-stone to sink us deeper into Hell 50. It 's sad to lose good Men in the best Times but looks like a Judgment to lose them in the worst The Surviving Advice of a Deceased Husband to a Surviving Wife Or a Call from the Dead to the Living Written January the 30th 168 and intended for my Dear Wife's Perusal if it shall please the Lord She survive Me. Note This was written some time before the Death of his former Wife Dearest on Earth I Having of some late Months been imploy'd in setting not only my Heart which I accounted my greatest Work but my House in order which I judged likewise absolutely necessary in order to my great Change I could not but leave a few Lines of Advice to thee my best Friend on Earth which whilst I live I hope to follow with my Prayers to the great God and our heavenly Father for his Blessing upon This I was the rather induced to do now when through Mercy in perfect Health that I might
have no Worldly Affair unsetled to disturb and distract my Mind withal when upon the very Confines of another World and lying upon a Sick-Bed or Death-Bed when I desire God may have all my Thoughts and all my Time and would fain be most serious and intent upon Soul-Concerns This little Treatise in three Parts containing the most remarkable Passages of my Life that occurr'd to Memory and collected out of my Diary written in Short-hand as a last Legacy I heartily commend to thy perusal and other Friends that survive me In it I have endeavoured impartially to God's Glory to give the darker Side of a vile Wretch on Earth as well as the brighter I was long thou seest a Wanderer from God and in a most bewildred Condition on that account I knew not where to rest till I anchor'd on the Rock of Ages had no true Peace till through Mercy I clos'd with Christ the Prince of Peace Conscience then often spoke when it was not heard and flew in my Face when my Study too much was to check stifle and hush it I was then a Terror to my self and perhaps to others about me especially observing Christian Friends who fain would but then could not prevail with me to be serious strict and good I was too long God knows in the Gall of Bitterness and in the Bonds of Iniquity and O what rich Mercy was it I was not then taken from Earth and thrown into Hell that through Grace I did out-live the Years of a loose carnal freshly and unregenerate State O my Dear I cannot express the Sorrows the Terrors the Heart-break and Trouble that my youthful Follies cost me in Riper-years My Closet was witness to something and my God to more but alas all too little if Free-Grace save me not I must yet perish but of this I nothing doubt through the Merits and Mediation of my blessed Redeemer to whom I hope in Heaven to Eternity to give the Glory of what he has been pleased to give me the comfort of The Lord has fully convinc'd me that all my Prayers and Tears my Searchings and Watchings can nothing avail me without Christ God shew'd me my lost and undone Condition before I had thought of enquiring what I must do to be sav'd or of looking out after a Saviour And this through Mercy I can say that I could never have truly a quiet Minute till I was most sweetly perswaded and powerfully enabled to close with Christ as offered in the Gospel O Rich-Grace Free-Grace And now Dear-heart let me invite thee into the Embraces of blessed Jesus Come taste and try how good God is to returning Sinners I believe thou hast Well be more and more in love with Christ enter into Covenant with God and frequently renew thy Covenant-Engagements and labour to perform Covenant-Promises never think thou can'st do enough for that God thou expectest so much from nay indeed thy all that can either make thee happy here or to Eternity Some few Heads of Advice out of tender Love both to thy Soul and Body I leave with thee 1. SEttle thy Temporal Affairs and Wordly Concerns betimes that upon a Death-bed thou maist not be distracted and diverted with them from higher and more besitting Employment I delay'd making my Will too long which was no small Perplexity to my Mind till the Year 1685 when I did it 2. If thou can'st think me worthy thy Remembrance forget not shewing some Kindness to such Relations and Friends of mine who I need not name being known to thee who are Objects of Pity and need thy Charity 3. If thou do'st not incline to a Settlement in Nottingham in the House I leave thee for thy Life then be with or as near as may be some of thy Religious Friends such as may be Helpers and Promoters not Hinderers of thy eternal Welfare 4. If the Lord should again incline thee to marry dare not to join thy self in that Relation to any that is not join'd to the Lord marry one I say who in the judgment of the best of Friends as well as thine own which may in such a case deceive thee do's truly fear God nay I would advise thee to marry one of a healthful strong and sound Constitution by whom if the Lord please thou may'st have the Blessing of Children for I have reason to suppose that some Weaknesses and Infirmities whilst a Child and Young might render me less capable in that respect 5. If thou shouldest have Children train them up in the fear of the Lord help to fill Heaven with thy Off-spring 6. Having marry'd own thy Husband as thy Head submit to the Duties of a Wife for the Lord's Sake labour and pray for a meek and quiet frame of Spirit which is in the sight of the Lord of great price 7. Have some eye over and inspection into the Behaviour and Conversations of those I were some-time intrusted as Guardian for Jog and quicken Loyterers Heaven-wards mind them of their Education Counsels and Instructions and how hopeful their Beginnings were and especially regard our Child and dear Niece Brain 8. Be much in Reading and Studying good Books these I commend to thee especially viz. The Holy Bible with Pool's Annotations Swinnock's One Cast for Eternity Barrett's Christian Temper Heywood's Heart-Treasure Reyner's Precepts Dunton's Heavenly Pastime Case's God's waiting to be gracious Flavel's Fountain of Life Bolton's Tost Ship R. Allen's Rebuke to Back-sliders Janeway's Heaven upon Earth Swinnock's Regeneration Love on Heaven's Glory c. Flavel's Saint indeed Steel of Vprightness Calamy's Godly Man's Ark Hooker's doubting Soul c. Hardcastle's Christian Geography Watson on Contentment Mede's almost Christian Doolittle on the Sacrament His Call to delaying Sinners most of Bunyan's Works very useful if read without Prejudice These Books amongst others I have had much Refreshment from and heartily commend them to thee 9. Do all thou dost either in Religious or Civil Actions with an eye at Eternity thus pray and hear and read and meditate and converse and engage in all secular Affairs and discharge all relative Duties with an eye at Eternity and this will help to make thee very serious and strict 10. Spend thy Week-days well in the discharge of Duties publick and private keep an exact Diary of any sinful Miscarriages and be humbled every Evening for them take notice of God's Mercies every day and labour to have thy Heart sutably affected with the Lord's Goodness observe and pen down God's Dealings with thee and thy Carriage and Behaviour towards God this the Lord has enabled me to practise with good Success 11. Esteem of Sabhath-Days as the best of Days these are the Market-Days of thy Soul make good Provision on them for it hear the Word meditate on it digest and practise it neglect no Duties of the Day in private but most highly value Publick-Assemblies God being by them most honoured 12. Redeem Time I can from my own Experience tell thee a Review in