church_n of_o england_n shall_v utter_o refuse_v i_o forsake_v and_o cast_v i_o off_o yet_o will_v i_o still_o hold_v this_o opinion_n and_o thus_o reverent_o esteem_v think_v and_o speak_v of_o this_o church_n and_o religion_n and_o will_v choose_v rather_o to_o live_v in_o concontinuall_a penury_n then_o to_o be_v of_o another_o mind_n for_o i_o be_o sure_a this_o religion_n be_v that_o which_o be_v teach_v in_o god_n holy_a word_n and_o therefore_o i_o must_v needs_o believe_v it_o as_o for_o the_o doctrine_n of_o the_o church_n of_o rome_n i_o can_v never_o find_v comfort_n in_o it_o only_o in_o that_o which_o they_o deny_v to_o layman_n that_o be_v the_o reading_z of_o the_o scripture_n do_v i_o find_v true_a ground_n of_o consolation_n true_a it_o be_v that_o simple_a and_o unstable_a man_n may_v abuse_v their_o read_n of_o the_o scripture_n unto_o error_n and_o by_o god_n gracious_a promise_n therein_o record_v may_v take_v occasion_n to_o presume_v and_o trust_v too_o much_o to_o their_o own_o faith_n and_o god_n mercy_n but_o this_o ought_v not_o to_o make_v we_o disclaim_v or_o to_o neglect_v the_o daily_a read_n of_o god_n sacred_a word_n for_o there_o be_v no_o mean_n like_o to_o this_o so_o powerful_a to_o keep_v man_n from_o commit_v of_o sin_n nor_o after_o sin_n commit_v to_o uphold_v they_o from_o fall_v into_o final_a desperation_n for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v desire_v as_o much_o as_o any_o sinner_n that_o ever_o be_v the_o content_a of_o this_o world_n base_a sinful_a pleasure_n riot_n vainglory_n revenge_n excess_n in_o prodigality_n and_o the_o like_a but_o these_o cross_n and_o calamity_n befalling_a i_o the_o read_n of_o the_o scripture_n accompany_v with_o the_o sweet_a conference_n and_o comfortable_a letter_n of_o merciful_a learned_a man_n who_o have_v deal_v with_o i_o those_o way_n in_o england_n and_o by_o write_v to_o i_o into_o the_o low_a country_n among_o who_o i_o can_v omit_v to_o name_n with_o reverence_n and_o thankful_a acknowledgement_n master_n trigg_n master_n buddle_n master_n crashaw_n and_o of_o late_a at_o lambeth_n master_n doctor_n goad_n and_o master_n doctor_n feat_o etc._n etc._n unto_o who_o i_o have_v sue_v as_o the_o woman_n do_v to_o christ_n even_o for_o crumb_n fall_v from_o our_o saviour_n table_n have_v most_o powerful_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o enlighten_v my_o heart_n and_o soul_n to_o see_v seal_n and_o taste_v god_n judgement_n and_o mercy_n my_o own_o sin_n and_o transgression_n the_o peace_n of_o conscience_n the_o difference_n of_o sinner_n penitent_a and_o impenitent_a cain_n saul_n achitophel_n and_o judas_n their_o despair_n and_o the_o confession_n and_o repentance_n of_o david_n peter_n and_o the_o rest_n of_o god_n saint_n see_v david_n that_o great_a anoint_a king_n and_o all_o the_o renown_a servant_n of_o god_n have_v confess_v their_o blood_n guiltiness_n and_o other_o foul_a sin_n and_o have_v repent_v of_o they_o and_o open_o exclaym_v against_o they_o shall_v i_o a_o wretch_n not_o worthy_a to_o be_v name_v among_o the_o mean_a of_o all_o deject_a sinner_n think_v it_o a_o shame_n to_o i_o and_o blush_v to_o confess_v my_o sin_n and_o open_o to_o publish_v my_o grief_n and_o repentance_n especial_o see_v now_o all_o the_o world_n learned_a man_n god_n messenger_n friend_n enemy_n the_o trouble_n and_o misery_n which_o i_o have_v sustain_v the_o peace_n and_o torment_n of_o conscience_n which_o i_o have_v feel_v do_v provoke_v i_o teach_v i_o drive_v i_o to_o confess_v my_o sin_n and_o offence_n offend_v and_o transgress_v the_o law_n of_o god_n i_o here_o therefore_o in_o bitterness_n of_o soul_n confess_v my_o fault_n and_o cry_v out_o against_o all_o my_o sin_n commit_v from_o my_o birth_n to_o this_o present_a from_o master_n storr_n his_o blood_n to_o every_o hurt_n and_o wrong_v which_o i_o have_v do_v to_o any_o in_o deed_n word_n or_o think_v not_o only_o for_o my_o cruelty_n and_o revenge_n do_v to_o man_n but_o for_o that_o i_o have_v since_o also_o think_v it_o lawful_a to_o defend_v myself_o with_o sword_n contrary_a to_o the_o law_n of_o god_n when_o i_o may_v perhaps_o better_o have_v do_v it_o by_o other_o mean_n it_o wound_v i_o to_o think_v of_o my_o blasphemous_a oath_n utter_v in_o passion_n and_o distemper_n my_o disobedience_n to_o my_o parent_n my_o excess_n my_o drink_n of_o health_n my_o prodigality_n yea_o my_o eat_n and_o drink_v of_o more_o than_o to_o suffice_v nature_n and_o my_o feed_n of_o horse_n and_o dog_n with_o man_n food_n such_o as_o many_o good_a christian_n want_v expect_v of_o the_o blessing_n for_o my_o faith_n without_o work_n and_o for_o believe_v without_o live_v of_o a_o sanctify_a life_n or_o true_o follow_v of_o a_o lawful_a call_n my_o open_a and_o secret_a sin_n my_o many_o motion_n to_o sin_n and_o too_o much_o yield_v to_o satan_n subtlety_n and_o my_o own_o imperfection_n vain_a and_o light_a disposition_n proneness_n to_o anger_n pleasure_n distrust_n despair_n my_o presumption_n when_o god_n show_v any_o miraculous_a deliverance_n or_o any_o mercy_n to_o my_o soul_n body_n or_o estate_n all_o these_o be_v as_o a_o terrible_a army_n of_o so_o many_o deadly_a foe_n and_o like_v so_o many_o sword_n and_o spear_n enter_v into_o my_o heart_n and_o soul_n when_o i_o consider_v with_o myself_o my_o own_o uncertain_a condition_n how_o when_o i_o have_v think_v myself_o safe_a and_o sure_a i_o have_v find_v immediate_o that_o i_o have_v be_v most_o uncertain_a and_o in_o great_a danger_n and_o when_o in_o great_a danger_n by_o god_n help_n and_o power_n most_o secure_a how_o in_o every_o pleasure_n and_o calamity_n i_o have_v find_v a_o bait_n and_o in_o every_o bait_n a_o hook_n and_o that_o though_o for_o the_o space_n of_o ten_o year_n last_o i_o have_v have_v a_o resolution_n not_o to_o sin_v with_o purpose_n but_o rater_n to_o die_v yet_o by_o my_o own_o weakness_n and_o wilfulness_n in_o passion_n i_o have_v fall_v into_o so_o innumerable_a and_o so_o abominable_a sin_n and_o have_v as_o it_o be_v trample_v under_o foot_n the_o blood_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o return_v like_o the_o dog_n to_o his_o vomit_n and_o like_o the_o swine_n to_o the_o mire_n by_o my_o continual_a fall_n repent_v from_o the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n for_o all_o and_o every_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v commit_v from_o my_o birth_n to_o this_o moment_n and_o upon_o the_o knee_n of_o my_o heart_n do_v with_o such_o humble_a desire_n and_o affection_n as_o the_o difference_n require_v between_o the_o mighty_a and_o almighty_a commander_n of_o heaven_n earth_n and_o sea_n and_o i_o one_o of_o the_o great_a sinner_n in_o the_o world_n a_o wretched_a vile_a worm_n of_o no_o reputation_n yea_o with_o as_o servant_n and_o vehement_a importunity_n as_o ever_o any_o thief_n do_v crave_v pardon_n or_o child_n mercy_n and_o forgiveness_n do_v i_o beg_v and_o sue_v for_o pardon_n of_o god_n the_o father_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o seer_n of_o the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n for_o his_o mercy_n sake_n who_o mercy_n be_v over_o all_o his_o work_n who_o mercy_n prevail_v and_o rejoice_v against_o his_o justice_n and_o who_o love_a kindness_n last_v for_o ever_o upon_o his_o promise_n make_v unto_o we_o in_o his_o holy_a word_n do_v i_o build_v all_o my_o hope_n and_o confidence_n even_o such_o as_o these_o follow_v viz._n that_o though_o our_o sin_n be_v as_o crimson_a or_o scarlet_n he_o will_v make_v they_o white_a as_o snow_n 1â—_n or_o wool_n that_o at_o what_o time_n soever_o a_o sinner_n do_v repent_v he_o will_v put_v out_o all_o his_o iniquite_v that_o if_o they_o will_v turn_v from_o their_o wickedness_n and_o do_v righteousness_n they_o shall_v not_o die_v but_o live_v that_o he_o have_v balm_n of_o gilead_n to_o heal_v the_o weak_a and_o sick_a also_o upon_o these_o promise_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n god_n equal_a with_o his_o father_n who_o say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o travel_n and_o be_v heavy_a 25._o lade_v and_o i_o will_v ease_v you_o etc._n etc._n his_o disgrace_n reproach_n trouble_n tear_n sigh_n groan_n thorn_n scorn_n whip_v spit_v upon_o beat_v stripe_n sweat_v nail_v hang_v wound_a bleed_a out_o his_o heartblood_n passion_n death_n resurrection_n and_o ascension_n be_v so_o many_o salve_n and_o medicine_n to_o cure_v my_o bleed_a soul_n his_o blood_n speak_v better_a thing_n than_o the_o blood_n of_o abel_n and_o the_o cry_v thereof_o overcom_v the_o voice_n of_o master_n stors_n blood_n and_o of_o all_o other_o my_o loud_a cry_v sin_n which_o call_v to_o heaven_n for_o vengeance_n and_o therefore_o with_o this_o his_o blood_n which_o have_v satisfy_v for_o all_o temporal_a and_o eternal_a punishment_n do_v i_o come_v sprinkle_v before_o god_n
and_o for_o the_o price_n and_o satisfaction_n make_v by_o this_o blood_n do_v i_o cry_v for_o mercy_n mercy_n and_o earnest_o desire_v grace_n to_o live_v hereafter_o a_o holy_a and_o righteous_a life_n i_o be_o a_o christian_n and_o a_o penitent_a sinner_n how_o can_v i_o despair_v or_o doubt_v of_o salvation_n know_v god_n infinite_a mercy_n and_o truth_n that_o he_o be_v not_o only_o a_o god_n of_o mercy_n ready_a to_o pardon_v but_o also_o a_o god_n of_o truth_n who_o will_v true_o fulfil_v his_o word_n and_o promise_n of_o pardon_n upon_o man_n true_a repentance_n as_o of_o justice_n in_o punish_v they_o who_o persist_v in_o sin_n commit_v why_o shall_v i_o be_v afraid_a to_o touch_v the_o hem_n of_o my_o saviour_n garment_n see_v his_o promise_n be_v make_v unto_o i_o his_o satisfaction_n for_o i_o and_o for_o such_o sinner_n as_o i_o be_o he_o do_v undergo_v all_o his_o suffering_n from_o the_o prick_n of_o the_o thorn_n to_o the_o wound_n with_o the_o spear_n from_o his_o first_o groan_n to_o his_o last_o act_n of_o passion_n his_o grave_n and_o burial_n to_o his_o resurrection_n and_o ascension_n into_o glory_n i_o think_v those_o bless_a word_n of_o the_o apostle_n be_v speak_v not_o only_o to_o i_o but_o of_o i_o jesus_n christ_n come_v into_o the_o world_n to_o save_v sinner_n of_o who_o i_o be_o the_o chief_a can_v i_o repent_v doubt_n can_v i_o be_v a_o christian_a be_v so_o base_a as_o to_o be_v ashamed_a to_o confess_v the_o faith_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n can_v i_o have_v more_o content_a or_o aim_v at_o more_o than_o to_o be_v a_o christian_a convert_v and_o a_o true_a penitent_n see_v there_o be_v no_o high_a honour_n in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v aim_v at_o no_o glory_n comparable_a to_o be_v a_o true_a christian_n can_v disgrace_n poverty_n calamity_n height_n or_o depth_n life_n or_o death_n sin_n or_o the_o devil_n daunt_v i_o they_o can_v they_o can_v for_o i_o find_v god_n a_o light_n to_o i_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o darkness_n and_o a_o refresh_a comfort_n in_o all_o calamity_n in_o so_o much_o that_o when_o i_o be_o in_o the_o deep_a despair_n for_o my_o sin_n in_o the_o great_a agony_n and_o horror_n of_o conscience_n and_o most_o bitter_a passion_n think_v with_o myself_o what_o a_o estate_n i_o once_o have_v and_o how_o poor_a i_o be_o now_o how_o i_o be_v value_v now_o despise_v how_o they_o who_o esteem_v i_o live_v in_o sin_n do_v now_o refuse_v i_o repent_v of_o my_o sin_n what_o great_a cause_n of_o discomfort_v it_o be_v to_o i_o that_o i_o can_v nor_o be_o able_a to_o have_v the_o breed_n or_o to_o enjoy_v the_o sight_n of_o my_o child_n be_v infant_n for_o who_o i_o will_v suffer_v death_n have_v no_o refuge_n but_o to_o be_v a_o soldier_n or_o serve_v yet_o still_o even_o when_o i_o be_o thus_o deject_a and_o cast_v down_o as_o low_a as_o sin_n misery_n and_o the_o devil_n can_v cast_v i_o down_o i_o do_v not_o let_v go_v my_o hold_n but_o do_v cleave_v to_o god_n and_o be_o uphold_v by_o he_o continual_o when_o it_o be_v manifest_a that_o none_o of_o these_o thing_n can_v tempt_v and_o allure_v i_o either_o to_o remove_v my_o religion_n which_o i_o profess_v or_o to_o forsake_v my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n who_o i_o shall_v forsake_v and_o forgo_v if_o i_o shall_v resolve_v to_o live_v in_o theft_n piracie_n or_o any_o other_o sin_n that_o i_o have_v time_n to_o publish_v this_o i_o be_o full_o satisfy_v my_o soul_n be_v at_o rest_n i_o be_o less_o careful_a of_o my_o life_n a_o thousand_o time_n not_o desperate_o but_o humble_o yield_v myself_o to_o god_n if_o i_o starve_v perish_v die_v by_o the_o sword_n be_v take_v captive_a by_o the_o turk_n and_o live_v a_o most_o miserable_a slave_n all_o my_o day_n yea_o come_v woeful_a life_n or_o shameful_a death_n i_o will_v trust_v in_o god_n though_o he_o kill_v i_o and_o will_v never_o fly_v from_o he_o and_o here_o i_o profess_v and_o protest_v before_o god_n and_o the_o world_n that_o as_o i_o have_v dishonour_v god_n stain_a myself_o with_o blood_n in_o a_o most_o vile_a and_o abominable_a manner_n and_o defile_v the_o honour_n of_o religion_n to_o the_o great_a scandal_n and_o offence_n of_o many_o so_o i_o do_v now_o with_o all_o my_o heart_n desire_n if_o i_o may_v be_v think_v worthy_a and_o have_v a_o due_a call_n thereunto_o to_o stand_v with_o my_o sword_n in_o my_o hand_n and_o to_o expose_v myself_o to_o the_o great_a danger_n in_o the_o world_n in_o the_o most_o bloody_a battle_n fire_n or_o sword_n where_o god_n may_v show_v extraordinary_a mercy_n or_o judgement_n in_o the_o defence_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o of_o true_a christian_a religion_n and_o as_o i_o have_v base_o slay_v a_o minister_n of_o god_n word_n so_o in_o defence_n of_o the_o man_n of_o god_n the_o faithful_a minister_n of_o his_o word_n in_o this_o church_n of_o england_n i_o may_v in_o any_o breach_n or_o danger_n interpose_v myself_o even_o between_o they_o and_o death_n and_o defy_v and_o withstand_v all_o their_o enemy_n or_o any_o other_o way_n yield_v myself_o to_o god_n judgement_n trial_n correction_n and_o direction_n in_o a_o vocation_n how_o low_a and_o mean_a soever_o and_o never_o turn_v capuchin_n or_o take_v upon_o i_o any_o popish_a and_o superstitious_a vow_n and_o profession_n of_o austerity_n which_o be_v a_o fit_a refuge_n for_o coward_n cain_n and_o judasses_n though_o my_o sin_n be_v innumerable_a and_o abominable_a which_o still_o hang_v fast_o on_o i_o and_o cleave_v as_o rust_v unto_o my_o corrupt_a nature_n yet_o i_o have_v the_o balm_n of_o gilead_n the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n the_o mercy_n of_o god_n and_o the_o divine_a power_n of_o heaven_n to_o countervail_v they_o all_o yea_o i_o have_v many_o mark_n and_o token_n of_o god_n grace_n give_v to_o i_o and_o of_o his_o mercy_n show_v towards_o i_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o soul_n as_o first_o that_o i_o ask_v and_o sue_v for_o mercy_n at_o no_o other_o power_n but_o at_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n for_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n sake_n and_o so_o in_o the_o right_a way_n to_o the_o fountain_n of_o life_n second_o that_o i_o find_v great_a content_n and_o comfort_n in_o wrestle_v against_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o all_o my_o own_o corruption_n and_o in_o maintain_v to_o the_o devil_n face_n my_o religion_n faith_n hope_n repentance_n three_o that_o i_o hold_v my_o certain_a and_o resolute_a determination_n as_o a_o armour_n against_o his_o fiery_a dart_n and_o do_v still_o lay_v fast_o and_o sure_o hold_v on_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n hope_v to_o persevere_v and_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n four_o that_o i_o have_v peace_n of_o conscience_n more_o than_o the_o world_n be_v worth_a which_o if_o i_o never_o have_v taste_v nor_o know_v but_o be_v as_o a_o heathen_a or_o turk_n i_o shall_v with_o the_o world_n hold_v that_o for_o blood_n vengeance_n must_v haunt_v without_o redemption_n and_o so_o be_v fright_v with_o fury_n unknown_a and_o endless_a grow_v desperate_a and_o like_o varney_n and_o dansekar_n die_v with_o bloody_a content_n in_o revenge_n or_o prosecute_v till_o death_n piracie_n or_o theft_n to_o mitigate_v my_o endless_a torment_a misery_n and_o to_o leave_v my_o child_n a_o estate_n though_o never_o so_o unjust_o get_v five_o that_o i_o can_v be_v bring_v to_o deny_v christ_n or_o to_o doubt_v that_o there_o be_v a_o christ_n nor_o be_v pull_v from_o believe_v in_o christ_n and_o hope_v to_o be_v save_v through_o he_o by_o the_o devil_n nor_o all_o my_o sin_n if_o i_o have_v all_o the_o sin_n in_o the_o world_n upon_o i_o six_o that_o i_o be_o deliver_v from_o the_o danger_n and_o infection_n of_o the_o romish_a religion_n for_o if_o i_o be_v of_o that_o religion_n i_o will_v attempt_v any_o sinful_a course_n as_o theft_n or_o piracie_n to_o relieve_v my_o want_n in_o hope_n of_o pardon_n penance_n or_o purgatory_n for_o no_o punishment_n shall_v terrify_v i_o let_v it_o be_v whatsoever_o it_o can_v be_v even_o purgatory_n itself_o so_o it_o may_v have_v end_n i_o will_v willing_o endure_v it_o if_o so_o be_v it_o may_v procure_v i_o pardon_v and_o under_o that_o condition_n grant_v i_o liberty_n to_o sin_n i_o shall_v with_o they_o of_o that_o religion_n hold_v that_o justice_n must_v be_v satisfy_v necessary_o upon_o sinner_n in_o this_o world_n and_o that_o by_o our_o own_o bodily_a suffering_n sin_n must_v be_v expiate_v and_o there_o be_v no_o avoid_v it_o and_o so_o i_o will_v seek_v by_o voluntary_a earthly_a punishment_n in_o this_o life_n to_o satisfy_v justice_n by_o turn_v pilgrim_n or_o capuchin_n yea_o i_o be_o assure_v that_o our_o lord_n jesus_n have_v satisfy_v for_o all_o punishment_n of_o vengeance_n both_o temporal_a and_o eternal_a though_o i_o have_v endure_v or_o shall_v hereafter_o undergo_v all_o misery_n and_o calamity_n and_o even_o a_o most_o bitter_a and_o painful_a death_n yet_o i_o do_v not_o account_v they_o any_o satisfaction_n or_o expiation_n my_o blood_n can_v satisfy_v for_o blood_n i_o may_v if_o god_n shall_v so_o dispose_v have_v a_o bloody_a end_n as_o a_o just_a reward_n of_o my_o sin_n i_o can_v deny_v it_o but_o what_o can_v satisfy_v to_o justify_v surely_n none_o of_o i_o own_o miserable_a calamity_n can_v make_v any_o part_n of_o satisfaction_n that_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o utter_o disclaim_v only_o the_o blood_n and_o satisfaction_n of_o jesus_n christ_n be_v that_o on_o which_o i_o do_v lie_v hold_v and_o rely_v by_o faith_n for_o justification_n yet_o because_o not_o only_o the_o majesty_n of_o god_n have_v be_v deep_o offend_v by_o my_o heinous_a transgression_n but_o also_o his_o church_n great_o scandalize_v and_o the_o mind_n of_o my_o grave_a father_n and_o dear_a brethren_n in_o christ_n no_o less_o deep_o wound_v in_o their_o compassion_n for_o he_o that_o die_v by_o my_o hand_n than_o himself_o be_v in_o his_o passion_n and_o bodily_a dissolution_n who_o many_o wound_n bleed_v a_o fresh_a in_o my_o eye_n and_o memory_n i_o profess_v myself_o ready_a and_o willing_a to_o endure_v whatsoever_o other_o humiliation_n this_o bless_a church_n have_v or_o shall_v impose_v upon_o i_o for_o the_o further_a assurance_n of_o my_o satisfaction_n to_o she_o which_o may_v in_o some_o sort_n suit_n with_o the_o depth_n of_o my_o offence_n against_o she_o and_o her_o child_n very_o as_o i_o abhor_v popish_a satisfaction_n derogate_a from_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n blood_n so_o i_o with_o other_o more_o learned_a than_o myself_o wish_v that_o the_o ancient_a discipline_n of_o the_o primitive_a sincere_a church_n be_v more_o thorough_o reviue_v in_o every_o scandalous_a crime_n by_o public_a confession_n submission_n and_o satisfaction_n to_o the_o christian_a congregation_n wherein_o myself_o desire_v as_o much_o to_o go_v beyond_o other_o in_o my_o humiliation_n as_o i_o have_v exceed_v all_o in_o my_o presumptuous_a transgression_n with_o offensive_a but_o penitent_a ecebolius_n in_o the_o ecclesiastical_a history_n i_o say_v of_o myself_o cast_v i_o out_o tread_v upon_o i_o for_o unsavourie_a salt_n finis_fw-la prou._n 1._o 7_o 8_o 9_o psal_n 139._o 7_o â—_o isaiah_n 1_o 1â—_n mat._n 25._o
unprovided_a for_o my_o own_o safety_n by_o flight_n which_o i_o shall_v have_v order_v my_o coursefor_o have_v my_o intent_n be_v murderous_a but_o here_o it_o please_v god_n in_o his_o just_a judgement_n for_o my_o hardness_n of_o heart_n and_o contempt_n of_o his_o word_n and_o commandment_n to_o give_v over_o my_o hand_n to_o wound_v deep_a than_o my_o heart_n intend_v woe_n be_v i_o my_o heart_n bleed_v to_o think_v how_o deep_a my_o sword_n pierce_v the_o enemy_n of_o mankind_n be_v a_o murderer_n from_o the_o beginning_n he_o get_v such_o dominion_n over_o i_o that_o he_o make_v my_o sword_n and_o hand_n his_o servant_n and_o so_o make_v i_o like_a unto_o himself_o a_o bloody_a manslayer_n so_o must_v i_o needs_o acknowledge_v myself_o because_o my_o heart_n though_o not_o before_o so_o intend_v yet_o as_o principal_a be_v guilty_a of_o that_o which_o my_o hand_n do_v in_o the_o heat_n of_o fury_n true_a it_o be_v and_o alas_o woe_n be_v i_o for_o it_o i_o give_v he_o diverse_a wound_n whereof_o within_o eight_o day_n he_o die_v yield_v up_o that_o soul_n which_o just_o crave_v for_o vengeance_n upon_o i_o for_o dissever_a it_o from_o the_o body_n this_o do_v i_o retire_v and_o save_v myself_o by_o flight_n withal_o conveniency_n i_o can_v &_o with_o a_o resolution_n to_o recover_v scotland_n after_o many_o dangerous_a escape_n i_o attain_a to_o berwick_n where_o i_o be_v for_o the_o fact_n apprehend_v and_o from_o thence_o though_o it_o be_v a_o garrison_n observe_v with_o all_o strictness_n i_o make_v a_o strange_a escape_n and_o thence_o over-land_n i_o go_v towards_o plymouth_n in_o which_o passage_n though_o i_o avoid_v all_o the_o way-layings_a to_o prevent_v i_o at_o warwick_n i_o be_v question_v in_o susspition_n of_o a_o robbery_n but_o for_o that_o my_o innocence_n can_v not_o be_v fright_v though_o still_o the_o guilt_n of_o the_o other_o fact_n pursue_v i_o but_o neither_o so_o retire_v or_o safe_a be_v i_o that_o my_o be_v free_v from_o the_o hand_n of_o justice_n can_v either_o free_v my_o body_n from_o god_n judgement_n or_o my_o mind_n from_o fear_v it_o carrying_z ever_o with_o i_o a_o distress_a conscience_n that_o like_o a_o troubed_a sea_n toss_v i_o to_o and_o fro_o yet_o never_o so_o leave_v by_o god_n mercy_n that_o i_o have_v not_o ever_o a_o true_a and_o sensible_a feel_n of_o what_o i_o have_v do_v though_o my_o distraction_n direct_v i_o not_o a_o course_n which_o way_n to_o redeem_v myself_o the_o horror_n of_o my_o fact_n and_o despair_n fight_v against_o i_o on_o the_o one_o side_n my_o view_n and_o consider_v of_o god_n mercy_n oppose_v that_o on_o the_o other_o till_o thus_o in_o the_o follow_a danger_n and_o calamity_n of_o my_o life_n which_o after_o i_o shall_v show_v god_n have_v by_o threaten_v i_o with_o unheard_a danger_n always_o follow_v i_o and_o yet_o never_o hurt_a as_o if_o his_o providence_n will_v not_o leave_v one_o hour_n of_o i_o to_o such_o security_n as_o may_v make_v i_o presume_v that_o he_o have_v forget_v to_o punish_v i_o long_o than_o i_o remember_v to_o be_v mindful_a of_o my_o sin_n and_o renew_v my_o repentance_n for_o they_o myself_o with_o my_o load_n of_o sin_n and_o guiltiness_n be_v thus_o then_o from_o dartmouth_n ship_v in_o a_o vessel_n bind_v for_o saint_n maloâ—s_v in_o france_n almighty_a god_n know_v the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n lest_o i_o shall_v forget_v his_o power_n and_o myself_o in_o this_o seem_a safety_n of_o i_o command_v the_o wind_n and_o sea_n to_o war_n against_o our_o poor_a bark_n which_o provoke_v a_o more_o fearful_a tempest_n within_o i_o than_o can_v be_v threaten_v without_o though_o we_o spend_v our_o main_n mast_n by_o the_o board_n for_o than_o i_o begin_v to_o remember_v that_o excellent_a say_n of_o the_o psalmist_n whither_o shall_v i_o go_v from_o thy_o spirit_n â—_o or_o whither_o shall_v i_o fly_v from_o thy_o presence_n let_v i_o take_v the_o wing_n of_o the_o morning_n and_o dwell_v in_o the_o uttermost_a part_n of_o the_o sea_n yet_o thither_o shall_v thy_o hand_n lead_v i_o and_o thy_o right_a hand_n hold_v i_o etc._n etc._n then_o much_o more_o than_o before_o my_o conscience_n wake_v my_o sleep_a soul_n and_o the_o wound_n i_o have_v make_v be_v bleed_v before_o i_o in_o this_o danger_n god_n vouchsafe_v we_o his_o mercy_n and_o set_v we_o safe_a on_o shore_n in_o the_o i_o will_v of_o garnsey_n there_o shall_v i_o again_o have_v be_v examine_v as_o usual_o passenger_n be_v to_o give_v account_n what_o i_o be_v and_o whither_o i_o will_v and_o so_o in_o likelihood_n shall_v have_v be_v discover_v but_o this_o i_o shift_v off_o by_o get_v into_o a_o small_a boat_n and_o so_o unknown_a i_o pass_v from_o garnsey_n into_o france_n to_o the_o road_n and_o so_o to_o roan_n where_o i_o live_v about_o six_o month_n be_v at_o length_n expose_v to_o as_o much_o misery_n as_o perplexity_n can_v lay_v on_o a_o friendless_a stranger_n in_o a_o unknown_a land_n these_o suffering_n still_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o my_o self_n and_o near_o to_o god_n in_o the_o true_a acknowledgement_n of_o my_o vild_a fact_n and_o his_o mercy_n in_o the_o extreme_a wrack_n of_o my_o want_n see_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n my_o still_a preserver_n three_o ship_n of_o the_o state_n come_v to_o calais_n to_o receive_v money_n lend_v by_o the_o state_n to_o the_o french_a king_n with_o who_o like_o a_o restless_a man_n be_v at_o that_o present_a relieve_v with_o money_n by_o my_o father_n i_o ship_v myself_o and_o from_o rotterdam_n i_o come_v to_o delphe_n where_o sir_n francis_n vere_n entertain_v i_o a_o gentleman_n of_o his_o company_n during_o my_o abode_n in_o that_o service_n i_o receive_v continual_a solicit_n for_o my_o amendment_n repentance_n and_o comfort_n from_o one_o master_n trigg_n of_o longledenham_n in_o lincolnshire_n a_o godly_a preacher_n who_o daily_a letter_n quicken_v and_o second_v that_o good_a work_n the_o lord_n have_v already_o begin_v in_o i_o my_o father_n have_v by_o this_o time_n be_v the_o year_n 1603._o procure_v my_o pardon_n and_o send_v for_o i_o home_o for_o which_o i_o be_v no_o soon_o ship_v but_o still_o observe_v how_o god_n follow_v i_o with_o mercy_n and_o threaten_a judgement_n lest_o my_o pardon_n from_o my_o prince_n shall_v make_v i_o careless_a of_o his_o better_a forgiveness_n and_o negligent_a in_o the_o beg_n it_o the_o sea_n must_v again_o swell_v as_o angry_a to_o bear_v my_o sin_n and_o as_o if_o all_o these_o danger_n of_o rock_n and_o sea_n have_v be_v to_o little_a our_o tempest_n beat_v vessel_n must_v be_v chase_v by_o a_o dunkarke_a man_n of_o war_n so_o that_o their_o be_v no_o hope_n leave_v to_o save_v we_o from_o these_o danger_n but_o his_o omnipotent_a hand_n which_o safe_o from_o all_o these_o deliver_v i_o once_o again_o on_o english_a ground_n scarce_o be_v i_o entertain_v at_o home_n but_o least_o still_o i_o shall_v nestle_v myself_o in_o a_o secure_a slumber_n another_o affliction_n arise_v to_o endanger_v i_o the_o wife_n of_o the_o slay_v sue_v a_o appeal_v against_o i_o notwithstanding_o my_o pardon_n against_o which_o her_o plea_n by_o reason_n of_o some_o error_n in_o the_o form_n of_o it_o i_o obtain_v a_o defence_n or_o defeat_n call_v ne_o recipiatur_fw-la yet_o after_o this_o be_v my_o pardon_n question_v at_o the_o bench_n of_o assize_n for_o about_o five_o year_n together_o the_o judge_n of_o that_o circuit_n still_o bind_v i_o over_o and_o refuse_v to_o give_v allowance_n to_o it_o which_o i_o acknowledge_v though_o it_o be_v summum_fw-la lus_z against_o i_o yet_o that_o it_o be_v very_o honourable_o and_o judge-like_a do_v of_o they_o in_o so_o notorious_a a_o crime_n as_o i_o as_o also_o his_o majesty_n himself_o by_o who_o extraordinary_a grace_n i_o enjoy_v my_o breath_n be_v in_o point_n of_o justice_n very_o willing_a that_o some_o defect_n if_o possible_a may_v have_v be_v find_v in_o my_o pardon_n and_o so_o shall_v i_o have_v undergo_v the_o just_a stroke_n of_o the_o law_n which_o not_o only_o other_o but_o even_o myself_o wonder_v how_o i_o can_v escape_v thus_o the_o terror_n of_o deserve_a death_n be_v still_o knock_v at_o the_o door_n of_o my_o ear_n and_o heart_n in_o all_o which_o trouble_a time_n new_a provocation_n be_v daily_o offer_v i_o whereby_o i_o be_v in_o danger_n to_o draw_v more_o blood_n upon_o i_o or_o make_v myself_o uncapable_a of_o my_o pardon_n all_o which_o thing_n god_n suffer_v i_o to_o be_v temp_v with_o but_o not_o to_o fall_v into_o in_o the_o mean_a while_n my_o father_n be_v take_v away_o from_o my_o trouble_n and_o out_o of_o this_o world_n i_o resolve_v to_o have_v go_v again_o out_o of_o this_o
in_o a_o instant_n restore_v he_o to_o health_n now_o the_o time_n of_o my_o trial_n for_o master_n riggs_n come_v where_o though_o my_o judge_n be_v severe_a in_o respect_n of_o my_o past_a life_n and_o not_o trust_v the_o under-sherife_n do_v himself_o choose_v out_o a_o jury_n of_o man_n of_o the_o better_a fashion_n to_o judge_v upon_o i_o without_o partiality_n yet_o upon_o the_o evidence_n of_o my_o avoid_v he_o i_o be_v not_o find_v guilty_a of_o murder_n charge_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o indictment_n but_o of_o a_o inferior_a degree_n at_o which_o time_n be_v adjudge_v without_o bail_n to_o suffer_v a_o year_n imprisonment_n i_o feel_v again_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n upon_o i_o by_o visit_v my_o say_a son_n in_o a_o strange_a manner_n that_o all_o man_n may_v take_v this_o for_o a_o terrible_a note_n of_o his_o judgement_n and_o rather_o than_o accidental_a or_o natural_a disease_n he_o be_v cripple_v and_o take_v lame_a in_o all_o his_o limb_n and_o deform_v in_o all_o proportion_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o he_o figure_v the_o lameness_n and_o deformity_n of_o his_o father_n soul_n about_o 4._o year_n this_o continue_a on_o he_o &_o then_o god_n in_o his_o good_a time_n restore_v he_o to_o perfect_a health_n and_o ability_n of_o body_n leave_v i_o this_o use_n of_o all_o his_o judgement_n which_o have_v threaten_v i_o and_o i_o that_o like_o a_o indulgent_a father_n â—e_n have_v still_o shake_v the_o rod_n over_o i_o but_o not_o lay_v it_o on_o i_o that_o i_o may_v fear_v to_o offend_v he_o because_o i_o see_v his_o power_n and_o love_n and_o seek_v he_o because_o i_o taste_v his_o mercy_n my_o freedom_n at_o the_o year_n end_n purchase_v i_o have_v not_o yet_o in_o all_o these_o suffering_n bury_v the_o old_a man_n so_o much_o in_o i_o as_o that_o there_o remain_v not_o to_o much_o of_o he_o in_o my_o corruption_n notwithstanding_o all_o these_o extreme_n most_o of_o my_o estate_n i_o sell_v to_o satisfy_v such_o engagement_n as_o my_o trouble_n have_v pawn_v i_o in_o the_o surplus_n of_o which_o i_o dedicate_v not_o i_o confess_v that_o pious_a way_n i_o ought_v either_o in_o settle_v my_o then_o unsettle_a self_n in_o any_o honest_a call_v or_o convert_n my_o left_a stock_n to_o good_a employment_n but_o borrow_v too_o much_o liberty_n from_o god_n mercy_n i_o give_v myself_o to_o my_o pleasure_n which_o i_o call_v lawful_a recreation_n though_o in_o themselves_o not_o unlawful_a be_v moderate_o use_v yet_o sure_o very_o much_o unbeseeming_a such_o a_o penitent_a as_o i_o be_v or_o aught_o to_o have_v be_v and_o as_o if_o this_o have_v be_v nothing_o i_o go_v far_o further_a and_o put_v my_o money_n out_o to_o usury_n for_o which_o my_o curse_n be_v to_o be_v utter_o cheat_v of_o the_o most_o of_o it_o because_o god_n in_o his_o infinite_a goodness_n see_v that_o whilst_o i_o have_v any_o thing_n leave_v to_o feed_v my_o vanity_n withal_o i_o can_v not_o be_v make_v whole_o and_o full_o he_o thus_o have_v dispose_v myself_o of_o all_o way_n and_o power_n to_o live_v and_o maintain_v my_o family_n here_o i_o begin_v to_o lay_v this_o to_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v deserve_o and_o just_o take_v from_o i_o all_o that_o i_o be_v master_n of_o and_o to_o praise_v he_o for_o so_o gentle_a a_o chastisement_n and_o that_o now_o it_o lay_v upon_o i_o by_o invocate_a his_o blessing_n and_o endeavour_v myself_o in_o any_o course_n how_o difficult_a soever_o to_o leave_v something_o by_o my_o labour_n purchase_v for_o my_o wife_n and_o child_n since_o my_o sin_n have_v make_v they_o destitute_a never_o despair_a but_o that_o it_o may_v please_v god_n to_o preserve_v i_o and_o full_o to_o provide_v for_o i_o to_o this_o intent_n i_o be_v a_o earnest_a suitor_n about_o the_o court_n to_o some_o acquaintance_n of_o my_o wife_n only_o for_o employment_n foreign_a or_o domestical_a such_o as_o their_o discretion_n shall_v judge_v i_o fit_v for_o in_o this_o court-hope_a i_o languish_v long_o till_o my_o necessity_n strain_v my_o patience_n every_o course_n fail_v i_o on_o which_o i_o build_v at_o last_o no_o way_n be_v leave_v i_o but_o to_o ship_v myself_o for_o argeare_n in_o the_o last_o fleet_n depend_v still_o on_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n and_o resolve_v to_o serve_v faithful_o and_o resolute_o in_o all_o such_o action_n my_o commander_n shall_v impose_v on_o i_o in_o a_o ship_n call_v the_o vanguard_n vice-admiral_n of_o the_o fleet_n i_o be_v appoint_v by_o the_o general_n to_o the_o command_n of_o sir_n richard_n hawkins_n a_o gentleman_n from_o who_o i_o receive_v noble_a respect_n and_o worthy_a favour_n yet_o god_n that_o will_v not_o yet_o possess_v i_o of_o any_o certain_a quiet_a either_o in_o friend_n or_o fortune_n though_o my_o resolution_n be_v fix_v to_o all_o conformity_n and_o my_o desire_n whole_o dedicate_v to_o the_o redeem_n my_o lose_a credit_n with_o some_o good_a action_n still_o exagitated_a my_o companion_n with_o secret_a heartburning_n against_o i_o 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