will_v save_v or_o damn_v i_o at_o last_o i_o know_v not_o neither_o do_v i_o think_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o ever_o to_o have_v know_v that_o except_o it_o be_v by_o some_o extraordinary_a way_n which_o very_o few_o do_v attain_v unto_o but_o by_o degree_n i_o begin_v to_o stay_v upon_o some_o promise_n through_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o first_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o stand_v with_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o damn_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v such_o heart-working_n and_o desire_n after_o he_o as_o i_o have_v have_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n those_o word_n of_o sampsons_n mother_n judges_z 13._o 23._o i_o think_v that_o if_o he_o do_v intend_v to_o destroy_v i_o he_o will_v never_o have_v give_v i_o such_o desire_n after_o he_o &_o preserve_v i_o till_o now_o and_o then_o that_o promise_n mat._n 5._o 6._o do_v much_o support_v i_o for_o i_o think_v that_o if_o ever_o poor_a creature_n do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n i_o do_v these_o promise_n and_o consideration_n with_o some_o confuse_a apprehension_n that_o i_o have_v concern_v the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v much_o raise_v i_o the_o thought_n i_o have_v of_o he_o be_v such_o as_o these_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n must_v be_v satisfy_v for_o sin_n and_o that_o nothing_o can_v satisfy_v his_o justice_n but_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a in_o all_o my_o way_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a to_o perform_v such_o a_o righteousness_n but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o do_v christ_n have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o when_o i_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o think_v be_v sin_n i_o can_v not_o apply_v christ_n till_o i_o have_v repent_v that_o be_v till_o i_o have_v mourn_v fast_v and_o pray_v afflict_v myself_o in_o such_o a_o measure_n as_o i_o think_v may_v stand_v with_o the_o not_o destroy_v or_o prejudice_v nature_n for_o there_o god_n will_v have_v mercy_n rather_o than_o 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not_o the_o hundred_o part_n of_o the_o labour_n and_o travel_n of_o my_o soul_n while_o i_o live_v in_o that_o condition_n and_o if_o i_o shall_v go_v about_o to_o write_v it_o all_o i_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o when_o to_o make_v a_o end_n but_o god_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o free_v i_o from_o that_o bondage_n by_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n through_o his_o son_n to_o who_o be_v all_o praise_n and_o glory_n for_o ever_o more_o amen_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v the_o person_n by_o who_o my_o experience_n in_o these_o thing_n begin_v which_o be_v one_o as_o i_o judge_v not_o right_o call_v or_o send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n he_o not_o be_v relate_v to_o a_o true_a church_n though_o otherwise_o i_o hope_v a_o godly_a man_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n he_o have_v receive_v from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o godly_a man_n in_o time_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n to_o be_v a_o minister_n of_o a_o false_a church_n second_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o the_o work_n of_o a_o false_a ministry_n neither_o be_v it_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o convert_v soul_n by_o yet_o accidental_o or_o providential_o something_o may_v be_v do_v that_o way_n by_o they_o especial_o in_o time_n of_o persecution_n where_o there_o be_v not_o a_o true_a ministry_n abroad_o as_o indeed_o i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o this_o time_n and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n first_o because_o now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o god_n power_n noâ—_n only_o to_o make_v i_o willing_a but_o there_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n and_o every_o faculty_n of_o it_o which_o before_o be_v dead_a have_v now_o some_o life_n and_o motion_n in_o thing_n relate_v to_o god_n and_o godliness_n as_o the_o understanding_n be_v open_v so_o the_o will_n 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uphold_v my_o spirit_n be_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n though_o my_o apprehension_n of_o he_o be_v not_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n as_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n therein_o contain_v a_o three_o reason_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o fruit_n which_o do_v appear_v at_o that_o time_n which_o be_v a_o entire_a love_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o conversation_n suitable_a thereunto_o according_a to_o the_o light_n then_o receive_v for_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o do_v good_a but_o a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o forbear_n evil_a
the_o same_o though_o in_o our_o judgement_n we_o can_v so_o own_v they_o which_o be_v a_o plain_a contradiction_n in_o our_o principle_n we_o say_v they_o be_v not_o church_n and_o minister_n of_o christ_n by_o our_o practice_n we_o say_v they_o be_v as_o have_v be_v mind_v second_o as_o it_o be_v a_o contradiction_n of_o our_o own_o principle_n so_o it_o have_v have_v such_o effect_n which_o be_v too_o visible_a and_o remain_v unto_o this_o day_n i_o must_v confess_v in_o my_o most_o serious_a thought_n i_o have_v wonder_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o any_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n shall_v desire_v to_o be_v elsewhere_o i_o be_o sure_a there_o be_v no_o reason_n to_o be_v give_v for_o it_o neither_o from_o scripture_n nor_o experience_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v it_o be_v either_o from_o ignorance_n &_o so_o person_n in_o their_o practice_n cross_v their_o own_o principle_n and_o not_o know_v it_o or_o else_o it_o be_v from_o corrupt_a principle_n or_o else_o they_o be_v overcome_v by_o some_o violent_a temptation_n as_o to_o the_o 1._o of_o these_o i_o trust_v there_o be_v not_o many_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n so_o ignorant_a as_o to_o the_o 2._o it_o be_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o god_n will_v reprove_v &_o show_v they_o the_o evil_a of_o such_o principle_n and_o recover_v they_o out_o of_o such_o snare_n as_o to_o the_o 3._o let_v they_o take_v heed_n lest_o have_v put_v their_o hand_n to_o the_o plough_n and_o look_v back_o they_o become_v unfit_a for_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n luke_n 9_o 62._o and_o let_v they_o likewise_o take_v heed_n of_o please_a man_n or_o halt_v between_o two_o opinion_n but_o if_o god_n be_v god_n follow_v he_o if_o baal_n follow_v he_o 1_o king_n 28_o 21._o this_o may_v seem_v harsh_a language_n to_o some_o but_o i_o be_o satisfy_v that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v have_v not_o be_v from_o a_o censorious_a spirit_n to_o judge_n of_o the_o final_a state_n of_o any_o or_o to_o question_v the_o 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consent_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v have_v one_o heart_n and_o one_o way_n and_o there_o shall_v be_v one_o lord_n and_o his_o name_n one_o zeph._n 3._o 9_o jer._n 32._o 39_o zach._n 14._o 9_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n let_v none_o under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o such_o promise_n as_o these_o grow_v cold_a and_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n for_o none_o can_v true_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o promise_n but_o such_o as_o do_v wait_v in_o a_o close_o walk_v with_o god_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n receive_v and_o so_o those_o that_o have_v but_o a_o little_a of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n let_v they_o follow_v on_o to_o know_v the_o lord_n hosea_n 6._o 3._o and_o let_v those_o that_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n earnest_o contend_v for_o it_o judas_n 3._o and_o such_o as_o be_v in_o gospel_n church_n let_v they_o stand_v fast_o in_o one_o spirit_n with_o one_o mind_n strive_v together_o for_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o gospel_n phil._n 1._o 27._o and_o let_v every_o one_o that_o name_v the_o name_n of_o christ_n depart_v from_o iniquity_n 2_o timothy_n 2._o 19_o and_o those_o that_o love_v the_o lord_n hate_v evil_a psalm_n 97._o 10._o and_o as_o i_o desire_v that_o none_o may_v slight_v grow_v cold_a or_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o high_a enjoyment_n or_o discovery_n which_o shall_v be_v in_o the_o late_a day_n so_o i_o desire_v likewise_o that_o none_o may_v plead_v against_o the_o truth_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o love_n as_o many_o do_v in_o these_o day_n labour_v to_o confound_v light_n with_o darkness_n truth_n with_o error_n and_o to_o make_v a_o agreement_n where_o god_n have_v make_v none_o let_v such_o know_v that_o true_a spiritual_a love_n as_o it_o be_v wrought_v in_o the_o heart_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n so_o it_o be_v bound_v within_o the_o limit_n of_o truth_n love_n and_o truth_n go_v hand_n in_o hand_n it_o be_v so_o fix_v upon_o god_n that_o it_o love_v all_o in_o and_o for_o he_o spiritual_a love_n must_v have_v a_o spiritual_a object_n and_o as_o the_o object_n be_v more_o or_o less_o visible_a so_o be_v that_o love_n it_o can_v love_v every_o thing_n alike_o nay_o it_o work_n as_o well_o by_o hatred_n of_o evil_a as_o approve_v that_o which_o be_v good_a psa_n 101._o psa_fw-la 97._o 10._o rev._n 2._o 6._o psa_fw-la 119._o 122_o 128._o it_o love_v that_o which_o god_n love_v and_o hate_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v it_o love_v the_o word_n of_o god_n the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n and_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o hate_v all_o that_o be_v in_o opposition_n to_o these_o it_o rejoice_v not_o in_o iniquity_n but_o rejoice_v in_o the_o truth_n 1_o cor._n 13._o 6._o this_o be_v true_a spiritual_a love_n in_o which_o we_o be_v to_o receive_v every_o truth_n and_o by_o which_o faith_n work_v 2_o thes_n 2._o 10._o gal._n 5._o 6._o and_o i_o dare_v affirm_v whatever_o person_n may_v pretend_v of_o spiritual_a love_n that_o be_v not_o of_o this_o nature_n it_o be_v a_o mere_a delusion_n and_o that_o all_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n ought_v to_o take_v heed_n of_o it_o the_o five_o note_n of_o experience_n concern_v notion_n and_o pretend_a spirituality_n in_o which_o satan_n transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n and_o how_o far_o i_o be_v deceive_v by_o it_o and_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o out_o of_o it_o be_v now_o through_o much_o mercy_n bring_v out_o of_o babylon_n into_o zion_n to_o partake_v of_o those_o dainty_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v prepare_v for_o his_o people_n there_o satan_n that_o grand_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v 1_o pet._n 5._o 8._o envy_n my_o happiness_n and_o wait_v his_o opportunity_n to_o catch_v i_o as_o a_o fish_n in_o the_o water_n cover_v his_o hook_n with_o a_o bait_n of_o mystery_n and_o spirituality_n who_o though_o i_o have_v escape_v he_o in_o all_o his_o former_a appearance_n as_o a_o devil_n yet_o now_o transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o ever_o thereby_o to_o beguile_v and_o deceive_v i_o know_v that_o those_o that_o be_v so_o deceive_v be_v the_o fit_a agent_n to_o promote_v his_o kingdom_n and_o that_o many_o time_n he_o prevail_v this_o way_n when_o he_o can_v prevail_v no_o other_o way_n draw_v person_n to_o that_o by_o degree_n through_o corrupt_a principle_n which_o they_o will_v have_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o before_o they_o have_v such_o principle_n but_o god_n be_v please_v not_o only_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n but_o also_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n by_o which_o person_n be_v bring_v to_o such_o thing_n that_o so_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o may_v avoid_v those_o way_n and_o also_o forewarn_v other_o to_o avoid_v they_o likewise_o but_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o discover_v satan_n under_o these_o veil_n by_o harken_v to_o the_o voice_n of_o the_o tempter_n in_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o be_v humble_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n i_o be_v deceive_v and_o beguile_v by_o he_o in_o some_o particular_a thing_n and_o that_o after_o this_o manner_n after_o we_o have_v live_v some_o time_n in_o london_n walk_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o gospel_n it_o please_v god_n to_o remove_v our_o habitation_n into_o the_o country_n where_o we_o have_v not_o that_o privilege_n and_o after_o a_o while_n my_o husband_n be_v in_o the_o army_n it_o occasion_v our_o
concern_v truth_n and_o why_o many_o that_o live_v a_o long_a time_n under_o much_o mean_n yet_o continue_v very_o ignorant_a it_o may_v be_v ever_o learning_n and_o never_o able_a to_o come_v to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n 2_o ti._n 3._o 7._o and_o as_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n wither_v away_o because_o it_o have_v no_o root_n so_o truth_n not_o be_v root_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n though_o it_o spring_v up_o in_o much_o affection_n yet_o it_o come_v to_o nothing_o and_o indeed_o ignorant_a person_n many_o time_n be_v soon_o affect_v and_o do_v seem_v to_o have_v more_o affection_n than_o other_o he_o reason_n of_o that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o same_o also_o with_o that_o of_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n it_o spring_v up_o sudden_o because_o it_o have_v not_o depth_n of_o earth_n so_o it_o be_v natural_a for_o ignorant_a person_n to_o spring_v forth_o in_o affection_n they_o have_v as_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o to_o do_v but_o only_o to_o be_v affect_v their_o strength_n run_v all_o in_o one_o vein_n or_o in_o one_o channel_n they_o spend_v all_o in_o affection_n while_o other_o that_o have_v more_o understanding_n have_v many_o other_o thing_n to_o do_v all_o the_o faculty_n of_o their_o soul_n be_v exercise_v their_o strength_n be_v disperse_v into_o many_o vein_n weigh_v and_o ponder_v thing_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o it_o may_v have_v depth_n to_o root_n and_o settle_v there_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o mary_n she_o ponder_v those_o thing_n in_o her_o heart_n luke_n 2._o 19_o so_o they_o be_v treasure_v it_o up_o in_o their_o heart_n have_v in_o their_o treasury_n thing_n new_a and_o old_a mat._n 12._o 35._o and_o 13._o 52._o and_o a_o little_a affection_n where_o there_o be_v judgement_n be_v better_a than_o a_o great_a deal_n without_o judgement_n yet_o much_o affection_n with_o a_o sound_a judgement_n be_v best_a of_o all_o the_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o so_o convert_v to_o duty_n labour_v for_o life_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n by_o providence_n hear_v a_o minister_n of_o the_o nation_n who_o be_v then_o call_v a_o puritan_n who_o though_o i_o use_v often_o to_o hear_v yet_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o dan._n 10._o 8._o i_o hear_v but_o i_o understand_v not_o and_o as_o i_o be_v once_o hear_v of_o he_o very_o sudden_o i_o think_v i_o do_v discern_v and_o understand_v thing_n more_o clear_o and_o more_o distinct_o than_o ever_o i_o do_v before_o that_o time_n be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v then_o own_o god_n in_o it_o have_v many_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o lydia_n act._n 16._o 14._o that_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v open_v my_o understanding_n and_o now_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v have_v more_o knowledge_n and_o delight_v more_o in_o hear_v and_o read_v whereas_o before_o it_o be_v wearisome_a to_o i_o because_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v any_o thing_n but_o in_o a_o confuse_a manner_n after_o this_o i_o have_v a_o great_a delight_n to_o hear_v this_o man_n and_o though_o i_o think_v it_o much_o on_o any_o other_o occasion_n to_o go_v one_o mile_n on_o foot_n yet_o to_o hear_v he_o i_o can_v go_v three_o and_o back_o again_o the_o same_o day_n frequent_o and_o by_o his_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v the_o superstitious_a variety_n of_o my_o former_a zeal_n and_o lay_v it_o aside_o and_o i_o remember_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v such_o affectionate_a heart-working_n towards_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o such_o a_o hatred_n of_o all_o sin_n according_a to_o what_o i_o then_o know_v that_o i_o do_v many_o time_n in_o my_o serious_a thought_n choose_v rather_o to_o die_v than_o live_v mere_o upon_o that_o account_n because_o i_o will_v not_o sin_v against_o god_n know_v myself_o subject_a thereunto_o and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v faith_n in_o god_n so_o as_o to_o believe_v his_o love_n to_o i_o on_o gospel_n ground_n for_o i_o be_v total_o ignorant_a of_o any_o such_o thing_n many_o year_n after_o yet_o i_o have_v good_a thought_n of_o god_n from_o that_o glimmer_a light_n which_o i_o then_o have_v and_o which_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o much_o love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o can_v but_o so_o judge_v but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o bring_v to_o this_o but_o satan_n be_v ready_a to_o assault_v i_o and_o set_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o horrid_a temptation_n to_o question_v the_o be_v of_o god_n and_o i_o remember_v it_o usual_o come_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o but_o especial_o as_o i_o be_v go_v by_o myself_o to_o hear_v the_o aforesaid_a minister_n insomuch_o that_o it_o do_v exceed_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o then_o discern_v it_o to_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o do_v resist_v and_o labour_n against_o it_o draw_v argument_n as_o i_o go_v in_o the_o field_n from_o the_o very_a work_n of_o creation_n to_o confirm_v myself_o in_o this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o or_o any_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o earnest_o cry_v to_o god_n against_o it_o through_o grace_n i_o be_v not_o overcome_v by_o it_o but_o have_v a_o supply_n of_o strength_n until_o it_o be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v with_o it_o in_o many_o year_n after_o so_o i_o continue_v a_o constant_a hearer_n of_o this_o man_n and_o other_o such_o like_a for_o some_o year_n by_o which_o i_o come_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o be_v convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o their_o doctrine_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n such_o as_o be_v suitable_a to_o the_o old_a covenant_n instead_o of_o go_v to_o christ_n for_o life_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o a_o great_a degree_n of_o labour_n and_o travel_v for_o life_n and_o happiness_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n be_v as_o exact_v and_o strict_a in_o all_o my_o way_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o poor_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o the_o more_o strict_a i_o be_v still_o look_v through_o the_o glass_n of_o the_o law_n the_o more_o my_o bondage_n be_v increase_v for_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o a_o addition_n of_o sin_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v the_o law_n still_o call_v for_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v and_o in_o a_o great_a amazement_n &_o perplexity_n of_o spirit_n fear_v i_o shall_v perish_v for_o ever_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n to_o discover_v my_o condition_n to_o some_o to_o have_v advise_v from_o they_o but_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n do_v not_o but_o keep_v it_o in_o my_o own_o breast_n discover_v no_o more_o but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o hide_v which_o be_v only_o my_o outward_a appearance_n much_o differ_v from_o what_o former_o it_o be_v which_o do_v occasion_n some_o to_o say_v that_o i_o be_v near_o a_o distraction_n they_o not_o know_v what_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o true_o my_o condition_n be_v so_o sad_a that_o i_o be_v afraid_a of_o a_o distraction_n myself_o for_o i_o think_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v long_o in_o that_o condition_n and_o not_o be_v distract_v which_o fear_n do_v occasion_v i_o to_o apply_v myself_o to_o some_o mean_n of_o comfort_n whereas_o before_o i_o be_v not_o willing_a to_o hearken_v to_o any_o thing_n that_o way_n the_o mean_v i_o use_v be_v chief_o read_v &_o prayer_n by_o which_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o come_v to_o some_o dark_a apprehension_n concern_v jesus_n christ_n be_v persuade_v there_o be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n which_o if_o i_o can_v get_v a_o right_a understanding_n of_o my_o condition_n will_v be_v much_o better_a but_o fear_v leave_v i_o shall_v sink_v under_o my_o burden_n temptation_n come_v on_o i_o like_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n i_o be_v force_v as_o i_o go_v about_o my_o occasion_n often_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n like_o the_o disciple_n in_o another_o case_n lord_n save_v i_o else_o i_o perish_v mat._n 8._o 25._o i_o think_v many_o time_n i_o be_v even_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n and_o i_o do_v believe_v there_o be_v no_o help_n but_o only_o in_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o but_o whether_o he_o will_v do_v it_o or_o whether_o he_o
but_o a_o hatred_n and_o indignation_n against_o it_o it_o be_v thus_o with_o i_o at_o this_o time_n i_o can_v but_o much_o tender_a person_n in_o the_o like_a condition_n who_o do_v manifest_a by_o a_o good_a conversation_n a_o real_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o their_o heart_n though_o live_v in_o a_o discovery_n below_o the_o privilege_n of_o the_o gospel_n yet_o not_o so_o to_o tender_v they_o as_o not_o to_o tender_v the_o glory_n of_o truth_n above_o they_o be_v true_a to_o my_o principle_n in_o keep_v a_o strict_a separation_n from_o they_o in_o relation_n to_o their_o visible_a and_o public_a worship_n it_o be_v contrary_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n three_o observation_n from_o the_o three_o forego_v reason_n first_o concern_v the_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o there_o may_v be_v a_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n to_o life_n and_o godliness_n long_o before_o that_o soul_n come_v to_o enjoy_v life_n by_o believe_v second_o concern_v my_o be_v stay_v upon_o christ_n when_o i_o be_v like_a to_o sink_v upder_v my_o burden_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o a_o soul_n may_v cleave_v to_o and_o real_o stay_v upon_o christ_n through_o some_o apprehension_n which_o present_v he_o lovely_a though_o it_o may_v be_v that_o which_o do_v not_o present_v he_o so_o lovely_a as_o indeed_o he_o be_v three_o concern_v that_o entire_a love_n i_o have_v to_o christ_n and_o his_o way_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n manifest_v to_o a_o soul_n be_v that_o which_o ordinary_o beget_v love_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o christ_n yet_o its_o possible_a there_o may_v be_v a_o real_a love_n to_o he_o before_o there_o be_v such_o a_o manifestation_n now_o have_v mind_v many_o particular_n as_o to_o my_o condition_n at_o that_o time_n when_o i_o do_v experience_n these_o thing_n i_o can_v altogether_o omit_v the_o kindness_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o in_o relation_n to_o persecution_n which_o though_o it_o be_v but_o small_a comparative_o with_o some_o other_o yet_o it_o be_v more_o than_o some_o meet_v with_o and_o it_o be_v that_o indeed_o which_o do_v require_v some_o strength_n from_o the_o lord_n to_o undergo_v it_o with_o comfort_n in_o which_o he_o not_o be_v want_v to_o i_o i_o judge_v it_o ought_v not_o to_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o and_o as_o i_o have_v comfort_n in_o it_o at_o that_o time_n present_a so_o i_o be_o still_o well_o satisfy_v that_o i_o suffer_v not_o as_o a_o evil_a doer_n because_o what_o i_o do_v then_o be_v upon_o a_o conscientious_a account_n according_a to_o that_o light_n receive_v i_o can_v mention_v many_o particular_n but_o i_o forbear_v hearty_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v never_o be_v lay_v to_o their_o charge_n but_o this_o book_n be_v intend_v by_o i_o as_o a_o remembrancer_n of_o the_o former_a deal_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o think_v it_o not_o altogether_o useless_a as_o to_o remember_v the_o time_n i_o be_v in_o that_o condition_n &_o the_o manner_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v from_o it_o so_o also_o the_o time_n when_o i_o be_v bring_v from_o it_o and_o that_o be_v after_o the_o bishop_n be_v quite_o take_v away_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o sit_v of_o the_o late_a synod_n and_o here_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v with_o thankfulness_n to_o god_n that_o i_o be_v not_o ensnare_v by_o the_o change_n of_o time_n and_o law_n for_o at_o that_o very_a time_n when_o the_o presbyterian_a party_n so_o call_v begin_v to_o reign_v and_o i_o may_v have_v reign_v with_o they_o and_o enjoy_v smile_n from_o they_o be_v convict_v of_o a_o further_a discovery_n of_o truth_n i_o leave_v they_o and_o be_v content_a to_o become_v a_o scorn_n and_o a_o byword_n among_o they_o though_o i_o must_v confess_v i_o have_v much_o respect_n from_o some_o of_o they_o all_o along_o yet_o my_o suffering_n from_o that_o party_n be_v far_o more_o than_o the_o former_a i_o can_v here_o mention_v many_o particular_n but_o i_o forbear_v desire_v as_o for_o the_o former_a it_o may_v not_o be_v charge_v upon_o they_o only_o these_o general_a hint_n i_o hope_v will_v be_v sufficient_a to_o bring_v particular_n to_o my_o remembrance_n for_o these_o thing_n ought_v not_o to_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o because_o in_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n much_o engage_v in_o praise_n to_o god_n and_o that_o several_a way_n one_o way_n and_o that_o not_o the_o least_o be_v that_o god_n have_v break_v their_o power_n for_o indeed_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v that_o according_a to_o my_o observation_n and_o experience_n i_o have_v see_v as_o persecute_v a_o spirit_n in_o they_o as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o the_o former_a and_o they_o do_v appear_v as_o bitter_a if_o not_o more_o against_o such_o as_o be_v call_v anabaptist_n than_o ever_o the_o bishop_n do_v against_o those_o that_o be_v call_v puritan_n consider_v their_o time_n and_o power_n for_o as_o their_o time_n be_v short_a so_o when_o their_o power_n be_v high_a there_o be_v always_o a_o party_n which_o do_v a_o little_a awe_n they_o i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o of_o these_o thing_n but_o that_o as_o i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o so_o i_o do_v likewise_o desire_v that_o god_n will_v destroy_v or_o at_o least_o keep_v under_o every_o persecute_v spirit_n under_o what_o name_n or_o title_n soever_o call_v till_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o repentance_n the_o three_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o apprehend_v and_o believe_v the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n and_o in_o believe_v to_o receive_v the_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o order_n to_o this_o experience_n i_o can_v omit_v to_o write_v something_o concern_v the_o read_n of_o a_o book_n by_o which_o as_o a_o mean_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n i_o receive_v these_o never_o to_o be_v forget_v mercy_n after_o i_o have_v live_v about_o five_o or_o six_o year_n a_o strict_a professor_n be_v very_o confident_a and_o settle_a upon_o the_o lees_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n there_o come_v a_o man_n to_o the_o town_n where_o i_o live_v who_o though_o he_o be_v general_o repute_v to_o be_v a_o honest_a man_n yet_o he_o be_v much_o oppose_v as_o hold_v gross_a error_n in_o his_o judgement_n and_o hear_v many_o speak_v very_o bitter_o against_o he_o i_o do_v much_o ponder_v it_o in_o my_o heart_n not_o daâ—ing_v as_o nicodemus_n speak_v concern_v christ_n john_n 7._o 50._o to_o judge_v before_o i_o hear_v and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v to_o speak_v with_o he_o which_o according_o i_o do_v and_o find_v he_o speak_v such_o thing_n as_o i_o never_o hear_v before_o which_o i_o then_o ignorant_o judge_v to_o be_v error_n the_o thing_n he_o chief_o speak_v of_o be_v about_o free_a grace_n the_o nature_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o the_o new_a covenant_n and_o though_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o gain_v say_v the_o truth_n of_o what_o he_o speak_v yet_o for_o fear_n of_o those_o evil_a consequence_n that_o a_o carnal_a heart_n may_v draw_v from_o they_o i_o can_v not_o receive_v it_o but_o after_o some_o discourse_n in_o much_o opposition_n yet_o not_o bitter_a against_o he_o in_o the_o close_a he_o desire_v to_o lend_v i_o a_o book_n in_o which_o he_o say_v concern_v the_o thing_n he_o speak_v i_o may_v find_v better_a satisfaction_n than_o he_o can_v give_v be_v but_o weak_a in_o expression_n so_o i_o take_v it_o home_o with_o i_o but_o be_v much_o afraid_a of_o error_n i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a dispute_n in_o my_o own_o spirit_n whether_o i_o shall_v read_v it_o or_o not_o but_o fear_v lest_o i_o shall_v seem_v to_o shut_v my_o eye_n against_o the_o light_n at_o last_o i_o come_v to_o this_o result_n that_o i_o will_v read_v it_o but_o first_o set_v a_o part_n a_o day_n by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o seek_v the_o lord_n that_o what_o be_v truth_n in_o it_o i_o may_v embrace_v and_o that_o he_o will_v keep_v and_o preserve_v i_o from_o error_n which_o according_o i_o do_v and_o find_v the_o drist_n and_o scope_n of_o the_o book_n be_v to_o exalt_v god_n and_o lay_v low_a the_o creature_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o as_o also_o with_o some_o other_o particular_n but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n these_o minister_n who_o word_n be_v then_o as_o oracle_n to_o i_o do_v so_o much_o cry_v out_o against_o it_o charge_v all_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o it_o it_o be_v full_a of_o error_n of_o dangerous_a consequence_n that_o when_o i_o come_v about_o the_o middle_n of_o it_o i_o be_v so_o surprise_v with_o fear_n of_o carnal_a liberty_n