as_o the_o last_o word_n in_o his_o diary_n with_o a_o very_a weak_a and_o trâ—mâ—â—ing_a hand_n as_o the_o write_n and_o letter_n too_o evident_o show_v cranbroke_a feb._n 19_o 1689._o i_o have_v be_v above_o two_o month_n under_o the_o surgeon_n hand_n for_o a_o sore_a leg_n and_o thigh_n pain_n have_v be_v sometime_o very_o great_a relapse_n from_o fever_n etc._n etc._n several_a apprehension_n of_o death_n frequent_a i_o have_v not_o i_o think_v be_v impatient_a i_o have_v be_v without_o anxious_a thought_n of_o eternity_n and_o willing_a if_o god_n please_v to_o leave_v my_o body_n but_o â—ixedly_o desirous_a not_o to_o continue_v in_o it_o unless_o i_o be_v and_o do_v the_o better_o for_o this_o affliction_n twice_o as_o my_o ill_a circumstance_n permit_v 〈◊〉_d view_v the_o account_n of_o myself_o oct._n 7._o 1685._o and_o still_o hope_v it_o be_v not_o false_a of_o all_o man_n i_o can_v think_v only_o of_o mr._n betwixt_o who_o and_o myself_o there_o be_v any_o unkindness_n 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he_o wish_v for_o in_o a_o real_a friend_n piety_n good_a nature_n fidelity_n in_o admonition_n and_o reproof_n and_o a_o readiness_n to_o communicate_v notion_n and_o experience_n for_o the_o increase_a holy_a light_n and_o heat_n i_o must_v pass_v over_o many_o thing_n worthy_a to_o be_v remember_v and_o shall_v only_o mention_v some_o particular_a virtue_n and_o grace_n which_o be_v the_o peculiar_a ornament_n of_o his_o life_n he_o give_v remarkable_a instance_n of_o his_o piety_n and_o devotedness_n to_o god_n by_o his_o constancy_n and_o frequency_n in_o devotion_n he_o take_v all_o occasion_n for_o prayer_n by_o himself_o and_o with_o other_o be_v habitual_o prepare_v for_o this_o sweet_a and_o prositable_a exercise_n of_o religion_n few_o ever_o comply_v more_o with_o the_o scriptural_a command_n of_o pray_v always_o and_o without_o cease_v this_o holy_a incense_n be_v always_o prepare_v for_o the_o altar_n though_o the_o sweet_a perfume_n be_v not_o always_o ascend_v to_o heaven_n he_o observe_v the_o lord_n day_n with_o a_o religious_a strictness_n keep_v it_o as_o a_o holy_a rest_n to_o god_n in_o the_o public_a and_o private_a exercise_n of_o worship_n with_o as_o little_a diversion_n as_o possible_a he_o diligent_o instruct_v his_o inferior_n by_o catechise_v and_o serious_a exhortation_n he_o express_v a_o warm_a zeal_n against_o sin_n wherever_o he_o find_v it_o and_o his_o prudent_a calm_a and_o seasonable_a reproof_n be_v great_o enforce_v by_o the_o blamelessness_n of_o his_o own_o example_n in_o such_o instance_n his_o piety_n shine_v in_o a_o bright_a attractive_a light_n his_o meekness_n and_o moderation_n towards_o those_o that_o differ_v from_o he_o deserve_v next_o to_o be_v remember_v though_o none_o be_v more_o fervent_o zealous_a about_o the_o great_a substantial_o of_o religion_n yet_o none_o be_v more_o cool_a and_o temperate_a about_o
to_o those_o that_o there_o attend_v his_o ministry_n have_v make_v so_o long_a a_o digression_n though_o necessary_a to_o clear_v the_o sense_n of_o these_o passage_n in_o his_o diary_n by_o which_o it_o full_o appear_v with_o what_o deliberation_n and_o sincerity_n he_o act_v in_o these_o matter_n i_o shall_v before_o i_o close_v it_o subjoin_v one_o instance_n of_o the_o admirable_a influence_n his_o example_n and_o persuasion_n have_v to_o promote_v religion_n in_o the_o family_n and_o neighbourhood_n of_o glastenbury_n for_o the_o heir_n of_o it_o sir_n thomas_n r_o be_v but_o then_o new_o come_v to_o age_n do_v at_o his_o desire_n to_o engage_v his_o tenant_n the_o more_o effectual_o to_o the_o study_n and_o practice_n of_o religion_n call_v together_o their_o servant_n and_o child_n every_o lord's-day_n after_o the_o afternoon_n sermon_n and_o himself_o catechise_v they_o this_o i_o have_v often_o observe_v with_o great_a satisfaction_n and_o as_o i_o be_o sure_a the_o mention_n of_o it_o be_v no_o dishonour_n to_o his_o quality_n or_o year_n so_o i_o wish_v that_o so_o memorable_a a_o example_n of_o early_a zeal_n for_o piety_n may_v draw_v other_o to_o a_o imitation_n of_o it_o such_o familiar_a instruction_n will_v be_v more_o ready_o and_o thankful_o embrace_v by_o their_o inferior_n from_o those_o on_o who_o their_o secular_a interest_n depend_v and_o who_o they_o be_v sure_a nothing_o but_o compassionate_a charity_n to_o their_o soul_n can_v prompt_v to_o so_o much_o condescension_n but_o to_o return_v to_o mr._n trench_n diary_n glanstenb_n may_v 24._o 1680._o i_o have_v be_v abuse_v censure_v and_o slander_n be_v faithfulness_n and_o plain-dealing_a have_v hard_a return_n but_o my_o duty_n be_v comfortable_a though_o against_o the_o stream_n i_o have_v witness_n of_o my_o integrity_n above_o and_o within_o and_o in_o the_o confidence_n thereof_o be_v plain_a and_o free_a with_o the_o injurious_a party_n to_o who_o i_o still_o return_v good_a for_o evil_a prayer_n and_o service_n for_o many_o and_o cruel_a wrong_n the_o guilty_a at_o length_n express_v a_o great_a and_o sorrowful_a sense_n of_o what_o be_v past_a ask_v god_n forgiveness_n and_o his_o unworthy_a servant_n and_o promise_v what_o have_v fly_v out_o in_o passion_n against_o truth_n shall_v be_v rectify_v and_o my_o innocence_n clear_v i_o be_v still_o praise_v god_n who_o enable_v i_o to_o do_v my_o duty_n against_o such_o cut_a provocation_n and_o give_v i_o so_o much_o kindness_n where_o i_o less_o expect_v it_o glast_n jan._n 1._o 1681._o thankful_a acknowledgement_n of_o continue_a goodness_n to_o i_o and_o i_o especial_o for_o any_o sincerity_n and_o diligence_n in_o increase_a my_o own_o and_o other_o knowledge_n love_n and_o obedience_n breathe_n after_o more_o and_o more_o holiness_n that_o by_o any_o mean_n i_o may_v be_v more_o like_o my_o heavenly_a father_n more_o faithful_a in_o endeavour_v his_o glory_n and_o the_o good_a of_o man_n and_o more_o happy_a in_o success_n prayer_n for_o constant_a assistance_n be_v quicken_v by_o the_o sudden_a sink_v and_o die_v of_o a_o old_a acquaintance_n mr._n s_o who_o be_v common_o very_o cheerful_a full_a of_o comfortable_a confident_a expression_n of_o resignation_n to_o and_o trust_v in_o god_n and_o of_o unconcernedness_n for_o and_o elevation_n above_o low_a temporal_a matter_n yet_o on_o the_o death_n of_o a_o friend_n and_o wife_n all_o fail_v and_o he_o soon_o sink_v and_o die_v what_o need_v to_o please_v and_o seek_v to_o god_n continual_o that_o he_o may_v keep_v we_o strong_a in_o himself_o and_o the_o power_n of_o his_o might_n glast_n july_n 10._o 1682._o i_o comply_v to_o stay_v at_o glast_n though_o solicit_v by_o other_o friend_n to_o be_v near_o they_o with_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o be_v more_o laborious_a and_o successful_a for_o their_o good_a particular_o sir_n th'_v who_o i_o have_v great_a reason_n to_o love_v i_o have_v comfortable_a hope_n of_o my_o own_o sincerity_n but_o not_o without_o trouble_n for_o my_o sluggishness_n and_o wander_a thought_n i_o reflect_v on_o the_o prime_n of_o my_o health_n and_o briskness_n not_o improve_v as_o become_v i_o for_o god_n acknowledge_v it_o just_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v honour_v to_o do_v he_o any_o considerable_a service_n and_o beg_v pardon_n and_o strength_n of_o body_n and_o soul_n and_o good_a success_n for_o his_o infinite_a unaccountable_a mercy_n and_o goodness_n in_o our_o dear_a saviour_n glast_n may_v 28._o 1683._o i_o find_v several_a note_n of_o my_o own_o sincerity_n and_o with_o more_o confidence_n distraction_n be_v my_o trouble_n against_o which_o my_o prayer_n be_v still_o direct_v i_o have_v design_v to_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n in_o cranbroke-church_n not_o from_o fear_n for_o which_o there_o be_v then_o no_o occasion_n but_o from_o sense_n of_o duty_n and_o trouble_v for_o the_o neglect_n thereof_o i_o have_v be_v for_o it_o and_o oft_o declare_v my_o judgement_n but_o the_o vehement_a aversion_n and_o dissuasion_n of_o several_a good_a man_n have_v keep_v i_o from_o do_v it_o there_o but_o i_o be_v at_o length_n satisfy_v i_o ought_v not_o to_o please_v they_o therein_o but_o to_o obey_v the_o command_n of_o christian_a unity_n communion_n and_o love_n to_o perform_v a_o duty_n and_o partake_v of_o a_o privilege_n sad_o neglect_v and_o take_v away_o that_o offence_n which_o forbearance_n will_v six_z before_o some_o who_o mistake_o cry_v out_o against_o offence_n when_o through_o their_o own_o fault_n displease_v my_o body_n have_v continue_v very_o crazy_a lung_n sensible_o heat_v and_o swell_v by_o the_o catarrh_n notwithstanding_o many_o mean_n but_o god_n send_v i_o to_o london_n make_v my_o friend_n urge_v i_o to_o better_a advice_n and_o blessed_v what_o be_v prescribe_v especial_o milk_n various_o prepare_v and_o mix_v with_o quick_a and_o strange_a success_n wish_n be_v for_o a_o heart_n more_o draw_v and_o warm_v by_o divine_a goodness_n and_o love_n my_o work_n at_o glastenbury_n draw_v to_o a_o end_n my_o conscience_n witness_v that_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o promote_v the_o essential_o of_o religion_n not_o our_o unhappy_a difference_n with_o as_o little_a appearance_n of_o schism_n or_o faction_n as_o i_o can_v brenchley_n nou._n 20._o 1684._o our_o 6_o son_n be_v bapitze_v and_o name_v thomas_n by_o mr._n monkton_n our_o minister_n at_o brenchley_n i_o hope_v he_o have_v not_o only_o the_o token_n but_o the_o save_a benefit_n of_o the_o covenant_n pray_v he_o may_v live_v and_o faithful_o embrace_v it_o for_o himself_o brenchley_n july_n 5._o 1685._o this_o day_n i_o receive_v the_o sacrament_n renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o my_o god_n who_o be_v my_o all._n i_o converse_v little_a with_o man_n but_o enough_o to_o see_v and_o hear_v of_o many_o lamentable_a sinful_a distemper_n lord_n make_v all_o better_a and_o keep_v such_o as_o profess_v great_a purity_n from_o impure_a heat_n and_o mistake_v and_o from_o do_v evil_a under_o pretence_n of_o good_n july_n 21._o i_o endeavour_v as_o i_o ought_v to_o be_v affect_v with_o the_o sin_n and_o suffering_n of_o so_o many_o my_o thought_n have_v be_v frequent_o of_o god_n and_o my_o discourse_n with_o several_a as_o i_o have_v opportunity_n i_o hope_v they_o will_v have_v be_v better_a if_o less_o disturb_v by_o bodily_a indisposition_n which_o still_o cloud_n my_o head_n o_o for_o a_o better_a head_n and_o heart_n to_o glorify_v my_o good_a god_n and_o saviour_n in_o do_v and_o suffer_v whatever_o please_v he_o brench_o octob._n 7._o 1685._o be_v enter_v into_o the_o 43d_o year_n of_o my_o life_n i_o reflect_v on_o my_o carriage_n towards_o god_n and_o man_n what_o i_o have_v be_v and_o do_v in_o the_o world_n and_o what_o ground_n i_o have_v to_o hope_v for_o a_o better_a the_o result_n whereof_o i_o write_v for_o future_a use_n i_o hope_v without_o partiality_n god_n grant_v i_o may_v yet_o write_v better_o i_o be_o unfeigned_o willing_a to_o know_v the_o worst_a of_o myself_o i_o think_v i_o have_v good_a ground_n to_o hope_n i_o have_v find_v the_o benefit_n of_o a_o early_a and_o sincere_a dedication_n to_o god_n by_o my_o good_a parent_n and_o of_o their_o careful_a education_n and_o frequent_a prayer_n and_o the_o many_o other_o spiritual_a advantage_n i_o enjoy_v i_o be_o pretty_a well_o assure_v that_o i_o have_v choose_v god_n for_o my_o portion_n rest_v and_o happiness_n and_o that_o i_o prefer_v not_o the_o profit_n pleasure_n and_o honour_n of_o this_o world_n before_o he_o i_o desire_v no_o more_o thereof_o than_o be_v needful_a for_o his_o service_n hearty_o desire_v and_o seek_v first_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o his_o righteousness_n and_o expect_v other_o thing_n in_o due_a subordination_n i_o have_v i_o hope_v hearty_o humble_o and_o thankful_o accept_v the_o lord_n christ_n as_o offer_v in_o the_o gospel_n to_o be_v my_o saviour_n
traise_n to_o we_o thankfuliness_n in_o a_o fruitful_a iâ—se_n after_o almost_o two_o year_n abide_v at_o oxfor_a i_o leave_v that_o university_n also_o be_v send_v about_o 7_o month_n after_o to_o leyden_n by_o my_o good_a father_n who_o be_v willing_a i_o shall_v study_v physic_n before_o i_o go_v i_o understand_v his_o unfaithfulness_n who_o i_o have_v trust_v to_o right_v those_o i_o have_v wrong_v and_o leave_v with_o a_o better_a man_n more_o than_o i_o can_v think_v due_a to_o any_o except_o those_o myself_o right_v in_o holland_n i_o enjoy_v good_a company_n good_a ministry_n and_o my_o more_o intimate_a converse_n with_o p._n c._n be_v useful_a we_o only_o be_v together_o in_o a_o dutch_a papist_n house_n where_o he_o labour_v exceed_o under_o great_a terror_n and_o sorrow_n for_o sin_n have_v many_o bitter_a pang_n and_o long_a agony_n with_o plenty_n of_o tear_n and_o cry_n which_o the_o papist_n taking_n notice_n of_o charge_v our_o religion_n as_o uncomfortable_a i_o 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and_o therefore_o my_o inclination_n to_o divinity_n still_o continue_v though_o i_o have_v make_v some_o progress_n in_o physic_n after_o about_o a_o year_n absence_n i_o return_v 1664_o continue_v with_o my_o parent_n at_o london_n till_o the_o plagve_n and_o fire_n for_o awhile_o remove_v we_o midsummer_n 1688_o we_o come_v to_o crouched-fryar_n and_o with_o my_o brother_n be_v happy_a in_o comfort_v and_o divert_v my_o father_n till_o we_o be_v witness_n of_o his_o bless_a departure_n he_o leave_v beside_o myself_o dear_a brother_n thomas_n bear_v apr._n 14_o 1648._o we_o always_o love_v and_o can_v hardly_o remember_v any_o quarrel_n between_o we_o the_o young_a sister_n sarah_n also_o survive_v bear_v may_n 23._o may_n we_o see_v her_o newborn_a may_v i_o do_v my_o duty_n to_o promote_v it_o soon_o after_o my_o father_n death_n i_o be_v seize_v by_o a_o feavourish_a distemper_n accompany_v with_o hypochondriac_a wind_n etc._n etc._n which_o continue_v and_o enforce_v serious_a consideration_n i_o find_v in_o myself_o a_o great_a change_n prayer_n and_o reading_n have_v above_o 7_o year_n be_v my_o constant_a practice_n i_o be_v temperate_a in_o meat_n drink_n apparel_n etc._n etc._n i_o hope_v true_o humble_a scrupulous_o careful_a to_o do_v no_o wrong_n lose_v rather_o i_o give_v the_o poor_a constant_o the_o 10_o and_o of_o late_a the_o seven_o part_n of_o my_o income_n oath_n and_o curse_n which_o once_o and_o again_o i_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o i_o long_o since_o abhor_v and_o can_v not_o hear_v without_o trouble_n yet_o i_o be_v deject_v that_o though_o i_o have_v please_v and_o rejoice_v my_o parent_n i_o have_v not_o be_v in_o all_o thing_n so_o comply_v as_o i_o shall_v and_o yet_o more_o because_o i_o have_v not_o so_o diligent_o improve_v my_o time_n for_o god_n as_o i_o may_v i_o hope_v i_o hearty_o repent_v deny_v myself_o and_o bear_v inconvenience_n for_o my_o good_a mother_n and_o resolve_v on_o great_a diligence_n in_o do_v &_o get_v good_a i_o be_v likewise_o anxious_a whether_o restitution_n be_v certain_o make_v for_o the_o wrong_n i_o have_v do_v in_o cambridge_n 10_o year_n before_o and_o determine_v to_o inquire_v and_o do_v what_o be_v further_o requisite_a i_o be_v sensible_a of_o the_o kindness_n of_o this_o affliction_n in_o the_o aforesaid_a search_n and_o resolve_n and_o in_o a_o far_a change_n of_o my_o temper_n grow_v more_o meek_a humble_a and_o charitable_a i_o feel_v more_o my_o own_o vicious_a impotence_n and_o the_o necessity_n of_o divine_a grace_n as_o be_v have_v and_o do_v nothing_o good_a but_o as_o the_o spirit_n make_v i_o every_o moment_n before_o i_o recover_v from_o this_o sickness_n i_o be_v forsake_v by_o my_o thought_n of_o conform_v to_o the_o establish_a church_n by_o submit_v to_o the_o term_n impose_v on_o minister_n to_o which_o i_o have_v be_v sufficient_o incline_v by_o the_o reason_n and_o example_n of_o several_a pious_a and_o judicious_a person_n the_o formidable_a horror_n of_o my_o conscience_n the_o dread_a of_o their_o return_n by_o reason_n of_o some_o doubt_n i_o can_v not_o well_o remove_v determine_v i_o rather_o to_o a_o private_a life_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o render_v as_o useful_a as_o i_o may_v i_o remember_v when_o i_o be_v one_o day_n discourse_v he_o about_o ministerial_a conformity_n he_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v the_o declaration_n of_o assent_n and_o consent_v to_o all_o thing_n contain_v in_o and_o prescribe_v by_o the_o book_n of_o common-prayer_n and_o the_o form_n and_o manner_n of_o ordain_v and_o consecrate_v bishop_n priest_n and_o deacon_n that_o he_o chief_o stick_v at_o and_o can_v not_o think_v that_o declaration_n can_v be_v sincere_o make_v by_o such_o who_o judgement_n disapprove_v so_o many_o thing_n in_o those_o two_o book_n as_o he_o do_v and_o he_o be_v the_o more_o confirm_v in_o his_o aversion_n to_o so_o ensnare_a a_o declaration_n by_o observe_v several_a other_o of_o his_o acquaintance_n that_o have_v make_v it_o though_o under_o the_o same_o dissatisfaction_n with_o himself_o concern_v several_a thing_n contain_v in_o these_o book_n by_o give_v it_o a_o loose_a construction_n than_o he_o think_v the_o word_n capable_a of_o to_o become_v less_o strict_a and_o conscientious_a in_o other_o duty_n of_o religion_n than_o they_o have_v be_v before_o which_o visible_a declension_n from_o their_o former_a seriousness_n and_o circumspection_n he_o be_v afraid_a may_v flow_v from_o their_o have_v too_o far_o suffer_v their_o judgement_n to_o be_v sway_v and_o bias_v by_o their_o interest_n in_o a_o matter_n of_o so_o great_a importance_n hackney_n sept._n 10._o 1670._o i_o return_v from_o deal_n after_o 3_o day_n stay_v with_o my_o dear_a brother_n go_v to_o aleppo_n i_o part_v sad_o with_o one_o so_o dear_a in_o the_o strict_a band_n of_o love_n and_o nature_n yet_o we_o encourage_v ourselves_o in_o our_o good_a god_n who_o favour_n we_o have_v so_o experience_v together_o and_o hope_v we_o shall_v still_o enjoy_v when_o so_o far_o asunder_o i_o desire_v all_o may_v make_v i_o more_o long_a and_o labour_v after_o and_o prepare_v for_o heaven_n where_o friend_n part_v not_o bitter_o any_o more_o and_o where_o god_n be_v all_o in_o all_o for_o ever_o hackney_n octob._n 11._o 1670._o i_o grow_v ill_o of_o a_o quartan_a ague_n as_o it_o quick_o prove_v my_o prayer_n be_v for_o christian_a patience_n and_o wisdom_n to_o bear_v the_o worst_a and_o make_v a_o good_a improvement_n of_o all_o that_o god_n may_v be_v glorify_v myself_o and_o other_o better_v and_o christ_n more_o comfortable_o in_o life_n and_o death_n advantage_n june_n 20._o 1671._o try_v enfield-air_n for_o remove_v my_o ague_n i_o ride_v into_o the_o chase_n and_o be_v among_o the_o tree_n thoughtful_a and_o careless_a my_o horse_n by_o a_o great_a and_o sudden_a start_n turn_v