have_v continue_v under_o such_o assault_n eversince_o more_o or_o less_o till_o the_o time_n hereafter_o specify_v when_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o free_a mercy_n begin_v to_o make_v way_n for_o my_o escape_n i_o do_v also_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v not_o only_o despise_v slight_a thought_n of_o god_n but_o also_o of_o his_o people_n call_v they_o in_o my_o thought_n though_o not_o with_o my_o lip_n liar_n but_o when_o i_o do_v think_v i_o consent_v to_o such_o thought_n than_o horror_n will_v seize_v upon_o i_o even_o to_o overwhelm_v i_o and_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o remain_v till_o my_o go_v into_o ireland_n which_o be_v about_o june_n 1654._o after_o my_o come_n there_o the_o lord_n visit_v i_o with_o the_o smallpox_n and_o in_o that_o time_n of_o sickness_n i_o think_v i_o have_v some_o refreshment_n from_o the_o lord_n by_o consult_v his_o word_n but_o be_v sudden_o after_o assault_v with_o more_o and_o worse_o blasphemous_a thought_n then_o ever_o before_o and_o then_o do_v very_o believe_v i_o be_v possess_v with_o the_o devil_n and_o do_v think_v i_o talk_v with_o he_o and_o hear_v he_o say_v that_o god_n love_v to_o torment_v and_o bring_v misery_n upon_o his_o creature_n which_o thought_n be_v so_o press_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o wish_v the_o destruction_n of_o the_o almighty_a and_o do_v to_o my_o think_n hate_v he_o cry_v out_o in_o the_o hear_n of_o many_o i_o be_o undo_v to_o eternity_n and_o so_o remain_v till_o late_o and_o so_o dreadful_a be_v these_o last_o mention_v thought_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o from_o that_o time_n i_o conclude_v i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o before_o i_o do_v only_o think_v i_o have_v but_o now_o be_v confirm_v in_o it_o and_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o have_v real_o trample_v under_o foot_n the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o have_v do_v despite_n to_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n and_o thence_o conclude_v that_o nothing_o now_o remain_v but_o a_o fearful_a look_v for_o of_o vengeance_n that_o shall_v devour_v the_o adversary_n and_o this_o put_v i_o into_o unexpressible_a torment_n night_n and_o day_n think_v the_o devil_n will_v come_v and_o fetch_v i_o away_o and_o i_o believe_v i_o be_v certain_a of_o it_o and_o when_o any_o go_v to_o pray_v for_o i_o i_o think_v that_o hasten_v my_o destruction_n and_o therefore_o i_o hate_v they_o for_o it_o and_o have_v in_o my_o mind_n many_o sad_a wish_n as_o to_o those_o that_o pray_v for_o i_o count_v hell_n my_o portion_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v by_o such_o mean_n be_v soon_o cut_v off_o and_o that_o they_o sin_v in_o pray_v i_o have_v sin_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n think_v they_o ought_v to_o hate_v i_o but_o not_o pray_v for_o i_o i_o do_v also_o think_v i_o always_o hear_v a_o fearful_a sound_n in_o my_o ear_n especial_o when_o it_o be_v windy_a or_o rainy_a weather_n and_o then_o think_v i_o shall_v be_v cast_v into_o hell_n present_o which_o make_v a_o unexpressable_a torment_n of_o i_o to_o think_v of_o it_o and_o yet_o under_o all_o the_o mean_v use_v to_o seek_v god_n for_o i_o i_o find_v no_o benefit_n but_o at_o dublin_n when_o day_n be_v set_v apart_o to_o seek_v god_n for_o i_o i_o dread_v those_o day_n above_o all_o other_o think_v very_o that_o god_n be_v engage_v in_o honour_n to_o come_v out_o against_o i_o in_o fierce_a indignation_n as_o also_o against_o such_o as_o seek_v he_o on_o my_o behalf_n and_o i_o do_v many_o time_n think_v the_o lord_n in_o a_o way_n of_o judgement_n will_v turn_v i_o into_o some_o filthy_a hateful_a monster_n or_o other_o as_o a_o memorial_n of_o his_o just_a displeasure_n against_o i_o and_o all_o the_o time_n that_o prayer_n be_v put_v up_o for_o i_o which_o be_v very_o frequent_a in_o dublin_n as_o also_o discourse_n very_o often_o with_o i_o i_o can_v not_o perceive_v that_o any_o ever_o take_v the_o least_o hold_n on_o my_o heart_n but_o still_o i_o have_v that_o scripture_n oft_o on_o my_o thought_n 65.5_o thought_n psal_n 65.5_o by_o terrible_a thing_n in_o righteousness_n will_v thou_o answer_v they_o which_o i_o understand_v to_o be_v some_o answer_n in_o a_o way_n of_o judgement_n as_o to_o i_o i_o have_v also_o that_o scripture_n much_o on_o my_o heart_n 32._o heart_n matth._n 12.31_o 32._o he_o that_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o that_o which_o be_v to_o come_v and_o as_o to_o read_v the_o scripture_n my_o heart_n be_v much_o averse_a to_o it_o oneiy_n sometime_o out_o of_o compassion_n to_o other_o i_o do_v read_v and_o sometime_o do_v mind_n they_o what_o the_o cast_n off_o the_o scripture_n have_v cost_v i_o who_o be_v now_o reject_v for_o ever_o wish_v they_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o like_a but_o it_o be_v very_o seldom_o that_o i_o do_v this_o and_o long_o ere_o i_o can_v bring_v my_o heart_n to_o it_o i_o do_v also_o remember_v when_o i_o live_v at_o clantarfe_n in_o ireland_n and_o use_v to_o go_v to_o dublin_n sometime_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n i_o have_v often_o think_v when_o i_o go_v i_o shall_v be_v destroy_v ere_o i_o come_v back_o again_o and_o when_o i_o do_v hear_v i_o strive_v all_o i_o can_v to_o forget_v what_o i_o hear_v or_o read_v have_v my_o expectation_n of_o hell_n so_o heighten_v by_o all_o such_o mean_n that_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v it_o &_o will_v have_v give_v any_o thing_n i_o may_v never_o have_v go_v to_o have_v hear_v or_o pray_v more_o it_o do_v so_o increase_v the_o torment_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o when_o i_o come_v into_o the_o place_n where_o i_o use_v to_o hear_v i_o stâ—ll_v expect_v to_o hear_v some_o sudden_a voice_n from_o heaven_n declare_v my_o destruction_n and_o do_v think_v many_o time_n that_o the_o wind_n arise_v just_a as_o i_o come_v to_o that_o place_n to_o hear_v and_o do_v believe_v the_o lord_n must_v needs_o appear_v in_o judgement_n against_o i_o for_o come_v and_o sit_v as_o one_o of_o his_o people_n among_o they_o who_o i_o in_o my_o heart_n hate_v and_o will_v long_o that_o the_o duty_n may_v be_v end_v that_o i_o may_v be_v free_a from_o those_o fear_n that_o be_v upon_o i_o while_o there_o i_o do_v also_o remember_v that_o almost_o every_o thing_n do_v affright_v i_o either_o a_o cloudy_a day_n the_o sun_n or_o moon_n eclipse_v or_o the_o sun_n rise_v red_a in_o a_o morning_n or_o the_o wind_n blow_v high_a all_o these_o i_o think_v be_v sign_n of_o my_o destruction_n that_o i_o do_v believe_v the_o lord_n will_v execute_v upon_o i_o for_o my_o hatred_n against_o he_o and_o his_o way_n and_o indeed_o such_o a_o inveterate_a hate_n i_o have_v against_o he_o that_o i_o judge_v i_o loathe_a and_o abhor_v the_o do_v good_a to_o any_o say_v in_o myself_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v damn_v and_o destroy_v i_o and_o why_o shall_v i_o do_v any_o good_a i_o also_o wish_v many_o time_n i_o have_v never_o be_v bear_v or_o have_v never_o have_v eye_n to_o see_v or_o ear_n to_o hear_v or_o else_o have_v be_v make_v the_o most_o contemptible_a creature_n in_o the_o world_n because_o when_o they_o die_v there_o be_v a_o end_n of_o they_o but_o when_o i_o die_v my_o misâ—ry_n then_o begin_v i_o also_o wish_v i_o may_v â—â—ever_o hear_v any_o one_o speak_v more_o from_o the_o scripture_n to_o i_o for_o i_o reckon_v all_o that_o have_v speak_v to_o i_o either_o in_o sickness_n or_o in_o health_n will_v be_v witness_n against_o i_o and_o so_o aggravate_v my_o sin_n and_o misery_n because_o i_o have_v such_o warning_n and_o have_v not_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o to_o the_o devil_n and_o especial_o mr._n patient_n a_o minister_n of_o the_o word_n in_o dublin_n come_v to_o i_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o sickness_n and_o speak_v of_o the_o great_a danger_n of_o a_o impenitent_a state_n if_o the_o lord_n shall_v cut_v the_o three_o of_o life_n that_o such_o person_n will_v drop_v immediate_o into_o hell_n the_o which_o he_o endeavour_v to_o demonstrate_v to_o i_o that_o i_o think_v he_o will_v be_v the_o principal_a witness_n against_o i_o of_o all_o that_o have_v speak_v with_o i_o so_o that_o i_o now_o see_v myself_o without_o hope_n and_o the_o mercy_n of_o the_o lord_n utter_o take_v from_o i_o not_o as_o it_o be_v from_o saul_n but_o far_o worse_a i_o have_v sin_v against_o far_o great_a light_n and_o more_o warning_n and_o after_o such_o taste_n and_o enlightning_n to_o fall_v away_o it_o be_v impossible_a to_o renew_v i_o again_o unto_o repentance_n but_o conclude_v i_o shall_v sudden_o be_v destroy_v and_o that_o without_o remedy_n this_o be_v my_o case_n i_o
his_o mercy_n i_o be_v after_o these_o conversing_n with_o the_o lord_n and_o sweet_a communion_n with_o he_o lead_v to_o consider_v what_o all_o this_o call_v for_o at_o my_o hand_n and_o be_v cause_v to_o desire_v to_o testify_v my_o love_n to_o jesus_n christ_n in_o way_n of_o obedience_n to_o all_o his_o command_n who_o have_v so_o plentiful_o manifest_v his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o at_o last_o be_v lead_v to_o some_o meditation_n about_o baptism_n look_v upon_o it_o as_o a_o duty_n incumbent_n upon_o all_o believer_n whereby_o they_o do_v evidence_n their_o love_n to_o christ_n in_o obedience_n to_o his_o command_n but_o withal_o i_o have_v some_o fear_n on_o my_o heart_n about_o my_o be_v carry_v on_o in_o that_o duty_n which_o i_o see_v to_o be_v so_o contemn_v and_o despise_v but_o do_v judge_v these_o be_v but_o the_o tempter_n suggestion_n and_o therefore_o do_v earnest_o desire_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v enable_v i_o to_o evidence_n my_o sincerity_n to_o he_o by_o follow_v he_o in_o his_o most_o despise_a path_n and_o that_o i_o may_v not_o dare_v to_o neglect_v any_o duty_n he_o call_v for_o at_o my_o hand_n then_o also_o be_v i_o bring_v to_o mind_n that_o scripture_n 1.29_o scripture_n phil._n 1.29_o to_o you_o it_o be_v give_v not_o only_o to_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o suffer_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o that_o he_o only_o can_v give_v this_o gift_n which_o be_v a_o great_a honour_n to_o be_v confer_v upon_o his_o poor_a saint_n to_o be_v count_v worthy_a to_o suffer_v for_o his_o name_n and_o i_o beg_v it_o may_v ever_o be_v so_o account_v by_o i_o that_o scripture_n also_o i_o have_v on_o my_o mind_n 10.37_o mind_n matth._n 10.37_o he_o that_o love_v father_n or_o mother_n more_o than_o i_o be_v not_o worthy_a of_o i_o as_o likewise_o 10.29_o likewise_o mar._n 10.29_o no_o man_n that_o have_v leave_v house_n or_o brethren_n or_o sister_n or_o father_n or_o mother_n or_o wife_n or_o child_n or_o land_n for_o my_o sake_n and_o the_o gospel_n but_o he_o shall_v receive_v a_o hundred_o fold_v now_o in_o this_o time_n house_n and_o brethren_n and_o sister_n and_o mother_n and_o child_n and_o land_n with_o persecution_n and_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v life_n eternal_a now_o by_o a_o hundred_o fold_n in_o this_o life_n i_o understand_v to_o be_v in_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o will_v be_v more_o than_o all_o the_o comfort_n i_o can_v forsake_v for_o it_o beside_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v life_n everlasting_a and_o that_o scripture_n also_o i_o have_v 18._o have_v 2_o cor._n 4.17_o 18._o for_o our_o light_a affliction_n which_o be_v but_o for_o a_o moment_n do_v work_n for_o we_o a_o far_o more_o exceed_a and_o eternal_a weight_n of_o glory_n while_o we_o look_v not_o at_o the_o thing_n which_o be_v see_v but_o at_o those_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v for_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v be_v temporal_a but_o those_o that_o be_v not_o see_v be_v eternal_a i_o also_o mind_v moses_n his_o eye_v the_o recompense_n of_o reward_n make_v he_o despise_v the_o pleasure_n of_o pharaoh_n court_n and_o likewise_o what_o the_o saint_n mention_v 11._o mention_v heb._n 11._o have_v endure_v by_o eye_v the_o glory_n set_v before_o they_o and_o look_v to_o that_o city_n that_o have_v foundation_n who_o builder_n and_o maker_n be_v god_n and_o upon_o these_o and_o such_o like_a consideration_n my_o soul_n be_v encourage_v to_o follow_v christ_n resolve_v in_o his_o strength_n i_o will_v do_v so_o in_o every_o of_o his_o command_n he_o shall_v make_v know_v to_o i_o to_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o walk_v in_o although_o by_o so_o do_v i_o be_v a_o reproach_n and_o scorn_n mind_v david_n word_n 71.7_o word_n psalm_n 71.7_o i_o be_o a_o wonder_n unto_o man_n but_o thou_o be_v my_o strong_a refuge_n and_o thence_o i_o reason_v if_o god_n be_v my_o refuge_n i_o do_v not_o care_n though_o i_o be_v a_o wonder_n unto_o man_n in_o pursuit_n of_o my_o duty_n &_o upon_o some_o further_a consideration_n i_o see_v baptism_n more_o clear_a to_o be_v my_o duty_n i_o be_v command_v 6.12_o command_v heb._n 6.12_o to_o follow_v those_o who_o through_o faith_n and_o patience_n inherit_v the_o promise_n and_o this_o path_n of_o baptism_n i_o find_v christ_n and_o all_o his_o disciple_n walk_v in_o and_o therefore_o in_o this_o i_o judge_v i_o be_v to_o follow_v be_v command_v to_o be_v a_o follower_n of_o they_o i_o also_o consider_v 2.41_o consider_v act_n 2.41_o then_o they_o that_o glad_o receive_v the_o word_n be_v baptise_a etc._n etc._n i_o likewise_o consider_v christ_n commission_n 28.19_o commission_n matth._n 28.19_o go_v teach_v all_o nation_n baptise_v they_o etc._n etc._n teach_v they_o to_o observe_v all_o thing_n that_o i_o command_v you_o of_o which_o i_o find_v baptism_n to_o be_v one_o this_o still_o clear_v it_o up_o to_o my_o soul_n further_o as_o a_o duty_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o the_o law_n of_o a_o king_n be_v to_o be_v obey_v by_o all_o his_o subject_n and_o this_o i_o judge_v one_o of_o the_o law_n of_o christ_n and_o therefore_o to_o be_v obey_v by_o all_o his_o subject_n i_o also_o weigh_v several_a other_o scripture_n about_o the_o nature_n use_n and_o end_n of_o baptism_n particular_o 5._o particular_o rom._n 6.4_o 5._o which_o do_v manifest_a to_o i_o that_o baptism_n be_v a_o duty_n enjoin_v to_o all_o believer_n they_o thereby_o manifest_v their_o conformity_n to_o christ_n in_o his_o death_n in_o order_n to_o their_o be_v raise_v up_o by_o he_o again_o and_o bring_v forth_o in_o the_o fellowship_n of_o his_o resurrection_n unto_o newness_n of_o life_n all_o which_o i_o find_v much_o encourage_v and_o engage_v my_o heart_n to_o that_o duty_n this_o night_n also_o my_o sleep_n be_v make_v very_o sweet_a to_o i_o through_o the_o lord_n goodness_n i_o wake_v often_o and_o sleep_v again_o and_o still_o find_v sweet_a refresh_n in_o my_o soul_n see_v myself_o very_o safe_a under_o the_o protection_n of_o christ_n i_o than_o endeavour_v to_o sleep_v again_o mind_v what_o have_v be_v tell_v i_o that_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v compassion_n on_o my_o body_n and_o my_o sleep_n be_v comfortable_a to_o i_o every_o time_n i_o awake_v have_v these_o word_n give_v 3.17_o give_v zep._n 3.17_o to_o i_o he_o will_v rest_v in_o his_o love_n and_o these_o 3.6_o these_o mal._n 3.6_o i_o be_o god_n i_o change_v not_o and_o i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o be_v sweet_o compose_v and_o enable_v to_o rejoice_v under_o the_o protection_n of_o christ_n have_v those_o word_n also_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n 31.21_o mind_n psalm_n 31.21_o the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o his_o marvellous_a love_a kindness_n in_o a_o strong_a city_n and_o have_v lay_v help_n upon_o one_o that_o be_v mighty_a and_o that_o scripture_n 26.3_o scripture_n isai_n 26.3_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n for_o ever_o for_o in_o the_o lord_n jehovah_n be_v everlasting_a strength_n in_o which_o my_o soul_n rejoice_v great_o as_o also_o in_o that_o word_n 40.11_o word_n isai_n 40.11_o he_o shall_v gather_v the_o lamb_n in_o his_o arm_n and_o carry_v they_o in_o his_o bosom_n and_o gentle_o lead_v those_o that_o be_v with_o young_a from_o which_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o faith_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o keep_v i_o so_o as_o none_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o pluck_v i_o out_o of_o his_o hand_n so_o that_o i_o be_v make_v to_o rejoice_v in_o that_o unspeakable_a safety_n that_o i_o have_v under_o his_o protection_n another_o precious_a promise_n to_o i_o be_v 4._o be_v isai_n 42.3_o 4._o a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v nor_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v till_o he_o bring_v forth_o judgement_n to_o victory_n he_o shall_v not_o fail_v nor_o be_v discourage_v till_o he_o have_v set_v judgement_n in_o the_o earth_n and_o the_o isle_n shall_v wait_v for_o his_o law_n and_o hence_o i_o consider_v that_o he_o be_v my_o counsellor_n as_o well_o as_o my_o protector_n and_o what_o a_o wonderful_a counsellor_n he_o be_v which_o i_o consider_v at_o large_a from_o 9.6_o from_o isai_n 9.6_o unto_o we_o a_o child_n be_v bear_v and_o unto_o we_o a_o son_n be_v give_v the_o government_n shall_v be_v upon_o his_o shoulder_n and_o his_o name_n shall_v be_v call_v the_o wonderful_a counsellor_n the_o everlasting_a father_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n and_o of_o his_o government_n and_o kingdom_n there_o shall_v be_v no_o end_n as_o likewise_o those_o word_n come_v to_o my_o mind_n 3.22_o mind_n act_n 3.22_o a_o prophet_n shall_v the_o lord_n your_o god_n raise_v up_o unto_o you_o of_o your_o brethren_n like_v unto_o i_o he_o shall_v you_o hear_v in_o all_o thing_n
remember_v after_o my_o sickness_n in_o dublin_n aforemention_v what_o fretful_a hateful_a thought_n i_o have_v of_o god_n say_v in_o my_o mind_n i_o will_v do_v this_o or_o that_o in_o despite_n of_o god_n and_o i_o can_v not_o think_v otherwise_o and_o such_o a_o hateful_a bent_n of_o spirit_n i_o have_v against_o the_o lord_n that_o i_o be_v oft_o ready_a to_o say_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o will_v curse_v god_n and_o die_v and_o at_o last_o through_o the_o strength_n of_o temptation_n i_o be_v so_o far_o prevail_v upon_o as_o i_o do_v in_o my_o thought_n curse_v god_n and_o all_o i_o can_v think_v of_o that_o belong_v to_o he_o and_o then_o conclude_v myself_o damn_v indeed_o and_o that_o i_o be_v sure_a of_o it_o and_o then_o say_v to_o myself_o i_o be_o now_o sure_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o be_v unpardonable_a and_o shall_v now_o to_o eternity_n be_v torment_v with_o the_o devil_n and_o his_o angel_n and_o this_o sore_o afflict_a and_o overwhelm_v i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v once_o tempt_v to_o cast_v myself_o down_o out_o of_o a_o window_n to_o kill_v myself_o only_o the_o dread_n of_o hell_n i_o think_v deter_v i_o from_o it_o i_o do_v also_o strive_v to_o put_v horror_n out_o of_o my_o mind_n all_o i_o can_v by_o enjoy_v outward_a comfort_n but_o alas_o these_o be_v all_o embitter_v to_o i_o when_o i_o see_v the_o end_n of_o such_o comfort_n i_o do_v also_o sometime_o endeavour_v to_o divert_v these_o thought_n by_o business_n i_o set_v myself_o about_o but_o be_v sometime_o hot_a at_o work_n i_o shall_v have_v the_o heat_n of_o hell-fire_n thereby_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o terriblenesse_n of_o that_o represent_v to_o i_o but_o the_o great_a ease_n i_o have_v in_o these_o distract_n terror_n be_v by_o set_v myself_o upon_o business_n but_o find_v myself_o so_o continual_o harrass_v with_o thought_n of_o hell_n that_o my_o heart_n grow_v hard_a and_o stupid_a so_o that_o though_o i_o know_v that_o be_v my_o portion_n yet_o i_o be_v unsensible_a of_o it_o unless_o at_o sometime_o when_o horror_n will_v violent_o break_v in_o upon_o i_o especial_o at_o such_o time_n as_o i_o be_v force_v to_o go_v to_o hear_v when_o i_o still_o expect_v god_n to_o witness_v against_o i_o by_o some_o sore_a judgement_n from_o heaven_n which_o upon_o every_o dark_a and_o stormy_a day_n especial_o i_o expect_v and_o do_v oft_o time_n judge_v i_o see_v flash_n of_o fire_n come_v upon_o my_o face_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n of_o that_o horrible_a pit_n of_o darkness_n i_o shall_v one_o day_n fall_v into_o and_o many_o time_n when_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n i_o have_v be_v afraid_a to_o sleep_v lest_o i_o shall_v be_v cast_v into_o hell_n ere_o i_o wake_v again_o to_o prevent_v which_o i_o have_v oft_o resolve_v not_o to_o sleep_v only_o sometime_o through_o a_o stupid_a senseless_a frame_n i_o shall_v lie_v down_o and_o sleep_v not_o think_v of_o my_o danger_n but_o when_o i_o wake_v i_o wonder_v i_o be_v not_o in_o hell_n yet_o can_v not_o be_v thankful_a for_o it_o but_o still_o think_v i_o shall_v be_v there_o short_o and_o though_o i_o live_v never_o so_o long_o yet_o to_o be_v there_o at_o last_o will_v swallow_v up_o all_o this_o time_n as_o if_o it_o have_v not_o be_v and_o all_o the_o comfort_n i_o now_o enjoy_v will_v but_o aggravate_v my_o sorrow_n and_o misery_n then_o when_o i_o shall_v be_v deprive_v of_o all_o and_o suffer_v for_o what_o i_o now_o enjoy_v upon_o which_o account_n all_o my_o comfort_n be_v bitter_a to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o taste_v any_o thing_n i_o still_o think_v what_o i_o shall_v taste_v ere_o long_o in_o hell_n which_o make_v i_o hardly_o able_a to_o eat_v my_o meat_n for_o i_o shall_v thus_o reason_v why_o shall_v i_o eat_v and_o drink_v when_o i_o be_o in_o daily_a expectation_n of_o be_v cast_v into_o hell_n and_o then_o be_v that_o scripture_n bring_v to_o mind_n 21._o mind_n esa_n 57.20_o 21._o the_o wicked_a be_v like_o the_o trouble_a sea_n that_o can_v rest_v who_o water_n cast_v up_o mire_n and_o dirt_n there_o be_v no_o peace_n to_o the_o wicked_a and_o many_o time_n when_o i_o have_v be_v at_o work_n sudden_a flash_n of_o hell_n have_v be_v as_o it_o be_v dart_v into_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o i_o have_v run_v out_o of_o the_o room_n where_o i_o be_v and_o will_v have_v run_v out_o of_o the_o lord_n presence_n also_o if_o i_o can_v but_o alas_o my_o foul_a have_v no_o refuge_n to_o fly_v to_o from_o he_o nor_o can_v i_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v a_o heart_n so_o much_o as_o to_o seek_v for_o mercy_n only_o in_o some_o great_a distress_n sometime_o i_o think_v i_o have_v use_v the_o word_n lord_z have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o but_o without_o any_o hope_n or_o expectation_n of_o obtain_v what_o i_o pray_v for_o but_o conclude_v god_n will_v not_o save_v i_o unless_o he_o will_v deny_v himself_o and_o his_o word_n and_o though_o a_o angel_n from_o heaven_n shall_v have_v tell_v i_o of_o mercy_n i_o can_v not_o have_v believe_v it_o be_v so_o confident_a of_o the_o contrary_a and_o therefore_o i_o will_v tell_v those_o that_o endeavour_v to_o fasten_v counsel_n &_o comfort_n upon_o i_o it_o be_v but_o a_o cast_a pearl_n before_o swine_n and_o holy_a thing_n to_o dog_n which_o god_n forbid_v and_o when_o several_a good_a woman_n in_o dublin_n do_v meet_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n on_o my_o behalf_n i_o think_v sometime_o especial_o once_o in_o mistress_n patient_n house_n i_o smell_v brimstone_n burn_v and_o expect_v nothing_o but_o destruction_n in_o the_o sense_n of_o which_o i_o do_v tremble_n exceed_o out_o of_o that_o deep_a horror_n that_o be_v on_o my_o soul_n but_o still_o i_o get_v no_o sensible_a good_a in_o any_o of_o these_o meeting_n and_o when_o i_o have_v see_v the_o mist_n ascend_v sometime_o that_o mind_v i_o of_o that_o scripture_n where_o it_o be_v say_v 14.11_o say_v rev._n 14.11_o the_o smoke_n of_o their_o torment_n ascend_v up_o for_o ever_o and_o i_o have_v oft_o as_o i_o have_v judge_v see_v michael_n meetinghouse_n in_o dublin_n where_o we_o meet_v to_o hear_v full_a of_o smoke_n all_o which_o i_o judge_v seal_v and_o confirm_v my_o destruction_n i_o do_v also_o remember_v when_o my_o dear_a sister_n allen_n die_v at_o dublin_n in_o ireland_n i_o have_v little_a or_o no_o sense_n of_o that_o with_o other_o like_a heavy_a stroke_n of_o the_o lord_n about_o that_o time_n upon_o divers_a other_o precious_a one_o but_o do_v believe_v they_o be_v take_v away_o for_o my_o sake_n because_o they_o pray_v for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v only_o leave_v to_o fill_v up_o the_o measure_n of_o my_o iniquity_n and_o therefore_o the_o lord_n stop_v many_o of_o their_o mouth_n by_o death_n that_o they_o may_v not_o pray_v any_o more_o for_o i_o but_o that_o i_o may_v be_v leave_v to_o heap_v up_o wrath_n and_o aggravate_v my_o misery_n i_o do_v likewise_o remember_v one_o morning_n particular_o at_o dublin_n when_o i_o be_v in_o bed_n and_o call_v to_o rise_v i_o do_v believe_v very_o i_o see_v grievous_a flash_n of_o lightning_n fly_v in_o my_o face_n which_o put_v i_o in_o strange_a honour_n and_o also_o another_o morning_n see_v the_o sun_n rise_v in_o a_o misty_a frosty_a morning_n very_o red_a i_o have_v that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n 2.31_o mind_n joel_n 2.31_o of_o the_o sun_n be_v turn_v into_o blood_n before_o the_o great_a and_o notable_a day_n of_o the_o lord_n which_o i_o believe_v be_v then_o near_o to_o my_o destruction_n another_o time_n be_v at_o a_o christian_a friend_n mistress_n roe_n house_n in_o dublin_n in_o the_o night_n season_n i_o hear_v a_o voice_n as_o i_o judge_v over_o my_o head_n a_o great_a voice_n to_o which_o i_o hearken_v and_o be_v thereby_o put_v into_o great_a horror_n think_v it_o to_o be_v the_o devil_n come_v to_o fetch_v i_o away_o and_o at_o last_o through_o anguish_n of_o soul_n be_v put_v into_o great_a tremble_a and_o sweat_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o speak_v to_o mistress_n roe_n who_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v the_o people_n that_o lie_v over_o my_o head_n that_o talk_v but_o i_o do_v not_o believe_v she_o but_o still_o think_v it_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o towards_o morning_n i_o hear_v a_o rattle_n of_o chain_n as_o i_o think_v which_o i_o judge_v to_o be_v the_o devil_n haste_v to_o fetch_v i_o away_o with_o great_a rejoice_v that_o they_o have_v get_v i_o then_o i_o ask_v mistress_n ree_n what_o that_o noise_n be_v who_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v only_a people_n open_v shop-window_n but_o that_o satisfy_v not_o i_o but_o i_o remain_v still_o
in_o a_o inexpressible_a horror_n i_o likewise_o remember_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o go_v to_o lie_v at_o mistress_n roe_n be_v to_o get_v out_o of_o the_o room_n i_o lay_v in_o at_o my_o brother_n where_o i_o be_v sensible_a i_o have_v so_o sin_v by_o wicked_a thought_n against_o god_n as_o aforesaid_a from_o who_o presence_n also_o as_o well_o as_o from_o that_o room_n i_o will_v if_o i_o can_v have_v flee_v it_o be_v so_o dreadful_a to_o i_o but_o alas_o my_o fear_n be_v not_o at_o all_o abate_v but_o increase_v by_o go_v thither_o it_o be_v the_o house_n where_o the_o church_n meet_v and_o where_o be_v frequent_a speak_v and_o pray_v at_o which_o i_o still_o think_v the_o lord_n will_v come_v out_o and_o witness_v against_o i_o make_v i_o a_o example_n of_o his_o justice_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o all_o his_o people_n who_o often_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o pray_v for_o i_o i_o do_v believe_v will_v aggravate_v my_o condemnation_n great_o and_o when_o any_o of_o they_o speak_v of_o the_o promise_n to_o i_o it_o be_v a_o great_a terror_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o see_v they_o cast_v such_o pearl_n before_o swine_n to_o who_o they_o do_v not_o belong_v by_o all_o which_o thing_n speak_v to_o i_o i_o be_v keep_v in_o a_o more_o certain_a look_v for_o a_o fearful_a fiery_a indignation_n from_o the_o lord_n to_o destroy_v i_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v the_o more_o enrage_a with_o a_o inveterate_a hatred_n as_o i_o judge_v against_o god_n and_o his_o people_n by_o all_o the_o mean_v use_v about_o i_o and_o after_o all_o these_o thing_n come_v to_o waterford_n with_o my_o brother_n vernons_n family_n and_o remain_v there_o i_o have_v not_o the_o like_a terror_n as_o before_o but_o be_v stupid_a and_o more_o senseless_a be_v as_o i_o judge_v give_v up_o to_o a_o sear_a conscience_n and_o heart_n yet_o many_o time_n sore_o terrify_v with_o the_o like_a thought_n as_o aforesaid_a but_o be_v exceed_o glad_a sometime_o that_o i_o be_v forget_v in_o prayer_n as_o i_o think_v and_o then_o do_v believe_v it_o be_v reveal_v to_o they_o that_o pray_v so_o that_o they_o know_v what_o i_o be_v pray_v not_o for_o i_o for_o i_o have_v a_o great_a dread_n on_o my_o heart_n still_o about_o be_v pray_v for_o judge_v it_o hasten_v my_o destruction_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v by_o that_o mean_n be_v make_v a_o fearful_a example_n of_o vengeance_n to_o show_v to_o other_o what_o i_o be_v and_o thus_o it_o continue_v all_o the_o time_n i_o be_v at_o waterford_n no_o word_n speak_v to_o i_o or_o to_o the_o lord_n for_o i_o do_v i_o any_o good_a as_o i_o can_v perceive_v so_o that_o i_o still_o conclude_v god_n can_v not_o lie_v nor_o repent_v therefore_o i_o must_v be_v damn_v and_o that_o it_o be_v but_o in_o vain_a to_o attempt_v the_o contrary_n i_o also_o do_v remember_v when_o we_o come_v to_o sea_n to_o come_v for_o england_n we_o be_v in_o a_o storm_n but_o i_o be_v in_o a_o senseless_a stupid_a condition_n little_o mind_v my_o danger_n all_o the_o time_n and_o after_o my_o brother_n and_o sister_n vernon_n land_v at_o milford_n and_o the_o rest_n of_o our_o family_n with_o myself_o and_o brother_n allen_n be_v come_v to_o sea_n again_o to_o go_v for_o minhead_n in_o a_o night_n and_o a_o day_n we_o have_v a_o very_a gracious_a passage_n give_v we_o bring_v we_o safe_a into_o the_o bay_n of_o minhead_n and_o when_o there_o come_v from_o the_o ship-side_n be_v all_o in_o the_o boat_n we_o have_v also_o a_o eminent_a deliverance_n the_o boat_n be_v in_o great_a danger_n to_o be_v turn_v over_o by_o a_o rope_n that_o be_v catch_v about_o the_o top_n of_o the_o boat_n mast_n just_a as_o we_o put_v off_o from_o the_o ship_n which_o have_v it_o not_o be_v sudden_o lose_v have_v pull_v the_o boat_n over_o and_o bury_v we_o in_o the_o sea_n i_o be_v yet_o under_o all_o these_o mercy_n with_o a_o senseless_a frame_n of_o spirit_n only_o i_o have_v some_o few_o thought_n of_o the_o infinite_a power_n of_o god_n in_o uphold_v all_o thing_n and_o believe_v i_o be_v preserve_v for_o the_o sake_n of_o they_o i_o come_v with_o in_o the_o ship_n but_o come_v into_o the_o town_n of_o minhead_n and_o find_v a_o hand_n of_o visitation_n in_o that_o place_n i_o conclude_v that_o be_v for_o my_o sake_n and_o that_o i_o be_v now_o come_v into_o the_o mouth_n of_o destruction_n yet_o i_o be_v something_o grieve_v to_o see_v the_o profaneness_n of_o the_o place_n and_o house_n where_o we_o be_v which_o be_v as_o to_o sin_v worse_o than_o ireland_n whence_o we_o come_v and_o then_o i_o think_v of_o the_o terrible_a judgement_n of_o god_n against_o sin_n and_o sinner_n that_o live_v under_o such_o rich_a mean_n of_o grace_n as_o they_o here_o in_o england_n do_v but_o leave_v minhead_n and_o come_v towards_o my_o father_n house_n in_o devonshire_n i_o do_v not_o now_o doubt_v though_o i_o have_v speak_v confident_o before_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v never_o let_v i_o see_v england_n nor_o my_o friend_n at_o home_n but_o the_o lord_n will_v bring_v we_o safe_a thither_o yet_o remember_v not_o any_o thankful_a sense_n i_o have_v of_o the_o mercy_n receive_v but_o be_v think_v most_o part_n of_o the_o way_n as_o i_o come_v home_o what_o a_o grief_n i_o shall_v be_v to_o my_o friend_n and_o relation_n again_o yet_o sometime_o a_o little_a sense_n seem_v to_o be_v on_o my_o heart_n of_o the_o mercy_n aforesaid_a as_o i_o remember_v and_o i_o do_v speak_v of_o they_o to_o some_o in_o the_o family_n after_o i_o come_v home_o but_o soon_o after_o i_o be_v in_o a_o dead_a stupid_a posture_n as_o before_o perceive_v no_o good_a to_o i_o either_o by_o speaking_n or_o prayer_n though_o use_v by_o some_o friend_n then_o in_o the_o family_n frequent_o nor_o can_v i_o nor_o dare_v i_o pray_v believe_v my_o prayer_n be_v abominable_a and_o therefore_o when_o my_o sister_n vernons_n hour_n of_o child-bearing_a draw_v near_o i_o can_v not_o seek_v god_n f_o r_o she_o but_o be_v unsensible_a of_o her_o danger_n approach_v and_o after_o her_o delivery_n i_o be_v then_o in_o great_a terror_n than_o before_o think_v then_o that_o god_n will_v bring_v swift_a destruction_n upon_o i_o as_o upon_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n and_o i_o shall_v not_o escape_v now_o as_o to_o the_o lord_n manner_n of_o work_v on_o my_o heart_n of_o late_a it_o here_o follow_v on_o the_o ten_o day_n of_o the_o eleven_o month_n 1657._o hear_v a_o sermon_n upon_o col._n 3.3_o 3.3_o 3.3_o col._n 3.3_o about_o person_n in_o a_o natural_a estate_n be_v dead_a it_o be_v of_o a_o afrightning_n consideration_n to_o i_o to_o think_v that_o death_n and_o hell_n be_v their_o portion_n and_o that_o worm_n as_o in_o the_o discourse_n be_v mention_v shall_v feed_v on_o such_o even_o that_o worm_n of_o conscience_n that_o shall_v gnaw_v continual_o withal_o consider_v as_o be_v then_o hint_v how_o loathsome_a a_o dead_a creature_n be_v fit_v only_o to_o be_v feed_v on_o by_o all_o other_o devourer_n which_o i_o see_v also_o to_o be_v my_o state_n and_o see_v my_o loathsomnesse_n in_o all_o my_o action_n as_o also_o that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v god_n which_o be_v set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o also_o that_o i_o be_v a_o subject_n of_o his_o wrath_n which_o do_v abide_v upon_o i_o &_o so_o shall_v do_v to_o eternity_n yet_o all_o this_o do_v not_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o use_n of_o any_o mean_n to_o get_v out_o of_o my_o condition_n in_o which_o i_o still_o remain_v despair_v of_o any_o way_n for_o my_o escape_n after_o this_o on_o the_o four_o and_o twenty_o day_n of_o the_o eleven_o month_n i_o hear_v again_o from_o another_o subject_n 50.23_o subject_n psal_n 50.23_o psalm_n 50.23_o about_o god_n salvation_n be_v show_v to_o those_o that_o order_n their_o conversation_n aright_o i_o have_v from_o this_o discourse_n many_o fear_n on_o my_o heart_n especial_o from_o that_o oft_o repeat_v scripture_n 119.155_o scripture_n psal_n 119.155_o salvation_n be_v far_o from_o the_o wicked_a because_o they_o keep_v not_o thy_o law_n which_o be_v very_o terrible_a to_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o abominable_a i_o be_v in_o god_n sight_n by_o cast_v his_o law_n behind_o my_o back_n that_o scripture_n be_v much_o on_o my_o heart_n 50.16_o heart_n psal_n 50.16_o what_o have_v thou_o to_o do_v to_o take_v my_o word_n into_o thy_o mouth_n see_v thou_o hate_v to_o be_v reform_v which_o make_v i_o believe_v he_o will_v deal_v with_o i_o as_o be_v mention_v in_o vers_fw-la 22._o of_o that_o psalm_n even_o tear_v i_o in_o piece_n and_o none_o shall_v deliver_v and_o because_o i_o have_v reject_v he_o as_o i_o
have_v do_v i_o shall_v sudden_o be_v destroy_v and_o that_o without_o remedy_n and_o hear_v that_o passage_n mention_v out_o of_o hannah_n song_n 2.10_o song_n 1_o sam._n 2.10_o the_o enemy_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v break_v to_o piece_n out_o of_o heaven_n will_v he_o thunder_v upon_o they_o and_o i_o be_v as_o i_o judge_v one_o of_o his_o enemy_n it_o do_v sore_o terrify_v i_o after_o this_o on_o the_o six_o and_o twenty_o day_n of_o the_o eleven_o month_n in_o the_o night_n season_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o take_v up_o with_o thought_n about_o my_o sad_a estate_n and_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o conclude_v i_o be_v a_o subject_a of_o the_o lord_n displeasure_n and_o shall_v lie_v under_o the_o weight_n of_o his_o wrath_n to_o eternity_n and_o this_o sore_o terrify_v i_o to_o think_v what_o a_o sad_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o be_v cast_v out_o of_o god_n sight_n and_o that_o for_o ever_o and_o torment_v with_o the_o devil_n and_o his_o angel_n and_o this_o for_o ever_o without_o any_o hope_n of_o release_n or_o dram_n of_o comfort_n this_o i_o think_v to_o be_v a_o pit_n indeed_o in_o which_o be_v no_o water_n not_o the_o least_o refreshment_n but_o unsupportable_a misery_n and_o that_o to_o eternity_n and_o it_o seem_v strange_a to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v out_o of_o hell_n so_o long_o consider_v what_o i_o have_v be_v and_o do_v against_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o consider_v his_o infinite_a power_n who_o can_v in_o a_o moment_n cast_v i_o there_o who_o have_v so_o provoke_v he_o as_o i_o have_v do_v i_o come_v then_o to_o suppose_v this_o with_o myself_o be_v i_o now_o in_o hell_n and_o have_v but_o a_o possibility_n of_o escape_n what_o mean_n will_v i_o use_v to_o escape_v that_o horrible_a pit_n i_o also_o consider_v again_o be_v once_o there_o there_o be_v be_v no_o redemption_n for_o ever_o &_o consider_v what_o great_a danger_n i_o be_v in_o daily_a of_o be_v cast_v there_o be_v the_o three_o of_o my_o life_n cut_v which_o may_v sudden_o be_v and_o so_o i_o drop_v into_o hell_n past_a recovery_n i_o be_v not_o yet_o there_o and_o believe_v no_o redemption_n from_o thence_o when_o there_o i_o come_v then_o to_o think_v if_o yet_o there_o be_v any_o possibility_n of_o use_v mean_n for_o my_o escape_n i_o will_v try_v for_o if_o i_o lie_v still_o i_o shall_v certain_o perish_v and_o if_o i_o attempt_v the_o use_n of_o mean_n and_o miss_v obtain_v what_o i_o seek_v for_o i_o can_v but_o perish_v and_o many_o very_a great_a sinner_n have_v escape_v through_o mercy_n therefore_o i_o will_v try_v and_o the_o lord_n encourage_v i_o from_o those_o word_n of_o esther_n 4.16_o esther_n esth_n 4.16_o i_o will_v go_v in_o to_o the_o king_n if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v as_o also_o the_o resolution_n of_o the_o leper_n 2.4_o leper_n 2_o king_n 2.4_o in_o the_o siege_n of_o samaria_n to_o use_v the_o mean_n though_o without_o hope_n of_o success_n i_o be_v in_o such_o a_o deplorable_a condition_n be_v press_v to_o up_o and_o be_v do_v see_v the_o danger_n of_o lie_v still_o at_o last_o i_o come_v to_o resolve_v to_o go_v hear_v at_o a_o meeting_n in_o sydbury_n but_o i_o can_v not_o pray_v for_o a_o blessing_n believe_v my_o prayer_n be_v abominable_a to_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o have_v also_o after_o i_o have_v resolve_v much_o ado_n to_o go_v consider_v i_o be_v but_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o such_o a_o one_o shall_v not_o stand_v before_o god_n also_o consider_v what_o my_o thought_n against_o god_n be_v and_o have_v be_v i_o go_v with_o great_a fear_n on_o my_o heart_n think_v as_o former_o the_o lord_n will_v meet_v i_o in_o a_o way_n of_o rebuke_n witness_v against_o i_o but_o then_o i_o think_v also_o i_o can_v but_o perish_v and_o i_o have_v have_v such_o thought_n of_o the_o lord_n witness_v against_o i_o former_o which_o i_o have_v be_v mistake_v in_o and_o so_o may_v be_v in_o these_o and_o still_o urge_v this_o to_o my_o heart_n to_o abide_v in_o a_o way_n of_o unrighteousness_n be_v nothing_o but_o death_n only_o in_o a_o way_n of_o righteousness_n be_v life_n so_o that_o i_o have_v great_a fear_n each_o way_n of_o go_v or_o stay_v but_o consider_v my_o night_n resolution_n i_o fear_v if_o i_o go_v not_o i_o shall_v be_v find_v a_o mocker_n of_o god_n and_o so_o i_o go_v but_o when_o i_o come_v there_o my_o fear_n be_v renew_v again_o as_o to_o the_o lord_n witness_v against_o i_o but_o i_o strive_v against_o they_o by_o call_v to_o mind_n former_a mistake_n of_o this_o kind_n and_o endeavour_v to_o hear_v attentive_o and_o after_o a_o while_n the_o lord_n abate_v my_o fear_n aforesaid_a and_o afterward_o almost_o clean_o remove_v they_o the_o subject_a speak_v of_o at_o that_o time_n be_v sloth_n which_o have_v be_v so_o much_o my_o soul_n disease_n i_o be_v very_o sore_o reprove_v by_o it_o especial_o afterward_o when_o i_o serious_o meditate_a upon_o it_o but_o yet_o i_o resolve_v to_o wait_v in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n blessing_n god_n as_o i_o be_v able_a for_o what_o i_o hear_v this_o day_n but_o yet_o remain_v in_o a_o very_a helpless_a condition_n have_v little_a or_o no_o hope_n of_o deliverance_n this_o night_n afterward_o at_o prayer_n in_o the_o family_n i_o have_v my_o heart_n affect_v with_o some_o expression_n use_v in_o prayer_n about_o the_o dreadfulness_n of_o christ_n appear_v to_o his_o adversary_n for_o their_o reject_v he_o in_o his_o tender_n to_o they_o on_o the_o seven_o and_o twenty_o day_n at_o night_n i_o have_v many_o fear_n on_o my_o heart_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o stay_v in_o any_o room_n and_o will_v if_o i_o can_v have_v flee_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n it_o be_v so_o terrible_a to_o i_o and_o about_o twelve_o of_o the_o clock_n at_o night_n i_o come_v into_o my_o sister_n vernons_n chamber_n but_o horror_n so_o seize_v on_o i_o in_o all_o place_n as_o i_o be_v force_v once_o this_o night_n to_o go_v and_o cry_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o mercy_n but_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o my_o sister_n chamber_n i_o hear_v one_o walk_v in_o another_o room_n near_o which_o make_v i_o afraid_a to_o go_v back_o again_o believe_v it_o be_v the_o devil_n but_o after_o understand_v it_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o maid_n that_o be_v up_o i_o return_v again_o then_o into_o the_o chamber_n somewhat_o free_v from_o my_o fear_n and_o go_v to_o bed_n but_o have_v get_v cold_a with_o be_v up_o i_o find_v myself_o much_o distemper_v both_o in_o my_o body_n and_o head_n and_o keep_v my_o bed_n the_o next_o day_n till_o night_n then_o i_o get_v up_o for_o refreshment_n for_o a_o while_n but_o remember_v not_o any_o remarkable_a passage_n far_o this_o night_n but_o have_v many_o sad_a grieve_v thought_n for_o my_o reject_v christ_n which_o be_v often_o on_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n and_o also_o i_o have_v a_o little_a view_n of_o the_o excellency_n of_o christ_n and_o speak_v to_o some_o in_o the_o family_n of_o it_o in_o these_o word_n his_o fruit_n be_v better_a than_o life_n which_o i_o think_v aggravate_v my_o iniquity_n in_o reject_v he_o beside_o who_o there_o be_v not_o another_o that_o can_v save_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v reject_v he_o it_o sore_o afflict_a i_o but_o i_o have_v sometime_o that_o day_n these_o word_n he_o wait_v to_o be_v gracious_a which_o somewhat_o encourage_v and_o revive_v i_o to_o wait_v and_o it_o grieve_v i_o exceed_o for_o my_o reject_v he_o his_o word_n and_o counsel_n who_o shall_v be_v the_o desire_n of_o nation_n yea_o that_o tree_n of_o life_n who_o leave_n be_v for_o the_o heal_n of_o nation_n with_o who_o be_v riches_n and_o honour_n yea_o durable_a riches_n and_o righteousness_n all_o these_o representation_n of_o christ_n to_o i_o heighten_v my_o sin_n and_o grief_n for_o my_o reject_v he_o and_o even_o break_v my_o heart_n in_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o most_o part_n of_o this_o day_n on_o the_o eight_o and_o twenty_o day_n follow_v i_o hear_v again_o in_o the_o family_n from_o the_o 28._o chapter_n of_o the_o proverb_n the_o first_o verse_n of_o which_o chapter_n take_v hold_v on_o i_o as_o such_o a_o one_o as_o there_o be_v mention_v flee_v from_o the_o lord_n as_o from_o my_o pursuer_fw-mi which_o i_o have_v many_o a_o time_n do_v but_o in_o that_o discourse_n it_o be_v show_v that_o despair_n be_v the_o highway_n to_o hell_n which_o much_o dwell_v with_o i_o in_o the_o night_n season_n and_o awaken_n in_o the_o night_n and_o hear_v the_o wind_n blow_v hard_a it_o sore_o terrify_v i_o be_v the_o voice_n as_o i_o think_v of_o god_n my_o terrible_a judge_n consider_v he_o as_o a_o consume_a fire_n
against_o all_o impenitent_a rejector_n of_o he_o of_o which_o number_n i_o be_v one_o and_o look_v on_o he_o as_o a_o god_n of_o infinite_a power_n able_a to_o cast_v i_o into_o hell_n in_o a_o moment_n and_o i_o remain_v a_o subject_a of_o his_o wrath_n in_o a_o state_n of_o unbelief_n it_o make_v i_o fear_v exceed_o but_o withal_o consider_v that_o still_o to_o remain_v in_o this_o condition_n nothing_o but_o destruction_n can_v be_v expect_v as_o also_o that_o there_o be_v no_o fly_v from_o his_o presence_n before_o who_o all_o place_n person_n and_o thing_n be_v open_a and_o bare_a and_o from_o who_o nothing_o can_v be_v hide_v hell_n and_o destruction_n be_v open_a and_o know_v to_o he_o how_o much_o more_o the_o heart_n of_o the_o son_n of_o man_n i_o hence_o conclude_v my_o condition_n to_o be_v exceed_o sad_a and_o then_o consider_v what_o a_o rebel_n i_o have_v be_v set_v at_o nought_o his_o counsel_n and_o cast_v his_o law_n behind_o my_o back_n yea_o despise_a hate_v and_o contemn_v he_o it_o make_v i_o afraid_a to_o go_v to_o he_o but_o see_v no_o way_n to_o go_v from_o he_o and_o myself_o in_o this_o desperate_a condition_n i_o must_v needs_o be_v ruin_v by_o he_o if_o i_o come_v not_o unto_o he_o he_o at_o last_o lead_v i_o to_o this_o resolution_n of_o fly_v to_o he_o beg_v mercy_n at_o his_o hand_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o christ_n as_o one_o who_o see_v myself_o in_o the_o highway_n to_o hell_n and_o know_v that_o his_o right_a hand_n will_v easy_o find_v out_o all_o his_o adversary_n that_o have_v hate_v and_o oppose_v he_o so_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o escape_n but_o by_o fly_v to_o christ_n there_o be_v no_o other_o name_n under_o heaven_n give_v for_o salvation_n unto_o poor_a sinner_n but_o this_o only_a and_o so_o out_o of_o this_o great_a depth_n i_o be_v enable_v to_o look_v towards_o his_o holy_a temple_n cry_v to_o he_o for_o mercy_n without_o which_o i_o see_v i_o be_v undo_v for_o ever_o so_o i_o continue_v cry_v to_o he_o and_o strive_v with_o my_o own_o soul_n to_o hope_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v for_o christ_n sake_n show_v mercy_n to_o i_o because_o he_o have_v show_v mercy_n to_o very_o vile_a sinner_n though_o i_o know_v none_o so_o vile_a as_o i_o be_v the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n have_v long_o despise_v and_o reject_v that_o mercy_n that_o then_o i_o seek_v yet_o see_v what_o a_o woeful_a condition_n i_o shall_v for_o ever_o be_v in_o without_o it_o i_o cry_v to_o he_o for_o it_o and_o then_o have_v some_o meditation_n give_v in_o of_o the_o way_n of_o god_n show_v mercy_n consider_v how_o he_o have_v find_v out_o a_o way_n for_o mercy_n and_o truth_n to_o meet_v together_o in_o christ_n for_o the_o salvation_n of_o poor_a sinner_n yea_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n and_o the_o lord_n bring_v at_o that_o time_n some_o passage_n to_o my_o remembrance_n that_o i_o have_v hear_v about_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n provide_v in_o the_o time_n of_o the_o law_n which_o be_v then_o mind_v type_v out_o christ_n as_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n prepare_v of_o god_n for_o poor_a pursue_v sinner_n to_o fly_v unto_o from_o that_o wrath_n that_o all_o will_v be_v else_o conclude_v under_o to_o eternity_n and_o the_o lord_n also_o be_v gracious_o please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o have_v recourse_n to_o christ_n as_o the_o only_a refuge_n leave_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n beg_v hard_o for_o mercy_n upon_o his_o account_n and_o the_o account_n of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v and_o suffer_v for_o such_o poor_a sinner_n as_o i_o be_v and_o i_o be_v help_v also_o to_o consider_v the_o large_a extent_n of_o his_o mercy_n to_o the_o vile_a of_o sinner_n and_o sudden_o after_o i_o be_v gracious_o help_v to_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n and_o support_v and_o encourage_v from_o that_o good_a word_n then_o bring_v with_o power_n upon_o my_o soul_n 3.7_o soul_n john_n 3.7_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o which_o do_v great_o support_v i_o in_o good_a hope_n of_o mercy_n from_o he_o and_o after_o that_o this_o other_o good_a word_n be_v bring_v in_o with_o great_a power_n upon_o my_o heart_n 7.25_o heart_n heb._n 7.25_o wherefore_o he_o be_v able_a to_o save_v to_o the_o uttermost_a all_o that_o come_v unto_o god_n by_o he_o see_v he_o ever_o live_v to_o make_v intercession_n for_o they_o this_o also_o add_v much_o to_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o hope_n in_o his_o mercy_n that_o though_o i_o have_v be_v such_o a_o rebel_n and_o great_a transgressor_n as_o i_o have_v be_v yet_o he_o have_v say_v he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_n out_o any_o that_o come_v to_o he_o &_o be_v able_a to_o save_v to_o the_o uttermost_a it_o much_o uphold_v and_o comfort_v my_o soul_n in_o look_v towards_o he_o another_o scripture_n bring_v in_o at_o the_o same_o time_n to_o my_o heart_n be_v 13._o be_v esai_n 43.12_o 13._o i_o be_o god_n and_o beside_o i_o there_o be_v no_o saviour_n i_o will_v work_v and_o none_o shall_v let_v it_o whence_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o believe_v that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v all_o thing_n by_o the_o word_n of_o his_o power_n and_o to_o break_v through_o all_o opposition_n that_o stand_v in_o his_o way_n that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o break_v down_o every_o strong_a hold_n and_o subject_a every_o high_a thought_n to_o his_o obedience_n i_o than_o have_v meditation_n of_o the_o height_n and_o depth_n length_n and_o bredth_n of_o that_o infinite_a mercy_n that_o be_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o lord_n by_o such_o meditation_n on_o his_o holy_a word_n do_v great_o encourage_v strengthen_v and_o raise_v up_o my_o poor_a weak_a unworthy_a soul_n very_o often_o and_o powerful_o repeat_v these_o scripture_n last_o mention_v over_o and_o over_o to_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o now_o be_v my_o soul_n great_o refresh_v in_o hope_n of_o his_o mercy_n to_o i_o but_o a_o little_a after_o the_o same_o night_n receive_v her_o first_o assault_n after_o comfort_n receive_v i_o be_v sore_o assault_v again_o to_o call_v in_o question_n all_o the_o hope_n i_o have_v of_o mercy_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o the_o sense_n of_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o cry_v yea_o roar_v out_o in_o bitter_a distress_n to_o the_o lord_n strive_v not_o to_o let_v go_v my_o hold_n but_o to_o call_v to_o mind_n what_o he_o have_v before_o speak_v namely_o that_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o together_o with_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o scripture_n before_o mention_v give_v in_o at_o first_o for_o my_o encouragement_n and_o the_o lord_n again_o in_o this_o sore_a conflict_n bring_v in_o all_o those_o scripture_n afresh_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o relieve_v i_o gracious_o at_o this_o time_n also_o assault_n her_o second_o assault_n but_o yet_o the_o tempter_n continue_v his_o assault_n tempt_v i_o yet_o to_o cast_v off_o my_o confidence_n in_o the_o lord_n as_o also_o to_o blaspheme_v god_n but_o the_o lord_n uphold_v i_o by_o put_v and_o keep_v under_o his_o everlasting_a arm_n by_o which_o i_o be_v stay_v upon_o he_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o be_v not_o leave_v to_o the_o will_n of_o my_o enemy_n but_o be_v enable_v still_o to_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n and_o hang_v upon_o that_o word_n of_o his_o promise_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o &_o then_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v eminent_o to_o proclaim_v his_o name_n unto_o my_o soul_n the_o lord_n the_o lord_n god_n pardon_v iniquity_n transgression_n and_o sin_n and_o thus_o i_o be_v enable_v through_o his_o infinite_a mercy_n and_o by_o his_o almighty_a power_n to_o stay_v myself_o upon_o he_o by_o hope_v still_o in_o his_o mercy_n for_o ever_o bless_v be_v his_o name_n and_o the_o same_o scripture_n be_v keep_v on_o my_o heart_n all_o the_o first_o day_n of_o the_o week_n follow_v with_o great_a life_n and_o power_n succour_v i_o against_o satan_n temptation_n that_o this_o day_n also_o i_o be_v assault_v with_o sometime_o to_o cast_v away_o my_o confidence_n as_o aforesaid_a from_o thought_n of_o what_o i_o have_v be_v and_o do_v against_o christ_n but_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o withstand_v that_o temptation_n also_o by_o his_o good_a word_n in_o which_o he_o have_v cause_v i_o to_o trust_v namely_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v work_v and_o none_o shall_v let_v so_o that_o i_o go_v to_o god_n through_o christ_n desire_v he_o will_v enable_v my_o soul_n to_o follow_v hard_o after_o he_o beg_v in_o order_n thereto_o that_o he_o will_v uphold_v i_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o
consume_v which_o be_v because_o he_o have_v make_v a_o everlasting_a covenant_n on_o my_o behalf_n in_o christ_n jesus_n my_o lord_n in_o all_o thing_n well_o order_v and_o sure_a and_o that_o he_o be_v ever_o mindful_a of_o his_o covenant_n oh_o this_o be_v sweet_a and_o this_o even_o this_o be_v the_o reason_n i_o be_v not_o cast_v off_o in_o my_o rebellion_n because_o he_o have_v love_v i_o with_o a_o everlasting_a love_n therefore_o with_o love_a kindness_n have_v he_o draw_v i_o and_o that_o for_o his_o own_o name_n sake_n he_o defer_v his_o anger_n that_o he_o cut_v i_o not_o off_o nor_o do_v he_o retain_v his_o anger_n for_o ever_o because_o mercy_n please_v he_o &_o he_o delight_v to_o be_v gracious_a the_o come_n in_o of_o these_o do_v even_o satisfy_v my_o soul_n as_o with_o marrow_n in_o the_o thought_n of_o his_o infinite_a eternal_a unchangeable_a love_n which_o i_o see_v indeed_o be_v the_o reason_n of_o my_o not_o be_v consume_v because_o he_o be_v god_n and_o change_v not_o and_o in_o his_o protection_n and_o infinite_a love_n and_o mercy_n my_o soul_n do_v now_o rejoice_v see_v its_o safety_n under_o the_o shadow_n of_o his_o wing_n believe_v i_o shall_v for_o ever_o be_v keep_v by_o he_o and_o he_o will_v uphold_v i_o with_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o his_o righteousness_n and_o will_v never_o fail_v nor_o forsake_v i_o but_o will_v rest_v in_o his_o love_n the_o six_o day_n i_o be_v keep_v up_o much_o in_o the_o sense_n of_o love_n peace_n and_o joy_n afford_v i_o the_o night_n before_o from_o god_n my_o gracious_a father_n my_o soul_n still_o trust_v in_o his_o word_n with_o which_o he_o have_v refresh_v and_o support_v i_o and_o still_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o believe_v to_o my_o great_a comfort_n that_o his_o word_n shall_v endure_v for_o ever_o from_o which_o word_n last_o mention_v i_o have_v be_v enable_v to_o plead_v with_o god_n in_o my_o conflict_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n thou_o have_v promise_v that_o they_o that_o come_v to_o thou_o thou_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o and_o if_o so_o then_o can_v thou_o not_o turn_v away_o from_o do_v thy_o people_n good_a but_o will_v according_a to_o thy_o good_a word_n sprinkle_v they_o with_o clean_a water_n and_o from_o all_o their_o idol_n and_o iniquity_n thou_o will_v cleanse_v they_o yea_o thou_o will_v take_v away_o the_o stony_a heart_n and_o give_v they_o heart_n of_o flesh_n with_o thy_o law_n write_v in_o they_o and_o thy_o fear_n put_v so_o into_o their_o inward_a part_n as_o they_o shall_v not_o depart_v from_o thou_o this_o lord_n be_v thy_o word_n in_o which_o thou_o have_v cause_v my_o soul_n to_o trust_v thus_o have_v i_o be_v enable_v to_o plead_v his_o new_a covenant-mercy_n to_o my_o soul_n support_v and_o uphold_v in_o strait_n bless_v be_v his_o name_n this_o night_n i_o have_v a_o good_a night_n rest_n and_o be_v much_o refresh_v on_o the_o seven_o day_n in_o the_o morning_n with_o thought_n much_o enlarge_v upon_o the_o great_a good_a lay_v up_o by_o the_o lord_n for_o they_o that_o fear_v he_o and_o have_v many_o promise_n present_v afresh_o to_o my_o soul_n for_o future_a encouragement_n so_o that_o i_o be_v enable_v through_o his_o grace_n to_o admire_v his_o infinite_a love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o have_v my_o soul_n full_o satisfy_v in_o that_o only_a and_o to_o testify_v my_o satisfaction_n therein_o by_o desire_v and_o endeavour_v for_o ever_o to_o be_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o rich_a grace_n make_v know_v to_o i_o by_o be_v dedicate_v whole_o to_o his_o service_n who_o workmanship_n i_o be_o be_v create_v in_o christ_n jesus_n to_o good_a work_n to_o the_o end_n we_o shall_v walk_v in_o they_o give_v glory_n and_o honour_n to_o christ_n who_o alone_o be_v worthy_a to_o receive_v it_o from_o we_o have_v redeem_v we_o out_o of_o all_o kindred_n and_o tongue_n etc._n etc._n and_o have_v wash_v we_o in_o his_o own_o blood_n and_o make_v we_o king_n and_o priest_n unto_o god_n the_o father_n and_o we_o shall_v reign_v for_o evermore_o i_o also_o consider_v it_o be_v for_o this_o end_n that_o he_o give_v himself_o to_o redeem_v we_o that_o we_o may_v be_v a_o peculiar_a people_n to_o himself_o zealous_a of_o good_a work_n and_o to_o this_o end_n i_o desire_v my_o soul_n may_v have_v fellowship_n with_o he_o in_o his_o death_n suffering_n and_o resurrection_n be_v make_v conformable_a to_o he_o in_o his_o death_n and_o raise_v up_o and_o bring_v forth_o by_o the_o power_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o the_o fellowship_n of_o his_o resurrection_n satan_n five_o assault_v from_o satan_n but_o this_o seven_o day_n at_o night_n i_o be_v again_o assault_v with_o blasphemous_a thought_n and_o tempt_v to_o slighty_a and_o low_a thought_n of_o all_o his_o grace_n and_o love_n make_v know_v to_o i_o and_o be_v seize_v with_o much_o fear_n as_o i_o be_o usual_o in_o all_o these_o conflict_n lest_o i_o shall_v be_v overcome_v and_o dishonour_n god_n by_o harken_v &_o consent_v to_o the_o suggestion_n of_o he_o and_o my_o enemy_n but_o the_o lord_n this_o night_n also_o be_v not_o want_v to_o i_o but_o do_v uphold_v i_o in_o wait_v upon_o he_o enable_v i_o to_o seek_v to_o he_o &_o rest_n upon_o he_o his_o word_n in_o which_o he_o have_v cause_v my_o soul_n to_o trust_v and_o in_o this_o way_n he_o come_v in_o to_o i_o manifest_v himself_o exceed_v gracious_a to_o my_o relief_n and_o help_v i_o to_o vanquish_v those_o temptation_n give_v i_o strength_n against_o they_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o speak_v to_o his_o praise_n what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n it_o may_v be_v record_v yet_o when_o i_o come_v this_o night_n to_o speak_v of_o these_o thing_n that_o so_o they_o may_v be_v record_v i_o be_v much_o afraid_a i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a be_v much_o straiten_v and_o shut_v up_o but_o the_o lord_n open_v my_o heart_n and_o my_o mouth_n speak_v through_o his_o assistance_n to_o his_o praise_n the_o seven_o day_n at_o night_n i_o go_v to_o bed_v late_o and_o when_o i_o awake_v in_o the_o morning_n the_o lord_n make_v my_o meditation_n of_o he_o to_o be_v sweet_a to_o i_o cause_v i_o much_o still_o to_o rejoice_v in_o the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n my_o first_o meditation_n be_v of_o his_o infinite_a love_n and_o wisdom_n in_o find_v out_o a_o way_n for_o recover_v and_o reconcile_n poor_a lose_v fall_v man_n to_o himself_o and_o such_o a_o way_n wherein_o mercy_n and_o truth_n may_v meet_v together_o righteousness_n and_o peace_n may_v kâ—sse_v each_o other_o and_o this_o scripture_n be_v much_o on_o my_o heart_n 1.9_o heart_n 1_o joh._n 1.9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n and_o that_o be_v sweet_a to_o see_v it_o be_v not_o only_a mercy_n but_o faithfulness_n and_o justice_n to_o forgive_v sin_n unto_o poor_a penitent_a sinner_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o christ_n the_o mediator_n between_o god_n and_o man_n in_o who_o god_n see_v himself_o and_o justice_n full_o satisfy_v and_o the_o poor_a believer_n may_v see_v himself_o full_o acquit_v as_o if_o he_o have_v not_o sin_v and_o all_o this_o i_o see_v as_o the_o fruit_n of_o christ_n death_n and_o resurrection_n he_o have_v in_o our_o stead_n full_o discharge_v our_o debt_n which_o we_o else_o can_v never_o have_v satisfy_v by_o who_o only_o we_o receive_v the_o atonement_n i_o have_v also_o a_o far_o more_o precious_a and_o enlarge_a discovery_n of_o these_o thing_n than_o i_o be_o now_o able_a to_o mention_v with_o many_o choice_a scripture_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n as_o to_o this_o head_n namely_o 68.18_o namely_o psalm_n 68.18_o thou_o have_v ascend_v on_o high_a thou_o have_v lead_v captivity_n captive_a thou_o have_v receive_v gift_n for_o man_n yea_o for_o the_o rebellious_a also_o that_o the_o lord_n god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o and_o that_o by_o christ_n all_o handwriting_n that_o be_v against_o we_o be_v take_v out_o of_o the_o way_n and_o nail_v to_o his_o cross_n who_o have_v spoil_v principality_n and_o power_n triumph_v over_o they_o open_o and_o that_o by_o he_o the_o sting_n of_o death_n and_o strength_n of_o the_o law_n be_v take_v away_o according_a to_o his_o good_a word_n 57_o word_n 1_o cor._n 15.55_o 56_o 57_o oh_o death_n i_o will_v be_v thy_o death_n o_o grave_a i_o will_v be_v thy_o destruction_n the_o sting_n of_o death_n be_v sin_n and_o the_o strength_n of_o sin_n be_v the_o law_n but_o thanks_o be_v to_o god_n who_o give_v we_o the_o victory_n through_o our_o lord_n â—esus_fw-la christ_n oh_o these_o scripture_n be_v food_n and_o strength_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n also_o
that_o he_o shall_v speak_v then_o be_v my_o heart_n lift_v up_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o that_o plenteous_a redemption_n which_o he_o have_v let_v i_o see_v in_o christ_n according_a to_o that_o word_n 103._o word_n psalm_n 103._o bless_v he_o with_o who_o there_o be_v such_o plentiful_a redemption_n to_o redeem_v israel_n from_o all_o his_o iniquity_n who_o crow_v we_o with_o love_a kindness_n etc._n etc._n and_o who_o have_v bless_v we_o with_o all_o spiritual_a blessing_n in_o christ_n have_v raise_v we_o and_o make_v we_o sit_v together_o in_o heavenly_a place_n in_o christ_n that_o in_o the_o age_n to_o come_v he_o may_v show_v what_o be_v the_o exceed_a riches_n of_o his_o grace_n in_o his_o kindness_n towards_o we_o in_o christ_n who_o have_v deliver_v we_o from_o the_o kingdom_n of_o darkness_n and_o have_v translate_v we_o into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o his_o dear_a son_n i_o have_v also_o some_o precious_a meditation_n upon_o that_o great_a deliverance_n i_o have_v by_o jesus_n christ_n from_o the_o dominion_n of_o sin_n satan_n and_o that_o great_a bondage_n of_o all_o to_o be_v in_o a_o natural_a condition_n and_o that_o christ_n have_v purchase_v perfect_a liberty_n and_o freedom_n so_o that_o i_o be_v now_o make_v free_a indeed_o and_o make_v a_o partaker_n of_o the_o inheritance_n of_o the_o saint_n in_o light_n yet_o after_o all_o this_o assault_n her_o eight_o assault_n i_o be_v again_o sore_o assault_v and_o tempt_v to_o have_v low_a undervalue_a thought_n of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n as_o if_o it_o be_v but_o a_o poor_a low_a thing_n as_o also_o to_o blaspheme_v against_o god_n but_o the_o lord_n do_v gracious_o make_v i_o to_o cry_v to_o he_o for_o his_o assistance_n to_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o resist_v the_o devil_n and_o loath_a and_o abominate_a his_o filthy_a suggestion_n that_o so_o i_o may_v not_o dishonour_v he_o by_o harken_v or_o consent_v thereto_o see_v he_o have_v promise_v he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o nor_o forsake_v i_o that_o he_o will_v now_o make_v good_a his_o word_n in_o which_o he_o have_v cause_v i_o to_o trust_v and_o by_o these_o and_o many_o other_o promise_n he_o enable_v i_o to_o plead_v with_o he_o who_o have_v say_v he_o will_v save_v to_o the_o utmost_a and_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o soot_n short_o and_o that_o the_o gate_n of_o hell_n shall_v not_o prevail_v against_o i_o all_o which_o i_o plead_v earnest_o with_o he_o that_o he_o will_v still_o cause_v i_o to_o experience_n the_o truth_n of_o this_o his-word_n in_o which_o he_o have_v make_v my_o soul_n to_o hope_v and_o at_o length_n through_o his_o rich_a grace_n i_o be_v enable_v to_o say_v to_o his_o praise_n that_o he_o be_v indeed_o a_o god_n that_o do_v never_o leave_v nor_o forsake_v they_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o but_o do_v keep_v covenant_n and_o mercy_n for_o ever_o in_o that_o he_o have_v vanquish_v the_o devil_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o rely_v on_o himself_o by_o give_v i_o faith_n in_o that_o precious_a promise_n that_o he_o will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n till_o he_o have_v bring_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n so_o that_o in_o the_o sense_n of_o his_o never_o fail_v nor_o forsake_v i_o my_o soul_n be_v make_v now_o great_o to_o rejoice_v satan_n further_a assault_v from_o satan_n the_o second_o day_n at_o evening_n i_o have_v many_o fiery_a dart_n and_o filthy_a suggestion_n of_o satan_n cast_v into_o i_o which_o be_v exceed_v terrible_a unto_o i_o and_o be_v bear_v in_o with_o such_o violence_n as_o though_o the_o devil_n strive_v with_o all_o his_o might_n to_o cause_v i_o to_o cast_v off_o my_o hope_n that_o i_o have_v in_o god_n urge_v i_o to_o blaspheme_v god_n and_o to_o think_v mean_o and_o low_o of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n which_o cause_v in_o i_o great_a fear_n but_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o grace_n do_v not_o so_o leave_v i_o as_o to_o suffer_v i_o to_o cast_v off_o my_o confidence_n but_o great_a be_v my_o fear_n lest_o i_o shall_v be_v leave_v to_o dishonour_v he_o by_o unbelief_n after_o i_o have_v profess_v such_o hope_n in_o he_o and_o thereby_o also_o shall_v wound_v the_o peace_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o also_o consider_v that_o if_o i_o shall_v continue_v in_o this_o condition_n my_o life_n will_v be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o and_o i_o shall_v have_v cause_n to_o repent_v of_o the_o profession_n i_o have_v make_v of_o my_o hope_n in_o god_n think_v what_o a_o great_a dishonour_n this_o will_v be_v to_o his_o name_n and_o gospel_n and_o cause_n of_o stumble_v to_o they_o who_o have_v hear_v i_o profess_v my_o hope_n cause_v they_o to_o dishonour_v he_o also_o but_o the_o lord_n do_v help_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n to_o fly_v to_o he_o as_o my_o strong_a refuge_n with_o secret_a breathe_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o he_o will_v not_o deliver_v i_o up_o to_o the_o will_n of_o my_o enemy_n but_o he_o will_v now_o remember_v his_o good_a word_n in_o which_o he_o have_v cause_v i_o to_o hope_n that_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_n out_o but_o save_v to_o the_o utmost_a tread_v down_o satan_n under_o the_o foot_n of_o such_o and_o i_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v open_v and_o enlarge_v my_o strait_a heart_n that_o my_o mouth_n may_v speak_v of_o his_o goodness_n to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o name_n and_o the_o lord_n do_v cause_v my_o soul_n again_o to_o experience_n his_o faithfulness_n that_o he_o be_v a_o god_n that_o keep_v covenant_n and_o mercy_n for_o ever_o and_o he_o do_v gracious_o cause_v the_o devil_n to_o fly_v and_o give_v great_a enlargement_n to_o my_o soul_n consider_v how_o great_o it_o be_v straiten_v and_o make_v i_o able_a to_o speak_v to_o his_o praise_n and_o do_v by_o his_o good_a spirit_n bring_v these_o thing_n to_o my_o remembrance_n which_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o think_v of_o before_o and_o be_v again_o enable_v to_o believe_v through_o his_o grace_n that_o he_o be_v a_o god_n that_o will_v keep_v truth_n for_o ever_o and_o that_o no_o soul_n that_o trust_v in_o he_o shall_v be_v desolate_a so_o that_o my_o soul_n be_v now_o make_v to_o say_v 146.5_o say_v psalm_n 146.5_o bless_a be_v the_o man_n that_o have_v the_o god_n of_o jacob_n for_o his_o help_n who_o hope_n be_v in_o the_o lord_n his_o god_n which_o make_v the_o heaven_n the_o earth_n the_o sea_n and_o all_o that_o be_v in_o they_o and_o who_o keep_v truth_n for_o ever_o with_o they_o that_o fear_v he_o bless_a be_v his_o name_n i_o have_v be_v since_o ponder_v further_o the_o duty_n of_o baptism_n aforesaid_a and_o have_v at_o some_o time_n much_o clearness_n in_o it_o as_o a_o duty_n yet_o doubt_n and_o question_n have_v be_v cast_v into_o my_o mind_n about_o it_o and_o thus_o i_o remain_v debate_v it_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n and_o consult_v scripture_n about_o it_o until_o the_o twenty_o day_n of_o this_o eleven_o month_n at_o night_n at_o which_o time_n i_o be_v set_v upon_o with_o terrible_a suggestion_n about_o the_o lowness_n and_o meanness_n of_o it_o be_v much_o tempt_v to_o despise_v and_o slight_v it_o which_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v cause_v great_a fear_n and_o faint_a in_o i_o lest_o i_o shall_v in_o my_o heart_n consent_n to_o those_o suggestion_n and_o thereby_o hinder_v my_o obedience_n to_o the_o lord_n as_o aforesaid_a and_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o lift_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o lord_n for_o help_v at_o this_o time_n against_o these_o suggestion_n and_o temptation_n that_o i_o may_v resist_v they_o and_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o now_o to_o consider_v that_o no_o command_n of_o christ_n be_v to_o be_v account_v low_a or_o small_a consider_v also_o i_o owe_v all_o service_n and_o obedience_n to_o the_o lord_n both_o as_o i_o be_v his_o creature_n but_o more_o especial_o as_o i_o be_v redeem_v by_o he_o so_o marvellous_o as_o i_o have_v be_v and_o with_o so_o great_a a_o price_n as_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n i_o also_o think_v what_o a_o sad_a condition_n adam_n bring_v all_o his_o posterity_n into_o by_o disobedience_n at_o first_o in_o but_o eat_v a_o apple_n which_o be_v forbid_v as_o also_o what_o a_o poor_a creature_n man_n be_v and_o how_o unfit_a unworthy_a and_o unbecoming_a it_o be_v for_o he_o to_o be_v dispute_v with_o his_o creator_n who_o may_v do_v with_o all_o of_o we_o as_o the_o potter_n with_o his_o clay_n make_v or_o mar_v we_o at_o his_o pleasure_n and_o what_o a_o proud_a presumptuous_a creature_n i_o be_v to_o suffer_v such_o a_o thing_n to_o enter_v into_o my_o thought_n that_o any_o of_o his_o command_n shall_v be_v dispute_v or_o think_v by_o i_o to_o be_v low_a or_o contemptible_a which_o i_o look_v on_o
herself_o guilty_a of_o the_o unpardonable_a sin_n and_o so_o a_o subject_n of_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n which_o she_o daily_o expect_v to_o be_v pour_v down_o upon_o she_o and_o be_v hopeless_a of_o any_o deliverance_n notwithstanding_o the_o frequent_a mean_n use_v by_o many_o for_o her_o relief_n both_o by_o fervent_a prayer_n for_o she_o and_o faithful_a endeavour_n by_o christian_a advice_n and_o counsel_n to_o she_o from_o pag._n 1._o to_o pag._n 19_o ii_o a_o particular_a discovery_n of_o the_o lord_n manner_n of_o work_v on_o her_o heart_n by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n convince_a she_o of_o her_o sinful_a state_n and_o help_v she_o to_o look_v unto_o christ_n alone_o for_o salvation_n notwithstanding_o many_o fear_n mix_v with_o her_o hope_n from_o pag._n 19_o to_o pag._n 31._o iii_o a_o discovery_n of_o several_a assault_n from_o the_o tempter_n and_o gracious_a supply_n of_o strength_n from_o the_o lord_n by_o which_o she_o be_v help_v to_o resist_v they_o and_o to_o fly_v unto_o he_o for_o refuge_n from_o pag._n 31._o to_o pag._n 40._o iv_o several_n precious_a promise_n and_o seasonable_a word_n bring_v in_o powerful_o to_o her_o soul_n for_o her_o support_n and_o succour_v under_o several_a assault_n from_o pag._n 40._o to_o pag._n 56._o v._o she_o be_v help_v to_o consider_v what_o she_o shall_v render_v unto_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o benefit_n and_o special_a deliverance_n he_o have_v wrought_v for_o she_o and_o be_v help_v to_o resolve_v in_o his_o strength_n to_o give_v up_o herself_o as_o a_o live_n and_o acceptable_a sacrifice_n unto_o his_o service_n from_o pag._n 56._o to_o the_o end_n a_o table_n contain_v several_a text_n of_o scripture_n that_o be_v various_o apply_v according_a to_o her_o state_n and_o condition_n as_o the_o reader_n may_v perceive_v by_o compare_v they_o with_o the_o several_a place_n to_o which_o this_o table_n direct_v i._o scripture_n make_v use_v of_o to_o increase_v terror_n in_o her_o distress_a estate_n heb_n 10.27_o 29._o pag._n 4_o psalm_n 65.5_o pag._n 5_o matth._n 12.31_o pag._n 6_o heb._n 6.4_o 5_o 6._o pag._n 8_o isai_n 57.20_o 21._o pag._n 11_o matth._n 15.26_o pag._n 12_o rev._n 14.11_o pag._n 13_o joel_n 2.31_o pag._n 14_o ii_o scripture_n make_v use_v of_o to_o convince_v she_o of_o her_o sinful_a and_o sad_a estate_n col_fw-fr 3.3_o pag_n 19_o psalm_n 50.23_o pag._n 20_o psalm_n 119.155_o pag._n 21_o psalm_n 50.16_o pag._n idem_fw-la 1_o sam._n 2.10_o pag._n idem_fw-la iii_o scripture_n make_v use_v of_o to_o encourage_v she_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n to_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o to_o follow_v he_o full_o hester_n 4_o 16._o pag._n 23_o 2_o king_n 7.4_o pag._n idem_fw-la john_n 6.37_o pag._n 30_o heb._n 7.25_o pag._n idem_fw-la isai_n 43.13_o pag._n 31_o psalm_n 63.8_o pag._n 34_o 2_o cor._n 5.21_o pag._n 35_o 1_o cor._n 1.30_o pag._n 36_o col._n 1.19_o pag._n 38_o rev._n 14.4_o pag._n 40_o iu._n several_a choice_n promise_n and_o 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pag._n 54_o malach._n 3.6_o pag._n 60_o psalm_n 31.21_o psalm_n 61_o isai_n 26.3_o pag_n idem_fw-la isai_n 40.11_o pag_n idem_fw-la isai_n 42.3_o 4._o pag._n idem_fw-la isai_n 9.6_o pag._n 62_o act_n 3.22_o pag._n idem_fw-la psalm_n 103.3_o pag._n idem_fw-la heb._n 13.5_o pag._n 55_o rom._n 12.1_o pag._n 73_o 1_o cor._n 6.20_o pag._n idem_fw-la v._o scripture_n convince_a and_o confirm_v she_o in_o the_o duty_n of_o baptism_n and_o even_o constrain_a she_o thereunto_o heb_n 6.12_o pag._n 59_o act_n 2.41_o pag._n idem_fw-la matth._n 28.19_o pag._n idem_fw-la rom._n 6.4_o 5._o pag._n 60_o john_n 14.21_o pag._n 71_o isai_n 64_o 5._o pag._n idem_fw-la isai_n 53.5_o pag._n 72_o phil._n 2.7_o 8._o pag._n idem_fw-la vi_o scripture_n support_v she_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o suffering_n phil_n 1.29_o pag._n 57_o matth._n 10.37_o pag._n idem_fw-la mark_v 10.29_o pag._n idem_fw-la 2_o cor._n 4.17_o 18._o pag._n 58_o heb._n 11._o pag._n idem_fw-la psalm_n 71.7_o pag._n 59_o rom_n 8.18_o pag._n 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l._n 3._o r._n make_v it_o and_o l._n 4._o re_fw-la mind_n p._n 7._o l._n 21._o re_fw-la hatred_n p._n 22._o margin_n re_fw-mi 2_o king_n 7.4_o pag._n 30._o margin_n read_v john_n 6.37_o