concern_v truth_n and_o why_o many_o that_o live_v a_o long_a time_n under_o much_o mean_n yet_o continue_v very_o ignorant_a it_o may_v be_v ever_o learning_n and_o never_o able_a to_o come_v to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n 2_o ti._n 3._o 7._o and_o as_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n wither_v away_o because_o it_o have_v no_o root_n so_o truth_n not_o be_v root_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n though_o it_o spring_v up_o in_o much_o affection_n yet_o it_o come_v to_o nothing_o and_o indeed_o ignorant_a person_n many_o time_n be_v soon_o affect_v and_o do_v seem_v to_o have_v more_o affection_n than_o other_o he_o reason_n of_o that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o same_o also_o with_o that_o of_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n it_o spring_v up_o sudden_o because_o it_o have_v not_o depth_n of_o earth_n so_o it_o be_v natural_a for_o ignorant_a person_n to_o spring_v forth_o in_o affection_n they_o have_v as_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o to_o do_v but_o only_o to_o be_v affect_v their_o strength_n run_v all_o in_o one_o vein_n or_o in_o one_o channel_n they_o spend_v all_o in_o affection_n while_o other_o that_o have_v more_o understanding_n have_v many_o other_o thing_n to_o do_v all_o the_o faculty_n of_o their_o soul_n be_v exercise_v their_o strength_n be_v disperse_v into_o many_o vein_n weigh_v and_o ponder_v thing_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o it_o may_v have_v depth_n to_o root_n and_o settle_v there_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o mary_n she_o ponder_v those_o thing_n in_o her_o heart_n luke_n 2._o 19_o so_o they_o be_v treasure_v it_o up_o in_o their_o heart_n have_v in_o their_o treasury_n thing_n new_a and_o old_a mat._n 12._o 35._o and_o 13._o 52._o and_o a_o little_a affection_n where_o there_o be_v judgement_n be_v better_a than_o a_o great_a deal_n without_o judgement_n yet_o much_o affection_n with_o a_o sound_a judgement_n be_v best_a of_o all_o the_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o so_o convert_v to_o duty_n labour_v for_o life_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n by_o providence_n hear_v a_o minister_n of_o the_o nation_n who_o be_v then_o call_v a_o puritan_n who_o though_o i_o use_v often_o to_o hear_v yet_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o dan._n 10._o 8._o i_o hear_v but_o i_o understand_v not_o and_o as_o i_o be_v once_o hear_v of_o he_o very_o sudden_o i_o think_v i_o do_v discern_v and_o understand_v thing_n more_o clear_o and_o more_o distinct_o than_o ever_o i_o do_v before_o that_o time_n be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v then_o own_o god_n in_o it_o have_v many_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o lydia_n act._n 16._o 14._o that_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v open_v my_o understanding_n and_o now_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v have_v more_o knowledge_n and_o delight_v more_o in_o hear_v and_o read_v whereas_o before_o it_o be_v wearisome_a to_o i_o because_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v any_o thing_n but_o in_o a_o confuse_a manner_n after_o this_o i_o have_v a_o great_a delight_n to_o hear_v this_o man_n and_o though_o i_o think_v it_o much_o on_o any_o other_o occasion_n to_o go_v one_o mile_n on_o foot_n yet_o to_o hear_v he_o i_o can_v go_v three_o and_o back_o again_o the_o same_o day_n frequent_o and_o by_o his_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v the_o superstitious_a variety_n of_o my_o former_a zeal_n and_o lay_v it_o aside_o and_o i_o remember_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v such_o affectionate_a heart-working_n towards_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o such_o a_o hatred_n of_o all_o sin_n according_a to_o what_o i_o then_o know_v that_o i_o do_v many_o time_n in_o my_o serious_a thought_n choose_v rather_o to_o die_v than_o live_v mere_o upon_o that_o account_n because_o i_o will_v not_o sin_v against_o god_n know_v myself_o subject_a thereunto_o and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v faith_n in_o god_n so_o as_o to_o believe_v his_o love_n to_o i_o on_o gospel_n ground_n for_o i_o be_v total_o ignorant_a of_o any_o such_o thing_n many_o year_n after_o yet_o i_o have_v good_a thought_n of_o god_n from_o that_o glimmer_a light_n which_o i_o then_o have_v and_o which_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o much_o love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o can_v but_o so_o judge_v but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o bring_v to_o this_o but_o satan_n be_v ready_a to_o assault_v i_o and_o set_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o horrid_a temptation_n to_o question_v the_o be_v of_o god_n and_o i_o remember_v it_o usual_o come_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o but_o especial_o as_o i_o be_v go_v by_o myself_o to_o hear_v the_o aforesaid_a minister_n insomuch_o that_o it_o do_v exceed_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o then_o discern_v it_o to_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o do_v resist_v and_o labour_n against_o it_o draw_v argument_n as_o i_o go_v in_o the_o field_n from_o the_o very_a work_n of_o creation_n to_o confirm_v myself_o in_o this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o or_o any_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o earnest_o cry_v to_o god_n against_o it_o through_o grace_n i_o be_v not_o overcome_v by_o it_o but_o have_v a_o supply_n of_o strength_n until_o it_o be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v with_o it_o in_o many_o year_n after_o so_o i_o continue_v a_o constant_a hearer_n of_o this_o man_n and_o other_o such_o like_a for_o some_o year_n by_o which_o i_o come_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o be_v convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o their_o doctrine_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n such_o as_o be_v suitable_a to_o the_o old_a covenant_n instead_o of_o go_v to_o christ_n for_o life_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o a_o great_a degree_n of_o labour_n and_o travel_v for_o life_n and_o happiness_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n be_v as_o exact_v and_o strict_a in_o all_o my_o way_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o poor_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o the_o more_o strict_a i_o be_v still_o look_v through_o the_o glass_n of_o the_o law_n the_o more_o my_o bondage_n be_v increase_v for_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o a_o addition_n of_o sin_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v the_o law_n still_o call_v for_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v and_o in_o a_o great_a amazement_n &_o perplexity_n of_o spirit_n fear_v i_o shall_v perish_v for_o ever_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n to_o discover_v my_o condition_n to_o some_o to_o have_v advise_v from_o they_o but_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n do_v not_o but_o keep_v it_o in_o my_o own_o breast_n discover_v no_o more_o but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o hide_v which_o be_v only_o my_o outward_a appearance_n much_o differ_v from_o what_o former_o it_o be_v which_o do_v occasion_n some_o to_o say_v that_o i_o be_v near_o a_o distraction_n they_o not_o know_v what_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o true_o my_o condition_n be_v so_o sad_a that_o i_o be_v afraid_a of_o a_o distraction_n myself_o for_o i_o think_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v long_o in_o that_o condition_n and_o not_o be_v distract_v which_o fear_n do_v occasion_v i_o to_o apply_v myself_o to_o some_o mean_n of_o comfort_n whereas_o before_o i_o be_v not_o willing_a to_o hearken_v to_o any_o thing_n that_o way_n the_o mean_v i_o use_v be_v chief_o read_v &_o prayer_n by_o which_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o come_v to_o some_o dark_a apprehension_n concern_v jesus_n christ_n be_v persuade_v there_o be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n which_o if_o i_o can_v get_v a_o right_a understanding_n of_o my_o condition_n will_v be_v much_o better_a but_o fear_v leave_v i_o shall_v sink_v under_o my_o burden_n temptation_n come_v on_o i_o like_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n i_o be_v force_v as_o i_o go_v about_o my_o occasion_n often_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n like_o the_o disciple_n in_o another_o case_n lord_n save_v i_o else_o i_o perish_v mat._n 8._o 25._o i_o think_v many_o time_n i_o be_v even_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n and_o i_o do_v believe_v there_o be_v no_o help_n but_o only_o in_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o but_o whether_o he_o will_v do_v it_o or_o whether_o he_o
often_o move_v into_o several_a place_n where_o we_o find_v not_o only_o particular_a person_n but_o whole_a church_n very_o much_o corrupt_v own_v &_o practise_v strange_a thing_n though_o under_o plausible_a term_n and_o spiritual_a pretence_n by_o which_o a_o while_n after_o they_o be_v break_v and_o scatter_v leave_v the_o profession_n of_o truth_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n some_o under_o one_o notion_n and_o some_o under_o another_o so_o that_o it_o be_v hard_a to_o find_v in_o those_o part_v one_o particular_a person_n that_o have_v sound_a principle_n much_o less_o a_o whole_a church_n where_o there_o be_v a_o powerful_a ministry_n and_o a_o wise_a government_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o begin_v by_o degree_n to_o be_v somewhat_o confuse_v in_o judgement_n and_o true_o when_o i_o consider_v those_o thing_n and_o what_o temptation_n i_o be_v expose_v to_o at_o that_o time_n i_o do_v not_o wonder_v i_o be_v so_o confuse_v but_o i_o rather_o wonder_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o i_o be_v not_o swallow_v up_o with_o confusion_n as_o many_o be_v in_o those_o day_n for_o though_o i_o be_v weak_a in_o principle_n and_o by_o those_o thing_n somewhat_o confuse_v yet_o i_o do_v not_o know_v that_o in_o two_o or_o three_o year_n time_n i_o have_v receive_v any_o corrupt_a principle_n but_o afterward_o be_v with_o a_o people_n where_o satan_n have_v transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v in_o the_o high_a degree_n under_o term_n of_o mystery_n spirit_n wait_v upon_o god_n and_o such_o like_a by_o they_o i_o be_v beguile_v and_o deceive_v in_o some_o particular_a thing_n though_o never_o in_o the_o height_n of_o that_o which_o be_v practise_v by_o they_o the_o particular_n about_o which_o i_o be_v deceive_v be_v chief_o these_o three_o or_o four_o first_o concern_v godliness_n be_v a_o mystery_n that_o it_o do_v consist_v of_o something_o within_o and_o not_o of_o something_o without_o and_o and_o that_o the_o saint_n be_v to_o expect_v life_n and_o salvation_n from_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o from_o a_o christ_n without_o second_o that_o saint_n be_v not_o to_o do_v duty_n by_o or_o from_o a_o command_n without_o but_o from_o a_o command_n within_o and_o that_o the_o word_n command_v in_o scripture_n be_v not_o a_o command_n to_o they_o till_o they_o have_v a_o word_n within_o they_o three_o that_o as_o to_o the_o time_n of_o do_v duty_n they_o be_v to_o wait_v for_o the_o move_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o carry_v they_o forth_o to_o it_o and_o this_o they_o call_v wait_v for_o a_o power_n and_o till_o they_o have_v such_o a_o power_n they_o be_v to_o do_v nothing_o but_o sit_v still_o and_o wait_v and_o this_o not_o only_o in_o private_a duty_n but_o in_o the_o church_n also_o not_o own_v any_o ministry_n by_o way_n of_o gift_n or_o office_n but_o to_o come_v together_o and_o there_o fit_a and_o wait_v till_o they_o have_v a_o power_n and_o then_o to_o speak_v whether_o man_n or_o woman_n in_o these_o particular_n which_o carriry_v such_o a_o face_n or_o show_v of_o spirituality_n i_o be_v corrupt_v but_o do_v never_o full_o own_v they_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n and_o for_o such_o principle_n as_o i_o think_v do_v lead_v to_o looseness_n either_o in_o matter_n of_o conversion_n or_o in_o slight_v the_o church_n or_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n i_o do_v always_o oppose_v they_o though_o i_o believe_v such_o principle_n do_v natural_o follow_v the_o other_o but_o i_o do_v not_o then_o discern_v it_o they_o be_v cover_v over_o with_o such_o angel-like_o appearance_n and_o as_o to_o that_o principle_n of_o wait_v though_o i_o do_v own_v it_o in_o judgement_n more_o full_o than_o any_o of_o these_o other_o yet_o i_o can_v neveâ—_n come_v up_o to_o it_o in_o my_o practice_n in_o private_a duty_n but_o by_o reason_n of_o some_o conviction_n still_o remain_v in_o i_o i_o can_v not_o stay_v so_o long_o from_o duty_n till_o i_o have_v such_o a_o power_n but_o do_v frequent_o go_v to_o duty_n when_o i_o have_v it_o not_o though_o sometime_o i_o think_v i_o have_v it_o but_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o other_o i_o do_v not_o appear_v in_o duty_n but_o when_o i_o think_v i_o have_v that_o power_n though_o i_o never_o do_v so_o appear_v but_o in_o one_o place_n for_o a_o short_a season_n in_o do_v which_o i_o think_v i_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n but_o i_o do_v believe_v it_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n but_o a_o mere_a spirit_n of_o delusion_n first_o because_o i_o know_v no_o scripture-ground_n for_o such_o a_o practice_n and_o second_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o sad_a fruit_n i_o have_v by_o it_o for_o after_o a_o little_a time_n i_o begin_v to_o lose_v my_o peace_n and_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v have_v little_a or_o no_o communion_n with_o god_n nor_o scarce_o any_o thing_n to_o speak_v to_o or_o for_o god_n and_o so_o confound_v i_o be_v in_o my_o own_o spirit_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o some_o and_o those_o not_o a_o few_o they_o labour_v to_o persuade_v i_o it_o be_v a_o dispensation_n of_o god_n and_o that_o the_o saint_n after_o they_o be_v bring_v out_o of_o egypt_n must_v be_v in_o the_o wilderness_n before_o they_o come_v to_o canaan_n and_o that_o the_o end_n of_o god_n in_o bring_v they_o there_o be_v that_o he_o may_v speak_v comfortable_o to_o they_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v but_o to_o be_v quiet_a fit_a still_o and_o wait_v and_o not_o to_o stir_v the_o lord_n till_o he_o please_v this_o do_v not_o at_o all_o satisfy_v i_o but_o i_o continue_v in_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n and_o one_o thing_n more_o by_o the_o way_n i_o can_v forget_v and_o that_o be_v that_o while_o i_o be_v in_o this_o condition_n i_o never_o be_v so_o trouble_v with_o temptation_n as_o i_o be_v at_o that_o time_n one_o temptation_n which_o i_o be_v trouble_v with_o many_o year_n before_o i_o be_v keep_v from_o until_o at_o this_o time_n which_o now_o be_v more_o violent_a than_o at_o first_o as_o indeed_o those_o thing_n natural_o lead_v to_o such_o temptation_n which_o temptation_n be_v the_o same_o express_v in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o book_n page_n 25._o this_o be_v the_o sad_a fruit_n of_o my_o stray_n from_o the_o pure_a way_n of_o truth_n which_o as_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o own_o with_o shame_n to_o myself_o so_o likewise_o consider_v the_o temptation_n i_o be_v expose_v to_o and_o the_o little_a mean_n i_o have_v to_o forewarn_v and_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o i_o stray_v no_o further_o that_o though_o in_o these_o thing_n i_o have_v much_o forget_v he_o yet_o he_o be_v please_v to_o remember_v i_o and_o show_v i_o the_o evil_a and_o danger_n of_o these_o notion_n and_o restore_v i_o to_o those_o former_a joy_n that_o once_o i_o have_v in_o he_o and_o make_v that_o which_o be_v intend_v by_o satan_n to_o overthrow_v i_o to_o be_v of_o great_a advantage_n to_o i_o which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v after_o this_o manner_n have_v some_o occasion_n to_o undertake_v a_o passage_n on_o the_o sea_n from_o london_n to_o newcastle_n in_o which_o condition_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o reprove_v i_o by_o the_o rage_a wave_n of_o the_o sea_n and_o tempestuous_a storm_n than_o begin_v my_o trouble_n to_o increase_v but_o not_o so_o much_o from_o that_o which_o be_v without_o as_o from_o something_o within_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n not_o beat_v so_o fast_o on_o the_o ship_n as_o the_o wave_n of_o temptation_n do_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o a_o very_a much-troubled_n dissatisfy_v condition_n not_o find_v my_o heart_n willing_a to_o submit_v to_o god_n neither_o indeed_o know_v how_o to_o behave_v myself_o towards_o he_o in_o relation_n to_o the_o present_a trouble_n all_o which_o be_v occasion_v by_o those_o corrupt_a principle_n be_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n whether_o i_o shall_v now_o pray_v or_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n not_o be_v sensible_a of_o any_o other_o power_n at_o that_o time_n but_o what_o be_v from_o the_o present_a trouble_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o it_o but_o in_o this_o trial_n i_o be_v glad_a to_o betake_v myself_o to_o my_o former_a principle_n the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n that_o command_n and_o promise_n psa_n 50._o 15._o by_o which_o i_o be_v encourage_v to_o cry_v to_o god_n as_o indeed_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o forbear_v for_o still_o own_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o can_v not_o answer_v that_o with_o such_o other_o like_o scripture_n
mere_o by_o their_o word_n that_o i_o dare_v read_v it_o no_o further_o but_o send_v it_o home_o again_o resolve_v to_o stick_v to_o my_o old_a principle_n and_o so_o resolve_v i_o be_v that_o i_o judge_v it_o my_o duty_n and_o according_o do_v praise_v the_o lord_n that_o i_o have_v escape_v that_o snare_n and_o stumble_a block_n which_o it_o be_v like_a to_o be_v to_o i_o till_o about_o half_a a_o year_n after_o these_o forementioned_a minister_n not_o be_v satisfy_v to_o speak_v against_o those_o book_n in_o private_a only_o but_o bring_v they_o into_o their_o pulpit_n read_v particular_a passage_n which_o as_o they_o read_v and_o apply_v it_o be_v contrary_a to_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o and_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o speak_v more_o than_o be_v true_a which_o do_v occasion_v i_o to_o desire_v the_o book_n again_o for_o my_o better_a satisfaction_n but_o they_o not_o be_v allow_v to_o be_v sell_v at_o that_o time_n it_o be_v hard_a to_o get_v any_o of_o they_o but_o through_o mercy_n i_o get_v one_o and_o then_o i_o find_v they_o do_v not_o deal_v faithful_o but_o do_v wrest_v and_o draw_v false_a con_fw-mi sequence_n contrary_a to_o the_o drist_n and_o scope_n of_o it_o all_o which_o occasion_v serious_a thought_n in_o i_o remember_v when_o i_o first_o read_v it_o i_o lay_v it_o aside_o mere_o from_o a_o spirit_n of_o fear_n and_o prejudice_v occasion_v by_o their_o word_n and_o not_o that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o disprove_v it_o from_o scripture_n ground_n then_o remember_v those_o word_n of_o the_o apostle_n i_o thes_n 5._o 21._o try_v all_o thing_n and_o hold_v fast_o that_o which_o be_v good_a i_o think_v it_o my_o duty_n to_o lay_v aside_o all_o slavish_a fear_n and_o prejudice_n and_o to_o try_v it_o exact_o by_o the_o scripture_n believe_v that_o as_o it_o be_v god_n way_n to_o try_v so_o he_o will_v assist_v i_o in_o it_o which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v and_o as_o i_o read_v i_o begin_v to_o be_v much_o affect_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v glad_a tiding_n and_o good_a news_n if_o it_o be_v true_a but_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o good_a to_o be_v true_a for_o i_o can_v not_o then_o believe_v that_o god_n be_v so_o free_a of_o his_o christ_n as_o to_o give_v he_o to_o any_o other_o sinner_n but_o to_o such_o as_o be_v qualify_v fit_v and_o prepare_v for_o he_o or_o that_o the_o way_n to_o glory_n be_v so_o easy_a as_o he_o seem_v to_o make_v it_o for_o if_o it_o be_v so_o than_o all_o that_o labour_n and_o travel_v which_o i_o have_v be_v a_o long_a time_n in_o be_v nothing_o which_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n yield_v to_o at_o that_o time_n for_o as_o christ_n once_o say_v to_o the_o jew_n that_o publican_n and_o harlot_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n before_o they_o mat._n 21._o 31._o so_o true_o i_o find_v it_o so_o hard_a to_o lay_v down_o my_o own_o legal_a righteousness_n and_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n by_o faith_n according_a to_o rom._n 10._o 3._o that_o i_o be_v like_a to_o stick_v here_o when_o such_o as_o be_v more_o profane_a may_v receive_v the_o truth_n soon_o but_o serious_o weigh_v these_o with_o some_o other_o such_o like_a scripture_n as_o rom._n 4._o 4._o and_o 5._o 8._o ephe._n 2._o through_o grace_n i_o be_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n convince_v and_o bring_v to_o see_v that_o i_o have_v be_v exceed_o mistake_v in_o my_o understanding_n and_o apply_v of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o whereas_o i_o think_v i_o have_v attain_v a_o good_a degree_n of_o knowledge_n i_o now_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o ignorant_a and_o must_v begin_v again_o to_o learn_v the_o first_o principle_n of_o the_o oracle_n of_o god_n which_o to_o suffer_v so_o much_o loss_n be_v very_o hard_o to_o i_o at_o the_o first_o but_o god_n be_v please_v by_o degree_n to_o strip_v i_o of_o all_o and_o to_o show_v i_o such_o a_o beauty_n and_o excellency_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n above_o it_o that_o i_o be_v make_v not_o only_o willing_a but_o joyous_a to_o lay_v down_o all_o at_o his_o foot_n and_o i_o trust_v can_v true_o say_v with_o the_o apostle_n that_o what_o be_v gain_v to_o i_o i_o count_v loss_n for_o christ_n yea_o doubtless_o and_o i_o count_v all_o thing_n but_o loss_n for_o the_o excellency_n of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o christ_n jesus_n my_o lord_n for_o who_o i_o have_v suffer_v the_o loss_n of_o all_o thing_n and_o do_v count_v they_o but_o dung_n that_o i_o may_v win_v christ_n and_o be_v find_v in_o he_o etc._n etc._n phil._n 3_o 7_o 8_o 9_o etc._n etc._n and_o as_o god_n have_v exalt_v christ_n to_o be_v a_o prince_n and_o a_o saviour_n act_v 5._o 31._o and_o have_v choose_v he_o as_o the_o only_a excellent_a one_o in_o who_o he_o have_v place_v life_n and_o salvation_n for_o people_n mat._n 12._o 18._o so_o my_o soul_n do_v approve_v of_o it_o to_o be_v the_o most_o excellent_a way_n and_o i_o trust_v can_v true_o say_v with_o the_o spouse_n he_o be_v the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o you_o he_o be_v one_o and_o there_o be_v not_o another_o cant._n 5._o 10._o act._n 4._o 12._o and_o the_o more_o i_o come_v to_o apprehend_v the_o glory_n of_o the_o gospel_n in_o the_o free_a tender_n and_o invitation_n of_o christ_n to_o sinner_n the_o more_o still_o i_o be_v affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v admire_v it_o and_o see_v the_o tender_v of_o grace_n so_o free_a and_o the_o invitation_n so_o general_a that_o whosoever_o will_v come_v may_v come_v and_o take_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o esay_n 55._o 1._o revel_v 22._o 17._o and_o that_o whosoever_o come_v to_o christ_n he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_n out_o john_n 6._o 37._o by_o which_o word_n come_v i_o understand_v believe_v vers_fw-la 40._o and_o then_o consider_v the_o nature_n of_o the_o covenant_n that_o it_o be_v a_o covenant_n of_o grace_n free_a and_o without_o all_o condition_n on_o the_o creature_n part_n and_o that_o the_o condition_n stand_v only_o between_o god_n and_o christ_n as_o i_o then_o understand_v by_o these_o scripture_n esay_n 53._o 10._o psal_n 89._o through_o these_o consideration_n i_o be_v not_o only_o encourage_v but_o the_o abound_a love_n of_o christ_n do_v compel_v and_o constrain_v i_o to_o cast_v myself_o upon_o he_o for_o life_n and_o salvation_n in_o a_o way_n of_o believe_v and_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o work_v and_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n as_o i_o desire_v never_o to_o forget_v it_o i_o do_v at_o this_o time_n receive_v the_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o believe_v the_o free_a and_o full_a pardon_n of_o all_o my_o sin_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v they_o all_o upon_o christ_n and_o behold_v the_o travel_n of_o his_o soul_n be_v satisfy_v esay_n 53._o 11._o and_o well_o please_v with_o i_o in_o he_o mat._n 3._o 17._o and_o that_o they_o be_v all_o carry_v into_o the_o wilderness_n of_o forgetfulness_n and_o bury_v in_o oblivion_n according_a to_o that_o type_n of_o christ_n levit._n 16._o 21_o 22._o and_o that_o they_o be_v wash_v away_o in_o his_o blood_n revel_v 1._o 5._o and_o that_o god_n will_v remember_v they_o no_o more_o heb._n 8._o 12._o and_o 10._o 17._o these_o scripture_n with_o some_o other_o of_o the_o like_a nature_n be_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n set_v home_o so_o powerful_o upon_o my_o heart_n at_o that_o time_n that_o true_o i_o can_v express_v the_o joyfulness_n and_o sweetness_n of_o my_o condition_n not_o be_v able_a to_o contain_v myself_o from_o call_v to_o other_o to_o tell_v they_o what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n how_o he_o have_v bring_v i_o out_o of_o bondage_n into_o the_o glorious_a liberty_n of_o adoption_n and_o fill_v i_o with_o joy_n and_o peace_n in_o believe_v yea_o with_o joy_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n rom._n 15._o 13._o 1_o pet._n 1._o 8._o and_o i_o remember_v for_o a_o long_a time_n after_o i_o do_v delight_n to_o be_v almost_o continual_o speak_v or_o meditate_v of_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n and_o of_o his_o bounty_n and_o goodness_n to_o poor_a sinner_n and_o to_o i_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n for_o i_o know_v more_o evil_a by_o myself_o than_o i_o do_v by_o any_o other_o yet_o doubtless_o i_o can_v say_v as_o it_o be_v once_o say_v of_o the_o thessalonian_o the_o gosspel_n come_v not_o to_o i_o at_o that_o time_n in_o word_n only_o but_o in_o power_n and_o much_o assurance_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o holy_a ghost_n 1_o thes_n 1._o 5._o and_o whereas_o former_o i_o think_v that_o to_o receive_v such_o a_o principle_n be_v the_o ready_a way_n to_o be_v loose_a and_o carnal_a i_o do_v
believe_v that_o as_o justification_n and_o sanctification_n be_v inseparable_a 2_o thes_n 2._o 13._o and_o that_o as_o one_o end_n of_o christ_n death_n be_v as_o well_o to_o redeem_v his_o people_n from_o all_o iniquity_n and_o the_o power_n of_o sin_n as_o from_o the_o punishment_n of_o sin_n so_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n be_v more_o strong_a and_o able_a to_o keep_v i_o from_o sin_n than_o all_o the_o legal_a band_n and_o slavish_a fear_n in_o the_o world_n tit._n 2._o 11._o and_o though_o possible_o i_o may_v meet_v with_o some_o temptation_n of_o that_o nature_n yet_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o never_o find_v my_o heart_n more_o engage_v for_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o more_o disengage_v from_o sin_n than_o now_o which_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o so_o and_o all_o his_o amen_o some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o three_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v my_o confidence_n in_o my_o former_a condition_n before_o i_o know_v these_o thing_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o person_n may_v be_v very_o confident_a on_o false_a ground_n and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o confidence_n that_o make_v the_o condition_n good_a but_o the_o ground_n of_o it_o for_o though_o still_o i_o say_v i_o be_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o that_o time_n before_o say_v by_o some_o accidental_a or_o providential_a scatter_n of_o the_o seed_n of_o the_o gospel_n yet_o through_o false_a teach_n those_o seed_n be_v so_o bury_v under_o the_o ash_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n that_o there_o be_v a_o great_a power_n require_v to_o blow_v off_o those_o ash_n and_o to_o carry_v on_o that_o work_n than_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v begin_v according_a to_o that_o forementioned_a place_n matth._n 21._o 31._o how_o hard_o then_o must_v it_o need_v be_v to_o begin_v that_o work_n where_o there_o be_v only_o such_o a_o righteousness_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o legal_a righteousness_n where_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n be_v begin_v in_o a_o soul_n be_v a_o great_a obstruction_n to_o the_o carry_v on_o and_o perfect_v of_o that_o work_n second_o concern_v the_o manner_n of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o i_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n which_o be_v at_o this_o time_n by_o read_v as_o indeed_o however_o god_n be_v please_v to_o deal_v with_o other_o yet_o with_o i_o i_o can_v say_v but_o what_o i_o have_v receive_v i_o have_v always_o receive_v by_o and_o through_o some_o mean_n from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v good_a to_o wait_v on_o god_n in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_n for_o though_o the_o holy_a one_o of_o israel_n be_v not_o limit_v yet_o ordinary_o he_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o leave_v no_o ground_n in_o holy_a scripture_n to_o expect_v he_o out_o of_o mean_n three_o concern_v my_o idolize_v those_o forementioned_a minister_n be_v keep_v by_o it_o from_o read_v or_o hear_v any_o other_o doctrine_n but_o they_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o dangerous_a thing_n to_o esteem_v of_o person_n above_o what_o be_v meet_v and_o to_o be_v implicit_o lead_v by_o they_o in_o spiritual_a thing_n four_o concern_v my_o not_o receive_v the_o doctrine_n of_o free_a grace_n for_o fear_n of_o carnal_a liberty_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o such_o as_o be_v ignorant_a of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n be_v subject_a to_o this_o mistake_n to_o think_v it_o the_o way_n to_o sin_n when_o indeed_o there_o be_v no_o true_a holiness_n without_o it_o five_o concern_v its_o be_v so_o hard_o to_o i_o to_o lay_v down_o my_o own_o righteousness_n etc._n etc._n and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v it_o with_o so_o much_o joy_n when_o i_o see_v clear_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n to_o excel_v all_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v a_o very_a hard_a thing_n for_o person_n eminent_a in_o legal_a righteousness_n to_o lay_v it_o down_o and_o submit_v to_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n by_o faith_n yet_o the_o appearance_n of_o the_o transcendent_a excellency_n of_o christ_n righteousness_n will_v make_v they_o do_v it_o with_o joy_n six_o concern_v my_o be_v so_o much_o affect_v with_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n at_o my_o first_o receive_v it_o that_o i_o can_v not_o but_o declare_v it_o to_o other_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o the_o glad_a tiding_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v apply_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n so_o glad_v the_o heart_n that_o when_o the_o soul_n first_o receive_v it_o its_o like_a fire_n that_o can_v be_v hide_v seven_o concern_v the_o effect_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n engage_v i_o more_o to_o himself_o and_o disingage_v i_o more_o from_o sin_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o engagement_n so_o strong_a to_o keep_v the_o soul_n from_o sin_v against_o god_n as_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n nor_o nothing_o more_o endear_v the_o heart_n to_o god_n yet_o doubtless_o where_o there_o be_v nothing_o but_o only_a the_o notion_n of_o it_o there_o be_v the_o great_a advantage_n to_o satan_n that_o can_v be_v and_o usual_o such_o person_n be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o for_o though_o gospel_n bond_n be_v the_o best_a to_o be_v tie_v from_o sin_n by_o yet_o in_o many_o respect_v its_o better_a to_o be_v tie_v by_o legal_a bond_n than_o none_o at_o all_o yet_o for_o saint_n to_o be_v so_o tie_v be_v not_o only_o carnal_a and_o below_o their_o privilege_n but_o a_o great_a dishonour_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o undervalue_v of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n which_o above_o all_o thing_n ought_v to_o be_v exalt_v by_o we_o as_o that_o alone_a by_o which_o we_o be_v true_o exalt_v and_o therefore_o aught_o to_o lie_v as_o the_o strong_a engagement_n on_o saint_n heart_n to_o keep_v they_o from_o sin_n and_o see_v all_o that_o we_o be_v have_v or_o ever_o shall_v have_v as_o to_o happiness_n here_o or_o glory_n hereafter_o be_v all_o of_o grace_n i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o admire_v it_o and_o to_o live_v in_o the_o glory_n of_o it_o by_o faith_n but_o this_o i_o find_v of_o all_o other_o the_o hard_a lesson_n yea_o so_o hard_a that_o unto_o this_o day_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o complain_v of_o a_o unbelieve_a heart_n in_o many_o thing_n and_o i_o have_v often_o experience_v that_o to_o bring_v over_o the_o heart_n to_o believe_v and_o to_o keep_v it_o up_o in_o believe_v be_v no_o less_o than_o the_o mighty_a power_n and_o gift_n of_o god_n john_n 6._o 65._o phil_n 1._o 29._o ephesi_n 1._o 19_o yet_o in_o this_o i_o have_v strong_a consolation_n that_o i_o be_o keep_v by_o his_o power_n 1_o peter_z 1._o 5._o and_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o hebrew_n 13._o 5._o and_o as_o the_o lord_n once_o say_v to_o peter_n though_o satan_n shall_v desire_v to_o winnow_v i_o like_o wheat_n yet_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o i_o and_o my_o faith_n shall_v not_o fail_v and_o though_o the_o very_a reason_n why_o some_o person_n do_v not_o believe_v be_v for_o want_v of_o a_o clear_a understanding_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o general_a tender_n of_o it_o to_o sinner_n yet_o all_o that_o have_v that_o understanding_n do_v not_o believe_v john_n 12._o 17._o there_o be_v some_o who_o heart_n be_v harden_v that_o they_o can_v not_o believe_v and_o act_n 13._o 41._o it_o be_v say_v of_o the_o jew_n they_o shall_v in_o no_o way_n believe_v the_o work_n of_o god_n though_o a_o man_n declare_v it_o to_o they_o that_o be_v to_o say_v though_o they_o do_v understand_v it_o and_o as_o faith_n be_v wrought_v in_o the_o soul_n by_o god_n so_o it_o be_v that_o by_o which_o we_o most_o honour_n he_o and_o without_o which_o it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o faith_n work_v many_o way_n and_o it_o be_v a_o excellent_a thing_n to_o be_v strong_a in_o faith_n as_o we_o may_v see_v in_o those_o worthy_n hebrew_n 11._o it_o be_v the_o very_a life_n of_o saint_n galatian_n 2._o 20._o and_o without_o it_o there_o be_v no_o life_n in_o they_o john_n 6._o 53._o and_o as_o there_o be_v no_o life_n without_o it_o so_o there_o be_v no_o life_n above_o it_o till_o grace_v be_v swallow_v up_o in_o glory_n for_o the_o just_a shall_v live_v by_o faith_n hebrew_n the_o 10._o verse_n 38._o but_o though_o faith_n act_v many_o way_n and_o about_o many_o thing_n yet_o it_o must_v always_o act_v in_o free_a grace_n and_o there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o it_o elsewhere_o for_o when_o we_o go_v to_o exercise_v faith_n out_o of_o free_a grace_n it_o be_v weak_a and_o feeble_a and_o ready_a to_o
be_v turn_v aside_o by_o the_o least_o repulse_n but_o be_v there_o act_v all_o fall_v before_o it_o as_o dagon_n before_o the_o ark_n whether_o sin_n law_n or_o devil_n sin_n fall_v before_o it_o as_o its_o a_o instrument_n or_o mean_n by_o which_o god_n purify_v the_o heart_n act_v 15._o 9_o the_o law_n fall_v before_o it_o as_o it_o take_v the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n by_o which_o it_o be_v perfect_o fulfil_v rom._n 10._o 4._o satan_n fall_v before_o it_o as_o it_o be_v that_o by_o which_o we_o quench_v all_o his_o fiery_a dart_n ephes_n 6._o 16._o and_o as_o in_o this_o way_n i_o do_v at_o first_o receive_v the_o pardon_n of_o sin_n and_o so_o the_o knowledge_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n for_o justification_n redemption_n and_o salvation_n so_o i_o have_v no_o other_o way_n as_o i_o believe_v there_o be_v no_o other_o by_o which_o i_o still_o retain_v those_o glorious_a privilege_n than_o in_o the_o same_o way_n in_o which_o i_o do_v first_o receive_v they_o namely_o through_o grace_n by_o faith_n not_o by_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v in_o i_o or_o do_v by_o i_o not_o by_o act_n of_o obedience_n work_v of_o righteousness_n or_o submission_n to_o ordinance_n all_o which_o be_v too_o low_a and_o too_o little_a to_o keep_v up_o my_o union_n with_o god_n but_o i_o desire_v to_o appear_v in_o these_o as_o they_o be_v command_v by_o god_n and_o as_o they_o be_v fruit_n and_o effect_n of_o faith_n and_o through_o which_o i_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n and_o his_o people_n which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a privilege_n and_o i_o desire_v that_o all_o saint_n may_v so_o esteem_v of_o they_o and_o by_o no_o mean_n slight_v they_o but_o i_o do_v likewise_o desire_v that_o none_o may_v esteem_v of_o they_o above_o what_o be_v meet_a as_o to_o glory_n in_o they_o or_o to_o place_n that_o in_o they_o which_o be_v only_o peculiar_a to_o the_o lord_n jesus_n himself_o who_o be_v our_o all_o in_o all_o colossi_fw-la 3._o 11._o who_o of_o god_n be_v make_v unto_o we_o wisdom_n righteousness_n sanctification_n and_o redemption_n that_o he_o that_o glori_v may_v glory_v in_o the_o lord_n 1_o cor._n 1._o 30_o 31._o and_o doubtless_o it_o be_v a_o great_a abuse_n to_o christ_n and_o ordinance_n to_o glory_n in_o they_o which_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o do_v when_o we_o live_v not_o in_o the_o behold_n of_o he_o through_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n by_o faith_n which_o as_o i_o say_v before_o be_v the_o high_a life_n and_o so_o far_o as_o i_o have_v experience_v the_o excellency_n and_o glory_n of_o it_o i_o can_v say_v with_o the_o apostle_n i_o desire_v to_o know_v nothing_o but_o christ_n and_o he_o crucify_v 1_o cor._n 2._o 2._o and_o god_n forbid_v that_o i_o shall_v glory_v in_o any_o thing_n save_v in_o the_o cross_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n gal._n 1._o 14._o i_o may_v further_o say_v of_o my_o experience_n in_o this_o matter_n as_o david_n of_o the_o sword_n of_o goliath_n there_o be_v none_o like_o it_o 1_o sam._n 21._o 9_o or_o as_o the_o apostle_n say_v to_o the_o corinthian_n that_o though_o they_o have_v ten_o thousand_o instructor_n yet_o not_o many_o father_n so_o though_o i_o have_v ten_o thousand_o experiment_n yet_o i_o have_v none_o like_o this_o for_o all_o must_v centre_n here_o and_o without_o this_o all_o be_v nothing_o and_o herein_o i_o think_v the_o glory_n and_o excellency_n of_o the_o life_n of_o faith_n in_o free_a grace_n do_v much_o appear_v in_o that_o the_o weak_a and_o strong_a christian_a do_v both_o meet_v and_o be_v satisfy_v in_o it_o the_o high_a capacity_n may_v be_v exercise_v in_o learning_n more_o of_o it_o and_o yet_o the_o low_a may_v reach_v it_o so_o as_o to_o live_v and_o have_v strong_a consolation_n in_o it_o and_o fool_n shall_v not_o err_v therein_o isaiah_n the_o 35._o chapter_n verse_n 8._o this_o be_v that_o new_a and_o live_a way_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n hebrew_n ch_n 10._o verse_n 19_o 20._o the_o rich_a and_o high_a favour_n that_o ever_o be_v bestow_v on_o the_o child_n of_o man_n to_o he_o therefore_o be_v glory_n and_o praise_n for_o evermore_o the_o four_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v convince_v and_o bring_v to_o submit_v to_o baptism_n and_o church-fellowship_n command_v by_o christ._n be_v through_o mercy_n now_o well_o satisfy_v in_o point_n of_o justification_n redemption_n and_o salvation_n though_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v to_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v much_o to_o do_v to_o glorify_v god_n in_o relation_n to_o sanctification_n and_o obedience_n but_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o former_a experience_n in_o point_n of_o faith_n i_o be_v very_o ignorant_a of_o baptism_n and_o all_o other_o duty_n and_o ordinance_n relate_v to_o the_o visible_a practice_n of_o believer_n only_o i_o have_v some_o dark_a apprehension_n of_o separation_n and_o a_o church_n way_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o have_v thought_n to_o join_v with_o some_o who_o be_v call_v independent_o but_o consider_v how_o i_o have_v former_o be_v mistake_v about_o thing_n of_o that_o nature_n i_o be_v not_o hasty_a to_o practice_v it_o until_o i_o be_v better_o satisfy_v be_v somewhat_o at_o a_o loss_n about_o it_o then_o after_o some_o time_n i_o hear_v of_o baptism_n though_o i_o have_v no_o acquaintance_n with_o any_o that_o practise_v it_o yet_o know_v there_o be_v such_o do_v occasion_v i_o to_o search_v the_o scripture_n about_o it_o and_o by_o several_a place_n in_o the_o act_n with_o that_o in_o mat._n 28._o 19_o i_o be_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n convince_v that_o baptism_n of_o believer_n be_v a_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n and_o that_o there_o can_v be_v no_o true_a church_n without_o it_o and_o that_o baptise_v of_o infant_n be_v that_o for_o which_o i_o can_v find_v no_o ground_n in_o scripture_n and_o by_o degree_n i_o be_v so_o full_o satisfy_v in_o it_o and_o i_o think_v the_o scripture_n be_v so_o plain_a and_o clear_a for_o it_o that_o i_o do_v much_o wonder_n at_o my_o own_o ignorance_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v a_o professor_n so_o long_o and_o so_o frequent_a in_o read_v scripture_n and_o yet_o ignorant_a of_o that_o which_o be_v so_o plain_o therein_o express_v then_o come_v to_o london_n to_o that_o end_n namely_o to_o be_v instruct_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n more_o perfect_o not_o know_v the_o like_a mean_n else_o where_o i_o go_v many_o time_n to_o hear_v in_o the_o church_n of_o christ_n by_o which_o through_o the_o great_a blessing_n of_o god_n i_o be_v more_o and_o more_o satisfy_v about_o it_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o by_o harken_v to_o the_o delusion_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o satan_n instrument_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o interruption_n and_o temptation_n that_o keep_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n at_o least_o one_o whole_a year_n after_o some_o of_o those_o temptation_n be_v these_o first_o i_o think_v though_o the_o saint_n of_o old_a do_v practice_v these_o thing_n yet_o as_o they_o be_v now_o practise_v it_o be_v some_o kind_n of_o bondage_n and_o below_o the_o privilege_n of_o the_o gospel_n to_o be_v tie_v to_o a_o particular_a people_n especial_o in_o relation_n to_o hear_v for_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v not_o forbear_v hear_v some_o particular_a man_n who_o be_v not_o in_o the_o order_n of_o the_o gospel_n that_o former_o i_o use_v to_o hear_v a_o second_o thing_n that_o hinder_v i_o be_v the_o fail_n and_o miscarriage_n of_o some_o particular_a person_n then_o in_o the_o church_n a_o three_o hindrance_n be_v i_o think_v it_o my_o liberty_n to_o do_v or_o not_o do_v it_o a_o four_o hindrance_n be_v in_o relation_n to_o persecution_n i_o judge_v i_o shall_v not_o be_v fit_a to_o suffer_v for_o it_o though_o a_o truth_n of_o christ_n until_o all_o those_o scruple_n be_v remove_v these_o with_o other_o of_o the_o like_a nature_n be_v the_o groundless_a thought_n that_o keep_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n but_o though_o keep_v back_o by_o these_o for_o a_o time_n yet_o i_o have_v such_o strong_a conviction_n that_o i_o can_v not_o leave_v it_o so_o but_o be_v much_o endeavour_v after_o satisfaction_n and_o in_o the_o use_n of_o mean_n god_n be_v please_v to_o satisfy_v i_o but_o by_o reason_n of_o persecution_n there_o be_v no_o church_n i_o know_v of_o but_o only_o in_o london_n and_o therefore_o i_o can_v not_o immediate_o do_v it_o but_o be_v to_o be_v marry_v soon_o after_o i_o be_v to_o live_v in_o london_n and_o then_o i_o resolve_v to_o submit_v to_o this_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n but_o when_o i_o come_v to_o london_n i_o hear_v all_o kind_n of_o preacher_n one_o of_o which_o preach_v a_o strange_a kind_n of_o doctrine_n much_o notional_a which_o breed_v such_o
as_o 1_o thes_n 5._o 17._o etc._n etc._n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o i_o be_v dissatisfy_v about_o it_o that_o notion_n of_o wait_v carry_v such_o a_o show_n of_o spirituality_n i_o can_v not_o easy_o let_v it_o go_v but_o yet_o this_o trial_n have_v so_o shake_v it_o that_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v it_o and_o also_o those_o other_o notion_n of_o the_o like_a nature_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v we_o safe_a to_o land_n through_o which_o mercy_n i_o have_v some_o little_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v able_a to_o speak_v of_o his_o goodness_n in_o deliver_v we_o from_o that_o danger_n but_o through_o that_o dissatisfaction_n which_o still_o remain_v in_o i_o about_o these_o notion_n it_o be_v interrupt_v again_o and_o my_o beloved_a have_v withdraw_v himself_o and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v not_o know_v where_o to_o rest_v nor_o what_o to_o do_v but_o notwithstanding_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v those_o thing_n from_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o on_o the_o sea_n yet_o i_o be_v more_o incline_v to_o they_o than_o to_o truth_n for_o some_o time_n especial_o to_o that_o of_o prayer_n and_o three_o or_o four_o time_n after_o i_o remember_v in_o discourse_n with_o some_o friend_n i_o do_v a_o little_a plead_v for_o they_o which_o though_o it_o be_v my_o sin_n so_o to_o do_v i_o do_v not_o then_o know_v it_o but_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v as_o simple_o and_o sincere_o aim_v at_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n in_o all_o those_o thing_n as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o any_o thing_n and_o therefore_o though_o satan_n have_v so_o beguile_v i_o yet_o i_o obtain_v mercy_n because_o i_o do_v it_o ignorant_o but_o my_o trouble_n and_o want_v of_o communion_n with_o god_n do_v still_o increase_v insomuch_o that_o i_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o bear_v my_o burden_n and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o my_o husband_n who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n i_o remember_v among_o many_o word_n he_o speak_v some_o be_v to_o this_o purpose_n that_o see_v we_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n and_o at_o such_o a_o loss_n it_o be_v best_a to_o speak_v but_o little_a that_o as_o we_o do_v but_o little_a good_a we_o may_v do_v but_o little_a harm_n which_o i_o do_v well_o approve_v of_o and_o after_o that_o i_o speak_v little_a for_o or_o against_o any_o thing_n till_o i_o be_v better_o satisfy_v then_o be_v so_o true_o in_o a_o day_n of_o adversity_n according_a to_o that_o counsel_n of_o the_o wise_a man_n in_o eccles_n 7._o 14._o i_o sit_v down_o serious_o to_o consider_v what_o may_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o be_v in_o so_o sad_a and_o strange_a a_o condition_n through_o which_o consideration_n by_o degree_n i_o come_v to_o see_v and_o conclude_v that_o certain_o there_o be_v something_o amiss_o in_o my_o judgement_n as_o to_o those_o notion_n begin_v clear_o to_o discern_v they_o do_v so_o oppose_v and_o contradict_v my_o former_a receive_a principle_n that_o they_o can_v not_o stand_v together_o but_o if_o one_o be_v true_a the_o other_o be_v false_a and_o that_o i_o must_v leave_v the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o for_o though_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o new_a i_o can_v never_o full_o quit_v the_o old_a neither_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n then_o i_o be_v restless_a in_o my_o desire_n for_o three_o or_o four_o day_n to_o know_v which_o of_o the_o two_o be_v truth_n oft_o time_n earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v decide_v the_o controversy_n and_o discover_v to_o i_o which_o be_v according_a to_o his_o mind_n and_o which_o not_o be_v full_o satisfy_v that_o but_o one_o of_o they_o can_v be_v truth_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o particular_a examination_n what_o ground_n i_o have_v in_o scripture_n and_o what_o experience_n i_o have_v of_o both_o &_o in_o read_v and_o examine_v my_o scripture-ground_n i_o begin_v to_o discern_v a_o great_a inclination_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o former_a principle_n find_v i_o think_v the_o scripture_n very_o full_a and_o plain_a for_o they_o but_o nothing_o for_o the_o other_o but_o what_o be_v from_o some_o dark_a mysterious_a interpretation_n which_o be_v very_o doubtful_a and_o for_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o do_v remember_v and_o be_v constrain_v to_o acknowledge_v that_o in_o receive_v and_o keep_v close_o to_o the_o fotmer_n i_o have_v joy_n and_o peace_n and_o much_o satisfaction_n and_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o since_o i_o receive_v the_o other_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o it_o be_v hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o and_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o confusion_n and_o distraction_n and_o the_o remembrance_n of_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o upon_o the_o sea_n do_v very_o much_o help_v i_o now_o to_o see_v the_o falsity_n of_o they_o that_o in_o a_o time_n of_o trial_n i_o dare_v not_o stick_v to_o they_o as_o indeed_o i_o plain_o see_v that_o i_o can_v never_o stick_v to_o they_o so_o as_o to_o answer_v they_o full_o in_o my_o practice_n unless_o i_o shall_v have_v lay_v aside_o the_o appearance_n of_o godliness_n &_o have_v be_v very_o profane_a the_o consideration_n of_o which_o with_o some_o other_o evil_a consequence_n which_o i_o see_v clear_o do_v natural_o attend_v those_o thing_n be_v another_o mean_n by_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o from_o they_o and_o to_o discover_v satan_n under_o his_o veil_n to_o i_o how_o by_o these_o thing_n he_o do_v intend_v if_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v he_o to_o have_v strip_v i_o of_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o in_o particular_a as_o to_o that_o of_o be_v save_v by_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o by_o a_o christ_n without_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v quite_o another_o thing_n differ_v from_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o overthrow_v the_o whole_a gospel_n and_o to_o deny_v the_o lord_n that_o buy_v they_o at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o my_o soul_n do_v tremble_v and_o that_o if_o he_o shall_v have_v prevail_v here_o all_o my_o hope_n be_v go_v for_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o rest_v on_o any_o thing_n in_o myself_o as_o a_o ground_n of_o hope_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n concern_v my_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v true_o say_v of_o that_o as_o peter_n do_v john_n 6._o 68_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o whither_o shall_v i_o go_v from_o the_o gospel_n there_o be_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n there_o be_v all_o my_o rest_n and_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n through_o the_o gospel_n and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o stick_v to_o this_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o then_o second_o as_o to_o that_o of_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n to_o pray_v and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o command_n but_o from_o within_o concern_v both_o these_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o according_a to_o his_o mind_n but_o a_o mere_a invention_n of_o satan_n by_o degree_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o slight_v the_o scripture_n and_o command_n of_o god_n and_o to_o expose_v the_o soul_n to_o satan_n deceive_n to_o walk_v by_o the_o imagination_n of_o their_o own_o heart_n instead_o of_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o also_o it_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o great_a uncertainty_n which_o the_o truth_n never_o do_v but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n to_o do_v duty_n in_o obedience_n to_o the_o authority_n and_o command_n of_o god_n in_o scripture_n and_o to_o pray_v at_o all_o time_n as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n have_v receive_v a_o principle_n of_o grace_n by_o which_o we_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o see_v this_o be_v a_o clear_a and_o sound_a truth_n not_o be_v attend_v with_o any_o evil_a consequence_n nor_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o strait_n and_o uncertainty_n but_o rather_o give_v enlargement_n in_o every_o condition_n and_o therefore_o i_o desire_v likewise_o to_o keep_v close_o to_o these_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o but_o oh_o the_o joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o be_v in_o my_o soul_n at_o this_o return_n i_o can_v express_v it_o but_o this_o i_o say_v it_o be_v to_o i_o as_o life_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o as_o i_o be_v blessing_n praise_v and_o magnifi_n the_o lord_n for_o his_o unchangeable_a goodness_n to_o i_o my_o husband_n have_v be_v some_o time_n from_o i_o come_v home_o to_o who_o i_o do_v declare_v my_o
truth_n another_o reason_n why_o many_o saint_n be_v so_o deceive_v in_o those_o day_n as_o i_o apprehend_v be_v that_o they_o be_v but_o new_o come_v to_o the_o faith_n be_v expose_v to_o great_a temptation_n have_v but_o little_a mean_n of_o strength_n against_o they_o it_o may_v be_v far_o from_o a_o church_n or_o else_o in_o a_o church_n where_o be_v false_a teacher_n as_o in_o those_o day_n there_o be_v very_o many_o by_o reason_n of_o which_o many_o be_v deceive_v whereas_o other_o who_o be_v as_o weak_a if_o not_o weak_a be_v in_o church_n where_o there_o be_v sound_a teacher_n be_v keep_v from_o they_o which_o may_v be_v a_o caution_n as_o to_o particular_a person_n to_o take_v heed_n what_o and_o who_o they_o hear_v so_o to_o church_n who_o they_o permit_v to_o be_v teacher_n and_o not_o to_o suffer_v any_o unsound_a doctrine_n to_o be_v teach_v it_o may_v also_o be_v a_o word_n of_o remembrance_n to_o all_o that_o do_v enjoy_v this_o great_a mercy_n to_o have_v sound_a and_o faithful_a teacher_n high_o to_o esteem_v they_o for_o their_o work_n sake_n and_o to_o account_v such_o worthy_a of_o double_a honour_n give_v they_o all_o due_a respect_n and_o encouragement_n that_o they_o may_v do_v their_o work_n with_o joy_n and_o not_o with_o grief_n according_a to_o hebrew_n 13._o 17._o 1_o thessaly_n 5._o 12_o 13._o 1_o timothy_n 5._o 17._o other_o reason_n may_v be_v give_v for_o the_o saint_n mistake_v in_o those_o thing_n but_o i_o shall_v mention_v no_o more_o intend_v only_o my_o own_o experience_n for_o i_o can_v true_o say_v that_o upon_o a_o diligent_a search_n and_o enquiry_n what_o may_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o own_o mistake_n i_o find_v they_o to_o be_v no_o other_o but_o these_o very_a thing_n express_v as_o first_o i_o be_v weak_a in_o principle_n as_o indeed_o i_o have_v never_o be_v under_o much_o mean_n to_o be_v otherwise_o second_o i_o be_o conscious_a to_o myself_o of_o some_o extreme_a in_o mind_v truth_n as_o it_o relate_v to_o the_o inward_a man_n though_o true_o i_o know_v not_o that_o i_o do_v slight_v any_o ordinance_n or_o command_n of_o christ_n but_o that_o i_o do_v rather_o high_o esteem_v of_o they_o but_o not_o to_o lessen_v sin_n it_o be_v possible_a there_o may_v be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n though_o i_o know_v it_o not_o three_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o be_v expose_v to_o great_a temptation_n of_o this_o kind_n have_v little_a mean_n of_o strength_n against_o they_o find_v so_o many_o corrupt_a though_o through_o mercy_n it_o be_v better_a now_o that_o breach_n be_v make_v up_o with_o great_a advantage_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v with_o all_o saint_n to_o praise_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o for_o doubtless_o the_o saint_n advantage_n in_o their_o enlarge_a experience_n and_o confirmation_n in_o the_o truth_n be_v so_o great_a by_o these_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v express_v it_o again_o it_o call_v for_o praise_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v turn_v it_o to_o our_o great_a advantage_n so_o he_o have_v wonderful_o disappoint_v the_o expectation_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o wicked_a man_n who_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v as_o in_o psa_n 35._o 25._o all_o so_o will_v we_o have_v it_o very_o conclude_v that_o though_o they_o can_v not_o suppress_v we_o by_o their_o persecute_v power_n yet_o now_o we_o will_v destroy_v ourselves_o as_o indeed_o we_o may_v have_v so_o do_v have_v not_o the_o lord_n prevent_v and_o we_o may_v say_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n do_v and_o it_o be_v marvellous_a in_o our_o eye_n and_o whereas_o some_o by_o reason_n of_o those_o thing_n have_v be_v ready_a to_o question_v our_o practice_n whether_o it_o be_v of_o god_n let_v they_o know_v that_o there_o be_v no_o ground_n from_o thence_o to_o question_v it_o see_v it_o be_v no_o more_o than_o what_o have_v be_v in_o those_o church_n in_o the_o apostle_n day_n and_o what_o they_o do_v foretell_v shall_v be_v in_o these_o day_n 1_o corinth_n 15._o 12._o 1_o timothy_n 1._o 19_o 2_o timothy_n 2._o 18._o 2_o peter_n 2._o 12._o act_n 20._o 30._o but_o if_o it_o be_v a_o safe_a ground_n to_o judge_v of_o truth_n by_o what_o have_v appear_v in_o relation_n to_o those_o thing_n than_o there_o be_v more_o ground_n of_o confirmation_n that_o what_o we_o practise_v be_v of_o god_n see_v that_o notwithstanding_o those_o thing_n we_o have_v be_v so_o wonderful_o preserve_v as_o we_o be_v unto_o this_o day_n but_o though_o these_o thing_n may_v be_v something_o as_o to_o the_o ignorant_a yet_o yet_o the_o rule_n by_o which_o we_o judge_v of_o our_o practice_n be_v only_o as_o it_o have_v its_o ground_n and_o rise_v in_o holy_a scripture_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o apostle_n and_o prophet_n jesus_n christ_n himself_o be_v the_o chief_a corner_n stone_n therefore_o it_o have_v never_o be_v any_o scruple_n at_o all_o to_o i_o for_o though_o some_o have_v deny_v the_o church_n and_o turn_v their_o ear_n from_o hear_v the_o truth_n and_o have_v turn_v to_o fable_n yet_o the_o church_n and_o truth_n be_v the_o same_o as_o god_n be_v the_o same_o now_o as_o for_o the_o ground_n or_o reason_n why_o some_o of_o the_o saint_n themselves_o have_v so_o do_v i_o shall_v say_v nothing_o because_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o intend_v no_o more_o but_o my_o own_o experience_n and_o through_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n i_o be_v never_o so_o far_o corrupt_v as_o to_o question_v either_o the_o scripture_n church_n or_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n much_o less_o to_o withdraw_v from_o they_o or_o to_o give_v any_o just_a occasion_n to_o be_v withdraw_v from_o by_o they_o yet_o notwithstanding_o i_o do_v not_o in_o the_o least_o question_n the_o reality_n of_o those_o poor_a soul_n who_o have_v be_v so_o far_o overcome_v and_o be_v through_o mercy_n again_o return_v and_o as_o for_o such_o as_o never_o return_v i_o shall_v leave_v they_o to_o be_v judge_v by_o the_o lord_n who_o only_o be_v the_o judge_n of_o those_o that_o be_v without_o 1_o cor._n 5._o 13._o have_v thus_o far_o consider_v of_o these_o allegorical_a notion_n how_o they_o be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o error_n and_o the_o great_a mystery_n of_o iniquity_n in_o that_o they_o be_v more_o deceive_a than_o other_o promise_v the_o great_a good_a but_o lead_v direct_o to_o the_o great_a evil_n and_o have_v give_v some_o reason_n as_o i_o judge_v why_o the_o saint_n in_o these_o day_n have_v be_v so_o general_o deceive_v by_o they_o i_o shall_v further_o proceed_v to_o consider_v what_o may_v be_v the_o end_n of_o god_n in_o permit_v it_o so_o to_o be_v first_o i_o conceive_v it_o may_v be_v in_o general_a that_o such_o as_o be_v approve_v may_v be_v make_v manifest_a agreeable_a to_o 1_o cor._n 11._o 9_o which_o according_o have_v be_v many_o by_o those_o thing_n be_v make_v manifest_a to_o be_v approve_v though_o other_o that_o be_v not_o have_v appear_v to_o be_v what_o they_o be_v but_o second_o and_o more_o particular_o i_o believe_v the_o lord_n have_v many_o good_a end_n in_o it_o both_o in_o relation_n to_o himself_o in_o relation_n to_o they_o and_o in_o relation_n to_o other_o of_o his_o people_n it_o may_v be_v some_o that_o be_v yet_o unborn_a first_o in_o relation_n to_o himself_o for_o the_o exaltation_n of_o his_o praise_n that_o when_o they_o shall_v come_v to_o see_v how_o great_a their_o deliverance_n be_v and_o what_o a_o addition_n to_o all_o their_o former_a mercy_n they_o may_v admire_v his_o goodness_n and_o break_v forth_o into_o the_o high_a praise_n of_o his_o name_n and_o that_o all_o the_o day_n of_o their_o life_n when_o this_o mercy_n come_v into_o their_o thought_n for_o my_o own_o particular_a i_o can_v true_o say_v that_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o i_o in_o relation_n to_o those_o thing_n i_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o the_o great_a mercy_n that_o ever_o i_o receive_v from_o the_o lord_n next_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n through_o the_o gospel_n but_o second_o in_o relation_n to_o they_o so_o deceive_v that_o they_o shall_v have_v enlarge_v experience_n of_o the_o fullness_n of_o god_n and_o of_o their_o own_o nothingness_n and_o of_o the_o sweetness_n and_o excellency_n of_o truth_n above_o error_n how_o it_o do_v excel_v it_o as_o far_o as_o light_n excel_v darkness_n and_o live_v more_o upon_o god_n and_o less_o upon_o themselves_o in_o faith_n and_o humility_n and_o in_o the_o increase_n of_o all_o grace_n in_o more_o cleverness_n of_o understanding_n and_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n for_o doubtless_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n who_o have_v promise_v to_o do_v his_o people_n good_a by_o every_o thing_n they_o do_v gain_v by_o it_o in_o all_o these_o in_o some_o measure_n
for_o my_o own_o particular_a i_o must_v needs_o say_v though_o i_o be_o still_o but_o weak_a yet_o through_o mercy_n my_o gain_n by_o those_o thing_n be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o will_v not_o be_v without_o it_o though_o i_o desire_v not_o to_o purchase_v any_o more_o at_o that_o rate_n three_o in_o relation_n to_o other_o that_o through_o their_o experience_n they_o may_v be_v the_o more_o able_a to_o forewarn_v other_o who_o may_v meet_v with_o the_o like_a temptation_n for_o certain_o have_v the_o saint_n in_o those_o day_n have_v that_o experience_n of_o satan_n working_n in_o that_o nature_n which_o now_o they_o have_v and_o have_v the_o mouth_n of_o truth_n be_v so_o open_a against_o it_o as_o it_o be_v at_o this_o day_n it_o will_v doubtless_o have_v prevent_v much_o and_o therefore_o by_o the_o way_n i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v it_o will_v be_v a_o great_a aggravation_n of_o sin_n for_o any_o to_o be_v take_v or_o hold_v by_o those_o thing_n when_o there_o be_v so_o much_o mean_n to_o avoid_v they_o as_o through_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n there_o be_v in_o these_o day_n almost_o in_o every_o place_n now_o the_o lord_n have_v these_o and_o other_o such_o like_a end_n in_o permit_v those_o thing_n i_o desire_v that_o myself_o with_o other_o who_o have_v experience_v they_o in_o any_o measure_n may_v be_v careful_a to_o answer_v those_o end_n for_o doubtless_o if_o our_o deliverance_n be_v of_o god_n and_o that_o we_o be_v clear_o bring_v off_o from_o those_o confusion_n we_o shall_v answer_v all_o those_o end_n of_o god_n in_o some_o measure_n in_o the_o next_o place_n as_o to_o the_o way_n and_o mean_n by_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o recover_v his_o people_n from_o these_o thing_n i_o shall_v say_v little_a because_o i_o believe_v it_o have_v be_v various_a some_o by_o one_o mean_n some_o by_o another_o as_o they_o be_v in_o various_a condition_n for_o my_o own_o particular_a i_o have_v declare_v at_o large_a how_o it_o be_v with_o i_o only_o these_o general_n head_n i_o shall_v again_o remind_v first_o i_o be_v bring_v into_o great_a strait_n and_o much_o confusion_n in_o judgement_n second_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o withdraw_v his_o presence_n from_o i_o three_o be_v sensible_a of_o that_o confusion_n and_o want_v of_o communion_n with_o god_n i_o be_v put_v upon_o enquiry_n into_o my_o own_o heart_n what_o may_v be_v the_o reason_n of_o it_o four_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o make_v i_o willing_a to_o be_v inform_v and_o to_o examine_v thing_n by_o the_o scripture_n five_o he_o be_v please_v to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n with_o much_o earnestness_n to_o seek_v to_o he_o by_o prayer_n which_o through_o great_a mercy_n be_v large_o answer_v and_o thus_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o by_o what_o i_o have_v write_v it_o will_v appear_v that_o i_o have_v not_o without_o good_a ground_n both_o from_o scripture_n and_o experience_n judge_v those_o thing_n to_o be_v the_o greated_a mystery_n of_o iniquity_n and_o the_o most_o dangerous_a and_o worst_a of_o all_o error_n and_o here_o i_o can_v but_o mind_v something_o further_o as_o to_o the_o continuation_n of_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v as_o they_o be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o so_o their_o time_n be_v short_a for_o according_a to_o my_o most_o serious_a observation_n wherever_o they_o come_v and_o where_o they_o continue_v long_a their_o rise_n reign_n and_o ruin_n be_v all_o accomplish_a in_o a_o few_o year_n for_o in_o a_o short_a time_n general_o person_n have_v be_v so_o confound_v that_o they_o have_v either_o come_v to_o see_v themselves_o delude_v and_o so_o have_v turn_v from_o they_o or_o else_o they_o have_v run_v to_o absolute_a atheism_n and_o so_o end_v there_o i_o shall_v now_o only_o answer_v one_o objection_n as_o to_o my_o own_o experience_n and_o so_o end_v this_o discourse_n some_o have_v say_v that_o i_o can_v judge_v of_o these_o thing_n by_o experience_n because_o according_a to_o what_o i_o have_v declare_v i_o never_o have_v but_o little_a experience_n of_o they_o but_o only_o in_o three_o or_o four_o thing_n and_o those_o i_o can_v never_o full_o come_v up_o to_o neither_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_v neither_o can_v i_o leave_v these_o outward_a thing_n which_o all_o must_v leave_v before_o they_o can_v see_v the_o glory_n of_o the_o inward_a and_o those_o that_o have_v not_o put_v themselves_o on_o such_o thing_n but_o be_v lead_v to_o they_o by_o the_o father_n have_v and_o do_v see_v that_o glory_n this_o objection_n have_v specious_a word_n but_o weigh_v in_o the_o balance_n of_o the_o sanctuary_n will_v be_v find_v light_a than_o vanity_n with_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o like_a nature_n which_o i_o hope_v be_v already_o make_v manifest_a only_o i_o shall_v add_v a_o few_o word_n by_o way_n of_o answer_n first_o for_o my_o experience_n as_o to_o myself_o in_o particular_a i_o confess_v through_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n it_o be_v far_o short_a of_o that_o which_o many_o precious_a one_o in_o those_o day_n fall_v into_o yet_o i_o can_v true_o say_v it_o be_v so_o much_o as_o do_v clear_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o nature_n and_o tendency_n of_o they_o all_o to_o be_v so_o vile_a that_o i_o i_o do_v not_o know_v any_o thing_n that_o ever_o i_o do_v since_o i_o know_v god_n that_o i_o can_v own_v with_o more_o shame_n to_o myself_o than_o those_o thing_n second_o for_o my_o experience_n as_o to_o other_o i_o have_v see_v and_o know_v that_o sufficient_o to_o satisfy_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o such_o glory_n in_o they_o but_o a_o mere_a delusion_n but_o i_o desire_v to_o judge_v by_o experience_n no_o otherwise_o than_o as_o it_o have_v relation_n to_o the_o holy_a scripture_n for_o though_o i_o do_v very_o high_o esteem_v of_o christian_a experience_n as_o to_o the_o operation_n and_o effect_n of_o truth_n in_o the_o soul_n as_o indeed_o it_o be_v the_o very_a life_n of_o christianity_n yet_o as_o to_o rule_v i_o value_v one_o word_n of_o scripture_n more_o than_o all_o experience_n and_o i_o be_o sure_a the_o scripture_n will_v not_o own_v they_o which_o be_v the_o rule_n and_o touchstone_n by_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o try_v and_o judge_v all_o thing_n for_o that_o which_o the_o scripture_n set_v up_o they_o throw_v down_o and_o that_o which_o the_o scripture_n forbid_v they_o set_v up_o for_o instance_n the_o scripture_n exalt_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o all_o his_o action_n office_n and_o ordinance_n they_o set_v up_o something_o else_o in_o opposition_n to_o this_o calling_z it_o fleshly_a carnal_a and_o outward_a thing_n and_o for_o the_o father_n lead_v person_n to_o they_o which_o word_n carry_v indeed_o a_o seem_a show_n of_o excellency_n but_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a delusion_n there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n for_o the_o father_n and_o christ_n be_v one_o and_o what_o be_v appoint_v by_o christ_n be_v appoint_v by_o the_o father_n john_n 10._o 3._o &_o 14._o 24._o and_o he_o do_v not_o lead_v 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i_o conceive_v may_v be_v three_o 1._o moral_a 2._o legal_a 3._o gospel_n by_o moral_a i_o mean_v such_o as_o be_v from_o moral_a dictate_v mere_o from_o nature_n civility_n breed_v or_o education_n by_o legal_a i_o mean_v such_o as_o be_v from_o legal_a dictate_v mere_o from_o fear_n of_o wrath_n without_o any_o clear_a apprehension_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n but_o here_o i_o desire_v to_o be_v very_o tender_a judge_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a there_o may_v be_v some_o seed_n of_o the_o gospel_n sow_v in_o such_o heart_n by_o which_o those_o qualification_n may_v be_v wrought_v though_o as_o yet_o it_o may_v not_o appear_v neither_o to_o themselves_o nor_o other_o that_o they_o have_v receive_v