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that_o i_o be_v grow_v more_o calm_a under_o the_o lord_n be_v mighty_a hand_n and_o the_o loss_n of_o a_o dear_a wife_n but_o yet_o too_o full_a of_o miserable_a complaint_n and_o quarrel_v thought_n against_o my_o maker_n the_o lord_n forgive_v i_o and_o compose_v i_o for_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o sabbath_n follow_v june_n 6._o this_o day_n be_v a_o very_a comfortable_a sabbath_n with_o reference_n to_o my_o enjoyment_n but_o the_o want_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n occasion_v flood_n of_o tear_n and_o violent_a passion_n the_o lord_n pardon_v my_o tumultuous_a thought_n and_o in_o the_o multitude_n of_o my_o thought_n within_o i_o let_v his_o comfort_n more_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n june_n 7._o this_o day_n my_o dear_a wife_n be_v inter_v at_o crich_n where_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v so_o to_o order_v it_o i_o desire_v and_o intend_v to_o lie_v by_o she_o the_o lord_n pardon_v sin_n while_o i_o have_v she_o and_o such_o as_o i_o have_v be_v most_o guilty_a of_o since_o i_o part_v 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summer_n o_o that_o as_o ever_o i_o desire_v the_o lord_n shall_v not_o go_v on_o in_o this_o way_n i_o may_v better_o improve_v this_o dispensation_n several_a letter_n i_o receive_v from_o friend_n hearty_o sympathize_v with_o i_o in_o my_o trouble_n take_v the_o copy_n of_o some_o of_o they_o as_o follows_z a_o letter_n from_o mr._n j._n r._n date_a june_n 4_o 1686._o dear_a sir_n by_o a_o letter_n i_o receive_v yesterday_o from_o mr._n coat_n i_o perceive_v the_o letter_n i_o send_v you_o in_o town_n on_o monday_n night_n be_v like_o job_n messenger_n one_o bring_v you_o sad_a the_o other_o sad_a news_n but_o i_o hope_v you_o receive_v the_o news_n with_o job_n temper_n or_o mind_n viz._n the_o lord_n give_v and_o the_o lord_n have_v take_v away_o bless_a be_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o god_n have_v take_v away_o the_o delight_n of_o your_o eye_n and_o remove_v she_o out_o of_o sight_n she_o be_v in_o a_o state_n of_o rest_n and_o you_o must_v behold_v she_o no_o more_o among_o the_o inhabitant_n of_o the_o world_n this_o must_v needs_o be_v a_o press_a affliction_n to_o lose_v so_o near_o so_o dear_a and_o so_o pious_a a_o companion_n and_o that_o which_o aggravate_v the_o affliction_n be_v that_o she_o be_v take_v away_o in_o your_o absence_n so_o sudden_o and_o so_o unexpected_o but_o dear_a sir_n though_o god_n have_v cross_v your_o will_n herein_o yet_o i_o hope_v a_o tumult_n do_v not_o arise_v your_o passion_n and_o affection_n be_v not_o in_o a_o uproar_n why_o shall_v not_o god_n take_v away_o his_o own_o in_o his_o own_o time_n way_n and_o manner_n but_o sir_n i_o be_o not_o to_o teach_v you_o god_n have_v rare_o qualify_v you_o with_o the_o grace_n of_o his_o holy_a spirit_n so_o that_o you_o know_v how_o to_o receive_v and_o how_o to_o resign_v a_o mercy_n you_o know_v how_o to_o add_v to_o faith_n patience_n as_o you_o late_o hear_v there_o be_v a_o animal_n life_n of_o a_o soul_n void_a of_o grace_n accommodate_v itself_o to_o the_o interest_n of_o the_o flesh_n to_o all_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v grateful_a to_o sense_n but_o then_o there_o be_v a_o spiritual_a life_n which_o be_v a_o principle_n enable_v a_o soul_n to_o bear_v up_o when_o god_n take_v away_o our_o great_a comfort_n such_o a_o principle_n there_o be_v in_o you_o all_o i_o have_v to_o do_v be_v to_o sympathize_v with_o you_o and_o to_o pray_v that_o god_n will_v afford_v you_o more_o of_o the_o assistance_n of_o his_o holy_a spirit_n that_o you_o may_v exert_v that_o principle_n now_o at_o this_o time_n under_o this_o loss_n the_o truth_n be_v it_o be_v one_o of_o the_o most_o lovely_a sight_n in_o the_o world_n to_o see_v a_o christian_a act_v faith_n patience_n humility_n submission_n resignation_n etc._n etc._n in_o time_n of_o affliction_n this_o make_v the_o world_n say_v that_o there_o be_v something_o more_o in_o religion_n than_o talk_v but_o as_o i_o say_v i_o be_o not_o to_o teach_v you_o you_o have_v the_o teach_n of_o the_o spirit_n which_o will_v enable_v you_o to_o improve_v this_o loss_n to_o better_a gain_n the_o lord_n sit_v we_o all_o for_o our_o last_o and_o great_a change_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o our_o private_a loss_n let_v we_o remember_v the_o affliction_n of_o zion_n now_o sit_v in_o the_o dust_n so_o pray_v your_o sympathize_v friend_n and_o humble_a servant_n j._n r._n i_o hope_v you_o will_v return_v up_o again_o after_o some_o day_n i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v convenient_a to_o divert_v yourself_o with_o your_o friend_n here_o some_o time_n after_o you_o have_v perform_v the_o last_o office_n of_o love_n to_o your_o yokefellow_n etc._n etc._n a_o copy_n of_o a_o letter_n from_o cos_n m._n s._n date_a
there_o be_v a_o conventicle_n that_o night_n there_o be_v so_o many_o dissenter_n about_o the_o fire_n how_o reproachful_o so_o ever_o these_o may_v speak_v i_o believe_v mr._n mayor_n than_o parker_n at_o hencross_n be_v more_o serious_a when_o he_o tell_v i_o the_o town_n of_o nottingham_n be_v much_o behold_v to_o our_o conventicle_n for_o the_o timely_a stop_n of_o those_o flame_n 12._o the_o 3d_o of_o december_n 1685._o this_o night_n through_o extraordinary_a drowsiness_n at_o family-prayer_n i_o sleep_v 2_o or_o 3_o time_n and_o awake_v again_o do_v not_o use_v the_o best_a mean_n i_o can_v and_o shall_v of_o stand_v up_o to_o prevent_v the_o drowsiness_n i_o hope_v may_v go_v off_o without_o it_o upon_o which_o be_v drop_v again_o asleep_a to_o my_o apprehension_n something_o give_v i_o a_o great_a blow_n upon_o the_o middle_a of_o my_o back_n which_o present_o awake_v i_o in_o a_o fright_a which_o i_o do_v real_o feel_v pain_n i_o some_o minute_n after_o i_o be_v awaken_v i_o have_v purpose_v upon_o it_o and_o hope_v through_o grace_n to_o perform_v it_o to_o be_v always_o more_o watchful_a for_o the_o future_a against_o such_o a_o sin_n this_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n another_o providence_n of_o like_a nature_n my_o elder_a brother_n be_v to_o repeat_v a_o lecture-sermon_n one_o night_n in_o my_o father_n family_n i_o be_v then_o very_o young_a and_o not_o like_v that_o work_n cry_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o to_o have_v my_o brother_n with_o i_o in_o which_o after_o some_o repulse_n i_o be_v gratify_v in_o my_o desire_n to_o our_o chamber_n we_o go_v and_o into_o bed_n i_o get_v but_o before_o i_o can_v drop_v asleep_a i_o feel_v the_o bottom_n of_o the_o bedclothe_n lift_v up_o where_o present_o something_o pull_v i_o by_o the_o toe_n but_o nothing_o there_o be_v to_o be_v see_v this_o affright_a i_o exceed_o and_o though_o young_a i_o can_v conclude_v it_o a_o rebuke_n to_o i_o for_o hinder_v that_o pious_a exercise_n of_o repetition_n and_o dare_v never_o do_v it_o after_o some_o good_a say_n of_o good_a man_n i_o find_v collect_v in_o my_o diary_n out_o of_o sermon_n i_o have_v hear_v viz._n 1._o there_o be_v few_o if_o any_o who_o joy_n in_o a_o comfortable_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v not_o sometime_o cloud_v with_o sorrow_n 2._o where_o the_o minister_n work_n end_v there_o the_o hearer_n begin_v 3._o it_o show_v but_o little_a love_n to_o god_n in_o duty_n when_o we_o come_v with_o unwillingness_n stay_v with_o weariness_n and_o go_v away_o with_o gladness_n 4._o a_o man_n may_v be_v fat_a in_o gift_n yet_o lean_a in_o grace_n 5._o in_o the_o want_n of_o all_o thing_n we_o may_v taste_v and_o see_v how_o sweet_a the_o lord_n be_v 6._o it_o be_v comfortable_a music_n to_o hear_v the_o bird_n in_o the_o breast_n sing_v whatever_o we_o suffer_v for_o it_o 7._o that_o repentance_n be_v seldom_o true-hearted_a that_o be_v gray-headed_a 8._o let_v our_o thirst_n to_o worldly_a thing_n be_v cold_a to_o heavenly_a thing_n inflame_v 9_o it_o be_v easy_a for_o man_n to_o fly_v from_o duty_n but_o impossible_a to_o avoid_v their_o account_n 10._o accustom_v thyself_o to_o duty_n but_o do_v not_o duty_n customary_o 11._o entertain_v none_o in_o your_o house_n that_o shut_v god_n out_o of_o their_o heart_n 12._o associate_v not_o yourselves_o with_o those_o as_o friend_n that_o be_v god_n enemy_n 13._o they_o can_v be_v true_a to_o man_n that_o be_v false_a to_o god_n 14._o dare_v not_o to_o decline_v duty_n to_o preserve_v liberty_n 15._o let_v the_o present_a day_n be_v practice_n be_v still_o the_o mend_v of_o the_o past_a day_n be_v error_n 16._o i_o fear_v my_o duty_n more_o than_o my_o sin_n duty_n lift_v i_o up_o but_o my_o sin_n humble_v i_o 17._o it_o be_v well_o if_o rome_n relic_n among_o we_o do_v not_o keep_v possession_n for_o popery_n 18._o give_v not_o way_n to_o sleep_v any_o night_n till_o thou_o have_v particular_o inquire_v into_o thy_o carriage_n the_o day_n past_a 19_o family-passion_n cloud_n faith_n disturb_v duty_n and_o darken_v comfort_n 20._o he_o never_o want_v comfort_n that_o live_v content_a 21._o that_o man_n never_o want_v his_o own_o will_n that_o make_v god_n will_n his_o 22._o they_o need_v not_o drink_v of_o another_o bucket_n that_o have_v the_o fountain_n nor_o use_v stilt_n and_o crutch_n that_o have_v spiritual_a strength_n 23._o let_v parent_n and_o governor_n by_o their_o example_n endeavour_v to_o influence_n child_n and_o servant_n into_o a_o good_a practice_n 24._o sanctify_a trouble_n be_v token_n of_o special_a love_n 25._o if_o your_o house_n be_v not_o nursery_n for_o heaven_n they_o will_v be_v breed_v place_n for_o hell_n 26._o whatever_o evil_a we_o will_v reprove_v in_o another_o we_o must_v be_v double_o watchful_a against_o it_o ourselves_o 27._o early_o beginning_n in_o goodness_n make_v a_o easy_a deathbed_n 28._o put_v not_o that_o of_o to_o last_v that_o can_v be_v do_v too_o soon_o 29._o we_o have_v no_o more_o to_o live_v upon_o to_o eternity_n than_o what_o we_o lie_v up_o in_o time_n 30._o it_o be_v better_a to_o be_v reproach_v for_o be_v too_o soon_o than_o damn_v for_o be_v too_o late_o in_o heaven_n way_n 31._o good_a family_n make_v good_a church_n and_o good_a education_n good_a family_n 32._o the_o content_a man_n be_v never_o poor_a let_v he_o have_v never_o so_o little_a and_o the_o discontent_a man_n never_o rich_a let_v he_o have_v never_o so_o much_o 33._o there_o be_v two_o jubilee_n keep_v in_o heaven_n one_o at_o the_o conversion_n of_o a_o sinner_n on_o earth_n the_o other_o at_o his_o glorification_n in_o heaven_n 34._o bad_a time_n to_o live_v in_o be_v good_a time_n to_o die_v in_o 35._o affliction_n be_v hard_a meat_n but_o patience_n a_o good_a digester_n 36._o the_o best_a trial_n of_o our_o spiritual_a estate_n be_v by_o the_o tenure_n of_o our_o action_n not_o by_o this_o or_o that_o particular_a action_n 37._o though_o a_o sincere_a christian_a will_v not_o overtake_v a_o sin_n yet_o the_o most_o sincere_a may_v be_v overtake_v with_o a_o sin_n 38._o sad_n conclusion_n may_v be_v draw_v against_o eminent_a saint_n if_o some_o particular_a action_n be_v a_o rule_n to_o judge_v by_o 39_o it_o be_v good_a to_o be_v as_o charitable_a to_o other_o as_o ordinary_o we_o be_v partial_a to_o ourselves_o 40._o the_o best_a of_o saint_n will_v never_o arrive_v at_o assurance_n if_o it_o do_v not_o consist_v with_o many_o imperfection_n 41._o a_o sanctify_a cross_n have_v more_o of_o mercy_n in_o it_o than_o a_o unsanctified_a comfort_n 42._o the_o company_n a_o man_n keep_v be_v a_o commentary_n upon_o his_o life_n 43._o persecute_a godliness_n be_v far_o more_o eligible_a than_o prosperous_a profaneness_n 44._o it_o be_v the_o very_a nature_n of_o true_a faith_n to_o make_v future_a thing_n present_v 45._o it_o be_v very_o difficult_a for_o one_o to_o be_v angry_a and_o not_o sin_n and_o very_o dangerous_a to_o sin_n in_o be_v angry_a 46._o it_o be_v good_a scripture-logick_n to_o draw_v conclusion_n of_o confidence_n from_o premise_n of_o experience_n 47._o the_o poor_a in_o the_o world_n have_v more_o than_o he_o have_v when_o he_o come_v into_o the_o world_n and_o more_o than_o he_o can_v carry_v out_o when_o he_o leave_v the_o world_n 48._o duty_n rest_v in_o as_o well_o as_o sin_n unrepented_a of_o be_v dangerous_a 49._o if_o mercy_n be_v not_o a_o loadstone_n to_o draw_v we_o near_o to_o god_n it_o will_v be_v a_o millstone_n to_o sink_v we_o deep_o into_o hell_n 50._o it_o be_v sad_a to_o lose_v good_a man_n in_o the_o best_a time_n but_o look_v like_o a_o judgement_n to_o lose_v they_o in_o the_o worst_a the_o surviving_n advice_n of_o a_o decease_a husband_n to_o a_o survive_v wife_n or_o a_o call_v from_o the_o dead_a to_o the_o live_n write_a january_n the_o 30_o 168_o and_o intend_v for_o my_o dear_a wife_n perusal_n if_o it_o shall_v please_v the_o lord_n she_o survive_v me._n note_v this_o be_v write_v some_o time_n before_o the_o death_n of_o his_o former_a wife_n dear_a on_o earth_n i_o have_v of_o some_o late_a month_n be_v employ_v in_o set_v not_o only_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o account_v my_o great_a work_n but_o my_o house_n in_o order_n which_o i_o judge_v likewise_o absolute_o necessary_a in_o order_n to_o my_o great_a change_n i_o can_v not_o but_o leave_v a_o few_o line_n of_o advice_n to_o thou_o my_o best_a friend_n on_o earth_n which_o whilst_o i_o live_v i_o hope_v to_o follow_v with_o my_o prayer_n to_o the_o great_a god_n and_o our_o heavenly_a father_n for_o his_o blessing_n upon_o this_o i_o be_v the_o rather_o induce_v to_o do_v now_o when_o through_o mercy_n in_o perfect_a health_n that_o i_o may_v
have_v do_v great_a thing_n for_o we_o of_o which_o we_o be_v glad_a o_o that_o we_o will_v put_v on_o all_o the_o strength_n we_o have_v and_o put_v it_o forth_o and_o go_v to_o god_n for_o more_o and_o be_v exalt_v in_o our_o desire_n and_o zeal_n and_o endeavour_n and_o do_v to_o our_o utmost_a for_o god_n o_o that_o all_o those_o who_o name_n the_o name_n of_o christ_n will_v part_v from_o iniquity_n and_o labour_n to_o stand_v complete_a in_o the_o will_n of_o god_n fill_v up_o their_o day_n and_o place_n and_o relation_n with_o duty_n and_o lead_v such_o unblameable_a and_o exemplary_a life_n as_o may_v condemn_v the_o wicked_a world_n and_o be_v expressive_a of_o god_n and_o show_v forth_o the_o virtue_n of_o he_o that_o have_v call_v they_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o his_o marvellous_a light_n o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v the_o church_n the_o lamb_n wife_n in_o her_o bravery_n in_o her_o garment_n of_o wrought_a gold_n as_o a_o bride_n make_v ready_a for_o her_o husband_n and_o so_o the_o beauty_n of_o the_o lord_n our_o god_n upon_o all_o those_o who_o own_v themselves_o his_o child_n beget_v to_o he_o by_o the_o gospel_n reader_n the_o worthy_a author_n of_o this_o small_a piece_n which_o be_v noâ—_n put_v into_o thy_o hand_n by_o a_o hand_n of_o love_n be_v one_o of_o my_o intimate_a acquaintance_n a_o gentleman_n yea_o and_o more_o than_o so_o a_o godly_a man_n a_o man_n in_o christ_n of_o a_o worshipful_a family_n and_o which_o be_v yet_o more_o of_o the_o household_n of_o faith_n one_o that_o can_v fetch_v hiâ—_n pedigree_n from_o heaven_n and_o call_v god_n father_n he_o have_v a_o good_a temporal_a estate_n the_o câ—…ouâ—s_n of_o this_o life_n have_v be_v boâ—…fully_o dealâ—â—ut_o to_o he_o but_o he_o do_v not_o take_v up_o with_o they_o nor_o value_v himself_o by_o they_o for_o he_o be_v rich_a towards_o god_n rich_a in_o faith_n and_o good_a work_n after_o many_o trouble_n which_o he_o meet_v with_o divers_a toss_n and_o tumbling_n which_o disturb_v that_o sweet_a repose_n he_o otherwise_o will_v glad_o have_v take_v he_o do_v by_o the_o good_a hand_n of_o god_n upon_o he_o fix_v in_o this_o city_n where_o he_o have_v a_o comfortable_a enjoyment_n of_o himself_o sit_v with_o great_a delight_n under_o the_o refresh_a shadow_n of_o his_o dear_a lord_n in_o the_o most_o precious_a ordinance_n of_o the_o gospel_n it_o please_v god_n after_o a_o considerable_a time_n to_o direct_v and_o incline_v his_o heart_n to_o join_v himself_o to_o that_o flock_n of_o christ_n over_o which_o the_o holy_a ghost_n have_v make_v i_o overseer_n in_o which_o he_o be_v very_o eminent_a for_o his_o constant_a attendance_n and_o serious_a attention_n and_o great_a affection_n he_o take_v the_o sermon_n deliver_v verbatim_o read_v they_o to_o his_o wife_n and_o family_n when_o he_o come_v home_o and_o several_a of_o they_o he_o write_v out_o in_o a_o very_a fair_a hand_n that_o he_o may_v leave_v they_o behind_o he_o for_o the_o benefit_n of_o other_o he_o be_v a_o humble_a and_o holy_a christian_a no_o busy-body_n not_o captious_a nor_o quarrelsome_a a_o companion_n of_o all_o those_o that_o fear_v god_n for_o in_o they_o be_v all_o his_o delight_n as_o the_o excellent_a one_o of_o the_o earth_n most_o willing_a to_o condescend_v to_o and_o be_v familiar_a with_o person_n of_o low_a degree_n not_o value_v any_o so_o much_o by_o what_o they_o have_v of_o the_o world_n as_o by_o the_o relation_n in_o which_o they_o stand_v to_o christ_n and_o by_o the_o spirit_n grace_n and_o disposition_n of_o christ_n which_o discover_v itself_o in_o they_o he_o be_v no_o fashion-monger_n genteel_a but_o not_o gaudy_n neat_n but_o modest_a and_o sober_a so_o adorn_v himself_o as_o that_o he_o may_v adorn_v the_o doctrine_n of_o his_o god_n and_o saviour_n put_v on_o christ_n and_o mercy_n and_o bowel_n and_o over_o all_o humility_n that_o be_v the_o upper_a garment_n through_o which_o the_o rest_n be_v see_v be_v immovable_o resolve_v to_o keep_v the_o commandment_n of_o god_n he_o bid_v evil-doer_n depart_v from_o he_o and_o be_v a_o companion_n of_o they_o that_o will_v walk_v with_o he_o in_o the_o way_n everlasting_a they_o and_o none_o but_o they_o be_v the_o man_n of_o his_o choice_n when_o our_o public_a liberty_n be_v by_o our_o good_a god_n gracious_o give_v we_o after_o very_o long_a and_o furious_a storm_n have_v be_v upon_o we_o he_o soon_o make_v choice_n of_o i_o for_o his_o pastor_n and_o that_o flock_v of_o christ_n which_o i_o be_o appoint_v to_o water_n and_o lead_v into_o green_a pasture_n and_o by_o the_o still_a water_n he_o do_v as_o i_o say_v before_o choose_v to_o walk_v in_o a_o holy_a communion_n with_o and_o with_o they_o he_o continue_v until_o the_o great_a god_n in_o who_o hand_n our_o time_n be_v be_v please_v to_o remove_v he_o to_o the_o church_n triumphant_a in_o heaven_n during_o all_o that_o time_n he_o be_v very_o exemplary_a to_o other_o and_o no_o less_o pleasant_a to_o i_o i_o be_v desire_v one_o day_n to_o preach_v the_o morning-lecture_n in_o southwark_n he_o will_v needs_o accompany_v i_o we_o together_o cross_v the_o water_n and_o either_o go_v or_o return_v he_o get_v cold_a which_o be_v obstinate_a and_o kindle_v in_o he_o a_o fever_n and_o that_o fever_n consume_v he_o his_o little_a oil_n spend_v aspace_n and_o the_o lamp_n of_o his_o precious_a and_o much_o desire_a life_n be_v soon_o extinguish_v but_o o_o how_o do_v he_o shine_v and_o glorify_v god_n in_o that_o fire_n how_o sweet_o do_v he_o carry_v towards_o he_o without_o any_o quarrel_v or_o the_o least_o spice_n of_o discontent_n i_o hear_v not_o the_o least_o word_n that_o speak_v a_o dislike_n of_o the_o providence_n no_o no_o his_o spirit_n be_v as_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v submit_v to_o the_o divine_a will_n and_o he_o at_o god_n disposal_n ready_a to_o die_v for_o preparation_n have_v be_v his_o work_n and_o willing_a to_o die_v for_o that_o will_v be_v his_o advantage_n his_o submissive_a resignation_n to_o the_o holy_a will_n of_o god_n herein_o see_v in_o the_o record_n he_o leave_v in_o his_o diary_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o his_o sickness_n thus_o march_v 10_o through_o mercy_n this_o day_n much_o better_a with_o i_o than_o my_o desert_n though_o i_o find_v myself_o somewhat_o indispose_v by_o cold_a full_a of_o ache_n and_o pain_n and_o chilliness_n and_o sore_a eye_n the_o lord_n if_o it_o be_v his_o will_n heal_v i_o this_o night_n or_o grant_v a_o preparedness_n for_o his_o pleasure_n and_o that_o as_o the_o outward_a man_n decay_v the_o inward_a man_n may_v be_v renew_v day_n by_o day_n the_o lord_n pardon_v my_o sin_n and_o accept_v of_o praise_n for_o all_o mercy_n and_o the_o night_n follow_v which_o be_v the_o last_o he_o write_v in_o his_o diary_n he_o record_v it_o thus_o march_v 21._o this_o day_n some_o distemper_n seem_v to_o hang_v upon_o i_o tho'_o not_o worse_o bless_v be_v god_n then_o last_o night_n the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n heal_v i_o and_o recover_v i_o or_o fit_v i_o for_o thy_o pleasure_n the_o good_a lord_n fit_v i_o for_o the_o approach_a sabbath_n and_o make_v it_o a_o good_a day_n to_o my_o soul_n for_o christ_n sake_n pardon_v my_o sin_n and_o take_v praise_n and_o god_n be_v exceed_v gracious_a to_o he_o for_o he_o chain_v up_o satan_n so_o that_o he_o can_v not_o throw_v one_o fiery_a dart_n at_o he_o and_o he_o enable_v conscience_n to_o bear_v its_o testimony_n to_o his_o filial_a state_n and_o have_v lead_v his_o conversation_n in_o the_o world_n in_o simplicity_n and_o godly_a sincerity_n not_o with_o fleshly_a wisdom_n but_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n and_o also_o he_o lift_v upon_o he_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n shed_v abroad_o his_o love_n in_o his_o heart_n by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o have_v be_v give_v he_o and_o furnish_v he_o with_o such_o a_o anchor_n of_o hope_n as_o be_v fix_v within_o the_o veil_n and_o both_o sure_a and_o steadfast_a and_o all_o this_o be_v do_v for_o he_o it_o be_v not_o in_o the_o power_n of_o the_o king_n of_o terror_n to_o affright_v he_o but_o in_o his_o near_a approach_n he_o can_v look_v he_o in_o the_o face_n without_o any_o discomposure_n and_o not_o only_o triumph_v over_o he_o as_o a_o baffle_a and_o conquer_a enemy_n who_o tooth_n be_v break_v and_o sting_v lose_v but_o likewise_o bid_v he_o welcome_a as_o a_o messenger_n send_v by_o his_o father_n to_o do_v he_o a_o real_a kindness_n and_o know_v who_o he_o have_v believe_v he_o can_v with_o joy_n breath_n out_o his_o last_o and_o take_v his_o flight_n to_o the_o unseen_a world_n where_o as_o he_o be_v sure_a his_o dear_a lord_n have_v take_v up_o his_o own_o rest_n at_o
sometime_o for_o the_o hide_v one_o fault_n from_o man_n commit_v many_o sin_n against_o god_n another_o thing_n for_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v humble_v i_o since_o and_o show_v i_o the_o evil_n of_o though_o then_o i_o can_v not_o see_v it_o be_v this_o my_o master_n be_v by_o covenant_n bind_v to_o find_v i_o with_o meat_n drink_v clothes_n and_o other_o necessary_n at_o his_o own_o charge_n i_o find_v he_o pretty_a penurious_a however_o not_o suit_v my_o proud_a humour_n i_o do_v often_o furnish_v myself_o with_o some_o such_o thing_n at_o my_o own_o charge_n out_o of_o that_o money_n my_o friend_n send_v i_o yet_o now_o and_o then_o though_o very_o rare_o and_o never_o i_o believe_v exceed_v 40_n in_o all_o i_o will_v pay_v for_o some_o such_o necessary_n out_o of_o the_o shop-box_n which_o be_v yet_o do_v in_o so_o clandestine_v a_o manner_n i_o have_v account_v high_o sinful_a and_o bless_a be_v god_n have_v cost_v i_o many_o a_o tear_n though_o since_o one_o way_n or_o other_o i_o believe_v i_o have_v make_v more_o than_o double_a restitution_n another_o dreadful_a sin_n i_o be_v in_o that_o service_n guilty_a of_o the_o review_n of_o which_o have_v be_v grievous_a to_o i_o be_v this_o i_o do_v not_o content_v myself_o to_o sin_n alone_o but_o do_v draw_v on_o and_o encourage_v john_n mildmay_n my_o fellow-apprentice_n and_o under_o i_o to_o sin_n with_o i_o and_o this_o i_o do_v so_o long_o that_o he_o at_o last_o which_o be_v but_o a_o just_a judgement_n become_v the_o great_a tempter_n to_o i_o by_o this_o god_n have_v show_v i_o my_o sin_n in_o my_o punishment_n but_o o_o the_o sad_a sabbath_n that_o we_o have_v too_o often_o keep_v sometime_o have_v wait_v on_o our_o master_n into_o church_n at_o one_o door_n we_o have_v get_v out_o at_o the_o other_o and_o thus_o for_o some_o hour_n have_v wicked_o trifle_v away_o precious_a sabbath-time_n by_o walk_v about_o from_o place_n to_o place_n for_o pleasure_n sometime_o we_o have_v appoint_v meeting_n at_o alehouse_n on_o weekday_n where_o most_o idle_o we_o waste_v our_o master_n time_n and_o our_o own_o money_n once_o i_o remember_v at_o such_o a_o house_n where_o we_o be_v perfect_a stranger_n knocking_z 2_o or_o 3_o time_n for_o a_o reckon_a no_o body_n come_v at_o we_o say_v john_n mildmay_n let_v we_o be_v go_v and_o save_v our_o money_n with_o all_o my_o heart_n say_v my_o wicked_a tongue_n incline_v thereto_o by_o a_o worse_a heart_n but_o we_o have_v not_o get_v half_o a_o mile_n before_o my_o conscience_n fly_v in_o my_o face_n for_o that_o wickedness_n so_o that_o at_o my_o request_n we_o go_v back_o and_o pay_v all_o thus_o sinful_o do_v we_o too_o often_o waste_v our_o precious_a time_n in_o alehouse_n and_o sometime_o in_o worse_a house_n twice_o i_o think_v we_o go_v to_o syder-house_n which_o prove_v bawdy-house_n which_o yet_o we_o do_v not_o decline_v some_o of_o our_o wicked_a comrade_n have_v teach_v we_o which_o the_o devil_n set_v home_o to_o silence_n conscience_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a way_n sometime_o to_o frequent_v such_o house_n and_o to_o associate_v with_o such_o company_n the_o better_a to_o work_v in_o we_o a_o abhorrence_n and_o antipathy_n against_o the_o practice_n and_o sin_n of_o such_o place_n this_o plausible_a pretence_n guild_a bait_n and_o wicked_a notion_n be_v too_o ready_o espouse_v by_o we_o young_a man_n though_o old_a sinner_n this_o serve_v to_o stop_v the_o mouth_n of_o conscience_n a_o while_n till_o the_o lord_n please_v to_o awaken_v it_o and_o then_o i_o see_v desperate_a folly_n in_o commit_v sin_n to_o prevent_v sin_n and_o think_v of_o those_o text_n you_o may_v not_o do_v evil_a that_o good_a may_v come_v of_o it_o and_o if_o sinner_n entice_v thou_o consent_v not_o and_o of_o the_o wise_a man_n counsel_n prov._n 7._o speak_v of_o the_o harlot_n o_o let_v not_o thy_o heart_n decline_v to_o her_o way_n go_v not_o astray_o in_o her_o path_n come_v not_o nigh_o her_o dwelling_n for_o she_o have_v cast_v down_o many_o wound_a her_o house_n be_v the_o way_n to_o hell_n go_v down_o to_o the_o chamber_n of_o death_n etc._n etc._n by_o unbecoming_a dalliance_n glance_n and_o carriage_n with_o young_a woman_n relation_n and_o other_o in_o which_o i_o think_v in_o young_a year_n there_o be_v no_o evil_a i_o fear_v i_o too_o often_o break_v the_o seven_o command_n for_o though_o never_o bless_a be_v god_n guilty_a either_o of_o adultery_n or_o fornication_n yet_o since_o i_o have_v learn_v to_o know_v that_o there_o be_v more_o forbid_v by_o that_o command_n than_o be_v express_v and_o that_o every_o unchaste_a thought_n word_n and_o action_n be_v a_o breach_n of_o it_o the_o review_n of_o such_o youthful_a follic_n have_v be_v dreadful_a to_o i_o since_o god_n touch_v my_o heart_n and_o give_v i_o grace_n to_o consider_v some_o sin_n whilst_o a_o child_n that_o i_o omit_v before_o to_o mention_n be_v such_o as_o these_o play_v truant_n frequent_o when_o i_o shall_v have_v be_v at_o school_n and_o the_o better_a to_o colour_v over_o and_o hide_v such_o miscarriage_n i_o seldom_o stick_v at_o tell_v a_o lie_n thus_o i_o add_v sin_n to_o sin_n as_o indeed_o sin_n seldom_o go_v alone_o i_o have_v too_o often_o experience_v it_o that_o one_o sin_n draw_v on_o to_o another_o david_n sin_n with_o bathsheba_n have_v other_o accompany_v it_o his_o first_o sin_n be_v idleness_n his_o second_o uncleanness_n and_o then_o the_o murder_n of_o vriah_n her_o husband_n i_o be_v also_o guilty_a of_o rob_v orchard_n pilfer_v and_o take_v what_o have_v not_o be_v my_o own_o from_o my_o brother_n and_o sister_n and_o father_n foolish_a jest_a idle_a talk_v slight_v holy_a duty_n profane_v sabbath_n disobedience_n to_o parent_n and_o indeed_o what_o not_o i_o have_v so_o base_a a_o nature_n and_o so_o wicked_a a_o heart_n even_o then_o when_o i_o can_v do_v but_o little_o more_o than_o go_v that_o i_o boggle_v at_o almost_o no_o sin_n that_o such_o age_n incline_v to_o these_o and_o such_o like_a sin_n of_o youth_n make_v sad_a work_n for_o repentance_n in_o riper_n year_n it_o be_v long_o before_o but_o bless_v be_v god_n at_o last_o i_o set_v my_o sin_n in_o order_n before_o i_o with_o all_o their_o aggravate_v circumstance_n then_o i_o think_v of_o the_o love_n and_o light_n the_o mean_n and_o mercy_n the_o vow_n and_o promise_n the_o exhortation_n and_o example_n the_o reproof_n and_o the_o good_a education_n i_o have_v sin_v against_o whilst_o i_o be_v a_o servant_n at_o mr._n oglethorps_n i_o be_v under_o good_a family-discipline_n i_o have_v opportunity_n to_o attend_v upon_o the_o best_a mean_n have_v good_a example_n before_o i_o be_v examine_v on_o lord's-day-nights_n what_o i_o remember_v but_o alas_o be_v too_o long_o a_o trifler_n under_o all_o which_o i_o have_v be_v much_o more_o sensible_a of_o and_o afflict_v for_o since_o i_o leave_v my_o apprenticeship_n than_o before_o it_o please_v god_n there_o to_o begin_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n grace_n which_o notwithstanding_o too_o many_o sad_a slip_v i_o believe_v and_o hope_v he_o have_v be_v carry_v on_o ever_o since_o there_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n first_o enable_v i_o to_o set_v my_o face_n heavenwards_o and_o to_o engage_v i_o in_o serious_a thought_n about_o the_o eternal_a welfare_n of_o my_o immortal_a soul_n most_o remarkable_o observe_v upon_o a_o fit_a of_o sickness_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v there_o to_o visit_v i_o with_o in_o a_o very_a few_o day_n i_o be_v bring_v very_o low_a in_o body_n begin_v to_o be_v serious_a to_o think_v of_o my_o way_n and_o of_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n psal_n 119._o 59_o be_v then_o full_a of_o purpose_n and_o promise_v too_o that_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v through_o grace_n mind_n religion_n as_o my_o business_n and_o follow_v the_o lord_n full_o god_n be_v please_v to_o hear_v my_o unworthy_a prayer_n and_o to_o speed_v a_o answer_n of_o peace_n to_o i_o in_o a_o day_n or_o two_o i_o be_v perfect_o recover_v and_o my_o body_n be_v heal_v of_o sickness_n i_o beg_v hard_a that_o my_o soul_n also_o may_v be_v heal_v of_o sin_n the_o lord_n do_v wonderful_o bless_v to_o i_o the_o ministry_n of_o mr._n brooks_n of_o who_o church_n my_o master_n be_v a_o member_n and_o i_o therefore_o frequent_o have_v the_o advantage_n of_o hear_v he_o but_o especial_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v my_o soul_n good_a by_o set_v home_o with_o power_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o conscience_n some_o sermon_n of_o worthy_a mr._n flavel_n sen_n r._n who_o i_o must_v reckon_v my_o spiritual_a father_n but_o those_o sermon_n with_o many_o other_o to_o my_o very_a great_a loss_n now_o be_v consume_v by_o london_n
have_v no_o worldly_a affair_n unsettle_a to_o disturb_v and_o distract_v my_o mind_n withal_o when_o upon_o the_o very_a confine_n of_o another_o world_n and_o lie_v upon_o a_o sickbed_n or_o deathbed_n when_o i_o desire_v god_n may_v have_v all_o my_o thought_n and_o all_o my_o time_n and_o will_v fain_o be_v most_o serious_a and_o intent_n upon_o soul-concerns_a this_o little_a treatise_n in_o three_o part_n contain_v the_o most_o remarkable_a passage_n of_o my_o life_n that_o occur_v to_o memory_n and_o collect_v out_o of_o my_o diary_n write_v in_o shorthand_n as_o a_o last_o legacy_n i_o hearty_o commend_v to_o thy_o perusal_n and_o other_o friend_n that_o survive_v i_o in_o it_o i_o have_v endeavour_v impartial_o to_o god_n glory_n to_o give_v the_o dark_a side_n of_o a_o vile_a wretch_n on_o earth_n as_o well_o as_o the_o bright_a i_o be_v long_o thou_o see_v a_o wanderer_n from_o god_n and_o in_o a_o most_o bewilder_v condition_n on_o that_o account_n i_o know_v not_o where_o to_o rest_v till_o i_o anchor_v on_o the_o rock_n of_o age_n have_v no_o true_a peace_n till_o through_o mercy_n i_o close_v with_o christ_n the_o prince_n of_o peace_n conscience_n then_o often_o speak_v when_o it_o be_v not_o hear_v and_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n when_o my_o study_n too_o much_o be_v to_o check_v stifle_v and_o hush_v it_o i_o be_v then_o a_o terror_n to_o myself_o and_o perhaps_o to_o other_o about_o i_o especial_o observe_v christian_n friend_n who_o fain_o will_v but_o then_o can_v not_o prevail_v with_o i_o to_o be_v serious_a strict_a and_o good_a i_o be_v too_o long_o god_n know_v in_o the_o gall_n of_o bitterness_n and_o in_o the_o bond_n of_o iniquity_n and_o o_o what_o rich_a mercy_n be_v it_o i_o be_v not_o then_o take_v from_o earth_n and_o throw_v into_o hell_n that_o through_o grace_n i_o do_v outlive_v the_o year_n of_o a_o loose_a carnal_a fresh_o and_o unregenerate_a state_n o_o my_o dear_a i_o can_v express_v the_o sorrow_n the_o terror_n the_o heartbreak_a and_o trouble_v that_o my_o youthful_a folly_n cost_v i_o in_o riperyear_n my_o closet_n be_v witness_v to_o something_o and_o my_o god_n to_o more_o but_o alas_o all_o too_o little_a if_o freegrace_n save_v i_o not_o i_o must_v yet_o perish_v but_o of_o this_o i_o nothing_o doubt_v through_o the_o merit_n and_o mediation_n of_o my_o bless_a redeemer_n to_o who_o i_o hope_v in_o heaven_n to_o eternity_n to_o give_v the_o glory_n of_o what_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o lord_n have_v full_o convince_v i_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n my_o search_n and_o watch_n can_v nothing_o avail_v i_o without_o christ_n god_n show_v i_o my_o lose_a and_o undo_v condition_n before_o i_o have_v think_v of_o inquire_v what_o i_o must_v do_v to_o be_v save_v or_o of_o look_v out_o after_o a_o saviour_n and_o this_o through_o mercy_n i_o can_v say_v that_o i_o can_v never_o have_v true_o a_o quiet_a minute_n till_o i_o be_v most_o sweet_o persuade_v and_o powerful_o enable_v to_o close_v with_o christ_n as_o offer_v in_o the_o gospel_n o_o richgrace_n freegrace_n and_o now_o dear-heart_n let_v i_o invite_v thou_o into_o the_o embrace_n of_o bless_a jesus_n come_v taste_n and_o try_v how_o good_a god_n be_v to_o return_v sinner_n i_o believe_v thou_o have_v well_o be_v more_o and_o more_o in_o love_n with_o christ_n enter_v into_o covenant_n with_o god_n and_o frequent_o renew_v thy_o covenant-engagement_n and_o labour_n to_o perform_v covenant-promises_a never_o think_v thou_o can_v do_v enough_o for_o that_o god_n thou_o expect_v so_o much_o from_o nay_o indeed_o thy_o all_o that_o can_v either_o make_v thou_o happy_a here_o or_o to_o eternity_n some_o few_o head_n of_o advice_n out_o of_o tender_a love_n both_o to_o thy_o soul_n and_o body_n i_o leave_v with_o thou_o 1._o settle_v thy_o temporal_a affair_n and_o wordly_o concern_v betimes_o that_o upon_o a_o deathbed_n thou_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v and_o divert_v with_o they_o from_o high_a and_o more_o besit_v employment_n i_o delay_v make_v my_o will_n too_o long_o which_o be_v no_o small_a perplexity_n to_o my_o mind_n till_o the_o year_n 1685_o when_o i_o do_v it_o 2._o if_o thou_o can_v think_v i_o worthy_a thy_o remembrance_n forget_v not_o show_v some_o kindness_n to_o such_o relation_n and_o friend_n of_o i_o who_o i_o need_v not_o name_n be_v know_v to_o thou_o who_o be_v object_n of_o pity_n and_o need_v thy_o charity_n 3._o if_o thou_o do_v not_o incline_v to_o a_o settlement_n in_o nottingham_n in_o the_o house_n i_o leave_v thou_o for_o thy_o life_n then_o be_v with_o or_o as_o near_o as_o may_v be_v some_o of_o thy_o religious_a friend_n such_o as_o may_v be_v helper_n and_o promoter_n not_o hinderer_n of_o thy_o eternal_a welfare_n 4._o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v again_o incline_v thou_o to_o marry_v dare_v not_o to_o join_v thyself_o in_o that_o relation_n to_o any_o that_o be_v not_o join_v to_o the_o lord_n marry_v one_o i_o say_v who_o in_o the_o judgement_n of_o the_o best_a of_o friend_n as_o well_o as_o thou_o own_o which_o may_v in_o such_o a_o case_n deceive_v thou_o do_v true_o fear_n god_n nay_o i_o will_v advise_v thou_o to_o marry_v one_o of_o a_o healthful_a strong_a and_o sound_a constitution_n by_o who_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v thou_o may_v have_v the_o blessing_n of_o child_n for_o i_o have_v reason_n to_o suppose_v that_o some_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n whilst_o a_o child_n and_o young_a may_v render_v i_o less_o capable_a in_o that_o respect_n 5._o if_o thou_o shall_v have_v child_n train_v they_o up_o in_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n help_v to_o fill_v heaven_n with_o thy_o offspring_n 6._o have_v marry_v own_o thy_o husband_n as_o thy_o head_n submit_v to_o the_o duty_n of_o a_o wife_n for_o the_o lord_n sake_n labour_n and_o pray_v for_o a_o meek_a and_o quiet_a frame_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o lord_n of_o great_a price_n 7._o have_v some_o eye_n over_o and_o inspection_n into_o the_o behaviour_n and_o conversation_n of_o those_o i_o be_v sometime_n entrust_v as_o guardian_n for_o jog_v and_o quicken_v loiterer_n heavenward_n mind_v they_o of_o their_o education_n counsel_n and_o instruction_n and_o how_o hopeful_a their_o beginning_n be_v and_o especial_o regard_v our_o child_n and_o dear_a niece_n brain_n 8._o be_v much_o in_o read_v and_o study_v good_a book_n these_o i_o commend_v to_o thou_o especial_o viz._n the_o holy_a bible_n with_o pool_n annotation_n swinnock'_v one_o cast_v for_o eternity_n barrett_n christian_n temper_n heywood_n heart-treasure_n reyner_n precept_n dunton_n heavenly_a pastime_n case_n god_n wait_v to_o be_v gracious_a flavel_n fountain_n of_o life_n bolton_n toss_v ship_n r._n allen_n rebuke_v to_o backsliders_a janeway_n heaven_n upon_o earth_n swinnock'_v regeneration_n love_n on_o heaven_n glory_n etc._n etc._n flavel_n saint_n indeed_o steel_n of_o uprightness_n calamy_n godly_a man_n ark_n hooker_n doubt_v soul_n etc._n etc._n hardcastle_n christian_n geography_n watson_n on_o contentment_n mede'_v almost_o christian_n doolittle_n on_o the_o sacrament_n his_o call_n to_o delay_v sinner_n most_o of_o bunyan_n work_n very_o useful_a if_o read_v without_o prejudice_n these_o book_n among_o other_o i_o have_v have_v much_o refreshment_n from_o and_o hearty_o commend_v they_o to_o thou_o 9_o do_v all_o thou_o do_v either_o in_o religious_a or_o civil_a action_n with_o a_o eye_n at_o eternity_n thus_o pray_v and_o hear_v and_o read_v and_o meditate_v and_o converse_v and_o engage_v in_o all_o secular_a affair_n and_o discharge_v all_o relative_a duty_n with_o a_o eye_n at_o eternity_n and_o this_o will_v help_v to_o make_v thou_o very_o serious_a and_o strict_a 10._o spend_v thy_o weekday_n well_o in_o the_o discharge_n of_o duty_n public_a and_o private_a keep_v a_o exact_a diary_n of_o any_o sinful_a miscarriage_n and_o be_v humble_v every_o evening_n for_o they_o take_v notice_n of_o god_n mercy_n every_o day_n and_o labour_n to_o have_v thy_o heart_n suitable_o affect_v with_o the_o lord_n goodness_n observe_v and_o pen_v down_o god_n deal_n with_o thou_o and_o thy_o carriage_n and_o behaviour_n towards_o god_n this_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o practice_v with_o good_a success_n 11._o esteem_v of_o sabhath-day_n as_o the_o best_a of_o day_n these_o be_v the_o market-day_n of_o thy_o soul_n make_v good_a provision_n on_o they_o for_o it_o hear_v the_o word_n meditate_v on_o it_o digest_v and_o practice_v it_o neglect_v no_o duty_n of_o the_o day_n in_o private_a but_o most_o high_o value_v public-assembly_n god_n be_v by_o they_o most_o honour_v 12._o redeem_v time_n i_o can_v from_o my_o own_o experience_n tell_v thou_o a_o review_n in_o
i_o i_o be_o out_o of_o hell_n i_o be_o out_o of_o a_o prison_n i_o be_o not_o as_o late_o fly_v before_o pursue_v enemy_n nor_o absent_v myself_o for_o security_n from_o my_o own_o house_n i_o be_o not_o make_v a_o prey_n to_o enemy_n but_o the_o lord_n have_v deal_v bountiful_o with_o i_o what_o shall_v i_o render_v unto_o the_o lord_n some_o follow_a day_n after_o i_o take_v notice_n of_o sinful_a thought_n idle_a word_n unbecoming_a action_n and_o of_o the_o lord_n goodness_n in_o spare_v mercy_n nou._n 7._o 1685._o i_o bless_v god_n then_o for_o return_v i_o in_o safety_n from_o my_o yorkshire_n journey_n and_o that_o i_o see_v my_o friend_n with_o comfort_n and_o find_v all_o well_o at_o my_o return_n home_o then_o i_o petition_v the_o lord_n to_o continue_v enjoyment_n to_o i_o and_o i_o 8_o this_o god_n make_v a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n mr._n coat_n preach_v excellent_o from_o this_o text_n remember_v now_o thy_o creator_n etc._n etc._n the_o lord_n do_v i_o and_o all_o that_o hear_v he_o good_a by_o his_o blessing_n upon_o that_o ordinance_n and_o pardon_v sin_n the_o morning_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o awaken_v i_o be_v full_a of_o project_v carnal_a melancholy_a thought_n o_o sad_a thought_n for_o a_o sabbath-day_n god_n seal_v a_o pardon_n to_o i_o 10_o this_o evening_n be_v tuesday_n by_o 7_o of_o the_o clock_n i_o set_v apart_o some_o hour_n for_o humiliation_n that_o night_n with_o the_o help_n of_o mr._n b._n mr._n c._n etc._n etc._n and_o about_o half_a a_o hour_n after_o 12_o a_o clock_n i_o end_v in_o that_o work_n in_o my_o closet_n the_o sin_n i_o bewail_v particular_o be_v my_o not_o keep_v covenant_n and_o promise_n with_o my_o god_n passion_n with_o my_o wife_n pride_n slightness_n in_o duty_n especial_o closet-duty_n etc._n etc._n 15_o i_o enjoy_v a_o most_o comfortable_a sabbath_n by_o mr._n coats_n help_n who_o preach_v from_o these_o word_n remember_v now_o thy_o creator_n etc._n etc._n and_o this_o passage_n i_o take_v particular_a notice_n of_o that_o where_o youth_n have_v be_v devote_v to_o god_n review_v of_o it_o in_o old_a age_n when_o person_n be_v less_o capacitate_v for_o duty-frames_a will_v afford_v sweet_a comfort_n and_o refresh_n 22d_o this_o a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n god_n bless_v it_o to_o i_o mr._n cl._n preach_v from_o these_o word_n ps_n 67._o that_o god_n even_o our_o own_o god_n shall_v bless_v we_o the_o doct._n be_v it_o be_v a_o most_o desirable_a thing_n for_o people_n to_o have_v a_o god_n of_o their_o own_o these_o mark_v he_o lay_v down_o which_o i_o desire_v often_o to_o peruse_v and_o examine_v my_o self_n by_o by_o which_o i_o may_v know_v whether_o god_n be_v my_o god_n or_o no._n 1._o if_o i_o have_v a_o god_n of_o my_o own_o i_o get_v what_o knowledge_n i_o can_v of_o my_o god_n 2._o i_o get_v what_o love_n i_o can_v to_o my_o god_n 3._o i_o will_v be_v loath_a to_o do_v that_o which_o this_o my_o god_n may_v take_v ill_a 4._o i_o will_v then_o serve_v no_o god_n but_o my_o own_o god_n and_o never_o fall_v down_o to_o graven-image_n 5._o i_o will_v take_v nothing_o ill_a from_o my_o own_o god_n 6._o i_o will_v love_v to_o think_v of_o he_o 7._o i_o will_v love_v to_o be_v speak_v of_o he_o 8._o i_o can_v love_v to_o have_v my_o own_o god_n well_o speak_v of_o 9_o i_o will_v often_o send_v to_o he_o and_o hear_v from_o he_o 10._o i_o desire_v nothing_o more_o than_o while_o i_o be_o absent_a from_o he_o that_o this_o god_n will_v visit_v i_o by_o his_o spirit_n 11._o i_o will_v not_o live_v always_o here_o but_o die_v to_o go_v to_o this_o my_o own_o god_n and_o to_o be_v with_o he_o for_o ever_o and_o these_o be_v the_o earnest_a request_n of_o my_o soul_n several_a day_n together_o i_o find_v a_o comfortable_a account_n both_o as_o to_o freedom_n from_o sin_n and_o great_a mercy_n but_o on_o the_o 28_o i_o find_v relapse_n into_o sin_n and_o that_o which_o aggravate_v it_o much_o be_v i_o be_v just_a write_v the_o account_n of_o my_o life_n and_o o_o what_o a_o mercy_n it_o be_v god_n have_v give_v i_o not_o only_a space_n for_o but_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n decemb._n 12._o hitherto_o much_o the_o like_a account_n the_o lord_n have_v preserve_v my_o liberty_n beyond_o expectation_n and_o prevent_v my_o enter_v into_o ensnare_a bond_n 14_o i_o take_v notice_n of_o mercy_n show_v my_o wife_n in_o deliver_v she_o from_o most_o acute_a pain_n in_o the_o toothache_a jan._n 2._o â—â—8â—_n i_o this_o day_n return_v from_o a_o great_a journey_n in_o which_o the_o lord_n wonderful_o succeed_v i_o in_o all_o my_o affair_n and_o preserve_v i_o from_o all_o dangeâ—…_n i_o experience_a mercy_n in_o the_o kind_a reception_n the_o d._n of_o n._n give_v i_o on_o monday_n to_o his_o house_n whither_o i_o go_v to_o return_v he_o thanks_o for_o his_o civility_n to_o i_o he_o tell_v i_o i_o come_v to_o he_o on_o a_o very_a proper_a day_n be_v innocents-day_n for_o that_o he_o believe_v i_o be_v so_o in_o the_o matter_n lay_v to_o my_o charge_n and_o that_o he_o have_v now_o do_v with_o i_o and_o shall_v as_o opportunity_n offer_v ready_o serve_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n he_o desire_v i_o to_o be_v kind_a to_o my_o uncle_n l_o who_o have_v take_v great_a pain_n on_o my_o behalf_n i_o give_v he_o thereupon_o over_o and_o above_o other_o kindness_n before_o here_o be_v now_o a_o return_n to_o prayer_n god_n help_v i_o to_o improve_v so_o great_a mercy_n passage_n a_o little_a before_o the_o death_n of_o my_o dear_a wife_n and_o about_o her_o sickness_n and_o death_n may_v 13_o 1686._o i_o meet_v with_o stop_v as_o to_o my_o london_n journey_n by_o business_n and_o my_o dear_a wife_n illness_n for_o this_o very_a day_n in_o the_o morning_n she_o be_v even_o spend_v with_o a_o conghing-fit_a i_o be_v call_v from_o prayer_n in_o my_o family_n find_v she_o very_o ill_a but_o bless_a be_v god_n soon_o grow_v better_a and_o tell_v i_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o be_o now_o pretty_a well_o now_o i_o be_v earnest_a with_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v enable_v i_o to_o observe_v the_o hint_n of_o providence_n in_o my_o be_v stop_v several_a time_n and_o my_o way_n to_o london_n as_o it_o be_v hedge_v up_o may_v 17_o 1686._o i_o set_v forward_o for_o london_n notwithstanding_o the_o cross_a providence_n i_o meet_v with_o a_o great_a change_n in_o the_o wether_n divers_a time_n a_o cold_a that_o i_o have_v upon_o i_o a_o grievous_a fit_a of_o the_o asthma_n my_o dear_a wife_n have_v insomuch_o as_o i_o plain_o observe_v providence_n against_o i_o as_o to_o that_o journey_n at_o that_o time_n but_o notwithstanding_o upon_o encouragement_n from_o my_o wife_n that_o if_o i_o must_v needs_o go_v this_o summer_n which_o she_o rather_o desire_v i_o will_v not_o because_o of_o soldier_n be_v much_o upon_o the_o road_n go_v to_o the_o camp_n i_o have_v as_o good_a go_v now_o as_o any_o other_o time_n i_o do_v set_v forward_o and_o part_n with_o my_o dear_a wife_n this_o day_n but_o never_o see_v she_o more_o the_o lord_n know_v my_o 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lord_n and_o i_o believe_v know_v well_o that_o new_a duty_n be_v incumbent_a upon_o you_o etc._n etc._n a_o letter_n to_o my_o mother_n upon_o the_o death_n of_o my_o sister_n d._n may_v 24_o 1690._o ever_o honour_a mother_n still_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v breach_n upon_o our_o family_n the_o sudden_a and_o surprise_v news_n of_o our_o dear_a sister_n death_n come_v to_o we_o this_o day_n by_o mr._n b._n and_o i_o can_v not_o omit_v send_v a_o few_o line_n to_o you_o by_o post_n this_o night_n i_o know_v honour_a mother_n the_o stroke_n lie_v exceed_o heavy_a upon_o you_o i_o be_o afraid_a much_o too_o heavy_a be_v very_o well_o acquaint_v with_o the_o tenderness_n of_o your_o affection_n and_o the_o work_n of_o your_o bowel_n to_o relation_n but_o i_o pray_v dear_a mother_n refuse_v not_o to_o be_v comfort_v i_o be_o persuade_v you_o have_v no_o reason_n to_o sorrow_n as_o one_o without_o hope_n for_o she_o who_o i_o believe_v now_o sleep_v in_o the_o bosom_n of_o she_o and_o our_o dear_a redeemer_n our_o god_n have_v do_v his_o pleasure_n let_v we_o now_o labour_n to_o do_v our_o duty_n and_o be_v content_a we_o hearty_o wish_v our_o self_n with_o you_o but_o can_v as_o yet_o accomplish_v that_o desire_n be_v unprovided_a of_o horse_n and_o a_o servant_n but_o as_o soon_o as_o may_v be_v we_o do_v purpose_n it_o the_o good_a lord_n sanctify_v this_o stroke_n to_o we_o all_o and_o â—it_n we_o for_o our_o latter_a end_n and_o grant_v that_o we_o may_v be_v follower_n of_o those_o who_o through_o faith_n and_o patience_n inherit_v the_o promise_n the_o enclose_v i_o desire_v may_v be_v send_v to_o my_o poor_a afflict_a brother_n to_o who_o relief_n and_o support_n i_o desire_v to_o contribute_v something_o though_o shortness_n of_o time_n suffer_v not_o enlargement_n far_o than_o to_o present_v all_o our_o humble_a duty_n to_o yourself_o and_o honour_a aunt_n with_o service_n to_o all_o friend_n i_o rest_v honour_a mother_n your_o obedient_a son_n g._n d._n a_o letter_n to_o brother_n d._n upon_o the_o death_n of_o his_o wife_n may_v 24_o 90._o my_o dear_a brother_n i_o hearty_o lament_v the_o sad_a breach_n the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o make_v upon_o you_o and_o be_o the_o more_o a_o sympathizer_n with_o you_o as_o know_v by_o my_o own_o experience_n what_o such_o a_o stroke_n and_o dispensation_n mean_v the_o lord_n have_v i_o know_v take_v away_o the_o delight_n and_o desire_n of_o your_o eye_n this_o be_v your_o misâ—ry_n but_o have_v take_v she_o to_o himself_o let_v that_o be_v your_o comfort_n he_o have_v snatch_v at_o a_o strike_v a_o wife_n out_o of_o your_o bosom_n which_o certain_o be_v most_o grievous_a but_o have_v he_o not_o take_v she_o into_o his_o own_o let_v this_o be_v your_o support_n she_o be_v well_o provide_v for_o on_o earth_n and_o have_v as_o much_o satisfaction_n aâ—_n i_o believe_v any_o on_o account_n of_o a_o tender_a husband_n sweet_a child_n deaâ—_n relation_n and_o other_o comfortable_a accommodation_n but_o much_o better_a now_o in_o heaven_n have_v better_a place_n better_a company_n better_a employment_n tâ—an_v a_o vain_a world_n ever_o do_v or_o can_v afford_v what_o occur_v in_o 2_o cor._n 7._o 29_o 31._o equal_o concern_v both_o you_o and_o i_o who_o condition_n in_o this_o case_n hauâ—_n be_v the_o very_a same_o though_o now_o different_a you_o must_v labour_v to_o be_v and_o carry_v as_o if_o you_o have_v not_o lose_v a_o wife_n and_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v no_o wife_n time_n be_v short_a and_o life_n shoâ—t_o and_o relative_a comfort_n be_v transient_a and_o fluid_a thing_n therefore_o your_o sorrow_n must_v be_v moderate_a for_o your_o loss_n and_o my_o â—oys_n be_v as_o if_o they_o be_v not_o seeing_z we_o and_o we_o be_v to_o fall_v and_o part_n and_o pass_v away_o in_o our_o course_n my_o dear_a brother_n labour_v â—or_a a_o christian-carriage_n under_o so_o sad_a a_o cross_n o_o that_o what_o you_o want_v in_o the_o creature_n may_v be_v abundant_o make_v up_o by_o a_o creator_n and_o that_o what_o you_o have_v lose_v as_o to_o stream_n may_v be_v supply_v from_o a_o fountain_n god_n rod_n have_v a_o voice_n as_o well_o as_o his_o word_n and_o i_o believe_v you_o will_v labour_v to_o hear_v it_o and_o he_o that_o have_v appoint_v it_o o_o brother_n we_o must_v have_v a_o care_n of_o entertain_v hard_a thought_n of_o god_n who_o do_v all_o thing_n in_o righteousness_n and_o afflict_v his_o child_n in_o very_a faithfulness_n my_o bowel_n real_o yearâ—_n towards_o you_o now_o wifeless_a and_o your_o poor_a â—aâ—â—s_n now_o motherless_a the_o lord_n be_v a_o comfort_n and_o support_v to_o you_o all_o and_o make_v up_o this_o astonish_a breach_n