even_o for_o the_o full_a accomplishment_n of_o his_o own_o promise_n who_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o he_o that_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o his_o people_n foot_n short_o which_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n and_o that_o you_o will_v bless_v he_o together_o with_o i_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o open_v any_o fountain_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o vale_n of_o tear_n so_o abundant_o fulfil_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o word_n of_o he_o which_o he_o be_v please_v no_o soon_o to_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n with_o a_o persuasion_n in_o some_o measure_n that_o it_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a roll_v though_o weak_o upon_o he_o for_o it_o but_o that_o he_o be_v please_v so_o to_o do_v indeed_o that_o word_n i_o find_v isai_n 56._o 19_o when_o the_o enemy_n shall_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v set_v up_o a_o standard_n against_o they_o for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o that_o those_o impression_n that_o he_o be_v please_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o several_a word_n of_o he_o to_o make_v upon_o my_o heart_n may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o but_o that_o they_o may_v continual_o be_v as_o support_v to_o my_o poor_a weak_a faith_n that_o it_o may_v grow_v from_o strength_n to_o strength_n even_o till_o i_o shall_v meet_v my_o god_n bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n that_o be_v please_v to_o know_v my_o poor_a soul_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o temptation_n and_o to_o take_v this_o poor_a lame_a soul_n and_o lead_v and_o carry_v it_o of_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v one_o step_n in_o any_o of_o his_o way_n without_o his_o hand_n but_o that_o it_o get_v one_o knock_n or_o bruise_v or_o other_o yea_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o will_v not_o suffer_v his_o poor_a creature_n to_o slip_v as_o he_o do_v other_o but_o be_v please_v in_o rich_a mercy_n to_o be_v ever_o awaken_n my_o poor_a drowsy_a spirit_n by_o one_o affliction_n or_o another_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o seem_v at_o present_a a_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o and_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v praise_v the_o name_n of_o that_o god_n and_o father_n who_o be_v the_o father_n of_o all_o mercy_n and_o god_n of_o all_o consolation_n for_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v satan_n have_v not_o now_o be_v let_v loose_a to_o buffet_v i_o thus_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o sleepy_a and_o drowsy_a in_o spirit_n but_o bless_v be_v that_o rod_n that_o awake_v my_o poor_a soul_n from_o the_o sleep_n of_o any_o sin_n so_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o work_v it_o out_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v for_o some_o respect_n have_v forbear_v this_o duty_n of_o praise_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v let_v in_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o mercy_n as_o also_o lest_o i_o shall_v prove_v ungrateful_a for_o so_o large_a manifestation_n of_o mercy_n though_o all_o i_o can_v do_v in_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a nothing_o the_o great_a be_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o bow_v down_o to_o accept_v such_o break_a praise_n which_o i_o have_v cause_n even_o to_o lament_v over_o have_v too_o little_a spiritual_a life_n in_o they_o when_o as_o in_o truth_n my_o whole_a soul_n and_o body_n shall_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o lively_a sacrifice_n to_o god_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v to_o that_o god_n whence_o all_o my_o enjoyment_n come_v in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o rest_v your_o unworthy_a but_o in_o desire_n and_o hope_v real_a friend_n for_o my_o lord_n sake_n finis_fw-la the_o second_o book_n of_o manifold_a experiment_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o my_o soul_n in_o hear_v prayer_n and_o other_o gracious_a income_n of_o love_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v i_o very_o much_o in_o this_o search_n by_o mr._n knight_n who_o speak_v from_o this_o scripture_n at_o fulham_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o nine_o month_n in_o the_o 12_o of_o luke_n 42_o 43._o from_o which_o he_o show_v we_o have_v the_o lord_n set_v out_o the_o blessedness_n of_o that_o servant_n that_o be_v faithful_a in_o the_o work_n that_o his_o lord_n intru_v he_o about_o and_o who_o his_o lord_n when_o he_o come_v find_v to_o be_v so_o do_v as_o he_o appoint_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o comfortable_a hope_n can_v thou_o gather_v out_o from_o the_o serious_a examination_n of_o thy_o own_o heart_n upon_o this_o point_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o faithful_a though_o thou_o be_v poor_a weak_a and_o unworthy_a every_o way_n to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o such_o a_o lord_n what_o can_v thou_o say_v to_o this_o have_v the_o lord_n indeed_o make_v thou_o faithful_a ans_fw-fr 1._o i_o gather_v some_o hope_n of_o it_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n faithful_a from_o that_o sincerity_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o aim_v pure_o at_o his_o glory_n in_o all_o i_o do_v in_o this_o world_n the_o contrary_a to_o which_o cause_v much_o bitterness_n in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o through_o the_o prevalency_n of_o the_o unregenerate_a part_n in_o i_o i_o be_o many_o time_n bias_v and_o carry_v aside_o to_o aim_v at_o other_o thing_n in_o many_o of_o my_o way_n but_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n be_v my_o principal_a aim_n for_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n through_o mercy_n i_o do_v find_v it_o set_v to_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o way_n well_o please_v to_o he_o though_o i_o do_v too_o often_o sad_o wander_v from_o these_o intent_n and_o desire_n which_o be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o real_a burden_n of_o my_o life_n 2._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v a_o real_a desire_n te_fw-la do_v his_o whole_a will_n and_o therein_o to_o appear_v faithful_a daily_o desire_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v not_o at_o any_o time_n in_o any_o command_n of_o his_o be_v find_v consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n but_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o he_o discover_v his_o will_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v i_o to_o obey_v it_o ready_o find_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v oftentimes_o breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o i_o in_o all_o my_o way_n that_o be_v it_o i_o beg_v of_o thou_o and_o though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o contrary_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o though_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v lay_v out_o for_o to_o afflict_v i_o and_o to_o be_v a_o trial_n and_o exercise_v for_o i_o and_o so_o have_v nothing_o to_o induce_v i_o but_o thy_o will_n yet_o lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n in_o it_o to_o i_o what_o will_v i_o then_o beg_v of_o thou_o but_o only_o a_o ready_a frame_n to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o thy_o will_n and_o leave_v the_o success_n &_o sanctify_v of_o it_o to_o i_o to_o thyself_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v any_o mercy_n to_o be_v never_o so_o good_a or_o for_o my_o advantage_n yet_o if_o thou_o see_v meet_v to_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o thy_o will_n be_v not_o in_o it_o will_v i_o not_o then_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n beg_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o have_v my_o will_n to_o be_v whole_o swallow_v up_o into_o thou_o lord_n and_o this_o hope_n be_v ground_v in_o some_o measure_n upon_o the_o abundant_a experience_n the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o abundant_a kindness_n in_o his_o often_o deny_v i_o of_o my_o will_n 3_o i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n make_v i_o a_o faithful_a servant_n in_o that_o he_o have_v set_v my_o soul_n upon_o the_o watch_n to_o know_v his_o mind_n and_o will_n endeavour_v and_o desire_v to_o keep_v my_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o he_o only_o that_o i_o may_v see_v what_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n be_v who_o have_v say_v that_o he_o will_v guide_v he_o by_o his_o eye_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n though_o with_o much_o weakness_n not_o only_o earnest_o to_o desire_v but_o also_o to_o endeavour_v to_o reflect_v upon_o all_o my_o motion_n and_o action_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n in_o this_o
the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v all_o the_o unbelieved_a working_n of_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o those_o hard_a thought_n i_o have_v have_v of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o clear_a vision_n of_o himself_o as_o may_v mighty_o increase_v my_o faith_n which_o desire_v of_o i_o be_v spread_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o day_n but_o have_v receive_v at_o this_o time_n some_o little_a refresh_n from_o those_o instruction_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v then_o to_o communicate_v by_o mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 12._o 5-13_a from_o which_o scripture_n i_o be_v also_o convince_v that_o in_o most_o of_o the_o chastisement_n the_o lord_n have_v see_v meet_a to_o lay_v i_o under_o i_o have_v either_o despise_v his_o chastisement_n or_o else_o faint_v under_o they_o the_o lord_n i_o say_v have_v this_o day_n break_v in_o thus_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o word_n the_o devil_n soon_o begin_v again_o with_o i_o take_v this_o opportunity_n i_o have_v set_v myself_o and_o endeavour_v to_o lay_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o word_n and_o see_v what_o comfortable_a ground_n i_o can_v take_v up_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v indeed_o afflict_v i_o in_o mercy_n etc._n etc._n the_o devil_n now_o begin_v to_o endeavour_v to_o puff_n up_o my_o spirit_n with_o a_o conceit_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v more_o in_o this_o kind_n than_o many_o other_o who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n also_o by_o he_o present_v but_o through_o mercy_n this_o do_v not_o pass_v many_o day_n before_o the_o lord_n sad_o show_v i_o my_o folly_n and_o weakness_n herein_o for_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o be_v a_o other_o day_n keep_v to_o which_o meeting_n i_o go_v and_o true_o after_o i_o come_v there_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o these_o wicked_a thought_n together_o with_o several_a other_o thing_n which_o wrought_v so_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v even_o overwhelm_v within_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o can_v not_o keep_v it_o to_o myself_o but_o be_v constrain_v to_o discover_v it_o by_o my_o carriage_n which_o mr._n knight_n take_v notice_n of_o speak_v to_o i_o after_o the_o exercise_n at_o which_o time_n i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o that_o ability_n that_o satan_n possess_v i_o with_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a in_o any_o measure_n to_o speak_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v one_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v up_o to_o a_o dumb_a spirit_n and_o think_v those_o three_o word_n which_o be_v all_o that_o i_o can_v then_o speak_v be_v through_o a_o mere_a mistake_n sad_o misconstrued_n by_o he_o yet_o have_v i_o not_o power_n to_o speak_v one_o word_n to_o clear_v my_o meaning_n suppose_v it_o may_v possible_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v something_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o even_o through_o that_o mistake_n there_o be_v also_o this_o day_n a_o word_n set_v home_o very_o much_o on_o my_o heart_n from_o something_o mr._n milborn_n note_v to_o we_o which_o also_o add_v much_o to_o my_o sadness_n and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o i_o have_v pray_v and_o pray_v again_o and_o again_o but_o when_o i_o have_v do_v i_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o have_v never_o yet_o any_o experience_n make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v acknowledge_v this_o or_o that_o to_o be_v a_o return_n of_o my_o prayer_n nay_o though_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v in_o a_o mercy_n that_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o i_o be_v still_o for_o many_o year_n tempt_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o have_v be_v so_o though_o i_o have_v not_o pray_v and_o so_o it_o be_v not_o give_v in_o as_o a_o answer_n to_o prayer_n which_o do_v much_o eat_v out_o the_o sweetness_n of_o those_o mercy_n which_o i_o do_v enjoy_v in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v now_o even_o stand_v and_o admire_v what_o it_o be_v that_o do_v at_o that_o time_n support_v my_o spirit_n &_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o a_o continue_a seek_v of_o god_n be_v not_o able_a then_o to_o record_v a_o answer_n of_o prayer_n at_o all_o that_o i_o can_v bring_v to_o mind_n however_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v before_o this_o time_n to_o give_v i_o many_o gracious_a answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o be_v my_o eye_n withhold_v from_o see_v they_o to_o be_v so_o and_o take_v the_o comfort_n thereof_o until_o a_o long_a after_o yea_o sometime_o some_o year_n after_o some_o of_o they_o be_v give_v in_o which_o yet_o afterward_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v out_o unto_o i_o even_o before_o the_o write_n hereof_o but_o after_o all_o this_o the_o lord_n by_o the_o act_n of_o his_o providence_n seem_v much_o to_o cross_v these_o hope_n and_o desire_n of_o his_o people_n in_o join_v in_o fellowship_n together_o which_o when_o i_o hear_v of_o it_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o who_o great_o desire_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o sometime_o think_v that_o it_o may_v be_v even_o for_o my_o sake_n alone_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o other_o time_n be_v tempt_v to_o think_v that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n act_v to_o work_v up_o my_o spirit_n to_o that_o pitch_n that_o i_o think_v i_o find_v it_o wrought_v up_o unto_o than_o he_o will_v also_o have_v go_v on_o to_o have_v perfect_v my_o desire_n but_o be_v again_o enable_v on_o the_o other_o side_n to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o wait_v patient_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o submit_v to_o he_o as_o well_o for_o the_o time_n as_o for_o the_o matter_n i_o endeavour_v the_o lord_n assist_v i_o to_o quiet_v my_o spirit_n with_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o the_o lord_n may_v delay_v it_o in_o much_o mercy_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v the_o more_o fit_a for_o it_o when_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o accomplish_v it_o apprehend_v that_o sure_o he_o see_v i_o not_o yet_o fit_a for_o such_o a_o mercy_n than_o do_v i_o again_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o thus_o desire_v to_o submit_v to_o he_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o such_o a_o mercy_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o afford_v i_o the_o mercy_n here_o if_o not_o that_o he_o will_v direct_v i_o where_o to_o join_v that_o may_v be_v more_o for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o soul_n good_a thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o well_o nigh_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n still_o come_v in_o with_o more_o light_n and_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o more_o and_o more_o that_o work_n which_o he_o have_v begin_v through_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n in_o who_o i_o do_v now_o desire_v only_o and_o alone_o to_o be_v find_v and_o not_o in_o any_o of_o my_o own_o righteousness_n who_o have_v now_o enable_v i_o to_o see_v to_o be_v very_o loathsome_a and_o abominable_a though_o former_o i_o have_v too_o much_o dote_v upon_o they_o then_o in_o the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o year_n 1652._o mr._n knight_n be_v go_v into_o the_o north_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o a_o mere_a providence_n as_o i_o desire_v to_o look_v upon_o it_o not_o know_v as_o yet_o but_o that_o i_o may_v also_o say_v as_o a_o return_n of_o many_o of_o my_o former_a poor_a desire_n to_o send_v mr._n rogers_n to_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n have_v preach_v one_o lord_n day_n before_o at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n which_o occasion_v very_o strong_a and_o earnest_a desire_n in_o i_o to_o hear_v he_o again_o which_o now_o i_o do_v the_o lord_n direct_v he_o this_o time_n to_o speak_v unto_o we_o concern_v church_n discipline_n which_o i_o be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o which_o the_o lord_n enable_v he_o to_o give_v i_o very_o much_o and_o great_a satisfaction_n which_o otherwise_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o fear_v i_o may_v more_o inconsiderate_o have_v rush_v upon_o thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v i_o hope_v in_o answer_n to_o my_o poor_a desire_n yet_o far_a to_o clear_v up_o this_o way_n of_o he_o to_o i_o prove_v it_o clear_o to_o be_v the_o way_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o which_o every_o one_o ought_v to_o be_v full_o satisfy_v in_o before_o they_o enter_v upon_o this_o be_v now_o more_o clear_v unto_o i_o my_o desire_n and_o long_n after_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o god_n in_o this_o zion_n grow_v more_o strong_a and_o earnest_a i_o continual_o mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o real_o i_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v rob_v the_o lord_n of_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o particular_a if_o i_o shall_v not_o also_o acknowledge_v he_o further_o by_o my_o poor_a
world_n to_o see_v with_o what_o countenance_n my_o lord_n look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o action_n be_v i_o hope_v desirous_a i_o be_o sure_a if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o to_o see_v the_o will_n of_o my_o god_n in_o every_o promise_n providence_n and_o administration_n 4_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o faithful_a in_o that_o he_o have_v put_v into_o my_o soul_n this_o earnest_a desire_n that_o my_o end_n in_o all_o i_o do_v may_v only_o be_v to_o seek_v the_o advancement_n of_o he_o my_o lord_n who_o i_o desire_v only_o to_o serve_v daily_o beg_v of_o he_o i_o may_v no_o more_o live_v to_o myself_o as_o i_o have_v too_o much_o and_o have_v too_o long_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o find_v any_o thing_n of_o myself_o or_o self-end_n to_o appear_v or_o break_v forth_o though_o but_o in_o the_o bud_n be_v it_o not_o bitter_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o as_o imbitter_v the_o best_a action_n to_o i_o though_o otherwise_o never_o so_o good_a and_o this_o desire_n of_o serve_v the_o lord_n i_o may_v upon_o experience_n say_v i_o find_v to_o differ_v not_o only_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o be_v in_o other_o i_o will_v not_o say_v so_o though_o i_o suppose_v it_o to_o be_v true_a also_o but_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o do_v too_o much_o predominate_v in_o my_o own_o poor_a soul_n which_o do_v in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n cause_v i_o to_o fear_v rather_o than_o love_v he_o but_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n be_v screw_v up_o my_o obedience_n to_o a_o high_a note_n or_o pin_n that_o it_o be_v now_o to_o a_o lord_n and_o father_n who_o at_o last_o i_o will_v love_v and_o i_o do_v also_o lament_v before_o he_o in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o can_v love_v he_o no_o more_o who_o have_v so_o much_o loveliness_n in_o he_o yea_o nothing_o but_o loveliness_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o service_n of_o a_o lord_n who_o will_v all_o and_o make_v the_o law_n and_o make_v it_o to_o be_v just_a because_o he_o can_v do_v no_o evil_n and_o i_o will_v i_o can_v continual_o meditate_v upon_o this_o his_o will_n but_o this_o be_v it_o i_o daily_o press_v after_o and_o mourn_v under_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o much_o fear_n in_o my_o heart_n concern_v the_o issue_n or_o event_n of_o any_o thing_n wherein_o my_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v at_o any_o time_n to_o declare_v his_o will_n to_o lie_v in_o further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n 1._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o heart_n serve_v the_o lord_n with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o prayer_n lie_v not_o in_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o word_n though_o with_o some_o affection_n but_o do_v it_o with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o a_o full_a exercise_n of_o every_o grace_n to_o the_o utmost_a in_o every_o service_n i_o do_v for_o christ_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o this_o that_o thou_o daily_o presse_v after_o though_o thou_o can_v not_o full_o attain_v unto_o it_o what_o else_o make_v thou_o to_o mourn_v over_o thy_o prayer_n and_o duty_n but_o that_o thou_o find_v no_o more_o of_o thy_o heart_n and_o strength_n in_o they_o be_v not_o thy_o constant_a desire_n that_o all_o thy_o soul_n and_o strength_n may_v be_v offer_v up_o to_o god_n in_o every_o service_n thou_o do_v he_o 2._o they_o be_v faithful_a servant_n of_o christ_n that_o do_v all_o they_o do_v in_o order_n to_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n who_o intru_v they_o with_o his_o ordinance_n with_o their_o health_n wealth_n comfort_n enjoyment_n all_o i_o have_v be_v but_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n now_o to_o be_v faithful_a be_v to_o improve_v this_o trust_n to_o god_n to_o do_v all_o the_o good_a that_o possible_a i_o can_v by_o his_o ordinance_n to_o do_v every_o service_n to_o he_o as_o they_o that_o indeed_o exercise_v a_o point_n of_o trust_n he_o entrust_v i_o with_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n faithfulness_n be_v to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n to_o raise_v up_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n &_o make_v he_o appear_v great_a and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o improve_n all_o the_o grace_n that_o god_n and_o christ_n intru_v i_o with_o by_o improve_n of_o they_o to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n for_o he_o and_o so_o for_o health_n and_o all_o outward_a comfort_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n write_v this_o in_o thy_o very_a heart_n that_o all_o that_o ever_o thou_o have_v and_o enjoy_v both_o spiritual_a and_o temporal_a whether_o ordinance_n grace_n comfort_n all_o thy_o enjoyment_n that_o thou_o have_v by_o trust_n from_o christ_n and_o must_v be_v improve_v for_o he_o and_o not_o spend_v upon_o thyself_o or_o this_o world_n and_o do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o daily_o mourn_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o thou_o can_v not_o improve_v they_o better_o that_o he_o have_v so_o little_a revenue_n of_o glory_n from_o thou_o and_o by_o thou_o but_o that_o so_o much_o of_o his_o stock_n lie_v as_o it_o be_v dead_a and_o unimproved_a do_v not_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o cause_n thou_o to_o mourn_v daily_o before_o he_o that_o he_o shall_v intrust_v thou_o with_o so_o much_o and_o receive_v from_o thou_o so_o little_a now_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o cry_v daily_o out_o to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o reveal_v his_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o thou_o how_o he_o will_v have_v thou_o improve_v this_o or_o that_o other_o mercy_n or_o trust_v commit_v to_o thou_o and_o not_o only_o teach_v thou_o his_o will_n in_o it_o but_o also_o help_v thou_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o his_o glory_n continual_o yea_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v there_o not_o a_o continue_a fear_n upon_o thy_o heart_n which_o cause_v thou_o often_o time_n to_o pour_v out_o strong_a cry_n before_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v thou_o to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o all_o the_o mercy_n and_o good_a thing_n he_o betru_v thou_o with_o at_o any_o time_n as_o also_o that_o there_o may_v never_o be_v find_v in_o thou_o any_o backwardness_n or_o unwillingness_n to_o give_v up_o thy_o trust_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o into_o his_o own_o hand_n when_o ever_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o call_v for_o it_o which_o seem_v to_o note_v a_o further_a degree_n of_o faithfulness_n further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n at_o the_o same_o time_n 1_o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o generality_n of_o it_o when_o a_o man_n be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o he_o have_v though_o all_o that_o he_o have_v be_v but_o a_o little_a and_o true_o herein_o i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o lament_v before_o the_o lord_n for_o in_o the_o stead_n of_o be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o i_o have_v there_o be_v much_o unfaithfulness_n in_o i_o that_o appear_v in_o all_o that_o the_o lord_n trust_v i_o with_o and_o yet_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o also_o say_v that_o there_o be_v some_o degree_n of_o this_o faithfulness_n or_o at_o least_o a_o desire_n after_o it_o in_o thou_o and_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v by_o this_o law_n of_o thy_o lord_n as_o paul_n do_v of_o the_o law_n of_o god_n in_o general_a with_o my_o mind_n i_o even_o myself_o serve_v this_o law_n of_o god_n in_o faithfulness_n though_o in_o my_o flesh_n i_o do_v too_o often_o rebel_v against_o it_o which_o be_v my_o daily_a burden_n from_o which_o evil_a in_o thy_o own_o time_n deliver_v i_o oh_o my_o god_n and_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v for_o 2._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o be_v faithful_a notwithstanding_o all_o difficulty_n that_o accompany_v they_o in_o their_o service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o not_o abundant_o cause_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n that_o have_v be_v please_v to_o make_v thou_o thus_o faithful_a in_o any_o degree_n or_o measure_n in_o this_o respect_n who_o by_o his_o own_o hand_n &_o power_n have_v carry_v thou_o through_o many_o a_o reproach_n and_o scoff_n and_o scorn_v and_o by_o word_n make_v thou_o like_o isaac_n who_o be_v still_o persecute_v by_o ishmael_n and_o have_v not_o this_o be_v thy_o lot_n by_o some_o ever_o reproach_v thou_o scoff_v deride_v thou_o backbiting_a speak_v evil_a abundant_o of_o thou_o and_o yet_o false_o do_v their_o utmost_a to_o bring_v thou_o out_o of_o favour_n with_o those_o who_o love_n thou_o high_o prise_v and_o have_v reason_n for_o it_o and_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n make_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o under_o this_o when_o other_o tax_v thou_o of_o hypocrisy_n and_o the_o like_a to_o search_v thy_o own_o heart_n and_o bemoan_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o
nature_n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o my_o heart_n be_v somewhat_o i_o think_v affect_v with_o those_o desire_n before_o the_o lord_n yet_o oh_o with_o what_o sadness_n i_o may_v speak_v it_o how_o soon_o be_v they_o out_o of_o mind_n even_o before_o i_o get_v to_o tulham_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o quite_o forget_v my_o own_o desire_n and_o not_o at_o all_o look_v after_o any_o answer_n of_o they_o but_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n raise_v and_o rouse_v up_o my_o dead_a heart_n even_o upon_o the_o name_a of_o the_o psalm_n that_o be_v call_v to_o be_v sing_v in_o the_o morning_n which_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n which_o at_o the_o first_o name_a of_o my_o heart_n leap_v as_o it_o be_v think_v what_o shall_v we_o sing_v that_o psalm_n mr_n knight_n text_n be_v in_o though_o for_o the_o present_a i_o mistake_v for_o his_o text_n be_v in_o the_o 45_o psalm_n but_o this_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n &_o the_o two_o last_o staff_n which_o as_o soon_o as_o we_o begin_v to_o sing_v my_o heart_n be_v exceed_o alter_v with_o it_o in_o which_o i_o find_v many_o suitable_a expression_n to_o my_o former_a desire_n even_o in_o the_o very_a word_n which_o do_v as_o it_o be_v raise_v my_o heart_n in_o a_o kind_n of_o content_a expectation_n of_o a_o glorius_fw-la appearance_n of_o god_n that_o day_n as_o a_o return_n of_o prayer_n which_o methinks_v the_o lord_n do_v even_o then_o give_v to_o i_o by_o hint_v this_o scripture_n so_o put_v to_o my_o condition_n and_o desire_n and_o how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v the_o 27._o of_o this_o 6._o month_n through_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n in_o both_o part_n of_o the_o day_n who_o he_o be_v please_v to_o come_v in_o even_o beyond_o his_o own_o expectation_n as_o he_o acknowledge_v to_o i_o in_o discourse_n the_o next_o day_n tell_v i_o that_o he_o do_v only_o intend_v to_o handle_v in_o general_a the_o 3_o thing_n concern_v christ_n as_o his_o sweetness_n fitness_n &_o faithfulness_n but_o when_o he_o come_v to_o speak_v to_o they_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v so_o great_o to_o enlarge_v the_o thought_n of_o it_o upon_o his_o heart_n and_o make_v it_o so_o sweet_a unto_o he_o that_o he_o can_v not_o but_o declare_v what_o the_o lord_n give_v in_o unto_o he_o and_o true_o not_o only_a be_v it_o sweet_a to_o he_o but_o as_o fit_v and_o seasonabe_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o any_o thing_n that_o can_v have_v be_v speak_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o but_o a_o heart_n to_o make_v improvement_n of_o it_o so_o as_o may_v be_v to_o his_o praise_n and_o eternal_a good_a of_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o 7_o day_n of_o the_o month_n how_o abundant_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o to_o this_o rebellious_a wretch_n who_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o fear_v that_o my_o heart_n be_v set_v more_o to_o seek_v &_o see_v a_o poor_a vain_a creature_n &_o to_o meet_v which_o the_o they_o then_o to_o see_v or_o meet_v the_o lord_n &_o yet_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v even_o now_o bow_v down_o and_o give_v forth_o gracious_a visit_n to_o my_o soul_n through_o many_o sensible_a conviction_n hint_v to_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n both_o through_o his_o word_n and_o through_o his_o other_o administration_n this_o day_n go_v early_o enough_o to_o hear_v the_o morning_n sermon_n though_o i_o much_o fear_n whether_o it_o be_v so_o much_o out_o of_o pure_a love_n to_o it_o as_o out_o of_o self-end_n yet_o what_o sensible_a conviction_n do_v there_o from_o the_o lord_n fall_v upon_o my_o hart_n from_o these_o instruction_n m._n blond_n hint_v out_o to_o we_o from_o the_o expression_n of_o david_n i_o keep_v myself_o from_o my_o iniquity_n where_o he_o show_v we_o that_o it_o be_v our_o great_a duty_n to_o watch_v chief_o against_o our_o own_o particular_a sin_n show_v we_o how_o we_o may_v know_v they_o hint_v also_o that_o it_o be_v probable_a that_o this_o sin_n of_o david_n be_v tongue-sin_n from_o which_o how_o secret_o do_v the_o lord_n check_v my_o poor_a soul_n afterward_o mr_n nie_n speak_v from_o psalm_n the_o 50._o 26_o this_o thou_o do_v and_o i_o keep_v silence_n where_o he_o show_v that_o by_o silence_n be_v mean_v a_o refrain_v from_o motion_n or_o action_n whence_o he_o observe_v that_o word_n and_o action_n be_v all_o one_o with_o god_n it_o be_v as_o easy_a with_o god_n to_o do_v as_o to_o speak_v it_o be_v but_o for_o he_o to_o speak_v and_o the_o work_n be_v do_v yea_o it_o be_v as_o easy_a for_o god_n to_o do_v as_o for_o we_o to_o speak_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o much_o more_o and_o what_o a_o mighty_a encouragement_n be_v this_o to_o thy_o faith_n o_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o improvement_n he_o make_v of_o it_o by_o application_n and_o also_o hint_v more_o that_o as_o all_o god_n word_n be_v action_n and_o so_o pardon_v action_n and_o administration_n be_v as_o so_o many_o word_n and_o oh_o of_o what_o use_n be_v this_o to_o my_o soul_n what_o thing_n have_v god_n speak_v to_o my_o soul_n from_o and_o by_o his_o various_a administration_n to_o thou_o for_o these_o many_o year_n how_o have_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o providence_n often_o as_o it_o be_v convince_v thou_o and_o yet_o thy_o base_a heart_n will_v not_o leave_v to_o go_v on_o to_o tempt_v the_o lord_n though_o he_o have_v so_o evident_o appear_v in_o cross_v thou_o and_o this_o day_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o it_o that_o thou_o will_v put_v on_o thy_o best_a clothes_n in_o that_o pride_n and_o vanity_n of_o thy_o heart_n thou_o know_v do_v thou_o not_o by_o a_o strange_a providence_n as_o it_o be_v get_v a_o spot_n in_o thy_o coat_n to_o check_v thou_o and_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n by_o it_o show_v thou_o thy_o pride_n vanity_n and_o folly_n but_o oh_o how_o gracious_a be_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o show_v thou_o this_o in_o so_o mild_a and_o gentle_a a_o way_n the_o 10._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n but_o in_o a_o formal_a way_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o that_o day_n through_o his_o servant_n as_o also_o to_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n that_o mr._n knight_n put_v up_o to_o he_o the_o last_o day_n namely_o to_o unveil_v the_o grace_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n to_o he_o that_o he_o may_v so_o taste_v and_o feel_v it_o as_o may_v enable_v he_o to_o declare_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n which_o i_o do_v now_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o though_o i_o be_v altogether_o unworthy_a of_o this_o mercy_n or_o of_o any_o more_o appearance_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v make_v so_o little_a improvement_n of_o so_o many_o gracious_a favour_n yet_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o overcome_v my_o rebellion_n and_o unfruitfulness_n with_o his_o love_n and_o at_o the_o last_o overpower_v my_o soul_n anâ—_n bring_v it_o to_o a_o more_o full_a subjection_n to_o himself_o and_o that_o which_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o record_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v before_o he_o and_o that_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v most_o particulary_a to_o unveil_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n the_o lord_n help_v thou_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o improve_v all_o those_o wondefull_a appearance_n of_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n the_o 13._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n appoint_v by_o this_o new_a parliament_n for_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o put_v my_o heart_n into_o some_o measure_n of_o suteableness_n to_o that_o business_n and_o to_o make_v i_o real_o sensible_a of_o all_o my_o rebellion_n unfruitfulness_n and_o unthankfulness_n to_o he_o for_o all_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n and_o that_o he_o will_v pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o be_v his_o and_o our_o mouth_n this_o day_n as_o also_o beg_v the_o lord_n to_o let_v some_o hint_n from_o himself_o fall_v with_o power_n upon_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n and_o there_o abide_v and_o bless_a god_n how_o gracious_o be_v thou_o please_v to_o appear_v and_o with_o what_o sensible_a and_o suitable_a truth_n press_v my_o soul_n to_o get_v into_o christ_n and_o dwell_v there_o than_o which_o there_o be_v no_o truth_n more_o needful_a to_o be_v press_v upon_o my_o wretched_a heart_n be_v so_o miserable_o shatter_v about_o and_o upon_o other_o thing_n and_o my_o affection_n so_o sad_o divide_v that_o in_o truth_n i_o do_v not_o dwell_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n as_o i_o ought_v which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o great_a mercy_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o
world_n with_o i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o see_v that_o all_o my_o former_a desire_n will_v have_v be_v nothing_o but_o that_o i_o may_v even_o then_o have_v go_v to_o hell_n as_o well_o as_o afterward_o whereupon_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o very_o desirous_a to_o read_v and_o hear_v all_o the_o mark_n of_o a_o righteous_a man_n that_o shall_v go_v to_o heaven_n and_o according_o i_o get_v a_o book_n call_v mr._n roger_n evidence_n and_o a_o other_o call_v the_o touchstone_n of_o true_a grace_n a_o other_o call_v none_o but_o christ_n and_o divers_a other_o which_o i_o do_v daily_o read_v on_o for_o many_o hour_n together_o then_o come_v the_o devil_n upon_o i_o with_o this_o temptation_n that_o i_o shall_v keep_v all_o this_o my_o trouble_n to_o myself_o and_o not_o discover_v it_o to_o any_o although_o never_o so_o near_o or_o dear_a unto_o i_o which_o temptation_n i_o whole_o yield_v unto_o and_o that_o for_o many_o year_n together_o until_o i_o even_o destroy_v my_o bodily_a health_n with_o continual_a trouble_n fear_n and_o sadness_n but_o not_o discover_v any_o cause_n of_o it_o so_o that_o all_o the_o support_n i_o have_v be_v what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hand_n out_o to_o i_o by_o hear_v and_o read_v which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v effectual_a still_o to_o lead_v i_o on_o though_o with_o much_o trouble_n and_o sadness_n then_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o these_o trouble_n be_v in_o the_o year_n 1638._o or_o 1639._o i_o be_v some_o 12_o or_o 13_o year_n old_a which_o be_v time_n of_o great_a fear_n and_o sadness_n the_o people_n of_o god_n meet_v often_o and_o speak_v one_o to_o a_o other_o and_o keep_v day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n and_o his_o poor_a people_n in_o it_o my_o parent_n often_o go_v to_o these_o meeting_n but_o not_o dare_v to_o tell_v i_o it_o the_o time_n be_v so_o dangerous_a at_o last_o have_v often_o observe_v the_o frame_n of_o their_o spirit_n at_o such_o time_n more_o especial_o i_o begin_v much_o to_o long_o and_o desire_v to_o know_v whither_o they_o go_v and_o be_v very_o importunate_a with_o my_o mother_n to_o that_o end_n and_o at_o last_o prevail_v she_o be_v content_a to_o let_v i_o go_v along_o with_o they_o which_o be_v so_o please_v to_o i_o that_o ever_o after_o i_o continue_v to_o go_v with_o they_o every_o week_n almost_o and_o sometime_o often_o where_o i_o find_v often_o much_o refreshment_n especial_o bear_v up_o my_o heart_n under_o those_o eminent_a danger_n which_o in_o a_o especial_a manner_n we_o lie_v open_a unto_o which_o the_o devil_n perceive_v to_o be_v agreat_a encouragement_n to_o i_o in_o the_o way_n i_o now_o desire_v to_o walk_v in_o use_v many_o temptation_n work_v together_o with_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o estate_n of_o my_o childhood_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o enjoy_v these_o opportunity_n as_o some_o time_n sleepiness_n be_v fain_o to_o go_v early_o in_o the_o morning_n and_o cold_a it_o be_v in_o the_o deep_a of_o winter_n etc._n etc._n with_o several_a other_o temptation_n as_o the_o danger_n if_o we_o shall_v be_v take_v as_o some_o have_v be_v and_o all_o this_o to_o discourage_v i_o which_o sometime_o he_o well_o nigh_o accomplish_v but_o ponder_v it_o sin_v my_o mind_n and_o be_v enable_v to_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v but_o a_o temptation_n i_o dare_v very_o seldom_o if_o ever_o give_v way_n to_o they_o but_o be_v still_o enable_v to_o break_v through_o though_o true_o i_o have_v much_o admire_v since_o how_o my_o spirit_n be_v carry_v out_o in_o those_o day_n in_o join_v in_o prayer_n etc._n etc._n how_o exceed_o sometime_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v upon_o and_o constrain_v to_o pour_v forth_o tear_n and_o groan_n yea_o my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v up_o to_o such_o a_o frame_n and_o i_o find_v so_o much_o sweetness_n as_o i_o apprehend_v in_o the_o company_n of_o the_o saint_n and_o those_o enjoyment_n my_o soul_n feel_v in_o such_o duty_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v free_o and_o cheerful_o lay_v down_o my_o life_n with_o they_o more_o free_o than_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v long_o since_o master_n love_n then_o come_v to_o london_n and_o sometime_o meet_v he_o at_o these_o private_a meeting_n and_o so_o have_v some_o knowledge_n of_o he_o and_o be_v afterward_o choose_v chaplain_n to_o my_o father_n regiment_n and_o so_o go_v to_o windsor_n with_o we_o about_o the_o year_n 1642._o and_o so_o live_v in_o the_o house_n with_o we_o for_o 2_o year_n a_o half_a who_o at_o our_o first_o go_n perceive_v much_o sadness_n to_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o know_v by_o experience_n what_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n be_v he_o have_v former_o lie_v under_o it_o for_o divers_a year_n do_v at_o last_o serious_o burden_n i_o with_o it_o which_o come_v upon_o i_o in_o such_o a_o nick_n of_o time_n have_v but_o a_o little_a before_o be_v read_v in_o a_o little_a book_n that_o i_o have_v wherein_o i_o be_v direct_v that_o if_o any_o trouble_n lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n i_o shall_v reveal_v it_o that_o so_o i_o may_v receive_v satisfaction_n which_o ponder_v with_o in_o myself_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v it_o but_o tell_v he_o in_o some_o measure_n the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n and_o he_o endeavour_v to_o satisfy_v i_o from_o the_o word_n which_o he_o have_v no_o soon_o do_v in_o any_o measure_n but_o still_o the_o devil_n begin_v with_o new_a and_o fresh_a temptation_n and_o when_o what_o have_v be_v say_v to_o i_o be_v a_o little_a out_o of_o my_o mind_n which_o he_o will_v soon_o find_v occasion_n to_o put_v out_o then_o come_v he_o over_o with_o the_o old_a temptation_n again_o work_v they_o fresh_a upon_o my_o thought_n endeavour_v still_o to_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v of_o ever_o receive_v any_o mercy_n of_o god_n then_o stand_v i_o convince_v from_o the_o word_n and_o divers_a instruction_n i_o meet_v withal_o ground_v thereupon_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o perform_v private_a duty_n as_o well_o as_o public_a as_o prayer_n meditation_n examination_n and_o the_o like_a which_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o set_v about_o in_o a_o serious_a manner_n be_v every_o way_n unfit_a for_o it_o and_o unable_a to_o it_o so_o that_o often_o through_o neglect_n and_o mis-performance_n this_o also_o add_v to_o my_o trouble_n and_o sadness_n then_o hear_v mr._n love_n preach_v upon_o that_o scripture_n mat._n 5._o 20._o for_o i_o say_v unto_o you_o except_o your_o righteousness_n shall_v exceed_v the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n you_o shall_v in_o no_o wise_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n and_o hear_v how_o far_o the_o pharisee_n go_v in_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n and_o avoid_v of_o evil_n etc._n etc._n which_o i_o see_v myself_o so_o short_a of_o which_o make_v i_o conclude_v i_o shall_v also_o be_v short_a of_o heaven_n my_o eye_n &_o understanding_n be_v then_o withhold_v from_o the_o right_a understanding_n of_o the_o spiritual_a sense_n of_o that_o scripture_n which_o since_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o rich_a grace_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o see_v fulfil_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n who_o be_v i_o through_o faith_n a_o while_n after_o he_o do_v also_o preach_v upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o heb._n 12._o 15_o 16_o 17._o look_v diligent_o lest_o there_o be_v any_o fornicator_n or_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n upon_o the_o hear_n of_o which_o it_o be_v suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v never_o seek_v the_o blessing_n so_o diligent_o careful_o and_o importunate_o as_o profane_v esau_n do_v and_o therefore_o shall_v much_o more_o go_v without_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o scripture_n among_o divers_a other_o strike_v so_o deep_a in_o i_o that_o it_o much_o increase_v my_o sadness_n so_o that_o i_o can_v take_v little_a delight_n in_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n but_o as_o often_o as_o i_o can_v refuse_v to_o go_v into_o any_o company_n choose_v rather_o a_o solitary_a life_n yet_o still_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v all_o to_o myself_o make_v nothing_o know_v but_o only_o those_o daily_a bodily_a weakness_n which_o do_v also_o accompany_v i_o in_o great_a measure_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o continue_v for_o that_o time_n i_o be_v at_o windsor_n be_v often_o condemn_v in_o my_o own_o conscience_n for_o my_o neglect_n of_o duty_n and_o commission_n of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n and_o what_o ever_o have_v at_o
into_o my_o spirit_n to_o beat_v i_o off_o from_o that_o pitch_n of_o faith_n which_o i_o then_o find_v my_o spirit_n breathe_v after_o viz._n that_o where_o the_o lord_n give_v such_o great_a strength_n of_o faith_n or_o any_o other_o grace_n he_o give_v also_o as_o great_a trial_n and_o that_o therefore_o if_o i_o have_v the_o one_o i_o must_v expect_v the_o other_o also_o and_o so_o shall_v not_o only_o be_v a_o mean_n to_o pull_v down_o sorrow_n affliction_n and_o trial_n upon_o my_o own_o head_n but_o also_o in_o lie_v under_o they_o and_o so_o sad_o dishonour_n god_n as_o now_o i_o do_v which_o at_o the_o present_a do_v somewhat_o take_v of_o the_o edge_n of_o my_o affection_n and_o weaken_v my_o former_a desire_n until_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a temptation_n whether_o from_o satan_n or_o my_o own_o heart_n my_o deceitful_a but_o subtle_a enemy_n to_o scare_v i_o with_o such_o fear_n which_o temptation_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o overcome_v with_o grief_n that_o i_o shall_v in_o the_o least_o parley_n with_o it_o and_o again_o to_o renew_v my_o former_a desire_n and_o withal_o to_o beg_v his_o continual_a presence_n with_o i_o in_o all_o whatever_o trial_n and_o condition_n he_o shall_v bring_v i_o under_o that_o he_o will_v keep_v i_o from_o dishonour_v he_o under_o they_o and_o manifest_v himself_o to_o i_o through_o they_o and_o then_o to_o do_v with_o i_o as_o seem_v he_o good_a a_o few_o day_n after_o as_o i_o be_v one_o evening_n write_v a_o letter_n unto_o a_o dear_a kinswoman_n of_o i_o who_o at_o that_o time_n lie_v under_o some_o sad_a dispensation_n from_o the_o lord_n whereupon_o i_o take_v occasion_n to_o urge_v that_o promise_n upon_o she_o in_o rom._n 8._o 28._o and_o we_o know_v that_o all_o thing_n work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n etc._n etc._n which_o while_o i_o be_v endeavour_v to_o press_v upon_o she_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o cause_v it_o to_o fall_v with_o mighty_a power_n upon_o my_o heart_n which_o be_v set_v home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n not_o only_o as_o that_o which_o i_o shall_v rest_v upon_o and_o expect_v the_o performance_n of_o but_o as_o that_o which_o i_o have_v have_v much_o experience_n through_o all_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o i_o to_o have_v be_v continual_o make_v good_a so_o that_o the_o experience_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o deal_n with_o my_o soul_n for_o many_o year_n in_o all_o the_o affliction_n and_o exercise_n i_o have_v lyen_fw-we under_o whether_o in_o body_n or_o mind_n in_o loss_n of_o relation_n or_o comfort_n etc._n etc._n yea_o the_o very_a withhold_n â—he_v light_a of_o god_n face_n which_o be_v life_n itself_o â—_o do_v testify_v to_o the_o truth_n of_o this_o word_n have_v be_v all_o of_o they_o by_o the_o lord_n bring_v and_o wrought_v about_o for_o my_o good_a the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o cleave_v the_o close_a to_o himself_o and_o take_v the_o fast_o hold_v of_o he_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o all_o which_o there_o fall_v this_o far_a hint_n with_o some_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o it_o shall_v also_o be_v even_o so_o with_o i_o in_o respect_n of_o those_o corruption_n that_o i_o be_v still_o pester_v with_o and_o groan_v under_o but_o there_o be_v yet_o especial_o at_o some_o time_n many_o confuse_a fear_n upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o i_o can_v give_v very_o little_a reason_n for_o upon_o the_o second_o day_n of_o the_o eleven_o month_n 1652._o be_v the_o first_o day_n of_o the_o week_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v yet_o further_o to_o appear_v with_o a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n which_o do_v much_o refresh_v it_o it_o be_v thus_o mr._n knight_n be_v in_o the_o afternoon_n in_o his_o ministry_n at_o fulham_n upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o heb._n 2._o 1_o 2_o 3._o stir_v we_o up_o to_o hearken_v diligent_o to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o not_o to_o let_v any_o of_o his_o word_n at_o any_o timeslip_n out_o of_o our_o heart_n whence_o also_o he_o take_v occasion_n to_o comfort_v the_o people_n of_o god_n upon_o this_o account_n that_o christ_n shall_v think_v their_o ear_n worthy_a of_o hear_v his_o voice_n &_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o always_o send_v his_o messenger_n nor_o make_v use_n of_o instrument_n but_o shall_v often_o rather_o as_o it_o be_v choose_v to_o speak_v himsel_n at_o which_o word_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o touch_v my_o heart_n and_o to_o make_v it_o sweet_o to_o melt_v before_o he_o with_o joy_n to_o think_v that_o christ_n shall_v thus_o speak_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o i_o now_o see_v he_o have_v do_v by_o he_o 2_o year_n before_o who_o when_o he_o have_v visit_v i_o with_o that_o sore_a loss_n of_o my_o dear_a parent_n and_o cast_v i_o and_o my_o mother_n both_o upon_o our_o sick_a bed_n neither_o of_o we_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v to_o each_o other_o yea_o when_o no_o friend_n or_o creature_n either_o can_v or_o do_v endeavour_v to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o be_v in_o a_o most_o sad_a condition_n for_o want_n of_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o god_n under_o all_o these_o dispensation_n of_o his_o towards_o i_o who_o have_v as_o it_o be_v by_o his_o own_o hand_n as_o i_o now_o real_o believe_v he_o do_v shut_v up_o and_o stop_v all_o other_o mouth_n yet_o that_o now_o the_o lord_n jesus_n shall_v choose_v to_o speak_v himself_o as_o i_o find_v he_o have_v do_v in_o some_o measure_n support_v my_o spirit_n which_o be_v ready_a to_o sink_v and_o give_v up_o under_o the_o heavy_a burden_n it_o lay_v both_o of_o the_o sense_n of_o guilt_n and_o wrath_n all_o which_o be_v put_v together_o oh_o how_o do_v the_o sight_n of_o his_o love_n both_o melt_v and_o cheer_v my_o heart_n then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o the_o next_o day_n be_v the_o second_o day_n of_o the_o same_o week_n bring_v to_o my_o mimd_n and_o thought_n those_o word_n that_o be_v record_v of_o job_n in_o job_n 9_o 11._o which_o after_o i_o have_v pause_v a_o little_a upon_o contrary_a to_o my_o intention_n or_o thought_n i_o go_v on_o still_o read_v though_o but_o in_o a_o brief_a quick_a way_n be_v straighten_v of_o time_n for_o it_o be_v late_o in_o the_o evening_n but_o i_o take_v a_o view_n of_o the_o whole_a book_n of_o job_n until_o i_o come_v to_o the_o end_n of_o it_o and_o the_o thing_n in_o general_a that_o be_v hint_v to_o i_o and_o fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n from_o the_o whole_a be_v this_o that_o none_o of_o all_o job_n friend_n who_o endeavour_v to_o speak_v to_o he_o can_v neither_o hint_n out_o a_o word_n of_o comfort_n or_o of_o conviction_n to_o he_o in_o this_o sad_a estate_n none_o of_o all_o their_o word_n take_v hold_v at_o all_o upon_o his_o spirit_n until_o god_n himself_o come_v to_o speak_v and_o then_o one_o word_n of_o god_n do_v it_o make_v he_o cry_v out_o job_n 40._o 45._o behold_v i_o be_o vile_a what_o shall_v i_o answer_v thou_o i_o will_v lay_v my_o hand_n upon_o my_o mouth_n once_o have_v i_o speak_v but_o i_o will_v not_o answer_v yea_o twice_o but_o i_o will_v proceed_v no_o further_o and_o again_o job_n 42._o 5_o 6._o i_o have_v hear_v of_o thou_o by_o the_o hear_n of_o the_o ear_n but_o now_o my_o eye_n see_v thou_o therefore_o i_o abhor_v myself_o and_o repent_v in_o dust_n and_o ash_n that_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v when_o god_n speak_v which_o cause_v i_o strong_o to_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n thereby_o call_v to_o mind_n how_o many_o instruction_n conviction_n and_o comfort_n have_v be_v from_o time_n to_o time_n for_o many_o year_n pass_v by_o several_a friend_n and_o servant_n of_o god_n hold_v out_o to_o i_o which_o never_o take_v any_o hold_n at_o all_o upon_o my_o spirit_n but_o when_o god_n himself_o will_v take_v in_o hand_n to_o speak_v he_o can_v bring_v thing_n past_a and_o go_v quite_o back_o again_o as_o he_o do_v the_o sun_n upon_o it_o he_o dial_n of_o ahaz_n 2_o king_n 22._o 11._o and_o bring_v they_o fresh_a into_o memory_n and_o cause_n the_o soul_n to_o see_v his_o hand_n and_o work_v in_o all_o and_o so_o to_o abhor_v itself_o for_o those_o abominable_a unbelieved_a thought_n and_o jealousy_n of_o god_n that_o have_v be_v upon_o its_o heart_n when_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o it_o be_v take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o beget_v in_o the_o soul_n good_a and_o honourable_a thought_n of_o he_o then_o hear_v this_o same_o night_n that_o mr._n simpson_n be_v next_o morning_n be_v the_o three_o day_n of_o this_o week_n to_o begin_v his_o lecture_n in_o friday_n street_n
&_o 66._o 16._o 1_o tim._n 1._o 13_o 14_o 15_o 16._o act._n 22._o there_o be_v also_o sudden_o after_o this_o present_v to_o i_o as_o one_o thing_n that_o the_o lord_n may_v aim_v at_o in_o this_o touch_n of_o he_o even_o to_o mind_n i_o that_o i_o have_v not_o that_o degree_n of_o compassion_n or_o fellow_n feel_v as_o i_o ought_v of_o that_o affliction_n which_o in_o some_o respect_n in_o the_o same_o kind_n though_o in_o a_o great_a degree_n lie_v upon_o our_o sister_n arnat_a by_o reason_n of_o a_o great_a fever_n and_o doubtless_o there_o may_v be_v something_o in_o this_o though_o i_o shall_v also_o wrong_v myself_o shall_v i_o not_o acknowledge_v much_o and_o continue_a work_v in_o my_o heart_n for_o and_o towards_o she_o which_o oft_o occasion_v i_o to_o spread_v her_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n but_o upon_o the_o 25_o of_o this_o 11_o month_n in_o the_o night_n i_o have_v little_a or_o no_o rest_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a distemper_n which_o lie_v upon_o i_o and_o real_o i_o do_v not_o well_o know_v whether_o the_o distemper_n of_o my_o body_n or_o my_o mind_n be_v the_o great_a but_o both_o meeting_n it_o lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n which_o think_v itself_o ready_a to_o give_v up_o under_o it_o but_o my_o thought_n be_v continual_o work_v i_o find_v in_o my_o spirit_n a_o great_a natural_a reluctancy_n against_o death_n which_o seem_v at_o time_n as_o it_o be_v to_o approach_v often_o think_v that_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a in_o natural_a reason_n that_o i_o can_v continue_v until_o morning_n yet_o say_v i_o nothing_o for_o fear_v of_o affright_v my_o mother_n yet_o have_v i_o also_o between_o time_n a_o great_a desire_n together_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o persuasion_n that_o for_o all_o this_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o hear_v mr._n knight_n next_o morning_n who_o turn_n it_o be_v to_o preach_v at_o the_o chapel_n at_o fulham_n thus_o i_o say_v find_v in_o my_o spirit_n some_o kind_n of_o reluctancy_n at_o death_n of_o which_o consider_v a_o little_a it_o be_v that_o corruption_n which_o i_o think_v have_v now_o be_v in_o some_o good_a measure_n crucify_v but_o find_v it_o still_o to_o work_v up_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o i_o which_o together_o with_o many_o other_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o sanctify_v the_o name_n of_o god_n or_o honour_v he_o under_o this_o affliction_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n at_o the_o approach_n of_o death_n and_o if_o i_o know_v my_o heart_n in_o any_o measure_n that_o only_o which_o i_o resolve_v in_o myself_o to_o declare_v to_o some_o friend_n i_o shall_v meet_v at_o fulham_n next_o day_n if_o the_o lord_n shall_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o go_v and_o so_o beg_v their_o remembrance_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n but_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v better_o of_o it_o i_o be_v give_v to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o but_o a_o mere_a temptation_n to_o distrust_v the_o power_n and_o love_n of_o god_n to_o think_v as_o if_o he_o shall_v now_o bring_v i_o into_o that_o condition_n that_o he_o will_v not_o carry_v i_o through_o whereupon_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o gather_v up_o my_o spirit_n a_o little_a and_o in_o some_o better_a measure_n to_o submit_v to_o the_o hand_n and_o will_n of_o my_o father_n which_o i_o be_v now_o assure_v shall_v certain_o end_v in_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o good_a and_o to_o this_o end_n i_o be_v now_o also_o enable_v again_o to_o call_v over_o that_o bless_a promise_n in_o rom._n 8._o 28._o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v yea_o work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n etc._n etc._n which_o promise_n i_o have_v often_o find_v by_o experience_n have_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v therefore_o much_o trouble_v that_o any_o distrustful_a thought_n shall_v arise_v in_o i_o concern_v it_o divers_z other_o promise_n also_o before_o mention_v be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n and_o wrought_v afresh_o upon_o my_o heart_n which_o do_v exceed_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n so_o that_o the_o first_o refreshment_n which_o i_o find_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o after_o that_o be_v a_o little_a quiet_v i_o have_v a_o little_a short_a slumber_n and_o do_v the_o lord_n so_o far_o mitigate_v my_o bodily_a distemper_n as_o that_o it_o do_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o that_o bless_a opportunity_n next_o day_n though_o accompany_v with_o much_o bodily_a weakness_n but_o upon_o the_o 2_o day_n of_o the_o 12_o month_n 1652._o i_o find_v my_o distemper_n of_o body_n much_o abate_v in_o so_o much_o as_o i_o think_v it_o be_v now_o quite_o go_v but_o that_o very_a night_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o return_v yea_o to_o heighten_v it_o constrain_a i_o to_o keep_v house_n certain_a day_n whereby_o i_o perceive_v that_o this_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o yet_o accomplish_v nor_o i_o full_o acquaint_v with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o which_o be_v some_o trouble_n to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o acquaint_v i_o with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o and_o to_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o submit_v to_o whatsoever_o he_o have_v yet_o further_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o in_o which_o i_o also_o seek_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n upon_o the_o 6_o of_o this_o month_n but_o upon_o the_o seven_o day_n of_o this_o month_n providence_n offer_v some_o occasion_n whereby_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o the_o thought_n of_o part_v with_o my_o aunt_n dogget_n who_o be_v upon_o remove_n into_o the_o country_n with_o many_o thought_n there_o about_o which_o be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o occasion_v such_o a_o heavyness_n to_o possess_v my_o spirit_n upon_o other_o account_n also_o which_o come_v in_o to_o add_v to_o the_o other_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v overwhelm_v with_o it_o until_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o vent_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n at_o which_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o this_o be_v mere_o to_o return_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n for_o comfort_n and_o support_v as_o if_o he_o be_v not_o able_a abundant_o to_o make_v up_o in_o himself_o the_o want_n of_o such_o a_o comfort_n and_o relation_n if_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deprive_v i_o of_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o grieve_v i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o show_v i_o how_o i_o have_v continual_o provoke_v he_o in_o this_o kind_n by_o lean_v upon_o such_o poor_a reed_n and_o dige_v to_o myself_o such_o poor_a pit_n such_o break_a cistern_n as_o can_v indeed_o hold_v no_o water_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n too_o much_o neglect_v he_o the_o fountain_n of_o live_a water_n jer._n 2._o 13._o yea_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o lament_v my_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a folly_n he_o be_v please_v also_o to_o cast_v my_o thought_n upon_o that_o part_n of_o scripture_n i_o find_v record_v in_o 1_o king_n 11._o 9_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v angry_a with_o solomon_n because_o his_o heart_n be_v turn_v from_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o israel_n which_o have_v appear_v to_o he_o twice_o even_o so_o i_o see_v the_o lord_n have_v just_a cause_n to_o be_v angry_a with_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v thus_o again_o return_v to_o the_o creature_n and_o as_o it_o be_v make_v a_o god_n of_o it_o yea_o after_o such_o eminent_a appearance_n of_o his_o to_o my_o soul_n the_o same_o day_n do_v the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o severe_a threaten_n against_o moab_n who_o have_v be_v at_o ease_n from_o his_o youth_n and_o be_v settle_v on_o his_o lees_n who_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n neither_o have_v go_v into_o captivity_n and_o therefore_o his_o taste_n remain_v in_o he_o and_o his_o scent_n be_v not_o change_v jer._n 48._o 11_o now_o find_v this_o give_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n as_o the_o reason_n why_o his_o scent_n remain_v even_o because_o he_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v etc._n etc._n i_o can_v not_o but_o stand_v and_o wonder_n what_o reason_n can_v be_v give_v of_o the_o corruption_n in_o my_o heart_n who_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o leave_v at_o ease_n but_o have_v often_o empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n as_o it_o be_v try_v always_o and_o mean_v with_o i_o and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v still_o savour_v so_o much_o of_o the_o earth_n and_o of_o the_o old_a man_n and_o shall_v still_o so_o incline_v to_o depend_v upon_o a_o arm_n of_o flesh_n 2_o chron._n 32._o
to_o enable_v he_o to_o make_v out_o yet_o more_o clear_o that_o work_n that_o he_o have_v wrought_v in_o his_o soul_n if_o indeed_o there_o be_v any_o or_o else_o give_v we_o such_o a_o discern_a spirit_n as_o may_v teach_v we_o what_o to_o do_v in_o it_o that_o if_o it_o be_v his_o will_n there_o may_v no_o soul_n come_v in_o among_o we_o that_o may_v any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n but_o that_o those_o that_o be_v receive_v may_v be_v such_o as_o himself_o by_o his_o spirit_n shall_v receive_v nor_o none_o be_v detain_v but_o such_o as_o himself_o shall_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o poor_a servant_n detain_v as_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o if_o there_o be_v no_o real_a work_n of_o he_o upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o find_v out_o some_o way_n or_o other_o in_o his_o wisdom_n to_o keep_v he_o off_o april_n 24._o 1653._o be_v the_o lord_n please_v gracious_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o further_o of_o my_o sinful_a passion_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v angry_a either_o without_o a_o cause_n or_o upon_o a_o light_a ground_n and_o so_o to_o dishonour_v the_o lord_n which_o conviction_n be_v set_v home_o from_o mr._n knight_n expression_n of_o mat._n 5._o 22._o i_o say_v if_o you_o be_v angry_a with_o your_o brother_n without_o a_o cause_n you_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o judgement_n and_o whosoever_o say_v to_o his_o brother_n racha_n which_o word_n express_v their_o contemn_v of_o their_o brethren_n that_o be_v to_o have_v contemptible_a thought_n of_o they_o this_o be_v a_o great_a evil_n for_o this_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o the_o council_n but_o whosoever_o shall_v say_v thou_o fool_n that_o be_v one_o that_o have_v no_o understanding_n but_o be_v even_o as_o a_o beast_n this_o be_v in_o christ_n judgement_n a_o heinous_a sin_n for_o say_v he_o he_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o hell_n fire_n from_o all_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o set_v it_o home_o upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o have_v be_v exceed_o guilty_a even_o to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o those_o evil_n which_o conviction_n i_o desire_v may_v abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o make_v i_o through_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n more_o watchful_a over_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o respect_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v there_o be_v one_o conviction_n more_o this_o day_n set_v upon_o my_o heart_n from_o these_o word_n if_o thou_o remember_v thy_o brother_n have_v aught_o against_o thou_o he_o do_v not_o say_v if_o thou_o have_v aught_o against_o he_o but_o if_o he_o have_v aught_o against_o thou_o do_v thou_o seek_v reconciliation_n yea_o leave_v not_o till_o it_o be_v wrought_v out_o from_o which_o the_o lord_n not_o only_o convince_v i_o of_o this_o my_o duty_n and_o tell_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o suffer_v any_o prejudice_n to_o lie_v in_o my_o heart_n against_o any_o but_o also_o much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n under_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o as_o that_o which_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v the_o lord_n have_v real_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o enable_v i_o daily_o to_o practice_v the_o same_o day_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n at_o set_a time_n this_o be_v not_o all_o require_v but_o when_o the_o soul_n be_v indeed_o pain_a under_o the_o sense_n of_o its_o want_n of_o inlargedness_n to_o christ_n and_o the_o like_a that_o it_o cry_v out_o as_o the_o infant_n after_o the_o breast_n &_o be_v not_o satisfy_v with_o any_o thing_n without_o it_o but_o the_o soul_n pant_v within_o itself_o and_o want_v some_o manifestation_n of_o christ_n and_o this_o put_v upon_o duty_n from_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v be_v sad_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n in_o this_o respect_n many_o time_n which_o put_v my_o soul_n upon_o a_o search_n into_o itself_o whether_o i_o be_v not_o guilty_a in_o this_o respect_n after_o which_o i_o find_v i_o have_v be_v often_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n do_v they_o many_o time_n especial_o heretofore_o without_o this_o strong_a pant_a and_o sense_n of_o my_o want_n april_n 27._o oh_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v through_o grace_n before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o there_o be_v hardly_o that_o word_n come_v out_o of_o thy_o mouth_n or_o that_o action_n do_v by_o thou_o in_o any_o place_n or_o company_n that_o pass_v by_o thou_o without_o a_o reveiw_n judge_v and_o condemn_v thyself_o for_o they_o the_o beginning_n of_o may_n though_o i_o can_v find_v little_a fruit_n or_o growth_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v as_o it_o be_v draw_v over_o with_o a_o cloud_n yet_o even_o then_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n much_o refresh_v thou_o by_o enable_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n to_o roll_n upon_o that_o gracious_a word_n which_o have_v be_v at_o seasonable_a time_n bring_v to_o thy_o view_n that_o in_o hos_n 4._o 8._o i_o be_o as_o a_o green_a firr-tree_n in_o i_o be_v thy_o fruit_n find_v now_o this_o tree_n be_v always_o green_a do_v not_o the_o lord_n sometime_o disappoint_v the_o expectation_n oh_o my_o soul_n even_o of_o the_o sensible_a enjoyment_n of_o his_o own_o presence_n in_o a_o duty_n or_o ordinance_n or_o society_n that_o he_o may_v the_o more_o sweeten_v it_o to_o thou_o when_o he_o be_v please_v to_o appear_v and_o the_o more_o to_o draw_v thou_o out_o to_o seek_v his_o appearance_n and_o to_o cry_v mighty_o after_o he_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o shall_v thou_o say_v thou_o can_v not_o find_v love_n to_o god_n when_o thou_o do_v so_o frequent_o and_o restles_o desire_v the_o presence_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n in_o every_o ordinance_n and_o duty_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o his_o own_o sake_n why_o do_v not_o my_o soul_n sit_v down_o and_o rest_v content_v with_o the_o ordinance_n themselves_o two_o paper_n be_v give_v to_o mr._n knight_n to_o present_v before_o the_o lord_n at_o a_o private_a fast_o at_o fulham_n chapel_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n may_v 4_o 1653._o 1_o one_o who_o continual_o groan_v before_o the_o lord_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n of_o death_n and_o the_o continual_a issue_v of_o it_o out_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n to_o the_o dishonour_n of_o that_o god_n that_o deserve_v for_o ever_o even_o by_o their_o soul_n to_o be_v admire_v and_o praise_v be_v a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o their_o poor_a soul_n notwithstanding_o all_o their_o rebellion_n against_o he_o the_o desire_n therefore_o of_o their_o soul_n be_v that_o you_o who_o love_n and_o feat_n the_o lord_n will_v improve_v your_o interest_n in_o he_o in_o their_o behalf_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o power_n over_o all_o their_o corruption_n that_o however_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deal_v with_o their_o body_n though_o he_o wound_n yet_o it_o be_v he_o that_o heal_v though_o he_o lay_v sickness_n weakness_n distemper_n whatever_o he_o please_v upon_o they_o that_o yet_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o strength_n in_o their_o inward_a man_n to_o subdue_v and_o mortify_v their_o corruption_n and_o resist_v all_o the_o fiery_a dart_n of_o satan_n enable_v they_o to_o walk_v with_o a_o holy_a awe_n and_o fear_v of_o his_o bless_a self_n in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n in_o all_o their_o relation_n and_o under_o the_o dispensation_n of_o god_n to_o they_o that_o so_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v they_o may_v never_o prove_v by_o their_o uneven_a conversation_n any_o blot_n or_o blemish_n to_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o god_n and_o their_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n the_o thought_n whereof_o be_v if_o their_o heart_n deceive_v they_o not_o more_o bitter_a than_o death_n 2_o one_o who_o earnest_o desire_v that_o those_o who_o fear_v the_o lord_n will_v wrestle_v mighty_o with_o he_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o some_o poor_a dead_a dark_a soul_n who_o be_v near_o relate_v to_o they_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o speak_v so_o effectual_o to_o their_o heart_n that_o they_o may_v be_v cause_v to_o stand_v up_o on_o their_o foot_n and_o jesus_n christ_n may_v give_v they_o life_n that_o see_v he_o have_v say_v the_o dead_a shall_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o hear_v live_v that_o this_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o their_o soul_n that_o so_o they_o
more_o upon_o i_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v hardly_o be_v able_a to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o administration_n the_o next_o day_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v and_o submit_v my_o will_n to_o he_o yet_o very_o early_o that_o morning_n i_o have_v many_o reason_n in_o myself_o what_o to_o do_v be_v loath_a to_o distrust_v the_o power_n of_o god_n that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o find_v eminent_o hold_v out_o to_o i_o and_o yet_o unwilling_a to_o tempt_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v to_o i_o in_o any_o extraordinary_a way_n desire_v much_o his_o direction_n at_o last_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o resolve_v to_o go_v notwithstanding_o i_o be_v exceed_v ill_o of_o a_o extraordinary_a cold_a beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n and_o as_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o that_o probability_n of_o the_o enjoyment_n of_o he_o once_o more_o that_o it_o may_v be_v a_o bless_a opportunity_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o that_o his_o mighty_a power_n and_o spirit_n may_v accompany_v every_o word_n and_o hint_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o spiritual_a advantage_n to_o i_o such_o as_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o bless_v his_o name_n for_o and_o also_o to_o mould_v i_o into_o whatever_o truth_n he_o shall_v reveal_v to_o i_o that_o day_n and_o true_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v that_o the_o nineteenth_o day_n of_o this_o twelve_o month_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v very_o glorious_o to_o appear_v through_o his_o word_n administer_v by_o our_o dear_a pastor_n both_o in_o the_o exposition_n of_o the_o end_n of_o the_o 14._o of_o matt._n as_o also_o in_o both_o sermon_n this_o day_n at_o which_o time_n he_o begin_v to_o discourse_v upon_o the_o 45_o psalm_n but_o do_v only_o handle_v the_o title_n of_o it_o this_o day_n from_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hint_n out_o very_o precious_a glorious_a useful_a yea_o seasonable_a instruction_n to_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o desire_v earnest_o to_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o cast_v and_o mould_v my_o heart_n into_o yea_o such_o truth_n as_o prove_v a_o answer_n to_o several_a desire_n of_o my_o soul_n many_o day_n before_o and_o to_o the_o groan_n of_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n even_o continual_o almost_o to_o wit_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o gather_v my_o heart_n out_o of_o all_o thing_n below_o jesus_n christ_n and_o give_v i_o to_o the_o end_n such_o a_o sight_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n as_o may_v indeed_o take_v my_o heart_n from_o all_o other_o thing_n now_o that_o at_o this_o time_n the_o lord_n shall_v thus_o seasonable_o cast_v his_o thought_n upon_o such_o a_o scripture_n as_o this_o it_o do_v cause_v my_o soul_n to_o admire_v the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o condescension_n to_o such_o a_o worm_n yea_o whereas_o my_o spirit_n have_v of_o late_o be_v great_o trouble_v about_o my_o foolish_a conversation_n be_v not_o such_o as_o may_v any_o way_n adorn_v the_o gospel_n walk_v very_o unseemly_a in_o all_o my_o relation_n and_o very_o much_o offend_v therein_o with_o my_o tongue_n which_o have_v occasion_v many_o a_o sad_a thought_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o many_o a_o sigh_n and_o groan_n yea_o tear_n before_o the_o lord_n to_o set_v a_o watch_n before_o my_o mouth_n and_o subdue_v this_o wicked_a iniquity_n in_o i_o and_o now_o do_v the_o lord_n this_o day_n lie_v open_a the_o spring_n the_o root_n the_o cause_n of_o it_o my_o eye_n be_v not_o as_o it_o ought_v upon_o my_o heart_n nor_o my_o heart_n as_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n nor_o when_o it_o be_v upon_o he_o be_v it_o in_o a_o boil_a frame_n for_o as_o by_o he_o hint_v be_v the_o heart_n boil_v hot_a about_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o tongue_n can_v not_o issue_v out_o such_o vanity_n as_o it_o do_v now_o dear_a lord_n let_v not_o these_o thing_n be_v spread_v before_o i_o in_o vain_a i_o beseech_v thou_o but_o do_v thou_o by_o the_o mighty_a power_n of_o thy_o spirit_n make_v they_o of_o singular_a use_n unto_o i_o the_o 11_o of_o this_o first_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n very_o much_o among_o other_o thing_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o manifest_v himself_o in_o that_o relation_n of_o a_o husband_n to_o my_o soul_n more_o and_o more_o let_v i_o to_o find_v and_o feel_v what_o it_o be_v experimental_o to_o be_v embrace_v by_o he_o and_o gather_v up_o into_o more_o intimate_a communion_n with_o he_o and_o much_o more_o to_o this_o effect_n the_o next_o morning_n he_o cause_v my_o soul_n to_o breath_n out_o in_o this_o manner_n that_o though_o i_o be_v every_o way_n unfit_a for_o communion_n with_o he_o yet_o beseech_v he_o to_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n and_o a_o sight_n of_o himself_o will_v much_o rejoice_v my_o heart_n tell_v he_o that_o as_o he_o have_v often_o appear_v glorious_o in_o this_o kind_n so_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o let_v my_o soul_n find_v once_o again_o by_o experience_n his_o mighty_a power_n to_o break_v out_o through_o what_o ever_o instrument_n he_o shall_v please_v to_o make_v use_n of_o this_o day_n that_o i_o may_v through_o they_o have_v a_o glorious_a sight_n of_o himself_o in_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o bow_v down_o appear_v gracious_o through_o mr._n price_n who_o speak_v to_o we_o in_o his_o name_n the_o 12._o day_n of_o this_o first_o month._n upon_o the_o 26._o day_n of_o this_o first_o month_n 1654._o we_o go_v to_o james_n expect_v to_o have_v hear_v mr._n cradock_n but_o when_o we_o come_v there_o we_o hear_v there_o will_v be_v a_o stranger_n at_o which_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o after_o some_o debate_n in_o myself_o i_o begin_v to_o repine_v but_o expect_v the_o lord_n may_v have_v some_o seasonable_a word_n for_o i_o and_o true_o bless_v be_v his_o name_n there_o be_v many_o seasonable_a thing_n hint_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o he_o which_o both_o refresh_v &_o stay_v my_o spirit_n the_o next_o day_n at_o night_n be_v the_o 27_o of_o this_o first_o month_n among_o other_o thing_n when_o i_o be_v seek_v of_o the_o lord_n he_o draw_v out_o my_o soul_n with_o some_o measure_n of_o sensibleness_n of_o his_o hand_n upon_o our_o pastor_n what_o a_o sad_a stroke_n it_o will_v be_v if_o the_o lord_n shall_v strip_v we_o of_o he_o take_v he_o from_o we_o oh_o what_o will_v become_v of_o god_n glory_n how_o will_v his_o and_o our_o enemy_n insult_v over_o we_o though_o it_o be_v true_a we_o have_v deserve_v it_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o have_v to_o be_v strip_v of_o this_o mercy_n and_o scatter_v from_o each_o other_o because_o we_o have_v be_v no_o more_o fruitful_a under_o all_o the_o mercy_n mean_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n through_o he_o and_o i_o beg_v to_o sanctify_v his_o hand_n upon_o he_o both_z as_o to_o he_o and_o we_o &_o teach_v we_o all_o to_o improve_v it_o and_o know_v his_o mind_n in_o it_o desire_v the_o lord_n withal_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o hasten_v and_o accomplish_v his_o work_n through_o this_o dispensation_n and_o in_o his_o own_o time_n to_o command_v health_n and_o deliverance_n to_o we_o and_o give_v in_o this_o mercy_n as_o a_o pledge_n of_o his_o love_n among_o we_o that_o he_o may_v come_v again_o among_o we_o fill_v with_o the_o spirit_n and_o ready_a to_o break_v out_o those_o discovery_n of_o god_n upon_o his_o heart_n and_o that_o we_o also_o may_v be_v fit_v for_o this_o mercy_n and_o make_v more_o ready_a to_o receive_v impression_n from_o god_n through_o he_o then_o former_o and_o for_o my_o own_o soul_n after_o many_o request_n for_o the_o subdue_a of_o corruption_n and_o regulate_v my_o affection_n and_o take_v off_o my_o heart_n from_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o place_v it_o upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n after_o which_o and_o many_o other_o request_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n with_o desire_n that_o if_o the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v to_o add_v another_o night_n or_o another_o day_n to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v together_o with_o it_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o it_o and_o that_o as_o he_o renew_v the_o light_n and_o raise_v from_o sleep_n so_o that_o he_o will_v inlve_v my_o heart_n in_o his_o way_n and_o quicken_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o more_o lively_a service_n of_o he_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v to_o give_v i_o one_o opportunity_n more_o to_o hear_v his_o word_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o and_o to_o come_v in_o through_o whatsoever_o instrument_n he_o shall_v please_v that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v such_o a_o bless_a sight_n of_o he_o
of_o encouragement_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v say_v you_o shall_v see_v that_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o this_o work_n that_o i_o will_v not_o only_o do_v it_o but_o i_o great_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o and_o therefore_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o forget_v it_o yet_o i_o give_v you_o this_o liberty_n and_o freedom_n to_o come_v and_o put_v i_o in_o remembrance_n nay_o i_o lay_v it_o as_o a_o law_n of_o love_n upon_o you_o that_o you_o do_v thus_o come_v and_o mind_v i_o of_o it_o put_v i_o in_o remembrance_n let_v we_o plead_v together_o oh_o the_o admirable_a condescension_n in_o this_o high_a god_n who_o have_v so_o much_o power_n as_o he_o have_v before_o express_v that_o he_o can_v work_v and_o none_o can_v let_v it_o and_o yet_o will_v suffer_v his_o poor_a worm_n to_o plead_v with_o he_o about_o the_o begin_n of_o this_o five_o month_n there_o be_v these_o hint_n give_v i_o and_o hope_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o i_o do_v not_o yet_o know_v but_o i_o may_v take_v as_o a_o answer_n to_o several_a petition_n put_v up_o to_o he_o as_o first_o that_o i_o have_v not_o live_v answerable_a to_o that_o counsel_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hand_n out_o to_o i_o by_o mr._n cradock_n i.e._n not_o to_o speak_v evil_a of_o any_o one_o or_o other_o behind_o their_o back_n but_o i_o have_v often_o cry_v out_o to_o other_o not_o to_o themselves_o of_o the_o pride_n of_o this_o body_n and_o that_o body_n and_o the_o passion_n of_o this_o or_o that_o person_n and_o yet_o behold_v how_o sad_o it_o reign_v in_o myself_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n righteous_o suffer_v it_o in_o i_o and_o show_v i_o the_o evil_a and_o folly_n of_o it_o behold_v the_o mote_n in_o another_o eye_n and_o behold_v a_o beam_n in_o my_o own_o at_o this_o time_n also_o be_v that_o bring_v to_o my_o hand_n in_o jam._n 1._o 2_o 6._o if_o any_o man_n among_o you_o seem_v to_o be_v religious_a and_o bridle_v not_o his_o tongue_n but_o deceive_v his_o own_o heart_n this_o man_n religion_n be_v in_o vain_a a_o sad_a word_n also_o in_o the_o 4._o 5._o 6._o verse_n of_o this_o same_o chapter_n 4._o but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o 5._o if_o any_o of_o you_o lack_v wisdom_n let_v he_o ask_v it_o of_o god_n that_o give_v to_o all_o man_n liberal_o and_o upbraid_v not_o and_o it_o shall_v be_v give_v he_o 6._o but_o let_v he_o â—sk_v in_o faith_n nothing_o waver_v for_o he_o that_o waver_v be_v like_o a_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n drive_v with_o the_o wind_n and_o toss_v a_o gracious_a promise_n to_o those_o that_o lack_v wisdom_n and_o ask_v it_o and_o in_o the_o 4._o ch_z of_o jam._n v._n 2_o 3_o you_o ask_v and_o receive_v not_o because_o you_o ask_v amiss_o that_o you_o may_v consume_v it_o upon_o your_o lust_n and_o true_o what_o do_v i_o know_v but_o that_o the_o lord_n do_v suffer_v this_o lust_n as_o he_o do_v the_o canaanite_n of_o old_a to_o trouble_v the_o israelite_n so_o this_o lust_n to_o humble_v i_o and_o prove_v i_o and_o know_v or_o make_v i_o to_o know_v what_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n o_o my_o soul_n how_o have_v thou_o need_v then_o to_o set_v all_o the_o force_n of_o thy_o soul_n a_o against_o this_o bitter_a root_n of_o pride_n which_o for_o aught_o i_o know_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o other_o evil_n o_o the_o way_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v take_v to_o pluck_v up_o this_o root_n out_o of_o thy_o heart_n have_v not_o all_o thy_o affliction_n of_o inward_a and_o outward_a man_n be_v direct_v as_o it_o be_v against_o this_o sin_n what_o delight_n else_o have_v the_o almighty_a to_o lay_v sickness_n and_o weakness_n upon_o thou_o why_o do_v he_o think_v thou_o permit_v all_o the_o mock_n and_o jeer_v thou_o daily_o meet_v with_o why_o it_o be_v for_o that_o continue_v work_v up_o of_o thy_o pride_n notwithstanding_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o thou_o to_o pull_v down_o when_o thou_o be_v lift_v up_o too_o much_o so_o that_o thou_o may_v thank_v thy_o 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prayer_n thou_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o that_o morning_n to_o give_v and_o order_v all_o thy_o word_n and_o action_n that_o day_n oh_o that_o god_n will_v at_o last_o make_v thou_o wise_a and_o so_o order_v thy_o spirit_n and_o subdue_v this_o rise_n of_o corruption_n so_o as_o thou_o may_v never_o more_o provoke_v he_o in_o this_o kind_n upon_o the_o 6_o of_o this_o 6_o month_n 1654._o the_o lorddrew_n out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o morning_n to_o seek_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bow_v down_o and_o appear_v glorious_o and_o gracious_o to_o and_o through_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n who_o have_v but_o the_o day_n before_o at_o fulham_n chappel_n so_o exceed_o press_v we_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o he_o which_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n great_o to_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v find_v the_o fruit_n of_o the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n on_o his_o behalf_n as_o also_o that_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o other_o that_o do_v appear_v to_o meet_v that_o morning_n may_v have_v a_o gracious_a visit_n from_o he_o that_o none_o of_o all_o my_o unfittness_n to_o attend_v upon_o he_o or_o unfruitfullness_n under_o former_a appearance_n may_v hinder_v his_o gracious_a presence_n with_o and_o to_o my_o soul_n this_o day_n but_o that_o though_o there_o be_v nothing_o in_o i_o to_o move_v he_o to_o it_o yet_o that_o he_o will_v do_v it_o for_o his_o own_o name_n and_o glory_n sake_n that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v such_o a_o light_n of_o he_o as_o may_v conform_v i_o more_o and_o more_o to_o he_o and_o how_o gracious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o this_o day_n as_o a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n &_o that_o first_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n that_o be_v to_o speak_v this_o day_n in_o his_o name_n how_o glorious_o do_v he_o appear_v not_o only_o through_o his_o poor_a worm_n but_o even_o in_o he_o also_o great_o draw_v out_o his_o heart_n both_o in_o prayer_n &_o preach_v in_o prayer_n and_o therein_o beg_v of_o god_n in_o the_o entrance_n of_o his_o service_n his_o presence_n and_o mighty_o in_o a_o way_n of_o faith_n roll_v upon_o he_o for_o a_o answer_n of_o prayer_n even_o at_o this_o present_a season_n the_o 27_o of_o this_o 6_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n and_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dead_a and_o cold_a all_o the_o week_n and_o also_o now_o very_o unprepared_a to_o meet_v the_o lord_n or_o expect_v any_o appearance_n at_o all_o from_o he_o i_o do_v yet_o in_o a_o few_o short_a desire_n present_v my_o request_n to_o he_o bege_v his_o mighty_a presence_n unvail_v the_o lord_n jesus_n both_o to_o and_o through_o his_o servant_n to_o our_o poor_a soul_n beseech_v he_o also_o that_o i_o may_v have_v a_o clear_a sight_n of_o his_o goodness_n in_o it_o and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v a_o god_n nay_o and_o not_o a_o god_n a_o far_o off_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o my_o poor_a soul_n have_v find_v he_o to_o be_v so_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o unfitness_n and_o unworthiness_n beseech_v he_o even_o now_o to_o make_v it_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o he_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n and_o that_o he_o will_v give_v my_o soul_n a_o very_a glorious_a sight_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n and_o not_o only_o discover_v he_o to_o i_o but_o cause_n these_o discovery_n to_o work_v with_o mighty_a power_n upon_o my_o heart_n real_o take_v it_o off_o from_o all_o other_o thing_n whatsoever_o and_o fix_v it_o whole_o upon_o himself_o with_o many_o other_o request_n of_o this_o
and_o pass_v judgement_n upon_o he_o and_o they_o die_v thou_o shall_v die_v temporal_o spiritual_o and_o eternal_o and_o there_o shall_v be_v enmity_n between_o thy_o seed_n and_o the_o woman_n that_o most_o of_o thy_o seed_n shall_v take_v in_o with_o satan_n and_o perish_v eternal_o how_o many_o million_o perish_v upon_o the_o account_n of_o that_o one_o sin_n so_o the_o angel_n they_o fall_v present_o and_o irrecoverable_o for_o that_o one_o sin_n of_o pride_n though_o such_o glorious_a creature_n who_o can_v do_v more_o than_o thousand_o of_o man_n and_o may_v have_v be_v so_o useful_a to_o the_o church_n be_v spiritual_a have_v they_o stand_v who_o can_v immediate_o comfort_v when_o no_o other_o creature_n can_v yea_o can_v have_v feed_v eli_n ah_n and_o daniel_n yet_o these_o for_o that_o sin_n perish_v eternal_o 2._o it_o appear_v by_o the_o way_n he_o take_v to_o repel_v it_o sin_n have_v get_v the_o throne_n and_o poor_a man_n bring_v into_o a_o perish_a condition_n by_o it_o and_o not_o able_a to_o oppose_v it_o now_o christ_n hate_v it_o so_o that_o the_o contest_v now_o come_v between_o christ_n and_o sin_n and_o he_o will_v die_v to_o destroy_v it_o 3._o it_o appear_v by_o the_o dreadfulness_n of_o the_o doom_n of_o those_o that_o be_v overpower_v by_o sin_n who_o be_v judge_v to_o eternal_a fire_n without_o pity_n or_o recovery_n than_o he_o come_v to_o show_v we_o how_o lovely_a christ_n be_v to_o the_o saint_n for_o hate_v iniquity_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n with_o what_o mighty_a power_n and_o weight_n do_v this_o fall_n upon_o thy_o heart_n as_o 1._o he_o show_v we_o that_o christ_n loveliness_n in_o this_o attribute_n arise_v from_o the_o unanimity_n and_o one-ness_a of_o mind_n between_o christ_n and_o a_o believer_n in_o this_o hatred_n of_o he_o for_o as_o christ_n hate_v the_o sin_n but_o love_v the_o believer_n so_o the_o believer_n hate_v iniquity_n but_o love_v christ_n so_o that_o the_o love_n of_o both_o person_n centre_n in_o one_o and_o their_o hatred_n in_o one_o and_o their_o love_n meet_v in_o each_o other_o person_n and_o their_o hatred_n also_o and_o that_o believer_n hate_v sin_n so_o that_o nothing_o can_v breed_v more_o love_n than_o this_o do_v christ_n say_v i_o hate_v iniquity_n oh_o therefore_o hate_v it_o more_o you_o believer_n yea_o pursue_v the_o life_n of_o it_o and_o i_o appeal_v to_o the_o lord_n if_o i_o do_v not_o hate_v it_o with_o a_o perfect_a hatred_n 2._o christ_n be_v lovely_a for_o hate_v sin_n because_o this_o attribute_n set_v all_o his_o attribute_n on_o work_n against_o all_o the_o enemy_n of_o a_o believer_n the_o poor_a soul_n hate_v sin_n but_o be_v not_o able_a to_o deal_v with_o it_o but_o christ_n so_o hate_v it_o that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o conquer_v it_o oh_o what_o a_o bless_a sight_n of_o christ_n be_v this_o that_o though_o the_o poor_a soul_n be_v overpower_v with_o sin_n daily_a yet_o that_o christ_n hate_v it_o and_o be_v engae_v against_o it_o as_o hate_v of_o he_o so_o that_o now_o either_o chriist_n or_o it_o must_v perish_v oh_o what_o a_o lovely_a sight_n be_v this_o because_o out_o of_o this_o hatred_n of_o christ_n come_v the_o ruin_n of_o the_o soul_n enemy_n sin_n and_o satan_n which_o seek_v thy_o ruin_n daily_a but_o bless_v be_v god_n that_o christ_n hate_v they_o and_o will_v certain_o ruin_v they_o either_o he_o or_o sin_n must_v cow_v oh_o what_o comfort_n be_v this_o that_o we_o poor_a creature_n have_v in_o christ_n that_o when_o we_o come_v even_o to_o struggle_v with_o sin_n and_o satan_n christ_n like_o fire_n will_v consume_v and_o burn_v they_o yea_o as_o he_o show_v this_o hatred_n be_v a_o act_n of_o christ_n will_n and_o if_o he_o have_v not_o his_o will_n where_o be_v his_o godhead_n therefore_o the_o quarrel_n be_v between_o the_o will_n of_o christ_n and_o the_o will_n of_o sin_n i_o will_v damn_v thou_o to_o hell_n say_v sin_n and_o satan_n but_o i_o will_v kill_v thou_o o_o sin_n and_o satan_n say_v christ_n so_o as_o the_o quarrel_n be_v not_o so_o much_o for_o believer_n person_n as_o for_o christ_n will_n and_o christ_n will_v certain_o have_v his_o will_n oh_o bless_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n 3._o christ_n be_v lovely_a in_o this_o because_o the_o saint_n see_v the_o glory_n of_o all_o christ_n other_o excellency_n through_o this_o the_o wicked_a see_v and_o fall_v at_o the_o dread_n of_o christ_n hatred_n but_o see_v not_o the_o justness_n and_o righteousness_n of_o all_o christ_n administration_n as_o the_o saint_n do_v they_o can_v see_v the_o justness_n and_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n in_o damn_v of_o man_n to_o hell_n for_o sin_n yea_o the_o saint_n can_v behold_v christ_n love_n to_o they_o in_o this_o hatred_n of_o sin_n this_o 10_o of_o this_o month_n be_v the_o same_o lord_n day_n in_o the_o evening_n while_o i_o be_v endeavour_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v the_o name_n of_o this_o my_o glorious_a god_n for_o his_o eminent_a appearance_n this_o day_n which_o i_o desire_v never_o to_o forget_v it_o fall_v upon_o my_o heart_n among_o other_o thing_n to_o tell_v the_o lord_n that_o see_v he_o have_v cast_v such_o a_o hint_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o the_o best_a thankfulness_n for_o mercy_n receive_v be_v to_o gather_v in_o upon_o god_n for_o more_o mercy_n i_o do_v therefore_o desire_n that_o to_o all_o his_o abundant_a appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n this_o day_n he_o will_v please_v to_o add_v this_o mercy_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o plead_v with_o he_o for_o this_o evening_n that_o as_o he_o have_v glorious_o unvail_v through_o his_o word_n the_o hatred_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n against_o sin_n that_o he_o will_v now_o also_o show_v its_o evil_n by_o experience_n that_o it_o may_v appear_v that_o real_o he_o do_v hate_v sin_n yea_o every_o sin_n in_o my_o soul_n by_o his_o pursue_v the_o life_n and_o draw_v out_o the_o blood_n of_o it_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o if_o any_o sin_n be_v the_o object_n of_o the_o hatred_n of_o my_o soul_n than_o needs_o must_v this_o corruption_n of_o i_o in_o a_o special_a manner_n be_v so_o diametrical_o opposite_a to_o he_o as_o the_o set_n up_o of_o any_o thing_n or_o creature_n in_o his_o throne_n yea_o even_o at_o this_o present_a wherein_o he_o have_v so_o glorious_o appear_v that_o the_o consolation_n of_o god_n be_v not_o small_a to_o my_o soul_n they_o come_v with_o such_o mighty_a power_n pray_v he_o in_o a_o special_a manner_n to_o pursue_v the_o body_n of_o this_o corruption_n and_o let_v my_o soul_n find_v that_o real_o it_o be_v the_o object_n of_o the_o hatred_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o shall_v certain_o be_v ruin_v by_o he_o have_v get_v a_o great_a cold_a which_o do_v somewhat_o distemper_v i_o i_o be_v in_o a_o great_a question_n whether_o i_o shall_v the_o twenty_o of_o this_o ten_o month_n go_v to_o the_o ordinance_n or_o no_o at_o last_o i_o desire_v to_o give_v it_o up_o to_o the_o lord_n bseech_v he_o to_o direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v desire_v only_o to_o be_v lead_v by_o he_o at_o last_o i_o resolve_v god_n will_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o this_o day_n at_o fulham_n and_o as_o for_o the_o next_o day_n let_v the_o lord_n do_v with_o i_o what_o he_o will_v whether_o to_o fit_v i_o to_o go_v or_o disable_v i_o have_v many_o fear_n upon_o my_o spirit_n concern_v my_o go_n whether_o it_o be_v a_o right_n and_o pure_a aim_v at_o god_n and_o seek_v his_o presence_n yea_o or_o no_o be_v not_o able_a to_o satisfy_v myself_o in_o this_o question_n thus_o i_o say_v desire_v the_o lord_n appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o speak_v some_o word_n to_o he_o for_o my_o spiritual_a advantage_n i_o go_v this_o day_n to_o fulham_n where_o the_o lord_n show_v i_o what_o a_o bless_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o have_v a_o sight_n of_o god_n from_o those_o word_n in_o matt._n 13._o bless_a be_v the_o eye_n that_o see_v the_o thing_n you_o see_v and_o the_o ear_n that_o hear_v the_o thing_n you_o hear_v whence_o the_o lord_n show_v i_o what_o a_o abundant_a cause_n i_o have_v to_o bless_v he_o for_o they_o those_o many_o sight_n he_o have_v give_v i_o of_o himself_o when_o he_o have_v leave_v so_o many_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o never_o give_v they_o one_o glimpse_n of_o himself_o but_o be_v exceed_o ill_a and_o weary_a this_o night_n i_o go_v to_o bed_v betimes_o wait_v what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v with_o i_o and_o true_o in_o the_o morning_n i_o think_v i_o find_v myself_o unfit_a to_o go_v forth_o consider_v also_o our_o meeting_n the_o next_o day_n which_o haply_o the_o lord_n may_v make_v i_o more_o fit_a to_o enjoy_v yet_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o real_o think_v the_o trouble_n that_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o the_o straightness_n of_o my_o end_n in_o go_v do_v more_o discourage_v i_o then_o the_o unfitness_n of_o my_o body_n but_o what_o through_o the_o one_o and_o the_o other_o i_o dare_v not_o go_v forth_o this_o 21._o day_n and_o so_o my_o mother_n and_o aunt_n dogget_n only_o go_v and_o i_o stay_v at_o home_n but_o when_o i_o arise_v i_o find_v myself_o pretty_a well_o so_o as_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v somewhat_o trouble_v that_o i_o have_v stay_v at_o home_n fear_v that_o this_o may_v be_v only_o a_o subtle_a device_n of_o satan_n to_o hinder_v i_o of_o this_o opportunity_n and_o so_o turn_v myself_o to_o the_o lord_n i_o beseech_v he_o that_o if_o it_o be_v he_o that_o have_v this_o day_n prevent_v i_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o make_v it_o up_o to_o my_o soul_n some_o other_o way_n by_o hint_v out_o something_o by_o his_o spirit_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o may_v be_v for_o my_o spiritual_a advantage_n and_o true_o while_o i_o be_v endeavour_v to_o press_v this_o upon_o the_o lord_n immediate_o after_o there_o fall_v this_o apprehension_n upon_o my_o heart_n or_o rather_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o to_o drop_v it_o which_o be_v this_o oh_o lord_n how_o come_v it_o to_o pass_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v so_o exceed_o take_v with_o any_o spark_n of_o thy_o gloous_a image_n in_o poor_a mortal_a creature_n shall_v at_o the_o present_a rebel_n and_o murmur_v at_o thy_o holy_a and_o bless_a will_n which_o be_v part_n of_o thy_o essential_a glory_n if_o the_o sight_n of_o thy_o image_n be_v so_o please_v to_o i_o why_o then_o be_v not_o the_o sight_n of_o thy_o will_n which_o be_v thyself_o much_o more_o glorious_a than_o the_o ray_n of_o thy_o that_o shine_n upon_o thy_o creature_n why_o be_v not_o this_o as_o please_a as_o delightful_a and_o contentful_a to_o i_o which_o hint_n i_o can_v not_o but_o look_v upon_o as_o a_o real_a answer_n of_o this_o desire_n the_o lord_n make_v it_o of_o use_n to_o i_o i_o be_o sure_a it_o be_v such_o a_o consideration_n and_o meditation_n that_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o set_v it_o home_o with_o power_n may_v be_v of_o abundant_a advantage_n to_o my_o wicked_a spirit_n the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n for_o christ_n sake_n make_v it_o so_o the_o 22._o of_o this_o ten_o month_n be_v a_o day_n appoint_v for_o our_o church-meeting_a i_o earnest_o beseech_v the_o lord_n that_o if_o he_o see_v it_o meet_v to_o carry_v i_o forth_o this_o day_n he_o will_v also_o go_v along_o with_o i_o and_o vouchsafe_v his_o gracious_a presence_n to_o i_o in_o speak_v some_o seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o may_v appear_v even_o to_o come_v from_o himself_o beg_v also_o his_o presence_n in_o and_o through_o all_o these_o his_o instrument_n which_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o make_v use_n of_o this_o day_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n how_o glorious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o appear_v this_o day_n in_o cheer_v and_o refresh_v thy_o poor_a droop_a spirit_n even_o so_o as_o thou_o be_v not_o able_a to_o continue_v thyself_o in_o this_o wonderful_a appearance_n of_o god_n cast_v they_o upon_o so_o suitable_a a_o word_n even_o to_o the_o estate_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n at_o this_o present_a and_o that_o scripture_n our_o brother_n oâ—…_n begin_v with_o and_o be_v after_o pursue_v sweet_o by_o our_o dear_a pastor_n be_v the_o 73_o â—sa_fw-la the_o end_n of_o the_o three_o book_n finis_fw-la