Selected quad for the lemma: cause_n
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A01779
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Wit in a constable A comedy written 1639. The author Henry Glapthorne. And now printed as it was lately acted at the Cock-pit in Drury lane, by their Majesties Servants, with good allowance.
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Glapthorne, Henry.
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1640
(1640)
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STC 11914; ESTC S103219
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34,415
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68
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mad-cap my Scene is Enter Holdfast Hold. Nay come forward Land lord Spoild else Trist. Bus. T is my Cosens lodgings pray be bold in 't As is my Chamber Cosen this is a Constable Tho. He comes not with a warrant Hold. No I le warrant you I Brought him Sir to see you he 's a wit A very wit or as the modernes terme it A sparke a meere sparke such a one as I am Since I left off those idle toyes cald books He 'll take Tobacco too and with a grace Spit i th' rub'd chamber though his testy wife Crye fie upon him he 's a very sparke and worthy your acquaintance Tris. Come forward sir you stand as if you 'd cosen'd One of them with bad linnen pray advance My Master is your Leader Bus. Save you gentlemen Tho. Y' are very welcome Sir my Cosen speakes you A Citizen of ranke Know That you beare office Of honour in your parish Tho. That y' are witty Or as he sayes a sparke Know Nay a good fellow Bus. T is granted gentlemen This is my Character I am by trade A Linnen Draper Tho. Would trust me For forty ells of Holland Bus. Ha how 's that sir I have more wit I thanke you cause you seeme A Gentleman of quality I care not To venture as much Cambricke as shall make Your Crush a gorget but no farther sir There is no wit in 't how 's that Mr. Holdfast Hold. You are a sparke still Landlord Know I le sweare in this he 's witty Bus. T is my humour My wit has halfe and one me long ere this But for my wit I de beene an Alderman And twirld a pondrous chaine upon the bench With as much grace as can the formalst of them I should have fin'd for Sheriffe but all Guild Hall Hearing I was a wit cry'd out upon him T will breed an alteration in the Senate To have a wit amongst them How 's that sir Know And so you mist preferment Tho. And continue i th' state of wisedome still an humble Constable Hold. Yes and an honest one I le say that for him He ne're stop'd wench in 's watch Bus. How 's that I scorne it I 've stopt a hundred in my time how 's that sir You relish wit I see Know T is so acute No pallat but most taste it shall 's to th' Taverne Y' are for a cup I hope Bus. For now sir It is my frequent use when I have set My watch to view the Taverne drinke a quart And then backe to my businesse and there wit in 't Tho. T is granted sir Come gentlemen an houre Is our extent of time good Mr. Constable It shall be yours Cosen J have some businesse Concernes your knowledge as we passe along J shall informe you Exeunt Enter Valentine Grace Clare Maudlin Val. You see I me come Vpon your summons Clar. Sure you mistake There 's none here is so fond of you to court Your cheap and vulgar presence Val. Here 's a Letter Speaks other language you might cloath your discourse In the same phrase or I shall laugh your folly Into a milder temper and then leave you Clar. You 'r very confident Val. No you 're too coy I me now i th' humour to be tempted to Love any of you take me while the fit Is on me for i me sure t will not endure Longer than does a wealthy widdowes griefe For a loath'd husband Speak ha you a mind to me Speake quickly or for ever more hereafter Be sure to hold your peace and that 's a taske Farre worse then death to any of your sexe Clar. Her blushes does betray her wer 't to me He should finde other usage Sir my Cosen I know not how transported by her love Above her reason has enthrald her heart To your dispose I hope sir you 'r so much A Gentleman you will make civill use Of her affection t will be worth your care sir Besides the rich endearements of her youth She 's Mistris of a fortune that may challenge A noble retribution for her love Wee le not disturbe your conference Ex. Clar. Maud Grace Cosen cosen you will not leave me thus I pray let me goe sir Val. Thus farre into my armes girle that 's the place Thou oughtst to rest in you expect I warrant That I should court you now and with an armie Of oathes stuft with as many sinicall falsehoods Protest I love you by this light I know not T is folly to dissemble whether or no I can affect thee yet thou seemst to weare That pretty harmlesse innocence in thy lookes It wins my credulous thoughts to believe Thou maist be vertuous Grace Sir I hope my owne Too forward zeale in tendring you my love Will not in your good thoughts beget an ill Opinion of my modesty Val. Never fear 't That freenesse more engages my just faith To embrace thy affection I have seene some Ladyes Coy as a Voteresse below their suiters Yet with a tough-backt groome have knowne them sin With most libidinous appetite in private But J 'me as fearelesse girle that ought amisse Can staine thy soule as thou wert confident In setling thy most constant choise upon A stranger yet I must desire the reason Why you did love me for my owne good parts Certaine they 're not so attractive as to conquer A beautie at first sight Grace Since I have Disclos'd my affection to you although love Oft times admits no reason I le endeavour To satisfie your question the first cause Moov'd me to love you was my father Val. Hang thy father In 's owne gold chaine but such another word And never hope to have me dost thou thinke I le be beholding to an eight i th' hundred To such an empty caske as is thy father Who soon did get his wealth by the old proverbe Of fooles have fortune for a wife but that I have some mercy in me to believe Thou maist be virtuous I would not match With any of my squeamish Ants of London For all the wealth i th' Chamber Grace Sir you ask'd A question of me and will not permit Me give a civill answer as I said My father Val. Father agen farewell my eares doe blister At the harsh sound would thou hadst beene a Bastard So thou hadst no title to his blood Another father like a whirlewind blowes me Hence from thy sight for ever Gra. Pray heare me Intends to match me to Sir Timothy Shallow-wit a creature onely fit for scorne Which to prevent and taken with the fulnesse Of your true worth I rather chuse to cast My reputation on your noble pitty Than stand the desperate hazard of my ruine Val. She loves me by this light this is no tricke Now to my Thorowgoods project th' art a good wench A harmlesse wench and I believe a sound one And I will have thee give me thy hand yet stay Ere I doe cast my selfe away upon thee You here shall promise Mistris to become A
most obedient wife and not according To th' ancient tricke inherent to the City Raile till you be my Master Grace Never feare me Val. Nor shall you when you 're at my house i th' Country Be niggardly or spoyle a dinner for Want of the tother ounce of Sugar nor Repine to see me merry with my friends Or curse my brothers when they so journe with me Nor starve my servants when I am from home I must be drunke sometimes too then you must not Whine and cry out were I a maid agen I de never marry any that does take This wicked Herbe Tobacco Those injunctions And some few hundreds more of the same nature Seald and deliver'd to me by your promise I may be wonne to wed thee nay to bed thee And get a race of such Heroicke children As shall intice posterity to conceive Some good came from Cheapside Your lip shall seale this Grace You see your strengths upon me Val. T is my good girle Thy father armed with the trained bands o' th City Shall never pull thee from me to confirme thee How much I love I le disclose a plot I had to gaine thy affection Grace T is some good one Pray let me heare it Val. You see my youth and feature will admit A womans Character if I were cloath'd But in the habit should I not appeare A bouncing Mary Ambree Grace Some such creature but to your project Val. I have prepar'd mee A handsome female-shape my man without Has them under his cloake and I perswaded Sir Timothy in hope that would court thee I his behalfe to have presented me Here for his Neece you marke me Grace Very well but now This the designe is uselesse Val. By no meanes It must be put in action come goe in And helpe to dresse me Sir Timothy expects To meete me in that shape here and besides In that disguise secure I can at any time Steale out with you and marry you Gra. Your reason Shall governe my obedience Val. Come let 's in then Enter Timothy Covet Formall Tim. T is very right that sir but yet methinkes A wholsome song sung to a fine new tune Should not be much amisse my boy here has one And I de be very loath although I cannot Sing as they say my selfe that she should heare What those I can keep can doe is not this right now Cov. Your pleasure shall prevaile though to say truth Sonne Shallow-wit for sonne I still shall call you I never lik'd a Song unlesse the Ballad o th' famous London Prentice or the building Of Britaines Burse for Musicke lesse the Virginalls I never car'd for any Does but cloy The eares but never fills the purse sonne Tim. Very right indeed t is too light For such a purpose Form With your leave sir Musicke is most delightfull and young Mistris Grace and her Cosen surely will receive it With thankfull Equipage Tim. Honest Formall Th' art in the right still come exalt thy voyce My little Impe of gut and haire My Mistris Shall know there 's something in me How doe you Sings Like it Form T is very odoriferous Cov. I shall beginne To love it better then I have done t is a good boy A very pretty boy and I le reward thee There 's a threepence for thee Tim. Very right Father you are too bountifull Cov. He shall take it Indeed he shall t is manners to receive Mony from your betters boy but here 's my Neece Enter Clare Tim. Very right I had almost forgotten pray where 's mine Cov. Why have you a Neece Sir Timothy Tim. Yes yes I 've two or three but one I sent Hither to view my Mistris in a Coach An houre agoe at least Sure she is come Cov. Clare did you see the gentlewoman Clar. None such came hither yet Sir Tim. That 's not right though A poxe upon her for her paines Enter Maudlin Maud. Mrs. your Cosen does desire some conference with you Cov. Maudlin Did there a Gentlewoman arrive here lately To see my daughter Maud. There is one within In busie conference with her Tim. Very right that he 's pleading for me now Faire Damsell that 's my Neece pray tell her here 's A Knight a simple Uncle of hers or so desires her Company But here she comes my Mistris with her Neece T is well done I le give thee the tother thousand to increase Thy portion for 't Mistris and how and how do you like my Neece a plaine Country girle or so Cov. A very handsome woman I could love her Did I but know her portion Mistris welcome What 's in that house is yours Grace Sir Timothy You have much grac'd me by the sweet acquaintance Of this good gentlewoman Pray Cosen know her She 's worthy your endearment Clare I shall be proud To doe you service Val. I most fortunate To be esteem'd your creature Tim. Very right Shee s a poore niece of mine yet she can speake you May perceive or see Enter Thorowgood Holdfast Tristram Knowell Cla. Life Thorowgood with young Holdfast pray heaven my folly Has not undone me Thor. You 'l please to pardon Our rude intention sir we have some businesse Cov. Please you declare 't Thor. This gentleman and my selfe Come to informe you that this sparke my Cosen Is sonne and heire to sir Geffrey Holdfast And since I heare you have dispos'd your daughter To that good knight I in his fathers name Desire your niece should be his wife Cla. Pray Sir speake In your owne cause he needs no advocate Cov. I 've beene abus'd In this Sir Geffreys son the scholler Thor. The very same sir Hold. I am the sparke sir Know Valentine i th' name puls off his periwig Of madnesse man why in this shape Thor. Valentine Ha ha ha Tim. Very right my niece is Valentine Thor. And how i st bully hast not found these girles Of a hot appetite how often ha Val. Has my Land-lady Provided me a cullis life my backe Does needs a swathband Cov. What meanes this gentleman Thor. Nothing sir But to informe you what strange things your neice And daughter and nay never blush he has Perform'd it better then your uncles foreman I know he has Covet Timothy this abuse must not be thus put up Did not you say I was your Neice Tim. Very right but it was Valentine Know He has beene here all night too Grace Cosen we are basely betray'd Cla. Take courage Thor. Doe you thinke sir my Cosen shall mixe with such Stale ware that keepe their gamsters in their chambers Know Or this knight have Valentines reversions Tim. Very right I scorne it Thor. Keepe them they I serve to set up some twise Broken Merchant or undone Linnen-draper come away Valentine thou hast made a brave discovery Farewell My witty virgines you are payd now Exeunt Cov. I le be reveng'd for this and if it cost me Halfe my estate Formall send post for sir Geffrey The whole