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A65060 The provok'd wife a comedy : as it is acted at the new theatre in Little Lincolns-Inn-Fields / by the author of a new comedy call'd the Relapse, or, Virtue in danger. Vanbrugh, John, Sir, 1664-1726. 1697 (1697) Wing V55; ESTC R23 57,683 90

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I shou'd tell you what I don't know my self Lady I thought there was no harm in asking you Sir Ioh. If thinking wrong were an excuse for Impertinence Women might be justifi'd in most things they say or do Lady I 'm sorry I have said any thing to displease you Sir Ioh. Sorrow for things past is of as little Importance to me as my dining at home or a broad ought to be to you Lady B. My Enquiry was only that I might have provided what you lik'd Sir Ioh. Six to four you had been in the wrong there again for what I lik'd yesterday I don 't like to day and what I like to day 't is odds I may'nt like to morrow Lady B. But if I had ask'd you what you lik'd Sir Ioh. Why then there would have been more asking about it than the thing was worth Lady B. I wish I did but know how I might please you Sir Ioh. Ay but that sort of knowledge is not a Wife's Talent Lady B. What e'er my Talent is I 'm sure my Will has ever been to make you easie Sir Ioh. If Women were to have their Wills the World wou'd be finely govern'd Lady B. What reason have I given you to use me as you do of late It once was otherwise You married me for Love Sir Ioh. And you me for Money So you have your Reward and I have mine Lady B. What is it that disturbs you Sir Ioh. A Parson Lady B. Why what has he done to you Sir Ioh. He has married me Exit Sir John Enter Lady Brute sola The Devil 's in the Fellow I think I was told before I married him that thus ' twou●d be But I thought I had Charms enough to govern him and that where there was an Estate a Woman must needs be happy so my Vanity has deceiv'd me and my Ambition has made me uneasie But some comfort still if one wou'd be reveng●d of him these are good times a Woman may have a Gallant and a separate maintenance too The surly Puppy yet he 's a Fool for 't For hitherto he has been no Monster But who knows how far he may provoke me I never lov'd him yet I have been ever true to him and that in spight of all the attacks of Art and Nature upon a poor weak Womans heart in favour of a Tempting Lover Methinks so Noble a Defence as I have made shou'd be rewarded with a better usage Or who can tell Perhaps a good part of what I suffer from my Husband may be a Judgment upon me for my cruelty to my Lover Lord with what pleasure cou'd I indulge that thought were there but a possibility of finding Arguments to make it good And how do I know but there may Let me see What opposes My Matrimonial Vow Why what did I Vow I think I promis'd to be true to my Husband Well and he promis'd to be kind to me But he han't kept his Word Why then I 'm absolv'd from mine ay that seems clear to me The Arguments good between the King and the People why not between the Husband and the Wife O but that Condition was not exprest No matter 't was understood Well by all I see If I argue the matter a little longer with my self I shan't find so many Bug-bears in the way as I thought I shou'd Lord what fine notions of Virtue do we Women take up upon the Credit of old foolish Philosophers Virtue 's it's own reward Virtue 's this Virtue 's that Virtue 's an Ass and a Gallant 's worth forty on 't Enter Bellinda Lady Good morrow Dear Cousin Bel. Good morrow Madam you look pleas'd this morning Lady I am so Bel. With what pray Lady With my Husband Bel. Drown Husbands for your's is a provoking Fellow As he went out just now I pray'd him to tell me what time of day 't was And he ask'd me if I took him for the Church Clock that was Oblig'd to tell all the Parish Lady B. He has been saying some good obliging things to me too In short Bellinda he has us'd me so barbarously of late that I cou'd almost resolve to play the down-right Wife and Cuckold him Bel. That wou'd be down-right indeed Lady B. Why after all there 's more to be said for 't than you 'd Imagine Child I know according to the strict Statute Law of Religion I shou●d do wrong But if there were a Court of Chancery in Heaven I 'm sure I shou'd cast him Bel. If there were a House of Lords you might Lady B. In either I shou'd infallibly carry my Cause Why he is the first Agressor Not I. Bel. Ay but you know we must return Good for Evil. Lady B. That may be a mistake in the Translation Prethee be of my opinion Bellinda for I 'm positive I 'm in the right and if you 'll keep up the Prerogative of a Woman yo●●ll likewise be positive you are in the right when ever you do any thing you have a mind to But I shall play the fool and jest on till I make you begin to think I 'm in Earnest Bel. I sha'n't take the liberty Madam to think of any thing that you desire to keep a Secret from me Lady B. Alas my Dear I have no Secrets My heart cou'd never yet con●ine my Tongue Bel. Your eyes you mean for I am sure I have seen them gadding when your Tongue has been lockt up safe enough Lady B. My eyes gadding Prethee after who Child Bel. Why after one that thinks you hate him as much as I know you love him Lady B. Constant you mean Bel. I do so Lady B. Lord what shou'd put such a thing into your head Bel. That which puts things into most peoples Heads Observation Lady B. Why what have you observ'd in the name of Wonder Bel. I have observ'd you blush when you meet him force your self away from him and then be out of humour with every thing about you In a word never was poor Creature so spurr'd on by desire and so rein'd in with fear Lady B. How strong is Fancy Bel. How weak is Woman Lady B. Prethee Neice have a better opinion of your Aunt 's Inclinations Bel. Dear Aunt have a better opinion of your Neice's Understanding Lady B. You 'll make me Angry Bel. You 'll make me Laugh Lady B. Then you are resolv'd to persist Bel. Positively Lady Bel. And all I can say Bel. Will signifie nothing Lady B. Tho' I shou'd swear 't were false Bel. I shou'd think it true Lady B. Then let us both forgive kissing her for we have both offended I in making a Secret you in discovering it Bel. Good nature may do much But you have more reason to forgive one than I have to pardon t'other Lady B. 'T is true Bellinda you have given me so many proofs or your Friendship that my reserve has been indeed a Crime But that you may more easily forgive me Remember Child that when our Nature
down to the same Indifference only clad in a little better Manners perhaps Well you Men are unaccountable things mad till you have your Mistresses and then stark mad till you are rid of 'em again Tell me honestly is not your Patience put to a much severer Tryal after Possession than before Heart With a great many I must confess it is to our eternal Scandal but I dear Creature do but try me Bel. That 's the surest way indeed to know but not the safest To Lady B. Madam are not you for taking a turn in the Great Walk It 's almost dark no body will know us Lady B. Really I find my self something idle Bellinda besides I dote upon this little odd private Corner But don't let my lazy Fancy confine you Const. aside So she wou'd be left alone with me that 's well Bel Well we 'll take one turn and come to you again To Heart Come Sir shall we go pry into the secrets of the Garden Who knows what Discoveries we may make Heart Madam I 'm at your Service Const. to Heart aside Don't make too much haste back for d' ye hear I may be busie Heart Enough Exit Bellinda and Heartfree Lady B. Sure you think me scandalously free Mr. Constant. I 'm afraid I shall lose your good Opinion of me Const. My good Opinion Madam is like your Cruelty never to be remov'd Lady B But if I shou'd remove my Cruelty then there 's an end of your good Opinion Const. There is not so strict an Alliance between 'em neither 'T is certain I shou'd love you then better if that be possible than I do now and where I love I always esteem Lady B. Indeed I doubt you much Why suppose you had a Wife and she shou'd entertain a Gallant Const. If I gave her just Cause how cou'd I justly condemn her Lady B. Ah but you 'd differ widely about just Causes Const. But blows can bear no Dispute Lady B. Nor Ill Manners much truly Const. Then no Woman upon Earth has so just a Cause as you have Lady B. O but a faithful Wife is a beautiful Character Const. To a deserving Husband I confess it is Lady B. But can his Faults Release my Duty Const. In Equity without doubt And where Laws dispense with Equity Equity should dispense with Laws Lady B. Pray let 's leave this Dispute for you Men have as much Witchcraft in your Arguments as Women have in their Eyes Const. But whil'st you Attack me with your Charms 't is but reasonable I Assault you with mine Lady B. The Case is not the same What Mischief we do we can't help and therefore are to be forgiven Const. Beauty soon obtains Pardon for the Pain that it gives when it applies the Balm of Compassion to the Wound But a fine Face and a hard Heart is almost as bad as an ugly Face and a soft one both very troublesom to many a Poor Gentleman Lady B. Yes and to many a Poor Gentlewoman too I can assure you But pray which of 'em is it that most afflicts you Const. Your Glass and Conscience will inform you Madam But for Heaven's sake for now I must be serious if Pity or if Gratitude can move you Taking her hand If Constancy and Truth have Power to tempt you If Love if Adoration can affect you give me at least some hopes that time may do what you perhaps mean never to perform 'T will ease my Sufferings tho' not quench my Flame Lady B. Your Sufferings eas'd your Flame wou'd soon abate And that I wou'd preserve not quench it Sir Const. Wou'd you preserve it nourish it with favours for that 's the Food it naturally requires Lady B. Yet on that Natural Food 't wou'd Surfeit soon shou'd I resolve to grant all that you wou'd ask Const. And in refusing all you starve it Forgive me therefore since my Hunger rages if I at last grow Wild and in my frenzy force at least This from you Kissing her hand Or if you 'd have my Flame soar higher still then grant me this and this and this and Thousands more Kissing first her hand then her neck Aside for now 's the time She melts into Compassion Lady B. Aside Poor Coward Vertue how it shuns the Battle O heavens let me go Const. Ay go ay Where shall we go my Charming Angel into this private Arbour Nay let 's lose no time Moments are precious Lady B. And Lovers wild Pray let us stop here at least for this time Const. 'T is impossible He that has Power over you can have none over himself As he is forcing her into the Arbour Lady Fancyful and Madamoiselle bolt out upon them and Run over the Stage Lady B. Ah I 'm lost Lady Fancy Fe fe fe fe fe Madamois Fe fe fe fe fe Const. Death and Furies who are these Lady B. Oh heavens I 'm out of my Wits if they knew me I 'm Ruin'd Const. Don't be frightned Ten thousand to One they are Strangers to you Lady B. Whatever they are I won't stay here a moment longer Const. Whither will you go Lady B. Home as if the Devil were in me Lord where 's this Bellinda now Enter Bellinda and Heartfree O! it 's well you are come I 'm so frightned my Hair stands an end Let 's be gone for Heaven's sake Bell. Lord What 's the Matter Lady B. The Devil 's the Matter we are discover'd Here 's a Couple of Women have done the most impertinent thing Away Away Away Away Away Exit running Re-enter Lady Fancyful and Madamoiselle Lady Fancy Well Madamoiselle 't is a Prodigious thing how Women can suffer filthy Fellows to grow so familiar with ' em Madamois Ah Matam il n'y a rien desi Naturel Lady Fancy Fe fe fe But oh my Heart O Jealousie O Torture I 'm upon the rack What shall I do my Lover's lost I ne'er shall see him Mine Pausing But I may be reveng'd and that 's the same thing Ah sweet Revenge Thou welcome thought thou healing Balsam to my wounded Soul Be but propitious on this one Occasion I 'll place my Heaven in thee for all my Life to come To Woman how indulgent Nature's kind No Blast of Fortune long disturbs her Mind Compliance to her Fate supports her still If Love won't make her Happy Mischief will Exeunt The End of the Fourth ACT. ACT V. SCENE Lady Fancyfull's House Enter Lady Fancyfull and Madamoiselle Lady Fancy WEll Madamoiselle Did you Dogg the filthy things Madamois O que Ouy Matam Lady Fancy And where are they Madamois Au Logis Lady Fancy VVhat Men and All Madamois Tous ensemble Lady Fancy O Confidence VVhat carry their Fellows to their own House Madamois C'est que le Mari n'y est pas Lady Fancy No so I believe truly But he shall be there and quickly too if I can find him out Well 't is a Prodigious thing to see when Men and VVomen get together how they