choose_v any_o of_o the_o broad_a way_n that_o sin_n present_v before_o it_o the_o difficulty_n that_o this_o holy_a woman_n find_v in_o it_o she_o have_v here_o declare_v and_o direct_v to_o be_v make_v public_a partly_o to_o bear_v her_o testimony_n against_o those_o who_o think_v otherwise_o she_o be_v careful_a that_o it_o may_v be_v in_o term_n that_o shall_v give_v no_o just_a offence_n fear_v to_o offend_v the_o jew_n or_o greek_a or_o church_n of_o christ_n and_o endeavour_v so_o much_o as_o she_o can_v without_o sin_n to_o comply_v with_o all_o that_o she_o may_v gain_v some_o to_o which_o end_n though_o she_o write_v it_o not_o with_o her_o own_o hand_n as_o be_v too_o infirm_a for_o such_o a_o work_n yet_o have_v dictate_v it_o she_o oft_o examn_v it_o and_o cause_v some_o alteration_n te_fw-la be_v make_v in_o it_o after_o they_o be_v write_v so_o that_o a_o will_n write_v by_o a_o lawyer_n or_o ser._n vener_n be_v no_o less_o true_o the_o testator_n than_o this_o be_v she_o before_o i_o end_v this_o preface_n give_v i_o leave_v to_o inform_v you_o into_o what_o familiarity_n she_o be_v groan_n with_o death_n some_o month_n before_o she_o meet_v with_o it_o it_o be_v call_v in_o scripture_n the_o king_n of_o terror_n and_o notorious_o know_v to_o have_v amaze_v the_o bold_a constitution_n yea_o and_o those_o sometimes_o who_o have_v attain_v to_o good_a measure_n in_o grace_n but_o god_n to_o show_v his_o sovereignty_n bind_v this_o leviathan_n for_o his_o handmaid_n to_o play_v with_o and_o make_v it_o her_o servant_n insomuch_o as_o she_o call_v it_o her_o father_n man_n send_v to_o fetch_v she_o from_o school_n and_o upon_o a_o time_n about_o two_o wonth_n before_o she_o die_v sit_v with_o she_o she_o fall_v into_o this_o discourse_n with_o i_o my_o dear_a say_v she_o i_o shall_v be_v in_o heaven_n this_o winter_n i_o pray_v take_v care_n of_o this_o poor_a body_n of_o i_o when_o i_o be_o dead_a for_o death_n can_v separate_v it_o from_o christ_n and_o therefore_o see_v that_o it_o be_v use_v comely_a let_v i_o beg_v you_o to_o close_v my_o eye_n yourself_o and_o let_v not_o foolish_a passion_n keep_v you_o from_o rejoice_v at_o my_o happiness_n in_o that_o hour_n let_v my_o chin_n be_v keep_v from_o fall_v by_o pin_v the_o end_n of_o my_o pinner_n under_o it_o and_o when_o it_o be_v stiff_a with_o cold_a then_o leave_v they_o loose_v but_o put_v on_o no_o muffler_n when_o i_o be_o put_v in_o my_o coffin_n raise_v my_o head_n with_o a_o small_a pillow_n and_o turn_v it_o to_o one_o side_n that_o it_o may_v resemble_v sleep_n and_o as_o little_a of_o ghastliness_n appear_v in_o it_o as_o may_v be_v be_v it_o your_o lot_n to_o depart_v before_o i_o i_o will_v do_v the_o like_a for_o you_o and_o more_o not_o out_o of_o hardness_n of_o heart_n but_o entire_a love_n as_o inconsiderable_a as_o this_o may_v seem_v i_o know_v not_o why_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v here_o record_v as_o well_o as_o joseph_n charge_n to_o his_o brethren_n concerâ—ing_v his_o bone_n in_o the_o scripture_n be_v a_o act_n of_o faith_n as_o he_o be_v be_v not_o like_a ever_o to_o meet_v with_o such_o a_o subject_n whilst_o i_o live_v i_o will_v willing_o make_v this_o entry_n large_a but_o my_o heart_n so_o much_o affect_v my_o eye_n that_o i_o can_v see_v to_o hold_v open_a the_o door_n any_o long_o conversion_n exemplify_v my_o birth_n be_v in_o a_o family_n which_o according_a to_o the_o value_n put_v upon_o thing_n oâ—_n that_o nature_n be_v able_a to_o make_v as_o large_a a_o demonstration_n of_o antiquity_n from_o honourable_a ancestor_n as_o the_o generality_n of_o that_o rank_n of_o person_n can_v do_v i_o have_v withal_o the_o blessing_n of_o that_o education_n in_o it_o which_o may_v free_v i_o from_o be_v a_o dishonour_n to_o it_o be_v breed_v in_o the_o best_a and_o most_o ingenious_a way_n that_o that_o place_n and_o the_o distraction_n of_o the_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o civil_a war_n which_o begin_v in_o my_o childhood_n and_o continue_v till_o my_o grow_a age_n can_v afford_v it_o be_v to_o the_o best_a of_o my_o remembrance_n about_o the_o ten_o year_n of_o my_o age_n when_o god_n who_o be_v rich_a in_o mercy_n begin_v to_o declare_v a_o design_n upon_o i_o lock_v up_o in_o the_o secret_a of_o his_o counsel_n before_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o world_n be_v lay_v of_o bring_v i_o to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o himself_o in_o the_o face_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o who_o though_o i_o be_v bear_v a_o enemy_n and_o of_o who_o nature_n person_n office_n and_o ordinance_n i_o be_v stupid_o ignorant_a yet_o by_o the_o work_n of_o his_o own_o spirit_n and_o â—ffâ—ctual_a teachingâ—_n of_o it_o i_o become_v so_o well_o acquaint_v with_o those_o great_a mysteres_n in_o the_o true_a substance_n of_o they_o and_o that_o without_o the_o ordinary_a help_n of_o man_n teach_v of_o which_o that_o place_n be_v want_v as_o i_o be_v thereby_o in_o the_o infancy_n of_o my_o life_n enable_v to_o receive_v the_o satisfaction_n of_o a_o mediator_n to_o the_o justification_n of_o my_o person_n and_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o same_o mediator_n for_o the_o sanctification_n of_o my_o nature_n and_o that_o some_o year_n before_o i_o understand_v they_o in_o their_o distinct_a and_o proper_a term_n upon_o this_o so_o choice_a and_o signal_n love_n i_o can_v think_v at_o any_o time_n serious_o without_o wash_v the_o â—eet_a of_o he_o with_o tear_n who_o love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o in_o his_o own_o blood_n to_o he_o be_v glory_n for_o ever_o the_o method_n which_o the_o holy_a ghost_n use_v in_o bring_v i_o to_o god_n through_o christ_n be_v that_o which_o he_o observe_v in_o the_o ordinary_a exeâ—utiâ—â—_n of_o his_o work_n as_o i_o have_v since_o be_v inform_v by_o teacher_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o experience_a christian_n with_o who_o then_o i_o have_v not_o the_o like_a acquaintance_n and_o it_o be_v first_o by_o convince_a i_o of_o sin_n and_o then_o of_o righteousness_n the_o manner_n thuâ—_n satan_n mingle_v his_o temptation_n with_o a_o childish_a disposition_n of_o waggery_n in_o i_o and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o hurt_v one_o of_o my_o brother_n in_o his_o slâ—â—p_n out_o of_o no_o reason_n but_o a_o inclination_n to_o do_v harm_n god_n who_o want_v not_o mean_n to_o break_v the_o serpent_n head_n take_v occasion_n from_o hence_o to_o present_v i_o with_o the_o view_n of_o my_o nature_n how_o vile_a it_o be_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v act_v in_o i_o to_o provoke_v i_o to_o hurt_v a_o innocent_a babe_n in_o his_o sleep_n yea_o a_o brother_n who_o be_v as_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o my_o own_o life_n a_o window_n be_v thus_o open_v plenty_n of_o light_n shed_v itself_o in_o whereby_o i_o be_v discover_v to_o myself_o and_o that_o discovery_n be_v attend_v with_o so_o much_o terror_n and_o sense_n of_o eternal_a wrath_n from_o god_n due_a to_o i_o a_o guilty_a sinner_n as_o the_o bed_n i_o then_o lay_v upon_o afford_v i_o no_o ease_n from_o which_o i_o arise_v in_o the_o dark_a and_o silent_a night_n to_o lamâ—nâ—_n myself_o and_o woeful_a state_n it_o be_v a_o dreadful_a time_n never_o to_o be_v forget_v of_o i_o satan_n find_v himself_o under_o so_o unexpected_a a_o defeat_n pursue_v his_o work_n to_o countermine_v the_o work_n of_o god_n thus_o begin_v in_o i_o and_o in_o order_n thereunto_o bespread_v my_o trouble_a soul_n with_o plenty_n of_o fiery_a dart_n the_o first_o that_o he_o press_v i_o to_o be_v murder_n and_o that_o of_o my_o near_a relation_n this_o by_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n i_o soon_o cast_v out_o be_v convince_v how_o impious_a abominable_a and_o unnatural_a it_o be_v to_o destroy_v my_o best_a friend_n then_o he_o urge_v i_o to_o make_v away_o myself_o as_o a_o reprobate_n without_o hope_n but_o this_o i_o look_v atas_fw-la more_o unnatural_a than_o the_o other_o nature_n as_o pollute_v as_o it_o be_v stand_v amaze_v and_o exâ—rcised_v great_a reluctancy_n against_o these_o bâ—oody_a temptation_n nevertheless_o perplex_v i_o be_v in_o a_o dreadful_a measure_n and_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v gospel_n i_o be_v ignorant_a of_o though_o i_o have_v read_v it_o often_o for_o the_o veil_n be_v over_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o scripture_n be_v to_o i_o a_o book_n clasp_v up_o have_v neither_o from_o sermon_n or_o conference_n ever_o receive_v help_n or_o light_n whereby_o spiritual_o to_o understand_v they_o without_o which_o they_o be_v but_o a_o dead_a and_o deadly_a letter_n to_o communicate_v my_o condition_n to_o any_o i_o judge_v it_o most_o unadvised_a because_o i_o know_v none_o that_o understand_v it_o for_o for_o those_o of_o my_o acquainiance_n who_o i_o do_v think_v know_v most_o of_o the_o way_n to_o
heaven_n i_o have_v always_o observe_v that_o they_o count_v wound_n of_o conscience_n for_o sin_n melancholy_a sit_v and_o if_o the_o wound_n be_v deep_a and_o more_o smart_a than_o ordinary_a than_o they_o esteem_v they_o maddish_a upon_o who_o it_o be_v and_o that_o it_o befall_v they_o for_o be_v guilty_a of_o some_o soul_n secret_a sin_n worse_o than_o themselves_o have_v ever_o commit_v and_o i_o do_v fear_v if_o they_o know_v my_o case_n they_o will_v think_v no_o better_o on_o it_o in_o which_o respect_n i_o be_v very_o careful_a to_o hide_v it_o from_o they_o be_v at_o this_o set_n i_o turn_v aside_o from_o my_o black_a thought_n and_o say_v to_o my_o heart_n as_o solomon_n in_o another_o case_n goto_n i_o will_v try_v thou_o with_o mirth_n i_o seek_v diversion_n in_o merry_a company_n and_o will_v thereby_o have_v abate_v the_o rage_n of_o my_o guilty_a conscience_n as_o cain_n seek_v to_o do_v by_o building_n of_o city_n this_o remedy_n increase_v the_o disease_n for_o it_o multiply_v sin_n in_o i_o and_o god_n thereupon_o multiply_v my_o sorrow_n the_o way_n be_v by_o his_o providence_n thus_o hedge_v up_o with_o thorn_n about_o i_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o get_v out_o this_o path_n at_o length_n he_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o if_o i_o will_v ever_o be_v at_o peace_n i_o must_v get_v my_o sin_n pardon_v in_o regard_n that_o it_o be_v most_o evident_a that_o all_o my_o anguish_n and_o torment_n proceed_v from_o the_o guilt_n of_o unpardoned_a sin_n this_o i_o forthwith_o close_v with_o be_v under_o clear_a conviction_n of_o the_o truth_n of_o it_o then_o think_v i_o if_o i_o will_v have_v my_o sin_n pardon_v and_o get_v god_n to_o be_v my_o friend_n i_o must_v serve_v he_o better_o than_o i_o have_v do_v yet_o here_o i_o fall_v most_o intent_o upon_o seek_v righteousness_n by_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n i_o read_v the_o bible_n and_o the_o practice_n of_o piety_n and_o such_o other_o book_n as_o i_o can_v get_v that_o treat_v of_o a_o godly_a and_o devout_a conversation_n i_o set_v upon_o private_a pâ—ayer_n and_o as_o a_o help_n to_o it_o gâ—t_a prayer-book_n which_o i_o do_v use_v have_v be_v so_o ignorant_o educate_v as_o to_o know_v no_o better_o from_o these_o write_a prayer_n i_o can_v say_v i_o find_v not_o any_o help_n but_o very_o little_a i_o be_o sure_a they_o be_v too_o dull_a and_o lazy_a a_o way_n to_o quicken_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o be_v gasp_v for_o life_n when_o child_n be_v very_o young_a they_o will_v swallow_v meat_n of_o the_o nurse_n chew_v but_o when_o thâ—y_o be_v grow_v and_o have_v tooth_n they_o use_v they_o and_o loath_a that_o which_o be_v prepare_v by_o other_o thus_o it_o be_v with_o i_o in_o this_o case_n have_v then_o no_o prejudice_n beget_v in_o i_o against_o they_o by_o converse_v with_o those_o that_o be_v former_o call_v puritan_n sectary_n schismatic_n and_o now_o call_v fanatic_n of_o which_o sort_n of_o people_n i_o then_o know_v not_o any_o nor_o have_v read_v their_o book_n but_o i_o do_v discharge_v my_o conscience_n upon_o my_o dying-bed_n in_o declare_v my_o experience_n for_o the_o information_n of_o such_o as_o need_v it_o pray_v earnest_o that_o the_o testimony_n of_o a_o poor_a consume_v die_v creature_n may_v prevail_v with_o those_o to_o who_o the_o knowledge_n hereof_o shall_v come_v who_o think_v it_o worship_n enough_o to_o read_v over_o a_o prayer_n certain_a time_n in_o a_o day_n to_o distrust_v their_o condition_n before_o it_o be_v past_a cure_n i_o have_v nor_o part_n and_o if_o i_o have_v i_o will_v not_o here_o employ_v they_o to_o dispute_v the_o point_n of_o stint_a form_n of_o prayer_n invent_v by_o some_o for_o the_o use_n of_o other_o only_o this_o i_o do_v experience_n that_o the_o immediate_a sigh_n groan_n and_o long_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n sometime_o express_v without_o word_n sometime_o in_o such_o word_n as_o occur_v to_o my_o memory_n be_v gracious_o answer_v and_o consequent_o accept_v of_o god_n and_o consequent_o to_o that_o wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n who_o office_n be_v to_o be_v a_o advocate_n in_o we_o as_o christ_n be_v for_o we_o let_v the_o blind_a carnal_a world_n think_v and_o speak_v what_o they_o please_v to_o the_o contraty_n my_o want_n be_v such_o as_o i_o find_v no_o print_a prayer_n that_o take_v notice_n of_o they_o and_o whether_o those_o form-maker_n ever_o know_v they_o or_o no_o i_o will_v not_o judge_v but_o if_o the_o form-user_n be_v as_o hard_o follow_v as_o i_o be_v i_o believe_v they_o will_v cast_v away_o their_o crutch_n and_o scramble_v forward_o with_o their_o own_o leg_n i_o think_v their_o distress_n will_v not_o allow_v they_o time_n to_o look_v for_o a_o book_n a_o prisoner_n condemn_v at_o the_o bar_n beg_v for_o his_o life_n without_o the_o help_n of_o a_o petition_n write_v and_o such_o be_v my_o case_n but_o to_o return_v from_o this_o digression_n to_o the_o relation_n of_o the_o state_n i_o stand_v in_o at_o this_o time_n it_o be_v as_o i_o say_v a_o little_a before_o a_o state_n of_o righteousness_n by_o personal_a obedience_n for_o i_o be_v they_o of_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n as_o the_o apostle_n phrase_n be_v gal._n 3._o 10._o i_o say_v of_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n as_o of_o a_o trade_n in_o which_o i_o think_v to_o earn_v eternal_a life_n and_o consequent_o i_o be_v under_o the_o curse_n because_o it_o be_v write_v curse_a be_v every_o one_o that_o continue_v not_o in_o all_o thing_n write_v in_o the_o book_n of_o the_o law_n to_o do_v they_o it_o be_v nothing_o i_o can_v boast_v of_o and_o very_o little_a i_o can_v say_v as_o to_o what_o i_o do_v in_o this_o case_n to_o render_v myself_o well-pleasing_a to_o god_n and_o acceptable_a in_o his_o fight_n but_o what_o i_o can_v i_o do_v in_o work_n of_o piety_n and_o charity_n i_o think_v most_o reverent_o of_o all_o person_n in_o who_o i_o do_v diseern_v a_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a conversation_n or_o will_v at_o any_o time_n speak_v of_o god_n or_o holiness_n with_o any_o zeal_n or_o affection_n my_o indignation_n be_v no_o less_o kindle_v against_o the_o contrary_a especial_o those_o who_o be_v call_v the_o clergy_n what_o i_o then_o observe_v among_o some_o of_o that_o rank_n be_v then_o be_v still_o and_o for_o ever_o will_v be_v the_o abhorrency_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o to_o mention_v it_o i_o be_o ashamed_a unhappy_a englant_n who_o art_n great_o infest_a with_o this_o generation_n for_o if_o salt_n have_v lose_v its_o savour_n wherewith_o shall_v it_o be_v season_v and_o if_o the_o blind_a lead_v the_o blind_a both_o must_v fall_v into_o the_o ditch_n i_o be_v for_o some_o year_n toss_v in_o this_o sea_n where_o i_o find_v no_o calm_a nor_o any_o bottom_n to_o cast_v anehor_fw-la in_fw-la have_v the_o knowledge_n of_o sin_n but_o not_o of_o grace_n i_o judge_v myself_o the_o worst_a of_o sinner_n and_o oft_o wish_v i_o have_v never_o be_v bear_v increase_v my_o sin_n by_o that_o wish_n walk_v sometime_o alone_o when_o my_o fellow_n be_v in_o the_o pleasure_n of_o their_o childish_a sport_n i_o think_v they_o bless_v in_o comparison_n of_o myself_o as_o be_v not_o guilty_a of_o such_o sin_n as_o i_o be_v guilty_a of_o by_o these_o step_n do_v the_o work_n of_o deep_a humiliation_n and_o bitter_a mourning_n for_o sin_n proceed_v in_o i_o and_o to_o that_o precipice_n be_v i_o bring_v that_o though_o god_n put_v under_o his_o hand_n secret_o and_o do_v support_v i_o yet_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n i_o be_v oft_o at_o the_o brink_n of_o utter_a despair_n the_o dreadful_a consideration_n of_o appear_v before_o the_o judgement_n seat_n of_o christ_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o first_o representation_n i_o have_v of_o he_o be_v that_o to_o he_o be_v commit_v the_o judgement_n of_o the_o great_a day_n and_o that_o he_o will_v exercise_v that_o authority_n to_o my_o condemnation_n unless_o i_o obtain_v mercy_n and_o favour_n from_o he_o now_o notwithstanding_o i_o have_v oft_o read_v the_o story_n of_o christ_n suffering_n and_o weep_v in_o read_v it_o be_v great_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o have_v a_o very_a high_a reverence_n about_o the_o sacrament_n of_o his_o supper_n be_v institute_v to_o preserve_v the_o memorial_n of_o those_o suffering_n yet_o now_o i_o perceive_v and_o have_v do_v long_o that_o those_o be_v but_o humane_a passion_n work_v upon_o a_o object_n of_o great_a sorrow_n but_o no_o sanctify_a affection_n move_v through_o a_o due_a sense_n of_o the_o meritorious_a cause_n of_o christ_n passion_n and_o consequent_o altogether_o without_o any_o save_a knowledge_n of_o he_o let_v such_o as_o resemble_v i_o in_o that_o frame_n of_o heart_n know_v that_o they_o deal_v
christ_n i_o believe_v in_o and_o a_o feign_a faith_n i_o take_v comfort_n from_o nay_o and_o further_o that_o if_o the_o scrâ—pâ—â—â—s_n be_v not_o of_o god_n nor_o christ_n 〈◊〉_d râ—al_a saviour_n than_o be_v there_o no_o god_n 〈◊〉_d all_o and_o so_o all_o my_o labour_n lose_v in_o seek_v he_o thus_o the_o devil_n â—oucht_v his_o argument_n make_v one_o thing_n very_o dependent_a on_o another_o for_o certain_o â—â—_o there_o be_v a_o god_n he_o have_v reveal_v himself_o and_o iâ—_n not_o in_o the_o scripture_n no_o where_o to_o this_o assurance_n god_n have_v now_o in_o grâ—at_a mercy_n bring_v i_o but_o in_o the_o infancy_n of_o my_o conversion_n it_o be_v not_o so_o with_o i_o for_o so_o far_o be_v i_o leave_v to_o the_o close_a pursuit_n of_o my_o spiritual_a enemy_n and_o sink_v so_o low_a under_o his_o strong_a assault_n as_o i_o seem_v sometime_o to_o conclude_v there_o be_v neither_o heaven_n nor_o hell_n god_n nor_o devil_n behold_v how_o pitâ—ous_a a_o creature_n be_v i_o who_o without_o god_n special_a assistance_n shall_v have_v be_v lead_v to_o determine_v against_o my_o own_o try_a experience_n in_o thing_n more_o certain_a than_o thoâ—_n object_n about_o which_o sense_n be_v conversant_a for_o before_o this_o i_o have_v enjoy_v the_o presence_n of_o god_n and_o some_o taste_n of_o his_o heavenly_a comfort_n and_o feel_v the_o power_n of_o satan_n with_o some_o scorching_n of_o hellish_a anguish_n but_o remain_v under_o this_o distress_n doubt_v whether_o there_o be_v a_o god_n yet_o think_v there_o be_v and_o honour_v those_o that_o walk_v conscionable_o because_o i_o suppose_v they_o know_v it_o i_o pitch_v upon_o this_o if_o there_o be_v a_o devil_n sure_o there_o be_v a_o god_n hereupon_o though_o i_o be_v of_o a_o very_a timorous_a nature_n i_o oft_o resort_v into_o dark_a and_o lonesome_a place_n hope_v to_o see_v the_o devil_n as_o a_o mean_n to_o convince_v i_o that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n this_o be_v put_v down_o to_o show_v the_o extremity_n of_o my_o temptation_n and_o folly_n of_o seek_v that_o way_n of_o relief_n while_o i_o be_v under_o this_o trial_n i_o perceive_v that_o by_o it_o satan_n endeavour_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o a_o licentious_a course_n of_o life_n for_o if_o no_o god_n nor_o devil_n heaven_n nor_o hell_n what_o need_v a_o man_n care_v what_o he_o speak_v think_v or_o do_v further_o than_o to_o accomplish_v his_o lustsul_n design_n and_o satisfy_v the_o flesh_n let_v they_o consider_v who_o work_v they_o do_v and_o what_o their_o way_n without_o repentance_n will_v be_v who_o muster_v up_o argument_n in_o print_n deny_v the_o eternity_n of_o the_o punishment_n of_o reprobate_n but_o to_o proceed_v to_o speak_v of_o the_o strait_n i_o now_o lay_v under_o in_o they_o i_o endeavour_v to_o apply_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n but_o such_o horrid_a blasphemy_n upon_o that_o attempt_n be_v cast_v in_o as_o i_o be_v great_o discourage_v to_o think_v upon_o he_o or_o draw_v near_o to_o he_o in_o any_o act_n of_o worship_n how_o sad_a a_o time_n this_o be_v i_o appeal_v to_o those_o who_o have_v taste_v of_o the_o like_a cup_n it_o bring_v i_o to_o this_o resolution_n that_o if_o god_n about_o who_o i_o have_v such_o conflict_n have_v a_o be_v which_o for_o all_o this_o i_o can_v not_o whole_o be_v beat_v from_o the_o belief_n of_o and_o will_v manifest_v his_o favour_n to_o i_o in_o christ_n i_o be_v willing_a to_o be_v a_o vassel_n to_o the_o most_o tyrannical_a monarch_n that_o ever_o the_o earth_n do_v bear_v all_o my_o day_n or_o to_o be_v expose_v to_o any_o other_o suffer_v which_o he_o shall_v think_v fit_a to_o inflict_v how_o unworthy_a be_o i_o then_o who_o have_v receive_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o that_o desire_n and_o yet_o want_v that_o affection_n to_o god_n and_o rejoice_v in_o he_o which_o i_o think_v that_o mercy_n he_o have_v add_v thereunto_o a_o plenteous_a possession_n of_o outward_a comfort_n i_o want_v a_o heart_n to_o hate_v myself_o for_o this_o and_o word_n to_o signify_v the_o hatred_n i_o feel_v how_o can_v i_o appear_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n with_o this_o burden_n of_o ingratitude_n if_o i_o be_v not_o bring_v in_o by_o my_o faithful_a high_a priest_n as_o to_o the_o mean_n of_o get_v free_a from_o this_o encounter_n thus_o it_o be_v be_v bring_v through_o long_a wrestle_n to_o the_o very_a point_n of_o yield_v and_o give_v all_o for_o lose_v like_o a_o rout_v army_n or_o beat_a man_n â—resh_a strength_n be_v minister_v to_o i_o from_o this_o text_n no_o temptation_n have_v befall_v you_o but_o that_o which_o be_v common_a to_o man_n but_o god_n be_v faithful_a who_o with_o the_o temptation_n will_v give_v a_o issue_n that_o you_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v it_o this_o scripture_n i_o meet_v with_o read_v the_o chapter_n wherein_o it_o be_v and_o pause_v upon_o it_o i_o take_v special_a notice_n that_o the_o opinion_n i_o have_v long_o nourish_v be_v that_o my_o case_n be_v peculiar_a and_o none_o ever_o like_o i_o before_o this_o i_o find_v to_o be_v untrue_a for_o the_o text_n in_o so_o many_o word_n say_v the_o contrary_a then_o that_o as_o my_o case_n be_v none_o other_o than_o have_v befall_v other_o so_o god_n be_v faithful_a and_o of_o his_o faithfulness_n will_v give_v i_o a_o good_a issue_n out_o of_o it_o in_o his_o due_a time_n and_o i_o especial_o note_v it_o as_o the_o first_o time_n that_o ever_o i_o do_v think_v it_o to_o be_v god_n deal_n to_o leave_v sinner_n to_o the_o buffet_n of_o satan_n and_o his_o winnowing_n and_o to_o the_o turbulence_n of_o their_o own_o spirit_n as_o a_o mean_n to_o convert_v they_o to_o himself_o and_o sanctisie_n and_o save_v they_o this_o light_n i_o have_v by_o meditate_v upon_o the_o word_n be_v without_o the_o benefit_n of_o preacher_n good_a book_n or_o experience_a christian_n after_o these_o thing_n i_o continue_v wait_v on_o god_n in_o the_o way_n of_o such_o duty_n as_o i_o understand_v exercise_v myself_o in_o prayer_n read_v and_o the_o work_n of_o my_o particular_a call_n but_o attain_v to_o little_a establishment_n in_o a_o way_n of_o abide_a comfort_n meet_v still_o sometime_o with_o one_o temptation_n sometime_o with_o another_o some_o new_a some_o old_a one_o repeat_v according_a to_o the_o multitude_n of_o satan_n subtlety_n and_o the_o opportunity_n my_o corrupt_a heart_n or_o iniquity_n of_o the_o time_n and_o place_n wherein_o i_o live_v minister_v unto_o he_o i_o remember_v not_o so_o well_o as_o to_o relate_v it_o distinct_o how_o long_o i_o continue_v in_o this_o condition_n nor_o the_o manner_n of_o my_o release_n from_o it_o by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o must_v omit_v many_o considerable_a circumstance_n but_o in_o general_a after_o about_o two_o year_n add_v to_o the_o three_o year_n former_o mention_v the_o lord_n break_v in_o upon_o i_o with_o a_o very_a plentiful_a discovery_n of_o himself_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o renew_v the_o act_n of_o my_o say_v upon_o he_o i_o be_v immediate_o thereupon_o fill_v with_o joy_n and_o peace_n more_o than_o i_o can_v express_v be_v thorough_o convince_v that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n the_o scripture_n be_v of_o his_o inspire_a and_o that_o christ_n be_v the_o saviour_n of_o believe_v repentant_a sinner_n the_o ordinance_n i_o enjoy_v be_v my_o meat_n and_o drink_n the_o sabbath_n my_o delight_n i_o speak_v not_o this_o as_o if_o i_o have_v that_o measure_n of_o faith_n joy_n and_o delight_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v or_o as_o many_o of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n i_o suppose_v have_v have_v but_o i_o call_v it_o fill_v i_o with_o these_o grace_n comparative_o to_o what_o i_o former_o have_v experience_v for_o in_o this_o whole_a narrative_n i_o be_o very_o fearful_a to_o lie_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n by_o relate_v any_o work_n of_o he_o in_o i_o high_o than_o it_o be_v and_o withal_o will_v be_v very_o loath_a to_o diminish_v detract_v from_o or_o conceal_v any_o of_o the_o merciful_a dispensation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n towards_o i_o before_o i_o remove_v out_o of_o the_o country_n where_o the_o work_n which_o have_v be_v the_o subject_n of_o what_o be_v here_o write_v past_a upon_o i_o i_o conceive_v it_o useful_a to_o remember_v the_o deportment_n of_o some_o relation_n to_o i_o with_o the_o frame_n of_o my_o heart_n in_o reference_n thereto_o for_o however_o i_o do_v endeavour_v to_o hide_v this_o great_a change_n from_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n yet_o it_o have_v be_v as_o easy_a for_o i_o to_o suppress_v a_o perfume_n by_o shut_v it_o in_o the_o hollow_a of_o my_o hand_n grace_n as_o well_o as_o sin_n have_v the_o advantage_n of_o its_o kind_n which_o be_v to_o discover_v itself_o i_o can_v not_o but_o