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B05024 Familiar letters. Vol. II. Containing thirty six letters, / by the Right Honourable John, late Earl of Rochester. Printed from his original papers. With letters and speeches, by the late Duke of Buckingham, the Honourable Henry Savile, Esq; Sir George Etherridge, to several persons of honour. And letters by several eminent hands. Rochester, John Wilmot, Earl of, 1647-1680.; Savile, Henry, 1642-1687.; Brown, Thomas, 1663-1704.; Buckingham, George Villiers, Duke of, 1628-1687. 1699 (1699) Wing R1748; ESTC R182833 66,393 222

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bless'd for ought I know with a stinking Breath Rheumatisms Coughs Catarrhs false Teeth and the other damn'd Accomplishments which may entitle her to the honourable Appellation of Venerable But I am Madam better natur'd in my choice for your Ladiship and recommend to you a young Man that prefers the Widow to the Jointure and leaves all but the Treasure of her Heart to others one who wou'd be confin'd to a Desart if to be in Heaven can be a Confinement with her where the perpetual Business of his Life shou'd be Immortal Love and I swear he that would not do all this and ten thousand times more is not worthy of her Such a one Madam I chuse for you and if that will not please forbear Wedlock for ever as I will do rather than take up with that reverend piece of Antiquity you mention In the mean time the only Alms I beg is your Pity and Pardon for Madam Your most sincere oblig'd humble Slave Lysander By the Same MADAM TO express the real Sense I have of all the Noble Favours conferr'd on me at your House during the long Persecution I gave you there were as impossible as to give your Ladiship a full and perfect Character of the Pangs and Tortures of Mind I have been under ever since my Departure from the Divine Eugenia whose Idea perpetually swims before my Sight in all Companies and Places Madam I 'm sensible I have ten thousand Pardons to ask for the Extravagance of my Passion in the Presence of the Divine Eugenia But I can appeal to Heaven and my own Conscience that never any Prophane Thought enter'd my Breast reflecting on the Divinity I with so unfeign'd a Zeal adore since no Man living has that Sacred Opinion of the exalted Honour Vertue Wit and Beauty of any Woman that I have of my too Dear and Destructive Eugenia Your Caution Madam of the Bath might have been necessary to one that lov'd less than I do the Variety of Company that Place now affords with its other diverting Amusements might have some influence over an Amorous Friend or Common Lover But as my Passion is proportionable to the Object so nothing on Earth is Diversion or Pleasure to me but the Thoughts of Her I love I can be alone ev'n in a Crowd and therefore make it my endeavour to avoid so troublesome a solitude Good GOD Madam What is there I can do to shew how miserable I am for your sake 'T is true Madam my Misery derives it self partly from my Unworthiness But ah more much more from your not knowing what it is to love For who can have a real Sense of another's Pain but they who have felt the same How can the Unfortunate Lysander ever hope for one kind Thought from his Ador'd Eugenia while her Heart 's not touch'd with his Sufferings nay fortify'd against Compassion by her being surrounded by none but his Enemies Some may think it a Reflection on their Friends to be refus'd if you shou'd honour any other with your Favour but them And others think it impossible that a Passion for Eugenia shou'd last an Age since they never had Merit enough to procure an Hour's Love for Themselves Thus Madam between the Vanity of the Old and the Ignorance Envy and impotent Charms of the Young I may well expect to be sacrific'd but however I shall have the satisfaction of being distinguish'd from the rest of your Adorers by being at least your Martyr Lysander POSTSCRIPT Lysander Madam can never banish nor lessen that Passion you mention for Eugenia yet my Esteem of Friendship is so great that if I cou'd present you with a Pillow of Love to repose your charming Head on it shou'd be stuff'd with Friendship if with a Landskip of Love the Shadows shou'd be Friendship if with an Embroidery the Ground shou'd be Friendship tho' in the Gardens of Venus I can never allow Friendship to be more than a Winter-fruit which when the Delicacies of the Summer is over may be comfortable enough to the Reverend Old Couple sitting by a Fire-side in a long Winter's Night ev'n as good as roasted Apples LYSANDER to EUGENIA whom he had desir'd to write Letters enough to him to make him a Shroud Dear MADAM THis Day was I Blest with a Letter from Eugenia which comes far short of finishing my Shroud a Ream at least will modestly suffice to keep even Death from blushing at himself and then for Warmth another Ream I 'm sure you 'll not deny when cold Lysander begs That Heat and Flame which now your Beauty gives Can then alone be by your Wit supply'd Entomb'd in Amber Bees may boast their turn And wrapt in Flames let pious Martyrs burn Stretch'd in your Letter Death will be my Triumph Embalm'd in Sense who would not wish to die And Sense that comes from so Divine a Hand Aegyptian Mummies perish and decay But Shrouds like mine will Time it self out-live Wear out his Scythe and every fleeting Sand. One Dram of Body cannot here be lost But like a Summer-sute laid safely by When Spring appears are fit to wear again So true a Resurrection will be rare The self-same Body with the self-same Soul Who then can doubt but the same Passions too The same my Love the same my Mistress YOU Madam tho' I design'd these Thoughts in down-right Prose yet in the Ardor of writing they run into Blank Verse whether I would or no. I hope your Ladyship receiv'd my last Godly Letter by which you may perceive I can be Devilishly Devout upon Occasion The Truth on 't is I have often wondred Why all the Young Fellows of the Town set up for Atheism since they can be so much more conveniently lewd under the Masque of Religion If Belinda in the Letters I 've communicated to your Ladiship has behav'd her self in any kind disagreeable to her Sex let me know it and I 'll engage she shall mend her Manners for the future If you don't think she loves enough she shall grow jealous and never speak well of him her self nor suffer Any-body else to speak ill of him the surest sign of Love in the World Or if you think her too kind to her Lover she shall set up for Religion be very Godly and very Ill-natur'd rail at Profaneness and in a Pious Christian way enjoy Somebody she likes better Your Ladiship is pleased to censure my Jealousie as incurable But pray Madam be pleas'd to consider where Men are apt to be jealous out of Fondness as they are often jealous without a Cause so they 're as often satisfy'd without Reason I 'm surpriz'd at Eugenia's Apology for her writing Non-sense when there 's no Woman living but what might be proud to copy after her so Free so Easie so Witty are her Letters Besides were it not so as Mr. Congreve has it there would be more Eloquence in your false-spelt Superscription than in all Tully's and Demosthenes his Orations to me Madam who am
fitter for me to love and that is the reason I think I can never leave to be Your Humble Servant To Mrs. MADAM TO convince you how just I must ever be to you I have sent this on purpose that you may know you are not a moment out of my Thoughts and since so much Merit as you have and such convincing Charms to me at least need not wish a greater Advantage over any to forget you is the only Reprieve possible for a Man so much your Creature and Servant as I am which I am so far from wishing that I conjure you by all the assurances of Kindness you have ever made me proud and happy with that not two Days can pass without some Letter from you to me You must leave 'em c. to be sent to me with speed And till the blest Hour wherein I shall see you again may Happiness of all kinds be as far from me as I do both in Love and Jealousie pray Mankind may be from you To Mrs. MADAM THere is now no minute of my Life that does not afford me some new Argument how much I love you the little Joy I take in every thing wherein you are not concern'd the pleasing Perplexity of endless Thought which I fall into where-ever you are brought to my Remembrance and lastly the continual Disquiet I am in during your Absence convince me sufficiently that I do you Justice in loving you so as Woman was never lov'd before To Mrs. MADAM YOur safe Delivery has deliver'd me too from Fears for your sake which were I 'll promise you as burthensom to me as your Great-belly cou'd be to you Every thing has fallen out to my Wish for you are out of Danger and the Child is of the soft Sex I love Shortly my Hopes are to see you and in a little while after to look on you with all your Beauty about you Pray let no Body but your self open the Box I sent you I did not know but that in Lying-in you might have use of those Trifles Sick and in Bed as I am I cou'd come at no more of 'em but if you find 'em or whatever is in my power of use to your Service let me know it To Mrs. MADAM THis is the first Service my Hand has done me since my being a Cripple and I wou'd not imploy it in a Lie so soon therefore pray believe me sincere when I assure you that you are very dear to me and as long as I live I will be kind to you P. S. This is all my Hand wou'd write but my Heart thinks a great deal more To Mrs. MADAM NOthing can ever be so dear to me as you are and I am so convinc'd of this that I dare undertake to love you whilst I live Believe all I say for that is the kindest thing imaginable and when you can devise any way that may make me appear so to you instruct me in it for I need a better Understanding than my own to shew my Love without wrong to it To Mrs. MADAM NOw as I love you I think I have reason to be Jealous your Neighbour came in last Night with all the Marks and Behaviour of a Spy every word and look imply'd that she came to solicite your Love or Constancy May her Endeavours prove as vain as I wish my Fears May no Man share the Blessings I enjoy without my Curses and if they fall on him alone without touching you I am happy tho' he deserves 'em not but shou'd you be concern'd they 'll all flie back upon my self for he whom you are kind to is so blest he may safely stand the Curses of all the World without repining at least if like me he be sensible of nothing but what comes from Mrs. To Mrs. MADAM YOu are the most afflicting fair Creature in the World and however you wou'd perswade me to the contrary I cannot but believe the Fault you pretend to excuse is the only one I cou'd ever be guilty of to you when you think of receiving an Answer with Common Sence in it you must write Letters that give less Confusion than your last I will wait on you and be reveng'd by continuing to love you when you grow weariest of it To Mrs. MADAM YEsterday it was impossible to Answer your Letter which I hope for that reason you will forgive me tho' indeed you have been pleas'd to express your self so extra ordinarily that I know not what I have to Answer to you Give me some Reason upon your own account only to be sorry I ever had the Happiness to know you since I find you repent the Kindness you shew'd me and undervalue the humble Service I had for you and that I might be no happier in your Favours than you could be in my Love you have contriv'd it so well to make them equal to my Hatred since that cou'd do no more than these pretend to take away the Quiet of my Life I tell this not to exempt my self from any Service I can do you for I can never forget how very happy I have been but to convince you the Love that gives you the Torment of Repentance on your side and me the Trouble of perceiving it in the other is equally unjust and cruel to us both and ought therefore to die To Mrs. MADAM YOu shall not fail of on Saturday and for your Wretches as you call 'em 't is usually my Custom when I wrong such as they to make 'em amends tho' your Maid has aggravated that matter more to my Prejudice than I expected from one who belong'd to you and for your own share If I thought you a Woman of Forms you shou'd receive all the Reparations imaginable but it is so unquestionable that I am thoroughly your humble Servant that all the World must know I cannot offend you without being sorry for it To Mrs. MADAM THo' upon the Score of Love which is immediately my Concern I find aptness enough to be jealous yet upon that of your Safety which is the only thing in the World weighs more with me than my Love I apprehend much more I know by woful Experience what comes of dealing with Knaves such I am sure you have at this time to do with therefore look well about you and take it for granted That unless you can deceive them they will certainly cozen you If I am not so wise as they and therefore less fit to advise you I am at least more concern'd for you and for that reason the likelier to prove honest and the rather to be trusted Whether you will come to the Duke's Play-house to Day or at least let me come to you when the Play is done I leave to your Choice let me know if you please by the Bearer To Mrs. MADAM MIght I be so happy to receive such Proofs of your Kindness as I my self wou'd choose one of the greatest I cou'd think of were that all my Actions however
Two-legg'd Vermin Nor need I mention Foreign Journal Translated to Gallants Diurnal Where Verses given and stoln Prose A motly Rhapsody compose To teach poor Prentice sadly panting More modern Methods of Gallanting And Sempstress the most recent Arts Of captivating stragling Hearts And exercise the Wit of Youth On Snails Tobacco-pipes and Truth Nor him that late in sparkish Prose Appear'd to edifie the Beaus Who with soft Lines and softer Looks Expertly baits his Amorous Hooks And brings with Elegant Epistle Each melting Damsel to his Whistle And makes her stoop to him as sure As hungry Hawk does to his Lure Who lately drew in Vindication Of all the Beauties in the Nation And boldly tilted with his Pen ' Gainst all that durst oppose him then Which some Apology mis-call some Satyr Both equidistant from the Matter For surely no Design was in 't But barely to appear in Print Which he as kindly since has done Gallants for your Instruction Where the Grand Secrets he imparts For battering Obdurate Hearts How you to Vizard-mask or Coach May make a Regular Approach He shews you how you shall prevail With Lines as fenceless as a Flail For Letters Missive Weapons are Which Lovers combat with from far Shews how to take 'em by Surprize Or use the Artillery of Eyes But if Necessity oblige To Methods of a closer Siege He shews such Means as might improve The greatest Engineer in Love To bribe the Sentinel her Maid Or storm her with a Serenade And if by these she be not won Bombard with Sonnet or Lampoon If these Attempts she still defies To blow her up with Mines of Sighs For Sighs indeed altho' no lowder Are the Discharge of Love's White-pow-der And therefore 't is they seldom fail To blow up Petticoats full well But if so fortify'd she prove To baffle all the Assaults of Love And on strict Scrutiny you are Oblig'd in Honour to despair He 's deepest read in all those Laws That relate nearest to your Cause Can tell you whether soon as known 'T were properer to Hang or Drown Instruct you too what Streams or Boughs It were convenient you shou'd chuse What Art is requisite what Care To plunge or swing with moving Air What Rules are order'd by Romance And which are A la mode de France For these things must be nicely done Or else the Glory of ' em's gone By one Mistake more Honour 's lost Than being beaten from your Post. I pass by S tle D rs A es For Doggrel celebrated Names With Authors of substantial Prose That dress like Wits and write like Beaux But to return to Application That is to Self-justification From citing Verse-wrights of great Name That oft fill every Mouth of Fame Render'd by her so necessary To Grocer Cook Apothecary In doing which my sole Intent Was meerly to shew Precedent And prove that fine things may be writ With very little or no Wit For Wit some Authors do maintain Is but a Fungus of the Brain The Off-spring of superfluous Thought By too luxuriant Fancy wrought A hasty and abortive Birth Like that of over-teeming Earth Which doth to thousand Figures vary And therefore not held salutary And tho' for wanton Palates drest Counted uneasie to digest And then too must be taken young Before its Venom grow too strong So Wit 's anomalous and rude Of ill digestion and crude Till after needful Preparation With wholesom Picle of Discretion And where it is of constant use Does Surfeits in the Mind produce Breeds strange Diseases in the Purse And is its own Admirer's Curse They therefore Pardon surely merit Who in their Writings do forbear it And rather chuse to feed in quiet On homelier but more whole some Diet From whence if peccant Vapours breed Or turgid Flatulence proceed The only Symptoms they produce And Danger 's but a Crepitus Which as we do in Authors read Springs from the Bowels not the Head And tho' receiv'd with publick scorn Expires as soon as it is born So Writings which no Sence affords Are but a Crepitus of Words And tho' with windy Lines they swell ye Rise from a Vacuum in the Belly In which no Meaning 's to be found Or any Scope beside the Sound But Sir I have almost forgot What I intended to have wrote And my first Subject worse neglect Than modern Pulpiteer his Text Who take the freedom to digress And vary Subjects as they please While with Rhetorical Harangue And Voice tun'd to Religious Twang He treats all those that come to hear it With choicest Gifts of purest Spirit Where Pious Folks convene drawn thither By th' help of stiff erected Leather With Dresses Faces Mien and Air Screw'd up to Piety and Pray'r Where Holy Man in all he saith Lays Salt of Grace on Tails of Faith Where Saints are sous'd in Gospel-pickle By Moderns styl'd A Conventicle LETTERS OF LOVE and GALLANTRY To Eugenia MADAM THO' it be not a full Week since I received the Honour of my dear Eugenia's Letter yet it has been long enough for me to wish a thousand times I were Left-handed since by an unlucky Sprain in my Right-hand I 've been forced to omit the Duty these three Posts My Building is near finish'd and when it is so I hope my dear Eugenia will be so kind to her constant Slave to furnish my new House with an Engaging new Mistress if not for my sake at least for her own since I vow I shall come into with a most fierce Design on Love and Matrimony And Love you know is a Spirit that when once a Woman has conjur'd up she must find it some Employment or else 't will tear the Charming Sorceress her self to pieces Therefore fair Widow beware If my Hand were not still in great Pain I 'd give you a thousand Thanks for your dear Letter and perhaps pick as many Quarrels with you about it But Heaven forgive you your want of Charity when you think I could write the same things to my Grand-mother I do to Eugenia when my Conscience can't reproach me with thinking the youngest of your Sex charming enough to extort one of this kind from me excepting your self Nor is it Madam the easiest thing in the World to feign a Passion say things of that Force and Tenderness or act an absent Lover for so many Years together as I have been Eugenia's Votary I 'm sure the whole Legend of Love can't furnish you with one Example of so constant an Hypocrite as I have been if I must needs be so Therefore if I can't convince you of my Sincerity and by that plead a Merit to your Love yet let the Novelty of the thing at least move your Pity when you think what Pains I 've taken since all that comes not Naturally is so to say so many kind tender and passionate things of one I have no concern for Think whether it be not almost equally difficult to write passionately to one I am not really in love
so extravagant as gave me reason to apprehend you wou'd ever be so mad as to marry Sure the Devil is in thee or her for without Fascination this Miracle could never be wrought To be very sick of Love is no wonder but that can't last long the raging Feaver must pass or kill Your Fate is soon determin'd a few Days bring it to its Crisis And is it not better dying quietly in your own Sheets than in a whining Wife's Arms You can never live in Charity with her ten Days together unless you are a stricter Christian than I take you or think it possible for one of Nineteen to be Experience dear-bought Experience has convinc'd me that the Difference between Women consists more in our Capricious Humours and the Sense of Variety than any intrinsick Goodness not very common to their Sex The Novelty may please 't is true but after the first Week's Enjoyment a Wife is eternally the same the Ruine of your Estate and the Disquiet of your Bed If she live three Years she 'll spend more than her Fortune in Cloaths If she bring you any Children these are so many fresh Additions to your Misfortunes creating Torments if they live and Grief if they die Which of thy Sins Dick has been so black in it self or so heinous in its circumstances so frequently repeated or so long unrepented of as to deserve so heavy so lasting a Damnation You that cou'd never like a Woman above a Week and chang'd your Mistresses faster than they did their Lodgings How alas do you think it possible not to be miserable under this Pagan Yoak Tho' I don't pretend to the Spirit of Prophecy yet I dare engage you 'd give five times her Estate within the Year to be at Liberty again Alas Dick this is not a Confinement that ten Guinea's will bear you out of but what is the greatest Mischief 't will last all your Life The knowing that we can't alter our Condition I believe is the most sensible Affliction that can befal us You know the Story of the Man that broke his Heart with the Thoughts of being forbidden to walk without the Walls of a great City tho' he had never stirr'd a Foot out of it before Besides a Husband is the most insipid Character of all Mankind never pleasing and seldom pleased tormented in his own Person and more feelingly in that of his Children who are continually whipp'd and beaten to be reveng'd of his Unkindness or to provoke his Anger Be sober once in thy Life and renounce the Thoughts of so fatal a Consequence Why will you affect drinking out of Horn when you have so much Plate You had best shew this to you Fair Charmer and demonstrate the Powers of her Eyes by resisting so wholsom and seasonable Advice If you think fit do so I had rather lose her Good-will than not shew my own Integrity and wou'd refuse your Friendship if I might not shew my own To Mrs. Lovely Object of my solicitous Desires T Is impossible for me to resist the Charms of your bewitching Face and if you are not less cruel than you're fair I shall be eternally miserable Heaven knows with what an unusual throbbing my Heart was seiz'd when first I saw you And who indeed could behold without a tender Concern the Beautifullest Creature that Nature ever made or our Eyes at least beheld And from whence cou'd proceed so unaccountable a Disorder unless from Love It is not superfluous to confess a Flame I cou'd not possibly avoid And what needs there more to convince the World of my Passion than the Assurance I had seen you Love is so Charming in its Birth that we readily yield to his softer Impulses but so powerful withal that we as vainly oppose them In your Company consists my Happiness and I am wretched when I am forc'd from your Feet Could my Dear Dorinda know with what Anguish and Horror I pass every tedious Hour away while at this distance from her she wou'd doubtless wish my Condition less wretched Common Gratitude obliges us to Pity if we can't redress the Miseries we cause Since this is the only Happiness I can at present enjoy be so indulgent as to permit it For why shou'd you refuse me a Felicity that can stand you but in Two Pence If the declaring my Passion you imputed to me as a Crime the Torments it creates me are a sufficient Punishment and you are reveng'd of all my Faults in my own Despair A LETTER of AENEAS SYLVIUS who was afterwards Pope PIUS the Second to his Father about a Bastard-Son whom he sent to him Translated from the Latin by Mr. T. Brown Aeu Sylv. Oper. p. 510. Edit Basil YOu sent me word in your last That you could not tell whether you were to rejoyce or grieve at the late Present that Providence made me of a Son For my part I see reason enough for the former but not the least pretence for the latter For tell me what prettier Sport is there than for a Man to beget his own Likeness Or what more refreshing sight can there be on this side Heaven than to see one's Table well stock'd with Olive-branches As for my self without blushing I own to you That 't is an unspeakable Pleasure to me to find that I have not bestow'd my Pains in a barren Soil and I daily return my Thanks to Heaven for sending me no Cloven Present no whimpering silly Girl but a fine chopping lusty Boy who will help to divert you and ray Mother with his innocent Pratling Now Sir if you took any Satisfaction at my Birth why shou'd not the Cockies or your old Heart dance upon this occasion or why shou'd you not be as well pleas'd to behold my Picture in a Grand-son But perhaps you 'll tell me That your Conscience is some what uneasie because the poor Child was begotten in Sin and out of the Pale of Matrimony If the Shooe pinches you there I must ask you a few Civil Questions before we part Pray Sir what Materials was I compos'd of As I take it I am not made of Stone or Iron or any such unrelenting Ingredients You begot me true Flesh and Blood and if I have committed any Crime in making use of my Parts I 'll e'en place it to your Score for I 'll swear I had all the peccant Utensils from you In the next place Do but consider how it was with your self at my Years You know well enough without my refreshing your Memory for you that you never lay under the scandal of a Fumbler I am your own lawful Son no blot to your Family I hope no Eunuch or any thing like it Neither am I Hypocrite enough to pretend to more Sanctity than the rest of my Neighbours I frankly own I have been a trespasser a vile abominable trespasser in my time but to my great Comfort David and Solomon went the same road before me and as I am modest in my own