Lord WHen I call to mind how many daies have past me without bending of a knee how many nights I have gone prayerless to bed I may well wonder that I am this hour alive to speak unto thee I have been too unmindfull of thy holy providence and am therefore utterly unworthy of thy mercifull protection Few and full of evill have my dayes been in the house of my pilgrimage I know not how soon I may goe hence and yet I still live as if I knew not why I came hither I am many wayes invited to my heavenly home how sweetly doest thou wean from the miseries of life by the blessedness of death By this Evenings rest of my body I am put in mind of that eternall rest of my soul This dayes ending tells me that the end of all things is at hand that the fashion of this world passeth and that all things shall become new As this hour is the Evening to this day so this day for ought I know may be the Evening to my whole life I cannot challenge to my self one minute more how vain am I to promise dayes and years Lord in the whole current of thy Sacred Story I find but onely one that durst presume upon so large a reckoning and him thou brandest with the name of Fool Let his folly Lord be my instruction so shall I account each day my last and neither care to live nor fear to dye How many have been snacht out of this life how suddenly and to mans eye how fearfully How unspeakable is thy mercy unto me to spare me for repentonce how often and how earnestly hast thou invited me to mercy how coldly and how carelesly have I refused these thy gracious offers still I sin and still thou forgivest and which is the height of my impiety I therefore am more and more evill against thee because thou art more and more gracious unto me and it were now most just with thee even this very moment to put a period to my sinfull life Lord Let this teach me to improve the short remnant of my dayes to thy service and that I may endeavour so to doe I will prescribe my self these following rules Each evening shall take a strict account of that dayes traffique for my soul and where I find my self a loser I will labour for supply When I awake my first thoughts shall begin with thee from whom I have my first being Nothing will more truly represent me to my self than the first view of mine affections if my first thoughts be seasoned with grace my following actions will savour of goodness My care shall be more to dress my soul than to trim my body I will think no pains too great no ornaments too rich to make her beautifull One devout sigh from a contrite heart is of more worth in thy sight than an hours task of Lip-devotion My affections are the soul of my words without which I speak onely but pray not when my prayers are cold my hopes may well be comfortless My set hours for Devotion shall be constant no pretence of nature shall debar me of this happiness The Lovers eyes are often glancing on the pleasing object that delights him if my affections be sincere my looks will be amorous I shall often steal a sweet Ejaculation to satisfie the longing of my Love-sick soul When I can thus bring the day to an end my life will be comfortable my death happy and I may then say with holy David that I will lay me down in peace and take my rest for it is thou Lord onely that makest me dwel in safety Blessed Lord in the morning of my Creation thou gavest me unto my self in the evening of my Redemption thou gavest thy self unto me My Creation was wonderfull my Redemption astonishing As this dayes light is obscured for the rest of my body so wert thou the blefied and eternall Light for the rest of my soul Thou O blessed Saviour art my light to direct me my heat to comfort me my sweet and safe repose eternally to refresh me Gracious God With humble and dejected heart I ask forgiveness of the many failings of my sinfud life past recall my sinfull thoughts to my remembrance Lord as the burthen of them is intollerable so let my grief for them be unutterable Lord open mine eyes that I may see the foulnes and the filthiness of sin and apprebend the greatness of thy wrath against it Forgive those actuall sins which this dayes light hath witnessed Lord give me a godly sorrow for them a perfect batred against them a fixed and a constant resolution to forsake them Lord cleanse me from my secret and unknown sins and keep me for thy mercy sake that daring and presumptuous sins may never have dominion over me Make me a carefull Steward of that pretious time which thou haft given me withdraw my affections from the vain pleasures of this sinfull life and grant that all the dayes of my appointed time I may wait readily and chearfully untill my change shall come CHAP. 5. Upon our approaching unto Gods House Lord THere is no mortall man worthy to stand at thy door much less to appear in thy presence and yet how often have I presumed to approach unto thee without that preparedness of heart without that dejection of soul without that true and holy reverence that becometh thy child I am now going out of Egypt into Canaan out of Bondage into Freedom The sinfull troubles of this life are my souls Taskmasters to load it with a burthen insupportable and this is that place of sacrifise that Mount of God to ease and solace it Consider therefore O my soul in what relation thou now standest to thy God If thou art a true Israelite thou wilt look back upon thy drudgery and despise it and offer up thy self a living sacrifice with cheerfulness with thankfulness of heart If thou art Gods child thou wilt love to be in Gods house Long for Gods presence thirst for his favour delight in his Word and rejoyce to be often at his Table Thou wilt make it thy chiesest joy to be often in that place from whence thou mayst expect thy chiefest good Lord by thy grace assisting I will now uncloath my self of all earthly affections I will call to mind unto whose presence I approach and wherefore that I am going from this Church Militant to that Triumphant that thou Lord art as truly present here in Grace as there in Glory unless therefore I am in love with misery I will leave behind me all earthly-mindedness and carry with me a pure heart and heavenly thoughts a lowly mind and reverend gesture Lord if I go not cheerfully to thy Throne of Grace I may well fear I shall never go joyfully to that of Glory The lowest room in thy House shall content me Divine Worship admitteth not of disparity of persons we are all sinners and as we are in nature most impure in thy sight the
worst room in thy House is too good even for the best of us yet decency of place may be taken with modesty if not sought with emulation During the time of this holy dispensation I will call my thoughts unto a strict attendance and make it part of my precedent prayer that I may Satan is ever most busie when our intentions are most holy which when he cannot divert he labours to corrupt and by this means when I desire to grow better I become worse How carefull ought I to be to avoyd his cunning who can couzen me in my best actions My soul shall more delight it self with the matter than my ears with the melody of thy sacred Notes Church-musick will be then truly sweet unto me when mine outward joy is subservient to mine inward Mans sinfull weakness shall not make me slight thy holy Ordinance If my Pastor have failings I will pity and pray for him but not despise him If I look into mine own soul I shall there find work enough to repair mine own ruins This Lord shall rather move me to extoll thy mercy in upholding mine own steps to lament the sadness of my Brothers misery Lord let me never think my self better than another because I know not how soon I may become worse I shall willingly continue in that Fold where thou hast placed me and hope to remain there with comfort till thou shalt lead me out with safety While I am at thy feeding I am happy one of thy morsels well digested with humility and thankfulness will yeeld me better nourishment than that other food of mine own finding The very meanest of thy Ministers may afford me Patience and that heavenly Grace with thy blessing to boot is a great advantage If I receive thy Sacred Word with cheerfulness with earnestness of heart my obedience shall be accepted my zeal rewarded While I am within thy walls I shall account that gesture most decent that is most humble and those ceremonies most necessary that are most suitable to obedience all matters of Doctrine which are necessary to salvation ought to be guided by thy sacred Word which is the onely rule of faith all matters of Discipline which are necessary onely to obedience are therefore left to thy Churches care that as thou art one so thy Church may be one in that blessed union of love which is the bond of peace And now O Lord if thou shalt call me to a strict account for all my misdemeanours in thy sacred Worship with what confusion of face must â—needs appear before thee How many evill suggestions how many idle imaginations how many sinfull objects have I often entertained to divert my thoughts from thy service I have too often sinned in absenting thy House but more often and more grievously in frequenting it by coming carelesly and out of custome by unbeseeming gestures cold prayers heartlesse hearing profane scoffing curious censuring and even in the best of my performances by serving thee my God by halves all this I heartily bewail and earnestly desire thy pardon and forgivenesse for it Lord let this daies rest of my body bring to my remembrance that eternall rest of my soul let me not now think mine own thoughts speak mine own words doe mine own actions but come before thee with a sanctified and humble soul with a wounded and contrite spirit Repell all evill suggestions remove all idle imaginations divert all sinfull objects enlighten mine understanding rectify my will strengthen my memory subdue mine affections that I may rejoyce in thy love delight in thy law long for thy presence rely on thy promises thirst for thy grace and be for ever blessed in thy glory Amen CHAP. 6. Upon our returning from Gods House and the neglect of private duties Lord HE that knoweth thee will undoubtedly delight to serve thee if I call thy Sabbath a delight my thoughts in this day will be pure my words gratious mine actions holy That soul which cannot joyfully familiarize it self with thee in this life may well be fearfull to be seen of thee in that to come When I seriously consider what a rich favour I enjoy how great a distance I am at from thee my God how sweet a mercy thou affordest me to speak unto thee I cannot but confesse mine own unworthinesse if I regard not what I hear if I rejoyce not to recall thy blessed words to my remembrance How dreadfull was that voyce that spake in thunder and how severe the words that then were spoken how blessed is this still musick of the Gospell and how delightfull to my wounded spirit Lord let this raise my soul above the reach of earthly vanities let this encourage me to heavenly chearfullnesse in heavenly duties to be joyfull in reading fervent in prayer frequent in meditation constant in all That knowledg wil make wofully wise which teacheth me to know and not to do thy will Meditation is the life of Hearing Practice the life of Meditation and a sincere heart the life of Practice When I look into my life past I find it to be all sin when I consider of my life present I cannot but confesse it to be all shame I am still so far from growing better that I am become much worse this is that blessed day which concerneth my peace if I embrace not this happy opportunity I may justly fear these gratious offers will be hid for ever from mine eyes each word that I heard thy day is of weight if I become not more holy by my heavenly improvements by it I shall certainly become sinfull by my carelesse neglecting of it Thy work O Lord will have its end and this end either to my happinesse or ruine shall assuredly promote thy glory there is no vacuity in nature with thee the God of nature there can be none Think therefore O my soul that this daies instruction may be thy last as thou hopest for heaven let it not passe thee without some profit Consider seriously how many millions of worlds one lost soul would give to be restored to thy condition that to morrow thou mayest be as one of them and then judge how great will be thy folly how wofull thy misery if thou triflest with those sacred counsels which concern thy rest O thou God of infinite compassions look not upon those infinite failings of my sinfull nature but behold me in the beauty and perfection of thy blessed Son Teach me O Lord to see the rebellion of mine own wicked heart by his perfect obedience my sinfulnesse by his righteousnesse my misery by his mercy Forgive my many and sinfull compliances of nature which have made me a stranger to thy graces and mine own happinesse The great neglect of mine obedience unto thy commands hath justly called for the great and heavy load of mine afflictions the carelesse withdrawing of mine affections from thee my God hath occasioned the sad departings of thy holy Spirit from me O that my losse of tears
favour to tremble at thy frown to submit to thy rod to think nothing too dear to part withall to purchase thy grace to promote thy glory Thou O Lord lovest not a cowardly Christian if I prefer any thing to thy love I am most unworthy of it that friendship is too dearly bought which cannot be enjoyed without the loss of thy favour If my brother offend me I will labour to restore him with the spirit of meekness lest whilst I study to rebuke another I become guilty my self No sin shal pass me without some shew of distast without some feeling of my Makers injury and my brothers misery If I be not moved with compassion for anothers sin I shall never be moved with contrition for mine own such comfort as I can willingly afford another I may well hope shall be graciously conferred on my self In my reproof of sin I will observe these holy cautions lest while I endeavour to become serviceable unto thee I prove injurious to my neighbour Private sins shall not have publique reprehensions neither shall publique sins be undecently reproved by me a private person Piety must not confound Charity nor Religion Policy Lord I may easily transgress even in my best intentions how grievously have I then failed in my rebellious actions when I have not feared thee with that sincerity of heart which becometh thy child when I have not loved thee for that beauty for that richness for that goodness which thou art but for those outward blessings which I enjoy from thee when I serve thee for base and by respects such and so unbeseeming my profession so far below that soul which thou hast given me that thou mayst justly now withhold thy blessings from me when I have hitherto sought but my self in thee when my thoughts have been carnall my words hypocriticall my service deceitfull To thy glory Lord and mine own deserved shame I willingly confess that I have not only sinned through the frailty of my nature but I have sinned allso with an high hand sin hath not onely surprised me at unawares but I have obeyed it in the lusts thereof with willingness with greediness with joyfulness I have not onely corrupted mine own wayes before thee by mine own sins but I have allso foolishly contracted others faults by hearing and seeing thee my God dishonored in vain and sinfull discourse in more vain and sinfull excess without shew of dislike without thought of reproof yea Lord I have added unto others sins by mine example while I have feared to reprove that which I have known to be distastfull unto thee while I have seemed to love that which hath been hatefull to mine own soul With those time-pleasing Rulers in the Gospel I have believed in thee but because of the Pharisees because of outward respects I have feared to confess thee and have loved the praise of men more than the praise of God But thou Lord who art infinitely good and ever ready to forgive whose wise and over ruling Providence is only able to produce the greatest good out of the greatest evill Pardon and pass by my many and my weak compliances of sinfuâ—l nature supply my defects accept my desires incourage my endeavours Let thy power be magnified in my weakness thy love in my willfulness thy grace in my sinfulness Suffer me not O Lord to run from thee by a base and servile fear of thy Justice O let me rather run into the bosom of thy love by a filiall fear in sweet and safe assurance of thy mercy Lord make me to see the fearfulness and ugliness of sin by the bright rayes of thy celestiall beauty O let me patiently and joyfully and thankfully endure thy sweet chastisements for it and speedily and constantly withdraw my longings from it Give me an yearning and relenting soul for grieving thy good Spirit give me O Lord that chast and blessed fear belonging onely to thy children that I may not fear thee to tremble at thee but to love thee to honor thee to delight in thee to enjoy thee Lord make me jealous of every deed of every word of every thought that may displease thee and truly penitent for all those sins by which I have so much dishonoured thee Indue me with a loyall heart to love thee truly as I ought strengthen this love with holy confidence and happy perseverance that may for ever hanish this unholy fear that so my joyfull soul may live above the reach of humane misery that I may be capable of no fear but of offending thee and that I may not onely fear thee my self but be jealous allso of thy fear in others Lord let nothing in this life withdraw me from a zealous and a constant love to thy service from a faithfull and devout indeavour to promote thy glory that so I may be ever found truly obedient unto thee my God religiously acquainted with the affairs of this life piously affected to the good of mine own soul Amen CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our consciences and the benefits lost thereby COnsider O my soul how venomous the nature of sin is if thou canst afford to sleep in small sins thou wilt not stick to welcom greater Sin is of an incroaching nature if thou suffer it to sleep in thy bosom it will expect to dwell there Little sins are harbingers to bigger ones if thou lodgest these those will challenge entertainment Let each evening therefore take a strict accompt of that daies action and where thou findest thy self failing pray heartily for pardon In thine entrance upon this holy course thou wilt surely find three potent oppositions Satan will tell thee that God requireth no such strictness at thy hands the World will tell thee thou hast this or that employment to consider of thine own Corruption will perswade thee that nature will abhor this discontented course that thy spirits will be too much dulled and thy life will prove uncomfortable Alass my soul these are delusions to betray thee to a greater mischief As there are degrees of Sanctification so there are of Pollution no man becometh evill in an instant from hence it is that sometimes the soul can start even at the very thought of that sin which by degrees it can digest without disturbance If holy David had accounted with his conscience after his lustfull looks on Bathsheba doubtless those fearfull sins of his had never been committed O let not any vain pretences deter thee from this task but the blessed benefits allure thee if the entrance be harsh the progress will be safe the continuance sweet the end happy By this enquiry thou shalt see thy sins those great disturbers of thy pâ—ace arraigned convicted condemned and by the mercy of thy Saviour dayly dying in thee Satan repulsed the gifts and graces of Gods holy Spirit strengthened thy mournings comforted thine infirmities susteined thy conscience quitted thy rejoycings exalted the holy Angels delighted and thy heavenly Father well