nay Lord though this temptation be such an unwelcome guest and I am too weary of it yet so thou wilt give me grace to overcome my impatience I am content Lord as much as I can but alas my God to have Satan my companion in stead of my God I hope will never be pleasing to me Meditat. XVI Lord what my vain heart thinks of thee it matters not except it be to discover the wretchednesse of it thou hast more glorious creatures to praise thee my praises and my thoughts of thee are so low and so unworthy of thee that thou mightest forbid me as thou didst the devils to confesse thee or to say any thing of thee My dear God if a world would buy it for one such sight of thee as might so ravish my soul that I might never more see any beauty or taste any sweetnesse in any thing but in thee that I might see thee with open face that I might be transformed into thine image from glory to glory Lord thou art still beyond me the higher my thoughts are of thee the more thou art beyond me and above me When my thoughts are best my thoughts are lost in the meditation of thee as the stone that is thrown into the calm Sea makes greater and greater circles but can never reach the shoar Lord I am content I may be lost in my self so I may finde thee Lord though there were none but thou and I in the world I had enough nay though there were none but thou and I in heaven I had enough Though I have nothing to say to thee but what I have said a thousand times Thou art my God my Saviour my all thou art he whom my soul loveth yet though I have nothing else to say nor can say there is any new rellish yet I delight to be alone with thee nay though thou saist nothing to my poor soul but what I have heard from thee yet let me still be in thy company I had rather weep and mourn for mine offending thee then enjoy all delights in the world Those salt waters are more precious then their wine Meditat. XVII Lord I beseech thee to order all mine affairs by thy wisedom thou knowest what afflictions are needfull for me I mnrmure oftentimes when thou afflictest me although I have again and again desired thee to direct all things that belong unto me but blessed God let not my murmurings so provoke thee as to leave me to mine own self Give me not what I desire but what I want my judgement in judging what is good or bad for me is little worth for many times I have judged such a thing to be for my hurt yet it hath proved much for my good and so on the contrary but then I have by experience found it evidently for my good when I have yeelded my self wholly to be guided by thee all things Lord make me know my self I am a poor creature with tears in mine eyes and hypocrisie in my heart Meditat. XVIII Lord It fares with me as it sares with one that hath been a long time from his friend he hath many things to tell him of severall particulars that befell him since their last being together so Lord I have been a stranger to thee and I have much to say to thee much have I suffered from mine own corruptions and little have I done I have a heart will let me do nothing for thee Lord I am but a childe pardon my bablings I have none to make my complaint to no not one Thou hast caused me to live in Mesech and to have mine habitation in the Tents of Kedar and if thou Lord wilt supply the want of those Christian friends I am now deprived of Lord my heart is so deceitfull that I have much ado to know whether I ever was or am yet thine I know Lord how I have spent daies sometimes whole weeks together in prayer and meditation and reading devotionary Books to prepare my self for the Communion and yet then I had grosse failings for there was a world of covetousnesse in me and thirsting after humane learning exceedingly and little prizing the knowledge of Christ in my Sermons I did little aim at thy glory but to preach my self Now in these things I finde some healings but my duties are fewer and now there is far more wanting in comparison of what I should be then was then of what I am now Nay Lord thou only knowest I shall be a gainer but alas If I now I am alone shall have no more fire of thy love then I had when I lived in the midst of glowing coals of devotion how can I but go out now since I had much ado to burn then When I think of serving thee then my heart is so perverse as to put in a carnall motive and saith If thou dost so then God will blesse thee in such or such a temporall blessing and my heart closeth with that motive Meditat. XIX O my God as thou art my Father so let me know that thy love to me being known by me may put wheels to my obedience that now goes so heavily and that it may make mine obedience more pure that now is so full of insufficiency I am fain to be glad almost of any motive to make me serve thee but yet it is my burthen that fear should make me do that which love should make me do for besides that such obedience is painfull that which is worse it is impure also Alas I am a stranger too much unto thee and in being so an enemy to my self Lord this is the first day I have given thee this long while it doth appear that it is so by the poor and weak duties I perform My poor soul is like a poor desolate Widdow that hath lost her dear Husband every one tramples on her and oppresseth her Meditat. XX. Lord where are those sweet embraces and manifestations of thy love that thou hast bestowed on me in former times When I have gone unto the treasury of thy mercies and fetched any mercy from thence that I wanted Thou hast given unto my praiers my dear Brother who went forth a blasphemer or at least a common swearer and came home I seeking thee for him a convert after thou gavest me his life and the life of my Mother and indeed Lord what was it but I had of thee thou didst almost miraculously restore one of my Sisters to comfort But now when I cry and shout thou shuttest out my praiers and art almost as if I had never any acquaintance with thee Lord I know that the fault is mine own Indeed Lord I then was scarce ever from thee or out of thy thoughts For were I but as I have been so often kept daies of humbling before thee It could not be that my duties should be such as they are but Lord thou seest the tears these thoughts cause me to shed they are thine do thou encrease them but take away
what we should do to overcome these enemies and sends many motions of the Spirit to bring into our souls grace to strengthen us We will not do what he adviseth us to do nay but we take part with our corruptions and resist and fight against the power of the world to come Oh thy patience is not to be understood I am weary to think before I go to prayer how little fruit I expect from them I pray and pray and weep and reade and hear and sigh and confesse these as well as other of my sins and yet as a Ship in the Sea they do divide my corruptions for the present but they presently return to their former course Lord do not the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee to see me thy poor Servant in such a miserable condition as I am in Dost thou not see how sin and corruption do as it were lie gnawing upon me and eating up my very flesh and destroying my soul and I have neither hand nor foot to move against them Lord who is it that must make me hate corruption is it not thy Spirit Who must overcome my resisting of thy Spirit is it not thy Spirit Lord I do not know in the world what to do to leave off striving were not only to despair of thy goodnesse because thou dost not help as much and when I will and besides if I cannot get ground nay though notwithstanding I lose ground yet doubtlesse I shall not go so swiftly down stream as if I strove not at all if I must be forsaken by thee to all Eternity yet Lord let me not while I live so fall that I should be a scandal to Religion Alas Is it come to this O my soul that I must say If God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. In the most serious addresses of my soul to take hold upon God I finde an unhappy frozennesse benumme the best of my devotions and thereby I shew either that I am extremely ignorant of thee Lord or what is worse senselesse of thee The truth is I may justly tremble when I come to keep any day of humiliation in thy sight not only because of the desperate sins I am gulity of but specially because such duties do work little or nothing upon me and this is sure enough that those Ordinances that do not foften do harden I am in a great straight my Conscience drives me upon duties and I dare not omit them and yet my heart is so hard and filthy that they do not purifie me So I am more defiled then before Ah my God thou knowest what afflictions are bitter and strong enough to purge these corruptions Lord send them and though I am so vile that I do not now fervently and earnestly enough desire to be cured but yet Lord I know my want of desires of Reformation is one of my greatest corruptions I desire to be cured of that or at least Lord thy fatherly goodnesse I hope will take care to cure me of that and Lord this I know that when thou shalt send any such affliction upon me I shall it is too likely murmure and be weary of the chastisement of the Lord It may be I shall pray for the taking off of that corrasive before it hath eaten away that deadnesse of heart and other corruptions that now lie upon me yet Lord do not yeeld to such praiers go on with thy cure and if I be impatient cure that corruption also and every other corruption that shall appear in the time of cure of any corruption we shall blesse thee one day for not hearing and not granting such praiers as shall be for our spirituall harm Lord Death is very bitter unto me surely it would not be so bitter if there were no root of bitternesse in me If I kept a stricter communion with thee in this world I should long for a full communion with thee in heaven for ever Meditat. VII Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me oh that my heart was ravisht with his love oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who died for the love of me Oh that I could not be staied but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pitifull as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy Word hath made known to us of him I reade not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever beg'd any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in heaven makes thee not lesse like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee I do beseech thee to give me to give me thy poor hard-hearted Servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine hard my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make Intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend that he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a carelesse temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much a do to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the suddain my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joys of thy
then I have recourse to the Word of God and by that I am assured that all the treasures of wisedom and knowledge are hid in Christ and in his Gospel then further I have recourse to the experience of the people of God in the Word of God and in particular to Paul who being a learned man yet accounted all things as drosse and dung in comparison of Christ I have also recourse to the experience of severall godly Persons I know of the abundant sweetnesse in Christ I have recourse to that small experience I have had of the sweetnesse and excellency of the knowledge of Christ therefore Lord though I have nott at this present the powerful and ravishing feelings of Christs excellency yet assuring my self all these waies whereby I fully do assent to that truth that It is life eternal to know thee and Jesus Christ I do beseech thee O Lord to give me a fuller knowledge of thee in Christ I beseech thee I beseech thee Let not mine undervaluing of this knowledge cause thee to deny it I shall more value it if I had more of it Lord I know if thou shouldest look in me and my life to see what thou canst finde to hinder the granting of this Request thou maist finde enough nay I that know my self not so well as thou dost know enough and enough nay I know nothing to move thee in my self except something I have had from thee those things I have so abused that I know they may be swift witnesses against me bâ—t Lord if thou shouldst give me this knowledge of them I might doe great things for thee Lord hear me Alas Lord my desires to know Christ do even die while I am praying to know him Alas Lord such an heart as I have is fit for none but thee for none in the world can tell what to do with it but thou only It is past the skill of all in heaven and earth but thee it is not in the power of Ordinances and duties if thou should not set in I would pity the soul of my greatest Enemy if I should see it in such continual storms and troubles as are in mine there are new corruptions appear such as I may term them nothing so fitly as sparks of the fire of hell to have ones heart rise against God when the continual desire of ones soul and prayer is that one might be inflamed with the love of God Lord while I am working my heart to a serious thought of thee endeavouring to have mine heart full of admiration of thee and affiance in thee before I pray unto thee that if it may be my praiers may be as an arrow-drawn up to the head but when I go about to pray and send up my Petitions my thoughts of thy glory and goodnesse slack and it fares with me oh my Soul as sometimes it doth with one that is tying knots when one hath pulled the first very hard yet it slacks before one can tye the second If I kept but a strict communion with thee and did as thou desirest Lord why shouldest thou desire us alwaies to be with thee how should we be acquainted with thee farre more then we are and if we knew thee more how should we love thee more and if we loved thee more how should we know thee more for thou revealest thy self to them that love thee Alas O my Soul why should not we alwaies be with God since he gives us leave how gracious art thou to invite such sinners as we are to come to thee For thee to wash our souls clean with the immaculate bloud of the Lord Jesus Christ Alas Lord I am mine own enemy nay I see it and know it and it cannot be otherwise Lord I am so tired out with my corruptions that I am even weary of my life and almost weary of my duties Lord even at this present how when my soul was so troubled that mine eyes were ready to weep there comes a thought of a poor worldly businesse into my soul and my thoughts and sorrows for heavenly matters are gone Meditat. XXIII O my God how coldly without love how doubtingly without faith do I call thee my God! Lord how carelesse am I in thy service how very carelesse how long Lord holy and true shall I be thus laden with corruptions Nay which is my greatest misery I am not but very little sensible of my own vilenesse that makes me that I do not hunger after righteousnesse Blessed Lord I do humbly prostrate my soul before thee and do with all the weak power of my soul importune thee by all the merits of my dear Saviour pray thee to look upon me in mercy When the poor wounded man that went from Jerusalem to Jeriche lay half dead and speechlesse in the way though he was not sensible of his own misery yet the good Samaritan was though his tongue did not could not call for pity yet his wounds opened their mouths wide and spake aloud to the Samaritan Though his eyes shed no tears yet his very heart wept bloud at his wounds and mov'd compassion Like to that poor wounded man am I so weak so sick that I am scarce sensible of mine own desperate condition Lord though my heart be not full of love it is full of wounds Lord thou knowest my miseries I humbly beseech thee to pity me not according to my praiers but according to my wants Lord that I do not desire to serve thee that I do not hunger nor thirst after righteousnesse it is the greatest misery that I have Meditat. XXIV Oh how terrible is the thought of death to me it is not so much for want of faith as holinesse and indeed I finde that I can never with comfort think on death but when I have liv'd very holily before for what will faith in that case help me without holinesse for faith without holiness is not faith but presumption Oh how sweet how dear how excellent a thing is holinesse Oh how full of peace and joy is my soul when I am full of that and yet Lord how carelesse am I of thy service how many times in the day when I might think of thee without any hindrance of my studies do I choose rather to think of vanity O wean my soul O God from every thing that is not thee Fill my heart with thy self dwell in me my dear God Why do I call thee dear When I prefer every trifle before thee O most glorious Lord God whom ten thousand worlds cannot sufficiently praise nor love which art thy self and canst not be more nor canst be lesse how easie Lord is it for thee to change my heart mine heart of stone for an heart of flesh Lord as long as I have this heart of stone there is no hope that I should serve thee with any cheerfulnesse or any constancy Lord hear my praier Meditat. XXV O blessed God If the way of thy providence be such that thou wilt
not give so much grace as to make me through the abundance of it almost whether I will or no to serve thee yet to whom thou dost give so much grace as to desire more grace O let not this desire which is of thy own infusing be in vain if there be any thing in the whole world that I desire more then thy grace then let me want grace to desire it any more Lord if the reason why thou deniest my praier be because I do not desire as I ought I humbly beseech thee to grant that I may ask aright alas my afflictions lie heavier on me then ever they did and I am more wicked or at least lesse holy then ever since my conversion I was how little am I affected with any thing that belongs to thy service nor yet doth it affect me that I am not affected Lord if there were any in heaven or in earth that could help me besides thee then considering my manifold sinnes I should I but Lord I would not thy mercies are so great go to any other Now Lord now is the time to have mercy upon me I am like the man that went from Jerusalem to Jericho wounded naked and half dead I cannot call for help O let my wounds move thee to compassion If I cold bewail my sinful misery with tears of repentance I know thou wouldest deliver me but I cannot weep nay hardly mourn Oh faint faint is my grief and cold is my love What wilt thou do Lord with one that scarcely from his heart desires to serve thee alas what canst thou do for me more or lesse then to make me desire to serve thee Accept I must or for ever be lost What a low degree of goodnesse am I come unto a Soul full of sadnesse and empty of goodnesse To morrow Lord I am to receive thee into my soul thee my blessed Saviour Lord thou knowest I did not use to have a heart so empty of goodnesse when I expected thee to come next day Meditat. XXVI Lord now I do resolve to serve thee and in this particular especially I will not speak evil of any man what injury soever he both me Now I will so watch over my words that I will not offend with my tongue and that by degrees I may attain some perfection herein I here vow every week between this and the next communion to keep one day so strictly that I will not during that day speak so much as one idle word that day if I do I will give to the poor Lord how excellent is thy service so pure so sweet O that there were such a heart in me that I might for ever serve thee Meditat. XXVII When I reade the story of the Martyrs I do wish that I had lived in those daies that I might also die as they did or methinks I could now willingly lay down my life rather then yeeld to the abominable Idolatry and superstitions of the Sea of Rome but when I search and try my heart I much fear that the reason of this my desire is because I think it easier to lay down my life for Christs sake then for his sake to overcome my corruptions for it being but one act though it hath more pain yet being but of small continuance it is lesse trouble then all my life long to fight against sin and thus I do ill even in my best wishes in divers respects for I chose Martyrdome not because thereby I might more honour God but that I might the sooner and easier come to heaven And again that I think I might content my self though I did not so much hate corruption If I died a Martyr all would be well whereas Though I give my body to be burnt and have not charity it would profit me nothing and to love God it is impossible for him that doth not hate sinne and fight against his corruptions Alas O my soul how weary are we of our spiritual fight and we would fain finde some other way to heaven then by the continuance of it O that I were dead to the world and lived to God how vain is the world yet while we know something better we shall not think so We talk much of the vanity of the world but who beleeves that the world is vanity and vexation of spirit Or who is sensible of this truth Or if he were sensible of it and sometimes affected with it yet it soon vanisheth and we do not live accordingly How much easier is it to speak like an Angel then live like a Saint Meditat. XXVIII Lord that thou wouldst do it for me take my soul and my body what shall I do with them any longer I govern them so ill and indeed am so unable to govern them that they govern me Lord if thou shalt condemn me at the last day I do now justifie thee and testifie to all the world that thou art just though then if such a time shall come I shall blaspheme thee My dear God I have yet a spark of thy love I will not leave that small hold of thee for ten thousand worlds I know Lord there is no dallying with thee What if I spoke with the tongue and writ with the pen of men and Angels it is nothing Lord take a poor soul at his word Lord I am thine and do now give my self and ten thousand worlds if I had them to thee yet when thou dost take from me some poor part of my estate I murmure Alas I have a poor weak heart Meditat. XXIX Lord my knowledge of thee is but small and that which is is but little spirituall or experimentall To know thee by what others write and say of thee is sweet to them that can set their seal to it from their own experience Lord what is it that hath kept me so long from thee or kept thee so long from me I know I have been wanting to thee and to my self Lord take my heart I have too much love for any besides thee though I have too little for thee Oh how sweet are the thoughts of thee and would be sweeter if I thought oftner and longer and more attentively of thee Alas I am almost grown out of acquaintance with thee I do not perceive my corruptions in any thing more then in this that though to think of thee be a thing so easie and so profitable yet I think so seldome My dear God deliver me from the businesse of the world Suits of Law and such things they undoe me they take up my thoughts that I cannot be rid of them I feel upon me the curse which thou threatnest upon the people of Israel If they would not serve thee with joy they should serve strangers with a great deal of hardship I was well while I was with thee then I had my Songs in the night now my daies are turned into the shadow of death Lord draw me draw me make the cords of thy love stronger or rather then
art well now is nothing that thou art young and strong now is nothing for how many are there that have been strong and well and as young as thou within a very few dayes after have been in their grave That thou must die is certain when where how none knows but he that made thee only this is true that generally men die sooner then they expect 2. Consider that there will be an end of the world as to thee thou must leave riches friends wife children houses lands and thine own body also Thy friends may stand weeping by but they cannot prolong thy life one minute 3. Consider that when thou comest to die it will certainly not repent thee that thou hast spent so much time in prayer so much in meditation so much in holy duties it was never known since the world began that any one did then say O that I had pray'd less though these holy duties now seem irksome and troublesome to thee doubtless then they shall bring more comfort to thee then all those riches and vanities in which thou hast spent so much time and took so much delight in These things are certain and infallible our understandings cannot O that our lives did not deny them Consider how that the dearest frinds thou hast in the world will hasten thy filthy carkass out of the doors they will scarce dare to stay with it alone but say as Abraham did Let me bury my dead out of my sight and then how seldom will they think or speak of thee or if they do what good will it do thee 5. Consider alas poor man whether will thy soul go then to hell or to heaven dost thou know to which doest thou not think thou shalt go that way which thou hast gone all thy life long if thou hast walkt in the wayes of hell how canst thou imagine that at the end of that journey thou shouldst arrive at heaven 6. Consider what good will all thy wealth all thy pleasures all thy vanities do thee at that day they will all vanish as doth the morning dew Alas who knowes not all these things and yet not one of a thousand consider and lay them to heart and to know these truth and live unsuitably to them doth but add to our folly and madness O that they were wise saith God that they would consider their latter end These serious considerations of our death and preparation for it is one of the chiefest points of wisedom in the world 7. Consider if thou miscarry in this great work of concernment viz. thy death thou art undone for ever If thou mightest live again and mend that errour which thou committedst in thy dying ill than there were some hope but it is appointed for all men once to die and but once Affections 1. Abhor sinne It is you and you only that can make that hour miserable unto me Alas O my Soul though we now have slight thoughts of such and such sinnes through the deceitfulnesse of Satan and our own hearts yet at that hour if we had a thousand worlds we would give them all for that which we have so little regarded while we live viz. that we had kept a strict Communion with God and watch over our own hearts 2. Despise the world O ye vanities and fooleries of the world why should I spend my time and strength in following after you What have ye done for me or what can you do when I shall stand most in need of comfort you will not only prove vanities but vexation of spirit Solomon hath tried you and he hath from his own experience and from the teachings of the Spirit hath told me that you are but vanity and all men when they come to die set their Seal to this Truth Shall I to mine own destruction yeeld to your enticements why should I not have the same opinion of you now as I certainly shall have when I come to die 3. Humble thy self before God and cast thy self into his arms of love beg wisedom of him every night I am a day nearer my grave then in the morning I am nearer to it but Lord make me fitter for my grave and when that hour shall come let it not come as a thief in the night to rob me of all my comforts and rather then that hour should not be an happy hour let my whole life be nothing but affliction and misery Alas Lord if thou deniest me this Petition what wilt thou give me Thou hast said O that they were wise that they would consider their latter end and I said Lord teach me so to number my daies that I may apply my heart to wisedom Resolutions O my Soul since things are thus let us not resist known truths shall we neglect these truths because they are plain if they are abstruce then we doubt them If they are plain shall we despise them Dost thou not know how soon thou shalt die then what have we to do that must be done before we die do it with all thy might for the night comes wherein no man works My children are not yet sufficiently instructed in the waies of God I will set apart half an hour in a day to instruct them for this moneth or give so much to the poor every time I misse there is such a neighbour or acquaintance who goes on in wicked waies and my words have so much power with him that I am confident if I do earnestly beg of God to blesse me in the work and take him privately and lay before him his danger and presse him to holinesse he may be wrought upon I have omitted it hitherto but I am resolved sometime within a week to take some opportunity to speak seriously and home unto him or give so much to the poor and so every week give so much to the poor until I have spoke with him c. And since it so much concerns me to be prepared for death I will every day make it one speciall clause of my praier to begge of God that he would fit me for that hour and I will lay up treasury in heaven by giving to the poor and make my self friends of this unrighteous Mammon that when I fail they may receive me into their habitations Conclusion 1. Pray Beg of God that he would encrease in thee strong spiritual apprehensions of death and that the thoughts of death might imbitter every unlawful pleasure to thee Say unto God Lord how few daies are between me and eternity whether of horrour or of glory I am not yet fully satisfied It is a sad thing that a thing of so great concernment I should be uncertain of O blessed God let this Meditation so work upon me that I may not cease to pray unto thee and to examine my self and use all holy means for the making of my calling and Election sure For very shortly I shall be past praying past examining for when thou shalt summon me out of this life then
I must come to judgement therefore those resolutions that I have made of walking more strictly give me grace to perform them to the utmost 2. Praise God blessed be thy Name O God for any inward motions of thy Spirit that thou hast afforded me and for any c. 3. Acknowledge thy weaknesse c. blessed God if my heart were not so base so hard so vile that it alwaies hindereth me either in holy duties or from holy duties it were not possible but that such serious truths such powerfull spirituall practicall truths should have wrought so mightily upon me that I should never from this very hour be deceived any more with the vanities of the world but should have set my self and made it my businesse to prepare for that great day c. After all 1. Think what passages most affected thee 2. Write down thy Resolutions c. 3. Go unwillingly from the duty MEDITAT V. Of the Day of Judgement 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Beg of God that he would enable thee seriously to think of firmly to believe and strongly to be affected with the truths concerning the day of Judgement Considerations 1. Consider how dreadful and terrible that day would be when the Sea shall roar when the very powers of heaven shall be shaken when Christ shall come with thousands of his Angels in flaming fire when an Angel came down from Heaven to rowl away the stone the Souldiers that watched there became as dead men nay the holiest men that have liv'd have been exceedingly afraid when at things of farre lesse terrour then those things are which will be at the day of Judgement For Moses himself did exceedingly fear and tremble when he heard and saw the terrible signs that were at the giving of the Law and the blessed Apostle Heb. 12.21 became as a dead man when he saw Christ not in flaming fire as he shall appear at the day of Judgement Rev. 1.17 2. Consider that at the day of Judgement sin will appear out of measure sinful for then it will appear with all its aggravations for the Majesty holinesse and mercies of God will appear in their perfect glory Men shall then know what it is to sinne against God our Ignorance of God now makes us so sencelesse of the sinfulnesse of sinne but when God shall appear like himself how shall those sinnes that men now make light of make them run mad with despair 3. Consider O my Soul that those excuses that now quiet thee will not serve at that day nay thou wilt be ashamed to own them 4. Consider how strict an account God will require of thee at that day if only thy grosser abominations that are odious in the sight of all men should be brought to judgement but the smallest sinne that ever thou committest every idle word and every vain thought the very grounds manner and ends of thy most hely performances shall then appear more dreadfully sinfull then now the most crying sin that ever thou committedst doth 5. Consider that every one of thy thoughts words and actions whether good or evil shall be brought to Judgement even thy most secret and unknown sins to thy self or others Consider O my Soul what shame and confusion will cover thee at that day dost thou not remember that at such and such a time what thou didst in secret Suppose all those sinnes that ever thou committest in private should be known to all in England or should be writ on thy forehead that all that saw thee might reade them wouldest thou not be ashamed to come into any company but what is this to that which shall be at that day when all the secret sinnes shall be published before all Men Angels and God himself these are not inventions of men to terrifie thee but truths of God to reform thee 6. Consider how fully and clearly thou shalt be convinced that day of thy sinnes those with whom thou hast committed them will witnesse against thee thy dearest Friends that thou hadst in the world must and will testifie against thee nay Satan that tempted thee to those sinnes and God that forbad thee those sinnes nay thine own conscience which then will as perfectly remember every sinne with its aggravating circumstances as if it were but then committed will be a swift witnesse against thee this will be that worm that dies not a clamorous and a wounded conscience are insupportable even in this life but neither are the clamours so loud nor the wounds so deep and pestilent as then they will be 7. Consider the dreedfull Sentence of Condemnation that God will passe upon the wicked viz. Go ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his Angels Wicked men know not now what it is to depart from God but then they shall know for God before Men and Angels in fury poured out to bid them be gone and call them Cursed wretches who knows the horrour of it If the wrath of a King be as the roaring of a Lion what will the wrath of God be Consider further that word is everlasting fire and eternity How dreadfull art thou further to have such miserable Companions as devils if the devil should appear to thee when thou art alone how couldst thou bear it 8. Consider the sweet Sentence that shall passe from the gracious mouth of Christ to his people viz. Come ye blessed of my Father inherit the Kingdome prepared for you from the foundation of the world and how sweet will those words be when in the midst of all their fears and troubles the righteous shall hear that Sentence of absolution What abundance of comfort have the people of God when God manifesteth and gives them his loves even in this life and seals them to the day of redemption and lets them see their names written in the Book of life giving them full assurance that he is theirs and they are his but alas all those joys may not be compared to these the testimony of our own conscience and the witnessing of the Spirit the manifestations of his love and the smiles of his countenance are not so clear so full so lasting as they shall then be no more to be compared to them then the light of the Sun is to that of a spark of fire for Christ to call us blessed is more then for all the world and for all the Angels in heaven to call us so doubtlesse it did exceedingly affect Daniel when the Angel told him that he was greatly beloved Dan. 9.23 If thou hadst a thousand worlds O my soul wouldest thou not give all for this that God would say so to thee Well if thou wilt be watchful over thy waies live holily love and believe in Christ and repent the day will shortly come when Christ shall say that and much more Affections and Resolutions 1. Tremble O my Soul when thou thinkest of these things Why are not thou exceedingly affected with the
doth not ake if we have the Stone we have not the Gout or if both them yet not some other torturing disease or if the whole body be tortured yet one may possess his soul in patience but to have a tortured body and a wounded conscience who can bear it besides all this none can help none will pity those that are in hell nay what is the height of misery that way God himself shall in the midst of all their roarings and tortures laugh at their calamity when it comes as desolation and as a whirlwind upon them 4. Consider seriously what Eternity means for ever ever ever to be tormented is an an overwhelming consideration to lye under the torture of the Stone but one night how tedious is it but to be tormented to all eternity O it is the hell of hells Affections and Resolutions Be astonish'd and tremble at the wrath of the Lord Alas O my soul why dost thou not tremble as Felix did when thou considerest these things why art not thou more sensible of the power of his wrath do not the foundations of the earth tremble and the pillars of Heaven shake when he is angry and how comes it to pass that thou art so little affected with these things hast thou full assurance of the favour of God when was it sealed surely the very possibility that these things should come upon us should very much affect us 2. Pray O blessed God thou that hast the keyes of death and of hell take pity on me and though I neither understand nor am sensible in any considerable measure either of the miseries of hell or of my own danger in falling into them Lord how thou knowest both let the bowels of thy compassion earn towards me and never suffer me to fall into that devouring fire and into those everlasting burnings blessed be thy Name that I am on this side of hell if thou hadst cast me into that place of torment as I have daily provoked thee to do I had been past hopes past prayers past mercies past repentance I beseech thee O Lord that thou wilt chasten me that I may not be condemned with the world 3. Despise and abhorre the sinfull vanities and pleasures of the world O vain world there is nothing in thee but sinne and misery temptations vanity and vexation of spirit and are thy vain profits and pleasures so much to be valued as for them to dwell in devouring fire and are the pleasures of sinne that are but for a season so much worth that for them we should dwell in everlasting burnings Have we not had frequent experiences that the sorrowes we have had for committing of sinne have farre exceeded the pleasures that we have had in committing of it and surely the terrors of an awaked conscience are not to be compared with the horrours of the damned and other insupportable and endless miseries of that place of torment Come O my soul let us not deceive and flatter our selves with vain and false hopes of the mercies of God it is true God is very mercifull to them that fear him and we may be sure of this that if we do sincerely desire and endeavour to serve him that we shall finde his mercies as much above our thoughts and expectations of them as the heavens are above the earth but if we slight them and are careless of his service and turn his grace into wantonness let us not deceive our selves with vain words for because of these things comes the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience and those that live so shall surely finde that at that day the mercies of God will not serve at all to mitigate but abundantly to justifie the wrath and fury of God that he shall pour out upon the wicked then they shall pay for every mercy they have received and the riches of his despised goodness shall but increase the treasures of his wrath therefore O my soul since these things are so what are we to do why do we not fear him that can cast both body and soul into hell The Prophet Habacuc when he did but think but of some temporall judgements that God had threatned rottenness entred into his bones If indeed the love of God did constrain us so that we did from a principle of love make conscience of sinne so that we never offend God it were well but since we plainly find that it is not strong enough alone let us not fear to call in and improve the consideration of the torments of hell to deter us from sin the motive is imperfect but not sinfull our great work we have to do in the world next to the glory of God is to avoid hell and obtain heaven and to resist our now three great enemies the world the flesh and the devil who endeavour day and night to drive us headlong into perdition If any one in the world much more if the devil should appear to us and offer us such a sum of money if we would give him our souls that we might be damn'd we think we should abhorre him and his offer but alas doth not every one that useth by extortion and violence either getteth or keepeth what is not his do the same thing his damnation it as certain and as infallible though more secretly and invisibly contrived by Satan as if Satan should visibly appear to him and he make a contract with him therefore O my soul let us take heed of the wiles of Satan for he generally works by the world and the flesh to deceive us therefore let us now resolve by the blessing of God to look upon the world and the flesh to be as dangerous and implacable enemies as Satan himself let us not endeavour to please the world by vain discourses by omitting what God commands or doing what he forbids Let us not be troubled but rather rejoyce when we are revil'd and scorn'd for righteousness sake For the time to come when I am to do any religious duty I will not so much as consider what men will judge or say of me nor endeavour to make the world my Friend since God himself hath set enmity between us and as for the flesh I am sure we are no debters unto that we have paid it farre more then ever we owed it therefore for the time to come I will rather abstain from lawfull then use unlawfull pleasures and I will take heed not only of those pleasures that are unlawfull in kind but those also that are unlawfull in degree and that I may better avoid unlawfull pleasures I will sometimes abstain from those that are lawfull and having seriously considered I am convinc'd of this that I have not made conscience enough in the matter of sleep I have not redeem'd the time from that nor have enough considered the sinfulness of it but like the sluggard that Solomon speaks of have turned upon my bed as a door upon the hinges therefore henceforth I shall endeavour