a confusion in my heart that I knew not what to do by which I was again hindered from my duty being willing to try that doctrine I not having heard the like before it being full of entising words of mans wisdome which I did with as much diligence try for some time examining the Scriptures about it as ever I did any doctrine but could find nothing in it but confusion a meer sound of words some of those bigge swelling words of vanity spoken of Jude 16. 2 Pet. 2. 18. so through mercy I left it and escaped that snare which I desire to remember to the praise of God Then I resolved to prosecute my former purpose in relation to those duties before mentioned yet still lingring in Babylon till the Lord was pleased by a stretched-out arm and cleer voice to bring to my remembrance those words in the 22. chapter of the Acts verse 6. Arise and be baptized why tarryest thou and as I remember for some daies together whatever I was doing those words were much in my thoughts then I began to take particular notice of it applying it to my own condition whether I was able to give a reason why I tarried the Lord having removed all my scruples and answered all my objâ—ctions and speaking of it to my Husband who was then much in the same condition I remember we had some discourse about it and the result was that the next first day we would go to the Church where we had often heard and declare what God had done for us in the great work of conversion desiring also to obey him in all his commands which accordingly we did and gave them full satisfaction and the week following were baptized and added to the Church being sweetly satisfyed and comforted therein and as for my former scruples I was troubled no more with them and in particular as to hearing out of the Church I never desired it since but God was pleased and still is to satisfy me with the fatness of his house feeding me with green pastures there and sitting under the shadow of Christ his Fruit is sweet to my tast which the LORD grant I may be found so doing as he hath commanded until his second comming Some brief Observations upon this fourth Note of Experience FIrst Concerning those thoughts that though I had nothing to do to be saved yet I had much to do to glorify God c. from thence I observe That as it is the duty of all that have received the Grace of God to be active for his Glory so it is the nature of Grace to teach and engage Saints to do the same Secondly Concerning my ignorance of Baptism and other Ordinances notwithstanding all my former Experience in point of Faith from thence I observe That persons may have much Experience in point of privilege and yet be ignorant of their duty As indeed we are more apt to learn the one than the other Thirdly Concerning my ignorance of that which is so plainly expressed in Scripture from thence I observe That light discovers darkness and though Truth be never so plainly expressed yet ignorance cannot apprehend it Fourthly Concerning those interruptions and temptations that kept me from my duty from thence I observe That naturally we are so averse to duty that we are a long time before we know our duties and when we know them we are subject to be kept from doing them by very trifles and that it is Satans policy if he cannot keep us from knowing our duties to cast stumbling-blocks in our way if possible to keep us us from doing them 2. I observe That though Christs yoak be easie yet we are hardly brought to put it on Fifthly Concerning the first hinderance That I thought it some Bondage to be in a Church from thence I observe That through ignorance of the nature of Christian Liberty we are too subject to think that Bondage which is not only Liberty but a great Privilege Sixthly Concerning the second hinderance which was the unsuitable walkings of some particular persons then in the Church from thence I observe That the Consideration of our stumbling at the failings of others should make us carefull lest we occasion others to stumble at us Seventhly Concerning the third hinderance That it was our liberty whether we would walk in Churches and submit to Ordinances or not from thence I observe That we are naturally so addicted to liberty that we are many times ready to cast off all obedience and to look on the Ordinances of Christ as indifferent things Eighthly Concerning the fourth hinderance Fearing lest I had not faith enough to suffer for it from thence I observe That distrustfull thoughts of future mercies many times keep us from improving present mercies Ninethly Concerning those Convictions that though I was scrupled about truth yet could not leave it so but endeavoured after full satisfaction from thence I observe That strong Convictions are not easily put out and where grace is predominant there will be an endeavour not to smother but to answer them Tenthly Concerning that other hinderance by strange doctrine from thence I observe That as faith comes by hearing so there may be a hearing that tends to the prejudice of faith And such I conclude is all hearing out of the way of God though some more some lesse I mean publick hearing out of the Church of God and though some do iudge it their liberty and privilege so to do I must needs confess I cannot so iudge For though possibly glorious things may be spoken yet what privilege can it be for Saints to hear glorious things where there is no promise of a blessing from God and therefore I may say as the Apostle of speaking in an unknown tongue I had wrather hear five words from a true Ministery or in a Church of Christ where he hath promised his blessing and presence than five thousand elsewhere though I desire in a personal way to own and embrace all or any appearance of God where ever I find it and can upon that account truly say I do much respect love and delight in some who are not yet come up to the true worship of Christ in his Church but I must be true to my principles I cannot see how we that are according to the Gosspel ioyned to the Lord and his Church by which we hold out to the world a visible profession of his name and a separation from all false waies of worship which in our principles we judge them who are not rightly constituted with us according to the appointment and practice of Christ and his Apostles to be no other I say I cannot see how we can meet with them in their publique worship to hear their Ministers or in any other spiritual duty but it is a crossing our own principles As thus they own themselves true Churches and Ministers of Christ the ignorant world knoweth not but they are so we by our presence being silent do say
an Instrument for the good of souls or to propagate the least truth of the Lord Jesus yet I shall be willing to submit to better Judgements hoping through the Blessing of God it may be useful knowing from my own experience I have received much from the Lord by reading but besides the sense of my own unworthiness as I had some discouraging thoughts as to my writing of it at the first so I have met with the like as to my giving way to the publishing of it As first I thought I might seem to some to walk in an untrodden path I having never seen any thing written before in this manner and method but whatever entertainment it may find with such knowing from whom I have received it I am well satisfied my footsteps will be found as for matter so for method and manner among the foot-steps of the flock of Christ where I desire to feed besides the Shepheards Tents Cant. 1. 8 Another thought which did discourage me was knowing I must expect to encounter with Satan in relation to it several waies but believing that which way soever he appears whether to abase or exalt me in my own thoughts the Lord will not be wanting with strength to withstand and resist him and that I shall with advantage be delivered from his snares and temptations Thus resolving to commit my self and it to the blessing of the Almighty desiring it may be accepted of the Saints as the widows mite and that what is weak may be covered with love is the desire of me the unworthy Servant of Christ IANE TURNER The manner how I was put upon the writing these following lines with the reasons and grounds for doing the same THrough the good providence of God I lived in Newcastle for some time where I received many precious mercies from the Lord which I desire may never be forgotten by me and being under a bodily affliction the Lord was pleased so to visit me with his loving kindness that I can truly say it was a time of joy to my soul and indeed I never enjoyed so much sweet communion with God for so long a time together as I did at that time for for the space of seven or eight weeks together I was in a continual converse and exchanging love with God as it were lodging and living in the bosome of Christ and truly I do not remember that in all that time I had one considerable interruption which condition was so sweet and joious to me that it did exceedingly grieve me to think that ever I should forget the particulars thereof finding from sad experience that though I can never forget the substance of such things yet I am prone to forget the particulars the remembrance of which I find to be much for the glory of God and my own comfort and profit especially in times of trial and temptations upon the consideration of which I thought it might be a good way to write them down And calling to mind some of the old loving kindnesses of God towards me I resolved to write down some of them For I do believe I cannot remember the hundreth part of the kind dealings of God towards me so as to write them all but though I cannot remember all yet I may remember some and those I judg most considerable I resolved to write them down But as I had many thoughts of encouragement to do it so I had some thoughts that did discourage me As First I thought it would be very hard if not impossible for me to remember that which hath been so long since so as to write it But the Lord was pleased to satisfy me in this that my ends being such as were agreeable to his will he would according to his promise in my endeavours bring things to my remembrance and truly I was confirmed in believing he would so do from my own experience for I do not remember that ever I set my self seriously to meditate on the former kindness of God towards me but I was much refreshed by it and remembred that which I seemed to have forgotten A Second thought which did discourage me was fearing left through forgetfulness as I knew I should leave out something which was so I might possibly write something which was not which I would not by any means willingly do this I discerned to be a temptation for fear of hypocrisy but God was pleased to satisfy me in it with this resolution that what I did I would do as in his presence and that if there were any thing which was clear to my remembrance that I could not bring in without something which was doubtfull I would rather leave out the one than write the other much less write any thing which was a plain addition and in this resolution I set upon it believing that God would assist and help me desiring not to give way to discouraging thoughts for I have often experienced this that if in writing speaking or doing of any thing whereby God may be glorified we should give way to temptations and discouragements we should do nothing at all For Satan and our own hearts will not be wanting to us that way But with grief of heart I must confess that the greatest discouragements that I have met with have been from the Saints themselves I do not mean only as to this particular but as to other spiritual duties also by which I trust I have learned in some measure to take the more heed how I discorage others and doubtless Saints ought to take great heed left by their giving just occasion of discouragement they quench the Spirit of God in them 2 Thes 5. 1â— quench not the Spirit which that we may not do we ought to endeavour for a Spirit of discerning and for such a carriage by which we may best draw forth the hearts of others in spiritual things not that we should draw or put persons upon that which they have not received or that we should encourage any who put themselves on such things but rather reprove them especially those who so act in a publique way such as the Apostle speaks of who would be preachers of the Law when indeed they know not what they say nor whereof they affirm 1 Tim. 1. 7. the hearing of which hath been no small burthen to my spirit I wish from my soul that not onely particular Saints may be faithful in the discharge of their duty to reprove such but also that the Church would put forth their Authority for the calling of them in and that such brethren onely whose gifts are approved of by the Church may exercise their gifts publiquely and no other that the Saints may not be burthened nor the world blaspheme I shall say no more as to this believing that the Lord will instruct those that are called to that work namely to judge who are fit to be teachers desiring only to caution Saints to take heed of casting stumbling blocks in each others way
notions and if any should have prophesied such things of them they would have said as Hazael did to Elisha Is thy servant a dog that he should do such things 2 Kings 8. 13. These things considered is a sufficient ground for me to conclude that errors of that nature are the worst of all others But secondly as they are the worst in that they naturally lead to the highest degree of evil so they are the worst in that they are the greatest mystery of iniquity so more deceiving than others that they are so it will appear if we consider first how covertly and under how many veils Satan comes in them beguiling and deceiving with the most plausible spiritual Angel-like glorious appearances that can be expressed and as it said of the false Prophets Mat. 7. 15. They come in sheeps clothing but inwardly they are ravening wolves so it may be truly said of those notions they are clothd with glorious and Christ-like appearances but when we see to the botom of them they differ as much from Christ as a ravening wolf from a sheep for they do not only beguile and deceive in that they are not what they seem or pretend to be and in that they do not give what they promise viz. high lights glory perfection immediate communion with the father such like But as a ravening wolf so far as they prevail they devour and destroy by degrees all appearance of good and therefore the Apostle calls them perverse things Acts 20. 30. and 2 Pet. 2. 1. they are called damnable heresies and pernitious waies and big swelling words of vanity ver 18. words that will eat as doth a Cancker 2 Tim. 2. 17. And because they are so apparently a mystery of iniquity that is I conceive the reason why the Apostle gives so many exhortations and doth so often forewarn the Saints to take heed of them for questionless they are the very same errors which are mentioned in those Scriptures and we may know them to be so in that they carry the very same badges and marks expressed in those Scriptures as First in relation to the rise of them which was not from the false Prophets of the world but from false Brethren in the Church and others such like who professed an opposition to those false Prophets and the place and people among whom they were most prevailing was not with ignorant persons in the world but among knowing persons and in the Churches of Christ all which is the very same exprest in the forementioned Scriptures as Acts 29. with the rest A Second mark by which we may know them to be the same is in relation to the nature and effects of them as is already expressed namely that persons have been led by them to the highest degree of wickedness waxen worse and worse till they have been as vile as hell it self and particularly denying the resurrection of the body and the Lord Jesus Christ with the like 2. they will appear to be the greatest mystery of iniquity in that Satan makes use of them to do his greatest works which is to overcome the Saints and to encounter with such as have the greatest strength to resist him and such as have escaped him in all his other appearances he now makes use of them as things that are most strong to deceive by as we may remember how exceedingly he did prevail with them about five or six years since in this nation when it was hard to find one person much less a whole Church that was not corrupted with them at which time was the height of their reign in general though in some places many particular persons are enslaved by them unto this day some under one name some under another at which time before-mentioned my self did experience those expressed in p. 113 114. which I am perswaded I should not have done had they not been so general and of such a bewitching deceiving nature for I can truly say so far as I did experience them I was meerly deceived and beguiled from an apprehended worth and excellency in them and as it was with me so I believe it was with many others whom the Lord hath recovered from them But Thirdly they will appear to be of a strange deceiving nature and so the greatest mystery of iniquity if we consider that many of the most eminent Saints in those daies were most incident to be deceived by them I mean the most eminent as to personal grace and qualifications and as to a strict conversation though I cannot say as to a sound Judgement in knowledge and understanding of the principles of truth for questionless there was somthing of that nature wanting for had they been as well principled in truth as they were really united to truth they would have discerned Satan at a distance and not been so deceived by him and that I conceive was the very reason why so many were deceived in those daies for having been a long time in darkness and ignorance being but newly brought from under the Bishops and Presbyterian yokes they were generally weak in Judgement though it may be strong in affection and so the more easily deceived like children ready to catch up any thing that hath a glorious appearance not weighing and considering whether it be really so Another reason I conceive why such precious ones were so subject to be deceived in those daies was from an extreme in minding truth as it relates to the inward man in point of experience and inward workings which is in it self very good but being in an extreme on that hand Satan took advantage by it and presented things in a plausible seeming spiritual appearance beguiled and deceived them before they were aware We are subject to extremes on all hands some do mind truth so much in an outward way as it relates to Order and Ordinances as Baptism Church-fellowship and the like that they mind little else as to the end of these and some are in the extreme on the other hand and so while they were eagerly pursuing after the mystery of truth as to their intentions they were beguiled with the mystery of iniquity much like that of the Jews concerning the Law Rom. 9. 3. They sought after righteousness but did not attain it Wherefore because they sought it not by faith So these sought after truth really as to their intentions but did not attain it wherefore because they sought it not in the way of God They sought it not in his way as it relates to the Ordinances and commands of Christ in way of obedience and privilege together but only as it relates to the inward man by way of privilege and as the Jewes were strict in legal righteousness so these did not run into waies of sin neither I believe can many of them charge themselves with any sin as that which occasioned it at first but only weakness in Judgement not being well principled and so not having an equal esteem of all