wee know that sicke folkes are not competent or meet iudges of themselues for they sometimes feele nothing but paine or sicknesse whereas others know that there is in them more health then sicknesse or at least some health Minist Now then to come to your selfe for it is the part of euery wise man to be best acquainted with his own estate Let mee a little examine your Euidences haue you some good assurance that you shall bee saued Con. Yes I praise God else how could I haue any comfort else my very meat should be turned into gall teares should bee my drinke well might my eyes refuse all rest and my soule all comfort knowing none other but that I should p Iob. 18.14 goe to the king of feare into a Land darke as darknesse it selfe And sure I am that the q Mark 8 36. whole World with the r Eccles 2.11 best of all earthly things cannot affoord true sound and substantiall comfort to the quieting of the conscience reioycing of the heart Min. How doe you know that you shall bee saued Con. First by that mother-grace from whence all other sauing graces flow namely true iustifying faith a sparke of this pious faith I find is kindled in me whereupon this I build GOD hath promised The first signe of saluation taken out of Iohn 3.36 that hee which beleeueth shall be saued Now then seeing I belieue that is am truly perswaded that Christ is my Sauiour that hee died for my sinnes and fulfilled the Law to procure mee perfect righteousnes therefore I know I shall be saued Min. It is nothing to say you beleeue but let mee heare if you can proue it how know you that yours is true faith and not meere mocke-mocke-faith which is so rife in the world Con. Because it hath beene rightly bred and begotten in me and that by the spirituall seede of Gods word according to that saying of the Apostle f Rom. â—0 17 Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God Thus then I came by Faith first by hearing the doctrine of the Law preached I saw my selfe to be in a damnable conditioÌ„ by nature a wretched sinner yea wholly sinful and therefore accursed by the iust sentence of Gods most righteous Law deseruing nothing but the horrible wrath of God and lying open to the vengeance of eternal fire so that there was nothing betweene me and hell but onely a poore simple crasie tottering life which I knew not how soone or suddenly it might be surprised by death the consideration whereof wrought in mee terror of conscience dread of hell and condemnation despairing of any hope or helpe in my selfe Min. And what then did you rest quiet in the sight of this your wofull miserie Con. Oh it was not possible my poor distressed soule should find any rest in this estate nay if I had heard no better tidings I should haue bin swallowed vp of despair but then in the next place I came * This is the cape of good hope in sayling to heauen to vnderstand that God hath anointed and sent his own sonne to t Isa 61.1 Luk. 4.18 preach good tidings vnto the poore recouering of sight to the blind to binde vp the broken hearted and set at liberty such as are bruised more plainly I learned by the doctrine of the Gospell that God of his rich mercie hath giuen his sonne Christ Iesus very God and man to be a Sauiour vnto sinfull men euen to as many as beleeue in him and hath u Ioh. 3.16 not excluded mee out of the number of those that shall be saued by him but hath offered him vnto mee amongst others which are weary and heauy laden with their sins saying * Mat. 11.28 Come vnto mee all euen all such and hath also x Ioh. 3.23 commanded yea euen y Cor. 5.20 intreated mee to beleiue in him Thus my heart was drawne and wonne to take him and apply him a Sauiour to my owne soule thinking my selfe bound in conscience to yeeld obedience to the holy commandement and gracious inuitation of Almighty God and what a beast were I if I should not accept of so free a profer of his Sonne as he hath made vnto me Min. Thus you haue shewed mee well how you came by faith and I see you haue come honestly by it whereby it appeares that it is not like Iacobs venison too quicklie found to bee of the right kinde nor like Ionahs gourd too suddenlie sprung to continue long but like the z 2 Sam. 23.15 16. water of Bethlehem much longed for hardly obtained now shew mee further how you vse it since you got it what fruites doth it bring forth whereby you may know more easily whether it be true and a 1 Tim. 1.5 Faith vnfained Con. As fire may bee discerned by heat 6 Notes of true faith and life by motion so may my faith by the fruites thereof For first it enableth me to b Eph. 6.16 quench the fierie darts of that euil one to resist not without some comfortable victories the suggestions of Sathan wherwith he buffets me and more particularly that same temptation of doubting whether the promises of God belong to me or no for that I am not ouercome of this doubting and sunke vnder it but struggle and wrestle with it and with vnbeliefe that is by the power of faith Secondly it makes mee earnestly desire to bee more and more reconciled to God that is more fullie assured of his fauour that I am at peace with him and hee well pleased with mee to whom by nature I was an vtter enemy it makes mee crie c Ps 106.4 remember mee O Lord with the fauour of thy people d Ps 84.5 release thy anger toward mee turne thy fac vnto mee e Ps 31.16 cause thy face to shine vnto thy seruant and saue mee through thy mercy Thirdly my faith makes mee labour to please God though it bee with displeasing my selfe and to doe the will of God yea eueÌ„ in those things which crosse my owne will as it caused Abraham to f Gen. 22.10 offer his dearely beloued Isaac though otherwise it would haue gone ful sore against his heart and heereby Enoch was g Heb. 11.5 reported of that had had pleased God Fourthly by it my heart is in some measure purified from noysome lusts and affections as secret pride selfe-loue hypocrisie carnal confidence wrath malice and the like in that they are distastfull yea loathsome to mee so that the spirit within me fighteth against the flesh that is grace resisteth and subdueth corruption Fiftly it makes me long after Christ to tast more fully of his sweetnesse and to bee h Can. 1.2 kissed with the kisses of his mouth that is to haue a greater measure of heauenly graces and greater and more liuely tokens of his loue communicated to mee whom and whose loue I do preferre aboue the
promised I know thou wilt performe it that thou wilt cure mee that thou wilt saue me being thus perplexed in my soule for my sinnes Min. How else can you proue your selfe to bee such a one as God hath promised to saue Con. Hee hath promised to t Re. 21.6 giue to him that is athirst of the fountaine of the water of life freely that is hee which earnestly desires the fauour of God through Christs righteousnesse to the inheriting of eternall life shall bee assured thereof to the allaying of the scalding heat of his boyling conscience and to the endlesse comfort and saluation of his soule thus I doe thirst I doe no lesse truely then earnestly desire saluation 3 Notes of the true desire of saluation First in the right place preferring it before all things in the world Secondly to the right end that I might bee wholly freed from sinne and perfectly glorifie God in Heauen And thirdly in the right manner as well desiring the meanes that leade therto as the end whereto they leade Heerevpon it is that the more grace I receiue the more I hunger after and that I haue alwayes such a spirituall drought and vnsatiable thirst after Christs most precious bloud and perfect righteousnesse that my sinfull soule may bee clothed with this fine white garment and gorgeous attire and oh how I long after the fauour of God and like as the Disciples said vnto our Sauiour when hee told them of the bread of Heauen u Ioh. 6.34 Lord euermore giue vs this bread so I hauing tasted the sweetnesse of Gods fauour cannot choose but pray Lord giue me euermore to enioy this thy fauour yea Euen as the Hart panteth after the water brookes so panteth my soule after thee O God my soule thirsteth for God for the liuing God like to the thirsty Land Well yet his word is good u Ps 107. hee satisfieth the longing soule and filleth the hungry soule with goodnesse and this is my comfort Min. Whom else hath God promised to saue Con. x Mat. 5.3 1. Blessed saith our Sauiour are the poore in spirit for theirs is the Kingdome of heauen and Blessed are they that mourne for they shall be comforted These poore ones and these mourners are they which are humble lowly in spirit seeing feeling their spirituall wants and pouerty their sinnes and misery being heartily sorry for and bewailing the same and so despairing as touching any goodnesse of their owne betake themselues wholly to the mercy of God in Christ which mercy of God is like the y Act. 3.2 beautifull gate of the temple whereat poore creeples lye yea lazers a multitude of impotent folke blinde halt withered spirituall beggers wofull creatures poore sinners humble crauing an almes at the hand of so pitifull a God And well doth Gods mercy deserue to bee called the beautifull gate of heauen for heereby onely doe penitent sinners enter into the presence of God to behold the beauty of the Lord and to enioy his blessed vision for euer in heauen Thus doe a poore creature lye dayly at Gods beautifull gate knocking crauing crying z Ps 57. 51. 86. Haue mercy vpon me O God haue mercy vpon mee according to the multitude of thy compassions put away my iniquities incline thine eare O Lord heare me for I am poore and needy O bow downe thine eare and heare open thine eyes and see for my heart is smitten and withered like grasse and I am in great misery a Psa 25.16 18. O turne thy face vnto mee and haue mercy vpon mee for I am desolate and afflicted looke vpon my affliction and my paine and forgiue all my sinnes O turne vnto mee and haue mercy vpon mee heale my soule for I haue sinned against thee b Dan. 9.19 O Lord heare O Lord forgiue O Lord hearken and doe deferre not for thine owne sake O my God Thus am I poore in spirit and thus doe I mourne and therefore the promise of blessednesse belongs to mee and I haue as good right vnto it as any poore sinner whatsoeuer for the poorer the sinner is in spirit and the greater begger hee is the better right he hath heereunto so then I am blessed according to Christs owne words because I shall be blessed Min. Whom else hath God said he will saue Con. c Ro. 10.13 Whosoeuer shall call vpon the name of the Lord shall bee saued as witnesseth the Apostle that is whosoeuer not onely in outward miseries but also and that especially in spirituall distresses shall pray vnto the Lord in faith both as concerning his power and will to helpe and and yet more whosoeuer fearing that hee hath not faith nor any sauing grace that he is not in the fauour of God nor his sinnes pardoned and that his soule shall not bee saued if hee can but finde a heart to pray vnto the Lord for these things with an honest vpright minde as sure as the Lord is true he shall bee saued and that by vertue of this promise of God Whosoeuer shall call vpon his name shall be saued for thus he flyeth vnto this strong Tower where hee shall be preserued serued safe a while and after shall be remooued by the guard of good Angels to the Palace of None-such in the Kingdome of Heauen which is a priueleged place where sinne Sathan the flesh and the world haue nothing to doe and therfore he shall not bee there molested by any of them in the least measure Now I am one of them that doe thus call vpon the name of the Lord and that dayly when I feele my selfe oppressed by sinne and Sathan and can finde very small or to my thinking sometimes no grace at all in mee yet then can I heartily pray vnto the Lord for his helpe and sauing grace that I may be saued therefore I shall bee saued Min. To whom else hath God promised saluation in his word Con. Christ hath promised that e Reu. 3.21 hee which ouer commeth shall sit with him in his Throne that is hee that holds out to the end continually resisting and fighting against his spirituall enemies the world the flesh and the Diuel shall haue though not equall glory yet fellowship with Christ in glory euerlasting thus do I daily fight that I may ouercome First I account my selfe a spirituall soldier bound sworn to my Captaine the Lord Iesus of whom I haue also taken presse-mony the Sacrament of Baptisme and weare his colours the profession of Christianity and know there is martiall Law eternall death for mee if I should flye from my Captaine Secondly I take notice of the manifold traines and plots of my forreign enemies the world and the Diuell and the treasons and treacheries of my domesticke foes the flesh that Rebell my headstrong passions and vnruly lusts those traytors I see and obserue how they euery where lay snares for mee and spread nettes in my path-way and
presuming so he offers God the greatest wrong by doubting indeed a double wrong First hee offends his iustice by sinning then he wrongs his mercy by doubting of forgiuenes yea a triple wrong for it is to call his truth also into question and to make him a lyer for l 1 Ioh. 5.10 He that beleueth not God hath made him a lyar because he beleeueth not the record that he gaue of his sonne as saith Saint Iohn and doubting m Ro. 4.20 is not beleeuing It is also great disobedience to God for he cōmands to beleeue n 1 Ioh. 3.23 This is his commandement that wee beleeue in the name of his sone Iesus Christ in regard of these infinite iniuries offered to God hereby it must needes be much displeasing to him and if I were cleare of all other sinnes in the world yet I should deserue condemnation for this very sin if I did not beleeeue Therefore it stands mee highly vpon to withstand doubting in all these respects and not to listen to those secret questions which Sathan propounds inwardly vnto mee by way of doubts lest by consulting therewith I should be ensnared as Eue was for first hee did but propound a question to her wherein one would thinke there were no harme o Gen. 3.1 Hath God said Ye shall not eate of euery Tree of the Garden But while shee began to thinke of this question hee wound further into her and made her doubt of the truth thereof and at length grew so strong as that hee perswaded her shee might eate thereof and that it would be greatly for her good and aduancement this his olde policie hee hath not forgotten but vseth at this day and therefore first propounds secret questions inwardly to the minds of Gods children such questions as seeme in shew not hurtfull but profitable that wee may know our estate better as whether the promises belong to vs whether God will keepe his promise with vs seeing wee breake our promise and couenant toward him whether we haue faith whether grace were euer soundly wrought in vs though we haue had experience thereof formerly whether we do not presume whether God will saue such vnworthy ones as we are c. which when we begin to thinke vpon hee drawes vs to doubting of the truth thereof Not to listen to Sathan by doubting and at last gets head and growes so strong as that we are ready to bee perswaded by him that it is as hee suggests Thus we often mak our selues worke and puzzle our selues very much by consulting with Sathan for the greatest aduātage wee haue against sinne and temptation is at the first then it is weakest but by Demurre it still growes stronger and gets ground of vs and winds further into vs by insinuation Therefore it is wisedome to watch our time and take our aduantage to refuse disputation when hee first propounds his question for hee is to subtle a sophister for vs to dispute with This therefore wee must do wee must hold the conclusion in despite of all Sathans premisses and this indeede will weary him much sooner then the popish Round I beleeue as the Church beleeueth and the Church beleeueth as I beleeue For he is as weary of this as he is afraide of holy water and all one My resolution therefore is this alwaies to holde the conclusion and hauing once found in mee some sure marke of saluation neuer after to giue any entertainement to doubting but so soon as euer it creepes into mee presently to exclude it as the messenger of Sathan not once to demurre or pause vpon it for the lesse the better and more safe it will bee for mee Oh that I could so doe according as I doe resolue O Lord enable mee that I may so doe Min. Indeed the way to haue any ability hereunto is to aske it of the Lord p Iam. 1.5 Who giueth to all men liberally and vpbraideth not But acquaint mee if you thinke good more particularly with some of those things which most and oftenest trouble the minde Con. To keepe Sathans counsell is not nor cannot bee good therefore I wil freely acquaint you with some of those his policies whereof I haue experience in my selfe And first to begin at the very roote of all namely Doubting of our election answered my election to saluation Sometimes I beginne to doubt hereof and to thinke that I am not one of the number of Gods elect and that hee hath not decreed before the world was to saue me after the world shall be at an end Min. That Sathan hath been heere you may see by his footings And as King Dauid said to the subtle woman of Tekoah q 2 Sam. 14 19. Is not the hand of Ioab with thee in all this So say I to you hath not the subtle serpent had a hand with you in this That he hath may appeare for he hath left as it were the print of his foule fingers behinde and you may perceiue the clawes of this roaring Lyon where he hath been scraping in the heart to rake out of it that assurance of your saluation euen by the very roote if possibly it might be But tell mee how doe you to foile this temptation Con. First I see vpon better thoughts that there is no reason why I should lay blockes in my way for Sathan will lay enow to bring me to eternall ruin if hee can And therefore for mee to doubt of that whereof I haue no warrant to doubt is against all reason Secondly I see it is an ouer-curious pride for mee to goe about to prie into the secret and hidden councell of God any other wise then as hee hath reuealed the same vnto mee for secret things belong to God but things reuealed to vs. Therefore thirdly I learne by the word which is his reuealed will that to bee truely called and conuerted r Ro. 8.30 is a certaine declaration that one is elected and predestinated to eternall life for thus the secret of the Lord is reuealed to them that feare him Therfore finding my selfe conuerted I thus rest quiet in my minde Min. That the Diuell will lie shamefully you see euidently as to tell you that you are not elected when it is more then he can tell or all the men in the world beside Nay you can tell him that it is a lie for as much as you are conuerted and seeing you haue thus taken him in this lie mee thinks you should neuer belieue him more whatsoere he saies For as this is not the first lie that he hath told so it will not be the last I warrant you But tell mee how else doth he assault you Con. It is my great fault I must needs confesse to giue so much credence to his lies as I haue done and that I haue smarted for thorowly ere now But to proceed further he doth assault mee by setting before mee my many wants and weaknesses For Doubting because of
the wants weakenesse of grace answered I finde in mee such a poore and weake measure of grace that at times I make question whether there bee any true grace at all in me I haue not such a feeling of faith as I desire nor of that ioy which at other times I haue felt especially at my first conuersion I am also affraide that I grieue not enough for my sinnes sure I am not so much as I would which makes me doubt whether these graces bee in me at all and whether I were euer truely conuerted Min. How do you ouercom this Diuell when hee thus grapples with you Con. Thus I encounter him I remember what I haue learned that they which see and heartily bewail in themselues the want of grace cannot possibly bee without true grace and the Lord respecteth not so much the quantity of grace as the quality thereof not how much but whether it bee of the right kinde so that if it bee truely in mee though but as a graine of mustard-seed it is accepted with him And as for feeling it is no sure rule to try my estate by faith without feeling is stronger and more precious then faith with feeling It was not so much ſ Ioh. 20.29 for Thomas to beleeue when hee saw and felt as if hee had done neither It is nothing for a childe being dandled in the lap to thinke his father loues him but when his father frownes and lowers vpon him then to bee perswaded of his loue is something indeed And I stand bound in conscience as well to beleeue when I want feeling as when I haue it for Gods commandement of beleeuing is not confined to the condition of reason experience and feeling nay he is the best scholar in Gods schoole that reasons least vpon these grounds and assents most I must not therefore beleeue according to my feeling of comfort but must beleeue better that I may feele more comfort And as for my ioy I call t Psal 77.6 Psal 143.5 to minde the comfortable experience that I haue had at times heeretofore of my conuersion and the liuely feeling of grace working in mee and that sweet consolation which I haue had in the assurance of the fauour of God in former times Heereby I relieue my selfe and gather that true grace is in mee though at the present it doth not so cleerely manifest it selfe for ioy is more perceiued of some at their first conuersion than euer after but it is because of the newnesse strangenesse and suddennesse of it which makes a deeper impression and causeth greater admiration for it may bee more after like as one that is brought out of some deepe and darke dungeon wherein hee hath been enclosed all his life before into the sun-shine more ioyes in it at his first comming forth then after when he hath been daily wonted to it and yet may enioy more cleare and lightsome daies by farre then at the first and may enioy also more constant and continuall comfort thereby and like as a begger that is aduanced to some very great and vnexpected honor ioyes more at the first therein than afterward and yet his dignities and reuenues may daily increase and grow farre greater than at the first and like as the Ghurch at their first returne out of captiuitie had their u Psal 12 6 2. mouth filled with laughter and their tongue with singing and yet inioyed more good and comfortable dayes after in the peaceable seruice and worship of God then at their first returne As touching my griefe for sinne though it makes mee hang down my head to see the largenesse of Dauids heart this way and the straightnesse of mine for hee u Psal 6. made his bed to swimme and watered his couch with his teares and I can hardly shed on teare for my fins yet in that I am afraid that I doe not grieue enough yea and therefore grieue because I can grieue no more it is heereby euident that I would faine grieue more which the Lord accepts of for if there be first a x 2 Cor. 8.12 willing minde it is accepted according to that a man hath and not according to that hee hath not and secondly though in the intention of my affection Perk. Cas Con. my sorrow for sinne seemes little and lesse then my sorrow for worldly losses yet in the estimation of my minde it is greater because I grieue for my sinne as the greatest euill of all and so in truth of iudgement doe account it and grieue for the losse of Gods fauour as for the losse of the most precious and excellent thing of all and thus I see that my weaknesse in grace is no iust cause to make mee think that I haue no grace no not in the least measure Min. I pray you proceed further to shew Satans cunning in seeking to vnsettle and subuert you Con. The multitude and greatnesse of my sinnes which Sathan sets before me doe now and then much dismay and affright me and make me almost faint I cā say with the Prophet Dauid y Ps 40.12 Innumerable euils haue compassed mee about mine iniquities haue taken hold vpon mee Doubting because of the multitude and greatnesse of sin answered so that I am not able to looke vp they are more then ths hayres of my head therefore my heart faileth mee And beside outward sinnes I am inwardly much oppressed with hardnesse of heart coldnesse of good affection dulnesse of spirit barrennesse of good thoughts motions and desires with manifold foule corruptions I perceiue also sundry imperfections in my prayers and in the best duties so that when I looke backe on the seruice which I performe to God I finde it such simple patched and broken seruice that I feare least hee should account it vs sinne vnto mee and that it should bee as abomination to him and that hee should abhorre both mee and it Min. How doe you beate backe this temptation Con. First for my sins I learn and beleeue that God is able to forgiue my greatest sins as well as the least yea all though bloody sinnes z Esa 1.16 18. as red as scarlet and though they be innumerable for his mercy far passeth my sinnes yea the sinnes of the whole world Great is the Hell of my sinnes saith one But greater is the depth of thy mercies O Lord. This bottomlesse deepe is not like a 2 Kin. 19.24 those pooles about Ierusalem which might bee dried vp with the tramplings of horse and horsemen but such as all the sinnes of a thousand worlds cannot drie vp Augustine I remember a speech of an ancient Father to this purpose who vpon those words of Cain My sinnes are greater then can bee forgiuen saith Thou lyest Caine the mercies of God are greater than the sinnes of all the world and no maruell for the mercy of God hath all dimensions It is so deepe that it brought vp Dauids soule from the