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A67751
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An experimental index of the heart, or, Self-knowledge in which (as in a looking-glasse) the civillest of men may see what need they have of a redeemer : and that it most deeply concerns them with all speed to sue out their pardon in Christ and to rely wholly and only upon free-grace for pardon and salvation : except they prefer an everlasting furnace of fire and brimstone in hell, before an eternal weight of super-abundant glory in heaven, as all (most sottishly) do that by sinne and Satan are bewitched / drawn up and published for the good of all by R. Younge of Roxwell in Essex, Florilegus.
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Younge, Richard.
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1660
(1660)
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Wing Y155; ESTC R231259
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18,556
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18
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hated all that resembled him in holinesse Yea I so hated holinesse that I most bitterly hated men for being holy insomuch that my blood would rise at the sight of a good man as some stomachs will rise an the sight of sweet-meats I was a Christian in name but I could scoff at a Christian indeed I could honour the dead Saints in a formal profession while I worried the living Saints in a cruel persecution I condemned all for Roundheads that had more Religion than a Heathen or knowledg of heavenly things than a child in the womb hath of the things of this life or conscience than an Atheist or care of his soul than a Beast I had alwaies the basest thoughts of the best men making ill constructions of whatsoever they did or spake as the Scribes and Pharisees dealt by our Saviour Sect. XXIX As O what a poor slave did I hold the man of a tender conscience to be yea how did I applaud my self for being zeallesse and fearlesse together with my great discretion and moderation when I saw this man vexed for his zeal that other hated for his knowledg a third persecuted for the profession of his Faith c. For being like Cain Ishmael Eliab Michel Pharaoh and Festus I thought their Religion Puritanisme their conscience of sinne hypocrisie their profession dissimulation their prudence policy their faith and confidence presumption their zeal of Gods glory to be pride and malice their obedience to Gods Laws rebellion to Princes their execution of justice cruelty c. If they were any thing devout or forward to admonish others that so they might pluck them out of the fire I conceived them to be besides themselves as our Saviour was thought to be by his Kinsfolk and Saint Paul by Festus Mark 3.21 John 10.20 Acts 26.24 1 Cor. 1.18 My religion was to oppose the power of Religion and my knowledge of the truth to know how to argue against the truth 〈◊〉 never affected Christs Ambassadours that preached the glad tydings of salvation but had a spleen against them yea I hated a Minister for being a Minister especially if a godly and zealous one that spake home to my conscience and told me of my sins much more if he would not admit me to the Lords Table without trial and examination yea then like Ahab to Micah I became his enemy and hated him ever after would impeach his credit and detain from him his dues And are not all these strong evidences that I loved and served God and my Redeemer as I ought But to make it more manifest what a rare Christian I was I thought my self a Believer yea I could boast of a strong faith when yet I fell short of the very Devils in believing for they believe the threats and judgments contained in the Word and tremble thereat James 2.19 Whereas I thought them but scarâ—crows to fright the simple withall yea I held Hell it self but a fancy not worth the fearing Because I was not notoriously wicked but had a form of godlinesse was civil c. I was able to delude my own soul and put off all reproofs and threatenings by comparing my self with those that I presumed were worse than my self as Drunkards Adulterers Blasphemers Oppressors shedders of blood and the like counting none wicked but such Yea looking upon these I admired my own holiness and thought my moral honesty would be sufficient to save me Nor did I know wherein I had offended And whereas the Law is spiritual and binds the heart from affecting no lesse than the hand from acting I was so blind and ignorant that I thought the Commandement was not broken if the outward gross sin be â—orborn Whence these were my thoughts I never brake the first Commandement of having many gods for I was no Papist nor Idolater nor the second for I worshipped God aright nor the third for I had been no common swearer only a few petty oaths nor the fourth for I had every Sabbath gone duly to Church not the fifth for I ever honoured my Parents and have been a loyal subject not the sixth seventh eighth ninth or tenth for I never committed murther or adultery never stale ought never bare false witness nor could I call to mind that I had at any time coveted my neighbours wife servant estate c. And nothing more common with me than to brag of good heart and meaning of the strength of my faith and hope of my just and upright dealing c. And because I abstained from notorious sins I thought my self an excellent Christian if God was not beholding to me for not wounding his name with oaths for not drinking and playing out his Sabbaths for not railing on his Ministers for not oppressing and persecuting his poor Members c. Sect. XXX And yet had it been so as I imagined admit I had never offended in the least all my life either in thought word or deed yet this were but one half of what I owe to God this were but to observe the negative part of his law still the affirmative part thereof I had been so far from performing that I had not so much as thought of it And to be just in the sight of God and graciously accepted of him these two things are required the satisfactory part to escape Hell and the meritorious part to get Heaven And the true method of grace is Cease to do evil Learn to do well Isa 1.16 17. The Fig-tree was cursed not for bearing evil fruit but because it bare no good The evil servant was not bound hand and foot and cast into prison for wasting his Masters goods but for not gaining with them And those Reprobates at the last day shall be bid depart into everlasting fire not for wronging or robbing of any but for not giving for not comforting Christs poor Members Mat. 25. So that my case was most desperate For though with that Pharisee Luk. 18.11 I was apt to thank God and brag that I was just and paid every man his due yet I never thought of being holy and of paying God his dues as his due of believing or repenting of new obedience his due of praying hearing conferring meditating on his word and works sanctâ—â—â—ing his Sabbaths and instructing my Children and Servants teaching them to fear the Lord. His due of Love Fear Thankefulnesse Zeal for his Glory charity and mercy to Christs poor Members and the like I should have served God in spirit and according to Christs Gospel as all that are wise hearted do live and believe and hear and invocate and hope and fear and love and worship God in such manner as his word prescribes I should have been effectually called and become a new Creature by regeneration being begotten and born anew by the immortal seed of the Word I should have found an apparant change wrought in my judgment affections and actions to what they were formerly The Old man should have changed with the New man
worldly wisdome with Heavenly wisdome carnal love for spiritual love servile fear for Christian and filial fear idle thoughts for holy thoughts vain words for holy and wholesome words fleshly works for works of righteousnesse even hating what I formerly loved and loving what I formerly hated But alas I have heard the Gospel day after day and year after year which is the strong arm of the Lord and the mighty power of God to salvation That is quick and powerfull and sharper than any two-edged-sword and yet stood it out and resisted Instead of submitting to Christs call even refusing the free offer of grace and salvation I have heard the word faithfully and powerfully preached for forty years yet remain'd in my natural condition unregenerate without which new birth there is no being saved as our Saviour affirms Joh. 3.5 I had not troden one step in the way to conversion for the first part of conversion is to love them that love God 1 Joh. 3.10 11 14. I should daily have grown in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ but I was so far from growing in grace that I had not one spark of grace or holinesse without which no man shall see the Lord Heb. 12 14. I was all for observing the second Table without respect to the first or all for outward conformity not at all for spiritual and inward holinesse of the heart Sect. XXXI Either what I did was not morally good for the matter or not well done for the manner nor to any right ends as out of duty and thankfulnesse to God and my Redeemer and out of love to my fellow members Without which the most glorious performances and rarest virtues are but shining sins or beautifull abominations Gods Glory was not my principal end nor to be saved my greatest care I was a good civil moral honest hypocrite or Infidel but none of these graces grew in the Garden of my heart I did not shine out as a light by a holy conversation to glorifie God and win others Now only to refrain evil except a man hates it also and does the contrary good is to be evil still because honesty without piety is but a body without a soul All my Religion was either superstition or formality or hypocrisie I had a form of godlinesse but denied the power thereof I often drew near unto God with my mouth and honoured him with my lips but my heart was far from him Isa 29.13 Mark 7.2 to 14. Matth. 15.7 to 10. All which considered viz. the means which God had afforded me and the little use I had made thereof left me in a far worse condition than the very heathen that never heard of Christ So that it was Gods unspeakable mercy that I am not at this present frying in Hell flames never to be freed God hath sent unto us all his Servants the Prophets rising up early and they have been instant in Preaching the Gospel both in season and out of season but my carnal heart hath ever been flint unto God wax to Satan you shall dye if you continue in the practice of sin I heard but you shall not dye as saith the Devil I believed Sect. XXXII Besides all this suppose I had none of these to answer for neither sins of Commission nor sins of Omission yet Original sin were enough to damn me no need of any more and yet my actual transgressions have been such and so many and my ingratitude therein so great that it might have sunk me down with shame and left me hopelesse of ever obtaining pardon for them As see but some small part of my monstrous and devilish ingratitude to so good a God so loving and mercifull a Saviour and Redeemer that hath done and suffer'd so much for me even more than can either be expressed or conceived by any heart were it as deep as the Sea Touching what God and Christ hath done for me in the first place he gave me my self and all the creatures to serve for my use yea he created me after his own Image in righteousnesse and holinesse and in perfect knowledg of the truth with a power to stand and for ever to continue in a most blessed and happy condition But this was nothing in comparison for when I was in a sad condition when I had forfeited all this and my self when by sin I had turned that Image of God into the Image of Satan and wilfully plunged my soul and body into eternal torments when I was become his enemy mortally hating him and to my utmost fighting against him and taking part with his only enemies sin and Satan not having the least thought or desire of reconcilement but a perverse and obstinate will to resist all means tending thereunto he did redeem me not only without asking but even against my will so making of me his cursed enemy a Servant of a Servant a Son of a Son an Heir and Co-heir with Christ Gal. 4.7 But how have I requited this so great so superlative a mercy All my recompence of Gods love unto me hath been to do that which he hates and to hate those whom he loves Christ the fountain of all good is my Lord by a manifold right and I his servant by all manner of obligations First He is my Lord by the right of Creation as being his workmanship made by him Secondly By the right of Redemption being his purchase bought by him Thirdly Of preservation being kept upheld and maintained by him Fourthly His by Vocation even of his family having admitted me a member of his visible Church Fifthly His also had it not been my own fault by sanctication whereby to possesse me Lastly He would have me of his Court by glorification that he might crown me so that I was every way his God had raised me from a beggar to a great estate but how did I requite him I would not if possible suffer a godly and conscientious Minister to be chosen or to abide where I had to do but to bring in one that would flatter sin and flout holiness discourage the godly and incourage the wicked I used both my own and all my friends utmost ability Much more might be mentioned but I fear to be tedious Now argue with all the world and they will conclude that there is no vice like ingratitude But I have been more ingratefull to God than can be exprest by the best Oratour alive It was horrible ingratitude in the Jews to scourge and crucifie Christ who did them good every way for he healed their diseases fed their bodies inlightened their minds of God became man and lived miserably amongst them many years that he might save their souls but they fell short of my ingratitude to God in that most of them were not in the least convinc'd that he was the Messias sent from God and promised from the beginning But I have not only denied this Lord that bought me but I hated