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A60157 Some account of the holy life and death of Mr. Henry Gearing, late citizen of London who departed this life January the 4th. 1693/4. Aged 61. By John Shower. The second edition. With the trial and character of a real Christian, collected out of his papers, for the examination of himself: from which several other particulars are added, for the instruction, encouragement, and imitation of Christians. 1699 (1699) Wing S3692; ESTC R221466 72,960 188

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now make to the Lord for all this Mercy Of my self I am not able to think a good Thought it is unlikely then I should make any sutable Return I have nothing of my own but Sin and that is God's Enemy which he perfectly hates I am not my own for I am bought with a Price Therefore if I give my self to him it is but that which was his own before Yet this will I do because I have nothing else to give I will give my Soul and Body to be the Lord's expecting Acceptance only for the Sake and Merits of Jesus Christ Surely God requires nothing of me but what he hath first given to me All that he requireth is but the Reflection of his Love back again when I have had the Comfort of it O what Thanks and Praise should I render to the Lord and say with David Bless the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me bless his holy Name Bless the Lord O my Soul and forget not all his Benefits He forgiveth all thine Iniquities c. Thou art my God and I will praise thee thou art my God and I will extol thee O give Thanks unto the Lord for he is good for his Mercy endureth for ever For he satisfieth the longing Soul and filleth the Hungry with good Things I will bless the Lord at all times and his Praise shall be continually in my Mouth I will love the Lord because he has heard the Voice of my Supplication because he has inclined his Ear unto me therefore will I call upon him as long as I live I will extol thee my God O King I will bless thy Name for ever and ever I will praise the Lord while I live I will sing Praise to my God while I have any Being And now when I look back upon this I cannot but rejoice in the Lord and joy in the God of my Salvation because I hope I have gone through the Pangs of the New Birth and truly enter'd in at the strait Gate and am now going the narrow Way that leads to Eternal Life which I hope to obtain through the Merits of Jesus Christ my Saviour And again When I reflect and look back upon all these Things what Cause have I to bewail the Sins of my Youth and the State of my Unregeneracy which was spent in Sin and Vanity and in those things wherein there is no Profit If God should remember against me the Sins of my Youth he might write bitter things against me If I should live the Age of Methusalah and spend all my Time in weeping the Tears of my Life to come were not sufficient to bewail the Sins of my Life past O what did I lose when I enjoyed no Communion with God! How much richer might I have been in Grace and Holiness and I set out in the Way to Heaven sooner But this is my Comfort tho' I did not come in at the first Hour yet I did not stay till the last This was the Lord's Mercy But my Sins before Conversion are not all the Sins which I have to mourn for but the Sins which I have been guilty of since and in some measure my Sins are greater since than they were before For I have now sinned against clearer Light dearer Love more Manifestations of God's Goodness more Experience of his Kindness more Resolutions to obey him greater Obligations to serve him so that I am asham'd to think how unthankful my Walking hath been since the Lord hath given me some Desires to serve him some Care to please him and some Fear to offend him When he was pleased first to lift up the Light of his Countenance upon me and speak Peace to my Soul after so many Temptations and Troubles of Conscience then I did not only serve him with Joy and Thankfulness but also with Life and Vigor O how was my Heart affected with Spiritual Things When I prayed it was with Sense and Feeling it was not only in Word but I poured out my Soul before the Lord. When I heard the Word of God how did I hear as for my Life and performed every Duty as for Eternity I did not look upon Duty meerly as a Task but accounted it a great Privilege to draw nigh to God in the Ways of his Appointment I found it was not in vain to seek him I was even filled with the Admiration of his Love and the Consolations of the Spirit and my Heart was enlarged and ran the Ways of his Commandments with great Delight and Comfort I could say with the Church As the Apple-tree among the Trees of the Wood so was my Beloved Jesus to my Soul I sate down under his Shadow with great Delight and his Fruit was sweet unto my Taste I could in some measure say with David As the Hart panteth after the Water-brooks so panteth my Soul after thee O God My Soul thirsteth for God for the living God When shall I come and appear before God O God thou art my God early will I seek thee My Flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty Land where no Water is How amiable are thy Tabernacles O Lord of Hosts My Soul longeth yea even fainteth for the Courts of the Lord for a Day in thy Courts is better than a thousand c. My Soul waiteth for God from whom cometh my Salvation He only is my Rock and my Salvation he is my Defence I shall not be greatly moved In God is my Salvation and my Glory the Rock of my Strength and my Refuge is in God Because thy Loving-kindness is better than Life my Lips shall praise thee my Soul shall be satisfied as with Marrow and Fatness and my Mouth shall praise thee with joyful Lips With my whole Heart have I sought thee O Lord let me not wander from thy Commandments Thou art my Portion O Lord I have said I will keep thy Precepts for with them thou hast quickned me O how love I thy Law It is my Meditation all the Day How sweet is thy Word to my Taste yea sweeter than Honey to my Mouth therefore I love thy Commandments above Gold yea above fine Gold Thus was my Heart filled with Joy and my Mouth with Praise and tho' my Dwelling was on Earth yet my Conversation was in Heaven I looked upon all things here below with an indifferent eye I could in some measure say with Paul None of these things move me neither count I my Life dear to my self so I may finish my Course with Joy I was then able to make a spiritual Use of every Providence and of every Mercy and of every thing I met with I found the assistance of the Holy Spirit to perform spiritual Duties in a spiritual manner and helping and directing me to some Duties which I never knew to be my Duty And tho' I cannot say I was wholly free from Temptation yet I can say whenever Satan began to set upon me I was enabled to see that it