show_v i_o that_o none_o can_v enter_v into_o life_n â—ut_v thoâ—e_o that_o be_v in_o downright_a earnest_n and_o â—nless_a also_o they_o leave_v this_o wicked_a world_n behind_o â—â—em_n for_o here_o be_v only_o room_n for_o body_n and_o soul_n â—ut_v not_o for_o body_n and_o soul_n and_o sin_n 44._o this_o resemblance_n abode_n upon_o my_o spirit_n many_o day_n all_o which_o time_n i_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o sorlorn_a and_o sad_a condition_n but_o yet_o be_v provoke_v to_o a_o vehement_a hunger_n and_o desire_v to_o be_v one_o of_o that_o number_n that_o do_v sit_v in_o this_o sunshine_n now_o also_o i_o shall_v pray_v where_o ever_o i_o be_v whether_o at_o home_n or_o a_o broad_a in_o house_n or_o field_n and_o shall_v also_o often_o with_o lift_v up_o of_o heart_n sing_v that_o of_o the_o fifty_o first_o psalm_n o_o lord_n consider_v my_o distress_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o where_o i_o be_v 45._o neither_o as_o yet_o can_v i_o attain_v to_o any_o comfortable_a persuasion_n that_o i_o have_v faith_n in_o chirst_n but_o instead_o of_o have_v satisfaction_n here_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v my_o soul_n to_o be_v assault_v with_o fresth_n doubt_v about_o my_o future_a happiness_n especial_o with_o such_o as_o these_o whether_o i_o be_v elect_v but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v now_o be_v past_a and_o go_v 46._o by_o these_o two_o temptation_n i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v and_o disquiet_v sometime_o by_o one_o and_o sometime_o by_o the_o other_o of_o they_o and_o first_o to_o speak_v of_o that_o about_o my_o question_v my_o election_n i_o find_v â—t_a this_o time_n that_o though_o i_o be_v in_o a_o flame_n to_o find_v the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n and_o though_o nothing_o can_v beat_v i_o off_o from_o this_o yet_o this_o question_n do_v so_o offend_v and_o discourage_v i_o that_o i_o be_v especial_o at_o sometime_o as_o if_o the_o very_a strength_n of_o my_o body_n also_o have_v be_v take_v away_o by_o the_o force_n and_o power_n thereof_o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v seem_v to_o i_o tâ—_n trample_v upon_o all_o my_o desire_n it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n thâ—â—_n show_v mercy_n rome_n 9_o 47._o with_o this_o scripture_n i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o evident_o see_v that_o unless_o the_o great_a god_n of_o hiâ—_n infinite_a grace_n and_o bounty_n have_v voluntary_o chosâ—_n i_o to_o be_v a_o vessel_n of_o mercy_n though_o i_o shall_v desire_v and_o long_o and_o labour_n until_o my_o heart_n do_v break_v 〈◊〉_d good_a can_v come_v of_o it_o therefore_o this_o wouâ—â—_n still_o stick_v with_o i_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o be_v â—lected_v and_o what_o if_o you_o shall_v not_o how_o then_o 48._o o_o lord_n think_v i_o what_o if_o i_o shall_v not_o indeed_o it_o may_v be_v you_o be_v not_o lay_v the_o tempter_n it_o may_v be_v so_o indeed_o think_v i._o why_o then_o â—aid_n satan_n you_o have_v as_o good_a leave_n off_o and_o strive_v no_o further_o for_o if_o indeed_o you_o shall_v not_o be_v elect_v and_o choose_v of_o god_n there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o your_o be_v save_v for_o it_o be_v neither_o in_o he_o that_o will_v nor_o in_o he_o that_o run_v but_o in_o god_n that_o show_v mercy_n 49._o by_o these_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v to_o my_o wit_n end_n not_o know_v what_o to_o say_v or_o how_o to_o answer_v these_o temptation_n indeed_o i_o little_o think_v that_o satan_n have_v thus_o assault_v i_o but_o that_o rather_o it_o be_v my_o own_o prudence_n thus_o to_o start_v the_o question_n for_o that_o the_o elect_a only_o attain_v eternal_a life_n that_o i_o without_o scruple_n do_v hearty_o close_a withal_o but_o that_o myself_o be_v one_o of_o they_o there_o lay_v all_o the_o question_n 50._o thus_o therefore_o for_o several_a day_n i_o be_v great_o assault_v and_o perplex_v and_o be_v often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v walk_v ready_a to_o sink_v where_o i_o go_v with_o faintness_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o one_o day_n after_o i_o have_v be_v so_o many_o week_n oppress_v and_o cast_v down_o therewith_o as_o i_o be_v now_o quite_o give_v up_o the_o ghost_n of_o all_o my_o hope_n of_o ever_o attain_v life_n that_o sentence_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n look_v at_o the_o generation_n of_o old_a and_o see_v do_v ever_o any_o trust_n in_o god_n and_o be_v confound_v 51._o at_o which_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v and_o encourage_v in_o my_o soul_n for_o thus_o at_o that_o very_a instant_n it_o be_v expound_v to_o i_o begin_v at_o the_o begin_n of_o genesis_n and_o read_v to_o the_o end_n of_o the_o revelation_n see_v if_o you_o can_v find_v that_o there_o be_v any_o that_o ever_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o be_v confound_v so_o come_v home_o i_o present_o go_v to_o my_o bible_n to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o say_n not_o doubt_v but_o to_o find_v it_o present_o for_o it_o be_v so_o fresh_a and_o with_o such_o strength_n and_o comfort_n on_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o it_o talk_v with_o i_o 52._o well_o i_o look_v but_o i_o find_v it_o not_o only_o it_o abide_v upon_o i_o then_o i_o do_v ask_v first_o this_o good_a man_n and_o then_o another_o if_o they_o know_v where_o it_o be_v but_o they_o know_v no_o such_o place_n at_o this_o i_o wonder_v that_o such_o a_o sentence_n shall_v so_o sudden_o and_o with_o such_o comfort_n and_o strength_n seize_v and_o abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o yet_o that_o none_o can_v find_v it_o for_o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o it_o be_v in_o holy_a scripture_n 53._o thus_o i_o continue_v above_o a_o year_n and_o can_v not_o find_v the_o place_n but_o at_o last_o cast_v my_o eye_n into_o the_o apocrypha-book_n i_o sound_v it_o in_o ecclesiasticus_fw-la this_o at_o the_o first_o do_v somewhat_o daunt_v i_o but_o because_o by_o this_o time_n i_o have_v get_v more_o experience_n of_o the_o love_n and_o kindness_n of_o god_n it_o trouble_v i_o the_o less_o especial_o when_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o in_o those_o text_n that_o we_o call_v holy_a and_o canonical_a yet_o for_o as_o much_o as_o this_o sentence_n be_v the_o sum_n and_o substance_n of_o many_o of_o the_o promise_n it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o to_o take_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o and_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o that_o word_n for_o it_o be_v of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o word_n do_v still_o at_o time_n shine_v before_o my_o face_n 54._o after_o this_o that_o other_o doubt_n do_v come_v with_o strength_n upon_o i_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n shall_v be_v pass_v and_o go_v how_o if_o you_o have_v overstood_a the_o time_n of_o mercy_n now_o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v into_o the_o country_n i_o be_v much_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o but_o how_o if_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n be_v pass_v and_o to_o aggravate_v my_o trouble_n the_o tempter_n present_v to_o my_o mind_n those_o good_a people_n of_o bedford_n and_o suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o that_o these_o be_v convert_v already_o they_o be_v all_o that_o god_n will_v save_v in_o those_o part_n &_o that_o i_o come_v too_o late_o for_o these_o have_v get_v the_o blessing_n before_o i_o come_v 55._o now_o be_v i_o in_o great_a distress_n think_v in_o very_a deed_n that_o this_o may_v well_o be_v so_o wherefore_o i_o wenâ—_n up_o and_o down_o bemoan_v my_o sad_a condition_n count_v myself_o far_o worse_o than_o a_o thousand_o fool_n for_o stand_v off_o thus_o long_o and_o spend_v so_o many_o year_n in_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v do_v still_o cry_v out_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v soon_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v turn_v seven_o year_n ago_o it_o make_v i_o also_o angry_a with_o myself_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o more_o wit_n but_o to_o trifle_v away_o my_o time_n till_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n be_v lose_v 56._o but_o when_o i_o have_v be_v long_o vex_v with_o this_o fear_n and_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o take_v one_o step_n more_o just_a about_o the_o same_o place_n where_o i_o receive_v my_o other_o encouragement_n these_o word_n break_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n compel_v they_o to_o come_v in_o that_o my_o house_n may_v be_v fill_v and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n luke_n 14.22_o 23._o these_o word_n but_o especial_o they_o and_o yet_o there_o be_v room_n be_v sweet_a word_n to_o i_o for_o true_o i_o think_v that_o by_o they_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v place_n enough_o in_o heaven_n for_o i_o and_o moreover_o that_o when_o the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v speak_v these_o word_n he_o then_o do_v think_v of_o i_o and_o that_o he_o
know_v the_o time_n will_v come_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v afflict_v with_o fear_n that_o there_o be_v no_o place_n leave_v for_o i_o in_o his_o bosom_n do_v before_o speak_v this_o word_n and_o leave_v it_o upon_o record_n that_o i_o may_v find_v help_n thereby_o against_o this_o vile_a temptation_n 57_o in_o the_o light_n and_o encouragement_n of_o this_o word_n i_o go_v a_o pretty_a while_n and_o the_o comfort_n be_v the_o more_o when_o i_o think_v that_o the_o lord_n jesus_n shall_v think_v on_o i_o so_o long_o ago_o and_o that_o he_o shall_v speak_v they_o word_n on_o purpose_n for_o my_o sake_n for_o i_o do_v then_o think_v very_o that_o he_o do_v on_o purpose_n speak_v they_o to_o encourage_v i_o withal_o 58._o after_o this_o i_o find_v by_o read_v the_o word_n that_o those_o that_o must_v be_v glorify_v with_o christ_n in_o another_o world_n must_v be_v call_v by_o he_o here_o call_v to_o the_o partake_n of_o a_o share_n in_o his_o word_n and_o righteousness_n and_o to_o the_o comfort_n &_o first-fruit_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o to_o a_o peculiar_a interest_n in_o all_o those_o heavenly_a thing_n which_o do_v indeed_o fore-fit_a the_o soul_n for_o that_o rest_n and_o house_n of_o glory_n which_o be_v in_o heaven_n above_o 59_o here_o again_o i_o be_v at_o a_o very_a great_a stand_n not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v fear_v i_o be_v not_o call_v for_o think_v i_o if_o i_o be_v not_o call_v what_o then_o can_v do_v i_o good_a but_o oh_o how_o i_o now_o love_v those_o word_n that_o speak_v of_o a_o christian_n call_v as_o when_o the_o lord_n say_v to_o one_o follow_v i_o and_o to_o another_o come_v after_o i_o and_o oh_o think_v i_o that_o he_o will_v say_v so_o to_o i_o too_o how_o glad_o will_v i_o run_v after_o he_o 60._o i_o can_v now_o express_v with_o what_o long_n and_o break_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o cry_v to_o christ_n to_o call_v i_o thus_o i_o continue_v for_o a_o time_n all_o on_o a_o flame_n to_o be_v convert_v to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o do_v also_o see_v at_o that_o day_n such_o glory_n in_o a_o convert_a state_n that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v content_v without_o a_o share_n therein_o gold_n can_v it_o have_v be_v get_v for_o gold_n what_o can_v i_o have_v give_v for_o it_o have_v i_o have_v a_o whole_a world_n it_o have_v all_o go_v ten_o thousand_o time_n over_o for_o this_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v be_v in_o a_o convert_a state_n 61._o how_o lovely_a now_o be_v every_o one_o in_o my_o eye_n that_o i_o think_v to_o be_v convert_v man_n and_o woman_n they_o shine_v they_o walk_v like_o a_o people_n that_o carry_v the_o broad_a seal_n of_o heaven_n about_o they_o oh_o i_o see_v the_o lot_n be_v fall_v to_o they_o in_o pleasant_a place_n and_o they_o have_v a_o goodly_a heritage_n but_o that_o which_o make_v i_o sick_a be_v that_o of_o christ_n in_o mark_n he_o go_v up_o into_o a_o mountain_n and_o call_v to_o he_o who_o he_o will_v and_o they_o come_v unto_o he_o mark_v 3.13_o 62._o this_o scripture_n make_v i_o saint_n and_o fear_n yet_o it_o kindle_a fire_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o which_o make_v i_o fear_n be_v this_o lest_o christ_n shall_v have_v no_o like_n to_o i_o for_o he_o call_v who_o he_o will_v but_o on_o the_o glory_n that_o i_o see_v in_o that_o condition_n do_v still_o so_o engage_v my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v seldom_o read_v of_o any_o that_o christ_n do_v call_v but_o i_o present_o wish_v will_v i_o have_v be_v in_o their_o clothes_n will_v i_o have_v be_v bear_v peter_n will_v i_o have_v be_v bear_v john_n or_o will_v i_o have_v be_v by_o and_o have_v hear_v he_o when_o he_o call_v they_o how_o will_v i_o have_v cry_v o_o lord_n call_v i_o also_o but_o oh_o i_o fear_v he_o will_v not_o call_v i_o 63._o and_o true_o the_o lord_n let_v i_o go_v thus_o many_o month_n together_o and_o show_v i_o nothing_o either_o that_o i_o be_v already_o or_o shall_v be_v call_v hereafter_o but_o at_o last_o after_o much_o time_n spend_v and_o many_o groan_n to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a and_o heavenly_a call_n that_o word_n come_v in_o upon_o i_o i_o will_v cleanse_v their_o blood_n that_o i_o have_v not_o cleanse_v for_o the_o lord_n dwell_v in_o zion_n joel_n 3.21_o these_o word_n i_o think_v be_v send_v to_o encourage_v i_o to_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n and_o signify_v unto_o i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v not_o already_o yet_o time_n may_v come_v i_o may_v be_v in_o truth_n convert_v unto_o christ._n 64._o about_o this_o time_n i_o begin_v to_o break_v my_o mind_n to_o those_o poor_a people_n in_o gedford_n and_o to_o tell_v they_o my_o condition_n which_o when_o they_o have_v hear_v they_o tell_v mr._n gifford_n of_o i_o who_o himself_o also_o take_v occasion_n to_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o be_v willing_a to_o be_v persuade_v of_o i_o though_o i_o think_v but_o from_o little_a ground_n but_o he_o invite_v i_o to_o his_o house_n where_o i_o shall_v hear_v he_o confer_v with_o other_o about_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o the_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o i_o still_o receive_v more_o conviction_n and_o from_o that_o time_n begin_v to_o see_v something_o of_o the_o vanity_n and_o inward_a wretchedness_n of_o my_o wicked_a heart_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v no_o great_a matter_n therein_o but_o now_o it_o begin_v to_o be_v discover_v unto_o i_o and_o also_o to_o work_v at_o that_o rate_n for_o wickedness_n as_o it_o never_o do_v before_o now_o i_o evident_o find_v that_o lust_n and_o corruption_n will_v strong_o put_v forth_o themselves_o within_o i_o in_o wicked_a thought_n and_o desire_n which_o i_o do_v not_o regard_v before_o my_o desire_n also_o for_o heaven_n and_o life_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o find_v also_o that_o whereas_o before_o my_o soul_n be_v full_a of_o longâ—ngs_n after_o god_n now_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o hanker_v after_o every_o foolish_a vanity_n yea_o my_o heart_n will_v not_o be_v move_v to_o mind_n that_o that_o be_v good_a it_o begin_v to_o be_v careless_a both_o of_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n it_o will_v now_o continual_o hang_v back_o both_o to_o and_o in_o every_o duty_n and_o be_v as_o a_o clog_n on_o the_o leg_n of_o a_o bird_n to_o hinder_v she_o from_o fly_v 65._o nay_o think_v i_o now_o i_o grow_v worse_o and_o worse_o now_o be_o i_o further_o from_o conversion_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v to_o sink_v great_o in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v to_o entertain_v such_o discouragement_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o lay_v i_o as_o low_a as_o hell_n if_o now_o i_o shall_v have_v burn_v at_o a_o stake_n i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o christ_n have_v love_n for_o i_o alas_o i_o can_v neither_o hear_v he_o nor_o see_v he_o nor_o feel_v he_o nor_o savour_v any_o of_o his_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v as_o with_o a_o tempest_n my_o heart_n will_v be_v unclean_a the_o canaanite_n will_v dwell_v in_o the_o land_n 66._o sometime_o i_o will_v tell_v my_o condition_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n which_o when_o they_o hear_v they_o will_v pity_v i_o and_o will_v tell_v i_o of_o the_o promise_n but_o they_o have_v as_o good_a have_v tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v reach_v the_o sun_n with_o my_o finger_n as_o have_v bid_v i_o receive_v or_o rely_v upon_o the_o promise_n and_o as_o soon_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v it_o all_o my_o sense_n and_o feeling_n be_v against_o i_o and_o i_o see_v i_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o will_v sin_n and_o lay_v under_o a_o law_n that_o will_v condemn_v 67._o these_o thing_n have_v often_o make_v i_o think_v of_o that_o child_n which_o the_o father_n bring_v to_o christ_n who_o while_o he_o be_v yet_o a_o come_n to_o he_o be_v throw_v down_o by_o the_o devil_n and_o also_o so_o rend_v and_o tear_v by_o he_o that_o he_o lay_v and_o wallow_v foam_v luke_n 9.42_o maâ—â—_n 9.20_o 68_o further_o in_o these_o day_n i_o shall_v find_v mâ—_n heart_n to_o shut_v itself_o up_o against_o the_o lord_n and_o against_o his_o holy_a word_n i_o have_v find_v my_o unbelief_n to_o set_v as_o iâ—_n be_v the_o shoulder_n to_o the_o door_n to_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o that_o too_o even_o then_o when_o i_o have_v with_o many_o 〈◊〉_d bitter_a sigh_n cry_v good_a lord_n break_v it_o open_a lord_n break_v these_o gate_n of_o brass_n and_o cut_v these_o bar_n of_o iron_n asunder_o yet_o that_o word_n will_v sometime_o create_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o peaceable_a pause_n i_o gird_v thou_o though_o thou_o have_v not_o know_v i_o 69._o but_o all_o this_o while_n as_o to_o the_o act_n of_o sin_v i_o never_o be_v more_o tender_a
myself_o neither_o foothold_a nor_o hand-hold_a among_o all_o the_o stay_v and_o prop_n in_o the_o precious_a word_n of_o life_n 153._o and_o true_o i_o do_v now_o feel_v myself_o to_o sink_v into_o a_o gulf_n as_o a_o house_n who_o foundation_n be_v destroy_v i_o do_v liken_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n unto_o the_o case_n of_o some_o child_n that_o be_v fall_v into_o a_o millpit_n who_o though_o it_o can_v make_v some_o shift_n to_o scrable_a and_o spraul_v in_o the_o water_n yet_o because_o it_o can_v find_v neither_o hold_n for_o hand_n nor_o foot_n therefore_o at_o last_o it_o must_v die_v in_o that_o condition_n so_o soon_o as_o this_o fresh_a assault_n have_v fasten_v on_o my_o soul_n that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o heart_n this_o be_v for_o many_o day_n dan._n 10.14_o and_o indeed_o i_o find_v it_o be_v so_o for_o i_o can_v not_o be_v deliver_v nor_o bring_v to_o peace_n again_o until_o well-nigh_o two_o year_n and_o a_o half_a be_v complete_o finish_v wherefore_o these_o word_n though_o in_o themselves_o they_o tend_v to_o discouragement_n yet_o to_o i_o who_o fear_v this_o condition_n will_v be_v eternal_a they_o be_v at_o some_o time_n as_o a_o help_n and_o refreshment_n to_o i_o 154._o for_o think_v i_o many_o day_n be_v not_o not_o foâ—_n ever_o many_o day_n will_v have_v a_o end_n therefore_o 〈◊〉_d i_o be_v to_o be_v afflict_v not_o a_o few_o but_o many_o day_n 〈◊〉_d i_o be_v glad_a it_o be_v but_o for_o many_o day_n thus_o i_o say_v i_o can_v recall_v myself_o sometime_o and_o give_v myself_o a_o help_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o the_o word_n come_v in_o at_o first_o i_o know_v my_o trouble_n will_v be_v long_o yet_o this_o will_v be_v but_o sometime_o for_o i_o can_v not_o always_o think_v on_o this_o nor_o ever_o be_v help_v though_o i_o do_v 155._o now_o while_o these_o scripture_n lay_v before_o i_o and_o lay_v sin_n at_o my_o door_n that_o say_v in_o the_o 18_o of_o luke_n with_o other_o do_v encourage_v i_o to_o prayer_n then_o the_o tempter_n again_o lay_v at_o i_o very_o sore_a suggest_v that_o neither_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n nor_o yet_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v at_o all_o concern_v i_o nor_o can_v they_o help_v i_o for_o my_o sin_n yet_o think_v i_o i_o will_v pray_v but_o say_v the_o tempter_n your_o sin_n be_v unpardonoble_a yet_o say_v i_o i_o pray_v so_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n to_o god_n and_o while_o i_o be_v at_o prayer_n i_o utter_v word_n to_o this_o effect_n lord_n satan_n tell_v i_o that_o neither_o thy_o mercy_n nor_o christ_n blood_n be_v sufficient_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n lord_n shall_v i_o honour_v â—hee_o most_o by_o believe_v thou_o will_v and_o can_v or_o by_o believe_v â—hou_n neither_o will_v nor_o can_v lord_n i_o will_v fain_o honour_v â—hee_o by_o believe_v thou_o will_v and_o can_v 156._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o before_o the_o lord_n that_o scripture_n fasten_v on_o my_o heart_n o_o man_n great_a be_v thy_o faith_n even_o as_o if_o one_o have_v clap_v i_o on_o the_o back_n as_o i_o â—ay_v on_o my_o knee_n before_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o â—elieve_v this_o till_o almost_o six_o month_n after_o for_o i_o can_v not_o think_v that_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v â—_o word_n for_o i_o to_o act_v faith_n on_o therefore_o i_o shall_v â—till_o be_v as_o stick_v in_o the_o jaw_n of_o desperation_n and_o go_v mourn_v up_o and_o down_o crying_z be_v his_o mercy_n â—lean_o go_v be_v his_o mercy_n clean_o go_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o think_v sometime_o even_o while_o i_o be_v groan_v in_o â—hese_fw-mi expression_n they_o do_v seem_v to_o make_v a_o question_n â—hether_o it_o be_v or_o no_o yet_o i_o great_o fear_v it_o be_v 157._o at_o another_o time_n i_o remember_v i_o be_v again_o â—uch_o under_o the_o question_n whether_o the_o blood_n of_o â—hrist_n be_v sufficient_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n in_o which_o doubt_n i_o continue_v from_o morning_n till_o about_o seven_o or_o eight_o at_o night_n and_o at_o last_o when_o i_o be_v as_o it_o be_v quite_o wear_v out_o with_o fear_n lest_o it_o shall_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o i_o those_o word_n do_v sound_v sudden_o within_o i_o he_o be_v able_a but_o i_o think_v this_o word_n able_a be_v speak_v so_o loud_o unto_o i_o it_o show_v such_o a_o great_a word_n and_o give_v such_o a_o justle_n to_o my_o fear_n and_o doubt_n i_o mean_v for_o the_o time_n it_o tarry_v with_o i_o which_o be_v about_o a_o day_n as_o i_o never_o have_v from_o that_o all_o my_o life_n either_o before_o or_o after_o that_o heb._n 7.25_o 158._o but_o one_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v again_o at_o prey_n and_o tremble_v under_o the_o fear_n of_o this_o that_o no_o word_n of_o god_n can_v help_v i_o that_o piece_n of_o a_o sentence_n dart_v in_o upon_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a at_o this_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v some_o stay_n as_o if_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n but_o o_o how_o good_a a_o thing_n be_v it_o for_o god_n to_o send_v his_o word_n for_o about_o a_o fortnight_n before_o i_o be_v look_v on_o this_o very_a place_n and_o then_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o come_v near_o my_o soul_n with_o comfort_n and_o throw_v down_o my_o book_n in_o a_o pet_n but_o now_o it_o be_v as_o if_o it_o have_v arm_n of_o grace_n so_o wide_a that_o it_o can_v not_o only_o enclose_v i_o but_o many_o more_o beside_o 159._o by_o these_o word_n i_o be_v sustain_v yet_o not_o without_o exceed_a conflict_n for_o the_o space_n of_o seven_o or_o eight_o week_n for_o my_o peace_n will_v be_v in_o and_o out_o sometime_o twenty_o time_n a_o day_n comfort_v now_o and_o trouble_v present_o peace_n now_o and_o before_o i_o can_v go_v a_o furlong_n as_o full_a of_o fear_n and_o gild_n as_o ever_o heart_n can_v hold_v and_o this_o be_v not_o only_o now_o and_o then_o but_o my_o whole_a seven_o week_n experience_n for_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o of_o esau_n part_v with_o his_o birthright_n will_v be_v like_o a_o pair_n oâ—_n scale_n within_o my_o mind_n sometime_o one_o end_n woulâ—_n be_v uppermost_a and_o sometime_o again_o the_o other_o accord_v to_o which_o will_v be_v my_o peace_n or_o trouble_n 160._o therefore_o i_o still_o do_v pray_v to_o god_n that_o 〈◊〉_d will_v come_v in_o with_o this_o scripture_n more_o full_o 〈◊〉_d my_o heart_n to_o wit_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o to_o apply_v the_o whole_a sentence_n for_o as_o yet_o it_o only_o help_v i_o thus_o far_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a and_o though_o it_o come_v no_o far_o it_o answer_v my_o former_a question_n to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v hope_n yet_o because_o for_o thou_o be_v leave_v out_o i_o be_v not_o content_v but_o pray_v to_o god_n for_o that_o also_o wherefore_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o meeting_n of_o god_n people_n full_a of_o sadness_n and_o terror_n for_o my_o fear_n again_o be_v strong_a upon_o i_o and_o as_o i_o be_v now_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v never_o the_o better_a but_o my_o case_n most_o sad_a and_o fearful_a these_o word_n do_v with_o great_a power_n sudden_o break_v in_o upon_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o three_o time_n together_o and_o o_o methought_n that_o every_o word_n be_v a_o mighty_a word_n unto_o i_o as_o my_o and_o grace_n and_o sufficient_a and_o for_o thou_o they_o be_v then_o and_o sometime_o be_v still_o far_o big_a than_o other_o be_v 162._o at_o which_o time_n my_o understanding_n be_v so_o enlighten_v that_o i_o be_v as_o though_o i_o have_v see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n look_v down_o from_o heaven_n through_o the_o tile_n upon_o i_o and_o direct_v these_o word_n unto_o i_o this_o send_v i_o mourn_v home_o it_o break_v my_o heart_n and_o fill_v i_o full_a of_o joy_n and_o lay_v i_o as_o low_a as_o the_o dust_n only_o it_o stay_v not_o long_o with_o i_o i_o mean_v in_o this_o glory_n and_o refresh_a comfort_n yet_o it_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o several_a week_n and_o do_v encourage_v i_o to_o hope_n but_o so_o soon_o as_o that_o powerful_a operation_n of_o it_o be_v take_v off_o my_o heart_n that_o other_o about_o esauâ—eturned_v â—eturned_z upon_o i_o as_o before_o so_o my_o soul_n do_v hang_v â—s_n in_o a_o pair_n of_o scale_n again_o sometime_o up_o and_o sometime_o down_o now_o in_o peace_n and_o anon_o again_o in_o terror_n 163._o thus_o i_o go_v on_o for_o many_o week_n sometimes_o comfort_v and_o sometime_o torment_v and_o special_o at_o sometime_o my_o torment_n will_v be_v very_o sore_o for_o all_o those_o
by_o christ_n i_o be_v as_o if_o my_o joyns_n be_v break_v or_o as_o if_o my_o hand_n and_o foot_n have_v be_v tie_v or_o bind_v with_o chain_n at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o feel_v some_o weakness_n to_o seize_v my_o outward_a man_n which_o make_v still_o the_o other_o affliction_n the_o more_o heavy_a and_o uncomfortable_a 215._o afr_o i_o have_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n some_o three_o or_o four_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v by_o the_o fire_n i_o sudden_o feel_v this_o word_n to_o sound_v in_o my_o heart_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n at_o this_o my_o former_a darkness_n and_o atheism_n flee_v away_o and_o the_o bless_a thing_n of_o heaven_n be_v set_v within_o my_o view_n while_o i_o be_v on_o this_o sudden_a thus_o overtake_v with_o surprise_n wife_n say_v i_o be_v there_o ever_o a_o such_o scripture_n i_o must_v go_v to_o jesus_n she_o say_v she_o can_v not_o tell_v therefore_o i_o sit_v muse_v still_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v remember_v such_o a_o place_n i_o have_v not_o sit_v above_o two_o or_o three_o minute_n but_o that_o come_v bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o withal_o hebrew_n the_o twelve_o about_o the_o mount_n zion_n be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n 216._o then_o with_o joy_n i_o tell_v my_o wife_n o_o now_o i_o know_v i_o know_v but_o that_o night_n be_v a_o good_a night_n to_o i_o i_o never_o have_v but_o few_o better_a i_o long_v for_o the_o company_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n that_o i_o may_v have_v impart_v unto_o they_o what_o god_n have_v show_v i_o christ_n be_v a_o precious_a christ_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o night_n i_o can_v scarce_o lie_v in_o my_o bed_n for_o joy_n and_o peace_n and_o triumph_n through_o christ_n this_o great_a glory_n do_v not_o continue_v upon_o i_o until_o morning_n yet_o that_o twelve_o of_o the_o author_n to_o the_o hebrews_n heb._n 12.21_o 22_o 23._o be_v a_o bless_a scripture_n to_o i_o for_o many_o day_n together_o after_o this_o 217._o the_o word_n be_v these_o you_o be_v come_v to_o mount_v zion_n to_o the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n to_o the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n and_o to_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n to_o the_o general_a assembly_n and_o church_n of_o the_o first-born_a which_o be_v write_v in_o heaven_n to_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o to_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o to_o jesus_n the_o mediator_n of_o the_o new_a testament_n and_o to_o the_o blood_n of_o sprinkle_v that_o speak_v better_a thing_n than_o that_o of_o abel_n through_o this_o bless_a sentence_n the_o lord_n lead_v i_o over_o and_o over_o first_o to_o this_o word_n and_o then_o to_o that_o and_o show_v i_o wonderful_a glory_n in_o every_o one_o of_o they_o these_o word_n also_o have_v oft_o â—â—nce_v this_o time_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o my_o spirit_n bless_a be_v god_n for_o have_v mercy_n on_o i_o a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n call_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n 218._o and_o now_o i_o be_o speak_v my_o experience_n i_o will_v in_o this_o place_n thrust_v in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o concern_v my_o preach_v the_o word_n and_o of_o god_n deal_v with_o i_o in_o that_o particular_a also_o for_o after_o i_o have_v be_v about_o five_o oâ—_n six_o year_n awaken_v and_o help_v to_o see_v both_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n and_o enable_v to_o venture_v my_o soul_n upon_o he_o some_o of_o the_o most_o able_a among_o the_o saint_n with_o we_o i_o say_v the_o most_o able_a for_o judgement_n and_o holiness_n of_o life_n as_o they_o conceive_v do_v perceive_v that_o god_n have_v count_v i_o worthy_a to_o understand_v something_o of_o his_o will_n in_o his_o holy_a and_o bless_a word_n and_o have_v give_v i_o utterance_n in_o some_o measure_n to_o express_v what_o i_o see_v to_o other_o for_o edification_n they_o desire_v i_o and_o tâ—at_a with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o i_o will_v be_v willing_a at_o sometime_o to_o take_v in_o hand_n in_o one_o of_o the_o meeting_n to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o exhortation_n unto_o they_o 219._o the_o which_o though_o at_o the_o first_o it_o do_v much_o dash_n and_o abash_v my_o spirit_n yet_o be_v still_o by_o they_o desire_v and_o entreat_v i_o consent_v to_o their_o request_n and_o do_v twice_o at_o two_o several_a assembly_n but_o in_o private_a though_o with_o much_o weakness_n and_o infirmity_n discover_v my_o gift_n among_o they_o at_o which_o they_o not_o only_o seem_v to_o be_v but_o do_v solemn_o protest_v as_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o great_a god_n they_o be_v both_o affect_v and_o comfort_v and_o give_v thanks_o to_o the_o father_n of_o mercy_n for_o the_o grace_n bestow_v on_o i_o 220._o after_o this_o sometime_o when_o some_o of_o they_o do_v go_v into_o the_o country_n to_o teach_v tâ—ey_n will_v also_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v with_o they_o where_o though_o as_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o make_v use_n of_o my_o gift_n in_o a_o open_a way_n yet_o moâ—e_n private_o still_o as_o i_o come_v among_o the_o good_a people_n in_o those_o place_n i_o do_v sometime_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o admonition_n unto_o they_o also_o the_o which_o they_o as_o the_o other_o receive_v with_o rejoice_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o me-ward_n profess_v their_o soul_n be_v edify_v thereby_o 221._o wherefore_o to_o be_v brief_a at_o last_o be_v still_o desire_v by_o the_o church_n after_o some_o solemn_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n with_o fast_v i_o be_v more_o particular_o call_v forth_o and_o appoint_v to_o a_o more_o ordinary_a and_o public_a preach_v the_o word_n not_o only_o to_o and_o among_o they_o that_o believe_v but_o also_o to_o offer_v the_o gospel_n â—o_o those_o that_o have_v not_o yet_o â—eceived_v the_o faith_n thereof_o about_o which_o time_n i_o do_v evident_o find_v in_o my_o mind_n a_o secret_a prick_n forward_o thereto_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n not_o for_o desire_v of_o vain_a glory_n for_o at_o that_o time_n i_o be_v most_o sore_o afflict_v with_o â—he_n fiery_a dart_n of_o the_o devil_n concern_v my_o eternal_a state_n 222._o but_o yet_o can_v not_o be_v content_a unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o the_o exercise_n of_o my_o gift_n unto_o which_o also_o i_o be_v great_o animate_v not_o only_o by_o the_o continual_a desire_n of_o the_o godly_a but_o also_o by_o that_o say_n of_o paul_n to_o the_o corinthian_n i_o beseech_v you_o brethren_n you_o know_v the_o household_n of_o stephanas_n that_o it_o be_v the_o firsâ—_o fruit_n of_o achaia_n and_o that_o they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o you_o submit_v yourselves_o unto_o such_o and_o to_o every_o one_o that_o help_v with_o we_o and_o labour_v 1_o cor._n 16.15_o 16._o 223._o by_o this_o text_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o the_o holy_a ghost_n never_o intend_v that_o man_n who_o have_v gift_n and_o ability_n shall_v bury_v they_o in_o the_o earth_n but_o rather_o do_v command_n and_o stir_v up_o such_o to_o the_o exercise_n of_o their_o gift_n and_o also_o do_v commend_v those_o that_o be_v apt_a and_o ready_a so_o to_o do_v they_o have_v addict_v themselves_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o scripture_n in_o these_o day_n do_v continual_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o encourage_v i_o and_o strengthen_v i_o in_o this_o my_o work_n foâ—_n god_n i_o have_v be_v also_o encourage_v from_o several_a other_o scripture_n and_o example_n of_o the_o godly_a both_o specify_v in_o the_o word_n and_o other_o ancient_a history_n act._n 8.4_o &_o 18·24_n 25_o etc._n etc._n 1_o pet._n 4.10_o rom._n 12.6_o fox_n act_n and_o mon._n 224._o wherefore_o though_o of_o myself_o of_o all_o the_o saint_n the_o most_o unworthy_a yet_o i_o but_o with_o great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a at_o the_o sight_n of_o my_o own_o weakness_n do_v set_v upon_o the_o work_n and_o do_v according_a to_o my_o gift_n and_o the_o proportion_n of_o my_o faith_n preach_v that_o bless_a gospel_n that_o god_n have_v show_v i_o in_o the_o holy_a word_n of_o truth_n which_o when_o the_o country_n understand_v they_o come_v in_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n by_o hundred_o and_o that_o from_o all_o part_n though_o upon_o sundry_a and_o divers_a account_n 225._o and_o i_o thank_v god_n he_o give_v unto_o i_o some_o measure_n of_o bowel_n and_o pity_n for_o their_o soul_n which_o also_o do_v put_v i_o forward_o to_o labour_v with_o great_a diligence_n and_o earnestness_n to_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o might_n if_o god_n will_v bless_v lay_v hold_v of_o and_o awaken_v the_o conscience_n in_o which_o also_o the_o good_a lord_n have_v respect_n to_o the_o desire_n of_o his_o
269._o but_o yet_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n be_v keep_v out_o of_o my_o sight_n and_o still_o the_o tempter_n follow_v i_o with_o but_o whither_o must_v you_o go_v when_o you_o die_v what_o will_v become_v of_o you_o whâ—re_o will_v you_o be_v find_v in_o â—nother_n world_n what_o evidence_n have_v you_o for_o heaven_n and_o gloâ—y_n and_o a_o inheritance_n aâ—ong_v they_o that_o be_v sanctify_v thus_o be_v i_o toss_v for_o many_o week_n and_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v at_o last_o this_o consideration_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o the_o word_n and_o way_n of_o gâ—d_n that_o i_o be_v in_o this_o condition_n wherefore_o i_o be_v engage_v nor_o to_o flinch_v a_o hair_n breadth_n from_o it_o 270_o i_o think_v also_o that_o god_n may_v choose_v whether_o he_o will_v give_v i_o comfort_v now_o or_o at_o the_o hour_n of_o death_n but_o i_o may_v not_o therefore_o choose_v whetheâ—_n i_o will_v hold_v my_o profession_n or_o no_o i_o be_v bind_v but_o he_o be_v free_a yea_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o stand_v to_o his_o word_n whether_o he_o will_v ever_o look_v upon_o i_o or_o no_o or_o save_v i_o aâ—_n the_o last_o wherefore_o think_v i_o the_o point_n be_v thus_o i_o be_o for_o go_v on_o and_o venture_v my_o eternal_a state_n with_o christ_n whether_o i_o have_v comfort_n here_o or_o no_o if_o god_n do_v not_o come_v in_o think_v i_o i_o will_v leap_v off_o the_o ladder_n even_o blindfold_a into_o eternity_n sinâ—_n or_o swim_v come_v heaven_n come_v hell_n lord_n jesus_n if_o thou_o will_v catch_v i_o do_v i_o will_v venture_v for_o thy_o name_n 271._o i_o be_v no_o sooâ—er_o fix_v upon_o this_o resolution_n but_o that_o word_n drop_v upon_o i_o do_v job_n serve_v god_n for_o no_o â—ight_n as_o if_o the_o accuser_n have_v say_v lord_n job_n be_v no_o upright_a man_n he_o serve_v thou_o for_o by_o respect_n have_v thou_o not_o make_v a_o hedge_n about_o he_o etc._n etc._n but_o put_v forth_o now_o thy_o hand_n and_o touch_v all_o that_o he_o have_v â—nd_v he_o will_v curse_v thou_o to_o thy_o face_n how_o now_o thoughtâ—_n be_v this_o the_o sign_n of_o a_o upright_a souâ—_n to_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n when_o all_o be_v take_v from_o he_o be_v he_o a_o godly_a man_n that_o will_v serve_v god_n for_o nothing_o raâ—her_o then_o give_v out_o bless_a be_v god_n than_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v aâ—_n upright_a heart_n for_o i_o be_o resolve_v god_n give_v i_o strength_n neveâ—_n to_o deny_v my_o profession_n though_o i_o have_v nothing_o at_o all_o for_o my_o pain_n anâ—_n as_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v that_o scripture_n be_v set_v before_o i_o psa._n 44.12_o etc._n etc._n 272._o now_o be_v my_o heart_n full_a of_o comfort_n for_o i_o hope_v it_o wâ—s_v sincere_a i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v without_o this_o trial_n for_o much_o i_o be_o comfort_v every_o time_n i_o think_v of_o it_o and_o i_o hope_v shall_v bless_v god_n for_o ever_o for_o the_o teach_n i_o have_v have_v by_o it_o many_o more_o of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o may_v relate_v but_o these_o out_o of_o the_o spoil_n woâ—_n in_o battle_n have_v i_o dedicate_v to_o maintain_v the_o house_n of_o god_n 1_o chron._n 26.27_o the_o conclusion_n 1._o of_o all_o the_o temptation_n that_o ever_o i_o meet_v with_o in_o my_o life_n to_o question_v the_o be_v and_o truth_n of_o the_o godspel_n iâ—_n the_o worst_a and_o worst_a to_o be_v bear_v when_o this_o temptation_n come_v it_o take_v away_o my_o girdle_n from_o i_o and_o remove_v thâ—â—oundation_n from_o under_o i_o o_o i_o have_v often_o think_v of_o that_o word_n have_v your_o loynd_v gird_v about_o with_o truth_n and_o of_o that_o when_o the_o foundation_n be_v destroy_v what_o can_v the_o righteous_a do_v 2._o i_o have_v wonder_v much_o at_o this_o one_o thing_n that_o though_o god_n do_v â—isit_v my_o soul_n with_o never_o so_o bless_v a_o discovery_n of_o himself_o yet_o i_o 〈◊〉_d find_v again_o that_o such_o hour_n have_v attend_v i_o afterward_o that_o i_o have_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n so_o fill_v with_o darkness_n that_o i_o can_v not_o so_o much_o as_o once_o conceive_v what_o that_o god_n and_o that_o comfort_n be_v with_o which_o i_o have_v be_v refresh_v 3._o i_o have_v sometime_o seeâ—_n more_o in_o a_o line_n of_o the_o bible_n than_o i_o can_v well_o tell_v how_o to_o stand_v under_o &_o yet_o at_o another_o time_n the_o whole_a bible_n have_v be_v to_o i_o as_o dry_a as_o a_o stick_n or_o ratâ—er_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o dead_a and_o dry_a unto_o it_o that_o i_o can_v not_o conceive_v the_o least_o dram_n of_o refreshment_n though_o i_o have_v look_v it_o over_o 4._o of_o all_o tear_n theâ—_n be_v the_o best_a that_o be_v make_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o of_o all_o joy_n that_o be_v the_o sweet_a that_o be_v mix_v with_o mourning_n over_o chriâ—â—_n o_o it_o be_v a_o goodly_a thing_n to_o be_v on_o our_o knee_n with_o châ—ist_n in_o our_o arm_n before_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o know_v something_o of_o these_o thing_n 5._o i_o find_v to_o thâ—s_n day_n seven_o abomination_n in_o my_o heart_n 1._o in_o clining_n to_o unbelief_n 2._o sudden_o to_o forget_v the_o loâ—e_n and_o mercy_n that_o christ_n manifest_v 3._o a_o lean_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n 4._o wander_n and_o coldness_n n_o prayer_n 5._o to_o forget_v to_o watch_v for_o that_o i_o pray_v for_o 6._o apt_a to_o murmur_v bâ—cause_fw-mi i_o have_v no_o more_o and_o yet_o ready_a to_o abuse_v what_o i_o have_v 7_o i_o can_v do_v none_o of_o thâ—se_a thing_n which_o god_n command_v i_o but_o my_o corruption_n will_v thrust_v in_o themselves_o when_o i_o will_v do_v good_a evil_a be_v present_a with_o i_o 6._o these_o thing_n i_o continual_o see_v and_o feel_v and_o be_o afflict_v and_o oppress_v with_o yet_o the_o wisdom_n of_o god_n doâ—h_v order_n theâ—_n for_o my_o good_a 1._o they_o make_v i_o abhor_v myself_o 2._o they_o keep_v i_o from_o trust_v my_o heart_n 3._o they_o convince_v i_o of_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o all_o inherent_a righteousness_n 4._o they_o show_v i_o the_o necessity_n of_o flee_v to_o jesus_n 5._o they_o presâ—_n i_o to_o pray_v unto_o god_n 6._o they_o show_v i_o the_o need_v â—_o have_v to_o watch_v and_o be_v sober_a 7._o and_o provoke_v i_o to_o look_v to_o god_n through_o christ_n to_o help_v i_o and_o carry_v i_o through_o this_o world_n amen_n finis_fw-la
yea_o it_o be_v so_o fix_v on_o eternity_n and_o on_o the_o thing_n about_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n that_o be_v so_o far_o as_o i_o know_v though_o as_o yet_o god_n know_v i_o know_v but_o little_a that_o neither_o pleasure_n nor_o profit_n nor_o persuasion_n nor_o threat_n can_v loosen_v it_o or_o make_v it_o let_v go_v its_o hold_n and_o though_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o with_o shame_n yet_o it_o be_v in_o very_a deed_n a_o certain_a truth_n it_o will_v then_o have_v be_v as_o difficult_a for_o i_o to_o have_v take_v my_o mind_n from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n as_o i_o have_v find_v it_o often_o since_o to_o get_v it_o again_o from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n 34._o and_o now_o i_o think_v i_o begin_v to_o look_v into_o the_o bible_n with_o new_a eye_n and_o read_v as_o i_o never_o do_v before_o and_o especial_o the_o epistle_n of_o the_o apostle_n paul_n be_v sweet_a and_o pleasant_a to_o i_o and_o indeed_o i_o be_v then_o never_o out_o of_o the_o bible_n either_o by_o read_v or_o meditation_n still_o cry_v out_o to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v know_v the_o truth_n and_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o glory_n 35._o and_o as_o i_o go_v on_o and_o read_v i_o light_v on_o that_o passage_n to_o one_o be_v give_v by_o the_o spirit_n the_o word_n of_o wisdom_n to_o another_o the_o word_n of_o knowledge_n by_o the_o same_o spirit_n and_o to_o another_o faith_n etc._n etc._n 1_o cor._n 12._o and_o though_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v that_o by_o this_o scripture_n the_o holy_a ghost_n intend_v in_o special_a thing_n extraordinary_a yet_o on_o i_o it_o then_o do_v fasten_v with_o conviction_n that_o i_o do_v want_v thing_n ordinary_a even_o that_o understanding_n and_o wisdom_n that_o other_o christian_n have_v on_o this_o word_n i_o muse_v and_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o fear_v it_o shut_v i_o out_o of_o all_o the_o blessing_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v give_v they_o of_o god_n but_o i_o be_v loath_a to_o conclude_v i_o have_v no_o faith_n in_o my_o soul_n for_o if_o i_o do_v so_o think_v i_o than_o i_o shall_v count_v myself_o a_o very_a castaway_n indeed_o 36._o no_o say_v i_o with_o myself_o though_o i_o be_o convince_v that_o i_o be_o a_o ignorant_a sot_n and_o that_o i_o want_v those_o bless_a gift_n of_o knowledge_n and_o understanding_n that_o other_o good_a people_n have_v yet_o at_o a_o venture_n i_o will_v conclude_v i_o be_o not_o altogether_o faithless_a though_o i_o know_v not_o what_o faith_n be_v for_o it_o be_v show_v i_o and_o that_o too_o as_o i_o have_v since_o see_v by_o satan_n that_o those_o who_o conclude_v themselves_o in_o a_o faithless_a state_n have_v neither_o rest_n nor_o quiet_a in_o their_o soul_n and_o â—_o be_v loath_a to_o fall_v quite_o into_o despair_n 37._o wherefore_o by_o this_o suggestion_n i_o be_v for_o a_o while_o make_v afraid_a to_o see_v my_o want_n of_o faith_n but_o god_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o thus_o to_o undo_v and_o destroy_v my_o soul_n but_o do_v continual_o against_o this_o my_o blind_a and_o sad_a conclusion_n create_v still_o within_o i_o such_o supposition_n that_o i_o may_v in_o this_o deceive_v myself_o that_o i_o can_v not_o rest_v conâ—ent_a until_o i_o do_v now_o come_v to_o some_o certain_a knowledge_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no_o this_o always_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n but_o how_o if_o you_o want_v faith_n indeed_o but_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v you_o have_v faith_n 38._o so_o that_o though_o i_o endeavour_v at_o the_o first_o to_o look_v over_o the_o business_n of_o faith_n yet_o in_o a_o little_a time_n i_o better_o consider_v the_o matter_n be_v willing_a to_o put_v myself_o upon_o the_o trial_n whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no._n but_o alas_o poor_a wretch_n so_o ignorant_a and_o brutish_a be_v i_o that_o i_o know_v to_o this_o day_n no_o more_o how_o to_o do_v it_o than_o i_o know_v how_o to_o begin_v and_o accomplish_v that_o rare_a and_o curious_a piece_n of_o art_n which_o i_o never_o yet_o see_v nor_o consider_v 39_o wherefore_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v and_o be_v put_v to_o my_o plunge_n about_o it_o for_o you_o must_v know_v that_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v in_o this_o matter_n break_v my_o mind_n to_o no_o man_n only_o do_v hear_v and_o consider_v the_o tempter_n come_v in_o with_o this_o delusion_n that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n for_o i_o to_o know_v i_o have_v faith_n but_o by_o try_v to_o work_v some_o miracle_n urge_v those_o scripture_n that_o seem_v to_o look_v that_o way_n for_o the_o enforce_a and_o strengthen_v his_o temptation_n nay_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v betwixt_o elstow_n and_o bedford_n the_o temptation_n be_v hot_a upon_o i_o to_o try_v if_o i_o have_v faith_n by_o do_v of_o some_o miracle_n which_o miracle_n at_o that_o time_n be_v this_o i_o must_v say_v to_o the_o puddle_n that_o be_v in_o the_o horse_n pad_n be_v dry_a and_o to_o the_o dry_a place_n be_v you_o the_o puddle_n and_o true_o one_o time_n i_o be_v a_o go_v to_o say_v so_o indeed_o but_o just_a as_o i_o be_v about_o to_o speak_v this_o thought_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n but_o go_v under_o yonder_o hedge_n and_o pray_v first_o that_o god_n will_v make_v you_o able_a but_o when_o i_o have_v conclude_v to_o pray_v this_o come_v hot_a upon_o i_o that_o if_o i_o pray_v and_o come_v again_o and_o try_v to_o do_v it_o and_o yet_o do_v nothing_o notwithstanding_o than_o besure_n i_o have_v no_o faith_n but_o be_v a_o castaway_n and_o lose_v nay_o think_v i_o if_o it_o be_v so_o i_o will_v never_o try_v yet_o but_o will_v stay_v a_o little_a long_o 40._o so_o i_o continue_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n for_o i_o think_v if_o they_o only_o have_v faith_n which_o can_v do_v such_o wonderful_a thing_n than_o i_o conclude_v that_o for_o the_o present_a i_o neither_o have_v it_o nor_o yet_o for_o time_n to_o come_v be_v ever_o like_a to_o have_v it_o thus_o i_o be_v toss_v betwixt_o the_o devil_n and_o my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o so_o perplex_v especial_o at_o some_o time_n that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v 41._o about_o this_o time_n the_o state_n and_o happiness_n of_o these_o poor_a people_n at_o bedford_n be_v thus_o in_o a_o dream_n or_o vision_n represent_v to_o i_o i_o see_v as_o if_o they_o be_v set_v on_o the_o sunny_a side_n of_o some_o high_a mountain_n there_o refresh_v themselves_o with_o the_o pleasant_a beam_n of_o the_o sun_n while_o i_o be_v shiver_v and_o shrink_v in_o the_o cold_a afflict_v with_o frost_n snow_n and_o dark_a cloud_n methinks_v also_o betwixt_o i_o and_o they_o i_o see_v a_o wall_n that_o do_v compass_v about_o this_o mountain_n now_o through_o this_o wall_n my_o soul_n do_v great_o desire_v to_o pass_v conclude_v that_o if_o i_o can_v i_o will_v go_v even_o into_o the_o very_a midst_n of_o they_o and_o there_o also_o comfort_v myself_o with_o the_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 42._o about_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v myself_o to_o go_v again_o and_o again_o still_o pry_v as_o i_o go_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v some_o way_n or_o passage_n by_o which_o i_o may_v enter_v therein_o but_o none_o can_v i_o find_v for_o some_o time_n at_o the_o last_o i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v a_o narrow_a gap_n like_o a_o little_a door-way_n in_o the_o wall_n through_o which_o i_o attempt_v to_o pass_v but_o the_o passage_n be_v very_o straight_o and_o narrow_a i_o make_v many_o offer_n to_o get_v in_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a even_o until_o i_o be_v well_o nigh_o quite_o beat_v out_o by_o strive_v to_o get_v in_o at_o last_o with_o great_a strive_v i_o think_v i_o at_o first_o do_v get_v in_o my_o head_n &_o after_o that_o by_o a_o side-ling_n strive_v my_o shoulder_n and_o my_o whole_a body_n then_o be_v i_o exceed_o glad_a and_o go_v and_o sit_v down_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o and_o so_o be_v comfort_v with_o the_o light_n and_o heat_n of_o their_o sun_n 43._o now_o this_o mountain_n and_o wall_n etc._n etc._n be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o the_o mountain_n signify_v the_o church_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o sun_n that_o shine_v thereon_o the_o comfortable_a shine_a of_o his_o merciful_a face_n on_o they_o â—hat_n be_v therein_o the_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v the_o word_n â—hat_n do_v make_v separation_n between_o the_o christian_n â—nd_v the_o world_n and_o the_o gap_n which_o be_v in_o this_o wall_n i_o think_v be_v jesus_n christ_n who_o be_v the_o way_n â—o_o god_n the_o father_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o the_o passage_n be_v wonderful_a narrow_a even_o so_o narrow_a that_o iâ—ould_v â—ould_z not_o but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n enter_v in_o thereâ—t_fw-la it_o
with_o such_o conceit_n as_o these_o i_o shall_v think_v that_o god_n do_v mock_v at_o these_o my_o prayer_n say_v and_o that_o in_o the_o audience_n of_o the_o holy_a angel_n this_o poor_a simple_a wretch_n do_v hanker_v after_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o my_o mercy_n but_o to_o bestow_v it_o on_o such_o as_o he_o alas_o poor_a fool_n how_o be_v thou_o deceive_v it_o be_v not_o for_o such_o as_o thou_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o the_o high_a 90._o then_o have_v the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o also_o with_o such_o discouragement_n as_o these_o you_o be_v very_o hot_a for_o mercy_n but_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o this_o frame_n shall_v not_o last_v always_o many_o have_v be_v as_o hot_a as_o you_o for_o a_o spirit_n but_o i_o have_v quench_v their_o zeal_n and_o with_o this_o such_o and_o such_o who_o be_v fall_v off_o will_v be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n than_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v do_v so_o too_o but_o think_v i_o i_o be_o glad_a this_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n well_o i_o will_v watch_v and_o take_v what_o heed_n i_o can_v though_o you_o do_v say_v satan_n i_o shall_v be_v too_o hard_a for_o you_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o insensible_o by_o degree_n by_o little_a and_o little_a what_o care_v i_o say_v he_o though_o i_o be_v seven_o year_n in_o chill_v your_o heart_n if_o i_o can_v do_v it_o at_o last_o continual_a rock_n will_v lull_v a_o cry_a child_n asleep_o i_o will_v ply_v it_o close_o but_o i_o will_v have_v my_o end_n accomplish_v though_o you_o be_v burn_v hot_a at_o present_a yet_o if_o i_o can_v pull_v you_o from_o this_o fire_n i_o shall_v have_v you_o cold_a before_o it_o be_v long_o these_o thing_n bring_v i_o into_o great_a straits_n for_o as_o i_o at_o present_a can_v not_o find_v myself_o fit_a for_o present_a death_n so_o i_o think_v to_o live_v long_o will_v make_v i_o yet_o more_o unfit_a for_o time_n will_v make_v i_o forget_v all_o and_o wear_v even_o the_o remembrance_n of_o the_o evil_a of_o sin_n the_o worth_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o need_v i_o have_v of_o the_o blood_n of_o châ—ist_n to_o wash_v i_o both_o out_o of_o mind_n and_o thought_n but_o i_o thank_v christ_n jesus_n these_o thing_n do_v not_o at_o present_a make_v i_o slack_v my_o cry_n but_o rather_o do_v put_v i_o more_o upon_o it_o like_o she_o who_o meet_v with_o the_o adulterer_n deut._n 22.25_o in_o which_o day_n that_o be_v a_o good_a word_n to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v suffer_v these_o thing_n a_o while_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o neither_o death_n nor_o life_n etc._n etc._n shall_v separate_v we_o from_o the_o love_n of_o god_n which_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 8.38_o and_o now_o i_o hope_v long_a life_n shall_v not_o destroy_v i_o nor_o make_v i_o miss_v of_o heaven_n 91._o yet_o i_o have_v some_o support_n in_o this_o temptation_n though_o they_o be_v then_o all_o question_v by_o i_o that_o in_o the_o three_o of_o jeremiah_n at_o the_o fiâ—st_n be_v something_o to_o i_o and_o so_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o the_o five_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n that_o though_o we_o have_v speak_v and_o do_v evil_a thing_n as_o we_o can_v yet_o we_o shall_v cry_v unto_o god_n my_o father_n thou_o be_v the_o guide_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o shall_v return_v unto_o he_o 92._o i_o have_v also_o once_o a_o sweet_a glance_n from_o that_o in_o â—_o cor._n 5.21_o for_o he_o have_v make_v he_o to_o be_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o i_o remember_v also_o that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v in_o a_o neighbour_n house_n and_o there_o very_o sad_a at_o the_o consideration_n of_o my_o many_o blasphemy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o my_o mind_n what_o ground_n have_v i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o who_o have_v be_v so_o vile_a and_o abominable_a shall_v ever_o inherit_v eternal_a life_n that_o word_n come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v to_o these_o thing_n if_o god_n be_v for_o we_o who_o can_v be_v against_o we_o rom._n 8.31_o that_o also_o be_v a_o help_n unto_o i_o because_o i_o live_v you_o shall_v live_v also_o joh._n 14.19_o but_o these_o be_v but_o hint_n touch_n and_o short_a visit_n though_o very_o sweet_a when_o present_a only_o they_o last_v not_o but_o like_a to_o peter_n sheet_n of_o a_o sudden_a be_v catch_v up_o from_o i_o to_o heaven_n again_o act._n 10.16_o 93._o but_o afterward_o the_o lord_n do_v more_o full_o and_o gracious_o discover_v himself_o unto_o i_o and_o indeed_o do_v quite_o not_o only_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o guilt_n that_o by_o these_o thing_n be_v lay_v upon_o my_o conscience_n but_o also_o from_o the_o very_a filth_n thereof_o for_o the_o temptation_n be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v put_v into_o my_o right_a mind_n again_o as_o other_o christian_n be_v 94._o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v travel_v into_o the_o country_n and_o muse_v on_o the_o wickedness_n and_o blasphemy_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o consider_v of_o the_o enmity_n that_o be_v in_o i_o to_o god_n that_o scripture_n come_v in_o my_o mind_n he_o have_v make_v peace_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o cross_n col._n 1.20_o by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v both_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o that_o day_n that_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v friend_n by_o this_o blood_n yea_o i_o see_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n and_o my_o sinful_a soul_n can_v embrace_v and_o kiss_v each_o other_o through_o this_o blood_n thiâ—_n be_v a_o good_a day_n to_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v not_o forget_v it_o 95._o at_o another_o time_n as_o i_o be_v set_v by_o the_o fiâ—e_n in_o my_o house_n and_o muse_v on_o my_o wretchedness_n the_o lord_n make_v that_o also_o a_o precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o as_o much_o then_o as_o the_o child_n be_v partaker_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n he_o also_o himself_o likewise_o take_v part_n of_o thâ—_n same_o that_o through_o death_n he_o may_v destroy_v he_o that_o have_v the_o power_n of_o death_n that_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o deliver_v those_o who_o through_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v all_o their_o life_n time_n subject_a to_o bondage_n heb._n 2.14_o 15._o i_o think_v that_o the_o glory_n of_o these_o word_n be_v then_o so_o weighty_a on_o i_o that_o i_o be_v both_o once_o and_o twice_o ready_a to_o swoon_v as_o i_o sit_v yet_o not_o with_o grief_n and_o trouble_n but_o with_o solid_a joy_n and_o peace_n 96._o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o sit_v under_o the_o ministry_n of_o holy_a mr._n gifford_n who_o doctrine_n by_o god_n grace_n be_v much_o for_o my_o stability_n this_o man_n make_v it_o much_o his_o business_n to_o deliver_v the_o people_n of_o god_n from_o all_o those_o false_a and_o unsound_a rest_n that_o by_o nature_n we_o be_v prone_a to_o take_v and_o make_v to_o our_o soul_n he_o press_v we_o to_o take_v special_a heed_n that_o we_o take_v not_o up_o any_o truth_n upon_o trust_n as_o from_o this_o or_o that_o or_o another_o man_n or_o man_n but_o to_o cry_v mighty_o to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v convince_v we_o of_o the_o reality_n thereof_o and_o set_v we_o down_o therein_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n in_o the_o holy_a word_n for_o say_v he_o if_o you_o do_v otherwise_o when_o temptation_n come_v if_o strong_o you_o not_o have_v receive_v they_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n will_v find_v you_o want_v that_o help_n and_o strength_n now_o to_o resist_v as_o once_o you_o think_v you_o have_v 97._o this_o be_v as_o seasonable_a to_o my_o soul_n as_o the_o former_a and_o latter_a rain_n in_o their_o season_n for_o i_o have_v find_v and_o that_o by_o sad_a experience_n the_o truth_n of_o these_o his_o word_n for_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o man_n can_v say_v especial_o when_o tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v lord_n but_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n wherefore_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n through_o grace_n very_o apt_a to_o drink_v in_o this_o doctrine_n and_o to_o incline_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o in_o nothing_o that_o pertain_v to_o god_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o eternal_a happiness_n he_o will_v suffer_v i_o to_o be_v without_o the_o confirmation_n thereof_o from_o heaven_n for_o now_o i_o see_v clear_o there_o be_v a_o exceed_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o notion_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o the_o revelation_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n also_o a_o great_a difference_n between_o that_o faith_n that_o be_v feign_v and_o according_a to_o man_n wisdom_n and_o of_o that_o which_o come_v by_o a_o man_n be_v bear_v thereto_o of_o god_n mat._n 16.15_o 16._o 1_o john_n 5.1_o 98._o
transgression_n and_o as_o a_o cloud_n thy_o sin_n return_v unto_o i_o fâ—r_o i_o have_v redeem_v thou_o isa._n 44.22_o but_o i_o can_v not_o return_v but_o flee_v though_o at_o some_o time_n it_o cry_v return_v as_o if_o it_o do_v hollow_a after_o i_o for_o i_o fear_v to_o close_v in_o therewith_o lest_o it_o shall_v not_o come_v from_o god_n for_o that_o other_o be_v still_o sound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v etc._n etc._n 132._o all_o this_o while_n my_o life_n hang_v in_o doubt_n before_o i_o not_o know_v which_o way_n i_o shall_v tip_v only_o this_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n desire_n even_o to_o cast_v itself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o grace_n by_o prâ—yer_n and_o supplication_n but_o o_o it_o be_v hard_a for_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o face_n to_o pray_v to_o this_o christ_n for_o mercy_n against_o who_o i_o have_v thus_o most_o vile_o sin_v yet_o i_o know_v this_o must_v be_v the_o way_n for_o mercy_n be_v no_o where_o else_o 133._o which_o when_o the_o tempteâ—_n perceive_v he_o strong_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o ought_v not_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n for_o prayer_n be_v not_o for_o any_o in_o my_o case_n neither_o can_v it_o do_v i_o good_a because_o i_o have_v â—ejected_v the_o mediator_n by_o who_o all_o prayer_n come_v with_o acceptance_n to_o god_n the_o father_n and_o without_o who_o no_o prayer_n can_v come_v into_o his_o presence_n wherefore_o now_o to_o pray_v be_v but_o to_o add_v sin_n to_o sin_n yea_o now_o to_o pray_v see_v god_n have_v cast_v you_o off_o be_v the_o next_o way_n to_o anger_n and_o offend_v he_o more_o than_o ever_o you_o do_v before_o 134._o for_o god_n say_v he_o have_v be_v weary_a of_o you_o for_o these_o several_a year_n already_o because_o you_o aâ—e_v none_o of_o he_o you_o bawl_v in_o his_o ear_n have_v be_v no_o pleasant_a voice_n to_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o let_v you_o sin_v this_o sin_n that_o you_o may_v be_v quite_o cut_v off_o and_o will_v you_o pray_v still_o this_o the_o devil_n urge_v and_o set_v forth_o by_o that_o in_o number_n which_o moses_n say_v to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n that_o because_o they_o will_v not_o go_v up_o to_o possess_v the_o land_n when_o god_n will_v have_v they_o therefore_o for_o ever_o after_o he_o do_v bar_v they_o out_o from_o thence_o though_o they_o pray_v they_o may_v with_o tear_n numb_a 14.36_o 37_o etc._n etc._n 135._o as_o it_o be_v say_v in_o another_o place_n exod._n 21.14_o the_o man_n that_o sin_n presumptuos_o shall_v be_v take_v from_o god_n altar_n that_o he_o may_v die_v even_o as_o joab_n be_v by_o king_n solomon_n when_o he_o think_v to_o find_v shelter_n there_o 1_o king_n 2.27_o 28_o etc._n etc._n these_o place_n do_v pinch_v i_o very_o sore_a yet_o my_o case_n be_v desperate_a i_o think_v with_o myself_o i_o can_v but_o die_v and_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o it_o shall_v once_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o one_o die_v at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n in_o prayer_n this_o i_o do_v but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n god_n do_v know_v for_o still_o that_o say_n about_o esau_n will_v be_v set_v at_o my_o heart_n even_o like_o a_o flame_a sword_n to_o keep_v the_o way_n of_o the_o tree_n of_o life_n lest_o i_o shall_v take_v thereof_o and_o live_v o_o who_o know_v how_o hard_o a_o thing_n i_o find_v it_o to_o come_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n 136._o i_o do_v also_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n for_o i_o but_o i_o fear_v that_o god_n will_v give_v they_o no_o heart_n to_o do_v it_o yea_o i_o tremble_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o think_v that_o some_o or_o other_o of_o they_o short_o will_v tell_v i_o that_o god_n have_v say_v those_o word_n to_o â—hem_n that_o he_o once_o do_v say_v to_o the_o prophet_n concern_v the_o child_n of_o israel_n pray_v not_o for_o this_o people_n for_o i_o have_v reject_v they_o jer._n 11.14_o so_o pray_v not_o for_o he_o for_o i_o have_v reject_v he_o yea_o i_o think_v that_o he_o have_v whisper_v this_o to_o some_o of_o they_o already_o only_o they_o dare_v not_o tell_v i_o so_o neither_o dare_v i_o ask_v they_o of_o it_o for_o fear_v if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o it_o will_v make_v i_o quite_o beside_o myself_o man_n know_v the_o beginning_n of_o sin_n say_v spira_n but_o who_o bound_v the_o issue_n be_v thereof_o 137._o now_o also_o do_v the_o tempter_n begin_v to_o mock_v i_o in_o my_o misery_n say_v that_o see_v i_o have_v thus_o part_v with_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o provoke_v he_o to_o displeasure_n who_o shall_v have_v stand_v between_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o flame_n of_o devour_a fire_n the_o way_n be_v now_o but_o one_o and_o that_o be_v to_o pray_v that_o god_n the_o father_n will_v be_v the_o mediator_n betwixt_o his_o son_n and_o i_o that_o we_o may_v be_v reconcile_v again_o and_o that_o i_o may_v have_v that_o bless_a benefit_n in_o he_o that_o his_o bless_a saint_n enjoy_v 138._o then_o do_v that_o scripture_n seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n he_o be_v of_o one_o mind_n and_o who_o can_v turn_v he_o oh_o i_o see_v it_o be_v as_o easy_a to_o persuade_v he_o to_o make_v a_o new_a world_n a_o new_a covenant_n or_o new_a bible_n beside_o that_o we_o have_v already_o as_o to_o pray_v for_o such_o a_o thing_n this_o be_v to_o persuade_v he_o that_o what_o he_o have_v do_v already_o be_v mere_a folly_n and_o to_o persuade_v with_o he_o to_o alter_v yea_o to_o disannul_v the_o whole_a way_n of_o salvation_n and_o then_o will_v that_o say_v rend_v my_o soul_n asunder_o neither_o be_v there_o salvation_n in_o any_o other_o for_o there_o be_v none_o other_o name_n under_o heaven_n give_v among_o man_n whereby_o we_o must_v be_v save_v act._n 4.12_o 139._o now_o the_o most_o free_a and_o full_a and_o gracious_a word_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o great_a torment_n to_o i_o yea_o nothing_o so_o afflict_v i_o as_o the_o thought_n of_o jesus_n christ_n for_o the_o remembrance_n of_o a_o saviour_n because_o i_o have_v cast_v he_o off_o bring_v both_o the_o villainy_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o loss_n by_o it_o to_o mind_n o_o it_o be_v sad_a to_o be_v destroy_v by_o the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o have_v the_o lamb_n the_o saviour_n turn_v lion_n and_o destroyer_n rev._n 6._o i_o also_o tremble_v at_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n especial_o at_o those_o that_o great_o love_v he_o and_o that_o make_v it_o their_o business_n to_o walk_v continual_o with_o he_o in_o this_o world_n for_o they_o do_v both_o in_o their_o word_n their_o carriage_n and_o all_o their_o expression_n of_o tenderness_n and_o fear_n to_o sin_n against_o their_o precious_a saviour_n condemn_v lay_v guilt_n upon_o and_o also_o add_v continual_a affliction_n and_o shame_n unâ—o_v my_o soul_n 140._o now_o also_o the_o tempter_n begin_v afresh_o to_o mock_v my_o soul_n say_v that_o christ_n indeed_o do_v pity_v my_o case_n and_o be_v sorry_a for_o my_o loss_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o i_o have_v sin_v and_o transgress_v as_o i_o have_v do_v he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n help_v i_o nor_o save_v i_o from_o what_o i_o fear_v for_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o of_o the_o nature_n of_o they_o for_o who_o he_o bleed_v and_o die_v neither_o be_v it_o count_v with_o those_o that_o be_v lay_v to_o his_o charge_n when_o he_o hang_v on_o the_o tree_n therefore_o unless_o he_o shall_v come_v down_o from_o heaven_n and_o die_v anew_o for_o this_o sin_n though_o indeed_o he_o do_v great_o pity_v i_o yet_o i_o can_v have_v no_o benefit_n of_o he_o 141._o but_o o_o how_o this_o will_v add_v to_o my_o affliction_n to_o conceit_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v guilty_a of_o such_o a_o sin_n for_o which_o he_o do_v not_o die_v these_o thought_n will_v so_o confound_v i_o and_o imprison_v i_o and_o tie_v i_o up_o from_o faith_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v but_o oh_o thought_n i_o that_o he_o will_v come_v down_o again_o o_o that_o the_o work_n of_o man_n redemption_n be_v yet_o to_o be_v do_v by_o christ_n how_o will_v i_o pray_v he_o and_o entreat_v he_o to_o count_v and_o reckon_v this_o sin_n among_o the_o rest_n for_o which_o he_o die_v but_o that_o will_v strike_v i_o down_o christ_n be_v raise_v from_o the_o dead_a die_v no_o more_o death_n have_v no_o more_o dominion_n over_o he_o rom._n 6.9_o 142._o thus_o be_v i_o always_o sink_v whatever_o i_o do_v think_v or_o do_v so_o one_o day_n i_o walk_v to_o a_o neighbour_a town_n and_o sit_v down_o upon_o a_o settle_v in_o the_o street_n and_o fall_v into_o a_o
scripture_n forenamed_a in_o thâ—_n hebrew_n will_v be_v set_v before_o i_o as_o the_o only_a sentence_n that_o will_v keep_v i_o out_o of_o heaven_n theâ—_n again_o i_o shall_v begin_v to_o repent_v that_o ever_o that_o thought_n go_v through_o i_o i_o shall_v also_o think_v thus_o with_o myself_o why_o how_o many_o scripture_n be_v there_o against_o i_o there_o be_v but_o three_o or_o four_o and_o can_v god_n miss_v they_o and_o save_v i_o for_o all_o they_o sometime_o again_o i_o shall_v think_v o_o if_o it_o weâ—e_v not_o for_o these_o three_o or_o four_o word_n now_o how_o may_v i_o be_v comfort_v and_o i_o can_v hardly_o forbear_v at_o sometime_o but_o to_o wish_v they_o out_o of_o the_o book_n 164._o then_o methinks_v i_o shall_v see_v as_o if_o both_o peter_n and_o paul_n and_o john_n and_o all_o the_o writer_n do_v look_v with_o scorn_n upon_o i_o and_o hold_v i_o in_o derision_n and_o as_o if_o they_o say_v unto_o i_o all_z our_o word_n be_v truth_n one_o of_o as_o much_o force_n â—s_v another_o it_o be_v not_o we_o that_o have_v cut_v you_o off_o but_o you_o have_v cast_v away_o yourself_o there_o be_v none_o of_o our_o sentence_n that_o you_o must_v take_v hold_v upon_o but_o these_o and_o such_o as_o these_o it_o be_v impossible_a there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n heb._n 6._o and_o it_o have_v be_v better_a for_o they_o not_o to_o have_v know_v the_o will_n of_o god_n than_o after_o they_o have_v know_v it_o to_o turn_v from_o the_o holy_a commandment_n deliver_v unto_o they_o heb._n 10._o for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v 2_o pet._n 2.21_o 165._o thus_o be_v i_o confound_v not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v nor_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o this_o question_n whether_o the_o scripture_n can_v agree_v in_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o quake_v at_o the_o apostle_n i_o know_v their_o word_n be_v true_a and_o that_o they_o must_v stand_v for_o ever_o 166._o and_o i_o remember_v one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o divers_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o consider_v that_o these_o frame_n be_v still_o accord_v to_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o several_a scripture_n that_o come_v in_o upon_o my_o mind_n 〈◊〉_d this_o of_o grace_n than_o i_o be_v quiet_a but_o if_o that_o of_o esaâ—_n then_o torment_v lord_n think_v i_o if_o both_o these_o scripture_n will_v meet_v in_o my_o heart_n at_o once_o i_o wonder_v which_o of_o they_o will_v get_v the_o better_a of_o i_o so_o methinks_v i_o have_v a_o long_a mind_n that_o they_o may_v come_v both_o together_o upon_o i_o yea_o i_o desire_v of_o god_n they_o may_v 167._o well_o about_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o so_o they_o do_v indeed_o they_o boulteâ—_n both_o upon_o i_o at_o a_o time_n and_o do_v work_v and_o struggle_v strange_o in_o i_o for_o a_o while_n at_o last_o that_o about_o esau_n birthright_n begin_v to_o wax_v weak_a and_o withdraw_v and_o vanish_v and_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n prevail_v with_o peace_n and_o joy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o muse_n about_o this_o thing_n that_o scripture_n come_v home_o upon_o i_o mercy_n rejoice_v against_o judgement_n 168._o this_o be_v a_o wonderment_n to_o i_o yet_o true_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o think_v it_o be_v of_o god_n for_o the_o word_n of_o the_o law_n and_o wrath_n must_v give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o grace_n because_o though_o the_o word_n of_o condemnation_n be_v glorious_a yet_o the_o word_n of_o life_n and_o salvation_n do_v far_o exceed_v in_o glory_n 2_o cor._n 3.8_o 9_o 10_o 11._o mar._n 9.5_o 6_o 7._o john_n 6.37_o also_o that_o moses_n and_o elias_n must_v both_o vanish_v and_o leave_v christ_n and_o his_o saint_n alone_o 169._o this_o scripture_n also_o do_v now_o most_o sweet_o visit_v my_o soul_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o o_o the_o comfort_n that_o i_o have_v have_v from_o this_o word_n in_o no_o wise_a as_o who_o shall_v say_v by_o no_o mean_n for_o no_o thing_n whatever_o he_o have_v do_v but_o satan_n will_v great_o labour_v â—o_o pull_v this_o promise_n from_o i_o tell_v of_o i_o that_o christ_n do_v not_o mean_v i_o and_o such_o as_o i_o but_o sinner_n of_o a_o low_a rank_n that_o have_v not_o do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o i_o shall_v answer_v he_o again_o satan_n here_o be_v in_o this_o word_n no_o such_o exception_n but_o he_o that_o come_v he_o â—â—ny_v he_o him_z that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o and_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v still_o that_o of_o all_o the_o slight_n that_o satan_n use_v to_o take_v this_o scripture_n from_o i_o yet_o he_o never_o do_v so_o much_o as_o put_v this_o question_n but_o do_v you_o come_v aright_o and_o i_o have_v think_v the_o reason_n be_v because_o he_o think_v i_o know_v full_a well_o what_o come_v be_v for_o i_o see_v that_o to_o come_v aright_o be_v to_o come_v as_o i_o be_v a_o vile_a and_o ungodly_a sinner_n and_o to_o cast_v myself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o mercy_n condemn_v myself_o for_o sin_n if_o ever_o sataâ—_n and_o i_o do_v strive_v for_o any_o word_n it_o be_v for_o this_o in_o john_n he_o pull_v and_o i_o pull_v but_o god_n be_v praise_v i_o get_v some_o sweetness_n from_o it_o 170._o but_o notwithstanding_o all_o these_o help_n and_o bless_a word_n of_o grace_n yet_o that_o of_o esau_n sell_v of_o his_o birthright_n will_v still_o at_o time_n distress_v my_o conscience_n for_o though_o i_o have_v be_v most_o sweet_o comfort_v and_o that_o but_o just_a before_o yet_o when_o that_o come_v into_o mind_n it_o will_v make_v i_o fear_v again_o i_o can_v not_o be_v quite_o rid_v thereof_o it_o will_v every_v day_n be_v with_o i_o wherefore_o now_o i_o go_v another_o way_n to_o woâ—k_v even_o to_o consider_v the_o nature_n of_o this_o blashemous_a thought_n i_o mean_v if_o i_o shall_v take_v the_o word_n at_o the_o large_a and_o give_v they_o their_o own_o natural_a force_n and_o scope_n even_o every_o word_n therein_o so_o when_o i_o have_v thus_o consider_v i_o find_v that_o if_o they_o be_v fair_o take_v they_o will_v amount_v to_o this_o that_o i_o have_v free_o leave_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n to_o his_o choice_n whether_o he_o will_v be_v my_o saviour_n or_o no_o for_o the_o wicked_a word_n be_v these_o let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_n then_o that_o scripture_n give_v i_o hope_n i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o heb._n 13.5_o o_o lord_n say_v i_o but_o i_o have_v leave_v thou_o than_o it_o answer_v again_o but_o i_o will_v not_o leave_v thou_o for_o this_o i_o thank_v god_n alâ—o_o 171._o yet_o i_o be_v grievous_a afraid_a he_o shall_v and_o find_v it_o exceed_v hard_o to_o trust_v he_o see_v i_o hâ—d_v so_o offend_v he_o i_o can_v have_v be_v excee_v glad_a that_o this_o thought_n have_v never_o be_v fall_v foâ—_n than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v with_o more_o ease_n and_o freedom_n abundance_n have_v lean_v upon_o his_o grace_n i_o see_v it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o it_o be_v with_o joseph_n brother_n the_o guilt_n of_o their_o own_o wickedness_n do_v often_o fill_v they_o with_o fear_n that_o their_o brother_n will_v at_o last_o despise_v they_o gen._n 50.15_o 16_o 17_o 18._o 172._o but_o above_o all_o the_o scripture_n that_o yet_o i_o do_v meet_v with_o that_o in_o the_o twenty_o of_o joshua_n be_v the_o great_a comfort_n to_o i_o which_o speak_v of_o the_o slayer_n that_o be_v to_o fly_v for_o refuge_n and_o if_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v the_o slayer_n then_o say_v moses_n they_o that_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n shall_v not_o deliver_v he_o into_o his_o hand_n because_o he_o smite_v his_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o o_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o this_o word_n i_o be_v convince_v that_o i_o be_v the_o slayer_n and_o tâ—at_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n pursue_v i_o that_o i_o feel_v with_o great_a terror_n only_o now_o it_o remain_v that_o i_o inquire_v whether_o i_o have_v â—ight_a to_o enter_v the_o city_n of_o refuge_n so_o i_o find_v that_o he_o must_v not_o who_o lie_v in_o wait_n to_o shed_v blood_n but_o he_o who_o unwitting_o or_o that_o do_v unawar_n shed_v blood_n even_o he_o who_o do_v not_o hate_v his_o neighbour_n before_o wherefore_o 173._o i_o think_v very_o i_o be_v the_o man_n that_o must_v enter_v for_o because_o i_o have_v smite_v my_o neighbour_n unwitting_o and_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o i_o hate_v he_o not_o afore-time_o no_o i_o pray_v unto_o he_o be_v tender_a of_o sin_v against_o he_o yea_o and_o against_o this_o wicked_a temptation_n i_o
this_o sentence_n fall_v upon_o my_o soul_n thy_o righteousness_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o methinks_v withal_o i_o see_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n jesus_n christ_n at_o god_n right_a hand_n there_o i_o say_v as_o my_o righteousness_n so_o that_o wherever_o i_o be_v or_o whatever_o i_o be_v a_o do_v god_n can_v not_o say_v of_o i_o he_o want_v my_o righteousness_n for_o that_o be_v just_a before_o he_o i_o also_o see_v moreover_o that_o it_o be_v not_o my_o good_a frame_n of_o heart_n that_o make_v my_o righteousness_n better_o nor_o yet_o my_o bad_a frame_n that_o make_v my_o righteousness_n worse_o for_o my_o righteousness_n be_v jesus_n christ_n himself_o the_o same_o yesterday_o to_o day_n and_o for_o ever_o heb._n 13.8_o 184._o now_o do_v my_o chain_n fall_v off_o my_o leg_n indeed_o i_o be_v loose_v from_o my_o affliction_n and_o iron_n my_o temptation_n also_o flee_v away_o so_o that_o from_o that_o time_n those_o dreadful_a scripture_n of_o god_n leave_v off_o to_o trouble_v i_o now_o go_v i_o also_o home_n rejoice_v for_o the_o grace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n so_o when_o i_o care_v home_o i_o look_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o sentence_n thy_o righteousness_n be_v in_o heaven_n but_o can_v not_o find_v such_o a_o say_v wherefore_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o sink_v again_o only_o that_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n he_o be_v make_v unto_o we_o of_o god_n wisdom_n righteousness_n sanctification_n and_o redemption_n by_o this_o word_n i_o see_v the_o other_o sentence_n true_a 185._o for_o by_o this_o scripture_n i_o see_v that_o the_o man_n christ_n jesus_n as_o he_o be_v distinct_a from_o we_o as_o touch_v his_o bodily_a presence_n so_o he_o be_v our_o righteousness_n and_o sanctification_n before_o god_n here_o therefore_o i_o live_v for_o some_o time_n very_o sweet_o at_o peace_n with_o god_n through_o christ_n o_o methinks_v christ_n christ_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o christ_n that_o be_v before_o my_o eye_n i_o be_v not_o now_o only_o for_o look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o benefit_n of_o christ_n apart_o as_o of_o his_o blood_n burial_n or_o resurrection_n but_o consider_v he_o as_o whole_a christ_n as_o he_o in_o who_o all_o these_o and_o all_o his_o other_o virtue_n relation_n office_n and_o operation_n meet_v together_o and_o that_o on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n 186._o it_o be_v glorious_a to_o i_o to_o see_v his_o exaltation_n and_o the_o worth_n and_o prevalencie_n of_o all_o his_o benefit_n and_o that_o because_o of_o this_o now_o i_o can_v look_v from_o myself_o to_o he_o and_o shall_v reckon_v that_o all_o those_o grace_n of_o god_n that_o now_o be_v green_a in_o i_o be_v yet_o but_o like_o those_o crack'd-groat_n and_o four-pence-half-penny_n that_o rich_a man_n carry_v in_o their_o purse_n when_o their_o gold_n be_v in_o their_o trunk_n at_o home_n o_o i_o see_v my_o gold_n be_v in_o my_o trunk_n at_o home_n in_o christ_n my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n now_o christ_n be_v all_o all_o my_o wisdom_n all_o my_o righteousness_n all_o my_o sanctification_n and_o all_o my_o redemption_n 187._o further_o the_o lord_n do_v also_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o mystery_n of_o union_n with_o this_o son_n of_o god_n that_o i_o be_v join_v to_o he_o that_o i_o be_v flesh_n of_o his_o flesh_n and_o bone_n of_o his_o bone_n and_o now_o be_v that_o a_o sweet_a word_n to_o i_o in_o ephes._n 5.3_o by_o this_o also_o be_v my_o faith_n in_o he_o as_o my_o righteousness_n the_o more_o confirm_v to_o i_o for_o if_o he_o and_o i_o be_v one_o than_o his_o righteousness_n be_v i_o his_o merit_n my_o his_o victory_n also_o i_o now_o can_v i_o see_v myself_o in_o heaven_n and_o earth_n at_o once_o in_o heaven_n by_o my_o christ_n by_o my_o head_n by_o my_o righteousness_n and_o life_n though_o on_o earth_n by_o my_o body_n or_o person_n 188._o now_o i_o see_v christ_n jesus_n be_v look_v on_o of_o god_n and_o shall_v also_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o we_o as_o that_o common_a or_o public_a person_n in_o who_o all_o tâ—e_v whole_a body_n of_o his_o elect_n be_v always_o to_o be_v consider_v and_o reckon_v that_o we_o fulfil_v the_o law_n by_o he_o die_v by_o he_o rose_z from_o the_o dead_a by_o he_o get_v the_o victory_n over_o sin_n death_n the_o devil_n and_o hell_n by_o he_o when_o he_o die_v we_o die_v and_o so_o of_o his_o resurrection_n thy_o dead_a man_n shall_v live_v together_o with_o my_o dead_a body_n shall_v they_o arise_v say_v he_o isa._n 26._o and_o again_o after_o two_o day_n he_o will_v revive_v we_o and_o the_o three_o day_n we_o shall_v live_v in_o his_o sight_n hos._n 6.2_o which_o be_v now_o fulfil_v by_o the_o sit_v down_o of_o the_o son_n of_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o majesty_n in_o the_o heaven_n according_a to_o that_o to_o the_o ephesian_n he_o have_v raise_v we_o up_o together_o and_o make_v we_o sit_v together_o in_o heavenly_a place_n in_o christ_n jesus_n ephes._n 2.6_o 189._o ah_o these_o bless_a consideration_n and_o scripture_n with_o many_o other_o of_o a_o like_a nature_n be_v in_o those_o day_n make_v to_o spangle_v in_o my_o eye_n praise_v you_o the_o lord_n god_n in_o his_o sanctuary_n praise_v he_o in_o the_o firmament_n of_o his_o power_n praise_v he_o for_o his_o mighty_a act_n praise_v he_o according_a to_o his_o excellent_a greatness_n psal._n 150.1_o 2._o 190._o have_v thus_o in_o few_o word_n giâ—en_v you_o a_o taste_n of_o the_o sorrow_n and_o affliction_n that_o my_o soul_n go_v under_o by_o the_o guilt_n and_o terror_n that_o this_o my_o wicked_a thought_n do_v lay_v i_o under_o and_o have_v give_v you_o also_o a_o touch_n of_o my_o deliverance_n therefrom_o and_o of_o the_o sweet_a and_o bless_a comfort_n that_o i_o meet_v with_o afterward_o which_o comfort_n dwell_v about_o a_o twelvemonth_n with_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o unspeakable_a admiraration_n i_o will_v now_o god_n will_v before_o i_o proceed_v any_o further_a give_v yoâ—_n in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o what_o as_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o this_o temptation_n and_o also_o after_o thaâ—_n what_o advantage_n at_o tâ—e_v last_v it_o become_v unto_o my_o soul_n 191._o for_o the_o cause_n i_o conceive_v they_o be_v principal_o two_o of_o which_o two_o also_o i_o be_v deep_o convince_v all_o the_o time_n this_o trouble_n lie_v upon_o i_o the_o first_o be_v foâ—_n that_o i_o do_v not_o when_o i_o be_v deliver_v from_o the_o temptation_n that_o go_v before_o still_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o keep_v i_o from_o temptation_n that_o be_v to_o come_v for_o though_o as_o i_o can_v say_v in_o truth_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o in_o prayer_n before_o this_o trial_n seize_v i_o yet_o than_o i_o pray_v only_o or_o at_o the_o most_o principal_o for_o the_o removal_n of_o present_a trouble_n and_o for_o fâ—esh_a discovery_n of_o love_n in_o christ_n which_o i_o see_v afterwards_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o do_v i_o also_o shall_v have_v pray_v that_o the_o great_a god_n will_v keep_v i_o from_o the_o evil_a that_o be_v to_o come_v 192._o of_o thâ—s_n i_o be_v make_v deep_o sensible_a by_o the_o prayer_n of_o holy_a david_n who_o when_o he_o be_v under_o present_a mercy_n yet_o pray_v that_o god_n will_v hold_v he_o back_o from_o sin_n and_o temptation_n to_o come_v for_o then_o say_v he_o shall_v i_o be_v upright_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v innocent_a from_o the_o great_a transgression_n psal._n 19.13_o by_o this_o very_a word_n be_v i_o gauâ—ed_v and_o condemn_v quite_o through_o this_o long_a temptation_n 193._o that_o also_o be_v another_o word_n that_o do_v much_o condemn_v i_o for_o my_o folly_n in_o the_o neglect_n of_o this_o duty_n heb._n 4.16_o let_v we_o therefore_o come_v bold_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n that_o we_o may_v obtain_v mercy_n and_o find_v grace_n to_o help_v in_o time_n of_o need_n this_o i_o have_v not_o do_v and_o therefore_o be_v suffer_v thus_o to_o sin_n and_o fall_v according_a to_o what_o be_v write_v pray_v that_o you_o enter_v not_o into_o temptation_n and_o tru_o this_o veâ—y_a thing_n be_v to_o this_o day_n of_o such_o weight_n and_o awe_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o loâ—d_n go_v off_o my_o knee_n until_o i_o entreat_v he_o for_o help_n and_o mercy_n against_o the_o â—_z that_o be_v to_o come_v and_o i_o do_v beseech_v thou_o reader_n that_o thou_o learn_v to_o beware_v of_o my_o negligence_n by_o the_o affliction_n that_o for_o this_o thing_n i_o do_v for_o day_n and_o month_n and_o year_n with_o sorrow_n undergo_v 194._o another_o cause_n of_o this_o temptation_n be_v that_o i_o have_v tempt_v god_n and_o on_o this_o manner_n do_v i_o do_v it_o upon_o a_o
time_n my_o wife_n be_v great_a with_o child_n and_o before_o her_o full_a time_n be_v come_v her_o pang_n as_o of_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n be_v fierce_a and_o sâ—rong_a upon_o she_o even_o as_o if_o sâ—e_n will_v immediate_o have_v fall_v in_o labour_n and_o be_v deliver_v of_o a_o untimely_a birth_n now_o at_o this_o very_a time_n it_o be_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o strong_o tempt_v to_o question_v the_o â—eing_v of_o god_n wherefore_o as_o my_o wife_n lie_v cry_v by_o i_o i_o say_v but_o with_o all_o secrecy_n immaginable_a even_o think_v in_o my_o heart_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v now_o remove_v this_o sad_a affliction_n from_o my_o wife_n and_o cause_n that_o she_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o therewith_o this_o night_n and_o now_o weâ—e_v her_o pang_n just_a upon_o she_o then_o shall_v know_v that_o thou_o can_v discern_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 195._o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o in_o my_o â—eaâ—t_n but_o her_o pang_n be_v take_v fâ—om_v she_o and_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o so_o she_o continue_v till_o morning_n at_o this_o i_o great_o marvel_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v but_o after_o i_o have_v be_v awake_a a_o good_a while_n and_o hear_v she_o câ—y_v no_o more_o i_o fall_v to_o sleep_v alâ—o_o so_o when_o i_o wake_v in_o the_o morning_n it_o come_v upon_o i_o again_o even_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n the_o last_o night_n and_o how_o the_o loâ—d_n have_v sâ—ewed_v i_o that_o he_o know_v my_o secret_a thought_n which_o be_v a_o great_a astonishment_n unto_o i_o for_o several_a week_n after_o 196._o well_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o that_o wicked_a sinful_a thought_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v before_o go_v through_o my_o wicked_a heart_n even_o this_o thought_n let_v christ_n go_v if_o he_o will_v so_o when_o i_o be_v fall_v under_o guilt_n for_o this_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o other_o thought_n and_o of_o the_o effect_n thereof_o will_v also_o come_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o retort_n which_o carry_v also_o rebuke_v along_o with_o it_o now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 197._o and_o with_o this_o that_o of_o the_o passage_n that_o be_v betwixt_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o servant_n gideon_n fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o because_o that_o gideon_n tempt_v god_n with_o his_o fleece_n both_o wet_n and_o dry_a when_o he_o shall_v have_v believe_v and_o venture_v upon_o his_o word_n therefore_o the_o lord_n do_v afterwards_o so_o try_v he_o as_o to_o send_v he_o against_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o enemy_n and_o that_o too_o as_o to_o outward_a appearance_n without_o any_o strength_n or_o help_n judg._n chap._n 6_o 7._o thus_o he_o seâ—ved_v i_o and_o that_o just_o for_o i_o shall_v have_v believe_v his_o word_n and_o not_o have_v put_v a_o if_o upon_o the_o all-seeingness_a of_o god_n 198._o and_o now_o to_o show_v you_o something_o of_o the_o advantage_n that_o i_o also_o gain_v by_o this_o temptation_n and_o first_o by_o this_o i_o be_v make_v continual_o to_o possess_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o very_a wondered_a sense_n both_o of_o the_o be_v and_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o belove_a son_n in_o the_o temptation_n before_o my_o soul_n be_v perplex_v with_o atheism_n but_o now_o the_o case_n be_v otherwise_o now_o be_v god_n and_o christ_n continual_o before_o my_o face_n though_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o comfort_n but_o in_o a_o way_n of_o exceed_a dread_n and_o terror_n the_o glory_n of_o the_o holiness_n of_o god_n do_v at_o this_o time_n break_v i_o to_o piece_n and_o the_o bowel_n and_o compassion_n of_o christ_n do_v break_v i_o as_o on_o the_o wheel_n for_o i_o coulâ—_n not_o consider_v he_o but_o as_o a_o lose_a and_o reject_v christ_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o be_v as_o the_o continual_a break_n of_o my_o bone_n 199._o the_o scripture_n now_o also_o be_v wonderful_a thing_n unto_o i_o i_o see_v that_o the_o truth_n and_o verity_n of_o they_o weâ—e_v the_o key_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n those_o the_o scripture_n favour_n they_o must_v inherit_v bliss_n but_o those_o they_o oppose_v and_o condemn_v must_v perish_v for_o evermore_o o_o this_o word_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v will_v â—end_n the_o cawl_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o will_v that_o other_o who_o sin_n you_o remit_v they_o be_v remit_v but_o who_o sin_n you_o retain_v they_o be_v retain_v now_o i_o see_v the_o apostle_n to_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n josh._n 20.4_o those_o they_o be_v to_o receive_v in_o be_v receive_v to_o life_n but_o those_o that_o they_o shut_v out_o be_v to_o be_v slay_v by_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n 200._o o_o one_o sentence_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v more_o afflict_v and_o terrify_v my_o mind_n i_o mean_v those_o sentence_n that_o stand_v against_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o every_o one_o do_v more_o i_o say_v than_o a_o army_n of_o forty_o thousand_o man_n that_o may_v have_v come_v against_o i_o woe_n be_v to_o he_o against_o who_o the_o scripture_n bend_v themselves_o 201._o by_o this_o temptation_n i_o be_v make_v see_v more_o into_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o promise_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o for_o i_o lie_v now_o tremble_v under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n continual_o tear_v and_o rend_v by_o the_o thundering_n of_o his_o justice_n this_o make_v i_o with_o careful_a heart_n and_o watchful_a eye_n with_o great_a seriousness_n to_o turn_v over_o every_o leaf_n and_o with_o much_o diligence_n mix_v with_o tremble_v to_o consider_v every_o sentence_n together_o with_o its_o natural_a force_n and_o latitude_n 202._o by_o this_o temptation_n also_o i_o be_v great_o beaâ—en_v oft_o my_o former_a foolish_a practice_n of_o put_v by_o the_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n for_o now_o though_o i_o can_v not_o suck_v that_o comfort_n and_o sweetness_n from_o the_o promise_n as_o i_o have_v do_v at_o other_o time_n yet_o like_v to_o a_o man_n a_o sink_v i_o shall_v catch_v at_o all_o i_o see_v former_o i_o think_v i_o may_v not_o meddle_v with_o the_o promise_n unless_o i_o feel_v its_o comfort_n but_o now_o it_o be_v no_o time_n thus_o to_o do_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n too_o hardly_o do_v pursue_v i_o 203._o now_o therefore_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o catch_v at_o that_o word_n which_o yet_o i_o fear_v i_o have_v no_o ground_n nor_o right_a to_o own_o and_o even_o to_o leap_v into_o the_o bosom_n of_o that_o promise_n that_o yet_o i_o fear_v do_v shut_v its_o heart_n against_o i_o now_o also_o i_o shall_v labour_v to_o take_v the_o woâ—d_n as_o god_n have_v lay_v it_o down_o without_o restrain_v the_o natural_a force_n of_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o o_o what_o do_v i_o now_o see_v in_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v a_o big_a mouth_n to_o speak_v with_o than_o i_o have_v heart_n to_o conceive_v with_o i_o think_v also_o with_o myself_o that_o he_o speak_v not_o his_o word_n in_o haste_n or_o in_o a_o unadvised_a hear_v but_o with_o infinite_a wisdom_n and_o judgement_n and_o in_o very_a truth_n and_o faithfulness_n 2_o sam._n 3.28_o 204._o i_o shall_v in_o these_o day_n often_o in_o my_o great_a agony_n even_o flounce_v towards_o the_o promise_n as_o the_o horse_n do_v towards_o sound_a ground_n that_o yet_o stick_v in_o the_o mire_n conclude_v though_o as_o one_o almost_o bereave_v of_o his_o wit_n through_o fear_n on_o this_o i_o will_v rest_v and_o stay_v and_o leave_v the_o fulfil_n of_o it_o to_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n that_o make_v it_o o_o many_o a_o pull_n have_v my_o heart_n have_v with_o saâ—an_n for_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n i_o do_v not_o now_o as_o at_o other_o time_n look_v principal_o for_o comfort_n though_o o_o how_o welcome_a will_v it_o have_v be_v unto_o i_o but_o now_o a_o word_n a_o word_n to_o lean_v a_o weary_a soul_n upon_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sink_v for_o ever_o 205._o yea_o often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v make_v to_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v â—efuse_v my_o soul_n for_o ever_o i_o be_v often_o as_o if_o i_o have_v run_v upon_o the_o pike_n and_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v thrust_v at_o i_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o he_o as_o with_o a_o flame_a sword_n then_o i_o shall_v think_v of_o esther_n who_o go_v to_o petition_v