something to it before Prayer often exhorting his family to a reverend demeanor of themselves in the worship of God and would be much troubled when he understood or discerned any thing to the contrary Once a week for the most part he did catechise both Children and servants either out of the Assemblies or his own Scriptural Catechism and explained it to them And once a fortnight if not diverted by urgent occasion he went over some principle of Religion opening and explaining it in a Catiehistical way which his Children and Servants were to give him an account of the next fortnight and when they had so done he proceeded to another principle and thus he did from time to time What sermons the Youth of the family heard upon the Lords day or at any other time they gave an account thereof to him as they could remember He kept private days of Humiliation with his family as often as he could gain opportunity for it on which days he would if not prevented deal particularly with every one or as many as he had time for that was under his charge about the matters of their Souls And took care that all in his family should call upon God and Pray to him in secret as well as be present at family duty And when any of his Brethren came to vsit him He was not willing to let them depart without Prayer His Family was an house of Prayer These his labours in his family God blessed and succeeded to the Spiritual good of several that came under his roof He was most tenderly conscientious in keeping holy the Sabbath day whereof he was a strict observer and took care that all under his roof should do the same He kept a very severe watch not only over his words and actions but his very thoughts also Quickly reflecting thereon not only when vain and sinful but when impertinent to the holiness and duty of the day whereof he hath left the following testimonies April 29. 1666. My heart was much out of frame upon the Lords day full of vain and Sinful thoughts As I was going to prayer in the Afternoon alone God brought to remembrance Ps 40. 12 17. Innumerable evils have Compassed me about mine iniquities have taken hold upon me so that I am not able to look up yet the Lord thinketh upon me This was a stay to me Apr. 4. I went forth on several occasions None of them succeeded The first Contrivance of that journey was cast into my thoughts on the Lords day in a time of prayer I laid it aside till Monday and then considered further of it and saw it convenient for the best ordering of my affairs But not humbling my soul for those contrivances so unseasonably arising in my mind I was crossed in them Hereupon I determined for time to come when any thoughts or contrivances about ordering my affairs were cast into my mind on Lords days or on other days in time of holy duties to lay them aside till a more convenient time and if upon deliberation that way of ordering my affairs seems best which was cast into my mind in time of holy duties I would not hereupon neglect that way lest Satan should get advantage of me but I would first humble my Soul for its wanderings and suffering such thoughts to arise so unseasonably and took to Christ for pardon of the irregularities of my heart and then not fear to order my affairs in that way that seems most agreeable to reason and neerest the rule of Gods word though the Contrivance was first cast into my mind at an unseasonable time Having a letter of Spiritual advice and Counsel to write to a friend and having no spare time but on the Lords day to do it I was doubtful whether I might spend some part of that day on such imployment As I was musing on my bed what I had best do that Scripture came to my mind Rev. 1. 10 11. I was in the Spirit on the Lords day and I heard a Voice saying what thou seest Write in a Book and send it to the seven Churches Whence I Concluded it to be Lawful to write as well as read hear meditate and discourse of spirital matters on the Lords day His Charity had no less measure than the rest of his Graces which he accounted one of the best characters of a Christian Lamenting sometimes the divisions among Professors of religion he would say He did not value a Christian by his great knowledg and eminent parts but by his great Charity and Love to his Brethren This he extended to various Sorts of objects as Towards those who were at difference one with another He was an industrious peace-maker offering himself to interpose to make up the breach taking journeys when at distance in order to it Towards those that had difference with himself about worldly concernes from which he was not altogether free though altogether innocent when he suffered wrong by any his care was that they should suffer none by him or his either in word or deed always practising himself and counselling others to do good against evil He would make the best construction that was possible of the words and actions of his adversaries often making mention of that Scripture 1 Cor. 13. 5. Charity thinketh no evil Towards his Friends his Friendship was hearty ingenuous faithful and open He received them into his house gladly entertained them liberally conversed with them cheerfully sympathised with them in their afflictions affectionately and served them as he had occasion industriously Towards those that persecuted him and others for Conscience and Religions sake he observed the command of Christ Math. 5. 44. He affcctionately pitied them and prayed for them daily And when he heard any passionate expressions against them for their violence and unrighteousness he would be offended and charge people to pray more earnestly for them and seek opportunities to do them good Towards those that dissented from him in the matters of God he had a Spirit of meekness and forbearance embracing all with Christian Love whose practice did not destroy their profession of Christianity Colchester was a very divided place when he was called thither upon the account of diverse persuasions yet he so behaved himself with all humility modiration tenderness Brotherly kindness aad Charitable judgment that they were generally united in their respects and esteem for him And though he could not with Satisfaction to his Conscience conform to all that the Law required yet he judged many that did to be very Good men and had a real Honour for them Towards the poor and such as were reduced to streights and difficulties in this world he was pitiful and bountiful He devised liberall things and drew out his Soul to the hungry In the exercise whereof he observed our Saviours rule Math. 6. 1 2 3. This indeed was one of his secrets which he always industriously concealed as much as he could Yet variety of objects bare
my Spirit from those words of the Prophet Isa 40. 27. Why sayest thou O Jacob and speakest O Israel my way is hid from the Lord and my judgment is passed over from my God And did encourage my Soul still to hope in God and wait for his strength from the following words v. 28 29. 31. Hast thou not known hast thou not heard if thou hast not known it by experience having found his everlasting Arms under thee for thy support yet hast thou not at least heard it that the everlasting God the Lord the Creator of the ends of the Earth fainteth not neither is weary He giveth power to the faint c. Continue thou therefore O my Soul to wait upon the Lord. Lord what an accursed hard heart have I that sin which grieves thee Gen. 6. 6. thy Son Mar. 3. 5. thy Spirit Eph. 4. 30. should not grieve me that sin which wearieth thee Isa 43. 24. should not be a burden to me that I should not be troubled for want of thy Presence when as the hiding of thy face made our Saviour cry out My God my God why hast thou forsaken me That Eternity and Judgment to come should make no impression upon me that I can hear yea speak of thy Word thy wrath c. and yet not fear thee not tremble at thy Word nor at this my Condition Feb. 19. Being Sabbath day Having formerly perceived a desperate hardness in my heart that that Word which works upon others should do me no good that no means no mercies did melt my Soul and almost despairing of ever having it softened After Prayer I was encouraged from the Lord in reading Mr. Hooker upon Act. 2. 37. who from those words When they heard these things they who had Crucified our Lord Christ were pricked at the heart raiseth this observation It is possible even for the most stubborn sinner to get a broken heart And now O my Soul Why art thou cast down Is not the Lord greater than thy heart Can Satan be more malicious to destroy thee than the Lord is merciful to save thee Yet the actings of my Faith hereupon are but faint Upon Examination of my self I have sometimes found that to mine own sense and feeling I have been altogether void of any love or fear of God and that I have been at such a time as unable to work up my heart into the Love and fear of God as to say to this Mountain Be thou removed and cast into the Sea Such wonderful deadness hath seised upon my Soul so greatly have I been enslaved and held captive by Satan that I have not been able truly to desire the Spirit of God O that my heart could bleed at the remembrance of this great evil that I should not only be cut off from Communion with God but be contented with this condition that I should have no groanings in Spirit to be delivered from this miserable bondage Be instructed hence O my Soul to ascribe every good motion to God if thou feelest any hungrings after Jesus Christ or any sorrow for want of Gods presence or the like own it as his work and bless him for it I have sometimes found my condition much like the man mentioned Joh. 5. who lay a long time by the pool of Bethesda but was not able to put himself in that he might be healed even so it is with my Soul Though God hath opened a Fountain for sin and for uncleanness to wash in and I find my Soul exceedingly polluted yet I am not able to step into this Fountain that I may be healed O my Soul the Lord seeth thy weakness and that thou hast been now a long time in this case wait thou on God Who can tell but that as the Bowels of Jesus Christ did yearn towards the poor man so may his Compassions be great towards thee and he may heal thee also Cease not to importune him saying Jesus thou Son of God have mercy on me O Lord heal my Soul Having at several times found diverse workings upon my heart as Convictions and thereupon some pantings and breathings after God but as yet nothing come to perfection I thought of and found that I had cause to take up the complaint of Hezekiah in another case It is a day of trouble and rebuke the Children are come to the Birth and there is no strength to bring forth Isa 37. 3. Some time after reading Isa 66. it seemed to me that that word v. 9. was suited to my Case Shall I bring to the Birth and not cause to bring forth saith the Lord Shall I cause to bring forth and shut the Womb saith thy God O my Soul wait thou on God who will perfect his own work in thee He hath said He will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoking Flax till he sent forth judgment unto Victory I have oftimes seen a Law in my Members warring against the Law of my mind and leading me into Captivity to the Law of sin and death So powerful and mighty have been the Actings of some inward corruptions that I have not been able to overcome them but have been hurried Captive by them Hereby I come to see that truth the heart of man is desperately wicked who can know it I cannot fathom the depth of iniquity which is in my heart Hereupon I am made to cry out with St. Paul O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of Death O Lord be not thou far from me but make hast to help me Let the sighing of the Prisoner come before thee proclaim liberty to thy Captive and the opening of the Prison door to him that is bound with the Chain of sin Isa 61. 1. Mar. 26. 1654. I find that though in my judgment and Profession I acknowledge Christ to be my Righteousness and Peace yet upon Examination I observe that my heart hath done quite another thing and that secretly I have gone about to Establish my own Righteousness and have derived my Comfort and Peace from my own Actings For when I have been disquieted by the Actings of my sin that which hath recovered me to my former Peace hath not been that I could find God speaking Peace through the blood of Christ but rather from the intermission of temptation and the cessation of those sins when I have been troubled at an evil frame of heart I do not find that the Righteousness of Christ hath been my Consolation but that which hath relieved me as far as I can find was that afterward I found my self in a better temper Having been in trouble and perplexity I have read the Scripture gone to Prayer and in doing these I have been relieved yet I do not find that at such times I had real true living Communion with God in such duties or that the Spirit of God did in those duties reveal to me my interest in Christ and so quiet my Conscience Hence I come to see
Preach in the Afternoon at St. Andrews I had some thoughts of it and motions thereto some time since But now my time for Chapel exercise being expired I took it into serious thoughts and having humbled my Soul for my sins and begged of God that he would settle my mind in this thing and teach me what was his mind therein after pains and searching the Scripture I came to this resolution I was fully persuaded that it was the mind of the Lord that I should also Preach in the Afternoons and that from these Scriptures 2 Tim. 4. 1. 2. I charge the before God be instant in Season and out of Season As we will answer it to Jesus Christ at the day of Judgment we are to take all opportunities to preach his Word I consider here is a fair opportunity put into my hands and therefore I am bound in Conscience not to neglect it 1 Pet. 5. 2. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as much as in you lieth feed thy flock So Calvin renders the word 1 Cor. 9. 16. 17. Necessity is laid upon me yea woe is unto me if I preach not the gospel Though I preach the gospel I have nothing to glory of If I do this willingly I have a reward Eccl. 11 6. in the morning sow thy seed and in the evening withhold not thy hand For thou knowest not what shall prosper this or that this seems a clear resolution of the question 1 Cor. 15. 58. always abounding in the work of the Lord. Gal. 6. 10. As we have opportunity let us do good here is a fair opportunity and how it may be taken from me or I from it I know not and therefore hold it my duty to lay hold on it Hereupon I resolved to preach once a fortnight in the Afternoons also and considering my weakness for such a work I was encouraged from Isa 41. 10. and Math. 28. ult Go teach and lo I am with you with you to help and assist you with you to bless your labours and make your work prosperous under your hands Jul. 13. 1656. I began my Afternoons Exercise and entred upon the Doctrine of Repentance I have found God very much with me assisting and enlarging me and blessing my labours to some of my hearers I bless his Name for putting it into my heart Nov 16 I had not so much of the enlivening presence of God in the afternoon as I was wont to have Yet God blessed his word One of the Parish told Mr. J. He thought their Minister knew their hearts and added he was resolved to amend Apr. 21. 1657. I set apart this day to seek God by fasting and prayer to shew me my way and to direct me in a business that had been upon my Spirit nigh half a year which was to preach once a fortnight on the week day at the church where I am placed I engaged the prayers of others also for me in this particular And when I went to the Sacrament I laid the promise before God that he would guide me continually and teach me in the way that I should choose as that which I desire might among others be Sealed up to me Whilst I was thus deliberating with my self what to do I met with this providence Being at Soham to preach the Lecture there I slept that night very disturbedly towards the morning me thought I saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his glory who spake comfortably to me and encouraged me in my work but spake very sad words to another Mr. of Arts that was with me whom I dreamed to be a godly man yet one who was noted for his unwillingness to preach in Town When I awoke I considered with my self what this should mean I considered it was but a dream and so not much to be heeded and again I considered that sometimes God speaks to us in dreams and slumbering upon our beds Job 33. 13. 14. 15. whence I gathered it might be something of encouragement to me In the morning when I was up It fell out in my ordinary course of reading the Scripture to read Act. 18. and when I had read ver 9. 10. and pondered what had befell me in the night I could not but wonder at the Providence of God to cause this Scripture to fall in with my former dream which made me ponder the more upon it I saw God did sometimes speak to his people in a vision I saw the same reason why Paul should Preach viz. because there was much people belonging to the Lord there might be forcible to prevail with me for he enclines a great multitude of people to attend upon me When I had considered of it I resolved to lay this up in my heart and not to slight it though I could not build on it any ground of my undertaking my work Consulting the Scriptures these came into my mind Act. 6. 4. we will give our selves continually to Prayer and to the Ministry of the word where I saw that such as were called of God to preach the word ought to make it their business and give up themselves to it Rom. 1. 1. 14. 15. here I saw that one separated to the Gospel of Christ was a debter bound and should be ready as much as in him lieth Isa 40. 9. O thou that bringest good tidings to Zion get the up into the high mountains lift up thy voice with strength lift it up be not afraid Reading this Scripture in my ordinary course I found it set home with life and power in reference to my present doubt Get the up lift up thy voice It removed the great obstacle of fear What would men say and think of my forwardness Be not afraid I was the more confirmed by considering this Scripture is mainly directed to such as God hath sent to preach the gospel by comparing this Scripture with Isa 52. 7. and Rom. 10. 15. And the Scripture did the more affect me because it was in this manner set home after prayer when I had been seeking God in reference to this doubt Act. 18. 5. Paul was pressed in Spirit and testified hence I saw the Ministers of God may take encouragement to preach the word from inward pressures of Spirit Having these inducements to preach on the week day I set apart as before the 21th of April to seek God by fasting and prayer to direct me what to do Having put up my request to him in the name of Jesus Christ I shall consider what motives I have to it and what dissuasives from it and judge of both according to the Scriptures and do therein as the Lord shall direct me by his word and Spirit ' The Arguments moving to it are these 1. I Find God much enlarging my Meditations so as I am a long while ere I can dispatch the Subject I enter upon whereby I foresee I shall go over but few heads in Divinity while I stay unless I preach oftener And I know not what the meaning of God
herein should be that he watereth me so much but that I should water others 2. I have found God owning me when I closed with the like motions at other times particularly in the Afternoon Exercise I have found God wonderfully gracious beyond expression and I heartily bless God that put it into my heart to undertake that work and seeing when I followed God formerly he was with me why should I not be obedient to his call in this also 3. It is the work I have been set apart to and solemnly given up my self to in the face of the Congregation at Black-Friers and therefore now there is a necessity lying upon me to preach the Gospel yea a woe if I preach not 1 Cor. 9. 16. 4. God hath made my service here accepted of the Saints and therefore it is likely my Ministry may be more effectual It may be elsewhere my Ministry may be as much despised as here t is embraced and therefore it is good to take the present season and to strike where and when the Iron is hot 5. The time is short that I have to live how soon God many take me hence I know not And there being no working in the grave I am commanded to do what my hand findeth to do with my might Eccl. 9. 10. the night cometh when no man can work and therefore as Christ said Joh. 9. 4. I must work the works of him that sent me while it is day So must I do learn this wisdom of him to do my work as fast as I can seeing I know not how short my day may be 6. The times are evil and I know not how soon we may be cut short of these opportunities and it 's an express Command that we should be wise and redeem time Eph. 5. 15. 16. And God commands as we have opportunity to do good to all Gal. 6. 10. preaching of the Gospel is doing good and here is an opportunity I must not let it slip 7. If I should preach once a fortnight on the week-day it will but be equivalent to preaching twice every Lords day Seeing now I preach but once every other Sabbath which must be my work when I come into the Country and yet my work here is far lighter than it will be there for here I am free from worldly cares family distractions and a pastoral charge 8. One Soul is more worth than the whole world and the preaching of the Gospel is the power of God to Salvation therefore we should not think any pains too great to preach the word seeing we may through God be a mean to convert and save souls thereby 9. Christ chargeth Peter as he loveth him to feed his sheep and lambs Joh. 21. 15 16 17. His repeating this 3 times argues 1. that he would have him very diligent in doing it 2. that he takes it as a real demonstration of love to him to feed his sheep Now I have wonderful cause to love Christ and good reason to demonstrate it that way which he would have me 10. If I enter upon preaching on week-day too I see it will make for the Glory of God Joh. 15. 8. God is glorified when we bear much fruit and for the good and edification of others for the body of Christ is Edified by the Ministry of the Word Eph. 4. 11 12. and why should I stand disputing that which may make for the glory of God and the good of those among whom I live 11. God would have every man observe his proper gifts and improve them and attend his proper work that he is called to with diligence Rom. 12. 6 7 8 11. 12. I have Naturally a slothful Spirit and one good way to Master it is to take up much imployment 13. God would have us alway to abound in his Work and be stedfast and he tells us our labour shall not be in vain 1 Cor. 15. ult 14. No excuse must hinder us now from doing good but what will serve turn at the day of judgment I consider further that the Word of God is to be the Rule by which we must walk Psal 119. 105. that is the light of our paths What the Word requires of us God requires of us What work the Word calls us to that God calls us to Now considering with my self the aforesaid particulars according to the Word of God I gather it is the mind of God I should close with this motion and that he calleth me to further work and so accordingly I am to obey his voice Now in regard that it is Gods presence with me his owning accepting and assisting me that must bear me up against all difficulties that I shall meet with I consulted further with the Word to see what grounds I had to expect that God would be with me in my undertaking and I saw great encouragement from these Scriptures Mat. 28. 19 20. Go teach lo I am with you alway Christ will not withdraw his presence at any time when we go about to teach in obedience to his Command but will be always with us 1 Chron. 28. 10 20. compared Whence I observe when God calls a man out to any work he would have him be strong and do it and not to fear or be dismayed for God will be with him and not fail him or forsake him till he hath finished it Josh 1. 9. Have not I Commanded thee The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest The same presence and assistance may we expect from God when ever he calls us out to any Service which I gather from the Apostles applying to all Christians what God spake in particularto Josh Heb. 13. 5. Isa 42. 6. I the Lord have called thee I will hold thy hand It is spoken to Christ and shall be made good to all Christians when called by God to any work he will uphold them in it and he whom God upholds shall not fail or be discouraged till his work be done v. 1. 4 Judg. 6. 12. 14. The Lord is with thee thou mighty man Go in this thy might thou shalt save Israel Have not I sent thee In this thy might i. e. either in the strength of the promise The Lord is with thee or in the strength of thy Commission I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether I will be with thee seeing I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether thou shalt save Israel seeing I have sent thee I see hence the Call of God to any Service is a great encouragement to set upon it and to expect success in it ' Discouragements removed 1. Reproach of men What will men say or think that I am so forward They will impute it to Pride it c. and say I am imprudent and will may be laugh and jear at me Reply 1. I am not to be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ Rom. 1. 16. No not in an Adulterous generation Mar. 8. 38. If I cannot suffer shame for Christ how shall I
suffer greater persecutions 2. God can if he will hide me from the strife of Tongues yea he promiseth to do so for them that trust in him Psal 31. 19 20. he can make a mans Enemies to be at Peace with him and will if our ways please him Prov. 16. 7. However I shall not be solicitous of mans judgment in this matter but commit my way and Cause to the Lord and if I be reproached he will one day clear me Ps 37. 5 6. 3. If I do meet with shame and reproach for my diligence in Preaching the Word 't is no more than the Apostles met with 1 Cor. 4. 9 10 13. yea I Christ suffered great contradiction in his Preaching they said he was Mad and had a Devil and I am bidden to remember it as that which will keep me from fainting Heb. 12. 3. 4. If I Serve Christ the Lord will honour me and that is infinitely above the honour of the world Joh. 12. 26. I shall desire therefore to seek the praise that is of God and no matter what men say 5. It will be my happyness if I be reproached for Christs sake 1 Pet. 4. 14. and I should be so far from being troubled discouraged and dejected at it that I should rejoyce exceedingly that God counts me worthy to partake of the sufferings of Christ v. 13. 6. The thoughts of that Glory that shall be revealed hereafter 1 Pet. 5. 4. should cause me to despise the shame which I meet with here in the Service of God Heb. 12. 2. 2 d. Discouragement It may be the people will slight the Word I shall have but few hearers the Word growing common will be nauseated c. Reply 1. The hearts of all men are in Gods hand if he touch their hearts they shall come 1 Sam. 10. 26. I will leave that to the Lord whether he will encline many or but few to attend upon his Word 2. The Angels those glorious Creatures did not disdain to Preach Christ to a few poor Shepherds and therefore I should not think much to Preach Christ though to never such a thin Congregation Jesus Christ himself Preached the Gospel to one hearer only and that a poor sinful woman of Samaria Joh. 4. 3. Gods presence is not tied to a multitude if but two or three be gathered together in his Name he is in the midst of them and if God will bless his Word for the Conversion of but one Soul it is worth all our labour and pains Mark 8. 37. Jam. 5. 19 20. 4. I shall desire to do my work to God and not to men because God Commands me though men may slight my pains and do not gather together to hear the Word yet my work is before the Lord and my reward with him and I shall be glorious in his eyes however I appear before men Isa 49. 5. However men reckon of my labours though the more I love them and labour for them the less I beloved yet this should not be any hindrance to me in the work of God but I should gladly spend my self and be spent therein 2 Cor. 12. 13. Having Consulted God and seeing such good ground for my undertaking I set up a Lecture once a Fortnight on Thursday in the Afternoon at three of the Clock I began it on the first Thursday in June 1657. With such mature Deliberation such a resolved Conscience such a willing mind such a zealous Spirit such a laborious head and hand did this worthy Servant of God apply himself to the great Work wherein he was engaged Thus did he fortifie his heart with strongest Arguments against all temptations to sloth and negligence Thus searched he the Scriptures that he might fully know his Lords will Thus yielded he obedience to the Commands and acted Faith in the promises of God In this his might he went forth in the Name of the Lord to the work of the Lord and the pleasure of the Lord did prosper in his hand Though his constant weekly work at St. Andrews Church were enough to exercise more than ordinary strength both of mind and body yet he had many other occasions of Service which he attended not only in the Colledge as his place required especially as a Tutor which relation and trust he diligently and faithfully discharged towards his Pupils both as to Learning and Religion but in the Town as Preaching frequently Funeral Sermons and Trinity Lecture and in the Country also at several Lectures both in Cambridgeshire and Huntingdonshire For his Abilities and willingness were so well known as encouraged many invitations to be made to him from abroad All which he performed not after an extemporary rate as the manner of some is hastily to utter quicquid in buccam venerit but as a workman that needed not to be ashamed On which account the Ears of so many hanged upon him and he never wanted a full Auditory as well of Schollars as Town-people His Sermons were well studied and digested his matter Substantial and Spiritual his Arguments strong and convincing his utterance full clear deliberate and grave His words apt and natural to express the Conceptions of his mind he neither affected a strain of words which mans wisdom teacheth nor allowed himself a liberty of words which mans indiscretion poureth out but his Phrase was such as spake him to have an holy Reverence for the plainness and simplicity of the Gospel of Christ a due care that he exposed not the Ministry of the word to Contempt a Religious fear of that God in whose Name he spake and a serious regard to the Concernment of the Souls of men And in all his Applications to God by Prayer both in publick and private his behaviour words and manner of utterance were such as spake his solemn and affecting apprehensions of the Majesty and Holiness of God whom he Worshipped So as considering his years the multiplicity of his Ministerial work his manner of performing it and the holiness of his life wherewith he did adorn and commend it it may be truly said of him that however he was excelled by others in other respects yet in this he was Nulli secundus if not a None such in the University in his day But Cambridge is not a place for long continuance The University is the Church's Nursery from whence God is wont to remove and transplant his trees of Righteousness when once grown up to the Stature of Fruit-bearing that the various Congregations of his people may eat of the fruit thereof and live God having here trained up his Servant to his hand Instructed him with excellent Gifts and abundant Grace called him solemnly to the Office of the Ministry proved him an able and successful Instrument before many Witnesses and enlarged his heart not only to a willingness but zeal to discharge his Office with all his might quickly shewed him the place where with this resolved Industry and Integrity he should improve his Talents Scarce two Months were
expired after he had begun his Week-day Lecture when the Mayor and one of the Aldermen of Colchester in Essex whither his fame reached applied themselves to him at Cambridge desiring him to accept their Lecturers place then void With which motion he so far only then complied as to promise to come over to them and Preach a Sermon or two among them which he performed about three weeks after After his Preaching the House of Aldermen and Common Council met and unanimously agreed to choose him to be their Town-Lecturer to Preach on Lords days Afternoon and on the Wednesday every Week Which choice had also the general Suffrage of the Sober and Godly people in Town and Country thereabout Which being signified to him by some of the Aldermen and Common Council after six weeks deliberation for so long time he designed to give his Answer seeking God for direction as his constant manner was having no objections before him as to Conscience in the case nor any obligation to stay at Cambridge save only the peoples desire which he Answered from Luke 4. 42. 43. and Act. 18. 20. and considering the joynt unanimous agreement of persons different in Judgment for it was a divided place in calling him he consented to their Choice and undertook that Charge As he had experienced Gods owning and Sealing of his Ministry in his first Catechistical Exercise in the Colledge and his first Sermon after his Ordination with much happy success also in Cambridge so here he had the same encouragement God making his first Sermon effectual upon the heart of a Dutchman and his second or third upon another person noted for a Sinner who came out of Novelty to hear him Concerning whom he might say as St. Paul 1 Thess 1. 9. They shew of us what manner of entring we had to you But it fared with him here at Colchester as it did at Cambridge he thought he did not work enough and therefore asked leave and freely offered himself to preach also on the Lords day Mornings at St. James's Church not desiring any outward reward for it which was granted and accepted He was to this place a very great Blessing not only as to their Spiritual but Temporal concerns also It was observed that during his abode and the liberty of his Ministry there the Town prospered and exceedingly flourished in Trade For even the good things of this life doth the Gospel carry with it Here he laboured in the Word and Doctrine till by the Act of Uniformity he was with the rest of his Brethren debarred from the publick Exercise of his Ministry Yet not thinking himself bound to be his own Executioner and there being mutual obligations by Contract between the Town and him that the one should not eject nor the other desert without so long warning he did after the fatal Bartholomew continue his publick Preaching some time till having occasion to take a Journey into Cambridgeshire in his absence another was put into his place by the B. of L. From thenceforth with St. Paul Act. 28. 30 31. he dwelt three whole years in his own hired house and received all that came in unto him Preaching the Kingdom of God with all confidence till God sent the raging Pestilence into the Town An. 1665. at which Providence he was greatly affected and while he saw many and even the Shepherds of the flock hastening their flight from the pestilence that walked in darkness and the Destruction that wasted at noon day and others smitten with the Arrows of the Almighty daily passing into eternity Such compassion he had for perishing souls and Such Zealous desire of their salvation and Such hope that the word might be more effectuall in that day of Gods sore Judgment that he sent to the Magistrates and freely offered if they would indulge him the liberty of a publick Church to stay and preach to that poor distressed people till either God should take him away by death or cause the pestilence to cease Which being denied him he entertained thoughts of removing out of Town And having sought of God a right way for himself his little ones and his substance He received Satisfaction concerning the lawfulness of removing in time of Pestilence from Isa 26. 20. Hide thy self for a little moment until the Indignation be over past and encouragement to hope that the presence of God should go with him from Gen. 28. 15. I am with thee and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest c. adding thereto Gal. 3. 7 9. where he observed that all Believers have right to the promises made to Abraham Isaac and Jacob. Accordingly Aug. 25. 1665. He removed his Family to Chattisham â—n Suffolk about 12 miles distant from Colcheâ—â—er Being now come to a place where he was a perfect stranger having no acquaintance with the neighbour-hood and considering the evil and danger of the times He had many doubts and fears within himself concerning the comfort of his abiding there but quickly received satisfaction from the holy Scriptures his dailydelight and Counsellers which he thus recorded Aug. 27. Being the first Sabbath after I came to Chattisham In the morning as I was reading in my private devotions Ezek. 37. which was the Chapter that fell out in course in my private reading I was much affected with some passages in the beginning of the Chapter From whence I observed for my instruction 1. Not to question my call to Chattisham though it should be a dry place where I should want that communion of the Saints which I had at Colchester and my wonted opportunities of doing and receiving Good Ezekiel a prophet of the Lord fitted by his gifts and call to do God Service when he was carried into a valley where there was no living creature to converse withal but dead mens bones yet he was carried thither by the hand and spirit of the Lord. ver 1. 2. God may have Special Service for us to do in those places were we judging according to sense think there can be no opportunities of â—ervice at all Who would have thought there had been any work for Ezekiel as a prophet amongst dead mens bones yet even there he had Prophesying work and composed that Prophecy which raised up the dying faith and hope of the whole House of Israel 3. When God commands us to Prophesie or to preach his word the greatest improbabilities of Success imaginable should not discourage us from our work Though we should think there is no more hopes of doing good to them to whom we preach than there is by speaking to the wind or Preaching to dead mens bones yet we should go on with our work Ezekiel at Gods command Prophesies to dry and dead bones concerning which when he was asked whether they could live he replied that he could not tell God only knew v. 3. And they have the Spirit of life breathed into them He Prophesieth to the wind and that obeyeth v. 9. 10. This Scripture
being so suited to some reasonings and doubts that I had upon my mind and coming so seasonably at my first fixing at Chattisham I was much affected with it and looked upon it as a token for good that I should have Gods presence with me and the teachings of his Spirit at Chattisham as I have had them at Colchester The encouragement which he thus took was not vain and empty God remembred his word unto his Servant wherein he had caused him to hope For he not only enclined the hearts of the people among whom he lived though strangers to him to pay him that Respect and Honour which was due to him and indulged him the liberty of private Preaching as he had before enjoyed but moreover opened to him in this place a door for the frequent publick exercise of his Ministry which was shut against him at Colchester The Minister of the Parish having another cure by reason whereof he could attend this at Chattisham but once a fortnight did in his absence not only willingly but thankfully indulge to Mr. Stockton the liberty of his Pulpit And having a very small maintenance and some burdens lying heavy upon him which after a few years made his residence there very uneasie to him he deserted his charge and left this flock to shift for themselves Whereupon at the request of the people Mr. Stockton frequently supplyed that vacancy And his Zeal provoked and encouraged others also both Ministers and People For other neighbouring Parishes being destitute of Ministers for want of maintenance called in the help of Non-Conformists who in these places so much below envye have enjoyed the liberty of their publick Preaching for the most part to this day So as not only the Parish where he lived but the neighbouring Vllages have abundant cause to bless God for sending to them so happy an Instrument so willing and Zealous so able and industrious to serve their Souls in the Gospel of Christ When it pleased his Majesty to set forth his most Gracious Declaration for Indulgence he was chosen both by a Congregation in Ipswhich and another in Colchester to preach to them And both being very desirous of him he complied with their desires as far as he could and undertook half the Service of either and so with others divided his labours between them during his life to their great Satisfaction and edification His labours were abundant His Ministry was his whole business Besides his Lords days service wherein he not only preached twice but oft expounded the Scriptures and Catechised the younger sort and many times discoursed particular Christians that applyed themselves to him for Counsel and instruction about their Spiritual cases He moreover preached a Lecture at Ipswich on the weekday once a fort-night and scarce a week passed but he preached at some other Lecture or funeral besides keeping of private fasts which he frequently practised both at home and abroad The providence of God over him while he was thus Zealously and constantly imployed in his work in so many places was so remarkable that it must not be passed over without special observation Notwithstanding the Severity of the Laws the malice watchfulness and endeavours of Adversaries yet God Suffered not an hair to fall from his head though Complaints Informations Indictments Convictions Warrant Presentments Excommunications were made against him yet was he never imprisoned apprehended distrained or brought before any Court or Magistrate He was much affected with this care of God over him and thankfully accepted and recorded it as the instance of Gods faithfulness and performance of his promise as the answer of his own faith and Prayer and as the reward of his love and Zeal and courage for God and his Church by the power whereof he lived above fears and dangers for thus he writes Apr. 16. 1655. Being Lords day In the morning I awaked with that Scripture in my thoughts 1 Tim. 1. 15. I dwelt a while upon it and drew comfort and relief for my faith by the help of God I had been before under a great sense of the sinfulness of my heart The comfort I had was that Christ came to save the chief of Sinners that this was a faithful saying that it was worthy all acceptation or to be embraced by every one and that this Salvation was from sin as well as from hell Math. 1. 21. Considering whether he would save me as I was going to wash in the morning I was satisfied from Joh. 6. 37. Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out It being then a time of danger as to the keeping of my Meetings because many Souldiers were in Town I being dubious whether I should admit the people to come to my house when I considered that Christ took it as an act of Love to feed his sheep Joh. 21. 15. and that he exposed himself to Death to save me and bring under a sense of the Comfort that the Lord had given me in the morning in my Meditations on the 1 Tim. 1. 15. I was willing to adventure my self on the Providence of God Sept. 19. As I was Expounding in my Family the 91 Psalm on a day of Humiliation I was much encouraged to go on in my Calling notwithstanding the difficulties that attend the same by reason of many Adversaries from v. 11 12 13. Though the Adversaries to private Meetings and the Preaching of Non-Conformists be of several sorts as strong as Lions as full of venom as the Dragon such as are greedy of and roar after the prey like the young Lion as subtle and pertinacious and obstinate in their way as the Adder of which see Ps 58. 4 5. yet the Angels have a charge to keep us in all our ways and the promise is that we shall trample these under our feet This promise gave me courage whilst at Colchester and I saw it made good for I went on in my Calling and had no harm from them I observed also in reading Dan. 6. 23. the power of Faith to deliver out of great and imminent danger Daniel is cast into a Den of hungry Lions yet no manner of hurt is found upon him because he believed in his God Sept. 22. In my Family exercise as I was reading Ps 146. 9. The Lord preserveth the Strangers my Faith received strength I enjoyed much peace and security in Colchester I had met with no molestation either from the Town or County but being come into a strange place where I was not known and had no friends to shelter or speak for me I apprehended my self to walk in more danger than before this word The Lord preserveth the Strangers did help my dependance upon God Oct. 28 1666. Being Sabbath day I went forth to Preach at Manitree In the morning before I went the Lord gave in that promise Isa 55. 12. Ye shall be led forth with peace It being a time of trouble and danger for Non-conformists to Preach publickly the promise was the
what great need I have and that it is of singular use to watch over my Soul in all its ways both in reference to sin that I fall not into it and when fallen what the Carriage and Actings of my Soul are at such a time Whether I flee for relief to God in Christ or to my own works And in reference to my duties to take heed lest those means which God hath appointed to be the conveyances of himself his Son and Spirit and all Spiritual blessings should prove to me a mean of Death and Separation from God by my formal use of them and resting in them For as Satan keeps some alienated from God by the gross pollutions of the world So others from Christ by their Establishing a Righteousness of their own O Lord break thou this snare for me and let my Soul escape as a bird from the Net that I may flee to thee and be at rest I have observed in my self that when God at any time is pleased to work any thing in my Soul I soon lose it if he quicken me I soon grow dead hearted again if he enliven my affections they soon grow cold and flat and my old hardness returns upon me Hence I come to see that it is infinite Wisdom and Goodness in God that he hath not put the stock of grace into our own hands but hath treasured it up in Christ that our life is now hid with Christ in God for so it becomes sure Rom. 4. 16. hereby also I come to see that I have need of continual recourse to Jesus Christ for new supplies of grace and strength The Lord God in his wisdom was pleased when he delivered his people out of Egypt before he brought them to Canaan to lead them 40 years in the wilderness when as he could have led them a nearer way to Canaan Exod. 13. 17. He chose rather to lead them through the great and terrible Wilderness Jer. 2. 6. where were fiery Serpents and Scorpions and drought where there was no water where he brought them forth water out of the Rock of Flint and fed them with Manna for this end that he might humble them prove them and do them good in the latter end Deut. 8. 15 16. Doest thou find it so O my Soul in thy travail towards the Heavenly Canaan Doest thou walk through much Spiritual drought a land of deserts and of the shadow of death Dost meet with a flinty heart and fiery temptations Know that the Lord doth this to humble thee which through his grace thou hast sometimes found and to prove thee i. e to discover thee to thy self for he himself knows thy thoughts afar off and this way of God through grace hath been a means of discovering much of thy corrupt heart to thee and that he may doe thee good in the latter end Therefore take heed O my Soul of Israel's sins of murmuring against God under thy wants of unbeleif and tempting God c. Read oft and weight well the 78th Psalm May 6. being Sabbath day The Lord was pleased in the hearing of his word to convince me of my sin and lost condition But Lord How unfaithful was I then and have I been since to the Convictions of thy Spirit How soon have I healed up the wound that was given by the word How soon hath an hard heart a secure careless Spirit taken possession of me Lord If ever thy word be effectual in me thou must not only speak it to my heart but write and engraff it there also Henceforth I desire to wait on thee as for the teachings of thy Spirit so for the writing of thy Law in my heart by thy Spirit I found a lothness in my Spirit to go to here this Sermon whereby I perceive Satan would have hindred me Be encouraged hence O my Soul to break through all difficulties thou meetest with in doing thy duty When thou findest any secret unwillingness to ordinances or duties then stir up thy self to wait upon God expecting that he hath some special mercy for thee which Satan would hinder thee off Jun. 1. This day the Lord did in the hearing of his word revive some convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit though in a very languid manner I stood convinced before the Lord of unbelief and that I was a lost creature because thereof from the words of our Saviour Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already Conscience tells me that I am yet in unbelief that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12 13. that faith which should purge me from Atheism formality and resting in duties from hypocrisie and deadness from unclean affections and inordinate Love of the world from a vain mind and a light Spirit that faith which should purifie my heart from these and the like evils Act. 15. 9. that faith which should make Christ a greater Reality and more precious to me than any thing in the world 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God and joy in the Holy Ghost unspeakable and full of Glory Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith Jam. 2. 17 20. and presumed upon Gods Mercy in Christ although I have been estranged from God in my heart and Nature my Resting in duties and trusting in my own Righteousness as far as I can see hath been the deceit of my heart Lord lay this conviction upon my Conscience for I find my heart would put it off yea it hath already desperately hardned it self against thee I fear I shall out-grow this Conviction of thy word as at other times I feel a careless Spirit that would make light of Eternity and of Jesus Christ Lord break my heart under thy word for my unbelief and neglect of Christ Let me not heal my self but wait till thou shalt heal me Thou didst help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas Oh that thou wouldest help mine also The Lord hath shewn me that I am dead in sin not only from the testimony of his word Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience For I feel my self alienated from the life of God cut off from communion with the Lord Jesus separate from God and his blessed Spirit My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction and hath caused me sometimes to mistake a life of morality for Spiritual life and at other times a life of formality But now I find the Scripture speaks of dead works and calls for repentance from them Heb. 6. 1. and purging our consciences from them Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I understand not only the gross pollutions of the World but all works whatever that are done by a man void of the quickning Spirit of God Without Union to Christ there is no Spiritual life for as the natural life results from the Union of the Soul with the body and the State of death is nothing but the
deafness to his voice 2. To put us upon more earnest seeking of him 3. To exercise and try our graces God proportions mercies according to his delays they are the greater when given in Sarah tarried long for a Son and then had an Isaac So did Hanna but then had a Samuel So Elizabeth but then had a John my heart rejoyced at this hoping that God would give an high degree of brokenness of heart in his own due time though at present my heart were hard And I remembred how hard Mr. Bradfords heart was once as to his own sense and how eminent he was afterward for tenderness as M. Fox Relates God was very good this day But Oh! how vile and sinful was I I felt a very proud vain-glorious heart both in hearing and after Sermon was done But the Lord chastised me for it For at night when I Preached in the Chappel the Lord forsook me I found no assistance of his Spirit either in Prayer or Preaching but was much confounded in both having little or no sense of the things I spake of or prayed for We read of Naaman 2 King 5. 11. that he expected a Miraculous way of cure I thought said he he will surely come out and stand and call on the Name of the Lord his God and strike his hand over the place and recover the Leper So have I found my self apt to expect that the Spirit of God should mortifie and subdue sin in me without my striving against it But I have learned it is the will of God that I should strive against sin as well as pray and wait for his Spirit Gods working in us to will and to do excludes not our endeavouring Phil. 2. 12 13. Having promises let us cleanse our selves 2 Cor. 7. 1. Octob. 17. I was immoderate in the use of the Creatures and though checked and reproved from within yet I persisted At night when I walked in my Chamber considering what I had done I was sad and said to God Lord I have Rebelled against thee I had no sooner said it in my heart but immediately that word was brought to me Dan. 9. 9. To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses he will forgive again and again though we have Rebelled against him O the wonderful goodness of God! be amazed O my Soul at this Love Now I saw the promise Isa 65. 24. before they call I will answer and whilst they are yet speaking I will hear made good to me In the evening on my Bed considering on this Love of God whence it should come to pass that the Lord should deal thus graciously with me it was answered me from Mic. 7. 18. He passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage because he delighteth in mercy Next morning at my first awaking the Spirit of God brought that Scripture into my thoughts Ps 65. 3. Iniquities prevail against me as for our trangressions thou shalt purge them away It came to me with some life and power and was very sutable to my Condition Oh the Goodness of God! the Riches of his Grace that he should so soon come into my relief and raise my Soul by his promise this is mercy never to be forgotten Sept. 28. In meditation I found the Lord drawing forth my heart to close with Christ I was convinced that God was willing to bestow his Son upon me because he did not only invite me Isa 55. 1. and Command me 1 Joh. 3. 23. but even beseech and entreat me to receive Christ 2 Cor. 5. 20. I was further convinced of Gods real intention and willingness to give me his Son from his patient waiting and long-suffering in expecting my return even after much deafness to the voice of his Spirit and dallying with his Grace he still offers his Son to me yea he presseth in upon me with the renewing of good motions and affections which I have quenched Now whence is all this but from the Love and mercy of God that he should be thus willing to have me take his Son Now who am I that I should withstand God Why should I forsake my own Mercies Lord thou hast shewn me that my former revoltings shall not hinder this thy mercy if I will acknowledge my sin renounce my self return unto thee and embrace thy Son Jer. 3. 12 13. O Lord I thankfully accept thy offer of Grace I come unto thee Oh give me thy Son behold I give thee my self Let me be Espoused to the Lord Jesus I am willing through grace to take up my Cross to deny my self and to follow thee Nov. 1. Having set apart that day to seek the Lord and to humble my Soul before him I could not get my heart to be afflicted and mourn under sin but found much lightness in Prayer the Lord hid his face and did not come in to my poor Soul with his quickning presence So that I lay in a poor desolate forsaken condition under much confusion yet in the evening a little before going to bed seeking the Lord again I was revived in reading Psal 40. especially v. 17. I am poor and needy yet the Lord thinketh upon me c. and next morning in reading Psal 9. 10. 18. Thou Lord hast not forsaken them that seek thee The needy shall not alway be forgotten the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever I was thereby encouraged still to wait and hope O Lord I have sought thee withhold not thou thy tender Mercies from me How long wilt thou hide thy face from me O when wilt thou come unto me Make hast to help me O my God I am poor and needy O let me not be forgotten for ever let not my expectation perish for ever and now O Lord what is my expectation It is even this the giving in of mercy and grace through the Lord Jesus pardoning mercy and renewing grace It is the pouring out of thy Spirit the taking away the heart of Stone and giving an heart of flesh it is an heart to know thee to fear thee to love thee and obey thee c. Dec. 6. Being in trouble and distress of Spirit because the Lord hid his face and withdrew himself from me I went in the poverty of my Spirit to Trinity Lecture and with some expectation to meet with God in his own Ordinance The Lord was gracious to me and spake Comfort to me from his Word I see it is good to wait upon God though he send the Rich empty away yet he filleth the hungry with good things My Soul was glad and rejoyced for a season But going into the Country the same day among friends and variety of worldly Affairs I lost something of the savour and relish which the good Word of God left upon me And I found palpably my Soul resting in those Comforts which I had received and growing secure and careless from whence the Lord gave me this Instruction That I am a poor silly wretch knowing neither how
Suffer little Children to come unto me and from observing how prevalent faith and Prayer is with God for the remission of sins and salvation of others as well as our own souls Math. 9. 2. Jesus seeing their faith said Son be of good cheer thy sins be forgiven thee So 1 Joh. 5. 16. If a man see his Brother sin a sin which is not unto death he shall ask of God and he shall give him life Now I Considered that though my child had sins incident to Childhood yet it had not sinned the sin unto death and therefore I concluded that if I asked of God he would give it life Jam. 5. 15. The Prayer of faith shall save the sick and if he hath commited sins they shall be forgiven him Math. 15. 22 28. The woman of Canaan's faith and Prayer availed with Christ for the Casting the Devil out of her daughter Now God helping me to act faith for my child upon the account of his covenant and stiring me by his Spirit often to pray for my Child I was thereby encouraged to hope for its Salvation When my Child died the same day the small Pox began to appear upon my Sister I knew not what breaches God might be about to make in my family but as I was hearing the word the Ministers treating on Gods intention to glorifie himself by all afflictions that he laid upon his people from that Scripture Isa 5. 15 16. this word Satisfied me that whatever judgments God should bring upon me or my family he would exalt and glorifie his own Name by them hereupon I submitted and resigned up my self to God to do with me and mine what he pleased Yet I was then under the sense of sin which weakned my faith and made me fearful I should not bear up chearfully if I should be visited while under the sense of guilt But I was much encouraged in meditation from Mic. 7. 8 9. When I sit in darkness the Lord will be a light unto me This faith they held when their affliction was attended with the sense of sin for it followeth I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him I was also much encouraged by viewing the promises that I had collected to comfort my self with when I was in danger of contagious diseases Especially those two viz Ps 41. 12. As for me thou settest me before thy face for ever and this was when under an evil disease v. 8 which was the fruit of his sin ver 4. and Ps 38. 5 7. My wounds stink and are corrupt my loyns are filled with a loathsome disease c. though in this visitation he was afflicted with the sense of sin and of Gods displeasure v. 1 2 3 4 and was deprived of the Comfortable Society of his relations and friends v. 11. yet he kept up his hope in God v. 15. In a little time after I had the sense of guilt taken off while I was studying my Sermon to remove the fears of Death Jun. 12. As I was reading Act. 6. in my Evening course by my self I observed by comparing ver 4. 7. that upon the Apostles giving themselves Continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word the number of the disciples encreased greatly in Jerusalem and a great company of the Priests were obedient to the faith I was instructed and affected with it and saw it was necessary I should pray much as well as Preach much if I would convert many Souls and that upon giving my self to prayer and to the ministry of the word I was in the most likely way to convert many Souls to Christ The Priests were the chiefest opposers of the Gospel Act. 4. 1 2. the chiefest persecuters of Christ Math. 16. 21. and 20 18. the most active in putting Christ to death Mar. 15. 10 11. Luk. 19. 47. the multitude that came to apprehend Christ were sent by the Priests Joh. 18. 3. the false witnesses were suborned by the Priests Math 26. 59. yet by the power of prayer and the word these Priests were brought in by great numbers to the faith of Christ and the obedience of the Gosple Jun. 25. about three of the Clock in the morning being Lords day my Wife was delivered of a Daughter and that morning the Lord sent a very plentiful rain The Tuesday before we kept a day of humiliation for my Wifes safe delivery and to seek the Lord for rain and the Lord gave a gracious answer to the prayers of that day both at one time Jul. 31. I saw the plague of my heart breaking out I argued against my corruption yet it overcame me and led me captive it wounded me that I should still sin against God even while under his Correcting hand My faith was revived by that Scripture Isa 57. 17 18. I Smote him he went on frowardly in the way of his own heart I have seen his ways and will heal him I was much encouraged from that word I will heal him which imports the Subduing as well as the pardoning of sin Aug. 2. I was encouraged to write something that might be useful for my generation from Jer. 36. 1 2 3 4 5. Two things especially from that Scripture did put me forward to this 1. writing of the word of God is a means to Convert souls and to lead them to repentance 2. this Command for writing was given when Jeremiah was shut up and could not preach as usually and such was my case viz I was debarred from publick preaching hereupon I apprehended God called me to write Sept. 6. Being fast day As I came from Church I received a letter from Mr. J. which acquainted me that my Son Samuel was very ill that day I spent somewhat unprofitably I was not affected as I ought with publick judgments and the misery of others and therefore it was just with God to bring affliction into my family the next day my Wife and I went over to see our Child and after we had been with it about five or six hours it died very suddenly I was troubled that I did not pray with it before it died which was occasioned by being in anothers family and my not apprehending death to be near This stroak coming soon after my removal from Colchester I communed with my heart whether I had sinned in removing from that place and my conscience did not at that time charge me with sin in removing my habitation I was Comforted in calling to mind Gods dealing with Jacob who met with many afflictions in those removes which he made at the command of God He was pursued by his Uncle put into great fear by his Brother loseth Deborah his Mothers nurse and Rachel his beloved Wife His Sons Reuben Simeon and Levi fell into foul sins c. Hence I saw that God trieth his dear Servants with sudden and sore afflictions in those places to which they have removed at the call of God Sept. 24. I enjoyed the opportunity
of the Lords Supper I found God gracious to me in preparation In the morning when I awaked God brought to my remembrance Jer. 2. 32. Can a maid forget her Ornaments or a Bride her attire I considered I was to meet and Sup with my Bridegroom the Lord Jesus and then considered what Ornaments and attire would best please him that I might put them on and these were presented to my thoughts some as I lay in bed and some afterwards as lovely and desirable in the sight of Christ which I determined to put on 1 st A meek and quiet Spirit 1 Pet. 3. 4. 2 ly Faith Cant. 4. 9. Thou hash ravished my heart my Sister my spouse with one of thine Eyes Faith hath the office of an Eye in the Soul Joh. 6. 40. Every one that seeth and believeth Looking unto Jesus Heb 12. 2. 3 ly Love Cant. 4. 10. How fair is thy Love my Sister c. 4 ly Humility Math. 11. 29. Learn of me for I am lowly in heart 5 ly Self-denial and forsaking of every thing that cometh in Competition with Christ Ps 45 10 11. Hearken O Daughter and consider forget thine own people and thy Fathers House So shall the King greatly desire thy beauty 6 ly An obediential frame of heart Math. 10. 20 21. All these have I observed from my youth Jesus beholding him Loved him 7 ly An heart resolved to hold and maintain frequent converse and communion with him Cant. 2. 14 Let me see thy countenance let me hear thy voice for sweet is thy voice and thy Countenance is Comely 8 ly Uprightness Prov. 11. 20. 9 ly An holy fear of God and hope in his mercy Ps 147. 11. 10 ly fruitfulness Cant. 4. 16 5. 1. But though God graciously assisted me in preparation yet in the time of receiving my heart was flat and dead As soon as the Sacrament was ended I retired to my Chamber to to pray and as I was praying that Scripture was brought to my remembrance Rom. 3. 3 4. shall their unbelief make the Faith of God of none effect God forbid I argued thence that the sins of my holy things my deadness and want of holy and due affections in time of receiving should not make void what God had promised in and by this ordinance but that the Cup was to me the Communion of the blood of Christ and the New Testament in his blood and the Bred the Communion of the body of Christ This did strengthen my faith to depend upon God for the benefits signified and sealed by that Ordinance notwithstanding the indisposition of my heart in the time of receiving Sept. 29. As I was musing on that rich promise made to Abraham Gen. 15. 1. Fear not Abraham I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward Which is sufficient to bear up the Soul under the fear and danger of any Evil and against the loss and want of any good things I considered what warrant I had to apply that promise and presently that Scripture was hinted to me Gal. 3. 9. They which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham I was strengthened and Comforted by it Twice in this weak I observed that Setting upon worldly business which called hastily upon me before I had been at closet prayer and performed my usual meditations on the Covenant and promises of God my heart grew out of frame and unsavory and I was Successless on both days Oct. 1. Sabbath day At my Entrance on my morning meditation on Gods Covenant I had a great combate in my Spirit about my laying claim to God as my God having been lately foiled by my sins but God helped me and shewed me out of his word that I might and ought to keep my hold of God as my God Notwithstanding my often backslidings from him Jer. 3. 1 5 7 8. yet v. 19. saith God Thou shalt call me my Father Hos 2. 5. with 16. The same evening considering how often and greatly I had sinned and yet had been forgiven I pondered on that Scripture Luke 7 47. and saw that I had cause to love the Lord much because I had much forgiven and Considering how I should shew my Love to God and that much these Scriptures were hinted to me Ps 40. 16. Let such as love thy name say Continually let the Lord be Magnified Ps 97. 10. Ye that Love the Lord hate evil Joh. 14. 10. If ye Love me keep my Commandments Joh. 21. 15. Simon lovest thou me feed my sheep feed my Lambs Lord help me thus to shew much love to thee Oct. 8. Having been overtaken with the sin which easily besets me and hath often foiled me My Spirit fell and my faith flagg'd and I could not look upon God with any boldness was indisposed to prayer Yet in time of prayer God magnified his free grace to me and revived my Souls with that word 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. If any man sin we have an Advocate c. After I had ended my Supplications I pondered on that Scripture and was comforted against the sense of my sin by the Advocateship of Jesus Christ who pleadeth his propitiatory Sacrifice as a Satisfaction to his Fathers justice for the sins of believers as oft as they fall into them and querying with my self whether he would be an Advocate to me to plead for me I was satisfied from that word Joh. 6. 37. him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out I was also further encouraged from Heb. 7. 25. I considered that the Intercession of Christ answered all charges and accusations that could be brought against those for whom he interceded Rom. 8. 33. 34. and that the Intercession of Christ kept us â—o firmly in the love of God that nothing could be able to separate us from it Rom. 8. 34. 35 38 39. I considered further that the persons for whom he interceded were such as came to God by him and that he interceded for them at all times when they are fallen as well as when they stand when they are dead as well as when in a lively frame for He ever liveth to make intercession After these meditations my Spirit revived and notwithstanding I was before bowed down under the sense of guilt I went with boldness to God leaning upon the merits and Intercession of Jesus Christ Oct. 13. My Spirit being bowed down with the sense of guilt because I was foiled by a Sin against which I had prayed many years I was revived in reading in my course 2 Cor. 12. 7 8 9. Whence I observed 1 st God seeth it needful for some of his Servants to meet with buffeting 2 ly When God le ts loose any corruption a thorn in the flesh or a temptation a messenger of Satan to buffet us It is to keep us humble and from being exalted 3 ly God suffers his faithful Servants sometimes to pray long against corruption or temptation and yet cannot get it removed 4 ly Though my strength was not