yet I was as most Youths are not only ignorant of the knowledge of God and of his son Jesus Christ and of Regeneration and other Mysteries of the Gospel and of my own miserable estate by Nature but I was also very active and forward in the persuit of the pleasures and vanities of this wicked world and justly tearmed as I was by my Companions and School-fellows Dux omnium malorum Captain or Leader of or in all evil only drunkenness I much hated looking upon it as such an unnatural thing that the most greedy silly Beasts abstain from it and I wondred that persons could delight in that which had neither true pleasure profit nor honour in it I had no esteem for the holy Scriptures nor cared at all to look into them but either Hystorical or Poetical Books Romances and the like were all my delight the Sabbath I much profaned by all sports though God was pleased to magnifie his grace so much as to make that the occasion of my Conversion For being one Lords day a stander by and beholder of those that broke the Sabbath by divers Games being then my self a Reader of Common-Prayers and in the habit of a foolish Shepheard I was ashamed to play with them yet took as much pleasure therein as if I had whereupon a Godly grave Professour of Religion one of those then called Puritans seeing me there came to me and very soberly and mildly asked me doth it become you Sir that are a Scholar and one that teacheth others to break the Lords Sabbath thus to whom I answered as those scoffers in Malachy Wherein do I break it you see me onely stand by but I do not play at all to which he replyed but you find your own pleasure herein by looking on and this God forbids in his holy Word so he opened his Bible and read these words in Esa 58.13 and perticularly that expression Not finding thy own pleasure upon the sabbath day such was the partinency of the place and the power that came with the word I was for the present silent and took it so far into consideration as to resolve never to transgress in the like kind again which resolution God enabled me to perform though as yet I was not at all convinced of my lost estate by nature nor of the want of Christ But about a year after I had a call to hear a godly excellent Preacher who in his Uses shew d that they who would go to heaven must do four sorts of services Namely hard service costly service derided service and forlorn service upon the last he did as I thought begin to put me to question whether I was such a one as was singular or did walk in that way wherein fewest walked or had performed any of those services and the more I examined my self the more I was convinced I had not which began to disquiet me much and made me go into private where in darkness I struggled not knowing what to do and was ashamed to inquire having never yet read seriously any part of the holy Scripture nor any other Godly book nor never prayed privately except by book and forms and that formally without understanding sense faith or the spirit of supplication for which things I began to be troubled but yet knew not what course to take but resolved to cast my self down before God on my knees and acknowledge I was in such estate I knew not what to do unless he would direct and help me being much discouraged by my own weakness and ignorance then by a choice providence I came to find a book written by Doctor Sibbes called the bruised Reed and by reading that I found there was incouragement for weak ones and such who had but a smoak of true desire though the fire of grace did not appear in them yet still I was like one groping in the dark till God sent a most holy sober mortified Christian to me who seeing me like a Char-coal that had been in the fire yet without light and life he pittied my condition and began to tell me what a hard work the work of conversion was it being no less then to make a stone flesh and darkness light these with many such words began to sink and to enter deep into my heart and from that time I took up the profession of Godliness although the foundation work was not laid deep enough so as to have the heart mortified for or from sin but I was disquieted within me and like a Boat tossed upon the waves that could make to no shore for safety At this time the Lord visited me with a very sore and great pain of the Tooth-ach which continued divers days and nights together in great extremity so that with the violence thereof I thought I should have been deprived of my senses or life and by another good providence I met with a little book of Mr. Perkins and in that with this expression if the pains of one little bone or tooth be so grievous for a few days what then will the pains of the whole body and soul be in hell for evermore Upon this my terrour began in Conscience to that degree that it made the other pain to seem somewhat more easie and both together put me upon crying out to God with greater sense then before and between fear and pain a troubled muddy spirit of prayer began to spring up and perceiving I had some help I pumped harder and so found at last my heart began to be inlarged with confessions and my sins were brought into remembrance for which I arraigned my self and lay in my own thoughts as a convicted and guilty person but all the while I knew not how or by whom to become guiltless or to attain pardon all this while I never looked on the Scripture nay I laid aside that book called the bruised Reed as too good for me to read and wherein I could expect no comfort But very shortly after hearing of another very famous godly Preacher I resolved to go hear him he Preached that day upon Mark 16.15 Go and Preach the Gospel to every creature He that believes and is baptized shall be saved Out of which words he shewed that as the Gospel was to be Preached to every creature so none could be saved but such as did believe in Christ which afterwards by comparing it with John 1 12. He shewed that it was to receive Christ and thereupon he encouraged all to receive Christ because he would supply all their wants strengthen them under all their weaknesses succour them against all their temptations and the like upon the urging of which motives I was much encouraged and perswaded to be willing to receive and take Christ upon his own termes but then he shewed that they who would have Christ and salvation by him must do the hardest learn the harshest part with the sweetest and suffer the sorest things which words being sutable to those that wrought the
I had my Heart several times in a good frame of Prayer Fifthly I learned f om Psal 149.2.4 How it is mutually between God and his People they joy in him and he take pleasure in them I also was thinking of the grounds of Saints doubts about their salvation viz. Ignorance in the Covenant of grace want of observing their Hearts of keeping up Holiness Slothfulness and favouring some secret sin and not profiting by ordinances I was noting that the wicked are not ashamed to profess that they endeavour hurt to the righteous without a cause Prov. 1.11 and that the godly should gâ—ow more bold by how much the more their afflictions increase 1. Thess 2.2 I had my heart this day so tned in Pâ—â—yer I was this day convinced of the negligence in that duty of desiring to see the Faces of the Saints as Paul did 1. Thess 3.11 I received a special Letter this day from our dear Brother I. B. which suited much with my condition and judgement I learned a word from one that I could not expect such words viz. I did not heretofore prize neither great things that were temporal of spiritual but now I prize the least things of either sort from 2. Cor. 7. chap. 4 5 6. I observed 1. That in the greatest trouble Gods People may have the greatest comforts 2. That their comfort is originally from God 3. That God may send in these comforts at such times and in such a manner as they expect not this Evening my Soul was a little refreshed by divers promises and softned in Prayer Being the Lords day I observed from Prov. 3.16 In all thy wayes acknowledge him that godliness is an eying of God owning of God imitating of God and respecting of God in all our wayes and upon the consideration of these two following questions I had many thoughts some of which were refreshing and satisfying to me from the first question how we may know that we have received real good benefit by our afflictions Secondly How we may know when God doth afflict in Love and Faithfulness Psal 119.75.71 also divers other meditations from Rev. 12.10 They overcame by the word of their testimony and by the Blood of the Lamb c. and concerning the spiritual Race which a Christian is to run I had some enlargedness and tenderness of heart God according to his usual way and dealing with me foreseeing what I could not to wit more approaching affliction did this day administer an Antidote even comfort by Letters from the hands of several special Freinds also those words keep sound wisdome keep my saying in the midest of thine heart and keep thy heart with all diligence were I adjudged words worthy of observation hearing this Evening of a gratious Brother and Preacher sickness my heart was moved earnestly to pray for him I observed in the Morning a special exhortaion out of Prov. 5.1 My Son attend unto my wisdome and bow thine Ear unto my understanding also verse the 23. that sin is a great folly so chap. 18.13 Judg. 19.23 This day I received a sad Letter from a Brother T. E. that is turned Quaker which added much â—o my affliction the good Lord shew him the E â—or of his way and humble and reclaim him this day I was sensible of my aptness to be angry and was put seriously to enquire into the voice and will of God by these additional afflictions and I find a need of the continuance of them and my heart brought into a more submissive frame to bear and suffer his Rod. This day I bless the Lord was a good day to my Soul I had enlargedness and much freeness with some measure of softness and earnestness in Prayer especially for the Saints of God and perticularly for my own country Christians I had also a strong resolution to watch my self more carefully and do my duty more diligently then formerly out of Prov 7. I observed several helps or means to prevent and preserve the Soul from sin viz. 1. A laying up the Commandements in the Heart 2. A looking on them or eying of them 3. Getting endeared affection to Christ 4. By taking heed of the occasions thereof This day was but a flat drowsie day to my Soul nor great good gained but sin and grace not discernably active and affections unwarmed and unquickened yet convinced of lost time and comforted a little from 1 Thess 4. With thoughts of Christs coming I was this morning instructed from wisdomes words Prov. 8.8 All the words of my mouth are in righteousness and there is nothing froward in them that I should take more heed for the time to come of a froward Month and Tongue this day also I hope I can humbly say it I injoyed the Lord both in Meditation and Prayer and being sensible of the want of skil in beleiving and more diligence in sanctification and thereupon I am resolved through grace and hope to be enabled to take more heed to my ways and as the Lord also presented that Scripture to me Thess 5.15 But ever follow that which is good This day I had a check in my Spirit for lightness of heart and besides an outward special Providence I observed I learned from the sin I saw and heard of in others to loath or at least desired to loath it in my self I also observed from Prov. 9.18 That one main Reason why People do not leave sin is because they do not know or consider the punishment of sin also what a commendable thing it is for Christians to be patient and beleiving in all Persecution and Tribulations Thess 2.1 chap. 4. This day being the Lords day through Gods grace I had my heart much softened and enlarged to call upon God especially one time I observed also that that want of the love to the truth and love to unrighteousness are the causes of men falling from the faith 2. Thess 2.10.12 also anoâ—her excellent Lesson from that word 2. Thess 3 1â— where he speaks of busie Bodies which signifies properly to be too intent about the work we should not be This dâ—â— I had my heart set somewhat upon the consideration hâ— t vâ— p â—â—â—s Pâ—ov 11.2 12 13. The â—ust â—hall be delâ—veâ—ed and the just shall be saved on of troubâ—e 〈◊〉 dâ— I was noâ—eing a great difference between having the light and the love of the truth this day I received an Answer from a Christian Freind of a Bâ—others business of concernment which signified his love and care and increased my affection to him I was somewhat affected also with the sweet Counsel of Christ to the Church of Sardis I had my Soul in some good frame especially in Prayer and comfort from the consideration of the promises in Psal 1.3 That the good man shall bear Fruit and that his Fruit shall not wither and Isa 49.25 and Jer. 33.20 From the stability of the Covenant I likewise considered 1. That there is that in Christ which answers
laid his hand of sickness upon me by which I was brought even to the gates of death and in the sight both of Physicians and Friends and in my own expectation I was a dying man yet much more sensible of the danger I apprehended my soul to be in than of my bodily weakness sweating with the horror of it and diligently examining my self by the best signs I could either find at that time oâ— had found before which I had writ down with the grounds of my fear in a little Diary which Book I then desired to see but having lent it to a Christian Friend that was far distant could not so that being satisfied 〈◊〉 lay even at the next door to despair waiting for noâ—hing less than to be suddainly cast into Hell Whilst I was in this Agony the Lord God of all grace who brought back from the depth of the Sea did about noon present to me that Scripture Jo. 3.36 He that believeth 〈◊〉 the Son hath everlasting Life Which words were then revealed to me and opened thus First that there was nothing necessary to Salvation but onely believing in Christ Secondly that to such as did believe in Christ there was a certaintie of Salvation My understanding being cleared in these two particulars I was then to seek and to learn whether I did believe or not and to know that I examined my self what signs of true Faith I had and how I could prove that I did believe and finding no certain evidence being also convinced that I had before many years gone in that way to no purpose I continued still in an hopeless state but upon a suddain and unexpectedly a mighty power no less than that spirit which raised up Christ Jesus from the dead and which declared him to be the Sonne of God did enable me to believe and witnessed effectually in me that I did believe Which divine impression I look upon to be all one with that sealing spoken of in Eph. 1.13 And the witnessing of the Spirit of God with our Spirits Rom. 8.16 and thereupon I had perfect peace my heart not at all condemning me But according to 1 John 3.21 I had a confidence towards God and not only so but my heart likewise was filled wtih admiration and great joy according to that saying Whom having not seen ye love in whom though now you see him not yet believing ye rejoyce with joy unspeakable and full of glory 1 Pet. 1.8 After this manifestation and wonderful operation of God which I could never express either by word or writing so clearly and distinctly as then I apprehended and felt it in my soul The Lord added the mercie of natural life and health and so I experience the fulness of those two Scriptures Heaviness in thâ— heart of man maketh it stoop but a good word maketh it glad Prov. 12.25 And a sound heart is life tâ— the flesh Prov. 14.32 And being restored both to my health and the exercise of my Ministry I waâ— taught by the Lord to preach in another manner than before Namely to lay Christ as the foundation and to Preach chiefly and mainly and qualification and duties in a secondary and subservant way Yet from hence also did Satan take occasion to thrust at me and throw me into the other extream even unto that which is truly and properly called Antinomianisme to destroy and utterly deny the use of the Law but the Lord did timely and graciosly prevent my fall in this also and to fulfil unto me that Scripture He that fears the Lord shall come out of all viz. out of all extreams as the foregoing words do shew Eccles 7.18 To omit many other remarkable providences of God towards me for the space of two years that I was in London as also his goodness to me for some space that I was in the Army I was at length called to Dartford in Kent where indeed Gods favours of several kinds for the space of two years and an half were very many as to own such a nothing Creature and enable me to bring home in that Town and thereabouts I hope to Gods glory I may speak it many souls to Christ where also I gathered a Congregation among whom I had very sweet and comfortable Society After some time of my abode there it pleased the Lord to visit that Town with the Plague where about thirty Houses were shut up at once and the dead bodies were carried by my Chamber wall and window yet it pleased God to preserve me and my Family wonderfully from the Disease although I continued in the Town and preached constantly three times a week and some that had the Sickness upon them came publickly to hear After which the Lord stayed the Plague and delivered me from that affliction also Yet not long after this it pleased the Lord to visit me with a very dangerous Feaver and Ague insomuch as I was in the eyes of all my Friends and in the judgement of Physicians also hopeless as to Life yet God gave me Faith to be healed by that means prescribed James 5. And I sent unto some Godly Preachers in London desiring them to come unto me and perform that duty of anointing me with Oyl And whilst I was waiting for and expecting their answer and questioning whether they would have Faith and freedome to practice the same the Lord brought that Scripture to my remembrance and fixed it upon me Rom. 3.3 Shall unbelief make the Faith of God of none effect or shall they as it was then applyed to me make void the Faith that God hath given me or hinder me of being healed wherupon I was confirmed that it should not but I did believe that God would recover me and accordingly after a suddain and strange trance which I fell into and continued in for about six hours wherin I did sweat abundantly yet discerned not at all during that time how it was with me or what was done for me my sickness presently abated and I recovered Having spent above two years at Dartford and being now upon my return home into Wales I was willing to take along with me a Certificate or Testimonial from the Synod which sate then and had the tryal of all Publick Preachers To this purpose I applyed my self to some of them to whom Mr. Stephen Marshal was one they questioned me about Ordination and told me that unless I would be Ordained they could not approve to which I answered I was willing to be tryed as a Christian and as a Scholar but had some doubts about Ordination as that particularly whether the Eldership mentioned 1 Tim. 4.12 were to be understood of one or more Congregations in which I was not yet satisfied and then addressing my self particularly to Mr. Marshal and reasoning the case with him they at last gave me this following Certificate THese are to Certify those whom it may concern that the bearer hereof Mr. Vavasor Powell is a man of a Religious and blameless
Conversation and of able gifts for the work of the Ministry and hath approved himself faithful therein which we whose Names are under-written do Testify some of our own knowledge others from Credible and Sufficient information And therefore he being now called and desired to exercise his Gifts in his own Countrey of Wales he also having the Language thereof we conceive him fit for that Work and worthy of encouragement therein In Witness whereof we here subscribed our Names Sep. 11. 1646. Charles Herte Prolocutor Henry Scudder VVilliam Greenhill Franc. VVoodcock VVilliam Strong Joseph Caryl VVilliam Carter Thomas VVilson Jer. Burroughs Philip Nye Stephen Marshall Jer. VVhitaker Arther Salwey Peter Sterry Henry Prince Christopher Love Tho. Froysell Robert Bettes I may say through Gods grace and that experimeâ—tally that God was pleased to own me a poor nâ—thing creature in the work of his Gospel in Wales boâ—â— to call gather and edifie I hope many souls there yet not I but the grace of God in me and with me and among many other experiences of Gods goodness these following are some About the year 1647. the Island of Anglesey in North Wales being then un-reduced the Parliament Forces went to reduce it and their chief Officers sent for me to Preach unto that brigade of Souldiers and as I marched with them unto the place either the night immediately before or the night before that it was revealed unto me in my sleep that I should be wounded and two of my friends cut and the very fingers were pointed out which accordingly came to pass yet when I was in extream danger between several enemies who fell upon me receiving that and some other wounds there being no likelyhood to escape I heard a voyce as I apprehended speaking audibly to me I have chosen thee to preach rhe Gospel to which I answered O Lord then bring me off and immediately God guided my Horse though he was very wild and not well commanded to go backward out of the Barricado that I had entred at and so I was indeed miraculously preserved although a good man a Captain who came to relieve me was killed close to me and as far as I could perceive the same Bullet that was shot at me took him in the neck and killed him Many other remarkable circumstances there are in this deliverance which I here omit Several other times also I have been delivered from perils by water by Thieves by Enemies purposely lying in wait for me who yet had no power to hurt me the Lord converted some and graciously prevented and terrified others from their purpose But I must not forget the favour of the Lord in answering prayer of which the most remarkable instances are these One time coming from Preaching I lost my way and being out till it was far in the night in a Wood or Forrest among Lakes Bryars and Thorns I went up and down while I was quite weary but by looking up to the Lord I was presently directed into my way The like experience I had another time when another Preacher and my self had lost our way in a very dark night and had tired our selves in searching to and froâ— to no purpose at last calling to mind how God had formerly heard in that case when I sought unto him we called upon the Lord who immediately pointed out our way and it seemed as clear to us as if it had been day light One Mistress Watkins of the Parish of Lanniggn in the County of Brecknock a gracious Gentlewoman having kept her chamber and bed as was reported for two years and not gone from home for the space of four years hearing that I was come into those parts sent for me to come and visit her she having it seems some faith that if I prayed for her she should be healed that the next morning she went between two and three miles on foot to hear me preach Another time one Elizabeth Morris of new Radnor a Religious Maid having the Falling sickness or Convulsion Fits which took her many times in one day one night being at Family-Duty in a Brothers house in Town whilst I was speaking she fell into one of her Fits but Prayer being made for her she recovered before the prayer was ended and for many years had no more fits and I think hath not been troubled at all since Another time viz. Oliver Protect days there was mighty wet Harvest which continued several weeks insomuch that much Hay and Corn was spoiled but divers Christians that were dissatisfied with that Government having met several days to seek advice about it came at last to draw up a Paper or Testimony against it And the day being come when we intended to subscribe it After spending some time further to seek the Lord it being a great rain so that it did beat in through the glass windows into the room where we met one that was close to the window being to conclude the duty earnestly begged of God that if he did approve of the work we were about and would have us to proceed therein he would be pleased to grant us a sign of fair weather presently and before Prayer was ended the Lord shut up the windows of Heaven and the Sun did shine gloriously and some if not all of us did observe that for divers weeks together afterwards we had exceeding fair weather and so had two mercies given us at once The Paper thus subscribed was called a Word for God or a Testimony on truths behalf from several Churches and divers hundreds of Christians in Wales and some few adjacent against wickedness in high places with a brief Letter to the Lord Gen. Cromwell and both presented to his hands and afterward published in Print These few things of many which I have observed in my self concerning the Lords gracious and wonderful dealing with me I have set down not as boasting or seeking praise to my self but to keep a memorial of the Lords benefits and to stir up others into whose hands these few notes may come to have confidence in the power and goodness of God who is the Saviour of all men but especially of them that believe in him A CONFESSION OF FAITH Drawn up by Mr. VAVASOUR POWELL Concerning the Holy Scriptures THE Holy Scriptures containing the Old and New Testament or the writings oâ— the Prophets Evangelists and Apostles commonly called the Bible are the Written word of God which besides the plain Testimony of Scripture in many places thus witnessing of it self doth most fully and convincingly appear by considering that what in Matthew is called the command Mat. 15.6 That in Mark is stiled The word of God Mark 7.13 and the like may be observed in comparing Deut. 30.11 14. with Rom. 10.8 where the Greek word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which the Apostle useth and is translated the Word is never taken for Christ but very often for the Command on Threatning or Promise of God in which sense it is called the
that by Faith only without Works before God Rom. 3.23 25. Rom. 4.1 5. Yet that Faith which justifies cannot be alone but is accompanied with good Works which justifies Believers before Men and manifests their Faith to be a True and living Faith Iames 2.17 18. as the Fruits of Trees do shew the nature of them but are no causes of their Root Life or Growth Justification is wholly of Gods Grace through the Redemption Righteousness and Blood of Jesus Christ Rom. 3.24 25. whereby those who truly believe in him have all their sins forgiven which will never be imputed nor remembred against them any more Romans 3.22 26. Hebr. 10.14.17 True Faith also by which the soul looks on Christ takes hold on him receives him becomes one with him and whereby Christ dwells in the Hearts of Believers is the gift of God Iohn 6.44 65. Eph. 2.8 3.17 Concerning the Spirit of Adoption and Regeneration 1. All those that truly believe God gives unto them Power or rather as the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 signifies Right or Priviledge to become his children Iohn 1.12 and they receive the Spirit of Adoption by which they are led and enabled to come with confidence and boldness unto God and to call him Father through Iesus Christ Rom. 8.14.15 Gal. 4.5 6. The spirit it self also dwells and abides in them as the chiefest evidence of their being the children of God Iohn 14.16 17. Rom. 8.16 1 John 4.13 2. Regeneration Sanctification and Repentance which are the same in effect is a renewing of the Heart and a subduing and cleansing of the Power and Filth of sin with a quickning of the soul to live like Christ these are absolutely necessary to salvation John 3.3 5. Rom. 6 c. Yet these also as well as Faith are the gifts and works of God which he giveth through and for the sake of his Son and works by his Spirit in those whom he intends to save Ezek. 36.26 27 28. Acts 11.18 c. 3. No man much less all men hath by nature or before his conversion either the Spiritual light or true Faith or Christ or his Spirit in them or a will or love to that which is spiritually good or power to come to Christ or to be subject to his Law and Will but by nature and before conversion the best are blind unbelieving without Christ and without the Spirit unwilling wilful weak and wicked John 3.5 6. Rom. 5.6 8.7 Eph. 2.1 2 c. Yet sinning against the Light and Law of Nature and not worshipping God according to what is revealed of him by the works of Creation they are left inexcusable Rom. 1.20 21. Concerning Redemption from the Curse of the Law All true Believers are really and actually redeemed from the Curse and power or Dominion of the Law and are under Grace or the Blessings Promises and Privileges of the Covenant of Grace both Temporal and Eternal Rom. 6.14 7 4 6. Gal 3.13 On the contrary all Unbelievers and wicked persons are and remain under the Law and Covenant of works Gal. 5.4 Concerning the two Covenants From the beginning of the world there have been two Covenants in being viz. The Covenant of Grace and the Covenant of works called the Law and the Gospel and all and every person in the world have been and are under one of them the first requiring the Obedience of works the other the Obedience of Faith and these are the conditions of the two Covenants Rom. 10.4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11. Heb. 8.7 8. c. 10.15 16 c. 22. Concerning Perseverance in Grace Those that do truly believe and are once in and under the New Covenant and in the true grace of God as the Apostle speaks Rom. 5.2 cannot absolutely fall and utterly perish for they are passed from death to life John 5.24 they are in Christ and God the Fathers hand John 10.28 29. they have the Spirit abiding in them unto eternal life 1 John 3.24 they sit together in heavâ—â—ly places in Christ Eph. 2.5 6. and he makes intercession for them John 17.20 and the Decree Oath and Promises of God are sure to all the seed Rom. 4.16 that they shall not depart from God Jer. 32.40 1 Iohn 3.9 and that he will never leave nor forsake them Heb. 13-5 6. and that he or every one that believeth shall be saved Mark 16.16 and shall not come into condemnation for there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus Rom. 8.1 Concerning assurance of Salvation i. Believers are to be exhorted to make their calling and election sure 2 Pet. 1.10 and this they may certainly attain unto for God hath promised it Christ hath prayed for it and many of the Saints have attained unto it 1 John 2.3 5. 3.14 c. 2. Though there are many signs and evidences of the truth of grace laid down in the Scripture and such as Believers may find in themselves as Love to God and to his people respect to all Gods Commands and hatred to sorrow for and power against all in-bred corruption c. Yet the chiefest and most undoubted evidence is the spirit it self 1 Iohn 3.24 4.13 and the Witness and Sealing of it Rom. 8.15 Eph. 1.13 which Believers have most commonly after they believe and not at their first believing Gal. 3.14 and there may be a true Faith mingled with much Doubting Mat. 14.31 and many of the children of light may walk in darkness and be ignorant of their state Isa 50.10 Yet such bruised Reeds God will not break nor quench such smoaking Flax i. e. such weak and Doubting Christians or their Faith till he bring forth Judgment into victory or help them to overcome Mat. 12.20 21. 3. It is possible also that such believers as have attained unto a full Assurance may afterwards either through the hiding of Gods countenance for Tryal of them or by falling into some great sin or by some sore and violent temptation or through their Remissness in Religious Duties or the like have their Assurance darkned shaken and weakned and thereby their Souls may be much troubled and discomforted Psal 30.7 Cant 2.1 2. 5.2 3 c. yet in their darkest and most doubting condition they cleave unto the Lord remember his former dealings acknowledge these doubts to be their Infirmities and they find and feel some workings of the Spirit and Grace within them and still continue in Prayer and other Ordinances waiting upon the Lord till he return unto them revive them restore the joy of his Salvation and settle them in their old Estates as he hath promised For this read Psal 22. 51. 77. throughout Lam. 3. Isa 8.17 50.10 c. Concerning Growth and Perseverance in Grace 1. Those that have true Grace whether little or much they should labour to grow therein and to add one Grace to another going from strength to strength perfecting holiness in the fear of God and still
she was nursed her whole time This day I observed from Lev. 26. Gods way of dealing outwardly with his People either in mercy or affliction according to their obedience or disobedience but though they have sined and brought punishment upon themselves yet upon their confession of sin humbling of their hearts and accepting of their punishment God remits their sins and removes the punishment this day God in his providence ordered that I should hurt and bruise my Leg which might have been much worse I humbly praise God for it and hope to profit by it This day my heart was very much enlarged softened and quickened in Prayer twice but especially once and raised through the power of God exceedingly to be willing to suffer I learnt 1. To beware of sleight and short repentance a thing I often consider off 2. To fear secret self conceitedness after the well performing of a duty 3. To take heed of the corrupting Flies of vain thoughts and idle words 4. From Pâ—ov 24.1 Not to desire the company of evil men 5. To see consider look and receive instruction from the Evil of others 6. That such as do the will of God but not with a good end shall be punished Hos 1.4 This day I was troubled with vain and wandering thoughts in solemn duties yet was made sensible of them and in some measure resisted them effectually I Learned from Prov. 25.22 how to perform my duty towards my Enemies and from chap. 26. 26. the danger of keeping secret sins that God will discover them before the Congregation God favoured me this day with kindness from and affected me somewhat with the relation and reading of Gods wonderful and strange works at which I desire to stand in admiration and to fear and tremble also to be affected with the sufferings of other Saints that differ from me I observed also from Prov. 26.23 How a wicked Hea t may be covered and undisceâ—ned as a Potshe d covered with dross also from chap 27.12 the Character and care of a prudent man viz. to foresee the evil and hide himself and from 2. Tim. 1. to learn to partake of sufferings and not to be ashamed of sufferers This day though I rose earlyer then ordinary yet through the multiplicity and continuance of company I made not such good impâ—ovement thereof I cannot say I profited much or gained or learned any thing unless it w re from P ov 27.12 That a prudent man foreseeth the evil and hideth himself also from 2. Tim. 2.11.12 I â—â—se ved great encouragement to suffer for Christ because we shall live and raign with him also to labour to be pure fit Vessels for the Lord to follow aâ—ter Righteousness Faith Peace Charity c. I was convinced this day of four things I was too negligent in viz. Studying the Scriptures sending to the Christians especially those to whom I relate finishing somewhat I intended and begun and improving my Talent in this place more to the benefit of other poor Souls I had my heart softened and in some measure enlarged this day in Prayer and truely affected with some Christians that came to see me I had some comfortable considerations from three promises Prov. 28.10 20 26. The upright shall have good things in possession who so walketh â—prightly shall be saved and who so walketh wisely shall be delivered I had also comfortable from Hos 3 4.5 Compared together and was put to consideâ— those in 2. Tim. 3.2 c. This morning though too slothful I had some bâ—eathings of the Spirit of the Lord and kindled affections in Pâ—ayer those words in Prov. 29.25 were some comfort and support to me the fear of man bringeth a sâ—aâ—e but who so putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe among other considerations I had this day 1. I considered that it was the needfulâ—st thing in a dangerous time to get assurance of Gods favour and salvation and to make hast to repent and return to the Lord. 2. To consider our spiritual warfare and to qâ—iâ— our selves like Christians in striving for victory over our â—piritual Enemies I had comfort from that blessed pâ—omise Ier. the 33.7 8. Thâ—s dâ—y I had no great benefit to my Soul only from Hos 4 8.10 12. I observed 1. That to have the heart set on iniquity 2. To leave off taking need to the Lord. 3. To lose the heart or have it indisposed to good 4. To go from under God 5. To be left â—o â—â—n oâ— igno ant of the mind of the Loâ—d are most sad things alâ—o from the 2. Tim. 4. 1. To Watch 〈◊〉 all â—hiâ—g 2. Endure 3. To be doing our pâ—esâ—nâ— duty 4. Looking for our cha ge and dâ—â— nâ—â—ng oâ— God to be kept â—â—om evil were mâ—â—â—asoâ—â—â—e preâ—â—nt Lâ—ssons I â—ound some softnâ—sâ— â—â—nâ—eâ—ity of heart thiâ— daâ— and h d tâ—re speâ—â—â—â—â—d 〈◊〉 in things in my hea t to deâ—iâ—e â—â—om Coâ—â— 1. 〈◊〉 A th ough repentâ—nce 〈◊〉 recoveâ—y 〈◊〉 of foâ—mer sins 2. To be perâ—â—ctly pâ—â—served â—o the â—â—â—e to come from evil 3. To be 〈◊〉 or my dissolution or sufferings I received much kindness from the Lord this day the words in Hos 5.15 Till they acknowledge their iniquity or be guilty I considered and thought I câ—â—e short thereof yet those words Prov. 28.13 He that confesseth and forsaketh his sin shall find mercy This day I injoyed some measure of the Spirit in softening and drawing out of my heart in Prayer and somewhat in beleiving and tenderness towards others and those words Eccles 3 18. Of Gods manifesting unto men that they are but Beasts I desired to apply and to take heed of being guilty of any of those sins mentioned Hos 4. 1. Of setting the heart upon any iniquity verse the 8. 2. Of leaving to take heed to the Lord. 3. Of losing the heart or growing heartless in good 4. Of going from under God also from Titus the 1.14 not to give heed to the Commandments of men This was a day wherein God abounded in kindness towards me yet I was convinced that I was not guilty enough or sensible enough of mine iniquities as God requires Hos 5.15 and from Titus 2. I learned that a true Christian especially a Minister of the Gospel should be 1. Sound in doctrine 2. Sound in Faith and sound in Speech And concernining beleiving I had three things 1. To study more the grounds of Faith and the reasons inducing thereto 2. Not to give way to any thing against beleiving 3. To maintain Faith by holiness This day God was pleased to enlarge my heart in good and to weaken corruption making me sensible also of the present evils both of sin and suffering I learned from Titus 3.8.9 That Râ—generation Justification and Adoption are of Gods Love Pitty Mercy and meer Grace also to be ready to diligent in and profited by every good work and to be angry with my self for sinful things and deny my self in lawful things oh my trouble
at the time or nature of sufferings 8 To know remember confess and bewaile many sins which I was long ago guilty of 9. To search and find out many weaknesses which I was guilty of in Preaching perticularly levity setting forth Self and natural paâ—ts too much 10. To understanâ— divers Scriptures clearer and better I hope then I did before 11. To withdraw my eyes ear and heart from tempting objects Being the Lords day I was in the morning refreshed p ivately and in the afternoon the Lord was pleased to meet with my condition unexpectedly in two things also I observed the special care of the Church to please Christ and her fear to displease him mentioned three times Cant. 2.7 and 3.5 8.4 This day from Isa 1. God poynted out two things to me 1 To cease from sin cease to do evil verse 16. 2 I will take away all thy â—in ver 25. I also apprehended that the Pâ—ophesy in that 2 chap. is not yet fulfilled compare verse 4.19 21. together and those words in verse the 9 forgive them not c. This day I had a strong conviction of the sin of resisting or neglecting the motions of the spirit and upon a temptation to give way to sinful thinking I found power to side with and imbrace the spirits motions rather then the other I had a Letter from C. R. P. that refreshed me I was observing that when the Lord doth intend to secure a person preserve it he doth sanctifiâ— purge it that from Isa 4.4.5 ye or when he doth intend to make use of a man 2 Tim. 2.20.21 two other Scriptures I hope were lâ—â—d to my heart 2 Kings 10.9 But Jâ—hâ— took no heed to walk in the Law of the God of â—sâ—â—el withal hâ—s heart but espe ially to take heed of sin of trespassing in affliction more against the Lord 2 â—n on â—8 22. two sins I was likewise convinced of â—mâ—pend ng time and doing nothing extrao dinary for God and having a very streight dry hâ—â—â—rowâ— d God his cause people and wayes This dâ—y â—â—ing pâ—â—t of it spent in prayer I found my heart so â—e â—hat affected though often moâ—e my soul was vâ—â—y desiâ—oâ—s â—o have power over my affections 〈◊〉 I observed from Isa the 5 5. That when God doâ—h take aâ—â—â— me cy he doth the same time give men up â—o judgement bâ—t in thâ— 13 verse of that Chap. there S n â—xcellenâ— promise that when the Lord is exalted the lambs shall feed af er their manner that Sâ— in â—â—e Phil. 1.29 For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ was I get to me i. e. by grace from 〈◊〉 his â—â—ke to beleive and sâ—ffer or on his behal i. e. foâ— taking part with Christ ye suffer I was assaulted to the morning with temptations yet after some diâ—tuâ—bance had some freedome from them yâ—â— observed a seasonable word from Isa 6.6.7 That as soon as hâ— Angel had taken the live coal from the Altaâ— and touched and laid it upon the Prophets mouth declared that his iniquityes were taken awâ—y and his sin purged so God can easily and speedilâ—â—â—move â—â—n from any other Saint This â—â—â—â—ning having some p ovacation I found my â—elâ—â—eâ—dy p esen ly to be moâ—d it 〈…〉 against him that accused â—e 〈…〉 towards my self also too much inclination to self justification suitable also in my course of reading was that Scripture Isa 7.12 where Ahaz thinking at least seemingly to avoid tempting God by asking a signe run into another sin viz. disobedience and Rebellion against God This day I had some full refreshings from the Lord and a fuller sence of things upon my heart then ordinary This was a day of light affliction upon my body of pain in my back which I supposed might have incâ—eased and heightned to a heavier distemper but â—he Loâ—d removed it by his bâ—essing upon small means I was dâ—awn out in my spi it to pâ—aise God for it â—as also to observe how the profits did take notice how the hand of the Lord was stretched out still Isa 9 12.17 â—0 4 whence I would learn to obsâ—ve the hand of God in affliction also I took notice of two sore evils in the people under affliction 1. Not to return unto the Lord 2. not to seek him in affliction yet two special promises chap. 10.20.21 That they should stay upon the Lord and return to the mighty God Thiâ—â—ay being the Lords day I had some real breathings of the spirit of the Lord in prayer as I conceived also freedome from temptation and a heart to praise God â—or it in some degree I was taken up with several thoughts which often amuze me 1. Of the word Patience of God 2. of his special love to me rather then others 3. of his infinite wisdome and power in the resurrection of man I had many observations as from Isa 11.3 that Christ a spirit of quick understanding or scent or smell as t is in the margent in the fear of the Lord such a spirit would I have I was also strongâ—y perswaded that that Chapter was not yet fulfilled also sweet was that word to me Chap. 12.1 Though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortest me This morning I was troubled with sinful thoughts and truly there are the sins that trouble me most but I found a heaâ—t to pray against them earnestly But God brought a most sweet word in a sweet manner to me viz. Ier. 13.19 Thou shalt call me thy father and shall not turn from me also another word in Chap. 5.10 Go up upon her walls but make not a full end â—lso from Isa 14.3 The Lord shall give thee rest from thy sorrow and from thy fear and from thy hard bondage and in the 30. verse the needy shall lye down in safety Some experiences recorded by him in a sickness he had the 3. of the 3 month 1658. Isay 28.9 The writing of Hezekiah King of Ind. when he had been sick and recoverd of his sickness 1. VVHen the Lord was pleased to visite me upon the suddain so sharply that I thought li e was flying and death seasing upon me God shewed me that all the world and creatures therein were all helpless 2. Looking up to God with a weak faith and in few words the Lo d was pleased to give some ease and releif by mitigating the pain 3. Afterwards when I came towards my designed place God ordered that some professors should meet with me who shewed mercy both in bringing me into a house and giving notice to brethren 4. That when I came to the house in extreamity of pain the Lord did give me some suddain and sweet sleep for 3 houres or more 5. That both upon the way when I was scarce able to stand and in the house when I was thirsty the Lord did enable me to deny my self that I neither sate down on the grass nor drank both which would have