he had lost his wits 160 One stood to prove that a Brewers horse was a tapster because he did draw beere another answered him it could not be because though a brewers horse if he were overladen would froth yet he could not nick 161 One reading of a Curranto said he wondred that men did so affect to lye in paper and yet without sheets 162 One asked what herb that was that cured all diseases it was answered Time 163 One being about to write the superscription of a letter to his mistresse asked a Scholler what termes were best to give her who told him the Venus lasse of his affections was a good word he mistaking writ to the Venice glasse of his affections which was a truer title then he was aware of 164 An Upholster was chiding his apprentice because he was not nimble enough at his work and had not his nailes and hammar in readines when he should use them telling him that when he was an apprentice he was taught to have his nailes at his fingers ends 165 One whose name was Rapier being a man of a grave calling yet using to weare a white suit was chid for not getting a black scabbard to his rapier 166 One asked what that young man deserved that did love alwaies to be in a Play-house it was answered a box 167 One being at a friends house in the night was perswaded to stay all night but denied saying he would be gone because it was moon-light his friend told him he thought he had not been so lunatique as to love to walke in the moon-light 168 One wondred why there were so many pickpockets about the streets notwithstanding a watch was at every corner it was answered that was all one for a pick-pocket would as gladly meet with a watch as any thing else 169 Certain Gossips discoursing of the company their husbands kept troth sayes one my husband is no sooner out of dores but he has as many about him as there is to see the great beast with two paire of horns 170 A company of Country fellows disputing of learning and what a crooked hard and intricat thing it was to be a good Scholler truly saies one and so it is for I have heard your best laten is in crooked lane 171 A young lascivious Gallant wanting mony could not with his credit sell any thing yet his father being but lately dead at length was checkt by some of his friends for his loose and extravagant life and withall told that he had base and beastly associats that did draw him to ill houses he taking this oportunity answered truly friends your counsell is very good I will presently goe sell my coach and horses 172 A steward being set on by a theefe who commanded him to deâ—iver he being a receiver the steward repli'd I hope you will spare me I being a receiver also you shall be said the theef if you deliver not the sooner 173 One sitting at dinner where great store of rude mirth was discoursed and laught at a pratling youth clapt him on the shoulder and asked him if he was making verse he was so mute who reply'd he was speake them quoth he no reply'd the other why you cannot speake them in better company I suppose so quoth the modest man but two fooles at once will be too troublesome 174 A Gentleman going along the street was entreated by a poor cripple that had wooden legges to bestow his charity to whom the Gentleman answered if he would make a hansome legge he should have a couple of farthings 175 A company of Gentlemen comming into a tavern whose signe was the Moon called for a quart of sack the drawer told them they had none whereat the Gentlemen wondring were told by the drawer that the man in the Moon alwayes drunk claret 176 One that was skil'd in writing short hand promised a Lawyers Clarke to teach him his skill who thanked him for his paines but told him they could not live by making short hand of any thing 177 One said a Civit-cat was a dainty thing to keep in a house because her dung was sweet another said it was true but yet it was more profitable to keep a cook especially in a deare yeere because he spitted rost 178 A woman having married an old man whose name was Edward whom she thought had been very rich but not worth a penny being asked what she had by her marriage answered an old Edward 179 A Gentleman comming in the night to visit an old man who had a hansome wench to his wife and suspected to be a little too light was entreated by the old man to walke into a room his wife having a candle in her hand entreated the Gentleman to follow her who told her he would have her husband because he was an old man to follow the light 180 Two Gentlemen were in a deep dispute whether the man in the Moon was a Gentleman or a Cittizen it was determined by a Scholler that when she was at full there was a Gentleman in her but when she appeared like a horn there was a Cittizen in her 181 A Gentleman in wants was advised by his friend to serve a Noble-man that so he might raise his fortune that was said he to refuse a lesser poverty for a greater for although I am poore yet I have my self there I shall not 182 A Book-binder disappointing a Scholler of his bookes which he had to bind for him the Scholler being angry call'd him idle knave the Binder not long after brought home his books and having received his money for them desired to know of the Scholler why he call'd him knave the other day to deale plainly with thee said the Scholler because I would not flatter thee why Sir doe you thinke so said the Binder yes faith repli'd the Sholler then I waigh not your words much quoth the Binder since children and fooles speak what they thinke I but they are knaves said the Scholler that speake against knowledge indeed Sir I tooke you for one of them and so went his way 183 One said Tailers and Button-makers were happy for they might get their livings and yet sit still 184 One that married a Candlemakers widdow that was supposed to be a little too light was asked why he married her he answered because he loved light 185 One said Tobacco-shops of all orher places were the most dangerous to come into because there were none ever frequented them but he smoakt for it 186 One whose name was Pippin being in a green suit chanced on a Christmas day to meet his friend who told him it was a rare thing to see a green pippin on Christmas day 187 One said Glovers in the Country got their livings most by cutting purses and yet they were never punished for it 188 A pretty wench but lately come out of the Country in her pouledavis and linsi-woolsy petticoats living in the strand was seene not long after in her silkes and sattins
an excrement hang in his nose then in his teeth 79 A souldier that had lost one of his armes in the wars came to a Gentlemans dore and desir'd releefe for a poor Gentleman that had lost one of his armes in the wars one standing by told him that he that could not shew armes was no Gentleman 80 One asked whether a woman could lose her maiden-head yet never marry nor think an unchaste thought it was answered yes for her head might be cut off while she was a maid and then her maiden head was gone 81 One that was troubled with a curst wife came to a justice to have his wife bound to the peace the justice told him it were better to bind her to her good behavior because all bonds were void where the condition was impossible 82 One was telling of a purchaser that was jealous and fearfull that he should shortly sustaine a great losse one overhearing answered pish said he there is nothing in the world frights a purchaser but a prophesie of a generall inundation 83 A Schoole-master upon a bitter cold day seeeing one of his Schollers extreamly benu'md asked what was the latin for cold he answered ô sir I have that at my fingers ends 84 A Player acting upon a stage a man kill'd but being troubled with an extream cold as he was lying upon the stage fell a coughing the people laughing he rushed up and ran off the stage saying thus it is for a man to drink in his porridg for then he will be sure to cough in his grave 85 A Gentlewoman sending one of her men to bid certaine persons of greatquality to dinner her man returning told her he had commanded all the Gentlemen to come to dinner out you rascall said she I commanded you to bid them why mistresse quoth he have you been in the imperative so long and doe not yet know that to bid and command is all one 86 A Gentleman living neere Temple-bar sent his man to the Rose-tavern for a pottle of burnt sack his man returning with the sack which was very hot desir'd his master to taste it his master burning his lip asked his man whence it came who answered from the Rose I rather think said he it came from the devill it is so raging hot 87 A precise fellow standing at the Popes-head tavern dore began to raile at the Pope a drawer overhearing desir'd him at that time to forbear the Pope why said he because quoth the drawer he hath at this time a great deale of wine in his head 88 One seeing a fellow at dinner that he did not love wisht every morsell was steept in aqua fortis the fellow not understanding latin asked what the english of it was who was told it was strong water ô said the fellow I knew he did alwaies love me 89 A Gentleman meeting the watch asked his friend that was with him what all those woodcocks did together the watch hearing him apprehended him and carried him before a Magistrate who being asked why he did put that tearm upon the watch answered that he saw so many bils that he took them for a flight of woodcocks 91 A mad prophane fellow being brought into a Court for a witnes the book being layd before him put it back telling them there was ne're an oath in England but he had it without booke 92 A Pirat being taken by the English fleet and kept in chains a month at the last made an escape and landing in a place where he had some friends was asked where he had spent his time all that while and extreamly chid for following that course of piracy he swore there was no such matter for he had all that time been a prisoner in the fleet 93 A couple of gentlemen crossing the Thames from Temple staires into Southwark a great storm rose upon a suddain insomuch that the water flasht over into the boat but being landed one of the Gentlemen swore he began to stink for feare no marvell said the other for the boat hath bepist it selfe for feare 94 A waggish Gentleman asked a woman whether she was a maid or no she told him yes take heed of lying said he for it is lost with lying whereupon she answered no. 95 A woman desiring money of her husband was told by him that she should not get a penny from him without law whereupon she reply'd she would aske him no more and for recovering of it by law she would sue his purse to an execution and he should never know it 96 A country fellow seeing a mathematician taking the height of a star with his Jacobs staffe and observing a supposed star to fall swore the mathematician had kill'd the star for he saw it fall 97 A fellow that could not endure onions being sentenc'd to be hang'd desir'd the Judge that he might be hangd in a rope of onions being demanded why answered then the devill would not come neere him 98 A whore complaining that she had an extream cold in her head and that she had got it by taking a cold in her feet was told that she was like the yeere in one of the temperate zones cold at both ends and horn the middle 99 A Gentleman wearing a fancy in his hat wherein there was green and yellow ribbon was asked whose colors he wore he answered his mistresses why then said another it seems your mistresse is troubled both with the green sicknes and yellow jaundies 100 A Constable being drunke fell in the street and there lay not able to rise but observing people to laugh at him charged them in the Kings name to ayde him whereupon two or three mad fellows took him up and at the command of a Justice put him in the stocks the Constable when he was in the stocks not knowing where he was swore if they had not ayded him he would have set them all by the heeles 101 Two Gentlemen riding by Tyburn-gallowes said one of them methinks the gallowes looks somewhat poorly I think it is long since there was an execution alas said the other there is no hope that it can thrive it hath so many hangers on 102 One said that of all prisons in the world if he must needs goe to one he would choose to goe to Ludgate because none came there but they had their freedome 103 A gentleman whose sirname was Bridgman being born in London being asked what Country-man he was answered of no Country at all he was a London-Bridg-man 104 One whose sir-name was Ellâ—t being buried his executor â—â—nt for the Sexton and asked him what he was to have for making the grave five shillings said the Sexton how said the executor five shillings there 's ne're a Tailer in the Town but would have made an Ellet hole for a penny 105 An old usurer being extreamly sick sent for a Physition who upon the view of his urine told his friends there was little hope of life for his ljver was so ill
done to keepe the peace for if the Plaintiffe should be in one line and the Defendant in the next line the lines being too neare together they might perhaps fall together by the eares 223 One said hee was so tender hearted that he could not find in his heart to kill a Louse another answered that it proceeded only from faint heartednesse because he had not the heart to see his owne blood 224 One said a rich Widdow was like the rubbish of the World that helpes onely to stop the breaches of decayed houses 225 A Master spoke in a straine his Servant understood not whereupon the Servant desired his Master rather to give him blows then such hard words 226 Those that say gallants put all upon their backes abuse them for they spend a great deale more upon their bellies 227 One said it was a strange fashion that wee had in England to receive money with wives and give money for Wenches It was answered that in ancient time women were good and than men gave money for their Wives but now like light gold they would not passe without allowance 228. One perswaded another to marry a Whore because she was rich telling him that perhaps she might turne turne said the other shee hath beene so much worne that she is past turning 229 One put a jest upon his friend O said his friend that I could but see your braines I would even hugge them for this jâ—st 230 One asked why Sextons did use to weare blacke it was answered that in regard of their office thee were to meddle with grave-matters and did therefore weare blacke 231 One seeing another weare a thred-bare Cloake asked him whether his cloake was not sleepy or no why doe you aske said the other because said hee J thinke it hath not had a nap this seven yeares 232 One asked what was the usuall food of Citizens wives it was answered though they loved flesh better then fish yet for temperance sake they would so dyet themselves that at Noone they fed onely upon carp at night on Cods-head and when they went abroad a little place would content them better then any other thing 233 One wondred much what great Scholler this same Finis was because his name was almost to every Booke 234 One asked what he was that had a fine wit in jest it was answered a foole in earnest 235 One hearing a Usurer say hee had beene on the pike of Teneriff which is supposed to be one of the highest Hils in the World asked him why he had not staid there for he was perswaded hee would never come so neere heaven againe 236 A Citizen begins a health to all the Cuckolds in the World the Gentleman to whom the health was presented seeing him with his cap in his hand said what doe you meane Sir pray remember your selfe 237 One asked a foot-boy why hee was so affected with linnen stockings hee answered because hee was troubled with running legges 238 One said to another that his face was like a popish Almanack all holydayes because it was full of pimples 239 One said it was a good fashion that was worne now a dayes because the Taylers had so contrived it that there was little or no waste in a whole suit 240 One said a jealous wife was like an Irish trouze alwayes close to a mans tayle 241 One said an Apothecaries house must needs be healthful because the windowes benches boxes and almost all the things in the house tooke physicke 242 One said a Physitian was naturall brother to the wormes because hee was ingendered out of mans corruption 243 One gave a fellow a box on the eare the fellow gave him another what doe you mean said he that gave the first box I did not lend you a boxe I freely gave it you the other answered he was a gamster and had beene alwayes used to pay the boxe 244 A Gentleman that bore a spleene to another meets him in the street gives him a box on the eare the other not willing to strike again puts it off with a jest asking him whether it was in jest or in earnest the other answers it was in earnest I am glad of that said he for if it had been in jest I should have beene very angry for I doe not like such jesting and so past away from him 245 One that was justly Jealous of his Wife said prethee leave these courses for if thou dost not they will ere it belong make me horne-mad 246 One said to a Gentleman that was too full of complement pray you Sir doe not spend so much wit if you be so prodigall of it you will ere it belong have none left for your selfe 247 There is nothing sayes one more revengfull then hemp for if a man once beat it especially in Bridewell 't is a hundred to one but it will bee the death of him shortly after 248 He that sweares when he loseth his money at gaming may challenge Hell by way of purchase 249 One asked which were supposed to be the two fruitfullest Acres of ground in the whole Kingdome It was answered Westminster-Hall and the old Exchange 250 It was asked why fat men did love their ease so much because said one the soule in a fat body lyes soft and is therefore loath to rise 251 One asked why young Barristers used to sticke their Chamber windowes with letters because said another it was the first thing that gave the world notice of their worships 252 One having dranke a Cup of dead beere swore that the beere was more then foxed another demanding his reason quoth he because it is dead drunke 253 Usurers live sayes one by the fall of heires like Swine by the dropping of Acornes 254 One said a prodigall was like a brush that spent it self to make others goe handsome in their cloathes 255 One wondred what pleasant kind of oratory the Pillory had in him that men loved to have their eares nail'd to it 256 One said suppose all the women in the world were like patient Grizell then said another we might make Christmas-blocks of the Cucking-stooles 257 An Antiquary sayes one loves every thing as Dutch-men doe Cheese for being mouldy and wormeaten 258 One said a Player had an idle imployment of it O you are mistaken said another for his whole life is nothing else but action 259 One asked his friend how he should use Tobacco so that it might doe him good he answered you must keepe a Tobacco shop and sell it for certainly there is none else find good in it 260 A simple fellow in gay cloths sayes one is like a Cinnamon tree the barke is of more worth then the body 261 If a man be Cornelius sayes one he must be Tacitus too otherwise he shall never live quietly 262 One entreated a prisoner to doe him a courtesie telling him that hitherto he had found him a fast friend and hee hoped hee should find him so still 263 A Gentleman riding
the other asked what difference there was betwixt a cook and a cuckold the other answered the table 51 One that had the disposing of a great place was sollicited by a stranger for the place the Gentleman that had the disposure of thâ— place asked the stranger whether he had a note under the hand of some eminent person that might testifie his good behaviour who answered no then said the Gentleman I must be excus'd for it is a place of consequence and if I should put a man of no note into it I should be chid 52 One asked why a cuckold was said to weare hornes it was answered because his wife was a beast why reply'd the other should not the wife weare them then it was answered no because the husband was the head 53 A gentleman chid his daughter for wearing a cloth of goldwast coat saying she was a pretty jewell his daughter answered a jewell father never showes better then when it is set in gold 54 A Gentleman who had been called knave by a witty fellow by chance meeting the fellow asked him whether he was a knave or no the fellow answering told him if I should say no I should be very unmannerly with you Sir why unmannerly said the other why then said he I should give a Gentleman the lye which I would be very loth to doe 55 One asked whence thâ— word senecta was derived it was answered that it 's Etiâ—mon was from se and neco and it's Anagram was se necat 56 One whose name was John Wheeler was asked how he writ his name who answered in this manner Foemina quae versa est in vaccam poena dolentis Occipitis bipes littera quarta venit sed pro cognomine semper Est rota sic vaceam stat canis usque latrans Wherein is Hirogliphically expressed John Wheeler 57 One told a ragged fellow that he was rich in rents and asked him whether they were rents of Assize or no who answered that he had one of so big a size that an asse might thrust in his nose 58 A faire Lady being at the Assizes in the Country and seeing the Sheriffe who was a fine young Gallant wait upon the Judge who was an old man was asked whether she would rather marry the Judge or the Sheriffe the Sheriffe said she why so said her friend I love judgment well said she but execution a great deale better 59 One asked why Citizens wives were so affected with wearing of hats it was answered because they did love to be covered 60 One said a fart was a cunning fencer being asked why answered because it aym'd at the heels but would alwaies hit the nose 61 One being asked why younger brothers most commonly were wiser then the eldest brother answered that the father knew better what did belong to the getting of them then of the eldest 62 One disputing that omne leve tendit sursum said it could not hold for a whore tendere deorsum 63 One minding to raile at a fellow that had lost his eares was found railing at the pillory as if it had been the man himselfe but being asked why he did not goe and speake to his face answered to what purpose being that his eares are here 64 One asking a mad fellow what his name was had a box on the eare given him and asking what the cause was was answered that it was a trick of a knave to question a mans good name 65 A gentleman having brought his friend down into his cellar his friend observing there was no place in the cellar whereon to sit asked why there were not seats in the cellar the Gentleman answered I allow every man that comes here to stay and drink as long as he can stand and no longer 66 One whose name was Cornelius being to declame before his Tutor by reason of bashfulnes when he was to begin was not able to speake whereupon said his Tutor diu expectavi Cornelium â—nveni Tacitum 67 One comming to a friends house was made to drink the master of the house minding to complement with his friend said the beere was dead dead said the man it may very well be dead now for it was very weake when I was here last 68 Some Schollers in an University grumbling because another was undeservedly made a master of Arts one of them said it is no great wonder Gentlemen for you know we say omnis creatio fit ex nihilo 69 A Gentleman going to take horse was observed to have but one spur and being asked the reason answered that if he could make one side of the horse goe he made no question but the other side would goe along with it 70 One observing a young fellow to be too talkative said vir sapit qui pauca loquitur who overhearing him answered it is true Sir but in you it is vir loquitur qui pauca sapit 71 An earnest contestation being held betwixt an Engraver and a Sexton whether might be the better man the Engraver told him that he was a far better man for his work was in brasse but the others in dirt whereupon the Sexton answered there was no such difference for said he though you engrave a man never so well yet in the end I shall be desir'd to doe it over againe 72 An executioner erecting a pillory at his owne charges expected a sum of money for every man that should stand in it but being told by the Sheriffe that he might not expect any such thing and that besides there was a man to stand in it and lose his eares the very same day he presently swore if he saw him stand there and not pay him for it he would have him by the eares 73 One said it was the most dangerous thing in the world to commit a secret to a woman being asked why answered that it was impossible they should keepe other peoples secrets close that could never keepe their own 74 Another was of opinion that a womans brest was the only safe place to keep a secret of consequence in because said he there is no wise man will ever looke for it in such an open place 75 A gentleman that had been a traveller being in a place where there was a Gentlewoman that told him she had travell'd as far as he said Lady if this be true you and I may lye together by authority 76 One asking what a cuckold was good for was answered to stand in a great hall to hang cloakes hats and belts on 77 A company of neighbors being together with their wives one of them reporting an untruth was upheld in it by one of the women whereupon the husband of that woman began to chide his wife for lying with another man before his face 78 One seeing his neighbor newly come out of a barbers shop with his beard turn'd up into his nose asked him why he did turne an excrement into his nose the other answered he would rather a thousand times have
and being by one of her country-Country-women demanded how such might be purchased faith answer'd she only for the taking up 189 A Cittixen going out of towne with some of his neighbors to hunt pre-thee sweet-heart sayes he to his wife pray that I meet not a Diana and so come home like to Actaeon horn'd or be torne to peeces with the dogs his wife thinking he had closely jeer'd her and thinking to be revenged said truly husband whether you meet Diana or no I 'le take order you shall not want 190 Certain Gallants being at a Taverne where they spar'd no liquor insomuch that all were well entred but one whose stomack was somewhat weaker and therefore lighter did nothing but spew and calling for a reckoning why sayes one of his friends cannot you tell that have so often cast up what you have drunke 191 A Gentleman meeting of a married Souldier newly come from the wars demanded what charge he underwent the Souldier replyed a Captaines truly answered the Gentleman then you may helpe your wife to an Ancients place for she can beare stoutly 192 A fellow going downe Ludgate Hill his heeles by chance slipping from him fell upon his breech one standing by told him that London-stones were stout and scornfull it may be so quoth he yet I made them to kisse my breech as stout as they were 193 A Coward told his friend that one gave him a box on the eare and he did not strike him again but turn'd the other also to him to which his friend answered sure there was a great fight betwixt you when blows were given on both sides 194 One asked why Prentices were so briefe with their clubs when Gentlemen were falling out or quarreling in the streets one replyed it was their opportunity to be revenged on them for medling with their mistresses 195 One asked a Gentlewoman in which part of the house she did use to lye it was answer'd that she lay backwards and did let out her fore-roomes 196 A shoo-maker sent his man unto a Gentleman who had owed him money a long time for bootes and shooes that had formerly been made for him the servant comming to the Gentleman told him his master would entreat him to send that little money which was due to him as aforesaid whereat the Gentleman rather willing to cavell then pay in a great rage answered Thou rogue what doth thy master thinke I am running away that he sends after me for such a triflle as this is no Sir replyed the servant my master doth not thinke you are about to run away but he is and that makes him so earnest with you and others that he might take his money along with him 197 A hang-man being sued in a Court and perceiving the busines was like to goe against him desir'd the Court to be mercifull because he was a poor man the Atturny that was on the other side told the Court that there was no cause for him to plead poverty being he was a man that had money at use and that besides his place was worth forty pound a yeere whereto the hang-man repli'd it was not true for said he you shall have it for twenty 198 A stammering fellow being brought before a Justice for some misdemeanour was telling the Justice of one that had abusd him saying that he was as arrant a knave as his worship ever knew whereupon the Justice offended with the stammering fellow asked what trade he was who answered a joiner whereupon the Justice reply'd pray joine your words a little better together or I 'le set you by the heeles 199 One being at a supper where he was promised a venison pasty which proved a mutton one said this venison this is wise venison whereupon said his friend no it is but venison wise 200 One being asked whether prose or verse was the best kind of writing answered prose next verse which may be taken two wayes that is prose next to verse or prose and next to that verse 201 An idle Justice of Peace is like the picture of Saint George upon a signe-post with his sword drawne to no purpose 202 Hee that speakes great Gunpowder words may be compared to a deepe mouth'd Dogge or bee said to have a tympany in his tongue 203 A Souldier said he had beene in so many battels and had been so battered with bullets that he swore he thought he had a mine of lead in his belly 204 Lovers oathes are like mariners prayers when once the heate is over they are not the same men 205 Women are like dead bodies for Surgeons to worke upon because they tell a man his imperfections 206 Musitians may bee compared unto Cameleons because they live by ayre 207 One said it was a difficult thing to perswade a multitude especially in a City where they are for the most part strong headed to any reason 208 One was called foole for asking what Country man a Plough man was because it is knowne said one they were all borne in Hungary 209 One asked a man whether he had swallowed a Doctor of Physickes bill because he spoke such hard words 210 The Philosophers stone had need turne all mettals to Gold because the study of it turnes all a mans gold to other mettall 211 One asked a Poet where his wits were he answered a wool-gathering the other replyed there was no people had more need of it 212 One asked whence choller was descended one answered that she was the daughter of a great mans Porter begot of a Kitchin wench in the time of a Feast 213 One asked another why hee loved woodcoke so extreamly the other answered why not I as well as you for I am sure you never goe abroad but you carry one under your cloake 214 One asked why a Knight tooke place of a Gentleman it was answered because they were Knights now a days before they were Gentlemen 215 One said the Midwives trade of all trades was most commendable because they lived not by the hurts of other men as Surgeons doe nor by the falling out of friends as Lawyers doe but by the agreement betwixt party and party 216 One said a good Client was like a study gowne that sits in the cold himselfe to keepe his Lawyer warme 217 One said the fees of a Pander and a puny clarke are much alike for the pander had but two pence next Morning for making the bed and that was a peny a sheet 218 A woman was commending a boyes face pish quoth another give me a mans face a boyes face is not worth a haire 219 One compared a domineering fellow to a walking Spurre that keepes a great jingling noise but never pricks 220 One said it was unfit a glasier should be a Constable because he was a common quarreller 221 One said hee had received a shee-letter because saith hee it hath a young one in the belly of it 222 One asked the reason why Lawyers Clearks writ such wide lines another answered it was
they are never so well pleased as when they goe downe the wind fastest 300 A woman said of all men she had a desire to marry a Huntsman because he would not disdaine to weare the horne 301 Of all Knaves there 's the greatest hope of a Cobler for though he be never so idle a fellow yet he is still mending 302 The nearest man in a Kingdome said one is a Barber for he cannot endure to have a haire amisse 303 Wit bought is better then Wit taught because he that never bought any is but a naturall wit 304 'T is probable that those women that paint most shall live longest for where the House is kept in repaire there is no feare but it will be inhabited 305 One said that tall men of all others were most happy because they were nearer heaven then all other men 306 A squint-ey'd man sayes one is the most circumspect of all men because he can looke nine wayes at once 307 One said that tall men should be great Polititians because they have an extraordinary reach 308 One said Hang-men were very happy because those men they do most hurt will never be able to render them quid pro que 309 It is in some sort necessary that some rich men should bee Dunces because the pretenders to learning may get preferment for the good wits will be able to helpe themselves 310 One was saying it was a fine quality to be able to speake well ex tempore why then said another we may commend every woman for they have the most nimble fluent tongues and that without study or consideration 311 Hang-men practice their cunning for the most part on good natur'd men because they are ready to forgive before the hurt be attempted 312 He that hath but one eye is more like to hit the marke he aymes at then another because he hath a monstrous sight 313 Glasiers said one must needes be good Arbitrators for they spend their whole time in nothing but composing of quarels 314 Carpenters said one are the civilest men in a Common-wealth for they never doe their businesse without a Rule 315 Of all wofull friends a Hangman is the most trusty for if he once have to doe with a man he will see him hang'd before hee shall want money or any thing else 316 Bricklayers are notable wanton fellowes for they have alwayes to doe with one trull or other 317 Stationers could not live if men did not beleeve the old saying that Wit bought is better then Wit taught 318 Those that carry about with them counterfeit Coyne are more nice and curious of it then of good Gold and Silver for they cannot endure to have that toucht of all the rest 319 Gunners are more serious in what they doe then other men for what they doe they do with a powder 320 Musquetiers of all other Souldiers are the most lazie for they are alwayes at their rest 321 One among a company of his companions who had been drinking very much by chance let a fart who for conceits sake said to one of his companions with whom hee might make bold pree-thee pledge me he answered I cannot he then replyed I pray doe but kisse the cup. 322 One passing through Cheap-side a poore Woman desired his charity he disregarding the woman kept on walking and by and by let a fart the woman hearing it said much good may it doe your worship he hearing her say so turnes back and gives her a tester she thank't him and told his Worship it was a bad wind that did blow no body good 323 A man walking the street let a great upon which hee jestingly said cracke me that nut it being heard of a waggish wench that was in a chamber over his head who being well provided at that time with a perfum'd Chamber-pot throws it out of the Window upon his head saying there 's the Kernill of your nut Sir 324 One said a Miller was the sittest husband for a Scold because when the Mill goes if her tongue goes ne're so fast it cannot be heard 325 One said that Duke Humfrey's guests were the most temperate men in the World it being knowne that at his Table there was never any made drunke nor with his dyet dyed of a surfet 326 One said Physitians had the best of it for if they did well the World did proclaime it if ill the earth did cover it 327 It is a necessary and fit thing that women learne Roman-hand because saith one they were never good Secretaries nor ever will be 328 One saw a man and his Wife fighting the people asked him why he did not part them he answered that he had beene better bred then to part man and wife 329 One said that Tobacconists would endure the wars well for they would never be stifled with fire and smoake 330 A Drawer for one thing or other is alwayes appearing at the barre but is not punisht yet notwithstanding 't is all scor'd up 331 Scriveners are most hard harted fellowes for they never rejoyce more then when they put other men in bonds 332 Smiths of all Handy-crafts men are the most irregular for they never thinke themselves better employed than when they are addicted to their vices 333 Those which weare long haire are in the readiest way to make good Fryars for they may promise to themselves the happinesse to enjoy bald crownes without the helpe of a Barber 334 Tapsters are not onely very rash but very expert for they are apt to draw upon all occasions and yet suffer very few to goe away scot free 335 Of all diseases the three-quarters harme is most dangerous and most desired for all women desire to multiply though they labour ne're so hard for it 336 Fidlers are very unfortunate in their calling for they never doe any thing but it is against the haire 337 Trumpeters are much subject to sickly distempers for commonly when they are most in health they will fall a sounding 338 Horse-keepers and Ostlers let the world goe which way it will though there be never so much alteration in times and persons are still stable men 339 One said it was no great matter what a Drunkard said in his drinke for he seldom spake any thing that he could stand to 340 A Hypocrite is odious sayes one to God to Man and to the Devill God hates him because he is not what he seemes Man hates him because he seemes what he is not and the Devill hates him because he seemes not what he is truly and indeed 341 One said of all professions that Stage-players were the most Philosophicall men that were because they were as merry and as well contented when they were in Rags as when they were in Robes 342 Great Eaters are the most valiant men for they never fight but with a good stomacke 343 One asked what the reason was that few women loved to eate egges it was answered because they cannot endure to beare the yoke 344 One