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woman_n husband_n sister_n wife_n 4,137 5 8.4786 4 true
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A25900 The Art of cuckoldom, or, The intrigues of the city-wives 1697 (1697) Wing A3790; ESTC R10574 49,098 100

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Cozen of hers a Country Gentleman near Newberry had a Father dy'd who left him Heir to above a 1000 I per Annum This young Gentleman in his miserable Fathers days was bred up more like a Slave than such an Heir if he could read English 't was all but he could not write his own Name And in truth tho' otherwise a comely Person he had no over-great Portion of Sense and less of Literature This Cozen had a handsome Sister with a considerable Fortune now our Lady 's own Brother a Neighbour of this rich Cozen and Heir his Country Seat not three Miles off him made Love to this She-cozen and to expedite his Amour had requested his fair City Sister to come down into the Country to be a spokes-Spokes-woman for him she to Court the Brother for her Fortunes were in his Hands whilst he Courted the Sister and all to make sure work in the Match by Ploughing with the fair Heifer Her Husband he was as fond of sending down his Wife upon such an Errand as the Brother cou'd and immediately lay'd his Commands upon her to post away in the Name of Cupid a kind Advocate to the young Spark on her Brothers behalf The Lady who could no ways refuse this Negotiation met her Lover at his Chamber taking her leave with her kindest Embraces mixt with a Deluge of Tears for this cruel Divorce complaning most piteously to think how she must leave such Wit such charming Conversation and all that was dear in the World to go to Court a Fool a Dunce an illiterate Blockhead But 't is her hard fate and she must submit and promising him her speediest return she conjured him to believe she left her Soul behind her and that the Absent days she now borrow'd from his Arms should be repaid with Interest for nothing in the World should be so faithful as she and as nothing ever parted with so much Sorrow so nothing should equal the Joys of her return The Lady accordingly sets forward the next Morning for Newberry where in less than a Fortnights time she so gain'd the Ascendent of the Country Squire that the Match was concluded solemnized and what not However here was no News of her return her very Husbands Commands could not drag her back again some Excuse or another was made to all his Letters insomuch that 14 Weeks past before she saw London again And who should Gallant her to Town but the Country Squire The poor Lover at London who had thus long languish'd for her amongst the rest of the Congratulators came to welcome her happy return where the brisk Lady loudly laughing with her Country Cozen rose up from her Seat dropt him a short Courtesie turn'd him her Cheek for a Salute and then squatted down into her Chair again to finish her Laugh with the Squire The poor Celadon for that 's his Name was strangely surprized at this cold Reception and it was three Weeks she was so danced abroad by the Squire before he could obtain one private Word with her When all she had to say was That she had bid adieu to all such Vanities had taken an unatlerable Resolution of dispensing no more Favours not that any scruple of Virtue or fit of Conscience for that particular Question was ask'd her had been the Cause but such a Resolution was taken and never to be retracted Her Friendship was at his Service but beyond that he must expect no more The poor Celadon tho' otherwise Master of a great deal of Wit however was Fool enough to be strangely concern'd at this amazing Change He would not willingly believe the Squire had out rival'd him the whole gay Humour possibly on that side being the effect of the late new and nearer Alliance between the Families Matters held thus two Months when Letters came out of the Country from the new Couple to invite their Sister down again for 6 or 8 Weeks in the Country which Request was so seconded by the Cozen that two Places were taken in the Stage Coach for the Lady and the Squire The Day before their Journey a great deal of Company were invited to Dinner to take their Leave c. Amongst the Crowd Celadon made one at Dinner the Lady was strangely out of Humour For her Cozen had been gone a Week down to Chelmsford to Visit a Knight his Relation and had promised her to return three Days ago and therefore she was certain he was come to some Mischeif Answer was made by some of the Company That 't was but 25 Miles and the Knight undoubtedly knew of his Journey to Morrow and would not part with him till the last Day he had to stay in London All this would not satisfy her for he had promised her to be in Town and 't was not Knights not Lords could make him break his promise with her Celadon who heard all this had a sudden Fancy came into his Head upon which he pretended some earnest Business that would hold him half an Hour at which time he would return to the company who were pretty forward in a chearful Glass He immediately posted to a Scrivener and made him write a Letter to the Husband in the Squires Name to this purpose That by an unhappy fall from his Horse between Chelmsford and Burntwood he had broke his right Arm that he was under Cure with such a Physitian that he desired his She-cozen would continue her intended Favour to her Brother and Sister at Newberry that he doubted not in a very short time to Kiss her fair Hand being in the mean time her humble Servant and Cripple This he gave to a Porter whom he well pay'd ordering him to bring it almost half a quarter of an Hour after him and say it came up by such a Carrier Celadon immediately posted back to his Company and the Porter came soon after him and gave the Letter as instructed When it was publickly read in the Dining-room the Lady fell downright raving The Villain naming the Knights Name had made her dear Cozen drunk which had thrown him from his Horse that he was in his young Blood 't would cast him into a Fever cost him his Life and she should never see him more The Husband himself cry'd out Shame against this Extravagant Passion telling her He himself had his Arm broke ten Years ago and was not Dead yet No says she The Devil can't Kill you and so bolted away from the Company and lock'd her self up in her Closet where the Husband resenting the Slight she put upon his Friends broke open the Door and forced her back again Here she endeavour'd to compose her Books though Sullen ones when some of he Company discanting upon who should write the Letter the Lady made Answer Whoever wrote it no matter I am sure ' tw is of his Dictating the Style is so Witty She had scarcely made answer when the Squire came in excusing the resistless Command of the Chelmsford Knight who in spite of his Promise had forcibly detain'd him thus long He had not time to speak half his Speech before the Lady had flew into his Arms and kist him over and over wondering to see him safe return'd and all his Bones whole The Squire was strangely alarmed at this salute but the Letter being produced it was made a Jest to every one round but Celadon who had now unridled all None in the Company could guess at the Author of this Letter but the Lady singling out Celadon sitting alone in the corner of the Room pass'd negligently by him and dropt this Half-whisper in his Ear 'T was you writ this Letter No Madam reply'd Celadon it can be none but your Squires the Style is so Witty FINIS