Sir to deal in Riddles L. Card. Is there a plainer way then leads to marriage Madam And the man set before you Dutch O Blasphemy To Sanctimonious Faith comes it from you Sir An ill example know you what you speak Or who you are Is not my Vow in place How dare you be so bold Sir Say a woman Were tempt with a temptation must you presently Take all th' advantage on 't L. Card. Is this in earnest Madam Dutch Heaven pardon you if you do not think so Sir Y'have much to answer for But I will leave you Return I humbly now from whence I fell All you blest powers that Register the Vows Of Virgins and chaste Matrons look on me With eyes of mercy seal forgiveness to me By signs of inward peace and to be surer That I will never fail your good hopes of me I binde my self more strictly All my riches I 'll speedily commend to holy uses This Temple unto some religious Sanctuary Where all my time to come I will allow For fruitful thoughts so knit I up my Vow Lactant. This is to hawk at Eagles Pox of pride It lays a man i' th' mire still like a Jade That has too many tricks and ne'r a good one I must gape high I 'm in a sweet case now I was sure of one and now I have lost her too Dutch I know my Lord all that great studious care Is for your Kinsman he 's provided for According to his merits L. Card. How 's that good Madam Dutch Upon the firmness of my Faith it 's true Sir See here 's the Gentlewoman the match was made Near forty weeks ago He knows the time Sir Better then I can tell him and the poor Gentlewoman Better then he But being Religious Sir and fearing you He durst not own her for his wife till now Onely contracted with her in mans apparel For the more modesty because he was bashful And never could endure the sight of woman For fear that you should see her This was he Chose for my love this Page prefer'd to me Lact. I 'm paid with mine own money L. Card. Dare hypocrisie For fear of vengeance sit so close to Vertue Steal'st thou a holy vestment from Religion To cloath forbidden Lust with th' open villainy Goes before thee to mercy and his Penitency Is blest with a more sweet and quick return I utterly disclaim all blood in thee I 'll sooner make a Parracide my heir Then such a monster O forgive me Madam Th' apprehension of the wrong to you Has a sins wait at it I forget all Charity When I but think upon him Dutch Nay my Lord At our request since we are pleas'd to pardon And send remission to all former errors Which conscionable Justice now sets right From you we expect patience h 'as had punishment Enough in his false hopes trust me he has Sir They have requited his dissembling largely And to erect your falling-goodness to him We 'll begin first our self Ten thousand Duckets The Gentlewoman shall bring out of our Treasure To make her dowry L. Card. None has the true way Of over-coming anger with meek vertue Like your compassionate Grace Lact. Curse of this fortune This 't is to meddle with taking stuff whose Belly cannot be confin'd in a Waste-band Pray what have you done with the Breeches we shall have need of 'em shortly and we get children so fast they are too good to be cast away My Son and Heir need not scorn to wear what his Mother has left off I had my fortune told me by a Gipsey seven years ago she said then I should be the spoil of many a Maid and at seven years end marry a Quean for my labor which falls out wicked and true Dutch We all have faults look not so much on his Who lives i' th' world that never did amiss For you Aurelia I commend your choice Y'have one after our heart And though your Father Be not in presence we 'll assure his voice Doubt not his liking his o'r-joying rather You Sir embrace your own 't is your full due No Page serves me more that once dwells with you Oh they that search out mans intents shall finde There 's more Dissemblers then of Women kinde Exeunt FINIS WOMEN BEWARE WOMEN A TRAGEDY BY Tho: Middleton Gent. LONDON Printed for Humphrey Moseley 1657 DUke of Florence Lord Cardinal Brother to the Duke Two Cardinals more A Lord Fabritio Father to Isabella Hippolito Brother to Fabritio Guardiano Uncle to the Foolish Ward The Ward a rich yong Heir Leantio a Factor Husband to Brancha Sordido the Wards Man Livia Sister to Fabritio Isabella Neece to Livia Brancha Leantio's Wife Widow his Mother States of Florence Citizens A Prentice Boys Messenger Servants The Scaen FLORENCE WOMEN BEWARE WOMEN Act. 1. Scaen. 1. Enter Leantio with Brancha and Mother Mother THy sight was never yet more precious to me Welcome with all the affection of a Mother That comfort can express from natural love Since thy birth-joy a Mothers chiefest gladness After sh 'as undergone her curse of sorrows Thou was 't not more dear to me then this hour Presents thee to my heart Welcome again Leant. 'Las poor affectionate Soul how her joys speak to me I have observ'd it often and I know it is The fortune commonly of knavish Children To have the lovingst Mothers Moth. What 's this Gentlewoman Leant: Speak low sweet Mother you are able to spoil as many As come within the hearing If it be not Your fortune to mar all I have much marvel I pray do not you teach her to rebel When she 's in a good way to obedience To rise with other women in commotion Against their husbands for six Gowns a year And so maintain their cause when they 'r once up In all things else that require cost enough They are all of 'em a kinde of spirits soon rais'd But not so soon laid Mother As for example A womans belly is got up in a trice A simple charge ere it be laid down again So ever in all their quarrels and their courses And I 'm a proud man I hear nothing of 'em They 'r very still I thank my happiness And sound asleep pray let not your tongue wake 'em If you can but rest quiet she 's contented With all conditions that my fortunes bring her to To keep close as a wife that loves her husband To go after the rate of my ability Not the licentious swindg of her own will Like some of her old school-fellows she intends To take out other works in a new Sampler And frame the fashion of an honest love Which knows no wants but mocking poverty Brings forth more children to make rich men wonder At divine Providence that feeds mouths of Infants And sends them none to feed but stuffs their rooms With fruitful bags their beds with barren wombs Good Mother make not you things worse then they are Out of your too much openness pray
Singing the very tip will serve my turn methinks if I Could get it that he might well spare his Nose is of The longest Oh my back Crotch. You shall hear that rehearse your Gamot Boy Page who 'ld be thus toild for love and want the joy Crotch. Why when begin Sir I must stay your leisure Page Gamot a re b me c. Crotch. Ee la Aloft above the clouds my Boy Page It must be a better note then Ela Sir That brings Musitians thither they 're too hasty The most part of 'em to take such a journey And must needs fall by th' way Crotch. How many Cliffs be there Page One Cliff Sir Crotch. Oh intolerable heretick To voice and musick Do you know but one Cliff Page No more indeed I Sir and at this time I know too much of that Crotch. How many Notes be there Page Eight Sir I fear me I shall finde nine shortly To my great shame and sorrow Oh my stomach Crotch. Will you repeat your notes then I must Sol Fa you why when Sir Page A large a long a brief a semibrief a minom a crotchet A quaver a semiquaver Crotch. Oh have you found the way Page Never trust me If I have not lost my wind with naming of 'em Crotch. Come Boy your mindes upon some other thing now Set to your Song Page Was ever Wench so punish'd Crotch. Ut. Come begin Page Ut me re fa sol la Crotch. Keep time you foolish Boy Here they sing Pricksong How like you this Madova Celia Pretty He will do well in time being kept under Crotch. I 'll make his ears sore and his knuckles ake else Cel. And that 's the way to bring a Boy to goodness Sir Crotch. There 's many now waxt proper Gentlemen Whom I have nipt i' ch' ear Wench that 's my comfort Come sing me over the last song I taught you Y' are perfect in that sure look you keep time well Or here I 'll notch your faults up Sol Sol begin Boy Musick Song Cel. So y'have done well Sir Here comes the dancing Master now y' are discharg'd Enter Sinquapace the Dancer Sinq. Oh Seignior Crotchet Oh Crotch. A minom rest two cliffs and a semibrief In the name Of Alamire what 's the matter Sir Sinq. The horriblest disaster that ever disgrac'd the lofty cunning of a dancer Crotch. Be fa beme Heaven forbid man Sinq. Oh oo the most cruel Fortune Crotch. That semiquaver is no friend to you That I must tell you 't is not for a Dancer To put his voice so hard to 't every workman Must use his own tools Sir de fa sol man dilate The matter to me Sinq. Faith riding upon my Foot-cloth as I use to do coming through a croud by chance I let fall my Fiddle Crotch. De sol re Your Fiddle Sir Sinq. Oh that such an instrument should be made to betray a poor Gentleman nay which is more lamentable whose luck should it be to take up this unfortunate Fiddle but a Barbers Prentice who cryed out presently according to his nature You trim Gentleman on Horsback y'have lost your Fiddle your worships Fiddle seeing me upon my Foot-cloth the mannerly Cockscomb could say no less But away rid I Sir put my horse to a caranto pace and left my Fiddle behinde me Crotch. De la sol re Sinq. I was 't not a strange fortune an excellent Treble-vial by my Troth 't was my Masters when I was but a pumper that is a puller on of Gentlemens Pumps Crotch. C c sol fa I knew you then Sir Sinq. But I make no question but I shall hear on 't shortly at one Brokers or another for I know the Barber will scourse it away for some old Cittron Crotch. Ela me my life for yours on that Sir I must to my other Schollers my hour calls me away I leave you to your Practise Fa sol la Fare you well Sir Exit Sinq. The Lavolto's of a merry heart be with you Sir and a merry heart makes a good singing man a man may love to hear himself talk when he carries pith in 's mouth Metereza Celia Cel. Seignior Sinquapace the welcom'st Gentleman alive of A Dancer This is the youth he can do little yet 'T is Pricksong very poorly he is one Must have it put into him somewhat dull Sir Sinq. As you are all at first You know 't was long Ere you could learn your doubles Cel. I that 's true Sir But I can tickl 't now Fa la la c. Lo you how like you me now Sir Sinq. Marry pray for the Founder here he stands long may he live to receive quartridges go brave and pay his Mercer wondrous duly I and his jealous Laundress that for the love she bears him starches yellow poor Soul my own flesh knows I wrong her not Come Metereza once more shake your great hips and your little heels since you begin to fall in of your self and dance over the end of the caranto I taught you last night Cel. The tune 's clear out of my head Sir Sinq. A Pox of my little Usher how long he stayes too with the second part of the former Fiddle Come I 'll Sol fa it i' th' mean time Fa la la la c. perfectly excellent I will make you fit to dance with the best Christian Gentleman in Europe and keep time with him for his heart ere I give you over Cel. Nay I know I shall do well Sir and I am somewhat proud on 't But 't was my Mothers fault when she danced with the Duke of Florence Sinq. Why you 'll never dance well while you live if you be not proud I know that by my self I may teach my heart out if you have not the grace to follow me Cel. I warrant you for that Sir Sinq. Gentlewomen that are good Schollers Will come as near their Masters as they can I have known some lye with 'em for their better understanding I speak not this to draw you on forsooth use your pleasure if you come y' are welcome you shall see a fine lodging a dish of Comfits Musick and sweet Linnen Cel. And trust me Sir no woman can wish more in this world Unless it be ten pound i' th' Chamber window Laid ready in good gold against she rises Sinq. Those things are got in a morning Wench with me Cel. Indeed I hold the morning the best time of getting So says my Sister she 's a Lawyers wife Sir And should know what belongs to cases best A fitter time for this I must not talk Too long of womens matters before Boys He 's very raw you must take pains with him It is the Dutchess minde it should be so she loves him Well I tell you Exit Sinq. How love him he 's too little for any womans love i' th' Town by three handfuls I wonder of a great woman sh' as no more wit y'faith one of my pitch were somewhat tolerable Enter Usher Oh
take heed on 't Nor imitate the envy of old people That strive to mar good sport because they are perfit I would have yoū more pitiful to youth Especially to your own flesh and blood I 'll prove an excellent husband here 's my hand Lay in provision follow my business roundly And make you a Grand-mother in forty weeks Go pray salute her bid her welcome cheerfully Moth. Gentlewoman thus much is a debt of courtesie Which fashionable strangers pay each other At a kinde meeting then there 's more then one Due to the knowledge I have of your neerness I am bold to come again and now salute you By th' name of daughter which may challenge more Then ordinary respect Leant. Why this is well now And I think few Mothers of threescore will mend it Moth. What I can bid you welcome to is mean But make it all your own we are full of wants And cannot welcome worth Leant. Now this is scurvy And spake as if a woman lack'd her teeth These old folks talk of nothing but defects Because they grow so full of 'em themselves Branc. Kinde Mother there is nothing can be wanting To her that does enjoy all her desires Heaven send a quiet peace with this mans love And I am as rich as Vertue can be poor Which were enough after the rate of minde To erect Temples for content plac'd here I have forsook Friends Fortunes and my Country And hourly I rejoyce in 't Here 's my Friends And few is the good number thy successes How ere they look I will still name my fortunes Hopeful or spightful they shall all be welcome Who invites many guests has of all sorts As he that trafficks much drinks of all fortunes Yet they must all be welcome and us'd well I 'll call this place the place of my birth now And rightly too for here my love was born And that 's the birth-day of a womans joys You have not bid me welcome since I came Leant. That I did questionless Branc. No sure how was 't I have quite forgot it Leant. Thus Branc. Oh Sir 't is true Now I remember well I have done thee wrong Pray tak 't again Sir Leant. How many of these wrongs Could I put up in an hour and turn up the Glass For twice as many more Moth. Wil t please you to walk in daughter Branc. Thanks sweet Mother The voice of her that bare me is not more pleasing Exeunt Leant. Though my own care and my rich Masters trust Lay their commands both on my Factorship This day and night I 'll know no other business But her and her dear welcome 'T is a bitterness To think upon to morrow that I must leave her Still to the sweet hopes of the weeks end That pleasure should be so restrain'd and curb'd After the course of a rich Work-master That never pays till Saturday night Marry it comes together in a round sum then And do's more good you 'll say Oh fair ey'd Florence Didst thou but know what a most matchless Jewel Thou now art Mistress of a pride would take thee Able to shoot destruction through the bloods Of all thy youthful Sons but 't is great policy To keep choice treasures in obscurest places Should we shew Theeves our wealth 't would make 'em bolder Temptation is a Devil will not stick To fasten upon a Saint take heed of that The Jewel is cas'd up from all mens eyes Who could imagine now a Gem were kept Of that great value under this plain roof But how in times of absence what assurance Of this restraint then yes yes there 's one with her Old Mothers know the world and such as these When Sons lock Chests are good to look to Keys Exit Scaen. 2. Enter Guardiano Fabritio and Livia Guard What has your daughter seen him yet know you that Fab. No matter she shall love him Guard Nay let 's have fair play He has been now my Ward some fifteen year And 't is my purpose as time calls upon me By custom seconded and such moral vertues To tender him a wife now Sir this wife I 'ld fain elect out of a daughter of yours You see my meaning 's fair if now this daughter So tendered let me come to your own phrase Sir Should offer to refuse him I were hansell'd Thus am I fain to calculate all my words For the Meridian of a foolish old man To take his understanding What do you answer Sir Fab. I say still she shall love him Guard Yet again And shall she have no reason for this love Fab. Why do you think that women love with reason Guard I perceive Fools are not at all hours foolish No more then wisemen wise Fab. I had a wife She ran mad for me she had no reason for 't For ought I could perceive What think you Lady Sister Guard 'T was a fit match that Being both out of their wits A loving wife it seem'd She strove to come as near you as she could Fab. And if her daughter prove not mad for love too She takes not after her nor after me If she prefer reason before my pleasure Your an experienc'd widow Lady Sister I pray let your opinion come amongst us Liv. I must offend you then if truth will do 't And take my Neeces part and call 't injustice To force her love to one she never saw Maids should both see and like all little enough If they love truly after that 't is well Connting the time she takes one man till death That 's hard task I tell you but one may Enquire at three years end amongst yong wives And mark how the game goes Fab. Why is not man Tide to the same observance Lady Sister And in one woman Liv. 'T is enough for him Besides he tastes of many sundry dishes That we poor wretches never lay our lips to As Obedience forsooth Subjection Duty and such Kickshaws All of our making but serv'd in to them And if we lick a finger then sometimes We are not too blame Your best Cooks use it Fab. Th' art a sweet Lady Sister and a witty Liv. A witty Oh the bud of commendation Fit for a Girl of sixteen I am blown man I should be wise by this time and for instance I have buried my two husbands in good fashion And never mean more to marry Guard No why so Lady Liv. Because the third shall never bury me I think I am more then witty how think you Sir Fab. I have paid often fees to a Counsellor Has had a weaker brain Liv. Then I must tell you Your money was soon parted Guard Light her now Brother Liv. Where is my Neece let her be sent for straight If you have any hope 't will prove a wedding 'T is fit y'faith she should have one sight of him And stop upon 't and not be joyn'd in haste As if they went to stock a new found Land Fab. Look out her Uncle and y' are sure of her
saw the stroke Come till I found my reputation bleeding And therefore count it I no sin to valor To serve thy lust so Now we are of even hand Take your best course against me You must die Lean. How close sticks Envy to mans happiness When I was poor and little car'd for life I had no such means offer'd me to die No mans wrath minded me Slave I turn this to thee To call thee to account for a wound lately Of a base stamp upon me Hip. 'T was most fit For a base mettle Come and fetch one now More noble then for I will use thee fairer Then thou hast done thine soul or our honor And there I think 't is for thee Within Help help Oh part 'em Lean. False wife I feel now th' hast praid heartily for me Rise Strumpet by my fall thy Lust may raign now My heart-string and the marriage knot that ty'd thee Breaks both together Hip. There I heard the sound on 't And never like'd string better Enter Guardiano Livia Isabella Ward and Sordido Liv. 'T is my Brother Are you hurt Sir Hip. Not any thing Liv. Blessed fortune Shift for thy self what is he thou hast kill'd Hip. Our honors enemy Guard Know you this man Lady Liv. Leantio My loves joy wounds stick upon thee As deadly as thy sins art thou not hurt The Devil take that fortune and he dead Drop plagues into thy bowels without voice Secret and fearful Run for Officers Let him be apprehended with all speed For fear he scape away lay hands on him We cannot be too sure 't is wilful murder You do Heavens veng'ance and the Law just service You know him not as I do he 's a villain As monstrous as a prodigy and as dreadful Hip. Will you but entertain a noble patience Till you but hear the reason worthy Sister Liv. The reason that 's a jest Hell falls a laughing at Is there a reason found for the destruction Of our more lawful loves and was there none To kill the black Lust twixt thy Neece and thee That has kept close so long Guard How 's that good Madam Liv. Too true Sir there she stands let her deny 't The deed cries shortly in the Midwifes arms Unless the parents sins strike it still-born And if you be not deaf and ignorant You 'll hear strange notes ere long Look upon me Wench 'T was I betray'd thy honor subtilly to him Under a false tale it lights upon me now His arm has paid me home upon thy breast My sweet belov'd Leantio Guard Was my judgment And care in choice so dev'llishly abus'd So beyond shamefully All the world will grin at me Ward Oh Sordido Sordido I 'm damn'd I 'm damn'd Sord. Dam'd why Sir Ward One of the wicked do'st not see 't a Cuckold a plain rebrobate Cuckold Sord. Nay and you be damn'd for that be of good chear Sir Y'have gallant company of all professions I 'll have a wife Next Sunday too because I 'll along with you my self Ward That will be some comfort yet Liv. You Sir that bear your load of injuries As I of sorrows lend me your griev'd strength To this sad burthen who in life wore actions Flames were not nimbler We will talk of things May have the luck to break our hearts together Guard I 'll list to nothing but revenge and anger Whose counsels I will follow Exeunt Livia and Guardiano Sord. A wife quoth'a Here 's a sweet Plumb-tree of your Gardiner's graffing Ward Nay there 's a worse name belongs to this fruit yet and you could hit on 't a more open one For he that marries a whore looks like a fellow bound all his life time to a Medler-tree and that 's good stuff 't is no sooner ripe but it looks rotten and so do some Queans at nineteen A pox on 't I thought there was some knavery a broach for something stir'd in her belly the first night I lay with her Sord. What what Sir Ward This is she brought up so courtly can sing and dance and tumble too methinks I 'll never marry wife again that has so many qualities Sord. Indeed they are seldom good Master for likely when they are taught so many they will have one trick more of their own finding out Well give me a wench but with one good quality to lye with none but her husband and that 's bringing up enough for any woman breathing Ward This was the fault when she was tend'red to me you never look'd to this Sord. Alas how would you have me see through a great Farthingal Sir I cannot peep through a Milstone or in the going to see what 's done i' th' bottom Ward Her father prais'd her Brest sh 'ad the voice forsooth I marvell'd she sung so small indeed being no Maid Now I perceive there 's a yong Querister in her Belly This breeds a singing in my head I 'm sure Sord. 'T is but the tune of your wives Sinquapace Danc'd in a Fetherbed Faith go lye down Master but take heed your Horns do not make holes in the Pillowbers I would not batter brows with him for a Hogshead of Angels he would prick my skull as full of holes as a Scriveners Sand-Box Exeunt Ward and Sordido Isab. Was ever Maid so cruelly beguil'd To the confusion of life soul and honor All of one womans murd'ring I 'ld fain bring Her name no nearer to my blood then woman And 't is too much of that Oh shame and horror In that small distance from you man to me Lies sin enough to make a whole world perish 'T is time we parted Sir and left the sight Of one another nothing can be worse To hurt repentance for our very eyes Are far more poysonous to Religion Then Basilisks to them if any goodness Rest in you hope of comforts fear of judgments My request is I nev'r may see you more And so I turn me from you everlastingly So is my hope to miss you but for her That durst so dally with a sin so dangerous And lay a snare so spightfully for my youth If the least means but favor my revenge That I may practise the like cruel cunning Upon her life as she has on mine honor I 'll act it without pitty Hip. Here 's a care Of reputation and a Sisters fortune Sweetly rewarded by her Would a silence As great as that which keeps among the graves Had everlastingly chain'd up her tongue My love to her has made mine miserable Enter Guardiano and Livia Guard If you can but dissemble your hearts griefs now Be but a woman so far Liv. Peace I 'll strive Sir Guard As I can wear my injuries in a smile Here 's an occasion offer'd that gives anger Both liberty and safety to perform Things worth the fire it holds without the fear Of danger or of Law for mischief 's acted Under the priviledge of a marriage-triumph At the Dukes hasty Nuptial's will be thought Things meerly accidental all 's by