THE PVRITAINE Or THE VVIDDOVV of VVatling-streete Acted by the Children of Paules Written by W. S. Imprinted at London by G. ELD 1607 The Puritaine Widdow ACTVS PRIMVS Enter the Lady Widdow-Plus her two Daughters Franke and Moll her husbands Brother an old Knight Sir Godfrey with her Sonne and heyre Maister Edmond all in moorning apparell Edmond in a Cypresse Hatte The Widdow wringing her hands and bursting out into a passion as newly come from the Buriall of her husband Widow OH that euer I was borne that euer I was borne Sir Godfrey Nay good Sister deare sister sweete sister bee of good comfort shew yourselfe a woman now or neuer Wid. Oh I haue lost the deerest man I haue buried the sweetest husband that euer lay by woman Sir God Nay giue him his due hee was indeed an honest vertuous discreet wise-man hee was my Brother as right as right Wid. O I shall neuer forget him neuer forget him hee was a man so well giuen to a woman oh Sir Godf. Nay but kinde Sister I could weepe as much as any woman but alas our teares cannot call him againe me thinkes you are well read Sister and know that death is as common as Homo a common name to all men a man shall bee taken when hee 's making water Nay did not the learned Parson Maister Pigman tell vs een now that all Flesh is fraile wee are borne to dye Man ha's but a time with such like deepe and profound perswasions as hee is a rare fellow you know and an excellent Reader and for example as there are examples aboundance did not Sir Humfrey Bubble dye tother day there 's a lustie Widdow why shee cryed not aboue halfe an houe-for shame for shame then followed him old Maister Fulsome the Vsurer there 's a wise Widdow why shee cryed nere a whitte at all Wid O rancke not mee with those wicked women I had a Husband out-shinde 'em all Syr Godf. I that he did Ifaith he out-shind 'em all Widd. Doost thou stand there and see vs all weepe and not once shed a teare for thy fathers death oh thou vngracious sonne and heyre thou Edm, Troth Mother I should not weepe I 'me sure I am past a childe I hope to make all my old Schoole fellowes laughe at me I should bee mockt so I should Pray let one of my Sisters weepe for mee I le laughe as much for her another time Widd. Oh thou past-Grace thou out of my sight thou gracelesse impe thou grieuest mee more then the death of thy Father oh thou stubborne onely sonne hadst thou such an honest man to thy Father that would deceaue all the world to get riches for thee and canst thou not afforde a little sa't water he that so wisely did quite ouer-throw the right heyre of those lands which now you respect not vp euery morning betwixt foure and fiue so duely at Westminster Hall euery Tearme-Time with all his Cardes and writings for thee thou wicked Absolon oh deare husband Edm. Weep quotha I protest I am glad hee 's Churched for now hee 's gone I shall spend in quiet Fran. Deere mother pray cease halfe your Teares suffize T is time for you to take truce with youre eyes Let me weepe now Widd. Oh such a deere knight such a sweete husband haue I lost haue I lost if Blessed bee the coarse the raine raynes vpon he had it powring downe Syr Godf, Sister be of good cheere wee are all mortall our selues I come vppon you freshly I neare speake without comfort heere me what I shall say my brother ha's left you wellthy y' are rich Widd. Oh! Syr Godf. I say y' ar rich you are also faire Widd. Oh! Sir Godf. Goe too y' are faire you cannot smother it beauty will come to light nor are your yeares so farre enterd with you but that you will bee sought after and may very well answere another husband the world is full of fine Gallants choyse enow Sister for what should wee doe with all our Knights I pray but to marry riche widdowes wealthy Cittizens widdowes lusty faire-browd Ladies go too bee of good comfort I say leaue snobbing and weeping yet my Brother was a kinde hearted man I would not haue the Elfe see mee now come pluck vp a womans heart here stands your Daughters who be well estated and at maturity will also bee enquir'd after with good husbands so all these teares shall bee soone dryed vp and a better world then euer what Woman you must not weepe still hee 's dead hee 's buried yet I cannot chuse but weepe for him Wid Marry againe no! let me be buried quick then And that same part of Quire whereon I tread To such intent O may it be my graue And that the Priest may turne his wedding praiers Een with a breath to all dust and ashes Oh out of a million of millions I should nere finde such a husband hee was vnmatchable vnmatchable nothing was to hot nor to deere for mee I could not speake of that one thing that I had not beside I had keyes of all kept all receiu'd all had money in my purse spent what I would went abroad when I would came home when I would and did all what I would Oh my sweete husband I shall neuer haue the like Sir Godf Sister nere say so hee was an honest brother of mine and so and you may light vpon one as honest againe or one as honest againe may light vpon you that 's the properer phrase indeed Wid. Neuer oh if you loue me vrge it not Oh may I be the by-word of the world The common talke at Table in the mouth Of euery Groome and Wayter if e're more I entertaine the carnall suite of Man Mol. I must kneele downe for fashion too Franck And I whom neuer man as yet hath scalde Ee'n in this depth of generall sorrow vowe Neuer to marry to sustaine such losse As a deere husband seemes to be once dead Mol. I lou'd my father well too but to say Nay now I would not marry for his death Sure I should speake false Lattin should I not I de as soone vow neuer to come in Bed Tut Women must liue by th' quick and not by th' dead Wid. Deare Copie of my husband oh let me kisse thee How like him is their Model their briefe Picture Drawing out her husbands Picture Quickens my teares my sorrowes are renew'd At their fresh sight Sir Godf. Sister Wid. Away All honesty with him is turn'd to clay Oh my sweete husband oh Franck My deere father Exeunt mother and daughters Mol. Here 's a puling indeede I thinke my Mother weepes for all the women that euer buried husbands for if from time to time all the Widdowers teares in England had beene bottled vp I do not thinke all would haue fild a three-halfe-penny Bottle Alasse a small matter bucks a hand-kercher and somtimes the spittle stands to nie Saint Thomas a Watrings well I can mourne in good
very necessary thou shouldst know because thou must be imploide as an Actor Nich. An Actor O no that 's a Plaier and our Parson railes againe Plaiers mightily I can tell you because they brought him drunck vpp'oth Stage once as hee will bee horribly druncke Cor. Masse I cannot blame him then poore Church-spout Pie Why as an Intermedler then Nich. I that that Pie Giue me Audience then when the old Knight thy Maister has radge his fill for the losse of the chaine tell him thou hast a Kinsman in prison of such exquisit Art that the diuill himselfe is french Lackey to him and runnes bare-headed by his horse-belly when hee has one whome hee will cause with most Yrish Dexterity to fetch his chaine tho t were hid vnder a mine of sea-cole and nere make Spade or Pickaxe his instruments tell him but this with farder instructions thou shalt receiue from mee and thou shoust thy selfe a Kinsman indeed Cor. A dainty Bullie Skir. An honest Booke-keeper Cap. And my three times thrice hunnie Couzen Nich. Nay grace of God I le robbe him on 't suddainlie and hang it in the Rosemary banck but I beare that minde Couzen I would not steale any thing mee thinkes for mine owne Father Skir. He beares a good minde in that Captaine Pie Why well sayde he begins to be an honest fellow faith Cor. In troth he does Nich. You see Couzen I am willing to do you any kindnesse alwaies sauing my selfe harmelesse Exit Nicholas Captaine Why I thanke thee fare thee well I shall requite it Exit Nich. Cor. T will bee good for thee Captaine that thou hast such an egregious Asse to thy Coozen Cap. I is hee not a fine foole Corporall But George thou talkst of Art and Coniuring How shall that bee Peb. Puh bee 't not in your care Leaue that to me and my directions Well Captaine doubt not thy deliuerie now E'en with the vantage man to gaine by prison As my thoughts prompt me hold on braine and plot I ayme at many cunning far euents All which I doubt not but to hit at length I le to the Widdow with a quaint assault Captaine be merry Capt. Who I Kerrie merry Buffe-Ierkin Pye Oh I am happy in more slights and one will knit strong in another Corporall Oth Corp. Hoh Bully Pye And thou old Peter Skirmish I haue a necessary taske for you both Skir. Lay 't vpon George Pye-boord Corp What ere it bee wee le manage it Pye I would haue you two maintaine a quarrell before the Lady Widdowes doore and drawe your swords i' th edge of the Euening clash a little clash clash Corp. Fuh Let vs alone to make our Blades ring noone Tho it be after Supper Pye Know you can And out of that false fire I doubt not but to raise strange beleefe and Captaine to countenance my deuice the better and grace my words to the Widdow I haue a good plaine Sattin sute that I had of a yong Reueller t'other night for words passe not regarded now a dayes vnlesse they come from a good suite of cloaths which the Fates and my wittes haue bestowed vpon me Well Captaine Idle if I did not highly loue thee I would nere bee seene within twelue score of a prison for I protest at this instant I walke in great danger of small debts owe I money to seuerall Hostisses and you know such Jills will quickly be vpon a mans Iack Capt. True George Pye Fare thee well Captaine Come Corporall and Ancient thou shalt heare more newes next time we greete thee Corp. More newes I by you Beare at Bridge-Foote in heauen shalt thou Exeunt Capt. Inough my friends farewell This prison shewes as if Ghosts did part in Hell Enter Moll yongest Daughter to the Widdow alone Moll Not Marry forsweare Marriage why all women know 't is as honorable a thing as to lye with a man and I to spight my Sisters vowe the more haue entertainde a suter already a fine gallant Knight of the last Fether hee sayes he will Coach mee too and well appoint mee allow mee money to Dice with-all and many such pleasing protestations hee sticks vpon my lips indeed his short-winded Father i th' Countrie is wondrous wealthy a most abhominable Farmer and therefore hee may doote in time troth I le venture vpon him women are not without wayes enow to helpe them-selues if he proue wise and good as his word why I shall loue him and vse him kindly and if hee prooue an Asse why in a quarter of an houres warning I can transforme him into an Oxe there comes in my Reliefe agen Enter Frailtie Frail. O Mistresse Moll Mistresse Moll Moll How now what 's the newes Frail. The Knight your suter sir Iohn Penny-Dub Moll Sir Iohn Penny-Dub where where Frail. Hee 's walking in the Gallerie Moll Ha's my Mother seene him yet Frail. O no shee 's spitting in the Kitchin Moll Direct him hether softly good Frailtie I le meete him halfe way Frail. That 's iust like running a Tilt but I hope hee le breake nothing this time Enter Sir Iohn Penny-Dub Moll 'T is happinesse my Mother saw him not O welcome good Sir Iohn Penny-dub I thanke you faith Nay you must stand mee till I kisse you 't is the fashion euery where I-faith and I came from Court enow Moll Nay the Fates forsend that I should anger the fashion Penny Then not forgetting the sweete of new ceremonies I first fall back then recouering my selfe make my honour to your lip thus and then accost it Moll Trust me very pritty and mouing y' are worthy on 't sir O my Mother my Mother now shee 's here Kissing Ent. Widdow Sir Godfr Wee le steale into the Gallery Exeunt Sir Godf. Nay Sister let Reason rule you doe not play the foole stand not in your owne light you haue wealthy offers large tendrings doe not with-stand your good fortune who comes a wooing to you I pray no small foole a rich Knight at h Citty Sir Oliuer Muck-hill no small foole I can tell you and furthermore as I heard late by your Maide-seruants as your Maide-seruants will say to mee any thing I thanke 'em both your Daughters are not without Suters I and worthy ones too one a Briske Courtier Sir Andrew Tip-staffe suter a farre off to your eldest Daughter and the third a huge-welthie Farmers sonne a fine young Countrie Knight they call him Sir Iohn Penny-Dab a good name marry hee may haue it coynde when hee lackes money what blessings are these Sister Wid. Tempt me not Satan Sir Godf. Satan doe I looke like Satan I hope the Deuill 's not so old as I I tro Wid. You wound my sences Brother when you name A suter to me oh I cannot abide it I take in poison when I heare one nam'd Enter Simon How now Simon where 's my sonne Edmund Sim, verily Madame hee is at vaine Exercise dripping in the Tennis-court Wid. At Tennis-court oh now his father 's gon I shall
houre long and wil hide the vpper-part of a dissembler Church I he seemed al Church his cōscience was as hard as the Pulpit VVid. I can no more endure this Pie, Nor I widdow Endure to flatter Wid. Is this all your businesse with me Pie, No Lady t is but the induction too'te You may beleiue my straines I strike all true And if your conscience would leap vp to your tongue your selfe would affirme it and that you shall perceiue I knowe of things to come as well as I doe of what is present a Brother of your husbands shall shortly haue a losse Wid. A losse marry heauen for-fend Sir Godfrey my brother Pie Nay keepe in your wonders till I haue told you the fortunes of you all which are more fearefull if not happily preuented for your part your daughters if there be not once this day some bloud-shed before your dore wheerof the humaine creature dies two of you the elder shall run mad Mother and Franck Oh Mol. That 's not I yet Pie And with most impudent prostitution show your naked bodies to the veiw of all beholders Wid. Our naked bodies fie for shame Pie Attend mee and your yonger daughter bee strocken dumbe Mol. Dumbe out alasse t is the worst paine of all for a Woman I de rather bee madde or runne naked or any thing dumbe Pie Giue eare ere the euening fall vpon Hill Bogge and Meadow this my speech shal haue past probation and then shal I be belieued accordingly Widdow If this bee true wee are all sham'de all vndon Mol. Dumbe I le speake as much as euer I can possible before euening Pie But if it so come to passe as for your faire sakes I wish it may that this presage of your strange fortūes be preuēted by that accidēt of death bloud-shedding which I before told you off take heed vpō your liues that two of you which haue vow'd neuer to marry seeke you out husbands with all present speede and you the third that haue such a desire to out-strip chastitie looke you meddle not with a husband Moll A double torment Pyb. The breach of this keepes your father in Purgatorie and the punishments that shall follow you in this world would with horror kill the Eare should heare 'em related Wid. Marry why I vowd neuer to marry Franke And so did I Moll And I vowde neuer to be such an Asse but to marry what a crosse Fortune 's this Pyb. Ladies tho I bee a Fortune-teller I cannot better Fortunes you haue 'em frō me as they are reueald to me I would they were to your tempers and fellowes with your blouds that 's all the bitternesse I would you Widdow Oh 't is a iust vengeance for my husbands hard purchases Pyb. I wish you to be-thinke your selues and leauem Wid. I le to Sir Godfrey my Brother and acquaint him with these fearefull presages Franck For Mother they portend losses to him Wid. Oh I they doe they doe If any happy issue crowne thy words I will reward thy cunning Pyb. 'T is enough Lady I wish no higher Exit Mol. Dumbe and not marry worse Neither to speake nor kisse a double curse Exit Pyb. So all this comes well about yet I play the Fortune-teller as well as if I had had a Witch to my Grannam for by good happinesse being in my Hostisses Garden which neighbours the Orchard of the Widdow I laid the hole of mine eare to a hole in the wall and heard 'em make these vowes speake those words vpon which I wrought these aduantages and to encourage my forgerie the more I may now perceiue in 'em a naturall simplicitie which will easily swallow an abuse if any couering be ouer it and to confirme my former presage to the Widdow I haue aduizde old Peter Skirmish the Souldier to hurt Corporall Oth vpon the Leg and in that hurry I le rush amongst 'em and in stead of giuing the Corporal some Cordiall to comfort him I le power into his mouth a potion of a sleepy Nature to make him seeme as dead for the which the old souldier beeing apprehended and ready to bee borne to execution I le step in take vpon me the cure of the dead man vpon paine of dying the condemneds death the Corporall will wake at his minute when the sleepy force has wrought it selfe and so shall I get my selfe into a most admired opinion and vnder the pretext of that cunning beguile as I see occasion and if that foolish Nicholas Saint Tantlings keepe true time with the chaine my plot wil be found the Captaine deliuered and my wits applauded among schollers and souldiers for euer Exit Py-boord Enter Nicholas Saint Tantlings with the chaine Nic. Oh I haue foūd an excellent aduantage to take away the chaine my Maister put it off e'en now to say on a new Doublet and I sneak't it away by little little most Puritanically wee shall haue good sport anon when ha's mist it about my Cozen the Coniurer the world shall see I 'me an honest man of my word for now I 'me going to hang it betweene Heauen Earth among the Rosemary branches Exit Nich. Actus 3. Enter Simon Saint Mary-Oueries and Frailty Frai. Sirrah Simon Saint my Mistris sends away all her suiters and puts fleas in their their Sim. Frailty she dos like an honest chast and vertuous womā for widdowes ought not to wallow in the puddle of iniquity Fra. Yet Simon many widdowes wil do 't what so comes on 't Sim. True Frailtie their filthy flesh desires a Coniunction Copulatiue what strangers are within Frailty Frai. Ther 's none Simon but Maister Pilfer the Tailer he 's aboue with Sir Godfreie praysing of a Doublet and I must trudge anon to fetch Maister Suds the Barber Simon Maister Suds a good man he washes the sinns of the Beard cleane Skir. How now creatures what 's a clock Enter old Skirmish the soulders Frai. Why do you take vs to be Iacke at 'h Clock-house Skir. I say agen to you what 's a clocke Sim. Truly la wee goe by the clocke of our conscience all worldly Clockes we know goe false and are set by drunken Sextons Skir. Then what 's a clock in your conscience oh I must breake off here comes the corporall hum hum what 's a clock Enter Corporall Corp. A clock why past seuenteene Frai. Past seuenteene nay ha's met with his match now Corporall Oth will fit him Skir. Thou doost not bawke or baffle me doost thou I am a Souldier past seuenteene Corp. I thou art not angry with the figures art thou I will prooue it vnto thee 12. and 1. is thirteene I hope 2. foureteene 3. fifteene 4 sixteene and 5. seauenteene then past seauenteene I will take the Dyals part in a iust cause Skir. I say 't is but past fiue then Corp. I le sweare 't is past seauenteene then doost thou not know numbers canst thou not cast Skir. Cast dost thou speake of my casting
sweete bed-fellow for any Lady I le haue it so Enter Frailtie Frail. O Mistris Gentlemen there 's the brauest sight comming along this way Wid. What braue sight Frai. Oh one going to burying another going to hanging Wid. A ruefull sight Pyb Sfoot Captaine I le pawne my life the Corporal 's coffind and old Skirmish the souldier going to execution 't is now full about the time of his walking hold out a little longer sleepie potion and we shall haue exlent admiration for I le take vpon me the cure of him Enter the Coffin of the Corporall the souldier bound and lead by Officers the Sheriffe there Frail. Oh here they come here they come Pyb. Now must I close secretly with the Souldier preuent his impatience or else all 's discouered Wid. O lamentable seeing these were those Brothers that fought and bled before our doore Sir Godf. What they were not Sister Skirm. George looke toote I le peach at Tyburne else Pyb. Mum Gentles all vouchsafe mee audience and you especially Maister Sheriffe Yon man is bound to execution Because he wounded this that now lyes coffind Shir. True true he shall haue the law and I know the law Pyb. But vnder fauour Maister Sheriffe if this man had beene cured and safe agen he should haue been releasde then Shir. Why make you question of that Sir Pyb. Then I release him freely and will take vpon mee the death that he should dye if within a little season I do not cure him to his proper health agen Shir. How Sir recouer a dead man That were most strange of all Franke comes to him Frank. Sweete Sir I loue you deerely and could wish my best part yours oh do not vndertake such an impossible venture Pyb. Loue you me then for your sweet sake I le doo 't Let me entreate the corps to be set downe Shir. Bearers set downe the Coffin this were wonderfull and worthy Stoes Chronicle Pyb. I pray bestow the freedome of the ayre vpon our wholsome Arte masse his cheekes begin to receiue naturall warmth nay good Corporall wake betime or I shall haue a longer sleepe then you Sfoote if he should proue dead indeed now he were fully reuengd vpon me for making a property on him yet I had rather run vpon the Ropes then haue the Rope like a Tetter run vpon mee oh he stirs hee stirs agen looke Gentlemen he recouers he starts he rises Shir. Oh oh defend vs out alasse Pyb. Nay pray be still you le make him more giddy else he knowes no body yet Corp. Zounes who am I couerd with Snow I maruaile Pyb. Nay I knew hee would sweare the first thing hee did as soone as euer he came to his life agen Corp. Sfoote Hostesse some hotte Porridge oh oh lay on a dozen of Fagots in the Moone parler there Pyb. Lady you must needs take a little pitty of him yfaith and send him in to your Kitchin fire Wid. Oh with all my heart sir Nicholas and Frailtie he'pe to beare him in Nich. Beare him in quotha pray call out the Maides I shall nere haue the heart to doo 't indeed la Frai. Not I neither I cannot abide to handle a Ghost of all mē Cor. sbloud let me see where was I drunke last night heh Wid. Oh shall I bid you once agen take him away Frai. Why we 're as fearefull as you I warrant you oh Wid. Away villaines bid the Maides make him a Cawdle presently to settle his braine or a Posset of Sack quickly quickly Exeunt pushing in the corpes Skir. Sir what so ere you are I do more then admire you Wid. O I if you knew all Maister Shiriffe as you shall doe you would say then that here were two of the rarest men within the walls of Christendome Shir. Two of 'em O wonderfull Officers I discharge you set him free all 's in tune Sir Godf. I and a banquet ready by this time Maister Sheriffe to which I most cheerefully enuite you and your late prisoner there see you this goodly chaine sir mum no more words t was lost and is found againe come my inestimable bullies wee le talke of your noble Acts in sparkling Charnico and in stead of a Iester wee le ha the ghost i th white sheete sit at vpper end a' th Table Sheriff Exlent merry man yfaith Exit Franck Well seeing I am enioynd to loue and marry My foolish vow thus I casheere to Ayre Which first begot it now loue play thy part The scholler reades his lecture in my heart Actus 5. Scen. 1. Enter in hast Maister Edmund and Frayltie Ed. This is the marriage morning for my mother my sister Frail. O me Maister Edmund we shall ha rare doings Ed. Nay go Frayltie runne to the Sexton you know my mother wil be married at Saint Antlings hie thee t is past fiue bid them open the Church dore my sister is almost ready Fra. What already Maister Edmond Ed. Nay go hie thee first run to the Sexton and runne to the Clarke and then run to Maister Pigman the Parson and then run to the Millanor and then run home agen Frail. Heer 's run run run Ed. But harke Frailty Fra. What more yet Edm. Has the maides remembred to strew the way to the Church Frail. Fagh an houre ago I helpt 'em my selfe Ed. Away away away away then Frail. Away away away then Exit Frailty Edm. I shall haue a simple Father inlawe a braue Captaine able to beate all our streete Captaine Idle now my Ladie Mother wil be fitted for a delicate name my Ladie Idle my Ladie Idle the finest name that can be for a woman and then the Scholler Maister Pie-boord for my sister Francis that wil be Mistris Francis Pie-boord Mistris Francis Pie-boord thei ll keepe a good table I warrant you Now all the knights noses are put out of ioynt they may go to a bone setters now Enter Captaine and Pie-boord Harke harke oh who comes here with two Torches before 'em my sweete Captaine and my fine Scholler oh how brauely they are shot vp in one night they looke like fine Brittaines now me thinkes here 's a gallant chaunge ifaith slid they haue hir'd men and all by the clock Cap. Maister Edmund kinde honest dainty Maister Edmond Edm. Fogh sweete Captaine Father inlaw a rare perfume ifayth Pie What are the Brides stirring may wee steall vpon 'em thinkst thou Maister Edmond Edm. Faw there e'en vpon reddines I can assure you for they were at there Torch e'en now by the same token I tumbled downe the staires Pie Alas poore Maister Edmond Enter musitians Cap. O the musitians I pree thee Maister Edmond call 'em in and licquour 'em a little Ed. That I will sweete Captaine father in law and make ech of them as drunck as a common fiddeler Exeunt omnes Enter Sir Iohn Penidub and Moll aboue lacing of her clothes Pen. Whewh Mistris Mol Mistris Mol Mol. Who 's there Pen T is I Mol. Who Sir