ha Ger. No no Sir Mart. You will go then Ger. I will go on a Fools Errand for once Exeunt Gerrard and Martin Floun What will you eat Sir Mons. Wà t you please Madamè Floun De hear Waiter then some young Partridge Wait. What else Madam Flirt Some Russes Wait. What else Madam Floun Some young Pheasants Wait. What else Madam Flirt Some young Rabits I love Rabits Wait. What else Madam Floun Stay Mons. Dis Englis ' Waiter wit his wà t else Madam will ruine me testè non Aside Wait. What else Madam Mons. Wà t else Madam agen call up the French Waiter Wait. What else Madam Mons. Again call up the French Waiter or Quesinièr morttestè-ventrè vitè vitè Auh Madam the stupidity of the Englis ' Waiter I hate the Englis ' Waiter mon foy Ex. Waiter Flirt Be not in passion dear Monsieur Mons. I kiss your hand obligeant Madam Enter a French Scullion Cherè Pierot Serviteur Serviteur or ca a manger Kisses the Scullion Scull En voulez vous de Cram Schiquin Floun Yes Scull De Partrish de Faysan de Quailles Mons. This Bougre vil ruinè me too but he speak wit dà t bel Eyrè and gracè I cannot bid him hold his tongue ventre c'est assey Pierot vat-èn Ex. Scull and returns Scull And de litèl plate dè Mons. Jarnie vat-èn Exit Scull and returns Scull And de litèl plate dè Mons. De grace go dy way Exit Scull and returns Scull And de litel dè Mons. De Fourmage de Brie vat-èn go go Floun What 's that Cheese that stinks Mons. Ay ay be sure it stinkè extremèntè Pierot vat-èn but stay till I drink dy health here 's to dat pretty Fellow's health Madam Flirt Must we drink the Scullion's health Mons. Auh you will not be disobligeant Madam he is the Quisinier for a Cardinal or French Abbot Drinks Floun But how shall we divertise our selves till Supper be ready Flirt Can we have better Divertisement than this Gentleman Floun But I think we had better carry the Gentleman home with us and because it is already late sup at home and divertise the Gentleman at Cards till it be ready dè hear Waiter let it be brought when 't is ready to my Lodging hard by in Mustard-Alley at the Sign of the Crooked-Billet Mons. At the Crooked-Billet Flirt Come Sir come Mons. Mort-bleu I have take the Vow since my last Clap never to go again to the Bourdel Floun What is the Bourdel Mons. How call you the name of your House Flirt The Crooked-Billet Mons. No no the Bawdy-house vert and bleu Floun How our Lodging we 'd have you know Mons. Auh mort-bleu I wou'd not know it de Crookè-Billet hah ha Flirt Come Sir Mons. Besides if I go wit you to the Bourdel you will tell mort-bleu Floun Fie fie come along Mons. Beside I am to be marry'd within these two days if you shou'd tell now Flirt Come come along we will not tell Mons. But will you promise then to have the care of my honour pray good Madam have de care of my honeùr pray have de care of my honeùr Will you have care of my honeùr pray have de care of my honeùr and do not tell if you can help it pray dear Madam do not tell Kneels to ' em Flirt I wou'd not tell for fear of losing you my Love for you will make me secret Mons. Why do you love me Flirt Indeed I cannot help telling you now what my modesty ought to conceal but my eyes wou'd disclose it too I have a passion for you Sir Mons. A passion for me Flirt An extreme passion dear Sir you are so French so mightily French so agreeable French but I 'll tell you more of my heart at home come along Mons. But is your patiòn sincere Flirt The truest in the World Mons. Well then I 'll venture my body wit thee for one night Flirt For one night don't you believe that and so you wou'd leave me to morrow but I love you so I cannot part with you you must keep me for good and all if you will have me I can't leave you for my heart Mons. How keep Jarniè de Whore Englis ' have notingè but keepè keepè in derè mouths now a days testè nòn formerly 't was enough to keep de shild ma foy Flirt Nay I will be kept else but come we 'll talk on 't at home Mons. Umh so so ver vèl de Amourè of de Whore does alway end in keep ha keep ma foy keep ha The Punck that entertains you wit'her passion Is like kind Host who makes the Invitation At your own cost to his fort bon Collation Ex. ACT II. SCENE I. Don Diego's House in the Morning Enter Don Diego in the Spanish Habit Mrs. Caution his Sister Don Dieg. HAve you had a Spanish care of the Honour of my Family that is to say have you kept up my Daughter close in my absence as I directed Caut. I have Sir but it was as much as I cou'd do Don. I knew that for 't was as much as I cou'd do to keep up her Mother I that have been in Spain look you Caut. Nay 't is a hard task to keep up an English Woman Don. As hard as it is for those who are not kept up to be honest look you con Licentia Sister Caut. How now Brother I am sure my Husband never kept me up Don. I knew that therefore I cryed con Licentia Sister as the Spaniards have it Caut. But you Spaniards are too censorious Brother Don. You English Women Sister give us too much cause look you but you are sure my Daughter has not seen a man since my departure Caut. No not so much as a Church-man Don. As a Church-man Voto I thank you for that not a Church-man not a Church-man Caut. No not so much as a Church-man but of any one wou'd think one might trust a Church-man Don. No we are bold enough in trusting them with our Souls I 'll never trust 'em with the body of my Daughter look you Guarda you see what comes of trusting Church-men here in England and 't is because the Women govern the Families that Chaplains are so much in fashion Trust a Church-man trust a Coward with your honour a Fool with your secret a Gamster with your purse as soon as a Priest with your Wife or Daughter look you Guarda I am no Fool look you Caut. Nay I know you are a wise man Brother Don. Why Sister I have been fifteen years in Spain for it at several times loâ—k you Now in Spain he is wise enough that is grave politick enough that â—ays little and honourable enough that is jealous and though I say it that shou'd not say it I as as grave grum and jealous as any Spaniard breathing Caut. I know you are Brother Don. And I will be a Spaniard in every thing still and will not conform not I to their
THE GENTLEMAN Dancing-Master A COMEDY As it is Acted By Their MAJESTIES SERVANTS By M r Wycherley Horat. Non satis est risu diducere rictum Auditoris est quaedam tamen hic quoque virtus LONDON Printed for H. Herringman and Sold by T. Dring R. Bentley J. Tonson F. Saunders and T. Bennet 1693. PROLOGUE To the CITY Newly after the Removal of the Duke's Company from Lincoln's-Inn-fields to their new Theatre near Salisbury-Court OUR Author like us finding 't would scarce do At t'other end o' th' Town is come to you And since 't is his last Tryal has that Wit To throw himself on a substantial Pit Where needy Wit or Critick dare not come Lest Neighbour i' the Cloak with looks so grum Shou'd prove a Dunne Where Punk in vizor dare not rant and tear To put us out since Bridewel is so near In short we shall be heard be understood If not shall be admir'd and that 's as good For you to sensless Plays have still been kind Nay where no sense was you a Jest wou'd find And never was it heard of that the City Did ever take occasion to be witty Upon dull Poet or stiff Players Action But still with claps oppos'd the hissing Faction But if you hiss'd 't was at the Pit not Stage So with the Poet damn'd the damning Age And still we know are ready to ingage Against the flouting ticking Gentry who Citizen Player Poet wou'd undo The Poet no unless by commendation For on the Change Wits have no reputation And rather than be branded for a Wit He with you able men wou'd credit get Dramatis Personae Mr. Gerard Mr. Martin Young Gentlemen of the Town and Friends Mr. Parris or Monsieur De Parris A vain Coxcomb and rich City-Heir newly returned from France and mightily affected with the French Language and Fashions Mr. James Formal or Don Diego An old rich Spanish Merchant newly returned home as much affected with the Habit and Customs of Spain and Uncle to De Parris Mrs. Hippolita Formal's Daughter Mrs. Caution Formal's Sister an impertinent precise Old Woman Prue Hippolita's Maid Mrs. Flirt Mrs. Flounce Two Common Women of the Town A little Black-a-More Lacquey to Formal  A Parson  A French Scullion  Servants Waiter and Attendants SCENE London THE GENTLEMAN Dancing-Master ACT I. SCENE I. Don Diego's House in the Evening Enter Hippolita and Prue her Maid Hipp. TO confine a Woman just in her rambling Age take away her liberty at the very time she shou'd use it O barbarous Aunt O unnatural Father to shut up a poor Girle at fourteen and hinder her budding all things are ripen'd by the Sun to shut up a poor Girl at fourteen Pru. 'T is true Miss two poor young Creatures as we are Hipp. Not suffer'd to see a play in a twelve month Pru. Nor to go to Ponchinello nor Paradise Hipp. Nor to take a Ramble to the Park nor Mulberry-garden Pru. Nor to Tatnam-Court nor Islington Hipp. Nor to eat a Sillybub in new Spring-garden with a Cousin Pru. Nor to drink a Pint of Wine with a Friend at the Prince in the Sun Hipp. Nor to hear a Fiddle in good Company Pru. Nor to hear the Organs and Tongs at the Gun in Moorfields Hipp. Nay not suffer'd to go to Church because the men are sometimes there little did I think I should ever have long'd to go to Church Pru. Or I either but between two Maids Hipp. Not see a man Pru. Nor come near a man Hipp. Nor hear of a man Pru. No Miss but to be deny'd a man and to have no use at all of a man Hipp. Hold hold your resentment is as much greater than mine as your experience has been greater but all this while what do we make of my Cousin my Husband elect as my Aunt says we have had his Company these three days Is he no man Pru. No faith he 's but a Monsieur but you 'll resolve your self that question within these three days for by that time he 'll be your Husband if your Father come to night Hipp. Or if I provide not my self with another in the mean time For Fathers seldom chuse well and I will no more take my Father's choice in a Husband than I would in a Gown or a Suit of Knots so that if that Cousin of mine were not an ill contriv'd ugly Freekish-fool in being my Father's choice I shou'd hate him besides he has almost made me out of love with mirth and good humour for he debases it as much as a Jack-pudding and Civility and good Breeding more than a City Dancing-Master Pru. What won't you marry him then Madam Hipp. Wou'dst thou have me marry a Fool an Idiot Pru. Lord 't is a sign you have been kept up indeed and know little of the World to refuse a man for a Husband only because he 's a Fool. Methinks he 's a pretty apish kind of a Gentleman like other Gentlemen and handsome enough to lye with in the dark when Husbands take their priviledges and for the day-times you may take the priviledge of a Wife Hipp. Excellent Governess you do understand the World I see Pru. Then you shou'd be guided by me Hipp. Art thou in earnest then damn'd Jade wou'dst thou have me marry him well there are more poor young Women undone and married to filthy Fellows by the treachery and evil Counsel of Chamber-maids than by the obstinacy and covetousness of Parents Pru. Does not your Father come on purpose out of Spain to marry you to him Can you release your self from your Aunt or Father any other way Have you a mind to be shut up as long as you live For my part though you can hold out upon the Lime from the Walls here Salt old Shoes and Oat-meal I cannot live so I must confess my patience is worn out Hipp. Alas alas poor Prue your stomach lies another way I will take pity of you and get me a Husband very suddenly who may have a Servant at your Service but rather than marry my Cousin I will be a Nun in the new Protestant Nunnery they talk of where they say there will be no hopes of coming near a man Pru. But you can marry no body but your Cousin Miss your Father you expect to night and be certain his Spanish policy and wariness which has kept you up so close ever since you came from Hackney-School will make sure of you within a day or two at farthest Hipp. Then 't is time to think how to prevent him stay Pru. In vain vain Miss Hipp. If we knew but any man any man though he were but a little handsomer than the Devil so that he were a Gentleman Pru. What if you did know any man if you had an opportunity cou'd you have confidence to speak to a man first But if you cou'd how cou'd you come to him or he to you nay how cou'd you send to him for though you cou'd write which
ill-favour'd English Customs for I will wear my Spanish Habit still I will stroke my Spanish Whiskers still and I will eat my Spanish Olio still and my Daughter shall go a Maid to her Husbands Bed let the English Custom be what 't will I wou'd fain see any finical cunning insinuating Monsieur of the age debauch or steal away my Daughter but well has she seen my Cousin How long has he been in England Caut. These three days Don. And she has seen him has she I was contented he shou'd see her intending him for her Husband but she has seen no body else upon your certain knowledge Caut. No no alas how shou'd she 't is impossible she shou'd Don. Where is her Chamber pray let me see her Caut. You 'll find her poor Creature asleep I warrant you or if awake thinking no hurt nor of your coming this morning Don. Let us go to her I long to see her poor innocent Wretch Exeunt Enter Hippolita Gerrard and Prue at a distance Ger. Am I not come upon your own Summons Madam and yet receive me so Hipp. My Summons Sir no I assure you and if you do not like your reception I cannot help it for I am not us'd to receive men I 'd have you to know Ger. She is beautiful beyond all things I ever saw Aside Hipp. I like him extremely Aside Ger. Come fairest why do you frown Hipp. Because I am angry Ger. I am come on purpose to please you then do not receive me so unkindly Hipp. I tell you I do not use to receive men there has not been a man in the House before but my Cousin this twelve month I 'd have you to know Ger. Then you ought to bid me the more welcome I 'd have you to know Hipp. What do you mock me too I know I am but a home-bred-simple Girl but I thought you Gallants of the Town had been better bred than to mock a poor Girl in her Fathers own House I have heard indeed 't is a part of good breeding to mock people behind their backs but not to their faces Ger. Pretty Creature she has not only the Beauty but the Innocency of an Angel Mock you dear Miss no I only repeated the words because they were yours sweet Miss what we like we imitate Aside Hipp. Dear Miss sweet Miss how came you and I so well acquainted This is one of your confident Tricks too as I have been told you 'll be acquainted with a Woman in the time you can help her over a Bench in the Play-house or to her Coach but I need not wonder at your confidence since you cou'd come in at the great Gallery-window just now But pray who shall pay for the glass you have broken Ger. Pretty Creature your Father might have made the Window bigger then since he has so fine a Daughter and will not allow people to come in at the door to her Hipp. A pleasant Man well 't is harder playing the Hypocrite with him I see than with my Aunt or Father and if dissimulation were not very natural to a Woman I 'm sure I cou'd not use it at this time but the mask of simplicity and innocency is as useful to an intriguing Woman as the mask of Religion to a States-man they say Aside Ger. Why do you look away dearest Miss Hipp. Because you quarrell'd with me just now for frowning upon you and I cannot help it if I look upon you Ger. O let me see that Face at any rate Hipp. Wou'd you have me frown upon you for I shall be sure to do 't Ger. Come I 'll stand fair you have done your worst to my heart already Hipp. Now I dare not look upon him lest I shou'd not be able to keep my word Aside Ger. Come I am ready and yet I am afraid of her frowns Aside Come look Ih am ready Ih am ready Hipp. But I am not ready Aside Ger. Turn dear Miss Come Ih am ready Hipp. Are you ready then I 'll look Turns upon him No faith I can't frown upon him if I shou'd be hang'd Aside Ger. Dear Miss I thank you that look has no terrour in 't Hipp. No I cannot frown for my heart for blushing I don't use to look upon men you must know Ger. If it were possible any thing cou'd those blushes wou'd add to her Beauty well bashfulness is the only out-of-fashion-thing that is agreeable Aside Hipp. Ih h like this man strangely I was going to say lov'd him Courage then Hippolita make use of the only opportunity thou canst have to enfranchize thy self Women formerly they say never knew how to make use of their time till it was past but let it not be said so of a young Woman of this Age my damn'd Aunt will be stirring presently well then courage I say Hippolita thou art full fourteen years old shift for thy self Aside Ger. So I have look'd upon her so long till I am grown bashful too Love and Modesty come together like Money and Covetousness and the more we have the less we can shew it I dare not look her in the face now nor speak a word Aside Hipp. What Sir methinks you look away now Ger. Because you wou'd not look upon me Miss Hipp. Nay I hope you can't look me in the face since you have done so rude a thing as to come in at the Window upon me come come when once we Women find the men bashful then we take heart now I can look upon you as long as you will let 's see if you can frown upon me now Ger. Lovely Innocency No you may swear I can't frown upon you Miss Hipp. So I knew you were asham'd of what you have done well since you are asham'd and because you did not come of your own head but were sent by my Cousin you say Ger. Which I wonder at Aside Hipp. For all these reasons I do forgive you Ger. In token of your forgiveness then dearest Miss let me have the honour to kiss your hand Hipp. Nay there 't is you men are like our little Shock-dogs if we don't keep you off from us but use you a little kindly you grow so fidling and so troublesome there is no enduring you Ger. O dear Miss if I am like your Shock-dog let it be in his Priviledges Hipp. Why I 'd have you know he does not lye with me Ger. 'T is was well guess'd Miss for one so innocent Hipp. No I always kick him off from the Bed and never will let him come near it for of late indeed I do not know what 's the reason I don't much care for my Shock-dog nor my Babies Ger. O then Miss I may have hopes for after the Shock-dog and the Babies 't is the mans turn to be belov'd Hipp. Why cou'd you be so good-natur'd as to come after my Shock-dog in my Love it may be indeed rather than after one of your Brother-men Ger. Hah ha ha poor Creature a
Well am I not habiliee in de Spanish Habit my Doublet Ear and Hat Leg and Feet are Spanish that dey are Don. I told you I was a Spanish Positivo voto Mons. Vil you not spare my Pantalloon begar I will give you one little finger to excuse my Pantalloon da Don. I have said look you Mons. Auch chere Pantalloons speak for my Pantalloons Cousin my poor Pantalloons are as dear to me as de Scarff to de Countree Capitaine or de new made Officer therefore have de compassion for my Pantalloons Don Diego mon Oncle helas helas helas Kneels to Don. Don. I have said look you your Dress must be Spanish and your Language English I am uno Positivo Mons. And must speak base good English too ah la pitiee helas Don. It must be done and I will see this great change e'er it be dark voto your time is not long look to 't look you Mons. Helas helas helas dat Espaigne shou'd conquer la France in England helas helas helas Exit Monsieur Don. You see what pains I take to make him the more agreeable to you Daughter Hipp. But indeed and indeed Father you wash the Black-a-more white in endeavouring to make a Spaniard of a Monsieur nay an English Monsieur too consider that Father for when once they have taken the French plie as they call it they are never to be made so much as English men again I have heard say Don. What I warrant you are like the rest of the young silly Baggages of England that like nothing but what is French You wou'd not have him reform'd you wou'd have a Monsieur to your Husband wou'd you Querno Hipp. No indeed Father I wou'd not have a Monsieur to my Husband not I indeed and I am sure you 'll never make my Cousin otherwise Don. I warrant you Hipp. You can't you can't indeed Father and you have sworn you know he shall never have me if he does not leave off his Monsieurship Now as I told you 't is as hard for him to cease being a Monsieur as 't is for you to break a Spanish Oath so that I am not in any great danger of having a Monsieur to my Husband Don. Well but you shall have him for your Husband look you Hipp. Then you will break your Spanish Oath Don. No I will break him of his French Tricks and you shall have him for your Husband Querno Hipp. Indeed and indeed Father I shall not have him Don. Indeed you shall Daughter Hipp. Well you shall see Father Caut. No I warrant you she will not have him she 'll have her Dancing-master rather I know her meaning I understand her Don. Thou malicious foolish Woman you understand her but I do understand her she says I will not break my Oath nor he his French Customs so through our difference she thinks she shall not have him but she shall Hipp. But I shan't Caut. I know she will not have him because she hates him Don. I tell you if she does hate him 't is a sign she will have him for her Husband for 't is not one of a thousand that marries the man she loves look you Besides 't is all one whether she loves him now or not for as soon as she 's marry'd she 'd be sure to hate him that 's the reason we wise Spaniards are jealous and only expectè nay will be sure our Wives shall fear us look you Hipp. Pray good Father and Aunt do not dispute about nothing for I am sure he will never be my Husband to hate Caut. I am of your opinion indeed I understand you I can see as far as another Don. You you cannot see so much as through your Spectacles but I understand her 't is her meer desire to Marriage makes her say she shall not have him for your poor young things when they are once in the teens think they shall never be marry'd Hipp. Well Father think you what you will but I know what I think Enter Monsieur in the Spanish Habit entire only with a Crevat and follow'd by the little Black-a-more with a Golilia in his hand Don. Come did not I tell you you shou'd have him look you there he has comply'd with me and is a perfect Spaniard Mons. Ay ay I am ugly Rogue enough now sure for my Cousin but 't is your Father's fault Cousin that you han't the handsomest best dress'd man in the Nation a man be in mise Don. Yet agen at your French and a Crevat on still voto a St. Jago off off with Mons. Nay I will ever hereafter speak clownish good English do but spare me my Crevat Don. I am uno Positivo look you Mons. Let me not put on that Spanish Yoke but spare me my Crevat for I love Crevat furiesment Don. Agen at your Furiesments Mons. Indeed I have forgot my self but have some mercy Kneels Don. Off off off with it I say come refuse the Ornamento principal of the Spanish Habit. Takes him by the Crevat pulls it off and the Black puts on the Golilia Mons. Will you have no mercy no pity alas alas alas Oh I had rather put on the English Pillory than this Spanish Golilia for 't will be all a case I 'm sure for when I go abroad I shall soon have a Crowd of Boys about me peppering me with rotten Eggs and Turneps helas helas Don puts on the Golilia Don. Helas again Mons. Alas alas alas Hipp. I shall dye ha ha ha Pru. I shall burst ha ha ha Mons. Ay ay you see what I am come to for your sake Cousin and Uncle pray take notice how ridiculous I am grown to my Cousin that loves me above all the World she can no more forbear laughing at me I vow and swear than if I were as arrant a Spaniard as your self Don. Be a Spaniard like me and ne'er think people laugh at you there was never a Spaniard that thought any one laugh'd at him but what do you laugh at a Golilia Baggage Come Sirrah-Black now do you teach him to walk with the verdadero gesto gracia and Gravidad of a true Castilian Mons. Must I have my Dancing-master too come little Master then lead on Black struts about the Stage the Monsieur follows him imitating awkerdly all he does Don. Malo malo with your Hat on your Pole as if it hung upon a Pin the French and English wear their Hats as if their Horns would not suffer 'em to come over their Foreheads voto Mons. 'T is true there are some well-bred Gentlemen have so much Reverence for their Perruque that they wou'd refuse to be Grandees of your Spain for fear of putting on their Hats I vow and swear Don. Come Black teach him now to make a Spanish Leg. Mons. Ha ha ha your Spanish Leg is an English Courtsie I vow and swear hah hah ha Don. Well the Hood does not make the Monk the Ass was an Ass still though he had the Lyons Skin
Violin Ger. What wou'd you have me do with it I cannot play a stroke Hipp. No stay then seem to tune it and break the strings Apart to Ger. Ger. Come then Next to the Devil 's the Invention of Women they 'll no more want an excuse to cheat a Father with than an opportunity to abuse a Husband But what do you give me such a damn'd Fiddle with rotten strings for Aside Winds up the strings till they break and throws the Violin on the ground Don. Hey-day the Dancing-master is frantick Mons. Ha ha ha that people shou'd be made such Fools of Caut. He broke the strings on purpose because he cou'd not play you are blind Brother Don. What will you see further than I look you Hipp. But pray Master why in such haste Ger. Because you have done with me Don. But don't you intend to come to morrow agen Ger. Your Daughter does not desire it Don. No matter I do I must be your pay Master I 'm sure I wou'd have you come betimes too not only to make her perfect but since you have so good a hand upon the Violin to play your part with half a dozen of Musicians more whom I wou'd have you bring with you for we will have a very merry Wedding though a very private one you 'll be sure to come Ger. Your Daughter does not desire it Don. Come come Baggage you shall desire it of him he is your Master Hipp. My Father will have me desire it of you it seems Ger. But you 'll make a Fool of me agen if I shou'd come wou'd you not Hipp. If I shou'd tell you so you 'd be sure not to come Don. Come come she shall not make a Fool of you upon my word I 'll secure you she shall do what you 'll have her Mons. Ha ha ha so so silly Don. Aside Ger. But Madam will you have me come Hipp. I 'd have you to know for my part I care not whether you come or no there are other Dancing-masters to be had it is my Fathers request to you all that I have to say to you is a little good advice which because I will not shame you I 'll give you in private Whispers Gerard. Caut. What will you let her whisper with him too Don. Nay if you find fault with it they shall whisper though I did not like it before I 'll ha' no body wiser than my self but do you think if 't were any hurt she wou'd whisper it to him before us Caut. If it be no hurt why does she not speak aloud Don. Because she says she will not put the man out of Countenance Caut. Hey-day put a Dancing-master out of countenance Don. You say he is no Dancing-master Caut. Yes for his impudence he may be a Dancing-master Don. Well well let her whisper before me as much as she will to night since she is to be marry'd to morrow especially since her Husband that shall be stands by consenting too Mons. Ay ay let 'em whisper as you say as much as they will before we marry She 's making more sport with him I warrant but I wonder how people can be fool'd so ha ha ha Aside Don. Well a Penny for the secret Daughter Hipp. Indeed Father you shall have it for nothing to morrow Don. Well Friend you will not fail to come Ger. No no Sir Yet I am a Fool if I do Aside Don. And be sure you bring the Fiddlers with you as I bid you Hipp. Yes be sure you bring the Fiddlers with you as I bid you Caut. So so He 'll fiddle your Daughter out of the House must you have Fiddles with a fiddle faddle Mons. Lord that people shou'd be made such Fools of hah hah Ex. Don Hipp. Mons. Caut. and Prue Ger. Fortune we sooner may than Woman trust To her considing Gallant she is just But falser Woman only him deceives Who to her Tongue and Eyes most credit gives Exit ACT V. SCENE I. Enter Monsieur and Black stalking over the Stage to them Mr. Gerard. Mons. GOod morrow to thee noble Dancing-master ha ha ha your little black Brother here my Master I see is the more diligent man of the two but why do you come so late what you begin to neglect your Scholar do you Little black Master con Licentia pray get you out of the Room Exit Black What out of humour Man a Dancing-master shou'd be like his Fiddle always in Tune Come my Cousin has made an Ass of thee what then I know it Ger. Does he know it Aside Mons. But prethee don't be angry 't was agreed upon betwixt us before I sent you to make a Fool of thee ha ha ha Ger. Was it so Mons. I knew you would be apt to entertain vain hopes from the Summons of a Lady but faith the design was but to make a Fool of thee as you find Ger. 'T is very well Mons. But indeed I did not think the Jest wou'd have lasted so long and that my Cousin wou'd have made a Dancing-master of you ha ha ha Ger. The Fool has reason I find and I am the Coxcomb while I thought him so Aside Mons. Come I see you are uneasie and the Jest of being a Dancing-master grows tedious to you but have a little patience the Parson is sent for and when once my Cousin and I are marry'd my Uncle may know who you are Ger. I am certainly abus'd Mons. What do you say Mons. listens Ger. Meerly fool'd Aside Mons. Why do you doubt it ha ha ha Ger. Can it be Aside Mons. Pish pish she told me yesterday as soon as you were gone that she had led you into a Fools Paradise and made you believe she wou'd go away with you ha ha ha Ger. Did she so I am no longer to doubt it then Aside Mons. Ay ay she makes a meer Fool of thee I vow and swear but don't be concern'd there 's hardly a man of a thousand but has been made a Fool of by some Woman or other I have been made a Fool of my self man by the Women I have I vow and swear I have Ger. Well you have I believe it for you are a Coxcomb Mons. Lord you need not be so touchy with one I tell you but the truth for your good for though she does I wou'd not fool you any longer but prethee don't be troubl'd at what can't be help'd Women are made on purpose to fool men when they are Children they fool their Fathers and when they have taken their leaves of their Hanging-sleeves they fool their Gallants or Dancing-masters ha ha ha Ger. Hark you Sir to be fool'd by a Woman you say is not to be help'd but I will not be fool'd by a Fool. Mons. You shew your English breeding now an English Rival is so dull and brutish as not to understand raillery but what is spoken in your passion I 'll take no notice of for I am your Friend and would
found it out he is no Dancing-master Sister Do you remember the whispering last night I have found out the meaning of that too and I tell you Sister he 's no Dancing-master I have found it out Caut. You found it out marry come up did not I tell you always he was no Dancing-master Don. You tell me you silly Woman what then what of that you tell me de ' think I heeded what you told me but I tell you now I have found it out Caut. I say I found it out Don. I say 't is false Gossip I found him out Caut. I say I found him out first say you what you will Don. Sister Mum not such a word again guarda you found him out Caut. Nay I must submit or dissemble like other prudent Women or Don. Come come Sister take it from me he is no Dancing-master Caut. O yes he is a Dancing-master Don. What will you be wiser than I every way remember the whispering I say Caut. So he thinks I speak in earnest then I 'll fit him still Aside But what do you talk of their whispering they wou'd not whisper any ill before us sure Don. Will you still be an Idoit a Dolt and see nothing Mons. Lord you 'll be wiser than all the World will you are we not all against you pshaw pshaw I ne'er saw such a Donissimo as you are I vow and swear Don. No Sister he 's no Dancing-master for now I think on 't too he cou'd not play upon the Fiddle Caut. Pish pish what Dancing-master can play upon a Fiddle without strings Don. Again I tell you he broke 'em on purpose because he cou'd not play I have found it out now Sister Caut. Nay you see farther than I Brother Ger. offers to lead her out Hipp. For Heaven's sake stir not yet Don. Besides if you remember they were perpetually putting me out of the Room that was Sister because they had a mind to be alone I have found that out too Now Sister look you he is no Dancing-master Caut. But has he not given her a Lesson often before you Don. I but Sister he did not go about his bus'ness like a Dancing-master but go go down to the door some body rings Exit Caution Mons. I vow and swear Uncle he is a Dancing-master pray be appeas'd Lord d' e think I 'd tell you a lye Don. If it prove to be a lye and you do not confess it though you are my next Heir after my Daughter I will disown thee as much as I do her for thy folly and treachery to thy self as well as me you may have her but never my estate look you Mons. How I must look to my hits then Aside Don. Look to 't Mons. Then I had best confess all before he discover all which he will soon do Enter Parson O here 's the Parson too he won't be in choler nor brandish Toledo before the Parson sure Aside Well Uncle I must confess rather than lose your favour he is no Dancing-master Don. No. Ger. What has the Fool betray'd us then at last nay then 't is time to be gone come away Miss Going out Don. Nay Sir if you pass this way my Toledo will pass that way look you Thrusts at him with his Sword Hipp. O hold Mr. Gerrard hold Father Mons. I tell you Uncle he 's an honest Gentleman means no hurt and came hither but upon a frolick of mine and your Daughters Stops his Uncle Don. Ladron Traidor Mons. I tell you all 's but a jest a meer jest I vow and swear Don. A jest jest with my honour voto ha no Family to dishonour but the Grave Wise Noble Honourable Illustrious Puissant and right Worshipful Family of the Formals nay I am contented to reprieve you till you know who you have dishonoured and convict you of the greatness of your crime before you die we are descended look you Mons. Nay pray Uncle hear me Don. I say we are descended Mons. 'T is no matter for that Don. And my great great Grandfather was Mons. Well well I have something to say more to the purpose Don. My great great great Grandfather I say was Mons. Well a Pin-maker in Don. But he was a Gentleman for all that Fop for he was a Serjeant to a Company of the Train-bands and my great great great Grandfather was Mons. Was his Son what then won't you let me clear this Gentleman Don. He was he was Mons. He was a Felt-maker his Son a Wine cooper your Father a Vintner and so you came to be a Canary-Merchant Don. But we were still Gentlemen for our Coat was as the Heralds say was Mons. Was your sign was the Three Tuns and the Field Canary now let me tell you this honest Gentleman Don. Now that you shou'd dare to dishonour this Family by the Graves of my Ancestors in Great Saint Ellen's Church Mons. Yard Don. Thou shalt dye for 't ladron Runs at Gerard. Mons. Hold hold Uncle are you mad Hipp. Oh oh Mons. Nay then by your own Spanish rules of honour though he be my Rival I must help him since I brought him into danger Draws his Sword Sure he will not shew his valour upon his Nephew and Son-in-Law otherwise I shou'd be afraid of shewing mine Aside Here Mr. Gerrard go in here nay you shall go in Mr. Gerrard I 'll secure you all and Parson do you go in too with 'em for I see you are afraid of a Sword and the other World though you talk of it so familiarly and make it so fine a place Opens a door and thrusts Gerrard Hippolita and Parson in then shuts it and guards it with his Sword Don. Tu quoque Brute Mons. Nay now Uncle you must understand reason what you are not only a Don but you are a Don Quixot too I vow and swear Don. Thou spot sploach of my Family and blood I will have his blood look you Mons. Pray good Spanish Uncle have but patience to hear me suppose I say suppose he had done done done the feat to your Daughter Don. How done the feat done the feat done the feat En horâ malâ Mons. I say suppose suppose Don. Suppose Mons. I say suppose he had for I do but suppose it well I am ready to marry her however now Marriage is as good a Solder for crack'd Female-honour as blood and can't you suffer the shame but for a quarter of an-hour till the Parson has marry'd us and then if there be any shame it becomes mine for here in England the Father has nothing to do with the Daughters business honour what de' e call 't when once she 's marry'd de' e see Don. England what d' e tell me of England I 'll be a Spaniard still voto à mi hora and I will be reveng'd Pedro Juan Sanches Calls at the door Enter Mrs. Caution follow'd by Flirt and Flounce in Vizard Masks Caut. What 's the matter Brother Don. Pedro Sanchez Juan