such a soul that when she is in a deserted and as she imagines a forsaken condition seems dead and withered yet at the return of Gods pleased face seems fruitful and flourishing where there is life in the root it will spring when t is really dead winter and summer all is a case but though the winter may be long and sharp yet the spring will come and shew a difference between the living trees and the dead and though God hide his face for a season and absent himself for a time to see how his spouse will bear his absence and to try her affections yet this sun of righteousness will shine again and then where life is in the root it will shew it self in the branches for God will not forsake any really that are not dead utterly for a little while saith God I hid my face but with everlasting kindness will I remember her Isay 54.8 sometimes the poor soul verily thinks she is forsaken when God doth but like a father hide himself for a while to try the childes affection and every sigh and sob and sorrowful tear goes to the fathers heart his bowels yearn and he cannot long conceal himself that it is so between God and his children see that pregnant place Isay 49.14 c. but Zion said the Lord hath forsaken me and my God hath forgotten me can a woman forget her sucking childe that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb yea they may forget yet will not I forget thee behold I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands thy walls are continually before me never was tender-hearted father or indulgent mother more careful of their only childe then God is of his children he will never forsake those that do not forsake him he will never give a bill of divorce to any that are not willing to leave him so that you see here where there is life in the root the spring will come when it shall again germinate and bud but if it be really dead it can never recover but by the assistance of an omnipotent arm no more can a dead soul till it be grafted into the living vine then that which was dead before shall germinate and spring and when once thus transplanted it shall never wither though sometimes it may be winter with it and it make but a little shew yet the root of the matter is in it and when the spring returns it shall break forth God will never leave them nor forsake them See the Apostles confidence Rom. 8.35 38 39. who shall separate us from the love of Christ shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or peril or sword nay in all these we are more then conquerors through him that loveth us for I am perswaded that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers nor things present nor things to come nor heighth nor depth nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord these men of all others have cause to live merrily yea though it be but assurance of adherence those that Christ loves he loves to the end oh my soul is it so that grace may be hid in times of desertion as the sap in the root in the winter season or as fire under the ashes or as gold in the mine or as a little Jewel in a great heap of ashes despair not then neither be discouraged though sometimes thy grace be out of sight and thy God hide his face and the sun of righteousness be clouded and thy comforts ecclipsed remember with David the days of old and the time when God did smile upon thee and though it be now winter the spring will return whom God loveth he loveth to the end yea with an everlasting love oh my God clear up my evidences for heaven and make out such discovery of thy love to my soul that I may never be willing to leave thee and then that thou wilt never forsake me Upon a great tree tossed with the winde 85. Med. WHen I observed some tall spreading trees stretching forth their branches on every side and were grown top-heavy how they were tost and tumbled with the winde and storms when smaller shrubs and lesser trees were more free and secure because they lay under the winde or had but a little inconsiderable head I saw and observed that it often came to passe that if these great trees bare any fruit it was blown down before it came to maturity and seldome came to good nay not only the fruit but the leaves also were forced off by the violent gusts and windes and storms and sometimes the boughs and branches also yea the tree it self is often born down by the tempest when those that were less and lower were more secure and brought their fruit to maturity with less danger and hazard This Observation made me think that these trees fittly resembled great men that made some profession of religion but few of them bring their fruit to maturity for these lye more open to temptations and are more liable to dangers then others are and the devil hath a greater spight at them then at others for they may do him more mischief and therefore he is more unwilling they should break prison then others and hangs more fetters and irons upon them great Commanders are more narrowly watcht if they are prisoners and more dearly ransomed then private souldiers hence it was that Elymas the sorcerer by the devils instigation sought to turn away Surgius Paulus the deputy from the faith Act. 13.8 as knowing he was like to be a leading man which way ever he took If great men have but leaves they are invyed for the leaves sake and few of them ever bring forth fruit to maturity yea the leaves themselves their very profession are oft times born down by the storm I have seen some that I verily believed were well rooted and grounded who yet upon approaching storms have truckled under them have hid their religion dissembled their profession and stole away from their colours and all for fear of leaving or losing any part of their estates This hath given me occasion sometimes to bless God that hath freed me from some of those temptations that others lie under and hath given me Agars petition neither poverty nor riches but food convenient and hath kept me almost all â—hy days in a suffering condition I considered I have the same nature as other men have had I but the same temptations I know not but I might have been as bad a great estate as it hath many cares and cumbers so many temptations accompanying it and some men cannot bear it no more then some mens heads can much wine or strong drink it is not the cage that makes the bird sing nor it is not abundance always that makes the heart light a staff may help a traveller but a bundle of staves will
so prone to sin and so backward to obedience vices naturally spring in thee without help or labour without plowing or sowing and are rank and flourishing but grace thrives not without much ado if at all how comes it to pass that so much seed hath been sown and so little fruit appears but that 't is choakt by trash and rubbish or pickt up by the fowls of the air if the devil by his temptation sows his tares there he need neither weed them nor look after them they grow fast enough of themselves the heart cherisheth and nourisheth them as her own but the hearb of grace grows not so easily A good thought is hardly brought to a good resolution nor a good resolution to a good action these are usually stifled in the womb but the product of sin is much more easy O my soul see that the soil of thy heart be changed and true grace be there planted and the weeds of sin rooted out or thou art still under the curse Oh my God! rather plow me and harrow me and pluck and tear me in pieces by affliction then suffer me to be barren or useless ground be thou the husbandman and my heart will be fruitful and yield her encrease blow upon thy garden and the spices will send forth a sweet smell let the sun of righteousness shine upon it and the dew of heaven water it and let it be planted by thy own hand and fenced about that the wilde boar of the forrest may not devour it and it will be no longer barren speak the word and the work will be done Upon a Bush of thorns 6 Med. OBserving a bush of thorns springing up in a place where I expected better fruit I caused them to be stockt up and put into a gap where a fence was wanting for the securing the garden and the preserving herbs and flowers from damage and detriment this occasioned this following Meditation As these being a fruit of the curse spring up of their own accord without labour or toil so sin and corruption a fruit of the fall do naturally spring up in the soul without any pains and as the earth own these so doth the heart own sin as its own proper product God cursed the earth for mans sake Gen. 3.18 and thorns and thistles it hath since brought forth This made me consider how faithful God is in the execution of his threats as well as of his promises and of how dangerous a nature sin is that produceth such effects how happy we had been if we had not sinned and how miserable by reason of sin Had not man fallen the earth had not been cursed but would have yeilded her encrease probably without labour and pain and man might have solaced himself in the contemplation of God and held communion with his Creator and have had nothing to break his peace with his God My contemplation upon this occasion went further I considered how fitly the Holy Ghost had compared wicked men to thorns Micha 7.4 the best of them is as a briar and the most upright of them is as a thorny hedge 2 Sam. 23.6 the sons of Beliall shall be all of them as thorns thrust away because they cannot be taken with hands but the man that shall touch them must be fenced with iron and the staff of a spear and they shall be utterly burnt with fire in the same place Thorns as they choak the good seed and nothing can prosper that grows near them so 't is with wicked men a godly man shall not live by them but he shall be molested if not infected by them yea wicked Magistrates themselves and those that sit on the place of Judicature may fitly be resembled to a thorn when the poor sheep comes for shelter he is sure to leave some of his coat if not of his skin behinde him I considered this also was the fruit of the fall otherwise man had not been endued with such noxious qualities whereas now wicked men like the Amorites are as pricks in the eyes and thorns in the sides of every true Israelite These also are the tares which the devil sows amongst Gods wheat to molest it and these are like to grow together till the harvest I considered also that as some use was made of thorns for the defence of better fruit so the wise God doth make some use of wicked men for the good of his people sometimes he makes them his skullions to scoure off their rust and make them brighter whereby they fully themselves and when their work is done they shall be turned off Sometimes they arâ— his rod to afflict his Saints Isa 10.5 Oh Assyrian the rod of my anger c. but when the childe is reformed the rod shall be burnt and sometimes he hath made them a defence for his Church Revel 12.15 16. The earth helpt the woman and swallowed up the floud which the dragon cast out of his mouth after her an example of this we have in David when he was in great distresse compassed about by Saul on this side the mountain and on that side the mountain in eminent danger ready like a trembling partridge to have fallen into the hands of the greedy falcon a messenger came to Saul saying the Philistines do invade the land and he withdrew his army and departed 1 Sam. 23.26 these Philistines were but thorns yet were they a defence to David and his followers and God at last will deal with wicked men as with thorns reserve them for the fire for what good they do to the godly is for ends of their own and not for their sakes the Philistines minded not Davids good nor the King of Assiria Gods peoples reformation nor Haman Mordecai's and the Jews advancement O my soul can God turn a curse into a blessing and can he bring good out of evil and of these thorns make a fence for better fruit admire his wisdome and bless his name hath he done thee good by these thorns whose nature were to do hurt bless him for it he might have made thee the thorn and for the present have stopt a gap with thee and reserved thee to everlasting burning if he hath grafted thee into a better stock and thou bringeth forth better fruit no thanks to thee and if thou seest any as yet retaining their old natures desire not presently their burning though they trouble thee God may make better use of them a persecuting Saul may become a preaching Paul and a wicked Manasseth a true convert or he may make them otherwise serviceable to his people Be not therefore like the disciples that would presently call for fire from heaven upon the inhospitable Samaritans if they perish their misery will come soon enough they may say to thee as sometime a Souldier did to some that upbraided him grudge me not my grapes I am like to pay dear enough for them seeing I must die for stealing them 't is thy wisdome rather to see thou be
God forgive I beseech thee my carnal confidence trusting to the arm of flesh both in reference to my body and soul let me see the vanity of all creature-confidences how little they can avail without thy blessing and however thou crossest my designes for the world Lord succeed my designes for heaven with thy blessings leave me not to the teaching of man but teach me thy self water me with the dew of heaven and let thy clouds drop fatness incline my heart to thy testimonies and not to coveteousness Upon flowers seemingly dead in winter yet flourishing in the spring 23. Med. WHen I observed some flowers in the garden that all the winter long when the sun was remote in the Southern climate hid their heads withered seemed to die and to be extinct and buried themselves in their mother earth yet at the return of the year when their beloved smiled upon them when the sun came to the aequinoctial and began to court them and shine upon them with a more direct ray and warmer gleam they crept out of their grave revived sprang again and flourished like a love sick woman killed with a frown and recovered with a smile those that before go in their mourning-weeds now put on their best apparel This consideration made me compare it to the state of a poor soul in desertion when God the Sun of righteousness her beloved hides his face and stands at a remote distance then it is winter with the soul then it droops hangs down the head and is ready to die and cry out with the spouse stay me with flagons comfort me with apples I am sick of love but there may be life in the root when it appears not in the branches when the Sun of righteousness ariseth in the soul with healing in his wings Mal. 4.2 these dry bones will live these dead branches will bud these swouning fainting souls will revive and these buried flowers will spring out again though they are in the shadow of death light shall spring out to them The hearb of grace will not die in a hard winter when the spring comes it will bud and break forth the best of Saints oft have had their fainting-fits David that man after Gods own heart though well acquainted with the incomes of the spirit the smiles of God and spirituall consolations yet had many qualms and fainting-fits upon the apprehension of Gods departure but God though he seem to be long absent will not forsake those that are not willing to leave him Esay 4.14.15 but Zion said the Lord hath forsaken me and my Lord hath forgotten me can a woman forget her sucking-childe that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb yea they may forget yet will not I forget thee A father sometimes hides himself behinde the wall to try the affections of his little son to see whether he will miss him what moan he will make in his absence or whether he minde his play and be content without him when yet he is so far from forsaking him that every tear goes to his heart so God in his withdrawings from his people is much concerned in the moan they make and his bowels yearn at their complaints as he did at Ephraims when he bemoaned himself Jer. 31.18 19 20. I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself c. Is Ephraim my dear son is he a pleasant child for since I spake against him I do earnestly remember him still therefore my bowels are troubled for him I will surely have mercy upon him saith the Lord who is among you saith the prophet that feareth the Lord and walketh in darkness and hath no light let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God Esay 5.10 Here we see a man may fear God and yet be in darkness sometimes the Sun may he ecclipsed sometimes clouded but it will break forth again those that have their eyes enlightned shall see it though the blinde discern not between day and night light and darkness the greatest part of the world know not what it is to have the Sun of righteousness to arise in their hemisphere But it is the greatest grief to a believer that ever befell him in his life to have the face of his beloved to be clouded from him and his sun to set at noon then he goes with the spouse seeking him sorrowing did ye see him whom my soul loveth Cant. 3.3 when they seek him and cannot finde him when they call him and he gives them no answer Cant. 5.6 they seek from ordinance to ordinance from Minister to Minister and enquire after him every room in the house may witness their moan and their complaint but when they finde they rejoyce with the Martyr Oh Austin he is come he is come oh my soul how stands the case with thee art thou apprehensive of the approaches and departures of God from thy soul dost thou rejoyce in his presence as these poor flowers in the presence of their beloved dost thou mourn at his absence as they do and hide thy head dost thou hunger and thirst after him as the thirsty man for drink or the thirsty land for drops of rain if thou make little matter of him it is a signe thou hast little benefit by him or little love to him or never knewest what it was to have communion with him he is the chiefest of ten thousand therefore the virgins love him get as strong an apprehension of his love to thee and thine to him as possibly thou canst this will keep the soul from stragling thou wilt never leave him whom thou lovest and he will never leave one that loves him his withdrawings are but to try thy affections and he oft loves dearly those he seems to loathe if thou forsake not him he will never forsake thee and an evidence of his love will bear up the heart above trouble the Psalmist when he was so troubled that he could not speak yet comforted himself in considering the days of old and the years of ancient times and calling to his remembrance his songs in the night Psal 77.4 5 6. when there is a calm and tranquillity in the soul examine thy self by Scripture-evidences whether there be the truth of grace in thy soul or no and if thou finde it lay up these records against a stormy-day when the sun is clouded and out of sight then when thou canst not reade thy own heart or see grace in thy soul yet maist thou say at such a time in such a place I examined my self by such and such marks grounded upon such and such Scriptures and plainly and impartially judged my graces were true now true grace cannot be lost and therefore I know there is fire though under the ashes and true grace though buried under corruption and he that then loved me will love me to the end yea with an everlasting love oh my God assist me in this work of examination and not only give
instinct into them thus to cherish their young hath given them also so much knowledge as to fit them to do it Having spent some time in this Observation unobserved I thought to try her affections to her young ones a little further I approached the nest as if I intended to rob her of her young where I observed that poor creature naturally fearful and timerous with what boldness confidence and undaunted courage she opposed her self to her small power to have rescued her young ones out of my hand even to the hazard of her own life this plainly discovered to me the divine providence of the great householder that doth not only provide meat but also some one to give it in due season and to help those that cannot help themselves and puts such an instinct into such poor despicable creatures that they deny themselves to help their young ones and venture their lives for their safety and never leave them till they are able to help themselves and then forsake them as if they knew them not and that he gives such a blessing to the labours of these two poor wretches that such a numerous brood should be provided for and no doubt brings the prey to them by his providence this also may silence our Atheists and may make him lay his hand upon his mouth for what accidentall concurring of atomes can occasion this this made me also consider how degenerate a piece poor man is many of them having obliterated what the most savage animals have retained viz. this natural affection to their young so that we may take up that complaint against many in our times more deservedly then the Prophet doth against Israel Lam. 4.3 even the sea monsters draw out their breasts and give suck to their young ones the daughter of my people is become cruel like the Ostriches in the wilderness these forsake their children through the extremity of famine or for want of natural affection Rom. 1.31 there are many refuse to labour to maintain their charge the fouls of the air will rise up in judgment against these yea many waste and spend that riotously that is provided to their hands when these poor creatures pinch their own bellies to feed their little ones how many men and women endued with reason do so obliterate it that they expose their children wilfully to want and penury yea to plain beggery yea when the very bruits seek what they can to preserve their young and many venture their lives in their quarrel and set themselves between them and danger yet too many that bear the name of men and women have so far obliterated those principles nature hath imprinted in them that they often lay violent hands upon their own children and not only contrive their death but also effect it I would daily experience did not speak out this truth too lowd what assizes is there almost but some or other are tried for their lives upon this account But though some have a care of their childrens bodies there are but a few that make any provision for their souls though that be their master piece but suffer them to be eternally ruined Oh the stupendious folly of the most of men they train up their children as they do their horses teach them to drudge and then they think they have given them sufficient education many if they can leave them an estate though with a curse intailed upon it have their desires many are too tender of the body that have little care of the soul let that sink or swim but the time will come that the soul will be found the choisest jewel and the loss of that the greatest loss oh my soul be diligent in thy calling make provision for thy relations to thy power he that provides not for his family hath denyed the faith and is worse then an infidel 1 Tim. 5.8 be not without natural affections but that is not enough be not without spiritual affections see that they have mentem sanam in corpore sano though the body must not be neglected nor the things of the world slieghted yet know this is not the main a little grace is worth a great deal of gold keep a mean in earthly enjoyments between coveteousness prodigality fear not an extream in spirituals oh my God help me to regulate my life both to externals and internals by the rule of thy word and spirit Upon the prating of a Parrat 65. Med. HEaring a Parrat talk and prate and counterfeit mans voice and utter words which yet he understood not when I had considered of it I thought it was a lively embleme of an hypocrite for as this bird doth imitate man and counterfeits his voice so doth an hypocrite imitate a true Christian both in words and gestures speaks as he speaks and acts as he acts for what action or what duty can a Christian perform as to the external part of it which an hypocrite cannot doth not do As there is no hearb in the garden but there is some counterfeit of it in the field which resembles it so there is no grace in the heart of a believer but the devil hath its counterfeit and therefore it is a cunning thing to be a Christian and an easy thing to be deceived for what can a true Christian do for the bulk and materiality of duty but a hypocrite can do also yea sometimes seems to exceed him and as in duty so in conference and discourse it is hard to discern the one from the other hypocrisy may be spun with a fine thred and hardly discerned either in the cloath or colour from sincerity but it is often found out in the wearing to be but a cheat in storms and tempests it is apt to change colour and will not hold out but shrinks in the wetting there is indeed a difference now both in garb and language the one is truly beautiful the other is but paint and varnish which time makes to fade they speak it is true the same things but the one speaks what he knows and the other by hearsay both may discourse the deep mysteries of Religion as the parrat may mysteryes of state if taught but understand not what they say Can a true Christian discourse of redemption regeneration conversion adoption sanctification c. so can the other also but the one speaks what he feels the other not the Christian findes the marks and tokens of it in his own soul the other not can the one discourse of the workings of the spirit in the heart of a believer the actings of grace of communion with God c. so can the other can the one speak out his experiences of the goodness of God the vanity of the creature the bitterness of sin the comforts and directions of the spirit the beauty of holiness c. the other can counterfeit this also but all this while the hypocrites heart and tongue agree not he disclaims against that sin which he loves and pleads