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A44756 Thērologia, The parly of beasts, or, Morphandra, queen of the inchanted iland wherein men were found, who being transmuted to beasts, though proffer'd to be dis-inchanted, and to becom men again, yet, in regard of the crying sins and rebellious humors of the times, they prefer the life of a brute animal before that of a rational creture ... : with reflexes upon the present state of most countries in Christendom : divided into a XI sections / by Jam. Howell, Esq. Howell, James, 1594?-1666. 1660 (1660) Wing H3119; ESTC R5566 113,995 188

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this rare Medicament how must it be apply'd Pererius The manner of applying it is in this manner The blood or bloody matter being taken from the wound on a cloth or remaining still on the wounding instrument must be lightly covered over with this powder kept very dry and afterwards wrapp'd up close from the air and so preserved in a temperat heat it must also be kept clean and clos'd up with neat linnen to fence it from cold for cold hinders the expiration and breathing forth of the balsamicall Atoms which shold drain forth the superfluous humidity and restrain the efflux of blood Now the greatest rarenes of this Sympatheticall Powder is that by a virtuall contact it heals at a distance by the intercourse of the Atoms proceeding from the extravenated blood of the Patient which Atoms like so many little spirits glide through the aire and never rest till they come to their desired home where being gladly entertained they find an easie entrance at the cognate parts and proportionat pores of the wound Being admitted there they fall to work and first they dilate the superfluous humid parts and make them fit to be expell'd then by their more then ordinary restrictive power they shrinck together the pores and squeezing out that noxious corrupt humidity glew together the disunited parts and so cicatrize and cure And truly Madame I could produce diverse pregnant examples of those that were healed by the atomicall energy of this Sympatheticall powder but I desire one may serve for all Ther was a knowing Captain who made often use of it and two of his Officers having drawn blood one of another in a Duell he got their bloodied Swords and applied his balsamicall Powder so in lesse then 24 hours they were almost cur'd But the Captain understanding that their animosities were such that they were resolved to fight again he hung the balsam'd bloodied Swords out at his window all night so comming the next morning to visit his Patients they told him that they were in cruell pain all night long And so you shall be still quoth the Captain untill you be perfect friends for I hear that you will fight again So having made them shake hands and perfectly reconcil'd them he cur'd both in a very short time Morphandra I acknowledge it a singular favour most gallant Prince that you have made me understand this great Secret and the naturall causes thereof though the common peeple who use to condemn all they understand not and whereunto their short capacities cannot reach for Magicall But if you persist in your desires to convert any of these metamorphos'd Animals and proceed further in your attempts I spy amongst those Trees a Boar who was once an Aetonian Count whom for his deboshments and intemperancies I transmuted to that shape you may try what you can do upon him Pererius I will by the continuance of your noble favor make towards him Miserable metamorphos'd Creture how much do I resent the condition you are now in in comparison of the former for I understand by Queen Morphandra that you were before not onely a Man but a personage of high account in Aetonia that masculine and generous brave Country which is so full of large flourishing Provinces of opulent fair Cities and famous Marts so full of magnificent Palaces of Mines of Tresure of fruitfull Orchards of fragrant Gardens and fat Fields of navigable Rivers so full of illustrious Families that can extract their pedigrees thousands of years past so ful of great Princes wherwith Aetonia may be said to shine as the Firmament with coruscant Starrs and the Septemvirat of Caesarean Electors are as the seven Planets Are you contented to return to so gallant a Country to resume the figure of that noble personage you represented when you were Man and live again under Caesar the Prince paramount of all others If you have a disposition to it Queen Morphandra hath promised me to transmute you and I have an accommodation for your transport Therfore will you shake off that wild savage shape and becom Man again Boar. Savage Truly Sir I think Man is far more savage and cruell for the wildest of our Species will not strike at Man till Man hath begun first with him and wounded him and all Huntsmen will tell you so But I could produce many horrid examples of the cruelty and tru culency of Man and of my quondam Conterraneans in particular but let this serve for all It chanced ther was one that bore malice to a woman great with child he watching his opportunity found her alone spinning in her house he first cuts her throat then ripps up her womb takes out the Embryo and carries it to the back-side where ther was a Sow ready to Farrow he kills also the Sow rips up her belly and taking out the pigs puts the child of the murther'd woman in their room then he took the piggs and puts them in the womans belly and so sow'd it up proh scelus Touching the high Encomiums you give of Aetonia 't is tru that she was in former times a gallant piece of the Continent but now she is pittifully impair'd and degenerated from what she was Ther was a Count there who prov'd most unfortunat both to his own Country and to himself who aiming at a Crown made warr against Caesar to whom he ow'd allegiance And to abett his cause he brought in forrein Princes for his Confederats and so kindled a destructive lingring Warr in the bowells of his own Country which for thirty years together did so harasse her that to this day she is scarce come to her self Among others he introduc'd a hungry Northern King who did her a world of mischief whose Successor keeps firm footing there still and whiles the Cuprinian hath an acre of land in Aetonia she will never be in a durable secure peace Touching the multitude of illustrious Families that are in Aetonia most of them may be said to be but mongrell Princes for in the forenoon they are Ecclesiasticks having rais'd themselfs out of the ruines of the Church and in the afternoon they are Laicks and Seculars Now those variety of Princes are rather a weaknesse then a strength to Aetonia as may be inferred out of that witty Emblem which the Tomanto Emperor 's Embassadors made being present at the election of one of the Aetonian Caesars who observing what great Princes attended him that day wherof he was told that som of them could raise an Army of themselfs if need requir'd The Ambassadour smilingly said That he doubted not of the puissance of Aetonia but it might be said that the Minds Counsells and Actions of the Aetonians were like a great Beast with many Heads and Tails who being in case of necessity to passe through a hedge and every Head seeking to find a severall hole to get thorough they were a hinderance one to the other every Head drawing after his own fancy and so hazarded the destruction of all
continue so But go and poursue the point of your enterprise for it may be you may find som other that will be conformable to your counsell herein and 't is very probable that Hinde may do it Pererius 'T is observed by wise men that they who can prescribe a way of themselfs to live contentedly and well are to be plac'd in the first degree of vertu And they which cannot do it of themselfs but are content to be directed by the counsell of wiser men are to be plac'd in the second degree But they who are not capable to counsell themselfs nor receive counsell from others are not worthy to be rank'd in the nomber of Rational cretures Of this last kind those silly Animals are with whom I have held discours therfore 't is no marvail that my perswasions could not take place with them But knowing it to be the greatest part of humanity for one to commiserat and help another I will push on my endeavours in this point and see what I can do with that lovely white Hinde for that sex whereof she was formerly useth to be more tender and to take impressions more easily Gentle creture I come to be the messenger of good tydings unto you Hinde O! may Heven be blessed I understand the accents of Man and have the strings of my toung loosned to talk again Pererius I hope now to have met with one fit for my purpose for I hear her thank Heven that she is come again to the gift of speech Give me leave to ask you gentle Hinde how came you to be thus so strangely transfigured Hinde It was the great Queen Morphandra who hath put this shape upon me But Sir give me leave to return you a question Wherfore are you so desirous to know the cause of my transmutation for I was never ask'd the reson ever since by any nor had I my speech return'd unto me till now ever since I went upon four leggs Pererius The reson that I desire to know the cause of your transfiguration is for your infinit advantage as you shall find therfore I pray dispence with my curiosity if I desire to know further what country and condition you were of when you were a Rational creture Hinde Sir I was born in Marcopolis that rare Maiden City so much renowned throughout the world for the strangenes of her scituation for her policy riches and power But though she continu still a Virgin yet she is married once every year to Neptune whose minion she is which makes her accounted so salacious There I had my first birth and was accounted one of the Beauties of my time till for som dissolut courses and wildnes of youth it pleased Morphandra to give me a second kind of generation and transmute me to this shape you behold Pererius You may then thank those Stars that guided me hither for I have obtained leave of Morphandra to talk with you nor onely so but she hath bin pleased to promise me that she will re-invest you in you former fair nature if you desire it therfore I quickly expect your resolution for the sudden counsells and answers of women are observ'd to be the best in regard that the more you think on a thing the more your thoughts use to be intangled Therfore tell me whether you will be a woman again I or no Hinde No ther 's a short and sudden Laconicall answer for you Pererius 'T is short I confesse but I conceive it to be as rash and inconsiderat I hope you will think better on it for what an infinit advantage it is to be transversed from a beast to be a noble Rational creture Hinde To be a Rational creture is not the thing that I am so averse unto as much as to be a Woman which sex is so much undervalued and vilified by you that som of your Philosophers or Foolosophers more properly have had the faces to affirm that we were not of the same species with men and if we were yet it was by an inferiour kind of creation being made only for multiplication and plesure Others have given out that in point of generation woman by Natures design is still meant for man and that a female is a thing brought into the world beyond Nature's intention either by the imperfection of seed or some other defect Which absurd opinion how contrary it is to the just order of nature is manifest to any one that hath but a crum of wit considering how we also concur to your generation though som of your old doting Wisards have held the contrary holding us to be meerly passive in that point Pererius 'T is tru that Aristotle who was one of the Secretaries that attended Nature's Cabinet-councell doth affirm that in the female ther is no active principle of generation but that she is meerly passive affording onely blood and the place of conception the plastic formative vertu residing in the Male's feed But this opinion is exploded by our modern Physitians and Naturalists who assert that in the female also ther is an active and plastic principle of generation with a procreative faculty as appeers in the engendring of a Mule which is a mix'd species proceeding from the Horse and the Asse whose whole form is made up by the concurrence of both parents so that the Horse alone is not sufficient to produce such a creture but the Asse must co-operat as the efficient cause Hinde You may well add hereunto that the child oftentimes resembleth the mother therfore she must also be an active principle in the formation If it be so what a wrong is it to the justice and rules of nature that Women shold be held but little better than Slaves how comes it that they shold be so vilipended and revil'd As that foolish Naturalist or Ninny who wish'd ther were another way to propagat Mankind than by copulation with Women Another blurted out that if men could live without the society of women Angels wold come down and dwell among them But that stinking Cynick was the worst of all who passing by a tree where a woman having been abus'd and beaten by her husband had done her self violently away he wished that every tree might bear such blessed fruit Pererius Such speeches as these proceeded from a kind of raillery or way of jesting not from the judgment or wishes of the parties that spoke them and it is commonly seen that they who play upon them with their wits have them most in their wishes For ther is no sober-minded man but doth acknowledg them to be born for our comfort and dearest companions and to be of equall degree with us in point of creation and excellence as also capable of the same Beatitude Hinde Ther is good reson to think so for the Creator took the first woman out of the midst of man therby to be his equall and without any ostentation be it spoken she was made of a more refined matter viz. of the Rib
altogether the first of Zenebia who wold have no carnall copulation with her husband after she found her self once quick but wold continue in an admired course of continence all the time of her pregnancy Moreover the Saint-like Empresse Bettrice who in the verdant spring of her age after Henry her husbands death lived ever after like a Turtle as you speak of by immuring her self in a Monastic Cell and burying her body alive as it were when he was gone But what an extraordinary rare example was that of Queen Artemisia who living chast ever after her husband Mausolus his death got his ashes all put in urnes wherof she wold take down a dramm every morning fasting and next her heart saying That her body was the fittest place to be a Sepulcher to her most dear husband notwithstanding that she had erected another outward Tomb for him that continues to this day one of the Wonders of the world Furthermore you know I believe better then I Sir that at this day in many parts of the Orientall world such is the rare love of wifes to their dead husbands that they throw themselfs alive into the Funerall Pile to accompany his body to the other life though in the flower of their years Pererius It is confessed that many of you have noble spirits that marvellous rare affections lodge in you and so you may be deservedly call'd the second part of Mankind in regard you are so necessary for the propagation thereof and to peeple the world Hinde Yet you call us the weaker vessells but as weak as we are we are they in whom the whole masse of both sexes is moulded neverthelesse some use us as Spice-bags which when the spices are taken out are thrown away into som mouldy corner And though we have the mould within us wherin you are all cast though we co-operat and contribut our purest blood towards your generation though we bring you forth into the world with such dolorous pangs and throwes though you are nourished afterwards and nurs'd with our very bloods yet our os-spring must bear onely your sirnames as if we had no share at all in him his memory living onely in you though Tumontia in this point be more noble than other Countries by giving the sirname of the Maternall line oftentimes to som of the male children Notwithstanding all these indispensible necessities the world hath of women yet ther is no other species of cretures wherin the female is held to be so much inferiour to the male as we are amongst you who use to sleight misprize and tyrannize over us so much For ther is one huge race of men I mean the Volganian who use to beat their wife 's once a week as duly as they go to bed to them Pererius The reson of this is because ther are so many of you either shrews or light and loose in the hilts and 't is a sad case when Viri fama jacet inter uxoris fempora Touching the first ther 's an old proverb that Every one knowes how to tame a shrew but he who hath her and though ther might be multitude of examples produced yet I will instance but in a few the first two shall be Zappora and Xantippe the one married to Moyses a holy man the other to Socrates a great Philosopher how cross-grain'd the one was the Sacred Oracles wil tell and for the other her husband comming one day in when she was in an ill humour she scolded him out of doors and at his going out she whipp'd up into an upper room and poured down a potfull of piss upon his sconce which made the poor patient husband shake his head and break forth into this speech I thought that after so much thunder we should have rain Another damnable scold having revil'd and curs'd her husband a great while all which time she had the Devill often in her mouth to whom she bann'd him at last he said Hold thy toung wife and threaten me no more with the Devil for I know he will do me no hurt because I have married his Kinswoman This made the Epigrammatist to sing prettily Conjugis ingentes animos linguamque domare Herculis est decimus-tertius iste labor Hence grew that cautious proverb Honest men do marry but Wise men not Hinde I we use to be the common subject of your drolleries and you would want matter for your wits to work upon were it not for us But touching those humours you pointed at before which are incident to us somtimes they proceed from the ill usage and weaknes of the husbands who know not how to manage a wife which is one of the prime points of Masculine prudence We say proverbially that a good Iack makes a good Gill a discreet husband makes a good wife though being the weaker vessell and having no other weapon than her toung she break out somtimes into humors What a sad thing is it for a woman to have a thing called a husband weaker than her self how fullsom wold such a fool be such silly coxcombs as are jealous upon every sleight occasion and restrain them so barbarously as was spoken before deserve to wear such branch'd horns such spilters and trochings on their heads as that goodly Stagg bears which you see browsing among those trees accompanied with those pretty Fawns Prickets Sorrells Hemuses and Girls wherof som are mine which I brought into the world without any pain or help of Midwife and quickly lost all care of them afterwards Pererius Well let 's give over these impertinent altercations pro con and go to the main busines I told you that Queen Morphandra is willing at my intercession to restore you unto your former nature and I have a lusty Galeon in port to convey you to Marcopolis that renowned and rare City Hinde 'T is tru Marcopolis is a most famous City having continued a pure Virgin from her infancy these twelve centuries of years and upwards and 't is said she shall continue so still according to the Prophecy Untill her husband forsake her viz. the Sea with whom her marriage is renewed every year But 't was observ'd when I liv'd there that her Husband began to forsake her that the Adrian Sea did retire and grow shallower about her which som interpret to be an ill Omen and portends the losse of her Maidenhead But Sir touching my former nature truly I wold desire nothing of it again but the faculty of speech that I might talk somtimes In all other things I prefer by many degrees this species wherin I am now invested by Queen Morphandra which is far more chaste and temperat far more healthfull and longer-liv'd Touching the first Ther 's no creture whose season of carnall copulation is shorter for the Rutting-time lasts but from the midst of September to the end of October nor is there any other creture whose enjoyment of plesure is shorter in the act moreover when we are full we never after keep