brought on us seaven times more plagues then formerly Hee seeth that wee feare not this glorious name The Lord our God therfore hath hee sent us greate plagues of long continuance and sore sicknesse of long continuance Thus I sitt and muse and consider of the sicknesse I heare the bells tolling even those bells which were wont to invite us to the temple that wee might know our sinnes at the mouth of the preacher and pray for remission of our sinnes by the helpe of the preacher the very selfe-same bells serve now to tell mee that one man lyeth languishing and desireth my prayers another man is departed and wanteth nothing but a funerall a third man is to be buried but a neighbourly and friendly companie is wanting Every stroake of a bell mee think's hitteth mee at the heart and biddeth mee to prepare for my last fare-well Every toul awakeneth my conscience and biddeth mee remember what my sinnes have merited Thus mine eares receave a sound and thus my trembling heart feeleth a throb a heating a panting for my particular sinnes which have beene some cause of this generall sicknesse Moses went unto the Lord 3. Ex 32.31 and sayd Oh this people have sinned a greate sinne and have made them Gods of gold But what followed The Lord plagued the people vers 35 because they worshipped the Calse which Aaron had made There was the sinne there was the punishment But was that plague the same as this which now doeth rave and rage amongst us Surely our sinnes are the same as were theirs for wee digge the entrailes of our mother earth and like the Augures the Sooth-sayers though they sayd noe sooth noe trueth at all wee conjecture wee divine by those entrailes yea and wee decree him who is rich to be a good man a fufficient man an honest man and what not Wee vallew the man for the gold wee worship him for it wee honour him for it And is not this to sinne with the Israëlites Wee doe very litle differ from those idolaters even nothing at all They made them Gods of gold and wee make gold our God Iustly therfore are wee thus punished by the true God because wee honour that which is noe God The Israelites had this very kind and sort of plague such a very pestilence as ours and for just such a sinne as this of ours Though Moses prayed for them yea though hee desired to be blotted out of the booke of God vers 32 rather then they should not be forgiven yet God decreed saying vers 33 Whosoëver hath sinned against mee him will I blott out of my booke Whosoëver hath sinned against him If hee should deale so with us who should people the land Who should inhabit our dwellings Who should enjoy our treasures Hee hath begun blotting indeede allready His inke is found in the blacknesse of every blaine in the blewnesse of every token in the rednesse of every crossed doore But will this blotting allwayes continue Will hee not stay his hand Will his wrath burne like fire for ever Ps 141.7 Our bones lye scattered at the graves mouth as when one cutteth and cleaveth wood upon the earth vers 8. But mine eyes are unto thee ô God the Lord in thee is my trust Either blott not at all or onely blott out our offences Hide thy face from our sinns and blott out all our iniquities Say unto every one of us as thou diddest unto Iacob by the mouth of thy Prophet I Is 43.25 even I am hee that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine owne name's sake and will not remember thy sinnes The Fourth part of the Soliloquie consisting of Severall examples of dreadfull Pestilences LOrd what a hideous dinne is this in mine eares There was a groane able to have shaken even the earth it selfe had it beene imprisoned in the deepest bowells thereof What another Hearke There 's weeping too Oh this is the sad and wearisome life of us poore sinners who are caged and miewed up in our infected citties and townes and villages The diseased groane through the extreamitie of their paines and for want of comforts both of body and soule The sound are weeping for the miseries of the sick and long for the deliverance even of their whole familes from the burden of the flesh Some habitations are made both hospitalls and charnell houses where many a one lyeth sick and for want of helpe they sicken without hope they dye without comfort and they consume without interment Sometimes againe the mother who dandled her infant in her clasping armes is enforced in those armes to carrie it to the grave Sometimes the husband who deerely affected the wife of his bosome is enforced to make her the burden of his shoulders and to beare her dead corps to the devouring earth for want of friends neighbours to ease him of the burden Yea sometimes the children are enforced to assist their father in the cariage of their mother to her longest home O horrour horrour horrour Can pittie find noe enterance at the hearts of strangers Can compassionfind noe harbour in the bowells of neighbours Will none performe this act of pietie to key-cold woman to the carkeise of a woman but onely her husband the husband of her affection and her children the labour and the fruit of her wombe O how divers in the world would stand amazed at the sight hardly determine whether the dropps which fall from the faces of the bearers be the sweate of their browes or the teares of their eyes Oh what adreadfull time is this Did ever any age produce a paralell to this severe contagion Was it ever knowne that a Pestilence was so generall and so malignant Did ever any people drinke so deepe of the cup of sorrow astonishment Eze 23 33. vers 4. and desolation as wee doe Was ever Samaria or Aholah or Aholibah or Babylon or Ierusalem Ier 25.20 was ever the king of the land of the Philistines or Askelon or Azzah or Ekron vers 21 or Ashdod was ever Edom or Moab or Ammon or Tyrus or Zidon vers 22 was ever Dedan or Tema vers 23 or any other place so drunke with the cup of furie from the Lords hands as wee are Hos 4.18 Our drinke was formerly sowre with our whoredomes with our abominations now therfore wee have waters of gall to drinke Ier 8.14 c 23.15 c 25.15 Eze 39 17. vers 18 vers 19 Lam 1.12 wee are fed with wormewood and our cup is a cup of furie of trembling and of astonishment O the plague the plague it is that eateth our flesh and drinketh our blood it eateth the flesh of the mighty and drinketh the blood of Princes it drinketh even untill it is drunken with our blood Was there ever any sorrow like unto our sorrow where with the Lord doeth afflict us in this day of his fierce wrath But why doe I thus cry out Why
must some-times rest What though I am an exul a stranger a sojourner here as all my fathers were I must have a lodging I must have a chamber I must have a roome and in that roome and in that chamber I may I must have some rest Yea and I must have some delight in it too and that not onâ—e alone but continually for so I am commanded by the Apostle Phil 4.4 who saith Rejoyce in the Lord allways and againe I say rejoyce Diverse indeede for diverse causes have wept but they have not allways wept Gen 27.38 Esau lifted up his voyce and wept but it was for the losse of his father's blessing The Elders of Ephesus wept Act 20 38. 2. Chr 35 25. yea they all wept sore but it was sorrowing most of all for the words that Paul had spoken unto them that they should see his face noe more A mourning I reade of that was in Hadadrimmon in the valley of Megiddo when Ieremiah lamented and all the singing men and the singing women spake of their King in their lamentations and made them an ordinance in Israel That was for Iosiah who was slaine by the armie of Pharaoh Necho in the valley of Megiddo In Ramah was a voyce heard Ier 31.15 lamentation and bitter weeping Rachel weeping for her children because they were not This mee thinks come's home close neere to mee This was for the captivitie of Iudah and Benjamin or it was for the infants slaine by that bloody that presecuting Herod Here are children lamented so farre the cause of the weeping complyeth with mine But neither is my child slaine by a murderer nor yet is hee lead into captivity Noe Eph 4.8 hee who did leade captivitie captive hath freed my sonne from the fetters Rom 8 21. from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of â—he sonnes of God My child was not slaine as were all the children that were in Bethlehem and in all the coasts thereof Mat 2.16 from two yeares ould and under Noe Hee who was slaine for him hath saved him Hee who hath swallowed up death in victory Is 25.8 Hos 13 14. hath ransomed him from the power of the grave and redeemed him from death Lord though I am a weake though a sinfull woman make mee for ever to praise thee for this thy goodnesse Ps 107 8. and to declare the wonders that thou hast done both for mee and mine When the woman of Samaria came to draw water at Iacob's well my bountifull Iesus freely gave her to drike of the living water Io 4.14 which became in her a well of water springing up into ever-lasting life I am such a woman as shee was mine eyes have resembled the mouth of Iacob's well and though the well be deepe even deepe as my heart yet some-thing I have had to draw the water with My child mine infant hath drawne and drawne untill I am even allmost drawne drie And in this agonie and in this distresse my Christ hath come to cleanse my well to sanctifie my teares and to ease mee of my griefe 1. King 3.26 My bowells indeede did yearne upon my child as that woman 's did whose issue should have beene divided for the satisfaction of the harlot My child is divided though hers were spared The better part of him the soule is gone it is gone to God for his it is it is his owne share nothing but the earth of him remaineth with mee But I will I must be thankfull and though I find a reluctance in my chillowed heart yet the Prophet forbiddeth weeping for the dead Ier 22.10 and bemoaning of them Let mee begge for patience for submission for content and say The Prayer BLessed Lord God Ps 68.20 unto whom belong the issues from death vouchsafe to heare the cry of thy mourning hand-mayd Thou wert pleased once to blesse mee with increase and to make mee a joyfull mother of my now dead infant But oh that that very child which was framed and fashioned by thee is now come unto thee The first that sinned was a woman tempted by the Serpent Gen. 3.13 and that Serpent in his temptation stung so deepe that it hath reached now even to the fruit of my wombe for the sinnes of my selfe Yet Lord looke downe in mercy upon mee though a sinfull woman though the most unworthy of my sexe Mat. 15.28 even farre inferiour to that woman of Canaan for herfaith was greate but I alas have noe faith at all or but a weake one or but a dead one otherwise the promises of my Redeemer would controul my passion and the assurance of his mercies would dry up my teares Thou ô Lord hast freed mine infant from the burden of the flesh yet I goe heavily for it as if it were lost in my despaire Thou hast crowned it with immortalitie and yet my passion declareth that I mourne as if it were lost Ps 38.9 O Lord God thou knowest all my desires and my groaning is not hid from thee Thou seest how my teares doe flow through mine infirmitie thou hearest my sighs which arise from my dis-content I confesse it I am sorrowfull for it I am ashamed of it Act. 7.60 Lord lay not this sinne to my charge Thou hast taken nothing but thine owne O be pleased so to make mee thine owne by grace and then shall I be assured in thine owne due time to be receaved into glory Allay the heate of my passion by the pleasant gales of thy refreshing Spirit Graunt that my teares may be kept for my sinnes my sad laments for my deplorable condition through my many offences My heart is heavy for the losse of my child ô Lord lighten it ô Lord ease and comfort it with thy heavenly grace Ps 94.19 In the multitude of sorrowes which I have in my heart let thy comforts ô Lord refresh my soule My child thou knowest was deare unto mee because it was thy pleasure to lend him unto mee Hee was and hee is deere unto thee and thou hast expressed thy love in delivering him fron the evill 1. Thes 1.10 2. Tim 2.11 from the wrath to come Hee is deal in Christ Lord let mee be dead with Christ that I may allso live with Christ My child is dead because hee was sinfull but his uttermost farthing was discharged by Christ O thou who art rich in mercy Eph 2.4 for the greate love wherewith thou hast loved man-kind graunt that I may not dye in sinne but to it that so I may be quickened together with thy Sonne Make mee to yeeld my selfe unto thee Rom 6 13. as those that are alive from the dead and my members as instruments of righteousnesse unto thee my God Forgive my excesse of love to him that is gone my excesse of teares and sighs that have beene caused by his departure my want of patience and submission to thy holy pleasure and
1. King 2.2 Iob. 17.1 My breath and my spirits allmost are spent my dayes are neere extinct and now the grave is ready for mee doe thou ô my God prepare mee for thy selfe With thee I long and desire to live To thee I desire to sing praises with the glorified Saints in thy celestiall Paradise O free mee from the burden of the flesh and the fetters of sinne and graunt that when I shall render thee an account of my yeeres I may behold thy face with comfort and joy Let me with desire attend the time of my change and the hopefull expectation of a happie resurrection Come ô my God and free mee from the bondage of sinne and corruption that I may sitt at thy right hand for ever and ever Heare mee ô father and graunt my petitions through the meritorious death of the Lord of life even Iesus Christ my onely mediatour and redeemer Amen subject 11 THE ELEVENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Barren woman The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen God had created Adam and Eve hee blessed them Gen 1.28 and said Be fruitfull and multiply and replenish the earth This was a blessing in the time of innocency but did it remaine a blessing after the fall Yes doubtlesse for long after the breach of the first commandement the Psalmist determined that Children are an heritage of the Lord Ps 127 3. and the fruit of the wombe is his reward Yet though it remaineth a blessing it is not without the societie of a punishment for so the Lord said unto the woman Gen 3.16 I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children This sorrow is an effect of sinne and not a sorrow for sin Yet surely it hath something in it above or beside a punishment for the first offence for neither is the sorrow in it selfe a sinne as is allwayes that which is onely worldly which beginneth continueth and endeth in griefe nor doeth this sorrow conclude in either sin or shame Io 16.21 or griese but as our Saviour saith As soone as shee is delivered of the child sh◠remembreth noe more the anguish for joy that a man is borne into the world The paine is a remembrancer of originall corruption but the issue is a continuance of the blessing in Paradise This paine I am freed from whilest I continue barren but then I want the blessing and the joy which accompanie the paine But why doe I complaine Why doe I disturbe my selfe for want of that which might become my tormentour All children are not blessed all are not elected to be heires of salvation Mat 20 16. Many indeede are called but few are chosen Doubtlesse Cain and Ham and Esau and Iudas and many millions besides did cost their mothers many bitter throwes and torments and cryes yet reaped not their parents that joy which others have receaved Is it not then better for mee to content my selfe with this state which I am in then to be the mother of a child which might be a fire-brand of hell All are not chosen to be vessells unto honour 2. Tim. 2.21 The way to destruction is a beaten roade My torments would be greater were I the mother of a child for feare that my child should dishonour my God then they could be with bringing that child into the world The cares of parents are full of trembling and disquietnesse allways suspecting ill accidents or diseases or which is worse a second death to befall their issues Reu 21 8. From these I am freed whilest I continue fruitlesse and I enjoy the societie of a husband without the disturbance of children But yet mee think's I rest not satisfied for barrennesse was ever accounted a reproach therfore Elizabeth upon her conception sayd Luc 1.25 Thus hath the Lord dealt with mee in the dayes wherein hee looked on mee to take away my reproach among men Gen 16 4. Thus when Hagar had conceaved by Abram her mistresse Sarai was despised in her eyes But alasse what 's this A litle reproach it may be among men but such as cannot continue long not longer at most then my life shall last and then it will cease or at least not trouble mee Surely it is not so contemptible in the eyes of my God for if so it were then Iob would not put it as a marke of the wicked Iob 24 21. that Hee evill intreateth the barren that beareth not And yet I suspect that some grievous sinne is the cause of mine affliction for barrennesse hath beene often sent as a curse and fruitfullnesse as a blessing How happie was the wife of Terah in her faithfull Sonne Abraham How happie was Iochebed in her meeke Sonne Moses How happie was Elizabeth in Iohn the Baptist But how most happie of all was the virgin Mary in her holy child Iesus prononnced so by he◠cosijn Elizabeth who sayd unto her Blessed art thou among women Luc 1.42 and blessed is the fruit of thy wombe This blessing mee thinks I seriously long for though I cannot expect a child of such excellency as was Abraham or Moses or Iohn the Baptist But why doe I thus disturbe my selfe about that which is not in my power to amend or alter Fruitfullnesse hath not allways beene a token of mercy sometimes it hath spoken the wrath of the All-mighty 2. Sam. 11.5 Bathsheba indeede was free from barrennesse but her child by King David was the spurious issue of a defiled bed Such sinister practises have beene the faults of diverse who have rather chosen to dishonour God then to be despised by men But this remedie would prove farre worse then the disease if I should seeke to be pregnant by the wayes of wickednesse Thus to become a mother I should dishonour my husband and which is infinitely worse my Lord and my God Thus should I desclayme the protection of God my father and the love of mine indulgent husband and all in a wicked and lustfull curiositie to take away my reproach among men Yea thus by endeavouring to salve my credit I should more deepely wound it and to avoyd a contempt for what I cannot helpe I should be branded with infamie which I could never wipe off Conscience and obedience to the lawes of my God forbid the thought of so dangerous a cure loyaltie and affection to my husband deny it love and desire of vertue chide it yea and care of my good name doeth plainly prohibit it I had rather continue for a time a reproached Elizabeth then be a lustfull Bathsheba to be the wife of a King It lyeth in the power of him who is omnipotent to make mee if hee pleaseth a joyfull mother I will not despaire while I live upon the earth because I
know that my God is powerfull who dwelleth in heaven This barrennesse may peradventure be sent mee in mercy allthough so heavily I take it for a judgment It may be I should faile in the duety of patience in the time of my travell or of love and care in the education of my children or I might be too fondly guiltie of doating on them so idolatrously robbe my God of his honour to conferre it wickedly on the issue of my loynes Moreover who knoweth what times of trouble may come upon the land or what destruction and desolation may be sent upon my countrie If persecution or warre should enforce mee to flee I can the better escape now I am free from children For this very cause my blessed Redeemer foretelling the distruction of the citty of Ierusalem sayd unto the women Daughters of Ierâ—salem weepe not for mee Lu 23.28 vers 29 but weepe for your selves and for your children For behold the dayes are comeing in the which they shall say Blessed are the barren and the wombe that never bare and the pappes that never gave suck So this barrennesse may bring content in that it freeth mee from cares and various perturbations although if it might seeme good in the eyes of my God most willingly would I embrace the trouble that I might increase his Kingdome I will resolve howsoëver to submit my selfe to the greate disposer and will hope that it may be his pleasure to send mee my desires Time was when the Gentiles knew not God which made the Psalmist so magnifie God for his mercies to Israël Ps 147.19 when hee sayd Hee sheweth his word unto Iacob his statutes and his judgments unto Israël vers 20 Hee hath not dealt so with any nation neither have the heathen knowledg of his law Then had the Gentiles a spirituall barrennesse for they were barren of religion and yet the Prophet comforteth them Is 54.1 saying Sing ô barren thou that didest not beare breake forth into singing and cry alowd thou that didst not travell with child for more are the children of the desolate then the children of the maried wife saith the Lord. This Prophesie is fullfilled to the joy and rejoycing of my selfe and many millions more for the song doeth noe longer runne in the phrase of the Psalmist Ps 76.1 ves 2. In Iudah is God knowne his name is greate in Israel In Salem allso is his tabernacle and his dwelling place in Sion Noe noe Lu 2.32 hee who was the glory of the people Israel did come to be a light to lighten the Gentiles Thus the Gentiles which had not beene a people Rom. 9 25. were called to be the people of the most high God shee who had not beene beloved did through his mercy become the beloved of God and shee that was barren through ignorance and infidelitie grew the faithfull spouse of the most high Why should I then give over my hopes Hee who made a fruitfull church even of the heathen which knew him not Is 54.3 can if hee pleaseth make mee a fruitfull mother of children verf 5. Her maker is her husband the Lord of hosts is his name and her redeemer is the holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth shall hee be called I am one of the members of that church which hath Christ to her husband I will therfore never despaire either of his power or mercy I dare not repine as Rachel did when shee bare Iacob noe children and envyed her sister Gen 34 1. vers 2. I dare not say to my husband as shee did to hers Give mee children or else I dye lest his anger should be kindled against mee and hee should answer mee as Iacob did her and say Am I in God's steed who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the wombe I know it is God who giveth and I know it is God who withholdeth these mercies I dare not be too inquisitive into a reason in nature lest I dis-honour him who is the God of nature I may and I will desire this blessing at the hands of him who giveth liberally Iam 1.5 and upbraideth not Yet lest my petitions should be empty if they rise not with teares I will weepe for my sinnes which have caused his displeasure and yet I will weepe in hope that hee will be reconciled unto mee Of every judgment I must find the cause in the wickednesse of my selfe I want the comfort and content of children because I my selfe have beene a child disobedient to my God But I will bewayle my sinnes and bemoane my condition and allthough hee cannot be ignorant of my servent desires yet I will lay open to him the griefe of my heart Gen 25 21. Isaak intreated him for his wife because shee was barren and hee was intreated of him and Rebekah his wife conceaved And shee had two children which strugled together in their mother's wombe ver 22 At the prayer of Elisha the good Shunamitish woman conceaved 2. King 4.17 Gen 20 17. and bare a sonne at that very season that Elisha had sayd unto her according to the time of life Faithfull Abraham prayed unto the Lord and the Lord healed Abimelech and his wife and his mayd servants and they bare children vers 18 for the Lord had first closed up all the wombes of the house of Abimelech because of Sarah Abrahams wife The Lord did promise unto Israël upon obedience saying There shall nothing cast their young Ex. 23.26 Deut. 7 12. nor be barren in thy land Another promise was made unto them by God himselfe when hee sayd It shall come to passe if yee hearken to these judgments and doe them Thou shalt be blessed above all people there shall not be male or female barren among you or among your cattell Againe they were promised by the mouth of Moses saying It shall come to passe c. 28.1 if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voyce of the Lord thy God to observe and to doe all the commandements which I command thee this day vers 11 the Lord shall make thee plenteous in goods in the fruit of thy body and in the fruit of thy cattell and in the fruit of thy ground in the land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers to give thee But I have not such an Isaak to intreate for mee as Rebekah had nor such an Elisha as the Shunamitesse had nor such an Abraham as Abimelech had What then I have the promise of my God if I be a true Israëlite indeede Io. 1.47 such a one as Nathaniel was in whom was noe guile If I obey my God and hearken to his judgments and doe them If I hearken diligently unto the voyce of the Lord my God to observe and to doe all the commandements which hee commandeth mee to doe then I may expect the blessing which was promised unto Israël The promises of God are made upon conditions
meete thee my God and my mercifull Redeemer O God comfort mee O Christ strengthen mee O Iesus save mee Prepare mee for the happie hower of my deliverance from this world and then bring mee out of this valley of teares to those waters of comfort where I may sing tryumphantly to the honour of thy name through Iesus Christ my Lord and my Redeemer Amen subject 25 THE TWENTIE-FIFTH SUBjECT Teares of a mother on her death-bed blessing her children The Soliloquie Consisting of two parts viz 1 Her preparation to blesse them 2 The blessing it selfe ending in a prayer part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie being her preparation to blesse them THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray CHildren are an heritage of the Lord saith the Psalmist Ps 127.3 and the fruit of the wombe is his reward True indeede they come from the Lord and happy are they if they returne unto him Gracious hath my God beene to mee in the loane of my issue but unlesse hee shall be pleased to adde grace unto nature his blessing will be fearfully converted into a curse Weakenesse possesseth my body faintnesse my spirits 2. Tim. 4.6 and the time of my departure is neere at hand Goe I must yea and I am willing and joyfull to meete my God but oh the thought of my children disturbeth my mind and the consideration of what may become of them filleth my dying heart with cares and anxjeties If they live not in the feare of him who lent them unto mee my poore issue may become the fewell of hell What shall I doe If I should live I would take such care by the blessing of my God as that I might be a meanes to nurture them up in the feare of the most high but if I am taken away from them who can tell what their education may prove Strangers may governe them and such people for ought I know may undertake their tuition as may neglect the care of religious instructions and suffer them to runne head-long to the gulfe of perdition O what a curse would it prove beyond expression if that part of my selfe which is divided into litle ones if those which cost mee so many pangs and throwes should be disobedient to my God and so be sentenced to the flames of eternall horrour Alas I can doe noe more then what the Lord will permit mee While I am here I am bound both by nature and grace to endeavour my utmost for their holy advantage but when I shall be dissolved lye in the cold clods of my mother earth then can noe more care be expected from mee Ah my poore infants litle doe they thinke how they will misse their mother and wish mee alive againe as if they envyed my happinesse Hither and thither they may be tossed and tumbled and which is worst of all they may be brought up in ignorance or in lewdnesse and sensualitie Mee think's I see the frownes of a stepmother and the knitted browes menacing nothing but crueltie and tyrannie and then mee think's they weepe in one corner and lament in another bemoane their hard happ in the losse of my selfe Their hungrie bellies may be pinched with famine their bodies with cold and their backs with stripes when I shall not either heare or see or know it my head being layed in the low and silent grave Helpe they may call for when none will have the pittie to render them helpe So they may want and cry and be beaten and cry and be turned out of doores and cry when yet neither mercy will heare nor charitie hearken to the complaints of the motherlesse But why doe I spend so many of these swift minuits of my short continuance in such pensive melancholick and distrustfull thoughts and feares of what may happen True it is that these and others yea and worse inconveniences may happen to their bodies and yet they may prove the children of the Most high That ô that is all that I aime at for though I would not willingly have them suffer in their bodies yet I would not for a thousand worlds that they should suffer in their soules Hunger and thirst and stripes and nakednesse may be endured and in time either age or wealth or friends may free them from these out-ward sufferances but ignorance and ungodlinesse without the infinite mercies and goodnesse of my Redeemer will be punished with torments that shall never have end O what shall I doe then for my poore distressed children Grieve I doe but I feare that I offend in it mourne I doe but I doubt it is more then indeede I ought God is not weake or ignorant or impotent Hee hath beene a father to mee from the time of my conception and shall I yet distrust in his providence and protection of my children This were either to suspect his power or to deny his mercie I know it is his desire that they should be heires of salvation and I know that hee can effect whatsoever hee desireth To him therfore I will leave them to his care and tuition I will referre my tender and beloved plants And that hee may the more willingly become their guardiaen when I shall leave them while I live I will beseech him with abundance of my teares to admitt them his servants The wife of Zebideus made a bolder request to my gracious Redeemer Mat 20.21 for shee be sought him that those her two sonnes might sit the one on his right hand and the other on his left in his Kingdome vers 22 Shee poore woman as Christ replyed did not know what shee asked Shee knew not that the Kingdome of Christ was celestiall but dreamed of an earthly diademe and glory Her request was therfore the fuller both of boldnesse and ambition whom noe place would serve for those her children but what was highest and next to supreamest majestie Yet mee thinks I cannot much blame her for her love to them whom so dearely shee had bought There is noe earthly love to be compared to the love of a woman nor is any womans love to be compared to the love of a mother Surely David did not know how strong this passion of love is in the weaker vessells when hee said The love of Ionathan to him was wonderfull 2. Sam. 1.26 passing the love of women Wee mothers are like unto the charet of King Solomon whereof though the pillars were of silver Cant 3 10. and the bottome of gold and the covering of purple yet the midst thereof was paved with love for the daughters of Ierusalem Is 49.15 Can a woman saith God forget her sucking child that shee should not have compassion on the sonne of her wombe 'T is very rare indeede and yet it is possible for hee himselfe doeth say that they may forget Yet
was as mine owne soule the sad losse of whom still doeth and still will sitt cold heavy upon my wounded heart Some comfort indeede I have in that sweete odour he left behind him from whence every Christian may receave an Aromatick perfume of learned profit and content yea even those who too unkindly were the cause of putting salt water upon that sweete waxe whereby the Tapour was extinguished To these losses afflictions I might adde many many more beside my present condition among strangers and forrainers and my continuall heart-quakes at the strickt menaces of the ruine and Desolation of my poore bleeding gasping countrie Yet while there is life there is hope even that hee who hath made our land to tremble Ps 60.2 and hath broaken it will in his owne due time heale the breaches thereof for it shaketh In this Manuall thou shalt find noe Author quoted but the Best of all and noe language but English The whole booke is in thy mother tongue and all the proofes excepting a very few are Scripture Luc 23 â—8 The weeping daughters of Ierusalem love best to be comforted in the language of Canaan Is 19.18 Here I â—ould an Ewer nay a Fountaine of â—ater to those that neede it for the reâ—eshing of their soules yet I hinder â—…ne from turning their owne Cocks â—…d letting them runne If any conâ—emne the worke as needlesse in these rightest times for so they are â—ought to be set formes of prayers beâ—…g by many dashed quite out of counâ—mance let them know that these are â—…t intended for them but for those â—ho doe neede and will use them I â—nfine not any to these Formes nor â—e I deny them to any who shall wilâ—ngly accept them In them thou hast â—e helpeâ— â—f many choice places of â—cripture 〈◊〉 for thy severall occasiâ—…s which â—eradventure otherwise would not be so ready at hand when â—ou shouldest stand in neede of them Whatsoever throughout the whole â—ooke thou findest good know that 〈◊〉 is Gods now made thine as well as mine blesse him for it What thou â—ndest here amisse except the faults of the presse I confesse it mine yet â—either wittingly nor willingly is it mine howsoever charge it to mine account Doe thou friendly reckon with mee and I will thankfully satisfie thee and be sure to remember that as it is thy duety to be thankfull for the best so thou oughtest to be charitable in thy censure of the rest Consider what I say 2. Tim. 2.7 and the Lord give thee understanding in all things Thy servant in him Phil 2.7 who tooke upon him the forme of a servant for us IOHN FEATLEY From my house in Flushing April 17. 1646. A Table of the particular contents THe First subject Teares of Godly sorrow or devout Melancholy wherein a flexible disposition apt to weepe employeth those Teares in a Sorrow for sin The Soliloquie p. 1 The Prayer p. 7 Teares from the Heart The Soliloquie confistnig of 3 parts viz 1 The wickednesse of a corrupted heart p. 11 2 Alamentation for the losse of an honest heart p. 23 3 Griefe for an old and sinfull heart and an earnest desire of a righteous new one p. 35 The Prayer p. 45 Teares of Time The Soliloquie consisting of 3 parts viz 1 A Revieuw of the time past p. 48 2 A Consideration of the time present p. 64 3 A Resolution for the time to come p. 75 The Prayer p. 83 Teares in the night The Soliloquie Devided into 3 parts fitted for the time 1 Immediately before going to bed p. 85 Evening Prayer p. 98 2 Of lying downe in the bed p. 100 3 Of awaking in the night p. 111 Teares in the Day Devided into 3 parts and fitted for the time 1 Of awakng early in the morning p. 123 2 Of beeing newly risen p 136 The morning Prayer p. 146 3 Of preparing to goe to dinner p. 149 Teares of Compassion in time of prosperity The Soliloquie treating of earthly riches and the rewarâ— of Charity p. 161 The Prayer p. 18â— 7 Teares in time of adversity in 4 Soliloquies treating of 1 A decayed estate or plenty turned into poverty p. 18â— 2 The prayer p. 204. 2. Hunger both corporall spâ—rituall p. 208 The prayer p. 23â— 3 Thirst both bodily and ghostly p. 23â— The Prayer p. 24â— 4 Nakednesse both of the Outward and Inwarâ— man p. 249 The Prayer p. 260 8 A Virgin 's Teares The Soliloquie p. 26â— The Prayer p. 27â— 9 Teares of a Married woman Soliloquie treating of thâ— dutyes of a wife to her husband p. 275 the prayer p. 29â— 10 Teares of an Aged woman p. 293 The prayer p. 307 11 Teares of a Barren woman p. 311 The prayer p. 321 12 Teares of a Childbearing woman 1 At the time when thee beginneth to fall in travell 2 After her delivery The soliloquie consisting of 3 parts 1 The Cause of the forrow and the confidence of thâ— sorrowing p. 324 2 The greatenesse of the pangs hazards and feares of a Travelling woman p. 332 3 Consolation and comfort for a woman in the bitternesse of her Travell p. 340 The prayer p. 343 2 Teares of a woman after her delivery from the paines of childbearing p. 346 The Prayer p. 351 13 Teares in time of Pestilence The Soliloquy consesting of 6 severall parts treating of 1 Mourning by example in a publick calamity p. 354 2 Severall causes of gods visitations p. 368 3 Sin especially the cause of the pestilence p. 381 4 Severall examples of dreadfull Pestilences p. 388 5 Gods threatning before his visitation p. 395 6 The duty of a Christian decreeing to whome and for whome wee ought to pray in time of Pestilence p. 403 The Prayer p. 413 â—4 Teares of her whose house is shutt up for the Pestilence The Soliloquy p. 420 The Prayer p. 431 â—5 Teares of her who is visited with the Pestilence beeing 1 Either wounded with a Sore p. 437 2 Or marked with the tokens p. 445 The prayer p. 455 â—6 Teares of a Mother for the sicknesse of her child the Soliloquie p. 461 The Prayer p. 469 â—7 Teares of a Mother for the death of her child The Soliloquie p. 473 The Prayer p. 480 â—8 Teares of a Wife for the sicknesse of her husband The Soliloquie p. 484 The Prayer p. 492 â—9 Teares of a woman lamenting the death of her beloved husband the Soliloquie p. 495 the prayer p. 506 â—0 A woman's Teares at the Funerall of her husband the Soliloquie p. 510 The Prayer p. 528 â—1 Teares of a woman in the state of Widdow-hood the Soliloquie p. 531 The Prayer p. 543 â—2 Teares of an Orphan at the death of her father The Soliloquie p. 545 The Prayer p. 561 â—3 Teares for the death of a beloved Freind or Brother The Soliloquie p. 563 the Prayer p. 573 â—4 Teares in a Cousumption or any languishing sicknesse the Soliloquie consisting of 3 parts 1 a complaint and
description of the manner of the sease p. 575 2 The cause of the Malady p. 581 3 The hope of recovery p. 592 The Prayer p. 605 25 Teares of a Mother on her deathbed blessing her children The Soliloquie Consisting of two parts viz 1 Her preparation to blesse them p. 609 2 The blessing it selfe ending in a Prayer p. 616 26 Teares of a dying Woman wherein is set downe her Religious exercises 1 a Soliloquie in which is set forth 1 a desire of life p. 627 2 Certainty of death p. 637 2 A godly preparation against the minuit of death p. 644 3 A Prayer of the Sicke p. 654 4 The Consolation of the godly in the hower of death p. 658 5 The Resignation of the foule into the hands of God p. 664 27 Teares in the distressed time of Civill Warrs The Soliloquie Containing a Patheticall grievous Lamentation for the present distractions both in our Church and Commonwealth by reason of these cruell most bloody warrs p. 669 The First prayer wherein is set downe 1. Gods Iustice in punishing his owne people in former times 2 His Iustice also in the present punishing us for our offences 3 An earnest supplication for our repentance and his forgivenesse p. 701 The second Prayer consisting of 1 A dolefull complaint of our grievous Calamities 2 An humble desire of the Remission of our sins 3 A fervent supplicatioÌ„ for righteousnesse peace p. 713 The third Prayer wherein the Lord is humbly implored that our bloody battels may bee turned into a spirituall war fare p. 722 FINIS THE FIRST SVBJECT Teares of godly sorrow or Devout Melancholy wherein a flexible disposition apt to weepe imployeth those Teares in a sorrow for sin The sanctified Ejaculation to precede each severall meditation and prayer Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THE MEDITATION WHy art thou so full of heavinesse Ps 42.6 o my soule and why art thou so disquieted within mee What nothing but teares Nothing â—ut sighs and throbs of â trembling soule Griefe without cause is madnesse and without moderation it is hopelesse I must â—herfore looke into the cause and hope it is Religion that raiseth this tempest But let mee not erre in my judgment Is my sin the cause of my sorrow Or doe not I rather adde to my sinne by the pretence of my ground That teare of a faithfull soule which floweth from the conscience of evill purifieth the conscience and freeth from punishment If the weight of my transgressions depresseth my soule the comforts of the Crucified shall restore me to ioy Oh the first cause of my blubbered eye was that which made our parents strive to hide them selves from the sight of our Creatour Gen 3.8 Since that very offence it hath beene a sin not to weepe and yet too much weeping may be turned into sin Teares are the effect of sin and teares may be the actours of sin Thus even our best actions have their pollutions our griefe for our offences may as well displease as pacifie the offended Deitie But surely I grieve for mine iniquities which have incensed my Creatour I sorrow because I can expresse noe more sorrow for my faults Thus farre my passion then is religion Ps 56.8 Lu 7.38 my God shall put these teares into his bottell Thus Mary Maydalene stood at the feete of my Saviour behind him weeping washing his feete with her teares and wiping them with the haires of her head My sin is the ground of my shame and my shame enforceth mee to come behind that Iesus Ier 9 1 whom Mary thus embalmed O that my head were waters mine eyes a fountaine of teares that I might thus weepe day and night for the offences which I have committed But doe not I slaunder my teares Am I not mis-taken in the cause God forbid Noe cause can be so great as the greatnesse of my sinns and yet even these may multiply when I most lament them O my God accept of the teares which I shed for my sinns sanctifie my sorrowes that they turne not into offences Yet I find in the Scripture other causes of laments 2. King 20.5 Ier 9.17 Thus the All-mighty not onely heard the prayers of Hezekiah but saw his teares too when hee pleaded for life The Iewes were commanded to call for the mourning women to make hast and take up a wayling for them that their eyes might runne downe with teares their eyelids gush out with water because the voyce of wayling was heard out of Zion the destruction of the lewes was hard at hand Thus the Prophets eyes did faile with teares Lam 2.11 his bowells were troubled his liver was powred upon the earth for tâe destruction of Ierusalem This griefe arose from the sense of their sorrow That the most high was prouoked by the sin of the prople What the Iewes deserâ—ed may be my râ—ward and what Ierusalem expected may be my heavy doome for the fame God is offended with mee and my sinns have merited the height of his vengeance Yet the more I sin the more hee spare's expecting some measure of my sorrow for my boundlesse offences O let my teares be his by a gracious acceptance as my sin is made his by his fathers imputation for hee alone who wept in the garden can pleade my attonement and by the power of his passion restore mee to comfort Incredulity in part did trouble the man in the Gospel Mar 9.14 whose sonne was Possessed with a devill both deafe and dumb yet hee cryed out and said with teares Lord I believe help my un-beliefe Deafnesse I find doeth hang in mine eare too even in the house of my God for when mine attention is required to the words which distil from the mouth of the preacher even then the poison of the serpent makes mee imitate the adder refusing to heare the voyce of the charmer Ps 58.4 5. When I should counsaile my brethren when I should publish the trueth when I should confesse my sinns woe is mee the string of my tongue is knitt Iam. 3.5 the dores of my lipps are sealed up and though mine unruly litle member is active in the language of all impiety yet it is stricken dumb with silence when it should publish mine enormities Whence growe's this dumbnesse whence this deafnesse Lord shouldest thou be so deafe to my cries or dumb to my heart I should never hope for the mercies of my Redeemer But some faith thou hast given mee in the merits of his passion doe thou increase it The seede is thine the planting is thine Lord let it flourish that the advantage may be mine Mar 13 32. It is as yet the least of all seedes let it grow into a tree that the birds the birds of Paradise may nest in the
for your sinnes vers 29 And yee shall eate the flesh of your sonnes and the flesh of your daughters shall yee eate This was threatned and this was inflicted the sad storie whereof is obvious to every willing eye according as it is recorded in sacred Writt 2. King 6.25 A greate famine there was in Samaria and behould they besieged it untill an Asse's head was sould for fourescore pieces of silver and a fourth part of a Kabbe of dove's dung for five pieces of silver vers 26 And as the King of Israel was passing by upon the wall there cryed a woman unto him saying Helpe my Lord vers 27 ô King And hee said If the Lord doe not helpe thee whence shall I helpe thee Out of the barne floore or out of the wine-presse And the King said unto her vers 28 what ayleth thee And shee answered This woman said unto mee Give thy sonne that wee may eate him to day and wee will eate my sonne to morrow vers 29 So wee boyled my sonne and did eate him And I said unto her on the next day Give thy sonne that wee may eate him shee hath hidden him O what a famine was this which instructed nature to become unnaturall The lives of the mothers were preserved onely by the deaths of their issue The children in recompence for the milke they had sucked were enforced to pay the tribute of their blood Those bellies which harboured the children unborne were made the tombes of the murdered children They which were a burden once to the parent were now the nourishers The famine did make the innocent guilty to prevent the hands of crueller executioners the mothers did friendly betray them to their murder They expresse their love in preserving them from starving and so at once were mercifull to the babes in borrowing their lives and carefull for themselves to prevent their destruction Lord what a horrid act was this when the child which was tenderly beloved of the parents was greedily chewed in the teeth of the mother Our off-spring are bound by the commandement of God to render us honour but yet not thus â—o dye for our lives yet these innocents were obedient before they knew it and became the preservers of them that had nourished them In the place where first they receaved life they preserved life by the deaths of themselves Thus did their mothers most truely set them at their hearts but more in affection to themselves then their issue The children dyed that they might not dye they were murdered that they might not be starved They were dandled to their destruction by the hands of their parents and yet the act did appeare rather care then cruelty Lam 4.10 The hands of the pittifull women saith the Prophet have sodden their owne children they were their meate in the destruction of the daughter of my people Yet their flesh was not sensible of the fiercnesse of the fire nor did they feele the teeth of their greedie parents The bellies of the unnaturall became their graves and yet if there the dead had receaved their rest then their inhumanitie might have seemed to be pitie Those who once required the assistance of a mid-wife were a second time delivered of their deceased burdens But was there noe Prophet among them left to intreate Was there none to intercede to the All mighty for them c 2.20 Shall the women eate their fruit and children of a spanne long The head of an asse was the ransome af a child and the dung of the doves a repreever af the infants But when the heads of the beasts had beene devoured by the people the very women themselves were transformed in to beasts Yea that cruelty which the beastes would have stood amazed at the greedie starvelings blushed not to practise O mee think's the remembrance of the doves should have heightened their affection and not the dung of the doves have ushered in their murders This was a famine wich I tremble to remember and it grieveth mee to thinke that my sexe was so cowardly Had the ould and the young expired together I should have thought the women indulgent mothers This famine was worse then that which Rabshakeh threatned to Ierusalem for hee menaced but the feeding on the dung of themselves but here was served in the very fruit of their loynes Yet that other was terrible too even in the threat when railing Rabshakeh said unto Eliakim Shebna and Ioah 2 King 18.27 Hath my master sent mee to thy master and to thee to speake these words Hath hee not sent mee to the men that sit on the wall that they may eate their owne dung and drinke their owne pisse These these were famines which are more dreadfull in their relationâ— then mine is in the sufferance yet seing they were universall they were the easier to be borne Miserie hath some comfort if it be â—ot singuler The sufferance is easier when â—…ce it grow'es generall If the whole world â—ere reduced to the same distresse as now â— suffer I should ease my complaint by the sufferance of others But is not this an argument of uncharitable wickednesse when 〈◊〉 grieve not so much at my particular durance as I repine because the penurie is not univerfall While others have I may hope for reliefe but if the famine were generall I could not expect it This is the wickednesse of most which sulfer that they vailew their miseries more by comparison then justice and deeme themselves the more unhappy because every one else is not so low as they I must therfore take heede that I neither offend in my sufferance nor repine because I am singular If I take this hunger as a chastisement from God I may hope to be relieved in his owne good time Let mee enquire into the cause of this my visitation and so I may be instructed how to demeane my selfe In the depth of this affliction I cannot choose but behould an angrie Lord. Hee ô hee is offended who said in the Psalmes Every beast of the forrest is mine Ps 50.10 vers 11 vers 12 and the cattell upoÌ„ a thousand hills I know all the fowles of the mountaines and the wild beastes of the field are mine The world is mine and the fullnesse thereof Hee hath enough I see to give though hee deemeth mee not worthie enough to receave I am afraid that I formerly thanked him not for what I had and therfore now hee decreeth that I shall wish to have It hath beene commonly his custome thus to punish those that offended To disobedient Israel hee threatned this and allso the sword Deut. 28.48 by the mouth of Moses saying Thou shalt serve thine enemies which the Lord shall send against thee in hunger and in thirst and in nakednesse in want of all things Againe of impenitent Israel hee saith by his Prophet Is 9.20 Hee shall snatch on the right hand and be hungrie and hee shall
must be subject in every thing Tit. 2.4 Eph. 5.24 1 Cor 7.34 Eph. 5.33 1 Pet. 3.6 1 Cor. 14.35 c. 7.10 Tit. 2.5 Col. 3.18 1 Pet. 3.1 I must care how to please him I must reverence him I must obey him as Sara obeyed Abraham calling him Lord I must be instructed by him I must not depart from him but must be discreete chast a keeper at home good obedient unto him that the word of God be not blasphemed To hin indeede I must submitt my selfe as unto the Lord but this submission must not be servile for it must be onely so as it is fitt in the Lord. Him I must love for hee is my selfe To him I must be subject as the inferiour parts are unto the head I must care how to please him both for the performance of my duety and for the quietnesse and content which will ensue upon it I must reverence him for hee is my superiour I must obey him for hee is my Lord I must be instructed by him for hee is my teacher I must not depart from him 1 Cor. 7.4 because the power which formerly I had over my selfe is resigned up to his will and pleasure I must be discreete because I am a wife chast because I must be a loyall wife a keeper at home because a house-wife good and obedient that the word of God be not blasphemed Submission is required joyned with love to avoyd anger and contention Prov. 21.19 for Solomon hath decreed that It it better to dwell in the wildernesse then with a contentious and an angrie woman Subjection and reverenceare arguments of a meeke 1 Pet 3.4 Prov. 9.13 and quiet spirit which in the sight of God is of great price for a clamorous woman is styled foolish Obedience is due to those that are our instructers seeing therfore our sexe is guiltie of ignorance 1 Tim. 2.11 wee are commanded to learne in silence with all subjection for if wee are wise in our owne conceits Prov. 26.12 the wise man saith there is more hope of a foole then of such Discretion is allso required in our sexe for long agoe did Solomon say c. 11.22 As a jewell of gold in a swine's snowt so is a faire woman which is without discretion Certainly those who submitt to their husbands who love them are subject to them carefull to please them reverence them obey them are willing to be instructed by them depart not from them and are truely discreete conscience will preserve them chast civilitie will keepe them at home and religion will make them good Ps 119.5 O that our wayes were made so direct that wee might keepe these statutes When I consider of this bond which unite's mee to my husband how can I choose but blesse my God for his ordinance When I looke upon the pledges of our mutuall love those children which God doeth send for our comfort how can I choose but magnifie his blessing Though many are the infirmities of a woman many dueties belong to a wife many cares and pangs belong to a mother yet our infirmities are aften redressed by mariage our dueties are our delight being guided and comforted by our carefull Lords and our cares and pangs are richly rewarded in our obedient children O how gracious is our God unto us who governeth us by those who are made our selves and to increase our love and obedience to our husbands giveth us the lively resemblance of both in our tender off-spring These children whom I would have obedient unto mee doe put mee in mind of that obedience which I owe to my husband and much more of that which all of us owe to our bountifull God That sacred tye of holy wedlock putteth mee in mind of the infinite love of Christ to his church Hee hath blessed mee with the first and shall I not labour to be a worthy and a thankfull partaker of his love in the last The first I enjoy though I deserve it not the last I am offered yet zealously and religiously enough I embrace it not If I neglect my love and duety to my husband I cannot expect the love of Christ Alasse by sexe I am fraile and not willing to obey by paines I am froward and not fitt for advice by sinne I am haughtie and not apt for submission Nature enclineth us to love but unlesse that love be regulated by religion it often either is sullied with impuritie or clegenerateth into hatred O what shall I provide to answer my God when hee shall stricktly examine mee concerning my duety first to himselfe next to him whom hee hath made my Lord and lastly to them who are my tender and parcelled selfe Certainly obedient enough I cannot be to God dutifull enough I can scarcely be to my husband loving and carefull enough I can hardly be of my children All of us faile in some thing or other and I feare that I am the weakest of all Every sinne displeaseth my God o what shall I doe to appease his wrath Wherewithall shall I come before the Lord Mic. 6.6 and bow myselfe before the high God Shall I come before him with Burnt offerings with calves of a yeere old vers 7. Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rammes or with ten thousand rivers of oyle Shall I give my first-borne for my transgressions Ps 51.16 vers 17 the fruite of my body for the sinne of my soule Alasse hee desireth not sacrifice hee delighteth not in burnt offering The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a broken and a contrite heart hee will not despise To my Lord therfore will I hasten whom I have offended to my God will I addresse my selfe whom I have displeased by my manifold neglects and insteede of rivers of oyle I will swimme unto him in rivers of my teares My heart I will teach to groane so lowde that it shall be heard to heaven Each teare which I shed shall proceede from a heart so humbly sorrowfull that they shall seeme to have the faces of Angells in reflexion and I will pray that those teares may be accepted by the Angel of the covenant Mal 3.1 If through my indiscretion contentions have arisen betweene my head and the members I will meekely justifie the words of the King Solomon and not onely resemble but have even the same to which hee compareth mee Pro 27.15 I will have a continuall dropping in a very rainie day Mine eyes shall droppe and my heart shall droppe and from them both shall issue as it were water and blood that with my teares I may wash the sacrifice of my God and my heart may be made an accepted offering Mat 7.25 Yet shall not the raine descend onely and the floods come but the winds allso shall blow From mine eyes shall the raine descend and the floods of my teares shall come and then from my heart the winds shall blow From my heart I will
and my petitions to God must be likewise upon conditions when I begge of him but temporall blessings His blessings descend not unlesse they be called downe by my religious obedience nor may I pray for the blessings which concerne this life but with this condition If they may stand with his pleasure In his power it is to graunt the suite which so earnestly I make I wish it may be his pleasure to fullfill my desires Barren Sarai was promised a sonne and Isaak was borne Gen. 21 2.3 Lu 1.7 vers 57 Gen. 29 31. c 30.22 vers 23 Though Zacharias and Elizabeth were stricken in yeeres and Elizabeth was barren yet they were blessed with Iohn the Baptist. Though Leah was hated by reason of her barrennesse yet wee reade that the Lord did open her wombe God remembred Rachel and hearkened unto her and opened her wombe and shee conceaved and bare a sonne and sayd God hath taken away my reproach The wife of Manoah the Danite was barren Iud. 13.2 vers 3. vers 14 yet the Angel of the Lord appeared unto her and sayd unto her Behold now thou art barren and bearest not but thou shalt conceave and beare a sonne And the woman bare a sonne called his name Samson and the child grew and the Lord blessed him 1. Sam. 1.10 Barren Hannah was in bitternesse of soule for want of a child when Peninnah her fruitfull rivall provoked her sore to make her fret vers 6. vers 20 because the Lord had shut up her wombe and shee had a sonne whom shee named Samuel Thus may God if hee please looke upon my reproach and send mee a child which I may dedicate to his service I will therfore follow the stepps of Hannah the devout vers 15 I will weepe with her and I will fast with her and with her will I powre out my soule before the Lord. Who knoweth but my teares may prevayle through the merits of my Redeemer and my sobbs and sighes may draw downe a blessing Ps 30.8 On my knees therfore will I goe unto the Lord and gett mee unto my Lord right humbly I will weepe and pray and mourne and pray and sigh and pray and praying I will say The Prayer HEeavenly King father of mercies Ps 72.5 thou who tookest mee out of my mother's wombe but hast denyed unto mee the fruit of mine vouchsafe to looke upon the reproach of thy servant I know that my sinnes doe stoppe the current of thy mercies but it is thine honour that thou art a forgiver of offences Forgive my sinnes the cause of thy curse and heale the barrennesse of thy despised hand-mayd 1. Sam. 1.11 O Lord of hosts if thou wilt indeede looke upon the affliction of thine hand-mayd and remember mee and not forget thine hand-mayd but wilt give unto thine hand-mayd a man-child then I will give him unto thee all the dayes of his life Thou knowest that I am a woman of a sorrowfull spirit and out of the aboundance of my complaint vers 16 and griefe doe I pray unto thee Send mee I beseech thee a Samuël even such a child as I have asked of thee if it may stand with the pleasure of thee my Lord and King that may bring honour unto thee and comfort unto thy petitioner I shall never bee satisfied untill thou hearest my supplications Pro. 30 15. Either graunt my desires or arme mee with patience that in all things I may serve thee with quietnesse Mat 4.28 and content The earth thou hast made to bring forth fruit of her selfe and it is as easie for thee to blesse mee with increase But if thou hast otherwise determined in thy secret will howsoever graunt that I may never conceave wickednesse in my heart Act 5.4 to whom thou denyest the conception of a child Iam. 1.15 Let not lust conceave in mee lest it bring forth sinne and sinne when it is finished bring forth death Say unto my heart as effectually as once thou didst unto the fig-tree Mat 21 19. Gal 5.22 vers 23 Heb. 12 11. let noe such fruit grow on thee hence forth for ever but let mee allways produce the fruits of the spirit against which thine Apostle assureth mee that there is noe law Let this thy chastening yeeld unto mee the peaceable fruit of righteousnesse since I am exercised therein so shall I willingly submit to thy pleasure and beseech thee to graunt mee comfort and joy in that blessed sonne of a happie woman even Iesus Christ my onely Lord and Saviour Amen THE TWELFTH SUBjECT Teares of a child-bearing woman 1 At the time when she beginneth to fall in travell 2 After her deliverie I st Her teares when she beginneth to fall in travell The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz 1 The cause of the sorrow and the confidence of the sorrowing 2 The greatenesse of the pangs hazards and feares of a travelling woman 3 Consolation and comfort for a woman in the bitternesse of her travell The first part of the Soliloquie treating of the cause of the sorrow and the confidence of the sorrowing THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my King and my God for unto the will I pray VVHen David confessed his actuall crimes hee forgot not the guilt of originall corruption therfore he professed saying Behold I was shapen in iniquitie vers 5. and in sinne did my mother conceave mee By the corruption of nature even Saint Paul himselfe was not without sinne that dwelled in him That which is borne of the flesh is flesh Rom 7 17. Io. 3.6 as my Saviour himselfe did tell Nicoden us and this flesh concludeth us all to be carnall Rom 7 14. and sold under sinne This originall stayne is the ground of all our actuall impieties justly therfore is the birth of a child accompanied with the torments and sorrowes of the mother left women should forget the tast of the apple I will greatly multiply thy sorrow Gen 3.16 and thy conception sayd the Lord unto Eve in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children O this heavie chastisement doth now approach to make mee sensible of my sinfull beginning As I caused the teares to flow from the eyes of my groaning mother so now even in mine eyes doe they likewise arise through the pangs which doe seize on mee by reason of my babe Lord what a trembling possesseth every joynt of mee and when I hope for ease by changing my seate or lying on my Couch or attempting to walke even in every place doeth the sharpnesse of the paine increase its strength and though I multiply my cryes yet mine anguish ceaseth not O what miserable perplexities are wee weake and sinfull women involved in Wee who can worst endure are most afflicted and allthough our tempers and constitutions conclude us weaker by farre then our husbands
issue and my destroyer But I will hope for better and I will pray for better for I have a good and a mercifull God in whom I will trust To him I will fly both for remission comfort and succour I know that hee is offended with the sinfull progenie of my corrupted heart Ex 1.16 but to appease him I will destroy them all as the Mid-wives were commanded to doe by the Hebrew males Ps 137.9 I will gaine hapinesse by such an execution as was required upon the daughter of Babylon for I will take them and dash them both the greate and the litle ones against the stones Or if that will not destroy them I will use them as the Allmighty did the chariotts and the bost of Pharaoh I will cast them into the sea Ex 15.4 vers 5. vers 1. and the depths shall cover them The sea shall be my teares in which I will sinke them so deepe even the horse and his rider the heart that hath conceaved and the sinne that hath beene borne that they shall never rise againe Or if this yet will not suffice vers 4. I will use them as the Lord did the chosen Captaines of the King I will drowne them in the red sea even in the blood of my blessed Reedemer where they shall be sunke so deepe that it shall be quite forgotten that ever they were Thus shall my God be appeased and shall visit mee in love so that I shall not neede to feare when my throwes increase because I will depend on the rock of my salvation I will resolve with confidence and a setled mind that allthough hee slay mee Iob 13.15 yet will I put my trust in his mercy and I am assured that hee will send mee a happie issue to my tryalls and afflictions part 2 The Second part of the Soliloquie treating of the greatnesse of the pangs hazards and feares of a travelling woman SAint Iohn in the Apocalyps telleth us Rev. 12 1. that There appeared a greate wonder in heaven A woman cloathed with the Sunne and the Moone was under her feete and upon her head was a crowne of twelve starres vers 2. And shee being with child cryed traveâ—ing in birth and pained to be delivered That woman is the Church styled a woman both because shee is fruitfull and by reason of her subjection to Christ her husband The Moone is under her feete the pompe and prosperitie of the world is placed farre beneath her affections Her crowne of starres is the twelve Apostles This woman this Church is with child shee conceaveth by faith shee cryeth out in her devotions shee is pained in her sorrowes and severall afflictions and shee is delivered when her children are receaved into glory If Saint Iohn did liken her pangs unto the pinching throwes of a travelling woman it must needes be imagined that her paines were grievous Oh I feele I feele what her torments were resembled unto Such paines doe now beginne ginne to seize on mee as the greatest in the world have beene described by these Ier. 13.21 Such were threatned to Iudah Shall not sorrowes take thee as a woman in travell Such to Lebanon O inhabitant of Lebanon c 12.23 that makest thy nests in the Cedars how gracious shalt thou be when pangs come upon thee the paine as of a woman in travell Such to Babylon Is 13.6 Howle yee for the day of the Lord is at hand it shall come as a destruction from the All-mighty Therfore shall all hands be faint vers 7. and every mans heart shall melt and they shall be afraid vers 8. they shall be inpaine Ier 48.41 Kerioth is taken and the strong holds are surprised and the mighty men's hearts in Moab at that day shall be as the heart of a woman in her pangs Such to Edome c 49.22 The heart of the mighty men of Edome shall be as the heart of a woman in her pangs Such to Ephraim Hos 13 12. vers 13. The iniquity of Ephraim is bound up his sinne is hid the sorrowes of a travelling woman shall come upon him And such to the ungodly when our Saviour shall come in the clowdes When they shall say 1. Thes 5.3 Peace and Safety then sudden destruction cometh upon them as travaile upon a woman with child and they shall not escape Such as these were inflicted on those Kings that were assembled and passed by the citty of the great King on the north sides of the mountaine of holinesse Ps 48.6 Feare tooke hold upon them there and paine as of a woman in travaile Such on Sion Wee have heard the fame thereof Ier. 6.24 our hands wanâ— feeble anguish hath taken hold of us and paine as of a woman in travaile c 4.31 And againe I have heard a voyce as of a woman in travell and the anguish as of her that bringeth forth her first child the voyce of the daughter of Zion that bewayleth her selfe that spreadeth her hands saying Woe is mee now for my soule is wearied because of murderers Such on Damascus Damascus is waxed feeble c 49.24 and turneth herselfe to flee and feare hath seized on her anguish and sorrowes have taken her as a woman in travell c 50.42 Such on the King of Babylon Every one of the people of the North shall be put in aray like a man to battell against thee ô daughter of Babylon vers 43 The King of Babylon hath heard the report of them his hands waxed feeble anguish tooke hold of him and pangs as of a woman in travell Such on the Prophet Isaiah bewayling the captivity of the people Is 21.3 My loynes are filled with paine pangs have taken hold upon mee as the pangs of a woman that travelleth I was bowed downe at the hearing of it I was dismayed at the seeing of it And such on the people of God when they were caried into captivity c. 26.16 Lord in trouble have they visited thee they powred out a prayer when thy chastening was upon them vers 17 like as a woman with child that draweth neere the time of her deliverie is in paine and cryeth out in her pangs so have wee beene in thy sight ô Lord. O these sorrowes these pangs and paines this faintâ—esse of hands this melting of heart this anguish this wearinesse of soule this feeblenesse this turning to flee this paine of the loynes this bowing downe this dismaying and this â—…ying out in pangs is now my portion Deepe shall I drinke of this cup of trembling Is 51.17 it is allready at my mouth I quiver and quake at the bitternesse thereof Faine would I delay it faine would I forget what I must endure it I shift from place to place from seate to seate I wring my hands I tremble in my cold and fainting sweates Faine would I buy it off and be contented to offer the service even of
vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen all wept Luc 8.52 and bewayled the litle daughter of Iairus my Iesus forbad their teares saying Shee is not dead but sleepeth O sweete comfort to the lamenting mother whose onely daughter should returne from the dead Shee that had shed the teares of sorrow for the losse of her joy was then to shed teares of joy for the recoverie of the deceased But I weepe and weepe Lam 1.2 and continually weepe the teares are on my cheekes for my child is dead I have noe hope of receaving him againe to life I alas am not the wife of a ruler of the temple I have noe Iesus here in the flesh to worke such a miracle for mee My poore child is dead and hopelesse and helplesse as I am there is noe recovering there is noe recalling him Yet stay howsoever I will call I will cry mee think's hee should not be dead who knoweth but my sweete babe may heare mee Who knoweth but my Redeemer may awake him againe The daughter of Iairus was dead to her parents but shee was not dead to the Messias Hee who will one day awake the dead and rowze them from the graves can now if hee pleaseth speake as powerfully to my babe My Saviour can for hee himselfe is neither dead nor sleepeth True it is that once hee dyed yea hee dyed for mee and so for mine infant too but hee rose againe and from thence-forth can die noe more Rom 6 9. death hath noe more dominion over him This living Saviour of mine may if hee please restore my dead child I will call him peradventure hee may awake Sonne ô my sonne my child my love my joy my dearest infant where art thou Where strayest thou Whither wanderest thou Returne returne litle Saint and cheere up the drooping spirits of thy fainting mother What noe answer Noe speech Not so much as a groane or a sigh Will this frozen clod of earth be noe more â—he carkenet of his immortall soule Oh hee s fled hee 's gone hee 's past re-call alas what shall I doe Is this the blessing of the womb â—o enjoy a child for a yeere or two and then â—o have it hasten to the womb of the earth Is this the joy the delight that women have in the fruit of their bodies Gen 3.16 onely to conceave in sorrow to travell in anguish and when they are delivered after a yeare or two to be bereft of them in a moment Could not thousands of kisses and dandlings and dauncings nay could not sckreeches and groanes and cryes call back my child Alas noe I see they could not all was in â—aine Hee who called Lazarus from the grave hath called my litle one to the grave His soule is with him and nothing now but his body is left with mee From him I would not pluck him mee think's if I might for hee 's at peace with him From mee mee thinks I would not have had him call him for hee knoweth how I loved him and yet his will not mine must be fullfilled O that I could so rest satisfied with the rest of my sweete infant But why doe I onely wish so I must likewise practise it Act. 5.29 lest happily as Gamaliel sayd unto the Iewes I be found even to fight against God I will therfore resolve with David and say 2 Sam. 12.23 Now hee is dead wherfore should I fast Can I bring him back againe I shall goe to him but hee shall not returne to mee I shall goe when hee who keepeth my child in his armes shall be pleased so to embrace mee likewise and to seate mee in his Kingdome by my dearest child Why then should I enuy my litle one the joyes of eternitie If I weepe too much I may discover a discontent at his highest preferement If I truely loved him I shall never enuy him allthough I shall desire that to those heavenly mansions I may certainly follow him Young hee was while mine hee was very young tender weake and yet as young as hee was hee now is suddenly growne older then my selfe hee is my better hee is my senior and hath gotten before mee into glory Yea and his passage thither was fayre and gentle too if I consider his sinnes which hee suffered for onely in his sicknesse His rich soule espied a crevise a chinke a flaw in his muddie earth made by his disease and so escaped flew away even with the wings of that dove that blessed Spirit Ps 55.6 which David panted for and wished for and cryed for saying O that I had the wings of a dove Gen. 7.1 King 13.24 2. King 2.24 Num 21 6. Gen 19 24. for then would I flee away and be at rest Had my child beene drowned as was the ould world or torne in pieces by Lyons as was the disobedient Prophet or by Beares as were the fortie and two children that mocked Elisha or stung with Serpents as were the murmuring Israëlites or burnt with fire and brimstone as were Sodome and Gomorrha or swallowed up quick by the yawning num 16.33 act 12 23. gaping devouring earth as were Corah Dathan and Abiram or had hee beene smitten by the Angel of God and eaten up of wormes of vermine as was Herod Agrippa then my griefe indeede might have beene increased my sorrowes might have beene multiplyed yet at length if it had beene so I ought to have beene contented at length if I belong unto him to whom my child is gone I must have taken up the resolution of patient of holy of devout Iob and have sayd The Lord gave Iob. 1.21 and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the name of the Lord. But my God hath beene more mercifull both to mee and mine for hee made much of my child and finding him a litle froward a litle wayward a litle unquiet hee gently layed him downe to sleepe Hee sent a gentle disease to rock him to sing him to sleepe And seing that hee thus gently thus securely sleepe's in God even in that God who never sleepeth surely whilest I awake I will sing and give praise My glory shall awake Ps 57.8 my Lute and Harpe shall awake all my joyes all my pleasures all my contents shall awake and praise him and magnifie him for ever And yet for all this my resolution for all my serious purpose thus to doe I find that in my musick I stop upon a fret That sudden sigh stole from my heart unawares It may be that it was ashamed to stay there and so slanke away What another Nay this is too much King Solomon telleth mee that there is a time to weepe Ecc 3.4 but hee doeth not tell mee that that time must continue so long as I continue here upon earth What though I am a traveller I
ceremeniall law yea a Priest himselfe was allowed these acts so naturall and pious Though touching the Nazarites the command was strickt which the Lord delivered unto Moses Num. 6 1. vers 2. saying Say unto the children of Israel when either man or woman shall seperate themselves to vow a vow of a Nazarite to seperate themselves unto the Lord vers 6. all the dayes that hee seperateth himselfe unto the Lord hee shall come at noe dead body vers 7. hee shall not make himselfe un-cleane for his father or for his mother for his brother or for his sister when they dye because the consecration of his God is upon his head Yet whereas the law said Eze 44 25. The Priests shall come at noe dead person to defile themselves it ran with this exception But for father or for mother or for sonne or for daughter for brother or for sister that hath had noe husband they may defile themselves And againe concerning the common people the law provideth saying Num 19.16 Whosoever toucheth one that is slaine with the sword in the open fields or a dead bodie or a bone of a man or a grave shall be uncleane but the time of his un-cleanesse was to continue but seaven dayes That law hath now noe power to oblige us who are under the Gospel I may touch my dead parent and embrace him yea and kisse him at least in my thoughts when I cannot come to his body And so I will and if there remaine any un-cleanesse in my cogitations I will purifie I will wash it away with the bath of my teares Allthough my sorrowes cannot call him from the grave yet they have power both to discover mine affection and to satisfie my desires Heb 11 35. In ancient times women had their dead raised to life againe This indeede is too much for mee to expect yet it will not be too much for mee to mourne with those women who were afterward thus comforted But then I must be just in my mourning As my love may lawfully be shewed in my teares so must my religion be manifested in my moderation It was a curse upon the Iewes which the Prophet pronounced when hee said Men shall not teare themselves for them in mourning Ier. 16.7 to comfort them for the dead neither shall men give them the cupp of consolation to drinke for their father or for their mother I must not exceede the bounds of modestie in my cryes lamentations but I must drinke rather of the cupp of consolation and hearken to the advice and counsell of my comforters Nature indeede may be seene in a teare and heard in a sigh but if those teares be too many or those sighes too frequent or too lowde my very sorrowes may be sinfull for my want of patience Hee for whom I grieve is better then my selfe and his condition is full of joy and delight why then should I mourne too excessively as if hee were lost why should I grieve too immoderately as if I despaired of a father Hee is gone to a place where hee is freed from sorrowes and can dye noe more onely I am on earth in a valley of teares but I shall have a time to dye too and be gathered unto him In heaven saith Saint Iohn there shall be noe more death Reu. 21.4 neither sorrow nor crying neither shall there be any more paine for the former things are passed away My Redeemer saith that they which shall be accounted worthy to obtaine that world Luc. 20 35. the resurrection from the dead neither marrie nor are given in mariage neither can they dye any more vers 36 for they are equall unto the Angells and are the children of God being the children of the resurrection VVhy then should I lament for him who needeth not my sorrowes and my teares are but a fruitlesse disturbance of my selfe If I am troubled at the losse of a friend so deare I must rather labour to be beloved of my God who is so good I shall one day learne with holy Iob Iob. 17 14. to say to corruption Thou art my father and to the worme Thou art my mother and my sister There is yet something earthly therfore which I shall acknowledge a parent but I must take heede that nothing upon earth doeth make mee an idolater The house of Israel was once so sottish as to say to a stock Ier 2.27 Thou art my father to a stone Thou hast brought mee forth This were a stupid madnesse in mee if I should so dis-honour the memorie of my father as to make the timber succeede him in my reverence But more impious it would prove if I should reject my heavenly father and insteed of him I should honour as Israel did a stock or a stone The greater that my losse is in my deceased parent the more must be my obedience to the father of lights Iam. 1.17 Heb. 12 9. Hee who is and must be the father of my spirit did lend unto mee for a time the father of my flesh Hee hath allso taken from mee my naturall parent that my thoughts may be ever fixed upon him with whom hee dwelleth If my trust be in God my comforts will abound my sorrowes will decrease If my name be written among the righteous my share shall be equall to theirs in the protection of my God Hee hath ever beene mercifull to them that were fatherlesse so that they relyed on his providence and served him with faithfullnesse Ps 27.10 Ps 68.5 When my father and my mother forsake mee saith the Psalmist then the Lord will take mee up a father of the fatherlesse is God in his holy habitation O that I might have the honour to be his child that so I might justly call him father O that I could truely say unto him Thou art my father my God Ps 89.26 Is 63.16 Ier. 3.19 2. Cor. 6.18 and the rock of my salvation O that I could faithfully say Thou ô Lord art my father my Redeemer thy name is from ever-lasting O that I could call him my father and not turne away from him His mercies are greate his promises are full of comfort I will be a father unto you and yee shall be my sonnes and daughters saith the Lord All-mighty O what shall I doe that I may be sure to be adopted into the number of his children Alas as I am I have but litle hope of it for hee is pure but I am un-cleane but I will wash my selfe with my teares of repentance and beseech his Sonne to cleanse mee with his blood Hee is righteous but I am sinfull but I will confesse my wickednesse Ps 38.18 and be sorrie for my sinnes and then I am sure hee will aboundantly pardon Lord though I have beene thine enemie thou canst make mee thy friend though I have hated thee thou canst incline mee to love thee though I have beene rebellious thou
seldome is love forgotten in the mother of children Cant. 3 6. in whom it is commonly as strong as death vers 7. for many waters cannot quench it neither can the floods drowne it Much therfore I cannot blame the wife of Zebedeus for the fervency of her affection to her beloved Sonnes All that shee erred in was both in the thing shee requested and in the person to whom shee tendered her petition Surely without offence I may likewise besiech my mercifull Saviour that hee will be pleased to undertake the protection of my young ones It is a petition more proper for mee then her's was for her for shee was living and might have beene a comfort unto them but I am dying I am leaving the world I lye drawingon and wayting for that blessed hower of my Saviours comeing All that is left mee now to doe is onely to blesse them before my departure and this is the best legacie that I can bequeath unto them I must I will blesse them by the leave and favour of my God yet not as from my selfe but onely from God not as thinking that my power can purchase their happinesse but praying to him that his blessing may prosper them Thus by faith did dying Iacob blesse both the Sonnes of Ioseph Heb. 11 21. and worshipped leaning upon the top of his staffe Thus old Isaak said unto Esau his Sonne Gen. 27 2. vers 3. Behold now I am old I know not the day of my death now therfore take I pray thee thy we opons thy quiver and thy bowe and goe out to the field and take mee some venison vers 4. and make mee savourie meate such as I love and bring it to mee that I may eate that my soule may blesse thee before I dye Thus Isaak blessed Iacob and said c 28.3 God All-mighty blesse thee and make thee fruitfull and multiplie thee that thou mayest be a multitude of people c. 49.28 Thus Iacob blessed the twelve tribes when hee spake unto them and blessed them every one according to his blessing hee blessed them c 31.55 Thus Laban even in the time of his health rose up early in the morning and kissed his Sonnes and his daughters and blessed them and then departed and returned to his place Yea thus even Moses who was but a leader of the people and not so neerely linked unto them by the bonds of nature blessed them and sayd Deut. 1 11. The Lord God of your fathers make you a thousand times so many more as yee are and blessed you as hee hath promised you Thus the same Moses againe drawing neere to the time of his leaving the world c. 33.1 with his blessing did blesse the children of Israel before his death Thus when the dayes of David drew neere that hee should dye 1. King 2.1 hee gave a charge and a blessing to his beloved Sonne Solomon And noe marveile since it is most true that hee whom God blesseth is blessed Num 22.6 and hee whom hee curseth is cursed The blessing of a parent is nothing but a prayer to the giver of good things Iam. 1.17 that hee may be pleased to send his blessing on their issue Mee thinks therfore the words of Samuel which hee sayd unto the people doe take a deepe impression in my breast 1. Sam. 12.23 for hee sayd God forbid that I should sinne against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you With leave then of my God I will see my children and I will kisse them as Laban did his and I will likewise blesse them The Lord direct mee in my prayers for them and the Lord accept my prayers grant my requests which I shall make unto him for them part 2 The Second part being the benediction or blessing it selfe ending in a prayer MY deerest children yee whom I love in the tender yerning bowells of affection draw neere and attend to the words of your dying mother A weake woman yee see I am but yet sinfull I am which peradventure yee see not O weepe not my prettie ones doe not pierce and breake my troubled heart with your sad laments I must dye my litle ones and goe to a better place whither yee I hope shall one day follow mee Wee came not together into the world nor shall wee goe together out of it In vaine doe yee shed those teares of sorrow for allthough nature teacheth you to bewayle my departure yet grace will teach you to moderate your mourning My heart even bleede's to leave you behind mee fearing lest yee will forget the commandements of your God I should be sorrie to have just cause to say unto you as Moses did to the Levites yet I will put you in mind of his words Deut. 31.27 Behold sayd hee while I am yet alive with you this day yee have beene rebellious against the Lord vers 29 how much more after my death I know that after my death yee will utterly corrupt your selves and turne aside from the way which I commanded you and evill will befall you in the latter dayes because yee will doe evill in the sight of the Lord Heb. 6.9 to provoke him to anger through the worke of your hands But I am perswaded better things of you and things that accompanie salvation though I thus speake O my deare ones hearken unto the words which I shall say They must be my legacie unto you heare mee with patience and treasure up in your memories the last speech of your fainting your dying mother How deare yee cost mee before yee had life and what pangs and torments I suffered for you before yee were heard or seene in the world yee cannot imagine nor I expresse Yet all was forgotten for joy that yee were borne Ioa 16.21 and hoping that yee would adde unto the quire of Saints To this purpose I have laboured and taken care for the nourishment both of your soules bodies and for your sustentation so much as in mee lay from the breast to this instant O what sad and perplexed thoughts have I had for you in the day times and how many howers have I borrowed from my sleepe in the nights to thinke what would become of you if yee should not be obedient to the commandements of my God! To the same God they are best knowne O how often upon my knees have I prayed for your happinesse and wept and mourned when yee have done what yee ought not To him is it best knowne to whom I now am goeing Sometimes when yee have offended I was enforced to correct you but each stripe which yee receaved did cut mee into the heart In many things yee failed because yee were young and in many things I failed too because I am a weake and a sinfull woman If at any time yee thought that I did not my duety take heede that hereafter yee remember it not to my dishonour Ponder in your