hart More mortallie than his vnsparing dart Brother Let me speake for the Boy Ing. To what end loue No I will sue to him to follow me Introth I loue thy sweet condition And may liue to informe thy Lady of thee Come in drie drie thine eies respit thy woe The effects of causes crowne or ouerthrow Enter Lo. PROVD Lo. FEESIM WEL-TRI'D Ma. SELDOME WIDD BOVLD pinning in a Ruffe WIFE Proud S'light what should be become of her you sweare she past not forth of dores and i' th house she is not Widd. Did you not see her Princox Proud This same Bawd has brought her letters from some yonger brother and she is stole away Bould Bawd I defie you indeed your Lordship thinkes you may make Bawds of whom you please I 'le take my oath vpon a booke since I met her in the necessarie house i' th morning I ne're set eye on her Grace Shee went not out of dores Proud Sure shee has an inuisible ring Feesi Marrie she 's the honester woman for some of their ring are visible enough the more shame for them still say I let the pond at Islington be search't goe to there 's more haue drown'd themselues for loue this yeare then you are aware of Proud Pish you are a foole Welt. S'hart call him foole againe Feesi. By this light and I will as soone as euer you haue shew'd me the Swaggerers Wife Her clothes are all younder my Lord Grace And euen those same she had on to day Proud Madam where is your Husband Wife Rid into the Countrie Feesi. O' my conscience rid into France with your sister Omnes Away away for shame Feesi. Why I hope she is not the first Ladie that has run away with other womens husbands Welt. It may be shee 's stolne out to see a play Proud Who should goe with her man Wid. Vpon my life you 'll heare on her at Master Ingens house some loue past betwixt them and we heard that he was married to day to another Proud S'hart I le go see Exit Proudly Welt. Come to the Swaggerers Exeunt Feesi Welt. Feesi. Mercy vpon me a man or a Lord now Omnes Heere 's a quoile with a Lord and his sister Wid. Princox hast not thou pin'd in that Ruffe yet ah how thou fumblest Bould Troth Madam I was ne're brought vp to it t' is Chamber-maids work and I haue euer liu'd Gentlewoman And beene vs'd accordingly Exeunt Actus tertius Enter HVSBAND and SVBTLE Subt. SHee 's a rare wife beleeue it Sir were all such Wee neuer should haue false inheritors Husb. Pish friend there is no woman in the world Can hould out in the end If youth shape wit Met in one subiect doe assault her aptlie For fayling once you must not faint but trie Another way the path of womens minds Are crooked and diuerse they haue by-waies To leade you to the Pallace of their pleasures And you must wooe discreetely first obserue The disposition of her you attempt If shee be sprightly and heroicall Possesse her that you are valiant and haue spirit Talke nothing but of beating euery man That is your hinderance though you doe not doe it Or dare not t' is no matter Be shee free And of a liberall soule giue bounteously To all the seruants let your angels flye About the roome although you borrow'd 'em If shee be wittie so must your discourse Get wit what shift so'ere you make for it Though 't cost you all your land and then a song Or two is not amisse although you buy 'em There 's many in the Towne will furnish you Subt. But still I tell you you must vse her roughly Beate her face black and blew take all her cloth's And giue them to some Punke this will be ground For me to worke vpon Husb. All this I haue done I 〈…〉 her now as bare that should I die Her fortune ô my conscience would be To marrie some Tobacco-man shee has nothing But an old black-woorke wastcote which would serue Exceeding wel to fit i' th shop and light Pipes for the lowzie Footmen and sweete friend First heere 's a jewell to present her then Heere is a Sonnet writ against my selfe Which as thine owne thou shalt accost her with Farewell and happie successe attend thee Exit Subt. Ha ha ha he reads Faire'd still wilt thou be true To a man so false to thee Did be lend a Husbands due Thou did'st owe him loyaltie But will curses wants and blowes Breed no change in thy white soule Be not a foole to thy first vowes Since his breach doth thy faith controle No beautie else could be so chast Thinke not thou honour'st women then Since by thy conscience all disgrac't Are rob'd of the deare loues of men Then grant me my desire that vow to proue A reall husband his adulterate loue Tooke euer man more paines to be a Cuckold Oh! monstrous age where men themselues we see Studie and pay for their owne infamie Exit Enter INGEN MAID PROVDLY BROTHER like a woman swords drawen Proud Giue me my sister I le haue her forth thy heart Ing. No earthly Lord can pull her out of that Till he haue pluckt my heart first out my Lord Wer 't not inhospitable I could wrong you heere In mine owne house I am so full of woe For your lost sister that by all my ioyes Hop't for in her my heart weepes teares of bloud A whiter virgine and a worthier Had ne're creation Leda's Swan was black To her virginitie and immaculate thoughts Proud Where hast thou hid her giue her me againe For by the God of vengeance be she lost The female hate shall spring betwixt our names Shall neuer die while one of either house Suruiues our children shall at seuen yeares olde Strike kniues in one another Ing. Let Hell gape And take me quick if I know where she is But am so charg'd with sorrow for her losse Being one cause of it as no doubt I am That I had rather fal vpon my sword Offering to kill himselfe Then breath a minute longer Broth. Oh sir hold Proud Thou shalt not neede I haue a sword to bathe In thy false blood inhumane murderer Maid Good Sir be pacified I 'le goe I 'le run Many a mile to finde your sister out Shee neuer was so desperate of grace By violence to rob her selfe of life And so her soule in danger comfort Sir Shee 's but retir'd somewhere on my life Ing. Preethee let me alone To his Brother Doe I stand to defend that wretched life That is in doubt of hers heere worthy Lord Behold a breast fram'd of thy sisters loue Hew it for thou shalt strike but on a stock Since she is gone that was the cause it liu'd Proud Out false dissembler are not married Ing. No behold it is my yonger brother drest Plucks off his headtir A man no woman that hath guld the world Intended for a happier euent Than this that follow'd that she now is
much Bro. Nothing or very little Fr. thrusts the Boy out Ing. I 'le bind your wound vp first your losse of blood May sooner make you faint Pr. Ingen thou art a worthy Gentleman for this curtesie Go-too I 'le saue thy life come on Sir hay a passe or two I 'le cut your codpeice point Sir with this thrust And then downe goes your breeches Ing. Your Lordship 's merrie passe I had like to haue spoild your cut-worke band Enter MAID like a foote-boy running BROTHER after him Maid kneeles betwixt 'em Maid Oh Master hold your hand my Lord hold yours Or let your swords meete in this wretched breast Yet you are both well what blood you haue lost Giue it as for the iniurie you did and now be friends Pr. S'hart t' is a louing rogue Ing. Kind Boy stand vp t' is for thy wound he bleeds My wrong is yet vnsatisfied Pr. Hence away it is a Sisters losse that whets my sword Mai. Oh stay my Lord behold your sister heere discouers her selfe Bleeding by your hand Seruant see your mistresse Turn'd to thy seruant running by thy Horse Whose means it was to haue preuented this but all in vaine Broth. Oh noble Ladie Ing. Most worthie patterne of all women kind Proud Ingen I am satisfied put vp your sword Sister you must with me I haue a husband The Lord Fee-simple's father old but rich This Gentleman is no match for you kneele not That portion of yours I haue consum'd Thus marrying you shall neuer come to want Maid Oh I sweet my Lord my brother do not force me To breake my faith or to a loathed bed Ing. Force you he shall not brother beare her hence Shee is my wife and thou shalt finde my cause Ten times improu'd now Pr. Oh haue at you Sir Ma. Hold hold for heauens sake was e're wretched Lady Put to this hazard Sir let me speake But one word with him and I 'le goe with you And vndergoe what euer you command Proud Doo 't quickly for I loue no whispering T' is strange to see you Madame with a sword You should haue come hither in your Ladies cloathes Maid Well as you please my Lord you are witnesse whatsoe're before Hath past betwixt vs thus I doe vndoe Were not I mad to thinke thou could'st loue me That would'st haue slain my Brother Pr. Sai'st true sister Ing. Oh thou faire creature wilt thou be as false as other Ladies Maid Thou art my example I le kisse thee once farewell for euer come my Lord now Match me with whom you please a tumbler I must doe this else had they fought againe Pr. Mine own best Sister farewel Mr. Ingen Ex. Pr. Ma. Broth. Oh antient truth to be denied of no man An Eele by 'th taile 's held surer than a woman Exeunt Actus quintus Enter SVBTLE with HVSBAND Subt. SHee is not to be cast Hus. It cannot be had you a wife and I were in your case Husb. I would be hang'd euen at the chamber doore Where I attempted but I 'le lay her flat Subt. Why tell me truely would it please you best To haue her remaine chast or conquered Husb. Oh friend it would do me good at the heart To haue her ouer come shee do's so brag And stand vpon her chastitie forsooth Subt. Why then in plaine termes Sir the fort is mine Your wife has yeelded vp-tailes is her song The deed is done come now be merrie man Husb. Is the deed done indeed come come you jest Has my wife yeelded is vptailes her song Faith come in prose how got you to the matter first ha Pish you are so bashfull now Subt. Why by my troth I 'le tell you because you are my friend otherwise you must note it is a great hurt to the art of whooremasterie to discouer besides the skill was neuer mine o' th price Husb. Very good on sir Subt. At the first she was horrible stiffe against me then Sir I tooke her by the hand which I kiss'd Husb. Good Sir Subt. And I cal'd her pretie Rogue and I thrust my finger betwixt her breasts and I made lips at last I pul'd her by the chin to me and I kist her Husb. Hum very good Subt. So at the first she kist very strangely close vntoward then said I to her thinke but vpon the wrongs the intollerable wrongs the rogue your Husband does you Hus. I that was very good what said she to you then sir Subt. Nay I went on First quoth I thinke how he hath vs'd you left you no meanes giuen all your clothes to his Punckes struck you turn'd your gray eies into black ones but yet Husb. A pretie conceit Subt. Quoth I these things are nothing in the Rascoll thinke but what a base Whoore-master the Rascoll is Husb. Did you call me Rascoll so often are you sure Subt. Yes and oftner for said I none comes amisse to the rogue I haue knowne him quoth I doe three lowzie beggars vnder hedges in the riding of ten mile and I swore this to Hus. T was verie well but you did lie On I pray Sub. Pish one must lie a little now sir by this time shee began to kisse some what more openly and familiarlie her resistance began to slacken and my assault began to stiffen the more her Bulwarke decai'd the more my batterie fortified at last sir a little fumbling being past to make the Conquest more difficult shee perceauing my readines mounted fals me flat vpon her backe cries mee out aloud Ahlas I yeeld vse me not roughly friend My fort that like Troy towne ten yeares hath stood Beseig'd and shot at did remaine vnwon But now t is conquer'd So the deede was done Hus. Then came the hottest seruice Forward with your tale sir Sub. Nay Caetera quis neset lassi requienimus ambo Proueniant medii sic mihi sape dies Hus. Which is as much to say I am a Cuckold in all Languages but sure t is not so It is impossible my wife should yeeld Sub. Hoyday ene now it was impossible she should hold out and now it is impossible she should yeeld stay you but heere be an eare witnes to what followes I le fetch your wife I know he will not stay Exit Hus. Good faith Sir but he will I doe suspect some knauerie in this Exit Here will I hide my selfe when thought as gone If they doe ought vnfitting I will call Witnesse and straight way sue a diuorce Enter WIFE and SVBTILL Sub. I knew hee would not stay Now noble Mistrisse I claime your promise Wife What was that good seruan Sub. That you would lie with me Wife If with anie man But prithee first consider with thy selfe If I should yeeld to thee what a load thy Conscience Would beare about it for I wish quick thunder May strike me If I yet haue lost the truth Or whitenesse of the hand I gaue in Church And t will not be thy happinesse as thou thinkst That
obseruers as your selfe deare Seruant I must professe I did thinke well of thee But get thee from my sight I neuer more Will heare or see thee but will hate thee deadly As a man enemy or a woman turn'd Enter Widdow Wife Ladies come forth see Sir what Curtesie You haue done to mee a strange praise of you Had newly left my lips iust as you entred And how you haue deseru'd it with your carriage Villain thou hast hurt mine honor to these friends For what can they imagine but some ill Hath past betwixt vs by thy broad discourse Were my case theirs by Virgin Chastity I should condemne them hence depart my sight Ingen. Madam but here mee oh that these were men And durst but say or thinke you ill for this I haue so good a cause vpon my side That I would cut their hearts out of their brests And the thoughts out of them that iniur'd you But I obay your best and for my pennance Will run a course neuer to see you more And now I loose you may I loose the light Since in that beauty dwelt my day or night Exit Ingen Widd. Is this the vertuous youth Wife Your happines Widd. Wherein you thought your seat so far 'boue ours Maid If one man could be good this had beene hee Enter SVBTLE HVSBAND FEESIMPLE WEL-TRID See here comes all your sutors and your Husband And roome for Laughter heer 's the Lord Feesimple What Gentlewoman do's hee bring along Enter HVSBAND embracing SVBTLE the Lord FEE-SIMPLE with young BOVLD like a waiting Gentlewoman VVEL-TRID HVSB SVBTLE talke with WIFE Fees One and thirty good-morrows to the fairest wisest chastest richest VViddow that euer conuersation coapt withall Widd. Three score and two vnto the wisest Lord That euer was train'd in vniuersitie Feesimp. Oh Curteous bounteous Widow shee ha's out-bid me 31. Good morrowes at a clap Welt. But my Lord Feesimple you forgot the busines impos'd on you Fees Gentlewoman I crie thee mercie but ti 's a fault in all Lords not in mee only we doe vse to sweare by our Honors and as we are Noble to dispatch such a businesse for such a Gentleman and wee are bound euen by the same Honors wee sware by to forget it in a quarter of an houre And looke as if wee had neuer seene the Partie when wee meete next especially if none of our Gentlemen haue bin considered Welt. I but all your's haue for you keepe none my Lord Besides though it stands with your Honor to forget mens businesses yet it stands not with your Honor if you doe not doe a womans Feesi. Why then Maddam so it is that I request your Ladiship to accept into your seruice this Gentlewoman for her truth honestie I will be bound I haue knowne her too long to be deceiu'd this is the second time I haue seene her Maid Why how now my Lord a preferrer of Gentlewomen to seruice like an old knitting woman where hath Shee dwelt before Feesi. Shee dwelt with young Boulds sister hee that is my Corriuall in your Loue she requested me to aduance her to You for you are a dub'd Lady so is not shee yet Welt. But now you talk of yong Bould when did you see him Lady Wid. Not this month Maister Well-tri'd I did coniure him to forbeare my sight Indeed swore if he came I l'd be denied But t is strange you should aske for him yee two were wont neuer to be asunder Welt. Faith Maddam we neuer were together but wee differd on some argument or other And doubting least our discord might at length Breed to some quarrell I forbeare him to Fees He quarrell Bould hang him if he durst haue quarrel'd the world knowes hee 's within a mile of an oke ha's put him too 't and soundly I neuer car'd for him in my life but to see his sister hee 's an asse pox an arrant asse for doe you thinke any but an arrant asse would offer to come a wooing where a Lord atempts he quarrell hee dares not quarrell Welt. But hee dares fight my Lord vpon my knowledge And raile no more my Lord behind his back For if you doe my Lord bloud must insue Drawes Fees Oh oh my honor dies I am dead Welt. Vd'slight what 's the matter wring him by the nose Wild. A paire of riding spurs now were worth gold Maid Pins are as good prick him prick him Feesim. Oh oh Wife Hee 's come againe lift him vp Omnes How fares your Lordship Fees Oh friends you haue wrong'd my spirit to call it backe I was ee'n in Elizium at rest Welt. But why sir did you sowne Feesi. Well though I die Maister Wel-tri'd before all these I doe forgiue you because you were ignorant of my infirmitie oh sir i' st not vp yet I die againe put vp now whil'st I winke or I doe winke for euer Welt. Ti 's vp my Lord ope your eies but I pray tell mee Is this antipathie twixt bright steele and you naturall or how grew it Feesi. I l'e tell you sir any thing bright and edg'd works thus strongly with me your hilts now I can handle as boldlie looke you else Knight Nay neuer blame my Lord Maister Well-tri'd for I know a great manie will sowne at the sight of a shoulder of mutton or a quarter of Lambe my Lord may be excus'd then for a naked sword Welt. This Lord and this knight in dogge-collers would make a fine brace of beagles Maid But on my faith 't was mightily ouerseene of your father not to bring you vp to foyles or if hee had bound you Prentise to a Cutler or an Ire-monger Fees I a poxe hang him old gouty foole he neuer brought me vp to any Lordly exercise as fencing dancing rumbling and such like but forsooth I must write and reade speake languages and such base qualities fit for none but Gentlemen Now sir would I tell him Father you are a Count I am a Lo a poxe a writing and reading and languages let mee be brought vp as I was borne Subtle But how my Lord came you first not to indure the sight of steele Feesi. Why I 'le tell you Sir when I was a child an infant an Innocent Maid T' was e'ne now Fees I being in the kitchin in my Lo my fathers house the Cooke was making minc'd pyes so sir I standing by the Dresser there lay a heape of plums Here was hee mincing what did mee I sir being a notable little witty coxcombe but popt my hand iust vnder his chopping knife to snatch some Reysins and so was cut ore the hand and neuer since could I endure the sight of any edge-toole Wid. Indeede they are not fit for you my Lord and now you are all so well satisfied in this matter pray Ladies how like you this my Gentlewoman Maid In troth Maddam exceeding well I if you be prouided pray let me haue her Wife It should be my request but that I am full Wid. What
owne tongue I am no hous-wife To heare my Husbands merrit thus deprau'd Subt. His merrit is a halter by this light You thinke hee 's out of Towne now no such matter But gone aside and hath importun'd me To trie your chastitie Wife It cannot be Alas he is as free from jealouzie And euer was as confidence it selfe I know he loues me to too heartily To be suspitious or to proue my truth Subt. If I doe faine in ought ne're may I purchase The grace I hope for and faire Misteris If you haue any spirit or wit or sence You will be euen with such a wretched slaue Heauen knowes I loue you as the ayre I draw Thinke but how finely you may cuckold him And safely too with me who will report To him that you are most inuincible Your Chastitie not to be subdu'd by man Wife When you know I 'm a whore Subt. A whore fie no That you haue beene kind or so your whore doth liue In Pict-hatch Turnebole-streete Wife Your whore liues there Well Seruant leaue me to my selfe a while Returne a none but beare this hope away T' shall be with you if I at all doe stray Exit Subtle Why heer 's right wordly friendship ye are well met Oh men what are you why is our poore sexe Still made the disgrac't subiects in these plaies For vices follie and inconstancie When were men look't into with such criticall eies Of obseruation many would be found So full of grosse and base corruption That none vnlesse the Diuell himselfe turn'd writer Could faine so badly to expresse them truely Some wiues that had a husband now like mine Would yeeld their honors vp to any man Farre be it from my thoughts oh let me stand Thou God of marriage and chastitie An honor to my sexe no iniurie Compell the vertue of my breast to yeeld I'ts not reuenge for any wife to staine The nuptiall bed although she be yok't ill Who fals because her husband so hath done Cures not his wound but in her selfe makes one Ex. Wife Enter INGEN reading a letter sits downe in a Chaire and stampes with his foote to him a Seruant Ing. Who brought this Letter Seru. A little Irish foot-boy Sir he staies without for an answere Ing. Bid him come in Lord What deepe dissemblers are these females all How farre vnlike a friend this Ladie vs'd me And heere how like one mad in loue she writes Enter MAID like an Irish foot-boy with a dart and gloues in hir pocket and a handkercher So blesse me Heauen but thou art the prettiest boy That e're ran by a Horse hast thou dwelt long With thy faire Mistris Maid I came but this morning Sir Ing. How fares thy Ladie boy Maid Like to a turtle that hath lost her mate Drooping shee sits her griefe Sir cannot speake Had it a voice articulate we should know How and for what shee suffers and perhaps But t' is vnlikely giue her Comfort Sir Weeping shee sits and all the sound comes from her Is like the murmure of a siluer Brooke Which her teares truely would make there about her Sate she in any hollow continent Ing. Beleeue me boy thou hast a passionate tong Liuely expression or thy memorie Hath carried thy lesson well away But wherefore mournes thy Ladie Maid Sir you know And would to God I did not know my selfe Ing. Ah las it cannot be for loue to me When last I saw her shee reuil'd me boy With bitter'st words and wish't me neuer more To approch her sight and for my marriage now I doe sustaine it as a pennance due To the desert that made her bannish me Maid Sir I dare sweare she did presume no words Nor dangers had beene powerfull to restraine Your comming to her when she gaue the charge But are you married truely Ing. Why my Boy Dost think I mock my selfe I sent her gloues Maid The gloues she ha's return'd you Sir by me And praies you giue them to some other Ladie That you 'll deceiue next and be periur'd to Sure you haue wrong'd her Sir she bad me tell you She ne're thought goodnesse dwelt in many men But what there was of goodnesse in the world Shee thought you had it all but now shee sees The jewell she esteem'd is counterfeit That you are but a common man your selfe A traitor to her and her vertuous loue That all men are betraiers and their breasts As full of dangerous gulphes as is the Sea Where any woman thinking to finde Harbor Shee and her honor are praecipitated And neuer to be brought with safetie off Ahlas my haplesse Ladie desolate Distrest forsaken Virgin Ing. Sure this Boy Is of an excellent nature who so newly Tane to her seruice feeles his Mistresse griefe As he and they were old familiar friends Why weep'st thou gentle Lord Maid Who hath one teare And would not sau 't from all occasions From Brothers slaughters and from mothers deaths To spend it heere for my distressed Ladie But Sir my Ladie did commaund me begg To see your wife that I may bare to her The sad report what creature could make you Vntie the hand-fast plighted vnto her Enter his Brother like a woman maskt Ingen kisses her Ingen. Wife wife come forth now Gentle boy be iudge If such a face as this being paid with scorne By her I did adore had not full power To make me marrie Maid By the God of Loue Shee s a faire Creature but faith should be fairer My Ladie Gentle Mistresse one that thought Shee had some intrest in this Gentleman Who now is onelie yours Commaunded me To kisse your white hand and to sigh and weepe And wish you that content she should haue had In the fruition of her Loue you hold She bad me say God giue you ioy to both Yet this withall if ye were married No one her foot-steps euer more should meete Nor see her face but in a winding sheete Brother Ahlas poore Ladie 'faith I pittie her And but to be i' th same state could forgoe Any thing I possesse to ease her woe Maid Loues blessing light vpon thy gentle soule Men raile at women Mistris but it is we Are false and cruell ten times more vnkind You are smoother farre and of a softer mind Sir I haue one request more Ing. Gentle Lad It must be one of a strange-qualitie That I denie thee both thy forme and minde Informe me that thy nurture hath beene better Than to betray thee to this present life Maid T' is that you would vouchsafe to entertaine me My feete do tremble vnder me to beare My bodie back vnto my vncouth Ladie To assure her griefe what heart so hard would owe A tongue to tell so sad a tale to her Ahlas I dare not looke vpon her eies Where wronged loue sits like the Basilisque And sure would kill me for my dire report Or rather should not I appeare like death holding vp his dart When euery word I speak shot through her
thou alone should'st make a woman fall That did resist all else but to thy soule A bitter Corasiue that thou didst staine Vertue that else had stood immaculate Nor speake I this as yeelding vnto thee For t is not in thy power wert thou the sweet'st Of natures Children and the happiest To conquer me nor in mine owne to yeeld And thus it is with euery pious wife Thy daylie railing at my absent Husband Makes me indure thee worse for let him doe The most preposterous ill relishing things To me they seeme good since my Husband does 'em Nor am I to reuenge or gouerne him And thus it should be with all vertuous Wiues Sub. Poxe a this vertue and this chastetie Doe you know faire Mistresse a young Gentleman About this towne cald Bould where did he lie Last night sweet Mistris oh oh are you catch'd I saw him slip out of the house this morne As naked as this truth and for this cause I haue tould your Husband that you yeelded to me And he I warrant you will blaze it throughly As good doe now then as bee thought to doe Wife No t will not be yet thou iniurious man How wilt thou right me in my Husbands thoughts That on a false surmise and spight hast tould A tale to breed vncurable discontent Bould was that ould wench that did serue the Widdow and thinking by this way to gaine her loue Mist of his purpose and was thus cashier'd Nor cares shee to proclame it to the world Su. Zoons I haue wrong'd you Mistris On my knees kneels I aske you pardon and will neuer more Attempt your puritie but neglect all things Till that soule wrong I haue bred in your Knight I haue expeld and let your loues aright Hus. Which now is done alreadie Madame wife kneeles Vpon my knees with weeping eies heau'd hands I aske thy pardon oh sweet vertuous creature I prithee breake my head Wife Rise rise Sir pray You haue done no wrong to me at least I thinke so Heauen hath preuented all my iniurie I doe forgiue and marrie you a new Come we are all inuited to the weddings The Ladie Honor to the old rich Connt Yong Bould vnto another Gentlewoman We and the Widdow are inuited thither Embrace and loue henceforth more really Not so like worldlings Husb. Heere then ends all strife Thus false friends are made true by a true wife Exeunt Actus quinti Scaena prima Enter old COVNT wrapt in furs the Ladie HONOR drest like a Bride the Lord PROVD WEL-TRI'D BOVLD leading FEE-SIMPLE like a Ladie masqu'd HVSBAND WIFE SVBTLE with a letter WIDDOVV to them BROTHER SELDOM and his wife Broth. HEalth and all joy vnto this faire assemblie My brother who last tide is gone for France A branch of willow feathering his hat Bad me salute you Ladie and present you With this same letter written in his blood He prayes no man for his sake euermore To credit woman nor no Ladie euer To beleiue man so either sexe shall rest Vniniur'd by the other this is all and this I haue deliuer'd Pr. I and well you pronounce rarely did you neuer play Broth. Yes that I haue the foole as some Lords doe Wel. Set forward there Count Oh oh oh a pox a this cold Welt. A cold a this poxe you might say I am a feard Maid How full of ghastly wounds this letter shewes oh oh swoones Pr. Looke to my sister Bou. S'hart the Ladie swoons Wife Strong-water there Feesi. If strong breath would recouer her I am for her Co. Ahlas good Ladie hum hum hum coughs perpetually Subt. He has fet her againe with coughing Maid Conuey me to my bed send for a Priest And a Physition your Bride I feare In stead of Epithalamions shall neede A Dirge or Epitaph oh lead me in My bodie dies for my soules periur'd sinne Exit Maid Grace Wife Husb. Subtle Bould Hymen comes towards vs in a mourning robe Welt. I hope friend we shall haue the better day Proud I 'le fetch the Parson and Physition Ex. Lo. Pr. Broth. They are both readie for you Exit Broth. Welt. Madam this is the Gentlewoman Who something bashfull does desire your pardon that shee Does not vnmasque Wid. Good Master Wel-tri'd I would not buie her face and for her manners if they were worse they shall not displease me Welt. I thanke your Ladyship Feesi. Looke how the old Asse my father stands he looks like the Beare in the play he has kil'd the Ladie with his verie sight as God helpe me I haue the most to do to forbeare vnmasquing me that I might tell him his owne as can be Bould Fie by no meanes The Widdow comes towards you Count Oh oh oh oh Wid. Seruant God giue you joy and Gentlewoman Or Ladie as full joy I wish to you Nor doubt that I will hinder you your loue But heere am come to doe all curtesie To your faire selfe and husband that shall be Feesi. I thank you heartilie Welt. S'hart speak smaller man Feesi. I thanke you heartilie Coun. You 're going to this geere to Mr. Bould vm vm vm Bould Not to your couching geere my Lord though I be not so olde or rich as your Lordship yet I loue a yong wench as well Welt. As well as my Lord nay by my faith that you do not loue a yong wench as well as he I wonder you will be vnmannerly to say so Count Faith Master Wel-tri'd troth is I loue them well but they loue not me vm vm vm you see what ill luck I haue with them vmp vmp vmp a poxe a this cold still say I Welt. Where got you this cold my Lord it can get in no where that I can see but at your nostrels or eies all the other parts are so barricado'd with furre Feesi. It got in at his eies and made that birdlime there where cupids wings doe hang intangled Count Is this your wife that vm vm vm shall be Ma. Bould I 'le be so bould as kisse her Wid. Bould whisper aside Count sits in a chaire and fals a sleepe Feesi. Sir forbeare I haue one bould enough to kisse my 〈◊〉 oh olde coxcombe kisse thine owne naturall sonne t' is worse then a Iustices lying with his own daughter but Mr. Wel-tri'd when will the Widdow breake this matter to me Welt. Not till the very close of all she dissembles it yet because my Lord your Father is heere and her other suitor Bould Feesi. That 's all one he 's o' th plot a my side Wid. T' is needlesse Master Bould but I will doe Any thing you require to satisfie you Why should you doubt I will forbid the banes For so your friend heere tould me I should rather Doubt that you will not marrie Bo. Madam by heauen as fully I am resolu'd to marry now And will to if you doe not hinder it As euer louer was only because The World has taken notice of some passage Twixt you and me and then to
gone Oh fond experiments of simple man Foole to thy fate since all thy project men't But mirth is now conuerted vnto death Maid Oh doe not burst me joy that modestie aside Would let me show my selfe to finish all Proud Nay then thou hast my sister somewhere villain T' is plaine now thou wilt steale thy marriage Shee is no match for thee assure thy selfe If all the law in England or my friends Can crosse it t' shall not be Ing. Would t' were so well And that I knew the Ladie to be safe Giue me no ill words Sir this Boy and I Will wander like to Pilgrimes till we finde her If you doe loue her as you talke doe so The loue or griefe that is exprest in words Is sleight and easie t' is but shallow woe That makes a noise deep'st waters stillest goe I loue her better then thy parents did Which is beyond a Brother Proud Slaue thou liest Ing. Z'oones about to strike Broth. Kill him Maid Oh hold Sir you dishonour much your brother To counsaile him 'gainst hospitalitie To strike in his owne house Ing. You Lord insolent I will fight with you Take this as a challenge and set your time Proud To morrow morning Ingen T' is that I couet and prouoke thee for Bro. Wil you not strike him now Ing. No my good Boy Is both discreete and just in his aduise Thy glories are to last but for a day Giue me thy hand to morrow morning thou shalt be no Lo Proud To morrow noone thou shalt not be at all Ing. Pish why should you thinke so haue not I armes A soule as bold as yours a sword as true I doe not thinke your Honor in the field Without your Lordships liueries will haue oddes Pr. Farewell and le ts haue no excuses pray Exit Pr. Ing. I warrant you pray say your prayers to night And bring no ink-horne w' ee to set your hand to A satisfactorie recantation Exit Maid Oh wretched Maid whose sword can I pray for But by the others losse I must find death Oh odious brother if he kill my loue Oh bloodie Loue if he should kill my brother Dispaire on both sides of my discontent Tel's me no safetie rests but to preuent Exit Enter WIDDOVV and BOVLD like Princox Wid. What 's a clock Princox Bould Bed-time an 't please you Madame Wild. Come vndresse me would God had made me a man Bould Why Madame Wid. Because I would haue beene in bed as soone as they wee are so long vnpinning and vnlacing Bou. Yet many of vs Madame are quickly vndone sometime but heerein we haue the aduantage of men though they can be a bed sooner than we i'ts a great while when they are a bed e're they can get vp Wid. Indeed if they be well laid Princox one cannot get them vp againe in hast Bould Oh God Madame how meane you that I hope you know ill things taken into a Gentlewomans eares are the quick corrupters of maiden modestie I would be loath to continue in any seruice vnfit for my virgin estate or where the world should take any notice of light behauiour in the Ladie I follow for Madame the maine point of chastitie in a Ladie is to build the rock of a good opinion amongst the people by circumstances and a faire shew she must make Si non caste tamen caste Madame and though wit be a wanton Madame yet I beseech your Lady-ship for your owne credit and mine let the bridle of judgement be alwaies in the chaps of it to giue it head or restraine it according as time and place shall be conuenient Wid. Precise and learned Princox dost not thou goe to Black-fryers Bould Most frequently Madame vnworthy vessell that I am to partake or retaine any of the delicious dew that is there distilled Wid. But why shouldst thou aske me what I meant e'ne now I tell thee there 's nothing vtter'd that carries a double sence one good one bad but if the hearer applie it to the worst the fault lies in his or her corrupt vnderstanding not in the speaker for to answere your lattine prauis omnia praua beleiue me wench if ill come into my fancie I will purge it by speech the lesse will remaine within a pox of these nise mouth'd creatures I haue seen a narrow paire of lips vtter as broad a taile as can be bought for money Indeed an ill tale vnutter'd is like a maggot in a nut it spoiles the whitest kernell Bould You speake most intellegently Madame Wid. Ha'st not done yet thou art an old fumbler I perceiue me thinkes thou doest not doe things like a woman Bould Madame I doe my endeauour and the best can doe no more they that could doe better it may be would not and then t' were all one but rather then be a burthen to your Lady-ship I protest sincerely I would beg my bread therefore I beseech you Madame to hold me excus'd and let my good will stand for the action Wid. Let thy good will stand for the action If good will would doe it there 's many a Ladie in this Land would be content with her old Lord and thou canst not be a burthen to me without thou lie vpon me and that were preposterous in thy sexe take no exceptions at what I say remember you said stand e'ne-now there was a word for one of your coate indeede Bould I sweat Madame you are verie merrie God send you good luck ha's your Ladyship no waters that you vse at bed-time Wid. No introth Princox Bould No Complexion Wid. None but mine own I sweare did'st thou euer vse any Bould No indeede Madame now and then a peece of scarlet or so a little white and red Cerusse but in troth Madame I haue an excellent receipt for a night masque as euer you heard Wid. What is it Bould Bores grease one ounce Iordane Almonds blanch't and ground a quarterne red Rose-water halfe a pint Mares vrine newly couer'd halfe a score drops Wid. Fough no more of thy medicine if thou lou'st me few of our Knights errant when they meete a faire Ladie errant in a morning would thinke her face had lien so plaster'd all night thou hast had some Apothecarie to thy sweet heart but leauing this face physick for by my troth it may make others haue good ones but it makes me make a scuruie one Which of all the Gallants in the Towne would'st thou make a husband of if thou might'st haue him for thy chusing Bould In troth Madame I but you 'll say I speake blindly but let my loue stand a side Wid. I think it not fit indeede your loue should stand in the middle Boul. I say Master Bould oh do but marke him Madame his leg his hand his bodie all his members stand in print Wid. Out vpon thee Princox no me thinkes Wel-tride a handsome fellow I like not these starch'd Gallants masculine faces and masculine gestures please me best Bould How like you Master Pert Wid. Fie vpon him when