have had my daughter Come hither Kate now if thou lov'st him take him Are you content friend Cockbrayne Cock O sir most happily Cros. Why run you not together Ant. It is too late or needlesse now for me to marry her Cros. Is 't come to that and if I do not swindge him Are you too good sir for my daughter Ant. I do not say so sir Cros. Huswife do you like him Kat. No more then he does me sir Cros. Get you together or I 'le swaddle you both into one you perverse fooles Ant. Sir the truth is we are married already Kat. 'T is so indeed sir Cros. Heyday who am I trow how durst you do it vvithout my consent Kat. I had your consent sir you commanded me to take my choice in vvhom I pleas'd before you vvould take notice Cros. I cannot abide this vvrangling Give you joy Cock Joy and my blessing on you Why I knovv not vvhom to commit novv Cros. You have done the Common-wealth a special piece of service the vvhile vvith your State-braines But let us make a night of this I pray Cit. Sir the parties have given me satisfaction and I am content they be releas'd Cros. There 's an honest fellovv novv and looks like one that vvould be beaten every day for ready money Go novv vvhile ye are vvell and be seen no more in this Precinct All Never and 't please your vvorships never Cros. 'T vvas built for no such vermine Hence avvay And may the place be purg'd so every day 'T is no unvvorthy member may be found To pester or to vilifie this ground That as it vvas intended it may be A Scoene for Vertue and Nobilitie EPILOGUE T Is not the Poets Art nor all that we By life of Action can present on 't ye Can or ought make us to presume a Play Is good 't is you approve 't Which that you may It cannot misbecome us since our gaines Come by your favour more then all our paines Thus to submit us unto your commands And humbly ask the favour at your hands Another 'T is done And now that Poets can divine Observe with what Nobility doth shine Faire Covent-Garden And as that improves May we finde like Improvement in your Loves FINIS THE NEW ACADEMY Or the NEW Exchange By RICHARD BROME LONDON Printed or Andrew Crook at the Green Dragon in Saint Pauls Church-yard And Henry Brome at the Gun in Ivy-lane 1658 The Actors Names Sir Swithin Whimlby a melancholy Widower Suitor to the Lady Nestlecock Old Matchil a Merchant that married his Maid Gabrialla's Guardian Young Matchil his sonne Old Lafoy a French Gentleman Guardian to young Matchil Young F. Lafoy his sonne Mr. Hardyman Captain Valentines Father-in-law Hannah's father Strigood half brother to Matchil Valentine Askal son-in-law to Hardiman Hannah's half-half-brother Erasmus a young Gentleman his Companion and Friend Cash Matchils Prentice Nehemiah Nestlecock a foolish Gentleman the Ladies sonne Ephraim the Lady Nestlecocks Servant Rafe Camelion an uxorious Citizen A Footpost Papillion Two Monsieurs alias Philip Matchils and Lafoy's sons Galliard Frances VVomen Ladie Nestlecock a fond Mother Joyce Matchils Daughter Foster Sisters Gabriella Lafoy's Daughter Mrs. Blithe Tripshort Sir Swithin Whimlbies Neece Hannah Camelions wife Captain Hardimans daughter Maudlin Matchils Maid and Wife THE NEW ACADEMY OR THE NEW EXCHANGE Act. I. Valentine Erasmus IS this the entertainment you promis'd me in the Jovial Merchants house Is this the great interest you have in his huge hospitality when by half an hours attendance and intreats we cannot obtain the sight of him Er. I wonder at it Sure some strange disaster has suddenly befallen him He was last night the merriest man alive drank healthes told tales sung Catches Trowle the Bowle Tosse the Cannykin and what not and all for joy that his sonne he said was upon his returne whom he has not seen these dozen years since he sent him a little Lad into France to be bred there Val. I heard he did so and that in lieu by way of Exchange he brings up the daughter of the Parisien that breeds his sonne Er. Right Val. But is that daughter so exquisite a creature as is this Merchant Matchills own whom you so much extoll Er. They are both so equally handsome and vertuous that be their dowries so and their consents alike I 'll take my choice of crosse and pile for either with such a friend as thou art Val. Troth and that 's friendly spoken Mus Er. It is so Val yet not with some policie do I wish thee a fortune for insooth young Gentleman though I like your person and some of your qualities yet by reason of your wants I finde you something heavy on my purse-strings and my selfe scarce able to supply you And if we faile of good matches I must even turne you over shortly to the hopes you hoast of in your City-Mystresses and Tradesmens wives Val. Peace prythee hold thy peace Enter Cash Friend Cash Is your Master Mr. Matchill yet at leisure to be seen Cast He much desires sir to be held excus'd 'T is true that he invited you His dinner 's ready and his heart welcomes you But he has met with an unhappy newes to day Val. I feard some ill What is the matter Cash His only sonne whom he of late expected home out of France we hear is dead Val. His daughter will prove a bouncing match then Cash That 's the impression the heavy newes makes in you Gentlemen Er. Come let 's go Cash Nay Gentlemen although my Masters sudden sadnesse shuts him from you His meat and wine are ready There are some good company in his Parlour too Pray stay Val. Are his faire daughter and the French-borne Damsel there to be seen Cash Both Pray be pleas'd to enter I hope his passionate fit e're you have din'd will be past over He is not wont to suffer long under the hand of sorrow 'T is like that you shall see him ere you go Er. In that faire hope we 'll enter and fall to Ex. Val. Er. Cash 'T is like you shall fall short though of your aim At my young Mystresse who by this black newes Becomes my Masters heire and so the white That all the gallant suiters of the City And Court will level their keen shafts at Where Are mine own hopes then that stood as faire In competition for her love as any When the great noise of her inheritance Shall drown each Lovers tongue that cannot say It is a Lords at least I rather wish The young man had not did Enter Strigood Stri. Where 's my Boykin my Friskoe my Delight my Cash by what better name can I call thee Cash O me Master Strigood what make you here Stri. I come to comfort my brother in his sorrow His sonne is dead they say Ha! Is 't not so Cash And he is almost dead with sorrow Back sir The sight of you that are his sole vexation will make him mad Str. That is my
lock'd up Or put in some disguise and have it said Y' are gone unto your Uncles I have heard Of some Bridegrooms that shortly after Marriage Have gone to see their Uncles seldom Brides I have thought of another course Mil. Be 't any way Quic. What if it were given out y' are run away Out of a detestation of your match Mil. 'T would pull a blot upon my reputation Quic. When they consider my unworthiness 'T will give it credit They 'l commend you for it Mil. You speak well for your self Quic. I speak as they 'l speak Mil. Well let it be so then I am content Quic. Wee 'l put this instantly in act The rest As for disguise or privacy in my house You 'll leave to me Mil. All Sir to your dispose Provided still you urge not to infringe My vow concerning my virginity Quic. T is the least thing I think on I will not offer at it till your time Mil. Why here 's a happiness in a husband now exeunt ACT 2. SCENE 3. Dionysia Rafe Dio. Thou tell'st me things that truth never came near Ra. T is perfect truth you may believe it Lady Dio. Maintain't but in one sillable more I le tear Thy mischievious tongue out Ra. Fit reward for Tell-troths But that 's not the reward you promis'd me For watching of your brothers actions You said forsooth if 't please you to remember That you would love me for it Dio. Arrogant Rascal I bad thee bring account of what he did Against his enemy and thou reportst He took his enemies danger on himself And help't to rescue him whose bloody father Kild ours Can truth or common reason claim A part in this report My brother doe 't Or draw a sword to help Theophilus Ra. T is not for any spight I ow my Master But for my itch at her that I do this I am strangely taken Such brave spirited women Have cherish'd strong back'd servingmen ere now Dio. Why dost not get thee from my sight false fellow Ra. I le be believed first Therefore pray have patience To peruse that gives her a paper Dio. My brothers charecter Theophilus sisters name The brighter Lucy So often written nothing but her name But change of attributes one serves not twice Blessed divine Illustrious all perfection And so heaven bless me powerful in one place The worst thing I read yet heap of all vertues Bright shining and all these ascrib'd to Lucy O I could curse thee now for being so just Would thou had'st belied him still Ra. I nere belied him I Dio. O mischief of affection Monstrous horrid It shall not pass so quietly Nay stay Ra. Shee 'l cut my throat I fear Dio. Thou art a faithful servant Ra. It may do yet To you I am sweet Lady and to my master In true construction he is his friend I think That finds his follies out to have them cur'd Which you have onely the true spirit to do Dio. How I do love thee now Ra. And your love Mistress Brave sprightly Mistress is the steeple top Or rather Weathercock o'top of that To which aspires my lifes ambition Dio. How didst thou get this paper Ra. Amongst many Of his rare twelve-moneths melancholy works That lie in 's study Mistress t is apparent His melancholy all this while has been More for her Love then for his fathers death Dio. Thou hast my love for ever Ra. Some small token In earnest of it Mistress would be felt He offers to kiss her she strikes him Dio. Take that in earnest then Ra. It is a sure one And the most feeling pledge she could have given For she is a virago And I have read That your viragoes use to strike all those They mean to lie with And from thence t is taken That your brave active women are call'd strikers Dio. Set me that chair Ra. The warm touch of my flesh Already works in her I shall be set To better work immediately I am prevented A way and be not seen Be sure I love thee Enter Arthur Ra. A ha This clinches Another time I 'm sure on 't Exit Ar. Sister where are you How now not well or She sits Dio. Sick brother sick at heart oh sleepy Ar. Passion of heart where are our servants now To run for doctors ho Dio. Pray stay and hear me Her 's no work for them They 'l find a master here Too powerful for the strength of all their knowledge Ar. What at thy heart Dio. Yes brother at my heart Too scornful to be dispossest by them Ar. What may that proud grief be good sister name it Dio. It grieves me more to name it then to suffer 't Since I have endur'd the worst on 't and prov'd constant To sufferance and silence t were a weakness Now to betray a sorrow by a name More fit to be severely felt then known Ar. Indeed I 'le know it Dio. Rather let me die Then so afflict your understanding Sir Ar. It shall not afflict me Dio. I know you 'l chide me for 't Ar. Indeed you wrong me now Can I chide you Dio. If you be true and honest you must do 't And hartily Ar. You tax me nearly there Dio. And that 's the physick must help me or nothing Ar. With grief I go about to cure a grief then Now speak it boldly Sister Dio. Noble Physitian It is Ar. It is what is it If you love me speak Dio. T is love and I beseech thee spare me not Ar. Alas dear sister canst thou think that love Deserves a chiding in a gentle breast Dio. Do you pitty me already O faint man That tremblest but at opening of a wound What hope is there of thee to search and dress it But I am in thy hands and forc'd to try thee I love Theophilus Ar. Ha! Dio. Theophilus brother His son that slew our father Ther 's a love O more then time 't were look'd for fear it festers Ar. She has put me to 't indeed What must I do She has a violent spirit so has he And though I wish most seriously the match Whereby to work mine own with his fair Sister The danger yet in the negotiation May quite destroy my course spoyle all my hopes I le therefore put her off on 't if I can Dio. Can you be tender now Ar. What! To undo you I love you not so slightly Pardon me A rough hand must be us'd For here 's a wound Must not be gently touch'd you perish then Under a Brothers pitty Pray sit quiet For you must suffer all Dio. I 'le strive to do it Ar. To love the Son of him that slew your Father To say it shews unlovingness of nature Forgetfulness in blood were all but shallow To the great depth of danger your fault stands in It rather justifies the act it self And commends that down to posterity By your blood-cherishing embraces Children Born of your body will instead of tears By your example offer a thankful joy
dead La. I well-said Neh. Bli. Yes it appears in your good breeding Your fine qualities expresse her vertues sussiciently La. How dare you Huswife talk thus to my son of me and before my face too ha Sir Swithen can you think well of me and suffer this ha Whim. Alas good Madam I am down again I know not what to think of living woman now La. Do you bring your Neece to abuse me Whim. I am so drown'd in teares that I cannot see what to say to 't Neh. Mother Amardla the more I look on her the better I like her La. Sayest so my boy Besides I have a conceit she can out-scold you and that 's more then ever woman did I think f'sooth La. For thee I do forbear her Enter Matchil Rachel Mat. By your leave my Lady Nestlecock I have brought a sister of yours here to salute you La. Though unworthy to be of your Counsel or at the Ceremony I heard you were married brother And by a Sisters name you are welcome Rac. I thank your Ladiship Mat. Sir Swithen Whimlby and your pretty Neece well met what affairs have you in hand here what do you cry for your old wife still or for a new one But heark you Lady Sister where 's my daughter La. Now for a tempest Truly sir I know not Mat. Is she not with you ha La. No truly sir She 's slipt from me with her good Uncle Strigood Mat. That Thief has sold her then into some Bawdihouse Was this your project for her education To steal my childe to make a whore of her Are you turn'd Lady-baud now for your Neece Because you have no daughter O the devil If there be Law I 'll trounce your Lady Hagship La. VVhat what how now do you taunt me sirrah ha Mat. I 'll make thee an example La. Thou hast made thy self an example and the scorne of thine own childe in marrying of thy drudge there and that 's the cause of her running away thou mayest think because she hates to live where she must call her mother that was thy droile Ra. Droile I think she said Mat. Speak to her I charge thee on thy obedience to speak to her Ra. The droile is now your brothers wife Madam and in that setting your Ladiships lavish tongue aside as good a woman as your selfe none disprais'd ha Mat. Well-said Rachel hold thine own Rachel And so to you sir Sw then Neh. Mother come away mother La. By and by my boy Rac. Do you presume to call me drudge and droile that am a Ladies Sister every day in the week and have been any time these three dayes ha Bli. That 's not every day in a whole week yet La. Thou shalt not dare to call me sister Huswife Ra. Cods so and why troe because a Lady scornes to be a huswife ha If you be no huswife I scorn to call you Sister I though my husband be your brother From whence came you troe ha La. I know not what to say to the bold-face Neh. Pray f'sooth come away I am afear'd she 'l beat you La. Thanks my good childe but do not be afraid my Lamb Ra. Boldface ha Her brothers wife s a bold-face but her face is not varnish't over yet like his Ladysisters face but it may be in time when she learnes the trick on 't and have as many flies upon 't though not so troubled with 'hem as a bald mare at Midsummer hah La. I know not what to say to her she has charm'd the vertue of my tongue Mat. I never heard her speak so much in all her life Sir Swithin nor half so loud hank heaven she has a voice yet on a good occasion And so farre I 'll maintain her in it Nephew Nehemiah when saw you your Cousin Joyce Neh. O Lud O mother f'sooth look you mine Uncle holds me Mat. Ah naughty man did a so gi' me a stroke and I 'll beat it ah La. Your wife has taught you to play the rude companion has she Pray take her home sir and let her discipline your owne childe if you have one and let mine alone You know the way you came sir or if you have a minde to stay here Come Sir Swithen come away children I hope I shall finde some other room in mine own house free from your assaults if not I 'm sure there 's Law against Riots Come Sir Swithen Mat. Not yet good Madam Nestlecock you shall hear me You have entic'd away then lost my daughter And now y' are a jugling with your widow wit And your small worme here to catch up for Gudgeons Sir Swithen and his Neece I know your plot She 's not fit match for you Sir Swithen and her son Much lesse for your faire Neece Come dry your eyes And look upon him and not only look But laugh at him I charge you Bli. I could now for him heartily Mat. Mark how his mothers milk drops at his nose while I shew you the mother and the childe He was her youngest sonne and all that 's left of seven and dreaming that he needs must prove a Prophet she has bred him up a fool Neh. F'sooth mother he mocks me oh La. O prophane wretch worse then thy brother Strigood Do not cry Nehemiah peace good boy peace So so Mat. A tender mother I must say she has been For till he was fifteen none but her selfe Must look his head or wash his pretty face For making of it cry Laugh at her good Sir Swithen And before that till he was twelve yeares old She would dance him on her knee and play with 's Cock Whim. Ah ah ah ah Mat. So well-said Sir Swithen Whim. Just so efac my mother would serve me ha ha Is not this better then whining Yes or perhaps then wiving either Rac. Do you say so Wh. Ha ha Mat. Well said Sir Swithen laugh on I hope I ha' done a cure on him by shewing him a more ridiculous object then himselfe to turne the tide of 's tears Wh. Ha ha Mat. Laugh still defie the fiends women and all their works Wh. Ha ha ha let the dead go and the quick care for themselves You buri'd your wife and cri'd and I buried mine And laugh which is the manlier Passion Ra. He knows not that he is married agen Whi. You are the merriest Merchant ha ha ha I think I shall not marry again in haste ha ha Mat. Well-said hold there And for your Neece Let me alone I 'le fit her with a match I know a Lad that 's worthy of her Whi. Ha ha ha Mat. He 'll laugh too much I feare Ra. He may at you For your officiousnesse Mat. How 's that Whi. Ha ha Ra. To thrust your self into unthankful offices In things concerne you not Will you turne Matchmaker For others un-intreated 't is enough For you I hope that you have match't your selfe ha Mat. Hah Do you hab or talk to me Ra. Who else Should talk or give you
have yet Dauncing to come and a Collation promis'd Enter Camelion Stri. Yes Gallants now w' are readie we but stayed for this fourth man here Val. O Camelion Where is your wife I hope your je lousie Locks her not up Cam. Pish Honi soit I hate it No she has been preparing of a banquet Which now is ready for you worthy Mr. Lightfoot And your faire company jealousie I defie The base horne Ague Mr. Askal I La. What does he call you Rascal Val. Askal Madam My name is Askal But the R in Master Runs into so that sometimes it sounds doubtful I must be Knighted Euphoniae gratia Sir Valentine Askal will come fairly off Cam. Now note me Mr. Askal and tell me if ever jealous man came so lightly off Enter Hannah Daunce Han. Sir your collation stayes Stri. 'T is well Gallants and Ladies Wil t please you enter Omn. Agreed agreed of all sides Ex. Omn. Act. V. Scoen. 1. Enter Lafoy Hardy Matchil Laf. INhospitable 't is inhumane past The cruelty of infidels Mat. Thou speak'st But thine own barbarous cruelty hollow Frenchman Laf. Abominable hypocrite Mat. Cunning Villain Har. Fie Gentlemen forbear this unknown language And either speak to others understanding If you speak Justice Mat. Give me then my sonne Laf. Thou hast thy sonne give me my sonne and daughter Har. Pray Gentlemen if you 'll not hear each other yet both hear me Mat. I pray Captain speak Har. You had his sonne to foster he your daughter You faithfully affirme you sent his sonne For England a moneth since Laf. And mine own with him Har. You have confest you put away his daughter Mat. And mine own with her through her disobeence But 't was upon advertisement by letter That he had first cast off my sonne to an Untimely death Har. Some Villain forg'd that letter And let me tell you sir though in your house Lafoy's an honest and a temperate man You are rash and unadvis'd what Lafoy speaks I will maintain for truth what you have done I wish you could make good But I may fear You are mark't out by your own wilfulnesse The subject of much woe and sad misfortune Mat. I know not what I am but did you know The number and the weight of my afflictions You could not chide me thus without some pity Har. Indeed I pity you and now y' are calme Know that Lafoy sent his sonne over with yours And but for some affaires he had with me I' th Isle of Wight he had embarqu'd himself With them and brought hem to you Mat. There 's hope then yet That my boy lives Hard. And is come over feare not Mat. You comfort me and now Lafoy y' are welcome Laf. But to what comfort having lost my daughter Mat. Lost or lost not mine 's with her And I purpose now to be sad no longer For I think I ha' lost my wife too there 's a second comfort Har. Take an example here Monsieur Lafoy And shake of sadnesse mirth may come unlook't for Har. I ha' lost a sonne too a wilde roaring Lad About this town And if I finde not him I doubt not I shall finde that he has spent me A hundred pound since I last heard of him By the way sir I sent you a bill of change Last moneth to pay a hundred pieces for me Mat. 'T was paid I have your bill for my discharge How now Ha' you found your Mystresse Enter Servant Ser. Nor tidings of her sir Mat. She has found then some good exercise I doubt not That holds her so Ser. Sir there 's a Gentleman Craves instant speech with you Mat. Who or whence comes he Ser. He will be known to none before he sees you And when you see him he sayes he thinks you 'll know him He 's a brave gallant one o' the Alamodes Nothing but French all over Mat. Fetch him me quickly It is my sonne Grammercie mine own heart That wast not light so suddenlie for nothing Pray Gentlemen who e're you see name no man To me unlesse I ask you He comes he comes Enter Cash I 'm grown a proper man Heaven make me thankful Just such a spark was I at two and twenty Set cloathes and fashion by He thinks to try If I can know him now But there I 'le fit him With me sir is your businesse Cash I presume You do not know me sir Mat. As well as he that got him Pray Gentlemen keep your countenances Not know you sir 'T is like I may have known you here to fore But cannot readily collect perhaps You are much chang'd by Travel Time and Bravery Since I last saw you There he may finde I partly guesse but will not know him yet Good Geutlemen say nothing Har. What ailes he troe Cash He knowes me I feare too soon If now my plot faile and he have a Counterplot upon me I am laid up Cash Do you not know me yet sir Mat. Know you or know you not sir what 's your businesse Cash You sometimes had a sonne sir Mat. Now he comes to me I had sir But I hear he 's slain in France And farewel he Mark how I handle him And what sir of my sonne Cash He 's dead you say Mat. I mufe the Knave askes me not blessing though Cash But to supplie his losse you have a daughter That may endear a sonne sir to your comfort Mat. Whither now flies he trow Sir do you know her Or where to finde her Cash First upon my knees Let me implore your pardon Mat. Now he comes home And I can hold no longer My blessing boy thou meanest Take it and welcome To a glad father Rise and let my teares If joy confirm thy welcom Cash I may not rise yet sir Mat. No why what hast thou done where 's young Lafoy My true friends sonne here whom I now must lock Up in these armes amidst a thousand welcomes Where 's the young man Cash I know not who you mean sir Mat. Distract me not Laf. I feare you are destraught I know not him How should he know my son Mat. Let me look nearer Cash Sir I am your Prentice Mat. Whow whow whow who my Thiese and Runaway Cash Prav sir afford me hearing Mat. Sir your cause Requires a Judges hearing Cash I have put me Into your hands and not without much hope To gaine your pardon and your daughters love Mat. 'T is roundly spoken Gentlemen I 'le tell you This gallant youth has gallanted away A thousand pound of mine Cash For your advantage sir For By this way Of Gallantry as you call it I have travell'd Through the Resorts and Haunts publike and private Of all the Gallants in the Town In brief I have found your daughter where she had been lost For ever in your brother Strigoods hands Mat. Canst bring me thither Laf. Is my daughter with her Cash Madam Gabriella the French Damsel 's there And others men and women whom you 'll know when you come
the Law May take from her the comfort of her life In taking you from her and so she were But a dead woman We were speaking Of such a danger just as you came in And truly Sir my heart even tremble-tremble-trembles To think upon it yet Pray Sir resolve her The. Then 't was your frivolous fear that wrought in her Good Sister be at peace for by my love to you An oath I will not violate I neither saw Nor sought him I But other thoughts perplex me Lu. What were you at the wedding Brother The. Whose wedding Sister Lu. Your lost love Millicents Are you now sad After your last leave taking The. What do you mean Lu. There may be other matches my good Brother The. You wrong me shamefully to think that I Can think of other then her memorie Though she be lost and dead to me can you Be so unnatural as to desire The separation of a thought of mine From her dear memorie which is all the comfort My heart is married to or I can live by Phi. Surely good Sir in my opinion Sharp eager stomacks may be better fed With a'ery smell of meat then the bare thought Of the most curious dainties The. What piece of impudence have you receiv'd Into my house Lu. Pray Brother pardon me I took her as I find her for my comfort She has by councel and discourse wrought much Ease and delight into my troubled thoughts The. Good Maid forgive me and my gentle Sister I pray thee bear with my destractions Phi. A good natur'd Gentleman for all his hasty flashes The. And now I 'le tell you Sister do not chide me I have a new affliction Lu. What is it brother The. I am ingag'd unto a Gentleman A noble valiant Gentleman for my life By hazarding his own in my behalf Lu. It was then against Arthur What villain was 't durst take your cause in hand Against that man The. You wrong me beyond suffrance And my dear fathers blood within your self In seeming careful of that mans safety Phi. His safety Sir Alas she means he is A villain that would take the honor of His death out of your hands if he must fall By sword of man The. Again I ask you pardon But I had A quarrel yesterday that drew strong odds Upon my single person Three to one When at the instant that brave Gentleman With his sword sides me puts 'em all to flight Lu. But how can that afflict you The. How quick you are Lu. Good Brother I ha' done The. My affliction is That I not know the man to whom I am So much ingag'd to give him thanks at least Enter Nath. O Sir y' are welcome though we parted somewhat Abruptly yesterday Nat. I thank you Sir The. Pray thee Nat tell me for I hope thou know'st him What Gentleman was that came in betwixt us Nat. If the devil know him no better he will lose A part of his due I think But to the purpose I knew your wonted nature would be friends With me before I could come at you However I Have news for you that might deserve your love Were you my deadly enemy The. What is 't pray thee Nat. Sweet Mistriss Lucy so long unsaluted Kiss Lu. My Brother attends your news Sir Nat. My Wench become her Chamber-maid very pretty How the Jade mumps for fear I should discover her The. Your news good Nat what is it ready made Or are you now but coining it Nat. No it was coin'd last night o' the right stamp And passes current for your good Now know That I and Mun and Vince with divers others Of our Comrades were last night at the Bride-house The. What mischief did you there Nat. A Masque a Masque lad in which we presented The miseries of inforced Marriages So lively Zooks lay by your captious countenance And hear me handsomely Lu. Good brother do it has a fine beginning Nat. But mark what follows This morning early up we got again And with our Fidlers made a fresh assault And battery 'gainst the bed-rid bride-grooms window With an old song a very wondrous old one Of all the cares vexations fears and torments That a decrepit nasty rotten Husband Meets in a youthful beauteous sprightly wife So as the weak wretch will shortly be afraid That his own feebler shadow makes him Cuckold Our Masque o're night begat a separation Betwixt 'em before bed time for we found Him at one window coughing and spitting at us She at another laughing and throwing money Down to the Fidlers while her Uncle Testy From a third Port-hole raves denouncing Law And thundring statutes 'gainst their Minstralsie Lucy Would he refuse his bride-bed the first night Phi. Hang him Nat. Our Horn-masque put him off it bless my invention For which I think you 'l Judge she 'le forsake him All nights and dayes hereafter Here 's a blessing Prepard now for you if you have grace to follow it The. Out of my house that I may kill thee Go For here it were inhospitable Hence Thou busie vaillain that with sugard malice Hast poyson'd all my hopes ruin'd my comforts In that sweet soul for ever Go I say That I may with the safety of my man-hood Right me upon that mischievous head of thine Nat. Is this your way of thanks for courtesies Or is 't our luck alwayes to meet good friends And never part so yet before I go I will demand your reason if you have any Wherein our friendly care can prejudice you Or poyson any hopes of yours in Millicent Lu. Pray brother tell him The. Yes that he may die Satisfied that I did but Justice on him In killing him That villain old in mischief Hell take him that has married her conceives It was my plot I know he does and for A sure revenge will either work her death By poyson or some other cruelty Or keep her lock'd up in such misery That I shall never see her more Nat. I answer The. Not in a word let me intreat you go Nat. Fair Mistriss Lucy The. Neither shall she hear you Nat. Her Maid shall then or I 'le not out to night Phil. On what acquaintance Sir He takes her aside Nat. Be not afraid I take no notice o' thee I like thy course Wench and will keep thy councel And come sometimes and bring thee a bit and th'wilt Phi. I 'le see you choak'd first Nat. Thou art not the first Cast Wench that has made a good Chamber-maid Phi. O you are base and I could claw your eyes out Nat. Pray tell your Master now so fare you well Sir Exit Lu. I thank you Brother that you promise me You will not follow him now some other time Will be more fit What said he to you Phillis Phi. Marry he said help me good apron strings The. What was it that he said Phi. I have it now It was in answer Sir of your objections First that you fear'd the old man wickedly Would make away his wife
Dis. Jus. Phila. Philo. Eud. Thy Pla. Geron. That hideous rumor of their deaths among His wilde idolators in hope to gain Election by their ignorance and rudeness Jus. 'T was well those factious heads were wrought to come Before the King to finde his clemencie And probabilily that these were living Dis. And how they then shrunk in their necks from Stratocles It has so laid the flames of his ambition That these may safely now tread out the fire Phila. Welcom again my princely Nephews welcom Phil. Thanks courteous Uncle Thy. You interrupt me brother Dis. Good woman cry thee mercy Mothers are such things Gar. Why what things are we mothers Dis. O the old night-piece with her dark lanthorne by her Gar. You 'l give us leave to take The comforts due unto us in our age For which we suffer'd sorrow in our youth Our children are our children young or old Dis. So is my horse my horse Gar. You have repli'd As Whilome did a Councellour at Law Who said his adverse Advocate had pleaded To as much purpose as a hen i' th' forehead Dis. Geron th' art welcom Thou still keepst thy humor Thy travels ha' not chang'd thee Thou camest home As wise as thou wentst out Ger. So Whilome said A miser having much increas'd his store He had as much still as he had before Dis. Enough I 'le give thee over Thy. O my dear off-spring every sight of you Is a new recompence and satisfaction For all the pain and travel of your birth In you your fathers memory shall live Beyond the malice of the grave and death And I when my rejoycing shall be full And cannot take addition freely yeelding My flesh to dust shall yet be blest by those VVho shall give testimony to your vertue Philar. T were a sufficient spur to noble actions To be rewarded but with your content Which to procure we make our businesse Thy. Philocles Your brow is clouded Has the Oracle Adjudg'd against you Pray let us partake The knowledge of the Delphian decree And which of you stands highest in the favour Of wise Apollo to be husband to Princesse Eudyna here the Kingdoms heir What speaks the Oracle Philoc. Such a Verdict Madam Requires an O Edipus to construe it I neither know 't nor am solicitous After the meaning Gar. Wisely spoken Pupil So Whilome answered an Aegyptian Porter To one demanding what he bore conceal'd T is therefore cover'd that thou shouldst not know The cases are alike Eud. Pray let us hear it Cannot your Tutor Geron play the Hermes T' interpret it Gar. I am not Aenigmatical But all for Apothegmes Besides I say As Whilome Aristippus of a Riddle It is not safe to loose what being bound Doth trouble us so much Gar. Let me come to 't Dis. Yes by all means For as one Whilome said The blinde are best i' th' dark Gar. My Lord your trumps Are ever shot at me Blinde as I am I perceive that And make much of your Riddle I know both what it can and will come to Better without the sight of it then all You can with all your wise constructions And so I leave you Thy. Not in anger Garrula Gar. Madam you know I know I must take leave To take a Nap Exit Dis. And Governour Geron wait upon your mother Trust our cares with your charge Ger. So Whilome said A School boy when another rais'd his top Let me alone my self can keep it up Exit Eud. And now let me entreat that we may hear The hidden sentence Happily so many May guesse at the intent Dis. She longs to hear Which of the two is prickt to be her husband Phi. Here it is If there be any thing Dis. Let me be Clerk I hope at least to read it Contend not for the Jewel which Ere long shall both of you enrich Pursue your Fortune For t is she Shall make you what you seem to be Apollo thy great wisdom hath quite fool'd mine Philo. Nothing but contradictions Thy. As how Philocles Philo. He commands here Contend not for the Jewel we agree Eudyna is the Jewel which shall both of you enrich How shall she enrich us both Can she be wife to us both Then here he bids Pursue your Fortune And we both agree Eudyna is that Fortune too she 's both The Jewel we must not contend for and The Fortune we must both pursue Then here He sayes t is she shall make us what we seem to be What do we seem we are no Hypocrites In flesh or spirit no phantastick bodies Or shadows of humanity Philar. No Delphos is but a den of jugglers which profanely Abuse divinity and pretend a God Their Patron to authorize their delusions Dis. Nephews the Gods had need be cautilous For what they speak if you may be their Judges Thy. What thinks good Justinius Jus. My Lords here 's two commands One that you not contend to gain the jewel The other that you both pursue your fortune Both these commands are thus to be obey'd Contend not for her as to violate Your unexampled friendship which you are Renown'd for ore all Greece And both pursue Your fortune in her without eithers grudge At tothers happiness in her choice Philar. Noble Justinius thanks Philoc. This we can do Philar. And for the happiness which we both aspire to We here confirm the friendship long since plighted Which never shall be broken by Philargus Eud. Noble Philargus Philoc. So vows Philocles 'T is not the cloudy language of the Gods Shall make our breasts tempestuous or stormy But with the same serenity and quiet As heretofore our hearts shall mingle still And fortifie their truce Let the event Expound their Ridle If good it is our merit If bad we know our vertue can correct it Mean time Philargus take the word of Philocles That though there be no happiness on earth I can esteem above Philargus friendship But fair Eudyna's love which onely is The treasure I can covet from Philargus And cannot look to live but to enjoy it Rather then justle with his friendship I Will die to lose it Eud. Noble Philocles Philar. You have made my vow my brother Philocles And friend which is above it I will seek And rather die then fail to gain her love But that and the whole kingdom in addition Must divide our friendship or affection As we are Twins in birth we 'le be in mind Unto our latest breath Let Greece hereafter Forget to mention the Tyndarides With their alternate Deities and tell Of two Thessalian brothers could refuse A happiness which onely is not Heaven In detestation of priority Would not be happy 'cause they might not share An individual both Time and Thing Eud. Love and ambition I have heard men say Admit no fellowship It holds not here These will have neither wife nor crown alone They each desire my love but neither can Enjoy 't unless he were the other man My love is doubly tane yet must gain
new plantation and sow'd so much seed of Knavery and Cozenage here that 't is fear'd 't will never out Nic. Nay but this creature What can she be Clot. And then again he drew such flocks of idle people to him that the Players they say curst him abhominably Ant, Thou ever talk'st of the wrong matter Clot. Cry mercy Brothers of the Blade and Battoune Do you think if I give my endeavour to it I shall ever learn to roar and carry it as you do that have it naturally as you say Nic. Yes as we 'll beat it into you But this woman this musical woman that set her self out to show so I would be satisfied in her Clot. And she be as able as she seems she has in her to satisfie you and you were a Brother of ten Blades and ten Battounes Nic. I vow Peace I 'le battoune thy teeth into thy tongue else she bears a stately presence Thou never saw'st her before Didst thou Toney Ant. No but I heard an inkling at the Paris Tavern last night of a She-Gallant-that had travelled France and Italy and that she would Clot. Battoun thy teeth into thy tongue write table Ant. Plant some of her forraign collections the fruits of her travels in this Garden here to try how they would grow or thrive on English earth Nic. Young Pig was speaking of such a one to me and that she was a Mumper Clot. What 's that a Sister of the Scabberd brother of the Blade Nic. Come come we 'l in we 'l in 't is one of our fathers buildings I 'le see the Inhabitants Some money Clot furnish I say and quickly I vow Clot. You shall you shall Nic. What shall I Clot. Vow twice before you have it Nic. I vow and I vow again I 'le coyn thy brains Clot. Hold hold take your powl money I thought I would have my will and the word I look-for I 'le coyn thy brains write I do not love to give my money for nothing I have a volume of words here the worst of 'hem is as good as a blow and then I save my Crown whole half a dozen times a day by half a crown a time there 's half in half sav'd by that Nic. Come let 's appear civil till we have our entrance and then as occasion serves Knock Enter Fran. Who would you speak withal Nic. Your Mistress little one Fran. Do you know her Sir Nic. No but I would know her that 's the business I mean the musical Gentlewoman that was fidling and so many in the What-doe-call't een now Fran. What-doe-call her Sir I pray Nic. What-doe-call her 't is not come to that yet prethee let me see and speak with her first Fran. You are dispos'd I think Nic. What should we do here else Fra. You wont thrust in upon a body whether one will or no Ant. Nic. Away you Monkey Fra. O me What do you mean Clot. O my brave Philoblathici Ex. omnes Enter Dorcas alias Damaris Madge Dam. What 's the matter the Girl cryes out so Ma. I know not I fear some rude company some of the wild crew are broke into the house Fran. Within Whether would you go you wont rob the house will ye Nic. Will ye be quiet Whiskin Ma. O me 't is so Hell 's broke loose this comes of your new fingle-fangle fashion your prepostrous Italian way forsooth would I could have kept my old way of pots and pipes and my Strong-water course for customers The very first twang of your fiddle guts has broke all and conjur'd a legion of devils among us Enter Nic. Ant. Clot. Nic. Nay there 's but a Leash of us How now Who have we here Are these the far travel'd Ladies O thou party perpale or rather parboild Bawd Mad. What shall I do Dam Out alass sure they are devils indeed Nic. Art thou travel'd cross the Seas from the Bankside hither old Countess of Codpiece-row Clot. Party perpale and parboild Bawd Write Ant. And is this the Damsel that has been in France and Italy Clot Codpiece-row Mad. Peace ye roaring Scabs I 'le be sworn she supt at Paris Tavern last night and lay not long ago at the Venice by Whitefryers Dock Nic. Prethee what is she Madge Mad. A civil Gentlewoman you see she is Nic. She has none of the best faces but is she warrantable I have not had a civil night these three moneths Madge Nor none are like to have here I assure you Nic. O Madge how I do long thy thing to ding didle ding Mad. O Nick I am not in the humour no more is she to be o' the merry pin now I am sure her case is too lamentable But if you will all sit down I 'le give you a bottle of wine and we 'l relate her story to you so you will be civil Nic Well for once I care not if we be A Table bottle light and Tobacco stales Let us set to 't then sit down brother Toney sit down Gentlewoman we shall know your name anon I hope it will fall in your story sit down Clotpoll Clot. You will call me brother Clotpoll too when I have taken my oath and paid my entrance into the faternity of the Blade and the Battoun Nic. 'T is like we shall Now Lady of the Stygian Lake thou black infernal Madge begin the dismal story whilst I begin the bottle Mad. This Gentlewoman whose name is Damyris Nic. Damyris stay Her nick-name then is Dammy so we may call her when we grow familiar and to begin that familiarity Dammy here 's to you drink Dam. And what 's your nick-name I pray Sir Nic. Nick only Nick Madge there knows it Dam. Then I believe your name is Nicholas Nic. I vow-witty Yes Dammy and my Sirname is Rookesbill and so is my Fathers too and what do you make o'th at Dam. Nothing not I Sir sure this is he Nic. And I would he were nothing so I had all he has I must have tother glass to wash him out of my mouth he furs it worse then Mondongas Tobacco Here old Madge and to all the birds that shall wonder at thy howletship when thou rid'st in an Ivy-bush call'd a Cart Mad. Well mad Nick I 'le pledge thee in hope to see as many flutter about the tree that thou shalt clime backwards Nic. A pox thou wilt be stifled with Offal and Carret leaves before that day Dam. Fie fie what talk 's this 't is he I am consident Mad. These are our ordinary complements we wish no harm Nic. No Dammy I vow not I to any breathing Mad. But your Father Nick Is he that Rookesbill Nic. But my Fathet Pox rot ye why do ye put me in mind of him again he sticks i' my throat now I 'le wash him a little further Here Brother Toney Ant. Gramercy Brother Nick Clot. And to all the brothers that are and are to be of the Blade and the Battoun Nic. There said you well Clotpoll Here 't is
Cros. Yes I mean so Gab. hum hum hum Psalm tune How happy Cros. But do thou say yes verily to that and as I hope to have peace in my grave I 'll break the Kings peace on thy pate presently Gab. It is a weighty question and requires due premeditation in a religious answer pray give me leave to take advice Rook. What sayes he Sir Cros. He sayes he will talk with a cunning man about her Rook. Sure you mistake him sir Vint. You are welcome Gentlemen Will Harry Zachary Goat names Gab. Zachary is a good name Vint. Where are you he rings the bell shew up into the Phoenix Is the Checque empty Cross. Hoyday here 's a din Draw A pottle of Canarie to the Dolphin score Vint. Y' are welcome Gentlemen take up the lillie-pot Knock Draw Half a dozen of clean pipes and a candle for the Elephant They take their own Tobaccho Pots flie clink Vint, Whose room do they foul Sirrah Harry Harry Bell Gab. Do Elephants take Tobaccho Vint. Carry up a Jordan for the Maidenhead and a quart of white muskadine for the blew Bore Run down the staires Cros. Now me thinks the muskadine for tht Maidenhead and the Jordan for the Bore were better Fiddlers below tuning Knock aboue and a pot thrown Why boyes drawer rogues take up below By and by by and by above Wine Tobaccho Cros. What variety of noises is here and all excellent ill sounds Above Call up the Fidlers Sirrah Gab. Such cries as these went forth before the desolation of the great City Fidling rude tunes O prophane tinkling the cymbals of Satan that tickle the care with vanity to lift up the mind to lewdnesse Mine eares shall be that of the Adder against the Song of the Serpent Rook. O rare in a young man Gab. I will roare out aloud to drown your Incantations Yea I will set out a throat even as the beast that belloweth Rook. Most happy youth Cros. Hold your peace Sirrah or I 'le make you bellow for something Enter Mihil Nick Mi. Sfoot-back Nick to your own room Thy father 's here too as I breath Nick I vow Ex. Mi. My Lucie too as I live How the devil got they acquainted Sure he 's his Landlord 'T is so Cros. Dare you come sir you should have stayed now till you had been sent for Mi. Verily sir Cros. Are you at your Verilies too ha Mi. But for displeasing you I had rather have graz'd on Littletons Commons or ha' fasted this fourtnight then come for my repast into this Wildernesse but you will ha' it so Cros. You are in the right Sir I 'le have it so indeed I 'le know why I shall not else What do you know no bodie here Mi. I crie them mercie my good brother and my loving sister Rook. But what vertuous men has this man to his sons and how they thrive in grace against his will it seems Mi. What Gentlewoman is this of your acquaintance Sister Luc. 'T is well dissembled brother but I know your cunning Mi. Have you betray'd me Luc. Mum Mr. Mihil mum Vint. Harry Harry Enter Drawer hastily Draw By and by Draw What devil art thou that roarest in mine eare so Beats the Drawer Draw Hold I beseech you I come to wait upon you Cros. What with a By and by that strikes into my head as sharp as a Stellatto Draw I come to tell you sir that your table 's covered in a fairer Room and more private your meat is ready to go up and all in a readinesse Cros. Now thou art an honest fellow there 's a couple of shillings for thee Have us out of thy windmil here I prithee and thy By and by 's Exeunt omnes Act. III Scoen 1. Enter Captain Driblow Clotpoll Nick Anthony Drawer A Table Pot and Glasses GO Sirrah make your reckoning for our dinner Leave us this wine and come when we call you We have businesse Draw I shall sir by and by Capt. Well sir you will be of both you say the Blade and the Battoon Clot. Of both sir by all meanes both Philoblathicus and Philobatticus I I 'le now have all that belongs to your order or all my money again that 's for a certain Capt. Your money again loe you there You bring me a fit man Gentlemen to be sworn do you not that talks of money again when 't is a main Article in the Oath never to look for money again once disfinger'd Nick You will not spoil all now 't is come so far will you Clot. Well sir when I have my Oath and that I am sworn one of you I 'le do as you do and care as little for money as he that has least Capt. Well to the Oath then for both the Bsade and the Battoon you say Clot. I by all meanes Captain for both S'lid the Battoon may stick to me when the Blade may flie out o' th' Hilts Ant. Yes to the Brokers Capt. Lay your hands on these Hilts sir The Articles that you depose unto are these To be true and faithful unto the whole Fraternity of the Blade and the Battoon and to every member thereof Clot. As ever faithful member was Capt. That at no time wittingly or ignorantly drunk or sober you reveal or make discovery of the Brother or a member of the Brotherhood of his lodging haunts or by-walks to any Creditor Officer Sutler or such like dangerous or suspitious person Clot. I defie them all Capt. That if any of the Brotherhood be in restraint or distresse by imprisonment sicknesse or whatsoever engagement you make his case your own and your purse and your travel his and that if a brother die or finish his dayes by end timely or untimelie by Surfet Sword or Law You wear the sable order of the Riband in remembrance of him Clot. A convenient cheap way of mourning Capt. That your purse and weapon to the utmost of your strength be on all occasions drawn to the assistance or defence of a Brother or Brothers friend be it he be it she Clot. I understand you and shall be as forward to fight for a She-friend as ever the best man in the mirrour of Knighthood was for an honest woman Capt. That you be ever at deadly defiance with all such people as Protections are directed to in Parliament and that you watch all occasions to prevent or rescue Gentlemen from the gripes of the Law brissons That you may thereby endear your selfe into noble society and drink the juice of the Varlets labours for your officious intrusions Clot. And that will go down bravely Capt. You must rank your self so much the better man by how much the more drink you are able to purchase at others costs Clot. Excellent Cupt. You are to let no man take wall of you but such as you suppose will either beat you or lend you money Clot. Better and better still Capt. The rest of your duties for brevity sake you shall finde specified in that
is too much abuse made of such good creatures Wine in it self is good you will grant though the excesse be nought and Tavernes are not contemptible so the company be good Gab. It is most true we finde that holy men have gone to Tavernes and made good use of 'em upon their Peregrinations Mi. And cannot men be content to take now and then a cup and discourse of good things by the way As thus Brother here 's a remembrance if she be living and have not lost her honour to our Cousin Dore as Gab. O that kinswoman of ours She was the dearest losse that e're fell from our house Mi. Pledge her good brother Gab. I do Mi. I hope 't will maudlenize him Gab. But have you never seen that miscreant that wrong'd her since he did that same they say you knew him Mi. Alas suppose I had what could be done she 's lost we see What good could she receive by any course against him Gab. It had been good to have humbled him though into the knowledge of his Transgression And of himself for his soules good either by course of Law or else in case of necessity where the Law promiseth no releefe by your own right hand you might have smote him smote him with great force yea smote him unto the earth until he had prayed that the evil might be taken from him Mih. This is their way of loving enemies to bear 'em into goodnesse Well brother I may meet with him again and then I know what to do If he knew him as I do now what a religious combate were here like to be at Nicks coming Enter Boy Sir here 's a Gentlewoman asks for Mr. Rooksbill Mih. The travell'd Gallant is 't not Boy Yes sir and the old black party her Land lady with her But they ask for no body but him sir Mih. Say he is here by all meanes and bring 'em up Ex. Boy Gab. Women pray brother le ts avoid the place let us flie it What should we do with women in a Tavern Mih. No harme assure your selfe cannot we govern ourselves Enter Dorcas and Madge and start back Nay Lady stay he will be here presently that you look for Gab. I will not glance an eye toward temptation Mih. I am amaz'd sure I have seen this face howe're your habit and the course of time may give 't another seeming Dorc. Good Angels help my thoughts and memory It is my Kinsman Mihil What 's the other that hides his face so Mih. Do you turn away Dorc. It is my Cousin Gabriel strangely altered Mih. Come hither you I 'le make a little bold with you Thou that hast been a concealer of more sins in womens actions then thou hast grizled hairs Dorc. Sure I will speak to him he alwayes lov'd me Mih. Reveale a truth to me on my demand now instanrly without premeditation I 'le cut thy tongue out else Mad. What 's here to do do you think I am a devil that you make such conjurations over me Mih. I think thou art as true a servant of his as any Bawd can be But he now if thou darest How long have you known that Gentlewoman and what do you know by her Dorc. Sir Mad. Here 's a stirre about nothing I know nothing by her not I Nor whether she has any thing or nothing that a woman should have by the report of knowledge of man woman or beast not I She came to me but this morning with a purpose to set me up in my new house as I hoped But she has taken a course to make it honestly spoken of already to my utter undoing but she never comes within my doors again as I hope to thrive by my Trade hereafter Dorc. Pray look upon me sir Mih. Was she so resolutely bent and so soon altered Mad. Upon the very first fight of the very first man that came into my house the very first houre of my setting up in it Mih. What man was that Mad. A shame take him your roaring friend Nick I think she is enamoured of him or of something she guesses he has and would faine play the honest woman with him that never played honest man with woman in his life Mih. 'T is she and 't is most wonderful Dorc. If you knew who I were you would not be so strange to me Mad. And here she comes me a hunting after him like a fondling whilest halfe a dozen peeces might ha' been gotten at home by this time aud she have had the halfes of it in her purse by this time if she would have done as I thought she would have done by this time Mih. Alas poor Howlet Mad. I sent whooping after the best guest that haunt my house to have taken the first fruits of her conversation and she would not see a man of 'em to my undoing Mih. Well leave thy hooting Madge and hold thy peace thou shalt get by it Mad. Yes I shall get a good name shortly and this geare hold and turn begger I shall Dor. Pray sir but one word Mih. Speak to her brother 't is our Cousin Dorcas Gab. Will you abuse me too is she not lost Mih. And will not you give her leave to be found again his wine and her sudden apprehension works on him at once Cousin I 'le speak to you though I confesse the miracle of our meeting thus amazes me Dorc. O Cousins both As ye are Gentlemen and of that noble stock whose meer remembrance when he was given up and at the brink of desperate folly stroke that reverend fear into my soul that hath preserv'd my honour from further falling Lend me now your aide to vindicate that honour by that man that threw me in the way of losse and ruine Mih. All shall be well good Cousin you shall have both hands and hearts to re-estate you in him So that in fact you have not wrong'd that honour since he forsook you Dorc. On my soule I have not Mih. Infants then shall be pardoned Brother speak Dorc. You were wont still to be my loving'st Cousin Gab. What a strange dream has wine wrought in my head Mih. I hope it will work out his superfluous zeale And render him civil Christian again Dor. It is no dream good Cousin you are awake And I that Dorcas for whom you have wish't Affinity of blood might be dispens'd with And you to be my choice So well you lov'd me Gab. And will above my life affect you still But you must leave these gauds and prophane dressings Mad. Bawds did he say how comes he to know me troe Dorc. How came my Cousin Gabriel thus translated Out of gay cloathes long haire and lofty spirit Stout and brave action manly carriage Into so strict a Reformation Where is the martial humour he was wont so to affect Mih. His purity and your disgrace fell on you both about a time I faith Gab. Do you swear by your FAITH Mi. He 's falling back again Boy Some more
Sir Cross. Very well still Mi. Nor ever like to have any fir that 's the comfort We shall live at the lesse charge Cross. Thou art a covetous and a preposterous Knave Wouldest thou bury up thy youth in barren ground doest seek after wealth and not after issue doest love to feed on other mens leavings or travel only in a beaten path ha Mih. A man goes certainest on his journey so sir and lesse trouble it is you know to go in at a great gate then a narrow wicket Cross. You have said enough sir and delight to crosse me but I 'le crosse you for once and lay a crosse upon you shall perhaps carry you to your grave Go fetch your Priest Mih. I 'le face it as far as I dare I hope I shall have the grace to pull my hand from the book when it comes so far Ex. Cross. Widow you are resolv'd to have him too Mad. Before all men i' th' world by your fair leave 1. Cross. You shall not have him Mad. Without your free consent I will not Cross. I am resolv'd I 'le do 't And 't will be the best crosse trick that e're I did in my life Pray let me speak in some more private with you Mad. If I but 'scape Bridewell I care not Scoen. 2. Enter Mihil Anthonie Katharine Parson Mih. Now Tonie she 's thine own Now Sister Kate he 's thine The Priest has pronounc't it I say Amen to 't And heaven give you joy Kat. Now you have done the best brotherly office that ever made a Sister happy Ant. And the friendliest to a friend We have been casting for it Sweet this Twelve-moneth and Heaven pardon me I vow'd never to take acquaintance of my Father till 't were effected Although I know of late he has been willing Kat. And so is mine I know but yet he swore that I should match my self before he knew 't or I should never marry Mih. You 'll finde him of another minde towards me and force me into wedlock presently Kat. You have ta'ne the likeliest course that could be But what is your disguiz'd woman Brother Mih. What you shall never know Sister I hope Enter Crossewill Rookesbill Lucie Madge Cross. Come sir I have broken off the match with your widow and she 's content to leave you as she found you And now take me this pretty simpring plump-lip't ruddie-cheek't white-neck't long-finger'd Virgin in hand or I will swindge you Sirrah look to 't If you cannot live civilly with a young wife you cannot but be mad with an old I think Besides she 's a friends daughter of mine and prepar'd by her discreet father here to love you Come and kisse her quickly Sirrah Mih. I cannot do 't for all the wealth in the world Cross. How 's that Mih. Kisse a Maid I never saw above twice in my life Cross. He will have me think him a bastard do I what I can Canst thou see a Maid twice and not kisse her Mih. Yes twenty times sir and not kisse her or if once not above sir Cross. But you shall kisse her above and below sir and in every room o' th' house sir before you part Stand faire pretty one Luc. I know not how to do 't Rook. You were not best let me instruct you I can be angry too Luc. His back side 's towards me Cross. Turne your self Sirrah or I 'le turne you Go to bend your body a little and be hang'd So now come your way and say after your little Sir John here I Mihil take thee Lucie c. As learning shall enable him to proceed without book Rook. Pray let 'em do it in the next chamber they are too bashful afore us There are witnesses enough Go all in I pray you Mih. Widow will you give me leave to obey my father Mad. With all my heart and say Amen to the marriage Cross. I think I shall have my will at last upon one of my rebellious off-spring Rook. And now pray give me leave sir to let you know how happy I do hold my selfe in this marriage I did like this Son better then the other before And now I like him better then I did at my former view of him by some Reformation that I do observe in him And I do not a little rejoyce in the honour I may have to call you brother Cross. That very word brother out of his mouth has turn'd my stomack I must pull all in pieces again And yet let me see these young bloods when they are set on 't if they do not marry they will do worse Let em e'ne go on now Rook. You may easily conceive sir what a comfort it will be unto me that I now growing old and having I give praise for 't wealth enough and no childe that I make account of but this one daughter may before I die see Grandchildren that I may have by her sufficiently provided for be they more or lesse in number they may have enough Cross. There he is again he calls my Grand-children that shall be his Grand-children Am I a Gentleman and can hear this if it be not too late I 'le spoile the getting of your Grand-children Enter all again All Heaven give you joy Heaven give you joy Cross. What are you married Pars. I do pronounce them man and wife Ant. Mad Kat And we are witnesses Crosse. What remedy Mih. Luc. We are and crave your blessings Cross. Rook. All blessings be upon you all salute Cross. But you sir Mr. Bridegroom Mih. I 'le only gratifie the Minister Cross. Do so and pay him well it is perhaps for the dearest fault that e're thou didst Mih. There 's for your paines sir Madge there 's for you Enough to purchase thee a Licence to sell Ale Tobaccho and Strong-water again in Godpiece-Rowe for here will be no dwelling for thee I see that Now brother Anthonie go you all back to the company we left and see that my Instructions be followed concerning my brother Gabriel Nick and his Dammie Ant. All all Kat. Shall he go from me Mih. Yes but you shall follow him presently trust to me Sister Go take no leave of 'em I 'le bring 'em upon you presently Cross. Are you at leisure now sir to tell me of your brother Mih. Yes to my grief sir praying you may have patience Cross. To your grief sir he is not dead then Younger brothers seldome grieve for their Elders death Mih. Pray bear it as you may sir I left him in an heavy plight And let me speak it with sorrow he lay speechlesse Rook. Alack-a day good Gentleman my son in-law perhaps is heire already Cross. And hast thou been here all this while fooling or wiving all 's a matter left thy brother in danger ha Mih. He 's well attended sir and look't unto Nor would I wish you see his weak estate It can but grieve you sir my wife and sister together with my self will go Or if It please my
father Rooksbill here because his power in this quarter is available Cross. Go shew the way I 'le go in person I My son 's my son Mih. Nay pray sir Cross. Yes 'cause you have a wife you shall controul me Will you go on sir Mih. Well I 'le bring you to him sir Luc. What was your widow sir she stunk of Aqua-vitae fearfully Mih. I 'le tell thee as we go Kisse Exeunt Scoen. 3. Enter Clotpoll Dorcas Nick Nick What a drunken sot was I that knew thee not all this while I vow thy story pities me I 'le marry thee and turne thee to thy friends for I am sure I have none that will keep thee for my sake Dorc. I ask no further satisfaction of you then to be honested by marriage I 'le work for a poor living Nick Prithee Mun seek me a Priest Clot. I have no acquaintance in their function I Dorc. My Cousin Mihil said he would bring or send one Nick There 's no starting that Mihil has a fist over me I vow and thou wert not his Kinswoman thou should to the Common yet Clot. Father how come you hither Capt. Did not the company send for me Nick I vow not we Capt. The City-mouth that peck't us at my lodging last night came to me with an abominable scratch't face and warn'd me on a businesse hither Nick I smell some trick Clot. Some treacherie upon the brotherhood perhaps Nick Timorous thing what in our own Quarter Capt. If you doubt any thing 't is best remove The fellow was sorely handled Nick I would but see the carcass of authority prance in our Quarter and we not cut his legs off Welcome Tonie what hast thou brought the word here to passe for the Reckoning Enter Ant. Parson Ant. Come you must make a wedding-night on 't Nick Mihil will go no lesse Nick My Vow is pass'd and before you sir I confirm it This is my wife Anon you shall perform the holy Ceremony Ant. 'T is well pray sir retire your self to the next room there a while and stay you with him Lady But what do you with Gabriel Is it not time to wake him yet Clot. 'T is now upon the point h 'as slept two houres Nick Father you 'll see a brave experiment upon a Gentleman that has been a youth Clot. And of the Philoblathici as we are now Nick And since was grown one of the reformed and we are now in practice to retrive and bring him back to his first condition Ant. Have you followed all Mihils directions Nick Hitherto we have First you saw he was laid defunct in Sack next in his sleep we have accoutred him in martial abiliments and now we mean to wake him with alarmes shall affright the silly humour out of him and render him his warlike faculty or our Art failes Ant. Where be the Wenches Clot. The Sisters of the Scabberd there 's the sport on 't They have their parts to play upon him too But for his drink now when he wakes you said you would have a bottle of the womans what do you call 't yonder the Medea Capt. What the charm'd liquor that Medea brew'd to make old father Aeson young again Must that renew his youthful spirit in him Nick No Sack will do better When he wakes he will be very dry then a quart-draught of good Canarie will so screw him up 'T is time 't were now in practice So softly softly We must but halfe wake him at first A Bed put forth Gabriel on it Bettie and Frank Gab. O some small drink Nick Here drink it off sir Drinks Drum and Trumpet An Alarm Gab. Surpriz'd by th' enemie whilest we have plaid the Sluggard in our Tents Capt. Nick Clot. Hold Captain hold we are your souldiers Gab. Y' are Mutineers and have disturb'd my rest And I 'le do Martial Justice on you all Nick I vow hold are you mad Gab. Know you not discipline or are you growen rebellious in the Camp I 'le teach you warfare Capt. You have conjur'd a fury into him to beat us into fitters Clot. My pate bleeds for 't I protest Gab. I 'le make you know command Ant. Noble Commander hold thy furious hand and heare thy souldiers speak Gab. What have we women for our Martial Musick Clot. None but the She-Trumpet a neighbour here and her Sister that was Drum-mayor to my Countrey-Amazons that pull'd up the Inclosures to lie all in Common Gab. Is the enemy i' th' field Nick Upon their march Captain and we your officers But rows'd you up to be in readinesse Gab. You are my Lieutenant you my Ancient and you two my Sergeants and you must know the Commander you serve under to be none of those Letter-carriers that know not so much as the termes of discipline what a Flanker is Nor a Raveling is Nor a Petarre is Nor a Curtain is Nor a Bulwark is Nor a Bastile is Nor a Counterscarp is Nor a Casemate is A Gabion is Nor any left word of fortification How can such fresh-water Captains command All Right noble Colonel He shall be our Colonel Clot. One souldier made up of Sack is worth as many as would drink a fresh water river dry Gab. I knew men of abilities should at last be put in action Valiant men and wise Are only fit for weighty enterprise All O noble Colonel Gab. What would an upstart Militaster now That knew no rudiments of discipline nor Art of warre do in a sudden service or say when I know how to have my Ordnance planted here my Cavalrie mounted here my Battery-discoverer on such a point my Trenches cut thus my Mine carried thus my Gabions rais'd thus Here my Parapet there my Pallisadoe o' th' top of that The enemie made saltable six hundred paces there And I draw out my Musketeers to flank 'em in their Trenches here while my Pikes and Targeteers advance to the breach there What would Captain my Lords man or Sergeant-major my Ladies Kinsman sent in by honourable favour do or say in such an expedition All Braver and braver still Clot. This goes beyond the Blade and the Battoon Gab. Or how would their braines lie in their breeches when the able Captain leads up his men in the Head of a Troop bravely charges with his shot makes a stand with his Pikes does execution with his Sword the Cannon playing the Drum beating the Shot thumping the Ensignes waving the Armes clashing the Aire rending Dust and Smoke clouding Blood raining And then to bring up such a Division to fight make good such a Ground relieve such a Squadron fetch off such a losse r'enforce the Ranks that are broken March on Come off Beat the Bessognes that lie hid in the Carriages O the renowned life of a worthy Commander Nick Sound Drum and Trumpet All A Colonel a Colonel Enter Croswill Rooksbill Mihil Cros. Whither hast thou brought me does thy brother lie speechlesse in this house ha what in the name of tumult can
these be Mih. Pray sit attend you will be pleased anon Gab. A still march now So I have lost a great many of my men But courage yet you poor remainder of my scatter'd Troops Stand Qni vala An Ambuscado of the enemy Alarme Lieutenant charge in with your Shot Now Gentlemen for the honour of Covent-Garden make a stand with your Pikes in to the short sword well fought take Prisoners Sound a Retreat now Faire faire i' th' coming off So 't was bravely perform'd Clot. Must we not fall to rifling now Colonel Mih. Part faire on all sides Gentlemen Gab. What 's this a vision sure I do aile something Cross. Is 't possible it is thou art thou run mad as far as hell the tother way now Rook. My wicked caitiffe reprobate son is here too Pray let me flee I am but a dead man else Mih. You shall receive no harm sir Lay by your Armes my Masters I bring none but friends Nick Thou canst not make that good my father 's there Mih I 'le make him friends with thee Go and dispatch within Ant. I 'le see it done and take our new made Brides with us for witnesses Ex. Nick Ant. Kat. Luc. Rook Has his shame yet taught him to shunne my sight Mih. And shall returne him instantly your comfort Rook. Unpossible unpossible Mih. Attend the event Cross. I rather thought I should have found you sir disputing with the Pastors and the Elders yet to say truth this is the better madnesse What can this mean how came he thus translated what Charmes or what Inchantments are upon him Gab. What Babel was a building in my braines But now it turnes and I can recollect The knowledge of a father brother Sister And that a thousand vain imaginations Like scatterings of light things upon the earth Rushes loose leaves sprigs straws and dust Contracted by a whirlwinde were blowen up And lodg'd in the rich Seat of Contemplation Usurping there the room of vertuous thoughts Honour awake me from this Lethargie Cros. What can those women that appear like furies be in this action Mih. They were but us'd as properties to give new motion to his mortified condition Cros. I know not what to say to any thing there is some Spell upon me too My anger has forsook me What are those men that bear a countenance As if they stood indifferently affected to Bedlam and Bride-well Clot. Meaning by us sir If our sight offend you Know we are men that dare forbear the place Capt. I son let 's go our stay is dangerous They look like Peace-maintainers we 'll fall off Enter Vintner Vint. O tarry Gentlemen we are all undone else If you make not your peace before you stir both you and I must suffer Capt. What 's the matter Vint. The Magistrates and Officers with their Bill-men have ta'ne us by surprise They are i' th' house Bett. O me the blew Gown Colledge Fran. Wheels and whips I feel what we must go to Did not I say our stay was dangerous Clot. Did not I say there was some subtile practice upon the Philoblatici and that we were betrayed hither Vint. There 's no escaping forth And Gentlemen It will but breed more scandal on my house and the whole plantation here if now you make rebellious uproar Yield your weapons and welcome Justice but like subjects new and peace will follow Clot. But where 's Nick where 's Tonie Mih. They shall yield up their weapons So do you Capt. Yes yes 't is best Clot. Shall we sir shall we Mih. Yes sir you shall Clot. So sir I will then not the Blade alone But for your more security the Battoon There see my Armes forth coming Exeunt Mih. Say they shall have faire welcom What are they married Enter Nick Dorcas Ant. Kat. Luc. Ant. Yes as fast as troth and holy words can binde 'em Mih. 'T is well Now sir let me entreat your favour 'T is my first suit to you since I was your son That before others entrances distract our troubled Scoene these may be reconcil'd Down Brother Nicholas Nick Even unto the earth sir and humbled with as true a penitence as son can be for wronging of a father I beg your pardon and blessing Cros. Give it him Brother Rooksbill I dare say 't will make him a good man Rook. Heaven make him so My blessing and my prayers shall not be wanting Cros. What my Neece Dorcas made an honest woman Gab. Was that the man that wrong'd my Cousin Dorcas Mih. Yes and has now made ample recompence Enter Cockbrayne Cit. Watch Madgeo Cit. Here they are altogether sir Cock Lay hands on all First on that old Ruffian the Incendiarie that sets the youthful bloods on fire here with his Infernal discipline Next take his sons there 's one that young Blade there Have I now got within ye Gentlemen will you have Songs ex tempore know ye me now a ha I 'le be call'd the Weeder of this Garden Take up those She weeds there I have the rank one here I took her stragling in my Round e'ne now Rook. My Tenant I take it Mrs. Margerie Howlet Cros. Your widow sir I think Mih. But for a shift sir now you know my aim Mad. O good your worship as you came of a woman Cock Peace Circes cease thy charmes What cluster have we here now O here 's another of the sons of noise Rook. That 's my son now sir by your leave and I 'le baile him Cook What Mr. Rooksbil are you here what woman 's this Cros. My Neece sir his sons wife And I 'le baile her Cock What Mr. Croswill you among this Ginge too How will you 'scape commitment Cross. Why Mr. Cockbrayne how his braines crow now Cock Who 's here your daughters too but what are these Cros. I hope they 'l prove my sons and be indifferent men in time sir by that time their haire may grow or be reduc't to an indifferent length Mih. That 's done on me already sir Cros. Now he looks as like a Rogue as e're he did again Gab. And sir for me now that my Cousin is restored and the wilde fury of my wine abated I do you the obedience of a son acknowledging my former formal habit was more of stubbornnesse then true devotion For which I beg your pardon Cros. There 's more deceit under these half Foot-balls then in whole Pudding-bags Well boyes be you indifferent sons neither too hot nor too cold I have found a fault in myself I confesse I will reform it and be an indifferent father Cock O here 's the man I sought whom I confess I am half sorry to commit with the rest because I found him civiller Ant. Hoping you will not stake that good opinion I 'le now come nearer to you And since here is such a convention of love and joy I hope my offering of a sons true duty may finde I Cock What my son Antonie Cross. How how your son that should
follies Might have been temper'd into manly vertues Cash I hear not that Mat. But I fall back agen From my revenge to grief Away I will not He reads again Here 's the death-doing point These slight disorders In my young forward sonne I finde it here Were by his churlish and perfidious Guardian Interpreted no lesse then Reptobation And by his ignorant cruelty so punish'd For here he shuts his eare and door against him When suddenly the loose licentious world Soothes on his youthful in judicious courage To imminent destruction so being engag'd In a rash quarrel he in duel fell Th' Opponents sword was instrument yet I inferre Lafoy his Guarcian was his murderer Farewel my boy and this is the last teare Thou shalt wring from me Something I 'll do Shall shew a fathers love and valour too I 'm young enough to draw a sword in France yet But first Come hither Sirrah Cash Now it comes Mrt. I purpose streight to order my estate Look that you forthwith perfect my Accompts And bring me all my books of debtor and creditor Receipts and payments what you have in wares And what in cash let me inform my self Cash 'T is as I fear'd Mat. I 'll set all right and streight All statutes bonds bills and seal'd instruments That do concern me I have in my Closet Or at my Councels or my Scriveners I 'll call in them my selfe Why doest thou look so amaz'dly Would'st have me yield a reason why I 'll tell thee I mean to make a voyage and perhaps To settle and proportion out my estate By Will before I go Do you as I command you Cash Whatever he pretends I know his drift And e're I 'll be discover'd by my stay Being run out I 'll choose to run away Ex. Mat. My daughter in the first place must be car'd for I 'll make her a good match My next in blood then My Knave-half-brother and my whole fool-Sister But the best is her Ladiship has enough And all I have in Strygoods hands were nothing Therefore I 'll purpose nothing to him Oh Enter Joyce and Gabriella The Joy and Torment of my life at once Appear to me I must divide them thus He thrusts off Gabriella Hence hated issue of my mortal foe VVhom I have foster'd with a Parents Piety As carefully and dearly as mine own VVhile the inhumane cruelty of thy Sire Has to untimely death expos'd my sonne Thank me I kill not thee so leave my house There 's French enough in town that may befriend you To pack you o're to Paris what 's your own To Joyce Take w' ye and go VVhy cleave you to her so Forsake her cast her off Are not my words Of force but I must use my hands to part ye Jo. Deare honour'd father I beseech you hear me In parting us you separate life from me And therein act a real crueltie On me your only childe sharper then that Which you can but pretend done by her father Mat. Durst thou speak so Joy I cannot live from her Mat. O monstrous Pray your reason Why not live Joy You know Sir from our Infancie we have been Bred up together by your tender care As we had been twin-borne and equally Your own and by a self-same education We have grown hitherto in one affection We are both but one body and one mind What Gabriella was I was what I was she And till this haplesse houre you have enjoyn'd me Nay charg'd me on your blessing not to arrogate More of your love unto my self then her Mat. That was 'cause I presum'd her father lov'd Or should have lov'd my sonne your brother Joy I never knew brother or sister I Nor my poor self but in my Gabrella Then blame me not to love her I beseech you Upon me knees Mat. Th' art knee-deep in rebellion Unnatural Gipsie since thou prov'st my torment In being the same with her and hast declar'd Thy self no more my childe then she whom now I do abhorre avoid with her my sight Rise and be gone lest thou pull curses on thee Shall sink thee into earth Gab. O rather Sir Let me 'gainst whom your fury first was bent Suffer alone the sharpnesse of your vengeance And let it not be said 'cause you surmise My father lost your son that therefore you Have cast away your daughter Hurl me rather Into the ruthless waves to seek my way Or do but take her hold her in the armes Of your paternal love and I 'll take flight To weane her to you Joy She cannot may not leave me Mat. Out of my doors then with her Enter Lady Nestlecock La. What 's the matter ha Mat. Such as you cannot mend deare Lady Sister What come you hither with your Ha for Ha La. To comfort you dear brother if you 'll heare me Your sonne is dead they say and here I finde Your daughter is rebellious 'gainst our will Mat. You speak much comfort do you not think you La. But is it so Joyce ha I thought you Joyce Would have rejoyc'd your father in obedience Joyce And not afflict him with your stubbornnesse Mat. O this impertinent woman La. But my brother Let me advise you rather then suffer her To be an eye-sore to you put her out Where she may learne more duty If you please I 'll take her home and shew her how it should be Mat. Yes as you have shewen your Nestlecock your sonne La. I there 's a childe Brother you 'l pardon me If I aspire in hope that he shall be Your heire if Joyce miscarry in rebellion Mat. And therefore you would breed her How the devil Works in a covetous woman Though a foole too Your sonne 's an Asse an Ideot and your self No better that have bred him so Do you tell me Of your sweet sugar-chop't Nestle cockscombe La. Ha Mat. He 's fit t' inherit nothing but a place I' th' Spittle-house Fools Colledge yond at Knights-bridge La. And did I come to bring thee consolation Now let me tell thee I rejoyce in thy Just punishment thy scourge of crosses Thou That for these six years space until this day Hast kept continual feast and jollitie For thy wives death who was too good for thee Mat. Right for she was my Master a perpetual Vexation to me while she was above-ground Your Ladiship could not have spoke more comfort to me Then the remembrance of that shook-off Shackle Which now in my affliction makes me smile And were I on her grave I could cut capers La. A further punishment I prophecie Grows in the neck of thy leud insolence Mat. I could e'ne finde in heart to marry again In spight now of thy witchcraft my son dead My daughter disobedient and your childe A very chilblaine What have I to do But marry again all women are not devils I may yet get an heire unto my minde Enter Strigood Mat. Art thou here too Stri. Stay you forget your brother Mr. Matchil You have match'd ill