VVIT REVIVED OR A New and Excellent way of divertisement digested into most ingenious QVESTIONS AND ANSWERS By Asdryasdust Tossoffacan LONDON Printed for the Author and are to be sold at the Brazen Serpent in Saint Pauls Church-yard 1656. QVESTIONS AND ANSWERS Q. WHat day was that as the like never was before A. The first Q. Whether has a horse or no horse more legs A. No horse For a horse has foure legs and no horse has more Q. When is a Cow roundest A. When shee lickes her ireech Q. What 's the reason a horse foams so at the mouth A. Because he never spits Q. What is the likest to a cat in a hole A. A cat out of a hole Q. How should one stop three holes with one thing A. By putting one mans nose in another mans Q. Why is a mad man as strong as two men A. Because he 's a man beside himselfe Q. Why is love said to bee an ancient family A. Because when Adam and Eve first met shitten come shites was the beginning of love How many sides hath a man A. Eight inside outside brght side left side upper side lower side foreside backside Q. What is the best receipt to make a fat Lady leane A. To keep her eies open and her mouth shut Q. Why doe the French send Rabbets to their Tables with their feet on A. Because being a frugall people they may goe the further Q. Why is the afternoon said to be shorter then the forenoon A. Because the Sunne goes down the hill Q. Why did Sir Theodore Mayherne dye A. Because he could live no longer Q. Why doe so many drinke Cauphe A. Because 't is good against a Clap. Q. Why is the worst woman in the world good A. Because she 's good for somthing or good for nothing Q. Why is a broad hat said to be full A. Because 't is a brimmer Q. Why doth a Fox prey abroad A. Because he hath nothing at home Q. Why is it said that wise men aske more questions then fools A. Because no man is wise without question Q. What may wee thinke on and yet think on nothing A. Womens constancy Q. May we think dooms day to be neare or no A. No for then there shal hardly be any faith now there is nothing else Q. What is the difference between a Lord and a meaner man A. A word Q. What may a virtuous plain man say to women having naked breasts A. Shut your shop-windowes for shame Q. Who may bee thought to smell never well A. They that smel ever wel Q. Who may be thought to be no mans friend A. He that is every mans Q. Why is it said 't is better to have a little wife then a great wife A. Because of evils the least is to be chosen Or it is best to have a wife but little Q. Why is the husband said to weare hornes and not the wife A. Because he is the head Q. Why are there so many Cuckolds A. Because so many marry Q. Why doe many Preachers winke when they pray A. Because they would bee thought to know the way to heaven so well that they could find it blindfold Q. Why are some gallants like Philosophers A. Because they carry all their wealth about them Q. Why are some Ladies like unto tame comes A. Because their skins are more worth then their bodies Q. What kind of garment doe women most love to weare A. The breeches Q. What kind of booke may a man wish his wife were like A. An Almanack for so he may have a new one every year Q. Why are there so many poor Physitians A. Because it is a very backward profession Q. Why are Lords and great men beheaded for treason and meaner men not A. Because they are the more capitall offenders Q. Have the Clergy got any advantage by marrying of wives or no A. No For they had it in tithes before Q. Why doe Ministers and Lawyers talke so loud A. Because they are allowed to talke Q. Why are foolish sermons said to be the most moving A. Because so few will tarry to heare them Q. Why is it said that Epicures and Gluttons are like calves A. Because they have a sweet tooth in their heads Q. How may one call a rich man foole and not offend him A. By telling him he 's one of those whom fortune favours Q. Why is it said that painted women may be called whores A. Because though there may be no cause yet there is a great deale of colour for it Q. May not one that is neither virgin wife nor widow call her selfe a maid A. Yes forsooth a chamber maid Q Which is the next and surest way to be a Cuckold A. To be jealous Q Why are Lawyers said to be like to brokers A. Because they deale altogether with other mens suites Q. What may be said of a poor-schollars short gowne A. That it will bee long enough ere he have another Q. Who are these that pocket up most wrongs A. Usurers Thieves Souldiers and Lawyers Q. Why are states-men said to be like Asses A. Because they have the longest eares of any men Q. What may bee said of the worser sort of the Clergy A. Hang up your lights Q. Why were some Ministers so loath to weare a surplice A. Because it did put them in minde of their wives smock Q. What language is the best to win a widow A. Down-right Q. What kinde of instrument or weapon is most tost A. The pot Q. What kinde of men stand most upon Tearmes A. The Lawyers Q. What kinde of water is the most deceitfull A. Womens teares Q. What kind of women need masks the most A. Such as have much adoe to avoid being ugly Q. Why are women said to bee weaker then men A. Because they are most put to the wall Q. If the husband call his wife whore how may shee answer A. But Q. Why are many young gallants said to be like ferrets A. Because they creepe so much into Cony-holes Q. Why were Parsons wives said to be more excuseable for cuckolding then other women A. Because of their husbands being Non-Resident Q. Why did the Puritans speak through the nose A. Because the high Commissioners had stopt their mouths Q. Why doe Lawyers weare round caps and not square A. Because square-dealing would undoe them Q. What is the best signe for a trades man new set up A. A handsome wife Q. Why are Cities and Corporations no better govern'd A. Because the Magistrates cannot lay their heads together Q. Why are there not women-Lawyers as well as men A. Because they would lay their cases too open Q. Why did Puritans hate May-poles A. Because they were things out of their reach Q. Why is Virgo said to govern the bowels and belly A. Because whores and many wives have no government of either Q. What deserves he that promiseth faire and doth not according A. A Cording Q. What may be said of many gallants
and their legs A. That they are to big in the Calve Q. What kinde of faces may Scoffers and Criticks be said to have A. Mustard Q. May a dog be called Cuckold A. No For 't is many a good Christian mans name Q. May a wanton papisticall Lady be called a Recusant A. No but Catholick shee may be Q. In what are some Ladies most constant A. In inconstancy Q. Why is marriage called Matrimony A. Because now adaies it is made matter of money Q. What makes so many bad wives A. So many good husbands Q. Why are some women more luxurious then beasts A. Because they often couple when they care not to conceive Q. Why is it to be doubted few Usurers and Misers goe not to heaven A. Because the journey is costly and they will give nothing Q. Why is it said that women generally are better then men A. Because they cannot be so bad Q. How may a simple scholar be handsomely called a foole A. By saying he is but a scholar Q. What kind of men may be said to give the most credit A. Old men that have handsome young wives Q. What places may be said to be the most obscure and darke A. Polititians bosomes Q. How might a Puritan have been blown out of the parish A. With a paire of Organs Q. What may be said to a corrupt wicked Officer A. O-fy-Sir Q. What sort of men need a good memory most A. Lyers Q. Why is a good name said to be so pretious A. Because hee that has a bad one is halfe hang'd Q. What old saying is that which women will never believe A. Short and sweet Q. Why are there more women in the world then men A. Because there are more weeds then good herbs Q. May a married man be called Ox in the presence of his wife A. No but Asse he may Q. Why were many Courtiers of old thought to be the sons offryars A. Because of their begging Q. What may a petty felon say to a cruell and corrupt Judge A. That the greater thieves hang up the lesse Q. What is the worst and yet the dearest commodity in the Kingdome A. Lawyers tongues Q. What kind of men are we most to feare A. Men that have red coats or pale faces Q. What good Deeds doe Usurers love most A. Sealed and delivered Q. Who may be said to be the greatest casuists in the nation A. Lawyers Q. Whether is common-wolfe or common-wealth the better name for England A. Common-wealth Q. If all men be worms what are gallants A. Silke-wormes Q. What is the best dance for Committee-men A. The brawles Q. Why do many gallants hear a din no better A. Because they have locks at their eares Q. Why are thieves said tody like swans A. Because they sing a little before Q. When may we think a woman to be past all recovery A. When she is speechlesse Q. What is the difference between a wives being got with child by her husband and by another man A. Conceiving and misconceiving Q. Why do not women solicite Law-suites as well as men A. Because if they should make their cases too plaine no body would meddle with them Q. Why doe some women love honesty better then men A. Because when they are down themselves they would have men upright Q. If one have an ill wife whose name is Mary may he call her deare Mal A. He may For deare Mal is as much as to say costly ill Q. Why are most women said to be stony hearted A. Because they love stones heartily Q. Why is it said that women doe love fish better then flesh A. Because they doe affect and desire Place above all things Q. Why are women said to be too hard for men at Irish A. Because they are better at bearing Q. Why are painted women not to be trusted A. Because they have two faces under a hood Q. Why are women not like to good wine A. Because they have need of a bush Q. Why are crooked men most unfit to be stewards A. Because they will never be able to set all things streight Q. What may be said of women that marry very young A. That they begin to take upon them betimes Q. Why doe not some Ladies care for plaine dealing A. Because they had rather be over-reach'd Why are sooth sayers no better to be believed A. Because so few of them say sooth Q. What is the worst thing that is for a man to lend his eare unto A. Pillory Q. What is the best receipt to take away the sent of garlick A. Go-looke Q. Why is it said 't is better to have a little wit then a great wit A. Because non est magnum ingenium sine aliquâ dementiâ Q. Why is it said 't is better to marry a widow then a maid A. Causa patet Q. Why are not married men to grieve when their wives make them Cuckolds A. Because solamen miseris socios Q. Why is it said that little heads have more with then great heads A. Because omne majus continet in se minus Q. Why is time said to be so precious A. Because omnium rerum est primum Q. Why is it said that Princes are not to grant monopolies of smal mattors A. Because non vacat exiguis rebus adesse Jovi Q. Why are batchelours more happy then married men A. Because faelix quem faciunt aliorum Cornua cautum Q. Why are not many gallants noto be believ'd when they complement A. Because ex abundancia cordis os loquitur Q. Why is it said that fooles cannot mend their faults A. Because dum vitant in contraria currant Q. Why are Cuckolds said to be like fools A. Because infinitus est numerus Q. What part of grammer do Ladies like the best A. Propria quaemaribus Q. What two words are those which set all the world together by the eares A. Meum and Tuum Q. What saying in Scripture do Lawyers like the worst A. Pax vobis Q. What may a Physitian say when he is in love A. Hei mihi quod nullis Amor est medicabilis herbis Q. What verse in grammer doth most taxe the Clergy A. Bos fur sus atque sacerdos Q. What verse in grammer doth most tax the Lawyers A. Clamor rixa joci mendacia furta cachinni Q. If one be uncivilly checkt for talking with the old saying vir sapit how may he answer A. Vir loquitur qui pauca sapit Q. How may a serving man excuse himselfe if he le ts fall a neates tongue A. By saying Non est error mentis Q. Of a Porter that turnes Preacher what may be said A. Qui color albus erat nunc est contrarius albo Q. Why cannot women keep secrets as well as men A. Because they are pleniores rimarum Q. Why is it said 't is prodigality and not liberality to give quickly A. Because bis dat qui cito dat Q. Why is the Lye no such affront as
man the worse luck Q. What is a womans best elaquence A. Her beauty Q. Which is the best part of a maide A. Her Head Q. What is that which the heavier it is it makes a man the lighter A. A Purse Q. What are poor Tenants best orators to their greedy Landlords A. Bottles and Baskets Q. What kind of meat is that which is alwaies in season A. Powder'd Q. What kind of men may be thought to be the most dogged A. Hunts-men Q. What creature is the greatest traveller next to a man A. A Louse Q. Were there no boates how should one go over the Thames if London bridge were away A. Fore-right Q. Whatkind of house may we soonest find out with following our nose A. That called the Commons Q. What makes Lawyers and Guild Hall Clerks so fine A. Other mens suites Q. What is the fittest inscription for a house of Offi A. Here are f. to be let Q. Which is the highest Church in all London next to St Pauls A. St Gregories Q. What kind of women may most truly be said to have masks of their owne A. The fowle Q. Where doth Luke Harunny hold forth A. At the three Cranes Q. VVhat place is the worst to give the lye in A. The throat Q. How do young men and women love one another A. Like any thing Q. What kind of men are most troubled with bad livers A. The married Q. How deserves he to be called who in a Taverne cals for a Gill of wine and no more A. Jack Q. What kind of fruit is never out of request A. Lemons Q Which may be said to be the merriest Tâ—râ—ne of the four A. Hillary Q. If a woman have had five husbands and reckon them upon her fingers what may be said of her A. That shee has made a hand of them all Q. If a rich widow should boast that she has overcome a Gentleman in a Law suit how may he answer A. That he tooke a wrong Sow by the eare Q. If one be askt what he will take to have a good blow given him on the eare A. A head-piece Q. If a miser offer a Gentleman to drinke and say and that very truly that his beer is dead how may be reply A. Not unlikely for it has been very weak a great while Q. If one chance to be drowned may we say he 's gone the way of all flesh A. No but of fish we may Q. If a man be derided for having but one spur when he rides how may he reply A. That if the one side of his horse go on the other will not tarry behind Q. How did the Gentleman answer his Lady that at supper bid him give her a flap of the cony A. Not before all this company Q. If a Gent. be threatned by a Citizen may he retaliate with the preverb of a curst Cow A. No for his wife will take care Q. What said the Country fellow to an astronomer who as he was taking the height of a star with his Jacob's staff and a meteor fell down A. Well shot i'faith Q. If a Cobler dispute with a Curate and be too hard for him what may one say A. That it is great pity they had not been both Coblers Q. What said the Shepherd leading home his wife from the ale-house when he met his fellow Shepherd A. Hanc etiam vix Tytire duâ—o Q. If an old man marry a young Lady what may he say the next morning A. Non omnia possumus omnes Q. Why is it said that a sonne may have too much of his fathers blessings A. Because omne nimium vertitur Q. What is the best liquor for a Lawyer A. Aurum potabile Q. Why is a rich covetous man said to be the poorest man that is A. Quia semper egit Q. What may be said of the fairest woman that is when in her grave A. Non redoler sed olet Q. Why is it said 't is better to be a fool then a wise man A. Because fortuna favet Q. What man may be said to have least need of weapons A. Integer vitae scelerisque purus Q. Why are fooles said to bee numberlesse A. Because plena sunt omnia Q. Why are Ladies said to have a princelike or majesticall will A. Because stat pro ratione Q. Why is it said to bee good policy to fall out with the mistress A. Because amantium irae Q. Why is it said the Universities did commend the Lawyer when they meant to jear him A. Because they call'd him ignoramus Q. What part or rule of Grammer is of most use A. Faemineo generi tribuuntur Propria quae maribus Q. Why is it said that a man that is drunk is not fit to marry A. Because hee cannot uxorem ducere Q. Why is it said that Ovid was the greatest blasphemer of women that ever was A. Because he said Casta est quam nemo Q. Which was the worst piece of an honest poor man A. Noverint universi Q. What may a Gent. say to his neighbor when he comes home with empty pockets from the Term A. Ad concilium nè accesseris antequà m Q. Why are we not to talke much with wise men A. Because verbumsapienti Q. How may a learned man be rightly termed A. A walking Library Q. Who may be said to be truly in debt A. He that meanes to pay Q. What faire is that which is said to last all the yeare A. A married mans Q. How may we rightly term good husbands and good wives A. Hermaphrodites Q. What was the first sport or game that ever was plaid at A. Child-getting Q. How many daies are there in a yeare A. Seven Q. What is the difference between a rich Usurer and a rich man that is no Usurer A. Six per Cent. Q. How may this our age be rightly termed A. The Golden Q. Why are good women like a lottery A. Because there is many a blank for one prize Q. Why are widowes like cancell'd bonds A. Because they have been seal'd and deliver'd and are out of date Q. Why doe so many desire to rise by the Law A. Because 't is death to fall by it Q. Which is the worst way for a man to make himselfe a fool A. In print Q. What kind of pictures are in most request A. Those of Kings Q. What kind of fruit is said to be the sweetest A. Stolne Q. Why is it said the more crost the more blest A. Because of money Q. Why do women spit when men talke bawdy A. Because their mouths do water Q. What is the prettiest thing for a man to play with A. A faire Lady Q Which is the wantonnest part of a woman A. Her eye Q. What is that which makes all women alike A. The Dark Q. How may a man rightly terme his wife A. His adopted selfe Q. How is a very woman said to love A. Not the man but the best of him Q. Why are some gallants said
to be like Cinamon A. Because the barke is better then the body Q. Why are complementall Courtiers said to be like Grubstreet pamphlets A. Because they promise great matters perform just nothing Q. What kind of sicknesse are women most subject to A. The Falling Q. What kind of Jointures do Ladies like the best A. Body to Body Q. What kind of men may be termed the most sawcy A. Cooks Q. Why is marriage called a yoake A. Because many men are like Oxen. Q. Why is it said that Usurers may be thought to be very honest men A. Because they stand so much upon conditions Q. What is thought to be the greatest dishonesty A. Poverty Q. Why is it said that long lying in is a most dangerous and vitious quality A. Because he must rise betimes who wouâ—d couzen the Devill Q. Wâ—â—t is the difference between a rich glutton and a covetous man A. The one puts his money in his belly the other his belly in his purse Q. What may be said of one that is overcome with passion A. That he is dry drunk Q. What foure words are those which are said to be of one signification A. Poets Travellers Liers and Lovers Q Why is it said that fools are not to be accounted on A. Because they cannot bee counted Q. Wherefore doth a man cry Atkins when he lets a fart A. Because it is an anagram for a stinke Q. Wherefore do Anabaptists hate steeple-houses A. Because they dread the rope Q. What may a cunning barber be aptly called A. A notable shaver Q. Why is it generally said that wooll is the most warmest A. Because it is spelt al with double letters Q. VVhy doth a dog turn round so often before he lies down A. Because he goes about to lye down Q. Why are prisoners said to be good fencers A. Because they keep their ward Q. Why are poor men said to be most healthy A. Because they seldom keep their beds Q. Of all men which are the best Heralds A. Welch men for they speak pedegrees naturally Q. Why may a serving man be said to be alwaies drunk A. Because he is not his own man Q. What knaves are the boldest A. Hostlers for behind your back they 'll cheat your horse to his face Q. What men are best meat A. Saylors for they live in pickle Q. What fish are most delightful A. Maides Q. Why do pick pockets go to Bridewell so often A. Because they get mony by it Q. How do Lawyers come to be famous A. By reports Q. By what measure do women desire to trade A. The yard A. Why did Lilburne leave his boiling sope A. Because he found himselfe in the suds Q. Of Chyrurgions which hath the best cunning A He that lets blood in the purse Q. What may a Baker wish he never had A. His eares Q. What fruit rots alive A. Open Arses Q. What trades-men never trust A. Pick pockets Q. Who is he drawes liquor of life A. The Hangman Q. Where would a woman have her husband lye than in the stocks A. In a hole Q. What creature beares best A. Asses and Women Q. Why are women the weaker vessels A. Because they are soonest cracked Q. What piece carries farthest A. A piece of meate Q. What men have best soles A. Coblers Q. To whom do blades repair often A. To Cutlers Q. What birds have longest bils A. Tailers Q. What trades men are longest lived A. Shoomakers for they live at last Q. What men live like horses A. Tapsters for they are alwaies a drawing Q. What 's the worst part of a lyers A. His conditions Q. What made Diogenes seeke honest men at night A. His Lanthorne Q. Why is it not good to eat hony with a Bear A. Because he will have the greatest share Q. Why is it so impossible to ravish some lasses Because they are willing Q. Were there ever more watches A. No nor time worse spent Q. What makes a woman wise A. A house well furnished Q. Of what sort of men doth Horn Faire chiefly consist A. Of Citizens FINIS