of which S. Paul though succinctly yet distinctly and fully here instructeth in their several duties The two latter in the beginning of the following Chapter the former in the latter part of this and that most compendiously in the last verse which I have now read unto you Nevertheless c. Before I enter upon the Text it will be needful to take a little notice of the context the connexion which these words have with the preceding and that is implied in the particle which begins the Verse Nevertheless Indeed because the Apostle in these words concludes his former argumentation Beza renders it it aque therefore as if it had vim illativam the force of an illative conjunction but this is a needless straining of the word contrary to its proper signification The generality of Interpreters retain the native sense of the word whom our Translators justly follow reading it as an exceptive conjunction and so it hath vim {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} a force of recalling the Apostle from insisting any longer upon the great mystery before mentioned If you cast your eyes on the fore-going Verses you may observe the example of Christ and his Church brought in as a pattern for men and wives to follow whereupon S. Paul digresseth into an excellent Discourse of that spiritual union which is between Christ and his Church making use of Marriage as a representation of this sublime mystery and now in the close he recalleth himself to his first design letting them know that though what Moses relateth concerning Adam and Eve was mystically applied by him to Christ and the Church yet the literal sense of it was in force to them nor must his allegorical hinder them from a moral application of what he had said concerning Marriage A good Item for us in reading the Scriptures to take the sense of them in the fullest extent Of many passages in holy Writ there is both a literal and a spiritual a mystical and a moral use to be made and it is our duty both to search out the sweetness of the mystery and observe the plainness of the Letter and as we are taken with the comforts of the one so not to neglect the duties of the other Having briefly viewed the Context come we now to the Text it self wherein are three general parts worthy your serious consideration The particular relations whom it concerneth specified to wit Husband and Wife The several Obligations laid upon each unfolded On the man that he so love his Wife as himself On the Wife that she reverence her Husband The punctual application to be made by every one of those duties to himself Let every one of you in particular These are the three precious fruits we are to gather from this branch of the Tree of Life and though in hearing they may not be sweet to your taste yet I am sure if well eaten and digested by meditation and practice they will yield wholesome nutriment to your souls Begin we then with the Relations concerned in this Scripture to wit Husband and Wife Almighty God though he is a Lover of Unity yet not of singularity himself is but one and yet he is not alone from all eternity there is a Trinity of persons in the Unity of Essence And if we look into the Creation we shall find though an Harmony yet a plurality or rather a duality the world consists of an heaven and earth in the Celestial part there is a Sun and a Moon in the Terrestriaâ— part Land and Sea and yet further if you look upon the little world of man you may take notice of a soul and a body in the soul of a rational and a sensitive part in the rational of an understanding and a will in the sensitive of an irascible and concupiscible appetite and in the body most of its parts are made in pairs two eyes two ears two nostrils two lipps two arms two thighs two legs two feet Finally Man being thus made God said of him It is not good he should be alone and therefore as he had made other living creatures male and female so he provided a woman for man makes her out of him joyns her to him whence sprang this relation in the Text of Husband and Wife the man so soon as the woman was made becoming an Husband and the woman a Wife This pair is primum par fundamentum omnium parium the first pair and the original of all others those various relations of Parents and Children Master and Servants King and Subjects do all spring out of this Prima naturalis humanae societatiâ— copula vir uxor Man and Wife are the first link of humane society to which all the rest are joyned Families Cities Countreys Nations the whole world yea the Church militant nay a good part of the Triumphant depend upon this pair of Husband and Wife Multitudes flow from this Relation but the relation it self is only between two it is not {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} nor {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} but {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} man and wives wife and men but man and wife unus unam uni The one God hath appointed one woman for one man It was so in the institution and the Prophet Malachy's ratiocination from it is both plain and strong Did not he make one yet had he the residue of the Spirit He could have made more then one Eve for Adam yea if at any time then it might seem most necessary for the speedier peopling of the world to have multiplyed his wives but wherefore one because he sought a godly seed that is a seed arising from godly means Nor is that Argumentation invalid which upon this Subject Theodorus urgeth to the Saracen in point both of pleasure and peace Adam in Paradise no doubt wanted nothing that might be for the fulnesse of his content and comfort and yet he had but one whereby it appeareth {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} the pleasure of having one wife surpasseth that of many Again where there are many Wives there cannot but arise violent and deadly contentions which the man having but one wife prevents and therefore is most conducible to that most desirable good in all relations namely Peace from which with other arguments he justly concludeth {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Monogamy is more comfortable and honourable then Polygamy Indeed he qui unam costam primus in duas divisit to use S. Hierom's phrase who first as we read of divided the one rib into two parts was Lamech a wicked Tyrant and it is observable that the name of his second Wife Zillah signifieth a shadow such an one being only the shadow of a Wife The
is the wife to the man and so ought to be in his esteem Indeed the formation of woman out of mans rib clearly represents this truth On the one hand she was not made of the Head and therefore not domina she must not rule over the Husband nor yet of any anterior part and therefore not praelata she must not be before the Husband On the other hand she was not made of the foot and therefore not serva to be kept under as a servant nor yet of any hinder part and therefore not postposita to be put behind as a child but she was made of a rib in his side and therefore socia to be esteemed and used as a fellow-helper 2. The Concomitants or ingredients of this Love are desire and delight The Moralists distinguish of a double Love to wit amor benevolentiae and amor complacentiae a love of benevolence whereby we heartily wish and accordingly endeavour the good of another a Love of complacency whereby we are well pleased and satisfied in the enjoyment one of another Both of these make up the mans Love to his Wife namely a cordial desire of her welfare and an affectionate delight in her society The most proper act of Matrimonial Love is complacency in which respect this Loving is called elsewhere a rejoycing and the Wife is called the Wife of the bosome the desire of the eyes The bosome is a place of repose and the things we put in our bosomes are such as we take delight in for this cause Christ is said to be in the bosome of the Father to note that it is he in whom the Father is well pleased and John is said to lean on Jesus bosome because the Disciple whom Jesus loved and in whose converse he was singularly delighted The desire of the eyes is that which in the absence we long for and the presence of which we behold with joy So that both these expressions do plainly intimate what contentment and satisfaction the man ought to take in the converse and enjoyment of his Wife And therefore it is Solomon's counsel Let thy Wife be to thee as the Loving Hinde and as the pleasant Roe or according to the Hebrew an Hinde of Loves a Roe of favours the mates of those females are the Hart and the Roe-buck which as Naturalists observe are of all other creatures the most inamored with their mates to instruct the man what an affectionate wel-pleasednesse he should have with his wife 3. The Consequents of this Love are chiefly protection provision and Toleration Love is ever active being like the fire which where it is sends forth light and heat Indeed Exhibitio operis probatio amoris action is the most real proof of affection only that love being true which is not otiosus but officiosus in word but in deed Thus the husbands love to his wife must manifest it self 1. In protecting her to his power from injuries it is the Psalmists expression Thou Lord wilt blesse the righteous with favour wilt thou compasse him as with a shield Love alwayes improves what ability it hath in being a shield to what it affects so ought the husbands love to expresse it self in defending his wife from wrong It is well observed that the rib of which woman was made was taken from under the mans arm to teach him that as the use of the arm is to keep off blowes from the body so the office of an husband is to ward off dangers from his wife It is the speech of Ruth to Boaz Spread thy skirt over thine handmaid The Hebrew word which we render skirt properly signifieth a wing and so the metaphor is borrowed from birds who spread their wings over their young ones to preserve them from harm this was that Boaz owed to Ruth as a kinsman but much more when an husband it being the mans part to spread the skirts or wings of protection over his wife That expression which Abimelech used to Sarah concerning Abraham Behold he is to thee a covering of the eyes is very considerable to this purpose since as Ainsworth hath well observed it denoteth not only subjection on the Womans but protection on the mans part 2. By providing for her conveniencies Love is full of care and care is diligent in providing such a provident care the man oweth to his wife and that not onely so far as is necessary this being due to the meanest servant in the Family but as is convenient and sutable both to her relation as a Wife and to his place and condition This duty is that which the Apostle expresseth a little before in two significant words of nourishing and cherishing the former whereof as one hath well observed referreth to food the latter to raiment both which in a plentifull measure the man according to his degree and estate ought to afford his wife and the latter word being a metaphor borrowed as another hath observed from the hens sitting upon her egges to keep them warm and thereby to hatch her brood doth elegantly expresse what a tender cherishing care Matrimoniall Love obligeth a man unto Indeed when the man marrieth a wife she leaveth her friends with whom she was educated and her friends commit her to her Husbands custody good reason he should have a special care to provide for her and because this Love must be Christian as well as conjugal this care ought to be conversant not only about her bodâ— but her soul In which regard the Apostle Peter willeth Husbands to dwell with their Wives as men of knowledge instructing them in the things which concern their everlasting welfare 3. By bearing with their infirmities S. Paul speaking of charity among other properties telleth us she is not easily provoked she beareth all things and S. Peter that she coveerth a multitude of sins though love be not blind yet oft-times she winketh as not willing to take notice of the wrongs that are done Thus ought the Husband to expresse his affection to his Wife Indeed this is the trial of his love not to be stirred up to wrath when yet provocation is given but silently to passe by and patiently bear with her failings every one will love when he is pleased but that is love to bear when provoked this is that which the Apostle intendeth when to this precept of love he addeth a prohibition of bitternesse Husbands love yove your Wives and be not bitter against them that is ob leves causas exasperari upon slight causes small offences to have their love abated or wrath exasperated This the Heathen Philosopher saw who therefore willeth Husbands to passe by {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} their wives infirmities And thus you have beheld the several lines of the mans duty meeting together in this one center of love What now remains but that all men learn to square their practice by this precept but alas how just cause
assecisse if she have evidence that her Husband striketh her and the reason is added quia verbera sunt ab ingenuis aliena stripes are for flavish not ingenuous persons yea even among the Heathen we finde not any unlesse mad or drunk practising this unnatural cruelty 4. A mans love to himself is industrious whilest his head is ever contriving and his hand acting what may do himself good nor doth he account the greatest study or pains too much for his own advantage nay what is not a man willing to part with lands goods all he hath for the preservation of himself such ought his love to be to his Wife parting with going about any thing which may conduce to her comfort and this not grudgingly but freely Right Love is not in verbal Complement but real implement nor need beneficence be squeezed as wine out of the grape but it floweth naturally from love as water from the fountain thus doth the loving Husband prevent his wives desire in seeking and endeavouring her good 5. The love of a man to himselfe is pure not for base and sinister ends it is not himself as thus or thus accomplished but purely himself that he loveth such ought a mans love to be to his wife not because she is rich or young or fair but because she is his Wife When Martia Cato's daughter was asked why she did not marry she answered Non se invenire virum qui se magis veliet quam sua she could not finde a man that would love her more then hers I wish it might not be charged on too many men they love only with their eyes and their fingers because of the beauty they see in or the money they receive with their wives not with their hearts out of an ingenuous or rather pious respect to that relation of a Wife wherein they belong to them 6. And lastly A mans love to himself is superlative proximus quisque sibi Charity ever beginneth at home and self-love surpasseth a mans affection to any other whatsoever thus ought his love to his wife transcend his love to all other relations exigit vehementissimam dilectionem quia non potest esse vehementior quam sui ipsius dilectio Our Apostle in this expression cals for vehemency of affection because self-love is of such a nature The Ring given in Marriage is of gold the choicest among mettals to intimate that the dearest affections belong to the Wife for this cause saith Moses a man shall leave father and mother and cleave to his Wife not as if Marriage engaged men to put off naturall affection to their parents and when they begin to be husbands they must cease to be children this is a glosse fit for none but a Pharisee to put upon that Scripture but conditionally if they shall seek to alienate his affection from his Wife and comparatively if a man be put to that sad strait that either his wife or his parents must perish he ought first to relieve his Wife and if you will know the reason of all this it is because she is himselfe which bringeth me to the 2. Consideration of this as under the notion of identity as that is being himself it is that acception in which this conjunction is sometimes taken where it is said concerning Christ We saw his glory as of the only begotten Son of God it noteth not a likeness but a reality being the onely begotten Sonne of God and in the same construction is that commendation given of the Thessalonians for receiving the Word as that is being indeed the Word not of man but of God the same sense is here to be given as that is not only non minus quam seipsum not lesse then himself but quia illa est altera ego because she is a second self To this purpose is that of S. Jerom who maketh it to be a sicut non similitudinis sed ponderis and thus where a little before it is said He that loveth his wife loveth himself the meaning is not only that he doth good to himself but that she is himself The truth of which will easily appear upon a double consideration Of her original by creation being made of a rib which was a part of the man so that when a man taketh a wife reparat latus suum repetit costam suam he repaireth his side regaineth his rib and laieth her in his bosome who was taken out of his side In that expression in Genesis of making an he'p meet for him the last words for him are fitly rendred according to the original coram ipso that is as a glasse that reflecteth upon him his own image ipse coram se himself before himself that which he seeth being taken out of himself Chiefly of her neer Conjunction by marriage with the man in which respect as they are one flesh so the Law maketh them one person Man and wife what are they but as two springs meeting and so joyning their streams that they make but one current so that the water of the one and the other cannot be severed or as those two branches in the Prophets hand enclosed in one bark and so closing together that they make but one piece and the same fruit cometh of either Indeed so close and near is the communion that as to use they have all things common bodies children houses conditions of prosperity and adversity And now what improvement should all men make of this consideration but to enlarge and encrease their affections towards their wives Indeed it is a most unnatural thing for a man not to love himself it is no lesse not to love his wife even irrational creatures teach a man to love himself and in that to love his Wife a man loveth his goods because sua his own parents love their children as suos being their own much more should he love his Wife as seipsum being himself though a mans own goods be not so wealthy children so comely as anothers yet the nearness of relation engageth to affection Nemo patriam amat quia magnam sed quia suam every mans Countrey is most acceptable to him because though not so great or fertile as others yet it is his own his native soyl Be thy wife far inferiour in riches beauty and such like ornaments to other women yet this obligation lieth upon thee to love her because she is thine yea so much thine as that she is thy self And thus I have given a dispatch to the mans duty I now proceed with lesse brevity but no lesse fidelity to The womans part as it followeth in those words and the wife see that she reverence her husband We are not here to imagine that when the Apostle calleth upon the woman for reverence he excludeth love love is no less the wives duty then the mans conjugal affection must be mutual and reciprocal the Husband must love his Wife as himself and
the Wife love her Husband as her self so that whatsoever hath been said concerning the man in this respect must and ought likewise to be observed and practised by the woman Hence it is that elsewhere this is expressed concerning the younger women that they love their husbands The truth is the Apostle here requireth love and somewhat more from the wife such a love as expresseth it self by fear such an affection as yieldeth chearful subjection The Wife see that she do not only love but reverence her husband To this purpose Theophylact saith aptly the wife must love her husband as a member and fear him as the head the man indeed being the superior is only bound to love but the woman being imperfect and inferior is obliged to fear It is an observation not unfitly taken notice of by the golden mouth'd Father and therefore not to be passed by that the Apostle enlargeth about love and only mentioneth fear {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} he setteth down the extent of love in leaving father and mother and cleaving to the wife the manner by Christ's love to his Church and a mans to himself not so of fear and he giveth this reason {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} because he would have love especially to prevail both in man and woman since whereas fear will not cause love love will produce fear Upon the same ground I have in imitation of the Apostle spent the greatest part of the time in handling love allotting to it an elder Brothers portion though withall I must not neglect in some measure to prosecute this of fear which particularly belongs to the wife If we cast our eyes on the 5. verse of the following Chapter we shall find the Apostle setting down fear as a chief ingredient in the servants duty and here a Verb of that Noun is used to express the wives duty to the husband but though there be this agreement in the word yet there is a great deal of difference in the thing and therefore the Scholiast speaking of servile fear maketh this exception {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} this is not that fear which is enjoyned the Wife The fear of a slave and a wife differ specifically the slaves fear is only of the rod not the person the wives only of the person not any rod The slaves fear is oft-times accompanied with hatred of his master the wives fear is alwaies attended with a love of her husband The fear of a servant and a wife differ gradually since according to the measure of the distance so is the degree of the fear and thus the servant being in a far lower condition and so at a greater distance from the Master then the wife from the husband his fear must be of a more aweful and submissive temper in which respect the Apostle useth two words the one expressing an high degree of the other to wit fear and trembling such a fear as is joyned with trembling whereas the wives fear is only so much as doth declare that the man is superiour nor must it be of that nature as to cause a trembling at but rather a delighting in her husbands presence not such as maketh her to quake when she seeth him but only keepeth her from rising up against contradicting of and insulting over him To unfold more particularly both the intent and extent of this reverence which is the wives debt to the Husband be pleased to know that there is an inward and outward reverence due from all inferiours and in special the wife the intent of this fear wherein it consists we shall finde in the inward the extent of it how far it reacheth we shall see by the outward acts The inward reverence carrieth in it an act both of the judgment and the will Of the judgement dictating the Husbands superiority of the will dreading to doe any thing which may displease him 1. This principle must be firmly asserted to and acknowledged by the wife that the husband is her superiour indeed there is a double priority belonging to the man 1. In respect of sex he being the male and the woman the female upon which difference the man is called the image and glory of God and the woman the glory of the man man God's image and glory because in him a resemblance of God's dominion and majesty as being Lord of the world and the woman the mans glory it being an high honour to the man that so noble a creature as the woman should be inferiour to him 2. Nor is this all the ground of his superiority since not only as man he is before the woman but as an husband he is over the wife and therefore as in respect of sex so much more of relation and office is the mans authority to be asserted In which regard those titles of head and guide are given to him since what the guide is to the traveller and the head to the members that is the Husband to the wife for direction and government Indeed this truth is so clear in sacred Writ that it cannot be ignorance but arrogancy want of sufficient information but peremptoriness of pride that causeth in any a denial or so much as a doubt concerning it That pattern of women Sarak acknowledged this when not out of a feigned flattery but a just humility she called her Husband Lord and this is the first step of that reverence here commanded and commended to all the daughters of Sarah that they cordially assent to the Husbands primacy and authority over them 2. From this naturally floweth in the will an aversation from what offendeth her husband whereby out of an awful respect to his power and place she dareth not displease him yea in consideration of which she abhorreth it as the greatest evil next to the breach of God's precepts to contradict her Husbands will Hence it is that as the Apostles expression is {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} she taketh care and that a serious thoughtful care which way she may please her Husband so as it is her joy when she can give him content and her grief when any thing falleth out that crosseth his will and proveth distasteful to him Thus as the iron is drawn by the Loadstone the marigold openeth and shutteth with the Sun and the glasse reflecteth the form and figure the posture and motion of the body so doth her will conform it self next under God's to her Husbands pleasure 2. Upon both these followeth that outward reverence in her First Gestures When by her respectful carriage and observant demeanour towards him she testifieth her reverent regard of him in token of this it was that Rebeccah when she saw Isaac lighted of her camell and covered her self with a Veil this is that fear which S. Peter mindeth the Wives of in those words Whilest they behold your chaste conversation
coupled with fear it being such a fear he there calleth for which is exprest in their conversation and that such as others may behold to wit in their reverent deportment towards their husbands Thus as the Moon though when the Sun is absent she govern the world by her influence yet when the Sun appeareth she veileth her light So the wife though she be Ruler of the Family in her husbands absence yet when he is present she must declare her reverence by giving place to him Secondly Speeches and that both to and of him To him when he is with her fairly entreating modestly answering mildely perswading humbly admonishing and when occasion is wisely forbearing to retort upon his passionate expressions Of him when he may be far from her having the fear of him before her and therefore not mentioning his name without respect and avoiding any expressions which though out of his hearing may betray any contempt either of his person or power or place Thirdly Actions When her reverence of him causeth her willingly to doe what he requireth and abstain from what he forbiddeth Indeed reverence is the rise of obedience and obedience the best testimony of reverence that subjection cannot be voluntary which is not the effect of reverence nor can that reverence be real which doth not put upon subjection It is very observable in Scripture that the fear of God and keeping his Commandments are frequently joyned together to intimate the inseparable connexion between them since whoso feareth God cannot but keep Gods Commandments and he cannot keep God's Commandments that doth not fear him It is no lesse true in this of the wife to the Husband who ought to manifest her fear of him by her obedience to his desires And now beloved I could wish there were not cause given by wives as well as men of a deserved accusation and a severe increpation Indeed some kinde of fear is too prevalent in many women nor are the men in this to be exempted I mean a fear of suspicion and jealousie in regard of each others fidelity A crime that for the most part is found in them that are guilty themselves as charity prompts good men to think others are as faithful and just as themselves so lust maketh evil ones surmise others to be as vicious and licentious as they A sin which cannot but be an enemy to the duties here enjoyned since jealousie must needs expel love out of the mans heart towards his wife and hinder the woman from yielding that reverential fear she oweth to her husband Finally a fault which like envy carrieth with it its own punishments guawing the bowels distracting the thoughts and tormenting the spirits of them who give entertainment to it in which respect wise persons are unwilling to harbour it even when there may be too just ground and reason for it But to return to the fear my Text calls for though there be too much oft-times of that other yet too little of this fear is to be found in most women how true this charge is let the carelesse irreverent carriage of many wives testifie Solomon in the Proverbs mentioneth An eye that mocketh at his Father and despiseth to obey his mother Indeed by the eye it is that the soul doth much expresse it self in mocking and despising and there are too easily to be observed eyes that despise their Husbands Women of proud and scornful behaviour not only towards their Neighbours but Husbands Nor are only the eyes but the tongues of many in fault by reason of sharp passionate presumptuous and impetuous speeches whilest they speak either chidingly like Jezabel railingly like Zipporah scoffingly like Michol or reproachfully like Job's wife nay so little regard have they of their husbands that they care not in discourse before others to divulge their faults and it may be load them with calumnies So that what Jacob saith to his sons Simeon and Levi in regard of their cruel exploit You have made we to stink amongst the Inhabitants of the Land may many men say to their wives You make me to stink amongst my neighbours and friends by your reviling words and opprobrious speeches yea to carry it on a little further I would to God there were not a generation of women in the world who tread Antipodes to this duty instead of fearing their Husbands they would make their Husbands stand in fear of them whose study is not to please but crosse their Husbands wills who will either have the mastery or wage a continual warre with them Aspiring shoulders that will not content themselves to have a room below their head Monsters of their sex inverting the order in which nature or rather the God of nature hath set them as if the woman were not made for the mans comfort but the man to be at the womans command But I am perswaded better things of you though I thus speak only I beseech you accept a word of exhortation to the practice of this duty Our English Translation here supplieth a word see which is not in the original but yet it is implied in the {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} that she reverence before which is supposed a verb that must signifie as much as see let the wife look to it that she fear her husband It is then a strict charge that is here laid upon the woman by the Apostle give me leave from him to give it you Have a care that this duty of fear be not omitted it is not an arbitrary thing which you may doe or leave but a necessary work to be performed by you I know you are ready to say with them in the Gospel This is an hard saying who can bear it but be it never so hard in your apprehention it is but just and right according to God's Ordination and to repine at it is no lesse then to murmure at God himself Oh therefore see beware that you grudge not at this precept and again see look that you cheerfully perform it and indeed were it seriously considered that it is not a servile but an ingenuous fear which is here commanded and that this fear from the wife is allaied with a precept of honour from the husband nay that where this is practised it doth regain a mutual respect from the man whilest by obeying she commands for so the mother told her daughter Do thou minister to thy husband and he shall do the like to thee be thou his handmaid and he shall be thy servant and thus as Sarah called Abraham Lord so he called her Sarai as much as my mistris these meditations could not but sweeten the bitternesse of this precept to them In a word let there be but a cordiall love in the wife to her husband and this command of fear will not be grievous to her as fear is the spring of subjection so love is the rise of fear in which respect the Scholiast saith fitly
if love be present fear will follow after it and attend upon it and as the mans love engageth him to honour and protect so the wives will no lesse oblige her to fear and subjection I shut up this yea both the man and the womans part with one admonition to them both As the one desireth to love his Wife and the other to fear her Husband let both strive to have the love and fear of God rooted in their hearts It is very considerable that fear God and the King are put together by Solomon and fear God and honour the King by S. Peter to intimate that the former always inclines to the latter the like I may say here fear God and thy husband fear God and honour thy wife since he that is faithful in his duty to God cannot but be careful of his duty to man The Rabbins have observed that if the word {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} which signifieth God be taken out of the word {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} which signifieth man and woman there remaineth nothing but {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} which signifieth fire nothing but the fire of malice in the mans heart the fire of pride in the womans and the fire of contention between them both is to be expected when God is not loved feared served and honoured by them And thus much be spoken of the second General the obligation layed upon the man and the wife I hasten in a word to The punctual application to be made of these duties Let every one of you in particular And this is done two ways by a word of generical comprehension every one and words of individual specification of you in particular both which though expressed only in the mans part yet are by a parity of reason to be supplied the wives every one in particular both man and woman being obliged to the practice of their duty 1. The first word is of a generical comprehension every one of what degree quality condition soever is concerned in these precepts yea every one is bound to their several wife or husband be their condition or qualification what it will It is though very sad yet too common for both sexes to plead excuses for their non-observance of these divine injunctions On the one hand many a man is apt to say I could love my Wife were she a person of quality but she was my servant were she wealthy but she brought me nothing were she meek and quiet but she is froward and perverse It is true indeed wisedom teacheth thee beforehand to take care that there be virtuous qualities and some proportionable equality of estate and degree in the person whom thou choosest for thy wife but having once entered into that relation justice obligeth thee to give her the love due to a Wife On the other hand many a Wife is ready to pretend I could reverence my Husband were he not a mean person one whose fortune hath been raised by my estate not considering that how superiour soever she were before yet by marriage she becometh his inferior And again I could reverence him were he not a man of a debaucht prophane and vicious life Indeed I could wish that many men did not give too much occasion by their loose lives of that contempt they finde in the eyes not only of Wife but servants but still be the Husband never so faulty and his practices licentious yet in respect of his place and relation the Wife oweth him reverence the truth is nemo excipitur none is excepted let none of either sex dare to exempt themselves 2. Because what is spoken to every one is accounted as spoken to none our Apostle bringeth down the general to individuals every one of you in particular or according to the Greek one by one Take this as spoken to him and her and so each apply their own duty to themselves It is that which concerneth Ministers in all their doctrines not to shoot at randome but aim at the mark like David's Thou art the man and S. Peter's You have crucified and here S. Paul's You in particular It is that which all hearers are enjoyned to mix faith with what they hear and that by a particular application of the word to their own hearts and lives and yet more closely to the text it is that which Man and Wife each one in regard of themselves ought to take notice of and square their own practice by And well were it if this were duly thought upon and accordingly perfomed But alas we every one look to anothers not our own duty and to speak my thoughts freely I fear this will be the use or rather abuse which too many will make of this Sermon It is very likely that when you come home the Husband will read his Wife a Lecture of her duty and the Wife ring a peal in the Husbands ears concerning his and so whilest each upbraid the other both forget what belongeth to them in particular Oh how preposterous a course is this as if a Scholar should only minde how his Schoolfellow learneth his lesson and not look on his own or a man should take notice what is good for his neighbours but not his own disease and therefore whereas the Apostle in another case most justly adviseth Look not every man on his own things but every man also on the things of others my counsel in this case is look not so much on the duties of others as every man on his own And so much the rather would this be considered in the present matter because it is so frequent for both the Man and the Wife to excuse their own neglect by the others default What apologies more usual then these the Man saith I could love my Wife did she reverence me and the Wife I would reverence my Husband did he love me both are ready to say Let him do his or she her duty and I will doe mine But oh how vain is this plea since neither is the man only obliged in case the woman perform hers nor the woman if the man perform his part but both because God hath enjoyned each particular to fulfill their own work whatsoever the other doe Excellent counsel to this purpose is that which a Greek Father giveth where he puts the question and answers it What if the Woman do not fear thee yet do thou love her and so perform thy part and likewise the Woman though she be not beloved yet let her reverence her Husband Surely as our blessed Saviour was used to say it is better to give then to receive so in this case it is better to pay then to require if another fail in duty to thee it is thy crosse but if thou fail in duty to another it is thy curse assure thy self oh man or woman it is more acceptable to God and commendable amongst men
that thou shouldst doe thy own part then challenge that which is anothers towards thee and let me add one word more That man or woman who seeth not more faults in themselves then in the other is either arrogant or ignorant or both To end all Though we must every one apply to our selves yet we may every one exhort each other the Husband the Wife and the Wife with a due regard the Husband Though our application must be peculiar yet our supplication ought to be mutual the Husband for the Wife the Wife for the Husband both together that they may know and practise their duties Let us therefore pray one for another and let it be my prayer for you all here present this day who are knit together in the matrimonial bond that every Husband may love his wife as himself and every wife reverence her Husband as she ought And yet more especially for that worthy pair whose Nuptials have been lately solemnized that by the practice of their duties each to other they may be happy each in other and the blessing of Heaven may be upon them both even a peaceable tranquility hopeful posterity abundant competency with length of days here and a never fading glory an eternal felicity hereafter Amen FINIS Prov. 5. 19. Psal. 127. 5. 122. 7. Sicut è mari omnia flumina ita è divina Scriptura omnes humanae disciplinae oriuntur Mend T. 1. p. 17. Initio versiculi non converti {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} veruntamen sed igitur quòd omnino videatur esse in his verbis conclusio superioris tractationis Beza in loc. Revocat Apostolum haec particula a praedicti mysterii fusiori consideratione Bod. in loc. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theoph. ibid. Non impedit praeceptum expressum quod de typica adumbratione dixi Aret. Gen. 1. Gen. 2. 1â— Aug. de bonâ— conjug. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Hieroc de Nupt. Conjugium principium urbis est quasi seminarium Cic. de offic. l 1. Bern. Mal. 2. 15. Nec artifex nec materia defecisset Tertul. exhor ad castit Theod. Opusc. in Bibl. patr. T. 1. Gr. Lat. Hieron. Numerus conjugii a maledicto viro incepit primus Lamech duabus maritatus tres unam carnem fecit Tartul ibid. In ea sope deficimus licet domini satis studiosi Aret. in loc. Rigorem virilis Legis emollit neu potestate quae praevalet nimius quis sit in dominatu uxoris Amb. in Col. 3. 19. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Oecum ibid. Demosth. Rom. 13. 10. Non es dominus sed maritus non ancillam sed uxorem sortitus es gubernatorem te voluit esse Deus muliebris sexus non praepotentem Amb Hexam lib 5. cap. 7. Psa. 128. 3. Aug. de bonâ— conjug. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Arist. Rhet. l. 2. c. 8. Pro. 5. 18. Deut. 13. 6. Ezek. 24. 16. John 1. 28. Mat. 3. 17. Joh. 13. 23. Joh. 20. 2. Prov. 5. 19. Diligendi vocabulum tum ad affectum sum ad effectum referre oportet Daven. in Col. 3. 19. Psal. 5. 20. Ruth 3. 9. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Propriè alam significat Buxt. Gen. 20. 16. Eph. 5. 29. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} primum ad alimenta alterum ad vestimenta referendum Zanch. Significat gallinarum more incubare calore foetum partut idoneum reddere Aret. 1 Pet. 3. 7. 1 Cor. 13. 5 7. 1 Pet. 4. 8. Charitas amat quos tolerat tolerat quos amat Greg. Meg. in Ezek. Sialienos multo magis uxorios debes tolerare emendare mores Ambr. lib. 8. in loc. cap. 16. Col. 3. 19. Daven. Aristot. Aelius Verus 1 Joh. 4. 20. 1 Cor. 16. 14. 2d Part. Prov. 5. 19. Exod. 20. 17. Exod. 20. 1. Gen. 1. 3. and 9. 10 11. 3d. Part. Quest Answ. Chrys. in loc. Eph. 3. 19. Obj. 2 Tim. 3. 2. Sol. Psal. 73. 25. 1 Sam. 18. 1. Aul. Gell. l. 10. c. 10. Sen. Tract. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theoph. in loc. 1 Pet. 3. 7. 1 King 18. 28. Mar. 5. 5. God l. 5. tit. 17. Hier. contra Jovinian Marloâ— in loc. Gen. 2. ult. John 1. 4. 1 Thes. 2. 13. Hier. idid ver 28. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Chrysost. hom. 20. in Ephes. Gen. 2. 18. Quos nec ipsos singulos condidit Deus tanquam alienigenas junaeit sed alteram ex altero creavit signans etiam vim conjunctionis in latere unde illa detracta formata est Aug. de Bon. conjug Ezek. 37. 17. Sen. ep. 67. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theoph. in loc. Tit. 2. 4. Eph. 6. Uxorum timere est cum timore diligere virorum autem tantum diligere quia dilectio perfectorum est Ambr. in Cass. Chrystost hom. 20. in Ephes. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Oecumen. in Eph. 6. 1. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theoph. ibid. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theoph. in loc. Congruit viâ—â— dilectio mulieri timor servo vero non solum metus sed tremorjungitar Hier. in loc. 1 Cor. 11. 7. Prov. 2. 17. 1 Cor. 11. 3. 1 Pet. 3. 6. Non blandiendi consuetudinesed hujus subjectionis testificandae voluntate Daven. Cor. 7. 34. Gen. 24. 64 65 1 Pet. 3. 2. Nunquam erit voluntaria subjectio nisi precedat reverentia Marlor in loc. Deut. 5. 29. Eccles. 12. 15. Sancti caeteros de suo affectu aestimant quia ipsis est amica veritas mentiri neminem putant libenter credant quod ipsi sunt non possunt suspectum habere quod non sunt Ambros. l. 3. de offic. 10. Prov. 30. 17 Gen. 34. 30. John 6. 60. Casta ad â—irum inatrona parendo imperat Publ. Ser. Sapiens quaedam dicebat filiae suae eam cum duceret ad thalamum Mea filia sta coram viro tuo ministrae ei si fueris ei ancilla ipse tibi servus erit c. in lib. Nus c. 6. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Occum ibid. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Chrysost Hom. 20. in Ephes. 3. Gen. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Qud voles aptè nubere nube pari Ovid Epist. Quam male inaquales veniunt ad aratra juvenci Tam premitur magno conjuge nupta minor Id. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} 2 Sam. 12. 7. Acts 2. 36. Heb. 4. 2. Phil 2. 4. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Bas. Hexam. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theoph in loâ— Acts 20. 30.
is there given by a great part of men for a sad complaint or rather a sharp reproof I would to God there were not some who in stead of affecting abhor loving loath their wives and the most though not guilty of the contrary vice yet are too defective in the exercise of the vertue they do not hate and yet they do not love their wives and in this the bare want of love is no small sinne Be pleased to consider a while in particular the contrarieties between the rule and mens practices How many Husbands have base and unworthy esteems of their wives as if they were their drudges being more kinde to their servants then them Little better are they who with that Emperour imagine wife to be a name dignitatis not voluptatis as if it were enough for wives that their Husbands vouchsafe to honour them in marrying them and in the mean time they may indulge themselves the licentious liberty of voluptuous conversing with other women whence it is their wives society is rather a burthen then a pleasure to them No lesse justly are they to be condemned who prodigally consume that estate in riot and luxury by which their wives and family should be maintained with needful conveniences Surely in such men Nec amor viget mariti nec fides Christiani there is neither the faith of a Christian nor the love of an Husband Finally how deservedly are they to be blamed who put a sinister construction upon all their wives actions if she be devout she is an hypocrite if grave she is melancholy if chearful she is wanton if she stay at home she is a drone if she go abroad a gadder so that nothing their wives doe can please them whence it is that they are apt to quarrel with them de lanâ caprinâ upon every trifle and are often enraged without any just occasion By these and several other waies do men discover a great defect of this duty which our Apostle here calls for but I wish that such would sadly consider how repugnant these courses are to Christianity since what S. John saith in another case I may no lesse truly say in this If a man say I love God and hateth his brother he is a liar for if he loves not his brother whom he hath seen how can he love God whom he hath not seen In like manner If a man say he loves God and hateth his wife he is a liar for if he loves not his wife whom he seeth how can he love God whom he hath not seen Be we therefore all of us exhorted to a careful and chearful performance of our duty and as the Apostle elsewhere adviseth in the general Let all things be done in charity so shall I in this particular Let all things a man doth to his wife be done in Love his looks his speeches his carriage his actions his familiarity yea his authority his admonitions yea his reprehensions let all be sweetned with love as the salt is first set on and last taken off from the Table and is eaten almost with every dish so let love accompany him in the whole course of his behaviour towards her Thus ought conjugal love to be extended but withal it must be limited to the right object his wife which leadeth me to the Propriety of the Object Thy Wife To clear this be pleased to distinguish of a three-fold Love spiritual natural and matrimonial Spiritual Love is that we bear to a woman as she is a Christian and so where there are the greatest measures of grace there ought to be greater degrees of love and in this respect another woman may deserve love when a mans own wife doth not because she may want those impressions of grace which others have Natural Love is to a woman as woman and thus a man may love other women besides his wife but still he must love his wife before other women Matrimonial Love is of the wife as she is a wife and this is solely and wholly due from every man to his own wife The Greek word {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} here used signifieth as much as {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} which is by some therefore made the Etymology of it such a love whereby a man rests satisfied in the object loved this is that which Solomon requireth where he saith Let her breasts satisfie thee at all times and the contrary to this the Law forbiddeth where we read Thou shalt not covet thy Neighbours Wife A fault too common though very hainous as Nadab and Abihu offered strange fire in the Censer so a great many harbour strange fire in their hearts I mean love to strange women yea with such a spirit of lewdnesse are some possessed that they therefore cannot love them because they are their Wives It is an expression which though odious some mouths have not been ashamed to utter I could love her were she not my Wife as if a man should say I could love these Lands these Goods but that they are mine which how unreasonable a reason it is cannot but be obvious to every man Oh far be this distemper from us learn we therefore as to refine our love that it be not sensual so to confine it that it be not extravagant It was the praise of Constantine that he was Juvenis Uxorius though young devoted in his love only to his Wife let him be our pattern The Ring given in Marriage is but one to teach the man that his love must be singularly contracted to the person of the Wife The truth is that love which is as it were cut into many rivulets must needs run weakly nay he that giveth not all his love to his wife indeed giveth none at all besides that is most true in this sense Deus amat cor extensum non divisum the Husbands love must be extended but not divided a heart and a heart is hateful in God's sight nor can such expect his benediction It is well observed that in the beginning whilest the waters were over the earth there was nothing but barrenness but when they were gathered into one place the earth brought forth fruits and the Sea fishes that love will be most fruitful which is only setled upon the Wife and therefore let this counsel be acceptable to all men Cause the stream of thy affection to run in one channel the lines of thy delight to meet in one center Love as intirely as thou canst so it be thy own Wife and so much the rather because she is thy self which leadeth me to The Energy of the Rule upon which this love is grounded and by which it must be measured as himself It is a question here moved by some Why the Apostle having proposed so excellent a pattern already as that of Christ's love to his Church should now add another of a far inferiour nature to wit our love to our selves to
which this answer is fitly returned This pattern of self-love is annexed not as if the other were not abundantly sufficient both to perswade and direct to the duty but because this as S. Chrysostome saith excellently is {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} a more domestick and familiar example The love we bear to our selves is plainly felt and discerned by us not so Christ's Love to his Church it being a love which passeth knowledge every man knoweth how he loveth himself only the spiritual man knoweth and that but in a scant measure how Christ loveth his Church besides our love to our selves as it is better known so more easily imitated whereas Christ's love to his Church is both so transcendent in its own nature and so far remote from our apprehension that though we must follow after it yet we may despair ever to come near it But it may be further objected Is not self-love a vice are not those hypocrites branded for this among others that they are Lovers of their own selves how then comes it to passe that self-love is here set down as the rule of a mans love to his Wife To which it is easily answered That it is not self-love but the exorbitancy of it which is elsewhere condemned as a vice and it is not an inordinate but a regular self-love which is here commended as a rule The first and primary object of our love is God himself and as he is a superexcellent good so our love to him must be a superlative love such was David's when he cried out Whom have I in heaven but thee and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee not goods nor children nor wife no nor self may be loved as God Next to and under God comes in self there being nothing except God which can or ought to be dearer to a man then himself this is that love by which in general the love to our neighbour and more particularly the love to the wife ought to be regulated for so our Apostle here proposeth it that a man should love his wife as himself This as in the Text may very well admit of a double construction there is a sicut similitudinis and veritatis an as of likenesse and resemblance and an as of verity and samenesse both these may be here used and accordingly it representeth two things in order to Conjugal love namely modum and motivum the manner how and the reason why the man should love his Wife 1. The most proper and frequent acception of this Conjunction as is only to note likeness and thus the meaning is that a mans love to his Wife should be like that he bears to himself so that by tracing the similitude we shall learn much of the manner how this love is to be performed and that in these following parallels 1. A mans love to himself is cordial without dissimulation Though a man may seign amity to others yet no man ever in this kind dissembled with himself such should a mans love be to his Wife not an outside but an inside not a feigned but a hearty love The Poet calls love {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} a fire that burns withinin and Plutarch saith of friendship That as minerals are hid in the bowels of the earth so this must be seated in the bottom of the heart And surely much more true ought this to be of the love between man and wife who as they are one flesh so should their hearts be joyned together in one and as it was said of Jonathan that his soul was knit to David so ought the soul of the Husband to the Wife The Ring in Marriage is put upon the fourth finger of the left hand concerning which Aulus Gellius acquaints us from Appion that the Aegyptians in anatomizing mens bodies observed nervum quidem tenuissimum ab eo uno digito ad cor hominis pergere ac provenir̄e that singer of all the rest to have a small nerve passing from it to the heart the truth of this I leave to skilful Anatomists to determine the moral use which the man ought to make of it is good that putting the Ring on such a finger he be admonished of that neer union there ought to be between and dear affection in his heart to his wife 2. A mans love to himself is constant No man in his right minde was ever brought to hate himself such ought his love to be to his wife not like Nero's quinquennium for a short time a few years but as long as the relation so long must the affection continue even till death do part them The Ring given in marriage is of a circular figure and a circle is the image of constancy to teach the man how perpetual his love should be This latter will follow upon the former since quos verus amor tenuit tenebit that affection which is unfaigned will not be fading And yet more particularly look as though a man see others stronger healthier handsomer then himself yet he doth not therefore fall in love with them to slight himself or wish his head upon their shoulders So though other women be more beautiful and lovely then his own Wife yet must he not dote on them and neglect her or so much as wish an exchange And yet further as nothing can make a man to be out of love with himself though he be deformed or by some sad accident maimed and debilitated so neither ought any natural defect or accidental mischance cause a remission much lesse a cessation of the mans love to his wife 3. A mans love of himself is tender no man can handle one so tenderly as he doth himself If thou hast a blear eye a lame foot or any other member afflicted wilt thou presently pluck it out or cut it off or wilt thou not rather use it with the greater regard such must a mans affection be to his Wife expressing it self in gentle and tender dealing with her how chary are men of their glasses because as they are bright so brittle the woman is the weaker vessell which must not be a cause of contempt but respect and the more weak she is by reason of any sicknesse or distemper whatsoever so much the more tender care ought to be had of her Indeed I read of some who in stead of tendernesse have been cruel to themselves in cutting and lancing but they were either idolatrous as Baal's Priests or Daemoniaacks as he in the Gospel and surely we may account them either besotted in their minds or possessed with a divel who lay violent hands upon their wives The Husband indeed is to govern the wife but consiliis non plagis with counsels not stripes neither divine nor humane Law intrusts the man with a power of castigation over his Wife yea the civil Law alloweth her a Bill of Divorce si probare possit maritum verberibus illam