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A44756 Thērologia, The parly of beasts, or, Morphandra, queen of the inchanted iland wherein men were found, who being transmuted to beasts, though proffer'd to be dis-inchanted, and to becom men again, yet, in regard of the crying sins and rebellious humors of the times, they prefer the life of a brute animal before that of a rational creture ... : with reflexes upon the present state of most countries in Christendom : divided into a XI sections / by Jam. Howell, Esq. Howell, James, 1594?-1666. 1660 (1660) Wing H3119; ESTC R5566 113,995 188

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this rare Medicament how must it be apply'd Pererius The manner of applying it is in this manner The blood or bloody matter being taken from the wound on a cloth or remaining still on the wounding instrument must be lightly covered over with this powder kept very dry and afterwards wrapp'd up close from the air and so preserved in a temperat heat it must also be kept clean and clos'd up with neat linnen to fence it from cold for cold hinders the expiration and breathing forth of the balsamicall Atoms which shold drain forth the superfluous humidity and restrain the efflux of blood Now the greatest rarenes of this Sympatheticall Powder is that by a virtuall contact it heals at a distance by the intercourse of the Atoms proceeding from the extravenated blood of the Patient which Atoms like so many little spirits glide through the aire and never rest till they come to their desired home where being gladly entertained they find an easie entrance at the cognate parts and proportionat pores of the wound Being admitted there they fall to work and first they dilate the superfluous humid parts and make them fit to be expell'd then by their more then ordinary restrictive power they shrinck together the pores and squeezing out that noxious corrupt humidity glew together the disunited parts and so cicatrize and cure And truly Madame I could produce diverse pregnant examples of those that were healed by the atomicall energy of this Sympatheticall powder but I desire one may serve for all Ther was a knowing Captain who made often use of it and two of his Officers having drawn blood one of another in a Duell he got their bloodied Swords and applied his balsamicall Powder so in lesse then 24 hours they were almost cur'd But the Captain understanding that their animosities were such that they were resolved to fight again he hung the balsam'd bloodied Swords out at his window all night so comming the next morning to visit his Patients they told him that they were in cruell pain all night long And so you shall be still quoth the Captain untill you be perfect friends for I hear that you will fight again So having made them shake hands and perfectly reconcil'd them he cur'd both in a very short time Morphandra I acknowledge it a singular favour most gallant Prince that you have made me understand this great Secret and the naturall causes thereof though the common peeple who use to condemn all they understand not and whereunto their short capacities cannot reach for Magicall But if you persist in your desires to convert any of these metamorphos'd Animals and proceed further in your attempts I spy amongst those Trees a Boar who was once an Aetonian Count whom for his deboshments and intemperancies I transmuted to that shape you may try what you can do upon him Pererius I will by the continuance of your noble favor make towards him Miserable metamorphos'd Creture how much do I resent the condition you are now in in comparison of the former for I understand by Queen Morphandra that you were before not onely a Man but a personage of high account in Aetonia that masculine and generous brave Country which is so full of large flourishing Provinces of opulent fair Cities and famous Marts so full of magnificent Palaces of Mines of Tresure of fruitfull Orchards of fragrant Gardens and fat Fields of navigable Rivers so full of illustrious Families that can extract their pedigrees thousands of years past so ful of great Princes wherwith Aetonia may be said to shine as the Firmament with coruscant Starrs and the Septemvirat of Caesarean Electors are as the seven Planets Are you contented to return to so gallant a Country to resume the figure of that noble personage you represented when you were Man and live again under Caesar the Prince paramount of all others If you have a disposition to it Queen Morphandra hath promised me to transmute you and I have an accommodation for your transport Therfore will you shake off that wild savage shape and becom Man again Boar. Savage Truly Sir I think Man is far more savage and cruell for the wildest of our Species will not strike at Man till Man hath begun first with him and wounded him and all Huntsmen will tell you so But I could produce many horrid examples of the cruelty and tru culency of Man and of my quondam Conterraneans in particular but let this serve for all It chanced ther was one that bore malice to a woman great with child he watching his opportunity found her alone spinning in her house he first cuts her throat then ripps up her womb takes out the Embryo and carries it to the back-side where ther was a Sow ready to Farrow he kills also the Sow rips up her belly and taking out the pigs puts the child of the murther'd woman in their room then he took the piggs and puts them in the womans belly and so sow'd it up proh scelus Touching the high Encomiums you give of Aetonia 't is tru that she was in former times a gallant piece of the Continent but now she is pittifully impair'd and degenerated from what she was Ther was a Count there who prov'd most unfortunat both to his own Country and to himself who aiming at a Crown made warr against Caesar to whom he ow'd allegiance And to abett his cause he brought in forrein Princes for his Confederats and so kindled a destructive lingring Warr in the bowells of his own Country which for thirty years together did so harasse her that to this day she is scarce come to her self Among others he introduc'd a hungry Northern King who did her a world of mischief whose Successor keeps firm footing there still and whiles the Cuprinian hath an acre of land in Aetonia she will never be in a durable secure peace Touching the multitude of illustrious Families that are in Aetonia most of them may be said to be but mongrell Princes for in the forenoon they are Ecclesiasticks having rais'd themselfs out of the ruines of the Church and in the afternoon they are Laicks and Seculars Now those variety of Princes are rather a weaknesse then a strength to Aetonia as may be inferred out of that witty Emblem which the Tomanto Emperor 's Embassadors made being present at the election of one of the Aetonian Caesars who observing what great Princes attended him that day wherof he was told that som of them could raise an Army of themselfs if need requir'd The Ambassadour smilingly said That he doubted not of the puissance of Aetonia but it might be said that the Minds Counsells and Actions of the Aetonians were like a great Beast with many Heads and Tails who being in case of necessity to passe through a hedge and every Head seeking to find a severall hole to get thorough they were a hinderance one to the other every Head drawing after his own fancy and so hazarded the destruction of all
company with the male for eight months Concerning the second viz. our temperatnes we never use to overcharge or cloy nature with excesse besides our food is simple those green leafs and grasse you see are our nutriment which our common mother the Earth affords us so gently we require no variety of Viands which makes that our breath is sweeter than the fairest Ladies in Marcopolis and our fewmishes with what else comes from within us is nothing so unsavoury Nor need we that monthly purgation which is so improperly called Flowers it being such rank poyson that it will crack a tru crystall glass Nay 't is observed that if a menstruous woman come near an alveary or hive of Bees they forsake their food all the while finding the aire to be infected Nor have we any gall within us and herein we are like the Dove among Birds and the Dolphin among fish onely there 's a kind of acid humor that nature hath put in our Singles the smell wherof causeth our enemies viz. the Doggs to fly from us Moreover we are not subject to abortions and that curse which the Creator inflicted upon Woman-kind that they shold bring forth their children with sorrow and pain which we are free from And such is our love to Mankind that when we have brought forth our young ones we trust them rather with them than with other beasts by putting them near high-waies or dwelling-houses for protection Touching the third which is healthfulnesse it is far beyond that of women as appears by our longaevity and extension of life which is next to that of an Elephant whose youth begins not till he be threescore year old according to the Tumontian Proverb A Hedg lasteth three years a Dogg three hedges a Horse three doggs a Man three horses a Hart three men an Elephant three harts Histories are full of admirable examples how long som of of us have liv'd let one serve for all When Archesilaus dwelt in Licosura as the Arcadian Annalls relate he took a Hinde who wore a collar wheron was engraven I was a Fawn when Agapenor was taken in Troy which by the computation that then was made was above three hundred years Nor had Aesculapius that Archiatros or god of Physic arrived to so fair an age and to such a miraculous perfection in that Art had he not been nurs'd with Hinde's milk For length of time brings experience and wisdom with it along and somtimes the gift of Prophesie as was that antient Hinde of that great Captain Sertorius whom 't was thought Diana had inspir'd with a fatidicall spirit Insomuch that Sertorius never gave Battle or attempted any great designe without advising first with that Hart Add hereunto that when after so fair an age we come to die ther 's nothing within and without our dead bodies but is usefull for Mankind how much are our very skins valued how medicinall is that kind of bone which is found in the left ventricle of a Hart's heart against the Hemerroids how excellent is our marrow against the Gowt and Consumptions how our blood fryed with oyle and applyed to the inferiour parts presently ste●●●eth the loosnes of the belly and being drunk in wine is a rare antidote against poyson what exquisit vertues hath the Hart's horn with other parts of the body as the Naturalists observe Wheras ther is nothing in the most noisom carcases of Women that 's good for any thing except their hair which is either but an excrescence or excrement rather usefull onely to make fantastic foolish Periwigs and it hath bin found that this hair being buried in som kind of dung turns to Snakes Therfore under favor ther 's none of sane judgment considering the advantages I have by this present shape will advise me to change it for that of a frail Woman If I shold do so I wold be more foolish then that Stagg in the Fable who seeing a Horse with rich trappings and carrying a velvet saddle upon his back repin'd at his happines and wish'd he were such a creture The Forester taking notice of it put the velvet-saddle upon the Stagg's back the next day and having mounted him he rid him divers heats up and down the Launds till the poor Stagg began to faint and sink under his burthen and then he repented himself of that foolish and inconsiderat wish he had made 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 The Fifth Section Discourses 'twixt Morphandra Pererius and a Mule who in his Manhood had bin a Doctor of Physic in Tumontia whom for som Quacking tricks he had plaid and for som other resons Morphandra turn'd to a Mule In this Section there be discourses of the Art of Physic of the various complexions of Mankind and of the nomberlesse diseases that are incident unto Human Bodies c. Morphandra Pererius and a Mule Morphandra I Took notice that you courted and complemented that female creture more then ordinary but how have you prevail'd have you made her inclinable to a resumption of her former nature Is she willing to go back to that Syrenian City that great Mart of all female plesures Marcopolis where she slept in the bosom of her first causes Pererius Madame we have a proverbiall saying among us Soldiers Que la Femme la Forteresse qui commence a parlementer est demy gaignée The Female and Fortresse which begins to parly is half-gain'd But I do not find it so here for this Female wold have bin contented to have parlyed with me everlastingly if I had held her discourse insomuch that she desires nothing of a Woman again but onely the faculty of talking onely a woman's Toung touching other parts she is utterly alienated in her affection towards the whole Sex alledging the inequall value that useth to be put upon Women in relation to Man who holds himself to be of a superiour Creation Then she spoke of the domesticall kind of captivities and drudgeries that women are put unto with many such good-morrows But Madame in all humblenes I desire that you wold vouchsafe to enlarge your Princely favors towards me so far that I may mingle speech with som more solid creture Morphandra You shall presently be partaker of your desires for I spy upon the brow of that hillock a Mule nibling the grasse He was by nativity a Tumontian and by his profession a Doctor of Physic whom I transformed to that shape not that he wanted understanding as the Horse and Mule are said to do for that Nation hath generally a competent proportion of that but partly because Physitians there use to ride upon Mules to visit their Patients as also because that Nation in generall use to be tax'd for their slow pace and phlegmatic disposition with their dilatory proceedings in their designs and counsells Pererius 'T is tru that the Tumantian is tardy and slow in his counsells when he is moulding of a design and therin he may be said to have a Saturnian motion but when his design