and loue between the head and the body neither must the infirmities of the husband or the wife infringe the loue that proceedeth of the vnion and coniunction of marriage If the husband bee giuen to brawling or the wife to chiding let them both beware of giuing any occasion The bell hath a loude sound and therfore he that will not heare it must beware how he pulleth the rope and shake it so if the one will begin to chide without a cause let the other be either deafe and so not heare it or dumbe and so make no answere So that where the husband is deafe and the wife blinde marriage is quiet and free from dissention Whereby is meant that the wife must winke at many infirmities of her husband as if she saw them not and the husband put vp many shrewde speeches of his wife as if he heard them not Neither can it be any reproch to the husband and wife so stedfastly vnited to practise this dutie considering that Dauid protesteth that he vsed the like patience and discretion among his enemies They that seeke after my life lay snares and they that goe about to doe me euill Psal 38.12 talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually But I as a deafe man heard not and am as a dumbe man which openeth not his mouth Thus I am as a man that heareth not and â—n whose mouth are no reproofes This vnion betweene man and wife doth also engender that dutie which the holy Ghost noteth saying Matth. 19.5 Ephes 5.31 For this cause shall a man leaue his father and mother and cleaue to his wife As also the wife in the like respect is bound to the like dutie toward her husband Not that marriage exempteth any from their due honour and obedience to parentes but to declare that the vnion betweene man and wife is greater then betweene the children and the parentes And indeede the true loue of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband surmounteth all loue of children to their parents The husband and the wife haue their secret counsels and communication of matters concerning their profit and commoditie The wife is more obedient to her husband and the husband more desirous to please his wife then their parents yea and at length it falleth out that they depart from their parentes to keepe house by themselues And this plainely appeared in Lea and Rachell being sisters Gen. 26. and the wiues of Iacob For Iacob grieued at the wrong offered him by their father Laban boldly made his moane to them Whereupon they also complaining of their father agreed with Iacob and consented togither to leaue their father and to follow their husband Iacob Herein likewise consisteth an other dutie of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband namely that they shew no greater secrecie or communication of their household affaires to their parents then mutually each to other and this rule is especially to be put in practise when there groweth any discontent betweene themselues For if the husband shal complaine to his parents of his wife or the wife of her husband such dealing might breed a most dangerous iealousie and consequently perhaps irreconciliable dissention and strife But if it should grow to any complaint it were requisite so discreetly to prosecute the matter as that the wife should come to her husbands parents the husband to the wifes parents So should all cause of iealousie cease and the complaint procure most assured remedie This loue and agreement in marriage produceth yet another dutie common both to the husband and the wife And that is that they neuer seeke neyther once thinke of diuorce And to that ende let them remember what is written Mat. 19.6 That which God hath ioyned togither let no man put asunder Likewise that nothing but Adulterie may separate those that are vnited by marriage All other agreements and contracts made by mutuall consent may be broken and dissolued by the like consent of both parties but in the contract of marriage Almightie God commeth in as a witnesse yea he receiueth the promise of both parties as ioyning them in that estate And this doth Salomon note Pro. 2.17 where hee obiecteth to the Harlot that shee hath forgotten the couenant or alliance of her God But Malachie speaketh more plainly and giueth a reason why God punished such husbands as leauing their lawfull wiues tooke others Mala. 2.14 Because saith he the Lord hath beene witnesse betweene thee and the wife of thy youth against whom thou hast transgressed yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy couenant The promise therefore to God cannot be broken but onely by his authoritie In the dayes of Moses husbands were easily and soone intreated to forsake their wiues by giuing them a Bill of diuorce yet so far was this course from being lawfull that contrariwise Mat. 19.8 Iesus Christ saith that it was tolerated onely in respect of the hardnesse of husbands hearts who otherwise would haue vexed their wiues and intreated them cruelly And this libell containing the cause of diuorce and putting away of the woman did iustifie her and condemne the man For seeing it was neuer giuen in case of adulterie Leuit. 20.10 Iohn 8.5 which was punished with death all other causes alledged in the libell tended to iustifie the woman and declare that she was wrongfully diuorced and so condemned the husband as one that contraried the first institution of Marriage whereto Iesus Christ condemning this corruption doth returne them saying Jt was not so from the beginning and therefore whosoeuer shall put away his wife Mat. 19.8 except it bee for whoredome and marrieth another committeth adulterie and whosoeuer marrieth her which is diuorced doth commit adulterie with her So straight is the bond of marriage Hereof it followeth that notwithstanding whatsoeuer difficulties that may arise between the husband and the wife whether it be long tedious and incurable sicknesse of either partie whether naturall and contrary humours that breede debate wrangling or strife about household affaires whether it bee any vice as the husband to bee a drunkard or the wife a slouthfull idle or vnthriftie huswife whether either partie forsake the trueth and profession of religion doe fall to idolatrie or heresie Yet still the bond of marriage remaineth stedfast and not to be dissolued Neither may they bee separated euen by their owne mutual consent For as the holy Ghost hath pronounced Mat. 19.6 That which God hath ioyned togither let no man put asunder And therefore S. Paul saith 1. Cor. 7.12 If any brother hath a wife that beleeueth not if she be content to dwell with him let him not forsake here the woman which hath a husband that beleeueth not if he can be content to dwell with her let her not forsake him Also because some did suppose that the vnbeleefe in any of the parties might breede some pollution
example of the Scriptures are many that proue this As Sarah who nursed Isaack Genes 22.7 though shee were a Princesse and therefore able enough to haue had others to haue taken that paines as also hauing bin a beautifull woman euen in olde age being of great yeares yet she her selfe nurseth and giueth suck to her sonne 1. Sam. 1.23 Also Anna whom the holy Ghost hath lest it recorded as a commendation vnto her for that she nursed her owne sonne Samuel So when God chose a nurse for Moses he led the Hand-maide of Pharaohs daughter to his mother Exod. 2.8 Iudg. 13.24 Cant. 8.1 Psalm 22.9 Matth. 2.14 Luke 2.7.12 as though God would haue none to nurse him but his mother Likewise after when the Sonne of God was borne his father thought none fit to be his nurse but the virgin his mother It is a commendation of a good woman and set downe in the first place 1. Tim. 5.10 as a principall good worke in a widow that is well reported of if she haue nursed her children And therefore such as refuse thus to doe may well and fitly be called nice and vnnaturall mothers yea in so doing they make themselues but halfe-mothers and so breake the holy bond of nature in locking vp her breast from her child and deliuering it forth like the Cuckoo to bee hatched in the Sparrowes nest 3. Again the childrens bodies be commonly so affected as the milk is which they receiue Now if the Nurse bee of an euill complexion and as she is affected in her bodie or in her minde or haue some hidden disease the childe sucking of her breast must needs take part with her And if that bee true which the learned doe say that the temperature of the minde followes the constitution of the bodie needes must it be that if the nurse be of a naughty nature the child must take thereafter Yet if it bee that the nurse bee of a good complexion of an honest behauiour whereas contrariwise Maidens that haue made a scape are commonly called to be Nurses yet can it not bee but that the mothers milke should bee much more naturall for the childe then the milke of a stranger As by experience let a man bee long accustomed to one kinde of drinke if the same man chaunge his ayre and his drinke he is like to mislike it As the egges of a Henne are altered vnder a Hawke neuerthelesse such women as be oppressed with infirmities diseases want of milke or other iust and lawfull causes are to be dispensed withall but whose breasts haue this perpetuall drought Forsooth it is like the gowte no beggers may haue it but Citizens or Gentlewomen In the 9. of Hosea verse 14. drie breasts are named for a curse What a lamentable hap haue Gentlewomen to light vpon this curse more then other sure if their breasts be drie as they say they should fast and pray togither that this curse might bee remoued from them 4. And lastly that it is hurtfull to the mothers themselues both Phisitions can tell and some women full oft haue felt how they haue beene troubled with sore breasts besides other diseases that happen to them through plentie of milke The wife is further to remember that God hath giuen her two breasts not that she should employ and vse them for a shew or of ostentation but in the seruice of God and to bee a helpe to her husband in suckling the child cōmon to them both Experience teacheth that God cōuerteth her blood into the milke wherwith the child is nursed in the mothers wombe He bringeth it into the breasts furnished with nipples conuenient to minister the warme milke vnto the childe whom he indueth with industrie to drawe out the milke for his owne sustenance The woman therefore that can suckle her child and doth it not but refuseth this office and dutie of a mother declareth her selfe to be very vnthankefull to God and as it were forsaketh and contemneth the fruit of her wombe And therefore the bruit beasts lying vpon the ground granting not one nipple or two but sixe or seuen to their yong ones shall rise in iudgement against these daintie halfe-mothers who for feare of wrinckling of their faces or to auoid some small labour doe refuse this so necessary a dutie of a mother due to her children The properties due to a married wife are that shee haue grauitie when shee walketh abroad wisedome to gouerne her house patience to suffer her husband loue to breed and bring vp her children courteous towards her neighbours diligence to lay vp and to saue such goods as are within her charge a friend of honest company and a greater enemie of wanton and light toyes 1. So then the principall dutie of the wife is first to bee subiect to her husband Ephes 5.22 Col. 3.18 1. Pet. 3.1 2. To be chaste and shamefast modest and silent godly and discreet 3. To keepe herselfe at home for the good gouernement of her familie and not to stray abroad without iust cause Srepfathers Stepmothers their duties Here it is not to be pretermitted but that we must say somwhat touching men and women that bee twise married and so become Step-fathers The Husband and Wife must so praise his first Wife and she her first Husband so as it be not done to the offence or reproach of either to the other Iealousie which is the suspecting of adultrie in the married parties ought wiselie carefully to be suppressed on both parties without apparant matter and Step-mothers Such husbands and wiues as marrie againe after the death of their first wiues or first husbands are carefully to remēber that they do not displease their wiues or their husbands which they now haue by ouermuch rehearsing of their first wife or first husband For the course condition of the world is such that husbands and wiues doe account and recouer things past better then things that be present And the reason is because no commoditie or felicitie is so great but it hath some griefe and displeasure and also some bitternesse mingled with it which so long as it is present grieueth vs sore but when it is one gone it leaueth no great feeling of it selfe behinde it and for that cause wee seeme to bee lesse troubled with sorrowes and discommodities past then with those that are present Also age stealeth and commeth on apace which causeth both men and women to be the lesse able to sustaine and indure troubles and griefes now then before Therefore such men and women as bee twise married and be wise and religious ought not to esteeme their wife or husband which is dead better then her or him which they enioy now aliue remembring the common prouerbe That we must liue by the quick and not by the dead and that wee must make much of that we now haue The very name of Stepfather and Stepmother teacheth them their dutie Let the name of
one as is of right forme and shape meete and of strength to beare children and to keepe and gouerne an house euen such one as both the man and woman can finde in their hearts vnfainedly to loue aboue all other and to be content withall c. As concerning the beautie or comelines of the bodie where there is else no good propertie or qualitie beside Salomon saith Pro. 31.30 Fauour is deceitful and beautie is vanitie but the woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised And Prou. 11.22 As a Jewell of golde in a swines snoute so is a faire woman which lacketh discretion or is of vncomely behauiour and hath not wit nor gouernment to behaue her selfe For beautie is a fraile gift and a slipperous and more profitable to those that behold it then to those that haue it for the beautifull woman can take no great pleasure in beautie but a little as it were in a glasse yet incontinently she forgetteth that she beheld and saw and yet it is many times both to her selfe and to them that behold her beautie a prouocation to much euill She that is faire waxeth proud of it and he that doth behold her becommeth subiect vnto filthie loue but in the minde which is iudged to bee the man doth consist the true lineaments and properties of fairenesse the which intice and prouoke spirituall and heauenly loue being mixt with nothing that is shamefull either to bee done or spoken and therefore there is no man so farre without witte that had not rather haue her which is foule and hard fauoured but yet is honest and vertuous then to haue her which is faire and vnhonest and also irreligious Happie and twice happie is that man and that woman that are coupled in marriage with a godly and vertuous mate bedfellow they are doubtlesse greatly blessed of God For House and riches are the inheritance of the fathers Pro. 11.22 and 19.14 but a prudent wife commeth of the Lord They therefore are not well in their wits but greatly deceiue themselues that make choise of wiues or husbands hauing regard onely to their stature comelinesse of personage or to their beautie and esteeme not more the riches of the minde Health also must bee considered in their choise least otherwise great inconuenience come thereby and least the whole house be poisoned and infected But we speake here of contagious sicknesses and not of such common infirmities vsuall diseases that both men and women are subiect vnto As of madnesse frenzie french pocks or such like which euery wise man and woman doth vtterly detest Neuerthelesse where any married parties are now togither and be visited with any such diseases they must one comfort and suffer with the other as they that are in one bodie c. Riches of temporall substance To haue the goods of temporall substance is to bee borne of noble parentes or to come of worshipfull stocke to haue landes liuings riches great offices gaines or occupyings and such like But the chiefest nobilitie and most worthie of commendation is indeed to be noble in vertues in good works maners and cōditions But to be borne of gentilitie and to vse and behaue himselfe vngently is euē as much as to shame himselfe and his kindred Such therefore as purpose to marrie ought carefully to foresee and looke to this matter least being too greedie of honour worship or wealth intending to haue the golde and catching the hotte coales doe burne themselues without recouery Chuse a wife for vertue only Pro. 19.14 for a man may buy gold too deare as we vsually say For temporal goods sake the matter miscarieth and is in daunger There is sometime great riches but with little honestie and lesse good conscience is it gathered togither And with the same riches will not continue alwayes prosperitie peace and quietnesse Many so trust to their wealth as that they will not frame themselues to any lawfull calling neither will they learne any therefore also can they do nothing to profit either their countrie or the common wealth but liue idly daintily and with pride ryot excesse and dishonestie doe quickly waste that which hath bin long in gathering togither Now when there is alway taking from the heape and nothing laide thereto it wasteth away in processe of time how great soeuer it hath beene Then followeth pouertie yea an intollerable and vnpatient pouertie For they that now lauish and spend prodigally altogither haue had no necessity hitherto but flowed in all wealth therefore after such a sunne-shine there commeth euer an extreame heate and thenceforth beginne they to warme themselues at the bare leaues and to spare when all is spent Such then as in their choise looke to the multitude of goods and regard not how they were gotten and whence they came haue customably such smoky hattes set vpon their heads that all the water in the riuer cannot wash away the corruption thereof For goods without God honestie and good conscience is a deadly poison and the bodily diuell himselfe Yea goods and riches in the hand of an vndiscreete and ignorant man is as a sharpe knife in the hand of a childe that doth no good therewith but wound hurt himselfe Wherefore euery man and euery woman in their election ought to haue more respect to vertue godlinesse discretion and knowledge then to riches Moreouer an hand that is occupied and winneth and getteth his liuing godly christianly and honestly doth far excell any riches that are won For although the world esteeme thē happy which liue in wealth ease idlenes yet the holy Ghost approueth alloweth thē best that liue of the meane profite of their labors Psalm 128.1.2 Seeke no match in marriage aboue thy degree And this also is a very necessary point to be obserued that the man chuse such a woman and the woman such a man as that there be equalitie betwixt them both in blood estate For by how much the greater and straighter the coniunction is of the husband the wife so much the more ought euery one prouide to be indifferently matched Equalitie in marriage to be respected and truely this equalitie of marriage is in two speciall things to be considered to wit estate and age For as two horses or two oxen of vnequall stature cannot be coupled vnder one selfe same yoake so a noble woman matching with a man of base estate or contrarily a Gentleman with a begger cannot bee consorted and well matched vnder the bands of wedlocke But yet when it hapneth that a man marrieth a woman of so high a birth he ought not forgetting that he is her husband more to honour and esteeme of her then of his equall or of one of meaner parentage and not only to account her his companion in loue in his life but in diuers actions of publike apparance hold her his superiour Which honor is not yet accompanied with reuerence as is that which
the husband shall haue power to his wife to feare and obey him yet hee shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands doe boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeede liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeuour by all good meanes to labour to bee in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husbanâ— ought to feare to bee in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she doe once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to bee satisfied that he hath robd his wife of her virginitie but in that he hath possession and vse of her will for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well maâ—ried and liue christianly together and very well contented And therfore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credit in ballance and also sometime his life in perill because it is easie to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnes or displeasure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and his wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they bee such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they bee such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizard a foole That man is miserable that is married vnto a foolish woman a babler light of behauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c. it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and wayward mildly to suffer her to the ende that shee waxe not worse But some husbands bee of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly bee loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their companie so currish that they seeme angrie euen when they bee best pleased they can not speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre Husbands must prouide things necessarie for the house A mans house will continue by prouision before hand and by order in his expences Rom. 12.17 1. Tim. 5.8 But where disorder is in a house it cannot endure This is also a dutie not to bee forgotten namely that husbands be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to clothe their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants dulie because that in voluntarie matters men may bee negligent but the necessities of their house doe neither suffer negligence or forgetfulnes The dutie of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The dutie of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keep the house The dutie of the husband is to get monie and prouision and of the wiues not vainly to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wiues to talk with few The dutie of the husband is to be entermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The dutie of the man is to bee skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The dutie of the husband is to be a giuer Spare in time and spend in time for sparing is a rich purse and of the wife to bee a sauer The dutie of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without doore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnes the house wherein these are neglected wee may terme it a hell It is to bee noted and noted againe that as the prouision of household dependeth onelie on the husband The honor of the Husband dependeth of the Wife euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman 1. Cor. 11.7 The glorie of the man But here it must be noted and â—emembred that wee doe not intitle honourable to such as bee onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely of her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last poynt is that the husband loue The third poynt cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne bodie and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for to sanctifie it And this point is plainly proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whores yea among brute beasts Cant. 4 9.10 1. Cor. 9.5 1. Pet. 3.7 But a christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the profession of the sound and christian religion and so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnes temperance secrecie obedience such like christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauored and of poorâ— parentage But as wee would that the man when he loueth should remeÌ„ber his maiestie so we would that when he ruleth he forget not his loue nor to temper it with maiestie And when he doth thinke himselfe to bee the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the bodie
or disquiet in marriage he answereth no his reason is For the vnbeleeuing husband is sanctified by his beleeuing wife and the vnbeleeuing wife by her beleeuing husband And this he proueth by affirming that the children issuing of such a marriage be holy that is to say partakers of the couenant of God and consequently accepted into the fellowship of the Church Onely he addeth this exception Jf the vnbeleeuing man depart and forsake the beleeuing wife shee is not subiect to follow him And yet must this be vnderstood where such departure ariseth eyther vpon hatred that he beareth to the true religion that his wife professeth or vpon a desire to vse his polluted and false religion For herein cannot his wife follow him without danger of defil◠〈◊〉 â—riuing of her selfe of the profession of the 〈◊〉 â—ogither with the food of her soule Liâ—â—â—â—se where Saint Paul speaking of the husbâ—â—d and wife 1. Cor. 7.11 both beleeuers saith If the woman depart from her husband let her remaine vnmarried or bee reconciled to her husband He therein meaneth not that it shall be lawfull for the woman because shee cannot beare the troublesome nature of her husband or to auoide strife and debate to depart and liue as a widdowe but onely he sheweth that when the husband vpon such like occasion shall put away or cast off his wife yet is not she at her libertie to marrie another but must remaine vnmarried and labour to be reconciled And therefore are those women which vpon the hard dealing or troublesome dispositions of their husbands do forsake them greatly to be reproued as thereby giuing occasion of great mischiefe and trouble as also are those husbands who vpon like occasion doe forsake their wiues For seeing nothing may make diuorce but Adulterie euery purpose and determination to part vpon any other occasion or reason is restrained by Gods ordinance the law of marriage And for as much as it is not lawfull for vs to continue in such separation the whole course of our liues neither is it lawfull so to abide at all eyther so much as to enter thereinto If therefore vpon such occasion the husband forsake his wife or the wife her husband rather then to continue the mischiefe begunne let them returne togither againe and thinke that the shortest follies doe least hurt Obiection If they alledge their intreatie in their opinion intolerable and their nature so contrary that they cannot liue without strife and debate Also that beeing asunder and quiet in conscience free from trouble they may the better applie themselues and imploy their time in praier Answere The answere is that such infirmities must not dissolue or breake the bond of marriage and their duties to liue togither but let them thinke that God hath called them to the exercise of patience which vpon heartie prayer be graunted to them Let them labour each to beare with other that they may liue in peace and continually pray to GOD to giue them grace so to doe Let them remember that the diuell transformeth himselfe into an Angell of light when by propounding a dutie to liue in quiet and consequently a meane to pray vnto God for the compassing thereof hee induceth them to gaine-say Gods prohibition and also to seperate that which God hath ioyned togither For as the coniunction commeth of God so the separation and diuorce proceedeth from the diuell If they reply that by liuing asunder so that they marrie not againe they breake not the bond of marriage let them remember that marriage being ordained for a remedie against fornication for the generation ad bringing vp of children and also for a helpe each to other in mutuall societie and inseparable conuersation of life yet doth there appeare no token or effect of marriage in those that liue asunder albeit they marrie not againe So that the benefite of marriage consisteth not only in the procreation of children but also in the natural societie of the two diuers sexes Otherwise it could not be said that there were any marriage betweene two old folkes This vnion of marriage yet teacheth vs another duetie common both to the man and to the wife Which is that their goods bee common betweene them That a common wealth may in some sort bee said to bee happie where they haue no vse of these words Mine and thine But in marriage especially they ought not to be heard If the wife haue brought most goods in marriage the marriage once consummate and made her part is gone and they are gone and they are made common as also are the debts whether hers or her husbands And therefore can neither of them say This is mine but this is ours When a woman hath brought great goods yet may shee not say I will doe with mine owne what I list for she her selfe is not her owne but her husbandes The husband as the head and chiefe guide of the familie must haue the custodie chiefe gouernement of the goods in the house yet may he discharge himselfe of the whole or of part as himselfe shall thinke meet and conuenient yet let him remember that hee intreat her not as a seruant by giuing her money as it were in mistrust or with condition to returne him a particular account For the husbandes mistrust doth many times prouoke the woman and the wiues vaine expence breedeth mistrust in the husband but the faithfull and discreet employment and good vsage of the wife and her husbands confidence in her will procure that as the goods be common to both so each alike shall vndertake the custodie and employment of the same Hereunto for a conclusion of this point we will yet adde two dueties common both to the husband and the wife The first that they dayly pray to God to giue them grace to liue togither in peace and loue and that each may be a helpe to others saluation Let all such as desire to enioy such a felicitie vnderstand that they must dayly pray to God for the obtaining thereof And let those that liue in strife and debate examine themselues whether they haue no cause to impute their miserable estate to their neglect of this dutie The second consisteth in the practise of the same which Saint Paul teacheth saying Let those that be married 1. Cor. 7.29 be as if they were not married But how By so enioying the commoditie and contentation of marriage that the benefite of their coniunction breed no diuorce betweene God and them likewise that thereby they bee not hindered or made slacke in any dutie toward God and their neighbours as also that no affliction depending or proceeding of marriage withdraw them or force them to resolue of any thing coÌ„trary to the vnion of marriage their christian profession that they bee the children of God The particular dueties of the husband toward the wife are first to protect her to haue regard and care ouer her c. Ruth 3.9 Secondly that hee vnfainedly loue
Jehoram so dangerously to marrie 2. Chro. 18.1 When God would blame the Idolatrie of his people of Israel shewing both how greatly hee did hate it and what plagues he would bring vpon them for it he reuealed it vnto his Prophet vnder this parable bidding him take vnto himselfe a wife of fornications that is a wife full of spirituall whoredomes such a one as a Papist is that in such a mariage as in a glasse he might behold how loathsome the peoples Idolatries were Hose 1.2 c. Parents haue further to remember that they haue not this rule and authority ouer their children that they may chuse whether they will let them marrie or no or wheÌ„ they list and whom they list but fathers and mothers must consider that they haue rule ouer their children vnder the Lord so that the Lord is aboue them and therefore parents must deale with their children according to the will and minde of God which will of God is reuealed vnto vs out of his word Now God by his Apostle saith To auoyde fornication let euery man haue his owne wife 1. Cor. 7.2 let euery woman haue her own husband Wherby all parents may see that God commandeth them to permit and suffer euery one to marrie that is disposed to marrie Now if they may not forbid any man or woman to marrie much lesse their owne children whom if they suffer not to marrie not hauing the gift of continencie then they breake and resist Gods ordinance For we reade that when Isaack forbad his sonne Iacob to marrie any of the daughters of Canaan Gen. 28.1.2 he did not restraine him altogether from mariage and therfore hee directed him where and with whom he should marrie Likewise the parents of Sampson Iudg. 14.12.3 when hee asked a wife of them did not simply forbid him to marrie but they reproued him for because hee would marrie an infidell and a prophane woman It is the parents dutie to giue their children that which may helpe them in this life to counsell or to prouide them fit and religious marriages 2. Cor. 12.14 Gen. 24.2 3 4. Ruth 3.1 Therefore such parents as bee godly will haue aduised consideration and regard of the infirmities of their children and whether they can liue continent and chaste or no and if they shall make choise and haue a good liking to such as be honest religious and godly hauing craued their parents consent although they be not so rich and wealthie as they would wish them to match with yet they ought not to hinder restraine and forbid their children to marrie onely for want of goods and substance Parents ought to bee carefull that their childoe marrie in such an age wherein they should vnderstand whom they choose and very well perceiue what they take in hand and that they doe not seeke to match them selues in marriage aboue their degree And it is very expedient that parents admonish their children to make their choise according to their complexion and condition When parents doe abuse their authoritie This is a most vnnaturall and cruell part for parents to sell their children for gaine and lucre and to marrie them when they list to whom they list without the good liking of their children Parents must not match their children onely for carnall respects and so bring them into bondage And therefore if parents shal force and compell their children to marrie contrary to their mind and liking then the sorrowfull children may not say they haue maried them but for euer they haue married and vndone them And therfore to the end When parents doe marrie their daughters to men of vnderstanding they shall performe a waightie worke that marriages may be perpetuall louing and delightfull betwixt the parties there must and ought to be a knitting of hearts before striking of hands The places of scripture are many diuerse by which may plainely appeare that all godly and christian Parents are charged by God himselfe that they should be carefull in time to make meet choise of husbands for their daughters fit wiues for their sonnes amongst many these quotations doe sufficiently prooue Deut. 7.3 Nehe. 13.23.24 Ier. 29.6.1 Cor. 7.36.37.38 Gen. 24.12 c. and 28 1.1 and 34.4 and 38.6.8 Iosu 15.16 17.2 Sam. 13.13 Iudg. 14.1 c. Let fathers and mothers therefore on whom this charge by God his commaundement lieth to take wiues for their sonnes and to prouide husbands for their daughters take diligent heede hereunto that they abuse not this their power and authoritie ouer their children but as in other cases they are willed by the Apostle Col. 3.21 that they doâ—â— not in such sort towardes them that they hereby bee dismayed and discouraged so especially in this matter of greatest moment and value or all other worldly things whatsoeuer let them abstaine from all rigour and roughnesse and beware that they turne not their fatherly iurisdiction and gouernment into a tyrannicall sowernesse and waywardnesse letting their will go for a lawe and their pleasure for a reason For the rule of Parents ouer their children ought to resemble the gouernment of good Princes towards their subiects that is to say it must be milde gentle and easie to bee borne for as they so likewise Parents so farre as concerneth them and lieth in their abilitie to performe they must carry such an euen and vpright hand in their gouernment that they may by loue seeke to win the hearts of those ouer whom they are set to be firme and sure towards them and not to keepe them vnder a seruile oâ— slauish awe and subiection by too much feare but rather by a childelike and reuerent feare which both the subiects owe vnto their Princes and children vnto their Parents and which both the one and the other easilie obtaine at the hands of such as are vnder their gouernment by their equall vpright and moderate behauiour towards them Parents ought to deale sincerely in the choise for their children It doth therefore stand Parents greatly in hand that in making choise for their children they bee free from all sinister and corrupt affection and that for lucre and couetousnesse they seeke not to thrust such matches vppon their children as they cannot brooke nor like well of Yea and in this most graue and waightie cause it is a thing earnestly to be wished In prouiding of matches for their children Parents ought to beginne with prayer that all christian Parents would not take this matter and businesse lightly in hand as if it were but a toy or a iest but that they begin it with prayer that in the whole action they may in such sort be directed that they do nothing against the word of God or vnbeseeming the same authoritie the which God himselfe in this cause hath imposed or laid vpon them And thus doing God no doubt will ad a blessing vnto their godly indeuour and holy care and worke
19. â— Mark 10.7 1. Cor. 6.16 Ephes 5.31 straighter then any other coniunction in the societie of mankinde Insomuch that it is a lesse offence to forsake father and mother and to leaue them succourles which notwithstanding ought by Gods commandement to be honored then it is to do the like toward his lawfull maried wife Wherfore let them looke well what they doe that are readie for light and small causes to separate maÌ„ man and wife seeing that Christ himselfe saith Matth. 19.9 That whosoeuer is separated from his wife sauing for whoredome and marrieth another committeth adulterie This is a thing worthie to bee remembred both on the behalfe of the Suter and Woer as also on her part that is woed namely that they deale plainly and faithfully one with the other and not guilefully and craftily goe about to deceiue one the other in bodie or goods for so doing they shall neuer vse one the other so louingly and commodiously as they hoped and desired they might when the one hath fraudulently and deceitfully inticed and beguiled the other either in bodie or substance for naturally wee hate him or her that doth beguile vs. Neither is there any thing that displeaseth a man or woman more then to lacke and faile of the thing they both hoped and looked for And therefore it were conuenient and also much better that both parties should disclose the one to the other such imperfections infirmities and wants in either of their bodies as also the mediocritie and meannesse of their goods and substaÌ„ce as in truth it is yea though it should be with the perill and losse one of the other rather then the one to obtaine and get the other with fraud guile and discord But before wee shall come to speake of the causes of mariage we purpose God so willing briefly to shew how euery one that entendeth to marrie should chuse him a meete fit and honest mate for there lieth much weight in the wise election and choise of a wife Gen. 2.18 As hee that will plant any thing doth first consider the nature of the ground in the which he mindeth to plant euen so much more ought a man to haue respect to the condition of the woman out of whom hee desireth to plant children the fruits of honestie and welfare The first thing that is to bee remembred of such a one as mindeth to marrie is Such as are of kindred in the flesh may not contract matrimonie that hee doe not chuse his wife within such degrees of consanguinitie and affinitie as are by f Leuit. 18.6 c. Gods law forbidden Secondly g Deut. 7.3 2. Cor. 6.14.15 c. Religion and faith must be considered least he make diuorce of the true faith or bring it into perill For although hee thinke himselfe as wise as h 1. King 11.4 Salomon and as strong as i Iudg. 16.17.18 Sampson yet may he bee ouercome as they were Therefore great aduisement before hand is to be taken in this behalfe least afterwards with much griefe and sorrow of hart he doe too late repent Now if any that hath matched himselfe with a wife that is an infidell irreligious or of a corrupt religion and would put her away for this matter herein he deceiueth himselfe 1. Cor. 7.12.13 c. 1. Pet. 3.1 as the Apostle manifestly proueth for wee must put a difference betweene that mariage that is made and done alreadie and it that is yet to doe Wherefore he that is snared and matched with such a wife as is either froward wayward or els is poysoned with superstition and poperie in such a case he must call vpon God and liue in his feare in faithfulnesse in patience and with discretion and godly counsell labour to winne her from the same For like as that Husbandman doth with great labour and diligence till that ground which hee hath once taken to farme although it be neuer so full of faults as if it be drie if it bring forth weedes bâ—ambles or briers or though the same ground cannot beare much wet yet through good husbandry he winneth fruit thereof Euen so in like maner he that hath maried a wife that is irreligious or froward if he shall vse like diligence to instruct and order her minde if he diligently and courteously apply himselfe to weede out by little and little the noysome weeds out of her minde both by holesome and godly precepts and by Christian conuersation it cannot bee but in time he shall feele the pleasant fruit thereof to both their comforts for as it is commonlie said a good Iacke maketh a good Gill. Euery one therefore that purposeth to marrie ought also to remember that there be three maner of riches in man Three maner of riches in man 1. The riches of the minde 2. The riches of the bodie 3. The riches of temporall substance The best and the most precious are the riches of the minde as without which the other two are more hurtfull then profitable The riches of the mind Riches of the minde are the feare of God faith Gods glorie knowledge of his will sobernesse liberalitie chastitie silence humblenes honestie and such like vertues These vertues lie not still neither hide themselues wheresoeuer they be but will break out diuers waies so that they may well bee spied and discerned As a traueller hath markes in his way that he may proceede aright so likewise the man or woman that intendeth to marrie haue also marks in their waies by which they may make a right choise There bee certaine signes of this fitnes and godlinâ—s both in the man and in the woman So that if the man be desirous to know a godly woman or the woman would know who is a godly man then let them obserue and marke these sixe points Sixe rules to be obserued in the choise of a good wife or a good husband 1. The report 2. The lookes 3. The speech 4. The apparell 5. The companions 6. And lastly the education and bringing vp which are like the pulses that shew whether a man be sick or whole well or ill 1. The report 1. Report name or fame he or she hath had and yet haue and what opinion honest folkes haue of them because as the market goeth so the market-men will talke A good man and a good woman commonlie haue a good name Prou. 10.7 and 22.1 Preach 7.3 because a good name is one of the blessings which God promiseth to good men and good women Psal 112.6 but a good name is not to bee praised from the wicked Luk. 6.26 And therfore our Sauiour Christ saith Woe be to you wheÌ„ all men speake well of you that is when euill men praise and commend you for that is a plaine argument that you are ambitious vain-glorious and of the world For the world liketh and praiseth her own Ioh. 15.19 Neuerthelesse it is conuenient that euery Christian should so
bee truely to be termed man and wife onely in regard of the precedent espowsals wee may then plainly see how highly the Lord doth esteeme and honour them the breach whereof he punisheth with the punishment of adulterie the persons betrothed hee honoureth with the names of man and wife If indeed he had not ordained and allowed them but that they had been of humane institution alone he would not haue honoured them with such titles or haue imposed death by stones for the breach of mans ordinance Againe if a man abuse a betrothed maid in the field hee saith that the man shall die but vnto the maid thou shalt doo nothing because there is in the maid no cause of death Now imposing death vppon this man and not vpon him that abuseth a maid not betrothed the Lorde doth hereby euidently teach that espowsals are a principall degree in marriage And therfore the vnlawfull breach thereof deserueth death For what else should the Lord grace thē with such great priuiledges and punish the breach thereof with seuere punishment Further the faithfull in all ages instructed by these and such commaundements approued and practised these espowsals not onely by themselues Iudg. 14.1 c. but also by their children Sampson liking and louing a woman of the Philistines in Timnah desired his Father and Mother to giue her to him to wife and so they did at which time Sampson made a feast according to the custome of the yong men Albeit her father afterward would not suffer him to marrie her but gaue her to another for which iniurie Sampson reuenged himselfe of the Philistines by burning vp the ricks of standing corne vineyardes and Oliues For which the Philistines burnt both the Father and the daughter 1. Sam. 18.15.26.27 2. Sam. 3.14.15.16 So Dauid begged Micholl of her father Saul who gaue her to him to wife with condition that hee would bring him a hundreth foreskinnes of the Philistines and therefore when Saul was dead hee required her of Ishbosheth Saules sonne who sent her vnto him Also Ioseph and Marie the mother of Christ were betrothed which God would neuer haue permitted if it had not been of his owne ordinance and agreeable to his owne wil or if he might any manner of way haue stained either Iosephs honestie or Maries virginitie Nay if hee had not much more graced and adorned both then the want of espowsals could haue done And to auoide tediousnesse in so plaine a trueth 1. Cor. 7.36.37.38 seeing the scripture giueth power and authoritie to Parents to giue and not to giue their children in marriage saying let him doo what he will Againe hee that giueth her in marriage doth well and hee that giueth her not to marriage doth better whereof wee shall speake more at large anone there must needes be before the publike act of marriage some speciall time appoynted wherein both Parents and parties may testify and signifie their mutuall liking and consents vnlesse they despise to marrie in the Lorde Wherefore if the law of nature the law of God the practise of the Heathen the custome of Faithfull especially of the Parents of Christ If the punishment of the espowsall-breakers and the rewards and priuiledges of the espowsed And finally if the fatherly authoritie ouer children doo approue and require the continuall vse of this ordinance of God it must needes be confessed to be both lawfull and necessarie yea being the first principall part of marriage it selfe it must needes be honourable in his kind as well as marriage it selfe is Now then in the next place let vs see learne what a contract is to the end that vppon sound knowledge and right iudgement we may alwaies vse it wel and neuer ill for want of good vnderstanding A Contract is a voluntarie promise of marriage mutually made betweene one man and one woman both beeing meete and free to marry one another and therefore allowed so to do by their Parents This short sentence sheweth the whole nature qualitie propertie vse and abuse with all other things that are to be obserued or eschued in a right Contract as shall appeare by the vnfolding of euery word contained therein For as there is none vaine and idle voide of his proper signification so euerie one hath his proper waight seruing for speciall and necessarie vse 1. First wee call a Contract a promise and so it is indeed for what is a promise but a speech which affirmeth or denieth to doo this or that with pupose and words of testimonie to performe and accomplish that which is affirmed or not to do that which is denied And what other thing is indeed a marriage Contract but this so that it must be in nature a true and right promise not the vowe of a promise in time to cōe but a present promise in deede For if one partie do say I will promise to marrie thee this is no promise in deede but a promise of a promise and consequently no Contract but a promise of a Contract And therefore tieth nor bindeth neither parties nor Parents to keepe the same for it is not in nature any contract at al. Againe if a Contract be a promise it is not onely a purpose of the heart nor a dumbe shewe or doubtfull signification of promise but a plaine promise vttered pronounced in a right forme of speech as when one saith I doe promise to marrie thee or I do espouse affiance or betroth my selfe to thee in marriage or such like wherein al ambiguitie and doubtfulnesse of speech is to be eschued that as the meaning of the hart is simple and plaine so likewise the words of the tongue might be simple and plaine voide of all deceit 2. Secondly we call a Contract a promise of mariage because it is not a promise of euerie thing neither of honour of inheritance of riches or of any other thing else sauing onely of marriage Now wee meane by marriage not onely the parties married but all coniugall and mariage duties and offices that peculiarly belong to this honorable estate and are necessarily to bee performed mutually of both For this promise touching persons themselues is of such force waight that it tendeth to the alienation of the propertie of bodies for so it is written the wife hath not the power of her owne bodie but the husband 1. Cor. 7 4. and likewise also the husband hath not the power ouer his owne body but the wife For although this is not perfectly done till the act of marriage be ended yet this promise is the principall beginner and worker thereof because they that promise marriage do necessarily thereby promise that two shall become one flesh and that they will alwaies giue mutuall beneuolence one to another Touching the peculiar duties of husbands and wiues which likewise are promised by this Contract wee will here onely recite them leauing the doctrine thereof to another place and time 1. The husband his dutie is first
to loue his wife as his owne flesh 2. Then to gouern her in all duties that properly concerne the state of marriage in knowledge in wisedome iudgement and iustice Thirdly to dwell with her Fourthly to vse her in all due beneuolence 1. Pet. 13.7 1. Cor. 7.45 honestlie soberly and chastly 1. The wife her dutie is in all reuerence and humilitie to submit and subiect her selfe to her husband in al such duties as properly belong to marriage Secondly therein to be an helpe vnto him according to gods ordinance Thirdly to obey his commandements in all things which hee may commaund by the authoritie of an husband Fourthly and lastly to giue him mutuall beneuolence As for the rest of mutuall duties as they may be all comprehended vnder these so there shall be a fitter occasiō to speake thereof Thirdly wee call this promise of marriage voluntary because it must not come from the lippes alone but from the wel-liking and consent of the heart for if it be onely a verball promise without any wil at all and so meer hypocriticall and dissembled though it bindeth the partie that promiseth to the performance of his promise made before God and man yet if the Parents afterwards shall certainly know this and that there was no will nor vnfained meaning at all in the party neither yet is but rather a loathing and abhorring of his spouse betrothed though hee bee not able to render iust and sufficient cause thereof they maye vpon this occasion either deferre the day of marriage the longer to see if God wil happily change the minde of the partie or vtterly breake and frustrate the promise if all good meanes and occasions hauing been vsed none wil preuaile but that the partie rather groweth woorse and woorse For a Contract beeing a willing and a voluntarie consent there is no cause why the Parents and such as haue authoritie and power in such cases when they shall vndoubtedly knowe that the promise was altogither vnwilling and therefore made in meere hypocrisie and dissimulation neither can bee by tract of time or any other good meanes vsed be bettered but rather waxeth woorse and woorse may not breake and frustrate the same For why did Rebeccaes Parents deny her to Isaack neither would send her with Abrahams seruant to bee married Gen. 24 57.58 before such time as they had asked her consent yea when as they said Wee will call the maide and aske her consent do they not plainely shewe that both the law of Nature and the law of God taught them that this consent was of great moment and absolute necessitie And when the Apostle doth commaund men and women to marrie in the Lorde how can that marriage be in the Lord when the one partie doth not onely not loue but hate the other And how can such two become one flesh lawfully when as there wanteth the vnion and coniunction of the heart the true naturall mother of all marriage duties Wherefore this promise must be in this respect at least willing and voluntarie For albeit it is not necessarie neither yet possible that there should bee such great measure of true holy and sanctified loue at that time as afterward for that groweth by little and little according to the blessing of God and the faithfull performance of other duties afterward euen to their liues end yet if it bee voluntarie and vnfained it is enough and fully sufficient to make a true contract in the Lord. So as no man ought to separate those whom God hath thus ioyned Secondly wee call it voluntarie in respect of constraint and compulsion contrarie to a free consent for if eyther partie bee vrged constrained or compelled by great feare of their Parents or others by threatning of losse of preferment of health of limme of life or of any such other like or by any other violent manner of dealing whatsoeuer to yeeld their promise cleane contrarie to the motion of good liking of their hearts This kinde of promise as it doth not binde the partie to keepe it so it ought to bee frustrated and broken by the Parents themselues or by such maisters as may and ought to commaund and rule them in such cases If this were not so how could the parties keepe the commaundements of God giuing them direction whom to marrie First that they should marrie onely in the Lord. Againe that they should not bee vnequally yoked with the infidels neither whereof they can keepe if their parents might compell them or Contract marrie It becommeth rather the Parents to perswade their children by all good meanes to yeelde their consent rather then to drawe them by wicked sleight and cunning drunkennesse or any other wicked and violent meanes For as that is not to marrie in the Lord so all such forced Contracts may bee broken and frustrated by the Magistrate who is Gods Lieutenant to redresse such intollerable enormities among the societies of men For if Parents may deny marriage to such as haue not onely by force and violence obtained the word and body of their childe much more may the Magistrate denie marriage where onely a verball promise hath beene gotten by violent compulsion and so for these causes and in this sence and meaning alone wee conclude that Contract must bee voluntarie Fourthly it must bee a mutuall promise that is either partie must make it to other not the man onely nor the woman onely but both the man and the woman though decencie and order require the man to doo it first and then the woman because hee is her head and shee his glorie and ought to leade and guide her in all things wherein the Lorde hath put a preheminence For if this promise bee not mutually made of them both but of one alone it is no true and perfect Contract And therefore may bee broken by Parentes and such as haue authoritie heerein because the partie vnpromising is not bound by word nor deede but is free insomuch that such a Contract is rather so termed then for that it is any true Contract indeede But if it bee mutuall then it doth mutually and inuiolably binde both so that in this regard neither Parent Magistrate nor any other can or ought to breake it For this beeing fully performed and accomplished is one principall cause of making two one flesh in such sort as it is written Therefore shall man leaue his father and mother and shall bee ioyned to his wife and they two shall bee one flesh c. Genes 2.24 Also that the man hath not power ouer his owne body nor the woman ouer hers and so to bee short hence ariseth all mutuall beneuolence between them And therefore a poynt of great waight and necessitie in no wise to bee omitted in Contract Fiftly we say it must be betweene one man and one woman Where first it is to bee noted that it may not nor ought not to bee betweene any other creatures but mankinde nay neither among brute beastes
exempt out of this number Gardians Masters and such to whom the continuall custodie and tuition of any is lawfully committed For if such bee commanded to prouide for them as parties of their owne families there is no reason why they should not especially bee respected aswell in bestowing them abroad out of their familie as they were in taking them into it for if their cōsent bee necessarie at their comming in why should they goe out without their consent Further wee say their parents and not his or her parents because parēts on both sides ought necessarily to consent allow their childrē to betroth themselues For this is the priuiledge not of some parents but of all and in that they be parents Moreouer we say allowed and not required neither commaunded nor yet exhorted or inducted so to doe because that albeit the parents doe neither call their children to this contract neither commaund them neither require them neither exhort them all which notwithstanding they ought to doe yet if they doe but onely allow them and giue their bare consent that they shall contract themselues it is enough for the tying of the knot and the substance of the contract And to prooue that this contract is necessarie we need no moe reasons then that which the Apostle setteth downe saying of the father 1. Cor. 7.30 Let him doe what he will by which words hee putteth it in the will and power of his parents whether to marrie or not to marrie saying in doing either of the twaine he sinneth not Yet it is written in another place Exod. 22.16.17 If her father refuse to giue her to him he shall pay money according to the dowrie of virgins In which words the Lord doth giue an absolute authoritie to the father to yeeld or not to yeeld his consent to giue or not to giue his daughter for if hee haue power to deny it to his daughter that is deflowred and so by the Apostles iudgement made one flesh with another much more lawfully may he denie his consent to her that is no maner of way bound but is euery way free 1. Cor. 6.16 And if hee haue power to denie his consent in such a case much more hath he power to giue his consent Now his authoritie and power to denie his consent is apparant by the expresse commandement of God in that behalfe which sayth Take heede to thy selfe Exod. 34.16 that thou make no compact with the inhabitants of the land and so take of their daughters vnto thy sonnes c. More plaine Neither shalt thou make mariages with them Deut. 7.3 neither giue thy daughter vnto his son nor take his daughter to thy son How could those parents obserue this commaundement vnlesse God had giuen them power to deny consent to their children Or why doth he rather forbidde this to the parents then to the children but to shew that the power to giue or not to giue was in the parents and not in the children especially considering that children being the principall partes of their parents goods are no lesse in their power and authoritie to giue and bestow then the rest are This was so well knowne in the Church and so vsually practised among the people of God that the greatest among them who might seeme to haue greatest libertie in that behalfe yet they durst not disobey this holie commandement of GOD. Iudg. 15. For Sampson the strongest of all though he loued a maide of the Philistines yet he durst not betroth himselfe vnto her before he had intreated his parents to giue her vnto him Dauid a mightie valiant prince begged Micholl at the hands of Saul her father and after his death being betrothed vnto him he desired her of Ishbosheth her brother Iacob agreed with Laban for his wiues 2. Sam. 3.14 Gen. 29.18 c And Abraham the father of the faithfull by his seruant intreated Rebeccaes parents to giue her to wife to his sonne Isaack All which testimonies and examples doe plainly proue the greatest interest power and authoritie that parents haue in bestowing their children and that their consent needed to the sixe former points whereof wee haue spoken doth make so sure a Contract as cannot be loosed and vntied by any authoritie vnder heauen For here in this that saying of Christ Matth. 19.6 is trulie verified Let no man put asunder that which God hath coupled together But if this or any of the former bee omitted the Contract may bee broken and disanulled And least wee should bee ignorant or forget what those errours are which disauow and lawfully frustrate a Contract these they bee First if there bee onely a naked shew of a promise and yet no promise indeede Secondly if any other thing bee promised then mariage Thirdly if the promise be conuinced to be meere hypocriticall or forced Fourthly if one of the parties alone doe promise and not both Fiftly if it were made between other creatures or other persons or betweene moe then one man and one woman Sixtly if the persons contracted or either of them bee altogether vnfit for mariage Seuenthly if either of them be formerly betrothed or haue committed adulterie after the contract or be alied or a kin or for any other cause not at libertie to marrie Eightly if there lacke the consent of the parents If all or any of these bee vndoubtedly knowne and cleerely proued they doe ioyntly and seuerallie frustrate or nullifie the Contract so as the Magistrate may lawfully dissolue the same and set the parties at libertie But contrarily if all these concurre and accord the contract is as inuiolable as mariage it selfe neither can the parties bee set at libertie by themselues or by any power whatsoeuer because this contract and euery parcell thereof is in the Lord. It being a sacred ordinance of God as it cannot but haue speciall vse and fruite among his Saints so now it is time to declare and teach the same First therefore it serueth as a strong bridle to pull backe the force and headines of carnall naturall and brutish lust for if this contract be holily and dutifully kept according to the former doctrine it would neuer come to passe that any person man or woman should abuse their bodies suddenly or hastily vpon euery instigation of lust like brute beasts but would willingly in all modestie and sobrietie take sufficient time of deliberation for the making and accomplishing of this necessarie and holie contract which is ordained to this ende that men might haue sufficient time of deliberation to learne all the vses and abuses all commodities and incommodities all comforts and discomforts with all duties breaches of duties that can fall into the honourable estate of mariage Secondly it serueth to discouer betimes and in good season all sorts of impediments lets that may or ought to hinder the mariage that is promised Hence came that ancient and most excellent custome of asking the banes of Matrimony
willeth the matrimoniall imbracements to be chast the bed to be vndefiled and their progeny vnspotted it is after the mind of S. Paul Ephes 5.25.26 27. a signe of the great mystery wherewith Christ doth indissolubly vnite himselfe vnto his Church Therefore thou oughtest so much as shall lie in thee to lift vp thy mind and to remember how great and worthy an image thou doest represent and that thy wife shall be vnto thee as the Church and thou vnto her as Christ therfore thou shouldest shew thy selfe vnto her as Christ shewed himselfe vnto his church The loue of Christ vnto his church is incredible and thy loue also to thy wife ought to be most effectuall Societie and to liue togither is the most surest and strongest knot to knit ioyne amitie loue among men al other beasts There can be no greater societie or companie then is between a man his wife whose house whose goods whose chamber c. is common their children are common they themselues partakers of all good euill successe of prosperity and aduersity the which societie and fellowship were sufficient to stir prouoke him that loueth not his wife to loue and beneuolence And what company or loue shall a man looke to haue of him that loueth not his wife There are that in loue and amitie looke for gaine as the vile Epicures do vnworthy to be beloued men which loue themselues not their friends And if we haue a regard vnto commoditie and profit there is nothing that giueth so much as doth a good wife no not horses oxen seruants or farmers for a mans wife is the fellowe and comforter of all cares and thoughts and doth more faithfull and true seruice vnto him then either maid-seruant or man-seruant the which doe serue men for feare or else for wages but thy wife will be ledde onely by loue and therefore shee doth euery thing better then all other And this doth God declare saying Let vs make Adam a helper like vnto himselfe By the Helper is signified the vtilitie and profit of the seruice and by the similitude and likenesse is signified loue For a seruant and hee that is hired are farre vnlike the master and are taken well nigh for no men A seruaunt in the stead and place of an horse or of an oxe the which must bee beaten and inforced to their worke doth serue his master A hired seruant is in the place of an hired horse for whē the hire is paid the societie fellowship dissolueth The child is part of the father and through a naturall pitie they loue each other but yet the wife is more annexed and ioyned to her husband The father doth labour and taketh paine for his children but the childten seldome labour or take paynes for their fathers and oftentimes are sent to inhabite and dwell in other mens houses whereby in a manner it appeareth that their straight and fast societie doth dissolue and breake But the wife cleane contrary doth continually take paines for her husband who may neither as long as she liueth change house nor bed If commoditie and profit be looked for no commoditie excelleth this if thou shalt loue thy wife thou shalt liue most pleasantly if not thy life will be most miserable wretched For there is nothing so sharpe nor so bitter as to hate the thing that doth fauour and loue thee nor nothing more happy as to loue him that hateth thee Therefore loue that thou mayest be loued Now we will in few words shew the occasions of wedlocke why and wherefore it was ordeyned and for what purpose it should bee contracted that euery man and woman may the better vnderstand to what thing they consent when eyther of them graunteth to marrie the other Doubtlesse it cannot otherwise be but that marriage which was ordeined of such an excellent author as of GOD himselfe in such a worthy place as Paradise and of such an auncient time as in the state of Adams and Eues innocencie and after such a notable order but that it must likewise haue speciall causes for the ordinance of it Therefore the holy Scripture doth declare chiefely three causes thereof The first is the procreation begetting Three causes of marriage bringing vp of children Gen. 1.27 28. 9.1 For in the children do the parents liue after a sort euen after death And if they be well and vertuously brought vp God is greatly honoured by them the common wealth is aduanced yea their parents and all other fare the better for them For they are their parents comfort next vnto God their ioy staffe and vpholding of their age and therefore Parents ought to beginne betimes to plant vertue in their childrens breastes for late sowing bringeth a late or neuer an apt haruest young branches will bow as a man will haue them But olde trees will sooner breake then bow c. But more of this shall be said after in the dutie of parents Although mariage be a holy and sanctified ordinance yet none may vse the benefite of it Psal 51.5 without some acknowledgement of originall sinne in that adulterie and whoredome are wrought by this meanes albeit this is not imputed to the children of God who vse this meanes with as much chastitie as may be and so long as the husband and wife do keepe themselues togither in the feare of God and in all modestie and sobrietie If then in mariage it selfe there is such mischiefes what hellish mischiefe is there in those lustes which are not sanctified without these considerations So that marriage is not a mad and dissolute estate neither are husbandes to turne their wiues into whores or wiues their husbands into whoremasters by immoderate intemperate or excessiue lust Many thinke they cannot sinne in this behalfe if they passe not their owne wiues but they may make their marriage polluted defiled if they vse it without prayer and sobernesse c. 1. Thess 4.4.5 Therefore the husband is to forbeare the company of his wife when it is with her as it is common to women c. Ezechiel 18.6 Leuiticus 18.19.24.27.29 and 29.18 This was one of the sinnes for which the Lord rooted out the Cananites out of their land The 1. cause The second occasion why Marriage was ordeined was that the wife might bee a lawfull remedie to auoid whoredome Wedlocke lawfull for such as haue not the gift of chastitie fornication and all filthie vncleane lusts 1. Cor. 7.2.3 c. Touching this point I will say no more for it is handled at large by others alreadie and I haue elsewhere sufficiently discoursed of it The 3 cause The third and last cause was for mans commoditie to the end to auoid the inconuenience of solitarinesse that the one may helpe comfort the other Gen. 2.18 in sicknesse in affliction and in all household cares and troubles as education of children and keeping the familie in order
For this cause olde men and olde women may lawfully marrie So that a wife is called by GOD himselfe an Helper Rom. 7.23 1. Cor. 7.8 9 39. 1. Tim. 5.14 and not an impediment or a necessarie euill as some vnaduisedly doe say And as other some say It is better to burie a wife then to marrie one Againe if wee could be without women wee should bee without great troubles These and such like sayings This is often found most true that such as are contemners of mariage are most offenders against marriage and liue most vnchastly tending to the dispraise of women some maliciously and vndiscreetly doe vomit out contrary to the mind of the holy Ghost who saith that she was ordeined as a Helper and not a hinderer And if they bee otherwise it is for the most parte through the fault and want of discretion and lacke of good gouernment in the husband For married folkes for two eyes haue foure and for two hands as many moe which being ioyned togither they may the more easily dispatch their handy busines houshold affaires For like as a man hauing one hande or one foote if by any meanes hee get himselfe an other may thereby the more easily lay holde on what he listeth or goe whither he will euen so hee that hath married a wife shall more easily enioy the healthfull pleasures and profitable coÌ„modities of this present life For in trouble the one is a comfort to the other in aduersitie the one a refreshing vnto the other yea and in all their life the one is a helpe and succour to the other Most true it is that women are as men are reasonable creatures and haue flexible wittes both to good and euill the which with vse discretion and good counsell may be altered and turned And although there be some euill and lewde women yet that doth no more prooue the malice of their nature then of men and therefore the more ridiculous and foolish are they that haue inueighed against the whole sexe for a few euill and haue not with like furie vituperated and dispraised all mankind because part of them are theeues murtherers and such like wicked liuers But the marriage and company of the husband and wife is made amiable sweete and comfortable by these fiue meanes by godlinesse vertue mutuall forbearing mutuall loue and by dutifulnesse performed busily and godly on both sides 1. Godlinesse of right holdeth the chiefe place For there is no stable steadfast friendship vnlesse it haue his beginning from God and therefore must godlinesse needes shine before the rest For when couples haue determined to obey God all things afterward become more easie 2. Vertue and honest conditions breede mutuall delight betweene man and wife For when vertue is exercised it maketh conuersation of liuing more amiable 3. Mutuall forbearing whereby we take in good worth one anothers conditions faults is very needfull For in this weaknesse of nature there happen many scapes which will breede strife if they be not couered by mutuall forbearing 4. Mutuall loue hauing his beginning of godlinesse and true vertue maketh the husband and wife not to be too sharpe sighted in spying into one anothers faults but that many things either they marke not or if they marke them they couer them with loue For Loue couereth the multitude of sinnes 1. Pet. 4.8 Prou. 10.12 5. Dutie performed godlily carefully and cheerfully on both sides maketh the mariage-yoke light and sweete For when man and wife marke one another and finde like heedfulnesse and buxamnes in their dutie both their companie is made more pleasant and they are the more stirred vp on both sides to render dutifulnes that the one may requite the other alike Where these fiue duties bee not the companie of their life is both lothsome and bitter or rather more sharpe then death Therefore the godly couples must doe their endeuour that these vertues may be seene in their life continually for euer Now wee will through God his assistance say something concerning the three seuerall points contained in this dutie and mentioned in the beginning hereof and so end this dutie 1. The first whereof is That the husband must liue with his wife according to knowledge This point of doctrine is most plainlie proued by the Apostle Peter where he saith Ye husbands dwell with your wiues 1. Pet. 3.7 as meÌ„ of knowledge giuing honour vnto the woman as vnto the weaker vessell By honor is meant that the Husband ought to sustaine and relieue the wants of his wife to support vphâ—ld and beare with her infirmities as the weaker vessell euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life that your prayers be not interrupted Whereby hee teacheth the husband his dutie to wit that the more vnderstanding and wisedome God hath indued him with the more wisely and circumspectly hee ought to behaue himselfe in bearing those discommodities which through his wiues weakenes oftentimes cause some iarre and dislike one to the other Neuerthelesse though she be by nature weaker then he yet she is an excellent instrument for him made to farre more excellent vses whereupon it followeth thaâ— she is not therefore to bee neglected because shee is weake but on the contrarie part shee ought to be so much the more cared for Like as a vessell the weaker it is the more it is to bee fauoured and spared if we will haue it to continue euen so a wife because of her infirmities is so much the more to be borne withall of her husband 1. Pet. 3.7 And for so much as the husband and wife are equall in that which is the chiefest that is to say if that gracious and free benefit whereby they haue euerlasting life giuen them which otherwise are vnequall as touching the gouernance and conuersation at home and therefore she is not to bee despised although she be weake And besides Besides the praiers had with their familie they must pray priuately Gene. 25.21 1. Cor. 7.3 4 5 all braulings and chidings must be eschued and cast away because they hinder praiers and the whole seruice of God whereunto both the husband and the wife are equally called Also for more câ—onfirmation of this point the Apostle Paule likewise sayth Let the husband giue vnto the wife due beneuolence and likewise also the wife vnto the husband The wife hath not power of her owne bodie but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his owne bodie but the wife Defraude not one another except it bee with consent for a time that yee may giue your selues to fasting and prayer and againe come together that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinencie VVhich is as if the Apostle should say The parties married must with singular affection entirelie loue one the other for that they are each in others power as touching the bodie so that they may not defraud one another except the one abstaine from the other
labours into a bottomlesse sacke and the wife that is matched with such a husbaÌ„d draweth a Carte heauie loden through a sandy way without a horse Such a husband especially if idlenesse drawe him to loue and haunt Ale-houses and tauernes is cruel to his wife and children and such a wife confoundeth her husband bringeth reproch and pouertie to her whole familie The remedie for the husband that hath such a wife is patience with discreet admonition and praier to God as also the helpe for the wife that hath such a husband is tolleration gentle exhortation and chearfull and louing entertainment of her husband whereby to induce him willingly to keepe home They are also to be mutual helpers each to other in matters concerning their own saluation and the seruice of God First if one of them as saith the Apostle bee an vnbeleeuer the other must labour to drawe his partie to the knowledge of the trueth Saint Paul exhorting the husband and wife of contrary religions not to part but to dwel together addeth a notable reason saying What knowest thou ô man whether thou shalt saue thy wife 1. Cor. 7.16 or thou ô woman whether thou shalt saue thy husband Therein declaring that the faithfull person in dutie is to labour and indeuour to winne his partie to the knowledge of the trueth and so to saue her Saint Peter exhorteth wiues to bee subiect to their husbands albeit vnbeleeuers and such as not obey the word that so without speech By their holy and vertuous conuersation 1. Pet. 3.1 they may winne them Secondly if both be beleeuers their dutie is to confirme and strengthen each other in the time of persecution that they constantly follow Iesus Christ They are also each to helpe and comfort other if eyther of them happen to fall into any fault or sinne They ought also each to perswade other to charitie to relieue the poore diligently to frequent sermons to vse praiers and supplications and praise and thanksgiuings to the Lorde to comfort each other in the time of afflictions to be short either to exhort other to walke in the feare of God and in all duties and exercises beseeming the children of God 2. King 4.10 In this manner did that holy woman Elizeus Hostesse exhort her husband to prepare a chamber for the Pâ—ophet to lodge in Saint Paul also saith 1. Cor. 14.35 that women desirous to learne should question with their husbands at home Whereby he sheweth that the husband ought to bee so instructed as hee may be ready to instruct his wife at home And therefore the husband after the example of the Bee should euerie where gather euerie good instruction that he might bee able to impart it to his wife and by hauing communication acquaint her therewith There are other duties which bee common both to the husband and the wife as among the rest such as proceed of the vnion and coniunction of marriage whereof it is said They are one flesh Genes 2.24 Math. 19.5 And of this vnion proceedeth the mutual loue betwixt them For no man saith the Apostle hateth his owne flesh but loueth and cherisheth it Ephes. 5.15 Titus 24. But for as much as the foundation of this mutuall loue is the vnitie of marriage wherby the husband and the wife are made one flesh the husband as the head the wife as the body It followeth that this loue must be stedfast not variable and that the vnion of marriage continue notwithstanding whatsoeuer befall either the husband or the wife Notwithstanding whatsoeuer complexions wee say natures and infirmities may appeare whatsoeuer sicknesse losse of goods iniuries griefes or other inconueniences that may arise yet so long as the foundation of loue that is the vnion of marriage doth continue so long must loue and affection remaine Math. 5.44 God commandeth vs to loue our neighbours as our selues because they be of our flesh Albeit therefore that he contemne hate offend or wrong vs albeit he be our enemie and in respect of himselfe deserueth not that wee should loue him yet because hee is of our flesh the foundation of loue remaineth we must loue him How much rather ought they to put this in practise who by the bond of marriage are made one flesh The rather because the vnion betweene man and wife is without comparison more straight bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction wehreby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alterarion and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to bee among the causes of the flood Genes 6.2 The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is mony that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our daies Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beautie riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile groundes is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintayned with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned and therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish and continue the loue that thereof proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy As contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradice of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the household They that will auoide such strife must therfore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For a vessell made of two peeces and glewed togither may at the first bee easilie broken but in time groweth strong so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned togither by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and dutie each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another frendly each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ Let the husband thinke that he hath married a daughter of Adam with all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not maried an Angell but a childe of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soone amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion
neuer be that any vniting onely of flesh and blood should haue found a dispensation from that Law that bindeth mind and conscience Honour thy father and thy mother Exod. 20.12 The holy and faithfull bond of marriage betweene man and wife signifieth vnto vs that most holy Coniunction of vs and Christ with his Church Ephes 5.25 Seeing that this is a Coniunction both of body and soule then such as are christian parents ought to bee carefull that their children may reioyce in it How should that marriage speed well when the bridegrome marrieth such one as to whoÌ„ hee may not say God speed because she is none of Gods friends 2 Iob. 10. 1. Cor. 7.39 But how doe they marrie in the Lord who do marrie the Lords enemies howsoeuer it liketh other to marrie their children yet they ought to see that their children do settle themselues that they may knit their minds in religion where they make their bodies one that so their marriage may bee to them as a looking-glasse to view and behold the loue of Christ Saint Paul giueth this generall rule to all that will marrie that they marrie in the Lord. And to marrie onely in the Lord is not to be led by flesh and blood with fauour credit honour friendship riches or beautie but rather it is to marrie religiously in the feare of God and in the fellowship of the Church of Christ where true christians liue by one faith professe one religion and serue one God Now let vs a little call to our remembrance what fruit such vnequal marriages haue brought forth froÌ„ the beginning The sonnes of God Gen. 6.2.11 As the Iewes might not marrie with the Chananites so christians may not marrie with them which are like Chananites Gen. 24.3 and 28.1 Mal. 2.11 Ezra 9.12 saw the daughters of men that they were faire they tooke them wiues of all that they liked This aduenturous marriage in strange religion did so infect the world that all flesh had corrupted his wayes For this cause God gaue this plaine and expresse law vnto the people of Israel as touching all the Inhabitants of the land of Canaan Thou shalt not giue thy daughters vnto his sonnes Deut. 72.3 4. Exo. 34.16 Surely they will turne away thy heart 1. Kin. 11.2 Ezra 9.1.2 c. and 10.1.2 c. reade the places We may not here thinke that this inhibitioÌ„ serueth now vnto vs as touching Pagans Turkes or Infidels but rather we must assure our selues in the trueth and know that no people in the world are more within the coÌ„passe of this law theÌ„ the papist superstitious idolater The holy Ghost forbiddeth vs to keepe company with Idolaters If adulterie may separate marriage shal not idolatrie hinder marriage which is worse then it and such as are of a strange religion And how can he then permit that wee should marrie with them He commandeth straightly that we should not draw in one yoke with the vnbeleeuing 2. Cor. 6.14 which to doe is as vnseemely as an oxe and an asse to be yoked togither to plough Deut. 22.10 And how can wee possibly deuise to violate and breake this commandement more contumeliously then to yoke our selues in marriage with the vnfaithfull We are charged To offer vp our bodies a linely a holy and a reasonable sacrifice vnto God Rom. 12.1 But if we shall giue our bodies to Papists wee then shall make them one flesh with the Papists and then we may be sure that no corrupt sacrifice can bee a sweet smelling sacrifice vnto the Lord our God Parents may not giue their daughters to a man vnsanctified Gen. 34.14 Here godly parents ought then aduisedly to consider that the strengthning and constant standing in religion of their children is onely of God and from God and not of themselues and therefore although they haue brought vp their children religiously and vertuously and thinke they are so well grounded setled therein that they cannot bee remoued and drawne froÌ„ their sound profession yet they must beware that they doe not tempt God venture their children to walke in that way which so many haue fallen in How can they assure themselues that their children shall abide constant and stand vpright if they shall consent that they may couple themselues in Marriage with Papists Sampson was borne by Gods promise consecrated to the Lord from the day of his birth to the day of his death made Iudge of Israel a Deliuerer of Gods Church and a Reuenger of his enemies very great and especiall tokens of the grace of God in him that it should be continued yet when he would attempt to marrie one of a strange religion he lost his honour and became a laughing stocke vnto the enemies of God Iudg. the fourteenth Chapter and first verse c. and 16.4.17.18 c. Salomon was a wise man Miserable is that man which is fettered with a woman that liketh not his religion as euer was any before him or after him God had indued him with heauenly gifts and had set him vp as a figure of his Sonne Christ yet when he had married with Pharaohs daughter a woman of another religion and a stranger from the Common-wealth of Israel he then fell from worse to worse till at the last hee became a miserable Idolater 1. King 11.4 What was the cause that Ahab King of Israel did worse then all the Kings before him He feareth not sinne which doth not shun occasions he is worthy to be snared which leadeth himselfe into temptation â—o maketh a trap for himselfe Luke 11.4 a man euen sold to worke wickednes in the sight of the Lord aboue all his idolatries and walking in the most wretched wayes of Jeroboam the Scripture layeth this to his charge euen as his greatest sinne that he tooke the daughter of the King of the Sidonians to his wife 1. King 16.28 29 30 31. And least such parents as either haue or hereafter shall marrie their children to Papists should thinke their case to bee better then his because though they marrie theÌ„ to Papists or to Atheists yet they doe not marrie them to any Pagans The wife must be meet as God said Gen. 2.18 But how is she meet if the husband be a Christian and she a Papist Let them consider what the Scripture teacheth them more Iehoram king of Iudah hee maried neither with any Sidonian nor Egyptian neither with Pagan nor Infidell but with one of his owne people and of the Tribe of Israel yet because she had corrupted her religion in her fathers house the Scripture sheweth this to be the cause of all Iehorams sin He did euil in the sight of the Lord because the daughter of Ahab was his wife 2. King 8.18 Yea the Scripture maketh this sin so great that Iehosophat a good king was yet defiled with it and it is reported as a great blemish of his vertuous doings that euer he suffered his sonne