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A35887
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A dialogue between Philiater and Momus, concerning a late scandalous pamphlet called the conclave of physicians
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1686
(1686)
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Wing D1321; ESTC R9162
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69,830
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231
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brought forth a thick Quarto at the very first attempt But how came you ever since to spawn nothing but Duodecimo's and Sexagesimo's Sure you found that you had ill luck with Quarto's otherwise we could not have miss'd a Folio all this time Mom. I do take that Quarto to be the Glory of all my Writings It was writ like a Philosopher in earnest And they who perused it twice as I advised them could not but easily perceive that I could have writ Folio's enough if I had thought fit My chiefest design ever since the seventeenth Year of my Age when I had just finish'd my course in Physick and taken my last Degree Oh brave boys consisted in elaborating such demonstrations in Natural Philosophy as might serve to unfold the nature of Beings in relation to the Art of Physick hitherto so uncertain blind and unfounded on Art that I dare confidently assert c. ibid. Pref. Phil. Hold or you 'll make me to work 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 A little at a time I beseech you A man may easily surfeit of your demonstrations they are so hard of concoction and apt to lie upon the Stomach And besides if we take too much of them we shall have no room for the Banquet that lies before us the principal design of our present meeting You are a man of as much might in elaborating demonstrations as Don Quixot was at encountering Giants and Wind-mills You are no less than a Knight Errant in Physick given to vast and daring designs and as bold as blind Bayard at the unfolding the nature of Beings hitherto God bless us so blind and uncertain until all-seeing Bayard dares confidently assert what in his Wisdom and deep Politicks he shall think fit It is in troth a thousand pities that every conceited soft-head should thus be suffered to venture upon removing Mountains so much above their strength or to elaborate demonstrations in Natural Philosophy You soared at high and lofty matters from the year you were absolutely spoil'd in the seventeenth year of your Age for ever afterwards and from Puer imi subsellu in the Physick-Schools from receiving Dictates to day nothing forsooth can content your ambitious mind but the being Doctor in Cathedrâ the teaching your Masters to morrow Remember the Fate of young Icarus who would not be perswaded to hearken unto good Counsel He flew high as well as you in your younger days But what came of it His wings were soon melted by the heat of the Sun as yours are like to be by any little Degree of heat by way of answer Why the young man whilst he is alive sinks down into the water and is drowned as you have it before to the just terror of over-forward Youths who shall aspire at such high matters as to teach Cicero to perform the part of an Orator Hannibal the Art of War or even Aristotle how to define Nature or Grave Professors any thing else in relation to the Art of Physick or the Science of Natural Philosophy Mom. You may save your labour and counsel those that will hearken to you But will you take so little notice of a Book of that magnitude It is worth your Perusal more than you are aware Phil. Well if we must lose some more time let us have your opinion of the Divines which made way for your New Natural Theology Mom. The Divines heavy dull imaginations hallucinating in the appearance of the Scriptures like several eyes in apparent objects of the Sky some framing this others that likeness of them I am not now to be confirmed in my belief that the worst of Atheism is latent in many supposed Divines their sinister ends cheats and vile secret passions of the flesh betraying their Hypocrisy Certainly were I to pick out of my own Profession some that were to surmount all others in wickedness I should not need long time to ponder upon my Verdict Pref. You see I am not afraid to shoot my Bolt at them too for their heavy dull Sentiments in Theology They do confound their small relicks of Natural Faith into a detestable Atheism however cloathed with a dissembled time-holiness under their dark habits to feed their covetousness out of their Benefices Ibid. Phil. Fie fie doth such Billingsgate Rhetorick become a man with Spanish Whiskers and a Deaths-Head in his hand And it is the greater aggravation of your fault that you use such bitter expressions so near the Title leaf and hang them over the Door that they may be seen by all those who have neither leisure nor will to enter into the Work it self Besides it was not well done to put them for an Introduction to your Religio Philosophi because they neither contain the Moderation and Charity of True Religion nor the Temperance and Sobriety of True Philosophy I 'll warrant that pretty tickling Title of Religio Medici did run to and fro in your head and you were grievously sorry that it was taken up before For otherwise I dare confidently assert you would never have been contented with Religio Philosophi But if you will give me leave to deliver my Verdict and without long pondering upon the Business you ought in propriety of speech to have called it Morosophia Juvenilis or Religio Stulti You know I reprehended you a little for abusing Solomon's Words and grinning as you did when you made him mingle Nonsense But now in a serious mood deliberately and in prepense Malice to call so many Divines without restriction Cheats and Hypocrites Blockheads and Atheists deserves a more severe Correction than an ordinary Reprimand I have seen naughty Youths of above seventeen whipt soundly for much less faults Now as for that detestable thing called Atheism I should think it very serviceable for the publick if all Boys and Buffoons inconsiderate Scriblers and Soft-heads were strictly prohibited from medling at all with it For all their weak and ridiculous defences of Truth against Atheism do only serve to raise Devils which they have not the Wit to lay again And to conclude I have that just veneration for Holy Persons and Holy things which no body ought so much as to play with much less mortally to hate that I would rather e'en suffer you as you did before to bewray your own Nest than profanely to meddle with matters of Theology Mom. Why then let us return and see how affairs stand with the Conclave There you will discern that some Physicians get a greater Reputation by killing than others by curing p. 28. Phil. You know best who those Some Physicians are that have such a cunning knack of getting reputation They may be your Particular Acquaintance and you speak indefinitely of them Indeed some Physicians who are tried and experienced in their Art and are known to be through-paced in the Practice of Physick though they may have some Patients dye under their hands let them do their best may yet deserve and doubtless do get greater Reputation by their
Authors p. 10 11. Phil. I believe we shall find you horribly out reverâ in most of your greatest truths The men of Physick you speak of have read Diseases both New and Old and they have read Men too What if one Woman tells you it is an Ague the Nurse a Fever the Midwife an Ague and Fever and after all an old Gossip comes and tells you it is the New Disease must the Men of Physick become Sufferers for the Womens tittle tattle But what if a raging Autumnal Epidemical Fever has been sometimes even by Physicians called the New Disease Is a Disease not to be called New because it had entred into your Crotchet before or because you might possibly have read something like it in some antient Author It is certainly New to John-a-Stiles and John-a-Nokes in one sense at least they never saw nor heard of it before But it seems you and every Novice in Physick might well suspect they had never read Hippocrates or Galen Whereas if your self had but cursorily as Novices use to do lookt into Hippocrates 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Epidemical Diseases you would have found him immediately describing the first second and third Constitution of the Air and the variation of Diseases according to its various Constitution in the Isle Thasus And do you and your Novices think that this Island of Great Britain is less subject to the various alterations of Air and Seasons and consequently to a great diversity of Diseases than Thasus was You must needs have heard that many good Women in our Island do carry Almanacks in their Bones and do very sadly bemoan the great uncertainty of our Seasons We need not go back to Hippocrates and Galen for the understanding so plain a truth you might easily have consulted one of our own late Authors but indeed a Combined Physician and you might have had sufficient satisfaction in this matter In his Works after his excellent Treatise De Morbis Acutis wherein the Circulation of New Diseases and New Epidemical Constitutions is made as plain as a Pike-staffe you will find an Epistola Responsoria in Cambridge a Head of a Medical Colledge there and he one of Her Majesties Physicians in Ordinary with Fee to the Judicious Author of the foresaid Treatise This Epistle from so Great a Man is full of acknowledgments to the Author for his so nice Observations of the different Constitutions of the Air many years past and for giving so Historical an account of the succession of different Epidemical Diseases according to the predominancy of this or that Constitution Mom. However you value and set forth that Modern Author yet I must tell you I have in divers places of my Tract made him a meer Bumpkin I scorn to read the Works of our Modern Associates unless to ridicule and expose them I do aver that the gentle Pox excepted there is not any among all those they have nominated New Diseases but what is amply described in many antient Authors p. 11. Phil. I know very well that you have shamefully abused many Worthy and excellent Men and can tell the true reason why you have taken such pains to abuse this particularly When we come to discourse of the Jesuits Powder you shall have it as freely as I had it In the mean time let us mind the business before us The gentle Pox If it be so gentle I would fain know why you should think of nothing but Herculean and Gigantean Cures for it as you unwittingly do it your Little Venus unmaskt Is it seemly or becoming a Man of your Education that has Travelled so far to call for Hercules his Club or a Giant 's strong arm to encounter a poor gentle Pox The Female the gentle Sex does often suffer under this Disease and will you presently fright the poor Creature out of her wits with telling her she must undergo your Herculean or your Gigantean Cure You are exceedingly unkind to the little Venus especially if it be considered what you observe in the Gigantean Cure Art 14. Indeed a Patient had better half hang himself than undergo this Cure there being nothing comparable to the pain in their mouth anguish about their heart and sides and the extream thirst they endure having like Tantalus their mouth full of water and yet ready to perish for want of drink Neither is this all some growing Phrenetick in the Cure others Paralytick and Apoplectick Momus if this be your way of curing gentle Diseases that a Patient had better half hang himself than undergo it trust me I 'll have a care of you in violent diseases for by your rule a man had better be quite hang'd than undergo that Cure Well but if the Pox be not gentle we 'll allow it to be gentile though not so over-gentile neither as your Adage would have it Three Campains and six grand Cures make a Grand Gentleman The grand Gentleman truly is but in a poor condition if he must undergo no less than six grand Cures your grand Hermaphroditick gallimaufrey Cures in order to be so accomplish'd But the gentle Pox excepted there is not any c. What have you so soon forgot that some Distempers more than one had escaped the observation of the Grecian and Arabian an Physicians was evidenced by the eminently learned Doctor Bates and others Collegues in that excellent Treatise de Rachitide You soon forget your Friends I see though never so particularly acquainted with them Here the Rickets and some other Distempers were solemnly and formally acknowledged to be New Diseases but the Maggot biting another part of your head the gentle Pox must only be excepted And are they amply described and in many antient Authors I dare venture a Chequeen or two that you cannot shew me one ancient Author wherein the Rickets are so amply described Mom. I can be easily perswaded that how great an Idol soever a Fellow is set up by the Vulgar from the false suggestion of Dog-fleying he shall never arrive to a sagacity of distinguishing Diseases unless he hath from the beginning been trained up to it by the conduct of able Professors at home and abroad and frequently visited Hospitals in several Countries p. 15. Phil. That Fellow that you make so slight of is one who spends his whole time so diligently in the service of the Publick that you shall hardly for your Jacobus get one minute of his time more than is absolutely necessary Indeed he 's a worthy Member and Fellow of the College but he is not a Fellow for every sawcy Jack He is not made an Idol only by the Vulgar but is infinitely courted and sought to by the Nobility and even the Royal Family and his late Majesty of Blessed Memory who could pass as good a judgment on a Physician as perhaps any other Prince did in his last sickness as I have heard make Particular Applications to this Fellow as much at least as to any of his other excellent Physicians