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A09201 A merry discourse of Meum, and Tuum, or, Mine and Thine tvvo crosse brothers, that make strife and debate wheresoever they come; vvith their descent, parentage, and late progresse in divers parts of England. By H.P. Peacham, Henry, 1576?-1643? 1639 (1639) STC 19510; ESTC S114329 20,111 44

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hundred pounds thicke and his Creditors taking the opportunity of his fortunes would beare with him no longer but lay out to arrest and every way to vexe him old Lime underhand would furnish the young Gentleman with money to satisfie them all but before take a Morgage of all his land happily might bee worth an hundred or sixscore pounds per Annum which hee being unable to redeeme at the appointed day taking up a second summe sells it all unto him out right then calls his Creditors together and maketh him and them friends and undertaking the debt himselfe hee there tenders them downe the one halfe of their money the rest he paies by parcell and petty sums at his leasure Sometimes hee is trusted with money gathered in the Country for charitable uses as Building or repairing of Bridges in regard of the great credit hee hath in the Country and his acquaintance with the better sort reparation of Sea-banks High wayes and the like but he keepes it close till extremity and the feare of a Pursevant wrings it out of his fist But Meum and Tuum not knowing any way in the world to come by money in case Master Lime should be from home and the humour take him to lend them none considering he had beene so much beholding unto them or their kindred Meum as I said began to practise in the Towne taking upon him to cure all Aches Tumours Wounds Dislocations Distemperatures and in generall all manner of Diseases by stroking with the hand and uttering certaine words by way of a charme Tuum tooke upon him to bee his man and was to make good whatsoever hee spake of himselfe and his depth of skill in that manner of cure Beside Meum had in a readinesse a Catalogue and a counterfeit Testimoniall of Lords Ladyes Gentlewomen and Merchants Wives Mayds and of all sorts whom hee had cured after that way some of Dropsies the Chollicke Agues and the like Tuum was to affirme he was the seventh son of a seventh son but this one thing troubled Meum much that was if any patient should demand of him the name and quality of his disease and what were the Symptomes of the same hee could not tell wherefore he held it the best course of professing to cure all at once neither durst hee goe any Empyricall way to worke in giving this or that to his Patient for he had no more skill in a Drug then my Dog knowing no more what to give then they knew what to take and stroking was a thing of neither labour or cost which a little Loveret or the veriest Asse in England might doe yet to let the world know hee was not ignorant in the knowledge of Simples by the way he would dig up some rootes with his knife no matter what which cut in peeces and cleane scrap'd he would put into his handkercher these dried by the fire and beaten to powder he would give alike to all yea those that were most dangerously sicke either in Posset-ale or the pap of an Aple and if any such recovered by the strength and benefit of Nature as some doe then as he would often say his fame would fly farre and his name bee made knowne to all the Countrie The rootes he caried commonly about him were called Morsus Diaboli the devils bit which groweth in Corne fields and Meadowes the Fenne Parsnep which is sweet and hath the taste of our common Parsnep but present poyson as one Hamon Rainard in the Fenne prooved for bringing home many caused them to bee boyled and buttered but in the space of the burning of a Candle his Wife Children and himselfe died sometime hee would venture upon Sol●●am or nightshade one Dram whereof is able to kill a Cariers Horse Such a Doctor I remember I my selfe met withall at Vtrecht in the Low-countries who commonly was called Docter Iohn an English or a Welch man I known well whether this Doctor for so the people called every Mountebanke was much sought unto and was had in great admiration for his judgement in so much he could not eate or drinke in quiet for patients flocking unto him Scholler he was none for he could hardly read or write his owne name I having beene one day at dinner with that noble Gentleman the Grave or Earle of Culenberge by chance I there in a Garden met with Doctor Iohn having beene formerlie acquainted with him and demanded of him whence he had those rare drugs whereby he wrought such wonders in his profession Iohn having well tasted of the Earles wine as in vino veritas confesseth freelie unto me hee had nothing from either Indies Citie Druggist or Apothecarie saving some herbes and rootes which hee gathered in the Spring under a great quick-set hedge on my left hand in the way to Vtrecht which was three miles off and these were commonly the rootes of young Bri●rs Brionie Daisies Dandelion Crow-feete and the like which dried upon a Tilestone or Slate hee also as Meum did beate to powder and gave his Patients to drinke in posset drinke white wine and the like but if they were taken with pestilent or continuall burning Fevers then hee gave them the said powder in Canary-sack anise-Anise-seed Worm-wood water or the like Meum being furnished as you have heard now verily beleeved that he was a good Physitian indeed and now having a mind as the Proverbe is to see the Towne served and to provide for a good lodging as well during the time of the Faire as after at the corner of a Lane they met with an old Woman carying a Pitcher of Buttermilke in one hand the other held up her apron wherein was a Cat blind folded of her they enquired of an honest Alehouse or private house where they might hire a couple of Chambers shee told them in a lane on their right hand was a very good and a quiet house at the signe of the two Beares and the Bee-hive herein they entred and found entertainement and having caused their apportements to bee laid up away they goe to Master Lime's house knocking at the doore out comes a spruce and a dapper youth surrounded at the knees with points russet Bootes and Spurres with a penne in his eare he asking our errand we told him wee came to speake with Master Lime and wee suppose you are his Clarke I am indeed and my name is Twig quoth he will you be pleased to enter my Master is not very busie in they came and found Master Lime in an upper Chamber sitting by a good fierin a Wickar Chaire with three or foure night Caps and an old greasie Hat on his head one foote upon the Tonges in the Chimney-corner and the other on a little buffet stoole upon a Cushion his legge many times bound about with a rouler of red cloth my friends quoth he you are welcome have you any Law businesse Sir quoth Meum you have heard of us heretofore though you never saw us till now our
have you no relation to our Towne of QVI no quoth Meum your Towne should rather have relation to us for every Grammar Boy knowes that QVI is a Pronoune Relative and we are Possessives in good time quoth the Saffolke man wee have too few of you in our Countrey when indeed they had too many but the day being farre spent Meum desired to bee going but the Baker following him out of dores spake something in secret unto him and very likely gave him something to follow his sute howsoever they all parted in a friendly manner they going their severall wayes and Meum and Tuum for Cambridge Being come to Cambridge in very handsome and civill apparrell for they had long since sold their parchment sutes to a Tailor for Measures like wise Travailers the first thing they did they enquired for and tooke up their Lodging which was an Embleme of themselves at he Two Wrestlers in the Petit-curie where having taken up two severall Beds they were quiet and merry for that night the next day they went abroad to view the Towne and especially the ruines of the Castle built by William the Conquerour Pythagora's Schoole and the Round Church sometimes a Synagogue of the Iewes the Nunnery of Saint Radigunde now converted into Iesus Colledge and not farre beyond that sometimes faire and well seated Abbey of Barnwell built by Sir Paine Peverell Standard-bearer to the Conquerour returning backe they visited the Colledges and one shewed them Erasmus his Chamber and Study in Queenes Colledge where he lay while he was in Cambridge as appeareth by many of his Epistles but above all other they desired to see the common Schooles and desired to heare the Disputations and wranglings of Sophisters with some of whom after they had acquainted themselves they learned all the rules of Arguing with the Nature of Syllogismes and every Fallacie whereby they enabled themselves for reasoning pro con in all places and upon every occasion and were now became able to entangle any Adversary or Opposite in Logicall limetwigs Now having well viewed the Vniversity and Towne and being furnished with Latine and Logick enough for the practise of the Law they take their leaves and to London forward by Trompington they goe being gone some ten miles from Cambridge on their way they espied many people at a Towns end gathered in a cluster together about a Peare-tree that grew in the middest of an hedge and amongst them the Clerk of the Parish Meum wondring to see them there could not devise what the occasion might be quoth Tuum surely there is a Swarme of Bees in the Tree that time of the yeare is past quoth Meum it may be there is some Foxe-earth Hedghog or the like nay then why should the Clerke bee there hee hath no skill in Foxe-hunting it may bee sometime he will follow the Hounds for his recreation but the truth was indeed that Peare-tree was in controyersie betweene the owners of the Closes on either side of the Hedge and they in contention who should have the Peares the Vicar knowing not of whom to demand the Tyth of that Tree attended there till the controversie was ended those people were ancient men and neighbours who came to ma●● peace and to testifi● 〈◊〉 whom ●s they thought the right lay Meum and Tuum argued the case as Lawyers and concluded after a long dispute that some lusty fellow in the company should goe up and shake the Tree and what Peares fell on either side the Hedge should bee theirs who owed the grounds and those that fell in the Hedge should appertaine to neither of them but all should goe to the Vicar for his Tyth they were all contented and so carying Meum and Tuum to their Alehouse which was hard by the Church-stile at an old Widdow-womans they gave them great thanks with the courtesie of their Towne and to boote their pockets full of Peares Forward they goe and at last get to London a place they long longed to see especially Westminster and the Courts there in Terme time wherfore they resolved to lodge and place themselves thereabout Meum toke a Chamber in Theeving-lane Tuum a little darke roome that had but one window no bigger then a Cat might creepe through hard by Hell neare to the upper end of Westminster-Hall being provided of their lodging the next day they had an humour having yet nothing to doe to goe see a Beare-baiting over the Water but comming to Westminster Bridge they found the Water-men pitifully fallen out and railing one at another and almost together by the eares about their Fares one crying out Sir Thomas or Sir Henry I am your first man heere 's your worship's Boate I caried you to Brainford last Thursday they seeing the Gentlemen so vexed with haling and calling on every side with such a thunder of severall tones that were able to make a man more deafe then the Cataracts of Nilus Tuum craves silence of them and thus speakes to the Gentlemen in private Gentlemen quoth he it is now Vacation and the deadest time thereof and I suppose you are going over the water as we are I will tell you for a quart of Wine and a pecke of Oisters on the other side I will lay a Spell under this Bridge where the Tyde shall not wash it away that as long as it is there from hence forward the Watermen every Vacation shall be silent and of very few words and during the Terme they shall have the gift of curing all that are thicke of hearing the Gentlemen being ingenuous and free condescended and I have heard the same Charme or Spell lieth under Westminster Bridge yet But now come over to the Beare-garden and seeing the manifold contention and quarrels betweene the Beare-wards and the City Butchers for the first turnes or courses with their Dogges all having promiscuously paid their money and were ready with their bats to knock one another downe Meum began to give hard language to the Beareward taking the Butchers part a Bearward as they are feirce and chollerick like their pupils the Beares strikes at Meum with a good Crab-tree cudgell he to avoide the blow fell backward quite over a Beares backe herewith the Beare fell a roring Tuum whose backe was turned looking behinde him and seeing Meum as he thought felled to the ground and slaine and verily beleeving it was hee that rored when he fell ran as if he had been frantick out of dores and as hee came hastily by where a Bull was baited hard by such was his hard fortune that to avoide the presse of the people he came within the Buls reach the Bull beeing become furious and mad with many blowes Dogs slitting his eares and the like runnes full at Tuum and with his horne taking hold of his Breeches tossed him up but Tuum having but one poynt that brake and his Hose fell about his heeles which made all the standers by forget the Bull to