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A13395 The womens sharpe revenge: or an answer to Sir Seldome Sober that writ those railing pamphelets called the Iuniper and Crabtree lectures, &c. Being a sound reply and a full confutation of those bookes: with an apology in this case for the defence of us women. Performed by Mary Tattle-well, and Ioane Hit-him-home, spinsters. Tattle-well, Mary.; Hit-him-home, Ioane. aut; Taylor, John, 1580-1653. aut 1640 (1640) STC 23706; ESTC S101732 41,796 236

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or if hee labour and take paines it is in hope of his hire If the Merchant hazard his purse and person by Sea it is in the expectation of some great gaine and profit and can you wise men take toyle and travell wake and watch rise early and goe to bed late spend your time wits and money vow and protest sweare and forsweare ingage your fortunes and indanger your lives and all these for wily wanton wayward wicked women by gaining whom you can but loose your selves and to purchase them cannot be without your so great prejudice Most sure if this cause shall come before a just Iudge and have the benefit of a considerate Censure but we so much reproved and reviled shall bee acquit by Proclamation and you Sir Seldome Sober with the rest of your rayling Society bee found sole guilty of Calumny scandall and most palpable Contradiction Your intimations and intents your proposition and your purpose your method your meaning having no coherence or correspondence the one to the other And therefore we weak women stand up against you mighty men for so you thinke your selves when alas wee know by proofe that when you brave Masculines are at any time incountered by our Femenine Sexe even in the first assault you are as soone tam'd as talkt with and can scarce really tell us you love us but you are as ready to turne tayle and leave us and yet are not ashamed to animate your selves in your owne assemblies and would make the world to beleeve that you the first Cowards are the sole Conquerours But forsooth when you faile in your prowesse you thinke to fit us in your Proverbes which you priviledge by their Antiquity but indeede they are so stale in their very Names that they stinke in our noses for example When the Mistris calls up her Apprentice shee saith if she be crost shee will make him leape at a Crust as if Citizens kept such penurious Houses that they were ready upon the least occasions to starve their Servants Nay that she taking her Husbands Authority out of his hands will beate her Boy the Rogue and bast the Kitchin-maid who rules the Roast till she make their bones rattle in their skinns and when shee hath gotten her will then Rattle Baby Rattle Then in your Lecture of the Wife to her Husband Is the house a wild-Cat to you and why a Wild-Cat you tame foole unlesse you study to set odds betwixt man and wife and to make them agree in a house like Dogs and Cats together Then comes in the Country Farmers Wife with her couple of Capons when all her shee neighbours dare take their Oathes that her Husband is a Cocke of the Game yet shee must call him Francis Furmity-pot Barnard Bagg-pudding or Bacon-face William Woodcocke Durty Dotterill or Dunstable Harry Horse-head Simon Sup-broath Ralph Rost a Crow Tom Turd in thy teeth and the like beastly and bastardly names meerely of your owne durty devising as knowing what belongs to your selves when wee cannot finde in our hearts to foule our mouthes with any such filthy Language But sure Sir Seldome or never Sober your Father was some Jakes-Farmer and your Mother a Midwife or hee some Rake-shame or Ragg-gatherer and shee the daughter of a Dung-hill that their Sonne is forc'd to patch out his Poetry with such pittifull Proverbes and cannot wee come upon you with the like and in tasking of your rudenesse tell you you should have talked under the Rose to punish your too much prating tell you Little said soone amended In terrifying you from the like troubling of your selfe That there is a day to come that shall pay for all and to restraine you within some regularity A man may bring his Horse to the water but hee cannot make him drinke In not sparing of your Spouse-breach There is False-hood in Fellow-ship When wee shall bury one untoward Husband and take another Seldome comes the better When you foole us with your flatteries you play with us at Wily beguile you And to conclude with that most learned Ballad song about the streetes and Composed by your fellow Poet M. P. O such a Rogue would be hang'd This wee could doe nay this wee much care not to doe unlesse you moderate your flying Muse and mend your manners Nay wee could Anatomize you into Atomes and dissect you into Demunitives to make you lesse than nothing but it it is the modesty of our Madam-ships and the patience that our Sexe professes to parley before we punish and to hang up a flagge of Truce before we offer to Tirannize but if you take heart and hold out and seeme not sorry at this our first Sommons wee will not onely beate you but batter you bumbast and bafle you Canvace and Cudgell you Brave you and Bastinado you but leave you to the terrible Trophies of our Victorious Triumph and the remarkeable memory of your most miserable and unpittied Massacre Yet in all this we doe not menace the men but their mindes not their Persons but their Penns the horridnesse of their humours and the madnesse of their Muses which indeed towards us have beene insupportable and intollerable Therefore be advised and let us heare either of your publicke acknowledgement or at the least your private recantation either to us all in generall or some in particular c. or we will make thy owne pen thy Ponyard thy Inke thy banefull potion thy Paper thy winding sheete thy Standish thy Coffin thy Sand-dust thy Grave-dust to bury thy shallow wit in with thy face downe-ward which if we doe not let us for ever beare the burthen with our faces upwards Now concerning your very passionate but most pittifull Poetry a question may be made whether you be a Land Laureate or a Marine Muse A Land Poet or a Water Poet A Scholler or a Sculler Of Pernassus or puddle Dock Of Jonia or Ivy Bridge But howsoever it is not in the compasse of our Reading that Mnemosyne ever lived at Milford Lane or Terpsichore at Trigg Stayers where they say the Divell once tooke water Nay more then all this a little further to magnifie our Sexe are not the foure parts of the world Asia Africa Europe and America Deciphered and described under the Persons of women and their Gender The nine Muses 〈◊〉 the Twelve Sibells were they not all women The Foure Cardinall Vertues Iustice Fortitude Prudence Temperance Women The three Graces the Hand-maids to Venus women The three Theologicall Vertues Faith Hope and Charity Women nay Wisedome it selfe is it not Sapientia and figured in the forme of a Woman Are not all the Arts Sciences and Vertues of what quality or condition soever Portrayed in the persons of women whether then I pray you Sir Seldome Sober were your wits wandeing or went a Wooll-gathering when you beate your braines about this poore and most pittifull Pamphlet Have wee claim'd this to our selves nay rather hath
of meat together and falling into some crosse words before they had tasted a bit of it and having both good stomacks A poore man came to the doore to begg an Almes for Gods sake The man not knowing which way more to vexe his wife cald to his Servant and cutting the meat in the middle laid one halfe upon his Trencher and said here take this and carry it to the poore man and bid him pray for the soule of my former Wife which seeing shee said nothing but when the Servant was returned she tooke the other halfe that was in the Dish and gave it unto him saying and I pray thee carry this to the poore man and desire him to pray for the soule of my first Husband by which meanes both themselves and their Servants were forced to goe to bed supperlesse Now here the blame nor burden could be great because it was borne upon equall shoulders but you as in all the rest make the woman onely to Raile and the men like so many silly Sots to make no reply at all as if wee were all mad they milke-s●ps and mecockes wee froward they foolish we either sheepish or shrowish and they onely simple and sottish which how false it is and farre from any probability of truth common experience can testifie for whosoever shall observe his stile and method shall finde that what hee so much boasts off hee hath borrowed from the basest of our Sexe as being in all his Tinkerly tearmes more foule-tongu'd than a Fish-wife and more open mouth'd than any Oysterwench A word or two more concerning the vertue and Chastity of Women there was never any man could generally compare with Women to speake of the best and most blest the one and onely Virgin Mother she that was at one time Maid Mother Wife Child Sister to her Son she that most happily was elected from all Eternity to be the blessed bringer forth of a Saviour for all repenting and true beleeving sinners she was so fully fill'd and replenish'd with grace that shee is justly stiled blessed amongst women and for a further proclaiming of her happinesse All Generations shall call her Blessed Shee was the Worlds onely wonder and most rare and soveraigne mirrour of chastity Many thousands more are mentioned for that onely famous vertue of Continency in Divine and prophane Histories whose honourable and Venerable memories shall out-live time and flourish in Glorious Eternity Besides as there have bin and are innumerable of our noble Sexe that have liv'd and dyed Virgins so likewise millions of them who have bin married and after marriage became Widowes they have bin so inclined to the love of chastity that they would never bee wonne to accept of a second marriage and for an inimitable example of a worthy Matron it is Recorded that Anna the Prophetesse was but seven yeares a married wife but that after her Husband was dead she lived a Widow fourescore and foure yeares an example above any you men can shew Moreover women were so chast tha● though they did marry and were married it was more for propagation of Children than for any carnall delight or pleasure they had to accompany with men they were content to be joyned in Matrimony with a greater desire of Children than of Husbands they had more joy in being Mothers than in being Wives for in the old Law it was a curse upon Women to be Barren and surely if there had beene any lawfull way for them to have had Children without Husbands there hath beene and are and will bee a numberlesse number of Women that would or will never be troubled with wedlocke nor the knowledge of man Thus good and modest Women have bin content to have none or one man at the most all their whole life-time but men have bin so addicted to incontinency that no bounds of Law or reason could restraine them for if we reade the Story of the Kings of Iuda there we may finde the wisest that ever raign'd Solomon had no fewer than three hundred Wives and seven hundred Concubines and that his Sonne Rehoboam had eighteene Wives and sixety Concubines by whom hee begat twenty eight Sonnes and threescore Daughters There have bin some good women that when they could have no Children they have bin contented that their Husbands should make use of their Maid-servants as Sara and Rachell and Leah did but I never heard or read of any man that though hee were old diseased decripit gowty or many and every way defective and past ability to be the Father of any Child that hath bin so loving to his wife as to suffer her to made a Teeming Mother by another man There was once a Law in Sparta amongst the Lacedemonians that if the husband were deficient for propagating or begetting of Children that then it was lawfull for the wife to entertaine a friend or a Neighbour but the women were so given to chastity that they seldome or never did put the said Law in practise and J am perswaded that that Decree is quite abolish'd and out of use and force all the World over The constant courage and fixed Pious and worthy resolutions of those women that are mentioned in the seventh of the second Booke of the Macabees is Transcendent and suparlative above all men that ever were either spoken of or Recorded in to which place I referre the Reader for larger Relations Holy Writ doth nominate 5. famous women of the name of Mary First the Blessed Virgin Secondly Mary the mother of Iames the lesse and Joseph and Salome and the wife of Cleophas the Virgin Maries owne Sister Thirdly the Mother of Iohn and Iames the Sonnes of Zebedoe Fourthly the Mother of Iohn Marke and Mary Magdalen who was the Sister of Lazarus these were all women who were hardly to be equall'd in goodnes and vertue by men they were the loving Hand-maides of the highest And it would bee tedious and needlesse to name those worthy women in this poore Pamphlet who are already Recorded in the never ending Booke of immortallity Susannaes chastity Lidias dilligent piety the bounty and charity of Dorcas and the painefulnesse of Pheabe all these and many more are remembred in everlasting blessed Volumnes Thus have I truely and impartially proved that for Chastity Charity Constancy Magnanimity Vallour Wisedome Piety or any Grace or Vertue whatsoever Women have alwayes bin more than equall with men and that for Luxury Sarquedrin obscenity prophanity Ebriety Impiety and all that may be called bad wee doe come farre short of them Now we thinke it meete onely to tell them a little of one fault which we are sure they doe know already and that our Repetition of it will bee no meanes to Reforme it yet to shew the World that Women have great cause to finde fault and bee discontented with their odious generall vice of Drunkennes We will relate unto you the dellicate dainty Foppish and rediculous conceites of Sir Seldome Sober with