the Brides dance and the while the Bridal Torches are held in their hands Then a Poet speaks thus to them Speaker What Lines of Light doe from those Torches spin Which winds about those Ladies whiter skin But from their Eyes more Splend'rous Beams doe run As bright as those that issue from the Sun Wherein the lesser Lights wax dull and dim Or like as Minnes in an Ocean swim Enter Mall Mean-bred MAll Mean-bred By your good leave Gentlefolks The Lord Marquiss writ this Scene I am come here to complain of this Hog-grubber Sir Golden Riches who did tempt me with Gold till he had his desire you know all what it is and I like an honest woman as it were kept my word and performed truly as any woman could do Speak canst thou detect me either in word or deed and like a false and covetous wretch as thou art performed nothing with me as thou shouldst have done I am sure of that Is 't not a truth speak coverous wretch speak Sir Gold Rich. Why what did I promise you Mall Mean-bred Why thou didst promise me an hundred pounds in gold shew'd it me and then took it away again nay further thou saidst I should be a Lady and have a great parimanus Coach gilt with neighing Horses and a Coachman with a Postilion to ride afore Nay nay I remember well enough what you said you talkd of Gesemond Pomatum and Roman Gunpowder for my hair and fine gowns and stockings and fine lac'd silk garters and roses shining like Stars God bless us Sir Gold Rich. Did I did I Mall Mean-bred Yes that you did you know what you did and how you did and so do I and Gentlefolks as I am a true woman which he knows I am I never had more than this white fustion wastecoat and three pence to buy me three penyworth of pins for he would allow me no incle to tie it withall and this old flannel peticoat that was his great Grandmothers in Eighty eight I am no two-legg'd creature else Sir Gold Rich. But I bought you velvet to gard it withall Mall Mean-bred Yes that 's true an old black velvet Jerkin without sleeves that had belonged to one of Queen Elizabeth her learned Counsel in the Law of blessed Memory primo of Her Reign and you bought it of an old Broker at Nottingham and as I am a true Christian woman if our Neighbour Botcher could almost few it on it was so mortified Sir Gold Rich. I bought you shooes and ribbons to tie them withall She shewes her shooes Mall Mean-bred Look Gentlefolks a pair of wet-leather shooes that have given me a Cold and two leather points that he calls ribbons like a lying false man Sir Gold Rich. I am sure I bought you stockins and garters Mall Mean-bred Old Doncaster-stockins that I was fain to wash my self with a little borrow'd sope and they were footed with yellow fustion too and the garters he talks of were lists of cloth which a Taylor gave me for my New-years-gift and I cannot chuse but grieve to see his unkindnesse I gave you satisfaction often but you never satisfied me I will take it upon my death Sir Gold Rich. Go Gill Flirt pack away hence Mall Mean-bred Nay that puts me in mind of the Pedlars pack you promis'd me and I never had so much bought as that I might whissle for them but I will follow thee to Hell but I will have something more out of thee than I have had or else I will make all the Town ring of me Enter two Beadles Sir Gold Rich. Here Beadles take her to the Correction-house Bridewell and let her be punished Mall Mean-bred Is it so thou miscreant well I thought to be thy Bride and not Bridewel I never thought it in my conscience Here ends my Lords writing Lord Title Pray stay Enter Thom. Purveyor The Lord Title whispers to Thom. Purveyor then turns to Mall Mean-bred Lord Title Mall although you deceived me and broke your promise you I will not only save you from the punishment you were to suffer at the Correction-house but I will give thee a Husband here lusty Thom. Purveyor to whom for taking thee to Wife I will give him a lease of fifty pounds a year Here Tom take her and go marry her Mall Mean-bred Heaven bless your Honour Tom. Come Mall let us go Wed for fifty pounds a year is better than thy Maiden-head Exeunt FINIS This Scene was written by the Lord Marquiss of Newcastle The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL The Actors Names Monsieur Heroick Monsieur Tranquillities Peace Monsieur Vain-glorious Monsieur Satyrical Monsieur Censure Monsieur Sensuality Monsieur Inquisitive Monsieur Busie Monsieur Frisk Liberty the Lady Pleasure's Gentleman-Usher Madamoiselle Ambition Madamoiselle Superbe Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit Madamoiselle Faction Grave Temperance Governess to Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Portrait Mother Matron Wanton Excess Ease Idle Surfet Waiting-maids to Madamoiselle Pleasure Flattery Madamoiselle Superbe's waiting-maid Servants and others The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL ACT I. Scene I. Enter Madam Ambition alone Ambition I would my Parents had kept me up as birds in darkness when they are taught to sing Artificial Tunes that my ears only might have been imploy'd and as those Teachers whistle to birds several times so would I have had Tutors to have read to me several Authors as the best Poets the best Historians the best Philosophers Moral and Natural the best Grammarians Arithmeticians Mathematicians Logicians and the like Thus perchance I might have spoke as eloquently upon every subject as Birds sing sweetly several tunes but since my Education hath been so negligent I wish I might do some noble Action such as might raise a monumental Fame on the dead Ashes of my Fore-fathers that my Name might live everlastingly Exit Scene 2. Enter Madamoiselle Superbe and Flattery her Woman Madam Superbe I hate to be compared to an inferiour or to have an inferiour compared to me wherefore if I were Iove I would damn that creature that should compare me to any thing lesse than my self Flattery Your Ladyship is like a Goddess above all comparison wherefore I think there is none worthy to match in Mariage with you unless there were some Masculine Divine Creature on Earth to equal you as surely there is none Superbe I shall not willingly marry unless it were to have a command over my Husband Flattery But Husbands Madam command Wives Superbe Not those that are Divine Creatures Flattery Husbands Madam are Reprobates and regard not Divinity nor worship Earthly Deities Superbe Whilst they are Suters they worship and women command their wooing servants Flattery The truth is all Suters do worship with an Idolatrous zeal but their zeals tire at length as most zeals do and men are content to be commanded whilest they are Courting servants and do obey with an industrious care and with an humble and respectful Demeanor a submissive and awful Countenance
spread and communicated over all the VVorld I begin with the First and prime Creature Ignorant Man Man takes himself to be the most knowing Creature for which he hath placed himself next to the Gods yet Man is ignorant for what Man is or ever was created that knows what the Gods are or how many there are Or what power they have or where they reside What Man did ever know the Mansions of Glory the Bowers of bliss or the Fields of pleasure What Man ever knew whether the Gods were Eternal or bred out of infinite or rule or govern infinite Eternally Secondly the Fates What Man is or ever was that knows the Fates As whether they are Gods or Creatures or whether the Fates are limited or decree as they please Or what Man is or ever was that knows the decrees of Fate the links of Destiny or the chance of Fortune or the lots of Chance Thirdly What Man is or ever was that knows what Nature is or from whence her power proceeds As whether from the Gods or Eternity or infinite or from the Fates Or whether the Gods or Fates proceed from her Or what at first set her to work Or whether her work is prescribed or limited Or of what she works on Or what instruments she worketh with Or to what end she works for Or whether she shall desist from working or shall work Eternally Or whether she worked from all Eternity Or whether her work had a beginning or shall have an ending What Man knows the beginning of Motion or the Fountain of Knowledge or the Spring of Life or Gulph of Death Or what Life is Or what Death is Or whether Life Motion and Death had a beginning or shall have an ending Fourthly the World VVhat Man is or ever was that knows how the VVorld was made Or for what it is made Or by whom it was made Or whether it had beginning or shall have end The Fift and last is Man VVhat Man is or ever was that knows how he was formed or of what composition or what is that he calls a Rational Soul VVhether it is imbodyed or not imbodyed VVhether it is Divine or Mortal VVhether it proceeds from the Gods or was created by Nature VVhether it shall live for ever or shall have a period VVhether it shall live in Knowledge or ly in Ignorance VVhether it be capable of pain or pleasure VVhether it shall have a residing place or no certain place assigned Or if it have none where it shall wander Or if it have where that residing place is As for the Body who knows the perfect Sense of each Sense or what mistake or illusions each Sense is apt to make or give or take VVhat Man knows how the Body dissolves or to what it shall dissolve VVhat Man knows whether there be Sense in Death or not VVhat Man knows the motion of the thoughts or whether the thoughts belong only to the Soul or only to the Body or partly to both or of neither VVhat Man is there that knows strength of passion As what Faith may beget Or what Doubts may dissolve Or what Hopes may unite Or what Fears may disorder Or what Love can suffer Or what Hate can act VVhat Man is there that knows the Circumpherence of Admiration the rigour of Adoration the hight of Ambition or the bottom of Covetousness Or what Man knows the end of Sorrow or beginning of Joy And as for the Appetites what Man knows the length and bredth of desire As for the Senses what Man is there that knows the true Sense of Pleasure or the uttermost bounds of Pain VVho can number the varieties of Tast Sent Touch Sound and Sight VVhat Man knows the perfect effects of each Sense Or what Man is there that knows any thing truly as it is Yet certainly there cannot be an Athest for though men may be so irrelligious as to be of no Religion yet their can be none so willfull and utterly void of all Sense and Reason as not to believe there is a God for though we have not the true light of knowledge yet we have as it were a perpetual twilight Man lives as at the poles of knowledge for though we cannot say it is truly day yet it is not night Man may perceive an Infinite power by the perfect distinctions of all particular varieties by the orderly production of several Creatures and by the fit and proper shapes of every several kind of Creature by their orderly Births by the times and Seasons to produce flourish and decay by the distinct degrees qualities properties places and motions of all things and to and in every thing by the exact form of this VVorld by the prudent seperations and situations of the Heavens and Earth by the Circumferent lines and poyzing Centers by their bounds and limits by their orderly and timely motions by their assigned tracts constant Journies convenient distances by their intermixing and well tempering of the Elements by the profitable Commerce betwixt the Heavens and the Earth by the different kinds several sorts various Natures numerous numbers of Creatures by their passions humours appetites by their Sympathies and Antipathies by their warrs and parties by the Harmony that is made out of discord shews that there is onely one absolute power and wise disposer that cannot be opposed having no Copartners produces all things being not produced by any thing wherefore must be Eternall and consequently infinite this absolute wise and Eternal power Man calls God but this absolute power being infinite he must of necessity be incomprehensible and being incomprehensible must of necessity be unknown yet glimses of his power is or may be seen yet not so but that Man is forced to set up Candels of Faith to light them or direct them to that they cannot perfectly know and for want of the clear light of knowledge Man calls all Creations of this mighty power Nature his wise decrees Man calls Fates his pointed will Man calls Destiny his several Changes Man calls Fortune his Intermixing Man calls Life his seperating Man calls Death the Sympathetical and Antipathetical motions of the Senses and their Objects Humours and their Subjects Man calls Pleasure and Pain the interchanging motions in Man Men call Sense and Knowledge the seperating motions Man calls Ignorance Stupidity and Insensibility my application is that this absolute Power wise Disposer and decreeing Creator hath created himself Worship in making Creatures to worship him and it is probable Truth decreed Judgment Punishment and Bliss to such of his Creatures as shall omit or submit thereunto my exhoration to you is to bough humbly to pray constantly to implore fervently to love truly to live awfully to the worship of this incomprehensible power that you may injoy bliss and avoid torment Exeunt ACT III Scene 8. Enter Monsieur NObilissimo and three or four Gentlemen Nobilissimo I wonder who brought up that careless fashion to go without their Swords and I wonder
hope I shall be shortly Parrot Come we will go and chide your Husband that he hath been maried a week and his Wife not with child Lady Gosling Yes pray goe chide him and I will bear your company Exeunt Scene 45. Enter the Prince and Princess PRincess Sir pray perswade the unmaried Ladies to dance for I cannot intreat them Prince That 's strange for Ladies will dance without intreating for no intreating will make them sit still Princess It seems they are not in their dancing-humour to day for every one finds some excuse for to deny Prince Let them alone and take no notice of their reserved humours and they will dance without intreating nay they will intreat you they may dance Enter a Gentleman Gentlem. If it please your Highness the Ladies desire you would give them leave to Celebrate your Mariage with their Mirth and to express their Joy with their Dancing Prince We shall take it as a Favour to our Nuptials Exit Gentleman Prince Did not I tell you they would desire to dance Princess Truly I was so ignorant as I knew not so much the nature of our Sex Prince You knew not so much of their follies Exeunt Scene 46. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Fondly Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity VAnity Let us strive to make the Bride jealous Parle That 's impossible now but you may not work to good effect some a half a year hence Fondly Why I have known a Bridegroom leer her the next day he was maried Trifle Perchance a Bridegroom may for men are sooner cloy'd than women but a Bride will fondly hang about her Husbands neck a week at least Parle A week nay a moneth for a woman is fond the first moneth sick the second moneth peevish the third moneth coy the fourth moneth false the fifth moneth and Cuckolds her Husband the sixth moneth Fondly Then a maried man sprouts Horns in half a year Parle Yes for they are set the day of his mariage and some half a year after they are budded but not so fully grown as to appear to the publick view Trifle But will nothing hinder the growth Parle No 'faith but Death and Death like a Frost doth nip those tender buds Vanity Which death the mans or the womans Parle The womans for if the man dies and his Widow marries again the dead Husband is horn'd in his Grave and the living Husband is horn'd in his Bed Vanity Then their Horns may be put together as Stags in Rutting-time Fondly I had rather make Horns than talk of Horns therefore I 'll go dance Exeunt Scene 47. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Where have you been 2 Gent. At Church 1 Gent. Did a fit of Devotion hurry you to the Church to pray 2 Gent. No 'faith I went not to pray but to joyn a pair of Lovers hands in Wedlocks Bonds for they chose me to be their Father to give them in the Church 1 Gent. What Lovers were they that were so foolish to marry 2 Gent. So honest you mean 1 Gent. There is more folly in 't than honesty in my opinion 2 Gent. Thou art an Infidel nay a very Athiest 1 Gent. I am a Naturalist But who are they that are maried 2 Gent. Why Sir William Holdfast and the Lady Mute 1 Gent. The truth is he is a worthy Person and she is a virtuous and sweet Lady wherefore they deserve each other besides she is an Heir and he hath a great Estate 2 Gent. He hath so 1 Gent. What is the Wedding kept private 2 Gent. Yes there are only two or three Friends but I must goe dine with them therefore fare thee well unless you will go with me for you know you shall be welcome 1 Gent. I know I shall therefore I shall go with you Exeunt Scene 48. Enter the Prince and Princess and all the Ladies and Gallants as Knights and Gentlemen They dance upon the Stage and then go out FINIS EPILOGUE OUr Auth'ress here hath sent me for her pay She 's at the Charge of Wit to make the Play But if you think it not worthy of Praise Nor an Applause of Hands her Fame to raise She doth desire that it in pawn may lie Till redeem'd by a better Comedie The Actors Names The Lord Widower Sir William Lovewell and the Lady Hypocondria his wife Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his wife Sir Edward Courtly and the Lady Iealousie his wife Sir Humphrey Disagree and the Lady Disagree his wife Sir Thomas Cuckold and the Lady Wanton his wife Sir Timothy Spendall and the Lady Poverty his wife Sir Iohn Dotard and the Lady Driping his wife Sir Francis Inconstant and the Lady Inconstant his wife Sir Iames Hearty the Lady Inconstants Father Monsieur Amorous Monsieur Disguise The Lady Sprightly the Lord Widowers Daughter The Lady Procurer Mistris Forsaken afterwards named Monsieur Disguise Mistris Single sister to the Lady Jealousie Doll Subtilty the Lady Sprightly's Chambermaid Also a Waiting-Gentlewoman Nan Lightheel the Lady Jealousies Maid and likewise a Waiting-Gentlewoman Joan Cry-out the Lady Hypocondria's Chamber-maid and likewise a Waiting-Gentlewoman Briget Greasy Sir John Dottards Kitchin maid and two other Maids of his Three Maid-servants of the Lady Poverty 's Two or three Maid-servants of the Lady Disagree's A Maid-servant to the Lady Inconstant Nic Adviser Sir Francis Inconstants man Roger Trusty Sir William Lovewels man A Serving-man of Sir James Hearty's A Skipper Doctors and others Steward The first Part of the Play called the MATRIMONIAL TROUBLE A COMEDY ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Francis Inconstant and Mistris Forsaken SIr Fran. Incon. When I forsake you let Heaven forsake my Soul Mistris Forsaken I do not doubt you for if I did I could not love you and whilst I love you I cannot doubt you Inconstant O how it wounds my heart to part from you my Thoughts are tortur'd and my Mind is set upon a melancholy Rack Forsaken Since your Journey cannot be conveniently avoided I will please my self with the hopes of your sudden Return Inconstant Farewel sweet Mistris Death is the worst of Nature and your Absence the worst of Fortune Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Master Thrifty the Steward and Briget Greasy the Cook-maid BRiget Greasy Good Master Steward give Order for some Beef-suet to be brought in for there is nor any left in the House and I must make a Venison-pasty and if I should temper my Pasty all with butter you would be angry Thrifty Why cannot you take some of the fat from the Beef-broth for your Crust Briget Yes if every one that eat of it had as fresh a mouth as you or loved drink so well as you do it would serve otherwise it would be too salt for their palats besides I am to make puddings in guts Thrifty If they prove as the last you made the dogs may eat them for the guts stunk so much as no man could eat any of them Briget I 'm sure 't was your fault in that
naturally an eloquent Orator yet the bare truth of his worthy Virtues and Heroical actions will be sufficient to make the story both profitable delightfull and famous also I must intreat you to choose out a Poet one that doth not meerly write for gain or to express his own wit so much as to endeavour to Pencil with the pen Virtue to the life which in my Lord was so beautifull as it was beyond all draughts but the theam will inspire his Muse and when both these works are writ printed and set out as divulged to the World as a patern for examples which few will be able to imitate then I would have these books ly by me as Registers of memory for next unto the Gods my life shall be spent in Contemplation of him I know I shall not need to perswade you to do this for your affection to his memory is ready of it self but love and duty binds me to express my desires for his Fame leaving nothing which is for my part thereunto Doctor Educature Madam all the service I can do towards the memory of my dear Pupil and noble Lord and Patron shall be most devoutly observed and followed for Heaven knows if I had as many lives to dispose of as I have lived years I would have Sacrificed them all for to haue redeemed his life from Death Doctor Educature goes out Madam Jantil alone Madam Iantil. When I have interred my Husbands body and all my desires thereunto be finished I shall be at some rest and like an Executrix to my self executing my own will distributing the Rites and Ceremonies as Legacies to the dead thus the living gives the dead but O my Spirits are tired with the heavy burden of Melancholy and grow faint for want of rest yet my senses invite me thereunto yet I cannot rest in my Bed for frightfull Dreams disturb me wherefore I will ly down on this floor and try if I can get a quiet sleep on the ground for from Earth I came and to Earth I would willingly return She lays her self down upon the ground on one side of her Arm bowing leaning upon her Elbow her Forehead upon the palm of her hand bowing forwards her face towards the ground but her grief elevating her passion thus speaks Madam Iantil. Weep cold Earth through your pores weep Or in your bowels my salt tears fast keep Inurn my sighs which from my grief is sent With my hard groans build up a Monument My Tongue like as a pen shall write his name My words as letters to divulge his fame My life like to an Arch over his Ashes bend And my desires to his grave descend I warn thee Life keep me not Company I am a friend to Death thy Enemy For thou art cruell and every thing torments Wounding with pain all that the World presents But Death is generous and sets us free Breaks off our Chains and gives us liberty Heals up our wounds of trouble with sweet rest Draws our corrupted passions from our breast Layes us to sleep on Pillows of soft case Rocks us with silence nothing hears nor sees She fetches'a great sigh O that I may here sleep my last After a short slumber she wakes If it were not for Dreams sleep would be a happiness next unto Death but I find I cannot sleep a long sleep in Death I shall not dye so soon as I would Love is so strong and pure it cannot dy Lives not in sense but in the Soul doth lye Why do I mourn his love with mine doth dwell His love is pleas'd mine entertains it well But mine would be like his one imbodied Only an Essence or like a Godhead Exeunt Scene 22. Enter Doctor Comfort and Doll Pacify DOctor Comfort How doth our Lady Doll Doll Pacify To day she began to sit up but yet she is very weak and faint Doctor Comfort Heaven help her Doll Pacify You that are Heavens Almner should distribute Heavens gifts out of the purse of your mouth and give her single Godly words instead of single silver pence to buy her some Heavenly food to feed her famisht mind Doctor Comfort Thou are a full-fed wench Doll Pacify If I were no better fed than you feed me which is but once a week as on Sundayes I should be starved Doctor Comfort You must fast and pray fast and pray Exeunt ACT V. Scene 23. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. All the young Gallants in the Town are preparing themselves with fine Cloths and Feathers to go a woing to the two rich Widows the Lady Iantil and the Lady Passionate 2 Gent. Riches are the Loadstone of affection or at least professions 1 Gent. The truth is Riches draw more Suters than Youth Beauty or Virtue Exeunt Scene 24. Enter two or three Gentlemen Monsieur Comerade Monsieur Compagnion and Monsieur la Gravity Monsieur Comerade For Heavens sake let us go and address our selves to the two Rich Widows Monsieur Compagnion For my part I will address my self to none but the young Widow the Lady Iantil and to her let us go without delay Monsieur la Gravity It will be uncivil to go so soon after their Husbands Death for their Husbands are not yet laid in their Graves Monsieur Compagnion If they were we should come too late for I knew a man which was a great friend of mine who was resolved to settle himself in a married course of life and so he went a wooing to a Widow for a Widow he was resolved to marry and he went a wooing to one whose Husband was but just cold in his grave but she told him she was promised before so he wooed another whilst she followed her Husbands Corps but she told him he came too late whereat he thought with the third not to be a second in his Sute and so expressed his desires in her Husbands sickness she told him she was very sorry that she had past her word before to another for if she had not she would have ma le him her choice whereat he curst his imprudence and wooed the fourth on her wedding day who gave him a promise after her Husband was dead to marry him and withall she told him that if she had been married before it had been ten to one but he had spoke too late for said she when we are Maids we are kept from the free conversation of men by our Parents or Guardians but on our wedding day we are made free and set at liberty and like as young Heirs on the day of one and twenty we make promises like bonds for two or three lives wherefore I fear we shall miss of our hopes for these two Widows will be promised before we address our Sute Monsieur la Gravity No no for I am confident all do not so for some love to have the freedoms of their wills for every promise is a bondage to those that make a Conscience to keep their promise besides it is not only variety that pleaseth women but