more generally I saw in France that their resolutions were agitated to the wish of their Enemies That they sought their security other-where then one among another or within themselves That they fix'd their resolutions in their Enemie's Country and not at home as the Switzers do look upon the Peace as concluded before the Treaty was begun and bereav'd themselves of their advantages and distinctions before it was proclaim'd Which is worse we have gain'd three in four of their principles which caus'd them to treat as already sow'd up in the Kings party not in War for they bore Arms for him not in Peace for that their necessity urg'd them to treat not in Truce because they had quitted their Distinctions their Judicature their Treasure and their separate Forces So that being neither in War nor in Peace nor in Truce they fancy'd a fourth condition which never was tossing up one leg i' the Air which could be no steady march Some there were that cry'd shame upon these proceedings others would not seek to remedy these things unless the Grandees who were gain'd by the King would return among them to buoy up their party now patch'd up of several pieces choosing rather to be fat then healthy They apprehended their own weakness without considering the distinction of affairs of State Hence they began to treat with respect to conclude without security They did enough to offend but not to defend Thus were these poor people condemn'd in their simple fidelity to be the sport of the great ones persuaded to have pity upon France when France had no pity upon them to preserve it when they had no interest in it to fortifie it when they had expell'd themselvs out of it But when men have their hands ty'd by the fear of God and a bashful respect of their Prince they should be advis'd of their first motion for whatever Peace they make can be no Peace but a Contract of Servitude CHAP. VI. An examination of some Books of these times WHen Monsieur Confessour came to my Lodging he sent in three Porters Load of Books to enhance the Ceremony of my Conversion Some Censurers of these times have observ'd that we did not lash one of them but that after Dinner we spent all the day in playing at Cent. But I will shew those that were so careful to spie what was done that day that I have well employ'd others in modern Theology to authorize my design I have read the Answers to the book of Plessis Mornay 'T is very great pity he has not had leisure to follow his studies as he did some 18. years ago But since he has had so many affairs of State under his hands so much authority to sustain such a large Family to govern nothing has appear'd lately from him The Theologist of Xantes seeing all our Dogs upon that Bear and that none bit him or durst so much as take him by the Ear gave a leap at him I would every one would do as much For though he answer'd little to the purpose yet what one cannot do singly many may There is the same method to be us'd against this person and matters must dâ— boldly asserted without coming to the point of close argument for mischief might come of it As for Richeome the Heretics are constrain'd to confess that the style is the genteelest of any that has lately become public at least the Preface and if they say 't is none of his yet it is his either by way of gift or purchase If the body of the work be dull and flat is it not a common Custom for the Youth of these times to wear the fore part of their Dublets of Satin and the hinder part of Canvass Does he not do well to bring three Battalions before the King to persuade him to admit the Jesuits Though in truth three Battalions of eight Thousand men apeice and fifty great Guns would be more persuasive and prove better Advocates then the book of truth defended Now in pursuit of my design I put on my Spectacles as when I play at Tables and viewing at hand these three Battalions in the first Rank I saw none but a Company of Whipper Snappers with Morrions guilt with leaf Gold But any thing for a Civil War At the head of 'em rode a fair Argument to prove Miracles Nature is able to perform this or that Such and such things have bin produced contrary to the order of Nature Ergo. The Miracles of Ardilliers are not false The Colours were of good Taffata He that carry'd the Collonel's colours having a mind to play the Coxcomb and flourish his Colours under Leg as they do at Paris strain'd himself so hard that he befowl'd himself This is the Confession of deceas'd Beza who bequeaths all to his Wife and the rest to the Franciscans dyes a good Roman Catholic and this is that which became of him I am told an old arch Heretic read this book with a great deal of pleasure I would make a slight answer but perhaps he will burst himself with laughing which would be an argument to prove Miracles which is the subject of the book I know abundance of Catholics look upon the supposition of his death as a strange thing But in a book that treats of wonders can any discourse be thought Miraculous For my part I affirm and maintain it to be as true as other Miracles That Beza is dead First by the argument by which we prove Transubstantiation God may cause him to dye Ergo he is dead Then again This book which is in the rank and number of Traditions ought to be sooner believ'd then the Bible as the Curate of St. Gervaise but lately preach'd Traditions said he are sooner to be believ'd then the Old New Testament provided that they are authoriz'd by Traditions and not Traditions by them More then this Beza is Civily dead by Banishment and Spiritually dead by Excommunication But grant he be not dead this news has always serv'd the news has bin still made use of like a Vultur's-skin to the stomach of some weak Catholics to advance the pious frauds of honest Mr. Cardinal according to this book and that of the deceased good Queen his Play-fellow Think you that that same book of St. Clement which Capil the Venetian found in the Isle of Crete has not mainly conduc'd to the establishing private Masses For all the World has not such a quick understanding when they see the letter by which St. Clement advertiz'd St. James of St. Peter's death to know that St. James was dead seven years before the other 'T is a great benefit for an ingenious man to understand who tells truth whether Anaclete who stiles himself Successour to Clement or Ireneus and Eusebius who say that Clement succeded Anaclete who notwithstanding that wrote a very compleat Letter to Clement after he was dead He speaks of the Temple of St. Peter but it was an hundred years before the Christians
his own Country tearing and raving that the cause of God was betray'd by him and five of his Associates whom he fairly character'd without naming them To this he added that he hop'd God would pardon him into whose hands he was going to surrender his Soul so soon as he came to Millaud He offer'd in the mean time to write to M. d'Evreux in recommendation of some able person and withal discover'd the prevarication of the dispute at Mantes and the other preparatives of de Roan and Serres who you know had offer'd their perfidious mediation at a lucky time The Huguenots were so silly as to refuse the offer saying That the Church of Christ was not establish'd upon tricks and fallacies A little while after added he when he came to Millaud he continu'd his crys and lamentations especially upon the day that he dy'd upon which day he walk'd out of the City with his freinds supp'd well but so soon as he was a-bed he call'd his Wife told her he should dye repeated these Lines of the Psalmist A Soul with true Repentance fill'd Is thy most grateful Sacrifice A brok'n and a contrite heart O God thou never wilt despise And having so said he expir'd After I had mus'd a while I took a little heart a-grace and ask'd him how it far'd with Rotan Serres and others Those two answer'd Cahier are forc'd to hide their heads for they are both under ground and I 'le tell ye how so soon as they had heard of Vaux's confession they encourag'd one the other by Letters got themselves chosen by the National Synod of Montpelier with a resolution like Caesar to pass the Rubicon but before they went to try to gain something with the Confederates But such was their misfortue that they both dy'd before the sitting of the Synod I am very sorry for the money which Serres carry'd to his Wife for she dy'd the same day that he did like Ananias and Saphira so that that money might have better have fallen into my hands Sir If you please to order me a sum and take I would not suffer him to go on but kept the Begger who was very importunate at staves end making hast to bed though without hopes of repose By break of day my Servants having inform'd Monsieur Confessour of my restlesness and continual exclamations he comes into my Chamber takes a Chair and began these honey-dropping words Sir I have bin inform'd by your Servants this morning and yesterday in the Evening by M. Cahier of the strange disturbancies of your mind and something I find my self by the vehement motion of your pulse but I desire ye to take a tast of my words as assuaging Remedies for your exteriour Distempers for no outward violence no promise hope or fear can change the inward distemper of Opinions Reason alone which moves and puts them into a ferment at first is to them the proper application seeing that her prevailing power produces either hopes or fears in a distracted mind When I speak of hopes and fears I mean in reference to the affairs of this World For in truth when the dispute extends its self to the World to come then the hope of good and the fear of evil practise their force as well upon the one as the other Do you not think your self happy in that you feel no other then the soft raigne and natural power of your thoughts and not the violence of necessity Know then that all men are reduc'd to this point to be at an ill pass either with their Consciences or with the affairs of the World But because there is no perfect felicity wise men finding a persecution upon the liberty of their thoughts they fly to the privacies of the heart so that if your Conscience cannot reconcile it self to the temper of the times fly to the secret retirements of the wise reserving to your self those things of which you your self are Judg and leaving to others those things which fall under the scan of Forraign judgment Our external Actions may be censur'd by those who are in power and for that they have the knowlege thereof you cannot prevent them from dealing in their own Element or from punishing or rewarding as they deem most proper but they cannot controul your thoughts which they can by no means impeach Sir I speak these things as well in reference to my self as you beseeching ye that the Combats of our Consciences may not vent themselves or if the Conscience struggle to get loose at least to lull it asleep if you cannot stifle it in the Cradle Cahier informs me that you are very much surpriz'd at the suddain ends of our new Converts The Baron of Salignac and my self are still alive His Wife and the Wives of Salette Sponde Morlas are also yet living The reason is plain They that are dead would not stifle their Consciences and they choak'd them We must therefore kill our Consciences as I can boast to have done by mine or lay them fast asleep in the Bed of Stupidity as the Baron and his Wife and others have done by a thousand little charming pastimes of Love Come I will give ye a few precepts which I make use of my self Many men render deservedly culpable themselves through their own ill conduct Loyalty though it be highly to be applauded becomes liable to punishment when it sustains them who are depress'd by Fortune We ought to follow favour honour those who are in prosperity spurn at the miserable For never wise man made choice of the unfortunate for his Friends We ought to change as the times alter and abandon that Party from which we can hope for no support There is as much difference between profit and right as between Heaven and Earth water and fire The greatest Families in the World would soon decay should they make any account of Justice A ty'd respect to Honesty would overthrow Citys and Castles The liberty of committing all sorts of Impiety supports Kingdoms Though it went against thy Nature to observe any measure in evil-doing yet he that acts by appearance shall easily find impunity when the fact is committed Let him abstain from the Court that will needs be pious Truth and Grandeur are always at daggers drawing He shall always be in fear Why should a wise man be asham'd to follow the example of his King Wickedness renders them equal who are equally contaminated 'T is not a thing that deserves a little praise to deceive a Prince Honesty not accompany'd with felicity is always contemptible and for poor Vertue see how it is forc'd to suffer the scoffs of the Vulgar Thus you see Sir how I have endeavour'd to employ your contemplation not doubting but you will make your advantage of what I have said as being the most proper Physic for your disease I return'd my most humble thanks to Monsieur Confessour and applauding his discourse Sir said I what follows I speak by way of Confession in acknowledgment of your kindness I recommend my honour to your care And to shew ye that your Doctrin is sow'd in a good ground I am so far from contradicting your grave advice that henceforward I intend to piss upon the friendship of the miserable I have learnt from you that the best way is to eat fowl when they are mortifi'd and to make advantage of men when they are suppl'd by their misfortues To this purpose I will tell you a brave Act which I did upon my second Conversion We were at Orleans the Abbot of and I when the Massacre was committed The Abbot advis'd me to go forth into the street with my Sword i' my hand and to do as the rest did to save my own Life Seeing that his Counsel succeded and that for having my Sword in the guts of a poor Hat-maker I was welcom among the Massacrer's it put me in mind of a Gentleman to whom I had bin beholding for four Months entertainment I went to the door with and other Consorts The good man was upon his knees in the Chamber preparing himself to dye When he heard my voice he came running down receiv'd me full of joy crying out with his eyes lifted up to Heaven O God thou hast sent this man as an Angel to succour me in my affliction That is thought I to put ye quite out of your misery and thereupon I presently sheath'd my Sword in his heart to do him a freindly office I sav'd his Wive's Life of whom I and and the rest of the company made some small use as the time would permit Afterwards for grief of the Injury done her she ran foolishly into the heat of the Massacre and was her self knockt o' the head I miss'd killing a Varlet Huguenot who would never do as I would have had him So that for want of sufficient help I got no more than fourscore Crowns and a green Camlet Suit And this is that wherewith you have hear'd me openly tax when they return'd with me to Paris A noble Act cry'd M. Confessour and I think it was almost in the same Coyn that you pay'd M. Gennes though you did not cut his throat when he importun'd ye to repay the 100000. Crowns Such discourses as these chear'd me up for a time So that I resolv'd to harden my heart never think of what was past but altogether mind the future I have now only two little Fears that disturb me the one in reference to my Estate the other my Religion The first is if the Huguenots should mind their business as they might do then would the greatest part of France fly to their embraces But in that case God be thanked we know how to go come and return again Let me alone to counterfeit Eubolius and to rowl my self in a Sack to the St. John's Gate in Rochel with an humble Petition in my mouth Christians tread me to dirt who am but salt without savour But the fear of my Conscience is least a burning Feaver should surprize and deceive me as it did Morlas However let the worst come to the worst it may be God may pardon me if he does but see me kick a woodd'n Saint topsy turvy in sign of Repentance FINIS The Spanish Proverb * The Mad-mens Saint * The last Crown in Heav'n
and take notice that you shall never see any of the Brethren of the Sacred Society without Agnus's Crosses or Chaplets about their Arms. To the purpose of Relicques that wicked Count of Rochefoucaut dining one day with the Queen's Maids of honour who peck'd at him by express order and ask'd him for some of the fine Relicques which he had plunder'd at Towrs in the first Wars he reply'd That he had made them all away looking upon them as gewgaws and trifles But they being importunate at length he promis'd them that upon condition they would all come and kiss him he would give them one of S. Katherine's Wast-coats that should make their breasts as hard as when they were Maids For my part if I do not make such a stir about Relicques or do not worship them as others do you must excuse me for going one Evening to Bosnis two Leagues from Orleans which is the seat of the Masters of St. Lazarus I was strangely surpriz'd to hear in the morning as I rose so many little Bells about the House as also to see the Banner and the Cross and a great number of the Canons of St. Agnan in Orleans and not only so but to see as many Banners and Crosses as could possibly enter into a little Gallery leading to the House of Easment The business was a young Girl belonging to the Chevalier Salviati grand Prior of the Order had found certain Chests which in the time of the Wars had been thrown into the Privy As she was picking them open to see what she could steal in one of them she found a little box upon the which was written R. d. Coti The Commander being advertiz'd thereof made hast to the place together with his Secretary Valderio who took the R. with the Print for the Father of St. Katherine Thereupon strict charge was given not to touch the box upon great penalties and the Master and the Man went both to the Bishop of Orleans The Doctors and among the rest Picard being call'd to consultation the result was That this box was to be open'd by the Sacred hands of the Bishop only assisted with the Neighbouring processions Thus they came one morning and after a Mass of the Holy Ghost devoutly said the Bishop washes his hands in holy-water makes three steps to the Coffer upon his knees opens it and there finds a Box of good Marmalade of Orleans and thus as Prophesies are never understood till they are fulfil'd they found that R. signifi'd the Remainder and d. C. of the Cotignac CHAP. VIII Of Vows MR. Peter Foncet a Gentleman Preacher he that when Monsieur d'Espernon tax'd him for making people laugh made answer that he caus'd many more to weep This honest man one day preaching among the Mathurins made a long discourse upon the miseries of the Chartreux that they fed upon nothing but fish of others that fed upon nothing that ever had life of the Capuchins that wear nothing upon their feet of the Fueillans that are so poorly clad vivunt in diem of the Friers Ignorant of Italy who dare not presume to know any thing of St. Anthonies Porkers near Roanne and the Penitents that whip themselves This Preacher caus'd abundance of people to weep and from all those Devotions and austere Vows drew this argument That if the Romish Religion were false men would never keep Vows so difficult and uncomfortable I invited the said Foncet and Renardier of Bretaigne to dinner where we brought all his reasons to the test and that fool Renardier put the other into a great heat telling him that those austeritics of Vows and manner of living were rather marks of a false Religion then of a true Witness said he that the Sacrifices of men were forbid to the Israelites and observ'd among the Gentiles and those mad Codsheads in Turky the Caloyer who all the year long wear no other covering for their nakedness then Nets Only they carry in their right hands a great Razor with which they make a new stream of blood when the first begins to close up and as to their fasts and abstinencies that from Wine which is enjoyn'd to all persons is the most difficult to be observ'd When they fast they neither eat nor drink As to their Pilgrimages where do we find so impetuous a devotion as that of the Pilgrims to Mecca of whom there are many who after the hardships of a tedious journey and the sight of Mahomet's Sepulcher put out their Eyes as unwilling to see any thing prophane after the sight of a thing so holy Afterwards he alleg'd the strange zeal of the Calignois and how we might find in the Grand Temple of Mexico the walls besmear'd with the blood of Infants offer'd to the Devil by their Fathers and Mothers and this blood above two fingers thick through the whole inside building which I have heard confirm'd by the Franciscans of Mexico and others Renardier concluded from thence that all such inventions were very fanatical or rather diabolical which inforce men to such hardships Thereupon this good man Coxcomb fell upon Antiquity and I cannot tell where he pick'd up his learning Do you not know quo he that the French and English Druids sacrific'd upon certain days and accompted those Sacrifices most acceptable when they put men to the most cruel deaths The Carthaginians took the Children of the most Noble Families put them on Royal Apparel and sacrific'd them neither were their Parents permitted to rescue one so that being vanquish'd by Agathocles out of an opinion which they had that their Gods were angry at the discontinuance of such Sacrifices they knock'd o' the head above 200 young Gentlemen for the service of their Altars The Rhodians and Cretans were wont to make their Victims drunk before they offer'd them up In Chio and Salamine they tore men limb-meale to sacrifice them to Diomedes The Arcadians whipt their Damsels to death The Spartans did the same to their Children upon the Altars of Diana and Mercury Others made a great Pen of hurdles and fill'd it up with men of which Theopompus was one The Thracians slew their Victims with Lances at the Altar of Tamelus Some of the Germans and Burgundians carous'd blood at their Sacrifices The Persians Greeks and some of the English buri'd their Sacrifices alive I will not stand to repeat several other abominations practis'd upon Boys and Girls and other follies committed by the Corinthians and Bretons I say therefore that these austere and cruel Vows have been in all Ages a great part of the worship giv'n to the Devil From thence Renardier betook himself to his Theology quoting in the 16 chap. of St. Matthew the words My yoke is light with several others and told us withal my Masters quo he the best Vow that we can make is to St. Mathurin for I assure ye that the wisest among us is but a fool All the World did not know Renardier he was one that
would speak the truth to the deceas'd King who desiring to have his charges defray'd by his Marshals of the Camp told him one day that he did more then God for he said by the labour of thy hands thou shalt live commodiously But you said he let your Marshals of the Camp live more then commodiously by that labour and calling of which they understood nothing At last Poncet was in a pelting chafe and reply'd that he discours'd like a Huguenot The other went on smiling and began to spend his rallery upon the Pythagorisms of the Chartreux and other honest fellows among the rest he did not forget Mr. Neither did he omit to tell us that Mr. de Bouchage being weary of the King's scourge and imprison'd between four screens made his Confession to one of his companions of the buttock-trade who having heard of the violences of the Cabinet persuaded him to forsake the World and urg'd it to him withal that if he would undergo a Capuchin's life for some time he doubted not but to see him Pope This is that which the Cunning-man Raoul has confirm'd to him and you shall see said Renardier that from hence in time he will return thither mark a fool's Prophesie Poncet and I laugh'd at him which made the good man very angry well said he you are a couple of as naughty Companions as Marshal Biron who scoff'd at poor Frier Ange when he went to act the Passion before the King at Chartres causing himself to be whip'd and carrying a Cross that would have weigh'd down Goliah There was Monsieur de Montpensier enquiring who was Master of the Ceremonies of this Mortality Sure 't was not he that flung away the spiggot of his Gascoigne Wine because that Monsieur Babelot told him it was fit to be the blood of a Martyr 'T was he that to get a good gobbet went to hear Vespers among the Austin Friers The Marshal thereupon drawing himself aside this widgeon said he I warrant ye fares well below the wast though paradventure he may miss of Paradise To whom the Duke return'd by St. Slash-back quo he this fellow plays well but that his Musick is a little too sharp It was a Cantle of Earth which he had rub'd off from an Oven as he drawl'd his Cross along for which the Baker was not forgetful with a good palt to make him sing Lacrimae Such as you were those devout Bishops of Lyonnois who called a Synod to reform the Custom of St. Anthony in that place They are oblig'd to make eight meals to shew the frailty of Mankind There were some Jesuits Frier minors and certain young Bishops who made smooth and long Harangs to shew that such Constitutions might be alter'd habita ratione temporum And that what our Ancestors had formerly done with a good intention was at this day ridiculous But to all these reasons the sub Prior of St. Anthony who was a great snoarer made answer only with one grave and remarkable Sentence Let us not intrude Innovations upon our Age. They began again a very fair speech against the scoffers of this Age but the sub Prior with four Chins retorted le le le le let us Hickup take care c. But you 'l say that under the umbrage of Devotion many great follies are committed By St. Anthony I know it well enough But it is none of the Churches fault Who has exclaim'd more then I against the King and his Minions who had like to have told i' my Pulpit the following Story The King falling in love at Lyon with the Wife of the Sieur The bargain being made with the woman by the Count of Maulevrier the next thing was how to cajole the Husband out of the way so jealous that he refus'd an honourable Employment and a profitable Commission as to the Salt of Peccaise to boot Thereupon he applies himself to a Franciscan Confessor to the jealous Husband declaring to him that the Chief men of Lyon had their Eye upon this poor man as looking upon him to be a Heretic because he was not of the Fraternity of the Penitents To the point answer'd the Cordelier Sir I am no such fool to suspect you of Devotion Speak to me in the Language of St. Francis and you shall find that the Franciscans are good Companions By all that 's vertuous then reply'd the Count we have a private kindness for his Wife and there are thirty Crowns for thee To which the Franciscan get ye gone quo he like Lords as ye are and leave the business to me Six days after that you might have seen the poor Gentleman in the Vestry preparing to carry the Cross as the youngest Novice In the mean time the King the Count and Clermont d'Entragues go to play their Game and in a short while after they saw through the Window of the Chamber the Procession and the Cross-bearer who in the midst of his devotions could not choose but have strange Whimseys and Imaginations in his head which so intoxicated his Pericranium that he fell in a Swoon before his own door Thereupon the Procession stop'd to change the Cross-bearer There was now a necessity to open the door and to hide the three Adventurers in the best manner they could in a small Compting-house Where they had bin in great danger but that the Franciscan and one of his Brethren over-rul'd the devout Cuckold that it was a religious duty incumbent upon him to carry back his habit to the Vestry Who has exclaim'd more then I against the deceas'd King who carry'd the names of his Minions in his prayer books illuminated with the light of St. Francis Did I not know the Dutchess of Guize and Nevers who carry'd Roquemont and the Baron of Fumel painted in the Crucifix both in their Prayer-books and Cabinets and they their Mistresses also in the same manner like the Virgin Mary But you other Heretics you do ill to blame the Church for this I broke the design of Poncet by saying that the invention of Habits and Prayer-books is no way guilty of ill Customs But to reimburse ye both for your unlucky tales I will tell ye one spick and span new What was the reason think ye that the Count de la Chapelle forsook the World Whuh said Renardier that was because the Cardinal of Florence fool'd him and promis'd he should be Pope With that I shook my head Why no said Poncet as well as Pope who was taken up at the door a poor boy because the Cardinals she-monky fell in love with him Some say she lov'd him for the number of Lice he had about him However it were being once well cleans'd and furbish'd up he pleas'd his Master was afterwards advanc'd and call'd Cardinal della Simia and last chos'n Holy-Father At what time the College check'd him that he had made a Beggar and an ignorant Fellow Cardinal he reply'd 't is but the same that ye found in me and if he live