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A47508 The unlucky citizen experimentally described in the various misfortunes of an unlucky Londoner calculated for the meridian of this city but may serve by way of advice to all the cominalty of England, but more perticularly to parents and children, masters and servants, husbands and wives : intermixed with severall choice novels : stored with variety of [brace] examples and advice, president and precept : illustrated with pictures fitted to the severall stories. Kirkman, Francis, 1632-ca. 1680. 1673 (1673) Wing K638; ESTC R39073 132,138 366

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generous constancy The printed sheets of this my unlucky Book I was forced to redeem with a summe of money choosing to do so rather than spend money in an uncerttain Law-suit and being Master of them I endeavoured to finish the Book that I might raise money to discharge my self from the 50 l. for which I was engaged and to that end I had disbursed all the ready money I could raise but before I could perfect my intentions I was arrested for it and clapt up into Prison I thought it severe dealings to be arrested by my fellow Citizen without any notice when as I did not conceal my self but was every day to be found and spoken with but so it was and I was confined six dayes in an absolute uncertainty for what for I could not possibly all that time get my Adversary to come to me or send me word what was owing It was resolved I should suffer and so I did with much patience till at length my inportunity prevailed and I knew what I was to pay this much satisfyed me and indeed then my Adversary was extreamly civil and upon reasonable terms discharged me and I design and hope ere long to be wholly discharged from that debt which I thank God is the only debt I was ever bound for and is the only bond that remains unpaid by me so that I may and do again hope for lucky dayes I fear nothing but the anger of some great men who are displeased with my charitable inclination and because I endeavour to do good they imagine evil against me but I hope he who is the Ruler of all hearts will change theirs and incline them to let me live out the rest of my dayes in peace I design nothing but quiet not to disturb or prejudice any I have had many changes in my fortune I have lived in many places in and about London by my last misfortune at the three Kings on Ludgate hill but am now by a strange providence come to live in the same house where I drew my first breath and this present day it is forty one years since I was born there there I would willingly spend the residue of my dayes that I may be near the place where I intend to have my bones laid with those of my nearest Relations This is my design and desire but although we know where we began we know not where we shall end our lives and no man can reckon himself happy before his death If I cannot attain to that happiness or quiet in this life which I desire I hope I shall in the next and if God shall spare me with life and thou dost accept of this Treatise I shall prosecute it with various storyes of my misforune designing all for the glory of God and the good of my charitable Reader this is the utmost ambition of Thy Friend F. K. August 23. 1673. To the Reader instead of the Errata IF you have read the Preface you will find that the Authour and this Book have both been so unlulucky as to fall into Knaves handling from whence with much cost and trouble they are but lately redeemed the one at present freed and the other which much ado finished but not so perfect as was intended for it it hath been such an unlucky extravagant as to wander to four Printing houses whereas it was designed to be printed at one by which means it hath gathered more faults and errata's then ordinary Indeed the Book is wholly composed of the errata's of the Authour to which the Printers have added so many that they are not easily to be corrected wherefore as the Authour hath here exposed the faults and errata's of his Life to your view that by them you may correct and amend your selves so the Printers are necessitated to leave their errata's to your correction and amendment without which you will hardly understand the true sence of the Authour who adds this request to his former promising amendment for the future THE UNLUCKY CITIZEN CHAP. I. The Author gives his Reason for the Title Unlucky Citizen and his intended manner of Writing He treats of Lucky and unlucky Persons in general and reflecting on his own particular Misfortunes resolves to give an Account of them BEfore I begin my intended Discourse it will not be amiss to say somewhat about the Title of it and why I call it the Unlucky Citizen Truly my Reason in my Opinion is very good and in short thus You will find the whole Subject of this Treatise to consist in a plain Recital of my Misfortunes which I may very well tearm Unlucky and I apply them to the Word Citizen because such an one I am being so born and bred And as he is reckoned to be a right Gentleman that is so by three Discents so I by that Rule may reckon my self to be a right Citizen and most if not all the Misfortunes that have happened to me were in or near the City within the Sound of Bow Bell And therefore the Scene lying there and my Quality being such I may not unfitly tearm it Citizen And now having in few words satisfied you in my Reason of the Title I shall fall upon the matter in Hand but I must tell you that you must nor expect any laborious Piece or rhetorical Expressions you shall not find my English Greek here nor hard cramping Words such as will stop you in the middle of your Story to consider what is meant by them you may read all that is here written without the use of a Dictionary you shall need none no not so much as an English one and the Truth is if I had a mind to confound you with hard Tearms I 'le assure you I cannot having not been bred so good a Scholar Here you shall onely read a plain Story such as you would have told for I intend to write as freely and as naturally as I would tell a Tale to you and such kind of Language I think to be the fittest for this Discourse which thus I shall begin Not long since it was my Fortune whether good or ill I know not to drink a Glass of Wine with an old Acquaintance I know not yet whether I may tearm him Friend and he having lately fallen into a very deep Misfortune from which he was not then disengaged was therefore complaining of his hard Fortune I hearing him thus complain for one bad Bargain for to my knowledge he had lately much inbettered his Condition in the Main and knowing my self to be much more unfortunate than he for I presently told him of many Losses and Crosses had happened unto me since I last saw him I therefore made slight of his present Mishap and he and I discoursing upon that Subject he recited to me these two Lines The lucky have their Days and those they chuse The unlucky have but hours those they loose I was very much taken with the Sence of these two Lines and the consideration
rather took her part than otherwise by which means he gained the wenches good will but when he proceeded farther and would kiss her in a corner she 'd flounce struggle and away she would get from him He finding her so skittish had hopes of attaining his ends but the Wench understanding his intent and partly knowing the danger and the shame that would follow and she being perfectly honest did by all means avoid his company and still fled from him and when he made any lewd Propositions to her she would hardly give him the hearing and if she were forc'd to it she would tell him that she would if he continued these courses tell her Mistress He to attain his ends on her knowing her liquorish temper would present her with Sweet meats and such like Junkets but although she loved them well enough yet she would not take them at his Hands he seeing that would leave them carelesly about where she might find them and then she would be nibbling making good the Proverb that stoln Meat is the sweetest Her Mistress kept her in great awe and endeavoured to catch her in these petty Theft● that she might shame her and thereby to break her of her liquorish temper Among other Junkers which they kept in the House to regal and treat friends with there was a Cask of Canary Win● the Wench hearing it commended would needs taste of it and before it was broached went so to work that she got some out and well likeing it made bold so often that when it came to be broach'd her Master found a considerable quantity wanting he wondred at the matter acquainted his Wife with it they stranged at the Story but could not find out or imagine which way it went they could not suspect the Wench because it was not broach'd and besides that it had been always lock'd up however they challenged the Wench with it but she stoutly denying the fact they concluded that the Cask had leaked The Vessel being broach'd the Wench when she went to draw for her Master or Mistress was sure not onely to take a good swoop but also fill a Bottle and hide it for a reserve so that the Wine decreased apace The Master and Mistress both understanding it again charged the wench the Mistress telling her that if she found her guilty she must go before the Justice who would send her to Bridewel and there she would be utterly disgrac'd threatning her very hard but the Wench still out-fac'd the matter The Master continually prosecuted the VVench with his unlawful desires but she was firm to her resolution and as formerly still denied him He watching all opportunities to have his ends on her would often watch and dog her and one day having sent her down into the Cellar to draw VVine his VVife being engaged in some affairs in the Kitchin he followed the maid close at her heels into the Cellar and placing him self in a private corner he espied her action for she did as formerly no sooner was the pot full but she took a lusty swigg of it filled it again and then having her Bottle at hand filled that also and hid it in her usual place All these passages did her Master see and observe and seeing she had done he appeared The VVench being affrighted began to cry out but he told her if she did so it was the way to be undone for he had seen all would tell his VVife and then she knew what would follow The poor wench hearing this and doubting the truth fell down on her Knees to him to ask forgiveness No said he I 'le be as hard hearted as you have been to me but however rise and if you will yield to my request I will forgive and concea● this and all other faults from your Mistress the VVench was in a Peck of troubles she knew not what to do she was surprized which her Master seeing prosecuted his ends the wench not daring to resist him He being thus employed in the Cellar with the VVench the Mistress came to seek him and coming to the Cellar door called Sweet-heart this was such an alarm as had like to have spoil'd all and relieved the VVench but he being resolved to proceed answered what say you VVhy do you not come up said she I am busie said he for I have found where our VVine went out I am glad on 't said she I pray mend it I am about it said he and is the VVench with you Yes said he and she is a helping me that 's well said the Goodwife make haste and come up and so away she went giving him liberty to finish what he was about after which he followed her Thus was this VVench paid off for her liquorishness and thus said he have I told my Story and then he fell a laughing in which exercise vve altogether accompanied him And now our Stories being all ended we came to a place where we made a halt and baited and then put on so that in short time we arrived at our Journeys end all but the green Linnen-Draper who being to travel further onely staid with us that night and the next day proceeded on his Journey The Cook and his Wife had as little business at Windsor as I onely he had a mind to spend a few loose Corns to dispose of a little waste Money and see and be seen a friend he had whom he visited but his house was neither convenient nor large enough to entertain him so that he continued with me at an Inn where I took up my Quarters we were merry together and I staid a few days in this Town spending my Money and Time in such foolish manner as shall be told you in the next Chapter CHAP. VII He is out-witted by a blind fellow in the Countrey likely to be cheated in his return when taking up his quarters at his fellow Travellers the Cooks he idly and foolishly spends his time and Money ANd now Reader let me tell you that by what you have read hitherto you may ghess what you are like to have for the future this that I have written already is an Essay of what I intend for you by this piece of Stuff you may judge what Garment you shall have you have my unlucky Adventures mixt with these of others I think variety will best please you and therefore here as at a well furnished Table you shall have some Kickshaws as well as substantial Victuals some to fill the Belly and nourish the Body and others to please the Appetite but look you be not too liquorish lest you be caught as the ●oor Wench was if you are more taken and better pleased with my idle wanton Stories than with my sober advice to you and practice them more than my good Counsel you my chance to pay dear for it as as you may find by the foregoing Examples In all that I write I intend your profit and that the Examples I give you may serve as
made in one sheet of Paper in a blind manner written by the Servant in the House and onely witnessed by him who was known to be her great Confident who was employed by her to go down and see her Husband buried and be sure to bring up the Seal-Ring with which the Will was sealed and so he being returned the Will was produced and in it after a few ceremonial words were these or to this effect I give and bequeath to my living Wife all these my two Tenements situate c. for the term of her natural life and after her decease I give them to my two Daughters and their Heirs c. Here she and hers were provided for but not one word of his Sons in all the Will The Son seeing this demands an account of the personal Estate but a small matter comes to his share she sweeps away two thirds of it one as her due by the Custome of the City and another as her due in regard her Husband had not otherwise given or disposed of it by Will And now let me tell the Reader by way of Caution what it may be he is not as yet acquainted withal That a Citizen of London if he hath a Wife and Children can give away but one third part of his personal Estate One third part his Wife will have another third part his Children will have and the other third he may dispose of as he pleases either to Wife or Children or Strangers as he thinks fit If he dies without a Will or such a one as does not dispose of his third then it goes to his Wife as she is Administratrix and this was the Case of this Citizen who although he died possessed of an Estate of Free-hold worth five or six hundred pounds and six hundred pounds personal Estate yet a small matter came to his Sons for the Free-hold is gone as I told you and the personal Estate consisting of six hundred pounds being to be divided she hath four hundred pounds for her two thirds and then two hundred pounds being to be divided amongst five his three Sons and her two Daughters for they came in for a share equal with the rest the Sons have just forty pounds a piece and this is all they were like to have of the Estate The eldest Son being told that he had foul play shew'd him and believing it he flutter'd and went to Law to overthrow the Will but to no purpose she had the better Purse and such a Witness on her side as did not flinch from her so that all the young mans endeavours were in vain he onely made himself worse by spending his Money and at last was forced to be satisfied though he was not contented for in short time after discontent broke his heart This and all the former passages have been related to me and I am apt to believe the truth of them all because I have found the whole state and business to be answerable to so wicked purposes for although she enjoyed all during her life yet since that their Children are dead except one the most inconsiderable of all and nothing is left of them no not remembrance his Children did live and arrive to very considerable Estates but are all since dead and their Estates gone and now her Estate is in the hands of strangers and that Servant who was her Confident did never thrive in body or Estate dying long since in want and poverty This was the Woman that was my Mother-in law and she was likely enough to be too cunning for me having passed through these Projects with so much success My Father had married her upon small acquaintance and knew none of her Actings he had not enquired and therefore knowing nothing believed all to be aright she had a considerable Estate and that was as much as he aimed at that being the chief care of most thriving Citizens to enquire into that and afterwards to deal with them as cunningly as they can I being come home to my Fathers my Mother-in law made very fair weather to me and gave me many good words telling me That she had already and would again speak to my Father in my behalf and to please me the better she was propounding a Match for me with one of her Daughters she having three would talk of matching them to me and my two Brothers for that was our stock there being no Sisters All these kind of pleasing Discourses she would have in my Fathers absence and before his and my face she would incline somewhat to my side and take my part by this I supposed she was my real friend but I found it otherwise as I shall presently tell you I lying in the Garret over the Chamber where my Father and she lay and one night hearing them in some earnest discourse I supposing it might concern me and therefore being desirous to understand what was said I arose and went down Stairs to their Chamber door and laying my ear thereto I could hear her tongue utter these words In good truth now Husband if you humour your Son in this manner you will undo him and your self too for if he find that he can thus rule you he will stay with no Master you can put him to nay and he will run out and make you pay for it he will weary you Is it not far better to pack him away to Sea for he will never do well with any Master here do you think that he will serve out his time with any Master that would not stay where he was so well used Let him to Sea I say the Sea and the Gallows refuse none let him bite on the Bridle he deserves it If my other Husband had not been ruled by me in the disposing and ordering of his Son he would have destroied his Estate and broke his heart too but he took my counsel and sent him to Sea and then when he came back he was content with any thing You have been continued she at the charge to put him to Apprentice and gave a good portion with him that is lost and now he is ready for another for who will take him without Money and he will stay at another place as many nights as days and then you will be to seek again and be continually troubled with him My Father had lain still and given her the full hearing of all she had uttered and so had I too but not without cursing her for a dissembling hypocritical Gypsie but she having done my Father then made this reply But Lamb you mistake the matter quite things are not so bad as you suppose them nor my Son as I hope so bad as you think him he was a little wronged at his Masters though he ought not for that cause to have left his service but his Master gain'd little by the Bargain for he hath paid back good part of the Money he had with him and that will be sufficient to place him any where